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Three days pass.Arizona happens to have a few days off, which is desperately needed, since she's been working her ass off for weeks. But for some reason she can't really enjoy her little break. She's annoyed. Her last encounter with Minnick, on the parking lot, keeps playing in her head like a broken record. Whatever she tries - video chatting with Sofia, cleaning the kitchen, taking long baths - she can't get rid of that feeling. It's like an itch she can't scratch.She can't even define what really happened in that moment. Were they fighting? Were they flirting? Did she hate it? Or did she enjoy it - in some disturbing way? She isn't willing to admit to herself that there might be some truth there. Oh no! She might feel a little flattered by the attention - who wouldn't? - but that doesn't mean she is actually interested in this... this... overly self-confident, job-stealing agitator. This... Eliza. She's bugging her. She is the pain in the ass here. Period.Period or not, the inner monologue goes on for days, driving her crazy. She needs to get out of the house, get into (distr)action. And so she goes into town.Spending money on a bunch of new dresses she doesn't really need might just be a placebo, but doesn't hurt anyone either. Before heading back home she decides to get a coffee, changing her mind when she spots a cozy looking Irish pub she's never seen before. Why not finish this mini break with a nice glass of wine?This might be why...Not even 30 seconds in, standing at the bar to make an order, she hears a familiar voice right behind her."Drinking all by yourself?"Arizona turns around. What are the chances? What - for f*ck sake - are the chances!? Grounding herself, she takes a deep breath."I went to Africa all by myself, I think I can handle a drink by myself," she replies sharply.Eliza raises her hands, like an instant protection against Arizona's outburst. "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."Arizona ignores her and starts rumbling in her bag, searching for her wallet. Eliza, for her part, ignores Arizona's obvious attempt to disappear on the spot and continues: "How 'bout that drink?""What?!" Arizona asks confused, as she's trying to divide her attention between the bartender handing her a glass and Eliza not taking a hint (and looking way too pretty, which is not helping at all)."You agreed to have a drink with me. Might as well be now. You're by yourself and I... need some nice distraction," Eliza clarifies, nodding her head to the other side of the bar, where papers are lying around, next to a glass of wine. Half empty. Or half full perhaps."Work? Seriously? In a bar?!" Arizona exclaims.Eliza sighs. "Of course not, I do know a thing or two about patient's privacy. I'm buying an apartment, so I got all this information about mortgages I need to read. Incredibly boring."While explaining she walks back to her spot, with Arizona subconsciously following her. She catches herself on it - shit! - and decides this is as far as she'll go: she won't sit down.As Arizona is telling herself she is only having a drink next to Eliza, instead of with her, Eliza easily sees through the whole act and decides to ignore it again. She sits down, raises her glass and takes a sip. Arizona can't take it anymore."I'm sorry, I'm confused here, didn't you recently state that I could, I don't know, screw myself?!"Eliza looks thoughtful, and when she starts talking it's almost like she's talking to herself. "Yeah, that didn't come out right..." She looks up. "Listen, all I meant was that I understand. Just accepting me in the hospital already conflicts with your loyalties, let alone actually liking me. It's a no go. I get that. I'm just not willing to play along. To let go that easily. I guess that's what I meant: screw you if you think it will be that easy."Arizona stares at her. "You think you know me so well," she mutters, her voice low and tightly controlled."I do," Eliza reacts in that same wisecracking way as when she first asked Arizona for a drink. But this time it isn't funny."In what universe do you think you know me? You know nothing about me! You know my name, my job and, because people talk - although I wonder who talked to you - the fact that I like women. Nothing else! And if you do, it means that you've been checking on me, which is just creepy."Agitated as she is by now, Arizona takes a huge gulp of her wine, then drops herself down onto the stool behind her. Double shit!She quickly wants to get up again but Eliza stops her. "You're right. I don't know you. I only know something about you. I will tell you about it, but first I need to say one more thing."Arizona looks at her, waiting. Eliza goes on. "You don't know me either. You don't know who I am, where I come from, how I ended up doing what I'm doing these days, apparently pissing you guys off. You're profiling me and excluding me, without even asking me a single question. So how is that any different?"For the first time both of them are quiet. Arizona doesn't leave her seat."Okay," she breaks their silence at last, "Tell me. Tell me three things about you I need to know. Three things that make you you."The unexpected question makes Eliza avert her eyes, just for a second, but as soon as she looks up again Arizona notices the change. There's a hint of relief in them. Maybe she isn't that confident after all?Eliza's lips curve into a smile. Good memories seem to pop up. "Alright," she starts, "Like many, I had no clue which direction to choose after finishing high school, so I chose the easy one: I went traveling, for almost two years. Asia, mostly. Some parts of Europe, Africa and South-America as well. Got some jobs along the way, teaching English mostly. I even became a scuba instructor. All very cliché. Best years of my life though. Everyone should do it." She falls quiet for a moment. Arizona waits patiently. The air starts to clear a little.Eliza continues. "Whenever I'm at a hotel, like now," she mindlessly points to the building across the street, "I always redecorate the place, even if it's just for a few days. Make it more 'home' and less hotel; some extra pillows, plants, some photos...""Photos of whom?" Arizona interrupts her, but Eliza goes on."I guess I love traveling, but I'm really done with hotels. Hence the homework," she sighs, glancing at the pile of papers. "And last, when starting a new book I always read the final chapter first. I can't stand not knowing how the story will end, it drives me crazy. I know it's like a bad habit, but it keeps me calm and it's not really harming anyone. Except that nobody wants to see a movie with me anymore, since I tend to check the end of that as well before we watch it - and tell people about it."Arizona is struggling not to ridicule that last one a bit, but that doesn't seem fair."So that's three. Your turn."Arizona takes another sip and gives it some thought. "Okay," she nods. "One: I am named after the battleship, not the state. Two: I love pound cake. Could eat it all day. And three - my bad habit trumps yours: I smoke, but like, only when I know I'll be in trouble. Which is, you know, never."Eliza looks surprised. "That's it? I gave you all of that and you give me a battleship, a cake addiction and some cigarettes?!"Arizona can't help but laugh, a little satisfied."Come on, give me one thing that matters!" Eliza playfully begs.Arizona gives in. "Alright. I have a daughter. Her name is Sofia, she lives with her other mom in New York. Her happiness is the most important thing in the world. It's the only thing that really matters to me."Eliza nods, she doesn't ask any questions about it. Instead she finishes her wine in one gulp, grabs her stuff and rises from her seat. "I have to go," she simply states.Arizona makes some room to let her pass, then stops her halfway. "Wait! What was it?" she asks."What was what?" Eliza asks in return."The thing you think you know about me?"Eliza, now standing close - way too close! - to her, looks straight into her eyes."I know you get a sparkle in your eyes every time you look at me. A sparkle that tells me you don't want me to go… You want me to stay."Taken by surprise, Arizona can't come up with anything to say. Really, nothing at all."So here's one more thing about me: I intend to stay," Eliza winks. With that, she turns around and walks towards the door. "Goodnight, Dr. Robbins!"Still unable to, Arizona doesn't reply. She just watches Eliza leave the pub, cross the street and enter the hotel through the big sliding doors - disappearing out of sight.A deep sigh escapes her lungs. Oh crap.Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap...... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"So you got promoted?" Arizona asks her friend, while looking for some files.April leans against the counter of the nurses' station. "Well yeah, for the time being I guess. It's an interim job, now that Meredith is suspended," she explains modestly."Did we hear from Meredith yet? We really need her with all this Minnick hassle going on," Jackson, showing up out of nowhere, involves himself. Clearly nothing had changed over the last couple of days. "Speaking of the devil..." he adds underneath his breath.Arizona looks up from her paperwork, just when Eliza joins the little group, focusing her attention on April straight away. "Dr. Kepner, do you have a moment? I'd like to discuss this afternoon's cholecystectomy," she says.Arizona feels relieved when Eliza doesn't mention the day before, though clearly a little too soon: just before taking off with April, she turns toward her. "I had fun yesterday, we should do that again!" she grins. Not waiting for a reply, she turns around again, leaving Arizona somewhat bewildered, wishing herself anywhere but here."What was that about?" Jackson asks, giving her a questionable look.Arizona tries to keep her cool, only partly succeeding. "N- Nothing. We ran into each other, had a chat, that's all. Nothing to worry about," she rambles.He doesn't seem reassured. "First she gets April and now she gets you, too? What is it with you people?""Oh come on, she didn't get April. They're talking about a gallbladder removal, for God's sake. Interns already do them all the time!" she snaps. She can't help sounding a bit defensive. "And she didn't get me either. I know how to stand my ground. You know, being a good ma-""Yeah, yeah," he cuts her off, mumbling, and with his eyes on his beeping pager, "I bet you are!"Arizona isn't convinced though, especially when he makes this 'I keep my eye on you'-gesture as he walks away. A deep sigh escapes her. Seriously, when did this hospital change into high school?!... ...She has a busy day, with three surgeries in a row. The sun has set already when she's performing a fetal surgery. She's been up on her feet pretty much all day, which she's been trained for, but which isn't that easy anymore since the crash. Mentally she is still very much awake though, getting loads of energy from her job.She also appreciates the distraction that comes along with it. Her wandering mind finally seems to get a break today. So of course that can't last too long.When the door opens Arizona doesn't even have to look up. "Dr. Minnick! I assume you want to assign one of these newborns to cut in this yet-to-be-born infant with a 10-blade?" she suggests sarcastically."I wouldn't even want to take over myself," Eliza replies calmly. "Yes, my method is based on practice, on interns and residents improving their skills by actually performing solo surgeries. That doesn't mean they can simply take over every type of surgery. There are still levels. There are still limits. I know the limits."Arizona glances at her, briefly, as her focus needs to be on the patient. Like everyone in the room, Eliza's face is mostly covered, drawing even more attention to those bright, mesmerizing eyes. Arizona makes a mental note: seeing this woman in an OR is not helping with standing her ground.With her eyes back on the very tiny baby she murmurs: "Are you sure about that?"Eliza ignores the insinuating question. "The only thing I'm focused on right now is getting the picture. To get a clear image of teaching moments within a surgery that's too complicated to delegate. Just pretend I'm not here," she explains her presence.If only things were that easy.... ...The surgery goes well. Two hours later Arizona informs the Ped's surgeon on duty about the Post-op, making sure he'll call her whenever needed. DeLuca, who has been assisting in the OR, will also stay for the night. He's just finishing some papers which Arizona needs to sign before taking off, smiling from ear to ear."You're in a good mood," she notices, wondering if he has won the lottery, or better, if there could be a new girl in his life. "Wanna tell me about it?"DeLuca looks up at her, slightly uncomfortable. "I can't. It's not something you wanna hear about."Just as Arizona is about to accept that and leave him to it, he continues, "I like Dr. Minnick. I think she's great. And I know that's not fair to say to you, that there are things going on between the attendings and her, but it's true. I like what she's trying to do for us."Arizona just nods. She realizes she's out of words. And that this loyalty conflict she got herself sucked into is getting way too complicated.... ...Just when she's about to cross the catwalk on the way to the attendings' lounge Arizona notices Richard standing there, clearly not enjoying the view. For a split second she thinks about taking a detour; she feels like she really can't take any more of this mess today, especially because she starts to realize that she's sliding a bit towards the middle - and hating herself for that. However, just the thought of hiding from her friend makes her feel guilty on the spot. Besides, years ago she has decided never to bail again and she is determined to stick to that intention.So she does walk up to Richard and asks him how he's doing, secretly hoping he's perfectly fine, though already knowing that he isn't.Richard looks at her, briefly, then stares into nothing again. "Have you ever felt replaced, Robbins?" he asks her.Out of nowhere, and not able to stop it, an image of Sofia appears, holding the hands of two women, none of them being her. She tries to erase the picture as quickly a possible, since this is a totally different situation, in no way comparable."No, I haven't," she answers."Well, it stinks! It feels like... like I'm useless. Like all of a sudden everything I did for the last twenty years was totally worthless. And you know who came up with that? The woman I trained! The woman who called me her mentor! The irony... I've never felt this humiliated and downgraded in my life."Arizona swallows, then draws her lower lip between her teeth. Seeing him like this breaks her heart. How can they simply put him aside like this? "I'm so, so sorry this is happening to you, Richard," she sighs, gently resting her hand on his shoulder. "You know we've got your back, right?"Richard faces her again and answers her with a small but grateful smile. He knows.... ...Strengthened by Richard's misery, Arizona feels like she finally has her priorities straight again. So running into Eliza, which seems unavoidable these days, is actually helpful for a change. Now she can show once and for all where she's standing: the charming days are over!As expected, Eliza catches up on her."Dr. Robbins, wait up!" she calls, "We still need to evaluate your surgery. I was thinking, maybe over drinks? Or how about dinne-""How about no!?"Caught off guard by Arizona's resolute tone Eliza slows down for a second, while Arizona moves on. She heads to the glass entrance doors with regained self-confidence, resists the urge to look over her shoulder and steps outside, instantly enjoying the fresh air."Goodnight, Dr. Minnick!" she waves without looking back, right before the doors close behind her, separating the two of them.If she'd been wearing her heelies she would be spinning around right now. Having the last word never felt this good!... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"I'm so sorry, you told us to call whenever necessary," DeLuca apologizes again.Arizona pats him on the back, reassuring. "It's okay, you made the right call. Every time."It has been three times actually. Three times in one night of driving back and forth to the hospital. By this time it's almost 4 AM and Arizona is done with it. She decides she might as well stay, her next shift starts in four hours anyway.The fact that most of the on-call rooms turn out to be occupied tell her it has been a busy night for her co-workers, too. When she finally finds a room with an empty bed in it, she can't even be bothered by the fact that it's a bunk bed - she just wants to lie down and close her eyes. She throws her lab coat over a chair and climbs on the top bunk, trying not to wake the person sleeping in the other bed - quite a challenge considering her leg.Tired as she is, she expects to pass out as soon as her head hits the pillow. She doesn't though. The room is too bright for her liking, due to the emergency exit light, and the airconditioning is making this soft but rather annoying squeaking sound. Maybe she should have made that drive home after all? To make things worse the person below her starts to shift, maybe even wake up a bit, which makes Arizona feel like she has to lie very still.Oh, the glamorous life of a world-class fetal surgeon - who wouldn't wanna trade with her?"I can't deny that I haven't been picturing a sleepover with you, but I would never have guessed there would be a bunk bed involved."Arizona's eyes shoot wide open. Jesus, is this woman everywhere?!"How do you know it's me up here?" she asks suspiciously, assuming the remark is indeed specifically meant for her."Hm, I wish I could tell you about my superhero superpowers," Eliza answers from the bottom bed, "But I'm afraid I can't. Unless paying attention is a superpower? As far as I know you're the only one wearing a lab coat with cartoons on it. You know, they are actually not that cute when they're staring at you in the middle of the night.""They are not st-- I'm sorry, what exactly are you doing here?!" Arizona cries out, not able to hide the confusion in her voice. The truth is, she probably would've been less shocked if she actually was sharing this bunk with a superhero.Eliza, on the other hand, seems to think a spontaneous meeting in the middle of the night is completely normal."Well, I was trying to sleep," she answers, "but someone in this room made that a bit more difficult."Arizona takes a deep breath and quickly pulls herself together. "What happened? They kicked you out of your hotel? You were bugging everyone there as well?""Nope, I got called in for an emergency surgery. Of course there wasn't one. An old trick, trying to make me hate this place so I'll walk away. Not working though. I spent two years in bunk beds, one extra night doesn't hurt.""Sounds kinda childish, doesn't it?" Arizona replies, referring to the fake call."Your words," Eliza responds, "But yeah..."They fall quiet. Arizona wonders who played the trick on Eliza, and if she would be able to do the same.Eliza breaks their silence, seemingly in for a nightly chat. "Now that you're here, we might as well talk about your surgery."Arizona doesn't agree. "No, we might not. I did everything right, so there's nothing to talk about."Eliza chuckles, amused by Arizona's certainty. "You're right," she admits, "You were flawless."Not expected to actually get an easy way out, Arizona feels the need to double check. "Good. So you'll be off my back then?" she asks, slightly hopeful."Can't promise you that. I'm hired for 6 months, not 6 days," Eliza simply states.This confuses Arizona. She sits up a little, leaning on her elbow, like this position would help her to wrap her head around this. "Wait? You're not here to stay? You're leaving?"Eliza laughs again, amazed by the fact that this hasn't been obvious. "Well, yeah. Eventually. I'm a consultant. I'm here to consult - find defaults, suggest methods to improve, help to implement them. When the program is running, when results are satisfying and everyone is used to the new normal, someone takes over from me and I'm off again.""And that someone will be Dr. Webber?" Arizona asks cautiously.Eliza, glad that she finally gets a chance to explain, clarifies, "It could be Dr. Webber. If he's willing to accept the changes, all of them, and willing to carry them out. But that's not the difficult part. You see, there's one essential step before being able to change, and that's being aware; willing to see what's happening right now, and what might be wrong with that. Only when you've got a clear view of what's going on right now, you get true motivation to improve. In my experience that's always the hardest part. Not everyone is able to do that. But who knows, Dr. Webber might."Arizona lies down again. A long sigh escapes her lungs. She wants to stay mad - so, so badly - but it isn't easy. It all sounds so damn reasonable."Does it help?" Eliza asks after a minute."Help how?" Arizona asks in return."To know all this. Does it help not to be so upset with me all the time?"Arizona sighs again, clearly frustrated. "No. No, it doesn't. However you put it, you did steal Richard's job.""I didn't though!" Eliza reacts, sounding a bit defensive for the first time, like she is finally done with the accusations. "I didn't steal anyone's job, it's not