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The thing about dating Haruka Nanase for as long as he did (which wasn’t very long to begin with) is that Sousuke has gotten very good at differentiating between Haru’s varying deadpan expressions.Right now, Haruka Nanase is standing in front of him, in the flesh, with an annoyed deadpan expression and a bag full of groceries. They’re both standing in front of Sousuke’s new apartment building. And what apparently, is also Haru’s apartment building.“What’re you doing here?” he asks in lieu of greeting.“Good to see you too, sweetheart,” Sousuke responds sarcastically.Haru rolls his eyes and waits for Sousuke to explain himself even though Sousuke does not, has not, and never will owe Haru an explanation. Or anything more than an explanation, for that matter.With a sigh, Sousuke shakes his key ring. “I live here. This is my apartment building.”Unflinching, Haru doesn’t back down and stares at him with a whole lot of almost unreadable contempt for someone that’s only 177cm.“I lived here first,” he says plainly, as if that means anything.Sousuke narrows his eyes. “Well, I’m not moving out so you’re just gonna have to deal with it.”“I know. I just wanted to point that out,” Haru says, not once changing the inflection in his voice. Without even another glance in Sousuke’s direction, he makes his way up the stairs.It wasn’t even Sousuke’s second day in Tokyo and the city was already showing him zero kindness.-RINToday 9:39pmSo you’re neighbors nowYupThat means he’s really close by if you ever want to make out with himJust putting that out thereIn case you know, you ever want to make out with himAgainMaybe even more than that, if you want!I hope you find a giant spider in your shower todayAnd everyday-“I don’t even know how you two dated,” Rin says over vidcall one day. “Didn’t you hate each other immediately on sight?”“We were two dumb horny teenagers in high school that couldn’t tell the difference between regular frustration or sexual frustration with someone,” replies Sousuke. “And it wasn’t really dating. We were never boyfriend and boyfriend.”Rin snorts. “Sounds to me like the only difference is that now you’re both out of high school.”Sousuke doesn’t even feel bad hanging up the call.-Let the record show that Sousuke has never had any beef with Makoto Tachibana, even though for a brief(-ish) period of time, Sousuke was kind-of, sort-of dating his lifelong best friend, Haruka Nanase. And let the record show that Haruka Nanase is a pain to deal with. Even if he has a face that looks like how classical music sounds.To Makoto’s credit, he always greets Sousuke kindly and without malice. Sousuke’s never had a problem with Makoto, nor is he in a position to fault people for their choice in best friends, given that his best friend is Rin.Makoto and Sousuke even have each other’s phone numbers. Well, they swapped numbers. Sousuke didn’t know if Makoto deleted his number in the time between high school ending and Makoto and Haru moving to Tokyo a full year before Sousuke moved there. And not that it matters, but Sousuke technically still has Makoto’s number in his phone from all those years ago. He’s just never gotten around to deleting it, that’s all. He doesn’t delete anyone’s number, technically. Not even Haru’s.So when Makoto texts Sousuke out of the blue with lots of unassuming smiley faces, he’s thrown for a loop. The messages are innocuous enough, something about how Makoto “heard Sousuke is living in Tokyo now!” and that he “is always welcome to join us for dinner!” The “us” in question being Makoto, Asahi (who?), Kisumi (ugh), and Haru (double ugh).Sousuke makes it a point to have read receipts on to let Rin know when he’s ignoring him but he purposely only reads the previews of Makoto’s messages. He would feel bad leaving Makoto on read and metaphorically breaking his heart, after all.Which makes turning him down all the more difficult.-“To answer your question,” Rin says as he starts another one of this many, many long winded tangents while they vidcall. Sousuke can see Rin is lying in his bed with that one black tank top he always wears. Seriously, does he ever wash that thing? Or does he just own multiples? Even after living with him for a year, Sousuke still didn’t know.Sousuke strongly considers just hanging up right then and there but holds off, despite his better judgement. “I never asked you a question.”“No, I don’t think it was weird my two best friends from different schools had this romantic tension going on where they both clearly liked each other but didn’t know what to do with their feelings so they just made out and sniped at each other,” continues Rin, blatantly ignoring whatever Sousuke just said. “And you and Haru know better than to let whatever you had going on between you two get in the way with my friendships with the both of you. So I don’t really care. I just wish you’d be a little more honest with yourselves because in some twisted cosmic kinda way, you two might be good for one another if you gave it a real shot. That’s all.”“All I said,” Sousuke said, after unmuting Rin, “is that Makoto texted me an invite to dinner and that I don’t know how to turn him down gently.”“You better eat dinner with everyone. You have no reason to say no, considering you have no friends out there and you haven’t started school yet.”“I’ve got plenty of reasons to say no, considering that these are your friends,” Sousuke replies, rubbing his temples.“They’re good people, Sousuke. You spend enough time by yourself,” and Rin’s got this expression on his face that’s a mix of concern and sadness. Sousuke couldn’t stand it when they were kids and he can’t stand it now.“I’ll think about it.”-Sousuke can’t exactly pinpoint where his life went so wrong.Maybe it started when he figured he had bummed around at his relative’s house enough and wanted to go back to school for sports medicine? Was it when he decided to move to Tokyo for school and picked the first decently sized and priced apartment he could find? Or maybe it was when he decided he didn’t want to go to the actual grocery store that was a 15 minute walk away so he settled for the conbini down the street from his apartment building for dinner.The building where Haruka Nanase, his ex that wasn’t his ex but was still kind of his ex, also lives. Coincidentally. Through some kind of divine punishment, he’s sure.And somehow, through some kind of weird butterfly-flapping-its-wings-chain-reaction of events, Sousuke and Haru end up at the conbini near their apartment building on a Tuesday evening, at opposite ends of the snacks aisle.Sousuke had every intention of walking through the aisle with his cup noodles and pointedly ignoring Haru, until he sees Haru eyeing Sousuke with a bored curiosity. And because he never stopped being a pre-teen boy that goads his crush into interacting with him, he tilts his head and quirks an eyebrow.“Is there something I can help you with, Nanase?” asks Sousuke because he was a grown man and it was no one else’s business if he was eating cup noodles. Yes, this is his dinner, he would retort in a hypothetical argument, should this interaction come to that. And what about it?“Have we met before?” is all Haru asks, in the comical deadpan way he does whenever he makes a joke. Sousuke remembers that expression very well.It takes everything Sousuke has in his power not to shoot back “yes actually, we have met before. In fact, we’ve met any times, often at your house or behind my dorm building, and often with my tongue two inches down your throat.”But instead, Sousuke maturely chooses not to say anything as he shoots Haru a look before paying for his dinner of champions.He’d have half a mind to change apartments if he wasn’t locked into the lease for a year.-Sousuke doesn’t know what comes over him when he checks the messages Makoto sent three days ago.Is it boredom? It is it loneliness after all? Sousuke’s never been one for having dozens of friends but he likes having SOME human contact, after all. Or maybe it’s because Sousuke doesn’t want to leave Makoto hanging.Yeah, that’s it.That’s all it is. He sighs and hopes that wherever he is in Australia, Rin is proud of him.-MAKOTOTODAY 6:50PMHey Makoto. Sorry for the late reply. When are you all free?
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From the bottom of his heart, Sousuke really, truly did not mean to becoming running buddies with Haru. Actually, the term “running buddies” was a stretch. It’s more like “our schedules happen to sync up so we both run every morning at 7am and we live near each other so we run around the same park.” It’s all coincidence, really.On this particular morning, Sousuke’s running just slightly ahead of Haru around the lake. They’d be next to each other if Haru was running the same pace as him.And despite his better judgement, Sousuke turns his head around with the express purpose of egging Haru on. “Stop following me, Nanase.”Sweat glistening on his stupid perfect forehead, Haru glances in Sousuke’s general direction with the same usual expression of contempt that he seems to reserve just for Sousuke.“Believe me, Yamazaki, I stopped chasing after you years ago,” replies Haru before he quickens his pace and leaves Sousuke in the literal and metaphorical dust.Sousuke stops dead in his tracks to watch Haru run before he decides to just call it a day and go home.-
“I’m moving to Tokyo next week,” Haru interrupts Sousuke’s reverie while they’re lounging around Haru’s house on the rare day they have with nowhere to be and nothing to do. He’s lying on Sousuke’s chest while Sousuke absentmindedly plays with his hair.
