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A hawk circles high over his head. Josh squints his eyes to sharpen his senses, observing the bird’s movements that so flawlessly blend in with the grey sky where the last rays of sunshine were showing themselves. Down on the ground, the prey bird’s movements look so slow from where he’s crouching. Back and forth, up and down it flies, looking for a spoil with eyes so sharp that Josh can only imagine what’s it like to hunt like that - to move around so easily without having to waste your energy in a swamp of ice and snow that drain your strength and make you dream having wings of your own. How easy it would be, to soar through the sky and sink your dagger-sharp claws into your victim’s flesh and be done with it.What a life it would be, Josh ponders as he watches the beast. He fixes his gloves, shoving his hands deeper into the warm leather. Grabbing his bow that leans against his thigh, Josh heaves himself back up. He’s been lurking around here for days now, open in the wild, looking for his own prey while fighting the cold weather, all with minimal success.He’s not a hawk, yet much less of a coward who yields to jeopardy. For Josh is a hunter too, and a damn good hunter at that. Skilled is the word that he likes to use. His mother said he’s been blessed by the Divines, Josh’s father called him gifted. Josh himself took none of that, for it’s all about practice; what started with little kids’ games to catch running rabbits and luring pheasants into the simple handcrafted traps ended up becoming his daily bread.He used to do it with his brother Jordan a lot. With scraped knees and runny noses, they used to sneak out during the long summer nights and take their father’s hunting bow despite their very young age. They started with aged crows and huge but slow mudcrabs they’d dug out at the riverbanks. Using sticks to lure them out of hiding, they teased the poor creatures until they would get angry and start attacking back. Scuttling across the ground, their sloppy movements made the aiming fun and much easier, giving them an easy target for the beginnings.Josh killed down his first elk at the age of seven. It never took more than a good shot and a punctured lung, yet Josh roared in happiness. However the big pile of dead meat was too heavy for his tiny body to haul back to the village, so he ran back to get his father who worked the lumber there.They didn’t believe him at first. Yet he whined till the men started whining, and Josh’s father was forced to leave his sawmill with three other men to run at his tail. When they arrived, Josh’s father was amazed to find the corpus and his son’s self-crafted arrows buried in its side."You’re going to be a hunter, son,” came his father’s dazed words then. Josh knew so. He still didn’t believe in Divines, nor did he believe in brilliance, but he tended to count his lucky stars.One time he was fortunate enough to find fresh meat that was already dead. He’d found a grown deer fawn, exhausted of the harsh environment and left behind by its own herd as its legs refused to carry their own weight. Josh picked it up from the snowbanks, carried it to the camp and put its juicy meat into a soup and ate it with fellow huntsmen. He salted the rest of the meat for later use, and prepared a fleece of its soft fur. To this day, Josh uses it to keep himself warm.That day was one of the best of his life.He doesn’t know why he’s thinking about these things. Maybe because he hasn’t seen his family in a long time. For this is the Pale of Skyrim, and the currents of the White River are far away from his sight here.The hawk makes a sound then, interrupting the carriage of his thoughts. Josh watches it move in a slow rotation before going for a sudden rush. It races through the air like a silvery arrow, having set its mind on a helpless hare or a shrew. It’s getting dangerously low in a matter of seconds. Josh watches it slice the sky in awe; suddenly, the raptor spreads its wings, slowing down its insane rate and braking right before gracing the ground. Confused, Josh hears it release a disappointed cry, looking at whatever it found and certainly being unsatisfied with it.The hawk loses its interest and withdraws just as quickly, but it’s enough to ignite Josh’s curiousness.With the bow on his back, Josh steps forward, careful not to slip on the hardened snow that covers the hillside. It’s hard to see in the descending darkness as the nearing nightfall prepares to override the sun and use its light to let the stars flicker. The night sky is going to be clear tonight, threatening with harsh subzero times. He has to head back for the nearby inn soon, or he’ll be damned. But first-He’s gonna check this one out.He’s coming closer. Josh sharpens his eyes over again as he’s not sure if what he sees is right. However his eyes aren’t fooling him, and he certainly doesn’t find gold in a shape of a deer today.He finds death though. A person.Josh crouches down beside the ice-covered body. The dead is lying motionless on their back. Josh raises the hood and finds that the person is a man, an ordinary traveler. His ghastly-white skin and dark beard is covered in ice and rime. The sight drives Josh to move his gaze further down, spotting a deep incision of a battle axe that has spilled the guts on display for everybody to see, soaking the fine clothes and fur with the color of tarnish crimson. The icy climate has deep-frosted the body quickly, leaving no scents to attract the vultures or other hungry beasts looming in the mountains to get a hang of the free smorgasbord.Poor fellow, Josh thinks. There are no boots on the man. They must have been fine, boiled leather to keep the cold out and his toes warm from the crisp, frosty bites to be taken away from him. As for now they’re blue and twisted. Seeing the circumstances, the traveler must have gotten robbed by the lowly bandits that roam the hills and valleys, attacking any poor souls that happen to step on their way.Josh sighs, checking the body’s pockets himself. Perhaps there would be a few stray septims that the robbers didn’t notice, just some spare gold that he could take and spend at the nearby inn. He’d certainly have more use for them than the poor man lying at his feet, that's for sure.He doesn’t have much time to keep looking as a single arrow bites its way on the ground near his leg, sending a fit of crystallized snow in the air. The sharp grain hits Josh in the eye. He stumbles back in surprise with a pained sound, eyesight momentarily blinded as tries to spot the enemy with no avail.“Shit,” he curses, blinking rapidly to get the grain out of his eyes. He leaps behind a gray stone right next to the dead body, finding a shelter there. “The bandits are still nearby?” he mutters and pulls out an arrow from the quiver on his back. Setting it on the string, Josh is ready to draw and give back.He takes a quick peek. Josh can see a dark figure approaching him from behind the aged pine-trees, swallowed by shadows and throwing snow in the air as they step forth.Josh bites his lower lip grimly, and glances at the other side of his cover, finding it clean. What appears to be a one-man attack, there are no other bandits trying to encircle him. It gives him a momentary relief. One-on-one, Josh has a much better chance to fight and survive, making it out of here alive as these goons didn’t seem to care about a fair game.It’s all about who’s quicker.This man is alone. Josh is a good archer.Making up his mind, Josh draws in a steady breath. Despite the slippery ice, he presses his feet steadily against the ground, quickly turning before jumping out.“Back off, you!” he warns, and the man approaching him flinches at the sudden outburst he simply didn’t expect. Josh nearly winces as his attacker's feet slip beneath him with ice screeching, falling onto his side and hitting his head on the hard surface with a sickening crack. The arrow he’d drawn on a loose string unleashes accidentally at the same time, soaring in a sloppy arc and hitting the ground with a clattering sound.Even still, Josh doesn’t hesitate to act and move up close and aim at the back of his attacker’s skull. The man is still catching his knocked out breath on the ground when Josh’s shadow runs over him. The ice crunches beneath his boots to the tempo of his sinuous stride. And the bandit, he curses at his feet groggily, dazed by the sudden blow on his head. However he stops all movements at once when he feels a presence right next to him. The man’s shoulder stiffen, cutting his breathing. He spreads his fingers as he lifts them, they’re trembling, and with a slow motion, the stranger starts turning onto his back, showing Josh his face.Josh can see him now. On the ground lies a frightened man, a thick fur hood is fastened securely around his head, leaving his cheeks frostbitten and dry. The stranger holds his hands up and releases a shaky cloud of breath - he’s lost his bow, but his sword remains. He’s wise and doesn’t try to pull it - not when Josh’s bow is still drawn to its full potential. Despite the short distance, a nocked arrow is just as deadly as a dagger pressed to a pulsating jugular. And this knowledge, it floods Josh’s senses completely, letting a rush of power take over him. His finger holds the string in a fragile mercy. The fight is over before it even started. They both know it. With his eyes as his only weapon, the man looks like giving up. His neck gives out, heavy head pressing low against the frigid ground as his strength is taken from him. His eyes close and lungs deflate as if to accept his bitter defeat.Then, just as quick, he decides otherwise, finding his courage and rising to confront Josh once more.  “Leave that body alone!” he cries out. The cold has taken his voice, yet his tone is surprisingly poised considering his position in this. His sharp set of teeth show along the way, the sudden turn of events biting him right back.“What?” Josh blurts out. It comes out embarrassingly high pitched. “Aren’t you the bastard who killed him?”“What? No!” the other shouts back, aghast. “J-just stay away. He’s mine,” he adds with a frozen menace, starting to get up, but Josh nudges his bow, a warning. The man stops again, pulling his arms up in protection, curling and gasping on the ground, “Stop—“Josh eyes him up and down. They’ve fallen into a weird argument. It’s confusing. The man still has his arms wrapped around his head when Josh lowers his bow for a second before pulling it up again. “What are you going to do with him,” he asks, because honestly? You never know.The man cracks the cocoon of his tangled limbs. He breathes, thinking hard about his words before speaking. “Let me see him,” the stranger pleads then, desperation edging his voice now. “I have to make sure. I’m not trying anything, I swear! I just… please.”Josh swallows, weighing his options. Dying here was certainly not one of them. Then again, Josh can easily shoot the other to death in case he decided to attack again. The stranger’s weapon is not out and his position is disadvantaged. The man seems to be clumsy, where as Josh is fast. He’ll be fine.He ends up relaxing his right arm, taking a step back.The prone man looks at him abashed. He hauls himself up slowly, rubbing his head and shivering from lying on the ground for so long. With his feet so hasty, he passes Josh by, eying him warily as he notices Josh’s hand hovering over a hilt of a dagger that rests on his hip. He gulps and looks Josh in the eye. The stranger’s look exhales honesty, a small amount of dread, and an odd sense of respect. Josh frowns. He lets him go.So the man runs, snow cracking to his pace. His knees slam to the ground as he falls beside him, reaching out to rip the hood off of the body’s face in one go. Josh quirks an eyebrow as he watches the man’s face twist in exasperation at the sight. The man groans, striking his fist against the grey ice once and then again, cursing all the while.For a moment he just sits there, doubled over with his teeth gritting together.Josh hears him again.“Fuck,” is all he says.“Looking for someone?” Josh butts in after a while, staring at the body with a frown.His sudden companion wipes his running nose. “Why do you care,” he says miserably.“Because,” Josh spits, unbelieving that he had to remind him. “You attacked me because of it.”He receives no answer as the other stares at the blood and gore in front of him, stagnant.Josh snorts. “Whatever,” he says, and pulls his gloves on his hands and turns to leave, but stops when he hears the words,“My brother is missing. Came here to look for him,” the man voices. “And this is not him,” he finishes and snaps the hard body with his middle finger before getting up from the ground, looking at Josh nearly accusingly.The snow crunches beneath Josh as he turns back. “Is your brother dead?” he inquires.The man hesitates.“I don’t know,” comes the trailing off answer finally. “He wouldn’t die like a dog…”Josh eyes the two back and forth.“Don’t look for dead bodies then. Look for something more lively,” he advices, and the man huffs.“Thanks for your advice,” he says sarcastically, and looks back at the body for one more time, silent. ”We need to bury him,” he notes with a sad voice after a while and crouches back down to touch it, but slows down when he hears Josh’s objection.“‘We?’” Josh asks, and earns two exasperated eyes from the man who looks back up at him as he sets his hand on the body’s side.Josh hopes he’s not serious.“Forget it. The soil is frozen and it’s getting dark. I can see that you’re already exhausted and stiff from cold. I don’t want to be mean, but you’ll die yourself if you even try.” It’s the truth. His tone is serious. His breathing comes out in steamy puffs that freeze on his eyelashes and the loose hair that pokes out of his hood.Josh pulls his bandana over his face. The stranger’s eyes are dark as he stares at him from the ground. He’s stubborn and tries to yank the body, but it doesn’t budge. It’s frozen. Everything is frozen.It’s no use.“Good luck with that,” Josh says and turns to leave, and the man stays by the dead’s side.However, something makes him halt.Josh hesitates, but speaks at last. “I hope you’ll find your brother,” come his words. Only after this, his legs can move again, taking him up the hill.And so, the sun sets behind the mountains, and the stranger stays with the dead.* “A lost brother… That’s just great.” * Two days and one night pass. Josh returns from a successful hunt with a pheasant and a hare hanging off his back. A long day is coming to an end as his foot lands on a fire’s reflection on a stony road in the city of Dawnstar, located in the northern coast of Skyrim.It’s his second time visiting the city. However it’s too dark to see it properly upon his entering, the sun having set many hours before. The torches are lighting the alleys like flaming trees, staining the enormous log houses with a vibrant color of orange. The blue shadows fight them with an equal determination, clashing and fighting for their space as Josh looks around himself.Guards on their patrol pass him by. Their sturdy helmets hide their faces, but Josh can feel their eyes on him. Stern and cold, the welcome has turned uninviting ever since the civil war began no matter where he goes. Josh doesn’t mind. He’s on a good mood, finding his way on his own by his ears alone. He walks until he comes to a sign that creaks in the wind above the equally squeaking steps. It reads Windpeak Inn, with a setting sun behind a sharp mountain serving as its banner. Carved into the hard and beaten up wood, it urges him to take that final step, inside and out of the dark.Loud singing and laughing can be heard behind the door. A lone drunken Nord skulks on the porch with a discontent wrinkle between his brows and a heavy drink in his hand. His clothes are smudged with coal and dust, covering him all around. He follows Josh with his eyes, but doesn’t say anything as he opens the door and gets in, shaking off the chill on his shoulders.It’s crowded in the inn, seeming like the entire city has come together to listen to the travelers’ stories and rumors of the war, pondering what the next turn of the events might be. As the times are unsure and provide no progress, the folk sets their focus on each other, looking after one another and drinking and enjoying each other’s company.Two men are dancing with their shirts off. Their thick arms are spun around each other as they sing and spin around with joyous jumps to their feet. People are gathered around them laughing and smiling, falling into the rhythm of their clapping. Josh doesn’t know this story, but he can easily feel it.He removes his hood and his bandana, pulling his long hair loose. He combs his fingers through the mess, tightening his hair into a topknot again. The sides of his head are shaved short, however they’re starting to grow out. He needs to shave them soon, but not just now. Gods, it might even help him to keep himself warm in these parts.He steps further into the great hall, letting the scene around him unfold. The air smells like wet leather, smoke and ale. There’s an open fireplace blazing in the center of the room, people sit all around it, the tables at the sides being taken. Candle holders made of buffalo horns illuminate the dim corners. The flames dance in the tone of men walking back and forth, wax pooling around the charred fuses.The inn has a bard, but she’s too busy to sing or play tonight, her plates full of tasks as she runs back and forth between the stacked up tables.“My father Thoring runs the inn, speak to him,” she says when Josh approaches her, her long copper hair disappearing among the sea of people as fast as it had appeared.So Josh makes his way to the counter at the other end of the hall. Mindful of all the people, he steps carefully to not stomp on anyone’s fingers. Even still, he doesn’t make it very far as a long leg is shoved on his way on purpose, cutting his way like a herdsman’s staff.Josh glances to his left.“Hey,” is the first thing he hears. “I remember you,” comes next. A tankard is raised as a merry salutation. There’s ale swirling in it, and a face accompanied with a smile borders something like cockiness to catch Josh’s attention effortlessly.The same lips stretched into a smile move again soon enough. “Do you remember me?” the man asks. Josh does not have the best remembrance for faces, but he remembers this one. A shed of clothing and the glow from the fire brings the stranger’s features into a better light. His short brown hair frames his head as an equally dark stubble barely runs down his cheeks and circles his mouth. His leather vest is pulled loose from the top, the strings hang limply around the tabs, free and wild as the man leans against the table. He’s sitting backwards on the bench with a warm ale in his hand, looking pleased with himself. His ankle is bent quite gracefully as his dirty boot caresses the stoned edge of the hearth. And he stares, he stares at Josh and licks his lips as the malt leaves tacky trails on his chin to pull at his dry skin, tongue tracing over the chapped corners. Of course Josh remembers him.“Didn’t expect to see you again,” he says instead. A little smirk pulls forth as he asks curiously, “Did you actually manage to bury the body then?”The smile leaves the stranger’s face, making his eyes darken again. “No,” he says gravely. “I left the body there. Let the snow swallow it whole,” he continues, pissed off now, and empties his ale.Josh’s smile widens. “Are you mad at me?”The tankard hits the table with force. The man looks back at Josh again, both of his eyes like daggers. Spit bursts out as he growls, “Buy me another drink and we can be friends again.” He sways slightly as he leans his arms on his knees. Josh laughs quietly when he realizes how drunk the fellow actually is. Shouldn’t it be his right to be mad and not the other way around? He’s the one who almost took an arrow in the knee.But he’s not mad, and complies happily. Josh didn’t earn himself the spare septims back then, but some drinking company instead. Maybe it’s worth it, he thinks and pays for their drinks, turning back to the fireplace in the center of the room.The other man is not sitting there anymore. However Josh spots him easily as he sees him walk among the big thugs, two heads shorter than them. He’s heading towards a free table in the corner of the hall. It’s quieter there, and Josh goes to follow him.“Here’s your ale,” he says as he finally reaches him, serving the drink like he’d be doing it to an old acquaintance. He sits down beside him. The man grabs his ale without a word and gulps it down. He has an impressive tact, some of the liquid running down his chin and dribbling on his vest. Josh watches the apple of his throat bop to the rhythm of his swallowing.“Bad day?” he asks, and the other gasps for breath as he finishes his drink.“Yes,” comes the exclaim and a burp, and a swipe of mouth after it. “As you can see, I’m still here, fuck, I’m still stuck here,” he continues with an agitated voice, as if he’d just realized it.Maybe he did.Josh hopes his next words won’t knife the man’s pride too badly. “I assume you haven’t found your brother yet,” he voices then, and the sigh he earns in return is deeper than the sunken ships in the Sea of Ghosts and surely as disturbed as the Storm of Separation. Josh is not surprised to get a disappointed mutter that confirms his doubts. He nods in understanding, turning to stare at the grimy wall in front of him, taking a lazy sip from his own drink.They’re sitting in the farthest corner from the fire, yet the man’s cheeks are tinted red with a faint blush from his drink or the raising temperature in the room. Josh opens his short fur cloak as the heat seeps in, giving himself a momentary release.It’s quiet until the stranger’s nose is running again. For a second Josh thinks he’s crying, but it’s not that. The man is only leaning his head on his loose fist to make it stop, but it’s little help. Josh shifts his attention on something more relevant and helps himself with the food on the table. Potatoes, sausage and a handful of sugared carrots find their way to his wooden plate, piling up, and he picks up a spoon to mash them together.His company eyes his doings. “Is that alright?” he slurs, wondering whether the food was already paid for.“Warm food doesn’t wait,” Josh assures and stuffs the spoon into his mouth to emphasize his point.Following his example, the man carefully grabs a piece of bread. He spreads a thick chunk of butter on top of it. It melts and wets his fingers. They don’t talk for a moment after that, the food beating their attention to it.The other man speaks first. “I just wanna find him,” he mutters and finishes coating his second bread, sticking the knife on the hard bar of butter. The bread is soft, freshly baked, and it gives in easily as the sharp set of teeth sinks into it.“You know,” he goes on after a while, munching on the last bite of his scarce meal. “It would be so much easier to find him fucking dead than keep looking for him.”“You don’t mean that.” Josh is honest, he says what he thinks. He drinks and he eats, and the body next to him sways. A candle flames out as people step in and out of the inn, drowning their table into darkness. It disappears from the outsiders’ eyes as the cold enters, blowing and howling, putting out the light.It puts out the stranger as well. “No,” he says. “I really don’t.”The man falls forward then, slamming his forehead on the hard pine-tree table, shoving cups and plates out of his way and down to the floor. Josh finishes his drink with a chill look on his face. They’re probably a weird sight together. The sudden clatter draws attention to them as people fall silent, spinning around to see. They start laughing and pointing at them. Josh brushes them off, innocent of the two, but the other man doesn’t stop. He starts denting the table with his forehead. Josh stares at him, wondering whether he was aiming to get a concussion.Sneaking his hand between the soiled table and the hard skull hitting on it, Josh ceases the ruckus. The drunk one doesn’t even notice it at first, just smacking his head on his open hand. He opens his eyes when he does, staring dazedly, only to start nuzzling his face against his warm palm.Josh snorts, amused. The dude clearly can’t handle his drinks at this point, and Josh watches his eyes slowly start fluttering until they close. Like a pillow, he lowers his hand down on the table. The man knits his brows together and sniffles, allowing his heavy head to finally rest.A wet rag lands on the table at the same time. Josh lifts his head in surprise and sees the young Nord woman from earlier tonight. She sighs and gathers the wooden dishes from the floor and the table, piling them up so she can clear up the mess they’ve caused.“Good to see that some folks are enjoying themselves,” she retorts with a tired voice, blowing hair off her sweaty forehead.“How long has this guy been here?” Josh asks, his hand growing numb under the pressure. The bard frowns, looking at the passed out one.“He came earlier, when the day was younger. Poor thing, having caught the chill and all. He needed a room but we’re all out so we let him rest in the back. Lucky for him, he recovered pretty quickly and started drinking,” the innkeeper says, and adds, “and eating it seems.” She swipes the table with the shaggy rag, barely missing the motionless head lying on top of it. “You gonna take care of him?” she asks and quirks her eyebrow.“You’re out of rooms then?” Josh ask, ignoring the question, and a certain word rouses his company from his light slumber.“I can pay,” he reminds them with a matter of fact, raising his hand, and it’s the innkeeper’s turn to remind him back,“We’re out of rooms, handsome. I already told you,” she speaks and gently pats him on his shoulder.“Pigs,” she hears in return and gasps, smacking the guy’s back with the dirty clout then.“Ignore him,” Josh advices and frees his hand, earning a dull thud and a low groan on top of it. He fishes a small leather bag out of his satchel.The bard eyes Josh’s backpack instead. “That’s a fine hare you’ve got there,” she points out. “Bleed it in the backroom and your meal is paid for.”Josh glances to his belongings, then back to the stranger who’s curled his arm on the table like a nest of a bird to rest his head there, starting to look almost nauseous. He turns back. “I don’t have time to bleed it, but you can have it. Take the meat and sell the skin and we’ve paid more than enough.”“Fair enough,” the Nord says satisfied and outstretches her hand. Her golden bracelets jingle against each other as she takes the animal’s head under the pit of her arm. “Take care of your company,” she says lastly and turns away, carrying the dirty plates and tankards out of their sight.Josh shakes his head. Just what was he getting himself into again?Turning his attention back on the man that halfly lies on top of the table, Josh gets up, wrapping himself in his fur clothes and grabbing his gear.“Okay now. Get up,” he prompts, freeing his own seat as he speaks.”You get up. M’ stayin’ here,” comes the grumpy argument, and Josh sighs.”I’m afraid we can’t stay here, you heard her,” he says and takes the man’s bag, throwing it over his shoulder and proceeding to do the same with the other’s arm. “I know a place. Help me out, will you?”“Don’t even know you,” the man mewls and the drool he doesn’t have enough time to swipe back into his mouth dribbles onto Josh’s fur coat. It nails his eyes on his chest. He tries to sweep it off but ends up smearing it further, rubbing his palm all over his chest.“Tough luck,” Josh says and tugs him up. “Seems like you’re stuck with me now,” he continues.“Tough luck,” the man agrees, and Josh chuckles quietly at his bumbles. Who is this guy?“My name is Josh,” Josh says, fearing his words have been laid to waste as he doesn’t receive an answer right away.But the thing is that Josh is heard.“I’m Tyler,” the stranger says, giving his face a name at last.Josh looks at the owner of the drooping eyelids beside him. “Tyler,” he echoes. “It’s nice to meet you again, Tyler.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

In the quiet of the night, Josh wakes up to a feast of light and dancing shadows on the tent’s wall. Slowly he blinks, wondering what might have caused him to wake up.He nestles deeper into his sleeping bag, grunting quietly. Throwing a petty attempt, he tries to grab sleep by its tail again, yet it barely slips through his fingers when a scraping sound reaches his ears, rousing him back to consciousness. Like a quill rustling against a paper, it seeps through the faint glow of a young flame, coming from a lantern set behind his back.It takes a moment to realize who causes it. He’s kept to himself for so long that a presence of someone else right next to him so early in the morning is a foreign feeling for him.But then he remembers. Josh opens his eyes but closes them again, drawing in a sleepy breath. Oh, yeah, he thinks, and exhales.
Tyler.
Josh turns onto his other side, feigning sleep. The scraping sound halts upon his shifting. Josh can feel a wary pair of eyes on him. They follow his every move, looking for a sign of awakening.He doesn’t show any. He breathes out deeply, hoping to escape his position as the center of attention.Josh waits. The sound is still off. Then it comes again. Josh listens to it and the faint sound of wind coming from the outside. The raw air currency is blowing from the Sea of Ghosts, hitting the mainland with a notable force this morning. The inside of their tent protects them from the worst, blocking out the ruthless draught while the ember put into metallic pots stashed inside their sleeping bags is keeping their feet warm.It’s not that bad, Josh admits and goes to crack his eyes open.His eyesight is still fuzzy upon waking up, but he can make out the man that he met last night. Lying on his stomach right beside him, Tyler is propped up on his elbows, writing on a leathered notebook with a red lace bookmark dangling from the side of open pages. It looks like a diary, half filled with more to be added, as it seemed to him. Josh blinks away from the small thing. Tyler’s quill keeps forming words on the thick paper. He halts to think from time to time, leaning on his fist before going on again, spilling out his thoughts in a voiceless manner.His eyes are tired as he writes. Blinking sluggishly, Tyler dips the quill into a small bottle of ink in front of him. One time he goes too deep and doesn’t even notice it until it’s too late; the black liquid is dripping onto the pages with a wet sound now, smudging the text like a bleeding arrow.Tyler gasps, moving the messmaker away at once. He’s clutching the quill in both of his hands with a grip so tight that the feather gets crushed. It rustles in a silent scream, but he doesn’t seem to hear as he stares at the eye of chaos with two disbelieving eyes. Didn’t he know any better, he’d try to wipe the ink off and make it worse with a single flick of his finger. But Tyler doesn’t do that. He doesn’t do anything in fact; just waiting for the essence to dry up instead. If anything, he sighs in frustration and rubs his face, marking himself with black without even knowing it.And Josh watches him, saying nothing until he does.“Hey,” he voices with a low noise.Tyler’s startled gaze shoots up at Josh.“Oh,” he says with equally quiet voice even though it’s just the two of them. “I was hoping that the light wouldn’t bother you.”The ink muddles his eyebrow like a wrecked warpaint. Tyler doesn’t look like a gruesome thug though; his eyelids are heavy and drooping, definitely predicting a collapse at any second. Even still, he keeps going, fighting the night, writing a journal. His shoulders are peeking out of his sleeping bag. Tyler rubs the right one with the quill still in his hand, the pointy end aiming at Josh’s face.The quill is crooked. Josh looks at it before shifting his eyes back to Tyler, speaking.“It’s fine. I don’t know what made me wake up.”Tyler nods unsurely. A warm gush of air escapes through his mouth in a thick cloud. His teeth clatter against each other. Having to give up on writing for a while, Tyler sets the diary aside and scrambles back into his sleepingbag to get warm again. He shuffles and he squirms, lowering his eyes as he settles.“Got enough sleep already? It’s damn early,” Josh says and sits upright, taking a gulp of water from his flask. It’s a miracle it hasn’t frozen during the night. The spring water is cold, refreshing, washing away the stale taste in his mouth and oiling his dry tongue.“Mm. Thanks for looking after my sorry ass,” Tyler says, ignoring the question. He closes his eyes to rub his forehead slowly. “My head is starting to clear up.”Accepting no thanks for things that should be obvious, Josh shrugs, “The drink disturbs your sleep, huh?”“Kinda.” Tyler is muttering, his words barely reach Josh’s ears as the mouth of the bag swallows his voice. Josh offers the bottle for Tyler who shakes his head, saying that he’s got his own water. To emphasize his words, Tyler attempts to get up but gives up on his plans as he sees his backpack lying in the opposite corner of the tent, too far for him to reach it from a sitting position.Josh gives the bottle for him, and Tyler lets him.Taking a sip, Tyler notices his sword lying beside him. Neat and secure, Josh had set it right next to its owner, giving him a chance to defend himself were they attacked. Tyler swallows, eyeing the grazed sheath.“I-“ opens Tyler’s mouth, he stops before he even starts, now thumbing the leathery belt attached to his weapon. He turns to Josh then, an apologizing crease between his brows. “I’m sorry, what was your name again?”Josh puffs out air accompanied with a smile. The gesture sets Tyler into an easier mood, bringing forth a faint set of dimples before they go away again. “Not as clear as you thought, huh?” he asks.Tyler tilts his head back to his lap, a shy smile broadening with his cheeks tinting red from the cold. “Ah,” he huffs out before turning back again. “Some little details are just missing,” he assures, swinging his hand like a scale.Josh laughs. “Well, my name is Josh,” he introduces himself again, accepting Tyler’s way of not shaking his hand.“Josh,” Tyler repeats, urging the name to sink in. He’s quiet for a moment, nodding his head as if to assert himself before speaking again.After all, there are questions to be asked.“Where are we exactly, Josh?”Josh lays back down, throwing his arms behind his head and stretching. “We’re still near Dawnstar. This a lone lay-by camp often used by the hunters that chase horkers. I’ve been here many times when coming all the way to north for a hunt,” he sighs, his spine cracking as he stretches.“So you’re not a sellsword, are you? A huntsman?” Tyler asks without looking at him, feeling for his dry hands ripped open by the icy climate. They’re unadjusted to the harsh winds and sharp snow mixed in it, red from some places that makes the skin look nearly burnt. And Josh, he halts at the sudden question. Knowing what Tyler himself was chasing after, Josh remains silent, studying Tyler’s hunched posture before saying,“Yeah, well. Those are two different things.”“Depends.”Josh quiets down at that, thinking about Tyler’s words. Tyler is seemingly pondering something too, his eyes trapped on something unimportant, a dark shadow looming over his features.Josh gnaws at his lower lip.“I’m just a hunter from Riverwood, yeah. Sorry to let you down,” he finally answers. The words pull the other out of his daze.“N-no I mean, I wasn’t trying to-” he rambles, before sighing all over again and raking his fingers through his short hair. “I wouldn’t have the money anyway.”“It’s okay.”“I’ve never been to Riverwood,” Tyler admits and Josh hums at it, smiling, knowing the size of his hometown and the fact that travelers hardly ever visited there due to the close location of Whiterun, the biggest city of the Hold. Most travelers stopped there along their way from Helgen. They might stay for a night before moving on, most never stopping by on their way back. The town is walled along its entrances, but the lack of guards leaves them regrettably short-handed. They might be defenseless, it’s true, but they’re self-sufficient. Josh remembers his mother often talking how useless man the Jarl of Whiterun was - only caring for the war and leaving his own people to lean on their blessings, watched over by the humor of their gods in the shadow of the Throat of the World.They often had some lowly thievery to deal with. Only then, a guard or two would appear - in case they were lucky - but how little could they do. Typically their visit brought nothing back, leaving behind Lucan the unfortunate shopkeeper with curses on his lips and two-legged gold still on the run.He remembers Dorthe and Frodnar, the two pranksters who masqueraded their dog into a huge Frostbite spider. Poor Stump. He didn’t understand what made the villagers chase him all around the town came nightfall, with two little kids running at their tail and screaming and pleading and crying for them not to kill it. Their mother was furious, but the events gave something worth sharing time and time again. The kids totally proved their skills at handiwork that day. And the dog lived.It pulls the corners of his mouth upwards even now. Maybe his hometown was quite lively after all.He shakes his head clear of the haze of his memories again. “What about you,” Josh asks then, leaning back on his arm as his curiousness eats at his thoughts. “Where are your roots?”Tyler pulls on his face, the skin stretching wherever his fingers go.“I’m a farmer’s son. My family owns fields. We’re growing wheat, potatoes and some vegetables,” Tyler explains, tiredly rubbing his face, and yawns.He doesn’t say where he’s from.Josh wants more.“Is it a big farm?”Tyler is hesitant, his fingers halting, barely ghosting over his chin. “Quite.”“Who are you selling your crops to?”Tyler’s eyes sharpen as he turns to glare at Josh. “That’s not really important, is it?” he growls with a low voice, suggesting him to keep his questions to himself.Josh can see Tyler’s hesitance. He clearly doesn’t trust him at all. The man is more careful than what he had anticipated, but it’s understandable when the civil war was raging through the entire province, everyone being afraid of spies and invisible enemies that may lurk among your closest friends, even.It is understandable, but Josh wants to wash his hand off the dirt anyway.“I don’t care if you’re selling supplies for an army. People need food. It doesn’t ask what side of the war you’re on,” Josh says then, but Tyler doesn’t stop his uncomfortable swaying back and forth as he listens to his words.Josh changes the fruitless topic to something else then, sighing. “I remember a fair a few years ago,” he starts with, thinking aback. His gaze shifts to the flying buttresses at the ceiling of the tent as he goes back in time. “In Whiterun. I still lived in Riverwood with my family back then and went to see the market with my sister. It was a big fair… We bought seven huge bags of flour and vegetables from a young man that looked just like you,” Josh says and looks at Tyler, smiling as he sees him listening incessantly, and continues,“We took the goods home, had a little feast of our own. Our mother baked us a pie the same night, using the juiciest ingredients and some good goat cheese. The vegetables were the best part, you know. I think there were… tomatoes and carrots, at least…?”“Tomatoes and carrots, yeah,” Tyler says, smiling sadly.“And venison.” Josh is speaking enthusiastically, taking a deep breath and letting his chest rise in awe. His mouth waters as he talks about all the good food they had that night. “By the Nine, it was so good.”Tyler huffs, picking dirt from underneath his fingernails. A proud smile tints his cheeks like a waking dawn in the horizon, melting away the indignant glares from before. Tyler is humble and happy to hear Josh’s sincere thoughts, the warmth in his voice contagious. He tries to smother his obvious delight, but doesn’t do so well.“Anyway, we had quite a load when we left the fair. The guy at the stall helped us to carry the sacks outside the walls and aided us to find a carriage. And uhhh,” Josh trails off, drawing out the syllable until Tyler turned back, lifting his messy eyebrows askingly.“Yeah,” Josh hushes as he looks at the other. “You look completely the same.”Tyler knits his brows. His eyes look sad again, his fingers fumbling.“I think I’ve met your brother before,” Josh finishes quietly. His words have an immediate impact.“Zack,” Tyler whispers with a broken voice, the name of his brother making him agitated. His eyes start shining with the thinnest coat of glass. Tyler turns his head away, musing, “I need to find him.”“Hey,” Josh goes, getting back up on his arms, reaching for the other. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” He’s not sure if it’s okay to touch him.Tyler wipes his eyes, his blunt fingernails glide against the red of his lids as if to get rid of a grain of sand in it. “It’s okay,” he says. “I’m just… Uh,” Tyler gulps, struggling with his words. “I’m just tired of wandering around in the wilderness and making no progress I guess. Just a bit discouraged, that’s all.”Josh hums.“Do you have any idea where to go next?”Tyler’s nose is running again. He scowls at it. “I wasn’t planning to end up in Dawnstar. I’ve been walking criss-cross the Pale, but the snowstorm pushed me here. I was going to cross the mountains to get to Winterhold, but look at me now - I’m stuck again.”Tyler fixes his dripping nostrils as Josh rubs his chin, deep in thought. “Getting to Winterhold is a lot easier from here than crossing the mountains, though.”Tyler turns to him. His throat clicks in a confused noise.“Really?”“Yeah,” muses Josh, releasing his bearded chin, thinking about the best trail already. “Hold on, I’ll get my map,” he says and climbs to his feet, moving in a hunch in the cramped tent. Tyler watches him get up, quickly turning his attention back to his journal to check on his writing.Josh is back as quickly as he had gotten up, hastily scrambling back into his sleeping bag. The map is big as Josh folds it open. And Tyler, he scurries closer to see, trying hard to memorize every single detail as the world opens in front of his eyes.The fine paper flows on both of their laps, and Josh presses his finger on a location that lies on Tyler’s side, who curls his finger around the thin edge of the paper. “Here,” Josh points. “This is where we’re now, right where the Sea of Ghosts meets the mainland. And here-” he continues, sliding his hand towards Tyler, “further in the north, is Winterhold. I’ve never been across the border myself, but the best route would be right along the coast I guess.”“I’ve heard that it’s hard to miss due to The College of Winterhold. If only the weather was good...” Tyler mutters and shifts his gaze, his attention drawn on something else. He finds what he’s looking for. “I get it now. I took the wrong road on my way here,” he says softly, eager to right his wrong as he taps a spot near Fort Dunstad, where the marked pathways split in half and go their own ways.Josh examines the map.“But why Winterhold? Why would your brother go there? Is he attempting to join the mages?”Tyler’s eye tick at the weird assumption. “No?” he asks more than says then, looking at Josh. “I got a letter from him. He was talking about the capital of Eastmarch.”It’s Josh’s turn to frown. He shakes his head, putting the two and two together. “But that’s not Winterhold.”Tyler’s breathing hitches. “W-what?”“I think you’re looking for Windhelm, not Winterhold,” Josh says and moves his finger to the right place.Tyler stares.“How is this possible? How can I make such a stupid mistake?” he moans at last and pulls on his hair. “This is going a lot worse than I thought,” he says with desperation, ashamed of his grave mistake. “And I lost my own map in the storm.”“Visiting the north for the first time can feel a bit overwhelming. Besides, Winterhold used to serve as the capital,” Josh comforts him.“I’m going to die,” Tyler decides without even listening, and Josh laughs at his words.“You’re not going to die man, come on. You just need a guide.”“Yeah? Care to volunteer as one?” Tyler asks and props his head in his hands, leaning on his knees and swaying again. He’s restless like a child, a peasant that Tyler actually is. Josh pauses to think. He has to, for the question is, would he? It would be a good opportunity to explore the unforeseen hold, to see and experience what the real north had to offer. Nothing, his father would surely say, and then suggest him to head to the south. It is well known that the hold was merely a vast plain of ice with snowy tundra, high mountain ranges with no vegetation at all. Further along the coast are the drifting glaciers and icebergs that litter the murky waters, their ruthless grip having wrecked too many ships to count over the many years of winter.It’s true, it might be mortal, but that can’t keep him from seeing it with his own eyes.And maybe… he could actually help.“I can do that,” Josh says with a light heart.Tyler stops. His jaw drops. He turns to look at Josh in a silent amazement that scream in a thousand words but leaves him dumbfounded. With his eyes wide and hair mussed, Josh can’t help but think that he looks like an owl. The image is about to force an amused smile on his face, yet it abates when Tyler finds his voice again.“You… you would do that? Really?” Tyler stutters, still in awe.“Yes,” replies Josh. “I can’t give you my map, but I can help you get on the right road. I’m already here, with you, so why not check out what lies ahead? I’ve never been to Windhelm either, and if I can do anything to help you to find your brother, I’ll gladly do that,” he says and folds the map as if to close the case as well.With a voice so tender, “I really wouldn’t mind the company,” Tyler speaks with honesty. It’s like a heavy stone would roll off of his shoulders. He’s seemingly relieved, body deflating like a blowfish. However Tyler can’t help but hesitate again, fumbling with the fur around his legs, “But… why? We don’t even know each other, I- I don’t have anything to give you in return.”Josh shrugs him off, cutting his rambling before its shaping. He doesn’t care. He knows that his promise might be too much to offer. But Josh knows. He knows exactly how Tyler felt, he wants to tell him that, but halts as a wave of hesitation washes over his tongue.Tyler leans forward, noticing his weird quirk. “What?” he goes to ask, blinking quietly as he waits for Josh to continue.Josh is quiet. But he draws in a breath, and speaks.”I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love, and feel that fear of not knowing what happened to them,” he starts with. Josh stares in front of him, tightness to his face as a heavy hand pulls him back to his memories. And Tyler - unable to do anything else - listens, curling his arms around his knees, taking in what he has to say.“Years ago… I lost my own brother,” come the words. “He went missing on the last day of Sun’s Height, and we didn’t find him until the very last seed was sowed. I don’t really know what happened. I spent days and days looking for him, went as far as the gates of Falkreath, only to receive a message from my mother. They had found him in my absence. I borrowed a horse and hurried to the downstream of the rapids at the edge of Whiterun. And there he was, stuck on a branch of a driftwood at the mouth of a waterfall. Some local fishermen had spotted his body while trying to catch salmon there. I helped to pull him out, seven grown men is what we needed to get him back on dry land. He had been dead for a long time already. The hard stream had mangled his skin like stones, and he was so, so cold. I’ll never forget the way our mother cried as she wrapped her arms around his stiffened body,” Josh explains and clears his voice, all the talking making his throat sore. He drives his attention to his own arms then, tracing his finger against a vein on the back of his hand.“I thought about my brother a lot after that. Assumedly he had gone swimming, gotten caught by the strong currents, and drowned. It was the beginning of fall, you know. We’d just had a crazy rainstorm the other day, and the water was higher than usually.”Tyler is speechless. He doesn’t get a word out of his mouth as he listens.Josh continues.“The burial was held not long after that. My parents were worried that preparing Jordan’s body for afterlife would be too late. A priest of Arkay from the Hall of the Dead in Whiterun visited and helped us with the ceremony. My brother was laid to rest in peace. He held no grudges. That’s how my brother always was,” Josh finishes with a fond smile. Then he coughs, and takes another drink.Tyler shakes his head in a heavy disbelief. “That’s a sorrowful story. I don’t really know what to say. I’m sorry. You have my condolences.”“I know. It’s okay,” Josh reassures. “Thank you. I don’t usually get to talk about my brother a lot. And I wasn’t sure if it was okay to bring him up right now either. I really didn’t mean to upset you, or anything.”“No, it’s okay. I think... I think I understand now. And you understand me, you really do,” Tyler fathoms and looks at him. Tyler stares a lot. Maybe it’s just something that he always does without even realizing it. However, he’s not being intrusive or offensive, but simply curious, attentive. As a hunter, Josh’s success was tied to his ability to avoid getting seen or heard, to bypass every sense of the oblivious living beings that he’d set his eyes on. Josh thinks about the hawk again. He’s not accustomed to be seen in someone else’s eyes, yet he doesn’t try to escape this time around either.Looking Tyler in the eye, Josh lets the dawning sink in. He has a new purpose now. He’s here to be seen, and show the way.Wanting to say something encouraging, Josh nods. “I’m sure your brother is still alive. Let us find him in Windhelm,” Josh says, and Tyler nods back, a new fire of determination taking over his eyes. Only now, their hands meet. Their handshake is firm, skin claps against skin and squeezes, tightly. In the light of the shimmering lantern, a warmth so fierce spreads along their blood vessels, bringing them closer together.However their path is still covered in the shadow of the night. They have to wait for the red eye of the east to open and rise up, to shine light on the outset of their journey.It’s weird, how their stories brought them together today. It’s like an invisible bond has already entrailed around their hearts, clutching relentlessly as it tightens.The ink on Tyler’s diary has dried up. A new page is ready to get started.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

A log of wood splits in half when the freshly sharpened hatchet works its way through it. Josh pulls his bandana down, huffing out as the last piece of his work falls down next to the others. He crouches down, gathering the chopped blocks of firewood in his arms, piling them up into a neat heap beside the tent’s entrance.The next morning dawns in silent leaps over the sky, pushing the stars to fade from the new day’s way. The faint storm has passed during the night, leaving behind a serene horizon and a light breeze to nip at his cheekbones.It’s a sight to see, how the waking sun tints the pale floes into a strong shade of pink that flow in a black sea. Josh stops to look, taking in the moment to enjoy it as it befalls in front of his eyes, standing by himself and facing the beauty of the haunted sea.As for now he’s alone. Josh didn’t have the heart to pull Tyler out of his hard worked sleep when his own ceased to hold him down. Quietly he had gotten up, knowing his way when moving around silently and getting ready to start his daily chores.Thus the fire was already blazing, breathing the cold air into its core. A trail of smoke rises high to the sky to join the others, the coal miners of the city of Dawnstar having started their everyday life hours before. That smoke is black, Josh notes. He closes his eyes, facing the impurity. If he listened carefully, he could hear the distant sound of pickaxes hitting the walls of the mine, equally relentless as the growing towers of shadow in the sky.Josh closes it all out. There’s more to be preferred when camping in the wild; like the peace, and the quiet of it. Not so fond of the racket and the reek of the cities, Josh turns on his heel to get back to his work.He has a pheasant to pick.Josh goes back to the tent where his bag lies. Lifting the mouth of it, the flooding light delivers a bland hum to his ears. It’s Tyler, he’s just woken up, looking over his shoulder to meet the first chinks of sun. Their eyes meet for a fleeting moment. Having slept for a cheap amount of hours, Tyler flops onto his back with the limited movements he has, and buries his fingers in his eyes, rubbing and pressing to get the sand out of them.Josh leaves him be. The bird untied, he steps backwards from the tent, pushing the hanging leather out of his way to return to the fire.Regardless, it doesn’t take long for Tyler to follow him. Once awake, he gets up, buckling his sword back to rest at his waist. The peasant fastens the belt to the right measurement experiently, wishing Josh a good morning as he does.His voice is as raspy as ever, dulled by the fragile curtain of rest. Despite everything he’s been through - things that Josh doesn’t even know about but still show their weight on Tyler’s slumped down posture - the peasant is smiling. It’s fading like the smoke in the sky, but it’s there, demure yet present.Allowing a survey, Josh’s eyes start wandering; Tyler’s apparel are dark in their nature. The thick coat sucks all the light into it, reflecting nothing but the color of the dark blue night sky. Lighter fur sticks out from the carefully seamed joints of it, running over his shoulders and protecting the user from the harsh storms and cold winds in it. The same fur-trim circles his hood rounds his face again. Tyler is holding it, curling the fleece around his restless fingers.On his hip rests his sword, tugged away in the safe of a simple scabbard, its cold-steeled hilt sticking out of it. The black-leathered handle separates the crossguard that is engraved with weird symbols that Josh doesn’t recognize. Lastly comes a simple pommel. In Josh’s eyes, the shape resembles a full moon that is split in half.Considering the skilled handicraft, the sword has been forged with skill.Tyler’s fur boots skim across the molten shore, the fire inviting him over where Josh is sitting on a log of wood, a bird half shed of its dressing on his lap.Despite their talk last night, Tyler seems nervous. Maybe he’s not quite awake after all. The peasant looms around, idly pulling his hands into his thick gloves and curling his fingers into loose fists, looking into the fire as if to try and find something to talk about.Josh helps him. “Good morning,” he answers back then. “Want a new quill?” he asks and plucks it from the pheasant’s flank, only to let it slip from his fingers and be taken away by the wind. “Fuck.”Tyler’s lips stretch into a laugh, following the birdless wing fly over his head as the wind takes a hold of his fur hood as well, softly dancing his fur coat.Josh plucks another, and hands it over like a flower.Tyler settles on a log at the other side of the fire with a smile on his face. He pulls out a tiny knife, and yanks his gloves off his hand with his teeth, putting them down next to him. Cleansing the short blade with his thumb, Tyler swipes it and blows at it. Dried up ink scales off of it. His smile has disappeared as he concentrates on his handicraft, leaning forward to steady his position.The feather is beautiful with its magnificent red color and the gracest golden sheen to it. The silken root is a faint tarnish of yellow and thick enough to prepare a quill of it. With the little blade between his thumb and his forefinger, Tyler cuts off diagonal slices to prepare a nib of it. Carefully inching the tip of the knife inside the hollow bone, he presses the steel against the thin side of it, and slowly rotates the sharp edge against it.Finishing the cleansing, he lastly carves a slit to the center of it. Tyler blows the trash off, examining the inside, testing the sharpness. Satisfied with the result, he sheaths the blade, and puts the quill back into a flat wooden box where he keeps it. He throws the old quill away.“Thank you.”Short-worded and simple, Josh nods, resuming to strip the pheasant of its molt. A small pile of plumes at the root of his feet grows and diminishes at the same time as the wind’s hand grobes them, pulling them to join on the aimless expedition in the winter’s very own hold.Tyler watches them go before throwing another cordwood into the campfire, creating an uprising of embers that take off to the sky until their fire meets its waning end.The waterfront is right behind Josh’s back, showing the extensive of the sea. A tamed swell of waves lick the shore with salty tenderness, the night’s fervor wind having passed at the sunrise. The sky keeps clearing with the faintest colors of blue, growing stronger as the last shades of pinks and yellows tint the horizon.The sight has Tyler’s eyes nailed to the sea. The last night’s ink is still notable on his skin, spread there with something like a bloody thumb. It blackens the hair hither and tither. Still oblivious about it, Tyler keeps staring absently, seeing something that Josh is not so sure of.He turns his attention back to the bird. The fire between them pops and crackles. They’re sharing the heat of it, but the words they keep to themselves. Only after the last feather is pulled out and the bird it’s cleaned of its viscera does Josh speak. Tyler’s head jerks when he does, roused from his early daydream.“Okay. Shove time. Hold this up for me?”Quickly climbing to his feet, Tyler takes the spiked stick in his hand. He runs it through the fire before crouching next to Josh, taking a firm hold of the wood’s tail, and steadies the other end with his right hand as Josh brings the pale flesh of the dead bird’s body closer to the pointy head.Soon after, they have a roasting breakfast turning above the flames, its maturing skin spitting and hissing.Josh makes an incision into its side to check it for any raw meat.It looks good.Food to eat, a bite to chew, they sit around the fire. No talking with a meal in their mouths, Tyler expresses his liking of it by chewing loudly.Josh stares at him quizzically. Tyler doesn’t seem most talkative, but for food he gives his full attention. Peeling off a slice of the soft meat with the corner of his mouth, Josh says hey as the sound of mushing food finds no cease. He says it again when Tyler doesn’t seem to hear him, testing the new quill with the diary in his lap. This time, Tyler takes a notice of it, raising his head with his cheek bulging out, his pheasant on a stick in his left hand.“Hm?”“You chew really loudly.”Tyler takes a quick side-glance. He swallows a half of his mouth’s content before attempting to speak. “I do?”“Yes,” Josh says and flicks his hand, eyeing the peasant humorously.Tyler’s face is unreadable. With a frown he brings his meal in front of his face and lets it steam. “The food tastes better when I really go after it.”“It tastes worse to me when I hear it.”Tyler laughs out loud and food flies out of his mouth and lands on his journal. Locking his hand over his mouth, Tyler bends forward, the cackles nearly choking him and making Josh laugh at the sight of it. Tyler snickers, slamming his chest as he tries to keep his airways free. He manages to pull himself together and come back, wiping the bird off his lap.“Sorry… I’m so sorry,” he chuckles with his face red and he coughs, taming the lingering amusement. Their eyes meet again, it’s the first real eye contact of the day, and it breaks the ice, loud and clear.Tyler goes back to scan the pierced bird up and down then. He raises his hand with the stick in it as if to skoal, and says,“This is really good, Josh.”Despite the presence of a blazing fire, the chilly air seems to fade away only now, giving space for a conversation. With Tyler paying more attention to his table manners, the words are flowing now, both between them and on the paper as well.Josh eyes Tyler’s lap curiously. “Is that a diary? What are you writing about?” comes the inquire, and Tyler’s lips twitch fondly upwards.“The sea. I’ve never seen it before in my life.” It comes out dazed, the ink pressing a neat period to end his last sentence before starting another. He carefully presses his pinky on the left page to keep the pages intact when yet another breeze washes over their camp, the salty water humming around them.Josh knew it’d be the case. Seeing Tyler so amazed about it was a clear sign in the first place.“We’ll see a lot of sea on our way to Windhelm.”Tyler’s smile grows. He looks quickly up before going back. “I’ve seen Lake Ilinalta as a kid. That’s like an equivalent of an ocean when you’re a trot, right?“Oh, totally,” Josh smiles. “I’ve been there so many times. It’s not that far away from Riverwood. It’s where the White River gets its life, and it passes right through my home village.”Tyler’s hand grows slower, his face thoughtful. It’s like he wants to say something, but only outs a quiet yeah. A dark silhouette of a guard appears high over their camp then. She wastes no time to observe their actions as she steps to a small tower of a lone lighthouse that guards the sea, the sight of hunters a well known and common to her. For Josh, it was a surprise that no fellow huntsmen were occupying the camp when they had first arrived in the dark of the night. No horkers in sight, the beasts must have moved to a different shore to linger and pulling the weapons of a man on their tail with them. Horkers’ meat was delicious, their fat rich, and their tusks were easy enough to carve tools of little kids’ toys from them.Tyler notices him staring and turns to look behind him to follow Josh’s gaze. The guard keeps her eye on the sea, then stoking the fire that blazes in the hearth.“Did the smoke pull her here?” Tyler asks and looks back at Josh then. “Should we leave?”