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Gone were the days of Eren and Levi making love, when they took their sweet time appreciating each other, leaving sweet kisses all over exposed skin, slowly and gently rocking into each other. Making sure not to hurt, not to leave any mark that would be unwanted. Gone were the days when they worshipped and loved and cared about the other’s comfort.Now… Now they were too angry for that. Too angry at each other, too angry at themselves, too angry at the world. So they took it all out on each other; hurting and getting hurt in turn, they dealt with the furious energy in their own way. Ripping each other apart while they fucked with abandon, leaving bloody scratches and deep bites, growling and snarling instead of moaning and sighing their ‘I love you’s.Dealing with all the shit they ended up in their own way. A painful slam against a wall instead of ‘What did we fight for all these years?’ Torn clothes instead of ‘Why did we have to go into that basement?’ Broken bed frame instead of ‘Fucking talk to me, Eren, why are you so far away?’Not being able to talk, they just fucked it all out now, asking questions and giving answers with their bodies; letting go of all the frustration and pain. Give and take; hurt and get hurt. It was what they needed. How they worked, the only way to deal.The only way to communicate they had left, the only time when Levi felt like Eren was there . The only time when he looked alive anymore was when Levi held him down, one hand gripping Eren’s hip so hard it bruised while he fucked him, harder and deeper than a normal person should be able to take, the other hand tangled in Eren’s hair.Levi hated that hair. That long hair that was just another sign of how Eren was slipping away. Sign he didn’t give a fuck about himself anymore. So Levi pulled at it, tugged at it painfully whenever he could, as if ripping it out would bring Eren back. As if getting rid of it would make them all go back, back to the times when everything was simple.Before Shiganshina, before finding out about the word and how absolutely fucked they were. When they just flew around cutting titans up without care or a single thought about who these people used to be.Just thinking about it made Levi even angrier.So he sank into Eren anew, the both of them trying to lose themselves in each other. Trying to stop thinking, trying to sort everything out, trying to forget. Even if just for a little while longer, they screamed without a sound. Screamed over the unfairness of it all, screamed for all the lives lost in the past and the future, they screamed in a language only the two of them understood.However, no matter how loud they screamed, their world continued to fall apart, not giving them a chance to stop it.Until it fell apart completely.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Levi barely ever slept these days. He didn’t sleep much even before, maybe three four hours a night, but after Shiganshina it got even worse.
But it wasn’t because of what they found in that goddamned basement. It wasn’t even because of the losses they suffered. Even though he often wished he – and everyone else, really – could forget all about it. But no. It was because ever since then, he had to watch Eren go down a downward spiral. And it was tearing Levi apart.
The boy, the young man… he had completely stopped caring.
At first, he only stopped caring about his appearance. Stopped cutting his hair, stopped keeping his clothes tidy, stopped trying to smile. Stopped talking as much.
It hurt Levi watching him like that but it was nothing compared to what was to come. Because then, when they reached the ocean, Eren apparently came to some kind of decision. A decision he didn’t bother share, just throwing himself blindly into training and honing his titan shifter skills.
And he started to forget.
But he never forgot anyone’s birthdays or any anniversaries. No; it was worse.
He forgot about himself. He forgot about the need to rest. The need to sleep. The need to eat. That alcohol isn’t a proper or healthy way to get water into his system. That the titan regeneration can’t fix everything, can’t sustain him.
All of which led to the situation Levi now found himself in. Sitting by Eren’s side in the infirmary, where the boy lay unconscious for three days straight. A result of exhaustion, Hanji had said, just before she informed Levi that he’d end up lying next to Eren if he didn’t go to sleep soon. Levi only hummed noncommittally, not taking his eyes off of Eren’s face, and Hanji could only sigh and leave after firmly squeezing Levi shoulder in silent support.
While watching Eren’s sleeping face, Levi could plainly see how pale, how tired it was. Broken yet still so beautiful.
Levi reached out to brush the young man’s hair back, not even recoiling from how oily it was. He only made a mental note to wash it for Eren when he was not too worried to leave his side.
Moving over to sit next to Eren on his bed, Levi was careful not to jostle Mikasa who was fast asleep with her head resting on her folded arms by Eren’s legs. She was about as worried for the her brother as Levi was and he didn’t argue with her when she refused to leave after she started falling asleep in her chair.
After he made sure he didn’t wake her, Levi turned his attention back to the boy in front of him. Taking Eren’s hand in his and intertwining their fingers tightly he slowly leaned down to rest his forehead against Eren’s, closing his eyes.
“Wake up, you stupid brat,” he whispered, deep emotion barely detectable in his words. “Don’t you forget there are people who care about you.”
Don’t forget I love you.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Levi,
what
do you think you’re doing in here.”
The man in question looked up at me, his cold, grey eyes shooting sharp daggers deep into my soul. This was the stare of someone who killed and saw people get killed. Who saw so much blood on a daily basis that he didn’t care anymore who died as long as he got what he wanted.
It almost froze me in place. He was scary, terrifying even. I could feel a dark aura around him, almost like all the very powers of nature were complying to his will.