It’s the spring between their third year and Haru’s first year of university. Sousuke heard all about it from Rin, how Haru was accepted into a university with a nationally ranked swim team on recommendation. He’s aiming for the olympics and he’s good enough to make it that far, Sousuke knows that much.
Sousuke on the other hand, doesn’t have much plans further than working at his uncle’s restaurant while he figures his life out. He wonders if Haru heard from Rin, and why they need Rin as their messenger when they see each other in person often enough.
Without a hint of interest in his voice, he asks if Sousuke will come with Rin when he visits.
Sousuke stops running his fingers through Haru’s hair. “I don’t see why I would.”
Haru doesn’t say anything and closes his eyes to drift off into a deep sleep, having known the answer before he asked.
-Sousuke's standing in the middle of his nearly empty living room, trying to figure out how to make it look less depressing when he hears a knock at the door. To his surprise, it's none other than Haruka Nanase standing in front of him. Which is odd, because Sousuke never told him which apartment he lived in. For good reason. “Is this a prank,” Sousuke asks as he holds onto the doorknob, unsure of whether or not he’ll have to slam it in front of Haru’s face, should this interaction come to that.Haru somehow looks even more unamused than usual. “Rin told me to go with you to Makoto’s place so that you don’t get lost.”That confuses Sousuke even more. Not the part about Rin making Haru fetch him and physically bring somewhere (because that’s exactly the kind of bothersome meddling he expects from Rin) but the part about Haru actually standing in front of his door to do exactly that.“And you agreed?”“Of course not. Rin said something about you being lost and alone with a dead phone in a new place and Makoto got worried. Then it was two against one.”Alright, so a person gets hopelessly lost one or two or five times a month and suddenly they need a babysitter. Part of Sousuke thinks that Rin isn’t even worried about Sousuke getting lost, that he just thinks that Haru and Sousuke spending more than 30 seconds in passing would be funny.“Well, thanks but no thanks. I can get there on my own.”“Rin said not to believe you if you say you can get there on your own,” Haru sighs. He looks Sousuke in the eyes for probably the first time since they saw each other a few weeks ago and his dead fish eyes bore into Sousuke’s soul. Sousuke notices how Haru has to tip his head a little upward. It makes him happy. “Look. I think if you want to be stubborn and show up three hours later, that’s fine by me. But you might as well save yourself the time and save me from the grief I would get from Rin and Makoto later.”At this point, Sousuke had already accepted he would have to make the trek to Makoto’s supervised by Haru but that didn’t mean he was going to be nice about it. “I don’t think you’re afraid of either Makoto or Rin.”“It’s not fear, it’s annoyance.”That might be the only thing they agree on, Sousuke thinks to himself.Sousuke grabs a jacket off one out of two kitchen chairs and then they head out into the evening.
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In an ideal world, Haru wouldn’t be standing next to his ex on the subway during rush hour to head over to Makoto’s place for their weekly dinners. In the same ideal world, he’d only remember Sousuke’s existence when Rin brings him up in casual conversation and never have to see him again. Not that he’s bitter about what happened between them, no of course not. Him? Bitter? Hardly.But as it turns out, the world they’re living in is not an ideal world, because they’re doing exactly that right now. Neither of them had ever been much for talking in the first place so the silence wasn’t anything new. From what Haru can tell, Sousuke’s just being silent and brooding, as per usual. They never broke up, necessarily. But they never really got together either. Their arrangement was in some kind of weird nebulous grey area constantly threatened by questions they never voiced about what they were and what they were doing.From Haru’s perspective, they were together geographically, and then they weren’t. In the ensuing years, they lived their own separate lives. Haru went to school and now he’s training for the Olympics. According to Rin, Sousuke did some soul searching or whatever and helped his mom out with the bills.And, fast forward two years, here they were. Not quite standing next to each other during evening rush of commuters trying to get home, heading to Makoto’s house.The subway car lurches forward and Haru loses his balance for a split second before he grabs a handle and steadies himself.That catches Sousuke's attention. “You alright?”“Fine, thanks,” Haru answers because he will be damned if Sousuke has to catch him like some kind of Prince Charming in a shoujo manga.Sousuke shrugs. “Suit yourself.”If Haru were less exhausted, he might have responded. Instead, he chooses not to say anything. There’s an unsatisfied feeling somewhere in his stomach but he decides to leave it alone.They couldn’t get to Makoto’s fast enough.-
Haru watched Sousuke as Sousuke packed up his backpack after they’d both lost track of time. It was still early enough into the evening to get back without suspicion but Sousuke needed to be at Samezuka before curfew.
As Haru walks Sousuke to his front door, it occurs to him that they probably wouldn’t be able to meet like this anymore. Whether or not that makes him sad, he’d leave that for his future self to deal with.
Before leaving, Sousuke pauses at Haru’s front door. He rubbed the back of his neck. “How often will you come back to Iwatobi?”
“Not sure. There’s not much left for me here.”
The expression on Sousuke’s face was unreadable. He nods, unsurprised by Haru’s answer. “See you around, Nanase.”
Haru closes the door behind him, wondering if that was the right answer.
-When they get to Makoto’s place, Haru greets Asahi and Kisumi quickly and heads to the kitchen.“How was your exam?” Haru asks as he turns on the oven light to check on the mackerel.“It went well, I hope. Child development is so hard. Do you think our parents thought this much about raising us?” Makoto asks as he tastes something in a pot. The apron around his neck says “WORLD’S #1 BIG BROTHER,” a gift from Ren and Ran before he moved out.“My parents let me do my own thing since I was born so I don’t think they thought too hard. Or at all. Your parents loved you so much when you stopped being a child, they had more kids,” replies Haru. That makes Makoto chuckle and Haru relaxes a bit.And it’s true, every time Haru visits the Tachibanas, he sees that Makoto is well adored. Haru’s parents love him, but he never got the impression that their end goal was being parents. They were free spirits, through and through. Last time he checked, they were somewhere in the Americas. North or South, he wasn’t sure. Maybe he’ll ask next time they call.They’re silent for a while, moving about and putting the finishing touches together. The kitchen in Makoto’s apartment was cramped (all their kitchens were) but he and Makoto manage to weave around each other the way ballroom dancers seemingly waltz around the dance floor with ease and grace."Haru,” Makoto murmurs suddenly in a quiet voice and gives him That Face, the face he makes whenever he’s concerned about something. “I don’t know how tonight’s going to go but if I thought you genuinely didn’t want him here, I wouldn’t have invited him. But if you want to fix things, or at least get closure, you’re going to compromise a little bit.”And Makoto’s right, because he’s always right when it comes to this kind of stuff.“You sound like an advice column.”Makoto smiles at that. “Awww, do you think so? Maybe if this whole teacher thing doesn’t pan out, I have a promising career as an advice columnist. Enjoy my advice while it’s free.”Shaking his head, Haru counts out four cups and grabs for Makoto’s measuring cup before he catches Makoto’s disapproving look.“Haru,” Makoto warns.With a sigh, Haru puts back the measuring cup and grabs a mug. Maybe this is what Makoto meant by...compromise.-Haru feels like he’s operating on autopilot, speaking when spoken to, laughing along when he knows he’s supposed to laugh when Asahi describes their grueling practices.Dinner unfolds like a dream. It could be that he’s had a long day and can barely stay conscious as is, but he feels like he’s watching the conversation from outside the room.He’ll blame it on an off week.Off month.Off two years.-They’re on the subway again and Haru is so bone tired he can almost feel his brain melting out of his ears.“Hey...are you feeling alright?”Haru looks up at Sousuke and sees...genuine worry on Sousuke’s face? Weird. Haru didn’t think Sousuke could process human emotions, given that he’s probably a cyborg.“Fine, thanks.”They’re silent for a minute before Haru realizes that was probably rude and Sousuke was at least trying to be nice. And maybe Makoto was right, if he wants to at least be on non-sniping terms with Sousuke, which he hadn’t decided yet, he would need to be...nice.“Why do you ask?”“You barely said a word during dinner. I’m sorry if I made things weird for you. I don’t have to attend next week-”“That’s...not it,” Haru cuts him off and he doesn’t necessarily want to leave it at that but he doesn’t really know how continue the conversation on without coming off as suspiciously friendly. He’s almost tired of it, the games they play when neither of them emerges as the winner. “Did you have a good time?”Sousuke smiles to himself. It didn’t even occur to Haru that he missed the way Sousuke smiled.“Yeah. It was a good night.”There’s an ache in his chest when he suddenly remembers the way Sousuke’s easy smiles used to make him feel. The way Sousuke tilts his head forward when he snickers. The way he used to graze Sousuke’s jawline with his fingertips. They part ways in front of their building.That night Haru dreams of how Sousuke used to hold his waist and pepper his forehead with kisses softer than he thought possible. And when he wakes, he finds nothing but his loneliness, engulfing the unoccupied space in his twin bed.