like that. It's..." She takes a breath, trying to stay calm. "Look, I'm here because the hospital wants to use this program. My program. And my program comes with me, at least at the start. I can't implement the program while the old program is still running. It's ineffective. I explained all of that to Chief Bailey. In the end it was up to her to take the offer like this, or not take it at all. Well, up to her and the board, I guess.""But I'm on the board!" Arizona exclaims.This takes Eliza by surprise. "You are?! And you didn't get informed, like, at all?! Huh... how 'bout that?"The room falls quiet again. Things are getting too complicated, especially for this time of night. Both of them seem to be done with the subject. Minutes pass."Okay, it might help a little," Arizona reluctantly confesses, out of the blue, and not even sure if Eliza is still awake. "But you can't expect me to just... not be upset anymore. I care for Richard. I see how he's suffering. And I'm not even convinced yet that his program needs change. Or that yours is that much better. There's just... There's too much going on. You have to give me a chance to process this.""Okay," Eliza softly replies, accepting Arizona's fair request.But Arizona hasn't finished yet. "Also you have to stop with the flirting! Things are complicated enough."She sounds determined, but apparently not enough."Are you sure about that?! You don't sound very convincing," Eliza teases.Arizona refuses to be thrown off balance. "Oh, I'm very sure!" she replies firmly. "What makes you think I even like you anyway?" Then quickly adding: "And don't start about sparks!"Eliza doesn't have to, she has facts."You told me. Before all of this... this... ridiculous job-debate. Remember? You even called me sex-""I did not!" Arizona cuts her off.Eliza laughs, astounded. "Oh, you so did!"Arizona feels trapped. She does remember and she knows there's no denying. "Well, I was drunk," she pleads, in a last attempt to get away with it.Eliza decides to give her a break. "Yeah, you were," she simply agrees, finally making Arizona laugh a little - relieved to be let off the hook."Seriously though, this has to stop," she states again.Eliza surrenders. "Alright, if that's really what you want, I'll be on my best behavior. I promise: starting tomorrow, I'll keep it strictly business. But don't come crying back to me when you change your mind!"Arizona promises her she won't. She isn't at ease though; not only isn't it officially tomorrow yet, she also notices how the bed is making some very suspicious movements. About to panic, she shots a quick warning: "Oh no! Don't you dare get out of that bed!"Eliza bursts into laughter. "Oh, I'm not going anywhere, I'm perfectly fine down here," she chuckles, mischievously, and right before Arizona's mattress starts to rise up and down.Arizona lets out a scream. "Oh my god, are you kidding me? Don't tell me you're actually..."She slides to the edge of the bed, so she can have a peek at her downstairs neighbor - the first time this night she actually sees her (as far as the glooming light allows). Eliza is indeed using her feet to push against the upper mattress. And clearly having a blast."Knock it off, will you?" Arizona shouts, pretending to be angry, but unable to keep from laughing as well. She tries to smack Eliza's legs down, but all she finds is thin air.To actually reach them without falling off the bed, she has to change her position, which makes it impossible to glance down any longer. Although it isn't for her lack of trying she keeps missing. Nevertheless Eliza gives in quickly, dropping her legs with a thud. Instead she grabs Arizona's waving hand. Arizona is taken by surprise, but doesn't pull away, even though Eliza's grip relaxes almost immediately.All of a sudden everything goes still. They don't laugh anymore. Neither do they move. They just lie there like that, for ten - maybe fifteen? - seconds, in complete silence. Then, just like that, Eliza releases her grasp.Arizona pulls her arm back up and crawls up under her blanket, suddenly feeling exhausted.Only once more the silence in the room is broken, when Eliza quietly speaks up. "Goodnight, Arizona."Arizona feels her body relax, now realizing how tense she's been. Not able to stop it, a small smile creeps over her face."Goodnight, Eliza."... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The beeping noise from her phone makes her sit up within a second, a reflex due to years of getting paged in the middle of the night. The room is quiet and, as she carefully checks, completely abandoned; Eliza has left without a trace.Arizona gets up, takes a quick shower in the tiny en suite bathroom and jumps into a clean pair of scrubs. To her own surprise she's slept quite well, even though it has only been for three hours. Yet being the caffeine addict she is, she craves for a coffee nonetheless.Arriving at the coffee cart she meets Jackson and Maggie, who are about to start their shifts as well. Jackson is just asking about Meredith, checking if she's finally coming back. Maggie shakes her head. "Looks like they reached a stalemate."Jackson focuses on Arizona. "I heard Minnick joined your surgery yesterday? Couldn't keep her out, huh?""You try fighting someone off when you've got your hands in a pregnant woman's belly," she counters his attack. "It wasn't such a problem though, she didn't interfere or anything.""Well, she's not getting into my OR," Jackson states, before walking away, leaving Arizona and Maggie to it."You think we should tell Mer she might be getting company soon?" Maggie questions out loud.Knowing by now there is a lot more to the story, Arizona rubs her eyes, before resolutely jamming her hands in the pockets of het lab coat and turning around. "Let's make sure it doesn't come to that!"... ...She suits the action to the word. A few minutes later Arizona knocks on Bailey's door, yet she doesn't wait for any answer. While marching straight into the office she almost bumps into Catherine Avery, who's on her way out. Arizona ignores her, addressing herself directly to Bailey."We need to talk."Bailey nods briefly to Catherine, who leaves the office to do god-knows-what, and sits behind her desk. "Dr. Robbins, what can I do for you?"Arizona comes straight to the point. "Why wasn't the board involved in changing the Residency Program? You know none of us would have ever accepted this, right?!"Bailey keeps her calm. "The board was involved. The majority of the board decided change was needed.""The majority?! Not a single board member agreed to this - let alone a director! I for one can't remember being asked about it. And do I really need to refresh your memory about the others? Avery is willing to physically block Dr. Minnick from his OR. Meredith even got suspended over it!" Arizona rages, sarcastically adding, "Oh yeah, we clearly agreed!""Don't tell me I have to explain to you how majority is not about counting heads," Bailey sighs, impatiently.Arizona looks confused for a second. Then the penny drops. "Catherine Avery!?" she cries out.Bailey shrugs, almost apologetically. Arizona can not be more shocked. "What the...? Does Dr. Webber even know this is coming from her?" she asks bewildered. "And you? You're okay with all of this? Dr. Webber is your friend!""I am running a hospital here, a teaching hospital! I try not to base all my decisions on my emotions and on utter loyalty. And you know what? I really expect the same of our board directors!" Bailey replies, pretty agitated by now.Despite the lack of sleep Arizona is wide awake now. She raises her voice, not able to control her anger any longer. "Oh hell, you didn't! If you would, you would at least have had the guts to actually inform us about this. To give us the chance to not be okay with this. And to tell Dr. Webber that you and his own wife - for God's sake - came up with this.""Doctor Robbins!" Bailey interrupts harshly, but Arizona isn't done yet."Don't Dr. Robbins me! I'm Arizona. I'm your friend. And as your friend I'm trusting you to fix this. Before I can't be your friend anymore. Before I have to be your board director - and question your position as Chief of Surgery!"With that, Arizona storms out of the office, not waiting for any other lame excuse. She can't remember ever being this mad. And this upset. Because being mad at a stranger is one thing, but being mad at a friend really is the worst feeling in the world.... ...Days pass, seemingly without any change. The new program is still happening. The residents are still happy. The attendings are still pissed off. Meredith is still at home. Richard is still beaten.And Eliza is still everywhere.A shift has taken place though. They keep running into each other a couple of times, yet never like before. Ever since Arizona has set boundaries with Eliza, every encounter between the two of them is strictly professional. Eliza keeps her distance, as promised, and a little to her own surprise, Arizona is not happy about that. At all!There is no more room for denial. She has to face the fact that she indeed misses Eliza's advances to her. And it gets worse: she actually catches herself longing for her. In fact, the more aloof Eliza seems to be, the more desirable she becomes to Arizona - and the more Arizona's frustration grows: she's still absolutely determined not to give in, but somehow this has become way harder than before. Is this distance rule really becoming the start of her own downfall?She really tries though. To not give in. For days she pretends to be perfectly fine with the whole being-professional situation. Indifferent even. Rising above. Only to notice that pretending is not enough.It isn't just Eliza who needs convincing. She actually needs to convince herself. Out loud. Each day more she has to remind herself that she has to push through, being #TeamRichard and all. She becomes her very own cheerleader, telling herself in the mirror that she's doing well, as yet another day passes without running - and crying! - back to Eliza, as Eliza has warned her, albeit playfully.And for a few days that is actually true: she is doing well. She keeps it together. She is strong. So strong.And then she ends up sitting next to her in the gallery... and fucks up.She's already up there when Eliza walks in. All seats are taken, but the universe decides that some nameless intern next to Arizona gets paged at that very moment, making him offer his seat to Eliza. She sits down without paying attention to Arizona."Kicked out of your classroom?" Arizona asks, not able to resist herself.Eliza, keeping a straight face, answers without looking at her, "This is the first time Dr. Avery booked this OR since I'm here, while knowing it gives me a chance to observe. I take my victories where I can get them."And with that, she focuses her full attention on the complicated procedure in the OR downstairs.Arizona wants to follow her example, but she simply can't. She's just way too aware of her neighbor's presence. Of her nearness. She notices the change of her breathing. The reaction of her skin to this undeniable electricity between them. Her mind already starts to wander off to a place with less people, and less clothes...No! Focus! Stay in control!She's got this. She's playing it cool... until she gets betrayed by her leg, her good leg, which apparently has a mind of its own. Unwillingly, she moves it slightly to the right, two inches maybe, till it just touches Eliza's left leg. Only someone as high-sensed as Arizona is right now could feel it. Turns out: Eliza does. Without looking up, she shifts a little to the right, only to create some more distance.Arizona gives it a minute before she repeats her move. Their legs touch again, slightly more obvious, but still only for them to notice. Eliza doesn't retract this time. Instead she leans in a little, with her eyes still on the surgery, and whispers: "You need a tissue for those tears, Dr. Robbins?"If dying of embarrassment is a real thing, Arizona would be in the morgue right now.... ...After this major screw-up Arizona changes her strategy to one of complete avoidance, so far rewarding her with forty-eight hours without nerve wrecking confrontations. Okay, she has to take the stairs a bit more often, but the lack of 'kill me now'-moments had been well worth it.So, for the first time in over a week, after finishing another long day at the Ped's ward, Arizona feels like today had been a good day. She has managed to stay away from pretty much everyone who complicates her life these days, spending many hours in the company of innocent, tiny humans who don't have a clue that she is a potential untrustworthy friend with no self-control.She enters the attendings' lounge, ready to change her scrubs for some decent clothes before heading home, where a hot bath will be waiting for her. Preoccupied with that thought she strides to her locker, not noticing that she isn't the only one in the room: Eliza is there, about to change as well. The moment Arizona finally spots her she knows there's no avoiding this time; she can not look like a bigger idiot if she runs away now. Besides, now that she does see her again, she doubts if she honestly wants to run away."Hey there," she mumbles, not able to think of anything else to say.Eliza looks at her. "That was going to be my line," she smiles softly.A few seconds of uncomfortable silence follow, until Eliza speaks up. "So how's the avoiding-me going?" she bluntly asks, lifting the heavy air that suddenly seems to be all around them.Arizona can't suppress a laugh, feeling both nervous and relieved at the same time, if that combination is even possible. "It's going quite well, thank you for asking," she replies."Good," Eliza simply states, before turning around to continue changing.Arizona tells herself to do the same, but seems unable to turn around. Instead she watches Eliza take her scrub top off. She's not wearing anything underneath besides her bra, thus showing more skin than Arizona can handle right now. She swallows.While reaching at her locker to get her shirt, Eliza suddenly looks over her shoulder, catching Arizona staring at her, while unconsciously biting her lower lip. "Anything else, Dr. Robbins?" she asks her.The question startles Arizona. "N- No," she quickly replies. Then, suddenly aware of Eliza's act, she determines in a strict voice, "No, no, no! You're not doing this again!" With a few irascible steps she crosses the room towards Eliza, picks up her scrub top from the floor and throws it at her. Eliza, now facing Arizona again, catches the top, but doesn't bother to cover herself with it.She looks indignant. "I'm not doing anything! I promised you, didn't I? You on the other hand..." It's really hard to tell if she's only playing innocent or if she's actually offended by Arizona's accusation.Arizona, standing only three feet away now, sighs in frustration. Is she overreacting? Why can't she keep her cool for a second? And how will she ever be able to step away from this gorgeous woman again?!Just when she figures that last thing out, about to turn around, Eliza speaks up again. "You know, just because the ball is not in my court anymore, doesn't have to mean it left the stadium. If you-"Right then she gets cut off by Arizona, who abruptly pushes her backwards against the wall and kisses her like her life depends on it.First kisses are often described as careful, slow, exploring. This one is nothing like that. As soon as their lips crash into each other they part. Their tongues meet. Their breathing becomes heavy, unstable. Their bodies slam into each other. Their hands are everywhere. There is no single reason to ever stop, since they find nano-seconds in between kisses to share their air.It takes Arizona everything she has to pull away. A small attempt to come to her senses after all. They break the kiss, but other than that they don't move at all. Arizona keeps her hand around Eliza's neck, the other at the small of her back. Eliza's hands are tangled in Arizona's hair. Their faces are still very close; foreheads almost touching, lips still trying to find each other, while hot breaths caress their faces.Arizona, being the smaller one, looks up through her eyelashes, meeting Eliza's lusty eyes. "...well, shit," she gasps, not really capable yet to speak.Then something hits her. They are in the attendings' lounge. Literally the one place everyone who might judge her for... well, this!... can walk in at any second. Will walk in at any moment. While she's standing here, less than an inch away from their sworn enemy. Their half-naked sworn enemy. With whom she just crossed every single line with."Oh, shit," she repeats herself, in a completely different tone now. Panic takes over. She tears herself loose from Eliza, grabs her bag and runs to the door. Just before it closes behind her, one last "Shit!" escapes her mouth, leaving a speechless Eliza behind.The gallery-incident suddenly seems funny. Cause now, now she really fucked up.... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"I kissed her!"April, standing in the doorway of her apartment, baby on her arm, raises her eyebrows, questioning. "You kissed who?""Eliza!" Arizona blurts out.April seems confused. "Eliza? Who's Eli... Wait, Minnick? You kissed Dr. Minnick?!" she screams.Arizona looks frightened. Standing on her toes to peek over her friend's shoulder, she hisses at April to be quiet."Jackson isn't here," April reassures her, grabbing Arizona by the sleeve and pulling her inside the apartment. Arizona follows her into the living room, where April puts Harriet into her crib, while Arizona nervously paces around. April watches her for a second, then concludes: "You need a drink."She pours two glasses of wine and hands one to Arizona, who gratefully accepts it and finally sits down on the couch."So you kissed her?" April asks again, sitting down as well."I did," Arizona admits. "Oh my god, I did. I can't believe I did. I'm such an idiot!" She takes a big gulp of her wine, almost spilling it. "If people find out...""Yet you came straight here to tell me about this." April gestures at Arizona's outfit, pointing out that Arizona is still wearing her scrubs. "I reckon all of this happened, what, three minutes ago?""Three hours actually. I've been driving around... looking for some cliff to drive off from," Arizona sighs, desperately. "April, I'm sorry, I don't want you to get involved in any of this, I just thought that maybe-""That maybe I'm on team Minnick now, just because I took the job?" April finishes her sentence. Arizona doesn't reply, instead she takes another sip and looks apologetically at April from behind her glass, slightly shrugging her shoulders."Well, I'm not, just so you know!" April continues. "Question is, are you?""No!" Arizona cries out. "No, of course not. Not if her sticking around means Richard can't have his job back. And it's not like I'm into her or anything, it's just... physical," she tries to defend herself.April cocks her head, her brows drawing together. "So that's why you kissed her? You just couldn't resist... whatever she does that gets you going?""Yes!" Arizona exclaims, glad that she finally seems to understand that all of this has clearly been beyond her control."So? Did she kiss you back?" April asks."She did," Arizona admits with a nod."How was it?"Arizona drops backwards on the couch, closes her eyes and sighs in frustration. Recalling the best make-out session she had in a long, long time, she groans, "Way too good..."