“No,” Josh says reassuringly. “We’re fine. She’s just patrolling.”Tyler nods, trusting Josh’s words. He fiddles with the diary in his hands, feeling for the closed pages until they come to something that looks like a thick, loose piece of paper.Tyler pulls it out, and walks to Josh. He gives no indication when he shows the paper to him. However it’s not just a page after all- Josh can see it now, but he makes his question anyway.“What’s this?”“Zack’s letter,” Tyler announces with no hesitation in his voice. “It’s nothing personal. You should read it. Maybe he wrote something important that I missed,” he finishes and holds out his hand, urging Josh to take it.The waxed seal is broken, and Tyler is there to hand over the message himself. Josh grabs it. The paper is yellow with crumbled up surface, a sure sign that it has been studied many times before. On top of it reads Tyler, who’s returning to his seat now, sitting down and crossing his fingers upon studying Josh’s face as he opens the letter.There’s not much to analyze. Zack’s letter is short, possibly written at the last moment before disappearing. Some of the words are smudged out even, a sign of a change of mind and a different choice of words. Judging by Zack’s writing, he’s planned everything out, and tells Tyler not to worry about him. He does not reveal his exact location, but forbids his brother from talking about anything to the mother and father.However there’s one thing that bothers Josh the most.“He hasn’t told why he left,” Josh says, straightening the folded up paper in his hands.“He hasn’t, no,” Tyler nods in an equal disappointment, his hands muffling his voice in thought. Dropping them off his face, Tyler speaks more clearly. “I was hoping you could make something out of the scribbled over parts, but....”Josh squints his eyes, examining the mystery. However he has to shake his head in defeat.“I really can’t. I’m sorry,” he admits and meets Tyler’s eyes across the fire, who shakes his head too.“I know. It’s okay. The paper is too thick to trace the letters, too. Not that a quill would leave any marks anyway.”Josh tries it too, but yes, Tyler is right. The letter doesn’t give much to its reader, but it’s true that Windhelm is mentioned in it as the capital of Eastmarch, the oldest city of Skyrim.The city’s current political position is what worries Josh the most. For Windhelm is where the heart of the Stormcloaks are, and the Stormcloaks are the other half of the reason why the the whole province was bathing in war and its own blood now. The rebellions have made their nest inside the heart of the city walls, and that’s where Zack was heading, as much as the letter allowed them to fathom.He understands Tyler’s concern. However there’s always one possibility. Zack might be trying to join the rebellious. Tyler himself must have come to the same conclusion, but Josh doesn’t voice his thoughts, keeping his guessing to himself. The war is a sore spot for many, and they spend no time to talk about it.Josh points out something else, however. “He told you not to worry about him, though.”Tyler laughs. It’s bitter. The fire does its talking as Tyler looks to the side, humorless as he says, “Yeah, well,” he starts with, huffing again. “It wasn’t my idea to get out here and drag his ass back home. My mother told me to get him, for harvest, you know.” Josh’s eyes widen in surprise. He has no time to remark the obvious before Tyler is talking again. “She wanted his hands back to work, so here we are. How the fuck is she going to benefit by sending me away as well? I’m just wondering.”“And now it’s winter,” Josh uses his chance.“And now? Now it’s winter,” Tyler repeats his words. “Talk about a perfect labor input.”They chuckle at that, finding a good reason to do so.Tyler leans on his fist, quieting. “I wonder if they’ve gotten anything done since that. They’ve probably toiled day and night to get the crops saved,” he says next, worry and guilt in his voice now.“Have you been in touch with them?”“Hm?”“Have you talked with them after leaving? Do they know where you are?”Tyler sighs, rubbing his face. “No. I’ve thought about writing to them, but you know… I really haven’t. Who knows if the letters would find their way home anyway. With the war and everything.”Josh understands. “Yeah,” he says. “Me too.”Before the silence falls over them, Josh gets up. He steps past the fire, past the distance between them, and gives the letter back. Tyler takes it, carefully slipping it between the covers again.Josh speaks. “You can write to them once you’ve found him,” he says. “You’ve come this far already.”Tyler casts his eyes lower again. His mouth twists as if to smother a smile.“Yeah,” he says. “Thank you.”Josh lets his own smile past his lips. “We should clear the camp. Then we can get going.”Tyler jumps up again, re-energized after their food. “Yeah! I’ll help. Should we put out the fire?”Josh shrugs it off, waving his hand. “It’s fine. The place is secure and someone might use it after us. Let the fire blaze as long as it lasts.”“Okay.”They gather their belongings, working quickly together. Leaving behind the city that is the first to greet the sun as it begins its daily journey over the sky, they head out to the wild. * They take the road that runs along the coast as Josh had planned. Broad ways left behind, the passage between the sea and the rocky wall is narrow like a slippery log of a tree at times. The swelling presence of the sea takes its place along their steps, swiping its tongue towards their boots. Walking ahead of Tyler, Josh can hear him jump out of the wave’s way lightly like a deer in a forest.“Josh,” Tyler calls from behind him after a while. “You said you were from Riverwood. Have you ever visited the Old Holds before?”“All things considered,” Josh ponders, “yes and no. I’ve never been past the mountains that keep Dawnstar’s back, nor the ones around Windhelm as I said. So Eastmarch is a pure stranger for me. The Rift in the south though, I’ve been there. The vast deciduous forests are rich of quarry, and the golden leaves are wondrous come fall.”“Golden,” Tyler husks attentively. “You travel a lot.”“It’s hard not to when the world is so vast. I’m not talking only about Skyrim. There’s still so much I want to see,” Josh says, a gentle smile to his eyes as he wonders. “Did you know that there are ships in Windhelm that can take you to the Ashlands in Vvardenfell? It would be fascinating to see the wastelands around the Red Mountain.”Tyler doesn’t answer, but he listens. “I have an adventurous soul to thank for,” the peasant finally muses in a thoughtful manner.“And you?” Josh turns to look at him. “Do you ever leave your, uh… home?”“No,” comes the sombre answer. Josh nods, having figured that Tyler’s reply would come out short even before he opened his mouth. As anticipated, the topic comes to a dull end. Mentally cursing, Tyler’s head is turned away again, a sad frown pulling his lips downwards.They don’t feel quite comfortable around each other just yet. However they need to build their trust or they’ll never make it to the city gates of Windhelm.Tyler is not a surly companion by any means; just wary. He might not be the fiercest, but he’s come this far on his own despite the lack of contact with the wilderness or the cities rising amongst it.Josh has already trusted his back with him. With that turned on Tyler, the peasant seems to sense the drop in temperature.“It’s just…” he starts with, trying to get the conversation going again. “We’re busy all year. Even though the crops wouldn’t flourish during winter, the animals need to be taken care of.”“Yeah, I understand that.”The terrain weaves its way forth. Josh’s hand traces against the face of the crag on his right with Tyler close to his step. At the opposite shore of the narrow body of water, something catches Josh’s attention. Four high pillars of a Nordic ruins rise from an island surrounded by the sea, black like the night and just as ancient, giving them something else to think about.The mere sight is enough to slow down their marching. The place has a threatening aura to it, holding the two in its grip yet somehow nearly daring them to step on the island, higher waves hit the bleak walls of it, giving birth to an ominous sound as the water whips against the shores.The dark columns of the ruins seem to stab through the bright blue sky, the highest of them with a face of an eagle sculpted on them. Their sharp eyes stare unblinking, forever open as they keep watch on the land that rises from the sea. Leaning against each other and forming and open gate like a raptor’s wings, statues like a dragon’s claws grow out of them, stretching up as if to hold the white of the clouds in their place.It reaches high, but Josh knows that there - deep under the ground - lies something more. For the pillars are a roof for the dead, a tomb that lies deep below its stoned wings.“A crypt,” Tyler hushes knowingly beside him, the sight pulling them to a halt.Josh nods, remembering the legends from the many nights of story tells in Riverwood- how the people would gather around to feast the night, not only sharing songs and poems of wits and glories but threats and warnings as well. Woe to the unwary explorer who delves deep into the burial crypts of the ancient Nords, and disturbs the Draugr that dwell within, declared one of the frantic words landed with a high-flown voice from one of his father’s men.Josh would often sit in a heap with all his three siblings, staring wide-eyed and in frit as they listened to the adults tell their stories. The thickly moving shadows that the fire gave birth to would run wild on the walls around and around, giving shape to the horrid words as the shadow men would fight and die, the clutching fists showing their bitter ends. More often than not, only one would survive, climbing back to clean air to shake off the horrors of the crypts - alive and alone, yet showering in riches.Despite the ferocious nature of the tales and stories, Josh loved to hear them, absorbing every word. He’d often time play a hero in the kids’ games, his younger siblings always complaining for getting the roles of foul ends from his wild imagination.Josh would only shrug, and keep gathering the round pebbles that were supposed to be shining gold coins. Jordan would steal them later on, and they’d be on to the next play in an instant with thieves to be hunted down.Despite the leviathan amount of possible treasures, grave robbing was not on their plans today. Feeling no pull to step on the trail of the departed, the two march on, shaking off the dead men calling for them.Their road baths in a bright sunlight by now. The clear shore comes to its end, and Josh halts, pulling out his map.“I think we should get up from here. The glaciers starts from here and our path would get difficult. We have to climb but it’s gonna be fine,” he says and folds their guidance, putting it back to its place in his satchel.Tyler’s look at the mainland is unreadable, overwhelmed by the exposed mountains that lie ahead howling. Determinedly, he grabs the handles of his backpack, arching his back as he fixes the belongings that hang off of his shoulders as if to prepare himself. Despite it all and everything at once, the peasant says, “I can do that.” His tone is breathy, making him shift his weight from one foot to the next.Josh smiles behind his bandana, encouraging. “Let’s climb.”The piled up snow makes the task easier. Safer, to say the least. However with their feet and their hands sinking into it, their climbing grows slow and exhausting soon enough. The sunlight is nearly blinding. Josh blinks the sweat out of his eyes. From the root of the hill, the hike seemed short but proved itself hard. Throwing his leg to the side, Josh presses himself forth with the other. Turning to look, his shoulders heave up and down. Tyler does his best to keep up with him, but has already fallen a tad behind. His longer coat makes it harder to crawl over the white, making him constantly trip on it. Tyler halts, pulling the hem higher. The material pools in his arms, and Josh offers him his hand to yank him up from the spot.Tyler‘s breath shears against his windpipe. “Thanks.”They make it to the next landing at their own pace, both breathing hard as their muscles burn at the exertion.  “Gods...”They’re equally covered in snow, morphing their colors to the ones of greys. The peasant pats his clothes, sending a cloud of pristine snow in the air that glimmers in the sunlight. Josh does the same, digging the cold out of his boots.“I got snow in my gloves,” Tyler tells him, earning a smile from Josh as he shakes his arms in a wince. It turns to a laugh.It’s then when they take in their surroundings that strike them to muteness.The Old Hold has them both in its breathtaking thrall in an instant as a thousand shades of blues open wide in front of them. They’re high enough to see the white valleys of ice and snow stretching far away to the horizon. A deep gorge runs through it and sinks low, splitting the enormous glaciers. It creates a deadly grave like a trench between the two valleys, an assured death if someone was to fall over the edge of it.The open faraway sea shines in all its beauty behind them. The shore is crowded with rising mountains of frost where the glaciers rule the view as far as their eyes can carry. It spreads far and wide, making it hard to tell where land ends and ice begins.In the Winterhold, the time itself appears ceased. The wind’s icy breaths are the only way to show the passing seconds ruling around them, sweeping loose snow with it and forming dynes like sand on the field of white.Above all are the high mountains that reach far to the bright blue sky. Having lived most of his life at the root of the Throat of the World with its peak high enough to look down on the clouds, Josh feels barely nothing at the range of Mount Anthor. But Tyler, he stands dazed beside him, head turning in the same way as it does with a young bird looking for a treat from its mother.“Wow,” hushes out Tyler his amazement. It embodies with a deep puff off air, wind carrying it on and away from them.“Quite a sight to see, don’t you think?” Josh muses into the covers over his face, using his hand to protect his eyes from the blinding light.“I- yeah, ” Tyler stutters, his breath taken away. “I had never really seen snow before… before this,” he says, raising his eyes up and up and up. “Only when gazing at the distant peaks of the high mountains far away. The true north deserves its reputation.”Josh hums, nodding at his words.“We’ve crossed the border of the Pale now,” he says, dragging his scarf higher up his face to ease the nipping there. He gazes at the mountain sides where the black and white cracks of sediment split open the icy blanket. Where the sun hits the walls rush the bright flashes on their way, forcing their eyes to squint and water ruthlessly.“It’s beautiful,” Tyler utters, still amazed. He narrows his eyes some more, spotting an enormous tower looming far away in the distance. It stands at the edge of a broad cliff that sticks out of the Sea of Ghosts, nearly camouflaging itself with the sight of the mountains and faint mist that surrounds it. Tyler stretches out his hand to point at it. “I can see the College of Winterhold.”“That must be right,” Josh agrees. “Behind the mountains is where the city of Winterhold is.”Taking no step towards it, Tyler stands steadfast on his spot. “But it’s not Windhelm,” he says with a doubtless voice, piercing the horizon.“It is not Windhelm,” Josh echoes Tyler’s words easily. There’s no mock in his voice. However Tyler’s smudged brows fall low, heavy as his frown deepens and shadows his dark eyes. Shifting beside him, Tyler grips the handle of his sword and turns his eyes to the other direction.They take a different path as the ascend is too steep for them to climb up the dreadful walls of the rocky hills. With their shadows to their right, they wade through the snow that cracks beneath their boots like broken bones. And the sun travels through the sky with them, looming no higher than the lowest peaks of the heights around them.Their roadless path goes on forever.They need a break.“We certainly do,” Tyler agrees, sitting on a grim stone that lies on their way as if waiting for somebody to rest against it.Josh scans their surroundings without answering. For the break meant food, and the food meant hunting. In reality, there was no time to rest before they had found something to eat. Silently cursing that he’d given away the hare at the inn the night before, Josh turns his head slowly. At the time, he didn’t know where he would be tomorrow, a thought that he never really paid much attention to. However with Tyler at his side and a promise on his shoulders, Josh carries on, before the peasant interrupts him.“I can see wild goats,” Tyler says with good eyes on him, getting up and pointing. Josh turns to look. Sure enough, there’s a small herd ascending the steep icy trail with a natural skill to their progress, making it all look so easy.“A good steak would be nice right now,” Tyler continues and licks his chapped lips, ready to set off, but halts when Josh resolves him to keep his temper.“They’re too high for us. Their trail has hardly anything for us to come by.”“I’m a good climber,” Tyler insists, and Josh huffs.“Haven’t seen you climb like that. Besides, they’ll knock you back down if you approach them recklessly. Believe me, that hurts.”The peasant’s eagerness falters. “You’re speaking through experience,” he recognizes, looking off and away into the grey distance, and Josh hums.“Too much to chew for both of us,” Josh says, and watches the herd leap higher the walls as if they knew they were talking about them, bleating in suspicion.“I wouldn’t be so sure.”Josh laughs, not sure if Tyler got his words. He thumbs his trusty bow in his hands. “Hold your horses,” he says suddenly and pulls them both down. Josh shoves his arm in front of Tyler who quips back in surprise, but goes even lower with him. Taking a glance at Josh, Tyler sees his eyes fixed on something and runs his gaze along Josh’s leathered arm to the other direction, to the spot where Josh was pointing at.Another flock of pheasants, dining on a prolific bush of fresh Snowberries. These birds are pale of their nature, hiding amongst the cold area like a slaughterfish in the murky water of Lake Honrich. It’s a good camouflage, yet it’s their cooing that exposes them to a set of searching eyes today.“Blessed be our lunch,” Josh husks quietly and bites his lower lip with Tyler lying beside him, who admits that he’s never seen silvery pheasants before, their beautiful feathers glinting under the ancient sun.“I’m surprised that they’re even able live around here,” Tyler says and flicks his tongue over his red lips again, squinting as his hunger turns his eyes into a beast.“These ones are easy to hunt,” Josh whispers and puts his weapon back. “They can’t fly long distances without tiring themselves out. Once you get it going a few times, its heart pushes itself to its limits and you can catch it easily and twist its neck. There’s the saying that you can hunt it even without a weapon, too.”Tyler nods, eyeing the flock earnestly. “There’s three of them. Should we catch two or just one of them?”“We have to see which direction they take first. Hear me out,” Josh says and explains his plan.They separate, preparing a sneak attack. The birds are still eating, pecking fallen off berries that litter the ground with their ruby red color. Too busy to surveil their rear, Tyler’s shadowy figure is easily approaching them from behind. Moving slow and low, his soft leather boots skim perilously silent over the cover of ice, hiding behind the piles of snow to hide his presence.Staying on the lam is not part of their plan, however. Reaching the ideal range, Tyler’s dark figure stops, crouches down, and looks for Josh with his eyes where frost sticks to his lashes. Their gazes meet in a moment. Hiding behind a bank of snow, Josh nods, signaling Tyler. His bow is not out. He’ll not need it. The pheasants can’t fly far nor can they fly too high. This will be an easy hunt.And so, Josh’s head bows, asking Tyler to set their plan in motion.Tyler jumps to his feet. To scare the pheasants even more, he makes an unnecessary noise with his mouth that makes Josh peek his head out of hiding to see if he’s okay. Josh quirks his eyebrow, only to see Tyler pulling out of snow and chasing after their lunch, trying to separate the flock. The sight pulls Josh’s eyes to a faint smile when Tyler screams again. He goes back to hiding.The flock sticks together shrieking, stopping near another wall that cuts their way short. The peasant gives them no time to rest. Tyler runs, driving them away once again. He’s quick to catch on one of the birds’ confusion about the right direction and pulls out his sword to thrust it up from the scabbard. The sun hits the pristine blade, creating a flash of light that scares one the birds to circle to the other direction and separating it from the others with success. To left it flies - and that’s where Josh is waiting.The panicking pheasant’s wings flutter wildly, the cold air doesn’t provide its aid to carry it on its own, and the bird lands, it’s plump chest heaving twice as fast.It’s not long until Tyler reaches it again, trying to catch it but misses as it hops up exhausted to fly again. Its long feathers reflect the sun and causes flashes of light as it flies. And Josh watches. The next stop will be its last.“Josh!” Tyler shouts to make sure he’s ready.Josh is. The pheasant sees his waiting figure then, and takes a sloppy turn to the left where the winds carry it. There, at the end of its life, the pheasant stops abruptly, closing the black pools of its scared eyes and staying stock still, unable to move anymore or hoping to trust its camouflage.It’s a risky game, but Josh doesn’t mean to give it any more time to gather its strength. He’s going to show Tyler to stay true to his words, hoping to even impress him. The bow stays on his back, same as his arrows, and he’s about to get a hold of their first prey together, stepping on top of the hill to reach out for their food right in front of him.He takes a careless step. No, he doesn’t, but something goes wrong anyway. The ground gives out, disappearing under his footing as the ice crackles and crumbles, breaking beneath his weight and sending the pheasant at the end of the ledge back to its wings again. The unexpected momentum causes him to lose his balance, and all too soon Josh is slipping, falling and landing on ice, but never halting.There’s a sudden tilt to his world. It’s steep. The bright sunlight pulled a foul trick to his judgement to blind him from seeing the thin ice like a wave that the nature had formed.Sliding down, Josh tries to slow down, but the slick ice hardened by the harsh winds gives him no chance.There’s a sudden bump on the ground, and Josh’s feet catch against it, throwing him off balance. Falling forward, Josh lands on his shoulder, grunting as his bow and arrows press against his back, bringing him to an inability to pull himself to stop.Josh lifts his head to see where he’s being taken. It’s then when he sees it. Slipping further down, a gaping maw in the ice smiles at him like a hoar wound in a dead man’s throat at the end of the hill.A crevasse.Josh’s eyes widen. He’s too close to react, and all too soon the hard ground comes to its end beneath him, and Josh is falling all over again. His jaw smacks against the blunt surface with power enough to strike his brain. It takes his vision, and Josh’s fingers slip, looking for a grip that he’ll never find on the spot as his feet dangle with nothingness beneath him. His foot nestles on a narrowing dint on the wall, offering him a brief sense of relief, and with one hand Josh shoves it between the ice and his front, feeling the hilt of the dagger on his hip.He pulls it out with a snarl, and strikes it on the ice. However the surface is too hard for the blade to pierce it. The steel shivers and slips, all the while his foot does the same.The crevasse swallows him whole.Josh legs push off against the crack in the ice on instinct to meet the opposite wall. His head and upper back hit the wall repeatedly, barely slowing him down. His body piles up, doubling over between the two sides as they grow narrower the lower he goes.He manages to save himself from falling any further. Josh groans loudly. His whole body aches in the uncomfortable position as his knees press against his bruised jaw.It all happened so fast."Shit,” Josh curses with his ears ringing, pushing his feet against the ice again to get his twisted back up straight. Clawing against the frigid walls, he finds his balance, scrambling against the separate pieces like a crab between two cramped stones.Josh breathes in pain. However it gets replaced with the ones of gratitude; to his luck, the crevasse is narrower on the spot he’d fallen into. Had he taken it at the distance lesser than his own body length, he might not have made it.From here, he can make it out. However he’s too low to reach the surface on his own. Josh dares a glance from the cramped sky to the darkness below. The crevasse is gaping far below him, growing even wider. Its dark blue color sinks into blackness so deep that is impossible to try and guess where the bottom greets you. Deep and deadly, Josh’s end would start the second he’d slip.The sight alone makes the temperature drop.A dripping sound reaches his ears as he gets his hearing back then, Josh glances down to his chest; there’s blood oozing on his lap now, a tacky feeling trails down his chin and the dark beard onto his loose bandana— looks like his teeth have accidentally smacked against the soft flesh of his lower lip upon falling. Josh feels for the damage with his tongue; struck nearly through, a gash in his lip fills his mouth with the taste of his own blood.Josh spits. A long track of spit and blood flies out, hitting the opposite wall and sticking to the cold of it with alarming seconds. Fuck.Lucky that it wasn’t his tongue nor his teeth, Josh winces again. The fettered wind howls in its trap, causing the ice to buzz and sigh around him. The slow shifting and cracking creates a choir like men humming in a low voice, making songs of his oncoming fall.Josh releases a shaky breath, spitting more blood. He’s not going to join this tune.As if on cue, he hears footsteps cracking against the ice at the surface, stomping on the death-thirsty lot of men. Tyler’s face appears above him like a rabbit’s head out of its nest, swift and shaken up as he peers into the crevasse.“Josh!” Tyler screams into the abyss. His frantic breathing echoes in the fault, quivering as he struggles to find Josh for he’s further away from the spot he had fallen.Then he sees him. Tyler’s teeth show up to his crooked lower ones as he stares at him with his eyes wide. “Jo—“ Tyler’s starts with before disappearing as quickly as he had appeared, shifting to the right spot right above him and calling his name again. “Josh!”“I’m okay!” Josh shouts before blowing off the frost that falls off the edge of the crack at Tyler’s panicked moving. “Don’t get too close to the edge. You’ll fall. Then we’ll both be dead.”But Tyler doesn’t listen to him. He throws his hand and leg against the opposite wall to the other side, shoving his right arm into the narrow crevasse. Desperate, Tyler tries to reach for Josh, inching even deeper, but he’s too far below.Afraid that the peasant would slip and fall, Josh yells. “Tyler! Don’t!” Josh cuts the air with his flailing arm, up towards the sweet open air as if to push Tyler away, but their hands are nowhere near touching.The peasant groans in a pained defeat, pulling back. “I can’t reach you!”“I know! Don’t come here!” Josh shouts up. In his agitation, Josh’s concentration softens, making him slip deeper into the crevasse again, forcing him to bite his teeth.“Fuck—“  “Josh!” Tyler screams in panic, helpless at his uselessness. The echo is still running in the air when Josh comes to a halt. “It’s okay,” Josh grunts in reply and hopes Tyler heard him as it comes out in a pitiful wheeze with his body parts pressing together. Josh’s legs are starting to burn and lose their feeling and getting replaced with numb stinging, straining in an awkward position where his blood didn’t get to circle properly. “Just please... don’t come here,” he pleads, praying that Tyler will do as he says.Cursing again, Josh needs to stop and start thinking. Knowing that if they both give in to fear, they’ll be doomed. So Josh closes his eyes, counting in his head before going to calm Tyler down.“Tyler, listen to me. I’m not going to fall. But I need your help to get out. Just try to calm down, okay? Can you do that for me?”Above him, Tyler keeps shaking, but he nods, pressing his fingers against the hard edge of the ice. “I- I can,” he utters with a teary voice, and Josh’s mouth gapes at the sound of it. They’ve hardly gotten to know each other, yet the peasant is clearly scared for his life. Tyler’s silhouette is dark against the bright blue sky. It’s hard to decipher his face, but Josh thinks he’s looking at Josh with a pure fear for his safety.Josh’s face softens at that. However the time was running, and he didn’t know how long he could hold himself up anymore. With a clear voice he speaks up,“Do you have any belts you could tie into a rope? From shoe straps to anything else. We need something for an extension of our arms.”Tyler is ready to get up and buckle open the belt around his waist when he suddenly stops, eyes sparking with a sudden realization.“Wait,” Josh can hear Tyler say, starting to take off his backpack frantically. “I have a rope.”“That’s even better,” Josh sighs in relief. Tyler disappears from his sight again, but he can hear metal buckles cling against each other, the flap of the backpack ripping open, and lastly, bits and pieces being thrown out and onto the icy surface and Tyler’s curses for his own stupidity.It doesn’t take long for Tyler to show his face again.“Here,” he says and starts serving the thick twine between his fingers.The tail of the rope eases its way down. Josh wipes his bloodied chin against his shoulder, snarling and swallowing as the bleeding doesn’t stop. Freeing his hand, Josh goes to reach out for it, taking a firm hold of it and slipping the rope twice around his middle and tying it into a knot.“There!”Testing the loops, Josh yanks it with both hands. He then yanks the rope. It gives in at first, before going to taut with Tyler pulling at the other end.Josh breathes in an inevitable sense of deep doubts of all and everything, but pushes them to the bottom of the crevasse. He needs to trust Tyler.“I’m going to climb up,” he says surely. “Are you ready?”Tyler’s legs shift, black against the blue of the sky and pulling away. For the last time, Tyler glances down. “I’m ready. Just let me get on my position again. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”“Okay. On the count of three, yeah? Don’t let me fall.”Tyler nods. “I won’t!” And his voice is firm, so sure that it drains the last of Josh’s uncertainties aside. This icy prison is not taking him out today.The soles of Tyler’s boots press themselves against the opposite edge again, searching for a steady footing. When he finds it, Tyler pushes his legs and pulls tension to his muscles to become Josh’s rock. Twice he yanks the rope with purpose. It keeps him on place. Satisfied with the result, Tyler calls out,“I’m ready!”“Okay!” Josh shouts. “Here we go. One, two… three!”His legs swing free for the last time, facing the void beneath him. Ignoring the soreness in them, the rope pushes itself taut but stands its ground with Tyler at the other end. Concentrated on finding a new footing, Josh uses his back muscles to pull himself up and higher, towards his freedom. His boot finds dents in the wall, alleviating his weight with them to save Tyler’s energy. He might need it. Never knowing if he was going to slip again, Josh shins up with caution on every step.With the crevasse growing wider again, Josh is forced to leave the steady of the ice behind his back. Tyler’s grip doesn’t waver despite the breathy grunts he releases, using his farmer’s arms to get Josh back to him.The nearing bright light makes his eyes squint, and Josh can taste the sweet wind catching on his blood-smeared lips, and finally gripping the sharp edge on the surface. Last push, last pull, Josh grunts, climbing between Tyler’s legs who yanks him up from the pits of his arms and clothes for the rest of the way. The sound they make together is indescribable in his ears.They kiss the steady ground with Josh on top of him. Josh on his stomach, Tyler on his back. They breathe heavily, clouds of air puffing out. Tyler is still clutching his clothes as if being afraid that Josh would fall again, refusing to let go of him.It takes time to catch their breath again. However Tyler is the first to get words out of his mouth.“No weapons,” he gasps. “But you need a fucking hound, Josh.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“I lost my arrows,” Josh says from his lying position, a bloody cloth pressed against his jaw.Tyler pulls it back with confusion, glancing at Josh’s hip quickly.“I carried them on my back. Must’ve dropped them somehow when falling.”His quiver is indeed gone, something that he only realized when Tyler helped him to detach his bow so he could lay down more comfortably to tend to his injuries.His weapon rests next to him. Josh is grateful to be able to grace its fine wood with his fingers; losing his bow would prove itself a costly mistake. The northern Skyrim has already proven itself a capricious territory. They’ve learnt their lesson the hard way today, sore and bruised, and their journey was only at the beginning.It’s funny, how the human psyche works sometimes. Only after Tyler had pulled him back out of the crevasse, Josh had lost the feeling in his legs, shaking in a amazement after making it out alive - so relieved, his legs refused to carry him. His head felt funny, the aftermath of hitting it seemed to arrive in delay as the instant fire of survival was finally wearing down.Tyler had helped him back up and taken them back to safety. They’re resting farther away from the damned thing now, and Josh finds himself being able to think clearer again.The spot is well chosen, protecting them from the frigid breath of the mountain ranges all around them as they gather their lost strength.There’s a fire. It warms up their cold limbs conveniently, giving a sense of safety when the awaiting frost seemed to loom behind their backs all over, waiting for them to abandon their makeshift camp.Tyler puts the pressure back, urging Josh to open his mouth again so he can get the cloth between his lip and teeth again.“Can you craft more?” he asks then, shifting the fabric to find the right spot. “Are we done?”Josh snorts at the question, knowing full well that Tyler must be joking. He hopes he is.It’s weird to talk with your mouth full of fabric, but Josh tries anyway. “Don’t be ridiculous. I only need a few supplies to make proper ones,” he explains defensively.It comes out as a jumble of noise. Tyler smiles down at him, carefully shifting his hand against Josh’s face.“The bleeding stopped,” Tyler says surely after a while and rips the crimsoned material off to get rid of it. “It doesn’t look as bad as the amount of blood made us fear. I don’t think you’re gonna get a lopped lip,” he says and turns back. “Don’t stay on the ground for too long.”Josh scrambles into a sitting position with Tyler’s sleeping bag beneath him. His hand comes up to his chin, tongue poking against the slippery wound in his mouth, tasting like iron.“Hey, don’t do that,” Tyler scolds him and pulls his filthy fingers down. “You’re gonna make yourself bleed all over again.”Josh moves his tongue, feeling the thinner skin. “I can almost whistle through it,” he says nonchalantly, making Tyler freeze with his eyes wide before earning a hard shove from the peasant, pushing him nearly back down.Tyler chuckles. “Disgusting.”Josh laughs, but drives his gaze down to his chest where his blood has dried up, showing itself in bizarre shadows now.Considering the circumstances, he could have ended up a lot worse. One bloody hole is nothing compared to what it could have been for him. He could have died. Without Tyler, he’d still be caught in the icy dungeon of the crevasse, waiting till his strength would run dry or jumping into the depths of the ice would seem more appealing than dying of hunger.Speaking of hunger, Josh’s stomach is growling like a pesky beast now. That fucking pheasant. If not for it, the whole mess wouldn’t have happened in the first place. Having settled upon a poor landing spot, Josh nearly got himself killed by the damned thing that was doomed to die in his hands and end up to a stew anyway.His salty face must reveal his inner thoughts of knifing the winged bastard five times into its ass. Tyler sees the sudden grim line of his mouth and quirks his eyebrow, commenting nearly amused,“You look pissed.”Josh draws in a breath, trying to sound more tamed than a bloodied troll woken from its sleep. “Because I am. We lost the damn bird,” Josh says with distraught and taps his fingers grumpily. “Now we have to start all over again.”Tyler is silent before smiling sheepishly. He reaches behind his bag and pulls something up.The pheasant. Tyler dangles it from its legs with a proud smile and a blush to his nose and cheeks, the dark beak of the bird hanging open with their prey dead in his hands.Josh’s eyes can’t even widen from the astonishment he’s caught in.“You-“Tyler tosses the thing in his lap.“I saw it on my way down as I looked for you. It didn’t have the energy to struggle as you said. Snatched it in my arms and twisted its neck, a little bit harshly perhaps,” Tyler says before adding, “I think it deserved it,” lowering his voice at the last part.Josh’s fingers twitch. He catches himself from gripping the hilt of his dagger.“I love you.” * They see a Sabre cat outside their camp. It’s far enough to not notice them, for the wind’s direction is on their side. The beast lies around on the ground, it’s plump belly sticking out and resting against the cold surface with a devoured meal digesting inside of it now.Lucky for them, the animal has just eaten. It won’t bother them as long as they don’t bother it.They get their much needed food as well. Josh can feel the energy returning to his body by every chew he takes, never ceasing to think how this particular pheasant breast tastes a lot better than usual.Tyler is worried about the predator, unsettled as stealing glances at it every once in a while. He’s seen them before in where he’s from, only in different color.Despite the looming threat of it, they try to get settled around the small fire. With the remaining warmth slowly dying down, it’s not the biggest provider anymore, but they won’t stay here for long anyway, despite the rest might still be needed.For now it felt like the morning was repeating itself. Tyler writes on his diary with a great concentration, tugging his glove back on his hand every once in a while. He brings it closer to the fire before carrying on with his work, sunken deep into his thoughts.Josh is settled across from him, plucking and tucking the sturdiest feathers to safety so he can prepare a fletching for a new set of arrows later.Yanking the silvery feathers from the stiff wings, Josh can feel eyes on him. Tyler is looking at him with his fingers around the beauty of his quill, holding it in a firm grip. His eyes watch right into his own with no words coming out. Tired eyes, sunken with tight, frost-burned skin around them are casted back down then, contemplating his journaling like he wasn’t just staring at him only a short moment ago.There’s a change in his features then. It looks reassuring, nearly hopeful; despite the ceaseless dark circles under his eyes, Tyler’s mouth twitches upwards, thumb gliding over the paper before covering the bare skin of his hand once more.Still wondering whether something was wrong, Josh asks,“What is it?” and Tyler blinks, before quickly turning another page and sticking the red marklace between the split, taking in the warmth of the fire as long as he can as if nothing had just happened.  He says as much. “Nothing,” he goes, and smiles, going back his journal. “Keep going.”Josh shrugs, and does just that. Slipping the rest feathers to safety after finishing his work, Josh scrambles up to join Tyler. Settling next to each other, the peasant doesn’t protest the extra warmth Josh brings with him, but the opposite. He presses closer to him. Josh can only smile reassuringly, despite them both knowing the ominous signs were painting themselves in the skies for them to see.The icy walls around them block out the full view of the sky, but it’s known that the sun was starting to sink behind the high mountains soon enough. Dark clouds were rising, feeding an upcoming blizzard. The two face the grim clouds in the narrow sightings, hoping the gathering storm away from them.They had no powers to change that, but they’re together, and it’s all that matters.“I don’t think I thanked you yet,” Josh says then, and finds himself glancing at Tyler as the other turns to look at him with a clear confusion on his face. “When I fell and you helped me back up. I wouldn’t have made it without you.”There’s a sense of disbelief in Tyler’s eyes. He closes the diary, blank pages with nothing on them cede until next time, ready to get filled later.“That’s not true at all,” the peasant says meekly. “You wouldn’t have put your foot nowhere near this place if I hadn’t dragged you here myself,” he continues, fiddling with his covered fingers. “Besides, it was more like you had to keep me calm, despite being in a tougher situation yourself.“I don’t see it like that,” Josh says after Tyler leans away, scratching his hooded head and growing unable to look Josh in the eyes while taking his words in. ”It’s pointless to waste your energy thinking that way. There’s no way to change the things that happened. If I’m thinking that way, you shouldn’t blame yourself either. Is that okay?”“If you say so,” Tyler shrugs uneasily, but accepts Josh’s point of view. Lifting his eyes, Tyler is suddenly jumping up. “The Sabre cat is gone,” he notifies, looking at the same spot they had first seen it.It’s true. Having missed where the beast had gone, they couldn’t be sure if they’d gotten noticed.They have to get moving. Staying in the open during the dark hours of the night with bloodthirsty predators starting to hunt around was too dangerous. Encountering a hungry, full grown Sabre cat would result in an ugly death, with their natural weapons of claws and even stronger teeth giving an easy way to rip a man through.Leaving behind the remains of the pheasant further away from the way they’re heading, they hope the scent distracts any possible threats from their trail as they leave to find a safer place to stay the night, walking side by side with Tyler’s sword as the only thing to protect them. * The storm arrives. The snow alight cuts through them in sharp whips, slowing down their marching. So far in the northern Skyrim, the winds of the weather were unpredictable with the day starting with the brightest of sunlight, only to end in a blizzard.The mountains stay faceless and silent around them, only serving the cold hand that force-feeds them with the cruelest of draught and the rigorous grip of it. The higher they get, the deeper the snow grows, and Josh can’t wait till they get back on a fair-minded road on the other side.They need to stop to look after each other. Gods know if the wind would rip them off their feet, or the palettes of white would suddenly start moving beneath them. The wind-blown essence doesn’t have the chance to settle, and Josh’s foot sinks again, nearly swallowing his boot as he tries to yank it back up again.Cursing and wishing for snowshoes, they make it to yet another landing. It steadies their footing for the time being, giving Josh a reason to be grateful. Staying low and surveying their surroundings, Josh checks the possible threats before straightening his back up. Tyler takes the hint of his movements and follows, keeping his hand on the pommel of his sword. They fight to keep their heavy panting in control, despite the unlikely circumstances of something or someone hearing them.They can’t see anything in the storm anyway. No beasts in sight, only ice rising like tectonic plates greet them upon their arrival, pointing at the sea like waves looking for their way back home. Josh gets up first, stomping his feet and shaking off the white once again before pulling Tyler out of the crust of snow as well.Tyler sways, unexpected to even himself and groans, letting Josh to steady himself before breathing freer as he leans on his thighs with his head bowed low.“Shit…” he cusses. “Where are we?” His words come in steamy puffs before Josh has time to ask how he’s doing. “Did we make it even that far yet?” Tyler asks and turns back, eyes squinting at the slashing snow.“We’re nearing Mount Anthor,” Josh says and lets go of Tyler’s shoulder. He breathes, sharpening his eyes at the mountains looming in the dwindling light, blinking the snow out of his eyes. “I’m afraid there will be no proper roads until we make it past… that,” he says, dimly in his pondering as he faces the mountain range. “There are no farms or other settlements as northward as this. We might have to build a lair in the snow to stay the night if we don’t find anything better before that.”“But we have to cross the mountains in any case,” Tyler says, nearly out of breath again after only saying the words. They need to shout so they can hear each other.“I’m not sure… That comes later anyway, but there should be a passage to the other side. It’s just hard to see it in the dusk and this damned storm. We’ll save time if we don’t have to hike the mountains, yet alone round them.”“I trust your instincts.”“It worked so well last time too,” Josh points out and Tyler laughs faintly, shaking his head. “But jokes aside, I think we should press a little bit further. We might find something useful. Are you okay with that?” Josh says and put his hand back down on Tyler’s shoulder to get an eye contact with him.And it works. Tyler glances back up, his dark eyes meet Josh’s, body shaking slightly as he pulls himself upright.His voice is getting raw again, but the faintest smile gives it a lighter undertone. “I am.”It’s not guaranteed that they’ll find anything, but they still had some time. Having no markings of residentials in a snow abyss like this, they have to make the discoveries themselves.They’re probably the only living things roaming the mountains in this weather. Sinking deep into his thoughts, Josh only gets pulled out of his musings when Tyler’s voice reached his ears.“Your bow,” Tyler says, his attention drawn on something completely different as he walks behind Josh’s back, holding his hood in place with his other hand. “I’ve never seen anything quite like that. There’s some beautiful handicraft in it,” he continues, eyeing the weapon curiously and studying the fine wood of it.The bow was fine work indeed. Crafted to life by two Bosmer hands, Josh’s first taste in holding an efficient hunting bow in his hands was granted by Faendal, the old elf of Riverwood. Born and raised in the wild forests of Valenwood, Josh had always been curious to learn the old man’s tricks at hunting, and got lucky enough to try his bow one time.Compared to the bow he had taken from his father, Faendal’s was a lot of sturdier and held a completely different sense of aura around it. Holding it in his smaller hands, Josh didn’t feel himself as confident as before with Faendal’s knowing eyes above him.Drawing the string of a real hunting bow took a certain technique, but it required a great deal of physical strength as well. Josh couldn’t draw it. It was embarrassing, really.The old wretch of a bow that Josh had gotten from his father and carried around with pride felt like a toy next to its Valenwood cousin. He had never even seen his father hold it in his hands, the sawmill taking the entirety of his time.However that wasn’t enough to discourage him. Helping around with his father’s lumber and getting his own share of a quarry in the nearby forests earned Josh some money. He’d put aside as much as he could, saving and guarding it with his life until he had enough to ask for Faendal’s help.The elf helped him to make a commission from his bowyer friend who lived in the Walking City of Falinesti in Valenwood, thousands of miles away from Skyrim. Josh waited. And he waited. What felt like a year and could have easily been one, Josh finally received a delivery from the Khajiit caravans that held inside the most precious possession of his life.Oh, the shining in his eyes as he unwrapped the pristine weapon from its chains. The beautiful red wood was vocationally varnished, bringing its whirlwinding colors to life. The wood of the steady oak had a royal arch to it, everything was measured in a perfect balance, making the bowstring easier to pull back, but leaving the arrow swift and deadly once released.The carvings on the wood are mesmerizing like auburn hair. Josh still finds himself running his fingers through them, a maze he’s solved so many times he’s learnt to know it by heart.He can finally carry something in his hands with an utmost pride, clutching it in his hand even now as tells its story to Tyler.“Wanna try it?” Josh asks and spins it around the handle, free for Tyler to grab it.“Sure,” the peasant says and sheds his mittens before taking the bow from him. Standing in the right position, fighting the wind, Tyler turns sideways with his feet lined up towards the illusive target as his left hand clutches the handle. The right one goes to the string. Tyler licks his lips and draws in a deep breath, before going to pull the taut string back.The bow resists its handler, but gives in to Tyler whose face twists slightly at the added struggle, but manages to pull it fully back and even aim with the invisible arrow on the nock. His finger is stretched out in front of him. Josh watches it start trembling and spreading to his whole body in an instant, quickly taking the best of its user.Tyler gasps, nearly falling over as the string seems to tug him wherever it pleases. The peasant groans smiling, clearly unsatisfied with the outcome as he shakes the weapon in his hands.“It’s so hard! Do you even realize how hard it is?” he exclaims, earning a laugh from Josh.“It takes some time to get used to it, yeah.”“Let me try again, sir,” Tyler says, swaggering, and takes a broader stance for the rematch, gnawing at his lip sassily.“That’s gross,” Josh says and is quick to add, “somehow the word ‘sir’ doesn’t fit on your tongue at all.”“Shut up. I might be from countryside but I know some language,” Tyler says with his other eye already closed, aiming, turning slowly to peer at the other direction.Suddenly, Tyler halts, startled. The string loosens abruptly with a swish, and Josh’s eyes are quick to search and find the reason for the peasant’s sudden flinch beside him.The whirling snow makes it hard to see, but there’s something lying in the snow farther away from them. Buried and covered, the three shapes could easily be taken as stones were the inspector careless.But these are no stones. They aren’t, though the hardened flesh could tell them otherwise.Josh’s stance relaxes for the time being, but Tyler gives the weapon quickly back to him, their laughter dissipating into nothingness. Josh shakes his head, and meets Tyler’s bewildered eyes in the moment.They face nothing that could attack them anymore. The attack is already over, leaving behind the bloody trails of a hard struggle.They approach the dead warily. The sense of warning looms thickly in the air. Three bodies lie abandoned on the ground, sprawled out with broken limbs. Twisted and wrong, they stare up to the darkening sky with barely nothing there to cover the sad look of their naked skin, screaming for a resentful defeat in battle, and a dishonoring act of robbery right after.Pillagers were the worst. The scene looked oddly abandoned and forgotten, washed away by the cruelty of time.Fallen banners lie on the ground snow-buried. The wind is barely enough to move the cold-numbed fabric. Dark blue of their colors, Josh recognizes the seal as the Bear sigil of the Stormcloaks, now broken as the shield is struck to pieces with the ruthless rain of blood all around it.The snow has drank up the rebellions’ blood eagerly, drying up the owners to the very last drop of it as they lie crushed amongst it all.The Stormcloak soldiers have been stripped down to their smallclothes, ruthlessly plundered to their naked skin with nothing there to protect their now frost-wrecked flesh. The bare skin has grown sickly pale, white as milk and spread everywhere except the black and cracked blood-rashes like diseased holds with crimsoned rivers all around them. Hadn’t the wounds been deadly, the frost would have killed them in no time.Only seeing the damage, the cold must have been the faintest of their concerns.They step closer to see better. Josh looks at the scene at the root of his feet with a heavy scowl on his face. A deep gash in the side of one of the dead man’s throat is opened like bloody maw of a ripped wolf, crusted with dried blood that tinted his beard with the one and only dismal color of it.“It’s been cut with an axe. Just like the other one,” Josh says as he crouches down, scooping a handful of the tainted snow in his hand, eyeing the scene with great disgust.He hears no echo to his words from the man behind him. For the first time ever, there’s hesitance in Tyler’s will to follow him, and Josh turns back to look and see if he’s alright.Tyler’s feet remain unmoving. His arms form two stiff vines that frame his body as his chest heaves in deep attempts to keep himself intact. Josh nods in sympathy, wordlessly telling him that everything is fine - at least for them.Only then, the peasant takes a step and comes to stand next to him, and the earlier eaten bird starts fluttering again. Josh can see this as Tyler wavers, visibly fighting against the churning in his stomach. Tyler presses his lips into a stiff line, forcing himself to look at the next body.This one’s suffered the worst of all.On his back lies a man chopped to death. The hacks and slashes of an axe litter the dead all over, lethal wounds so deep that they cover him like a rash; chest, stomach, groin and throat - his right arm is hacked in half, the bone sticks out of the ripped flesh, screaming for a painful death. His sturdy Nordic battle axe is put back in his hand as if to mock the fallen warrior. His frozen fist is still clutching it in his grip, bitter of the virulent defeat, yet his murky green eyes stay open. Suffused by frost now, the man’s mouth hangs open as if ready to roar and rise and fight again, even Sovngarde - the Nordic afterlife for honorably fallen warriors - failing to hold him down.Considering the merciless amount of violence, he must have been the group’s leader.There’s a third one further away from the others. She’s not looking any better than the two men before her, a similar pool of spilled blood spread all around her, soaking her scarce clothing.Tyler’s face caves in on itself. “Who would do something like this?” His voice is soaked in sadness.Josh pulls his bandana down, continuing to chew on his bloody lip from the inside. “The Empire soldiers? A desperate group of scouts, maybe.”Tyler sniffles, restless in doubt. “It’s going too far. They wouldn't come this deep into the enemy territory,” he says with loathe, urging Josh to take his words back. "Besides, the soldiers aren't familiar with this type of axes."Josh doesn’t waver with his words. “It's hard to say. It could be a sword too. It’s hard to tell when they’ve been butchered like animals.”Tyler’s breath streams in clouds. It keeps hitching. “But none of them are Zack,” he finally says, and Josh can hear the guilt in his voice, from the words themselves or the seeping relief in them. Better them than his brother, indeed.Beyond the mountaintops, the two moons were rising, bringing the color of crimson over the skies as well as it seeped through the heavy clouds. To Josh the sight was dreary, for the falling darkness descends into a pitch-black night soon enough if the clouds get any thicker, and it tells them to keep moving - to find a place to take their own rest.“So we have nothing to do with this,” Josh concludes and gets up, and takes Tyler from the crook of his arm.The shocked peasant doesn’t move, unable to tear his eyes away from the blood.Josh knows what he’s thinking about.“We should leave them like this,” he tells to Tyler. “The frost will preserve their bodies. Better let their comrades come and get them. The dead will be returned to their families,” he says and pulls Tyler gently from his arm again, getting him going and following him with steps as heavy as lead. “Come. We don’t want any trouble with them.” * Dusk settles over the north quickly. The great moons in the sky appear behind the husky clouds with a breathtaking brilliance, showering the mountains with glimmering light and guiding them in their ghostly power like smothered suns.The blizzard finally halting. They got quite lucky after all. The remaining light reveals a grim yet highly appreciated sight on their way up.“A lighthouse. So far from the shore,” Josh recognizes as they get closer, noticing the fire pit standing at the top of the dreary tower. “So there are people out here.”The old stones call for them. The narrow windows masoned in them are dark, gaping with the blackness inside the building. No fires bloom at the abandoned summit of it. The cold wind is the only thing that runs through the lone pillars, howling in their ears.It doesn’t look very promising. The round tower stands at the open landing between a dreadful fall and another build of mountains behind it, a sweet sights for the sailors in the ghost-claimed sea. They enter the courtyard slowly, another steep hill before it having them out of breath as they approach the lighthouse from the side. Finding their way up to the goal at hand, the sight serves them with a dismal look.Considering the poor sight of the place, it doesn’t appear as inhabited.Grey hay sticks out at the root of the tower’s foundation, barely moving in their claimed weather shore. Moving alongside the walls, Josh sees a frost-taken well with a barred warehouse and a shelter used by horses, shovels and buckets and sacks of sand lying scattered on the ground in chaos.Empty of residents, Josh peeks inside the scrawny stable with a torch in hand. The light drives away the thick shadows, exposing the secrets held inside.There’s not much to see. Left in an unkempt condition, the hooves of the animals have stomped the flooring where the untouched hay spreads across the floor and wooden containers. Horse dropping litter the shelter, left there as if the sight was no one’s to bear.That, or the place was left in a hurry. Looking over the fence to the other side, traces of carriage are long gone.There’s nothing to find here.“Josh.”Turning around Josh meets eyes with Tyler.“I found a door.”Sure enough, there is one, yet it’s barely approachable. Barred behind a mass of snow, the never ceasing winds have pressed the essence tightly together, piling up -  barring the door from the outside.They step into it, shoveling it aside with their hands and feet as much as they can, set off for the night to carry. Finally reaching the handle, Josh scrambles in the snow and takes a hold of it, pulling himself forth and trying to make out any possible noises from the inside before hitting his fist against the hardwood.He gets nothing. Josh pushes it, hard. He does it again when the heavy barrier of wood doesn’t give in. The door is locked or barred from the inside. He tries to call out for people through the door.“Hello?”Nothing.“What do you think?” asks Tyler. Josh shakes his head, clouds of breath escaping.Stepping away from the door, Josh pats off the snow that sticks to the fur of his boots. “I don’t think anyone lives here anymore,” he says discretely as his hands move. “I checked the stalls. All the horses are gone and the traces of a cart were far from fresh. There’s no fire at the top either... This place is abandoned.”Tyler turns his head up. The dark slices of clouds move quickly in the sky, making an illusion of the tower falling over.Shifting and dizzy at the sight, Tyler takes another step away. “So we can stay the night?” It’s more like a question than a conclusion.“I think so. Let’s check if we have to build a shelter,” Josh says and walks away with Tyler close to his steps.Circling the tower, they come back to the well. Against the wall stands a lone storage. Tyler approaches it as Josh checks the source of water. Trying the door, Josh can hear the peasant sighing in frustration and pulling on chains of metal. Another lock, another problem, it’s black of its color and heavy in his hands as Tyler holds it.“I don’t know what’s inside, but there’s plenty of room for both of us I think. Do you know how to pick a lock?” Tyler asks, flinching slightly as he glances over his shoulder and notices Josh’s shadow coming.Josh inspects the lock, swiping his hands over Tyler’s so he can see. Made of sturdy steel, there’s nothing special about it. Josh juts his lacerated lip out and shrugs, shoving the torch in Tyler’s hands and leaveing him confused as he turns on his heels without a word.Josh picks up a shovel from the ground, swiping off the frost grown on the wooden handle.It takes three strikes. The chains break with a loud grimace of metal, slipping on the ground and stripping the stoned walls from their feeble protection.“So tactful,” Tyler notes as the shovel drops back where it belongs, the steel doing its talking.Josh goes inside, and Tyler brings the fire with him. Dusty air rises as it’s replaced with the fresh one from the outside as they descend a short set of steps into a room that turns out to be an underground cellar, bigger than they’d expected.The torch tames itself in the presence of the four walls where the northern winds could not reach. Tyler lifts it carefully, entering the surprisingly spacious storage after Josh. Filled with wooden boxes, pelts, tables and even more tools, the neat line of shelves has kept the room intact. Against the wall on the left lies a dry pile of hay with a steel-toed fork jutting out of it. Next to the hay lies a small wheelbarrow, half filled with the feed and a worn rope tied around the handle, left there for the horses to digest later.From the ceiling hangs a lantern, filled with melted tallow that has weeped from a candle inside of it. Metal creeks as it sways lightly with the draft that the open door brings with it, delivering fresh air into the room. But what attracts them the most is the suspicious pile at the corner- covered with pelts and blankets, Josh goes to them with high hopes to his steps.