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Nagisa groaned, thudding his head lightly on the table in front of him. He wasn’t understanding anything that the teacher was going through. At all. Everything sounded like gibberish and was in a foreign language. Math made less sense to him than English did to Haruka, and the freestyle swimmer had nearly failed that class several times. It didn’t help that Nagisa sat at the very back of the classroom, it was far too easy to get distracted back there. He didn’t have a teacher breathing down the back of his neck or the pressure of twenty-some students looking at him because he just so happened to be the closest to the board. It also didn’t help that he was directly behind Rei, the object of his affection for some time now. It’s not like he was in love or anything. He just… Really liked Rei. That’s all it was. His magenta eyes found their way to the back of Rei’s head, cheek flat against his desk. Rei was kind of cute, too. And smart. Really nice. Nagisa puffed out his cheeks slightly, feeling them dust over with blush the more he thought about Rei. Okay.. So maybe Nagisa was in love. It didn’t mean anything, everyone falls in love when they’re young. It’s just a stupid thing that happens and you either get hurt or get over it. He’d seen it happen with Makoto, and with Rin… Both over Haruka, believe it or not. Even though it’d worked out with Makoto and Haru, they were still very close friends… Rin and Haruka had been alienated for a very long time. He didn’t want that to happen with Rei... He valued their friendship too much, even if it was strictly platonic like he assumed Rei wanted it to be. Now say it was the opposite situation. Nagisa knew he wasn’t strong like Makoto was, he wasn’t going to be able to just smile and nod after he’d been hurt or rejected. He’d always had a problem with conclusion-jumping, and with overreacting. It’d ruin everything. He tried once more to sight up straight and focus, chewing on the end of his pencil as he squinted at the board. The blonde jolted in shock as he noticed that the class had moved on quite a bit since he’d last looked up. Now he was more lost than ever. Horrified, he leaned forward, practically on top of his whole desk to flick Rei’s earlobe. He did this at least four more times before Rei finally snapped his head around. “ Nagisa-kun, please stop that. I’m trying to concentrate. “ Rei sighed slightly, adjusting his glasses as he kept his voice down. “ I know, Rei-chan~!! I am too. I just.. heh. “ He bit his lip softly, scratching the side of his face lightly as he glanced off to the side. “ ...See, I had to tie my shoe and I missed some of the notes... Can you copy yours down for me? ” “ …. “ Rei’s eyebrow arched, but he nodded, taking Nagisa’s notebook for a moment. “ You’re lucky I was a bit ahead in the notes. ” He said under his breath, looking over the notes Nagisa had already taken. He was immediately overwhelmed with the fact that Nagisa’s paper was completely blank, regardless of the fact they had been in class for at least a half hour already. “ ..Nagisa-kun-- “ “ Ryugazaki-kun, is there something wrong? “ The teacher folded his arms over his chest slightly, eyes locked on the navy haired male who was clearly turned to talk to Nagisa. Nagisa, on the other hand, was sitting up straight, glancing innocently up at the teacher. He looked like the perfect student in that moment, leaving Rei defeated and humiliated. “ A-Ah… No, sensei. Not at all. My sincere apologies. “ Rei bowed his head quickly, keeping it down as he turned back to face the board. His face was the same hue as his glasses as he quickly scribbled down the notes Nagisa failed to write himself. When the teacher turned back to the board, resuming instruction once again, the class once again found little interest in Rei or Nagisa. They were free to do whatever it is they did when no one was watching… Which wasn’t very different from what they did when people were watching. Nagisa, feeling immediately guilty, leaned forward once more. “ Rei-chan.. I didn’t mean to get you in trouble. I’m really sorry. ” “ Do you want these notes written or not, Nagisa? Just be quiet and try to focus right now. I know we can go over it later on, but that’s no excuse not to pay attention.” Rei cringed inwardly as he heard the bitterness in his tone. He was embarrassed, that was all. Nagisa got