Work Text
Sitting in his recliner, the redhead cinched his eyes shut, tipping his head back against the soft cushion of the green chair. It took a lot for him not to yell out in despair. God, he was such a piece of shit human being, wasn't he? Choking back a sob, David brought the edge of his bottle to his lips, taking a sip of the contents. It was heavy in his stomach, but even that couldn't outweigh his guilt. The guilt of being the lowest of the low. His nose cinched up as he tried not to cry. In the opposite hand, his revolver shook slightly, resting over the edge of the arm of his furniture. Inhaling a shaky breath, he slowly lifted the gun. Against his temple, the metal was slightly chilled. His fireplace went out hours ago. Why did someone like him deserve the basic human need of warmth? Why did he deserve to live? He didn't. BAM BAM BAM Opening his eyes, his gorgeous greens flickered towards the rattling wooden door of his cabin. In a rush, the man stood and dropped his gun in the open drawer under his end table, shutting it as fast as possible. The alcohol was placed between the chair and meal after the lid was screwed on. Spritzing his mouth with a small bottle of mouth spray that made his breath smell less like Jack Daniel’s honey whiskey and more like mint, he paused behind the door as the tiny plastic bottle was placed on top of the mantle over his burnt out fireplace. Briefly, he bit his bottom lip and bounced on his toes, smiling and making a neutral face multiple times. Smile exercises to help him prepare to put on his happy face! As the door was opened, a slightly cold air washed into the room. Looking down with his signature beaming smile, he saw his favorite teal-haired camper. She was wearing soft mint pajamas with birch trees littering the fabric in a neat little pattern. In contrast to her wild pigtails, those gorgeous green locks were braided and tossed over her shoulder. Her slippers were plush bears hanging off the ends of her feet. “Hey there, Nikki! Is everything okay? It's a little late for you to be out here alone!” Nikki’s magenta eyes glanced away, her right hand coming up to coddle her left arm. A slight hint of possible guilt or regret lingered in her eye. “Can I talk to you, David?” “Of course,” the man replied, opening his door and ushering the girl in, “we can chat for as long as you need!” The young girl cautiously stepped inside, watching as her camp counselor sat down in his recliner and smiled at her. Looking around and realizing his cluttered mess, a slight flush came to his cheeks. He had misplaced his gun and rummaged through every square inch of his cabin to find it, leaving a splash of papers, nature books, and clothes scattered across his living room. Eyes landing in his lap, David pat it gently, inviting one of his favorite camper's to sit in his lap. With a hint of hesitance in her step, Nikki slowly walked forward and sat back in the tall man’s lap. “What is it, Nikki? Is something wrong?” Nikki’s lips pressed together in a tight line, shifting in the man’s lap. Anxiety bubbled up in her chest, making her furrow her brows and take a deep breath. She paused before asking, “How do you know when you like someone, David?” The redhead beamed. He smiled despite the way his chest felt like it was collapsing in on him. Despite feeling like his entire world was crashing down on him. At the same time, he felt proud and happy for the teal-haired girl. She had a crush! A soft smile adorned his freckled features. “Well,” he started, eyes glossing over as he cleared his throat, “there’s a lot of different ways to tell when you like someone, Nikki! Like maybe they make you get butterflies in your tummy every time you talk to them. Sometimes people go out of their way to do things for the person they like. If they make you feel funny, in a good way or make you smile a whole lot, those can be signs, too!” He paused to let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding, forcing his smile to grow despite how much he wanted to rip his face off, “Everyone feels love differently, Nikki!” Why can’t someone love me? The girl hummed and released a nod. Her pink eyes stared as her slippers while she lost herself in thought. Finally, she nodded and slipped out of the man’s lap. “Okay. Thank you!” “Any time, Nikki,” David whispered as the girl closed the door behind her and walked away. A hole formed in the man’s chest as he released a loud sob, burying his face in his hands. Part of him felt happy for his little nature-loving camper. However, there was a deeper, darker part of him that was jealous with rage and anger; a miserable piece of him that hated Nicoletta. David hated the way she made him feel at this moment. Choking on his sobs, the man coughed. Something was stuck in his throat, making it burn. He tried to take a deep breath, but only lodged the obstacle