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It’s Friday evening when Haru is on his way home after what feels like a year compressed into a single 24 hour time period. He was, in a word, exhausted. Between practice and actual school, Haru feels like he doesn’t have a spare minute to even breathe sometimes. Really, the only thing that keeps him going throughout the week is the promise of a hot bath. Just a long, one hour soak with absolutely no one disturbing him. It’s the little things in life.And it’s because he’s so brain dead after a long day that he nearly bumps into a middle-aged woman when she tries to flag him down for directions. He’s about to apologize when she cuts him off, pointing her phone.“Excuse me, but have you seen this apartment building a little close to here? I’m not familiar with the area,” she holds her phone up to Haru and he recognizes the apartment building immediately as his own.“Yes, that’s where I live actually. If you’d like, I can walk with you there to make sure you find it,” he offers because he needs more good karma in his life and what’s the harm in leading her to a place he was going to go anyway?As he’s walking with her, he would’ve never guessed that she was lost just a minute earlier by the way she walked: with her held held high and shoulders back. This was a woman on a mission. With her sense in fashion, she could blend in with the rest of the Tokyoites and no one would be the wiser.Nothing else really jumps out at Haru until he notices her eye color- not quite blue, not quite green. Somewhere in the middle, the way the two colors meet in the ocean and blend into one.Haru can only think of one other person with that eye color, but he pushes the thought in the back of his mind.Must be a coincidence.As they’re walking to his apartment building, he tries to point out places of interest but there’s not much on the 10 minute walk from the station. There’s the bridge he walks on everyday, overlooking some random body of water that runs through the city. Was it a river? Where does it lead to? He never thought about it until now.There’s also the park, where children play except that it’s evening so most of them are going home. He runs around the track every morning.If the woman he’s walking with minds that Haru is, for all intents and purposes, a terrible tour guide, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she smiles warmly at him and makes small talk, asks things him about his life in Tokyo and what he does for fun.During their conversation, he finds out a few things:
She’s from a tiny town in Tottori Prefecture and this is her first time visiting Tokyo.
She’s here to visit her son.
Her son is around his age.
Her son is studying sports medicine.
His name is Sousuke, and maybe they could be friends seeing as how they’re about the same age and live in the same building? She could give him his number if he wanted-
All the alarm bells are going off in Haru’s head and they’re going RED ALERT! RED ALERT! DEFCON 1, he accidentally met his ex-boyfriend’s mom and she’s trying to set them up to be friends. He can barely manage to continue the conversation with her before he realizes they’re in front of his building and she’s asking him if he’s alright.“I’m fine, thank you. Will you be alright waiting for your son alone?”The woman, ostensibly Sousuke’s mother, nods. “Oh yes, thank you so much for your kindness. Please have a good night!”Haru nods and, as casually as he can muster, bolts it up the stairs. Just two flights, three floors, and he’s home free.Maybe in a past life, Haru was not a good person. He can’t think of any other reason why karma keeps putting in him in these awkward situations. Granted, his life wasn’t that bad, Maybe he robbed a bank, but a small bank. And gave half his proceeds to charity.And because his life is probably ruled by Murphy’s Law, he rounds the corner of the first flight of stairs and collides into the person he wants to see least in the world right now.“I’m sor-” and when they meet eyes, Haru changes his expression to the most neutral he can muster.Although he thinks it might not be effective, given his pallor and that he literally bounced off Sousuke when they bumped into each other so he had to steady himself on the railing.And he’s sweating. A lot.“Sorry that we ever crossed paths.”As it turns out, Sousuke isn’t impressed with Haru’s quip at all. In fact, he grimaces mixed with pity and concern. Which somehow makes everything much worse.“Are you alright, Nanase? You’re a little pale. And you’re breathing really hard.”With his pride at stake, Haru stands up straight.“I’m fine. Worry about yourself, Yamazaki,” he says coolly. He carefully walks up each and every step because the last thing he needs right now is to trip up these dang stairs. That hot bath is now well deserved after the day he’s had, as far as Haru’s concerned.YAMAZAKI (DON'T PICK UP)TODAY 11:34PMThank you for helping my mom at the stationYou really didn’t have to walk her all the way to our buildingIt was no problem, she’s very kind.And pretty.It’s a shame she didn’t pass those genes on to you.
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“I’m hoooooome,” Rin sings as he enters Sousuke’s apartment. It takes him a single sweep across Sousuke’s studio apartment for his expression to drop. With a grimace, he turns to look at Sousuke. “Jesus Christ. You live like this?”All Sousuke does is roll his eyes and shove Rin further into his apartment. “Yeah, and if you’re staying with me you’re gonna have to live like this for the next 24 hours.”“That’s ok, I can just stay at Haru’s then. You could too,” Rin suggests and Sousuke can see the light bulb go off in Rin’s head, which only means an upcoming headache for Sousuke.“Or y’know what else we could do? I could stay at your place, alone,”“No.”“And then what you can do,”“Stop.”“Is you could stay-”“Do not finish your thought.”“At Haru’s apartment!” Rin says, opening his arms and grinning widely. “Actually, strike that. I don’t wanna stay at your place alone. Might be haunted.”“It is out of respect for your mom and Gou that I don’t kill you right this second.”“Yeah, whatever,” Rin dismisses Sousuke with a handwave. “You’re so prickly. Honestly, sometimes you’re worse than the heroines in all the shoujo manga Gou made me read.”“You read all that shoujo manga on your own accord.”“HEY!” And at first Rin is indignant but then he’s back to excited. “Hey! My mom told me that your mom met-”“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sousuke says, suddenly interested in straightening up his room and making space to put down the extra futon. On the one hand, putting the extra futon next to Sousuke’s futon means that it’ll be easier to kick Rin in the middle of the night but it also means that he has to smell Rin’s morning breath so he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.With a hand on his hip, Rin tilts his head. “You’re really gonna do this to me? You’re gonna keep me out of the loop? I have to hear from my MOM that Haru met the woman who raised you single handedly-”Sousuke throws up his hands. “I acted like I didn’t know who he was.”For a second, Rin does nothing but stare at Sousuke, mouth agape until he breaks out into a wide smile and doubled over with laughter. It’s annoying at first, and then strangely endearing.“Alright well, if you’re done being obnoxious, I’m gonna get ready for bed. I also have an unused toothbrush that you can use and leave here for the next time you’re in Tokyo,” and Sousuke instantly regrets suggesting the idea because of the way Rin’s raising his eyebrows.“Woooooow, how domestic. What’s Haru gonna think when he sees you have another man’s toothbrush at your place?”Sousuke rolls his eyes. “This isn’t a bad J-Drama. I’ll tell him that there’s nothing going on between us.”“Just like how you told him you still have feelings for him?”“I don’t have feelings for him and you’re an idiot,” Sousuke huffs as he throws a pillow at Rin’s head.That was his second mistake of the night (his first being letting Rin into his apartment at all) because Rin picks up the pillow and charges at him.The thing about being friends with Rin Matsuoka is that it is so unbelievably easy to get caught up in his pace. Earlier in the week, Sousuke was bored out of his mind studying for his physics midterm and, fast forward three days, he’s about to suplex Rin through his apartment floor. Hopefully his downstairs neighbors don’t mind the ceiling damage. All 3 floors worth of downstairs neighbors.A knock at the door snaps Sousuke and Rin out of their wrangling. They look to each other for confirmation before Sousuke realizes Rin’s only been in Tokyo for about five hours, so he’d have no idea why there’s someone at Sousuke’s door.It’s right about now that Sousuke wishes his apartment door had a peephole because he has no idea who’s on the other side of the door. Gingerly, Sousuke opens the door.As it turns out, it’s his next door neighbor Hayashi-san. He doesn’t know much about her other than she’s probably in her mid to late forties?“Good evening, Yamazaki-kun.”“Hello Hayashi-san. May I ask what brings you here?”“Well, you see,” and Sousuke has a feeling that’s she’s mad, “it’s a little late and my husband and I were hoping to sleep because we both work early morning shifts,” she says with a smile that tells Sousuke she’s mad mad.“Ah, but these apartment walls are so thin. I’m glad you and your friend have so much youthful energy but could you please save it for the weekend?”“Of course, I’m so sorry for the disturbance. You and your husband have a good night.”“Thank you sweetheart, you too.”And with that, she’s walking back to her own apartment. Sousuke shuts the door behind her.Rin sighs and puts his hands behind his head. “Y’know, I was kind of hoping that was Haru.”“For your information, I have neighbors that aren’t Nanase. Now help me clean up my apartment, our train leaves early tomorrow.”-
Why Sousuke’s mom had to bring an entire suitcase when she was only staying for two nights was beyond him. By the time he reaches the third floor, he’s out of breath but he knows he has to keep going because the very first room on this floor is Haru’s.