“There’s food in here!” Josh exclaims, pulling aside the thick covers to reveal more wooden boxes beneath it, inspecting the container. “Potatoes.”“Are you serious?” Tyler goes and puts the torch on a holder in the wall, and grabs another shovel leaning against a shelf, edging the metallic tip between the hardwood and the cover. Then, he freezes. “Should I?” he asks uncertain, looking up at Josh beside him.Josh glances at the door. “Who ever lived here is gone now. Open it!”Tyler does. He presses down with force, the nails give in with an easy sigh, showing the sweet contents of the box.Josh whoops happily, his voice echoing in the dark food storage as he pulls the cover off rest of the way. Tyler grabs an earthy potato, cuts it in half and eyes its core and sniffs it deeply.Josh waits the prediction.“It’s fresh,” Tyler says amazed, squeezing the thing in his hands. “It’s good to go.”Josh produces a broad smile, an unreal luck on their side.“Let’s see what else we can find.” * There’s a frisky campfire outside, blazing up nicely by the time they get seated around it. Crackling with merry, a kettle hangs above it with hot water boiling inside of it while they wait for the food to cook up.Josh sits on a sturdy log of wood, holding a piece of oil stone in his hand. He hones it against the steel tips of his new arrows while Tyler prepares the fletching, sitting on top of the thick pelts and blankets around him with his legs crossed.“I can see that you’re used to doing this,” Tyler says, struggling to cut the rachis without ruining it. “It’s a bit different from making quills,” he adds with a nervous laugh, trying his best to keep on track.Josh glances down. “Here,” he says, reaching to Tyler’s hands and urging him to move them so he can show him. “I usually cut a small pre-cut along the rachis here. It helps to make a cleaner cut.”“Oh.”“Your knife might be a little dull too. I’ll sharpen it for you.”“Thank you,” Tyler says quietly and hands over the tiny knife, quietly watching as Josh runs the stone against the tiny blade in his hands. Josh studies it silently, and handles it with care. The small knife reminds him of the ones his sisters use as they sew. The motion that his hands bring make equally small, raspy noises as it goes. Tyler shivers at the sound of it, and Josh pretends that he doesn’t notice.He checks the blade, carefully pressing his thumb against it. It sinks deeper than intended - a thin scale of blood surfaces, showing the result of Josh’s work like a sting of a bee.“Oops,” he goes, and sucks his finger into his mouth. “Yeah, it’s sharp now,” he continues with a pop and smiles, giving it back to Tyler who grabs it with both of his hands as if he’d be afraid to use it now.But Tyler tries again, pressing the feather on top of his wooden box to use it as a makeshift workbench. Steel carves the thin bone and works itself through with ease, making Tyler whistle. “Yeah, it’s sharp now,” he repeats Josh’s words, making his first, clean cut.Josh eyes his work. “That’s good.”Tyler trims the feathers and squares them off while Josh moves on to attach them to the arrow shaft.However the cooking up food reminds them of its existence when bubbly water sizzles and pushes free from the slits beneath the steel lid. Tyler is up in a second, pulling his thick mittens back on. “Shit,” he curses. “Did the water boil out already?” he mutters as he grips the metallic hook to ease the cauldron out of the fire’s way.Easing the top kettle off to check on the vegetables they’d found, Tyler sighs in relief to see the earlier frozen bundles of broccoli and carrots burst with color, steaming with power. The sight makes him smile before checking the rest of the food. Tyler pokes the inside of the kettle with a wooden ladle.“The tubers at the bottom are a bit dry and have sticked to the kettle, but everything else is fine. Nothing too burnt that we couldn't use.”Josh puts his work down. “Then it’s time to eat,” he says with a smile and slaps his thighs to get up.“Yeah. Let me just scrap these things off,” Tyler says and separates the edible potatoes from the ruined ones.Soon their plates is filled with food. Josh cuts off thick chunks of hard butter that they’d found in the food storage, dropping them to the center of their meals. It melts sloppily, making golden rivers that thread their way down the bright broccoli and potatoes on their way. Lastly, he hands over a piece of cheese to Tyler.“Wow,” Tyler outs with amazement, using his spoon to mix them all together, blowing at the steaming plate. “We actually got a decent meal tonight.”Josh is already filling his mouth with it. He hums. “I’d go with some spicing but I’m not gonna complain too loudly,” he tells, mouth full of food. “And meat,” he says with a grudge. Tyler laughs, saying how they can try to catch a rabbit instead of birds next time.“I think it’s good though,” Tyler adds, “The salty butter makes it so much better.”“I agree. The steamed vegetables are surprisingly tasty too.”Tyler puts his spoon back at that, eyeing his supper silently. “Yeah,” he says. “It’s almost like at home in Rorikstead,” he continues, swirling the food back and forth, and Josh halts at his words, looking down at him.“You’re from Rorikstead?” he asks softly, and Tyler nods quietly.Where the hold of Whiterun meets its end, rises the village of Rorikstead. Located at the western border of the vast plains of The Reach, the small town is even quieter than Riverwood and mostly used as a rest stop for travelers, soldiers and wandering merchants. However, known by its unnaturally good years of harvest and peaceful way of life, Rorikstead is heard to be a fine place to live in.Due to its propitious position far from north, the fires of the nasty attacks have distanced themselves from the western people of Skyrim, but desolated the villages as the willing people have left for war to keep that destruction away from their loved ones.Tyler never really told where he was from, until now. Whether it was accidental or purposed, it doesn’t matter. To Josh, Tyler’s words are a confession of trust. Maybe, Tyler wanted to talk about it for he seemed proud of his origins despite his flaring hesitance to open up about it, Josh remembers his doubt well; however he never got a suitable chance to tell about it. But they’re talking now, and it has become easier the more time they spend together.“I dream about it a lot,” Tyler confesses. “Home. Sometimes I wake up and jump like I’m late from my duties. It’s like my mother’s voice rings in my ears every morning, like that,” Tyler says and wiggles his fingers around his ears, cringing. Josh laughs, listening contently as Tyler sighs.“It’s just… I want to say that I don’t really miss that place,” he continues, words starting their usual flow. “But that’s not true, really. I really wanted to give up on everything and go back at one point, but I have to keep reminding myself what my life was like. It’s something that I've realized only a while ago. I feel out of place no matter where I am. I just don’t know any better.” Tyler stops again, frowning and growing visibly embarrassed. He looks up at Josh then, searching for spite.There’s no mockery that Josh could ever give him when looking at Tyler. He only nods. “I miss home sometimes, too. The village, family. Even my father’s sawmill, and looking at my sisters do their embroidery.” Josh speaks, testing the tip of his fresh arrow. “I miss my brother too.”“I miss everyone too,” Tyler says, raspy with woe.Silence breathes between them. Beneath the flickering stars they sit, listening to the wind for a time.Finally, Tyler speaks. It comes out at the same time a howl in the mountains blares along the valleys of ice, and it pushes through a sad smile on his lips. And he says, “I’m glad that you’re here with me.” He sounds and looks more hopeful than he has for a great while, Josh imagines.Not knowing what to say, Josh leans down, reaching his arm around Tyler who just rests against him in response. He tries to wrap his arm around him, but doesn’t get further than the small of his back. Their position is awkward due to the peasant sitting on the ground with a bowl of food in his other hand, but Josh tightens his grip, shifting closer to get more comfortable. The pins and needles of Tyler’s hair press against his cold-blushed face, but Josh doesn’t pull away despite his heart hammers wildly from being so close to him. What is happening?Tyler nuzzles his head harder against him, unknowing of Josh’s struggles above him. And he thanks him. It’s muffled at first until Tyler repeats his words, louder, yet he can’t shake away the raspiness nor the solemn tone in his voice.Josh sighs, bringing his hand up to brush Tyler’s hair to cheer him up. It’s softer than the constant presence of heavy furs and the weather-beaten roughness of it. Closing his eyes, Josh's fingers glide through it slowly and repeatedly. It’s calming for both of them, and the feeling reminds him of the smooth carvings on his bow that have the same effect on him.And Tyler, he’s leaning on Josh unmoving, slumped as his legs lie limp beneath his body. He rests heavily against him, relaxing under the touch.Josh doesn’t know how long they stay like that. However the gentle motion of Josh’s palm comes slowly to its end, and it seems like Tyler wakes up to reality only then. He lifts his head, dazed and pulling away nearly reluctantly. And he sniffles. “Sorry,” he says apologizing, and puts down the bowl of food to wipe his nose. He’s not crying. He’s just cold. And shaking. That’s what Josh tells himself. “I’m tired,” Tyler whispers. His words stay true to his bare voice, and Josh takes a better look at him.“It’s okay,” Josh says, however sounding more worried than before, and their short moment is over. “We should go to sleep once we’ve eaten.” He hopes that Tyler doesn’t catch on his words in a wrong way, as if Josh would constantly tell him what to do. But Tyler only wipes his face on the fur on his shoulder and sniffles again, picking up his food and finishing his meal. Josh can only do the same, and their bowls empty in silence.It’s been a long, exhausting travel through the Old Hold and way too many obstacles on their way to slow them down already. Being able to finally settle to get some rest, their bodies let the exertion to show.Tyler is suddenly fatigued. Josh knows he hasn’t rested enough to cross such distances in one day. The sight of the peasant pulling his legs up and leaning his head on his arms around them makes him feel careless and irresponsible. Too stubborn and dedicated to find his younger brother, Tyler has worked hard to keep up to Josh’s pace to hide his exhaustion. The consequences are starting to show now.“Seriously man. Let’s get inside,” Josh says and gets up. Tyler looks up at him confused, having missed his words. “You can’t fall asleep here.”Tyler nods silently, getting the hint as Josh offers him his hand, but doesn’t take it as he pulls himself up on his own. Josh smiles sadly. What a hard-headed idiot.They’re walking towards the food storage when Tyler suddenly turns around, muttering something about helping Josh to gather his arrows.“I’ll get them. Don’t worry about it,” Josh says and pulls the door open, motioning Tyler to get inside.The pile of hay is plenty enough for both of them. Josh stokes the dry culms, digging and arranging until the sight satisfied him. Tyler brings their sleeping bags and extra pelts, throwing them on top and staring at their nest with two heavy eyelids.“Get in, see if it’s any good,” Josh says smiling and pats his shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”Gathering the fresh arrows they crafted together, Josh takes his bow to eye their surroundings doubtfully. Taking a stray piece of wood, Josh sticks the head into the fire before putting it out to kill the hint of their location. The flames sizzle from its opposite, hissing like a cornered Khajiit as the bucket empties above it. The night seemed peaceful, the mountains lenient and keeping the threats somewhere else. Lastly, Josh pulls the string of his bow loose, and goes back to the storage with his hands full.He lights the lantern hanging from the ceiling. The weak flame grows, bringing a faint glow of light in the cell of dark space.Josh bars the door from the inside. It gives him a peace of mind and a sincere thoughts of a good rest as the thick walls keep the wind out. The abandoned lighthouse was a fortunate finding.Among the hay, beneath the countless amount of blankets of thick wolf skins is Tyler, his closed eyes and the dark muss of hair the only things sticking out. It barely stands out of all the fur. The peasant is out like a light, curled up as the cold has settled deeply into his bones, however not enough to keep him from much needed rest.Josh goes to help him. Two bodies together are warmer than one, and Josh puts his bow down, the hay rustling noisily as he steps into the pile of it to get beneath the covers.Tyler wakes up to the hassle, having fallen so steeply asleep Josh’s dark figure hovering over him nearly startles him.“It’s me,” Josh soothes him instantly. “Sorry. Go back to sleep.”But Tyler only looks at him as dormantly as the sudden rush allows him, refusing to close his eyes just yet. He reaches over, pulling one of the furs that lies on top of him to settle it over both of their shoulders. Josh settles in their shelter, fixing their covers to make sure no warmth could escape.The only thing to do is get the heat coming.“Stay close,” Josh says and shifts closer to the peasant. “We need to stay warm.”Tyler makes a sound that could carelessly be taken as a whimper amongst all the hay hissing around them. The peasant slips towards him without a second thought, however not seeming to believe his ears at Josh’s next words.“Closer.”The owl is back, Josh recognizes. Tyler’s eyes stare wide into his. However they narrow again in a wave of sadness, and Josh’s body feels an armoring of a shiver run through his skin as Tyler presses flush against him. His body is chilled to the bone, a shivering weight of ice in a human form.With his long inheritance as a son of Skyrim, Josh has an inborn gift to manage in a cold weather, an inner flame that keeps his blood strong and warm. Josh wishes he could share this power, and does his best to radiate the much needed warmth for the peasant to use it, pulling him closer.In the maze of the mountains, a pack of wolves howl in the search for food. Tyler draws in a heavy breath, releasing it with an equal force as he drifts away once again. They fall asleep at the root of the abandoned lighthouse in the middle of the Old Hold, pressed tightly together. Josh can’t argue that their closeness is melting his dreary fears. He can’t believe he did it, giving him the feeling that they’ll be okay as long as they stayed together.The moons and the stars shift through the night sky. In his sleep, Josh grows colder as the warmth leaves space between them. Sighing soundly, Josh turns onto his stomach and chases instinctively after it, hay rustling as he reaches out for the missing body next to him.A hand finds his, fingers pressing against his skin, caressing until he falls back asleep before waking up fully. In his dream, Josh hears the familiar sound of a quill scraping against a paper, and somebody crying.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The underground walls and its ceiling over their heads block out the sun. It’s dark inside the food storage where they’ve spent the night with a few nosy chinks of light pushing their way through the narrow holes in the hardwood door at the hidden entrance.The lantern has ran to its end during the night, deepening the lulling dimness. With the shared warmth as comforting as the break of dawn, the chilly temperature of the cellar or the outside world cannot reach them.It pulls Josh more awake every waking second, blinking the gravel out of his eyes. Squirming leisurely to stretch his sore muscles, Josh’s head bumps against Tyler’s who’s curled up against him, his head resting on Josh’s shoulder and taking a good use of his makeshift pillow.Tyler is still asleep. Josh can read it from his lax features. Soft puffs of air come out evenly- something that Josh can’t see, but rather feel against his neck.Tyler’s hand lays on top of his diary that lays on top of Josh’s chest. He’s surprised to find it resting between them; he didn’t notice the peasant having it when they went to sleep last night. But it’s here, closed as its nightly urge to get fed with ink must have kept the peasant awake at some point, eventually guiding him to step over the edge of real world all the way to the realm of sleep, as it seemed to him.Josh sighs. About to free his hand and move the little thing somewhere safer, Josh carefully reaches out.It’s then when Tyler’s eyes flutter open beside him. He seems so instinctive as he curls his fingers against his diary and pulls it under the covers. However it’s not panicked; the hay rustles quietly at Tyler’s slow movements as he shifts the tome to rest against himself, as if to keep it warm as well. Tyler doesn’t pull away from Josh though; he wakes up slowly, eyes focusing equally undetermined as he struggles to wake up.He only curls tighter into himself, making sounds. Josh guesses the cold is unyielding for some after all.Tyler’s throat clicks when he swallows. “Morning,” he words languidly.His voice barely gets out there. Tyler coughs. With his voice more warmed up and runnier, Josh confirms his words, which Tyler smiles for, huffing,“I wasn’t quite sure honestly,” he says and blinks before slowly pulling himself into sitting position. Moving as if he was still dreaming, Tyler’s back is hunched as he rubs his eyes. They seem slightly red-swollen and blotchy, so full of sand that the sight gets only worse with the peasant scratching his knuckles all over them. Josh frowns. Maybe it’s just the roughness that Tyler treats his dry skin with, but Josh can’t help but ask,“Got enough sleep?”Tyler is quick to straighten his body and trying to sound brighter. “Yeah,” he asserts, giving a haunted look at Josh. “Eventually.”Josh nods quietly, eyeing Tyler worriedly.“You nearly passed out outside last night.”At that, Tyler says nothing, staring at an empty spot beside them. The heavy bags under his eyes pull the skin down, making his eyes unbelievably wider. Clearly unable to admit his limits, Tyler pulls his fingers through his hair. He blinks slow before speaking,“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he says and shrugs nonchalantly, and Josh is out of words. About to open his mouth and throw a few strict words at the other, Tyler huffs and smiles,“Just kidding. Well, no. I got lost in The Pale before I met you at the inn. But it’s more likely to happen in the fields,” Tyler explains nearly incoherently, nodding obscurely. “Some days get longer than the others,” he finishes as if it was the simplest thing in the world and looks back at Josh. “Last night wasn’t like that.”“You still should have said something. I was worried about you at one point.” Tyler stares at him in the dim light, a faint glint reflecting from his eyes as he waits Josh to continue. “We have to be honest with each other, okay? No needless risks anymore or we’ll never make it. That goes for me too, and I promise to stay sincere with you as well.”“I know,” Tyler assures, nearly too quickly for Josh’s liking. However Tyler continues, and Josh has to believe him or their vow is meaningless. “So take my word when I say that I’m okay, and I’m ready to continue. I know I’m a terrible sight, I really do, but you’ll just have to deal with it.”Josh snorts, releasing a gush of laughter. And he takes it. Josh takes it, smiling as he pulls himself up and out of the pile of feed.“I guess you leave me no choice. Let’s keep looking for your brother if you’re so sure then,” Josh pats himself clean of they stray culms and grass, and offers Tyler his hand to pull him up.Tyler takes it, and lets himself be pulled up on his feet. With his diary in his hand, Tyler is about to force his eyes away from him, before noticing something. Curious, he takes step towards him instead.He reaches out to gently pull a culm of hay out of Josh’s hair.“Oh. Thanks,” Josh says as Tyler’s fingers fiddle like butterfly wings as he lets go of the feed.“Anytime man.” * They find more buildings. With the new day having raised and brightened at the sun’s arrival, the see three towers standing in the distance, four if one of them wasn't trapped in ice. The pointed top of it barely pushes out of it, like a spear piercing its captor but having no power to free itself.“Tyler, look,” Josh points towards the place where the mountains diverges from each other, leaping away as if they’ve been cut in half with a sword. “It’s the passage to the other side. I can’t believe how close we were after all.”“The sky is pristine clear,” Tyler says with his eyes nailed to the pass, a shine of pure excitement showing off his eyes. It pushes down the sapped demeanor from before. They’ve taken a huge step closer to Zack’s trail, whom they’re hoping to find in Windhelm, alive and well. Feeling the high hopes getting a hold of the peasant beside him, Josh is happy to give an affirmative answer to Tyler’s wishes of crossing the mountains even today.There’s no return anymore. Tyler will not rest until he’s found his brother, and Josh knows it. With their stomachs loaded with porridge, the abandoned lighthouse is left far behind like many things before in Josh’s life. With his map marked with finer details, the two foreigners to the northern terrains of Skyrim approach the unknown.At the other side of Mt. Anthor wait the fairer roads, the capricious terrain easing once they cross the borders of the Old Hold. They’ll make it shortly back to the vastness of The Pale before reaching the border of Eastmarch where the City of Kings and the guardian of the northeastern Skyrim rises.They wave their way down and then up again, so high up in the mountains that the sight of sea pales beside the snowy lands they’re surrounded with. It’s brighter up here. The cold pit and its shadows formed by the ice are overcome by their hard work, and neither of them will miss the place.Tyler wouldn’t do it again, swearing his words through the stone. It’ll still be cold at the other side of the mountain, but knowing that they’ve made it this far is a reason good enough to keep moving and feel victorious about it. And the towers, they rise over their heads like a trophy for their doings now, short shadows casted at the root of their boots, crushing the crystal snow beneath them.Having a closer look, they’re more like ruins. What’s left of them turns out to be an aged tip of an entire fortress, still connected to the main structure that is now taken by the frigid nature and its freezing greed to swallow everything up. Josh can easily step on one of the rooftops from a landing of ice clinging to it, leveled equally. The crook of his arm goes around the pole as he twirls around it in a quick motion before Tyler pulls him back, worry in his voice as he wants him back on the steady side. Josh laughs.Three hawks circle high in the open air over the pass, cutting the blue sky in white flashes as the sunlight hits them. Laughing free and wild, Josh stops with Tyler beside him, far below the wind under the hawks’ wings as they face the open mouth of the pass, now yawning wide open at the end of the road.Wind howls its way through the passage of it. It’s the final push to the other side, the steep hill rising with the rocky walls of the pass, cutting the mountains around it.“Finally,” Tyler sighs in a deep alleviation. “I’ve been waiting for this moment.”“For how long?” Josh asks, looking at Tyler shedding his hood, living through every passing second, breathing them in.“Way too long,” the peasant says, low with the utter power that the anticipation gives him.Josh nods, following him. Climbing one last hill will take them to the other side. There’s weight to every step they take, waiting to get to their personal peak.They’re not given much time before their talking attracts someone’s attention. Having made it nearly to the top, Tyler startles at the sudden intrusion on their open-ended way to the other side, taking in the men gathering on their way.Three shadows emerge from the shelter of the pass. They spread out to block the narrow way, two of them with their weapons drawn.Josh frowns at the sight of them. They’re soldiers. Stormcloak soldiers. A sword, a bow, one of them has a battle axe on his waist. The latter is stepping forth, crossing his arms over his chest, speaking-“Halt! You’re passing through a toll road. If you want to go get to the other side, you pay us,” he says with a mighty voice as his aid. His blue cape is wrapped around his torso, leather straps and belts keeping the thing together. His face is filled with scars, old and fresh ones, showing his anterior experience on countless battlefields. With a sturdy chain mail as a shield that hugs his huge body, the man doesn’t seem to be bothered by its heavy weight. Thick boots and gauntlets equipped with black bear fur protect his legs and arms as equally dark hair covers his rocky face.The two men behind him stand still, quiet. One of them is a young boy, short and skinny like a scrubby tree on a cliff. His clothes are too big, like empty sacks they hang off his body, a belt with a hollow sheath and bony arm rest against his hip. Despite his lanky appearance, the boy stands like a man amongst the others with his sword out and thrown over his shoulder, writhing his mouth as if he’d be spitting his teeth out.The third one is an old man, the roots of his long hair having sapped the color off and out. His hands are aged and pale, filled with loose tendons that slither on the back of his hands. His messy frost-eaten beard hides the countless wrinkles on his chin, but his eyes show the tiredness coming on by the old age— isn’t he too old to serve in an army?The next words pull Josh out of his thoughts.“What’s the matter? Pay up, citizen.”“We don’t have any gold to share,” Tyler lies, but he’s not far from the truth either; a wise man should never carry too much gold with him, the risk of getting robbed or losing his life over being too prominent. They didn’t have much on them, it’s the truth, a reason good enough to hold on to. However their words don’t move the man in the bear fur.“Bullshit. I can see from your clothes alone that you’re not the lowest snot that goes on and around here.”“And what are you to tell us to pay so we can use the road? Since when has Ulfric Stormcloak become so poor that he has to harass ordinary travelers?” Josh asks with ice in his voice, calm like the rocky walls around them.The soldier’s eyes catch on fire from the mention of the Jarl's name and the icy tone with it.“Watch your mouth,” comes the warning thrown with spit. “You’re talking about Ulfric Stormcloak, the true High King!”His words sound oddly foreign in his mouth, lacking the accustomed force.Josh ignores his annotation.“And how much is your charge?”The dark man smirks with the faintest raise to his lips. “A hundred gold.” Low is the answer, and so is the the tone that Tyler speaks with.“We don’t have that kind of coin on us,” he says, growing impatient. “We told you, we’re just travelers. And we’re in a hurry, so if you’ll excuse us…” He steps forth, but gets stopped when the dirty archer pulls his bow up, an arrow staring right between Tyler’s eyes, forcing him to stumble back.“Hey!” Josh shouts and steps forth, throwing his arm between the two.“I don’t like your tone, travelers,” the leader of the group says and clicks his tongue. “This is a clear order from the Jarl of Windhelm. I’m not letting you pass unless I’m told to leave my post. And as far as I know, you might be lousy with gold.”The encounter is heating up. So is the Stormcloak’s voice. “You’ll give us a hundred gold or we’ll cut your heads off.”Josh’s brows sink low. That’s not a guard’s behavior at all.Tyler wavers beside him. The motion kicks something off, and Josh remembers. He remembers the three stripped down bodies on their way here. He can see all the blood and guts in his eyes again, spread out like a feast of beasts as if to show the night’s terror to travelers under the broad sunlight.The biggest of the men’s cloak is smudged with blood. None of their clothes are perfectly fitting. They carry no banners with them, and the weird protocol was too suspicious to be a real assignment.There’s no dancing to their filthy game.“You are no soldiers,” he spits with disgust. Tyler turns to look at him, bewildered by the sudden accusation. The burly man stares down at him, popping a joint in his neck as he twists his head, listening closely what he has to say.And Josh, he smirks in disbelief. “You’re just a rotten mob of bandits who killed a group of Stormcloaks and plundered their stuff. I’m sorry to dawn this to you, but you’re idiots if you thought no one would notice,” he finishes and pulls an arrow from his quiver, nocking it.The opposing man with his bow is about to lose his temper and release the arrow, but his boss stops him, claiming the last words to himself.Their lie is now exposed. The bandit laughs unbothered.“You southern fools,” he growls. “Guess we have to take your lives and your money.”His words seal the deal.“You’ll not leave this place alive. Go on, boys. Show me some blood.”No sound comes off when the old man taunts his bow again. Josh is quick to shove Tyler out of the arrow’s way and leap to the other direction himself when the first attack rains down on them. Tyler falls, but draws his sword in an instant, getting quickly back on his feet and throwing his backpack aside to move freely. Bare steel is shown with a bright, silvery sheen to it as the sunlight hits the polished steel again. It’s the first time Josh sees it up close, but he has no time for peering. Sharp breath is sucked in, his lungs are filled with cold air and Josh’s left arm is already stretched out in front of him as his right elbow points behind him. With his finger as his arrow rest, Josh aims, quickly releasing the fletching.The arrow flashes in the air with a whistle. It never hits the target as the aged bandit was ready for his first strike. The steel tip of the shaft hits the rocky wall clattering, but gives Tyler a chance for a counterattack, drawing the archer’s attention to him.Quickly picking up the old man’s arrow, Josh sets it on the nock to return it before the marksman turns to face him again.Josh is satisfied to hear the old man sing in a pained gnarl. The bandit’s own arrow is sticking out of his leg now, the steel having pierced his flesh loud and clear. its sharpness is a pleasant surprise for both of them, Josh is sure.He feels the electricity of someone watching him then. Josh shifts his gaze. He turns around, eyes locking with the biggest thug of the group who follows his movements, silently challenging him.Josh feels for the next fletching.He’s going to knock that smirk off his face.Now further away from Josh, Tyler is challenging his own opponent that is still recovering from his fresh injury. Nervously pressing his toes against the bottoms of his boots, Tyler tries to stay calm. He’s used to clashing his sword with Zack, they used to spar together a lot, starting out with wooden sticks only to move onto real ones. They trained to get used to the feeling, to get the grip of it, only to get scolded by their mother when she saw his two and only sons swinging at each other. She’d warn them how she had no use for armless farmers, much less for dead ones, but their father didn’t mind.He’s got the grip by now, yet today, it’s unsettled. His fingers feel thick and clumsy around the hilt. This time the fight was real, the intention of killing strong in the air. It makes him nearly dizzy, the difference between kids’ play and today as sharp as the sword in his hands.The blood soaking through the fabric of the bandit’s pant leg makes it real. The smell of iron wafts thickly about his senses. However his enemy is broken to ranged weapons, giving him space to breathe freer. The distance is enough to coddle him with time to think, but without a bow of his own, he can’t win. Forced to edge himself closer, Tyler inches himself towards the archer, step by step.His nervousness must shine through his actions, but Tyler doesn’t give in to the adrenaline pumping through his veins, keeping himself from doing anything hasty as the wounded bandit picks up his bow again.For now he has to concentrate on avoiding getting hit. It’s not a hard task, Tyler sees to his surprise, moving up the steep hill. Where steel is to pierce the air, Tyler is sure to avoid it. One arrow misses. The second follows it. Tyler adds to his speed, the skin on his face tightens as he pushes forward with his eyes firmly fixed on his bleeding opponent.The old man loses his composure. He throws curses at Tyler’s way as he pulls the straining string back again. However his good leg knocks itself against the arrow as he attempts to back down. It works like twisting a knife in a stab wound, and the bandit jolts, grunting, not even succeeding to get it all the way back before letting go.It’s a poor excuse of an attempt to take someone’s life. The amount of wasted arrows equals to four now, and the distance between them is only a shadow of its former self. Gnarling, Tyler leaps forward before the archer has time to do anything else.He makes the mistake of looking at his opponent. The fear in the old man’s eyes cuts deeper than his sword ever could, and Tyler’s muscles slow down in hesitation for a fleeting moment, giving the bandit enough time to jump aside.Tyler slices the air, cursing. There’s no time to halt. The blade follows its target, slashing up and down to mislead the old one’s swaying steps. It works, and Tyler tackles him, changing the tactic. The bandit staggers and falls, down the hill, down the pass, his stolen armor too heavy for him to fight it and knocking him out amidst it all.Tyler runs after him, jumping and sliding down the hill. He stops at the motionless body on the ground. Snatching a short sword tucked into a scabbard behind the bandit’s back, Tyler grabs it, cutting the bow string with it. Throwing it aside, Tyler releases a shaky breath, a misty cloud of his exhale a hot puff shoving its way out.One down.The old man is unconscious, temporarily out of the game. Tyler checks on him without really thinking about it, yet Josh’s pained shout pulls his attention from his opponent.Behind his back, the huge bandit chief has pressed Josh against the ice, his bow ripped out of his hands and thrown away. Thick arm around Josh’s neck, the bandit cuts off his air. With his head pulled up into a spine-breaking twist, the thug is aiming to kill him slowly without using his axe at all.The bandit has a chain mail hidden under his clothes. Tyler can hear it chink to the tune of Josh’s struggling in his arms. Even from the distance, Tyler can easily see that his arrows have hit their target, but failed to deal any damage due to the thick steel.Tyler’s eyes widen. Josh is in danger.He gets up, attempting to help him out of his misery.“Josh!”A blade gets shoved to his throat. Tyler halts as if hitting a wall, feeling a small amount of blood starting its way down his collum as he reels back with two shaky feet. The young Nord that Tyler had already forgotten steps in his way.Skinny and beaten up, he’s younger than Tyler and wild from his eyes. His hair is shaggy and out of control. Cut shorter with a knife, the ends hang unraveled and dry, giving him a savaged look. He’s as fearless as he looks, ready to fight and stand up for his group without a question. And Tyler looks, he looks at his opponent in a shaken up disbelief, the grip on his sword’s hilt wavers again as he hesitates to land the first blow against a child no older than sixteen.“Get out of my way. I have no business with you.” Tyler gives a try with a firm voice, yet the boy huffs at his shaking words. A sharp set of eyes stares at him through the dark hair that hangs low on his face. The boy’s fingers tap against his sword, blunt teeth flashing behind his cut lip.“Don’ care man. You heard my boss. Who doesn’t pay us, dies.”It’s enough to let he choice slip off of Tyler’s hands. The Nord lunges at him with fury. The cries of battle roar in the air as the bandit swings his sword in a quick, hasty manner, putting all his weight into it. Tyler tries to reach him with his eyes, however his attempts are doomed to fail as the boy gives him no chance. Their swords meet, steel snarls and screeches against each other where sharp edges lick at each other like serpents’ tongues, refusing to give in to the other.The sound of steel talking echoes in the pass, drowning everything else beneath it. The rolling impacts start a tingling wave of electricity up Tyler’s arm. The dull ache is relentless, slowing down his movements. The fierce in front of him must notice it, for he pulls his sword back quickly, going for sinking the sword right between Tyler’s eyes.The anticipation of pain rips a yell out of Tyler’s mouth.But he blocks the blade. Tyler blocks it, and he yelps surprised, stumbling back as he’s forced to retreat. Tyler grits his teeth, throwing his back out as he falls lower on the steep hill. Tyler winces, using his sword to steady himself. He raises his eyes up higher where his opponent is standing, steadfast and still as winter.The fight has him out of breath. He needs to think. He needs to find a way to restrain the boy or he’ll have a stab to deal with, piercing his guts if he doesn’t come up with something and soon. Knocking out the archer was an easy task, but deceiving the young Nord has proven itself hard.Tyler waits. Trying to even out his breathing, he looks for a chance to attack.The Nord gives him no time to rest. All too soon he’s plunging at Tyler, pursuing for his prey like a hungry pit wolf. The blurred blade is back again, making him lose the pace. A long push like a spear flies Tyler’s way. Ducking to the side to avoid it, he takes advantage of the boy’s flinging steps landing in close quarters.Staying low, Tyler flicks his foot in a spin and sends snow in the air, trying to push his opponent off his feet again. However the young legs aren’t as clumsy as the old ones, and the armed boy jumps, slashing his sword at Tyler’s shoulder and almost hitting him, almost, but Tyler is quick to escape the strike, his success yet another surprise for both of them.Tyler gasps, having to take his distance and losing his own balance at the sharp fall of the terrain again. “Fuck,” Tyler curses out loud, breathless, helpless and losing. Wiping his face with his other hand, Tyler gets up to stand his ground despite his badly aching muscles. The bandit does the same, pulling his sword back up. The narrow failures of missed blows are enough to bring a dark smile on the young man’s face, who keeps staring down on him, laughing as if he had already won.Nothing can irritate him more. The sight takes Tyler back, no farther than the late summer in Rorikstead. He thinks about Zack, his chaff face he’d use to wear whenever he succeeded to blindside his older brother during one of their duels. In his eyes, Tyler sees his younger brother, he really does, and can’t help but think how the whole mess is Zack’s fault in the first place.The frustration that’s been coiled inside of him starts to unravel, making his blood boil. Tyler gets angry. He wants nothing but hit his brother in the face and pummel him until all the shit he’s been through because of him gets paid back. But first, he’s got a fight to finish. A fight where his position is very, very disadvantaged. He needs to get a better stance, the upper hand, or there will be no punches to deliver.The marauder in front of him is teething his lip again. The bare bones of his mouth cut a scab on his lip and pinch out blood. Tyler catches his breath.His mind is blank of ideas like a depth of an abyss, yet somehow, Tyler finds himself moving. This time, he goes to face the Nord himself. The bandit is ready for him; the dark blade rises and falls. The boy jumps, his sword coming down in a savaged arc. Tyler swings his sword with both hands, stopping the strike that comes from above. Their blades catch below and above, and Tyler pushes, stepping aside with their swords running against each other.Tyler circles to his opponent’s right. The boy turns to follow him, swinging blindly, but the reach is not given unless he jumps to the close quarters again. His sword is shorter than Tyler’s - it’s then when he sees it; another thrust of his blade comes, and Tyler slams it aside instead of dodging this time, making the Nord stagger aside, his thick, dark hair falls and covers his eyes, narrowing his vision for a split second.Tyler sees his opening. And he uses it.Frantic, he springs forth while the bandit is still stepping backwards. Feverishly searching for his foe, the bandit can only wrench a splinter of cold air into his lungs, too late as he catches the dark shadow rushing towards him.The boy slashes with his sword, finding an empty spot. Tyler has already ducked down in an instant and thrown himself on the ground, getting quickly back on his feet and avoiding the blade just in time. He spins around just as quickly, screaming, gripping his sword with both hands and slashing it against the younger’s leg with a wild, hysterical strength.The blade pierces the flesh as easily as it pierces the leather. It cuts the muscles in half. A bloodcurdling scream fills the air, red oozes on the white, raining, and a broken body lands on top of it.Tyler takes his distance again, and keeps it. His pale blade has just taken its very first tasting in blood, the proof cast with an iron seal that carries itself up to the fuller, coming out with a slick sound.Tyler’s hands shake uncontrollably, the blade nearly falling to the ground entirely.It went so deep.A heavy lump sinks into his stomach and urges acid into his mouth. One after another, Tyler takes a step back, dragging his sword against the north as his heart hammers in his chest. The time slows down, and all of sudden, the blade felt heavy in his hands, the steel doubling its weight with no mercy. The grip on his sword is slick with sweat. It burns his hands. Yet there still lies something else that sets his mind on a higher blaze when the last echo of their swords dissipate from his mind. Josh, Tyler remembers. Josh! Tyler faces the other direction in fear. The bandit in front of him has turned the unconscious Josh onto his stomach, slamming his head into the hard surface, attempting to bust his skull. Tyler stops seeing around himself at the same time his hearing disappears behind a buzzing rapid in his ears.Tyler sheaths his bloodied blade, grabbing the knocked out archer’s short sword instead and going to the man that is dead in his books. He sees red.The man is too driven for his work, deaf of sounds as Tyler appears behind his back. The crud laughs wickedly, momentarily stopping to see the damage he's delivered. And Tyler sees, he sees Josh’s bloody white face in the filth’s hands, he hears the man laughing, and feels how his jaw clenches in fury, molars creaking.Wasting no time, Tyler brings the weapon to the thug’s throat before the bandit has time to react. “Let go of him. Your throat is in the open,” Tyler says with an eerily even voice, pushing his breathlessness down. “I’ll cut you down.”The young Nord keeps moaning in the background, he’s bleeding painfully from his severed leg, unable to stand up and fight anymore. Tyler hears him, he does, and he hopes he’d managed to shut his face in some way.There was no time. Now hoping that the pain will put the boy’s head to sleep, Tyler steadies his position, keeping his eyes closely on the brute’s jugular.He needs to free Josh.The thug dares a glance over his shoulder. He stares at Tyler with ice-cold look in his eyes, scanning his challenger up and down, and then up again. When Tyler doesn’t do anything to execute his words, the man pushes his own cheek against the edged weapon. The blade cuts the side of his already scarred face, and Tyler flinches at the sight of blood that spurts out, startled by the unexpected move.He takes an instinctive half-step back, swallowing gravely at his own dread and weakness to let his emotions betray him. A sense of threat closes around his heart, making his throat clench in distress.The bandit gives an ugly smirk at his reaction. Without warning, he grabs Tyler’s blade. Too dazed to let out of the hilt, Tyler gasps and tries to pull away, but the bandit doesn't waver. The thug’s grip is crushing. His hands are protected by starched bandages that save him from getting horrid cuts on his palms. Adamant, the action throws Tyler off guard, and the next moment the man is yanking him his way, wrenching Tyler from his hand and twisting his wrist as if to shatter it. Tyler groans in agony, the short sword slips from his limp fingers, unarming the weapon out of his reach. And the thug pushes him, Tyler staggers and falls on his knee, watching in horror as the bandit rises to stand up himself.His mere size is enough to paralyze him. Staring up in fear, Tyler's will to fight runs through his fingers like molten ice, leaving him unable to move.He’s not given time to snap out of it. The thug’s fists are huge and tug Tyler back up from his collar as if he weighed nothing.A fist crashes into his face. It’s like getting hit in the head with a maul. Blow after blow, the hits sink into his face without stopping. Feeling his hot blood bursting out of his nose and spreading all over his face, Tyler is barely there to prepare for the bandit beat him back to the ground with one last thumping punch and a kick in the stomach. The force of ruthlessness throws him back for long way; like a rag doll Tyler’s body rolls down the steep slope as he struggles to get a hold of the slippery ice. Everything around him is just a blue-gray mess, cracking his head against the hard coat over and over again as his sword strikes bruises on his hip.Snow pools behind his back when he comes to a halt against a dyne of it. The white whirls in the air and melts against the blood as Tyler writhes on the ground like a worm in a hook.He’s is still gasping for air when a dark shadow appears high over his head. Before he manages to get something out, the man goes on to gob on him. The spit lands on his face, mixing with the bleeding cuts on his skin. Tyler doesn’t register any of it when nothing but full blown terror has taken over his body, having no sense of a steady ground beneath him. Like a kaleidoscope his head spins, his vision is doubled or four-folded, Tyler can’t tell. He tries to scramble away— the loose snow doesn’t let him have a grasp on anything, and Tyler slips, getting nowhere. The air is not available anymore, he’s choking on the void in his lungs, just slipping, dying— they’re going to die!  Tyler yelps like a bleeding stray dog when the bandit suddenly presses his heavy boot against his rib cage, putting all his weight into it. Tyler can only convulse in a scorching pain that the earlier punch caused in him. Unable to even scream, his bones press against the ice-cold ground, bending under the pressure. The onslaught does not recede, and the man smirks dirtily at his rattling bones and choking noises. He leans forth before suddenly pushing up, driving all his mass up and down - sinking it into his side.Something inside him dislocates. Such sound has Tyler never heard before in his life, but it’s coming from his insides now. With a horrid crunching sound explodes the pain behind his eyelids— it flashes in white and then in red, black dots taking over his vision, so hot that it seizes his muscles to constrict. Twisting his body in a painful suffocation, Tyler croaks breathlessly, his vision whiting out as all the air leaves his body, striking him down.His head wrenches back, wide eyes blinded by pain. Feeling as if getting cut in half, Tyler throws his arm out violently, slashing aimlessly despite moving makes it only worse. It hits the bandit’s leg on top of him, and Tyler claws, rips and pushes to get the slicing force to free his innards, bloodied and broken and pleading to no one in particular as his body loses its will to fight.The force on top of him doesn’t budge. It only drives the sharp heel deeper in, feeding his panic. Another crunch carries from his ribs, and Tyler feels himself losing consciousness. Lungs pressing into a bloody pulp, the pain brings him back. It keeps torturing him, not want to let go of him, and he can only curl around his wound to helplessly protect himself from any further harm, ripping his hair off to hold on to something, anything.Fearing for the next blow, Tyler jumps with his heart beating in his throat and the taste of blood coats his tongue when the bandit chief opens his mouth again.“Don’t you fucking interfere, shrimp. I’ll kill you next.” The man above him bellows. Tyler’s ears are ringing. He can’t make out the words, yet the tone makes him flinch, thick tears running down his face as he fights to keep quiet, completely crushed under his defeater.Slowly, the man releases him and steps away heavily, eying coldly down on his petty opponent who keeps shrieking for breath in short cut gasps as soon as getting free. He turns around slowly before abruptly stopping. “On a second thought,” comes the sneer, before the thug turns again. “Hjalild! Kill this milk drinker off for me. A true Nord ought to finish the battle he’s already started.”Nothing happens. Tyler chokes.“Boss, I can’t get up,” comes the troubled answer at last.A growl. “Are you fucking kidding me?”“He got my leg, boss,” the boy says with a trembling voice, clutching his slit leg, the bleeding unhalting and running through his fingers.“Fuck the Sovngarde with you. Do I really have to do everything myself? HUH?”No one answers.“Kill yourselves,” their leader tells to his followers.With that, the thug turns back to Josh, and Tyler’s bleary eyes can barely see him approaching the defenseless man with heavy, determined steps, ready to deliver the finishing blow.The crud draws his battle axe. The sound rips a sob out of Tyler’s bleeding throat.“Don’t,” Tyler pleads to the blue-blind sky, powerless, useless. “Don’t.”Just one word, yet the world ignores it. Just one word, and the horrid cloak of silence falls over the battlefield. Tyler doesn’t know what’s going on, he doesn’t know anything about anything. His muscles contract tightly, urging him to get up, yet betraying him all the same. It’s no use. This is it. The bitter end of the line.It’s like the ground beneath him would quail at the heavy realization of never making it to the other side. Tyler’s body won’t stop shaking. The last thing he sees are the lumps of ice shaking with him— right before his blurring eyes. A frown creases his sweat slicked brows together before his body painfully constricts for one last time, forcing his back to arch and mind to fade, sending a tidal wave of boiling agony into his spine as the black lack of oxygen seizes him, fainting at last.Josh’s time is running dry by every step that lands closer to him. The thug steps over him, pulling him up and bringing the sharp blade to his throat.“Time to die, hero.”It is then when a tearing sound reaches the group, bringing a halt to the senseless bloodshed. It blares through the pass, a horrible cry that unsettles every man standing. The bandits turn their surprised gazes upwards, all the way to the top of the passageway.The biggest of the men has Josh’s hair in his fist, yanking it up and ready to slit his throat, but the newly enclosing threat has him stopped.They wait silently, seeing nothing. Then, a shadow appears, quaking the world at its arrival.The bandit chief of the men following him is the first to get his voice working.“Fucking Oblivion,” the chief with the shaggy axe says as he stares in front of him. “What’s gotten into that?”A raving mammoth pushes through the narrow tunnel of the pass. It pounds its huge body against the rocky wall of the mountain, shattering crowns of icicles at the ceiling of the tunnel as its stomps. Four sallow tusks carved with bizarre sigils curl in front of the beast’s face, striking their surroundings with a force that is enough to detach icy boulders from the mountain sides, cracking to pieces, the vile animal wild and enraged for whatever reason.The narrow tunnel cannot hold it down. The creature pushes right through. Its icy fur barely moves at its pace, hardened and rugged by the icy climate. Its snout rises towards the sky. A cry full of fury reverberates, shaking the vast field of ice around them.The mammoth knocks down a rocky column. The pieces fly on their opposite ways as the creature stares below with two haunted eyes. It doesn’t care what stands on its way. It rumbles down the narrow passageway at once.“Shit, it charges right at us,” the unarmed archer says, raising back to his feet and snapping the arrow in half as if the earlier was nothing.Tyler awakes to the circumstances then. Still struck by a dizzy spell, he heaves his nauseous head up from the ground, nearly passing out again before meeting eye to eye with a creature he’d never seen up close.It takes a moment to realize that it’s coming right towards them. The sight makes his spine quiver. Like a chilly finger it traces a path up Tyler’s aching bones before taking a grip on him, urging him to safety. As if a lightning bolt would hit his brain, Tyler finds what little strength he has to move, and drags himself to the side with struggle. His face twists in pain that drains off the color; something inside him is broken, Tyler knows, he can barely breathe but he makes it, covering himself against an imprint on the walls. Leaning his back against it, Tyler pants hysterically, sitting up to see the chaos unfurl right in front of him; the mammoth is still feral, racing down, rousing a blizzard at its tail and roaring.They’re all in danger. There’s no placating the giant, much less to stop it, and the realization puts an end to their fight.“We’re getting out of here!” the leader bellows, throwing Josh on the ground, his body slumping against a rock.The bandits bolt away, hastily running down the slope. Tyler follows their path indecisively, curled up against the wall and clutching his blazing side and desperately trying to see if Josh was out of the mammoth’s way.He expects them to lift the young boy from the snowdrift. A scream proves him wrong. Cowards - the lowest filth Tyler has ever witnessed - run away, leaving the crippled boy behind to salvage their own skin. The boy stares in disbelief, raising his blood-dripping hand to grip the archer’s pant leg, only to scoop the crisp air. The two men run screaming, cursing, praying to make it out of the gorge of ice, acting as if they didn’t hear their comrade calling for them.   “Hey! Hey!” the boy screams acutely. “Don’t leave me here, don’t—“ he sputters, before glancing over his shoulder. His whole body spasms when he notices how close the giant animal was getting; a gasp, the curses seize the lad as well as he claws at the ice, his panic taking the best of him and pulling him into its paralyzing clutch. The boy was stuck on a tight spot, unable to roll to the side to avoid getting on the beast’s way.Tyler’s eyes run between the two, the distance grows shorter, faster.“No,” Tyler outs under his breath, realizing that the Nord couldn’t get up. “No!”Tyler springs forward. However a clutch of pain stops him at the sudden movement, and his knees buckle beneath him. Tyler falls forward, fisting the ice and hearing his bones cracking from the impact. Tyler twists in pain on his stomach, fighting for strength to get up, but he can’t move. Another scream reaches his ears, and Tyler lifts his eyes, suffused with the salt of his tears.It all happens too fast. The Nord has himself thrown on his back, facing the mammoth that towered over him now. Weak with blood loss, the boy raises his sword at the giant. He clutches the hilt in a tight fist with his bony knuckles threatening to burst through the thin skin as a desperate attempt to protect himself.The bandit refuses to look away. However his blade shivers in his hand, and at his last moment, the Nord turns his head away, eyes screwed shut, the honorless end too much for him to bear.Regardless, Tyler screams for him, reaching out his hand, yet he’s too far away.The mammoth stomps over the boy. The body bursts like a jar of jam, insides popping out with the sound of bones cracking into a million pieces. It carves a bloody sigil on the pure white ice, some of the droplets hitting Tyler. Like shatters from a burning ember they scorch his skin, Tyler flinches, yelping, and shields himself with his arms when a rush of sharp flakes of snow hit him in the face at the beast’s passing.The huge animal doesn’t slow down as it moves on, painting a crimson line with the blood and intestines that stick to its fur like a dirty paintbrush.Its stride causes an ear-wrecking sound that reminds Tyler of a legion of soldiers stepping as one. The clamor echoes in the dreary pass like a thunderous roar, shredding his eardrums to pieces, and Tyler can’t take it.With the ice still cracking down his face, Tyler covers his ears and screams, pressing his back against the wall and kicking his feet as if to get away. Snow keeps storming in the air, scratching and cutting his bare skin and forcing his eyes to water and spill with thick trails of salt as if enough hadn’t been bled yet.Through the hazy-blue clouds, Tyler can see the dead man’s eyes hanging on his face, bursted out of their sockets with long trails of blood destroying his young appearance. The crushed corpse is staring right at him, judging, swearing - cursing his name. Sensory overload, Tyler tries to get air into his lungs.He can’t. He blacks out again. * Josh is shaking him awake the next moment.“Tyler!” he calls out.Tyler wakes up with a flinch. The white, ruthless sky blinds him momentarily, he’s lying on his side, flopped down the cold rock wall and facing the heavy clouds that hang dissatisfied over their heads. His whole body is stiff from cold. Pins and needles, his legs respond leisurely to his commands as he tries to get back to his body.Josh shakes him again. “Hey?”The jostling hurts his head. Tyler blinks tightly. The air is still misty from the wafting snow that slowly but surely settles back on the ground. Buzzing, the pass feels isolated, disconnected from the rest of the world where no sound could reach.Silence has taken over the feisty battlefield with no winners in it. The air feels heavy and crushing, they can barely move, yet the pain is a sign of life.They’re alive.Tyler huffs out in a splitting disorientation, spitting cold out of his mouth and off his lips. Josh is staring down at him, his face is filled with freshly bleeding cuts and scratches and bruises from the dagger-sharp ice that the bandit had smacked his head against.His lip is spitting blood again. Tyler stares at it dazed, too slow to comprehend what’s happened.It is Josh dealing with injuries, yet he’s the one looking worriedly at Tyler.“Are you with me?”His voice is so loud in his ears, sounding through the unending ringing. Tyler shifts his gaze to Josh’s knee in front of him. He tries to heave himself up, but is forced to grunt in pain as his rib cage reminds him of its existence with slicing pain beneath his fur coat. With the adrenaline wearing down, Tyler pales, hoping that the bones aren’t as broken as they feel. Unaware of Tyler’s fractures, Josh helps him for the rest of the way, handling him with less care than he probably should, Tyler bites down a scream— his head keeps spinning, feeding his nausea, and Tyler is not sure if he can keep that one locked inside him. He guesses he got a fair share of beating as well.Josh carefully cups his jaw then, and swipes his thumb against Tyler’s face, a silent plead for Tyler to show himself and he does; Tyler’s left eye has swollen nearly shut, an inception of an angry bruise spreads out along the side of his head and onto his cheek where the bandit chief had hit him. Amongst it all is the blood, bright red yet dried up like caked mud. Josh eyes him painedly, cursing under his breath.“The blood is not mine,” Tyler finds himself slurring without knowing the reason, and the words start a wave of trembles in his system when Josh pulls out a cloth and a dark bottle of something liquidy. Josh yanks the cork open with his teeth, it reeks of something strong. Hastily Josh brings it to Tyler’s lips, holding it up and asking Tyler to drink.To take the pain away, Josh says. It can’t be taken away, Tyler wants to say, but gasps instead, shaking his head, knowing full well that he won’t be able to keep it down.Josh doesn’t push him. He hands over the bottle and sets it down into Tyler’s shaking hands, telling him to drink it whenever he’s ready.“Take it.”Tyler does, keeping his eyes on the red bottle. Josh doesn’t say anything else as Tyler wipes at his tight face, the hand coming back with dirt and blood. Tyler looks at it and then at Josh confusedly, blinking repeatedly. Josh looks funny in Tyler’s eyes, his vision distorted. Perhaps he got a concussion as well. However he’s too dazed to pinpoint any clear thoughts when his whole body is screaming, the yelling stifling his coordination.“Oh man,” he hears Josh say next. ”What in Oblivion happened here?”Tyler’s body jerks, looking at his surroundings. He’s not sure why, but he feels a compulsive need to repeat his words, to say it so Josh understands.“The blood is not mine,” come the words in a pained yelp.Josh looks at him. He catches him when Tyler crumples. The bottle falls from his hands and spills on the ground and their laps, a small puddle grows as the liquid rushes out with a glugging noise.Josh manages to pull it upright before every drop of it goes to waste, and Tyler’s upper body slams against his. Josh brings his hand up to his back to keep him from falling over, and Tyler’s chin goes to rest on Josh’s shoulder. And over his shoulder Tyler sees. And he remembers. How could he forget?The dead will never forget him either.“I killed a man,” Tyler gasps with a voice so hopeless that it makes Josh close his eyes and press his hand against the back of Tyler’s head, turning him away from the body’s way. Josh sees the bloodied footprints in the snow. He doesn’t have to guess what turned the tables today, he doesn’t have the time to think when Tyler nears a brink of hysteria in his arms.Everything about Tyler shakes.“I have killed a man!”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

