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Haru waits for Rin.It’s a warm evening, the last of the days heat still lingering in the air, but while normally this would signal the promise of spring, of the approach toward summer and seas warm enough to swim in, tonight it’s different. An unwelcome reminder of the rapid march of time. Of Rin’s imminent departure. He sits straight and a little tense, shoulders tight. His muscles are still satisfyingly worn from swimming with Rin earlier that day - he can feel it with each little shift he makes. Each ache a tender reminder of races won and lost. Of smiles shared.He wishes that was all it was, but it’s impossible to deny that since he heard the news from Nagisa there’s been a different tension there too.Rin once told him to swim for him, as good as demanded it. It feels like such a long time ago now, and so much has happened between them since, but Haru sometimes wonders what Rin would think if he realised that since that day Haru never really stopped. That every time he swims, a part of it, a part of him, belongs to Rin.And so when he heard that Rin was wavering, he knew he had to do something and fast. He’s not even sure what he’s going to say. But he has to say something, anything, if Rin is having doubts, questioning his talent, his promise, the brightness of his future. He wonders how it is he didn’t notice. Haru thinks he pays more attention to Rin than he should these days, and yet he hadn’t picked up any sign of this. When he plays back over the past weeks all he sees are Rin’s bright smiles, the light of his eyes, the confident jut of his jaw as he delivered yet another dumb boast or challenge, knowing Haru would race him to the ends of the earth if he asked him to.The feeling of easy touches between them - an arm over his shoulder, a ruffle of his hair, fingers brushing as they pass goggles and drinks and towels back and forth between them. Touches Haru could get lost in if he’s not careful…Could all of it have been an act? Has he just been hiding it from him? Haru’s stomach twists at the thought. So he waits and only hopes that somehow he can do for Rin what Rin has done for him - Rin’s optimism, his enthusiasm, his wide-eyed wonder at everything the world might be able to offer them having swept Haru along in their current until his own feet were steady enough to take the weight and carry him forward.He’s only just found his dream. He can’t lose it, can’t lose Rin again so soon.Rin arrives so exactly on time that Haru almost wishes he’d given him a few more moments to brood, to try and prepare for how he was going to fix this.“Yo Haru.”Rin’s frame is relaxed, but his face betrays his curiosity. It’s not like phoning in the middle of the night and declaring ‘we need to talk’ is exactly normal behaviour between them. In fact, Rin had sounded so surprised when he picked up that Haru felt a sharp stab of guilt at it, immediately promising himself that he’ll be the one to text or call first more often in future.Haru also thinks Rin looks a little dressed up. His favourite jacket on and his hair carefully styled. Almost like he’s just coming back from being out somewhere. But wasn’t he home when Haru called him?He drops his gaze quickly so as to prevent his look from lingering too long.“Rin we need to talk.”Rin’s smile is a little tight; the imperfect suppression of his nerves. “Yeah, you said that much on the phone. Are you...is everything ok Haru?”He settles himself down on the bench next to Haru, and right away Haru can feel Rin’s warmth bleed into his skin. It’s a battle not to lean into the feeling.“I heard about the showdown tomorrow from Nagisa and Rei.”“Ah, that.” Rin rubs the back of his neck looking bashful. “That’s personal. I asked them not to drag you into it. You don’t need to worry about it.”
It's personal.