“Sou-chan,” his mom says suddenly, “I met the nicest boy today. He’s about your age and he lives in this building. Do you know a Nanase Haruka?”
Miraculously, Sousuke doesn’t drops his mom’s luggage down a flight of stairs. No, the only thing that drops is his heart out of his ass.
“Who?”
-They part ways at the station, with Rin agreeing to meet Sousuke after he drops his stuff off at his house.As Sousuke walks through his old neighborhood, he notes small changes like old roads with new pavement and new businesses springing up. For the most part, the town has stayed exactly the same.Maybe it’s him that’s different every time he comes back.He unlocks the front door, not expecting anyone because his mom won’t be back until evening. Also, he just saw her last week so he doesn’t feel the need to see her right away.Something compels him to dig out old photos he has in an album somewhere in a desk drawer in his room. There’s the usual photos: him and Rin; their relay team; the entire Samezuka team. He shuffles through them, looking for one in particular.During the course of their not-relationship, Sousuke and Haru have exactly one photo together: it was taken at one of the Samezuka/Iwatobi joint practices. The two of them are standing with some distance between them and neither are looking directly at each other or the camera but he looks happy in this photo. Peaceful, even.Rin told him once he looks different when he’s in love and Sousuke didn’t know what he meant until he saw this photo.“Oi, Sousuke, you can’t just leave your front door unlo-”At the sound of Rin’s voice, Sousuke slams the album shut and immediately regrets it.“Y’know...I think I caught you at a bad time…”“I wasn’t jerking off.”“No yeah, of course not, it’s just that I know you’ve been under a lot of stress…”“Stop.”“This is your home and I didn’t mean to interrupt…”Sousuke doesn’t know what to do other than to start rubbing at his temples. “Can we please just go meet Gou before I throttle you?”“You sure you don’t want ten to fifteen minutes to yourself first?” Rin says before guffawing and promptly running for his life.-While Rin pays his respects at his father’s grave, Sousuke sets up the picnic blanket under a tree for the three of them.The park is a fairly empty on a Friday afternoon. They always choose this spot, because 1. No one goes there and 2. It’s closest to the cemetery.It never occurred to him that the two might be related.As he’s setting down their sandwich making materials, he spots Rin and Gou talking animatedly and walking toward their picnic spot.Gou looks mostly the same since they were kids. Since high school ended, she cut her hair. Something about wanting to “reinvent herself” in this “next stage of her life.”“Sousuke-kun! It’s been a while.”“Hey Gou. How was the train from Kyoto?”“Don’t worry about it, let’s talk about you instead. How’s it feel living in the same building as Haruka-senpai?”“Uh…fine? I’m barely home so I don’t see him often.”“You mean it’s not awkward at all? Not even with the two of you dating in high school and then losing touch?”“Wait a minute. You knew Nanase and I...dated?” Sousuke asks, the word “dated” sits unnaturally on his tongue.“Of course we knew. Nagisa and I talked about it all the time,” Gou says, making herself a sandwich.A tinge of fear shoots up Sousuke’s spine. Were they not careful enough? Did they get spotted and never realize it? If Gou or Nagisa saw them, who else could have seen them?Thankfully, Gou keeps going. “We knew something was up when Haruka-senpai would leave practice without Makoto-senpai but we didn’t know who he was seeing until one of our joint practices. Rei-kun still doesn’t know, by the way. He’s bad with secrets.”That only confused Sousuke even more. “We barely even talked to each other during practices.”“You didn’t have to,” Gou says in between sandwich bites. “The way you looked at one another when the other wasn’t paying attention was enough.”“Wait a minute, why didn’t you tell me you knew? Where’s the sibling camaraderie?” asks Rin.Gou shrugs. “It was pretty obvious. Not my fault you don’t have eyes, Onii-chan.”The Matsuoka siblings bicker while what Gou said echoes in Sousuke’s mind. He wouldn’t believe her or Rin if it weren’t for the fact that there was photographic evidence of it.Photographic evidence he kept after all these years, hidden and tucked away somewhere in his desk drawer.“Hey,” Rin says, turning to Sousuke, “what’s next? You gonna pick up where you left off with Haru or what?”Sousuke makes a face. “My dating life isn’t a priority right now. Whatever Nanase does is his business, I wanna figure out what I want out of my career fir-”“Don’t be lame, Sousuke-kun. You have the rest of your life to do that. You can only be young and hot for so long. Tell us how you really feel,” says Gou as she cuts him off and eats his untouched chips.The Matsuoka siblings lean in closer, eyes wide and eager to hear Sousuke bare all.“I...think about him a non-zero amount of times.”Cheers. Hoots. Hollers. Sousuke could die right then and there, with the smattering of park-goers looking in their direction.“Would you both PLEASE shut up?”Rin starts gently punching Sousuke’s arm. “Keep going, keep going!”“This is painful.”“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. I think we’ve grilled you enough,” says Gou.“Thank you.”The Matsuoka siblings share a look and Sousuke has a feeling this isn’t the end of anything. In fact, it’s probably just the beginning.-Dinner at the Matsuoka’s is the same as per usual. Rin and Sousuke sit across from Gou and their mom, while Steve sits off to the side and watches to make sure they’re eating the same time he eats.“Soooooo,” and Sousuke can feel the question coming as Aunt Miyako drawls. “Do you have a girlfriend yet, Sousuke-kun?”He chuckles nervously. “No, auntie, not yet.”He’s had this conversation so many times before he can almost predict what she’s gonna say next. She’ll say something along the lines of it being such a waste that he’s so handsome and do the girls at his school have bad taste? And he’ll have to laugh and say no, it’s just that he’s so busy with school and work that he just doesn’t have the time to date.Instead, she goes off script.Instead, she asks: “No boyfriend either?”And it’s Rin that chokes on his food because Sousuke and Gou are stunned into silence.While patting Rin’s back, Sousuke offers a weak smile. “No, auntie, no boys for me either. I want to focus on school.”Aunt Miyako holds a cup of tea with both hands up to her lips. “That’s good too, sweetie. Education is important.”Whether or not she catches the look shared between her two children and Sousuke, none of them know.-After dinner, once Rin and Sousuke have said their goodbyes, they immediately retreat to Rin’s bedroom and speak in hushed tones.“Does your mom know I’m gay?” Sousuke asks.“Of course not. I would never tell her without consulting you.”“Does she know you’re gay? Would she care?”“I don’t think she knows but she wouldn’t care. That woman is obsessed with me. Do you see how she has newspaper clippings and article printouts of me? She learned how to use a printer just to make a scrapbook of everything ever written about me.”“It’s because she loves you, you idiot.”The door to Rin’s bedroom slides open and Gou quietly slides it closed. She leans in to whisper with the both of them. “What’re we whispering about?”Rin makes a frustrated “tch” sound and Sousuke realizes he hasn’t heard that in a very long time. It almost makes him nostalgic.“Go away, this is a private conversation. And who said you could go into my room?”Suddenly, Gou raises her voice, “Mom, Onii-chan wants to tell you som-”“Fine, fine!” says Rin as he clasps a hand over her mouth. “Just keep it down. Do you know why mom asked about Sousuke?”“Because she’s nosy, why else? It runs in the family. Just look at yourself.”“I’m going to kill you, you know that’s not what I’m asking.”“I don’t know how she knows. Or if she knows, because I never know what she’s thinking.” She turns to Sousuke. “Any ideas, Sousuke-kun?”Sousuke shrugs.“Maybe my mom mentioned it?”It wasn’t so much that Sousuke was upset. In fact, shocked would be an apt word to describe how he’s feeling. Aunt Miyako is relatively calm and easy-going, in direct contrast to her two children.Almost simultaneously, Gou and Rin lean back to process that realization.“For what it’s worth, I think she’ll be supportive. She’s a big believer in loving who you love no matter what,” Gou offers as consolation.Rin nods. “Losing your husband at a young age will do that to you.”The whirring of Rin’s ceiling fan is the only noise while the three of them contemplate. It’s balmy outside, even with all of Rin’s windows wide open. Sousuke makes a mental note to get Aunt Miyako something nice for Mother’s Day.