It’s hard to get Tyler back on his feet after Wayward. Pulled into a shock, his legs refuse to carry him. Josh throws Tyler’s arm over his shoulders, trying to get him up. Combined with Tyler’s panic and his struggle against the touch, the stiff weight is heavy and keeps bringing them both down.For better or worse, Tyler seems to faint for a fleeting moment yet again. Josh’s eyes widen as it happens; from one moment to the next, Tyler is gasping and convulsing like a newborn baby, only to drop dead right in Josh’s arms, as it seemed to him. Rigid to limp, the sight freaks him out, yet it was no time to freeze on his tracks.Given a chance, Josh manages to heave them both up, carrying both of their loads and weapons with him. It’s okay. He’s done it before and he’ll do it over and over again if he must.So he does.From the heights of the top of the pass and steep downhill, Josh can see a faint shimmer of light pull his attention to the root of the mountain.Nightgate Inn is their savior. * Tyler can walk. Josh sighs in relief when Tyler comes back to him, his hand reaching out for his chest. Tyler taps, weakly at first but growing stronger, wordlessly telling him that he’s stable enough to stand up on his own. As said, Tyler doesn’t talk when Josh asks how he feels. He swats Josh’s hand away and pulls his hood over his head to hide his bruises, but follows Josh silently inside the inn.It’s quiet indoors, much to their wishes. Apart from them, only three men are occupying a table nearby the fire pit. They don’t pay any attention to them as the innkeeper serves them their paid meal. Putting the plate down, the bald man with dark beard and a blinded eye greets them with a grim look on his face.Josh is not in the mood of any more shit. However the innkeeper is not as surly as he looks. He takes them in with a discreet joy, and shows them their room. Asking if they needed anything as if his hospitality was nothing.Josh is just pulling his hand back after handing over the coin when the neighboring tables‘s words catch his attention.“Aye. Marvelous creature. I’d drink for Hircine to see such a beast up close.”“Go wash your ass in the river, Vilk. You drink in his name every day,” says the next voice.“I’ll drink for that too.”Josh recognizes that voice. He turns his head to take a better look at the small group of hunters that make merry of their ales right next to the fire.“Vilkelm!”The blonde Nord man is just cutting their chicken when he turns his head at Josh’s direction. His side-braided hair shines in the candlelight, but his smile glows even brighter when he sees Josh.“Josh!” The man climbs to his feet, supper long forgotten. With a few enthusiastic strides, he crosses the hall to hug his friend. His grip is tight, as unyielding as his Nordic nature, and Josh refuses to fall back in force. The other men in the group stand up as well, encircling the two, unknowingly blocking Tyler out who staggers aside in confusion.The man releases Josh. “You look good, friend!” Vilkelm touts happily and pats Josh on his shoulders. Then he frowns. “Except you don’t. What the fuck happened to your face, Josh? You look like a bloody Orc!”The group laughs loudly. Josh pushes the tall man off of him, and joins the clamor.“We had some trouble with a group of bandits on our way here. I guess the fight didn’t go that well on our part,” Josh says and one of the men snorts at his words, giving a cease to the ruckus.“Bah, I hate those damned people. The rabble has gathered around the northern Skyrim for some reason. I don’t know what attracts them around Windhelm these days.”“War supplies, maybe? The carriages have delivered a lot of equipments during the civil war. Food, weapons... They can beat a small group of soldiers if they have the element of surprise on their side. I guess the northern army should stick to cargo ships…”The conversation goes on and on. They stand in a thick circle, endlessly throwing different topics at each other. It’s Vilkelm who finally realizes to cut the talking out, only to make a proposal.“Why are we still standing here? You should join our supper! We’re sharing a nicely fattened chicken and big tankards full of ale. Your companion is obviously welcome too.”Fuck. Josh didn’t even realize.“Oh! Of course. Tyler, come say hi to my—”Josh’s face falls when his eyes land on an empty spot behind him. Withdrawn to their room, Tyler has disappeared without a word. The door to their room is closed, a feeble barrier drawn between the two.Not sure how to interpret its message, Josh hesitates. Vilk sees it as he glances over Josh’s shoulder. “Oh… Do you want to get him?”Josh bites the inside of his cheek. He turns back. “No… Sorry about that. I think he needs to get some rest. Our journey hasn’t been quite easy you see,” he explains, lowering his voice at the last part.Vilkelm‘s smile returns. “It’s okay,” he tempers with a calm smile. “Hopefully we’ll get to enjoy his company later.”They get seated around the table. The fire steals the last of the chill from Josh’s bones, allowing him to relax. As Vilkelm had promised, a tasty chicken was waiting for them. Not a single piece had been cut off yet as a sharp knife juts from the roasted bird’s side as Vilk grabs it once again, resuming his previous task.The two men with Vilkelm introduce themselves as Kelbarn and Gunlir that Josh hasn’t had the pleasure to meet before. Constantly bringing new people in, the group of hunters have many stories to be shared. Josh mostly talks with Vilk for he knows him the best, but his ears catch on the other two men’s conversation, and Josh’s interest perks up at certain words.“What did you just say? What about the mammoths?”Gunlir stares at him with perplexity. With his mouth full of food, he hurries to mash the meat with his big teeth and wash it down with warm ale.Kelbarn takes over when he starts coughing violently.He hits the other man on his back. “We were talking about the yearly trekking of the giants and their herded mammoths. They live in these camps, as you must know? It’s just that their settlements aren’t always permanent. So they do some wandering, traveling through the Holds and trying to find a place to start living in again. They can stay on the move quite some time, sometimes, moving here and there, stopping only when a right place is finally found. It’s nothing interesting you know.”Gunlir comes back into the conversation. He knocks his fist on the wood.“This year was different.” Gunlir chews the last of his chicken and spits out a spike of bone on the table. “I told you. One of the mammoths had lost its herd and gone ransacked. I saw it rushing on the main road just this morning. It was knocking down entire trees. A sight to see, though I hope no one had face it. The mammoth had gone mad like it was the gods’ work entirely.”Ironically, the inn’s walls were stacked with huge skulls of the said animal. One of their tusks hangs above Josh’s head, these hollow eyes all around them keeping watch on the men. The fire blazes and the wood pops in the fallen silence, filling it up, painting the ivory shade with an odd sense of fury.Josh puts his drink down as he stares upwards before going to speak. “We might— I mean Tyler, my companion, might have seen it too. In the pass, where we came from earlier today.”“Are you serious? That’s where they make their way every time. Shit, that place is dangerous this time of year,” Gunlir curses, teething his tongue.Kelbarn agrees. “The Hold should send some guards to keep an eye on the entrances, but… pfft. As if they had any resources for it right now,” he says, downing the last of his tankard.“Did you see the mad mammoth yourself?” Vilkelm asks with his eyes curious. He leans his elbow on the table, getting closer to Josh.“No, I…” Josh trails off again. “I only saw its footprints in the snow. I’m sorry,” he explains, passing over the whole story.“What, were you taking a nap or something?” The group laughs, and Josh laughs quietly with them, taking a careful gulp of his ale.Suddenly, Josh feels eyes on him. He turns to look, and sees Tyler peeking his head to the main hall with half of his face showing. A tender hand on the scaling off wood, Tyler’s restless fingers press against it. His gaze is pleading to Josh. Silently, Josh raises his eyebrows at the other, asking him if something was wrong. But Tyler just stands there, staring at him, before gulping spasmodically and receding back to the room.Josh gets up.“I better go check up on Tyler. Hold on,” Josh says hurriedly before anyone can cut him off, pulling one leg out from under the table before the other, his boots landing on the stoned floor with silent thuds. He goes right to the door, and doesn’t knock. He’s gotten his invitation.Tyler is sitting on the bed. Shirtless, the peasant is limply holding his cold hand against his side where a black bruise was spreading its kingdom like a vile pest. Silently, he raises his lowly bowed head, and with his only open eye Tyler stares at Josh with the blood still on his face, his clothes a miserable pool around his waist. A wooden bucket rests at the root of his feet. A pinching smell reaches Josh’s nose then.“I threw up,” Tyler simply says, acid burning in his voice.Josh closes the door.He steps closer. “Show me that.”Tyler turns away, hiding. “I checked it. No broken bones.” Tyler speaks shortly as if to make sure that he gets the words out without having to stop.Josh halts. “Do you want me to get some ice for you?” Four candles sit on the nightstand, only three of them aflame. Tyler’s fingers curl in their light. With his shaky voice and jerking shoulders, Tyler outs,“Would you do that for me?”It comes out as a choked whine. He’s in pain. Tyler’s breathing is short and shallow, a thin veil of cold sweat gathers around his back and shoulders as he fights to avoid expanding the cage of his ribs too much. He’s also lying. Josh can recognize a broken bone when he sees one. In this case, there’s three of them. Considering the amount of shaking, the level of pain must be unbearable and remind of its existence at every breath Tyler takes.And Josh, he nods as yes, he says it out loud too as he grabs the bucket and promises to come right back.He leaves the room, throwing a tight smile on Vilkelm’s group’s way and getting an understanding nod in return.The cuts on Josh’s face pulsate as he washes the container in a nearby pond. He cracks lowly hanging icicles into small pieces and gathers hardened snow on the ground around the inn. Slipping them into a cotton bag, Josh fastens the string and ties it into a knot.Suddenly, he’s not feeling so good himself.He takes the parcel to Tyler who’s barely gotten laid down on his back. Josh shakes his head when Tyler attempts to take the bag from him. He hushes it’s okay, and moves his hands aside, shifting closer on the edge of bed and taking a closer look at Tyler’s ribs. Tyler gulps. He’s dreading the touch, dreading the pain, but lifts his arms out of the way anyway.The outlines of his ribs show themself in red bizarre markings against his heaving, blackening skin. Tyler’s still struggling to breathe normally when the cold bag comes in contact with his swelling side.Tyler whimpers. His eyes fill up with tears. Quietly, Josh repeats it’s okay, leaning closer and holding the ice for him, carefully pressing it against the growing hematomas. Slowly, Josh shifts it, turning and moving it as many time as he must if it’s to alleviate Tyler’s pain.It’s not enough. Tyler’s writhing face shows his struggle to keep quiet. With his mouth a twisting line below his nose, Tyler throws his arms over his eyes to hide his shame behind them. As if admitting the truth to himself only then, Tyler gulps again, and utters,“They’re fucking broken,” he confesses abruptly and sniffles, knowing full well that his lie has exposed itself. Tyler throws his head up, frantic hands stretching the skin around his swollen eyes to make his tears invisible. He follows Josh’s hands moving over his body nearly feverish. Tyler trembles, gnawing at his lip. The longer he stares, the more the sight seems to upset him.They’re stuck. The thought shows itself clearly on Tyler’s face, the dawning creeping in through every passing second. The peasant’s heavy head lowers back against the pillow, breathing growing heavier, but he can’t let that happen. Tyler huffs at the pain, trying to keep his lips sealed with his teeth, but the words keep coming out anyway.More than that, Josh didn’t expect Tyler to start apologizing.“Sorry— I’m so sorry,” Tyler whimpers, still refusing to break the dam as it fights to break him. Josh sits silently, thrown off, wondering what Tyler meant by his words, or who he was apologizing to.Josh hopes Tyler is not blaming himself. There’s nothing they could have done to avoid getting into the fight. Not even withdrawing would have kept them safe, these outlaws never have room for negotiation— the bandits would have attacked them anyway, and left their remnants for the crows. Having understood this, Josh knew that the battle could only end in some party’s death. Of course, he feels gutted for his piteous ability to help Tyler, and he was more than shocked when he had found Tyler’s beaten up, unconscious body next to the crushed form of a man beside him, followed by the peasant’s terror after it.Josh frowns. He didn’t realize they had gotten Tyler so bad. They needed more medical supplies, potions to trick their brain to wash the pain away, or even a healer. Finding a mage in the current circumstances was nearly impossible, Josh knows this. Having no skills in the art of magic, they can only take what’s given to them, the pain a constant reminder of it.But what wounds Josh the most is having to see Tyler like this. He shouldn’t have left him alone, shouldn’t have let him wait so long.He made a wrong move when he thought that Tyler needed to be by himself.Having nothing else to offer, Josh takes the earlier potion in his hand and pops the cop open with his thumb. Tyler hears it falling to the floor, and shifts his teary eyes to meet Josh’s. He shows the small thing to Tyler.“Do you think you can drink it now? It’ll ease the pain, and help you to catch some sleep.”Tyler opens his mouth, chest heaving before words can come.“Yes,” he says, nodding brokenly. “Yes,” and Josh brings the red bottle back to Tyler’s lips for him to consume the liquid, helping him to lift his head as Tyler can’t sit up.There’s not much left. Half of the potion got spilled to the ground after their battle at Wayward Pass, the bottle emptying in a few gulps. Tyler is instinctively trying to suck every last drop from it, breathing harshly through his nose and gasping desperately as Josh pulls it back when the bottle has nothing to give anymore.It’s all they have. Hoping that the potion will still have some effect, Josh puts the bottle on the wooden nightstand while the shadows casted by the candlelight deepens the creases on Tyler’s pained face as they wait.The sound of footsteps echoing through the main hall reaches their ears. It’s only the innkeeper brooming the floors, but for some reason, the sound upsets Tyler. His eyes shoot open. He looks at the door with his eyes wide, paling as if a draugr would step through it. The peasant seems like he wants to tell something, but doesn’t know how. The words are right there, but if they break free, so do his tears as the fright flames itself alight. And Tyler fights it, but the growing pressure only adds to his misery, up to the point Josh wants him to scream it out.Josh looks at the door confusedly, then back at Tyler. “Tyler?”“I didn’t want this to happen,” Tyler finally vows, unevenly, covering his ears as if to close out a siege of swords throwing ruthless accusations at him, helpless against them. “Josh, you have to believe me. Please believe,” Tyler pleads, shaking his head. “I-I don’t… want…” is the last audible thing Josh can hear him say. His voice gets barely out there, a whimper reduced to a tight string.Tyler crushes his head between his arms, sharp elbows pointing towards the dark ceiling.It must be the shock doing its talking, Josh realizes. He cleansed Tyler’s vomit himself, which indicates that Tyler must be suffering from a concussion. He’s not making any sense.“I know, Tyler,” Josh says regardless. “It wasn’t your fault,” he confirms, but his words cause nothing but an immediate, bitten down sob escape the peasant’s mouth. Tyler keeps his arms locked around his severely bruised face, but the long trails of salt pour past his crumpling ramparts, wetting his ears.He doesn’t believe him at all.Josh goes back to turn the cold-filled bag in his hands, icy water starting to weep through the fabric. He wants to reach out and swipe Tyler’s tears away until they stop coming, but touching him might alarm him even more.He has no wise words for his friend. Feeling powerless and utterly unsure of the right thing to do, Josh offers the only solution he can think of.“Sleep, Tyler. It’s going to be okay. Just try to get some sleep.”“No,” Tyler whines. “You don’t understand,” he protests, but he’s too slow. Josh is already up, going to his own bed and fetching the spare covers there.He hopes it’s not too heavy as he tucks Tyler in. However the peasant doesn’t seem bothered by it. It’s like the furs finally settle him against the hay-filled mattress, seeming to hold him down, and Josh starts counting the seconds until the blackout. * It takes a moment for Tyler to calm down, but eventually, he seems to have fallen asleep. Josh stays by his side even after it, carefully shifting on the edge of the bed to keep the peasant undisturbed. Through the passing hour, Josh listens to the main room empty from visitors, steps echoing down the hall and the wind howling outside, the adamant draft making his muscles twinge again.Propping his head against his hand, Josh eyes Tyler’s poor condition worriedly, wondering whether they can keep going. As beaten up as they are, heading out and taking the road was too dangerous in their current situation, even though they were getting close. Sitting here today, Josh can’t help but go back to his earlier thoughts, starting to second-guess all the decisions he’s made during their journey for them - whether the path he chose was the right one.He wants to keep it rational, telling himself that there was nothing they could have done differently. However it doesn’t stop Josh’s mind from replaying the past day over and over again, up to the point he starts to nod off exhausted as well, body jumping when his head lolls to the side.Deciding to call it a day, Josh sighs and attempts to get up but halts when Tyler makes a move beside him.Tyler is immobile until it happens again. It’s clear that he’s having a dream, head turning and feet moving beneath the covers. Shut behind closed eyelids, Tyler is in the middle of a nightmare. Forced to watch him face it alone, Josh can only bring his hand up and then down, tentatively brushing it against the rough fur that hides Tyler’s shaking body beneath it.The touch calms the restless, and Josh shakes his head, feeling like a fool.There’s no second thought about it. They’re gonna stay here for a while.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Josh is aiming at a snow white stag drinking from a pond of fresh water when a distant sound reaches his ears. It seeps through his surroundings like thick, hopeless water mixing into his visions, confusing him, wresting his concentration. It makes him halt and loosen the string on his bow, raising his head from his hide to hear better. Listening closely, Josh waits for the moment to pass, but it never does. Instead, it gets clearer - and louder. Then it’s real, and Josh finds himself being pulled out of sleep by the neck like an aberrant spring lamb, he’s awake, he’s sitting up-And Tyler is crying.Tyler is just getting up, attempting to leave the room when he notices Josh’s figure sitting in the dark, already awake, the sight making him collapse back on the bed and start crying harder.Josh shoves the covers aside. “Oh, Tyler...”Tyler screams into his palm, falling onto his side and punching the bed, biting hard into his own flesh to smother his cries.Josh gets up to lit a candle. Sparks flicker, the fire ignites, and there lies Tyler, totally out of his mind. His eyes roll frantically in their sockets at the sudden light and bold shadows, screwing them shut and clawing at the mattress as Josh goes to him, trying to keep his sorrow locked up, but it’s too much. It’s too much.“I-I can’t,” he chokes out with a strangled voice.Josh crouches beside him, putting the candle down on the nightstand.“Hey.”Tyler shakes his head and wails, promising Josh that he’s gonna be alright as much as the violent sobs allow him. He curls his arm around his face, furiously wiping his puffy eyes on his shaking arm to make the tears go away, but they find no cease with nothing there to stop them from the inside.Josh runs his hand against Tyler’s bare arm, trying his best to soothe the panicking man.“Gonna be alright?”Tyler nods hastily, salty water coming out with a wet sigh as he curls up into a ball and clutches his throbbing side.“Ohh…”The potion's effect has run dry. Josh shifts the candle. “You shouldn’t move,” he says, keeping up with his other hand. Tyler nods again, quickly as ever, letting his tears fall freely. Josh’s nerves settle for the tiniest bit. “Still thinking about it?” he asks softly, even though he knew exactly what the attack was all about. He had to get Tyler talking, to clean up his troubled mind, to get him away from the eye of the storm.It’s hard, Tyler is gulping and heaving with his breathing, but he speaks, and he says yes, he’s thinking about it, for it’s all he can do and there’s nothing out there to get his mind off of it. He utters how he can’t get rid of the images, hiccups how the sound of a body bursting keeps coming back at him. His ears are still ringing, it makes him go insane, but covering them would only make it worse. Everything feels so fucking wrong and twisted; he’s taken away someone’s son, someone’s brother -  the thought makes Tyler feel disgusted, unable to deal with himself. “I know— I know I shouldn’t blame myself,” Tyler croaks, the boy flashing in his mind again. “But I am, and the spirit is constantly showing up in my dreams, chasing me down, and I woke up, a-and I saw him, Josh, I saw— he was standing at the door, he’s here to haunt me, and just— he just doesn’t let me sleep,” he forces, gnawing at his fingers and starting to get agitated again.Josh squeezes his shoulder and tells Tyler to move over, and Tyler stares at him with his eye wide before clumsily scrambling back. The wooden bed is cramped with Tyler and the pelts already in it, but Josh finds his room. Their legs are touching but that doesn’t matter - Josh has his arm around Tyler’s shoulder again and he squeezes, drawing the other close who immediately falls into the invitation. Tyler is still shirtless, the hair of his nape is standing up in a frightened attention as he weakly clings on Josh, tremors wrecking his entire body.Josh pulls the covers back up, circling his thumb against Tyler who doesn’t budge, his head is hidden somewhere below Josh’s chin, and they hold onto each other, gradually calming down.They don’t speak, actions taking over their words. Josh hears him exhaling through his nose, Tyler can breathe again and he does just that, concentrating on quelling the demon that is his own mind.Long minutes pass. Josh can feel that Tyler is still shaken up, his shoulders tense, but it’s time to break the silence.“You’re thinking about it too much. It really didn’t have anything to do with you, Tyler. I hope you get it.”“I cut his leg.”“There’s nothing else you could have done. They attacked us. We had to defend ourselves or they would have killed us.”Tyler is quiet. Josh speaks again.“If there’s anyone to be blamed, it’s his comrades. They left him there and saved their own asses instead of their friend. They should have died instead.” Josh takes a breath before continuing. “I wish I could kill them myself,” he says with seriousness to his voice, louder. Tyler takes a timid hold of Josh’s tunic. “Don’t say that,” he whispers, voice pale like fresh snow falling in an untouched forest.“He was just a boy.”“I know,” Tyler cuts him off, getting up on his arm and facing Josh. His eyes shine in the candlelight with post-tears when he whispers, “I know.”He’s so close. Josh gulps. Tyler stares at him with his eyes pink, one barely open, the salt of his tears irritating his bruised skin and leaving red marks like scratches on his cheeks. Josh pulls him back down, and Tyler lets him. Tyler puts his hands between the pillow and his head, seemingly hurt as he casts his eyes low, sniffling.“It’s gonna be alright, Ty.” Josh tries carefully, unwilling to lose the game just yet.“Sure. For us, maybe,” Tyler quips, still staring at somewhere else.Josh sighs. “Exactly. We’re alive. We’re alive and well and we can keep looking for Zack,” he talks and almost brushes the short hair on Tyler’s nape, but pulls his hand back when Tyler meets his eyes.“We’re not gonna find him.”Josh frowns, taken aback. “Why?” he words gently and nudges slightly forward, pained by the other’s fading hope. They lie side by side, looking at each other silently. When Tyler doesn’t answer, Josh does it again. “Talk to me Tyler.”“We’ve come so far. So much has happened, I- I just have this feeling that he’s not there anymore. If he’s even alive in the first place.”“You don’t know that. We’re not in Windhelm yet, Tyler. But we’re close. I’m sure we’ll find the next clue there. If your brother’s letter was valid, we’ll find him in Windhelm.” Josh adds, “And you can punch him in the face when we do. I’ll hold him in place so you can smack his teeth in.”Tyler smiles. It’s a rueful one, but it’s there. Overwhelmed yet putting his doubts aside, Tyler says, “Thank you, Josh. For everything. I feel like I don’t say it nearly as often as I should.”“It’s fine, man. I know how you feel after all.”At that, Tyler nods. He’s deep in thought and stares at Josh for a long time, until his face tightens as a yawn comes. He tries to push it down but it surfaces anyway, the constant lack of sleep taking its toll on him.He’s tired. They need to sleep.“Alright. It’s a new day tomorrow. We’ll figure things out,” Josh promises and starts to get up, but halts when Tyler grabs his arm, pulling him back.“Stay,” Tyler says hurriedly, catching on his own words only after they’ve been said. His breath hitches. “If you want, I... It’s cold here.”Josh smiles. He doesn’t think twice about it as he snuggles deeper into the bed, settling comfortably next to the other. Tyler’s eyes are already closed by the time Josh finds a good position beneath the fleeces. He fixes the hem of Tyler’s hide, making sure that every inch of his body is tucked into the warm cocoon of their shared bed before blowing the candle out and wrapping his arm around Tyler once again.They get back to sleep before the eastern sky brightens up. Through the night, Josh can feel Tyler jumping in his sleep every once in a while, making sounds and fighting yet another fit of a nightmare. The twitches come and go all the way until they have to get up in the morning.And every time, Josh squeezes him harder. * “Do you want to lay him to rest?” Josh questions three days later.“Huh?” Tyler asks and ceases his writing, lifting the quill before it touches the paper again.They’re sitting at the table, Josh facing Tyler as they ingest the first meal of the day. Well, Josh is eating. Tyler is swallowed up by wet ink again; he’s done a lot of writing lately, often withdrawn to his own world and barely leaving their room. Writing a journal is helping him to keep his thoughts intact, Tyler had explained it once, and this was no exception. It might not be as good as talking about his problems, but it was definitely better than doing nothing about it.The beautiful thing about writing a journal has always been the moment he gets to read about his difficulties later on, Tyler had said. Empowering is the word he had used. The diary would lay out his struggles, but show that they can be beaten as well. But it’s not like the diary was dedicated to dark thoughts and the blackest of the seas only; Tyler wrote about good things, too. Really it’s anything that is on his mind the moment he grabs his quill and pops open the bottle of ink, the rush to write nearly addicting to him.He hasn’t always been writing. He’s told Josh how bad he used to be at it, how he would forget all about it and find the poor booklet only months later or start a new one altogether when the fore one would be too proficiently hidden.But he’d always come back to it. By now, watching Tyler write on his diary has become a routine for Josh. He’s learnt to spot the little differences between the varying weights of the things that Tyler wrote about by watching his face alone.Sometimes, Tyler would be deep in concentration, eyes awake but otherwise gone, ignoring the world around him and writing until his hand started to ache and the candle would flame out, the words coming out as if on their own.There were times when he’d be smiling, scrawling with a gentle raise to his lips. Those times were Josh’s favorites. Sometimes Tyler would lift his eyes and catch Josh staring at him, they’d hold on to the moment smiling at each other before Tyler would go back to his work again. At those times, Tyler wrote slowly and intuitively deeply. He might not write a lot, but every word was important, Josh could see it from his eyes alone, the sight making him happy.Josh never really asked what it was that he was exactly writing about. It’s a journal, it’s personal, and he’s sure that Tyler wouldn’t tell him anyway. And now? Now those happy moments were far gone. Tyler’s thoughts certainly haven’t been light recently, and it shows at the heavy quill dragging around the pages even now. Yet right now Tyler wasn’t writing - he’s staring at Josh with his eyes red and puffy, hopelessness shining through his every feature, asking Josh to repeat his question. “You could prepare a grave for him. Maybe that would calm his restless soul and set you free as well,” Josh complies, reminding Tyler that there was still light at the other end of the tunnel.Their days have been dark. The constant nightmares keep haunting Tyler, he’s sleep deprived and jumpy, constantly out of it and bursting into tears in the most unexpected situations. They were supposed to recover from their injuries during their prolonged stay at the inn, but they’re growing more exhausted all the same.Tyler processes Josh’s words, slow. He goes to say something but stops before his words come, uttering instead,“The soil is-““You don’t have to bury him in the ground. We could pick up boulders and build a stone tomb,” Josh offers, having pondered their options all nights while watching over Tyler’s sleep.Tyler fiddles with the quill Josh had given him on their first day together, running his thumb through the soft feather. “Do you think it would help?”“We should try it,” Josh heartens. “Maybe the spirit can’t find its peace and needs a concrete place to settle at in order to do so. His body remains, but that won’t last forever. Wild animals will move the bones and so will the weather conditions. He won’t stay there forever. Maybe the spirit is just afraid and clings on you because of it.”Tyler stares at him with two sunken eyes, the swelling around his left eye having eased. Letting Josh’s words sink in, Tyler thinks. He’s quiet for a long time, his gaze jumping from one place to another. A rush of doubts quiver at the back of his head, making his heart hammer.“What should I carve on the tombstone?” he asks finally, squirming in discomfort, the heavy weight of his question troubling his mind.He doesn't know the name.“It doesn’t have to come with a name. You could find his sword and mount it there. Maybe his weapon can talk for his name more than the one he received from his mother.”A single tear trails down Tyler’s cheek. Moved by Josh’s sincere intentions, it runs over his broken, bruised skin, all the way down to his chin where it shivers on its place before falling down, disappearing from their sight.And Tyler, he nods feebly. “I’ll do it,” he whispers. “I’ll prepare a grave.” * They go back the same day, spending the whole evening gathering heavy stones and carrying them in a sled all the way to the top of the pass. They’re shaking and sweating from the exertion but carry on, Tyler refusing the rest until the deed was done.The dead was waiting for them when they had first arrived, undisturbed and curious why they’d come back. His crushed body was too fragile to be moved, so the grave had to be built on the exact spot where the youth had lost his life.The setting sun has the world tinted with the vibrant color of orange now. Josh stands behind Tyler’s back as the other grabs a stone. One after another, his head is bowed low as he carries it to the right place. The sharp edges of the stones leave white imprints on his palms, heavy in his hands as he lifts them. Groaning in pain, Tyler looks nearly light-headed at times, but Josh can’t stop him. He stays standstill, breathing barely showing through the pale puffs of air coming from him, quiet as he follows Tyler’s every move.Josh knows Tyler won't be able to move on if he doesn't get to do this. The sight takes him back to the very day he had met Tyler for the first time. He remembers Tyler’s fierce will to bury the body of a man he didn’t even know, and how upset he had been when he couldn’t - how there simply wasn’t any other option, emotions overdriving the common sense. It would have been a fateful night. Josh didn’t understand him back then, but he’s starting to fathom Tyler’s personality by now, the feeling growing stronger as he watches him from his very spot today.Tyler is a gentle soul, carelessly thrown in the middle of cruel wilderness where the death was always present. Treasuring every human life, Tyler doesn’t want to harm anyone. It’s an honorable way to live, but prone to revenge itself in the most violent way possible.The realization makes Josh worried.Tyler wants to build the grave himself. Stone by stone it grows, reaching higher than the boy lying in it ever will. Tyler covers him thoroughly, as if to protect him from any further harm, tucking him into the safe of an armor made of sturdy sediment.He finds the boy’s sword, buried in loose snow further away from the body. Carefully holding it in his hands and taking a closer look at the worn blade, the sight unveils its cheap shape; forged with sloppy hands, the steel is soft and full of cuts, cracked from places for too many times to count. It’s unbalanced and slightly crooked, starting to rust from places where the coating was already eroding. Either the smith was a drunk, didn’t know how to craft a proper weapon, or the boy had made it himself. Whatever the answer was, the blade had belonged to a young warrior who had died with a sword in his hands, defending the thing that he believed was right.Tyler takes it to the boy.He presses the head against the ground, holding it upright from the hilt with his other hand as he gathers stones and props the thing on them until it could stand on its own.Lastly, Tyler ties a white flag on the pommel of the sword. It moves in the fair wind, gently raising and deflating before getting air under its wing again, pointing at west where the sun was gradually disappearing beyond the horizon. Tyler gets on his knees in front of it, bringing his hands up, up to his face, his left hand loosely curled around his right fist as he prays with his eyes closed.And Josh watches him. Down on his knees, beseeching forgiveness, Tyler’s back is still turned to him as he devotes to reach the fine line between the living and the dead.He doesn’t stay there for long. “I’m sorry,” is the last thing he says out loud to the departed, hoping that the spirit will accept his apology.The ceremony is short and sweet with Tyler not wasting his time on unnecessary words that wouldn’t weight much in the one-way conversation anyway. He gets up with some difficulty, wiping his nose and turning back to Josh. Only now, the battle was truly over.“It is done,” he says, sealing their effort, and Josh nods, knowing that they’ve done all that they can do.“It is done.” * It’s dark by the time they walk down the hill. Josh holds a torch and eyes Tyler’s back with a hard eye. The peasant is walking in front of him, until he’s not. Tyler breathes loudly, slowing down as his frame starts swaying to the left, then to right as he tries to fix his balance but doesn’t have what it takes, sinking to the ground where the frost screeches beneath him. “Tyler, don’t do this to yourself!” Josh says with a pained voice at the same time Tyler gasps brokenly, showing his weakness to fight the gravity as his knees buckle. Josh knew it was going to happen eventually, but had no time to react. He can only crouch beside the other as Tyler gathers himself to a human shape again. The beaten man sits on his legs whimpering, holding his side where the pain pulsated the most. Josh puts his hand on Tyler’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” he asks, bringing the light closer.“Yeah,” Tyler outs wincing. His breaths are hitching, even the cloud of his breathing a shivering ghost between the two. The second attempt comes out steadier. “Fine,” Tyler assures, yet casts his eyes down to his lap to hide his anguish, his whole face grimaced in pain until the worst let go of him.Josh squeezes him lightly but hard enough for Tyler to feel it through all the layers of fur and leather. “Are you sure we should keep going? The inn is right there,” Josh says and points the torch at the building that stands behind the dark trees in the distance.Tyler breathes. “We’ve wasted enough time because of me. We talked about this Josh. This morning and the morning we took the road. You promised to take me to Windhelm, Josh, you promised—““And I’ll keep my promise,” raises Josh’s voice. He can’t do it any other way. In his agitation, Tyler wouldn’t listen to him otherwise. He knows it, and Tyler knows it, yet the peasant’s startled eyes get caught up in Josh’s anyway.Josh sighs.“I’ll keep it. The city is at the end of the road. But we can’t keep going like this, Tyler. It’s too dangerous,” Josh says, worried what the path ahead might hide in its dark sleeves.Tyler absorbs the words in silence before his eyes widen in realization. “I know,” Tyler says finally, ashamed and shying away. “I’m sorry. I know you’re tired too. And how I’ve been keeping you up at night, I’m-““That doesn’t matter.”“It does matter!” Tyler shouts then, losing his temper. Sad-eyed and heaving, Tyler comes down as quickly as Josh, his voice oozing with sadness now. The peasant breathes as hard as his broken bones allow him. “It does matter. Josh- I need to know that you’re okay too. This is not about me, has never been about me. But it was me who dragged you into this mess, and I’ll never forgive myself for it, but I’m— I-I can’t do this without you,” Tyler utters as tears rise to his eyes. “I need you Josh, I need—“ the last part coming out as a choked noise as tears burst out.Josh puts the torch on the ground in confusion to wrap his arms around Tyler whose head presses against Josh’s shoulder, wailing.“Please don’t leave me alone here,” Tyler pleads brokenly, scooping a handful of Josh’s short cape to hold him in place.“Tyler, no,” Josh says as he puts his hand on the back of Tyler’s head to keep him from shaking. “You got it all wrong. I’m not going anywhere,” he vows, squeezing Tyler’s shoulders to take a look at him, to say his words so that Tyler understands. “Hey? I’m here. We’re okay.”Tyler draws in a loud wheeze of his tears.“I thought you-““No, none of that,” Josh says and grabs the torch right before it starts slipping. “Have no fear.”Tyler nods hastily, sweeping his swollen eyes on his sleeves and shaking his head in an exhausted gesture. “I’m— Sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, this is not like me...” Tyler rambles, growing ashamed of his outburst. “I’m so tired,” he tries to utter, but an amused snort Josh has no control of pushes its way through his nose.“You’re okay,” he says. “What about the inn now?”Tyler runs his running nose on his shoulder. “I don’t wanna go there,” he says hastily, shaking his head. Josh’s smile falls. “There’s no changing your mind, huh?” “I don’t wanna lie in that bed again,” Tyler says louder, his voice rasping in grieve.He wipes the remaining tears away roughly, sniffling. “Just a little bit longer,” Tyler pleads, before hurriedly voicing, “if you’re okay with it.”Josh ponders their options, before nodding. “Okay. Just a little bit longer, but not a step too far. You’ve already overdone yourself, your ribs are broken, and you have to eat or you’ll never heal. And don’t tell me otherwise. You’re the thickest man I’ve ever met, you know that?”Tyler snorts at the avalanche of words. He’s smiling with the last of his tears sticking to his eyelashes. “Sorry. I’m such a burden.”“You are not a burden for me,” Josh says firmly, making sure that Tyler understands. A faint smile climbs on his lips before he says, “We’re friends, right?”Tyler’s face falls at the sudden words. Wordless eyes, Tyler looks away instinctively, struck down by the inability to answer. He looks down at his legs as if to check if they can keep carrying him after all.But he nods. Tyler nods, and his quivering gets to his voice when he says, “Right,” and Josh helps him up. “We really are.”  * In the night they walk, once again turning their heads towards Windhelm, the City of Kings and the capital of Eastmarch Hold. Today, their journey has been long but making no progress. Beside Josh, Tyler has fallen silent. He’s at his limits by now, impending to collapse at any moment. Josh knows this because he’s not feeling any better himself.A rich white-water of Yorgrim River runs alongside their road. Its flow is strong enough to keep it from freezing where the mighty waterfalls rule the tides. It’s the river that crosses The Pale and Eastmarch from one another, it's the river where the tides merge from the White River before emptying into the Sea of Ghosts. The realization brings an odd sense of home back to Josh. Only now icy mist rises in the air, the swift wind leading it on and away, sticking it to tree trunks and forming breathtaking crowns of icicles on their branches, sharp and deadly were someone struck down with one. Such sight could never be seen in Riverwood where he's from.They’re too tired to stay and admire the beauty of it. Putting one foot in front of the other they snail, hoping to find a place suitable enough to rest their aching bodies at.They come to a mill. Two households stands on the opposite sides of the road. The windows glow with a faint sense of fire, yet are they void of any people, implying slumbering inhabitants. It’s no wonder. Who’d be outside in this freezing wind at this hour anyway?“Should we knock?” Tyler asks, his voice dribbling with nothing but the utter will to do so.“I don’t know. They might not open for strangers,” Josh worries, gingerly looking inside the house. An inviting fire blazes in the hearth of the main hall, embers waft into the flue in the same way ice flies in their faces outside. Josh bites his lip.“Who’s there?” a male voice reaches them then. They turn around in surprise. An old man with a long cluttered beard approaches them from the shadows with a torch in hand. He comes in peace. “Can I help you?”“Good evening,” Josh greets him. “We’re- uh…”The Nord raises his torch, coming closer with a veil of curiosity in his eyes. His face brightens as the two come to the light.“Ohhh, it’s you again! Did you forget something and came back?” he asks, happy wrinkles rounding his friendly eyes. He’s looking at Tyler. They don’t understand what the elder means. Tyler glances over at Josh and then at the man. “Sorry?”“You’re back. Did you forget something or started missing my wife’s cookings already?” the man repeats, laughing off with a loud force that rattles the tattered wood around them.“I’ve never been here before,” Tyler says puzzled, and the laughter of the old man with a thick grey beard and crooked teeth dies down. Ogling like an owl, the man closes his other eye to see better, taking his words back.“Hoh,” the old one fathoms. “Could have fooled me right there. I was sure you were this youngster I helped out earlier. Looking for a woman, he’d say,” the man finishes and looks at Josh then, eyeing him up and down and earning a cocked eyebrow from him before turning back to Tyler, tilting his burly body to the side. He scans Tyler’s face deep in thought before nodding to himself and murmuring, “You have the same nose...”Tyler’s eyes widen. He looks at Josh, then at the man, and back at Josh again.“It must be Zack!” Tyler urges. “That’s the name!” the bearded man goes and claps his hands together, pointing at Tyler with a pleased grin and red, blunt cheekbones.Tyler keens.“H-he’s my brother! Where did you see him? Was he here? When did he leave?” Tyler is desperate, his hand grabs the big man’s shoulder, squeezing as if to juice a lemon for any further details.The man moves the torch aside in confusion. “I’m afraid it’s been days for a month’s worth,” he appeases. “He came here, stayed for a week due to an injury. A nice man, helped to tend to the chickens and other household chores. I was ready to employ him but he had to hurry his way to Windhelm. For a woman.”“A woman?” Tyler repeats, curling his eyebrows together. “She’s with child.”Tyler’s face falls in stunner. He lets go of the Nord. Put in disarray, he doesn’t get a word out of his mouth. He’s confused, consumed by the sudden information, turning away to look at their destination looming in the dark. Josh takes over then.“You said he was injured. What happened to him?” “Oh, it was nothing too bad. Just a strained ankle. A good few days’ rest and some easy walking around the barn and he was back to normal again, but he wanted to pay for our hospitality and stayed around to help.” “And you’re not lying are you?”“Excuse me?”“Josh, stop it. What would he profit from lying?” Tyler is back. He’s roaming his bag. Pulling out gold coins, Tyler takes a hold of the man’s hand himself and puts the septims there. “Thank you for your help. It means a lot.”“I’m not a liar,” the Nord says seriously as he clutches the gold, yet understanding Josh’s concern. “There’s one more thing you should know. They came back. My wife met them crossing the bridge together, heading to west from here as they said. They were going to cross the mountains to get back to The Pale. It’s only been a week.”Emotions taking over, Josh can see Tyler losing his patience once again. “Josh, we need to-““We can’t keep going in the dark any more, Tyler. You know that.” Josh speaks before the other gets to finish, shoving the facts in Tyler’s face.“Josh, he’s literally in our grasp-!”“They are, Tyler. All three of them. I know that. And if they have any sense at all, they’re not moving either. It’s too dangerous.”Tyler quiets down. He turns his head away, bubbling with frustration. It spills over, and Tyler kicks a heap of frozen firewood set next to the entrance. The icy logs clatter on the wooden porch, rolling around until they come to halt.Tyler’s shoulders rise and fall. It’s enough to vent his anger.“You’re welcome to stay in our humble home,” the Nord proposed with a leveled voice. “We have always room for travelers.”“If it’s not too much of trouble,” Josh says.“Not at all. Welcome to Anga’s Mill.” * “Don’t let me sleep,” Tyler tells him with a voice of utter tiredness the moment his heavy backpack drops to the floor. “We’re leaving as soon as the sun rises,” he decides and unbuckles his belt to detach his sword and setting it down on the bed.“There’s still plenty of time,” Josh says and enters the room at Tyler’s tail. “We can get some sleep before that.”“I don’t even know if I’ll be able to do that,” Tyler says and gulps, warily eyeing the other bed in the opposite corner of their guest room. The place is cramped, a rambling old place, but they fit in. A big, stuffed head of a reindeer greets them upon their arrival, tiny lanterns of candles hanged up from its antlers. A sturdy pinewood nightstand separates the two frameworks, a carpet lies between them, and a good set of furs is set on top of the beds.It looks inviting. Tyler wonders whether Zack has slept in the same bed.The peasant sits down, opening his fur coat as he realizes how warm it is in the house, a nice change to the drafty inns they’ve been experiencing so far. It’s quiet, peaceful; the silence itself is nearly lulling.Tyler fixes the bumpy pillows against the bedpost and scoots closer to lean his back against them. “With Zack so close… I’m too anxious to fall asleep.”“Try anyway,” Josh says as he gets rid of his clothing. Pulling his tunic off and over his head, Josh smells his shirt beneath it and cringes. “By the troll, I wonder if we’ll be able to wash our clothes anytime soon…” He takes it off, changing it to a longer green one.Tyler smiles faintly, watching Josh’s freckled back with his flexing muscles and his obvious struggle to find the right hole to get his head through it. Tyler turns his gaze away when he succeeds, Josh can see it from the corner of his eye— Tyler doesn’t want to get spotted staring this time it seems.The peasant pulls out his journal instead. Taking the red lace bookmark off, Tyler starts a fresh page. For a while, it seems like he doesn’t know what he should start with, so he doesn’t. For a moment Tyler just stares, before grabbing his quill and letting the flow of words take him apart before making him whole again.Josh settles to read the map in a faint candlelight, listening to the sound of quill scraping against the paper. They’ve come so far. By tomorrow night, they should be able to reach Windhelm’s bleak city gates, in case they don’t run into too many obstacles on their way.The closer they get the worried Josh grows. He wonders whether they’ll be granted an access to the city. It’s not a secret that the guards are mistrustful of travelers and far from the friendliest. It’s where the northern rebels reign their nest, and the center of the Nord revolution gets its commands against the Empire. They need more time. Sneaking into the city will be nearly impossible due to Tyler’s injured state and the enormous walls that surround the city, and the only way through them is the gateway, steeply guarded. The entry will be the biggest problem. Josh rubs his chin, thinking about a fallback in case the main entrance denies their access.Then he scowls at himself. What was he doing? Zack was not in Windhelm anymore. Kicking himself mentally, Josh blows out and rubs his eyes, shifting his concentration to the opposite way. Gods. He’s been so determined to lead their way to Windhelm that a change in plans is throwing him off now. He really needs to get some sleep.The awaken silence interrupts Josh’s thoughts. It is then when he becomes aware of a steady streak of deep breaths, the sound of the quill having ceased.Josh glances to his right. His eyes meet with a sleeping Tyler. Tyler, who has finally fallen asleep after the shocking events at the pass, is lying on his back with the quill still in his hand, lightly resting it against his belly.With his head lolled to the side and his mouth hanging slightly open, Tyler is as gone as he looks. His chest falls as deeply as it raises, nailing him deeper into the dreamworld and wherever it has taken him tonight.Josh takes in his peaceful face as he sleeps. There are no creases, not even a single wrinkle between Tyler’s brows as he slumbers. That proves it, Josh decides. They did it. The spirit doesn’t haunt him anymore.Tyler is in a good place. The sight makes Josh sigh contently, heart swelling. Somehow it wears down all his worries, but ignites a fierce will to get Tyler safely to their destination, to take him to Zack with no more hurting. The feeling flames strongly in his blood, making Josh realize how much he wants to keep him safe. Tyler’s had enough hard days, Josh decides. He wants to see Tyler smiling again, wants him to feel better—Josh is not given much time to do his observations and make out what they mean as Tyler’s journal suddenly starts slipping from his fingers. Josh jumps up as quietly as he can, ditching the map and hurrying to save the pages from getting glued together, but is a second too late. The covers slap closed and the tome drops down next to the unaware Tyler. Josh grabs it and opens it, cringing, hoping that the ink didn’t smudge too much. But it did. The fresh ink is most messy, haphazard letters now splayed and spoiled. It’s not like Tyler’s handwriting is the most tidiest anyway, but now it’s a sheer catastrophe. Mirrored from the left, the right page is claimed by words that don’t even resemble a common language in Josh’s eyes as he examines the text.Sticking his finger to the top corner of the page and tapping, Josh hesitates. He knows he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t, but his curiosity is a monster, a beast that Josh can never tame. Standing stock still, Josh toys with the red bookmark that hangs from the spread. Taking one last glance at Tyler and the quill that rests limply in his hand, Josh sits down on his own bed.With the diary in his hands, Josh turns back time with a single flick of his wrist. Rain’s Hand, Second Seed, Josh goes too far in months. He flips through the pages, he comes to Hearthfire, and all too soon comes Frostfall, and the beginning of Tyler’s journey.Josh looks up at Tyler again who doesn’t move nor does he make a sound. Josh continues. He feels bad and tries not to pry too much, but fails miserably.All the entries have been dated and signed. Tyler is a neat writer, using the diary to keep up with the passing days. Some days have more writing in them, some have less. If anything, Tyler’s made sure to come say hi and that he’s ‘still alive, to everyone’s surprise.’ Josh chuckles quietly. Turning a page after another, Josh learns about Tyler’s days, traveling through the boreal plains and sparse tundra of the Whiterun Hold. One night he’d slept in an abandoned house, half collapsed from the other end but secure enough to give a good night’s sleep, as Tyler had described. Josh blinks as his eyes start to dry in the dim candle light. Reading further, Josh can easily imagine Tyler lying in an unfamiliar bed by himself, observing the nighttime sky through the holes in the roof and watching Secunda pass through the bright constellations as the sight lulled him to sleep.What can he say? Josh likes stargazing.Another page, another day, Josh gets to read about Tyler’s visit in Whiterun. Apparently he had fed a dog, and gotten lured to play tag with the local kids. Obviously Tyler had agreed, only to get scolded by a bored guard when one of the kids would knock over a basket of fruit and fill the marketplace with a tidal wave of apples, flowing down the steps from the Wind District.They had turned a deaf ear to him but gathered the fruits anyway. But then the guard had told him to keep his younger siblings in discipline, and Tyler’s stomach had wrenched. Boiling with guilt, Tyler’s heart burnt in sadness as it did in anger. He’d wasted too much time like a curious brat in a big city, and left the city gates in haste with a guilt deep enough to keep his feet on the move till the exhaustion would hit him.He’d find himself in The Pale. And it got cold. Tyler talks about the choking feeling of it, shoving his way through the flooding snow until his legs could barely hold him up, luckily finding shelter and food as his stock had nearly run dry. The quill is barely staying in his cold-trembling hand as he had written it, Tyler explains in his diary.He talks about an archer he had encountered that day, and Josh perks up, realizing he’s talking about him. The mention is a short one, but it’s there. Josh’s mouth twitches up into a smile, he can’t help it. A quick mention or not, Tyler had thought it was important enough to write down, leaving a trace of him on his journey.It’s the last marking of that day. He needed to spare all the heat he could find, fearing for the fire to meet its waning end and losing the feeling of it as he must’ve stopped to take a rest in a deserted wolf cave, praying for the strength to keep his eyes open and stay awake so that he wouldn’t freeze to death.Later from that, Tyler would discover another dead body. Killed by thievery like the other one, it wouldn’t stay as his only horrid finding. Tyler talks about Zack, and the freezing fear that got through his hammering heart every time he would find a man murdered on the spot like a butcher’s cattle.Red, black and white, the writing is in turmoil upon ending. The entries are written in Dawnstar. Not sure how he made it there, Josh forgets it after his name - his actual name - starts appearing in Tyler’s diary for the first time. Despite the heavy story before it, his heart is soaring. He can’t help it. He comes to the words Tyler had scribbled about Josh taking him to the camp after him passing out upon their reunion at the Windpeak Inn, finding himself in a tent. Some of the sentences and even words are choppy, written the morning Josh had woken up lying beside the peasant who was barely able to keep his eyes open, much less to write coherently as it seemed to him.The earliest pages dedicated to their first days together are smudged with messy droplets of ink and the slight grease of their shared meal at the border of Dawnstar. The pages are pulled into waves around the spots where the moisture has gone through. Josh gulps, the smudges and their stories having a load of unspoken words in his memories alone.Josh flips the pages. It seems that a lot of Tyler’s headspace is spinning around him after that. Words filled with gratitude, Josh finds out about Tyler’s silent tears on a lonely night at the abandoned lighthouse, shed by the sheer relief that he’s not alone anymore. Tyler talks about Josh, about his good will to sleep beside him just to keep him warm in this otherwise cruel world of Skyrim that he’s gotten to know more day by day. Josh never realized the severity of Tyler’s pain of being sent out and getting swallowed by solitude, scared that no one would come for him after he went missing - or died.The words pain his heart, but Josh goes on. Tyler makes a soft sigh then, warm and comfy now as he lies on the bed sleep-claimed. The sound sends an intense wave of relief through Josh’s body— giving him the feeling that this is right. This is how it should be. Despite the defeated words written in The Pale and the desperation doing its talking through the diary, Tyler has made it this far. He never said a thing about surrendering, or going back home crying with a tail between his legs. Not without Zack.By now, Josh can tell that Tyler is a fighter. But even still, Josh remembers. He remembers the look Tyler’s eyes had given him the second Josh had aimed an arrow at his head, ready to kill him if he wanted to.The thought of towering over the helpless peasant and radiating the obvious power over his life and death makes him feel sick to his stomach now. But Josh had seen Tyler’s eyes, and how he looked at him, as if deciding he’d face his end for good now - throwing all his efforts away.Only then, Tyler had truly given up. He had closed his eyes in exhaustion for a short while, letting his head fall down and preparing to take the arrow through his skull before deciding no, and getting up again.The moment had an immediate impact on Josh. He didn’t recognize it then, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it either when he had left Tyler behind, repenting his actions immediately and thinking back to the days he had cried for his own brother.Truth to be told, Josh had gone back to look for him the very same night despite the freezing cold weather, but never found him. Was it the divines’ guidance that their roads crossed in the city of Dawnstar only days later, Josh doesn’t know. But he was relieved upon seeing the peasant again, despite hiding his joy behind ugly mocking. Tyler had been drunk, and Josh couldn’t blame him for it.Josh flips a page with more words on it. It’s been a rough journey, and to Josh, it’s stepped through in a few minutes of reading. It feels wrong, knowing that Tyler’s been through every second of it. But it’s not only that, Josh admits as he goes on. He takes in Tyler’s thoughts about him and them, together. And it’s nice. It’s nice to be someone’s last thoughts before they fall asleep every night, it’s stirring these old, buried feelings inside of him, it almost feels like—Josh eyes widen as the words go by and he realizes what Tyler is truly saying. Warm words softly written, Josh doesn’t understand where the sudden love is coming from. There are fresh poems even, written about Josh as it says at the end and Tyler wonders if he will ever see them. I’m gathering my courage to do it, says one of his deeper thoughts in it, and Josh loses his own courage to even blink anymore. Josh stops hearing and seeing around himself as he stares at the words that the black ink has claimed as their own, meant to last till fire would swallow them whole. Josh reads the poems over and over again to make sure he’s getting these things right. And then again. He does it until he feels dumb and can’t do it anymore.His cheeks start burning, it’s suddenly even warmer in this room. Tyler, Josh mouths the name, nearly saying it out loud. 