... ...As Arizona drives home, two hours later, she feels slightly better. Even though April has plenty of reasons to question the whole thing, she hasn't actual blamed or accused her. Talking to April also helped her putting things in perspective. She should not make this whole thing bigger than it is. There are no feelings involved. Her body had just taken over for a second. That didn't mean she has suddenly completely changed her mind.Convincing herself like this, she feels like she can let go now. Draw a line under it. The restless night that follows tells her something different...... ...When she finally falls asleep the sun is already about to rise again. Luckily she has two days off now, meaning the same for her alarm clock.Waking up only a couple of hours later, Arizona still feels exhausted, although she wonders if that has anything to do with the lack of sleep, or with the fact that she's been working full shifts for more than a week. She knows all too well the problem lies elsewhere.Too many things have been going on, too many people are involved; literally everyone around her is somehow connected to this Webber/Minnick situation, having all kinds of feelings about it, and by now Arizona finds herself exactly in the middle. Considering this, she wonders how she's been able to hold it together at all. People must have gone crazy over less.Over breakfast Arizona realizes she might be at home right now, but she's definitely not alone; it's like she's taken everyone from the hospital with her. They are all there, in her kitchen - Richard, Bailey, Meredith, DeLuca, Eliza, Maggie, April, Jackson, and all the others - and they all want something from her. They all want her to choose, to follow, to resist, to agree, to disagree, to...Feeling the urge to scream all of a sudden, Arizona decides she might have turned crazy after all.She tries to stay calm. She realizes she needs to take a step back. To look at this mess from some distance. Pretty much everything that's going on is beyond her control. The decision to change the program is already made. Richard is already hurt. Meredith is already at home. She can't go back in time and change all that; at this point she can only look forward, trying to think of something she actually can do.So she does, she thinks about it - for hours.She starts to realize that she doesn't really want to make a choice between her friends. She wants to support the people who matter to her, even though these people aren't on the same page with each other. Is it really that bad to feel sad for Richard and happy for DeLuca at the same time? Isn't that just what being compassionate is about? Or does that only make her a coward, safely swimming with the tide?There is more. As pointed out in her fight with Bailey, she is also one of the board directors, which might give her a chance to take this away from the playground, and try to fix things on a professional level. Yes, they were left out before, but nothing is set in stone, right? She can at least still call for another meeting?Question is: where does she actually stand on the whole thing, when being asked as a professional, not as a friend? She honestly doesn't know. So she needs to find out, she needs to get her facts together before this meeting. And till then she just needs to stay in the middle.With that there is only one question left: what to do with Eliza? She knows all too well that yesterday has been a big mistake - despite the fact that her body still tells her something else. Fooling around with Minnick again would definitely not keep her safely in the middle!And that's all it is, right? It isn't like they are dating or anything, or that she cares for her. Stepping away is an actual option here. It's something she can do. The only thing she can actual do - right now.Glad that she finally came up with a plan to take at least some matters into her own hands, she decides to take action right away. She calls HR, retrieves Eliza's number and sends her a message, asking her to meet her at the Irish pub. To her relief Eliza replies quickly, agreeing to meet her in an hour.Arizona gets up and straightens her back. Soon at least one problem will be solved...... ..."Thank you for coming," she says while taking a seat at the small table. Eliza was already there when Arizona walked in. She shoves a glass of wine toward her.Arizona, more nervous than she likes to admit, gratefully accepts it, then - suddenly aware of how things might look - she states: "This isn't a date!""I know," Eliza replies calmly. She seems at ease, definitely less stressful than Arizona.Arizona takes a deep breath, relaxes her shoulders a bit, and takes a small sip of her wine. Eliza has been paying attention, it's the same red wine she had when they first met here."Yesterday," she starts, getting straight to the point, "we made a mistake. I made a mistake."Eliza doesn't reply. She just looks at Arizona, knowing there's more to come."Getting involved with you, in any way... I can't deal with it. It's too messy, too complicated. It shouldn't have happened. It can't happen again. I need to stay in the middle."Eliza raises her eyebrows a little, looking puzzled by the last part. Arizona doesn't explain any further, but continues, "I'm sorry, I know it was me, I crossed the line here.""Arizona," Eliza smiles softly, "it's okay. It was just a kiss."Arizona, being sure it's been way more than that, at least physically, quickly decides that playing along is the easiest way out. She nods. "Right. Just a kiss. Not meaning anything... Right?" she can't help but check.Eliza suddenly makes a face, like she's hurt in some way. "Well, I was actually thinking of proposing soon," she pouts. Yet before Arizona throws her wine at her, she continues quickly, in a more serious, but comforting voice, "Why does there has to be any meaning? Can't a kiss just be a kiss?""I guess I just needed to be sure we're on the same page here," Arizona answers, relieved that there doesn't seem to be an issue. "You told me you always need to know how the story ends. I felt that I had to tell you. That this is the last chapter."Eliza doesn't reply, she just nods, as if agreeing to a settlement. Arizona isn't sure, but she's got the feeling she might not be the only one who feels a little relieved that they finally cleared up this emotional mess.With this burden off her chest, a calm falls over her. To her own surprise she doesn't even feel the urge to rush out, now that everything seems settled. Instead she sits back in her chair and takes another sip of her wine. "So tell me about your program."Eliza looks surprised by the sudden change of subject. "You're sure you wanna hear about it?" she asks, squeezing her eyes a little."Well, I'm here now, enjoying this awesome wine. I reckon you won't get a better chance of convincing me than this one," Arizona shrugs, giving her a lopsided grin.Eliza returns her smile, picks up her glass and sits back as well. And starts to tell...She tells Arizona all about the different stages within the 5 year training program, the different aspects within these stages; remarking that the steps wouldn't look so big when a resident is following the program from the start, referring to the fact that the Grey Sloan residents are all a bit behind, which makes the difference seem much bigger.She tells about the results, like how the efficiency of the program offers more opportunities for the residents to focus on specialties; for example how general residents receive further training in general, but also in acute care and trauma, and in oncologic, transplant and pediatric surgery.Arizona listens, unwillingly entertained by Eliza's enthusiasm and devotion. Surprised as well, to hear that even her very own Johns Hopkins has been involved in creating the program, and amused that Eliza - despite the topic - sounds like she's talking about a day in Disneyland instead of giving her a presentation. The only moment they go off topic, is when they order a second drink.She doesn't question or debate anything, mainly because Eliza's explanation is about the program in general. It isn't till they get to the essence of it all, the early engagement of an undergraduate in a surgical experience, that she feels the urge to react."We're talking teaching surgery here! You talk about it like... like you're still teaching scuba diving!" she exclaims.Eliza doesn't take it as an insult."Because maybe it is," she replies. "It's both complicated, risky, deadly even when certain mistakes are made. In both cases you need to know exactly what you're doing, study every aspect there is to understand the human body. You need to know every safety rule. You need to know your equipment, whether it's your scalpel or your regulator. But in the end, knowing all that stuff doesn't make you a surgeon nor a scuba diver. Standing on shore, wearing a wetsuit - tank on your back, mask on your face - you might look like one, but you're not. And you won't become one. Not till you jump in. And it's okay if that's a bit scary, if you need to pinch your nose the first time. And it's okay if you choose to stay very close to your instructor, making them keep an eye on you. Keep you safe. But you do have to sink beneath that surface. That," she states, "I truly believe."Arizona looks at her, baffled, then laughs. "Is that what you told Catherine Avery as well? To get the job?"Eliza chuckles. "Word-by-word," she grins."You know," Arizona continues, "I once heard there are only two rules when learning to scuba dive. Always keep breathing, and always look cool.""Exactly!" Eliza smirks, "And shouldn't those be the first two rules in an OR as well?!"Still smiling Arizona shakes her head. She reaches for her glass, noticing it's empty, and realizing time has passed quickly. The sun already set. The pub has gotten crowded and noisy. Who would've guessed two hours ago that she'd still be here, completely at ease?While playing with her empty glass she glances at Eliza, who's just emptying hers. She has to acknowledge she isn't mad at this woman anymore. Even if she'd want to, there just isn't any reason to. Nothing is solved here, she's still very stuck in the middle, but she just can't take it out on Eliza any longer.Eliza puts her glass down and looks up, quietly smiling at Arizona. Arizona doesn't look away. Instead she gives her an understanding smile in return. For the first time in all these weeks, their silence is almost comfortable. The hatchet is buried.All of a sudden Eliza gets up, breaking both their gaze and their wordless dialogue. Arizona is perplexed by the unexpected move, and startled by her own disappointment. "You're going?" she asks."I am," Eliza simply states, throwing a twenty on the table, "...you coming?"Arizona stares at her, wide-eyed, completely overwhelmed. Surprise, amazement, shock, temptation, panic, desire, confusion - too many feelings at the same time make her freeze for a second. Eliza waits patiently, as she watches Arizona struggle with a thousand thoughts. She doesn't say anything, not wanting to push it, but isn't able to hide a little shimmer in her eyes.Arizona can blame a million things, but later on - whenever recalling this moment - she knows it's been that shimmering that made her pinch her nose, that made her decide to jump in and sink beneath the surface.... ...They are able to leave the pub, cross the street and take the hotel elevator in a pretty decent way, but once at the door they both lose it before they actually enter Eliza's room. Again, there's no slow start, no gazing into each other's eyes or gently caressing faces. There's only desire. Hunger. Eagerness.And so they pick up where they'd left off the day before, except this time Arizona is pinned against a door, while Eliza is desperately trying to divide her attention between answering Arizona's hot kisses and finding the keycard to this stupid door. Once she does, they almost tumble in, refusing to let go of each other - Arizona stumbling backwards, Eliza firmly kicking the door behind her.The sound of the closing door brings Arizona somewhat back to her senses. Eliza just moves her lips to Arizona's neck, giving her a chance to verify - albeit with an unstable voice. "No meaning right?""No meaning," Eliza pants between kisses, "No worries."Their lips find each other again, as do their tongues, while their hands slide up and down to remove upper-body clothes. Within seconds, shirts and bras hit the floor. Hands are freely roaming naked skin - exploring bare backs and breasts. Lips are finding nipples. Fingertips are everywhere.Both knowing where they need to be, they slowly start to move towards the bed, kicking off their shoes along the way and trying not to fall. Then suddenly Arizona does tear herself away a little, giving her the chance to look Eliza in the eyes."You know about the leg, right?" she asks cautiously, between heavy breaths.A small, reassuring smile creeps over Eliza's face. She kisses Arizona again, softer than before, on the lips, then on the corner of her mouth, the cheek, the neck and finally on the sensitive part behind the ear, before she answers quietly, "I know about the leg."This reassurance is all Arizona needs to take the last little step. She willingly lets Eliza push her on the bed and pull her pants down - luckily she isn't wearing a tight pair. As she moves to the head of the bed, Eliza quickly removes her own pants as well and finds her way back to Arizona before the lack of contact gives her a stroke.Arizona lies on her back, slightly up against the pillows. Eliza crawls on top of her, lying down between Arizona's legs. "You okay?" she asks, considerately.Arizona answers by pulling her close, until their faces almost touch. For a few seconds they don't move, they just gaze into each other's eyes, longingly. Everything turns still, except for the heavy rising of their chests, the fast pounding of their hearts, their sounds of their breathing. Then Eliza closes the gap between them, searching for Arizona's lips; it's the start of an endless kiss.Lowering her hands Arizona pulls Eliza even closer to her, as a desperate need to feel every part of this woman's body takes over. Eliza reacts instinctively by rocking into her. Arizona moves her hips to match the movements, creating even more pressure.It isn't enough.Eliza quickly sits up and pulls down her panties. Arizona follows her example, throws the piece away and closes her legs, silently suggesting she needs Eliza on top of her. Eliza gets the hint and carefully straddles her lap, then bends down to kiss her again.Not able to keep her hands off Arizona's breasts, stomach, arms, neck, shoulders - basically any square inch of Arizona's smooth skin she can find - Eliza's fingers start to explore.At the same time Arizona's hands find their way to Eliza's back, sliding up and down, up and down. Till one of them stays down, tracing the skin to Eliza's front, to her abdomen, where it slides even further down. When she finally reached Eliza's center, they both groan loudly.She lets her fingers slip between Eliza's wet folds and quickly finds her destination. She doesn't waste any time. Twisting her wrist she enters Eliza with two fingers. Eliza inhales sharply, holds still for a second, then slowly starts to ride Arizona's fingers.Their kissing becomes sloppy, both of them having a hard time concentrating. Every time Eliza lowers her body, Arizona's hand hits her own core as well, rapidly building up the pressure. This feeling only increases when Eliza pulls her towards her, making them both sit up now. She grasps for Arizona's hand to make sure she keeps those fingers deep inside of her, then clutches at her shoulders as she tries to keep the pace.Their lips keep searching for each other, but most of the time their mouths are just hovering close to each other, breathing heavily, sharing the little air between them. Eliza gives up trying when Arizona moves her thumb, finding her most sensitive spot. Another deep moan escapes her lips. Her walls begin to tighten around Arizona's fingers. She throws her head back, gasping for air. Her orgasm seems to hit her like a lightning strike.If her own body isn't about to explode from the rising pressure already, this sight alone would probably be enough for Arizona to follow. Holding Eliza tight in her one free arm, she clenches her eyes as her body stiffens and jolts, and she comes undone.She lets herself fall back on the mattress, pulling Eliza with her, not minding the now heavy body on top of her. Neither of them seem to be able to move. They both pant for air, like they just ran a full marathon. For a minute the only sound in the room is their heavy breathing.Eliza is the first to find her voice. "That," she sighs, "was amazing."Arizona just nods. She doesn't think she's able to ever speak again. Or to answer the question that pops into her head. How can this ever be... the last chapter?... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Arizona wakes up in a strange room. It isn't that she doesn't know where she is - she remembers quite well - she just hasn't actually seen the room before. While slowly getting used to the early morning light she glares around a little.It's a nice room, more homey than hotel rooms usual are. Then she recalls how Eliza told her about the redecorating. She notices the picture frames, some knick-knacks she probably picked up on her travels, a bowl of fruit, flowers, even some kind of drapes that doesn't seem to belong here.She slowly turns her head to the side. Eliza has rolled away from her. She's lying near the edge of the bed, her bare back facing towards her. Arizona can't tell if she's asleep or not.She hasn't intentionally spent the night. To be honest, that choice wasn't exactly up to her: she simply passed out after their mind-blowing sexcapade. She can't be bothered too much though, since for the first time in weeks she actually slept like a baby. And if last night didn't mean anything, then why should this morning be any different?With that thought in mind she quietly shifts closer to Eliza, sliding her arm around her naked body as she's spooning her from behind."Cuddling, really?" Eliza mumbles with a sleepy voice. "You're sure that's not too complicated?""This isn't cuddling," Arizona sets her straight, "This is not wasting a lazy Sunday morning."Eliza chuckles softly. "It's Thursday!""Every doctor knows that any free morning is a Sunday morning," Arizona points out, slowly roaming her hand over Eliza's bare stomach. "Didn't they teach you that in scuba school?"Eliza tries to turn around so she can face Arizona, but Arizona stops her."Don't move," she whispers in her ear.Eliza knows enough. She exhales, relaxes her body and gives Arizona free reign. Arizona brings her hand up to Eliza's neck. She brushes her messy hair to the side, exposing the sensitive skin. While her hand smoothly moves down again, her tongue finds the beating point of her pulse. A soft moan escapes Eliza's lips.Arizona's hand softly caresses Eliza's abdomen, before it finds its way up to her breasts, her nipples, the base of her throat, then all the way down again. Her touch is feathery. Warm lips attached to Eliza's neck, just one hand slowly going up and down her body, taking all the time she wants, Arizona's idea of a lazy Sunday leaves little to the imagination.Meanwhile, Eliza - enjoying every second of it and not wanting to seem impatient - feels she really needs more. Her core is throbbing like crazy, screaming for attention. She starts to plead, while unconsciously moving her legs to create more space.Arizona is in a cooperative mood. She lets her hand slip further down this time, till it reaches its destination between Eliza's thighs. She groans when she feels how wet she is. Using her arousal her slippery fingers easily find their way, drawing slow circles around Eliza's clit.Eliza moans, very soft at first, but louder when Arizona adds more pressure. And that's just the beginning. Feeling how Eliza squirms against her, Arizona has a hard time controlling not just Eliza's, but also her own longing body. She soon loses the battle and presses her center against Eliza's butt, pulling her in close.When she increases the speed of her fingers, Eliza loses control of her breathing, gasping deeply now, her heart clearly pounding through her chest. Arizona, not fully able to handle her own breath by now, moves her lips to Eliza's ear."Let go!" she pants into it.And so she does, heavily trembling against Arizona's body.Arizona doesn't let go of her tight grip until Eliza slowly returns back to earth. "Good morning," she then whispers seductively.Eliza turns her head, finally able to face Arizona. A satisfied grin appears on her face. "Good morning to you, too."... ...Walking into the hospital, Arizona decides she won't get involved in any child's play today. She has a ward full of young patients who need her undivided attention. She has no time nor energy for politics or crying adults.Yet as she quickly discovers, not everyone shares that thought...On her way to the attendings' lounge to get changed for duty she walks into a roadblock: completely out of nowhere April forcefully grabs her by the arm and drags her into a storage room."April, what the hell?" Arizona screams out.April closes the door behind them, before facing her with a stern look on her face."So, did you talk to her? Tell her to back off?" she asks, not wasting any time, and clearly referring to Eliza."I did actually," Arizona replies, almost sounding proud of herself, as if she's about to add some "Ha, I bet you thought I didn't had it in me!" kind of remark.April ignores the tone. "Well, how did it go?" she asks impatiently."Perfectly fine," Arizona replies, not completely lying about that part. "I told her the kiss was a mistake, she understood, we had a good laugh about it... all fine.""Good," April nods, right when Arizona suddenly continues: "And then we had sex... Twice.""Arizona!" April exclaims, throwing her hands in the air in despair, "What were you thinking?!""Well, clearly I wasn't," Arizona answers dryly. "But it's okay. It didn't really mean anything. Just sex, you know."April looks thoroughly at her, like a mother who has just caught her two-year-old with his hand in the cookie jar. "Bullshit," she calls, "You like her!"Now Arizona gets defensive. "I don't like her! Well, yeah, I guess I like her, but I don't like-like her, I'm not in-like with her. If that's even a thing." Quickly adding: "Which it isn't, cause I'm not!"April shakes her head. She looks like she's about to give up on her friend. Clearly there isn't anything she can say here that will bring Arizona back to her senses. She turns around to leave the room, when Arizona stops her."April, no one can know about this!" she claims, sounding a bit nervous all of a sudden."Of course no one can know," April cries out, stating the obvious. "They'd rip your head off!"