-Real life starts again once Sousuke and Rin make their way back to Tokyo and Rin leaves for Australia the same night.It’s another Monday morning when Sousuke exits his apartment building, rounds the corner, and-Of course. Who else could it be but Nanase Haruka?At this point, Sousuke’s sure he did something bad in a past life. Or maybe his current life. He walks at a cautious distance away from Haru to make it seem like he’s not following Haru, which he technically isn’t because it just so happens they left at the same time after their daily runs and-Suddenly, Haru stops and turns around to look Sousuke dead in the eye.“Are you…”“I’m not following you,” says Sousuke a little too fast, a little too indignantly.“...on your way to the station?” Haru finishes.And of course Haru can’t even spare him the embarrassment because he’s got this god awful smirk on his face that Sousuke wants to wipe off. With his lips, but that’s beside the fact.“Yes, I am. You?” Haru nods and looks at him expectantly.Once Sousuke catches up to Haru, they start walking side-by-side.“How was visiting home?” asks Haru casually.“Good,” Sousuke answers, because it was good and Sousuke could be civil for a little bit. “What uh, what’d you do this weekend?”“I visited an aquarium.”“Oh, nice. With Makoto?”“I have friends other than Makoto.”“So who’d you visit the aquarium with?”“Makoto.”In spite of himself, Sousuke catches himself stifling a chuckle.“That was a laugh,” Haru says.“It definitely wasn’t, because you’re not funny.”“If I’m not funny, why’d you laugh at my joke?”“I didn’t-” and Sousuke’s mouth muscles betray him because he breaks out into a smile. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Yamazaki,” Haru shrugs with a smile that mirrors Sousuke’s.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Haru?” Makoto calls from Haru’s doorway.“In the bathroom,” Haru yells in response.All it takes is one glance at Makoto’s hand on his hip and disappointed face for Haru to know he’s about to get scolded.“Haru, you can’t just leave your front door unlocked. This isn’t Iwatobi. Someone could’ve easily walked in.”“But it’s just you.”In response to that, Makoto sighs and sits at the edge of the tub. “How was practice?”Haru leans his head against the cool tile of his bathroom walls. “My times are stagnating. I haven’t been improving for weeks.”Makoto doesn’t say anything, only looks at Haru pensively.“Do you remember, in our 2nd year of high school, right before Rin came back, when you said you wanted to be ordinary?”“Don’t remind me of dumb stuff I said as a teenager when you thought Pangea still existed.”Makoto huffs impatiently. “I was going somewhere with this.” He sighs again. “As I was saying, you used to say things like ‘by the time you’re 20 you’re an ordinary person.’ But you’ll never be ordinary, Haru. And maybe it feels like you’re stagnating because you haven’t improved time wise but I’m sure you’ve improved in ways you haven’t realized. Your hard work will pay off eventually. It always does.”“Hey Makoto?”“Yeah?”“I love you.”“I love you too,” Makoto says with a warm smile.There’s a quiet moment between them before Makoto stands up and holds out his hand.“Let’s prep dinner, Haru-chan.”And partly out of nostalgia, partly out to follow their script, Haru tells Makoto to drop the “-chan.”-“The universe is out to get me,” Haru tells Asahi one day as they’re eating lunch in their cafeteria. He splits his chopsticks open and takes a bite of the school’s mackerel udon, the only stable good thing going on in his life right now.With a determined finger gun, Asahi says, “That’s not true! Just because your ex just so happens to move into your same exact apartment building out of all the hundreds of apartment buildings in Tokyo, you run at the same park almost everyday because of the whole ‘living in the same building’, and you accidentally met his mom...oh wait. You’re right, maybe the universe is out to get you.”Slowly, Haru nods, realizing his predicament might be worse than he thought.“At least you hardly see him because of the gnarly practice schedule coach has us doing. Can you believe it? I have to carve out time just to see Kisumi and we go to the same school!”“Do you go to his club events?”“Yes, because I’m a good boyfriend and I love him and support him in all his endeavors. I would move mountains for that boy. And as you know, he goes to our swim meets to see me because he’s also a good boyfriend.”And in spite of the fact that Haru thinks Asahi and Kisumi are annoyingly and grossly in love, he smiles anyway because he likes seeing his friend so happy. They make it look easy, almost.Haru briefly wonders what it would look like to try and fit spending time with Sousuke back into his schedule and decides that it would probably be too much work for the both of them. Things were better this way.Yeah. Things are better this way.“You mean Kisumi doesn’t go to our meets to see me?” Haru jokes because he doesn’t want that at all and everyone, including Kisumi, knows that.“I mean, you’re like a bonus I guess. Like the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae. I’m the sundae, of course. You’re the cherry.”Haru rolls his eyes. “I got that.”That makes Asahi laugh. “Hey, Sousuke was cool that one night he joined us for dinner! I mean you were quiet that night but you’re quiet most nights. When’s he gonna join us again?” “Ask him yourself,” Haru shrugs, feigning indifference.Asahi continues, as if Haru didn't say anything: “Haru. You gotta think about what you really want. Not just in your personal life, but your professional life too.”Advice from Asahi out of mostly nowhere?...Were they transported to an alternate universe?...“You’re making a face. Ah!” Asahi practically jumps out of his seat when he checks his phone. “I’m late to class! Gotta go Haru, bye! Love you! See you at practice!”Just like that, Asahi runs out of the cafeteria with his backpack, leaving Haru to finally eat his mackerel udon in peace.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
With a jolt, Sousuke nearly falls out his desk chair. His heart is threatening to pound right out of his chest but that’s nothing compared to the way his head is throbbing.
Currently, his desk is strewn with open textbooks and dozens of pages of physics notes for his midterm this afternoon. He must’ve fallen asleep while studying and now his entire body is threatening to quit on him.
He stumbles his way from his room to the bathroom. Ice cold, the water he splashes on his face does little to shake him out of his grog. His mirror has seen him on better days. There’s dark circles underneath his eyes that weren’t there when he started school.
At this point, he just wants to take his godforsaken midterm to get it over with to get this awful physics class over with so he can get the semester over with so he can get the year over with so he can ge-
On top of all his classes, he’s going to have to find an internship with a physical therapy clinic soon. Then on top of all
that
, he’ll have to find a part time job so he won’t feel like he’s drowning financially. The day hasn’t even begun yet and he’s already tired.
As the kettle brews, Sousuke rummages through his cupboards. He finds the only mug he owns: a neon pink one with a koala on it, courtesy of Rin.
The morning sun peeks through his blinds. In the pre-coffee morning brain fog, Sousuke realizes that he’s never seen the sun rise since moving to Tokyo two months ago. Sliding on his outside slippers, he opens his front door to step outside.
As it turns out, the chill of the morning air in conjunction with the admittedly nice sunset does calm him down. He takes a sip of his plain black coffee. Maybe things will be ok after all.
Rin’s always sending him photos of sunsets, because Rin is corny and has the unironic energy of those “live, laugh, love” posters. Maybe he’ll get up early tomorrow and take a photo, his phone is in his bedroom anyway. No sense in going inside just to go outside again.
Renewed, he opens the door to his apartment to get a fresh start to the day.
Or at least, he tries to. The door handle won’t budge, no matter how many times he turns it. He must’ve locked it out of habit.
Leaning his head against the door, he weighs his options: breaking open his door and gaining the ire of Kisumi’s uncle or...
He sighs deeply, swallowing every ounce of pride he has left.
-
When Sousuke knocks on Haru’s door at 7am, armed with nothing but his pajamas and a neon pink mug, he half expects Haru to open it and slam it on his face.