Tyler!
Something screams at him about respecting Tyler’s privacy, so loud that it’s enough for Josh to believe it. He closes the diary, and forces himself to take a shaken up breath, so hastily that he doesn’t even realize to worry about the wet ink anymore.He sets Tyler’s dearest possession next to him, rubbing his eyes with his left hand as the other presses the tome against the bed, covering it. Why, just why did he had to find out this way, Josh pummels himself. He leans on his knee with his shoulders sinking. By the Nine, what is he to do now?Tyler has feelings for him.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Tyler, slow down,” Josh pants as he tries to keep up with the other. Squinting his eyes, the crystal white snow radiates the bright sunlight right into his face. Taking a hold of a slick pine, Josh leans on his leg and shakes his head in irritation before stopping altogether. “Tyler!” he shouts after him, the peasant climbing the steep ascent well ahead of him.They slept in, but the day was still young with the piercing sun looking for its highest place in the sky. It was Tyler who had woken up first, shaking Josh awake with a new-found energy. To his luck, he paid no mind to his diary that was suddenly set aside on the nightstand come morning. With the quill and the sealed bottle of ink resting next to it, Josh had found the courtesy of saving the black essence from being led to a dry death with how little there was any left of it.The peasant was oblivious. Josh on the other hand, he couldn’t let the diary slip off his mind like it had slipped out of Tyler’s hands the night before. He’d lie awake nearly entire night, words swirling in his mind. It was way more chaotic storm than the slow breaths of the peasant deeply asleep in the bed next to his, and there was no way to fight it.  The words have weight in his feet even today, sinking deep in the snow as he’s the one to step in Tyler’s footprints now. Only now, Josh refused to take another step. He’s pulled into a halt, shouting out after Tyler and pleading him to listen.It’s like Tyler hears him only then. He turns to look, a small amount of sweat glistening on his face as well. “Josh, we need to move,” Tyler groans, frustration coating his tone now. They need to cross the mountain today if they don’t want to lose Zack’s trace and - gods, they do not. Josh knows this, yet here he is, standing unmoving, keeping Tyler at halt with his stubbornity. “It’s no use to push forward this frantically. We’ll run out of energy before noon if we’ll keep doing this,” he says and slaps his sapped leg to prove his point. “If we run into an ambush, we’ll have a real problem to deal with.” Tyler looks at him, catching his breath noisily. “I don’t think anyone would stay out here when there’s no mind moving around the mountains anyway. It’s just us.”“Whatever.” Huffing out these words, Josh turns his head away to gaze at the treetops far below them. Tyler takes a better look at him then, grabbing a crooked root that pushes its way through the snow, keeping himself balanced as well.“What is it?” he asks softer then, clutching the handle of his sword with the other. “You’ve been acting weird all morning. Did something happen?”Josh doesn’t answer. The mountain wind howls in its highness all around them, but it’s not enough to kill the screaming silence between them.Josh’s mouth opens, only to fall shut again. He doesn’t meet Tyler’s eyes. He just can’t. Josh shakes his head, and says, “We’re moving too fast,” and starts climbing towards Tyler who looks at him wordlessly but doesn’t budge, helping to pull him up.They make it to a sweet landing on the mountain’s side. They inhale and exhale, sinking their feet into the snow that keeps licking at their shins. Tyler leans on his thighs, rubbing at them, finally letting the exertion of the hiking show. The last night’s efforts at the grave still show their toll on him. Putting everything else aside, Josh has to make sure he will be okay.“Okay?” Josh asks him, knowing full well that Tyler’s ribs were still very much broken and the healing process way too slow to keep up with their pace.Regardless, Tyler says yes, sounding so sure about himself that Josh believes him. The adrenaline pumps visibly through his veins and mends the strain with an admirable ease. It amazes Josh, how their goal yet unseen makes Tyler work harder than ever. The peasant is desperately thirsty for reaching the moment to reunite with his brother again, and, probably, give that punch he’s been forced to wait delivering way too long for his liking.It brings the faintest of smiles to the peasant’s lips. The biting breeze colors his lips with the ones of frozen blood petals. Josh steps beside Tyler as the other straightens his back again, giving a pat on his shoulder to encourage him. Tyler follows him with his eyes curiously, hair sticking on his forehead, and Josh looks away, swallowing.They find a path. It snakes its way higher up the lonely mountain, a thick growth of young pines giving them coverage. Tyler looks around them. Josh’s warning has made a clear effect on him, as they never knew where a group of bandits could attack them again. There were many things that Tyler had to learn, traveling through the wilderness of Skyrim, but there are more things that he knows now than what he did when he set on his journey. All too sudden, his shoulders looked broader in Josh’s eyes. He realizes it only now despite having spent a lot of time behind him recently. There’s an odd sense of pride swelling in his chest. He doesn’t know how to describe it, and just like that, Josh is falling behind again, thoughts running way ahead, all around Tyler.They’ve known each other for such a short while, yet so much has happened. There’s no way for Josh to try and explain the pulsating ember that is starting to get air into the core of his heart again. It glows with a growing warmth, spreading all over his body ever since he stole a glance at Tyler’s diary and the hidden love letters in it, written at the most pained times of his life.Even still, the feeling scares him. He’s so deep in thought, he can only vaguely recognize Tyler turning around to look at him again. The peasant shakes his head impatiently as Josh slowly swarms his way forth, not even bothering to step from one footprint to the next but rather pushing through them, leaving behind a clear pathway instead.Tyler doesn’t nag though, and something else on the side of their trail catches Josh’s attention, forcing him to stop altogether.“Oh shit, look what’s here,” Josh says and goes to his finding, getting a better inspect of it. Tyler spins around again surprised, quirking his eyebrow before going to Josh, shoveling snow out of his way. He makes his way, looking at Josh before casting his eyes down on their feet, saying nothing.They stare at a pile of bear shit with serious, stone-cold faces.“It’s not him,” Tyler suddenly says, and his gravely tone and the words Josh did not expect to hear make him lose his composure. Josh bursts into a loud laughter. Tyler smirks as Josh has to get up and turn away to catch his breath, going on with his nonsense.“I could be wrong,” Tyler jokes. “He’s always been so full of shit but I never thought that he’d turn into a literal pile of it.”“You’re just talking,” Josh says and shoves him, wiping at the corner of his eye chuckling as they start walking again. “He was very nice to me.”Tyler gasps dramatically. “Are you saying that he’s better than me?” he insists, seemingly hurt as he brings his hand to the place where Josh’s was only moments before, rubbing warmth into it. “You’ve met him only once!”“He was friendly-““Josh,” comes the warning.“Considerate-““You’re just trying to make me jealous.”Josh cringes, suddenly remembering the whole situation between them, but keeps going anyway, “Handsome...”Tyler snorts. “Fuck you Josh. Go hang out with that piece of shit over there if you’re so much in love.”Josh laughs. It sets his heart to ease, melting the uninvited wall of ice between them. However it makes a clenching jump when a gruesome sound reaches their ears. It forces them to stop, yanking their attention uphill. At first, they see nothing, silence breathing around them. Then, a bank of snow makes its move, and they realize that it’s not snow that they’re staring at at all.It’s a bear. A stern, rugged grey fur merges with the snow and makes the beast become one with its surroundings. It’s so obscure that there was no chance of spotting it before coming to a close quarter with it. Josh frowns. Clearly, they’ve already stepped on the space that the beast has claimed as its own. Considering the guttural noises, they were passing through a forbidden territory, and the Snow Bear didn’t seem pleased at all.They still have a safe amount of distance between them. The bear stands higher uphill from them, hiding amongst the scrawny trees.It follows their every movement with an unreadable wariness to its behavior. The bear gets up on its hind legs, craning its neck and spreading its paws. The corners of its mouth are smudged with an old blood, a sign of a meal well gone and ripped. A long set of claws stretch themselves out from the strong paws, dark like lead and sharp like sickles that cut the air.There’s no doubt that they’ve ran into a fearsome creature, forcing the air around them to thicken. The animal keeps staring at them with a gruesome pressure, not moving an inch. A thick hump of silvery grey fur masses on its shoulders. The hair stands up in the cold, doubling the beast’s breadth as the animal falls silent to judge the two intruders for violating its fortress.Tyler swallows, shrinking at its towering size. “What is it doing?” he asks, a thick coat of worry paling his voice.“It’s probably just sniffing the air, bears are curious creatures,” Josh explains calmer, having encountered and hunted down these animals countless of times before. He wades his way through the snow to take a hold of Tyler’s arm, slightly tugging his stiff body. “Just let it be, and back down slowly. Come on,” he continues with a lowered voice.The bear roars. Its voice echoes in the mountains with a terrifying power.“O-oh shit.”“Tyler, just follow me, don’t just stand there,” Josh hisses, and pulls Tyler harder, making him stumble and nearly fall over. “Josh—” It might be the sudden movement or just the nature’s inexhaustible cruelty, but the bear roars again, and it snorts, outing wet, hot air that evaporates in the cold. Tiny splatters of bloody saliva drips on the snow. The bear sinks back down on all fours, snorting again before shaking its head and- Charging at them.Tyler’s eyes widen. “It’s attacking!” he shouts, and Josh spins around in haste, taking the circumstances in. Tyler fights himself free from his grip then. He gets rid of their backpack and throws it aside. It lands on the ground with a muffled sound while the bear’s giant paws stomp against the hillside like a set of war drums, leaving sinister clouds of swirling snow behind its trail.Josh comes to stand by Tyler’s side. “This is bad,” he says, taking his bow and nocking an arrow. “This is really, really bad.”“Run!”They spread, going separate ways and taking their stances to prepare for the worst. Josh moves uphill, circling to the right and throwing a glance over his shoulder to make sure that Tyler can get away in his injured state. Knowing that running is no solution against a bear, Josh slows down. His eyes wander, finally catching Tyler’s form flash between the thickened terrain of trees, heading to the opposite direction.Josh lets it happen, hoping that him staying behind will baffle the bear. Suddenly, his foot gets stuck on something and he staggers, hitting his knee on a sharp stone under the snow. Getting quickly up, Josh feels his skin bleeding with blood. The icy wind pushes its way through the fresh hole on his pant leg. Cursing, his movements grow slow and clumsy due to the piled up snow without him putting any effort into it. He stumbles, noting how the soil was thick with pine trees and their roots with rocks and fallen off tree branches, broken under the mass of snow.He makes his way forth. Quickly out of breath, the march through the mountains take its toll now. He has no time to rest as his concerns have become true. However there was no time for bemoaning either. The bear was coming quickly closer, threading through the obstacles that Josh had to waste his energy on. With Tyler out of the animal’s sight, the bear has clearly picked its victim in him.That’s good.Josh keeps running with his bow in his hand, arrow in the other, ready to draw and aim at the beast’s skull. He finds a shelter behind a round stone that is big enough to give him a coverage, but allows him to use his weapon as well. Snow flies in the air when he brakes on it, quickly crouching down and pulling the strong bowstring back. And Josh aims, closing his other eye and straightening his finger. His muscles tremble in overstrain, making it hard to concentrate on seeking a good shot. An angry bear can look twice as big as its real size, Josh knows this, yet he struggles to get a perfect aim with all the trees standing on his way. “Fuck…” Josh curses, and tries to fight the sweat trickling to his eyes, blinking, blinking- Further away from the two, Tyler stops running. He can surely see that Josh has gotten caught. However having no time to worry about the peasant and feeling more relieved that he managed to escape, Josh draws in a breathless intake of air, and the first of his arrows rushes free. It hits the bear on its front. The wind has harassed the arrow, forcing the pointy end to sink on an unfortunate spot and skim right back as it hits the hardened flesh and working muscles beneath it, delivering no real damage. Josh doesn’t give up. Another shot, this arrow gets a perfect hit in the center of the beast’s front. The thick fat tissue protects it from a great harm, Josh sees this, but the arrow keeps its stand.The fresh scent of blood drives the animal even crazier. Josh has no time to nock the next blow before it’s too late. The bear reaches him, stopping right in front of him. A giant maw stretches wide open with dozens of tarnish teeth at the sight of its prey; sharp canines burst out of the black gums, thicker than Josh’s fingers and surely more deadly than the armed man in front of it. The bear roars. The dried up blood starts flowing with the running spit again, Josh wrenches his nose, the reek of death wrapping its arms around him.The frenzied roar deafens his ears. A slash comes from his right, Josh has barely enough time to react— the horrid claws nearly hit his shin as he stumbles, scraping the fur on his boot. Falling on his side, Josh spins on the side to get avoid from getting crushed, the vile beast chasing after his every movement, attempting to stomp on him. Getting quickly up, Josh puts his bow away, drawing his dagger instead. He’s taking a huge risk. The next blow comes. Josh leaps quickly to avoid it, jumping on top of the stone and backflipping off of it in a quick motion. His quick wits set the bear in a momentary confusion, giving Josh a chance for a counter attack. Allowing the bear no time to figure out what’s happening, Josh slices a long trail along the rugged fur on its leg, hoping to bust a tendon. Silvery fur takes a clear turn into the color of crimson. The bliss is short-handed, giving Josh no time to savor his small victory; the beast pushes against the ground and changes its direction rapidly to revenge.The huge mass with a terrifying agility reacts way too quickly. The blow Josh has no chance to see comes from the left, a deep wound carves itself on his bicep— Josh lets out a pained yell to press on the cut as his flesh splits in two separate ways, gushing with fresh blood.The bear attacks again. Its four big paws help the animal shift its weight on the unsteady terrain, moving easily around in the familiar territory. Its thick neck stretches out, strong jaws crack against each other, but find no Josh in their teeth. He steps aside, quickly stabbing on the bear’s paw to slam it aside.His eyes want to screw shut in pain. His wound bleeds painfully. Feeling his warm blood flow and embrace his arm, Josh is more than ready to give back; his movements are instinctive as he seizes the momentum, and thrusts his dagger on the bear’s rear with a scream, hard.The bear growls in fury, finding the cause of its pain.His dagger seems no better than a bite of a flea against the beast’s huge size, but it’s stuck in the animal’s flesh now. Keeping his firm grip around the hilt and trying to yank it off, the bear’s struggling forces Josh to follow, getting painfully yanked from his bleeding arm.Their mixed blood paints the fresh snow in crimson. The beast turns swiftly around, the long sickles trying to a reach and reap Josh to death. The sudden change in direction and Josh’s stretches out arm takes the yank entirely on his shoulder. His body slams against the rugged mass of fur, feeling the strain as clearly as the damned beast can feel the weapon in its flesh. Even still, Josh refuses to let go of the weapon’s hilt. The bear keeps spinning around, growling and growling, trying to reach Josh with its paw as the knife twists in its wound, sternly stuck and only adding to the bear’s pain.The bear doesn’t stop moving despite Josh hanging on the weapon for his dear life. It keeps chasing after the cause of its pain. Suddenly, it takes a turn to the opposite direction again, getting Josh off guard and turning the tables as well; the trees in his eyes flash in a blur, Josh’s grip on the dagger’s handle slips. It sends him flying in the air, right against a big hardened tree trunk with a painful shout ripping out of him, knocking out the air in his lungs in one good blow.It knocks him against the ground as well. To his horrid, Josh’s eyes land on Tyler’s dark form standing behind them. And the peasant, he’s seen it all, having come back to help him. Josh can see him screaming his name, but the ringing in his ears doesn’t let him hear his voice, barely echoing in his dizzy mind. The snow swallows his aching body as if pulling him deeper in. He can’t move. His pained breathing heaves against the crook of his bleeding arm and strained shoulder, struggling as he fights to regain his movability. The bear grows lowly, piercing Josh with its gaze.The animal comes closer, stomping ever so slowly.Josh heaves for his lost breath. His blurred vision raises from the snow. Not caring about the bear, Josh looks past it, seeing only Tyler. No, he can read the peasant’s lips say behind the last few trees between them, and he sees the sudden terror take over Tyler’s body. No, Josh wants to say painedly himself, seeing Tyler drawing his sword and yanking the bloodied blade back to freedom.Tyler flinches at the sight of it. Burdened by his heavy crime at the border of The Winterhold, the peasant had forgotten to cleanse his weapon. With his mind lying elsewhere, the peasant was reluctant to even look at his sword lying at the foot of his bed, marked by the young life-lost bandit of The Wayward Pass.Now moving the blade to slice the sight between the struggling Josh and the Snow Bear approaching him, an avalanche of ripping pain visibly bursts in Tyler’s chest. It spreads like a wildfire, taking him back to The Pass and beyond. Pictures flash in his mind, caused not by his crushed bones, but something stronger.The fear for someone’s life, Josh recognizes. It flames itself alight in Tyler’s eyes, frantically screeching and clawing in his brain. Josh can feel its pressure hitting him. Fear is the strongest of emotions, and it takes its reigns over the peasant in an instant. It spreads further in his body, quickly taking over his swordhand all the way to the tips of his fingers and his feet, making the peasant move without a fight.Like that day at the crevasse.Tyler is already moving before Josh can tell him to stop.“Hey! Beast!” Switching his sword to his left hand, Tyler runs. Grabbing the handle of his backpack that he had gotten rid of earlier, Tyler yanks it off his shoulder and spins swiftly, releasing the thing with a snarl. The bag hits a scrubby pine near the two, bending the tree with the force that the bag hits it with. Dry snow bursts in the air, catapulting back to Tyler before slowing down and spreading on the ground, glimmering in the sunlight.The bear is right above Josh now. However the flashes of light catch the bear’s attention, forgetting the easy target on the ground. It looks at its next opponent angrily, getting back up on his hind legs with the dagger still jugging out of its flesh. Blood runs through Josh’s fingers when he presses his palm against the bleeding cut on his arm, getting up on his knees. Damn, Josh curses and looks for a support against a bank of snow. The hard impact against the tree trunk holds him in its vertigo.He failed to rip the weapon out.Josh’s spine is quivering from the earlier hit. He’s dizzy, getting up on his knees weakly. Wishing he had the time to stop the bleeding, things get even harder as the bear gets back on all fours, and trots towards the peasant now.Tyler grabs the hilt of his weapon with both of his hands at the sight of it, snarling.More curses, Josh’s voice finally carries further than his body can move.“Tyler,” he croaks and coughs, and he shouts. “Don’t try to fight it in a close combat, you’re going to get yourself killed!” Josh roars the last part and watches in horror as Tyler ignores every single of his words, taking a wider stance with the bear coming closer, bracing himself to face the beast on his own.“Where the fuck would I go?” Tyler shouts back, and Josh is helpless at his words, forcing himself back to his bow again.At that moment, Tyler roars. His voice is so mighty that the bear and Josh both halt in surprise, not expecting that such scream could release itself from Tyler’s lungs. The bear stops as if hitting a stone wall; the snow flies through the air, some of it hitting Tyler who doesn’t even flinch, holding the sword strictly between them. The two are facing each other only a few feet away from each other now, defending their own terrain. The bear stares at Tyler with its night-black eyes, seemingly intimidated, observing its opponent whose shoulders heave in a heavy movement; Tyler clutches his sword in both hands, furiously praying that the animal would back down, to go back, back to the mountains.“Go back,” Tyler repeats lowly. “Just go back to the mountains...” he says, sweat gathering at his forehead, refusing to let his fear show.The bear hesitates, snorting again with a growl. It shows its teeth again. Raising to its hind legs for one more time, the bear answers to Tyler’s voice with its own. It’s a terrifying sound to hear up close, and Tyler is forced to take a step back, holding his breath at the same time the bear lunges at him.Tyler tries to avoid the attack, but slips on the loose snow at the same time. The giant animal is about to reach him with a single leap. Having put too much momentum into the attack, the snow drifts the bear right over him. Tyler whizzes back to Josh’s sight right between the beast’s legs, luckily avoiding its strong jaws biting him to death. Arms curled protectively around his head, Tyler untangles in a daze, having no comprehension of what just happened. He shakes his head to shake off the snow that dribbles into his eyes.He’s dropped his sword, Tyler runs his hand in the white nearly panicked, before the bear slowly stomps around, growling and facing its spoil over again, growing clearly frustrated of the two.The sword lies behind the beast’s back. Releasing a shaky cloud of breath at the sight of it, Tyler lies on his back and ladles the snow with his arm, trying to scramble back up before getting in the way.Making noise, the animal inches closer as if enjoying the sight of the unarmed man before it with nothing but its animalistic instincts thirsting for a bloodshed. Josh doesn’t allow it. Having finally a clear pathway with no trees blocking his way, his arrow hisses venomously before piercing the hardened flesh of its target on its side, eating its way inside.The bears pupils contract in rage, bellowing at Josh with an ill will. “Yeah,” Josh snarls, drawing the next arrow despite his throbbing arm. “Look right here you bastard,” he continues defiantly, hoping to hide his shakiness. He’s just about to unleash the next one when suddenly, Tyler springs forward, running right towards the giant. He doesn’t hesitate to risk his chance when the bear is still distracted, grabbing the hilt of Josh’s dagger and ripping it out with one firm tug, causing a vile bleeding. It works, and the blood comes out like a red rush from a geyser, marking Tyler with it. The bear’s massive head throws itself back to Tyler, the sudden pain driving its eyes into madness. Tyler trips in the snow, trying desperately to pick up his weapon. The bear pushes off its hind legs and prepares to drive its claws into the peasant’s side, and all Josh can do is scream for his name, and pray that Tyler notices in time.Tyler’s body catches on the scream and reacts on instinct. His brain spots the sudden shadow flashing in his peripheral vision. Leaping quickly out of the way, Tyler swings his sword, slashing the blade on the same spot Josh’s dagger had spilled the bear’s blood for the first time, deepening the wound. The bear’s fur grows even redder, and Josh aims again, wanting his next arrow right through the animal’s thick skull.The bear seems to know what he’s thinking. There’s a slash, one after another, and the bear pushes Tyler to step back, driving him to stand between the bear and Josh, using him as a shield against his bow. Clever bastard, Josh curses lowly. He has to find a better position to get a better shot. From this spot he’s useless, afraid of hitting Tyler if he even tries. With the wind doing unpredictable spins in the air, the snow keeps swirling in the air to the fighters’ rapid steps, tinting to red as the blood dribbles to the ground. Josh starts for a run to get back to action, but is forced to stop, suddenly seeing where the battle was heading. The bear is not done with Tyler; it keeps steering him, clearly starting to get tired from their fight. And Tyler, he doesn’t see where the bear is taking him, too occupied with avoiding the blows in front of him to see what’s behind his back.They’re getting dangerously close to the cliff’s edge, with nothing there to save them from a dangerous fall.“Tyler, watch out!” Josh screams to warn him. The call makes Tyler lose his concentration for a mere second and look behind him, his movements stopping like hitting a wall at the sight of the cliff’s edge behind him.Tyler’s heel stops at a root beneath the snow. The peasant loses his balance, swaying back, flailing his sword to find his footing back.It leaves his front unguarded. The bear growls with spit flowing down its chin as it raises its paws for one last time. Slashing quickly and blindly, everything in Josh’s eyes slow down when the bear knocks the sword out of Tyler’s hands heavily, leaving him wide open with nothing there protect him. It all happens in an instant. Tyler’s eyes have barely time to flash in fear before the sound of flesh ripping off fills Josh’s ears, widened eyes forced to watch the lone string of blood coming after the grey beast’s claws.Tyler’s horrid scream fills the mountain range. Josh is not sure if it’s the echo or if his brain keeps torturing him by repeating it over and over again, having no mercy on him. It rings long after the peasant’s stunned body has fallen down the precipice by the force of the bear’s strike, and Josh feels like falling too.He’s dead. Tyler is dead. * Tyler can’t breathe. The wind rushes out of him in the same way it rushes through him, howling in his ears.He must have blacked out after hitting the ground. The thick branches of spruces his body had struck into sway over his head like an army, dropping snow on top of him while also shaking him awake. The snow is red, the snow is bloody. It melts against his face, dripping down like thick tears that fill his mouth with the taste of his own blood. What causes it, Tyler doesn’t know. He barely pays any attention to it. The fall makes his body ache all over while the hit on his head strips him from every clear thought.He can only fight to get air into his lungs. Ears ringing, a dulled sense of disorientation takes over him the harder he gasps, broken ribs stabbing him by every breath he took.Sagging onto his side while trying to figure out what happened, Tyler’s legs curl up, kicking back while gaining the control over his own limbs.His vision is blurred. Staring in front of him until something catches his attention, Tyler’s eyes follow something red coming into his field of vision, trickling down a bank of snow.It's a heavy contrast against the purity of snow. One rivulet follows another, growing thicker, stronger, faster.Blood. There’s so much of it. Groggy, Tyler stares at it until his vision throbs, reality sinking in at the same time a horrid chill rushes through him at the sight of it.It’s his blood. With stunted movements, Tyler’s hand flies over to his chest. His fingers sink into the five deep incisions in his chest. Heaving, Tyler feels and sees them pulsating, spitting blood and gore in the same rhythm as the mayhem of his rapidly beating heart. The panic takes over. Blindly, Tyler presses his hand into his wound, heaving, sinking his fingers deeper into his own flesh like it would make the paralyzing pain go away. Like it would stop his blood from leaving his body. It only makes him bleed harder. His shredded clothes hang wetly from his chest, exposing his skin into the frigid air. Tyler slips, the white turns into a bloody river beneath him, and Tyler wants to scream, but the slicing pain doesn’t want to allow another sound past his teeth. He can barely breathe. His shaking arm is unable to keep him up, and Tyler slips again. Whimpering like a hurt animal and feeling exactly like it, he ends up sliding a few feet down as the steep hillside shoves him down. On his back again, lying upside down, the position makes him nauseous as the remaining blood rushes to his head, feeding his confusion.Tyler chokes uselessly. His broken ribs are newly aflame from the fall. The red puddle around him grows, the snow eats it up like a long-awaited feast, and Tyler’s vision splits in two and starts to fade, sharp trees blurring in a suffused crown above him. He hears a voice. A scream. For what or whom, he doesn’t know, but his head turns like a magnet at the sound of it. His body shakes and bleeds powerlessly, too heavy for him to move anymore. He sees shadows rushing towards him, their distant shapes are only vague fog in his eyes, blurring more from every bat of an eye he takes.Soon, he can’t do even that. All the strength in his muscles pours out with his blood. The ringing in his ears grows, sapping his hearing and leaving him alone with the expendable rapids of his heart, beating up his senses.“Josh,” Tyler utters to the shadows around him, but it’s not Josh, there’s two of them, but Tyler can’t see. “Josh…”He passes out at the same time someone presses a cloth against his wounds, hearing nothing more after it.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

They’re going to cauterize Tyler’s wounds.  That’s what the two people tell Josh when the door to a lone house behind the trees slams open and they rush in. Josh doesn’t want to believe his ears, too caught up in carrying an acutely bleeding Tyler in his arms; the peasant’s breathing is quick and shallow, Josh can feel him trembling against himself. Tyler is pale and dying with handfuls of blood in his face and his hair, utterly powerless and all to Josh’s horror, still awake. “You can’t fucking do that,” Josh tells them. “He’s awake!”“He’s going to bleed to death if we don’t. We don’t have time to stitch the wounds closed anymore,” come the firm words as the harsh answer. Josh gulps as he watches the tools getting cleansed and thrown into the fire, sucking up the heat greedily.Josh is forced to sit down against the wall, holding Tyler’s wounded body up between his legs. Back to chest, Josh watches these people move in a purposeful manner as he presses the already soaked cloth against Tyler’s bleeding front to deter the blood from escaping his body.They cut his clothes with a knife. Tyler lays motionless against Josh as they work quickly together to strip his torso from the remaining garments. A blank cotton shirt comes off lastly slick and blood-soaked, drenched as they yank it off, dry threads ripping and peeling.Beneath it all, Tyler’s chest is still heaving, and Josh is frantically praying that he’d lose his consciousness for real. Tyler breathes painfully, five sharp incisions litter his front, slashed sideways and tilting downwards. The damned wild beast Josh had failed to kill himself has left its mark on him forever. They’re still pulsating to the beat of Tyler’s heart. Bleeding, blood smudges his neck and dribbles down his chest in long trails and stains his ripped clothes beneath him, pooling on his sides. Josh turns quickly away when he spots a hint of bone flashing amidst all the red and gore in front of him.Tyler is awake. He’s not given much time to look somewhere else. Lifting his head, a small steel slab is raised from the burning embers, glowing with the slightest hint of red to it.Smoke fizzles around it. Even Josh’s body draws taut at the sight of it. He must curse himself, for the gesture pulls Tyler’s attention back to their surroundings, head lolling back to awareness and immediately looking for the source of threat in the room. Tyler is weak from the loss of blood, however his body and the noise he makes hide nothing as he sees the blurred image of the glowing tool in his eyes, the fire’s reflection flashing in his eyes as if to defy what was to come.Tyler kicks feebly when the person steps towards them, frail and slipping at first but growing more frantic. Josh finds himself holding him harder, heart skipping a beat as he realizes that he has to keep him from struggling throughout the entire treatment.  Josh can smell the fear radiating off of Tyler’s body. In fact, he’s growing quite panicked.The peasant’s attention is nailed to the tool. Wide-eyed and drenched in the cold sweat, he’s not given a chance to defend himself before they rip a piece out of his abandoned shirt and fold it, shoving it into his mouth to save his tongue from getting bitten in half.Tyler digs his teeth into it, breathing harshly through his nose now. “Bite into it, good,” she tells him, swiftly taking a hold of the cooled down steel slab as Tyler gets distracted, eyes tightly sealed, bracing himself. She looks up at Josh then. His blood freezes on its tracks.“What do I do?” he asks tightly, breathing shallow and nearly jolting away himself. The wall behind his back doesn’t let him.They look each other right in the eye.“Don’t let him move,” she only says before looking back down, all attention back to Tyler. They make him take the steel.The power that Tyler’s body reacts to the first contact gets them all off guard; Tyler jerks violently, hard skull knocking against Josh as his back arches high over the floor, nearly fighting himself free from their grasp. He’s screaming and wailing, utterly fright-struck from the loss of escape, and Josh is biting down his own tears as his hold around Tyler tightens, wrapping his legs around his middle to keep him in place.Again and again, the fire-taken slab taps against his bloodied chest, moving around and sealing the bleeding tissue with a sick sound coming from the peasant’s flesh. Tyler’s entire body is fighting the treatment. He kicks his feet, desperately trying to find his way out, but Josh doesn’t let him. They won’t let him, the third person coming to their aid and keeping Tyler from kicking.Josh holds him in his iron trap, screwing his eyes shut as Tyler screams and thrashes as loudly as the cloth in his mouth allows him, sharp teeth dug deep into the fabric. It’s the most pained sound Josh has ever heard, and his eyes threaten to water from the cruelty of it as he listens to it bleed from Tyler’s throat right next to his ear. The peasant’s hands flail in convulsions, hopelessly trying to grip on something to rip and scratch against it. He nearly hits his helper on her head, and Josh’s pain grows, pulling him away unyieldingly and letting Tyler take a hold of him and pierce through the flesh on his hands to leave bloodied crescents behind, screaming.They replace the slab into a new one. It’s barely cooled down enough to keep from scorching the flesh and tissue too much. The two switch the tools together; Josh can feel a wave of its heat hit his face and is forced to watch it come in contact with Tyler’s body again.Tyler faints. Suddenly quieting, the broken body slumps down and doesn’t rise to put up a fight anymore. Tight fingers clutching Josh’s now bloodied skin give up their hold onto consciousness. Confused of his own reaction, Josh’s tears break free only then, dripping down his cheeks onto Tyler’s bloodied hair in thick trails. Pure relief mixed with guilt fills his body as he feels Tyler’s limbs stop moving. Gasping wetly, Josh pulls him up with his hooked arms, crossing his fingers with Tyler’s who doesn’t squeeze him back anymore. Instead, Josh squeezes him, slowly rocking him back and forth as if to lull him into a deep sleep.The murky air is thick with the smell of burnt flesh and the fat in it, feeling sticky against Josh’s crawling skin. The stench does not recede, and Josh is nauseously trying to swallow the contents of his stomach back down to keep them from hurling right then and there.He doesn’t understand how the person holding the slab is pulling through.The blood stops flowing. Only the shaken up breath and her falling back is enough to tell Josh that it’s finally over. All the strength sapped from his limbs, Josh lets go of him, nearly pushing Tyler’s unconscious body entirely away from him. His arm slams against the wall as the other flies over to his mouth, failing to keep his agonized crying from bursting past his sweaty palm. Staring shocked at the back of Tyler’s unmoving head, Josh can barely get back up and check his pulse. Holding his head in his shaking hands, Josh sees the thick veins bulging from Tyler’s hot skin, and only then does Josh truly see what they’ve done to him, a mass of bizarre burnt flesh pulsating in the center of dried up blood. Josh stares at it until he can’t, bolting up but not making it outside in time. * Tyler’s legs are hoisted up on the wooden bedpost and furs to strengthen his vital functions. Josh keeps guard beside him, leaning his back against the girder walls where dry moss pokes out between them. He can barely see Tyler’s chest rise and fall beneath all the furs and covers he’s wrapped in to ease the horrid coldness his body heat has turned to.Josh faces the ceiling with a foul taste still on his tongue and grim colors swirling in his thoughts. He’s worried sick. Shocked and worried.Tyler hasn’t shown a sign of waking up. His head is turned away, face furrowed deep despite being unconscious. The warm glow of the fireplace in the main hall doesn’t reach the small room Tyler is positioned in, or that’s how Josh feels; they’re surrounded by candles, the serene flames move the soft-edged shadows to the tune of their slow dance nearly ritually, as if to stop the time altogether. In their light, Tyler’s skin wasn’t merely pale, but entirely colorless in Josh’s eyes. The sight starts a shiver through his spine, the ghostly blue light seeping from the narrow windows escorting his current distress.The sun has set many hours before, the long hours of waiting showing no mercy for them. Josh draws in a weighted breath, anxiously scrubbing the back of his head against the wall, feeling the splinters dig into his scalp. The dull sting keeps him awake for the time being.He leans back and forth restlessly, his muscles opposing the shifting and starting a fleeting blackness take over his eyesight. Rubbing his aching temple, Josh sighs just as deeply. He hasn’t slept, and with the adrenaline wearing down, both his mind and body is starting to shut down. Feeling nearly dizzy, Josh rests his head on his crossed fists, fixing his attention back to the peasant. All things considered, they got lucky. Tyler’s tripping on those blasted roots had saved him from getting his throat slit, a blow that would have immediately killed him had the staggering not sent him fall backwards into the empty air behind him.He thought he had died instantly. The bear had barely missed the crucial arteries. Despite it all, Josh can’t help but let the guilt eat him alive. He had reacted too slow, had put too much time on getting a good shot, when all he should have done was to distract that bloody beast and getting it away from Tyler with everything he got.Once again, Tyler has saved his life. He’s done it thrice, in fact. And what did Josh do? Nothing.Did he even thank him, he wonders somberly. Josh closes his eyes. He can’t remember. A dull ache pulsates against his skull as if pleading for a way to escape, and it makes his head suffer. If he doesn’t get to pay his debt back to Tyler, he’s going to repent all his life. He didn’t set on this journey to bury Tyler’s body in the rocky embrace of his cursed homeland. Something unexplainable happens within him that moment. It makes him move and in a desperate way, start a tide inside his head to unfurl.He starts to pray. Josh doesn’t believe in the Divines, nor does he really know how to do it right. He doesn’t know what to say, but he knows that Tyler does, the peasant having his way in the art of words. He’s seen Tyler praying before, has seen how effortlessly the act had came from him. It gives him courage. It’s enough to let his mind go dead and have a free will of its own.So he prays. He prays for Arkay, the god of life and death.He prays for Stendarr, the god of mercy.He prays for Mara, the goddess of love.Josh prays for all of them, he’s ready to go through all the Nine of the Divines if he has to, throwing himself on his knees and beg on the ground in front of them if they so want.Josh waits silently, but gets no signs. Opening his curled fingers shaking against his temples and moving them to cover his mouth to stifle himself, Josh stares into nothingness, turning to look at the man that suddenly meant everything to him. Feeling the divine actions bring him no peace, Josh’s helpless thoughts race like a rabbit trying to escape an unfed hound.Beneath the furs, beneath the bandages, Tyler’s flesh is a ruin, healthy skin burnt away. Josh can’t shake it away, painting the demons all over the walls; a twisted mass of five scars would show themselves in Tyler’s body forever, slick-black scars merged together at some places. Skin dry and hard like a struck leather, the fissures frame the edges. Josh had seen it again as he had come back, helping the two cleanse and bandage the wound. The horrid stench of it was still strong in the air. It’s possibly sealed itself in Josh’s memory forever.As a hunter, Josh should be accustomed to it. Anyone should, but the fact that the fizzling sound came from Tyler, another goddamn human being, made it impossible for Josh to tolerate. The weight of their accident had showed itself in his hands, carrying Tyler to this damned bed himself.Tyler hasn’t seen it yet. Josh wishes he never had to. Josh shakes his head, refusing to let the dark thoughts consume him. If he couldn’t care for Tyler then, he’s going to do it now. With the Divines' help or not.Josh shifts on his stool, attempting to check the peasant’s pulse again, to see if it’s gotten any stronger. Then he realizes that Tyler is awake. He’s awake, and all prayers spring to the open air, and pulling Josh up with them.“Ty—“ Josh is gasping, springing loudly up from his stool and circling to Tyler’s front. One hand slams against the wooden wall as the other squeezes the bed frame. “Tyler!” The peasant doesn’t say anything. But he’s awake, it wasn’t a hallucination of Josh’s crashing sanity after all— Tyler’s breathing grows labored, there’s pain in his eyes, pain in his body language as his muscles jerk with a dry gasp. A weak bump moves beneath the furs with Tyler’s hand shifting towards his bandaged chest as he tries to lift his head, powerless.Josh leaves the room. “Help,” he calls, sounding foreign in his own ears. “Please,” he says. “Tyler is awake.”The Breton woman has fallen asleep. Her long wavy hair pools around her head on the full table top she’s resting against, arms nestled as a pillow. However she’s quickly up and awake at Josh’s calling, and taking in his frantic words in with an admirable calmness.She hurries to Josh’s side at once. Josh leaves room for her, the hassle pulling his attention from the cabin door opening. Too distracted to care, Josh goes back to Tyler’s sickbed, however giving the Breton the room she needs. He stays in the background.She’s trying to reach Tyler with her voice. It’s dull from the late hours, but firm enough to get Tyler focused. The peasant is sweating, staring and squinting at her with the best he can as if seeing her for the first time. Maybe he is— Josh will never forget the faint look in Tyler’s eyes despite the panic-stricken behavior that the shock had caused in his body. She seems to push herself too close to Tyler’s space for his liking, but it works just right; the peasant pushes himself away, weak and whimpering, frantically searching something with his gaze, his head finally rising from the pillows.Only the sight of Josh calms him down. It’s an invitation for him to step closer and Josh does. It’s all the peasant needs to start calling his name. It’s weak, it’s so weak that Josh feels another sting in his heart, and Tyler coughs up to the point Josh thinks he might get nauseous- it brings him pain but Tyler pulls through, repeating his name.“Josh,” Tyler says, his voice so scratchy it’s barely a voice at all.“Josh,” he says stronger, and before anything else, Tyler asks, “Are you okay?” “Tyler,” Josh manages after a bout of silence, unable to answer at first as his face twists in disbelief. Is that the first thing on Tyler’s mind after nearly getting killed? Josh can feel his heart crawling up into his throat.Despite the choking feeling of it, Josh croaks out his answer. It all comes out thick and slow with a haggard edge of shaking to it.“I’m the last thing you need to worry about. All you need to worry about right now is yourself.”Tyler stares up at him, taking his words in slowly. He starts to get more and more agitated as the time goes by as if being unsatisfied with Josh’s answer. Before he has time to get any worse in his wounded state, Josh comes closer, grabbing his hand and giving Tyler a gulp of water in the form of his words. He calls out his name to get him focused at first. And he says,“I’m okay, hey. We’ll both be. We’re alive.” Tyler’s eyes roll to the back of his head at Josh’s words. His back arches, and for a moment Josh fears him losing consciousness again. But Tyler comes back to him, blinking tightly and fixing his eyes on the ceiling as if to thank the gods for their mercy.He’s not in the shape of getting scolded, but Josh can’t keep his own question trapped inside of him no longer as the tears start burning in his eyes yet again.“Why did you do that Tyler?” Josh shakes his head slowly, letting one runaway slip down his cheek. “Why did you come back?”Tyler manages a pained smile. It’s as awful as his wound. Sweat glistens on his damp skin as he briefly closes his eyes before attempting to talk.His words gets barely out there.“I couldn’t let it get you,” Tyler finally says. His voice breaks at the end. He sucks in a pained breath as he grows quite emotional. “I couldn’t let it happen again,” he rasps, and starts whimpering when Josh gives him no chance to say anything else before he’s leaning down, carefully wrapping his arms around the wounded. Afraid of breaking him somehow, Josh’s arms are pulled into a loose embrace around the peasant, who presses his damp head against Josh’s while fighting to free both of his arms from the covers to hug him as well.Josh’s eyes are closed as he listens to the furs rustling and finally feeling Tyler take a hold of his arms and weakly gliding his cold fingers up his skin. Higher they go, before coming to halt against the bandage on Josh’s bare arm. Josh feels Tyler touching it again and again. He pulls away, looking Tyler into his eyes.“It’s okay,” Josh says. “It’s okay.” Tyler believes him, however letting go of him reluctantly. The peasant gulps nearly disappointed as Josh pulls away completely to give him the space he needs. Tyler tries to squeeze his hands to keep his warmth close, but gives up eventually to the lack of strength in his body.Silence looms around them for a fleeting moment, no one really knowing what to say or do next. Josh does. There really was no time for anything else.“Tyler—“ Josh starts with, but the peasant stops him, unknowing. But he's finally starting to pay attention to their surroundings, rolling his head against the rough pillow case, talking over him. Maybe it's better.“Where’s—” Tyler swallows. “Where’s this?” He looks confused, running his gaze against the dark ceilings. Josh sucks his lips into his mouth, turning to the Breton woman and growing aware of the scene they had caused, feeling his cheeks tint red.Luckily, she doesn’t seem to notice, taking quickly over. “We’re on an old farm in The Pale, securely hidden amongst the shade of old pine trees at the root of the mountain. You got severely hurt Tyler. We secured the wound, but you lost a lot of blood. You shouldn’t strain yourself.”“Thank you...”“Um, Tyler,” Josh tries again, earning no attention to himself. There are sounds coming from the main hall, but Tyler doesn’t seem to hear, too deep in thought as he stares at the woman with his eyes narrowing suspiciously. Josh’s head turns back and forth impatiently, however too awkward to interrupt the two’s conversation.Tyler blinks, twisting his face in a sudden bout of pain. His skin looks tight from the invisibly sticky traces of blood, delivering the taste of iron into his mouth. But it doesn't stop him from asking, and with his dry tongue weakly swiping against the corner of his mouth, Tyler asks,“Who are you?” And she smiles, she smiles so gently and moves a stray strand of hair behind her ear to answer,“I’m Tatum. I’m-“Now, it might be a really bad timing because of Tyler’s weakness, but Josh can’t take the anticipation anymore.