... ...Halfway during rounds Arizona's day gets even more busy when Trauma has a minor coming in. "Find Dr. Karev," she tells Ben Warren, who comes looking for her."He sent me to you," Warren answers, slightly in despair. Arizona, quickly deciding she'll check on Alex's excuse at a more convenient time, follows him without further questioning, as priorities are clear.Yet once at Trauma she discovers Alex has found his way to the young patient after all."I'm sorry," he apologizes, "my schedule is a mess. But I've got it now!""You're sure?" Arizona double checks.He's sure, Arizona isn't needed. Just about to return to Ped's, she suddenly thinks of something. "By the way," she asks for his attention again, "I'm planning a board meeting. So please check your messy schedule for any options any time soon."Alex looks up from his chart, looking a little puzzled. "You don't have to, Mer already did.""Meredith is back?!" Arizona exclaims in surprise."Yeah, they sorted it out, some temporary solution till that meeting," Alex explains, while turning around as he's being called by a nurse. He walks away, but looks at her over his shoulder once more, screaming over the cacophony of Trauma Unit's noises: "Check your email!"Walking back to her own ward Arizona pulls her phone from her pocket and opens her email.If her inbox represents her in any way, there isn't much to be proud of. She's never really been the administrative type of person, but the current amount of unanswered emails is downright embarrassing. Nevertheless she decides now is not the time for working on her correspondence.She quickly swipes the screen, searching for this one specific message. When she finds it, she notices it has been sent a day before, by Meredith. The message is short, nothing more than an invitation for a board meeting, a week from now. The only point on the agenda: the Residency Program. Nothing about the ending of her suspension, or terms of conditions.Arizona wonders what happened and if her own fight with Bailey had anything to do with it. She doesn't get a lot of time to think about it though, since by now she's returned to Ped's, where she quickly continues her rounds.... ...Hours later she's finally able to take a short break. Not having enough time to go for an actual meal, she gets a bag of chips from the vending machine and sits herself down on an empty gurney against the wall.When she opens the bag, she hears a familiar voice, saying: "Ah, my favorite sound in the world."Arizona looks up. "You're back!" she calls, which of course she already knew."I am," Meredith states, climbing on the gurney to sit down next to her."What happened?" Arizona asks, involuntarily sharing her chips."Bailey finally had the decency to come and see me," Meredith answers, her mouth full of chips.Arizona, also having a handful of chips (before Meredith eats it all), thus not able to reply straight away, realizes the two of them haven't sat together since they both dealt with a little panic attack in a supply closet. They aren't best buddies or anything, but they are bound by something that might be even stronger: they both survived the plane crash. That experience alone does make them quite important to each other.When they've both satisfied their first hunger, they are able to actual talk again. "So she just offered to end your suspension?" Arizona asks.Meredith shakes her head. "Not exactly. She first had to give me a big-ass lecture about refusal of work. I asked her if she'd rather had seen me go out on a strike, which turned out she actually did, cause that would at least have been my legal right. According to Bailey, now I was just behaving like a toddler, which is why she'd sent me to bed without diner... or something like that.""Yet you're here now," Arizona points out, quietly adding "...eating my dinner.""I am," Meredith states again. "At some point Bailey started to explain that even though she didn't agree with my actions, she wanted to fix this - my suspension apparently being the only thing within her power at this moment. Long story short: she told me I could come back if I'd work with Minnick anyway, I told her I wouldn't work with anyone till we have an official board meeting, and she agreed on that."Arizona takes the last chips, then crumples the bag. A little satisfaction takes possession of her, realizing she might actually have done something good here."So you do wanna look for a solution on this Webber/Minnick-situation then?" she questions, slightly optimistic.Meredith jumps off of the gurney."Oh no, Minnick is out!" she says, a little viciously. "She just doesn't know it yet."... ...
Note: I realize I made a mistake regarding to the board seats. I remembered Karev getting Yang's shares, making him a board member, but I forgot about the fact that the board chose Bailey over him. I'm also not sure if she's still on the board now that she's Chief of Surgery. So yeah, this part might be a bit non-canon. Sorry if this is a little confusing!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Alright, sweetie, I gotta hang up now, I'm at work," Arizona tells Sofia as she drives into the hospital's parking lot. "Have fun at school. And say hi to Mama. Don't forget, I love you endlessly!"She ends the phone call with a little smile on her face, glad she's been able to talk to her little girl. The 3-hour time difference is a real puzzle sometimes, but today things work out; she has an early morning procedure planned, a kidney transplant on a 12-year-old, to be exactly. The kid has been on the transplant list for quite a while. Arizona can't wait to start.Leaving the elevator at the OR floor, she almost gets jumped at by Wilson."Dr. Robbins, guess who's on my service today?" the resident grins, looking like a very happy puppy."Who's on your service?" Arizona asks in surprise.Wilson is too impatient to let her figure it out by herself. "You! You are scrubbing in with me," she points out - literally, since they've reached the big whiteboard, which tells her Wilson isn't lying."What the...?" Arizona cries out, noticing her transplantation is still on there, yet Wilson's name has replaced hers, and vice versa."I'm flying solo today!" Wilson chants, looking like she's only one step away from clapping her hands as well. "Let's go prep!""Y- Yeah, you go ahead," Arizona mumbles, totally flabbergasted by the whole thing, and with her eyes now fixed on Eliza, who's coming towards them at that very same moment. They haven't seen each other since Arizona left the hotel room, two days ago."Dr. Robbins, I see Dr. Wilson has filled you in about today's changes," Eliza says, like there's nothing to question.Wilson - still there, impatiently bouncing on her feet - suddenly grabs both of Eliza's hands, shaking them excessively. "Thank you, Dr. Minnick, thank you so much!" Then, just as quickly, she lets go and spins around, off to start her big day.Eliza, looking pleased, turns to Arizona, who doesn't mirror her smile."Really?" Arizona asks, "You gave my transplant away? To a puppy?""First of all, it's not your transplant, it's the hospital's," Eliza sets her straight, "And second, yes I did.""You can't just do that!" Arizona argues, fumes of frustration almost coming out of her ears by now.Eliza smiles patiently. "Why not? I've checked Wilson's records; her process, her results. The facts on paper tell me she's ready. So unless you can tell me something different right now, there's no reason to withhold this from her."Arizona has squat. She knows Wilson is becoming a fine surgeon, she's proven herself more than once. She should indeed be able to perform this procedure on her own by now."Anything else?" Eliza asks when Arizona stays quiet."Yes," Arizona rebounds, "You, choosing my procedure, does that have anything to do with--""No," Eliza cuts her off, "it doesn't. Check the board!" With that, Eliza takes off, following Wilson to the OR.Arizona takes another look at today's operation schedule. There are only two procedures planned this morning: one being the kidney transplant, the other being a way, way more complicated hemispherectomy.As annoying as it is, everything makes sense.... ...Wilson does well. Very well. Once in the OR nothing in her behavior reflects the puppy from before; she's focused, accurate and professional. The same goes for Eliza, who - just like Arizona - keeps a strict eye on Wilson, but hardly interferes, since the resident is doing a really good job on her own. Nothing Eliza does indicates that she's there just to be close to Arizona, or that she's distracted by her presence.Only once Arizona catches Eliza's gaze when she's looking directly at her for a second or two, showing her that damn shimmering again. But even then Arizona can't tell if that sparkle resembles the memories of their recent extracurricular activities, or if Eliza is just being a proud mamma right now, watching her baby fly solo.After the surgery they leave the scrub room together, leaving Wilson - still occupied with Post-op - behind."Well, how about that?" Eliza starts, "A very happy patient and a very happy resident. And all of that before lunch time!"Arizona gives her a playful poke with her elbow. "You're such a show off!"Without slowing down they both turn their heads to look at each other. Eliza doesn't reply, but wiggles her eyebrows instead, drawing a loud laugh from Arizona. "Okay, you made the right call here, I give you that," she admits on a more serious tone, "But can you please, please, give me a heads up next time? This would work a lot better for everyone, including the patient, if calls like these aren't made an hour before."Eliza smiles at her. "That I can do," she nods. "You make a good point actually. See, I knew there was a valid reason to keep you close." Arizona answers her smile with a little grin - not longer able to stop the twinkle in her eyes that give away her reminiscing, and the sudden desire to make a few more memories. It only takes a second though, as she abruptly pulls a straight face when she catches two nurses heading toward them.Eliza sees what's going on and doesn't say anything until they're passed. When they're out of hearing shot she opens her mouth to speak up, but Arizona beats her by grabbing her by her lab coat and pulling her straight into a near supply room.As she closes the door behind her, it suddenly hits Arizona that she's spending a bit too much time in these rooms lately - although today's spontaneous get-together feels a whole lot better than yesterdays.Meanwhile Eliza, stunned by the unexpected turn of events, quickly adapts. "So, I'm your dirty little secret now, huh?" she grins, pulling Arizona in by the waist."Do you mind?" Arizona asks in her turn, her voice suddenly a little husky."I really, really don't," Eliza breathes, already bending in to kiss those irresistible lips. Arizona offers no resistance, eager to welcome Eliza's tongue. She pulls her body close to hers with one hand, as the other rises up to seize her face.Eliza is the first to break the kiss, only to bring her lips to Arizona's ear. "I feel like you know me a lot better than I know you though, so let's work on that a little," she sighs seductively, while pushing Arizona backwards until she's pinned against the wall.Arizona doesn't feel the need to argue with her. Their lips meet again, as do their tongues. Eliza's hands, tangled in Arizona's hair, slowly start to trail down. They stop when they reach her hips. Holding her steady like this, she starts to grind against her.Muted by the kiss, Arizona moans into Eliza's mouth, encouraging her for more. Eliza slips her hand between their bodies, then further down toward the waistband of Arizona's pants. Knowing they can't hide in this closet for hours she doesn't intend to go slow. She lets her hand slip in and presses her palm against Arizona's core.With her hot breath caressing Arizona's ear, she whimpers, "You're so wet."Arizona can't reply. She needs all her focus to keep from dropping to the floor, as her legs are about to give in. Instead another approving moan escapes her mouth.Eliza's soft lips find their way back to Arizona's. With one hand cupping her face, the other pressed against her center, she starts to move into her - hard and heavy. Arizona throws her head back. The sigh she lets out is followed by a deep groan. She feels the pressure building inside her......and then they get paged.The message tells them Wilson is done with her Post-op, needing her superiors right away for the next step. Arizona, now sighing in frustration, quickly tries to become her professional self again. She takes a couple of deep breaths, fixes her hair and scrubs, then checks on Eliza to see if she's ready to leave this room as well. She is.Moving towards the door she softly slaps Eliza against the back of her head, anguished by unfinished business."See?" she grumbles, "That's why we need the residents to stay on the ground!"... ...Hours later, Arizona is about to leave the hospital, crossing the big entrance hall. The place is crowded, so she doesn't pay a lot of attention to the footsteps following her trail."So, is it true?" The question, unexpected and coming from right behind her, almost gives Arizona a heart attack. She turns around. It's Richard."Is what true?" she asks innocently."About Wilson. Did she fly solo?" Richard asks.Arizona innerly sighs in relief: this isn't about Eliza. Well, not about her and Eliza at least. "Yeah, she did," she answers honestly, not seeing any room to escape here. She can't suppress the need to explain though, feeling obligated to defend herself."There was no stopping it, really. Minnick had it all worked out, paperwork and everything. Bailey's approval. She would definitely have benched me if I'd gotten in the way. And nobody is keeping me away from my patient, or from my own OR. So yeah, no choice basically," she rambles.Halfway Arizona's plea, Meredith and Maggie join them - as if dealing with just Richard right now isn't enough. The four of them continue their walk toward the exit."I can't believe you had to work with that woman all day," Meredith jumps right in. "God, I wouldn't last an hour with her. She's so obnoxious."Arizona resists the urge to ask how she would know, since she'd never spent more than thirty seconds with Eliza. Instead, her voice suddenly gets a mind of its own, making her actually agree on Meredith's statement."I know, right? Longest day of my life," she states before she can stop herself."How did it go?" Maggie asks."Alright, I guess. Wilson did fine - considering," Arizona answers, not really giving Wilson the credits she deserves, and apparently answering the wrong question."I mean with Minnick," Maggie clarifies. "How did she handle things in there?"Arizona, realizing peer pressure is quickly taking over, and hating herself for it (bye bye, good man in a storm!), feels herself drifting away even further from the truth. "The same way as out there," she hears herself say, "Like a self-righteous, job-stealing, pain in the ass."Just when Richard is about to reply on this, someone behind them suddenly accelerates, passing by right before they reach the entrance doors, and forcing the small group to move to the side. The others hardly seem to notice, too caught up in their conversation, even though a soft "excuse me" is actually audible.But Arizona does, and it makes her cringe on the spot. Eliza was walking right behind them all along.... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The door looks just like any other door. There is no reason to examine it this closely, except for the excuse it gives her not to knock on it yet.Arizona has faced closed doors before. One specific memory surfaces, of that time she actually got one slammed in her face. Still, back then, she could at least explain why she was there, before that door had locked her out. Now, in all honesty, she doesn't have a clue what she's going to say. She hardly understands how she got here. It wasn't something she deliberately planned, it was more like her car had switched to autopilot, deciding home was no option before she would take her responsibility. Meaning fixing the mess she most-likely created, less than an hour ago.The door looks just like any other door. It keeps the room hidden, it doesn't give anything away of what's going on behind it. Is someone actually in there? There is no single sound indicating there might.She resists the impulse to walk away, now that she still has the chance, and raises her hand to knock on the door. She knocks once more when nothing happens. A few seconds later, just when she's about to turn around - admittedly a little relieved - Arizona hears some movement after all. She feels a nervous twitch in her stomach, but doesn't leave. Eliza opens the door.Arizona, still searching for words (and prepared to greet that door again), stares at her, with hope and regret in her eyes. Eliza's eyes tell a whole different story, one of utter annoyance mostly. She doesn't say anything, but doesn't slam the door either. Instead, she opens it somewhat further, like an invitation, before she turns around and paces back into the room.A little wary, Arizona steps in, not sure if she's actually welcome. The contrast with the other night could not be any bigger."Your day with me wasn't long enough?" Eliza snaps, her face turned away, but unable to hide the pain in her voice. "I'm sure you've got more interesting people to visit on your night off. Or are your friends self-righteous pain in the asses as well?"Arizona, for a short second distracted by the thought that these days they actually are, ignores the question. "Eliza, you know I didn't mean any of that!" she pleads in despair.Eliza turns around and looks her straight in the eyes. "You seem to do a lot of things you don't mean, don't you?"Arizona starts stuttering, looking for words to tell Eliza wrong. That she is sorry about the things she said, and that she genuinely hasn't meant a single word of it. But Eliza isn't impressed by her speech."You know what, even if you didn't mean it, do you honestly think that makes it any better?" she asks, her eyes flickering with rage.Arizona opens her mouth to answer, but she doesn't get the chance."I've got news for you, Arizona: it doesn't! It's worse actually," Eliza goes on, full throttle. "You know, doing what I do, I'm used to some trash talk. I can handle it fine. In a way, I can even accept it, because I understand. Because I know it's coming from people - meaningless people - who don't know any better. Who are afraid of change. I know that it stops as soon as they get it, as soon as they're not scared anymore. Yet I truly believed you were no longer one of those people. I guess I was wrong. Or maybe I wasn't. Maybe you're just the biggest coward of them all - not afraid of some changes, but of your buddies' opinions. How stupid of me to think you were different, to think you were better than that."Arizona realizes that Eliza doesn't just sound mad, she sounds disappointed as well."You're right," she replies with her eyes fixed on the floor. "I don't want to work against you, I really don't. I like working with your method, and I definitely like working with you. And yes, I am a coward." She takes a deep breath, before she looks up to face Eliza. "And I am really, really sorry."Eliza exhales, trying to control the anger in her voice. "And I am really, really not okay with you talking about me like that. You might not have any feelings for me, but I do have feelings for me. And I'm not letting you, or anybody else for that matter, hurt my feelings!"Arizona nods understandingly. They fall quiet. The distance between them never felt this big before, and not just because they are standing on opposite sides of the room, their eyes alternately on the floor and each other. Eliza seems a little less angry now that she's got this off her chest, but the tension is still thick in the air.After what feels like forever, Arizona breaks their silence with a soft, uncomfortable cough. "Well, maybe I do have feelings for you."Eliza's head shoots up, startled by this unexpected twist, but Arizona doesn't notice it. Staring at her feet, she continues, "I mean, I'm not saying I wanna have babies with you, or anything, but... I wouldn't be here right now if this whole thing didn't mean anything, right?" she rambles, although she has no idea where these words suddenly come from. "I wouldn't care so much about how you are doing, about what you think of me, if I..." Her voice drifts off. She finally looks up again. Their eyes meet. "Would I?"Eliza doesn't seem to understand either. She looks shocked. Confused. Arizona already regrets her sort-of confession, afraid that she made a big mistake here. Eliza never gave her any indication, any hint, that she wants anything else, anything more than this... this... whatever this is.Dropping herself backwards, against the small desk behind her, Eliza sighs again. "Arizona, I'm lost here," she reluctantly confesses. "I- I don't know wh-" She rubs her temples. "Can't we just... start over? Go back to the beginning, or something?"Arizona steps a little closer, just a few steps, and sits herself on the edge of the bed. "I can't see why not," she shrugs. A small smile creeps on her face - the first one in hours. Sitting up straight, she starts: "Hi, I'm Arizona. Let me take you back a little." She tries to sound breezy, partly succeeding. "I'm born in Maryland. When I was six years old I broke my leg."Eliza, not able to stop herself, bursts into laughter. "You're just gonna steel lines from Ed Sheeran now?""Shut up, it's the truth," Arizona laughs, feeling her body relax a little, and continuing her story about six-year-old Arizona, who fell from the swing set, since she'd been determined to fly all around it...... ..."When I was six years old," Eliza follows Arizona's example, "I went to visit some farm with my parents."She's sitting on the desk now, legs dangling off the edge, while Arizona has moved to the floor, back against the bed."When we got there I noticed some horses behind a fence. My parents told me I could go and have a look, while they met the farmer, but warned me about the fence. They told me not to touch it, because it was an electric fence. I'd never heard of an electric fence, and even though they'd told me touching it would hurt me, I just couldn't imagine. How could touching a fence hurt you? So once at the horses, with my parents out of sight, I just couldn't resist. I can still see my little index finger move towards that fence, almost in slow motion. And I can still feel the shock going through that little finger, that sharp pain hitting me straight away, even though it had hardly been a second. Days later my finger still felt numb, my shoulder still hurt from the quick reflex backwards. But I didn't share my pain, cause most of all I felt embarrassed. They'd warned me, and I was stupid enough not to listen."She looks at Arizona, a little sheepishly, but mostly amused by sharing her little childhood memory. "I've never told my parents about what actually had happened at that farm."Arizona chuckles. "Well, that's how you learn.""It is," Eliza agrees, "And that's also how someone becomes a city person!"