him into trouble on a daily basis, but even so, Rei truly did not mind it at all. He just wished Nagisa could learn to settle down a little. It wasn’t good for him to be so reckless all the time, one of these days it’s going to be him that gets in trouble. “ ...It’s alright. Just… Give me a moment, okay? Focus hard, or maybe you can take notes for me on a separate sheet? “ Oh, how the blonde hated the word ‘focus’. He frowned lightly, mumbling under his breath in response. “ My notes are never good enough. They don’t even make sense to me.” He tore out a page regardless, glaring up at the board as he took down notes the best he could. It wasn’t long before the pages were traded, Nagisa smiling lightly at the perfect handwriting that was Rei’s. It was so neat and organized. He wrote in pen a lot, too, something that wasn’t really unique but that Nagisa was fascinated with. He scanned the notes, trying to re-teach himself the things the rest of the class probably already understood. As his eyes trailed along the paper, he grinned to himself. In the very bottom corner of his notes, there was a mildly out of place statement, paired with a smiley face. ‘ You can do this, Nagisa. I believe in you. :) ‘He found himself staring at that statement with tears in his eyes until the bell rang. Snapping out of his daydreams, he quickly grabbed his things, bouncing over to Rei’s desk, shaking off any signs of an emotion other than excitement. Rei was still trying to make sense of Nagisa’s notes, admittedly, but he’d gotten caught up on everything else. The navy-haired male stood after a while, finally gathering his things. It was the end of the day, so he figured he didn’t need to rush. “ Are you sure your mother is okay with me coming over tonight? “ Nagisa hummed, rocking back on his heels as he waited impatiently for Rei to finish.“ Of course, Nagisa-Kun.” He laughed lightly, shaking his head. “ She adores you, and even if she didn’t, we’re only studying. Were you able to stay the night, or are you not up for it considering it is a school night?”“ Oh! Did you want me to? I didn’t ask, buuut… “ Nagisa wouldn’t have asked even if he knew. It’d become somewhat of a bad habit of his to not really ask permission to do things anymore. He was upset with his family, and vice versa. Though, his sisters did sometimes cover for him. “ ..I’m sure it’d be alright! Are Haru-chan and Mako-chan coming too? ““ I didn’t ask Haruka-senpai yet, but otherwise yes. “ Rei nodded, beginning to walk out of the classroom. “ I figured I would ask him last because he has no parents to ask permission from. ““ Whoa..~ You make it sound like he killed them! “ Nagisa grinned devilishly, darting ahead of Rei only to turn around and walk backward. “ Can you picture it? Haru-chan killing his family? I can’t. ““ ..Why would I even want to?! “ Rei asked, alarmed, eyes widening slightly. “ Honestly, Nagisa-kun-- “ “ Lighten up Rei~chan! Life’s boring if you’re serious aaaaaaaallllllllll the time.” Nagisa waved a finger at Rei, shaking his head in a scolding manner. “ Haven’t you learned that yet? Honestly, Rei-chan.” He mimicked Rei’s voice with the last statement teasingly, rolling his magenta eyes.“ ...A-Anyway… “ Flustered, Rei looked away as he tried to bring the conversation back to where it had started. He practically covered his face with his hand as he pushed his red-framed glasses back into place. “ If you’re not completely sure you can stay with me, then don’t. I don’t want you in any more trouble than you already are. I’d love for you to stay over, though, considering we have a lot to do and I don’t want you taking the train at night.” “ Relax, I’m going to stay. Do you have clothes I could borrow?” Nagisa tilted his head in curiosity. He loved raiding Rei’s closet when he could. There was a lot of… interesting things in there. Rei didn’t have a very good sense of fashion sometimes, but luckily he only frequently wore the things that actually were as beautiful as he thought they were, leaving Nagisa with a whole secret wardrobe to choose from. His favorite outfit to steal from Rei was a butterfly print t-shirt with yellow cargo shorts and a purple suit vest. He wore it every single time he needed something to wear. The shirt was still big on Nagisa even though it was nearly too tight for Rei, and Nagisa needed a belt with the shorts, but he didn’t care. Nagisa was always the last