“Tyler,” Josh repeats his name impatiently, talking over her rather rudely. But the peasant is finally looking at him and listening, and Josh can’t stop. “Tyler. You did it.”Tyler stares at him, confused. However his attention gets quickly pulled to the door as the floorboards make a sound, indicating yet another presence joining the group. Tyler’s bleary eyes have finally fallen on Zack. A smile rises as tears fall.Tyler scrambles up as if gotten shocked despite all the warnings. However no one tries to stop him as he cries out quietly, dizzy, his entire body quivering. He’s too weak to get free, shifting his weight on his shaking arms that can barely hold him up, the furs falling from his chest and pooling around him. Zack beats him to it with a couple of long strides with a smile on his face. He wraps his arms around Tyler’s shoulders and presses him back against the pillows before the other manages to leave the bed.Tyler’s hands are lost. They lie limply beside his stunned body before slowly raising to take a loose hold of Zack’s shoulder blades. Careful, Tyler is so careful as if being afraid that he might disappear again, so full of disbelief he can barely breathe.But the grip tightens, clothing crumpling. Josh watches the water pool in Tyler’s tired eyes until it gets too much and spills over the edges. Tyler squeezes his eyes shut and starts an unruly river down his pale cheeks that redden at the agitation. He tries to speak, but his words come out in a long fit of whimpers until he full-on sobs. Tyler doesn’t care about the other people staring at them as his taut hands tighten his grip around Zack’s tunic, feeling the warmth of his younger brother against his own body at last. And Josh watches them, truly seeing what their shared blood meant for them.Tyler’s rattling chest brings him pain. Relieved crying turns into gritting his teeth and trying to smother his agony, but he fails at everything he tries. All he wants to do is cry, but he can’t do even that. Tyler gasps wetly, and Zack gives him space to breathe. Tyler’s hair is slick with sweat and long enough to stick to his damp forehead. Zack swirls a few locks away playfully and smiles, finally speaking,“Well you’ve seen better days, haven’t you?”Tyler snorts a smile, hiccuping. He can’t push it down, and he never should. He does it again and wipes the joyously salty trails off his cheeks when he can, not trusting himself with words just yet, shaking.Instead, Tyler’s fist pulls into a sharp rock, white bones threatening to burst through the bloody skin. Flushing bright red, Tyler seems to hold something back before bursting into a laughter mixed with tears, whole body rattling. “I wish I could throw that punch, but I can’t,” he says the best he can, and Josh laughs quietly with him, knowing full well that Tyler’s words were directed more to him than anyone else in the room.“Do not make his wounds open, or I’ll nail both of your heads on the wall,” Tatum threatens, and they laugh, with Tyler covering his mouth as he’s clearly trying to hold back from starting to cry again. There's no stopping of the tears flowing past the corner of his eyes.“I thought it was a dream,” Tyler whispers, proceeding to press his fingers to his raw eyes and wipe the fresh salt away to get a better look at Zack. “I knew I saw you, right before blacking out—““Yeah,” Zack only says, worry showing in his voice, the slight smile fading. “I saw you too.” His front is still covered in Tyler’s blood and wooden chips from the outside. They have different ways of coping with fear, Josh notes, with Zack immediately aiming his nervous energy on hard work, chopping the fire wood outside all night. “You’re having a baby,” Tyler suddenly says, his words carried by all the understanding he can gather.“Yes, we really are,” Zack smiles proudly with Tatum standing behind him. The Breton rubs his back softly while the other hand rests against her growing tummy. “The child is going to be wonderful.”“I’m happy for you,” Tyler says, and Zack leans back down, hugging him one more time. Tyler has no energy to return the gesture anymore. Zack understands it. He gets up, and says, “You need rest.”Tyler nods tiredly, having no reason to argue. He’s feeble from the loss of blood, skin returning to it’s usual paleness as the hurricane of fierce emotions wipe the remaining tears away. It brings Tyler back to his usual fatigue, skin lacking the usual color of life. But Tyler is alive. He’s alive, safe and sound, and Zack is here with them.Tyler closes his eyes, relief visibly washing over his strained body. Taken quickly by sleep, he closes his eyes and doesn’t open them for the rest of the night.He’s in pain, but he got his peace.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Tyler sleeps well past the early morning hours the next days, slowly recovering and gathering his lost strength. The present day borders the late forenoon when Josh comes back from the woods, tying his pants back up. Inhaling a lungful of the frigid morning air, Josh hops over the puny fence, tilted from some places and grey of the cold weather. He returns to the open yard with a small well and a vegetable garden in it, frozen and unused. Having arranged who keeps an eye on the peasant at times, Josh was allowed to rest but also help with different tasks around the small farm.“Half of the pen had been burnt down for whatever reason when I first got here,” Zack explains when they clear the half-collapsed fold, lifting a heavily charred element of wood together. “No remaining residents whatsoever. But it seems to been a household of a big family and some cattle. I knew this was the place when I found it so I took it and brought Tatum here,” he groans with sweat on his face, wiping it as Josh straightens his back easier.“Just took it,” Josh repeats, smiling. “That’s pretty arrogant.”“Things that are still usable shouldn’t be wasted. Technically I’m just clearing the chaos that has been left behind. These can still be used as firewood...” Zack keeps babbling, stepping over the heaps of burnt wood and carefully pulling an axe from the belt around his middle, his attention yanked from one task to another. There was a neat line of chopped firewood built around the house’s wall waiting to be used already. Despite the provided warmth inside the house, there was a lot of work to do. Wondering whether the two brothers even knew how to relax from time to time, Josh’s thoughts circled inevitably back to Tyler. He keeps glancing at the dark windows that the frost had claimed as its own. The dense cover of ice allows no access of curious eyes through it, but knowing that Tyler is inside around the warmth and resting, fills his heart with relief.He hopes that the peasant has the energy to tend to his wounds properly, as weird as it sounds. Knowing Tyler, he might burst out of the door at any waking second, wanting to offer his help, or even force it. He already brought the idea up, but was immediately shot down like a clumsy chicken trying to fly by all three of them. The peasant pouted for half of the day before Josh lured him out of his shell with a warm meal that put him back to sleep soon after. That’s just how he is, and that’s why they’re keeping an eye on him. Tatum’s turn of making sure that Tyler stays put is ending soon. The emerging growling in Josh’s stomach is telling him that. However they had a lot to do until they could be nowhere near satisfied.“I actually have no idea how to do this,” Zack’s gloomy confession brings Josh back, seeing the other man’s hunched posture as he tries to figure out how to replace the ruined woodwork with a new one without ruining the existing structure. Hard-headed and having no idea what they were actually doing, the two brothers were like merged shadows of each other. Josh smiles sympathetically. He can’t help but offer his aid in this case as well.“My father works a lumber in Riverwood,” Josh informs the younger Roriksteadian. “He’s the owner of the sawmill there and knows the woodwork well. I know it doesn’t make me a carpenter, but I know some things. I can help you rebuild this thing.”“Wow,” Zack wheezes in amazement. “Ahh dammit,” he continues, rubbing the back of his uncovered head. “I’d really appreciate your help then.”“You’ll have it. It’s not like we’re— well,” Josh starts with, but stops before he can finish the sentence. Frowning, he doesn’t know how he meant to say what he wanted to say, but continues before the streaming words choke him completely. “It’s not like I’m leaving anytime soon. Not until Tyler heals at least. I have to make sure he’s gonna be okay.”Zack hums, nodding and looking mischievously pleased with Josh’s words. And, curses, he looks so close to his older brother. Josh is sweating.“Good,” the peasant simply says. “I was hoping you’d say that. I’ll look more manly in Tatum’s eyes this way.”“Doesn’t it make it look worse?”“Only the final result matters, friend. Bretons are hard to please, I swear.” Josh laughs, hoisting more scrap wood over his shoulder. “Did you mean to make more firewood out of these?” he turns to ask then, careful not to hit anything.“Yeah, just leave it there where the rest are. The charred parts would ruin the saw, so I’ll just make a fire outside or something,” Zack says. “You can go after that. Thanks. You’ve been a great help already.”Normally Josh would decline, keeping up until it would be fair for both of them to call for a break. But now he gets to check up on Tyler, and it was his turn to set on the watch anyway. Putting the last pole down, Josh dusts himself off, quickly brushing his fingers through the mess of hair before fastening his top knot again. He can feel the grease leave a tacky marks behind, cringing. Maybe he can’t blame the two of their hard-working nature after all. * “He’s easy,” Tatum is the first to chirp as she passes Josh by just when he steps inside the house. She answers his questions before he even gets a chance to open his mouth, carrying their washed up tunics in her hands. “Sleeping soundly like a Khajiit in a broad sunlight.”“Thanks for taking the first shift again,” Josh says politely, getting rid of the heavy furs and hoods, stomping on the floor to shake off the snow on his boots “I managed to catch enough sleep in the morning.”“It’s okay,” Tatum assures, tying her broad sleeves in an accustomed manner to free her hands for work. “You spent the whole night by his side again. This is the least I can do, you know.”“I wouldn’t say that,” Josh says as he faces her. The Breton looks at him askingly. Standing in front of her today, Josh is impressed by Tatum’s skills to handle such situations they’d gotten to witness only days before. Meeting her and Zack in the worst possible situation, Josh had known nothing about her, barely getting their names as they had hurried to the lone farm with Tyler’s hot blood blotting his clothes and smearing his hands. Even still, Josh had instantly known that he could trust Tyler’s life in her hands. Sure, he was terrified for his life, and only thinking about that day makes Josh’s skin crawl and the horrid smell intensify, yet he had nothing but respect over her abilities to take over the heated situation.It would have been too late for Tyler if Josh had been alone. He had rushed down the scarce path as quickly as he could, desperately trying to find the spot Tyler had fallen from. He had to take a different path to find his way down, the bear long forgotten. To his horror, Josh had only found an empty spot filled with nothing but Tyler’s blood painted all over the pristine snow, quickly following the red trail and footprints to finally find Tatum and Zack with her. Like a miracle, the two had been outside gathering supplies and heard Tyler’s blood-curling scream when the bear had struck him down and came to his help then.Judging by Zack’s eyes that time, he couldn’t believe it had been Tyler coming after him, bloodied and barely conscious. Josh remembers Zack’s letter before his disappearance, and how he had asked Tyler not to worry about him. Seeing him wounded and dying had shocked both of them equally. Tatum was the only one who had kept her calm then.Dressed in a long dress that halfly dragged against the dust on the wooden floorboards, she could easily be taken as a Nord: long hair braided from the sides let the rest of her wavy locks fall freely on her bare shoulders, catching the glow from the blazing fire in the hearth of the main hall. The raw colors of umber reminds Josh of the glaring tundra around the Whiterun plains during the vibrant autumn season. Below her chest is a darker vest, barely fastened as there’s a little human growing up inside of her.She brings life with her, but helps to keep it in this world as well. “You saved Tyler’s life,” Josh simply says. “I can’t thank you enough.”Tatum is humble. She only smiles, warmly as she often does. “You don’t owe me anything, Josh. Remember that, always.”Josh nods, however knowing that he’d never forget. He’ll always remember his debts, so he’s determined to help them as much as he can.Moving on, Tatum takes a step towards the fire and the ingredients on the table. “Do you want to check up on him? I have to finish today’s meal.”“Yeah.”If anything, the stable sound of Tyler snoring is enough to tell that he’s alive. Josh enters the small bedroom quietly. Mouth hanging open, the pillow beneath Tyler’s head is rumpled from probable tossing, his heavy head thrown to the left side of it.There’s some healthy color starting to tint his skin onto a healthier road; with his nose as blushy as always, Tyler keeps snoring away. He looks a bit tanner than Josh has seen him so far, noting these things easily as he takes his usual place on the chair next to Tyler’s bed. He silently wishes the room would have space for two beds, or Tyler wouldn’t be positioned right in the middle of his own so that Josh could climb in and take a nap as well. He doesn’t have the heart to do that now, letting Tyler rest as he hasn’t gotten many chances to do that on his journey. Now he had to, since he’s pretty much bedridden, forced to wait until his body would regain its lost strength and blood again.He’s excited to be the first person Tyler sees after waking up. Secretly glad that Tatum’s shift ended before that, Josh crosses his legs and sets his hands on his knee, swaying his foot as he waits for the peasant to open his eyes. It doesn’t take long for something to happen. Tyler lays motionlessly in the bed, until he doesn’t. Deep intake of breath, his head jerks suddenly to the other side, body taking a kick-start and waking him up as if been swatted. “The hoe,” the peasant gasps, delusional in his insistent dream.“The— what? Tyler?” Josh cocks his eyebrow and leans forward on his seat, wood groaning upon his shifting.Tyler’s eyes focus slowly, panting as his head falls back on the pillow. The apple of his throat bobs dryly, making an audible sound as he swallows. Feeling Josh’s presence next to him, Tyler’s neck cranes back to look at him. The skin on his forehead furrows like freshly plowed earth when his eyes land on Josh, noticing him only then. “What?” “Um,” Josh feigns off. “I guess you were dreaming. Did you have a nice dream?”Tyler blinks, pupils returning to their normal size. “I don’t remember,” he blurts out chaotically, sounding nearly disappointed. Josh nods, waiting for the other to pick up his hassled mind.“Home,” Tyler decides after a while. He remembers, eyes glassy and staring dreamily at nothing in particular at the thought of his faraway village. Josh sees the longing in his eyes, the probable thoughts of going back flickering in his dazed look. It makes his heart twinge weirdly, and Josh can only try and guess what goes through his mind that moment, wondering about his own purpose now that their task was done. Blinking, confused as well, Tyler turns to look back at Josh, smiling lopsidedly, still half-asleep.“Hey,” he says. “Hey,” Josh grins back nervously, the smile making him feel easier then. “I was waiting for you to wake up.”“So sweet,” the peasant rasps, clearing his voice then.“Took you long enough,” starts the teasing, which Tyler smiles for, freeing his hand to brush it against the soft furs, curling and resting it over his side. A bout of silence follows. “How are you feeling, then?” Josh asks after it gets unbearable, watching Tyler look for the answer from the ceiling. Luckily, he doesn’t have to think about the answer for too long.“Pretty good,” the peasant says and flicks his hand, moving it against his stomach then. “A bit hungry, though.”“Tatum is making food,” Josh informs him, smelling the fresh bread already. Tyler smells it, too, drawing in air cautiously as his injuries were still hurting and reminding of their existence by every breath he took.“I don’t understand how slacking off in bed all days can make you so hungry,” the peasant says frustrated, moving his foot under the covers restlessly as if having something else to say, and he does. “Also, um…”Josh turns to look at him, confused. “What is it?”A line creases Tyler’s brow. “I have to pee,” the peasant blurts, seemingly ashamed of his sudden needs and the audible growl of his stomach. It tints the color of his cheeks even brighter.“Oh,” Josh says simply, getting up from the stool. “I’ll get the bucket for you again.”“I want to walk.”Josh halts at the words, unsure of the other’s strength just yet. This time, Tyler doesn’t drop his eye contact. He looks at Josh as if to ask him for permission, looking at him as if to challenge him. He doesn’t have to do that. Josh hates it.Not giving voice to his thoughts, Josh asks instead, “Are you sure?”“Yes,” Tyler’s answers confidently, eyes lighting up when Josh doesn’t oppose his wishes. He starts to creep out of the heavy cover of pelts on his own. “My muscles are getting tired of this.” Josh can only nod, knowing that a little walk will essentially be better for him. He stays close just in case, pulling his hands behind as he watches the peasant get up. And Tyler, he does, setting his bare feet on the cold floorboards. He tries to act quickly to impress him, Josh knows, however his stubborn nature is there to shake him back to the foul reality; a strong wave of dizziness washes itself clearly over the peasant’s face as soon as he straightens himself up. Gasping and swaying, Tyler’s blind hands look for their support from the wooden bedpost, seemingly lost as his legs can’t quite hold him up yet. Josh leaps to stand next to him then. “Slowly,” he tells him calmly, hand flat against Tyler’s spine as the other finds its place on his chest, holding him carefully up for the sake of the broken bones and the bandages around them. “You’re still weak.”“I hate this,” the peasant curses, his voice cracking. There’s an invisible sack of frustration weighing on his shoulders. Only air it might be, yet it presses the peasant’s head low before Josh becomes his rock and gives him his aid. Hands and arms wrapping around each other, Josh helps Tyler to take one step at a time.“Slowly,” Josh muses again steadily, pulling Tyler’s arm over his shoulders to have a better hold of him. Proudness veils his eyes as Tyler’s movements grow steadier by every second, shaking off the dizziness like the fighter he is. “Next time will be better.”“You’re my hero, Josh,” Tyler muses softly with his eyes raising up and nailing themselves on his face. “I like your beard,” he blurts out of nowhere and sets his hand over Josh’s chest to steady himself more.Josh doesn’t take the compliment, but hopes that his facial hair is enough to cover the heat climbing to his cheeks. “Don’t get too excited,” he mocks the other the next instant over another small step that they take together. “Don’t want you to wet yourself,” and Tyler chuckles quietly at his words, taking full advantage of Josh standing so close to him.“We’ve been through worse than that.”  * There are herbs tucked beneath the peasant’s bandages. They burn his skin, burn his wounds as he can feel their power rushing into his flesh and bloodstream, cleansing his violated body of any threats that might dwell within. The burn anchors and clears his head in the weirdest way possible, or that’s what he tells Josh. It’s just that their influence make him sweat and tremble at the same time, like a fever and it’s true; Josh notices it only when being in touch with his body. Despite the little walk clearly having its cheering up effect on Tyler, the peasant seems almost faint by the time Josh helps him crawl back under the covers. The bruises from his ribs and the new ones from the fall reach their tameless black fingertips past the bandages all around. Tyler curses but smiles all the same at the pain, trying to settle and find a comfortable position. Josh fixes the pillow behind his back. “Thanks,” Tyler says, holding his side. By now, their whole journey shines through his appearance. Tyler once said he was a terrible sight, but Josh is not so sure about that. His own face is still roughed up with bruises on his back with a secure bandage rounding his left bicep where the bear had struck him with its sickles, the sharp cuts only getting on their road of healing.They’re quite a sight together. The small space Tyler is positioned in has quickly become the center of the house. And by the end of the day, they eat and they drink there together, all the while getting to know each other better as one was always a stranger to another. They haven’t really had time to go through everything that has happened. So they start on their meal, talking as they often do. Spiced cabbage with butter, boiled with small chunks of pork and a piece of bread steam in their hands, wooden spoons dragging against the deep bowls.“What happened to the bear?” Tyler is soon to ask, his eyes nailed on Josh. “I don’t know,” Josh answers honestly, sitting at the foot of Tyler’s bed, facing him. His legs hang halfly over the edge. “You think I had the time to look when I saw it nearly rip you through? I rushed right back down to find you but Zack and Tatum made it there before me.”Massaging life into his thighs, Tyler takes the words in with an unreadable face before looking at his brother.“In Rorikstead, we don’t have to deal with bears very often,” Zack starts with. “There are no forests there, but sometimes they come down from the mountains to look for food. Some villagers see them near the village every once in a while. They trample over the crops or dig the roots from them, but they’re not a threat to the cattle or the people, really. Sabre cats are a lot more common there and the border of The Reach in general. I’ve never seen a bear with silver hair before, and certainly wouldn’t have fought one.”Tyler nods absently. Josh does too, knowing the deal with these animals. “I’ve hunted down bears many times before, especially in The Rift where they cause a lot of trouble there sometimes,” he tells them, thinking back to the flamingly colorful trees and the beasts hiding amongst them. His voice takes turn to a shakier one then. “The Snow Bear was different. I didn’t expect it to be so aggressive, I didn’t expect it to attack so suddenly—“His words visibly pain Tyler. “Josh, you don’t have to explain yourself—““It would have ripped your throat open if you hadn’t staggered off that precipice,” Josh says with dreadful flatness to his voice, a shivering serpent starting its way up his spine as he stares at Tyler with hauntingly wide eyes, silencing him. Looking at Tyler’s bandaged chest, Josh realizes that he might still be in a shock after the current events. He can’t help but let his words talk for himself. He needs to get them out. Being too far from Josh to touch him, Tyler presses his foot against him silently, an indication that he’s there for him. It calms him down before the guilt and anxiety can take over him fully. It’s weird, really. Wondering whether he was allowed to feel weak but also show it, Josh faces away from the three of them. It was not his place to show his anxieties when it was Tyler who had taken the hardest part. The peasant seems to disagree with him, however.”I don’t want you to blame yourself.”Zack and Tatum leave to get something from the main hall, giving them some privacy. Shaking his head and trying to go back to the common way of thinking, Josh keeps talking just to get it out. “Luckily it had just eaten when we encountered it. I spotted a bloodied corpse of a deer near the spot where we saw it. The bear was only playing with our lives. It probably just defended its spoil when it attacked.”Tyler takes his words, feeling for the warm wooden cup in his grip and spinning it slowly in his hands. When their eyes meet again, Tyler gives him a tender smile, wordlessly telling him that he’s gonna be okay. They’ll both be, and Josh believes him the more Tyler keeps caressing his leg. “Beasts like that sure have vulgar ways to entertain themselves,” Zack says as he comes back from the main hall, bringing Josh a warm drink instead of an ale, and their short reassuring moment is over. Stretching his hand out, Zack carefully moves it past Josh’s shoulder, letting go only after his hand is securely holding it. Tatum brings more cups on a wooden tray. There’s goat milk in it, mixed with sweet summer honey. It’s hot and pleasant, steaming as Tyler brings his own cup to his lips, taking a careful sip.“Good?” Tatum asks then, and Tyler nods his head with his eyes wide, drinking more without even answering. Through the night, moving on to other topics, the path takes them inevitably to the border of Eastmarch, the city that the two of them never got to see with their own eyes. Questions raining down, Tyler’s younger brother answers to them the best he can. “Yes, I saw it. The city is ancient, much to its reputation. I’ve never been colder than that in my life, despite the city walls rising high and protecting the people from the worst of the mountain winds. Sometimes I felt like the sun never appeared over those walls. The streets were dark and narrow, dangerous like a maze if one was to get lost in their chaos. Soldiers and war orphans ran all over the alleys. Little children trying to sell frozen flowers to come by, or—” Zack says and nearly chokes up at the memories.It hasn’t been easy for him either. Barely gathering himself, Zack continues.“But I had to get there, barely made it past the gates. The guards wouldn’t let me in. Luckily Tatum was there to anticipate me. She told the guards that I was a soldier coming home to see my beloved family, and I damn straight felt like that. Being able to hold both of you in my arms made it all worth it,” the younger pheasant concludes, looking at his love and their unborn child. Tyler seems like he wants to add something, it might be anything really, but he catches himself, seeing the two together and really caring about each other. He seems suddenly small and lonely, sitting at the end of the bed by himself. Tyler looks at Josh nearly pleadingly then, shifting to the side as if to make room for him. Feeling his body freeze involuntarily at the invitation, Josh turns away from the peasant, earning a sad-twisted face in return that the pretends to not notice. And Josh can’t help but wonder, 
Why is he like this?
Oblivious of their silent struggle, Tatum takes them deeper inside the oldest city of Skyrim.“But it was clear that we couldn’t stay there either. I told it to Zack before he even came, but he still did,” Tatum says. ”My family is originally from High Rock before settling in Markarth. We’re only one of the families that escaped the city and left with Ulfric’s troops after The Incident and The Empire’s attack. It would soon start the first fires of war... My father had friends amongst their people. We thought we would be safe with them and The Stormcloaks, so we left. But with Windhelm becoming the new stronghold for the rebellions, The Empire is sure to follow them there and set their eyes on the city gates. There’s no way to know when the army is going to attack and set Skyrim in one last chaos by taking down the people who only want freedom.””Apparently Ulfric doesn’t share any informations with his citizens,” Zack says.”Of course not,” she says. ”No one knows where he is. He leads the troops after his father’s death. So I don’t even think he’s in Windhelm anymore. You can tell by the lesser amount of guards around The Palace.”Allowing a short sigh for herself, the Breton sets her hand on her growing tummy. ”The entire province is at chaos. Living in the city of the other half of the cause of it is impossible when you don’t want to take any part in it. My family’s blood doesn’t thirst for these lives. This is not our homeland, and I don’t want to bring a child in the middle of death and disorder.” Fixing her position on the stool next to Zack, Tatum continues. ”My mother and father would still work with the people who got wounded in the battle, while I was given the chance to continue with my alchemy studies. Sometimes I would go in with them and help to tend to the soldiers’ wounds, or ease their pain with my potions.”It only makes sense. Now knowing where her knowledge came from, both Tyler and Josh listen to her tell about her roots. “It wasn’t always easy. There were more than fifty people squeezed in a earthen room with dozens more coming every day, and no one knew where to put them after the temple ran out of space. So the new war hospital was build in a forgotten cellar of the brothel above. The moans and whimpers have turned into the ones of pain ever since then, some men always pleading to die, while the others were there to end their lives. At night, the building was nothing but a mass of grave.”“Not the best place for a pregnant woman,” Zack says gloomily.“It wasn’t,” Tatum gives an obvious reply. “That’s why I concentrated on the art of alchemy, and my parents let me after they found out about my pregnancy. I wouldn’t have to go down there, but I could still help in my own way. I think that’s the cause why I finally earned myself the greatest teacher in Windhelm. However I never made it further than an apprentice level. I’m still learning, but I’m good enough to continue on my own now. Nurelion was a strict teacher, but he taught me a lot,” Tatum finishes. Her hands are scalded from some places, a bitter lesson to show its existence. Josh notices it only then. “Nurelion,” Tyler goes thoughtfully. “That sounds like an elven name.”“He’s a high elf,” Tatum proves him right. “He’s got his own shop and alchemy lab in the city. The White Phial is what he named it.”Having no patience to wait till the next question, Tyler pushes on. “What about The Palace? Did you get to see it up close despite all the guards?”Zack smiles at Tyler’s unending curiosity. Teasing, he asks, “Why the sudden interest in Windhelm?” which Tyler blushes for, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.Tyler frowns. “I-I don’t know. I’ve never been there. Can’t a man be a little curious?” The corner of Josh’s mouth turn upwards at Tyler’s stuttering. The peasant will never get over the fact that he had mixed Winterhold and Windhelm together while wandering around The Pale and trying to find his younger brother. However they’re not talking about that, and Josh takes the chance to leave the room and take care of his bladder. Standing at the edge of the forest alone, the glow from the small windows barely reached him from the house. Josh doesn’t mind; he takes a leak below the beauty of the northern lights. A thousand shades of blues and greens mix together without a single edge to them. The two colossal moons reflect the sleeping sun’s light over the purity of the snow, casting long shadows over the ice. The shifting light ghosts over it, dancing the silent forest nearly mesmerizingly. Tugging himself quickly back into the safety of his pants to escape the cold, Josh is about to turn back before something catches his attention. His body moves on its own, silent as he crouches behind the bushes to hide himself. Senses sharp like a freshly forged dagger, Josh’s eyes graze the silent hills that break from the cracking snow.And that’s when he sees it. A quick turn of a head, a dozen pair of glowing eyes flash towards him like the starry night sky, snorting, and Josh can’t believe his luck.Moving slowly but quickly enough, Josh rushes back inside the house where the two brothers were still argumenting about something unnecessary. Tatum is leaning on on her hand boredly by the time he stumbles back with his head as the third leg. “Guys!” Josh exclaims, earning all the attention to himself. “I saw an entire herd of deer passing by just now. I’m going after them!” he decides in one go, grabbing the rest of his warm clothes to wrap them around himself, fastening his cloak.“All so sudden? But it’s dark outside already!” Tyler replies frantically and starts to straighten himself up, but Josh brushes him quickly off before the peasant makes the mistake of getting up again. “Positive,” Josh tells him before abruptly stopping, facing Tyler and looking him in the eye before separating.“You need to get back up on your feet again. To get your strength back,” he tells him, grabbing his weapon and quiver from the corner of the room. “We’re short on meat, right? I’ll get you something good to eat!” he says lastly and attaches the string of his bow to the other end before rushing out of the room just as quickly as he had barged in.His body melts away the earlier stiffness in front of the peasant again. Josh allows himself to feel more useful this way. In his way, he nods to himself, throwing himself into night’s embrace again. And so slams the door closed, leaving behind a heavy blanket of silence. “Someone’s in love,” Zack blurts out and turns to look at Tyler. The peasant’s eyes stare widely, before his face twists into a smile, taut as he tries to smother it pathetically, both cheeks flamed.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

A heavy corpse of a deer hangs from the ceiling. Checking that everything was set correctly and his tools were intact, Josh is mentally glad of the lack of flies in the northern Skyrim; the irksome nuisance lied there where the snow didn’t, and Josh was momentarily fine with his fingers getting bitten by the cold instead of dealing with the constant buzz around his head and food.That’s what he tells himself when he prepares to skin a good haul. But his time, Josh has a guest. He feels odd enough as Tyler stays close to him even outside, considering his weakness. Sitting only a few feet across from him, the peasant follows his every move. He’s draped in Zack’s furs and a woolen cape as his own were ripped to shreds, still waiting to get fixed or replaced altogether. His bare face and messy tufts of hair are the only things to show themselves to the frigid air.“You shouldn’t be here,” Josh tells him, testing the cold blade with his bare fingers.He sees his own face greeting him from the dull color of the steel, dark eyes staring back at him emotionlessly.“Yet here I sit,” the peasant replies with no twists to his words, having walked here himself despite the weakness in his legs. The old wood pops around them frost-covered, chinks of sun escaping through the tiny slits on the walls, one part of the roof missing. The charred wood brings a weird contrast to the deadly-grey structure that once was in flames. Tyler looks at their surroundings curiously, contemplating the farm’s history before Josh pulls his attention back to him. “What if your wounds get bitten by the frost?”“I’m feeling great today,” Tyler says with a serene puff of air coming out with his words, looking up at Josh. “I’ll bite back. I want to be with you.”Josh concentrates on his first cut, saying nothing in return. Slowly, he eases the knife into the thin, watery skin. The red meat comes to view, following the steel as if being pulled in a leash. The blade was its leader, keeping the flesh closely at its tail.It looks good. Not pushing any deeper, Josh starts traveling the deer’s light grey skin with his sharpened tool, making sure to not waste the hide or the meat beneath it. From both of its legs all the way to its middle, Josh habitually combines the longer cuts together, stopping at the belly. His silent anxiety rises when he gives no answer, hearing Tyler sigh beside him.“I’m better off here, trust me. I need the fresh air,” he says bluntly, driving his gaze to the floor instead.”Well,” Josh nods, smiling faintly. ”It’s the same for me.”Josh puts the knife in its sheath momentarily, eyeing his work before continuing. The deer is a big one, a grown buck. He had to saw the fine antlers off in the forest. Left behind for the smaller animals to exploit, Josh keeps the deer from swaying as he takes his knife again. Making a few more adjustments, he’s heedful of separating the membrane and the hide from each other, wanting to finish the skinning as soon as possible. “So… are the herbs working?” he asks then, desperate to get some sort of conversation going. “Still burning,” Tyler breathes out, pulling the furs tighter around himself. Josh keeps taking quick side-glances at him, wanting to tell him to get inside, to stop freezing himself. But Tyler’s persistency ties him on the spot, too complicated to be moved when he’s decided to stay. “Tatum said it was fine though. When changing the bandages…”Josh hums. “That’s good.”“Sometimes they itch. It’s part of the healing. I want to get rid of my clothes and scratch my body all over. It’s switching places you know, a curse if you’d ask me.”“That’s not good.”Thinking about what a jerk he is, Josh gets nothing better in return from the dark look in Tyler’s eyes at his indifferent answers. A faint flicker of annoyance sparks in the short bout of silence between them. Josh can physically feel it as Tyler’s stare drills holes into his skull, probably wondering what his senses were forged of. Trying to compose himself, the peasant goes on. His tone is taut. “Yeah. My mom would always say the same thing about a rash. I’ll be a good boy and keep my hands to myself, though.”Not sure what he meant by that, Josh continues his work. That ‘fresh air’ around them is starting to thicken, so quickly that Josh can nearly feel the temperature rising. He wants to pull on the collar of his cape; he can’t enjoy the current setting between them, but what can he do when he’s the only one to be blamed.Ever since he read Tyler’s diary, he’s had trouble interacting with him. At first hand, he thought it was because of his inability to accept what had happened, and that’s not a total lie, either; he still feels guilty because of Tyler’s accident, despite the peasant constantly telling him to unarm himself of such thoughts. Tyler has feelings for him. Josh knows this, but Tyler has no idea his diary has been snooped. The peasant’s way of pushing himself into his space freaks him out sometimes. He’s never really let anyone come close to him, except for his family whom he hasn’t visited in years. Being a hardened loner was in his nature, where as Tyler needed someone close to him. He needed that feeling of being safe, a stranger in his own homeland. Grown in a small community, the peasant is desperate for a touch and connection to other people, up to the point he’s fallen in something deeper than that.Is it too early? The thought worries Josh.However their time together has shown new sides in his nature. Josh is surprised to find these hidden qualities in himself; in times of need, he was able to break out of his barriers and act, helping to calm Tyler down when he needed him the most. He simply had nothing to hold him back when he moved on instinct, coiling his arms around the other if it was to protect him, to keep him safe.Josh remembers this feeling well, seeing it more as a need and an utter will than anything; in his mind, Josh goes back to the night they had laid the young bandit to rest— going back to the moment he’d seen Tyler getting his rest, too. The vulnerability and the feelings that these moments held inside of them made it impossible for Josh to ignore his own feelings.But then the diary had to jump between them, and Josh was foolish enough to read it.Tyler’s words changed everything, and they made his heart hammer wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong—“Josh.”Josh flinches, nearly cutting himself with the knife as it slips from his hands, falling in a flash. Quickly moving his foot out of the way to keep it from getting skinned as well, Josh jumps back, cursing. Tyler stares at him with his eyes wide, confused of his reaction. Their gazes land on the knife simultaneously, sticking to the boarding hilt with a dull sound.The hilt shivers on its place before stopping.“Dammit,” Josh hisses under his breath, bending down to pick it up.“Why are you acting so weird all the time?” Tyler asks frowning, looking at him like a hawk. Shadows under his dark eyes, they move up alongside Josh’s movements.“I’m not,” Josh retorts, wiping the blade on his sleeve. “I was just thinking.”“About what,” the peasant knives right back, the tone sticking to him like the blade had stuck on the wood, and for a moment, Josh wonders what he should and shouldn’t say. Settling on his answer quicker than what he can do to nock an arrow, Josh shoots,“Dawnstar.”Thrown back at his words, Tyler’s grasp is completely off the road then. His face says it all.“Dawnstar? Why would you think about Dawnstar?”Why indeed, Josh needs to come up with an answer soon.“The city is not too far from here. Your brother showed me the map earlier. I think I’m going to hunt some more, go back to the northern coast and sell all the skins I can get there,” he tells the peasant, turning back to the deer. “Are you leaving?” Tyler’s expression is a cloud of confusion now, shaped by a storm he simply can’t grasp. His voice breaks in a sudden emotion. It makes Josh bite his bloodied lip, iron on his tongue, but only for a second.“No,” puffs the air out of his mouth. He looks seriously at the other. “But I need some better tools to work with. I wouldn’t be gone for long. I could sell the skins, earn us some money, and come back. Our supplies won’t last forever, you know, and your brother didn’t exactly expect us to sit on his table in the first place.”There’s a lot of truth in his words. Something like anger borders behind his movements now, and Josh can’t even explain the reason behind it. Shrinking like a burden, Tyler gnaws at the skin on his finger as Josh rolls the deer’s skin around itself, starting to pull it off. “Do you need any help?”“I’m fine, don’t worry about it,” Josh retorts. “You shouldn’t strain yourself anyway,” he continues and takes his knife again, driving the sharp blade in the thickening skin, working it away from the muscle to get it off. Tyler growls. “Everyone fucking says that. I’m getting better, and no one still lets me do anything. Last night I wasn’t even allowed to peel the potatoes.” He coughs, wincing at the feeling.“Tatum is not doing it to be mean,” Josh says, turning back to the other. “Neither do Zack or I for the matter. You need the time to heal, Tyler. You can’t risk your health or your body might just give in. You nearly fainted the other day when you went to get water from the back hall without telling us. You have to understand.”Tyler pulls on his covers. Fur sticks out between his fingers as he bounces his foot agitatedly.“I need something to do,” he says, not looking at Josh. “I need—““Where’s your diary?” Josh talks over him, frowning without even realizing, his thoughts still lying in that damned thing.It tips Tyler over the edge.“I don’t. Have it!” Tyler says slow with fury, standing heatedly up.It’s the last straw. Zack’s fur drops to the flooring with Tyler’s shoulders heaving heavily up and down. His frustration is boiling over by now, clearly getting upset by Josh’s foul behavior and getting constantly turned down. Tyler is tired. Josh can see it from his eyes. He’s tired of waiting, tired of patience - tired of trying. And the peasant looks at him, hopeless and hurt, his eyes look lighter as the fading light seeps from them, clawing at the thinnest coat of water, stinging.“I don’t have it,” Tyler says again, quieter. Visibly trembling, Tyler’s lips do the same. And Josh realizes. He realizes that Tyler has nothing. His sword, his packings - his diary. It was all left behind as they hurried to tend to his wounds, having no time to worry about anything else.By Oblivion, he didn’t even have any clothes. Limping around with nothing but ragged pants with his own blood still stuck on it, the woolen quilt over his shoulders is the only thing that Tyler uses to keep himself warm for now. With the bandages around his chest, endless bruises changing colors over his skin, the peasant is a miserable sight to look at, even for himself. And now, Tyler felt like being left out. But they weren’t trying to oppress him behind his back, they weren’t trying to close him out—Tyler’s breath catches in his throat as if telling Josh that his thoughts were a lie, eyes flickering in pain from his broken ribs. Josh recognizes these bouts and Tyler’s feeble attempts to hide them clearly by now.No more words come out. The sight leaves Josh speechless as well, neither of them makes an attempt to do anything.Tyler stands in front of him like a statue. He draws in a shivering breath. And Josh, he looks at him frozen on the spot, having no idea what to say.Getting nothing from him, Tyler leaves. Disappointed, he exits the pen, acting quickly once finding the strength to do so. He steps over Josh’s shadow, heading out before suffocating. The sound of the gnarling snow under his boots is the only thing for Josh to listen to, lone footprints finding their way out. Josh raises his head up to the ceiling, squeezing his eyes shut like wanting to scream. This is not what was supposed to happen.He’s glad he keeps his scream inside. He’s glad, because there’s a pained gasp and the sickening sound of someone falling. Josh rushes outside quickly—Tyler is there, gripping the railing that leads its way back to the house, trying to get back on his feet. Teeth gnarled together, a pained burst of air gushes past the peasant’s mouth. Doubling over on the slippery steps, clutching his side, the upsetting fluster takes a firm grip of Tyler’s broken body. It makes his breathing difficult, so painful his legs lose their will to work.His shattered bones weren’t showing any signs of getting better. The potion Tatum made for him to alleviate the pain is starting to wear off again. Not only that, Tyler stood up way too quickly again, the blood loss still too evident. Afraid that he might break something else, Josh takes one step further away from the pen.Helpless, he stretches out his hand, asking the sadly familiar question,“Are you okay?”“Fine!” Tyler shouts angrily. His eyes flash in an absolute fire, both in pain and fury. Josh thinks he can see the sunlight flashing in his angry tears. However Tyler lets non fall, he doesn’t pull anything back either, spit running down his chin. Letting go of the railing, the peasant climbs on his feet, wiping his mouth and forcing himself to get his back straight.Every move is visibly hurting him, but Tyler stands up. “You don’t have to ask all the time. Just… just let me be,” he says lastly, looking anywhere but Josh’s eyes, a sadly distant sight of his friend.With that, Tyler pulls himself shakily through the last steps, opening the door and disappearing inside. Standing in the yard, alone, Josh wonders why he can’t get any of these things right.Skinning a deer was easier than easing your way into a human mind.  * Withdrawn to the room where his bed lies, Tyler’s back is turned to the door when Josh comes to check up on him later that night.“Aren’t you eating, Ty?”No answer. “Sleeping?” Josh adds quieter, waiting for any sort of reaction.He gets nothing.Maybe he’s indeed asleep. Josh sighs and drops his gaze to the floor, giving up his attempts to reach the peasant for the day. He settles back in his place in the main hall. With Tatum and Zack working in the cellar, Josh finds no appetite in his dinner as there was no one to share it with.Josh blinks, feelings his eyes sting with the scarce curtain of smoke in the room, the pipe in need of sweeping soon. The red eyes in the ember were the only thing to answer to his dull thoughts, blinking back at him, and he can’t be very pleased about it.He knows that Tyler is angry at him. He’s not any weaker than the rest of them. Josh wants to tell him that. He’s just a little bit broken, inside and out. Maybe his mind as well. Josh doesn’t mean to be any poetic about it. But what’s broken needs to be fixed, and they never intended to hurt his feelings, only meaning what’s best for his recovery. But seeing Tyler decline Josh’s efforts to offer him good quarry to eat, the gesture is inevitably stinging Josh’s heart. It stabs him deeper than he expected, and there’s nothing he can do to defend himself. The message is there, loud and clear.He messed up. Again. Josh groans, he nearly growls. In addition of messing everything up, he messes his hair next. The longer messy waves of his raven hair breaks free, hanging chaotically over the backrest of his stool, reaching towards the floor at his head thrown back.Josh stares dissatisfied at the shadows dancing over the ceiling, eying the room upside down like a bat in a cavern. Somehow, his eyes fall back to the mouth of Tyler’s room. He’d sworn to show his affection through his actions, and how hopeful he had been when he had left for a hunt. And somehow, he still managed to ruin everything. He’s angry at himself for being himself and angry at Tyler for reasons he’s not so sure of.He never meant to hurt him.But he understands. In the most fucked up way, Josh understands.With his dry lips drained by the mountain winds from his hunting trips, Josh curses.“Fuck…”In the dark of the room, away from Josh and everyone else, Tyler’s eyes blink. Listening to Josh’s groans and curses, a shaky hand comes up to hold his head. And Tyler, he closes his eyes, pushing back the war behind the throne made of his skull, biting down a curse of his own.