“Rin you can’t just tell me not to be worried. Of course I’m worried!” Haru is incredulous, but Rin just frowns back at him.“Haru? Why are you getting so worked up?”“Because I care Rin. I’ll race you anytime but---“Wait, you want to race me for Gou too?!” Rin interrupts looking like he might be sick.And Haru doesn’t understand it. Doesn’t understand any of what Rin is saying.“What’s Gou got to do with this?”Rin seems to be avoiding his eyes, so Haru crowds up close against him until their noses almost bump, his grip on the bench so tight his knuckles turn white.“Rin don’t change the subject. And don’t shut me out. You can’t quit now. It was because of you I was able to find my dream. To face the future. After everything, everything we’ve been through. That can’t all mean nothing. You have to keep swimming no matter what. You’re not behind ok. You’re nothing like a persimmon. You’re Rin and you’re the most ….”“Woah, woah, woah.” Rin flails his arms looking utterly confused now. “A persi...Haru what are you talking about? Who said anything about me quitting swimming?”“You mean you won’t quit if you lose?”“No, I ...HEY! Wait just a minute! I am NOT going to lose! That’s my sister on the line here”“You’re racing for Gou?” Haru repeats slowly.“Yeah… I saw Momo and Gou on a date and then Momo challenged me to a race for something important. So tomorrow I’m going against Momo and Seijuro and if he wins...wait, what did you think was happening?”Realisation dawns, the mismatched sides of their conversation finally tessellating into place.“I think there has been a mistake,” Haru says quietly looking at his hands. “Momo wants your Northern Stoplit Loosy-kun figure. And I don’t think what you saw was a date. There was a meeting to plan your leaving surprise.”He sinks back feeling his cheeks heat, all at once registering just how close their faces, their mouths were. Oh no. He’s misunderstood, and in doing so surely he’s shown too much of himself.But Rin is laughing, and it’s the most wonderful sound.“You mean to tell me this is all about that dumb toy? I thought Gou had a secret boyfriend! And you looked so worried Haru. It really means that much to you that I keep swimming?”Rin’s voice is a little mischievous, clearly fishing, but Haru figures it’s too late now to try playing it cool. May as well go for broke.“Yes. It means that much to me.”That shuts Rin up.“Oh.”A long pause."Me too. I mean with you.”Before Haru can weigh the meaning of the exchange though, a detail niggles at him from the earlier confusion.“Wait a second, you thought it was Gou I wanted.” Haru blinks at the thought. How would that even work? I mean, sure he likes Gou a lot. But she’s Rin sister and Rin is ... well, Rin. Rin doesn’t quite meet his eyes and his laughter becomes a little stilted. “Everyone seems to be after my sister these days…”“I’m not.” Haru interrupts, voice a little sharper than he intends.Rin breathes out a sigh. “Yeah, I guess not. I mean I hope...I hope I would have noticed that.”After a heavy beat of silence, he turns back Haru, eyes glittering.“So we’re really racing together tomorrow? You’ll help me take on Momo and Seijuro? Won’t they be mad at you for ruining the surprise? Just like you not to be able to keep a secret Haru.” You’d be surprised. Haru thinks and stares back at his hands. “It’s not my fault …” He grumbles, but inside he is a little crestfallen. He looks up a Rin through his hair. “Is it really ruined now?”“Nah Haru. Are you kidding me? Getting to swim again with you one more time before I go, that’s the best surprise I could ask for.”Rin’s smile is so wide, his eyes luminous, as enthusiastic as a kid again. Not for the first time, Haru marvels at him.“Just that... it’s really enough?”“Yeah Haru, it’s everything to me.”Haru’s sucks in a small breath, the glow that spreads from his chest right down to his fingers and toes momentarily stealing the air from his lungs. He’s going to miss this so much, the way just a few words, a certain look from Rin can make him feel like he could swim across oceans and still not be tired.He’s really going to miss Rin.Rin clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. He gestures to the sky a little wildly, executing a hasty change in topic.“There are so many stars out tonight. Have you ever seen this many Haru? I don’t think I’ve seen this many my whole life. It’s-”Rin could have been about to say any number of things: beautiful, amazing, strange, impressive.But Haru gets there first, finishing for him softly.“Romantic, right?”Rin turns to him surprised. “...yeah.”A little infinity passes in the look they share.And then Haru’s nerve breaks and he looks away, looks back to the limitless expanse above them cursing himself, his lingering weaknesses.He wonders if among all those stars, all the planets, all the universe, there might be another Haru and Rin sat just like this. Maybe there are millions. Infinite Haru’s and infinite Rin’s.Rin must be thinking along similar lines as he asks softly, “Nah, Haru, do you ever think if there are other worlds like ours out there? Other lives we could have lived?”Haru’s breath catches, some strange feeling between fear and hope that Rin might really be able to read his mind… know what he thinks. What he feels.“I think you’ve been spending too much time with Rei.” He replies finally, once he’s been able to swallow the lump that has somehow formed in his throat.