Instead, Haru lets him into his apartment and gives him the list of emergency numbers Kisumi’s uncle gives every tenant when they move in.
Sousuke’s so wrapped up in calling the locksmith with Haru’s phone and his impending physics midterm that he doesn’t even register Haru setting a plate in front of him.
“Is this for me,” asks Sousuke. As the words leave his mouth, he realizes how ridiculous it sounds. The eggs are sunny side up, which Sousuke doesn’t remember telling Haru is how he likes his eggs.
“No,” Haru says deadpan, taking a bite out of his toast. That’s it, just a one word reply. That’s all he gives Sousuke to work with.
All Sousuke does is sigh and thank Haru, because he’s sitting in his ex’s apartment (that has real adult furniture in it, like a couch) in his sweats and ratty tank top. He knows when to give up the fight.
“Nice mug,” Haru says without a hint of malice.
Sousuke holds it up to Haru, as if to cheers him. “Rin got it for me. I’ll pass along the compliment.”
As he’s dipping his toast in the egg yolk, he can feel Haru’s gaze on him. While normally it would make his skin crawl, he’s so exhausted right now he can’t bring himself to care.
Haru elegantly takes a sip of green tea. “You look worse than usual.”
“My physics midterm is today and I didn’t get enough sleep last night. What’s your excuse?” asks Sousuke which he almost immediately regrets because he’s got no reason being an ass this early in the morning. Haru didn’t have to let him in or make him breakfast. After all, Sousuke’s scary next door neighbor probably would’ve let him use her phone.
“Is that because of your nightmares?” asks Haru, pointedly ignoring the jab.
Never in a million years did Sousuke think Haru would remember a one off comment he made about not sleeping through the night for weeks during their last year of high school. He brought up something else almost immediately after he mentioned it. Sharing that left him feeling too exposed, too vulnerable.
Nodding, Sousuke avoids eye contact with Haru.
“Eggs and toast? How very American of you,” Sousuke says, changing the subject.
“A traditional breakfast would’ve taken too long. I wanted you to eat before leaving.”
Saying thank you again felt redundant but Sousuke says it anyway, partly because he’s so tired and if Haru shows him anymore kindness he might actually shed a tear.
“Nanase, I-”
Haru’s phone rings. The locksmith is here.
“I’ll see you later,” Sousuke finishes.
Before he leaves, Sousuke offers to wash their dishes but Haru more or less shoves him outside of his apartment.
-
This whole ordeal started started innocuously enough, when Makoto invites Sousuke to Haru and Asahi’s swim meet.
Then Friday rolls around, he finishes his classes, and hops on the metro for a 30 minute ride from his school to Hidaka University. Everything goes downhill once he leaves the station.
For starters, he’s never been to the campus, let alone the area. Shouldn’t there be signs pointing to where the school is? He downloaded the directions onto his phone earlier but his data ran out last week so he has to rely on reading the map to figure out where the campus is.
After passing by the same buildings for half an hour, Sousuke decides that he will never, ever, live in a big city if he can help it. Especially not Tokyo, with its scramble crossings and dazzling lights and millions of people. Sure, he can stick it out for a few years to finish school. He’ll have to, considering how he’s in one of the best kinesiology programs in the country. Once he’s done, he’ll be on the next train back to sleepy little Iwatobi.
He’s about to call it quits and head back to his apartment before he sees Kisumi waving at him.
Actually, even when he sees Kisumi walk toward him he considers calling it quits anyway.
“Sousuke!” Kisumi says, pulling him into a hug. And maybe it’s because Sousuke’s so relieved to see someone who knows the area they’re in, he hugs him back.
Every time Sousuke talks to Kisumi, he feels like he’s been swept up in a whirlwind of cotton candy. He can handle Kisumi chatter about his life but when Kisumi turns it on Sousuke and asks what Sousuke’s up to? Suddenly, he’s exhausted.
“Are you still swimming?” asks Kisumi, shiny and effervescent.
“Not competitively. A couple laps around the community pool here and there,” Sousuke answers.
“Oh! Nearby your apartment complex?”
Sousuke almost stops dead in his tracks. “No, I’ve been going to a sport center a twenty minute metro ride way.”
“I’m shocked Uncle didn’t tell you about it! It’s so close to your house, Haru goes there all the time. You should ask him about it,” Kisumi grins like he didn’t just suggest the exact opposite of what Sousuke wanted to hear.
“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks,” Sousuke grimaces.
As it turns out, Sousuke had been walking in circles about a five minute walk away from the campus. He can’t tell if that’s better or worse than being completely wrong all together.
When they get to the indoor pool complex of their school, Sousuke’s eyes nearly bug out of his head. He has no idea what his college aquatic center is like, except that it probably doesn’t have curved windows that let in all this natural sunlight. No wonder Haru chose this school.
They spot Makoto in the bleachers, where he saved them two seats.
“Glad you guys made it! They just finished the butterfly 100m. Haru’s up next,” Makoto explains.
Sousuke’s never gone to the same school as Makoto but he gets the feeling that Makoto is the type of person to fill you in on what you missed when you stayed home sick.
Makoto sits between Kisumi and Sousuke, which is a blessing in Sousuke’s eyes. While Makoto and Kisumi catch up, Sousuke scans the swimmers to find Haru.
Near the edge of the pool, Haru is doing light stretches. Suddenly, Haru looks up at the stands and they make eye contact. Haru gives a small wave.
Sousuke turns over to Makoto, who is still deep in conversation with Kisumi. He looks back to Haru, who looks mildly annoyed.
“KISUMI!” Asahi yells, with his hands cupped over his mouth. He’s standing off to the side of the pool and waving with both arms.
“ASAHI! DO YOUR BEST!” yells Kisumi, equally as loud, hanging over the railing.
Asahi blows Kisumi a kiss so cheesy it borders on obscene. Kisumi, throwing caution to the wind, lets go of the railing to use both hands to catch the air kiss. Makoto scrambles from his seat to steady Kisumi’s balance while Sousuke does absolutely nothing to help Kisumi.
Sousuke looks to Haru again and gives him a small thumbs up from the stands. Haru smiles and puts on his swimming cap and goggles on.
The starting gun goes off and all the racers dive into the pool.
As Sousuke watches Haru swim, the memories come back to him like a flood. The first time he’d spoken to Haru with venom, before he knew how much he and Rin meant to one another. The subsequent times after that, when they both weren’t fond of each other but shared a mutual passion for swimming.
It’s not until Haru climbs out of the pool and shakes the water from his hair that Sousuke remembers how to breath again.
“Sousuke?”
Sousuke tears his eyes away at the pool and sees Makoto standing at the railing. He was so wrapped up in watching Haru swim he forgot to cheer with Makoto and Kisumi.
“Are you alright? You look deep in thought.”
“I’m fine,” Sousuke nods. “Thank you for inviting me.”
Makoto smiles. “Of course, you’re welcome to join any time. Do you want to go out for celebratory drinks after this?”
“Maybe another time. I have an errand to run after this.”
-
The errand is, in fact, picking out a “thank you” gift for Haru. It’s the neighborly thing to do. Not that he’s looking for an excuse to talk to Haru, because that would be ridiculous. Unthinkable, even.
He’s in the middle of the canned fish aisle and wonders if it’d be better to get Haru canned mackerel or fresh mackerel as a gift. He knows Haru vastly prefers fresh fish but doesn’t know if Haru will have the time to cook it before it spoils. In fact, the person that probably knows the most about what mackarel to get is probably Haru himself. Maybe he should get seasoning? No, that implies he thinks Haru doesn’t know how to season his food.
After half an hour, he leaves the grocery store with groceries for himself and some random towel that reminded him of Haru.
The best part of living on the fourth floor is that he doesn’t have to hear footsteps of any upstairs neighbors. The worst part, by far, is the fact that there’s no elevator. His stamina isn’t what it used to be and he’s reminded of that every time he has to walk up four stories with a full bag of groceries.
He pauses on the third floor and looks at the end of the hall, where Haru’s apartment is. Past the apartment building is a building that’s probably the pool that Kisumi mentioned earlier. He doesn’t know whether to be relieved or upset that there’s a pool so close to his house that he didn’t know about.