* Josh is asleep by the time a silent set of footsteps orient themselves into his room. Bare feet, they slap against the stone floor in the main hall before stepping into his room, promptly disappearing as they come over a carpet next to his bed. Through the dark, with no hesitation, a whisper ensues. “Josh, I’m cold.”Josh doesn’t react, the small noise too quiet to take him from his dream.A touch to his shoulder, someone shakes him.“Josh…”It does the trick.“What?” He looks over his shoulder. It’s pitch black, Josh can’t see a thing. There should be a fire in the hearth…The darkness speaks to him.“You’re warm. Can I—“Rubbing his eye, Josh lifts his covers habitually, making room by moving to the other side of the bed. And it’s only then when Josh realizes what’s happening, feeling the peasant slip beneath his covers. However he’s too sleepy to care, feeling surprisingly tired after his hunting trips. Only now, he’s forced to admit it, and Josh’s head sinks back into his pillow without another word.Then, his eyes open. What did Tyler say? Something about feeling cold? Tyler doesn’t feel cold though, but nearly abnormally warm. Josh doesn’t question it though as he lets Tyler settle beside him, knowing full well that sleeping while feeling cold was impossible. The peasant’s feet feel icy, Josh notes, fixing the furs more to Tyler’s side then. It takes time to get used to the freezing climate, and Tyler was still far from it.Here, they fit in just fine. Josh’s bed is bigger than Tyler’s anyway. Knowing fully well that he should get up and add fire into the hearth, Josh hopes the place doesn’t run out of warmth by the morning.Right now he had to concentrate on Tyler anyway, so he stays. Feeling the peasant trembling slightly, Josh sighs sympathetic, throwing his arm over the other to pull him closer against himself. Tyler sighs in relief, curling against him, and pulls the furs tighter around himself.After settling, the two go silent. While the other is clearly trying to find something to say, somewhat confused of the things that happened, Josh is struck by his own carriage of thoughts. There was simply no fear in his actions again, no reluctance behind his will to close Tyler in his arms. It feels quite nice, how the darkness wraps itself around them, how they can still be completely present for each other, and just— Touch. Josh gulps, momentarily relieved that the darkness buries everything beneath it. They grow more comfortable around each other again, clearly regretting the things that happened today. It wasn’t like their argument was that bad for real. Josh hopes so. He doesn’t want to be the one to downplay Tyler’s feelings, despite the way he acts sometimes.He just doesn’t know how to prove it. However Tyler finds his voice first, starting with an apology. “I’m sorry,” the peasant says. “I don’t know what got into me. I didn’t mean to get mad at you.”“I know. I didn’t, either,” Josh says, still waiting for his eyes get used to the dark. He can feel the other close to him, feel the ghost of Tyler’s breath against his skin, lightly stroking his face. Tyler moves again, squirming, “I’ve been thinking the whole day. My head kinda hurts,” he laughs faintly, lukewarm of his voice. He swallows, continuing, “I just feel so frustrated. I’ve never gotten used to being a loafer. There’s no day of resting at home. Sometimes I wish there would, but now…”“You’re a farmer. I understand,” Josh says to him, hearing Tyler nod.“Yeah.”“But still… these are two different things. You’re in pieces, man. In case you haven’t noticed yet.”Tyler laughs again, quiet. “Yeah, I know. I just have no patience for this type of stuff.” Somehow, the night makes it easier to talk. Josh appreciates it, and he can’t help but reveal his own thoughts, the one thing that’s been troubling his mind all day now. Josh still sees nothing, but he hopes he’s looking Tyler in the eye.“Your diary-““Forget it,” Tyler tells him quickly. “I’ll get another one. There’s… there’s nothing important in it anyway,” the peasant says defeatedly now, pushing his head down. He sounds so sad, and it breaks Josh’s heart because he knows Tyler is lying. He’s the worst liar Josh has ever met, a fact that keeps reminding itself of its existence, and Josh wonders whether Tyler was aware of his poor talent at all.Knowing full well that this was not the time for teasing, Josh’s admits he’s been thinking as well. His mind has taken him back several times today. He’s traveled back to the mountains and their snowy peaks, the roots of The Pale, and the frozen winds that beat their sides. And that where Tyler’s diary lied today.The bear was where Tyler’s diary was— buried in snow, alone and forgotten. That much was clear. Somehow, the thought angered Josh now, how the tome has been lost for several long days and nights now, abandoned and soulless without its owner. Josh hopes it’s still safe. The diary was important for the peasant, a prized possession, something that the peasant has been writing on every day now - ever since leaving Rorikstead. It’s something that Tyler has dedicated a fragment of his soul for every day now, and Josh can’t simply let go of it now.It was clear that Tyler used writing to help himself, Josh didn’t quite understand it, but he could easily believe him. He’s seen it himself, has seen the effect of poured out words for real now, the black ink on the paper, like blood on the ice.They’re not far from the place. Cold winds howl outside, reminding Josh of their treacherous nature. In the north, the weather was most unpredictable, they could never know what tomorrow would have in its sleeve for them. Even still, Josh’s mind maps plans for his restless legs, unknowingly clutching Tyler’s shoulder in his arms.There’s no sound to his thoughts, but the slightest whimper brings him back to the present. Tyler is there, asking for Josh to ease up his grip, his voice thin and quiet.Josh lets go of him.“Sorry.”“What were you thinking about?” the peasant slurs on the brink of sleep, always so curious and thirsty for knowledge.Josh gives him no cup of an answer on that. “Nothing, really. You’ll heal. I guess there’s no point wondering what happens before that.” Not sure of what to make of his answer, Tyler says unsure, “Yeah…”“Try getting some sleep,” Josh says, attempting to distract the other. He laughs slightly. “I know it doesn’t happen on command, but…”“No,” Tyler tells him, simply trying and taking the bait. “You’re helping me,” he says, nuzzling closer, the soft furs at the head of the bed rustling to his movements.The peasant thanks him over again. Josh’s fingers grace the wolf skin before moving over to Tyler’s hair, shorter but wild. He combs his fingers through his hair, sighing at the deepening breaths beside his face. He’s quiet for a long time, thinking and nearly absent.“Don’t mention it,” he finally speaks through the black curtains, but is sure that Tyler doesn’t hear him anymore.  *Tyler has a bad dream he doesn’t seem to remember in the morning. Wondering whether it had something to do with the young bandit’s spirit, Josh lets it slide despite the upsetting way Tyler had reacted to it. He seems to be fine despite the tiredness and feeling sore as the peasant says.Tyler doesn’t mention it. Josh doesn’t ask about it. However the peasant seems absent for the rest of the day, eyes locked on nothing in particular as he stares in front of him, soaked in his own thoughts once again. He doesn’t talk.Seeming unusually weary, Tyler rubs his grown out stubble, nearly nodding off in the table. Repeatedly leaning his cheek on his reddened knuckles and trying to laugh it off, Tyler moves the food around the plate before his head lolls again. The sudden move jolts him, causing his bowl nearly fall over as his frantic hands grope for a grasp on anything, the hot broth of his soup splattering on his fingers.“Oh, gods…”Josh eyes his doings worriedly. Laying a hand on his shoulder, Josh nudges him,“Maybe you should rest some more. You slept kinda poorly last night. ”It’s like Tyler scarcely hears him, slipping his spoon into his mouth and struggling to get anything down. About to repeat his words, the other answers. “Did sleep,” the peasant mewls back. ”Had dreams, too.” He brushes Josh’s hand away, unwilling of the advice.Thinking hard of what to answer to avoid yesterday’s quarrel, Josh speaks carefully. “Maybe that’s the reason.” Tyler throws a sharp glance his way, but doesn’t talk about it.He barely eats despite having skipped the dinner the night before. As assumpted, Tyler goes early to bed after having slept badly the night before. He says his head hurts. Candles blown out, the small room is dim with the peasant lying in it with his hand curled over his eyes to block out the rest of the light.Watching the peasant fight against the hurt and throbbing in his head sleep-claimed, Josh mulls over the day wasting itself away. He leans against the sturdy door frame, easily imagining the deep creases between Tyler’s brows. Zack comes to stand next to him for the first time that day, looking at him askingly.  “Look after him while I’m gone,” Josh says, leaving his post to go grab his bow and arrows, the ones he’d crafted together with Tyler at the abandoned lighthouse. Their silvery color stands out of his quiver, answering to his call nearly pleadingly. “I have to think… and take care of something.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Tyler stares off into the darkness, looming behind his eyelids. His bliss is short-lived. The thinnest curtain of unawareness and consciousness gets shattered piece by piece as his face pulls into a clouded frown. A familiar pounding drives its fist into the gates of his skull, and he’s reminded why he had to take a rest so early that day.Reluctant to open his eyes, Tyler releases a breathy groan, straightening his legs under the covers he doesn't remember wrapping around himself. His upper body drags against the rough linen sheets, sharp hay stinging his skin through it. The earlier headache has kept him at its grasp through the day, the itching heat and shivers clawing him crazy.It shows no sign of surrendering. Peeling the sultry furs away from himself, Tyler’s stomach growls at its emptiness.The gurgling sound is loud in his ears. Even still, he feels no hunger, but reasons his feelings senseless as he’s skipped several meals already. As if on cue, a clattering sound carries from the main hall. Tyler hopes it means food, and eases his feet over the hardwood to reach for the cold floor. Pulling his woolen quilt over himself, Tyler allows himself to feel dizzy. He’s spend so much time in bed recently, getting up was harsh on his poise sometimes. He’s learnt the lesson by now, blinking against the swimming floorboards before climbing on his feet.Feeling himself getting steadier, Tyler pulls himself stiffly up from the bedpost, groaning at his aching body, carefully toeing his way from the room.His hand rests on the doorframe. Sitting at the fire is Zack, his back turned at him.Even still, his brother feels his presence. Zack notices him looking around as he throws a glance over his shoulder. “You’re up,” he simply says with a gentle smile, pulling a stool over for Tyler to sit on.Tyler takes one wobbly step. “Sure,” he utters, stopping. “W-where’s Josh?”“He’s outside, on a hunt probably. I think he tried to tell you something before leaving but you weren’t conscious enough to make out his words I guess,” Zack tells him with a laugh.“A hunt again?” Tyler repeats, stepping closer to the fire as the waking storm howled outside.

* The wild weather makes spins in the wind, carrying snow sharply in its deadly hands. In its eye stands Josh, his eyes looking for the best path to ascend the steepness ahead.He was not on a hunt. No, he was getting something that Tyler lost, something that’s too precious to be forgotten and buried in the winds of the wilderness. But if the gods so decided, it’ll be a hunt. Josh pushes on and up determined, blissfully aware of the sharpened arrows and his bow on his back, going wherever his foot would ever land. His boots sink into the snow as they have many times before. With his bandana over his face and hood around his head, Josh lets the flurry whip against his eyes, blinking away the sharp grain in the air. Still below the tree tops, snow under its enchantment, Josh knows where he is. It’s like a part of him would pull him to the wanted location, like a spell, and Josh had no reason to fight against it. He’s come back to the place where Tyler’s blood was spilled. The bizarre marks are still shining through the fresh snow, slowly gathering but not enough to hide the cruelty just yet.It paints over the crystal with an inhuman way. Josh feels his gathering will to look away, yet he can’t look anywhere else either. There’s so much blood, a fountainhead Josh must have followed to find the place again. However his focus from that day lied somewhere else, engrams blurred out as he stares at the symbol of his failure.Josh crouches down to the snow-covered ground, sweeping his hand against the white until the crimson red would breathe the fresh air again. The snow melts around the warmth of his palm, running through his fingers. Only the bloody water remains. Josh looks at it mesmerized, closing his fingers around his marked palm.Tyler had truly escaped death, the one and only inevitable thing that the forsaken land of Skyrim had to offer. With the raging civil war between the death-thirsty lot of the Empire and the Stormcloaks, both men, women and children fell like hay, leaving behind nothing but fire and blood, broken families, and utter hopelessness in the minds of those who had survived. Only blood remains. It’s just the harvest that the war reaps with it. I want to be with you, echo Tyler’s words in his head. With a heavy heart, Josh gets up, his eyes having caught on steel not too far away from Tyler’s spilled colors.His sword is there. Josh pulls it up from the drift, its beautiful blade was still sullied with blood and crusted ice, both from a human and the cursed wild animal. Josh cleanses it with pristine snow, running it against the echt smithing work. The weird symbols carved on the blade come to view once again. Blood sticks to the grooves of them until Josh licks it clean with the snow. He wraps the sword in a cloth carefully, tying it up as the sheath had made its way back with the peasant.Josh climbs. Passing those low treetops, new ones gather all the while growing slimmer the higher he goes. The lone hunter finds his way higher up from their roots, getting a chance to make sense of his thoughts.It’s strange. It’s strange because being alone felt so safe and familiar, like home, but something was still missing as no one was walking by his side now.He likes Tyler. He likes him, but he can’t help but admit to his doubts that keep strangling him in the back of his mind, struggling with his feelings.Is it really love that he felt for him? And Tyler, does he really love him? What if his warm feelings were only built on top of the fact that he was just lonely, up to the point he was ready to seek safety from anyone?These thoughts keep worrying Josh, swirling in his mind unendingly. However Josh is proud of him. Of this feeling he’s sure; he’s proud of Tyler’s persistency and the fact he’s made it this far, considering where he has come from. Even still, it pains Josh’s heart to see him hurting, both physically and mentally as Josh keeps torturing him with his indecisive nature. He doesn’t want to believe that it’s only pity that he feels for the peasant, for that’s what he thought at first. It must be something more— just pity wouldn’t have been enough to take them across The Pale, through the hazards of The Winterhold and then back to The Pale again. There simply was no way. Tyler’s diary was a physical proof that something existed between them already, and that could never be taken away from them. Once again, Josh is taken back to the moment their eyes locked for the first time. He’s gone back to it so many times recently, going through all and everything they’ve been through— the mistrust, the fear, the comfort and joy. The pain and despair, the peace of mind that could follow only after the two before it- and hope that followed after. All these emotions they’ve gone through intertwined into something strong between them, bounding their souls together. It all traveled hand in hand, all the way to the moment Tyler had closed his brother into his arms again. The weight of their time together spilled out with Tyler’s disbelieving tears, the token that they had truly made it. Tyler rarely shed tears for himself, and the mayhem of emotions the peasant’s eyes held inside them is exactly what drove Josh insane sometimes.The day they had met and fought each other at the dead man’s body, Josh had fallen into the pit of something unexplainable at the sight of a mere stranger. It was enough to save a nocked arrow despite Tyler suddenly attacking him. However Josh understood now. That day, Tyler hadn’t risen to fight Josh, he was simply battling his own will to survive, and losing. The peasant had had enough of it, the single slip and a blow to his head enough to rip his last straw into pieces.He was ready to die. The peasant had beaten himself up to the point his exhaustion had send thankful prayers up in the air the moment Josh held his bow between them. But it was also the moment he had decided that there was so much to live for. Those very same eyes had lit up with fire again, the sight holding Josh under its spell like some weird magnetism. For days and nights, he couldn’t strip it from his mind, nearly wanting to scream as he had met Tyler at the inn again. It was unexplainable, something towering and big, yet still something that Josh couldn’t clothe into words, yet there was nothing else he could call it.He’s in love with that Roriksteadian fool. Josh truly sees it now, feeling as if standing between two giant icebergs and getting his heart crushed and put back together again.Josh halts as if hitting a wall. What else could it possibly be? And why has he been so afraid of these feelings? Why is he so afraid of discovering something new, when really, it’s all he’s ever wished for after deciding to leave Riverwood? That moment, Josh truly felt like a child again, going back to the nights of lores and unending stories, the ones where the adults would talk about love and affection, and how it simply was something that Josh himself would find once the time was right. Sometimes it was up to the gods decide what it was for a man to become, his mother had said. Josh didn’t really understand, but he’s never felt anything like this before. Is it possible that he could finally feel the essence of love, and have no doubt about it?He’s astonished to find himself so high already, pulling himself back to the snowy landing. His head feels light at the sight of the stunted trees again, barely living and pressing into a tight arch from the snow weighing them down. Josh hides himself behind the slim, taller ones, taking in his surroundings. The snow is falling thicker now, the wind rising ominously. The Pale greets its wanderer in its own way, the cold hand embracing him with open arms.Josh doesn’t defy it, but doesn’t spend too much time wondering either. Further away from Josh, amongst one tree freer from snow, the white covers something familiar. With his bow in his hand, Josh crouches in the white, setting his Valenwood weapon next to him. Shaking off the snow, he uncovers Tyler’s backpack, carefully roaming its insides. There, safely wrapped into a small bundle of clothes is what he came for. Josh finds Tyler’s diary and the small wooden box with the quill inside of it. He holds them in his hands, caressing the poor, beaten diary with his hardened fingers. Its leathery cover is stiff from cold, the blood-red lace dancing in the wind. With no more harm done to it, Josh sighs in relief, closing the diary in his satchel, closest to his own body heat.Carefully sealing the diary inside, Josh drives his gaze higher up the mountainside, taking Tyler’s backpack with him. With his eyes betraying nothing, Josh doesn’t even flinch as he pulls out his knife, making a cut on his palm. His blood flows freely, drowning Tyler’s beneath it. The cut feels hot until the cold bites its way into his broken, bleeding skin. Red dribbles on the snow, kissing the purity at the roots of his boots. Josh expands his hand. The wind catches on the dribbling blood and rains it down freely, spreading the smell of iron into the raging air. He rips a piece of gauze from the cloth around Tyler’s sword that he carries with him, wrapping it around his hand and giving it his own blood.The gauze drinks up his wound, crimson taking over the blank fabric. Josh waits unmoving, up to the point he feels the bleeding wane on its own. Waiting for the gods to give him his trial and the justice he thirsts for, Josh lets the strong wind beat him on his back, but doesn’t give in to its intimidation.Time flows past him like the falling snows. The bear is not showing up.Cursing the damned beast but staying away from the gods’ names, Josh feels rage roiling up in his veins. The bear may stay in hiding, but Josh will be back. He’ll be back, and tear that fucking animal into pieces and bring it back to Tyler once the time was right. As if the gods would hear his wishes only then, a guttural sound carries from behind him. Josh turns to look. The thick rain of snow hides everything beneath the grey curtain of it, making it hard to see much further. But the snow, it cracks slowly, there’s something coming closer, and Josh feels for the handle of his bow. The moment fills his body with long-awaited anticipation. A familiar growl ensues clearer then, a black shadow pushes into Josh’s view through the whirling storm. Josh feels no fear, staring right back at the two rufous eyes now, the ones that symbolize madness to him. Josh pulls an arrow from his quiver, feeling the string of his bow fluttering to the beat of his heart. “Come here,” Josh tells the beast, his voice offering no other option. “You hurt someone I love. Now you’re going to pay for it.”

*Back at the unnamed farm, Tyler and Zack sit around the fire.“What’s wrong?” Zack asks his older brother. “The deer is yours. Josh got it just for you.”“I… yeah,” Tyler utters, looking at his bowl unsurely, picking at it. He’s got a feeling that something is about to happen, not here but someplace else, and somehow his worries find their shape in Josh. The thoughts scare him, making him restless, unable to settle down. “Josh wants you to get better. Eat it,” Zack tells him without pushing, and Tyler nods, easing the first spoonful into his mouth.He simply has no appetite. But the meat is good. Glad that it’s only soup, Tyler eats and thinks about Josh, somehow feeling his presence in the quarry he’s brought, despite his absence among them that moment. One after another, Tyler feeds himself, giving his body as much as he can force it to consume at the moment.Tatum brings an extra hide and sets it on Tyler’s lap suddenly, getting him off guard. Tyler raises his arms up hastily, confused but letting her work without getting on her way. It’s a stupid thing to do, and Tyler’s cheeks go rosy at his weird reaction to the sweet gesture. Tatum takes a note of it and rubs his shoulder and chimes with a laugh, asking him if he was alright. Tyler mumbles something in answer, and his awkwardness makes Zack laugh.“Tyler’s afraid of women,” he says knowingly, a teasing tone surfacing at his words. Tyler snorts.“No I’m not,” he defends himself, and takes another bowl and freezes for a second. Tyler huffs, smiling by himself, and starts scraping a tiny amount of boiled cabbage on his plate. “Well… except our mother,” he says pointedly and Zack chuckles again, but there’s an uncomfortable you’re right on his face and they both fall silent at that. Tyler’s smile falls.“How did your and Josh’s paths cross then?” Tatum asks, sitting down herself and leaning back, settling against the armrest. She’s smiling genuinely, her freckles look beautiful on her winter-paled face; Tyler can see that his brother has found himself a fine lady, he’s watched them together for an unbelievable short amount of time, but can already tell that they’re lifelong partners. The realization makes something move inside of him, it’s a horrible feeling of lacking something that he has yearned for years, so grave it feels almost physical. Tyler wonders whether this is how it felt to be… jealous? He couldn’t be covetous of the things his own brother has achieved, could he? He was suddenly missing Josh’s face so he wouldn’t feel so lonely.“Tyler?”“Huh?” Tyler’s head shoots up, and he realizes that he’d forgotten to answer. Tatum doesn’t mind, she tucks her hands beneath her legs and repeats, curious,“You. And Josh. How did you two meet?” From the corner of his eye, Tyler can see Zack sipping on his ale and listening, waiting for a good story. Tyler squirms on the bench uncomfortably, raising his bowl back to his mouth to get on with his soup. He tries to push the weird feeling in his stomach down, blaming it on nervousness.Frowning, Tyler is helplessly wondering what exactly he should tell about their first meeting. He sighs, deep in thought. In his mind, he tries to find a way to make it better than what it actually was, up to the point he considered lying altogether.“Oh, it’s a… it’s a pretty dumb story,” he starts with, and it’s the wrong way to do it because Zack’s interest doubles at it, resting his tankard on the corner of their table, smiling warmly at him.Curse him. Taking the easy road, Tyler starts telling their story in the way it most naturally came out, dropping everything else.“I was looking for you,” he says. “It was somewhere here in The Pale when I met Josh for the first time… There’s nothing bad that he really did, but I kept my eye on him as I had spotted him amongst the trees earlier that day. I was trying to get to a body that lied further away from him. But Josh noticed it too, and went to check it out. And I just… I just panicked when I saw him touching the body. I thought that maybe, it was you,” Tyler tells him, looking his brother in the eye. Zack looks at him wordlessly. Tyler continues.“I ended up attacking him. It didn’t lead to anything on my part. I was cold and this close to collapsing, and in a way I did. I thought that Josh would kill me. But he didn’t hurt me.” He speaks in amazement, his tone surprising even for himself. “How easy it would’ve been, to let go of that arrow he had nocked and be done with it. But he’s not like that. It’s like… I don’t know,” he struggles with his words, still trying to make sense of what he’s feeling.Zack drinks, allowing Tyler to continue in his own pace.“Letting me walk away with my own two feet right after it was a sweet gesture. I was inevitably a bit touched by it to be honest,” Tyler explains. There’s some sarcasm in his tone now, but at least he tries to speak with sincerity. “It warmed up my heart. But then came the storm, and I had lost my map. A couple travelers saw me wandering in the blizzard after I had gotten thrown off the road. I thought I was going to die for real then, but they took me with them and let me ride on their sled to the north coast. I was so confused when I came to and wanted to thank them later, but didn’t even remember their faces. I was so angry with myself and got drunk.” A heavy frown pulls his face into a shadow, his hand clutching the bowl nearly uncontrollably. “But hey, at least I made it in one piece and didn’t get robbed.”“I don’t know,” Zack says with a foul smirk on his face. “You’d think you’d drop your pride somewhere along the way after screwing up so bad and unknowingly finding yourself in Dawnstar.”“Shut up your pie hole,” Tyler groans but they laugh, all together. “I’m not good with directions.”As the laughter dies down, Tatum speaks.“I think it’s a good story. At least you didn’t get each other killed. That’s always a good start,” she says and gets carefully up then, holding her growing tummy. Tyler gives the slightest smile at her words, but their story is still not over. However the Breton goes to the wooden ladder to get something from the dark basement underground. She grabs a candle on her way down. Zack watches her go, all in love, while all Tyler can think about is Josh.Tyler keeps talking.“I had time to get warm at the inn. The anger dissipated into relief through the day, but I was still upset, somehow. Then I saw Josh enter the inn, and I panicked again. I shoved my foot on his way to get him notice me,” Tyler shakes his head in embarrassment, but still amused of the memory and the sight of Josh that night. “I don’t really know if I’m allowed to talk about his reasons, but he ended up taking me with him and agreed to help me. It was… it gave me so much hope. Like all the shit would get its justification as I had someone by my side. Now I’m here with you, and I don’t think it would have been possible without Josh.”“It’s good that you’ve found an able man to walk by your side,” Zack nods at that, slipping the wooden spoon into his mouth, approving the salty soup.“Josh is a good man,” Tyler agrees back. He dips a piece of garlic bread into the broth and takes a bite. “He’s a good friend,” he adds rapted, nearly sad, and Zack looks at him, silent. There’s something in his eyes that Tyler can’t read, and he looks at him questioningly, but doesn’t ask. They’ve always been like this, and they always will be. Savoring the heat in front of the fireplace, they eat and they drink, enjoying each other’s company more than anything. But Tyler starts swaying on his bench again, restlessly rolling his shoulders to get his blood circle right. He’s still worried of Josh for some unnamed reason, not knowing where he was. Despite the talk with Zack having lifted his spirit, Tyler’s headache was not receding, and Josh’s absence made it only worse. It raises fire in his temple, Tyler gulps at the flames, picking at his skin. Wondering whether he should ask if Tatum had something to make it go away, Tyler looks at the ladder that goes to the underground basement. Speaking of the Breton, she’s been in the storage for a good while now. Taking the chance, Tyler pushes the weird feeling down and starts prying things from his younger brother in return. “What’s the story between you and her then? For real. I’ve been trying to get it out of you for all this time now, but you tell me to shut up every time. It’s not fair that I have to spill everything when you’re getting away like a dog out of the wicket.” Tyler lowers his voice then, getting serious. “You got her pregnant with a child. When did you meet her? I don’t remember her at all.”“In Rorikstead,” Zack says nonchalantly as if having said it a thousand times already. He straightens his legs. “During the Mid Year Celebration.”Tyler’s eyes squint suspiciously, slowly connecting the dots. “You disappeared in the middle of the feast to have sex with her? With a customer?” His voice rises over a heated whisper. “We were supposed to help Mralki at the inn! You left me and Erik in a real pinch with all those people, you know that?”“You were fine! Besides, you’ve done the same. It was a payback you mule.”Tyler rolls his eyes. Zack does the same. He cuts a piece of bread, and chews.“She was way too beautiful, and we had so much fun together. Talking with her was so easy. I just couldn’t let her slip out of my grasp.” Zack keeps defending himself, reaching out his hand to grab his tankard again. “But then she got pregnant, and the next thing I know, she’s writing a letter and telling me to haul my bones all the way to the northern capital, to take responsibility of our child, together. She might come off as a sweet girl, but she was pissed. I had to burn the letter so that mother wouldn’t find it. I didn’t want another ox breathing right into my neck.”Having a short pause to his rant, Zack sighs dreamily. “But she spared my life. And I’m in love with her. We’re going to live here forever.”“Zack,” Tyler groans in a brotherly manner even after Zack’s fierce confess of love. He holds the bridge of his nose, a heavy pile of wrinkles pooling over his fingers. “You can’t just… fuck around with these women, do your business in them and expect nothing to happen! You should have been more careful.”“I wasn’t fucking around with her! We made love that night.”“I don’t wanna know.”“It’s easy for you to lecture me, brother,” Zack points out. “You only like men.”“Yeah, but you know what I mean.”Zack leans forth, smiling. He adds more firewood into the hearth. Looking at the flames, he gets more serious then.“She’s originally from Markarth. She was passing through with some family when we met at the inn, as you know. They didn’t want to take part in the fight over the city between the Empire and the Stormcloaks, and managed to escape before Ulfric and his troops were driven away from the city. It was good. But now the entire province is at war because of it,” Zack says with sharp eyes, the fire glowing in them. Tyler hums shortly, shaking his head disapprovingly. He fixes his position stiffly.“Her family decided to follow Ulfric’s regime and move to Windhelm. The carriage stopped at Rorikstead as they separated from the main force. Do you remember how great the feast was then? I took Tatum her food and that’s when I knew I was done for.” “Uh-huh,” Tyler mutters sarcastically, earning no daggers from Zack as he pretends he didn’t hear. Tyler rubs his arm, only half-listening as his brother keeps babbling.“And for some reason, she felt the same. Imagine a girl like her, living in the capital of The Reach, seeing something in someone like me, like us. I started to believe in soulmates that moment. Off and away with all the girls mom tried to get us together with. I found my lady on my own,” Zack shrugs decidedly, spreading his arms.Tyler’s breathing thickens, growing wheezy. He wants to put his bowl aside, but can’t. All of the sudden, the fire felt abnormally bright in his sensitive eyes. Tyler tries to shake the dull ache away, blinking. He can barely move as the freshly eaten food starts a nauseating quake inside his stomach.For a moment he thinks he’s gonna throw up. Tyler clasps his hand over his mouth, facing away from Zack and biting down the jolting feeling inside of him. He tries to fix his hunched posture, but his restlessness only pulls Zack’s attention to him. “Are you okay? You’re sweating.”“F-fine,” Tyler assures quickly, his eyes ticking nervously. Feeling as if something was trying to claw itself out through his insides, Tyler feels an intense need to flee, trying to get up.“I came to look for you…” he pants, switching the topic abruptly. Zack looks at him concerned. And Tyler, he slips on his seat, giving up on his attempts to get up. “I came to look for you, but you found me first. What an… embarrassing case,” Tyler laughs half-heartedly, before his face twists uncomfortably. He vinces suddenly, doubling over on the bench, hugging himself. “Ah, shit…”“Tyler? What’s wrong, brother?” Zack says and puts his drink aside, turning to Tyler.“I don’t feel good,” Tyler heaves. “My muscles, they just... ache,” Tyler utters, shivering, before a sudden pain twinges around his system, body spasming painfully. The round bowl slips from his hands, much like earlier that day. He tries to unclench his fingers but can’t, hot soup spreading all over his lap and the floor, the bowl dropping to the floor. “Fuck—“  “Do you need to lie down? What can I do?” Zack goes on, getting quickly up, helpless in front of his brother, shouting, “Tatum!” “What’s wrong?” Tatum asks, returning from the basement, a jar of honey in her hand.“Tyler’s not feeling well,” Zack explains and Tatum scurries to them, raising the hem of her long dress not to trip on it. She sets the jar on the table, and puts her hand on Tyler’s heaving shoulder, mindful of the injuries on his chest. “Is it the wound?” she asks as Tyler focuses on his body, trying to pinpoint what he exactly felt.Zack takes over as sweat starts pushing through his skin like hot needles.“He said his muscles hurt.”“Yeah, but now—” Tyler starts, exhaling. “It’s coming somewhere deeper… like-” he goes on, but Tatum’s eyes look concerned, her words cutting his thoughts short.“Tyler,” she says seriously, the temperature dropping. “I need to see your wound.”He lifts his eyes to meet hers. Finding no comfort in her look, Tyler allows his quilt be moved aside. Carefully wetting the bondings to untangle the bandages, the Breton finds no peace before seeing what lies beneath, strong herbs coming to view.There’s nothing alarming at first. However the rest of the bandages come off damp, sick color sticking to the pale threads.A foul smell fills the room. Tyler’s nose pulls into a wrinkle at it, turning away from the sight of his chest; the wound feels even hotter now, red around the edges and throbbing as the bandages come off, feeding air to his gaping flesh. Red streaks like worms litter around it, the wound soaked with mucus that eats up the fresh air. Tatum reads the signs before she has time to crouch down to inspect it closer. “The wound is festering,” she concludes at the abscessive sight, keeping her hands away to avoid touching the area. “Damn it. We’ve cleansed it every night! It has gotten so bad so quickly…” she mutters under her breath and stops at Tyler’s wrecking movements, involuntary of him. A haunting look pales her skin as she looks up at him, eyes wide at the realization.“Tyler,” she says. “Did you say your muscles hurt? I don’t mean aching. Does it hurt, Tyler?”Tyler breathes hard, not wanting to say as he didn’t know what she meant. Tatum wipes his forehead with the cloth hanging from her belt. She feels the heat with the back of her hand. “You’re running a fever,” she says painedly, putting the cloth aside. “Bone break fever.”Tyler freezes. He recognizes the word. Panicked, he knows what it means, trying to make himself smaller. “No…” he utters, but can’t deny the cramps that start beneath his skin, locking his jaw, and making him hope that he’s still dreaming.But Tatum is serious. “Take him to the bedroom,” she says strictly, sounding upset with no one but herself. She helps Zack to get Tyler up from the stool, careful as he cramps in their arms, moaning.The Breton reads all the signs against her will. “That’s bone break fever.” * Josh’s hands are soaked in blood. Loose hairs stick to his skin like an additional layer, scraping off as he runs his fingers through the filth of it. Josh breathes hard, however the gruesome sight spreading all across the snow is satisfying to no end. That moment, Josh felt truly alive, both feet strongly on the ground as what’s left after the fight is nothing but a mass of of meat in the snow. The bear that they once called a monster is permanently taimed now, its spirit having left this world for good.No more will it kill, breed or destroy. It’s beautiful, Josh decides at the sight of it, staring down at it with cold eyes. He leaves the dead animal at its own dignity. Its silvery fur rests in his arms now, safely tied up to be taken down from the heights of the mountains. A low creature like that doesn’t deserve such abode, a castle grown by the miracles by Nirn itself.The fur is tarnished in blood. It worries Josh not. He’ll cleanse it once he goes back, do it so well that it’s a gift to its owner, a sign of the victorious, and even more.The moment Josh decides it, the snows stop falling. The skies clear of the clouds of the storm, the light of the moons barely reaching through the grim colors. The sight could be beautiful, a rare flash in the night, however Josh stops. The forest gets eerily quiet as if a divine power would descent amongst their puny souls, Josh halts to listen—Truly, there was no wind. But the mountains, they scream in silence until a hum reaches his ears, low and threatening as it grows stronger. Like an autumnal wind, or a march of a thousand men, the song swells alongside the mountain range, like an army of soldiers coming for one person. He’s heard this ominous song before, Josh is sure— thinking hard where it has come from, Josh flinches at the memory as it attacks his senses.The ice sang around him in the same way when he had fallen into the crevasse. He had hit his head, but even still, Josh unifies the sound with the approaching death, calling for someone. Getting a sickening feeling into his stomach at it and some spirit into his feet, Josh sets off to descent the steep mountain side.With his instincts as his only guide, Josh rushes.Something’s going on at the farm.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Tyler’s chest jerks as if it had been filled with hearts of fifty. It’s the first thing Josh registers after storming in.His heavy body slams against the door frame. The unnatural sight in front of him makes his eyes widen. Tyler gasps, so does Josh, his breathlessness yanking Tatum’s attention to him.“Josh!”“What’s going on?” Josh asks shagged out, having run back to the farm without stopping. His muscles burn like Oblivion fires, but Josh lets go of the wall, walking to the bed Tyler was lying on. Sweat running into his eyes, Josh’s senses catch on the ill smell hovering over their heads and the tools the Breton was collecting. And Tatum, she stops at the sight of him, the dried up droplets of blood splattered all across his front. Her eyes rise up to his then, standing up. “Show me your arm, Josh,” she tells him, stretching out her hand unyieldingly. “What?” “Just do it.”Taking another glance at Tyler and his feverish breathing, Josh gets rid of his clothing. Fingers to the buckle of his cloak, it drops heavily to the floor. Josh loosens the woolen coat beneath it, pulling his arms out of its sleeves and letting it hang around his waist. Lastly, Josh gets to his tunic, pulling the loose sleeve of it up to his shoulder.“I’m fine.” The words come out lowly. He rips the bandage off with a few firm tugs as he speaks.It comes off clean, skin broken but healthy beneath it. Moving his arm from side to side effortlessly, Tatum sighs and sits relieved back down, her hand going to her forehead.“Will you explain what’s happening here now? Tyler…” Josh pleads, unbearable of no one answering. Pained, he sees Tyler reacting to his voice, the call of his name, but falls unable to say anything. As if out cold, his head jerks the slightest, however too tired and rigid to open his eyes, let alone to turn to look at him. Tatum doesn’t answer. Instead, she gets up as fast as she had gotten down, and leaves the room. Confused of her actions, Josh dithers on his spot, reluctant to leave Tyler’s side before going to follow her.“Tatum?”“It’s the bear,” she says agonized, turning swiftly around. Her voice is lowered, the burning firewood popping over it in the hearth. “There was a disease raging inside of it, Josh. It might be the reason why it attacked you in the first place. It was in pain,” she says, compassion over her fearful, stormy look. That moment, Zack steps inside the house, carrying a barrel of snow and ice with him. Seeing him in the hall, he gives Josh a miserable look, wordlessly carrying the barrel to Tyler’s room.“Tyler’s been transmitted with a bone break fever,” the Breton tells him poignantly. “The disease is often symptomless until it strikes with full force. His wound started to fester in no time, all of the sudden. I don’t think he realized it even himself until it had proceeded to putrefy completely. I cleansed it thoroughly now, removed the pus and made a proper poultice, but there’s no stopping the other symptoms.”Feeling as if being hit in the head with a mace at the information, Josh fails to fight his blood from turning into an icy stream inside of him. Thinking of Tyler, the peasant’s health hasn’t been at its best for the entire time they’ve been together; the constant wrestling around the wildlife of Skyrim has set both of his mind and body on overstrain, Josh is sure. His immunity against an external assaillants has dropped to near zero, and whatever disease the bear had carried has made a nest in Tyler’s wounds now. “It usually starts with sudden weakness and tiredness, rising with high fever. The disease starts painful and uncontrollable contractions of muscles in the whole body. I had no idea it could strike so fiercely,” Tatum explains, her voice shaking. Despite Josh’s words, she coats his wound with a cleansing ointment. Zack comes back from Tyler’s room then. Growing pained underneath their gazes, the Breton wavers.“I should have sanitized his wound before the cauterization,” she says with her eyes wide, the sullen realization dawning on her face. She looks up at Josh, looking him right in the eye. “Cleansing the tools wasn’t enough. I should have done that.” She nearly laughs. “What was I thinking? I burned him and closed that thing into his body—!”Zack goes to calm her down. “Tatum,” he hushes with his arms catching around her, turning her away from Josh as he hugs her from behind. “Tatum. It’s okay. There’s no mind worrying about it now. Think what we should do next instead, okay? We’re counting on you.”“It doesn’t contract from human to human,” Tatum promises, swallowing her own hits. “I don’t care,” Josh strictly says. “What can I do to help him?”Tatum looks at him, helpless. She barely shakes her head, eyes telling more than her words ever could. “We can only try and ease his fever and pain down,” the Breton tells them. “The rest is for the gods to decide.”“What about the convulsions,” Josh swallows, stepping closer but not going further with his raging fears. “Tyler has a rib fracture,” he reminds them, looking desperately at Tatum then. The Breton only nods, teeth against her lip. She turns her head away, facing the hearth silently.“We can only hope that the bones won’t break any further. But if they do… we’re going to have a real problem.”“Why is it bad?” Zack asks, concerned.“It might puncture his lung,” she says flatly, the fire painting its colors on her pale skin. She is quiet for a short while, until she’s not. “He’d choke.”Zack lets go of her at the information, throwing his hands over his face. He curses. Only hoping that Tyler didn’t hear her words just then, Josh’s fists pull into two stones trying to float on water. But he’s sinking. They’re all pulled beneath the surface, the deadly disease trying to separate them from a brother, dear friend, and…Josh.“His breathing is already getting hard because of the convulsions,” Tatum says grimly, showing her will to fight against the unfairness. “I’ll prepare a sedating potion for him. Hopefully that will ease the cramps and let him rest.”“I’ll help,” Zack decides and the two disappear to the basement where the Breton’s alchemy lab is built. And just like that, Josh is left behind, helpless as the two go their own ways.Tyler’s pained moaning from the isolated room is the only thing to pull him back.He’s awake. Tyler’s back is arched as his body bends, bones showing through the tight skin wrapped in bandages. Mouth gaping open in a silent scream, a thin thread of spit connects Tyler’s teeth together, sharp as ever. A wet cloth soaked with icy water and snow weeps against his hot skin, traveling down his melting form.The cramp dissolves. Tyler gasps with a yelp, dropping back down onto the trampled mattress. His erratic panting with dark shadows around his eyes give him a scarily sick appearance. Tyler is shaking, his arms keep spasming around him, shoulders jerking like an ill marionette. The sickness holds its invisible strings around him, tied together as if to strangle him.Tyler’s scared eyes land on Josh. He whimpers, body kicking back.“By the Nine, Tyler…” Josh says at the sight of him, going to sit next to him. He wipes Tyler’s face, feeling the heat radiating from him. The apple of Tyler’s throat bobs audibly dry, looking as if it could pierce his parched skin.Josh gets the message and gives him water. The freshly fallen snow melts crystal clear, carefully poured into Tyler’s mouth past his rigid jaw as his body is pulled into a frantic shape of kicking muscles.But Tyler starts coughing. The starting convulsions force him to spit nearly everything back up, bursting out and running down his jaw, spreading onto the rough pillow.Grimacing at his violent hacking, Josh reaches out, grabbing snow from the barrel Zack had brought with him. He molds the softened snow between his fingers, preparing tiny shapes of it, and bringing them to Tyler’s lips.Tyler flinches at the foreign feeling at first, but allows Josh to ease them into his mouth one by one. Seeming to like the cold feeling, Tyler sucks on them, moving them around his dry mouth and letting them melt against his tongue. The heat liquefies the white languidly, allowing Tyler to swallow more safely. Small amounts. The coldness fuels Tyler’s tongue, allowing him to speak. “I got caught,” he tells Josh, trembling in fever. Josh looks at him askingly while Tyler tries to turn to look at him. His tongue dares out to lick his dry lips. “It’s in my blood, Josh. I don’t have much, but it’s there…”His eyes close. Listening to Tyler’s slurring, Josh wets the cloth again.“You’re gonna be fine, Tyler.”“Don’t wanna fall back…” It’s a one-way conversation back and forth. Josh is still feeding Tyler with snow as the Breton finally appears, holding a rufous bottle of glass in her hands.It’s dark from the bottom, holding more hope than the burning sun in the sky, now set behind the mountains. She comes to stand by the bed, carefully sitting down to make Tyler drink water. She does it better and more accustomated than Josh, getting him down more as the fire inside him sheds more sweat through his sickly skin. Shaking the potion and its contents in her hand, the medicine is something strong.It’s for the pain, and fever. The liquid is thicker than blood and equally dark, Josh is sure as he watches Tyler struggle to get it down. The peasant’s face turns to pure anguish as the mixture reaches his mouth. It’s warm, the taste of it surely unpleasant, little pieces of something unnamed makes the texture look like grainy mud. At times, Tyler nearly turns away from it completely, choking, but they work together to make him swallow it all, giving him their reassuring words all the while.“My grandmother used to say that good-tasting medicines never work,” Tatum tells them, pulling the potion back at Tyler’s next convulsion before bringing it back. “There’s Namira’s Rot in it,” she quietly says to Josh. The information pulls his mouth into a frown. He holds Tyler still, arm curled around the side of his head.Swallowing, Josh gets painfully reminded of the time they had to keep him from moving during the cauterization. Tyler takes it, weakly wheezing back as the bottle leaves his lips for good. He breathes heavily through his nose, wiping his wet face on Josh’s forearm.Tatum leaves to give them some privacy. They simply have to wait for the potion to kick in, the effect of the ingredients taking their time. She steps back slowly and watches them, giving Josh one last look before leaving. Josh wipes the corners of Tyler’s mouth with the back of his hand, smudged from the potion.“It wasn’t my time today,” Tyler says victoriously, looking more aware of his surroundings. He tries his best to fake bravery, but his feeble attempt at smiling gets wiped off as the constant pain rakes through his bones and his very core, pulling him into something like in-between a smile and a grimace. He’s doing it for Josh and he tries his best to smile back, but can’t help but let a coat of worry cover his lips as he sees the thick veil of sweat wetting Tyler’s wounded body, making him squirm in discomfort.Without thinking, Josh sets his hand on Tyler’s forehead. The peasant rolls his eyes back at the sudden touch, relishing the coldness of Josh’s palm, his mouth going slack. The disease is raising its head in a prominent rate, too strong for Tyler’s weak body to fight it.“You’re burning up,” Josh muses. His voice is quiet with concern. Tyler sighs back as an answer. His damp breath sticks to Josh’s skin. Tyler quivers, whimpering as Josh pulls the hides further away from his body, taking the damp cloth from the vase to cool down his body again, running it against his neck, stomach and arms.Tyler breathes, trying to get enough oxygen to squeeze out his words with some difficulty.“Tyler?”“It hurts so bad,” he gets to yelp, and swallows with a tight throat, fighting the tears that are threatening to spill over.Tyler shifts his feet against the sheets restlessly, bracing the next impact in fear. It comes, and his upper body pushes off the mattress at a particular hard strain, and he howls in pain as it doesn’t want to subside.His agony is real, tangible. And horrifying.“Knock me out,” Tyler pleads loudly, hitting his palm on the bed surface. “Please, just knock me o-ut…”Josh’s eyes are about to blur with salt as he listens to his words and watches him writhe in agony.He’s not going to punch him unconscious.Josh grabs Tyler’s hand, unable to watch him pounding his fist in pain anymore. Tyler is openly crying now, tossing from side to side and kicking. He’s drenched in sweat and starting to sound delirious as the seconds swing by. It’s impossible to tell what is sweat and what are his tears, pouring down his face and chest like an endless stream. Josh jumps up and restrains him when Tyler’s panic doesn’t abate, pressing his back flat against the bed and keeping him from hurting himself.His face is inches away from Tyler’s who bawls in anguish, knocking his jaw against Josh’s face as he thrashes. Josh’s heart sinks, feeling a bruise forming, but goes to cross Tyler’s forearms against his chest, and holds him down. “It’s going to pass,” Josh tells him. “It’s going to pass.”Tyler doesn’t believe him. He says no, he’s shaking and quaking uncontrollably in his arms, hoarse whimpers coming out as Josh fights to anchor him in the middle of his mayhem.“Jo-o-hhh...” Tyler chokes out, eyes leaking and begging for mercy.Not knowing what to do, Josh feels unarmed to fight against his disease, helpless for the fact that it’s been growing its roots the whole time, unknown for them. He can only pray that the potion is going to eats its way into Tyler’s system soon, not knowing how much he can take anymore.Feeling their luck turning its back repeatedly on them, Josh had no idea what else could possibly go wrong anymore. For the shortest while, Tyler had said he felt good, he was healing, but now the false sense of safety was ripped from their hands once again.Killing the bear wasn’t enough— Josh’s revenge had already lost its meaning. Not knowing if his desperate action was the right one in the first place, Josh is reminded of the capricious cruelty of this world they’re living in all over again. His victory has a foul aftertaste, swirling in his mouth like rotten wine. What in Oblivion can he do to fight a disease? What can he do to help him?The thoughts have him at his weakest point of his entire life, his purpose running through his fingers like icy water.If Tyler dies, everything they went through was for nothing. And Tyler, he’s clutching on to Josh now, refusing to let go of him as if his life depended on him. Losing control of himself altogether, Tyler writhes like a dying animal, burning inside and out. Afraid that his broken ribs might just snap like dry summer branches, Josh leans down, down to Tyler’s ear to say his words, his only way to help Tyler’s storm to abate.“Tyler. Tyler…” Josh presses his head against Tyler’s hot one, his skin nearly burning his own. “It’s okay. You’ll go to sleep, and sweat it out. Then you’ll wake up again.” His voice trembles in uncertainty. “It’s gonna be alright, I promise. I’ll stay with you.” Rocking from side to side slowly, Josh reassures a wailing Tyler in his arms. He frees one of his hands to curl it behind Tyler’s head, to try and calm him down, to keep him close. Tyler tries to say something, but another cramp cuts his words short. He stiffens, pushes up, and Josh hushes him, cradles him, rocks him. They stay like that, riding the waves of Tyler’s pain together.“Don’t leave me,” Tyler finally pleads through his tight throat as coherently as he can, cramping involuntarily. “Don’t— leave. Me. Josh, don’t leave…”“What are you talking about? I’m-”Josh bites his tongue, not knowing if the time was right. He wants to tell how he loves him, how he could never abandon him. But Tyler tells him he can’t see, his eyes are screaming and swelling in red. Tears pouring out endlessly suffuse his senses. And Josh, he can only imagine what Tyler is seeing in his hallucinations that the Rot causes in him, screaming for Josh as if he’d be leaving in somewhere dark with no way of getting out unless Josh would come and find him. The thought wounds him like a knife, and the only thing he can do is to simply be there for him, even though Tyler wouldn’t know much in his drugged up state. “I’m right here.” It’s the only thing Josh can get out that moment.Another constrict of Tyler’s body forces his body to bend with more tears bursting out of his eyes. Tyler chokes as if getting crushed, until Josh realizes that he’s not getting air at all. He’s turning blue, making sounds of gagging instead of getting air into his lungs.“Shit, Tyler, don’t do this to me!”Josh hears Tatum crying in the main hall, and Zack’s reassuring words spoken to her despite his own brother was dying. He knows there’s nothing more they can do to help Tyler. His pleads of help get stuck in his throat, and he can only watch as Tyler fights the disease, still clutching Josh’s arm so hard his bones show through his skin. His blunt, broken nails look for a way to pierce his flesh again, and Josh lets him. As long as Tyler had the energy to clutch on him like a dear lifeline, Josh knew he wasn't giving up.The spasm lets go of him, Tyler goes limp beneath him. For a moment Josh freezes, uncertain if he was breathing anymore. But Tyler’s chest rises and falls. It’s bumpy and erratic, Josh looks at his strength with amazement, telling Tyler to suck the air deeper in, feeding him with his words.After that, it seems like Tyler is drifting back and forth between the two sides of consciousness. He quiets down from time to time, but the pain brings him back every time, giving him no rest. His chest jerks every time, and Tyler tries so hard to make no sound and take it all the same, but the gnawing at his bones and his flesh take the best of him.Josh dries his own tears as he keeps comforting the shaking man in his arms.Sooner or later, the potion starts having its effect and Tyler wilts into his state, falling victim for the dark. Josh feels him letting go little by little until he slips away completely.Only the disease is there to show itself. Josh blinks back his tears as he watches another bead of sweat on Tyler’s temple leave its seat, uniting with others and growing in size as it trails down his head, stopping at his unshaven stubble. And Josh hears him, he hears his breathing going hoarse at the same time he gets up and grabs the cloth soaked in cool water over again, and wipes Tyler’s forehead with it.Tyler’s chest rises and falls groggily, but he breathes; it’s like he has to drag his lungs through sharp-edged stones to get a single breath. It’s the last thing Josh wants to listen to, but he’s too scared to leave Tyler’s side when it seems that he could still choke on every gulp of air he’s taking. Or his tongue.At the other side of the room, Zack is watching them silently. He’s leaning on the door frame to his right and letting the scene in front of him unfold. The events have taken a turn to the worst, and Josh and Zack are both forced to watch as Tyler’s muscles keep withering from time to time. His cramps were showing no signs of stepping back despite his unconscious state, tossing him around, and they were both glad that Tyler is out cold and doesn’t have to bear any more pain than he was already going through.The first night was always crucial. Then again, if a bear couldn’t kill him, bone break fever wouldn’t either.