... ..."I think I was about fifteen or sixteen when we were living on this pretty strict military base," Arizona starts, while opening the pizza box and handing a slice to Eliza, who joined her on the floor."It was a Friday night, the night I usually hung out with some friends at the little shack behind our house. My brother had arranged some cans of beer for us, as he often did. We even had a little hiding place for them. So in a lot of ways this night was not that different from others. We talked, we laughed, we drank - yet, not too much, cause we knew what we'd look like the next day if we did. Responsible army brats as we were..."Eliza, about to get a second slice, grins at her. "Why do I feel like a plot twist is about to happen?"Arizona, mouth full of pizza, murmurs, "Just wait for it," before swallowing the bite, so she can go on."So, we were sitting there for a few hours, when I started to feel sick. Which was weird, cause I only had like two or three beers. Of course, at first I didn't wanna say anything, not wanting to be that kid that can't hold her liquor. But then I noticed the others started to look pale as well. Turned out: the beer my brother had fixed us had been expired for over two years! We all realized we would feel even worse in just a bit, so we quickly hid the empty cans and left-overs, and we all went home. I think I threw up eight times that night, as quietly as possible, not to draw any attention to myself. I believed I was doing well, considering, till somewhere before sunrise I ran into my mom. She noticed I was sick, so I prepared myself for a big speech, as my Saturday morning hungover symptoms must have been quite clear. But instead she told me my dad had gotten the stomach flu that night. And now that she saw me, looking so awful as well, she wondered if it might have been food poisoning instead. Looking over her shoulder, I saw my father right behind her, in his bed. He looked at me, his eyes telling me how he knew all about the beer, while my eyes must have told him the same. We never talked about it, neither did we tell my mom."She looks at Eliza, a little sparkle in her eyes. "Till this day, she still believes it was her cooking."Eliza gasps, horrified but amused. "You two are the worst! I'm gonna call your mom right now! That poor woman..."Arizona giggles, making a mental note that these two people can never meet.... ..."Her name was Jordan. We shared a bunk bed together at some sleezy hostel in Bangkok," Eliza recollects, a loving smile on her lips."Did you try to kick her out as well?" Arizona asks, as she hands her a very tiny tequila bottle. They are still on the floor, although lying down now, the contents of the mini-bar in between them."I might have," Eliza grins. "We started traveling together, at first just for the time being, but in the end, well there was just no reason to split up. It didn't really matter where we headed, as long as we headed there together. Of course I fell for her. Hard. But for once, the universe was with me: she fell for me too. We ended up on some tiny island at the Philippines, where we both found a job at the same dive center. We lived the dream. We didn't earn a lot of money, but we were able to rent a small cabin together. Mornings between the fish, afternoons in a hammock on the beach, nights under a cozy mosquito net, closely together."Eliza stops for a second to empty the little bottle in one gulp. When she continues, Arizona notes that the smile of the happy memory is gone."One day we were diving in this Marine Park, both with a different group of students, but not too far from each other. These parks are the best; they're protected, so there are not too many boats allowed. Unfortunately a bunch of local fishermen kept ignoring that law. Long story short, Jordan got hit by the propeller of one of those boats, while she was teaching in shallow water. We were able to get her to a clinic, but besides all the other injuries, she'd lost too much blood... She didn't make it."Arizona looks at her, not knowing what to say. She's never seen Eliza this sad before. Speechless, she hands her another tiny bottle. Eliza accepts it with a small, but grateful smile; without checking the contents, she opens it and pours the whole thing down."Anyway," she tries to continue between some coughs, "that's what made me decide to go to Med school. Feeling they hadn't done enough to save her, that more real doctors were needed. Of course now I know that they actually were good doctors, that there was just nothing they could have done. But not knowing any better back then is what got me here today: I actually became a doctor.""And to that, I salute you," Arizona smiles softly, raising the last little bottle in the air. "Cheers!"... ..."I met Callie at the hospital. She's an orthopedic surgeon," Arizona begins another chapter, now chilling on the small sofa, while Eliza sits on the bed, making sure her little tequila-wodka-rum-mix finds a safe place in her stomach.She lights up. "Ooh, I heard they're hot!"Arizona laughs, the coincidence is hard to miss. "Yeah, they are," she grins. "Anyway, we started dating almost right away and got married two years later. By that time we'd already broken up twice, but back then we believed that the bumps we'd hit had only made us stronger. And I guess there's still some truth in there, a certain type of misery can bring people together. Can keep them together... But we were very unlucky, haunted by loss. We both got to sit at each other's hospital beds, praying for the other to live. We made it, but many people around us didn't. I lost my leg. We lost our baby before it was born." A sad sigh escapes her lips. "The misery didn't make us stronger, it broke us apart. Piece by piece. We got divorced about three years ago.""Any regrets?" Eliza asks her.Arizona looks pensive. "No. No regrets. We made mistakes, I made mistakes, and I'm sorry for that, but I don't - no, I won't - ever regret my time with Callie. She helped me to become the person I am today. And most important, she made me become a mother."The thought of Sofia brings a loving smile on her face. Eliza just looks at her, unable to not mirror that smile.... ...An hour and three anecdotes later the two of them find themselves next to each other on the bed - Arizona's head at the headboard, Eliza's at the foot of the bed - both stretched on their backs, like they're studying the ceiling."A little while ago," Arizona cautiously starts, "I saw this woman, through a window. Our eyes happened to meet, just for a second. She had these gorgeous, mesmerizing eyes. So of course I took a run. Soon later we did actually meet. I found out she wasn't just beautiful, but also funny and smart and annoyingly present - she was everywhere, even if she wasn't, you know? Truth was I liked being around her, even though I refused to admit that, because other people might have a problem with it. She didn't push me though. In fact, she was even willing to hide in a closet with me. Which brings me to today."She swallows, trying to get a lump out of her throat. Eliza stays quiet."I was a monster today. I betrayed this person, who's done nothing wrong to me, by saying awful things about her. Things that aren't true - at all. And ever since, I can't help but wonder... is this where the story ends?"Eliza gently takes Arizona's hand, which has been close to hers all along."No, it isn't," she quietly says, giving Arizona a soft, reassuring squeeze. "This is where the story begins."... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
When Arizona wakes up the room is dark. She can't remember actually going to bed, so she must have accidentally dozed off at some point. Eliza has switched off the lights and joined her on the bed. Just like Arizona she's sleeping on top of the blanket, though she has covered the both of them with a thin coverlet.The distance between the two of them is an arm-length, literally: Eliza is sleeping on her side, one arm stretched, her hand close to Arizona's face, but not touching her. Although still drowsy from just waking up Arizona becomes aware of how vulnerable she feels all of a sudden. Which is surprising, considering they've seen each other very naked before, while right now they're still both fully dressed.Something has changed.Conflicted by these new feelings a part of her wants to enlarge the distance between them. However, another part wants the exact opposite. And that part turns out to be in control. Without giving it a second thought, Arizona carefully rolls over, resting her head on Eliza's arm. Eliza doesn't wake up, yet instinctively pulls her in.Together like that, it only takes seconds before Arizona is asleep again.... ...Waking up on this Sunday morning - this actual Sunday morning - is everything but lazy. They both have to work, so they both overslept. Eliza is the first to open her eyes. Blinking against the light she immediately realizes they haven't set any alarm clock that should have woken them at least an hour ago.She reaches out to Arizona, who has rolled away again and is now sleeping on the far edge of the bed. "Wake up!" she cries out. "We're late!"By the time Arizona gets her eyes open, although barely, Eliza has already jumped out of bed. "What time is it?" she mumbles, wiping the sleep from her eyes."It's past seven. And I'm starting at eight. You?" Eliza asks without looking up, as she starts searching for a towel.Arizona sits up. "Also eight," she yawns. She looks around. "I've gotta go home, I need to change," she figures out loud when she notes she's still wearing yesterday's clothes.She gets out of bed and starts looking for her shoes, with little success. Eliza comes out of the bathroom, toothbrush in her hand. "You're leaving right now?" she asks, raising her eyebrows a little.Sitting on her knees Arizona's voice comes from under the bed. "Yeah, I've got to hurry. But I'll see you at the hospital, okay?" she replies, trying to manage her increasing stress level."Okay," Eliza nods, about to head back to the bathroom, then changing her mind and turning around again. "No, wait, not okay," she corrects herself.Arizona looks up at her, shoes in her hand and eyes questioning."I just- I need to know. You're here now. And I don't really know what that means. And I think you don't really know what that means. But I know I like it. I want you here again. But in the meantime, we will be at the hospital. Where your friends will be as well. Saying nasty things about me," Eliza rambles.Arizona winces. "Eliza!"But Eliza needs to finish. "I just need to know what I can expect. I need a heads up."For a moment they just look at each other in silence, forgetting that they're actually in a hurry. Arizona chews on her bottom lip. She swallows. "You can expect that I will back you up."Eliza exhales softly, relieved by Arizona's words, but this time it's Arizona who hasn't finished. "I will. But I don't know exactly how yet. The thing is, I've got this board meeting later this week, about the program. I want to help Richard, but I also want your program. I want you to stay."A small smile appears on Eliza's face.Arizona goes on. "I feel like I have to be careful. If people know about this," she vaguely gestures at the space in between them, "they might see that as a conflict of interest. It might make things more difficult."Eliza nods again, understandingly. Nevertheless, she looks a little lost. Arizona, ignoring her need to rush home, quickly slips into her shoes and crosses the room - closing the distance between them. She cups Eliza's face in her hands and looks deep into those bright eyes. Lightly grazing her thumb over Eliza's lower lip she bends in to kiss her. Softly. Delicately. In no way comparable to any other kiss they've shared before.When their lips break apart, their foreheads find each other."I'll figure it out," she whispers. And with that promise she turns around and leaves the room.... ...About forty minutes later Arizona closes her own front door behind her, ready to finally head to the hospital. She turns around and swiftly makes her way to her car. Yet right when she's about to get in she spots Andrew on the sidewalk, kicking his motor cycle."Andrew!" she yells, drawing his attention, "Need a ride?"Her roommate looks up and smiles as soon as he sees her. He runs to her car and quickly sits down in the passenger seat. "Thank God, I thought you'd left already," he sighs, while Arizona starts the engine. "Aren't you way too late though?" he frowns, looking a little puzzled."Not any later than you," she answers. "What's up with the bike?"He growls. "Flat tire. Second time this month."They drive in silence for a while. Arizona feels tired, although she slept well. But her head is full. While desperately trying to stay in the middle, things are only getting more complicated. First she mainly felt loyalty to Richard, now she feels it to Eliza as well. And with that, she feels like she's digging a hole for herself.Also her stomach feels weird. She knows that feeling too well. She hates that feeling. Not necessarily what it means, but the physical effect of it. It makes her too aware of pretty much every body part she owns. She needs distraction.She tilts her head. "So what's on the menu today?"Andrew's eyes start to shine. "I'm scrubbing in with Dr. Kepner, we're doing a whipple. And Dr. Minnick will be there as well, so I'm pretty sure I'll get my hands dirty today!"Arizona laughs, she loves his enthusiasm. "That's so cool! Are your legs as ready as your hands though? Could be a six hour ride!"Andrew taps his upper legs. "They should hold. I skipped my morning coffee though!" They both chuckle."Have you ever done one before?" Arizona asks him."Nope, first time," he replies. "I know it's complicated, I bet not even the residents get to do this one on their own, not even with the new program, but I'm already really looking forward to assist on one.""Well, I'm sure you'll do great!" she tells him as she drives into the parking lot. She's half an hour late. Things could be worse.... ...Later that day Arizona unexpectedly has an opening in her schedule when one of her planned procedures gets cancelled. She decides to check on Andrew.Entering the gallery she sees they've already started. April is on one side of the table, clearly in charge, Andrew opposite of her, assisting his ass off and looking really focused. Eliza stands at his left side, slightly behind him.Arizona takes a seat next to Edwards. "How's he doing?" she asks her."So far, so good. He got to help on the gallbladder removal, holding the slippery scallywag - he looked real steady there. They're about to start on the pancreas and the duodenum. I think they are getting those parts all at once," Edwards gives a quick report."Makes sense," Arizona murmurs, as she catches herself on the fact that her eyes aren't exactly on the surgery - they keep drifting off to one specific surgeon. However, before she gets to pull herself together, she gets startled by a sudden noise, coming from the OR."BP is dropping!" Bohkee alarms the surgeons."Bleeding!" April states straight away, a sharp tone in her voice.The people around her react immediately, handing her sponges and clamps, which help her to stop the bleeding in just a couple of seconds. There is no time to breathe though, since a second bleeding draws their attention. April tries to get to it, but can't find the source."I need suction, I can't see a damn thing here!" she shouts.Andrew instinctively moves aside, making place for Eliza, who steps in without any hesitation, accepting the suction device from the surgical nurse. By now, the patient is bleeding copiously."There!" both April and Eliza yell as soon as they are able to visualize. It isn't just a bleeding vessel: one of the veins is showing a big hole. "We need pressure!" April states, "DeLuca, get back in here."The three of them give everything within their power, but the damage is huge and repairing seems beyond their control. To make thing worse the patient's heart gets in distress. The cardiac alarm goes off, creating a high pitched noise that fills both the OR and the gallery."Heart rate decreasing fast," Bohkee informs them, not that anyone could miss it."Shut it off!" April tells her, getting distracted by the sound. "And page Dr. Riggs! Now!" she orders another scrub nurse - her hands still deep in this man's abdomen, and blood everywhere.Like everyone else in the gallery, Arizona is on the edge of her seat. Things don't look good in there. Not good at all...... ...As she leaves the stairs on her way to the scrub room, Arizona almost bumps into Meredith. Being back at work means she's also reinstated as the Head of General Surgery, and the situation in April's OR has caught her attention before April and her team even get the chance to properly exhale.Arizona doesn't want to get in the middle of anything - she just wants to check on Andrew - but can't think of a decent way to turn around at the last second. Following Meredith she realizes all too well that she's about to get sucked into a situation she rather stays far away from...When they enter the room, the discussion is already in full swing."What the hell happened in there?" Riggs questions April. He's still trying to catch his breath."The vein, it broke," April sighs.Meredith intervenes straight away. "He made it, right?"Loudly exhaling, April drops her shoulders, although she doesn't look relaxed or relieved at all. "He did. He's on his way to the recovery room. But we're not done, we have to continue as soon as we can.""Is he stable?" Meredith asks."Hardly," Riggs grumbles, before leaving the scrub room without saying another word.Meredith turns to Andrew, and then to Eliza. "You two were in there as well? Meaning what? What did you make him do?" she asks her.Eliza doesn't get disconcerted by the sudden attack. "It wasn't anything someone did," she answers calmly. "The tumor must have damaged the tissue before we got in there.""So you're saying he didn't hit anything? Cause it sounds to me that an intern just cut a vessel and a man almost died on the table because of it!" Meredith continues, testily."He didn't even touch a scalpel!" Arizona suddenly speaks up, not able to keep quiet any longer. Within a second all eyes are on her. "He tied a knot, for God's sake. Don't blame this on him. Or her.""Arizona!" Eliza shushes, trying to calm her, and probably trying to avoid more complications as well.Meredith looks up in surprise. "Arizona?!" she repeats, emphasizing that one word. "First name basis, huh? Did I miss something here?""No, you didn't miss something here, I just want you to focus on the facts for once. You're jumping into conclusions here, you're not being fair to any of these three," Arizona tries to save herself.Meredith ignores the accusation, but keeps her eyes fixed on them, looking alternately from one to the other. "Good," she nods at Arizona, before dropping the issue, "Cause I don't think I have to tell you about Murphy's Law, do I?"Not waiting for a reaction she shifts her attention back to the others. "Dr. Kepner, I expect a full report before the end of the day. DeLuca, go see your patient for Post-op, it's gonna be a long night for you." With that she turns around and leaves the room.Andrew quickly follows her, but not before he shortly glances at Arizona, his eyes thanking her for her support. April's eyes, at the same time, speak for themselves as well, although they give her a whole different message - closer to "you are screwed and you know it". She doesn't make any remark though. In fact, she actually has the courtesy to acknowledge Eliza's support."Thanks for your help, Dr. Minnick," she says with a soft smile. Eliza nods, smiling back at her. With everything being said, April finally leaves the room, leaving Arizona and Eliza alone in there.Arizona, still pissed off at Meredith, leans backwards, against the scrub sink, her arms crossed. Eliza, on the other hand, has no room for anger. Meredith's comment has clearly confused her. "What was that all about? What on earth does Murphy's Law has to do with any of this?" she questions.Arizona sighs deeply. "Different Murphy. Different law," she starts, about to explain that they have just hit another bump on the road.... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"You slept with Murphy? Leah Murphy?" Eliza exclaims, wide-eyed.Arizona can't tell if she's shocked or amused. "I did. Ages ago. It didn't mea-" She stops herself half-sentence, suddenly aware of how things might sound - considering their recent history with that word.Of course, Eliza knows where she was going. "Well, clearly it meant something, it sounds like it became the hospital joke.""It's definitely not a joke," Arizona sets her straight. "After I ended things with her, Murphy filed a complaint. In the end it turned out it was against Callie, but well, let's say it was based on our... get-togethers. The complaint led to this rule, this non-fraternization policy. Ever since, all relationships between superiors and subordinates are strictly forbidden.""So? That's about attendings dating residents or interns, right? How about relationships between attendings?" Eliza asks, quickly adding: "Not that I'm imply-""Discouraged," Arizona cuts her off, saving the both of them from a potential uncomfortable moment."Okay..." Eliza slowly nods. Processing the information, she follows Arizona's example and leans against the sink. "Okay. Then tell me this. How 'bout Pierce and DeLuca? Weren't they together for a while? And Wilson and Karev? Warren and Chief Bailey - talking about outranking! Or Hunt and Shepherd?"Arizona looks at her, astonished. "How do you know all this?! You've been around for, what, three weeks?"Despite their current stress level, Eliza can't help but laugh. "I work with the students, remember? They like me. They talk." Then, continuing a little teasingly: "How do you think I found out about you?"Arizona pokes her with her elbow, grinning, but immediately turns serious again. "Warren and Bailey were already married when this policy became legitimate. The others, I believe after a while they just ignored the whole thing," she answers Eliza's earlier question.Eliza narrows her eyes. "Without any consequences?""I guess so," Arizona shrugs, "They're all still around.""Alright, so maybe I shouldn't say this, because we're talking about your friend here, but could it be...." Eliza clears her throat. "Could it be that maybe - just maybe - Dr. Grey is full of shit here?" she carefully suggests, before suddenly remembering something else: "Plus, I'm pretty sure she's getting lucky with Riggs."Arizona jumps up like she's hit by lightning, looking at Eliza in disbelief. "What?! Why would you think that?"Eliza chuckles. "Like I said, they talk..."While Arizona clearly needs a few seconds to wrap her heard around all this, Eliza pushes herself away from the sink. She gently takes Arizona by the shoulders, turning her toward her, so she can look into her eyes. "So, how about the hell with it, huh? Screw Murphy's Law?"Arizona exhales and relaxes her shoulders. Her face breaks into a smile, struck by Eliza's attempt to calm her down. She nods firmly. "Screw Murphy's Law!"... ...They leave the scrub room together. "So, what's next? Any more innocent interns to get in trouble?" Arizona jokes.Eliza shakes her head. "No, I had my fun for today," she replies, winking."You're going home now?" Arizona asks, not able to hide the eager curiosity in her voice."Not yet. I'm meeting up with my real estate agent, I've got to check out some apartments," Eliza answers. She peers around them before she continues: "... But we can meet later, if you like?"Arizona's face lights up. "I like," she answers with a smile.... ...A little later Arizona walks into the whipple-patient's room, finding Andrew sitting at his bedside."How's he doing?" she asks him."He's fighting," Andrew replies, looking up from his paperwork."And how are you?" she continues, compassionately."I'm monitoring, like a true intern," he answers. He sounds a little bitter, but quickly follows with a soft smile, "I'm okay."Arizona sits down. "Good. I knew you would be. You're a tough cookie."She has become quite font of her young roommate the last couple of months. They hardly hang out together, mainly because he makes eighty hours a week at the hospital, but he's been there when she needed him. Like at Sofia's trial. In a way, he feels like the little brother she never had. Which probably explains why she feels somewhat responsible for him.But in all honestly, checking up on him isn't her main reason for this visit."Listen," she starts, "I don't know what you might think of... the things that were said before, but- Well, it came to my attention that there's a lot of talking going on. In the locker rooms, specifically. And...""Arizona," Andrew interrupts her, "don't worry. They talk, yes, but I don't. Whatever is going on with you, or not going on with you, it's not up to me to share with the world. Roommates agreement, right?"Arizona smiles in relief. "Right.""So, that being said - what is going on with you?" he goes on, a small, mischievous grin creeping on his face.Arizona snorts, but doesn't answer him. Instead she throws a pillow at his face, which he catches just in time. "Goodnight, Andrew," she grins.She leaves the room with the sound of his laughter echoing in her ears.... ..."It's open!"Eliza's clear voice comes from behind the door in a response to Arizona's soft knocking. Arizona lets herself in, finding Eliza sitting on the bed, surrounded by real estate flyers and piles of paper."Anything good?" she asks, as she drops her coat and bag on top of the desk. She nonchalantly kicks off her shoes and climbs on the bed as well."I think so," Eliza nods, "I like this one." She hands her the piece of paper she's just been looking at. However, as soon as Arizona reaches out to take it from her she quickly pulls back again."What?!" Arizona cries out, taken by surprise.Eliza glances at her from under her eyelashes. "Hi," she simply says.Arizona looks her in the eyes. Sparks meet shimmer. A soft smile answers a blissful one. She chuckles. "Hi.""I'm going to kiss you," Eliza quietly tells her - a promise hidden in her voice, drawing a loud laugh from Arizona.As her grin grows wider she wiggles her eyebrows. "You'd better!"Eliza raises her hand. She softly strokes Arizona's face and tucks a stray of hair behind her ear, before pulling her in for a slow kiss. Once again their lips are a perfect match. She doesn't get the chance to deepen their kiss though. Without breaking apart Arizona suddenly grabs the piece of paper out of her hand, making her pull away like she just got stung by a bee."Ouch, paper cut!" she cries out, grimacing and waving her hand.Arizona, holding the flyer like it's a trophy, makes a face. "Ah, poor baby!" she pouts. She takes Eliza's hand and softly kisses her fingers. "All good?"Eliza pulls a long face. "No, you hurt me. Go away!""Okay," Arizona replies dryly, turning around to leave the bed."No, I lied, don't go!" Eliza reacts quickly, grasping Arizona by the arm and pulling her towards her again. Yet while doing so she loses her balance, which makes her fall backwards, straight into the pillows. Arizona, still captured in Eliza's grip, gets dragged along and falls on top of her. Piled up like this they both burst into laughter."You okay?" Eliza asks.Arizona moves a little to the side so she doesn't crush Eliza too much, but doesn't get up. Instead she finds her place right next to her, resting her head in the crook of Eliza's shoulder. Eliza automatically puts her arm around her. Things can't get more comfortable than this."I'm perfect," she answers. If she was a cat she'd probably be purring right now.Laying like this, papers still all around them, Arizona finally looks at the flyer in her hand. It shows a picture of a classic, brownstone apartment building, with an impressive stoop leading to a green front door."Oh, this does look nice! Good neighborhood I think, close to the hospital. Hey, but wait, this is a rental?!" she suddenly notes."Yeah, I changed my mind. Buying is just too big of a risk right now," Eliza starts to explain. "If I can't stay at the hospital, well... why would I stay in Seattle?"Arizona suppresses the impulse to say "For me!" - it's way, way too soon for that. But the thought is there nonetheless."...and it's fully furnished as well, which is perfect, cause I don't own squat," Eliza goes on.Arizona, startled by her own thoughts, quickly picks up on their conversation. "Y- Yeah, right, that's perfect," she says, trying to sound enthusiastic. Not sure if she's sounding convincing enough, she continues: "It looks really, really good. When will it be available?""It already is. But I decided to wait, at least for a couple of days. When is that board meeting again?"Arizona feels her stomach cringe. "Thursday," she sighs."Okay, so I'll wait till Friday. And hopefully it's still available then," Eliza states. Arizona doesn't reply, too distracted by the thought that Eliza might leave - for real. The possibility never crossed her mind, and it upsets her more than she would have ever imagined.... ..."You stood up for me today."Minutes have past, with them just laying there in silence, Eliza trailing her finger over Arizona's bare arm - mindlessly.Arizona looks up, meeting Eliza's eyes. They are truly enchanting. Arizona knows she can never get enough of them. "I screwed up," she sighs, embarrassed by the memory."You did not!" Eliza exclaims. "You were great! You were right, and you were great." She softly presses a kiss on Arizona's forehead. "Thank you for standing up for me," she whispers in her hair.Arizona stretches her neck a little further, bringing their faces close together. "Any time," she whispers in return, before pressing her lips against Eliza's. Eliza cups Arizona's cheek with her free hand and pulls her closer, while Arizona runs her tongue across Eliza's lips, until she parts them. Searching tongues find each other. Their kiss heats up quickly.Arizona shifts a little, without breaking the kiss, till she lies partly on top of Eliza. She presses her leg between Eliza's thighs and slowly starts to grind into her. Based on her moans, Eliza seems to approve.The friction between them increases when Eliza starts to raise her hips with every move, making them both gasp for air. Their lips lose contact, but Arizona's mouth quickly finds new territory as she traces down the skin of Eliza's neck.Eliza moves her hands to Arizona's hips, trying to pull her in even closer. It doesn't help: there isn't too much distance between them, there is too much fabric!She moves her hands back upwards, slipping her fingers underneath Arizona's top and pulling it over her head. Their lips meet again as soon as they get the chance. Eliza's hands roam over Arizona's bare back, finding and unclasping her bra. Arizona has to move her arms to get it off, giving Eliza the chance to flip them over - she can't care less about ruining all the flyers.Arizona, now on her back, grabs the hem of Eliza's shirt, tugs it off and tosses it aside - quickly followed by her bra. Hungry hands and mouths start to explore exposed skin. The air is filled with their heavy breathing.The sense of Eliza's wet mouth on her nipple, while her hand is massaging her other breast, drives Arizona crazy - in the best possible way. Which is why she groans in frustration when Eliza moves her tongue away from the hard peek, until she realizes she's only dragging it further downwards. Slowly, Eliza reaches her rib cage, her belly button, and then finally the waistband of her pants - blocking the way to where she's needed the most.Arizona lifts her hips, indicating she wants - no, she needs! - them off. Eliza doesn't waste any time. She pulls down Arizona's pants and panties at the same time, then quickly tugs down her own as well.She lays down again, closely next to Arizona, skin against skin, and connects their lips once more. Her hand slides down, slipping between Arizona's thighs and slowly pulling her legs apart. Arizona pants heavily, feeling she's about to lose control."Eliza!" she pleads between kisses, "Get down there!"Eliza smiles into their kiss before breaking it, then quickly finds her way down, kissing every little part of Arizona's body she crosses along the way, while her fingers already starts to explore Arizona's wet folds. She runs them up and down a few times, but avoids the most sensitive spot. It isn't after entering her, two fingers at once, that she presses her tongue on Arizona's clit.Arizona's body reacts straight away, her back arching with pleasure. Biting her lower lip, soft whimpers escape her mouth.As her fingers increase the strength of their thrusts Eliza's tongue starts to circle. Arizona, moaning loudly in pleasure now, reaches down - craving to connect - and tangles her fingers in Eliza's hair."Don't- Don't stop!" she gasps. "Don't ever stop!"Eliza answers her by flicking the tip of her tongue on her throbbing clit, before drawing circles again, adding quite some pressure with a flat tongue. She curls her fingers. It's enough to drive Arizona over the edge. Her orgasm hits her hard: with her heart pounding out of her chest her muscles clench around Eliza's fingers, and her body shakes and quivers.As she rides the wave of her release, Eliza lays next to her again and holds her close.Arizona slowly gets her breathing back under control. She rolls on her side, facing Eliza. Eliza gently brushes her face with her thumb, her eyes locked on Arizona's."Tired?" she grins."A little," Arizona confesses with a shy but satisfied smile. "But that's okay, we've got time. I don't have to go anywhere." She closes the small gap between them, about to kiss her again, then adds with a playful smile: "I brought my toothbrush this time."... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The next few days are all about work. Even though Alex has returned from his involuntary absence, there are still too many urgent cases at the same time, demanding all her time and attention. Arizona has to manage two very complicated cases, both involving newborns who need risky surgeries; one baby with omphalocele, the other with ectopia cordis.She spends many hours in the OR, working with Richard on the first case and with Maggie on the second. They don't really talk about the current hospital situation though - the only good thing about these heartbreaking conditions is the fact that the required surgeries are so complex that they request their full focus, leaving no room for any chit-chat.When Arizona isn't operating, things aren't much different: as soon as she sets one foot outside of the OR, twenty other young patients and pregnant women (and a whole bunch of nurses and interns) need her straight away.In the end she only gets three hours of sleep on Monday night. It isn't until Tuesday evening that she actually makes it to a bench on the parking lot, just to get fifteen minutes of relatively fresh air.She sits down and closes her eyes for about a minute, taking some deep breaths. Even though it isn't exactly quiet outside and her view consists of concrete and tin, she does enjoy just sitting here for a little, making her part of a world that's bigger than the hospital.Finally able to relax a little, she gets her phone out of her pocket. She has a text message, one that makes her smile, even though it's just a short one, saying: "Hey stranger! How you doing?" She hasn't seen or talked to Eliza since yesterday morning, when they were both about to start a crazy busy week.Her fingers fly over the little keyboard, responding straight away. "Hey you! Still around?"Eliza's answer comes quickly - fortunately, since she's on a tight schedule. It's not the answer she's hoping for though."In Seattle? Yes. At the hospital. No. Just left. You?" it reads.Arizona replies by explaining she needs to stay another night. "Faye, the little one with the heart condition is in Post-op. Many possible complications around the corner for next 24h."Her phone beeps again before she can even put it down. "You're a trooper. Dinner tomorrow?"She doesn't need to think twice about her answer. "Sounds great! (Although I might fall asleep with my face in my soup.)"... ...She made the right call by staying at the hospital: little Faye keeps her up almost the entire night.By Wednesday morning she has been at the hospital for forty-eight hours straight, yet she still isn't anywhere near the end of her shift. But at least she doesn't have to be in the OR today, which for sure is a good thing for her patients as well, since by now she has a really hard time keeping her eyes open.In the end, while counting down the hours, only the prospect of her night off keeps her going.But of course life gets in the way again."I need you to take over my appendectomy tonight," Alex tells her, suddenly showing up out of nowhere.Arizona, busy with some charts, looks up at him."Hello to you, too. And no, you don't!" she sharply replies, not feeling the energy to even discuss any more extras for today. "Find someone else."Alex sighs. "There is no one else. And I just had a big emergency case coming in, so I really can't do it myself."She focuses on her charts again, trying to ignore the problem that is right in front of her, restlessly bouncing on his feet."Postpone it then," she mumbles, her eyes still on her paperwork."I would if I could," he grumbles, a sound of despair in his voice. "But there is some haste involved. The very last option would be postponing it to tomorrow morning, but well... you want me at that meeting right?"Looking up at him again, she sighs in frustration. In all honesty, she doesn't know how much she wants him there. She has no clue where he stands regarding this whole matter. Her gut feeling tells her she might need him there, though. She shakes her head. "What time is the surgery?"Alex exhales, clearly relieved. "At seven. And Warren is scrubbing in, and doing Pre-op as well, so you really don't have to do that much. Just be there!" Not even finished his last sentence, he already turns around to rush back to his new patient. "Thank you!" he yells over his shoulder.Arizona groans, then impulsively bangs her head on the counter. It doesn't happen a lot, but sometimes she really hates this job.Pulling herself together, she grabs the charts from the counter and starts looking for Edwards, who's been on her service today. She finds her at the nurses' station, shoves the charts into her arms and tells her to finish them without any further explanation. She has two hours before the appendectomy, she needs to use them wisely: she needs some sleep!Once sprawled out on one of the small beds in the on-call room, about to close her eyes, she remembers her dinner plans with Eliza. She takes her phone and sends her a message to cancel their date."Sorry, emergency surgery tonight. Dinner tomorrow instead?" she texts.Her eyes are no longer able to wait for a reply; as soon as she closes them, she falls into a short, yet deep and dreamless sleep.... ...Hours later Arizona steps out of the elevator and starts walking down a by-now quite familiar hallway. It wasn't till she'd finished the surgery that she'd checked her messages, reading Eliza's reply. It was short, just saying canceling was no problem, followed by a slightly more puzzling: "Can you come over when you're done? Need to talk." She'd been too tired to think about anything other than sleep, but the thought of seeing Eliza again was enough to drive the extra mile, so here she is.She knocks on the door, then lets herself in when Eliza tells her to, just like earlier that week. Eliza is sitting on the bed, back against the headboard, legs warm and comfy under the blankets. She's watching tv, but looks up as soon as Arizona walks in."Hey," she greets her with a genuine smile. "How did it go?"Arizona doesn't reply. Instead she walks straight to the other side of the bed and climbs under the blankets, not bothered by the fact that she's still fully dressed."I'm exhausted," she yawns. She scooches closer to Eliza and rests her head on her lap. "Deep-down-inside exhausted."Eliza gently lays her hand on Arizona's head. Arizona crawls closer against her. "Can we talk tomorrow?" she mumbles.Eliza's lips curve into a warm smile. She softly strokes her hair."Sure, no problem," she answers, noticing the slow and steady breathing. Arizona has already drifted off.... ...The next morning Arizona enters the conference room and sits down at the big table. Meredith and Alex are already there."Jackson is on his way," Meredith tells her. "We can start as soon as he's here. Richard is excluded from this meeting, since this is also about him."She nods. Her kind-of conflict of interest situation is nothing compares to his. She looks around the room, remembering how most of these chairs used to be occupied. Much has changed in just a couple of years. Cristina has left, giving her shares to Alex. Callie is absent - although officially still a board director. They've lost Derek. And this time, they even have to miss Richard. A sudden sadness falls over her. She tries to shake it off since she needs her focus on the current situation, not the past.Jackson arrives, closes the door and takes a seat at the table. Representing the Harper Avery Foundation, and thus the majority shareholder, he acts as chairman."Alright," he starts, "Dr. Grey has summoned this meeting to discuss the Residency Program. As we all know, some changes are recently made, introducing a new program and naming a new director. Consequences are big, not just for the residents, but for the entire staff. And not to mention for Dr. Webber, the former director. Now, before we all start sharing our feelings about this, let me first explain where we are as board members. What we can and can't do."With this he has everyone's full attention, since none of them has figured this out yet. Jackson goes on."These changes were made without involvement of the board, because HAF voted for it beforehand. I know how that sounds and I cannot make that part any better. The fact that I represent them doesn't mean I can just change the foundation's vote whenever I don't agree with them. In the end, they've got a board as well, and at that board I'm just a member - one of many.""So what can we do?" Alex cuts him short."What we can do is create our own opinion and advice, as one, and share that with the foundation. They do respect the view of the hospital board, and have been willing to follow more than once, so it might be enough to get them aboard after all, even though they are the majority. So for now we have to decide where we stand and what we want."Arizona sits forward, elbows on the table. "And do we have equal votes on this?" she asks."We do," Jackson confirms. "We will base our advice on the majority of our votes.""Well, sounds easy then," Meredith takes off, "We want Dr. Webber as director of the Residency Program, right?" She looks at the others like she's stating the obvious.Arizona feels the need to respond. "Sure, ultimately. But shouldn't we ask ourselves first which program we prefer? Try to look objectively what is best for the hospital, and then go from there? See how we can make it work?""Of course, if that would be possible," Jackson reacts, "But it's an all-or-nothing situation they gave us.""Except that it's not," she counters instantly, capturing everyone's attention. She shifts in her chair, realizing it's up to her now, then starts to tell them about the six months construction. She knows it's important to draw a clear picture, since this is probably her only chance to convince them of the only possible solution she believes in."