further into his throat. Hitting his chest with one hand and grabbing his neck with the other, he hunched over on the floor, tears spilling over his cheeks as whatever was in his throat came loose and fell from his mouth. His ming-jades went wide with horror. There on the hardwood floor were dianthus apple slice petals. When the sun rose, David was already outside. There was a menthol cigarette between his lips. Part of him hoped that the smoke would smother the flowers in his lungs. Another part of him desperately hoped that it would fertilize them. At least then he wouldn’t need to face the reality of the situation. He wanted to live. David wasn’t always a good man, but he still wanted to live. Didn’t he deserve that chance? He had never hurt a child! The redhead never wanted to! Gwen stepped out of the cabin and yawned with her cup of coffee in hand. When he violet eyes locked on the man’s face, they widened. “David are you-you're smoking? I never knew you smoked.” “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Gwen,” the lead counselor said softly, taking another deep drag of the minty taste of his cigarette. Camels had always been his favorite. The woman narrowed her eyes as she stepped closer and took a sip of her bitter morning drink. Only a hint of cream helped sweeten it just enough to make it bearable; just the way she liked it. A sigh left her as she licked her lips and looked out over the campers moving towards the mess hall. Amongst the crowd, David spotted his affections standing together. Pulling his cigarette from his lips, they hung open. He couldn’t believe what fate had thrown at him. Max and Nikki were holding hands and smiling softly at one another as they spoke with Neil. A deep pit formed in his chest as his eyes glossed over. If Gwendolyn noticed, he would blame it on the smoke getting in his eyes. David coughed and covered his mouth with the back of his hands. At first, he had thought it was the smoke. Then, a familiar sensation tickled the inside of his throat. He coughed hard and turned his palm towards his mouth. He stuck his tongue out. When another dianthus petal landed in his hand, tears spilled over his cheeks. The man’s face cinched up in disgust. “David, oh my God!” Gwen’s voice was a whisper, yet it somehow still sounded loud as the man fell to his knees. They burned when they connected with the hard dirt. The world was spinning slowly around him. Why was this happening now? For weeks, he had managed to scathe by without anyone noticing.Harrison had stopped to glance back at them, but Gwen gestured for the boy to press on to breakfast. His brows furrowed, but Harrison complied. Helping David stand, Gwen helped her friend into the cabin and sat him down in his recliner. Saltine tears trickled down David's cheeks as he pulled his hand away from his face. A small clump of blood-covered petals rested in his palm, stained with ichor, nearly black. His blood stained his skin much like how tears mingled in the fibers of his bandanna as they streamlined down his neck. The redhead panted and choked on his own tears, dropping the flower petals and bringing his hands to his face as he sobbed. “Who is it?” Gwen inquired in a hushed, fearful tone. David tensed, quaking in his seat at the question. There was no way in Hell he could answer such a thing. Gwendolyn knew his secret, that he was attracted to children, but he promised her he’d never hurt them! As a psychologist, she did her best to understand and support the man as long as he promised to never contribute to the abuse of a minor. David had agreed. But this was an entirely new issue. Although the man had been known to have crushes; little things to be seen in a schoolyard, he’d never fallen so deeply in love. Even when Bonquisha had left him, David had never suffered from hanahaki before. He wasn’t attracted exclusively to children, so he didn’t understand why this was happening. The ginger shook his head and unleashed a hard sob. His voice quivered as he blurted out, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Gwen! I don’t even know who it is!” Straightening herself out, his co-counselor huffed through her nose. Gwen’s face twisted into one of frustration. She didn’t understand. “How could you not know who you’re in love with?” When the woman raised her voice, David flinched and sobbed harder. “There’s more than one!” “Oh,” she said in a single breath. The woman held it for a moment before shuffling backward and collapsing into the recliner beside her best friend. “Is… Is one of them the campers? Are they both campers- or all?” David took a deep, shuddering breath. He couldn’t see straight. Breathing was laborious as he suddenly leaned forward and placed his hands on the back of his head and his face between his knees. It was a technique Gwen had shown him to help with his panic attacks. Jade eyes focused