“I just mean... it’d be cool you know. Parallel worlds. Other versions of us.”
“You mean like a good one and an evil one?”“I guess, kind of.”Haru chuckles softly.“Maybe you are the evil one.”“And maybe there’s a version of you out there that’s funny”“Or one of you that can beat me.”“Hey!” Rin swats at him but there’s no real heat to it, and Haru is strangely comforted by the ease at which they fall back into gentle teasing and bickering. “Tsk. I just mean... I wonder. If there are more of us out there. But not us.” Rin continues, looking at Haru askance. “Maybe I really am a cop somewhere and you really are a half fish man.”Haru blinks at him for a moment, then he remembers Rin’s ridiculous childhood dream and snickers. “You still want to bite me Rin?”Rin blushes and looks away. “Shuttup. I just ... it’s interesting to think about, right? All those possibilities. All the ways things could be different.”Rin sounds suddenly wistful and Haru doesn’t like it. Sure, he himself might have idly wished in years gone by for planets made of water, for an ordinary life. But now he doesn’t want ordinary. Doesn’t to be anywhere but where he is now.He wants Rin to feel the same, needs him to in some urgent way so he asks, “What would you change Rin? If you could be you, but different?”Rin’s answer comes quiet, tentative.“Sometimes I think I’d change a lot.” “About us?”“No. About me. Maybe. Sometimes I wouldn’t change much at all. But sometimes… Maybe I’d make it so I didn’t have to leave. Didn’t have to leave you.”Rin says it automatically, almost absently before he catches himself and draws his hands into fists.He sets off babbling again - telling Haru about the differences in the constellations you can see here and in Sydney - but Haru isn’t looking at the stars anymore.
He watches Rin. Watches the curve of his lips as he speaks. Watches the flush travelling over his cheeks. The way his fingers worry at the hem of his jacket. The way his skin glows pale in the starlight. The way his bangs ruffle slightly in the breeze.And Haru wonders if in all the universes there is a Haru that’s brave enough to reach out. To show Rin the truth he’s kept locked away for so long.
Then he wonders why it can’t be this one.With a courage Haru didn’t know he had, he reaches for Rin’s hand, fingers tentatively touching, then when they meet no resistance lacing together. For a moment Rin is still, then he grips back so hard it might have hurt were it not for the fact that the idea that he might have pulled out of his reach is so much more painful.Rin looks away quickly, but too slow to hide his blush, then his gaze creeps back to their entwined hands.“Rin...is it ok?” Haru asks, breath lodged in his throat. His heart is racing, equal parts excitement and fear. This is it. They’re stood together on the cusp, of so much change, of the futures that rush to greet them. But with Rin by his side, hand so warm in his own, Haru feels solid and safe. He’s ready.“Yeah.” Rin’s voice is soft, slightly wavering but the press of his hand against Haru’s is steady.“Haru I have to go back. I don’t want to leave you… but I have to.”Haru turns and presses his lips briefly against Rin’s cheek. “I know.”He finds it a little damp so he repeats the action, brushing away quiet tears with tentative kisses.Slowly, ever so slowly, Rin turns his head. And just like that, it’s no longer his cheek that Haru is kissing.Eventually, Rin pulls back a little to look at Haru, his eyes bright and full of some urgent emotion. “Haru I want you to know it won’t... I won’t be like last time. Ok?”Haru smiles back at him and looks at the stars reflected in his eyes.“I know. Everything is different now.”