When he turns his attention back to the staircase, he sees an equally surprised Haru walking down the stairs. Which makes no sense, given that there’s nothing past the fourth floor of their building.
“Nanase. Congrats on your win today,” says Sousuke, because he doesn’t really know what else to say.
“Thanks Yamazaki,” replies Haru, equally as confused.
Sousuke reaches into his bag to hold up a small tea towel with a blue dolphin on it. “Thanks for breakfast the other day.”
“Oh, that was nothing,” Haru handwaves, not taking the tea towel.
“No, you let me use your phone and made me breakfast. This towel is nothing,” says Sousuke as he takes Haru’s hand and puts the tea towel in it. He ignores how Haru’s hands are as soft as he remembers.
Haru grins a little at the towel. “It’s cute.”
“So, what were you doing on the 4th floor?” Sousuke asks out of curiosity.
With a feigned casualness, Haru shrugs his shoulders “Just trying to check out the roof.”
“There’s no roof access on the 4th floor.”
“Well, I know that now.”
“Were you trying to see if I was home?” Sousuke tests the waters.
Haru turns away. “Yeah.”
Sousuke stands and blinks. On the one hand, he should probably get back to his apartment and put away his groceries. But there’s something keeping him here, something that won’t let him leave.
Haru sighs deeply and Sousuke holds his breath in anticipation.
“I don’t want a repeat of what happened between us.”
Ouch.
At this point, Sousuke has run this scenario in his head about a dozen things. He’s entertained every possibility, ranging from Haru wanting to get back together (only in a parallel universe) or a flat-out rejection. It is one thing to imagine rejection and it is an entirely different thing to hear Haru say it out loud.
“Oh. That’s fine,” Sousuke says because he doesn’t really know how else to respond.
“Wait Sousuke, I-”
“No, I get it, no need to explain,” says Sousuke, already turning away to walk up the stairs. He needs to be alone right now. “See you around, Nanase.”
It’s not until the middle of the night, right before Sousuke falls asleep that he realizes that Haru called him by his given name.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Sousuke always half-expects Rin to show up at his apartment completely unannounced so it doesn’t shock him when he opens his front door on an otherwise uneventful Friday night to see (who else?) Matsuoka Rin, in the flesh, with a duffel bag in one hand and a grocery bag in the other.
“Are you here to tell me to talk to Nanase?” asks Sousuke, still holding onto the door handle.
“No,” Rin answers, pushing past Sousuke to enter his apartment. “I’m here until you feel better.”
“That might be a while.”
“Then I guess I’m here for a while,” Rin says as he sets the grocery bag on Sousuke’s counter.
And just like that, Rin starts pulling out pots and pans and waltzing around Sousuke’s kitchen like he’s been here all along.
It takes Sousuke about five seconds to figure out what Rin is making and just like that, they fall into their old Friday night dinner routine, with Rin cutting slices of pork and Sousuke washing the rice.
“Tell me about your life in Australia,” Sousuke says, as if they don’t vidcall once a week. He mostly just wants to hear Rin talk.
Not that Rin ever really stops talking.
For Rin, telling a story is about the journey, not the destination. He tells Sousuke little anecdotes about his eccentric-but-capable coach, the balmy weather, the handsome stranger who keeps extorting meals out of him, all in a non-linear timeline.
“I’ll take you sometime. You might like it, although I think your idea of a vacation is a secluded island with no way to reach you.”
“Oh? You don’t have a plane ticket to take me like you did for Nanase?” asks Sousuke as he prepares the breadcrumbs, flour, and eggs.
“Nah, can’t take you on a trip meant for Haru. Maybe we’ll go somewhere fun and exciting. Like Iwatobi.”
Sousuke breathes out of his nose. When it comes to Rin’s jokes, that’s what Sousuke considers a generous laugh.
They work in silence again, with the only noises in the kitchen being the sound of knives hitting cutting boards.
“I wish I knew how you felt,” Rin says softly, less to Sousuke and more to himself.
There has to be a good response to Rin’s sentiment. There has to be a good, emotionally transparent response and Sousuke knows this but if there is one, he can’t find it.
“...should we fry the cutlets now?” Sousuke asks instead, a canola bottle in hand.
-
“Ooh, these are good!” Rin exclaims as he scarfs down pieces of tonkotsu. “Restaurant quality, even.”
“I would hope so, as I worked in a restaurant for over a year.”
“Is that why your cupboard is filled with instant ramen?”
Sousuke sighs. “You show up to my place, uninvited, and then you bring up my emergency rations. What else is next, Rin?”
“Sorry, sorry,” says Rin as he holds up his hands. He looks at Sousuke and Sousuke’s known Rin long enough to know he wants to say something important. “And I’m sorry for not really listening to you these past couple months.”
“I think you listened to me just fine.”
Rin shakes his head. “No, I mean, I could’ve asked how you felt about Haru y’know? I just assumed he would’ve made you happy.”
“You did ask me, I just always brushed you off,” admits Sousuke. “I might be happy without Haru too. I’m kinda swamped with school and life anyway, so I don’t think either of us have the time for a fully-fledged relationship.”
“True,” Rin sighs. “Can I hug you?”
Sousuke nods and makes a move to get out of his chair but Rin climbs into his lap like he’s Santa Claus and gives him a bear hug.
“I’ll listen to you better. You can always share how you feel with me.”
“Thanks,” says Sousuke. “Uh, sorry for being bad at showing my emotions?”
“I love you so much, even if you are a rat bastard sometimes,” Rin continues.
“...are you complimenting me or insulting me?”
“Both. My brain is too tired to distinguish.”
Fair.
“To recap,” Sousuke says, putting his hand back on the small of Rin’s back, “you invited yourself over, I was vulnerable for about thirty seconds, and now we’re spooning in a chair.”
“Typical Friday night for us, yeah?”
Sousuke shakes his head. “Help me clear the table.”
-
It was inevitable.
They live in the same building. They have the same morning routine. They both swim.
It was inevitable, and yet, when Sousuke sees Haru at the community pool he feels a pang of sadness somewhere deep in his chest.
Something in him wills him to stay anyway. There’s enough people milling about on a Saturday evening that it’s not weird. Actually, it wouldn’t be weird anyway because it’s not like they would’ve talked. Technically, Sousuke needs this pool more than Haru. And isn’t Haru tired of swimming, given his rigorous training schedule? Not that Sousuke knows the details of his training. And not that Sousuke is over thinking this. At all.
While he stretches, Sousuke sees Haru from across the pool. For some reason, he’s fully clothed and crouching down to talk to a boy with black hair and red eyes. Huh. Sousuke never pegged Haru as the type to be good with kids.
Whatever, none of his business.
Sousuke swims about two laps around the pool before stopping to catch his breath.
“Hey! You’re really good!” a voice above him shouts.
It’s the same kid from earlier, although now his eyes are sparkly and he’s chatting Sousuke’s ear off about swimming techniques. Haru is standing behind him, a little horrified.
And that’s how Sousuke spends the next hour watching him swim and giving him pointers.
-
“Was that your new disciple?” Sousuke asks Haru as they walk back to their building.
He and Haru hadn’t discussed walking home after going to the pool. It just seemed appropriate, given the circumstances.
Haru chuckles. “No, that’s Misaki. Makoto and I met him before I moved into this apartment. He and his friend remind me of Rin and me when we were younger.”
“Didn’t peg you as having a soft spot for kids.”
“Could say the same about yourself.”
Sousuke stretches his arms above his head. “Saw an interview of yours the other day. You were quoted as saying ‘I’m only here to swim’ and nothing else.”
“You keep up with my interviews? That’s so sweet. Let me know if you want an autograph.”
Sousuke rolls his eyes but he doesn’t find himself annoyed.
They’re back at the apartment building. Sousuke wants to continue the conversation but he doesn’t know how.
“Do you want to come back to my place?” Haru asks, pointedly not looking at Sousuke.
-
“Anyway, I guess- are you kidding me?"
Here Sousuke is, sitting on Haru’s couch, pouring out some of his feelings, while Haru dozes off. Sousuke gives Haru a nudge and Haru startles awake.
“How much sleep have you had in the past 48 hours?” asks Sousuke.
“7 hours.”
“Each night?”
“In total.”
“Nanase!”
All Sousuke gets in response is a grunt as Haru closes his eyes and leans into the couch again.