on his feet and he did his best to control his breaths. Deep, well-practiced breaths that made his body shake. This couldn’t be happening. After a moment of silence, Gwen’s voice broke through the air. Her words made his blood run cold and his breath snag in his throat like a fish on a lure. “Are they campers?” His nails dug into his scalp, a screech leaving him, “Shut up, Gwen!” “David, I’m just trying to help,” she said quietly with a crease between her brow. “Well, I didn’t ask for your f-fffucking help, did I?” The man stood up, hands clenched into fists as he gritted his teeth and moved past his friend. Looking startled, the woman stood up and started after her friend. Being a little shorter, her feet moved faster to keep up with him. Panic was obvious in her eyes as David opened the door. “Where are you going?” “Anywhere but here!” SLAM! Gwen looked at the back of the wooden door with disbelief. Without David, her world would come crashing down around her. Nobody would be there to call her their CBFL or chastise her for drinking too much coffee in the mornings. It felt like a hole was forming in her chest as she did her best to understand why David was pushing her away despite her knowing his deepest secret. As David weaved through the trees and lush vegetation surrounding Lake Lilac, he inhaled the dangerous smoke from his cigarette. Rage was bubbling up inside of him at a surprising rate, making him grit his teeth as he put the butt out on the bottom of his boot and tucked it into the cigarette carton once again. It reminded him that he needed to pick up the one he dropped in front of his cabin earlier that day. He didn’t understand. Not being exclusively a pedophile, why would his hanahaki go off over one of his campers? Storming through the forest, the world narrowed in on him. Tears bubbled up from the corners of his eyes as he recalled the memory of seeing Maximilian holding hands with Nikki. Choking back a sob, his hands came to his face and he hunched in on himself. A wail left him suddenly and both hands clenched into fists; one darting out to strike a tree. All of his bottled-up emotions were spilling over and polluting the world around him. David was nothing more than a walking barrel of toxicity, it seemed. He was selfish enough to be upset over finding the two people he loved pointing their affection towards one another rather than them falling head over heels for him as he did them. He didn’t blame them. This is all my fault! Despite the pain rocketing through his fist and up his arm, an onslaught of punches left him as he screamed. Bark cracked and chipped off the tree he was hitting. Knuckles bloodied and bruised, he shook and stood before the abused tree. An odd feeling of satisfaction left him as he took a deep breath to calm himself. His breath was interrupted by a familiar tickling feeling in his throat that made him keel as he wheezed. More petals. This time, they were different. Feeling more at ease than before, the man decided to make his way back towards the camp. Returning to his cabin to prepare himself to face the campers, David was shocked to see a blond man in all white talking with Gwen. She was shuffling through paperwork and signing his signature where needed. He tensed for a moment and put on his best-feigned smile despite his somewhat red eyes and bruised skin when the stranger noticed him and began to approach. “Why, hello there! I’m Daniel, your new camp counselor applicant! You must be David! Gwen’s told me all about you!” Daniel held one of his hands out in greeting. David held the backs of his hands up towards the man, apologizing, “I’m sorry, but I’d hate for you to get your hands dirty, Daniel!” Dried blood cracked and fell to the floor, going unnoticed by the redhead, but not the applicant. A twinkle lingered in Daniel’s eyes as he grinned and looked down at the other’s shoes before looking David in the eyes again. “Well, I see you’ve done quite the number on yourself! Would you like some help?” “No, thank you,” David said as he started towards the restroom. “I appreciate the gesture, but I think I would rather care for my injuries myself,” he explained. He waved and left his friend and new employee to themselves. Looking up in the mirror, a pang of hurt hit his heart. At least when I die, someone will be here to take my place. His hurt turned to rage in a matter of microseconds. Nobody could ever replace him. David was valuable to the camp, whether anyone wanted to admit it or not. His co-counselor barely did her job. Surely this new man couldn’t take his place so easily. Daniel was just another obstacle to him as he made his way to the top. Applying an ointment to his knuckles and wrapping them in a gauze to help conceal the bruises. Then he could play it off as a minor injury to his campers. Daniel learned a lot during his first day at Camp