one up and the first one asleep, and Rei’s mother was forever baffled by his bottomless appetite. Nagisa frequently cleaned out the fridge, but he always helped with chores and shopping afterward. Mrs. Ryugazaki frequently made jokes about how they should just adopt Nagisa and get it over with. There were times when Rei’s family even got sick of Nagisa, but it was rare. Those were the days when he’d do nothing but sleep, or when he’d stay for a week or two on end without doing chores. Rei never wanted to say anything during those times, because he knew something had to be wrong for Nagisa not to be his usual chipper self. He’d try and do triple the chores to make it look like Nagisa did his share during those times, but it never really worked out.“ Of course. Though, you really should bring extra clothes more often…” Rei sighed, adjusting his glasses as he did so. Nagisa grinned at him teasingly, blushing lightly as he picked up the pace. “ Nah, where’s the fun in that? Then I wouldn’t have to bug you all the time! ” “ ...That would be the point. ” Once more, the navy-haired male sighed in defeat. He wasn’t upset, not at all. He could never be upset with Nagisa, especially not over something so small. Rei actually thought that Nagisa borrowing clothes on occasion was really adorable and sweet. He enjoyed the sentiment, that Nagisa would rather borrow clothes than to bring spares. Still, one of these days Rei worried he’d have nothing clean for Nagisa to borrow, or that their sizes would be far too different.Nagisa shrugged, dropping the subject. He felt like Rei was annoyed, and he wanted to avoid that at all cost. Rei meant the world to him, and keeping him happy was more important than goofing off. Anything to do with Rei-chan would always be more important, he thought, nodding silently to himself as he walked. After a while, he looked back to Rei, tilting his head slightly in question. “ Hey… Rei-chan… Do you think we could take a break from studying when we get to your house? After all, we’ve been in school all day… ““ Nagisa, would you rather have a break before, during, or after? A break before would mean a much shorter break in between, and only sleeping or eating for a break afterward. You have to remember that you really need to start working harder. Your parents are expecting a lot of you, and-- “ Rei cut himself off. It was unfair of himself to bring up Nagisa’s parents like that; especially because of how much pressure they put on him. It was unreasonable to use them at all in an argument about why Nagisa needed to study. “ ..So are Makoto and Haruka, we all know you can do well. We just want to see you try a little harder. “Nagisa didn’t respond, in fact, his smile vanished, but he kept walking. He was silent until they got to the train station. Then, he subconsciously slowed down, sticking to Rei’s side. He took Rei’s hand, almost in the way a child does it’s mother’s. “ Ne, Rei-chan? I’m tired, do you mind if I sleep on the way to your house? “Flustered and confused, Rei looked down at their hands. He was unsure of why Nagisa was doing this now, after being silent for so long, especially when there was hardly anyone on the train today. Nagisa certainly kept him on his toes, there was never a dull moment with him. Adjusting his glasses clumsily with his free hand, he shook his head slightly.“ Of course I don’t mind. You don’t need to ask my permission for something like that, Nagisa-kun. “ The navy-haired swimmer smiled softly, giving Nagisa’s hand a light squeeze. He was slightly stunned by the faint blush that tainted the penguin’s cheeks as he did so, but it was easily overlooked. It was cold, after all, and Nagisa never was one to wear warm clothing.Nagisa returned the slight squeeze of the hand, yawning lightly as he did. The fact Rei did small, comforting things like that was not helping the blonde renounce his feelings at all. Every day he was more aware of the fact he was in love with his best friend. Everyone saw it, besides Rei of course, and that killed him. He was scared for Rei to find out…. But he was more scared that Rei never would. Nagisa had never felt this strongly about someone before ever in his life. If things crashed and burned, he worried he never would again, too. Rei was his closest friend, his only love, and in Nagisa’s opinion, the best thing that ever happened to him and the others. If it weren’t for