Sousuke sighs and pinches Haru’s cheek to make sure he’s still awake and listening. “I’m gonna carry you to bed and then I’m going home. Got it?”
Another grunt. Sousuke is so tempted to throw Haru over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes but instead, he carries Haru princess style. Truly, saint of the year.
Sousuke imagines dumping Haru onto his bed but despite thinking (and highly considering it), Sousuke gently sets Haru down and pulls the covers over him.
Before Sousuke can walk away, Haru wraps his arms around Sousuke’s waist.
“Stay,” Haru murmurs into Sousuke’s back. “Please.”
Well, that just about does it. With a sigh, Sousuke changes into Haru’s largest pair of sweats and climbs into Haru’s bed.
-
3:32am. Sousuke wonders why he’s in a bed that isn’t his before he groggily pieces together the events of yesterday that led to him lying in Haru’s bed.
In the dark, Sousuke barely makes out Haru’s face. Haru’s arm is wrapped around his side and he feels Haru’s chest rise and fall with each breath.
Sousuke doesn’t remember anything else before falling asleep again.
-
When Sousuke wakes up again in the morning, Haru is sitting up and thinking deeply. Or at least, Sousuke thinks Haru is thinking deeply. He can never actually tell when it comes to Haru.
“Morning, sweetheart,” Sousuke says, turning from his side to his back to stretch.
“I’m sorry.”
That makes Sousuke a little uncomfortable. “It’s fine. Let’s just forget this happened. I’ll head back to my pla-”
“No, I meant about yesterday. You were talking about something important and I fell asleep.”
“Listen, Nanase, I don’t know what your idea of pillow talk is,” Sousuke says, gesturing to Haru’s bed. “But this really isn’t doing it for me. Can we save this discussion for another time?”
Haru nods. “Do you want breakfast?”
Breakfast really is the last thing he should stick around for but Haru is an admittedly good cook and he can’t remember if he has any food left in his fridge.
“Don’t suppose you have an extra toothbrush?” he asks Haru.
Sousuke follows Haru into the bathroom. Attached to the wall is a toothbrush holder containing a red, green, and pink toothbrush. Haru hands him a plastic wrapped teal toothbrush.
“Thanks.”
“Rin, Makoto, Nagisa,” Haru says, pointing to each person’s respective toothbrush. “Rei always brings his own.”
Somehow the image of all of them staying overnight for a big sleepover at Haru’s apartment is comforting to Sousuke.
They brush their teeth side-by-side in Haru’s well-kept bathroom. It strikes Sousuke as the most intimate thing they’ve ever done together.
-
Breakfast this morning is bowls of steamed rice and miso soup with, unsurprisingly, mackerel. Sousuke helps set the table and they eat in a comfortable silence.
It’s the best meal Sousuke’s had all week.
-
“Do you think we’re on different life paths?” Sousuke asks while they’re washing dishes, because what else would he discuss on a Sunday morning while he lathers and Haru rinses.
Haru ponders before answering. “No. Worldwide fame isn’t for me. I’ll always swim but I’m tired of all the attention that comes with competitive swimming. I get the feeling you feel the same.”
Sousuke does, and it’s part of the reason why he doesn’t plan on swimming competitively.
They’re finished with the dishes.
This is it then. No more pretense to stay at Haru’s house, no more reasons to keep seeing him other than accidentally bumping into one another.
Haru holds out a hand after he dries them on the tea towel Sousuke got him.
Sousuke takes it.
“When did things get so difficult between us,” asks Sousuke.
“Remember our first meeting when you pushed me into a vending machine?”
Teenage angst rears its ugly head but the memory is so crisp it makes Sousuke laugh to think of how far they’ve come. “Sorry about that. Honest.”
“I’m sorry for all the times I purposely took longer paths getting back to Samezuka because I wanted to spend more time with you. But mostly because I knew you wouldn’t know the difference,” Haru says, sounding completely unapologetic.
“I forgive you. I’m sorry for the time I waited until you left your house to run an errand and moved everything in your kitchen cupboards to the highest shelf because I knew you couldn’t reach them.”
“You're not sorry for that."
“I’m less sorry for that than everything else.”
Haru laughs and it makes Sousuke physically ache.
“Can I hug you?” asks Sousuke.
Nodding, Haru pulls Sousuke into a hug. Sousuke savors this moment because in all honesty, he doesn’t know when he’ll get this opportunity again.
“Did you mean it? When you said you didn’t want this?” asks Sousuke. He’s afraid of what Haru will say but not asking hurts more than asking.
Haru breaks free from Sousuke’s embrace to flick him on the forehead, like they’re children on a playground. “I meant I didn’t want us to just keep tip-toeing around establishing something serious because I don’t know how you feel about me and I’m too afraid of getting hurt. Which I would have told you if you didn’t run off.”
Ah. That’s his bad. He probably should have stayed and listened but in his defense, this whole ‘talk about your emotions’ thing is new to him.
With an agitated grunt, Haru hugs him tighter.
“Guess I have something else to be sorry for,” Sousuke says, pressing a kiss to Haru’s forehead. “I missed you when you left.”
“I missed you while I was here.”
Sighing, Sousuke swipes his thumb across Haru’s cheek. “I don’t know enough about the future to know if this will work out but I want to try anyway. Also not to ruin this nice moment we’re having but I have to leave in half an hour for my shift at the clinic.”
“My life is better with you in it than without it,” Haru agrees. “And that’s fine, I have extra practice today.”
“But it’s Sunday,” Sousuke says, although it sounds more like a question than stating the truth.
“Yesterday was my rest day. I have to keep practicing because if I don’t get better, I’ll never beat Albert.”
Sousuke vaguely remembers hearing about an Albert Volandel that sweeped the preliminaries last month. Though admittedly he only ever checks Haru and Rin’s standings.
“When are you free next week? Let’s go on a date,” suggests Haru.
“I’m free Tuesday and Thursday afternoons.”
Haru frowns. “That doesn’t work for me, I have class. What about the weekend?”
“Clinic,” Sousuke says, shaking his head. “Monday and Wednesday afternoons?”
“Practice. Friday?”
“Work and class. Is this what the rest of our twenties will be like?”
“I hope not. Does studying count as a date?”
“It’ll have to. Why is it harder to meet up intentionally than accidentally?”
Shurgging, Haru glances at the clock. “It’s still easier than when we had to sneak around your dorm. Get ready for your shift, we can figure this out through text.”
“Sounds good. Should we seal it with a kiss?”
Haru gently tilts Sousuke’s face down by his chin and kisses his cheek.
“See you next week, Haru,” Sousuke says as he leaves his apartment.
Later, his coworkers tell him that’s the happiest they’ve ever seen him at the clinic.
-
“Wow, Sou-chan!” Nagisa exclaims. “You don’t have a lot of stuff do you? This box is so light!”
“Nagisa-kun, that’s not nice to say,” chides Rei. He turns his attention to Sousuke. “I’m so sorry, Sousuke-senpai, you have the appropriate amount of stuff for just one person. I’ll make sure he’s careful with your things.”
Sousuke thanks Rei as he packs the last of his kitchen utensils, which, admittedly, didn’t take very long.
Both Makoto and Rin already grabbed boxes full of Sousuke’s belongings and carried them out of his apartment. The only real furniture Sousuke had was a small wooden table and two folding chairs (because he only ever had just one guest at a time) and he donated those to the thrift shop a few blocks away.
“Are you gonna miss this apartment?” asks Haru, leaning his head on Sousuke’s shoulder.
Sousuke presses an absentminded kiss on top of Haru’s head. “Nah, my new place is pretty close by. I might consider letting you stop by.”
“Not unless I lock you out of the apartment,” Haru says nonchalantly, the same way someone would discuss the weather.
“Kisumi’s uncle already gave me the keys when we signed the lease,” Sousuke says, pulling on Haru’s cheek. “You’re stuck with me for at least another year.”
Haru swats Susuke’s hand away. “I’ll carry the last of your things to our place and then you can meet us there?”
“Sounds good.”
When he first moved into this apartment, he wasn’t particularly attached to it. The rent was cheap and the location was good. He still isn’t all that attached, given how it only ever had hot water for 15 minutes each day and always had a musty smell to it. And maybe it never felt like home because Tokyo never felt like home but he’s figuring out that maybe home can be more than just a physical space.
With the last of his items boxed up, Sousuke takes a look at his apartment before shutting the door one last time.