This was the power of the Ackermans, of the last pure vampire bloodline in the world. I only ever saw it in action once, back when we were happily, freshly in love. Back then, I was walking back from work at night; I was attacked, overpowered by two or three guys who were planning to rob me and judging by their comments, rape me. But Levi came to save me, nearly ripping the guys to pieces if I hadn’t stopped him. He had sensed I was in danger; maybe he could smell it, maybe he put some form of magic or bond on me. I never asked, I was just grateful he came to save when I needed it.
He was the same back then, had the same dark aura and the same dangerous eyes.
Only now I didn’t feel relieved to see it.
“What do you think?” he asked me then, he voice low and cold. “I’m here to get my lover back.”
That tone of voice… It sent a shiver down my spine. I have never, in all the years I have known him, heard him talk like that. But I couldn’t let it overwhelm me. Wasn’t I supposed to be used to it? To be the only one who could fight the urge to cower before the vampire’s anger, the only one to hold my own against the incredible power hidden inside him? That why he chose me, after all. Or so he’s always claimed.
I gulped heavily and forced myself to snap out of it. I couldn’t let myself be intimidated here.
I crossed my arms on my chest, glaring right back at Levi. “It’s the middle of the night.”
Levi clicked his tongue, obviously annoyed at my remark. “I’m a vampire,” he stated, as if that explained everything.
“You’ve never been nocturnal, to my knowledge,” I snapped back. I didn’t feel so tense anymore, letting my anger push back the instinctual fear, and I rolled my eyes at him. “Get the hell out of this room right now.”
“No. My lover left me; I need to get him back and slaughter everyone who’s ever hurt him,” he said in a tone sounding even more dangerous than before, just as he turned away from me to stare back at the computer screen.
I could only groan. “It’s a motherfucking game, Levi, it’s not going anywhere.” My sharp statement didn’t even phase him, instead he put his headphones back on and unpaused the game. I was just about done with his shit.
I marched forward to stand as close to him as I could and I glowered down at him until he paused the game again – of course, with yet another irritated click of his tongue. “
What,
Eren?”
“Turn it off or I turn it off for you,” I threatened as I raised my hand, hovering it dangerously close to the computer’s power button.
“Don’t you fucking dare, Eren!” Levi jumped, making a grab for my hand, but I was faster, stepping away and out of his reach.
I narrowed my eyes at him, pointedly staring at the sharp claws that would have ripped open my skip have I not escaped. Fucking bastard. “
Or what?
Levi, for the love of god, go to sleep.”
Levi glared at me silently for a moment before finally opening his mouth – and baring his fangs at me. “I have sharp teeth and I’m not afraid to use them on you.”
...Was he serious.
“Our fucking
cat
has sharp teeth. Levi I swear to god if you don’t come back to bed right now I’m calling Hanji to take you away for experiments. I know she’ll so excited. She'll keep you in her lab and you won’t see that fucking game for a month.”
Dead silence settled over the game room following my statement.
I got the pleasure of watching as it settled in for him with his claws retreating and the room temperature raising slowly. I could practically see his figurative ears and tail drooping as he looked up at me with begging eyes. “But my lover is hurt,” he said in defiant tone that sounded so painfully defeated that I almost felt sorry for him.
“And your
husband
is pissed and telling you to come fucking cuddle.”
It didn’t take me 2 minutes to get him back to bed after that.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Eren didn’t even jump when the door to his solitary confinement room slammed closed. He just continued staring at his clasped hands blankly as he listened to the newcomer’s sharp steps until a pair of boots appeared in his field of vision. And even then he didn’t look up.
“How’s everyone?” he only asked quietly, almost carelessly.
The person in front of him clicked his tongue. “Crying or passed out from crying,” came the clipped answer. Eren didn’t say anything, only his hands clasped a bit tighter. “You have 2 minutes to explain yourself, Eren.”
Eren still didn’t move even at the cold, carefully measured tone, but his eyes did slide up to take in the stiff posture and strained facial expression of Captain Levi. “I told you. I explained everything in the letter,” he said flatly after a moment, voice and eyes void of any emotion.
Levi’s eyes narrowed as he glared down at his so-called lover. “You know what I’m talking about, shithead. Why the fuck did you just run off like that?”
Finally, Eren sat up straight, looking Levi in the eyes. “What was I supposed to do? Wait until Marley came at
us
?”
“Wait for a fucking solid plan. Not force our hand and put yourself and everyone else in needless danger,” Levi growled through gritted teeth.
Eren only let out an unamused chuckle. “Who was it who kept repeating to me to make my own choices?”
The two stared at each other for a long, tense moment before Levi asked, helplessness creeping up into his tone, “What the fuck happened to you, Eren?”
“Nothing, really.”
Levi scoffed, taking one more step closer, invading Eren’s personal space and grabbing the dirty young man by the collar, pulling him closer. Eren didn’t even flinch, just continued staring blankly at Levi. “Bullshit,” Levi spat, full of venom, a hint of anger flashing on his face. “You look like the fucking rats in the underground. You’re fucking
broken
, Eren. Talk to me. What the fuck happened.”