Rei, there would be no swim club. When Rei found them a seat, in one of the least crowded cars, Nagisa instantly lay his head on the butterfly’s shoulder. He was already almost asleep, exhausted from thinking; both about life and schoolwork. Rei sighed slightly under his breath, feeling guilty about how stressed out Nagisa was. It wasn’t his fault, and he knew that, but he hated seeing Nagisa struggle. It was much more upsetting than it should have been. “ ...We can take a break when we get home. Or maybe work on homework that isn’t math, to start slow, okay? “ Rei offered, turning his head slightly to address his friend. “ I don’t want to overwork you, especially because you’re so tired, but we do have a lot of work to get done. Both our grades need to stay up in order for us to swim, you know that. ““...I know. I understand, Rei-chan. Thank you. “ Nagisa nodded, blinking his magenta eyes as he stared ahead out a window. He yawned once more, his eyelids feeling heavy. “ ..I really, really, really hate school. ““ I understand. But it’s necessary. “ Rei kept his voice calm and quiet, petting Nagisa’s golden locks soothingly, hoping the blonde could fall asleep soon. It was a long ride, after all. “ Let’s move on for now, alright? It’s going to be okay. I’ll help you every step of the way. ““ I know you will. “ Nagisa smiled, closing his eyes. He was asleep within a matter of minutes and slept the whole ride with his head resting on Rei’s shoulder.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Rei had to keep himself completely still the whole ride. He occasionally rested his head on top of Nagisa’s, but the occasional bump from the train ride ended up with him clunking his head against the blonde. He was worried about waking him up that way, so he tried to sit as straight as possible, keeping his right shoulder slackened to make it more comfortable. The more he moved, the less comfortable he felt. As the ride went on, Rei wondered more and more why Nagisa didn’t simply choose to lay on an empty bench. He'd have more space, after all. Could Nagisa really have wanted to be next to him that badly? Sure, his teammate could be a bit clingy, but he'd never assumed something as drastic as getting separation anxiety from being a few seats away. Not wanting to get his hopes up, he dismissed the idea. However, the thought didn’t stay gone long. Like the butterfly he was so known for, his thoughts swarmed and fluttered about in his head. The longer the ride went on, the more frequently memory of Nagisa latching onto his hand reappeared, the more aware he got of Nagisa’s head on his shoulder. Unsure of the feeling it gave him, he tried once more to ignore it. He shifted again and again, all too cramped now under the weight of his over-analysis. It made his stomach tie in knots, and his face feel warm. The more he worried, the more he felt numb, and it was hard to keep a straight face. He felt nervous without a cause, but happy at the same time. What was all this chaos in his brain? He immediately thought he must be sick. Feverish, most likely. He was nauseous and delirious, clearly. Maybe having Nagisa stay over wasn’t the best idea, just in case. Just the concept made all those feelings worse almost on command. He hadn’t cared about Nagisa staying over or not moments before.. Why now? Suddenly unsure of what was going on in his own head, unable to calculate exactly what he was feeling and why he was feeling it, he finally froze, body going completely rigid. The shoulder Nagisa’s head was on straightened with the rest of him, causing the blonde’s head to be bumped rather inelegantly.“ Hn…? “ Nagisa hadn't awoken during any of the movements before, but now he groggily stirred. Originally having planned to just go back to sleep, he was about to snuggle up again when he noticed how tense Rei was. “ Ah.. Rei-chan? Is everything okay? “The navy-haired swimmer forced a nervous smile, nodding slightly. “ Of course. Sorry for disturbing you, Nagisa-kun.. My arm fell asleep, that’s all. “ He rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly.Rubbing his eyes, Nagisa stretched, slouching forward afterward. “ Sorry, Rei-chan. Was I holding it? I do that with my pillows a lot, I don’t mean too. “ “ R-Right.. “ Stunned by how easily his excuse was bought, Rei sighed in relief, thinking desperately of something to talk about. “ Besides our Math, did you get