Campbell. Neil had a smart mouth and was too observant for his own good. Nurfington was a bully. Meredith, or Ered, as most people called her, was so focused on being cool that it downright made her selfish. Max was like Neil, but more stubborn and nowhere near as academically inclined. Nikki loved nature just as much as David did. David . Another thing he had learned while working beside his co-counselors, was that David had hanahaki disease . Daniel had encountered the disease few times throughout his life, and none of his experiences were first-hand. The blond had always found himself as the sidelines, watching his few friends suffer for their love. It always ended the same way; someone either got surgery and got over so-called love , or they died. Of course, there was a third option: your love is returned. However, that rarely ever happened. Daniel had only ever heard of it happening in folklore and fairy tales. He had never seen it happen in person, and he didn’t even know if that was a real option or not. Thus, the disease intrigued him. It didn’t take long for him to start drawing in towards the redhead. Every time the man threw up dianthus petals, Daniel was there. He was drawing ever near. He was there every time David coughed in front of the campers, spewing blood into his hands or into a trashcan. Daniel was there as Gwen explained to the campers in private that they needed to behave; respect David. She nearly broke down in tears explaining that these next few weeks may be the redhead’s last. He was there that night when Gwen begged David, pleading with him as tears spilled down her cheeks. “Just tell them, David! Maybe they’ll like you back!” Her cries carried through the cabin and out of the chimney as the fireplace crackled and filled the air. The stench of iron and decaying petals accompanied the comforting smell of burning pine. Comfort clashed with pain. David cried. His wails were piercing to Daniel’s ears. “It’s not that simple, Gwen!” “Why not!” It was more of an angry plea than a question. “ It’s just not! ” Daniel didn’t know what the ginger meant. It was so simple. All he had to do was tell them. If they declined, then he could get surgery. Problem solved. He never could understand why people made things more difficult than they had to be. It wasn’t until his second week working at camp that he understood. When Maximilian had approached David, after nearly a whole hour of being cough free, that was when Daniel understood. “ Why are you just sitting there like a helpless idiot!? ” Max’s voice boomed inside the mess hall as he shoved roughly against David’s legs. All heads turned to them as the counselor stumbled over himself. Wide-eyed, Gwen rushed to his side. Daniel simply took in the sight as David hunched over and suddenly burst into a coughing fit. “Max, stop!” Gwen pleaded as she glared at the young boy. David was choking. Although nobody knew if it was on pancakes or petals, Daniel still rushed over to the man’s side. “ Hold still ,” he hissed as he forced the freckled man’s jaw open with his fingers. His hand was large, but with a bit of a squeeze and some forced coughing from David, Daniel had managed to use two fingers to pull out a slimy mess of coagulated blood and disintegrating petals. Blackening blood stained vibrant red dianthus leaflets in his pale palm. It was such a contrast it nearly put the room into shock. Reality weighed down for some of the campers. He could hear whimpering as the room fell silent. A gentle breeze wafting in from the windows rushed past his ears and made him perk up as David stood fast on wobbling knees and wiped tears from his face. David looked up and locked his sights onto Nikki hugging Max from behind. They both had pained looks on their faces. Coughing once more, the auburn-haired man hunched over, gripping his chest as he stumbled his way towards the door and forced a bundle of stems with budding blossoms from his throat. Shaking, David slammed the doors open and shoved his way with teary eyes past Gwen. Daniel could hear his suppressed sob as he made his way towards the rustbucket car provided to the camp. “ WHERE ARE YOU FUCKING GOING? ” Max’s voice could have carried for miles, “ ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE US HERE WHILE YOU ROT? ” The only response any of the campers got was the grating slam of the camp car door shutting harshly and the squealing sound of burning rubber tires as David sped away. Daniel watched with his co-counselor and the rest of the campers as the car vanished over the horizon. Numb, the blond looked down into his palm. In it, he held mushy, yet velvety petals. His fingertips grazed the surface, smearing blood over the pads of his digits. A crease formed between his brow as his lips pressed into a thin line. Daniel had always been so numb to the world around him.
So why is this different?