“Really, nothing happened.” Eren felt Levi pull him closer still, their noses almost touching now, and his lip twitched in a tiny, humourless smirk. “I just accepted the role of Humanity’s Hope.”
Levi paused at that, his grip going slack. He frowned, searching Eren’s eyes for a sign that he was kidding.
But Eren’s gaze was unmoving, empty, sure. Sure of his fate and role and responsibility.
And as Eren’s shirt slipped from Levi’s fingers completely, Captain Levi could only wonder if
they
did this to him.
If he was a part of the reason his sunshine was slowly dying out.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Eren, Mikasa, and Armin grew up together, went through a lot together, and there was a bond stronger than just that of childhood friends between them. The cared about each other so much it hurt, willing to die and kill for one another, and sharing everything, be it pain, happiness, or their belongings.
Everything but one thing, that is.
Ever since Eren first tried the japanese snack Pocky, he was obsessed. He could eat it all day, every day, trying every flavour he could find and loving all of it. Even the flavours that he would avoid were they anything else and ones that Mikasa said tasted like ass, he would eat and protect every last stick with his life.
Both Armin and Mikasa had quickly learned the hard way that Eren did
not
share his Pocky. Period.
It’s been years and not once did anyone manage to leave unscathed after trying to steal one. Sasha almost lost a few of her fingers on more than one occasion, particularly that one time when she tried to argue with the “Share happiness!” slogan Pocky boasted.
Eren told her he would share all the happiness she wanted but never his last fucking box of matcha. Armin had to jump in right then to prevent bloodshed by promising Sasha he would buy her a box on the way home from school.
And so, it was like they were seeing a mirage when on a certain Monday morning the two of them joined Eren in their first shared class of the day only to witness Levi the TA walking by a few minutes later, stealing one of Eren’s Pocky without the boy batting an eye on his way. Armin and Mikasa shared a shocked look before simultaneously turning to stare at Eren.
“What?” Eren asked, sounding mildly annoyed at their silent questioning.
“The Shrimp took your Pocky,” Mikasa stated with seemingly no emotion in her voice, nodding her head towards the teacher’s desk.
Eren frowned, looking almost offended at the implications of her words. “So?” he asked, as if what just happened wasn’t completely unheard of.
Armin shook his head, trying to get his mind around what was happening. It was honestly more confusing than trying to figure out the tax system. “Eren,” he started slowly, “you do
not
share Pocky.”
Armin and Mikasa watched in amazement and raised brows as a blush slowly crept on Eren’s cheeks, their best friend fumbling for words and obviously searching for anything to say in his defence.
Apparently finding nothing plausible to explain his lack of bared teeth snarling at their teacher, Eren finally decided to evade the question completely by placing a new stick between his teeth and turning away from his friends, making his best to ignore them. The two of them exchanged glances again, this time even more confused than before.
“Eren,” Mikasa said sternly, a clear warning in her voice and Armin instinctively shrunk back. She sounded way too much like Eren’s mom for his liking right then. “What’s going on?”
She was glaring at Eren so fiercely, that she didn’t notice the shadow that appeared next to them. Armin, however, looked up, watching with wide eyes as their TA walked back up to them and stood right next to Eren, a lazy smirk on his lips while he listened to Mikasa questioning Eren and him actively pretending she wasn’t there.
Armin almost couldn’t believe his eyes when the short man reached out and grabbed the Pocky stick in Eren’s mouth, breaking it off before he leaned in and pressed his lips to Eren’s mouth instead.
Eren squaked his protests immediately, pushing Levi off with a furious blush on his face and a half-hearted slap to the TA’s arm while he mumbled something incoherent that only made Levi chuckle and run his hand through Eren’s long hair.
The blond could only gape at them, his eyes going wide as he tried to comprehend what he was seeing. Was this… what he thought it was? Were they seriously…? With their TA?
"Get your hands off him," came a growl from Mikasa a moment later, and Armin immediately reached out to place a placating hand on her forearm. It wouldn't do for them to tear each other apart in the middle of the lecture room.
Eren groaned at her stern, dangerous tone that prompted him to hide his face in his hands and Armin almost felt sorry for his best friend. He imagined this wasn't how he wanted them to find out about… whatever this was.
But then again, he didn't actually tell them anything about it so a good, long talk with a pissed off Mikasa seemed appropriate.
"I don't know what the deal is here," Levi spoke up then, amusement undeniable in his voice. "We're just
sharing happiness,"
he finished with a challenging smirk in Mikasa's direction.
"Shut up, Levi," Eren muttered with despair, prompting Levi to chuckle again as he ruffled Eren's hair and shoved the stolen Pocky in his mouth before turning around and leaving the three of them alone.
Armin could swear he saw Eren lean into the touch, following after Levi's hand while he left in an effort to prolong the touch he had on his hair, but he didn't particularly want to dwell on that. They had more pressing matters to deal with, such as Mikasa's murderous rage and Eren keeping things from his closest friends.
When he deemed the silence hanging between them uncomfortable enough for Eren to be sufficiently frustrated, Armin finally spoke up, "So. Since when is 'sharing happiness' a reasonable enough excuse for you?"
A high-pitched, pathetic whine was his only response before the class started and Armin was satisfied.
For now.