the rest of your homework done? “ “ Mostly! I was super excited to do my English work, actually.. We had to try and write a paragraph, all in English, no kanji or katakana or anything except for our names and class, about something we cared about. Most people needed to take a while to think, but I knew right away what to write about! “ Nagisa grinned proudly, tilting his head so his bangs fell in his eyes. “ So I only have a few other homework assignments to catch up on. “ Why is he so cute? Flustered by the scene, Rei adjusted his glasses, once more covering his whole face with his hand. As he removed his hand, he grinned back, equally proud of Nagisa for actually getting work done on time. Curiosity killed the cat, though, and just as easily ensnared a butterfly. “ May I ask what you wrote about? “ Nagisa’s happiness vanished completely for a split second, eyes widening in what Rei understood as absolute panic. He turned his head away, scratching his cheek with one finger as a very hesitant and nervous smile took the place of his grin. “ A-Ah, you see… “ In response to the words, Rei tilted his head, blinking slowly as he waited for Nagisa to finish. However, it was soon clear that he never would. Nagisa sprang up from his seat, stumbling to the other end of the train to press his face against the window. He grinned, looking back to his best friend in a matter of seconds.“ Rei-chan, look! We’re almost home! “ There was a slight smile that came on Rei’s face as he heard those words, which was easily noticed by the energetic penguin across the aisle. Nagisa froze when he saw that smile, blushing as he turned back to the window. “ I mean, you’re almost home, and I’m almost to your house... I wonder if it’s cold outside. Do you think it’ll snow? Is Haru-chan going to be sad? “ “ Why would Haruka-senpai be sad if it snows? “ Rei asked obliviously, momentarily distracted.“ Well, duh! He can’t swim if it’s cold. “ Nagisa rolled his eyes playfully, smirking. “ Mako-chan won’t let him because he got sick last time.” “ W-What?! Haruka-senpai tried to swim while it was snowing?! He could have died! Does he have any idea how da-- ““ You sound just like Mako-chan. Killjoy~. I bet swimming while it’s snowing is really pretty. Penguins have to swim when it’s cold all the time, and they don’t get sick. They have to swim to catch fish in order to survive, right? “ Nagisa sat on his knees, looking back at Rei once more.“ Yes, but you and Haruka-senpai don’t need to catch fish in order to survive, Nagisa-kun. “ “ Haru-chan only eats fish. I could only eat fish. “ Nagisa mumbled, puffing out his cheeks. “ If you really want to give up sweets, and fruit, and pizza, and all other sources of nutrients strictly in order to swim in the snow, then be my guest. “ Rei challenged, feeling like his logic was sound. There was no way Nagisa of all people would give up anything drenched in syrup or full of calories. “ Fine. Starting today I am a fish-itarian. ” Nagisa stood up as the train came to a halt, folding his arms defiantly over his chest. “ I’ll ask Haru-chan for help. We can do it together, I’ll get Mako-chan to agree to it too! “ “ ...I believe the term is pescatarian. As you said before, Haruka-senpai already eats nothing but fish. And he already swims when it’s cold, Makoto-senpai doesn’t have very much control over him. “ Rei laughed loudly, adjusting his glasses. He felt like there was no way Nagisa could argue that. “ You’d be surprised, Rei~chan. Haru-chan listens to Mako-chan more than you’d think~! “ Nagisa grinned, narrowing his eyes playfully. “ Waaaaaaaaaaaaay more than you’d think. “ Rei’s eyebrow raised at the insinuation, folding his arms lightly over his chest in return challenge. It was true that he didn’t know as much about Haruka and Makoto’s relationship as Nagisa did, but he honestly had no doubt in his mind there were some things Haru wouldn’t listen to anyone about. Not even his best friend. This would certainly be interesting if he played his cards right. “ Oh? Well, there are some things I feel like even Haruka-senpai values over his friendship with Makoto. Swimming, for example. If Makoto wanted Haruka to never swim again, he- “ Nagisa cut him off, the smile and challenge fading from his eyes. “ ...Haruka’s already given up swimming in the past. It’s not something foreign to him. I feel like he might do it again if it meant he’d lose