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The phone rings twice before it’s picked up, and there’s a familiar voice on the other end. “Xavier Institute, Danielle speaking.”
“Dani,” Xi’an says, nearly in tears at the sound of her dear friend’s voice. “It’s me.”
“Shan!” Dani says in a hushed tone. “Hang on.” The sound of movement, fumbling about. Xi’an can picture her unwinding the phone cord and going to sit in the walk-in pantry, which served as kind of a private phone booth for the New Mutants when they didn’t want conversations eavesdropped on. “Where are you? Are you alright?”
“I’m in Madripoor,” Xi’an says, also keeping her voice down. She doesn’t want her uncle to hear and grow angry with her for contacting her superhero friends in America. “I… just got settled. I’m okay. How are you? And the Mutants?”
“I…” More movement, like Dani is fidgeting with the phone. The crinkling of chip bags in the pantry as she adjusts. Something like a muffled sob. “Oh, Shan…”
“What is it?” Xi’an asks sharply.
“It’s Doug,” she says, her voice raw with pain. Xi’an feels the sharpness of apprehension in her gut, guilt curling like a snake.
She left her friends, and now something’s happened
. “We were in a battle. There was a man there, the Ani-Mator, and he had a gun. He was going to shoot Rahney. And Doug… Doug jumped in front of her.”
“
Mon dieu
,” Xi’an gasps, gripping the receiver tight against her ear, picturing Doug growing pale in a hospital bed, picturing sweet, fragile Doug Ramsey laid up on an operating table as doctors work to save his life. “What’s happening? Is he going to be okay?”
“He… he’s dead, Shan.”
There’s a roaring in Xi’an’s ears like a tidal wave, and she has to take the phone away from her ear for a moment, trying to stop the noise. She clutches the receiver to her chest, playing what Dani said over and over again in her head.
He’s dead, Shan. He’s dead, Shan
. She left her friends, and now one of them is dead.
She focuses, centers herself. Distantly, she can hear Dani calling her name, her voice tinny and echoey through the phone.
“Yes, I’m still here,” she responds, bringing the phone back up. “I… oh, Dani. Oh…”
“I know,” Dani says, the scratchy, tired sound of someone who has cried all the tears in her and has been left with nothing but a persistent ache. Xi’an recognizes it. “I wish I could have told you sooner, but we didn’t have a number to reach you.” She left her friends, and she didn’t even give them a way to reach her and now one of them is dead.
“I’m so sorry,” she says, before she realizes she’s saying it. “I shouldn’t have left.”
“Oh… honey, no, it isn’t your fault,” Dani promises. “Goddammit, everybody thinks it’s their fault. Rahne blames herself and Sam blames himself, Jesus, even
Warlock
blames himself. Shan, it’s like I can’t
breathe
. It’s like… it’s like none of us can even
miss
Doug or
grieve
him properly because we’re all so wrapped up in whose fault it was.” She exhales, shaky, and Xi’an can tell that’s a tirade Dani’s been holding in for days. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Xi’an says.
“I miss you.”
Xi’an wants to tell her that she wishes she could come home, but it’s worthless because she knows she can’t. She still has to find Nga and Leong. She wants to tell Dani that she’ll do everything she can to honor Doug’s memory, even now, even in Madripoor. She wants to say that he’s in a better place now, and that the New Mutants will heal.
All she says is, “I miss you, too.”
Jessica Drew hurls herself into the apartment. “Turn on the news.
Now
. You're gonna wanna see this.” Jess doesn't have much of a bedside manner or a “gentle” voice, but this is closest to it.
“Is it about Nga and Leong?” Xi'an asks, fumbling for the remote.
“No, sweetie,” Lindsay McCabe says. She is the honey to Jess's vinegar, and she glides in now and takes a seat on the sofa beside Xi'an. “It's about the New Mutants.”
The television finally flickers to life, returning to one of the two American news channels they get in Madripoor. “... has been identified as Rahne Sinclair, a student from New York and alleged mutant. The president of Genosha has released a statement declaring that Sinclair will be tried in court as an enemy of the state.”
“Rahne?” Xi'an gasps, turning the volume up.
A breaking news banner on the screen describes the current situation as an international incident in Genosha. “There are reportedly at least two other mutants are in Genoshan custody,” the newscaster continues, her steady voice ringing in Xi'an's ears. “For those of you just tuning in, we're receiving reports that the Republic of Genosha has several American mutants in custody, among them Rahne Sinclair. The mutant called Warlock, another American student, died earlier today in an attempt to escape. Mutant liaison Valerie Cooper is unavailable for comment at this time…”
Xi'an can't hear over the roaring in her ears.
Died earlier today in an attempt to escape
…
Died earlier today… Died…
“N-no, no,” she mumbles, turning the TV remote over and over in her hands as if that might change anything. “What was he doing there? What are
any
of them doing…?”