... So, in conclusion, Dr. Webber could have his job back in about five months from now, as long as he's willing to stick to the new program instead of the old one," she finishes."And you're sure about this?" Jackson questions."I am," she nods.Meredith coughs, drawing their attention. "If this is true, why didn't they tell us? And how do you know all this?" she asks Arizona.The question doesn't surprise or baffle her. "I don't know why they didn't, you should ask Bailey about that. I know because Minnick told me. I'm sure you'd known too if you'd just asked her."Jackson quickly intervenes, trying to stay on topic. "Alright, I guess that brings us back to the earlier question: what do we think of the new program?"They start sharing their experiences over the last two weeks, debating pros and cons. There's a lot to consider, and they don't particularly agree on everything, but they manage to keep it civil. They even have a good laugh, recalling the moment when Hunt had been forced to lie under a table for hours.After almost an hour Jackson ends the discussion, suggesting they'd vote."Go ahead," Alex invites him to start.Jackson shrugs. "Okay. All things considered, I don't support the new program. I really feel that the steps are too big for some residents to make this a general approach. It's not responsible. It's fine by me to allow bigger steps when residents are ready, but those should be exceptions. It should be up to the attending in question to make that final decision. The inference being that I vote for the old program, with Dr. Webber as director."He turns his head. "Dr. Robbins?"Arizona clears her throat. "Unlike Dr. Avery, I did get convinced about the benefits of the new program. I do believe that a lot of practice and experience is needed, and that it's very possible as well when we - the attendings - are willing to guide our rookies. Attendings who aren't willing to step aside a little bit, might want to reconsider a job in a teaching hospital. According to the director's position: I feel like Dr. Webber should be reinstalled in a couple of months - if that's what he wants, of course. To give him a fair chance, he needs to be informed asap, so he can decide for himself." She looks around the table with certainty in her eyes. "I vote for the new program. Dr. Minnick can stay according to her contract, with the proviso that she'll prepare her successor in a proper way, starting right away."Meredith is next. "My doubt is not with the program itself, I do believe that we can find our way with it," she starts. "I'm just not sure enough about the director's position. I don't trust it, and even if I do, I believe five months is too long. And unnecessary. I vote for the old program.""That's two to one," Jackson states. "Dr. Karev?"All eyes are on Alex now."Thinking back of being a resident myself, all I remember is chasing after surgeries - all the time," he starts with a small, crooked smile on his lips. "Not just because it was fun, but also because there was nothing like the experience. Even on those horrible days that I failed. It was because of attendings like Burke, Shephard, She-Shephard, Altman and you," he nods to Arizona, "that we didn't just got to be there, but that we got to scrub in as well. For real! I'm still grateful for that. I want to give today's residents the same experience, yet I'm just as responsible as any of us for not doing that right now, for benching them too often. It's not just the program that needs change, it's us as well. So, I vote for the new program," he concludes, adding: "Minnick can stay."Jackson sits back in his chair. Heaving a deep sigh he drops his pen on the table. "Which makes this a tie," he determines."Now what?" Meredith asks.They fall silent, all of them frustrated that they hit a wall here, that they're not able to move on as quickly as they'd hoped for."Now we need our fifth vote," Jackson speaks up, looking round the table, before unconsciously resting his eyes on Arizona. The others follow his gaze.Not needing to actually hear the question, Arizona gets up, shoves her chair backwards and sighs: "Fine, I'll call her."... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"So, to sum up: Webber is replaced as director of the program, because the program itself needs change, and the new program came with a new director? And even though we don't know if the boards' opinion is going to be worth anything here, we're going to have one anyway?" Callie summarizes Arizona's report."Yes, exactly. We need to take a stand here. And not just for the residents, or for Dr. Webber, but for everyone. Callie, I'm telling you, the hospital turned into high school! Everyone is at each other's throats, constantly. We really need to decide and move on, you know? Take position. Before this feud gets out of hand.""Sounds fun," Callie reacts dryly. "Tell me more about the program."Arizona tries to paint the picture, clear and objectively. Which isn't easy."And this Dr. Minnick you're telling about? Is she good for the hospital?" Callie asks from the other side of the line."I believe she is," Arizona nods, even though Callie can't see her. "She's really achieving something. And the residents love her."Callie stays quiet for a moment, before she continues, in a slightly different tone: "And is she good for you?"The question throws Arizona off-balance. She clearly underestimated Callie's skills of still reading her voice this well, even after all this time. She realizes that the truth will mean emotions, in one way or another. Which could work for her, but just as well against her. So playing it safe by not saying anything might be the smartest move.But then again, this is Callie. Lying wouldn't work."Yes, I think she is," she answers honestly, hoping for the best."Okay." Unlike Arizona's, Callie's voice gives nothing away. She jumps back into business mode, as if that one question is never asked. "If you can send me all the official information you've got, including today's minutes, I'll try to read it right away. I do need to talk to the others as well, I'll try to get on the phone with them later today. As soon as I make my decision I'll inform Jackson about my vote, so he can report back to the Foundation."Arizona thanks her, glad that they are one step closer to leaving this whole matter behind them."No problem," Callie responds, then moving on in a less formal tone: "Sofia just got home. Do you wanna talk to her?"Arizona exhales, and a smile appears on her face. "I really, really do!"... ...Eliza reaches over the table and takes Arizona's hand into her own. "Hey, you did all you could. It's out of your hands now."Arizona just told her all about the board meeting and her phone call with Callie. She hates the fact that she can't tell her anything more, anything reassuring. Not that Eliza seems to need the extra comfort and support; even though it's her job that's on the line here, she's actually the one trying to ease up Arizona tonight.She drops her fork on her plate. Her appetite is gone. "How are you not more upset about this? You could lose your job!" she questions with a raised voice.Eliza, still in the mood for food, takes another bite, then puts her cutlery down as well and picks up her glass. "You know it took me weeks to get you here, sharing a meal with me, right?" she smiles, calmly. "I'll save being upset for later."Arizona doesn't want to laugh the matter away, but Eliza's smile is quite contagious. She relaxes a little bit. "We had dinner before."Eliza chuckles. "Pizza on the floor of a hotel room is not dinner!"Arizona picks up her fork again, giving her meal another chance. "It was good though," she shrugs. Eliza can't deny that."It really was," she grins, before taking another sip of her wine.... ..."The thing is..." Eliza speaks up after a moment of comfortable silence, yet she doesn't finish her sentence. For some reason she looks more serious all of a sudden. Arizona looks at her, expectantly. Eliza fiddles with her fingers. "The thing is, I got another job offer," she finally blurts out. "I haven't signed anything yet, but if I would lose this one, at least there's a good alternative. A very good one, actually.""But that's great!" Arizona exclaims. "Is it here in Seattle as well?""No. No, it's not," Eliza shakes her head, her smile completely vanished now. "It's i-""Please tell me it's at least in Washington!" Arizona interrupts her, feeling like she really can't handle another New York-disaster.Eliza sighs, her face showing regret for the news she's about to share. "It's in Dubai."Arizona swallows, even though there's no food in her mouth. "D- Dubai? That's... very far away."Eliza nods slowly. "I know. But it's an incredible offer. Two consecutive contracts, one for a public hospital, one for a private clinic - both wanting to start a Residency Program, using my method. So it will be a lot of work," she explains, quietly adding, "A year at least.""Wh- When would you start?" Arizona asks. She wants to sound enthusiastic, supportive even, but she knows she's failing immensely.Eliza opens her mouth to answer, but gets interrupted by the waiter, who's picking up their half-empty plates and asks them about deserts. She glances at Arizona, before turning towards the waiter again."I think we need more wine."... ..."If I accept the offer, then I need to be there this Monday," Eliza answers Arizona's earlier question."This Monday?!" Arizona cries out, wide-eyed, "How's that even possible?"Eliza coughs, struggling to find the right words. "Well, I would have to leave tomorrow. So I need to hear from Bailey by tomorrow morning.""What if you don't? What if there's no answer yet?" Arizona asks, afraid she already knows what Eliza is going to say."Then I have to break the contract with Bailey myself. I can't take the risk of waiting too long and then missing out on this opportunity."Arizona shifts on her chair, nervously, not wanting to ask the next question, but needing the answer anyway."And... what if you can stay here?" she cautiously asks.Eliza looks away, avoiding Arizona's gaze. When their eyes do meet again, she looks nothing like the overly self-confident woman Arizona met four weeks ago. Her face is clouded with despair."Then I still might go," she answers quietly, her voice filled with apology. "I'm not sure yet, there's a lot to think about. But I believe in taking chances - and boy, this is a huge chance."Arizona doesn't know what to say. The offer does sound great, but not to her. She doesn't want Eliza to go! She knows that, without any doubt. Yet she has nothing to make her stay. They aren't there yet, she doesn't even know if that's where they are heading; to a joint there. So far, they've just been here. In the moment, fooling around. Asking her to stay would be as ridiculous as Eliza asking her to come along - to freaking Dubai."What are you thinking?" Eliza softly speaks up, noticing Arizona's silent struggle.A deep sigh escapes Arizona's lips. She looks up. "I'm thinking how life is no romantic comedy."Eliza blinks, a sorrowful smile on her lips. "You mean you're not going to chase me to the airport?" she asks in a weak attempt to lighten the mood.Arizona snorts. "Would it help?"Heaving another sigh Eliza's smile fades away as she draws her bottom lip between her teeth. She doesn't answer the question. Instead she moves a little closer to Arizona, so she can hold her hand again, and surprises her by quietly picking up on the song that's been playing in the background."Don't call me baby, unless you mean it. Don't tell me you need me, if you don't believe it," she softly sings along, her voice hardly louder than a whisper. "So let me know the truth, before I dive right into you..." Arizona watches her closely, baffled by these unexpected words, then suddenly spots that damn shimmer in Eliza's eyes again.She grabs her napkin and tries to hit Eliza with it, grumbling and playfully angry, but Eliza is quick enough to duck away. She hits her almost-empty glass instead. Because of her sharp reflex she manages to avoid a mess, yet being distracted by all this, she does miss the fact that Eliza quickly wipes the actual source of the shimmering from her eyes...... ...Hardly a minute later the waiter returns with their new drinks. However, their attention isn't drawn to him or the glasses, but to Arizona's purse that is suddenly making a beeping sound. She's getting paged."Are you kidding me?!" she groans as she checks the message."911?" Eliza frowns.Arizona shakes her head. "No, but close. I do have to go. It's Faye. I'm so sorry," she apologizes, "I- I hate to leave like this."Eliza smiles understandingly, knowing the drill. She gets up. "I'll walk with you."They leave money on the table, not wanting to wait for the check, and leave the cozy restaurant together."You're okay to drive?" Eliza asks.Arizona nods, she only had one glass of wine. Silence falls over them as they walk to Arizona's car, which is parked a little bit down the road, both caught up in their own thoughts - and both realizing all too well that this just might have been their last night together, now abruptly ended by Arizona's duty call.When they reach the car, Arizona throws her bag on the passenger's seat, but doesn't get in. She turns towards Eliza, a sad smile lingering on her face. Eliza clears her throat, breaking their silence at last."Well, it's been a hell of a ride."Arizona swallows, a weak attempt to get rid of the lump in her throat. Her mouth is dry as a dessert."I'm glad I was here for it," she finally speaks up, "No matter what you decide."For a brief moment they just stare at each other. Then Eliza pulls her in by the lapel of her jacket and bends in. She gently presses her lips on Arizona's.The kiss is light, almost like a peck, although it lasts longer. When they break it, they don't move, they just look at each other again. Their eyes are telling the same story: this kiss can not be their last one.So they bend in again. And again. And again.Until Arizona finally has the strength to get in her car and drive away.She feels like screaming.... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The almost-emergency turns into a real emergency before Arizona gets to the hospital. Before she knows it, she finds herself in the OR. For a second she considers getting a banana bag, but hearing about Eliza's drastic plans has sobered her up more than enough. Her head is a mess, but for now she pushes the disaster that is her crappy personal life to the side. She needs her full focus on the very sick baby in front of her.The surgery takes all night and is directly followed by a very stressful morning shift. It isn't till after lunch that she finally gets out of her scrubs again, more than ready to leave this place behind her. She's tired from her unexpected graveyard stint, but way too restless to just go home and take a nap.As she walks to her car she pulls her phone out of her bag and checks her messages, desperate for some news. There isn't any though. Nothing from the board. And nothing from Eliza. She hasn't texted her, or reached out to her in any other way. Arizona calls her, but Eliza's phone goes straight to voicemail.She gets in her car and forces herself to head home.Hours have passed since their goodbye, and Arizona still doesn't know if it was their final one or not. She's feels clueless, more clueless than ever, and she hates the feeling. However, as she finally gives her thoughts some space, she realizes she isn't just bugged by the fact of not-knowing.There is something else.A little voice in her head is telling her she made a mistake. A big one. A familiar one. Once again she'd been listening to reason instead of feelings. And once again she'd kept quiet about it.Had she been too rational? Shouldn't she at least have shared her feelings about Eliza leaving Seattle - leaving her - even though it's probably pointless?Actually, would it have been pointless? She hadn't asked, she had only assumed. Assumed that Eliza would never stay. Assumed that she had been joking when she was singing along those words, even though nothing had made more sense than those lyrics - than simply asking her for the truth, before deciding on anything.A sudden panic hits her. What if she'd been wrong? What if her feelings would have made a difference?What if she'd screwed up?!Suddenly driven by the fear to lose something she didn't even knew she had, and the horrific truth that every minute counts, Arizona promptly changes lanes and takes the exit to the city center.She wants to race, but the cars around her don't move the way she needs them to, as the Friday rush-hour already started. Stuck in traffic she tries to call Eliza again, but hangs up after those first couple of words, telling her she reached her voicemail.When she finally gets to the hotel she runs to the elevator and through the hallway. She notices from a distance that Eliza's door is open, the cart of the cleaning lady parked in front of it. Once at the room, completely out of breath, she bursts straight in there.The room is empty.... ...The photos are gone. The souvenirs are gone. The drapes are gone. Feeling devastated, Arizona drops herself on the bed.Eliza is gone.What the hell happened? Did she lose her job? Then why hasn't she told her about it? Why hasn't she called, even if it were just to say goodbye?!Impatiently Arizona pulls out her phone once again and checks her messages for what feels like the hundredth time.Nothing.She puts the phone back in her pocket, then changes her mind and unlocks the screen again. Instead of checking her text messages she opens her mailbox.As usual there are dozens of unread emails, but the one she's looking for is sent recently, so it's pretty much at the top and easy to find.It's a message from Bailey.It reads that the HAF has decided to follow the advice of the board, meaning that they wouldn't switch back to the old system. Eliza can stay till the end of her contract. Bailey would inform her straight away.The email was sent four hours ago. Eliza must know all of this by now. Yet she's gone. Did she misunderstand?Or worse... did she leave despite the fact that she didn't had to?Arizona can't figure it out. Not by just sitting here. She needs to talk to her. She dials her number one more time. Again, the phone jumps straight to voicemail. But this time she doesn't hang up. Instead she takes a deep breath, while waiting for the beep, telling herself to sink beneath that surface one more time.She starts talking before the beep is actually over."Okay, so, hear me out. I know life is no romantic comedy, but maybe... maybe it should be? I know people don't just change their plans, - their life - after only two weeks of... this. But maybe I should ask you anyway? Maybe I should ask you to stay? Not for the job, but for me. Because here's the truth..."Deeply inhaling, she holds her breath for a moment. It's now or never."I am so, so in love with you. I mean it! Every word of it," she goes on. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you that, I'm sorry I didn't give you a reason to stay. But now I do. I need you to stay - for me. And I need that to be enough for now. Cause you know what? We write our own damn stories! And right now we're not even halfway yet. We just started ours! We don't know where we are heading. I guess we won't know till we get there. But when we do, we'll decide for ourselves what those last chapters will say. Right now, I can tell you one thing though: this is not how this story ends. Okay? This is not how our story ends. So plea-"The machine cuts her off. The message is sent. There is nothing else she can do now. Nothing but waiting.Except that there isn't going to be any real waiting. Just when Arizona is about to get up, a soft knocking on the open door frame draws her attention. Her head shoots up like a rocket, staring at the brunette at the door.It's not Eliza. It's the cleaning lady."Excuse me," she smiles politely, "I found this under the bed. Is it yours?"Arizona looks at her hand, and what's within it. She's holding Eliza's phone.... ...It's over.Eliza is gone, and Arizona can't stop her. She has to leave their whatever-this-was behind and go on with her own life. She doesn't even have to go that far back, about four weeks ago she didn't even know this woman. How hard can it be?She knows better though. If only life were that easy...She slowly exhales, gets up and leaves the small universe that isn't theirs anymore.... ...Half an hour later Arizona finally finds herself in front of her own front door, utterly exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster, when she learns she really can't catch a break today: she's lost her key. She rings the doorbell, hoping Andrew is home with the flu or something, but of course he is at the hospital - annoyingly healthy.She sighs, realizing she only has two choices: taking a by now much-needed nap on her front porch, which might not be the best plan since it's February, or returning to the hospital to borrow Andrew's key.Reluctantly, she gets back in her car and starts driving again, though as she's making her way to the hospital she has to admit to herself she's no longer in the right shape to do so. Even brain surgery seems less complicated than the Seattle traffic right now! She's too tired by everything that has happened these last twenty-four hours, and she feels like her emotions are all over the place. She wants to be mad at Eliza for leaving like this, mainly because being mad is so much easier than being sad... yet she knows she would be mad at the wrong person.Distracted by the jumble of thoughts she takes a wrong exit, ending up in a neighborhood she's never been before, although the place does feel oddly familiar. Randomly driving around in her attempt to find her way back to the main road, she tries to figure out when she might have been here before. It isn't until she drives into a wide street with big oaks on both sides that it finally hits her: this is the street where Eliza had wanted to move to. Arizona recognizes the buildings now, with their beautiful staircases.She swerves to the side of the road and stops the car, although she doesn't really know why. A small, tini-tiny glimmer of hope arises within her.Could it be...?She shakes her head, telling herself she's driving herself crazy. The idea alone is a guarantee for yet another disappointment. Besides there are at least a hundred of these buildings here, all looking exactly the same, with their big steps and blue front doors.She moves her hand to start the engine again, then suddenly freezes.Wait.Blue front doors? She's pretty sure Eliza's potential new place had a green door. Which means she could actually find it. Remaining question is: does she want to? Is not-even-trying another reason to get even more mad at herself, or is it saving her from a major break-down? Should she take the risk? Could she handle any more setbacks today?Her brain tells her 'no'. But for once in her life her heart finally tells her brain to shut up. And so she gets out of the car, like she's on autopilot, and starts walking down the street. Passing many, many blue doors. Until she finally finds a green one.The building is on the other side of the street. Arizona stares at it. She's absolutely sure it's the one Eliza showed her. The only thing she doesn't know, she can't know, is who lives inside it. But that's easy enough to find out. She only has to cross the street and ring the bell.Why can't she just cross that street and ring that bell?!What's the worst that can happen? She just needs the confirmation. She just needs to be sure that Eliza is indeed high in the sky by now. Whoever is behind that door can tell her that, by simply being someone else. And then she can move on.She takes a deep breath, before forcing herself to cross the street.Standing in front of the building she can't see if there's anyone there. So she climbs the stairs, slowly, and rings the only bell she can find - a general one, she assumes.A few seconds later she hears footsteps approaching.Eliza opens the door.... ...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
EPILOGUE (sort of)"Well, it's been a hell of a ride," Eliza softly speaks up, her voice suddenly unstable.Arizona seems to have some trouble finding her words as well. She swallows, then sighs, "I'm glad I was here for it. No matter what you decide."Eliza knows she has upset her. While this woman has been fighting for her all day, desperately trying to keep her in Seattle, she herself told some people in Dubai she might jump on a plane tomorrow. And now she can't even tell her if this is their goodbye or not.Arizona looks at her, with sad eyes and a sorrowful smile. She doesn't say anything else. Not with her words anyway.That's when Eliza can't bear it any longer. She pulls her in by her coat and presses their lips together - tenderly, like this is their first kiss instead of their last. It can't be the last one though. It just can't. So she kisses her again, and again, and again. Every kiss as gentle, almost cautious, as the first one.They keep kissing each other like they're the last two people on earth. Until Arizona steps backwards, their eyes still locked. A sob escapes her, one you usual hear after crying, not kissing. She bites her lower lip, as if she's forcing herself not to speak anymore. Eliza stays quiet, too. They just stand there, the seconds silently ticking away, before Arizona abruptly turns around without a word, gets into her car and drives away.Eliza watches the disappearing tail lights."Goodnight, Dr. Robbins," she quietly whispers into the night. "Goodnight..."... ...She walks back to the hotel, which is only a few blocks away from the restaurant. The short stroll gives her some time to clear her head. Telling Arizona about her plans has not lifted the heavy weight off her shoulders. If possible, she feels even worse.There's guilt, yes definitely, but that isn't all she's feeling. She also feels disappointed. And hurt. As expected, Arizona was not amused about her Dubai-plans, yet she hadn't tried to stop her. At all. Which makes sense, in a way, since they hardly know each other, but it doesn't make it easy.Or maybe it does?She still has a big decision to make after all, and maybe Arizona's reaction - or lack of one - tells her exactly what she needs to know. After all she already had a lot of reasons to go. Now apparently she also has none to stay.... ...What do you do when it's all over? You pack your bags and go...Once back in her room Eliza pulls her suitcases from under the bed. She will still call Bailey early in the morning, but she already knows. She knows that she'll have to leave this place after that phone call, regardless the outcome.She doesn't have a lot of stuff to pack, there should be enough time in the morning, but she can really use the distraction right now. Even though she keeps telling herself she made up her mind, a little voice in her head isn't totally convinced yet. That voice is bugging her, which means she needs to stay busy to be able to ignore it.Eliza removes her own drapes from the window, folds them and lays them at the bottom of one of the suitcases, creating some extra protection for her valuables. She collects all the pictures, looking at them one by one before wrapping them and laying them on top of the drapes. There's one of her parents, holding her as a baby. One of her graduation, together with her high school friends. And a similar one, with her class mates from UCSF. One of her grandparents. One of her and some buddies during the infamous snorkel test. And one of her and Jordan.Looking at that last picture, she can no longer suppress the soft voice, that voice of reason that desperately tries to talk to her. The thing is, for the past seventeen years, on quite some occasions that voice has been Jordan's, sounding so lifelike - Australian accent and everything - she might as well be in the room with her.It isn't something Eliza can really control, knowing perfectly well it's just her own subconsciousness in the end, as uninvited as every other meddling voice in her head (her always overprotective mom's, especially!), but on most days she welcomes it nonetheless, since these are the only moments she still feels close to her."You're doing it again," Jordan tells her. "Jumping in deep, giving your all, then running away as fast as you can."Eliza snorts. "I never do that!" she counters Jordan's - and thus her own - statement."You always do that! Come on Liz, you've been doing that for seventeen years. Why not consider staying for once?"Eliza tries to stay rational, not willing to change her mind again now that she finally decided on this."Because this job offer is too good to be true. I'd be an idiot for not accepting it," she answers her own question."Stop talking about the stupid job!"The voice in her head sounds so real, Eliza has to fight the urge to ask her if she talks to her students like that as well. Instead, she sits down on the bed, holding the picture in her lap. She stares out of the window, though she doesn't really notice the buildings on the other side of the street.The inner dialogue isn't over. "Do you love her?" Jordan calmly asks her, not giving her mind a break.Eliza heaves a sigh. "I-- I don't know. I love being with her... I think I could though, you know, love her. I mean, I haven't felt this way since--" She doesn't finish her own thought."Does she love you?"It's a question Eliza has asked herself many times already. She blinks a few times, breaking her staring gaze, then gets up and starts pacing around the room."No. Well... maybe? I don't know!""Well, wouldn't you wanna find out?"The cross-examination continues unabated, slowly driving Eliza crazy. She can't answer the question, she just can't admit to herself she's too damn scared. But the thing with inner dialogues is that you can't really hide from your subconsciousness. The answers are always there."You've been scared before," Jordan reminds her. "Remember when we were trainees and had to do that stress test? You almost shitted your wetsuit. But you did it anyway."A vivid memory pops up. As part of their divemaster training they'd had to do this exercise, exchanging all their scuba equipment with their buddy while sharing a single tank and regulator, fifteen feet deep. Eliza had indeed been scared shitless."That's because you were there," she recalls."I'm still here," Jordan reassures her, "I'm always here when you need me. But I'm not real anymore. And she is."Eliza, conflicted by too many feelings, lets herself fall on the bed. She buries her face in one of the pillows. She feels that reason is slowly winning ground here."What if she doesn't want me to stay?" she asks herself, admitting her biggest fear at last.Jordan speaks up one more time, helping her to give words to her own complex thoughts."Then you know. You know, and you go from there. You move on. You finally move on - and maybe not just from her."... ...After a restless night, she calls Bailey at 7:30, then a few times more, before she finally reaches her two hours later."Dr. Minnick, glad to talk to you!" Bailey exclaims. "I just got off the phone with Catherine Avery.""They reached a decision?" Eliza asks, her eyes on the plane ticket in front of her."They did," Bailey answers cheerfully, "The Harper Avery Foundation decided to follow the board's advice, which means no direct changes whatsoever."She keeps talking, something about involving Dr. Webber from now on, but Eliza doesn't really listen anymore. There is this other voice – louder than Bailey's."Then you know," it tells her, "You know, and you go from there."Eliza tries to form the words, to tell Bailey "Thanks but no thanks," but somehow her voice refuses."...I'm really sorry for all this commotion," Bailey meanwhile goes on, her voice still sounding far away. "See you tomorrow?""Y-Yeah," Eliza hears herself say. "Sure. See you tomorrow."... ...She doesn't give herself the chance to sit down and think about what just happened, or to change her mind about it once again. Realizing that she won't be leaving town after all, she has a whole bunch of phone calls to make. She needs to call the Dubai-people. She needs to cancel her flight. And she really, really needs to talk to Arizona.But all of that has to wait just a little longer. There is something else she has postponed long enough now.She calls her real estate agent. He has good news: the apartment is still available. But she has to hurry if she wants to move in today, since he is about to leave town for two weeks. She has less than an hour to get there.Even though she already packed most of her stuff, she still has to rush. With checking out of the hotel, loading her car and driving to her new place all still on her to-do list, there is hardly any time left to collect the last things in her room.Putting her needs to pack in her usual, overly painstakingly way to the side, she grabs one of the cardboard boxes, walks into the bathroom and sweeps all her toiletries into the box with one arm. Back in the room, she pulls the comforter of the bed to check if she might have left something under it - finding an old shirt she'd lost days ago.She ignores the mess she created around the bed and checks the rest of the room, spotting the Dubai papers on the little desk. She stuffs them into her purse; there is really no time to call them right now, they have to wait until after she gets settled. Just like that other phone call...... ..."So, here are the keys. Aaaand... welcome to your new home!"The real estate agent hands her two pair of keys and shoves a pile of freshly signed papers in his briefcase. "I'm sorry that I have to run. You're good here?""Yeah, I'm good," Eliza answers, looking round her new living room, and loving every bit of it already. "I'm perfect. Thank you."They shake hands. "I'll find my way out," the agent says, before leaving the apartment.Eliza pulls her purse towards her. Phone calls first, boxes later! Question is though: where is her phone? She frantically searches her purse, throwing things out of it, then turning it upside down completely, emptying the contents on the table.No phone.Has she accidentally put it in one of her suitcases, or in one of the boxes perhaps? She can't remember. She starts unpacking, although not with the enthusiasm and attention that normally comes with moving into a new place. Rather impatiently she just turns all the boxes around, creating a giant mess on the floor. She doesn't even care.She just wants to find that damn phone!It's not that she's excited. Even though she really wants to tell Arizona that she's still here, that's she's going to stay, she's mostly nervous about it. Arizona might not have seen angry, but Eliza can totally imagine her being done with her. After all, she told her she was willing to give up everything - including Arizona - for a job. And even if that wouldn't be the problem, if the whole going-away matter had never come up, she still has no clue if Arizona even wants to be with her. Like, for real.Considering all this, she has reason enough to postpone the phone call and just hide a little while longer.But she can't. As always, not knowing how things are going to end is driving her crazy. She needs to know, even though the potential horrible truth scares the bejesus out of her.Standing amid the mess, breathing heavily from her frantic search and sunken deep in thoughts, Eliza is suddenly startled by the sound of the doorbell. She knows it has to be hers, since the upstairs neighbors have their own entrance at the back of the building. Maybe the agent forgot something?With her mind still elsewhere she walks into the hall and opens the door, blinking a few times in surprise.It's Arizona. She found her.Or at least Eliza can only assume she must actually have been looking for her, even though she seems just as astonished as Eliza herself."Hi," Arizona says, breathing a sigh of relief."H- Hi," Eliza stammers, her voice stuck in her throat.For a second they just stare at each other, lost for words. Then, slowly, Arizona's lips curve into a smile. With sparks in her eyes, she stretches her arm, holding Eliza's phone in her hand."You've got a message."FIN.(well, almost)
Thank you all for reading my story. I hope you liked it. Thoughts are welcome!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
BONUS
"Because here's the truth... I am so, so in love with you. I mean it! Every word of it. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you that, I'm sorry I didn't give you a reason. But now I do."Blinking against the light Arizona rolls over to her other side, gazing at Eliza through her eyelashes."Seriously, how many more times are you going to listen to that?" she mumbles, her voice still sleepy, but unable to hide the blissful smile that graces her lips.Eliza turns her head to look at her. Her smile widens, mirroring Arizona's expression.They're lying on the floor of the living room, their bare bodies covered with one of Eliza's drapes. Immediately after Eliza had listened to her voicemail, with Arizona still standing on her doorstep - her eyes on the ground as her cheeks slowly turned red - she had pulled her in without a word. Their kiss had deepened before they'd reached the living room, stumbling as they both had refused to let go. Their clothes had left a trail. They never made it to the bedroom. The simple fact that Eliza's bed wasn't made yet had nothing to do with that!"Many, many more," she grins. "Come on, this is cute as hell.""It's not!" Arizona grumbles, though playfully. She stretches her arm and swiftly grabs the phone from Eliza's hands. "It's embarrassing!"She turns it off before Eliza can stop her and tosses it to the side."Hey!" Eliza cries out, but she doesn't get up to get it back. Instead she props up on her elbow and stares down into Arizona's crystal blue eyes. "I need to tell you something," she continues, her voice a tad more serious all of a sudden.Arizona swallows. Unwillingly she still feels tensed. "Something good?" she breathes hesitantly.Eliza's lips curve into a soft smile again. Gently brushing some blonde locks away from Arizona's face she slowly nods."Okay," Arizona nods as well, "Tell me."Eliza bites her lip, then gives her a crooked grin. "I am crazy in love with you, too."Arizona exhales, unaware till now that she's been holding her breath. "You are?""I am," Eliza nods again, "I've always been."For a brief moment they stay completely still, drowning in each other's eyes. Then Arizona's expression suddenly hardens. "Well, you could have told me that a little sooner!" she blurts out.Eliza doesn't miss the sparkle in her eyes though. "Ha, you're one to talk!" she laughs, "You almost got me on a plane to the Middle-East!""Shut up," Arizona chuckles, "I don't want to ever think about that again. Let's just pretend that wasn't real."Lifting her hand to Arizona's face Eliza softly caresses her lips with her thumb, then leans in to kiss them. "Okay," she simply sighs.With their eyes locked Arizona rakes her fingers through Eliza's hair. "But this is, right?" she quietly goes on. "This is actually real?"Another grin sneaks up on Eliza's face. She gently pushes Arizona on her back, crawls on top of her and closes the distance between them. Their kiss is both tender and passionate. When they break apart Eliza moves her lips to Arizona's ear."Is this real enough?" she whispers, her breath caressing Arizona's neck, sending shivers down her spine.Speechless, Arizona just moans.Closely hovering above her, Eliza looks her in the eyes again. "There are two things though," she ponders like she's suddenly elsewhere, drawing a confused look from Arizona. "The people at the hospital... they are just as real. Sooner or later we gonna have to face them."Without breaking their gaze Arizona gently strokes the smooth skin of Eliza's naked back. "I don't care about them," she shrugs. "I only care about you."Eliza frowns. "You mean that? I mean, I'm not asking you to-""I mean it," Arizona cuts her off, tilting her head to give her another peck. "I'm really glad that everything is solved. That no one has to leave. I am! But with that I am done worrying about other people, and what they might think. So, yeah... What's the other thing?"She doesn't give any room to answer though as she connects their lips again before Eliza can speak up. Giggling, Eliza breaks free from their kiss."Hey, stop- stop it! The other thi- Arizonaaa!" She quickly pulls away before the blonde can silence her once more, giving her a stern look, although she's unable to keep a straight face. "This! This is the other thing," she chuckles, shaking her head in fondness, "I really believe we need to talk to each other a little bit more."Arizona narrows her eyes, seemingly giving it some thought, then - taking her by surprise - abruptly rises to flip Eliza on her back. Straddling her she leans down to kiss Eliza's lips, her jaw, her neck, her chest. As her mouth trails further south she looks up through her lashes again."You're right, I totally agree," she nods with a semi-serious look on her face, right before she completely disappears under de drapes, "But not right now!"... ... ...