Mako-chan if he didn’t. “ Nagisa went quiet then, the thought of Haruka not swimming ever again horrifying him. Swimming was Haruka’s whole world, it was a very important part of him. If Haru wasn’t swimming when he could be, it usually meant something was very wrong. The thought of any his friends in pain was enough to break his heart, as if it were Nagisa who was hurting and no one else. “ Oh… I hadn’t realized it. My apologies, Nagisa. “ Rei had no idea what to say. He was honestly quite taken aback at the thought of Haruka not swimming as well, but he was even more concerned about the way Nagisa was handling the rhetorical situation. Seeing the way Nagisa shut down like that alarmed Rei, and the fun of the moment vanished. He hadn’t realized how serious the subject could get. He cleared his throat, trying to think of a way to lighten the mood. The butterflies in his stomach had died off, replaced by a dull ache, which Rei knew was guilt. “ A-Anyway… “ Nagisa forced a smile, turning back to face Rei. “ I wanted to thank you for inviting me over so much. I know it probably gets annoying considering we live so far apart.” His smile remained, eyes going back to his fellow swimmer. “ It’s not a problem at all, really! “ Rei waved his hands, scratching the side of his face before he continued. He knew that, at times, his parents got suspicious of why Nagisa came over so frequently… But even they had to admit it was good Rei was finally making friends. Being a perfectionist, a lot of the time kids refused to hang out with Rei. No one wanted someone like him to be around them. So, most of his childhood he was pretty lonely. He was plenty busy, socializing frequently with tons of extracurricular activities, but no one really wanted to do things with him otherwise. “ At least we don’t have to drive you around. That would probably get a little annoying, but even then! We’d work something out. “ Nagisa’s soft smile turned into a full-on grin, his cheeks flushing slightly. He still felt bad that he was over almost every time Rei had free time, and that Rei had to do a lot more of the schoolwork they worked on together. He was sure it bothered him, but whether or not he wanted to admit it was another story. “ Then I’ll just keep coming over, Rei-chan!~ You should have just said you hated it, now you won’t be able to get rid of me. “ Rei laughed, feeling himself blush faintly as well. He had nothing more to say, so he sat in pleasant silence, smile not leaving his face as the ride finished. Nagisa talked and talked and talked about things that weren’t truly that important to either of them, and he was still talking when the train came to a halt. Once it was time to stand back up, the blonde once more latched onto the other’s arm, clinging to him instinctually. This time, Rei didn’t flinch. He let Nagisa do it, his heart pounding in his chest in sync with every step they took towards the train doors. It was quite funny, to think Nagisa admired how ‘cool’ Rei was when in all honesty he was nearly as nervous and goofy as some of the first years could get. He was really easy to get flustered. “ Alright! Let’s do this! “ Nagisa beamed, his eyes sparkling in the retreating sunlight, looking like pink diamonds. His eyes were very expressive, Rei had noticed, it was very easy to tell when something was wrong just by simply looking in his eyes. It was also very easy to tell when Nagisa was planning something, or was hiding something. However, Rei and the others typically played it off as if they had no idea. The look on the penguin’s face when everything went according to plan was way better than any satisfaction they would gain by spoiling the surprise. “ To the Ryugazaki household, we go! “With a nod, Rei walked off the train with Nagisa, feeling the butterflies once more swarming in his stomach. He’d forgotten why the other was even coming home with him. Overall, Rei was just glad he was there. He’d go anywhere with Nagisa, he trusted the blonde with all his heart. Rei didn’t mind doing extra work to give him a break now and then, and he was happy to open up his home when Nagisa needed a place to go. It was a love like family, but for some reason Rei couldn’t quite call it a family love. He wasn’t sure what it was, he just knew there was nothing he’d ever felt quite like the happiness he felt with Nagisa by his side. How was he to know that Nagisa felt the same?