“I'm not sure what's going on,” Jess admits, looking furious at the prospect of not knowing. “I tried calling Storm, and Stevie Hunter, but they aren't answering my calls.”
“I'm so sorry,” Lindsay says, patting Xi'an's shoulder gently. “He was your friend, right?”
Was
. Past-tense. “Yes,” Xi'an says, staring at the television screen without seeing it. “Warlock… he was my friend.” Selffriend.
The three of them stay glued to the TV all day, watching the anchors struggle to keep up with all the craziness coming out of Genosha.
Jess and Xi'an keep desperately trying to form plans, to find a way to help, but Lindsay gently reminds them both that even if they had a way to get to Genosha, what would they do? How would they make a difference?
The X-Men are handling this. Warlock is dead.
All Xi'an can do is watch.
Another year, and she remains in Madripoor. Roberto and Sam didn’t call before arriving on the island and showing up at her doorstep, which is an immediate red flag, but Xi’an tucks that away and invites them in with open arms. “It has been far too long,” she announces, pecking Bobby on the cheek and standing on her toes to kiss Sam’s cheek as well. “How are you? And the Mutants?”
“It has been a long time,” Bobby says, ghost of a smile on his face. “We aren’t New Mutants anymore, menina, we’re X-Force.”
“Sounds… militaristic,” she says. “But to be fair, it wasn't too long ago I moved out of my crime lord uncle’s place, so who am I to judge?” She laughs, a little bit forced. “Can I get you anything to drink? I think Lindsay keeps ten different kinds of iced tea in the fridge.”
“Water would be great,” Sam says. They spread out into the apartment, which is small but tidy. Xi’an always was painfully organized.
“I’ll try a tea,” Bobby says, curiosity getting the better of him in more ways than one. “So… Lindsay is…?”
“A friend,” Xi’an says sharply.
“Cool, cool.” She doesn’t miss the look that Bobby shoots Sam, but it doesn’t bug her. If anything, she feels suddenly like she’s back at school, jibing and joking with her classmates. It’s a feeling she’s missed. Bobby coughs. “Sam’s immortal now. Oh, and he’s dating Boom Boom. Boomer, sorry.”
Xi’an pauses halfway to getting the bottle of iced tea out of the refrigerator. “He’s
what
?”
“We don’t gotta talk about that,” Sam mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck. His cheeks have turned bright pink.
“Wait, which one do you not want to talk about?” Xi’an says. She hands Bobby his glass bottle of iced tea and starts filling a glass of tap water for Sam. “The girlfriend or the immortality?”
“They directly contradict each other,” Bobby says. “Because his girlfriend is probably going to kill us all one day.”
Xi’an snickers and hands the water to Sam. She grabs a tea for herself and clinks with Bobby before drinking. “So. You didn’t come all the way here to tease poor Sam.”
“No,” Bobby says, ducking his head. Both of them immediately sober. Something’s happened, something’s happened. Xi’an can feel it, like static in the air. “No, we… we’re here with news, Shan.”
Xi’an takes a long sip of cold green tea, wishing she could just have a normal night together with her friends, wishing the world wasn’t such a mess, wishing people could show up on her doorstep without giving her bad news. “Tell me,” she says finally, gripping the cold bottle tight in her hand. Beads of condensation glide down the surface of it.
And Sam says, “Illyana is dead.”
The bottle slides from her hand and shatters on the floor, shards of glass going everywhere. Tea splashes up and onto her leg, and Xi’an’s shaking hand comes up to cover her mouth. “N-no… how did… ? She was just
une petite fille
, how could…? I don’t understand. I don’t…”
“C’mere.” Bobby tugs her close and wraps his arms tight around her. Roberto is an inch taller than her, and weirdly, hugging him and sobbing into his shoulder reminds her so much of the way she would cling to Tran when they were children, before everything went wrong. “It was the Legacy Virus,” Bobby explains. “She was too sick… she wasn’t gonna… she just.” His own hands are shaking, too. He strokes the back of her head and Sam stands close by, a hand on each of their shoulders.
A tiny, broken family reeling with loss.
“There wasn’t time t’tell you before the funeral,” Sam says later, after they’ve all maneuvered to the couch so they can sit and talk and cry together.
“The funeral,” Xi’an says. “What was it like?”
Sam and Bobby exchange a glance. “It was an X-Men funeral,” Bobby sighs. “Make of that what you will.”
“She’s buried at Xavier’s. It’s, uh. She’s buried right next to Doug.”
Right next to Doug, where Warlock's ashes are scattered. Tiny Illyana, who was supposed to get older and get a chance to be a normal teenager without all the hellfire and brimstone. Their world doesn't work like that, though.
Xi'an presses a hand to her chest, adrift in grief. “Growing up is killing us all, one by one,” she says.
Neither Sam nor Bobby disputes her.