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Josh.”Josh jerks awake. He’s sure that he heard his name being called. Certain that it was Tyler, Josh’s head comes up from the mattress, looking at Tyler’s face that lies inches away from his.Having no courage to even breathe, Josh holds it in, desperately waiting for a sign that he was right.But it wasn’t him. Tyler’s eyes stay closed. Not even looking like he’d opened them at any point, Josh’s shoulders sink. He realizes his mistake the second he hears Tatum’s quiet voice carrying behind his back.“Josh,” she says again. “How is he?”Momentarily out of place, Josh rubs his palm against the corner of his eye. He brings his hand back down to rest it against the peasant’s neck, feeling his pulse flutter against the pads of his fingers before going to answer. Josh speaks groggily. “Still blacked out,” he tells her, but caresses Tyler’s face just to make sure. “Shit, I didn’t even realize I fell asleep. The spasms have stopped for now…”“It’s okay, you can rest,” she says, but sounds just as worn out as he does. “You don’t have to get up.”Josh does, however staying on the bed’s edge to stay close to the unaware. He rubs his hands together to get them warmer, ending up yawning into them. Swallowing around his dry throat, Josh turns back to Tyler’s sick form. Tatum steps closer, crossing her arms and slipping them into her long, loose sleeves. The potion she had prepared earlier that night is filling its purpose. The worst of Tyler’s horrid fever has stepped aside for the time being, but the peasant’s body is still fighting against it. The warmth leaks through his skin as if having grown thicker, holding the disease inside him.Tyler is absolutely broken under its spell. Not knowing if the convulsions might rise their head again, Josh was incessantly alert for the next wave, the next attack, up to the point his eyes closed their gates. What if something would have happened while he was out? He tries not to think about it. They’re all tired, scared and worried. Josh understands that. The world around them is sleeping peacefully while disbelief covered the three of their disturbed minds, allowing them no easy rest. They don’t talk, Tatum having gotten up after Zack falling asleep. The cycle was unending, the time felt oddly foreign and frozen as the only movement was the steep, noisy movement of Tyler’s chest.Despite the long hours of what might look like sleep, Tyler looked nothing like rested. Where the crust covered his blue rimmed lids, Tyler’s eyes stayed masoned together, sunken into deep black pits with no light invited.Somehow, the sickness has shrunken him vividly. An unhealthy amount of weight has left his body with the fluids sweated away. Tyler is still bruised, broken like the ripped blood vessels beneath his pale skin as new colors spread over the old ones, tinting him with blue as it does in yellow.Other than that, the silence was merciless. After finding out all the things that could possibly go wrong, their life had become less about living and more about waiting. Josh hates waiting. He hates it, and as hard as he tries to smother the sense of agony that comes inevitably with it, the question slips through his dry lips anyway. “When will he wake up?” he asks impatiently, already hating the answer.“When his body allows it,” Tatum says, less sympathetic than what he expected. It’s good. Josh is not the one that needs comforting. That’s what he tells to himself, but is proven wrong when Tatum’s hand comes to his shoulder.It’s a wordless way to right his wrong - tender, but Josh still feels how close to the breaking point he truly is then.”I know he’s very important to you, and you care.” The Breton looks at Tyler’s worn backpack at the corner of the room, and the sullied sword propped behind it, keeping guard of its true owner. The diary rests on top of the nightstand. The candlelight licks its leathered covers with a fond tenderness, warming the valuable words within. The price of it was spread over his clothes. Josh’s gaze is still turned away from the Breton, but he can guess her thoughts as the blood was still marking his front. Unhidden and having no time to worry about his looks, Josh lets the blood speak volumes for itself. He’s far from a clean butcher now, an unbearable steely look on his face is the farthest thing from a smile, even after his victory. And it’s then when Tatum asks,“You went back, didn’t you? To kill that bear.”Not even bothering to draw air into his lungs at the thought of the damned beast, Josh feels the hiss come out like a serpent’s hiss. “Yes.”“How does it make you feel?”He’s quiet for a short while, trying to ease himself through his own shell, disconnected of even himself.“I skinned it there,” leave the words in an emotionless tone, empty and dull. “I’ll let Tyler have it once he’s up and well. If he’ll accept it.” Tatum doesn’t take it. “You didn’t answer my question,” she says, reading him better and clearer than he can muster that moment.“And it makes my blood boil. Because I don’t even know what I should feel. ”He’s breathless by now, just like the cursed beast is dead and shed of its skin - even still, Josh can’t find peace, and it makes him break. One piece of his pride shatters as if standing on a thin coat of ice.There’s anger and frustration burning inside him - what if the bear gets the upper hand after all? He still doesn't want to believe that it could happen; Josh is a hunter through and through, but maybe, not even a hunter can have weapons against every creature that the world held on its continents, dead or not. Be their prey in flesh or spiritual substance— perhaps they were never meant to hold these weapons in their hands after all.However his most honest and deepest intention was to retrieve Tyler’s diary, the one and only thing that the peasant held close to his heart as everything else was too much to deal with. Josh has it, and he wants Tyler to know that he went back to get it with nothing but love in his heart, knowing the value of the thing that could never be measured in gold or silver nor iron and steel, but the mere words that it held inside of it.Now keeping it close to both of them, the diary is like the dearest of amulet for both of them. It’s a physical proof that Tyler survived, and Josh wants him to write on it again - just to show that he made it through this trial as well. When was the last time he wrote on it? Probably right after they had gotten a clue about Zack’s whereabouts. Josh remembers his crime of reading Tyler’s poems and his words of winter - how the cold air made it hard for him to breathe, not because of his broken bones or the contusions on his face, but because he could simply be with Josh. What Tyler calls his northern diary is a token that his first true winter has taken everything out of him, but given so much more in return. He’s only lacking the courage to express these things to Josh, but he already knows Tyler’s feelings word to word, unknown for the peasant who now lied defeated on the spot, put into a fake sleep that made even looking at him exhausting.“He looks so withered,” says Josh at the end of his thoughts, looking at Tyler’s parched lips, his body screaming for water, for anything. Another shudder goes through him. He tries to push it down, but there’s no hiding under Tatum’s hand, and Josh knows it.She wants to be encouraging. And Tatum says to him, “Remember that he’s not a child, but he’s not old either. Taking that into account, his starting point is better than many other’s. The fact that he survived the first night is a proof enough that he’ll survive, trust me. But he needs time,” Tatum tells him, maybe sounding more peaceful herself, and it oddly makes Josh believe her too. “The Rot is strong. I’m afraid it’ll take some time before he’s able to shake it off completely, but he’ll wake up, later today when the sun is still up, or tomorrow. For now we just have to wait, and keep an eye on his fever.”“I believe in him,” Josh says sultry. “I have to. Thank you for everything, Tatum. You shouldn’t strain yourself either,” he says and looks at the Breton for the first time that time. “Think of your unborn child.”The Breton smiles at his words. “I know. Zack said the same. We’ll be alright.”Josh nods, alone again. Tatum goes back to bed. He can hear the two talking quietly until falling quiet, hopefully getting some rest. And Josh, he picks up Tyler’s diary from the nightstand, holding it against himself as he lays next to the peasant again. Hoping that he could share his actual pain with someone else too, Josh settles for just to be, and tries to get used to it.The only person who can make things better for him is Tyler. But he doesn’t do anything. He only breathes. It’s the only thing he can do right now, yet it’s everything to Josh. It’s conflicting, and waiting in silence is hard. Josh has no words for it, and it only renders his agony.“I have your diary, Tyler,” Josh tells him, scooting closer, bringing the tome up to rest next to Tyler’s pale face. He shuts his eyes until the blackness behind his eyelids is glittered with dull sparks of the candle light, dreaming for brighter colors. “Please wake up. Wake up.” * He swore he’d be alright, but is about to lose his mind instead. The next day disappears in a haze. If it weren’t for Zack dragging him outside and get some actual air to breathe, he would have simply snapped. Josh can barely remember starting cleansing the bear’s skin from the blood after it, with Zack clearing out the pen further away from him.Despite being lost on things to do at first, Josh finds his peace in something familiar. Having his hands full like this takes him somewhere else. Crouched down with the large skin spread out on the ground in front of him, Josh’s covered knuckles rub against the snow thrown over it. Moving around the clotted blood, the white catches the color easily. Josh swipes it off, replacing the snow with new one, and repeats. The blood keeps coming, forming a rusted circle around him.Zack tosses ruined wood out of the pen at an even pace. Josh is so caught up in his work and his own thoughts that he doesn’t even notice the noise stopping and Zack walking up to him, dropping to the snow next to him. “I need a break,” the younger brother decides, sinking heavily on his spot as if wanting to grow roots there. His hood drops off his head as he faces the grey sky, crowning their tiny world that moment. The snow falls like ash, light and scarce, spreading the silence as the winds were nonexistent that day.“Do you have siblings, Josh?” Zack asks him out of nowhere. He blinks as if having caught something in his eye. Josh stops, looking at Zack’s worry-creased face. “Three,” Josh answers after a short while, the faces that are his family flashing in his mind. Far away, but never distancing from his memories. “I’m the oldest of four.”“So you must understand. Truth be told, I’m having a hard time even looking at my brother right now.” He confession comes abruptly, like a spear in darkness, and Josh tries his best to catch on it. “I feel like I’ve been too distant, and this heavy feeling, whatever it’s called, is turning in my stomach even now. And it’s… it hurts so bad because I have this fear of Tyler hating me.”The grip is gone as the words come out. It’s bad enough because Zack is still not meeting his eye. Josh’s neck hurts for staring down for so long, and somehow, his gaze is pulled up to the sky as well. The blank canvas gave nothing he could set his focus on, it was all a haze, just like the impossibility to predict what was to come next. The sky gave him no answers, so Josh asks instead,“What makes you think that?” Zack exhales into the cold air, slow but shaky. “I still can’t believe they made him come after me. Just what would they do if they were to see him now? Maybe call him stupid and reckless, I don’t know… and you may curse my name because I think the same, even though he’s older than me. But he did it for me, and I don’t know who the real fool here is anymore.”Zack snorts in an upset manner. Josh is not sure who it’s aimed at, and settles just to listen. “I wrote a letter for him, left it somewhere where only he could find it. And I told him not to worry, I did, but he came anyway. I don’t understand. He knew it wasn’t going to be a two-day trip to Whiterun to drag his snot-nosed brother back to hold a damn reaper. I shouldn’t have mentioned Windhelm at all.” The younger peasant grabs a frozen clump of snow, and throws it across the yard.It doesn’t break as it hits a tree. “Shit. I just wanted to give him some peace of mind. But the road was long and treacherous, I didn’t even know if I would make it. So why would he take that risk as well? There was nothing in for him.”Zack lets a waterfall of words come out now, having clearly mulled over his own issues after Tyler’s accident. Leaving him out of all the other details and allowing Tyler to tell about their journey himself if he wanted to, Josh takes over as the other has fallen silent, waiting for Josh to share his own viewpoint.He does it by asking a question instead.“Did you really think that Tyler would have stayed in Rorikstead?” Josh aims it at Zack who in that moment seems to have no answer, asking Josh to continue.And continue Josh does.“You’re all fools,” he says and resumes his work. “It’s Tyler. He would have come after you anyway. You are his brother, and it’s plenty enough for him to make sure you’re safe.”“He didn’t have to go that far. I didn’t want that. But Tyler knew. He fucking knew!”Josh looks at him wordlessly. “Like I said, it doesn’t change a thing. Tyler is Tyler. His sense of duty is completely different from anyone I have ever met, and it has almost gotten him killed several times already. It’s all about his position as a son and a brother. He’s too good,” Josh finishes with more weight to his voice, rubbing off the blood so intensely that his wrist pops. “And I hate him for that.”At that, Zack’s mouth twitches up into a smile, audibly so as if knowing something that Josh doesn’t, and it makes him fall into a wolf pit. He leers at the man who’s gotten him caught, but is too slow for Tyler’s younger brother who’s pointing his remarks at him, as quick as a loose arrow. “It’s funny,” Zack says with a puff of air leaking visibly out of his mouth. “You’ve known him for the shortest amount of time of all of us, but still know him the best.”Shrugging, Josh keeps his feelings hidden like a shadow, reminding himself how he needs to get better at expressing them.“You think so? In that case, I’m kinda disappointed in your family,” and Zack snorts at that.“No, it only shows that you care. Forgive me for saying that there was nothing in for him. And I said this same thing to Tyler, and I want you to know too: I’m glad that he found you and that you’re together. I can tell that there’s something special between you two, and Tyler cares about you just as much as you care about him.”“That’s—““Shut up. Family tidings are special, it’s all about shared blood and it can be a bliss and a curse at the same time. We’re tied by it as brothers, and it has tied us on where we’re from for all our life. So obviously you two are something else, but that’s what makes it something. I just want you to know that, Josh.”Zack gets up, shoving more snow over the bear’s skin to prove his point. Josh wants to shove him face down in the snow for reasons he’s unsure of, but holds himself back.“Okay. Just don’t poke your nose into things that have nothing to do with you, peasant.”Zack laughs. “Ooh, you’re scary. I can see why Tyler likes you. But screw that, you made me feel better. Any other tips you can share as the oldest brother and a son?”Zack is hopeful, and it’s clear that his next words will blindside him, but Josh goes for it anyway.“My brother is dead. And I would have gone to the ends of the world for him. So have no fear,” he tells him, certain of one thing. “Tyler would never hate you, I’m sure.” * The door to the house closes more lighter that what it had when they had gone out. Inside Tatum is waiting for them, having given them enough time to talk and do whatever they normally did to get rid of the heavy weights in their thoughts.There was more to come. “Welcome back,” the Breton greets them as they enter, getting up from the kitchen table. She puts aside the dressings she was making. Both her hair and long sleeves are tied up, freed now as she stands up. Tatum walks up to them throwing the next information right in their face. ”He had another fit of convulsions.” Josh stops on his tracks, hands on the buckle of his cape.”What?””It didn’t last long,” Tatum says hurriedly before either one of them gets to interrupt her. ”The potion’s wearing off, but it’s only a good thing at this point. His body is shaking off the effect, and he’ll wake up eventually. He’ll be in pain, but he needs fluids and food. And…”“And?” Josh presses, about to check up on the sick one. “Well, he’s settled now and sleeping,” she tells him. “But I noticed something else. He’s stiff all over. I moved him onto his side but his limbs don’t work at all. Needless to say, the wound and the other aches will bring him Oblivion fires if he wakes up like that, and I need Flame Stalks to ease his condition.”“Flame Stalks?” Josh repeats, the word foreign on his tongue. “Do you have any, then?”“No… that’s what the problem is. I don’t think they grow in Skyrim at all, and I’m all out now. I’m afraid that some of us has to go to an alchemy shop and see if they have any in stock.”“Great,” Josh mutters. “Which city is closest?” He turns to look at Zack, but Tatum is quicker.“I think Dawnstar, in the north coast. The other option is going to Windhelm and see my teacher. But it’s still not guaranteed that the guards will let you in.”“I’ll go,” Josh tells them immediately, but Zack throws a serious glance at him.“No you’re not. You’re the one who needs to be by Tyler’s side when he comes to,” Zack tells him. “You understand it, right? Tyler needs you,” he says knowingly, his eyes full of trust in him. He turns back to the mother of his child. “I’ll go to Dawnstar. Just tell me what you need, Tatum.”“Find The Mortar and Pestle,” the Breton tells him. “Ask for old Frida. She’s a friend of my teacher and knows alchemy and potions like the back of her hand. She’ll help us, even if she didn’t have the right ingredients. I’m sure she’ll share her knowledge about the disease. We might still need it.”“Got it. I’ll leave right away then,” Zack decides and takes a hold of his new task. Josh watches his purpose fill him up right in front of his eyes. It’s like a cleanse, how it washes over him and makes him grab his sword, wrapping himself into warm clothes again. Tatum helps him pack, doing nothing to hold him back. It’s hard for Josh to believe that Zack would have any fears of having ruined Tyler’s life, or that Tyler would hold any grudges against him. They care about each other equally, and Josh is rejoicing for the fact that Zack is driven by the same instinct as Tyler was as he had set on his journey. He hopes he can see it too. However he has one fear. Wasting no time to point it out with some actual words, Josh calls Zack’s name to get his attention. And he says,“I appreciate you doing this and all, but just so that you know: Tyler is going to have a shitstroke if you don’t come back in a bearable time. So do me a favor and come back as soon as possible. We have no need for any more hassle, right?”Zack cringes, catching on his words.“Right. Maybe don’t tell him…”“He’s going to find out anyway, isn’t he,” Josh sighs and messes his hair, hoping that the worst would stay put for once. For once. That’s all he asks for.“Well, he’s not going to get up from that bed anytime soon anyway,” Tatum tells them. It’s a sigh on her lips, and her words are a momentary relief for all of them. Maybe. *Zack left as soon as he got everything ready. The road to Dawnstar is not the longest, Josh tries to remember the way the main road snaked through the forests and mountains around them; it’s only a couple mountains between them, and Josh hopes that the path will be clear of any trouble.Zack will be back as soon he finds the alchemist. They made a promise, and Zack will do his best to keep it.If the worst will come to it, they’ll have to leave for Windhelm. Not sure who would go, they simply had to wait for a word from Zack or his return. Josh is ready, somehow helped out of the worst of his worries.Tyler on the other hand, he looks like he worries about something, even in his sleep. Josh knows it’s the pain doing its talking, sawing against his flesh and tearing into his consciousness despite being unconnected from the time at hand. Josh wishes he could grant him a peaceful rest, a sight that he still hasn’t seen Tyler having for too many times. Another half-sleepless night left behind, the morning is rising its head again, still dark as the sun keeps behind the mountain tops. They’re waiting for Zack, but Josh is waiting for Tyler coming back to him as well. Their fingers intertwined, Josh blinks his eyes open, a familiar sight of Tyler’s face greeting him return. But something’s different. Josh blinks again, clearing his sight from the sand in it.Tyler’s eyes are leaking. The thin water pushes past his eyelashes and drips down his skin, squeezing out as the pain seeps in.He’s waking up. Josh gapes silently at the sight of it, unable to even make a sound as Tyler squeezes his hand at the same time. So that’s the way Josh’s morning starts that day; it’s the weakest pressure Josh could possibly recognize, but the feeling is so unmistakable it sends a jolt of shockwave up to his body.It grows stronger. Josh is fully awake in second.“Tyler?”The first sound that comes out of his mouth is a breathy grunt. Tyler’s upper body heaves, once, twice, then halting again. Not sure if he was really waking up or if the convulsions would come back, Josh holds his hand, trying to get him focus on something different than the ache in his muscles.“You’re okay, Ty. It’s okay,” he repeats, patting his hand just slightly. Tatum must have heard his words as she comes to the room as well, sharply following what was to come.She lets Josh get him focused, and that’s when Josh gets a sight of Tyler’s eyes for the first time in days: they’re are barely open now, but they’re open. Having no focus yet, Tyler blinks sluggishly, tightening his grip around Josh’s fingers as his mind and body fights against the potion Tatum had made him consume. Josh is so overwhelmed, he nearly forgets. Tyler needs to drink.“Water,” Josh mutters under his breath, reaching out to pour some in a cup. ”You need to drink, Tyler.”“Josh, wait,” Tatum says and stops him. “He’s not here yet.”In the bed, Tyler lays unmoving. He’s still squeezing Josh’s hand, but is otherwise gone. The hot trails on his skin cease and dry up. He must be hurting a lot, but Zack is not back yet, and Josh doesn’t necessarily want to tell him that he’s not with them. He wishes he could say it’s gonna be okay, that the herbs are on the way, but the excessive stress simply wasn’t needed right now.They give him time, keeping the light conversation and touches coming despite Tyler doesn’t seem to catch on everything. But he tries, he tries so hard, and by the time Josh tells him he’s been asleep for two days, Tyler's eyes open wider, his look alone telling him that he didn’t believe him. However his muscles stiffened by the disease and the pain that came with it tells him the truth.Tyler’s mouth opens and closes as if relearning its function.“Can I… water?” Tyler asks groggily, his lips nearly bursting into a bleeding as his skin stretches around his words. “Please…”“Yeah man, just take it slow, okay? Don’t hurry it down.”“I can’t get up,” Tyler croaks out, like a warning that he might need some help. His eyes shift out of focus as a new wave of dizziness crashed around him. He’s so weak, they need to get him to eat as well.“I’ll help you, hey? Take it easy.”Tyler nods feebly, eyes closing shut again.“I’ll get you some fresh water from the kitchen. Hold on.” Josh hurries to the common room where Tatum is already preparing food for them, probably more than they actually need.He stays in the kitchen for just a second, but when he comes back, Tyler is halfway up trying to sit up against the headboard. Knowing that there was no mind in telling him not to do it, Josh shakes the first shock away.“Look at you, getting up all on your own,” he talks and scoots his stool closer to the bed. His smile falters as Tyler doesn’t answer to his happy words, his face twisted uncomfortably, trembling in exertion. It’s like his skin is newly bruised from the spasms alone, some of then connecting with the ones from the fall.His muscles are tense just like Tatum said, joints stiff, leaving his movements slow and limited.He’s not alright. “Tyler, wait, you don’t have to sit up all the way,” Josh says and presses his hand softly against Tyler’s shoulder, hoping to not wear him out. He fixes the pillow behind Tyler’s back, trying to get him settled as comfortably as possible. Tyler holds his hands in front of him, eyes sharply trained on the small wooden cup in Josh’s hands, filled with water. His joints bend leisurely, and Tyler gasps as he tries to reach forward.“I can hold it for you. Bend your head back, just a little,” Josh instructs him, and Tyler does as he’s told, slow, and he drinks, drinks, downing the water hungrily. Licking his lips, Tyler sighs in relief.“Do you think you can eat?”Tatum passes the bowl to him. In his hand, Josh holds a good portion of slack porridge and mashed berries in it. Easy to eat and easy to swallow, Tyler needs to get his energy back so he doesn’t starve. Diluting it with more milk, the meal might not be the tastiest of all, but the most important thing was to get Tyler to eat. Even though he’s spent all the days in bed now, the spasm took a lot of his energy. His muscles have worked incessantly, even after he had lost consciousness. For a second Josh was afraid his body would just give in to the unending exertion, the sweating taking him to a horrid dehydration alone.Josh brings the spoon to Tyler’s lower lip, gently pressing against it. But Tyler doesn’t want it, his head turns away the slightest, implying having no hunger.He groans nearly inaudibly, keeping his eyes shut.“You don’t like gruel?” Josh asks quietly, pulling the spoon back and letting it sink back into the bowl.“Give him some time. His appetite will be back soon enough, I’m sure. You can pour it back to the pot or eat it yourself. I’ll keep the food warm for him,” Josh hears Tatum say behind his back, but refuses to give up. He knows that Tyler was tired and in pain, however offering the spoon again soon enough.He’s glad he did. Turns out that Tyler is extremely hungry. The spoon starts slipping into his mouth with ease once they get into a rhythm. Josh ends up feeding him two bowls of porridge with warm milk and snowberries, washing it all down with slightly cooled down tea with more honey in it that Tyler found his liking in. The last of it Tyler forces down, having to lie down after it.“My head hurts,” Tyler complains as if nothing else was wrong. It’s impossible for him to find a comfortable position, carefully rolling his head against the trampled pillow.“That’s because you haven’t eaten or drunk enough water in days. By the Nine, Tyler, I don’t even know what to say. I thought I lost you there.” His heart beats faster, going back to the very night Tyler had gotten sick. He’d rather bury the memory, close it behind the Oblivion gates and never going back to it.“Thank you for staying with me,” Tyler rasps weakly, momentarily confused as Josh grabs his hand, holding it. Tyler smiles, he can only squeeze him back as moving was still painful for him, the constant convulsions taking their toll on him.“I don’t understand,” Tyler says with his eyes closed after a while, like trying to memorize something. “How can something that doesn’t make you bleed hurt so much?”Josh has no answer to that, however knowing plenty of things that do just that. “It was worse than getting hit by a bear,” Tyler decides. “Not being able to breathe...” His voice breaks at the end. “I just wanted it to end.” The words pain Josh’s heart, hearing them come out so lightly. Josh can only caress his hand, having no words to respond to the peasant.However their moment is broken by the Breton’s appearance again, softly apologizing for interfering as they separate.“Is it okay if I change the bandages again?”Tyler gives her his acceptance, nodding tiredly.She unties the bandages carefully, peeling the gauze from Tyler’s skin. From one layer to the next, the decreasing protection exposes more of what’s kept under the covers. Josh hasn’t seen the wound after it was first bandaged. Tyler doesn’t even flinch at the sight of it, having seen the outcome enough times already. Josh once wished that he’d never have to see it. But that only meant that he would be dead, Josh has to pull his words back, joyous for the fact that he never gave a voice to his curses. For all he knew, the gods might have heard him, they received his silent prayers too, and brought the bear to him. Tyler knows nothing about it. Tyler stays in bed when they cleanse the wound. Tatum puts a warm, wet cloth on the wound and lets it sit for a while, softening his skin as she explains. Preparing a cleansing solution, the Breton mixes warm water and table salt together. Swirling a spoon in the cup, the Breton taps it against the edge before turning back to Tyler.She lifts the cloth, moving the candle closer, looking for any pus with her eyes. She smells the air, finding it clean. “The infection is wearing down. The ointment is working, I’m sure.”Tyler’s breath it shaky with relief. Josh’s, too. “I’m going to cleanse the wound now. It might still sting quite a lot, but try not to move too much...”Tyler nods unsurely, bracing himself. He moves closer to the bed’s edge to get closer to the light. Josh steps closer then, holding the candle so Tatum can see better.They can’t take any risks anymore. Tatum wets another cloth, squeezing the excessive water off before wiping it against Tyler’s wounds.Tyler lets out an involuntary noise, his face writhes as his toes twist. He throws his head back at the next round, fingers tangling with the furs beneath him, ripping.“It stings,” Tyler confirms, gulping tightly. He focuses on staying immobile, letting Tatum work undisturbed. “It stings,” he tells them again, as if saying it out loud would make it any easier.“Josh, can you get rid of these for me,” Tatum asks him, pointing at the abandoned dressing shed on the bed’s edge. Josh only nods, picking the thing up and going back to the common room.Throwing the gauze into the flames, Josh watches them burn as the Breton clears Tyler’s room. She moves silently, putting her tools on the table.“He fell asleep,” Tatum whispers, and all Josh can do is snort a laughter, feeling the slightest amount of relief wash over him. It leaves him lighter, breaking some of the tension.“After all these days…”“Sleep is the great healer, Josh. Sometimes it’s the only thing man needs.”“He said the bear was nothing compared to this,” Josh tells her with a disbelieving look, lowering his eyes at the thought.“It’s no surprise,” Tatum says. “Bone break fever can make the biggest of the men cry and make them have death wishes. It’s just that unbearable. I remember seeing an old woman dying of it once. Her ribs simply snapped at the convulsions the disease caused her. You can guess what happened. She died overnight.”Josh looks at Tyler’s sleeping form. He’s not hearing them as he’s keen to regain his strength.“He took it really well,” Tatum muses.“He’s a fighter. And strong.”It was the only answer Josh could give, nothing more, nothing less. But he knows what he says, and means it.It’s enough.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The sound of hooves hitting the ground reaches his ears. Four walls around him, Josh follows the pattern sharply once getting caught on it; sitting up, even his breathing quiets, listening, listening— who ever they were, they were getting closer, intently directing their attention to their location.Josh gets up, leaving Tyler’s sleeping form behind. He enters the main room swiftly, following Tatum as the window in Tyler’s room was faced elsewhere. Josh drives his eyes through the frosty dark glass to see outside—Three men, two horses. Josh recognizes the grey color around the armors, giving them the shape of the hardened guards of the north coast. The four-pointed sigil of the brightest morning star presents itself to his eyes. What could the guards possibly want from them? They haven’t gotten their hands on any illegal matters, they aren’t disturbing anyone—Getting a better view, it’s Zack who dismounts one of the horses then. Josh’s guard drops with a relieved sigh. The grip around the knife he had grabbed somewhere along the way loosens at the same time.“Zack is back,” Josh tells to Tatum as if she didn’t know. The Breton has already made her way to the door, clearly knowing that it was him from the beginning.“Hello courier,” she’s first to greet her returning other half. Zack answers with a smile on his face, caressing the big mare for bringing him back to the outlying farm. “Come inside, you folk,” Tatum hollers to the two guards on their horses backs around him. “There’s always room for kind people here.”“Thank you fine lady, but we’re off to Dawnstar. We’re only returning from our patrol,” one of the guards with a spear in his hand says.“Ask us again if there’s some ale brewed ready for us next time.” A woman’s voice carries through steely protection around her head. She pulls on the reins of her horse with a wink in her voice.“Piss off,” Zack tells them, earning a loud laughter in return, sending them on their way. “Thank you so much for bringing me back. My brother will get the help he needs now,” he call after them, hands around his mouth cup the air, hoping to make his voice carry to their ears and it does.“Of course, citizen. Stay safe,” they say lastly and add to their pace, leaving the inner circle of the frosty farm in the Pale of Skyrim. “Tatum,” Zack sighs and closes his family in hir arms, happy to be home. “Look what I’ve got,” he says with a big smile then, reaching to his satchel and handing a thick parcel to the Breton.“Thank the gods,” Tatum sighs back upon seeing its contents. There’s all sort of stuff, plants, powders and small bottles of different kind of liquids, things that Josh doesn’t even recognize. But most importantly—Fire Stalks. That must be it, their strong, rufous color standing out from everything Josh has ever seen before.“Old Frida sent her regards to you. She wishes to meet you one day, and asked how your teacher was doing.”“That’s lovely. I’d love to meet her too. I hope she knows how grateful we all are,” the Breton says and ushers them inside the house. “I have to write a letter to my teacher.”“The green bottle is a finished potion. She figured she could save us some time and prepared it for Tyler in a bat of an eye.”“Oh, great,” Tatum is pleased by his words, opening the cork with a pop and smelling the mixed ingredients inside of it. “Mm, yes, I could recognize the smell of finished Fire Stalks anywhere.”“I was on my way back when the guards met me at the edge of the forest. They were on patrol and took me back in no time,” Zack talks with a lowered voice, figuring that Tyler might hear him.“Divines bless their kind hearts. Yours, too,” the Breton says happily and passes Zack a kiss, slightly swaying the bottle in her hands after. “Alright, this makes things easier. Who wants to be the jerk and wake Tyler up?”“I’m already awake,” carries Tyler’s voice from his room. His fingers are pressed against his eyes as Josh goes back to him. Tyler rubs the sand out when Josh sits on his usual spot next to Tyler’s bed. Seeing him enter brings a faint smile on the peasant’s face, however grunting when he tries to sit up. Movements still slow and limited, the disease was still with them. Weakening it might be, but its touch was still unmistakable.Unaware that asking Tyler if he was okay was one of the things forbidden to do, Zack breaks the rule handsomely by only landing his boots on the shared space. It’s only understandable, knowing that Zack hasn’t seen his brother since he was still unconscious.Overwhelmed and probably still half asleep, Tyler croaks out, “Fine,” to check all the fuss with one word, frowning in confusion. “I think I heard something. Horses?”“What? No,” Zack answers, perhaps too quick for Tyler to see that something was up. “I mean, I’ve been clearing out the pen all day. Throwing out stuff makes a racket. I had no idea you were awake and up already.”Josh bets they’ve lost their coin at fooling Tyler, but the peasant buys it. Josh is glad, having worried that he’d have to deal with the next brotherly incident over Tyler’s mental breakdown after finding out about Zack leaving for Dawnstar.The Rot softens his wits.“Haven’t been up,” Tyler corrects him then, catching on the other thing instead. “I’m starting to think I’ll never leave this spot,” he complains, gesturing at his bed and joking how his shape will be printed on it forever. He’s more or less serious about it, and Zack laughs.“That’s not true. Hey, look what we’ve got you. This should make you feel better.” Zack shows him the bottle. Tyler looks at it unsurely, using it to search answers from the Breton. “This one will not knock you out, don’t worry. It might cause a bit sleepiness later but it’ll ease the ache that the fever left behind. It doesn’t taste so bad either, I promise. You’re still a bit sore, right?”“A little,” Tyler mutters and looks at Josh for some reason, pulling his covers higher up. Thanks to Zack, Tyler gets medicine that doesn’t make him lose himself. By the time the day was done and the sun was down, his movements were better, limbs flexing easier, and he’d even gotten up from bed a few times. Eating, drinking, Josh gets reminded of Tyler’s bad habit of chewing disruptively loudly when they eat dinner together. The peasant was truly getting into it now. And somehow, Zack does the same. Josh looks at Tatum, they exchange disgusted glances, shaking their heads like knowing full well that the other had noted the same thing and finding no energy to comment about it anymore.Now back in bed, they’re squeezed tightly together in the cramped bed with Josh sitting and Tyler laying on his side beside him. Tyler is yawning, the food really doing its job at knocking him out every single time. Maybe it was the potion. Only this time he winces, the expanding ribs doing their usual protest. His wounds, too.“Are you sure you can stay like that? Would it be easier for you to lay on your back?”“This is good,” Tyler decides and blinks sleepily, absently circling his finger through the fur as he tries to stay awake, to stay with Josh. “Better, actually.” His fever has dropped into nothingness, the new herbs working flawlessly. Pride and amazement, Josh looks at Tyler. He feels a sudden spark lighting itself in his brain. “I almost forgot,” he says, sitting up straighter. He reaches over to the nightstand. Pulling the small drawer open, Josh fishes Tyler’s diary quickly into his hands. An excited thrill fills him up to the brink at the same time; he’s been waiting for the right moment all this time now, moving Tyler’s belongings to surprise him fully. He wants to make it nothing but perfect. “You’ll never guess what I’ve got for you,” he says cheerily and hides the diary behind his back without Tyler managing to see it. “What?” Tyler asks and perks up at the mystery, trying to peek but Josh makes a sound, gluing him back on his spot. He almost can’t contain himself. “You have to guess.”Tyler’s face pulls into a disappointed frown. “No,” he retaliates and tries to poke Josh in his belly. “You can’t say never and then make me guess. Gimme that,” he states and does it again, succeeding and stabbing his pointed fingers into his side this time.“Ouch,” Josh squirms at the hard strike but only smiles, his heart beating fast. Their eyes meet in the moment, locking together with an unspoken spell. Tyler’s lips stretch into a smile, making his eyes squint the tiniest bit, and Josh forgets what he was doing. Nearly shaking his head, unable to take Tyler staring at him in the way he does and still hold him in a clueless torture, Josh reveals his secret, finally showing the diary to him.Tyler’s face falls in pure disbelief. “No,” he gasps again, looking Josh back in the eye instead of the object in his hands, as if to find out if it was true in the first place.It was. Small thing, Josh puts it down in Tyler’s hands who cradles his diary like a long lost baby bird, going through something seemingly meaningful as he falls completely silent. Loss of words, the deprivation is clear in his features, so strong that he looks more sad than happy at the sight of it. Locked into a whirlwind of astonishment, Josh doesn’t mind Tyler’s reaction of curling up against it. He understands.“I wanted to get it back and give it to you. I know how important it is, this diary. It can’t be forgotten.”Tyler’s eyes come up at the sound of his voice. “But I told you—““And you’re the worst fucking liar I have ever met. I mean— it’s obvious, right? I’m sure a thing like that is worth going back to, so I wanted to find and bring it to you.” Scared of busting himself and that the peasant would stab him for knowing that Josh had ever read it in the first place, Josh’s nerves ease when Tyler's expression turns into a weak smile instead, still amazed of the sweet gesture.“We went through a lot,” Tyler reflects and hoists the diary up, somehow having no courage to open it. “It’s unscratched,” Tyler notes in astonishment and sniffles, nose leaking over again. Hands around the diary, Tyler presses it against his chest. “Oh, I’m so happy…”Unknowingly slumping into more comfortable position, Josh finds himself laying next to the peasant. Sharing the one and only pillow, they have just enough of room to get comfortable next to each other, but still get closer. Josh faces the ceiling, studying the flickering shadows that the light of candles like to peck. “I brought your sword and other things back as well. Maybe you should check them out later.” Tyler blinks. ”Did you see the bear?” He realizes to ask then, the question pulling Josh’s attention back to him.His eyes are clear and unsullied, concerned as if trying to see through him. Josh draws in an inaudible breath, shakes his head. “No, I didn’t see it. It was snowing quite hard when I got there. Maybe it moved somewhere else to tend to its wounds as well.”Tyler believes him, nodding his head tamedly. Not knowing what to say or do next, Josh’s heart hurts for lying and having to watch Tyler’s gullible nature taking place in his actions again. But the peasant’s absent fiddling and his blunt fingernail catches onto something between the pages of his diary then, putting an end to the ache.“Look, even Zack’s letter is here,” he points out quietly and pulls it out, keeping bashful as he does it so that Josh wouldn’t see what he’s written on his diary. Josh only smiles, rueful, leaning his head against his hand and turning onto his side to face him fully. Feeling warm at Tyler’s timid gestures and clumsy fingers working the letter open, Josh wishes he could say how handsome he looked. He studies Tyler’s eyes, seeing them absorb the candlelight as the peasant reads the letter intently once again, trying to understand his brother better now as he saw everything in new light.Tyler snorts. It’s no use. “What a useless thing. My brother is a fool,” the peasant decides, pressing the crumpled up paper on his face and blowing it away like a dry leaf in the autumn season. Josh laughs, catching it midway. “But it’s the thing that started it all, right?” He muses the words strangely, however looking at it nearly fondly. He remembers the moment he had first held it in his hand, how the day had brightened at the edge of Dawnstar, how they had settled upon a shared destination only hours before. It feels like a faraway dream now, how they had vowed to reach Windhelm’s bleak city gates, and make it there together.Their ambitions have changed since then, as the road has taken them somewhere else. But it doesn’t matter. Zack has been found, they’re still together, and surely they have built something between them along the way. Tyler doesn’t look satisfied. “I think I’m gonna rub this thing in his face until he’s bleeding. Make him do better job next time.”Josh laughs. “Maybe. I think you should talk to him though. He was pretty concerned about some things between you two, you know.”“Yeah? You’ve been talking? What else did you talk about?”Josh blows out in attempt to remember. The days mix together in his head by now, giving him no answer. “Just… lots of stuff.”Tyler pouts. “Did you have many vigorous conversations while I was out?” and Josh has to huff out a humorous laugh, still wondering whether Tyler was concerned that Josh was attracted to his younger brother instead of him, a brother who now had a partner and a child on the way.Getting back to the conversation, Josh brushes the topic away easily. “Come on. He was worried about you.”Allowing the joke to run past them, Tyler finally opens his diary, going through his days before the present. He blinks between his writing, sighing at some point, carrying on.“Are you going to write on it some more?”“I think so,” Tyler says relaxed, flicking a page. “There might be a lot of stuff to write about, in the future.”“Yeah.”Diary put away, Tyler puts his hands together and rests his head against them, cheek squeezing between. He eyes Josh curiously. “Have you ever written a diary, Josh?”Thinking aback, Josh tries his hardest, however shaking his head at the end. “I don’t think so,” he says wondering. “I’m not very good with words, anyway.”At that, Tyler’s eyes grow warm. He says, “That’s not what it’s about,” and smiles fondly at him, and it goes right through his soul.“I know you’re good at it,” Josh says softly with no edges to his voice. Having no idea what he was doing until it was already happening, Josh leant forward, pressing a feather kiss on Tyler’s forehead to prove his point. The gesture was over in a half-second, yet when he pulls away, Tyler is frozen in time. They stare at each other in puzzlement. Tyler’s mouth hangs open in the same way Josh’s eyes do, too wide and overalert. The most unexpected happens next, and Josh almost jumps when Tyler bursts into tears. “H-hey man, what’s wrong?” Josh laughs nervously and brushes his fingers through Tyler’s growing hair then, not quite succeeding in what he tries to do as the ugly sobs intensify. Tyler blushes hard, either from crying or something else, biting back a sound. Josh is glad to see some healthy color on his face, but now it looks almost unhealthy, and he’s seriously wondering whether he should barge out of the room and get some help. “Tyler,” he says, nervous. “Are you okay?” “Yeah,” Tyler forces, high-pitched, and starts wiping at his cheeks, seemingly stunned of his own reaction as well. Josh moves his hand aside, gently wiping the water uphill, drying the wet trails. “What is it?” he asks at the same time.  “Nothing, honestly,” Tyler rasps, hiccuping. “We’re alive,” he says in disbelief, showing his face and Josh looks at him, the tear-stained face a common sight now, brought to him whenever Tyler grew emotional. He’s seen the same sight so many times now, unable to hold back as he says,“You’ve been crying awfully lot these days.””I know,” Tyler snivels back. ”I told you, I’m not like this, I swear...” His fingers glide over the fading bruises over his face, however starting to whimper again when Josh leans down and wraps his arms around him, careful as he’s still aware of Tyler’s injuries. But Tyler is unbothered, his hands find their place on Josh’s back, holding on to him. “You’re so brave, Tyler,” Josh tells him, and Tyler makes a sound, clearly biting down another whimper.“You are— you are too,” Tyler utters, clutching hard at his tunic. And Josh, he goes to face Tyler, taking him the way he is and nothing else. They look each other right into their eyes. Tyler’s teary gaze jumps to Josh’s lips and back several times as he shifts his hands on Josh’s arms and trembles with bumps on his skin, rising against the cold air. And in the heat of the moment, Josh reads Tyler like an open book. He’s about to cross the distance between them and nudge forward, Josh draws in a breath, and…His body startles right before they connect. Feeling stunned, Josh pulls away. He pulls away, and feels Tyler watching him in utter confusion as he sits up, pathetically wrapping his arms around his knees and driving his gaze to the furthest corner in the room, seeing the draft shake a cobweb in the same way Josh finds himself shaking.“Josh…”Tyler’s voice is full of pain, it’s still not enough to make them face each other. Josh is frozen, he’s absolutely stuck in his skin locking against his muscles, keeping him in place.He hears Tyler release a shaky breath as he doesn’t answer, dropping his head down and turning his face away as he sighs in a heated disappointment. Stiff like a sword made of steel, Josh turns to look, face half buried and hiding in his arms. He finds Tyler unmoving, letting the heavy air keep him in place.Having no idea what to do, Josh watches Tyler swallow heavily, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as if to wipe away the remnants of what was about to happen off his mind.And Tyler speaks, bluntly,“Wanna… wanna wash myself,” he decides, completely avoiding Josh’s gaze now.And all Josh can do is nod, his voice a foreign sound even in his own ears.“Let’s boil some water for you.” * Josh has never cursed as much as he does now. He curses himself into Oblivion and back, head spinning as if kicked down a mountain side, the fall never ending.Tyler’s still wobbly on his feet, but he manages. He boils the water himself. He snatches some food on his own and waits, asking Zack to come and help him wash his back. Zack agrees, but only if Tyler stops moving so his wounds won’t open. The peasant keeps ignoring him, noisily munching on his bread, steam gathering into his system. It pours out on him in silent treatment. Josh watches as Tyler slowly turns into a stormcloud, only to receive a tight smile from him as Josh hands over the soap, having seen Tyler look for it. Zack pours the hot water in a wooden bucket and puts in the cold water to mix an ideal temperature. Tyler asks him to leave it hot rather than some pissy-cold shit as he calls it, and it’s then when Zack turns to look at him. The two share a long and uncomfortably sharp gaze that neither doesn’t want to back down from. Tyler is fuming at his point. He tells Zack to hurry up in one grumpy bark, and leaves for the bathing room to get ready and remove his bandages. The cabin falls silent at the slamming door. The only sound is the popping of the firewood and Zack preparing another kettle of water. Unlike Josh, Zack appears chill, probably used to all of Tyler’s venomous moods. But Zack doesn’t know. He doesn’t know it’s Josh’s fault, that one of his infamous fuck-ups were all that was needed to turn his brother into a snake. Every once in a while, the silence lets them hear Tyler’s muffled groans and curses as he rips the gauze off. Tatum cringes in the corner, rising her eyes from her work on the kitchen table. “Make sure he cleanses and dries up the wound properly. Water only. I’ll take care of the rest.”Zack stokes the fire, saying nothing. “Are you free tonight?” he asks Josh instead.Josh quirks his eyebrow at the weird question. “Going hunting,” he says, freaked out of his mind. His nerves are tight like a bowstring threatening to snap. He needs an escape.“Good. I’m going with you,” Zack says and smiles reassuringly as he finishes the next bucket, and goes to Tyler. He winks. The door opens and closes behind him. Josh holds his breath, holds his heart. He can hear Zack talking to Tyler, Tyler doesn’t ignore him, he answers back and they fall into an idle chat as the water splatters on the floor. Josh could have helped too. He would have gladly washed Tyler’s back and listened to him hum a song that he’d absorbed from a bard at whatever inn he had stayed at, to see him get rid of three day’s grime and sweat and come out alive and completely renewed, but- But Tyler is mad, and Josh will never get to touch him again as there’s a thick wooden barrier between them once again.He’s forced to wait, thinking how he’s supposed to fix the whole ordeal.Because the thing is, Josh’s nerves had jumped between them before he had time to do anything else, and he fucking hates himself. He can’t tolerate the fact that he had pulled away when he should have pulled in, right into Tyler’s arms and let himself be kissed and kiss back. So here he is now, six feet deep under the ground in his own self-caused misery, head tucked between his knees as he pummels himself even deeper into the dirt like a dying mudcrab. Here he mopes, back against the wall as he sits on the uncomfortable floor, tightly curled up into his own self-pity and hatred against himself.He doesn’t have anything better to do as he’s forced to wait. He doesn’t know what to fucking do with himself anymore. Tatum is looking at him pityingly, sewing something together at the table.“What happened?” she questions, probably smelling and feeling Josh’s self-loathe wafting in the air. “Me happened,” Josh answers surly and peeks up from his cocoon, only to go back into hiding again.Tatum makes an acknowledging sound, saying,“Sounds bad,” and Josh gives up, sinking deeper into himself. * As promised, Josh finds himself outside in the freezing night air with Tyler’s younger brother later that night, having slipped outside to wait before Tyler had come back to kill him with his look.His bow doesn’t work in his hands. Put away and carrying it on his back, the two men are silent as they walk next to each other, Zack clearly waiting for Josh to open his mouth.Josh purses his lips tighter, feeling a headache coming his way. Enough beating around the bush.“Tyler tried to kiss me,” he says in one go, and Zack does nothing to keep the conversation from coming.“He kissed you?” he asks, calmly pulling his hood off his head. “Tried to,” Josh repeats, frustrated. “I… I pulled away,” he says and quips his head away, still angry at himself.Zack nods, slowly running his gaze against the roadless path in front of them. “So, you didn’t want to? I mean, you don’t have any feelings to return or…?”“No! I mean, yes, I have feelings for him, but…” Josh shakes his head, burying his head in his hands again, trying to pull on his skin with his thick mittens with no success. “I don’t know, I just freaked out. I’ve known how he feels about me for a while now, and I feel horrible because I read the diary he’s been carrying with him this entire time, and…”  Josh tries to pick his words. “And there were writings… about me. A lot of writing. That’s how I kinda found out in the first place, and... fuck, I messed up so bad.” Zack hums, letting Josh be the waterfall for once.“And I may or may not have kissed his forehead first,” Josh adds squeaking, as if to make things worse. Zack laughs at his voice. “You totally did,” he decides, slightly nudging him to the side. Josh sighs, feeling too insignificant to fight back.“And the next thing I know, he’s crying and blushing and what not, and I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong because I kissed him kinda instinctively as well. And then he’s leaning in, and what do I do? Pull away? What the fuck is wrong with me, man?” Josh halts then, unable to keep going as the earlier images fill his senses. “And then…” Josh goes on, falling silent as he goes back to the worst moment of his life.“And?”“I hurt him so bad.”Zack hums again, sinking into his own thoughts.Josh holds his head. “Everything’s so messed up right now. I don’t want him to think that I don’t care. I care about him, I care about him a lot. But I’ve fucked up so many times already. I’m running out of hope even with myself, so I can’t even imagine how Tyler is feeling now. He must have given up on me by now.”Upset with himself, Josh turns back the same way they came. He’s quiet for a while, wiping his eyes dry before the water freezes on his face. “I don’t know what I’m so scared about.” * Back in the cabin, a bitter tear rolls down the bridge of Tyler’s nose as he curls tighter into himself, smothering a sob of his own. Josh and Zack have been gone for some time now, they’re probably talking instead of hunting, discussing about him and what a creep he is. He shouldn’t have done it. He should have known. He will never find anyone. Not if he’s like this, as he had heard her say many times before. He should have done as he was told, and put an end to his nonexistent hope of… of anything.He thinks about his miserable life, how he should just go back to Rorikstead and take a hold of the plans they had given to his life there. He thinks about the dream he had before falling sick, feeling these sharp eyes and angry faces bursting holes into his skull. He sees this girl, he sees her dry hair of golden hay and freckled skin ghosting over his face again, and Tyler feels a wave of frightened chills lick their way up his body. He pulls the covers higher up to cover himself from his memories, drying his tears on the rough pillowcase.He’s overreacting. Why does he have to think about it now?  The next moment, Tatum is coming to the room to check on him.“Leave me,” Tyler demands at once and hides his face even deeper into his covers, yet his teary voice hides nothing from her.“You’re not in pain are you?”“No,” he snarls in an emotion he can’t even name, feeling so heavy all of sudden. Tyler screws his eyes shut.It’s just his heart. Tyler snivels, tasting the water coming out from the tight space between his eyelids, not even caring that Tatum sees. And he says,“It’ll pass. Just please. Leave me alone. I want- I want to be alone.”At that, Tatum nods, taking his words and withdrawing.Tyler pulls tighter into himself, not knowing what to do anymore. Exhaustion takes over him at last, and he falls asleep alone as the wind outside their walls howl like a lone wolf looking for its lost pact. * The night is at its darkest and so, so long. Slick trees cast shadows over the dynes of snow as they come back from the wild. The moons are up again, guiding the two back to the small farm hidden from the main road. Zack is walking in front of him. Josh’s eyes are casted low, dragging as he watches Zack’s boots moving but not really seeing as the younger brother of the peasant stops, feeling his doubts still thick in the air.His hand meets Josh’s shoulder before he stumbles into him. “Josh, it’s gonna be fine. It’s Tyler, and he is my brother. I know you feel like you’re in a real pickle right now, but trust me, there’s nothing that talking wouldn’t resolve,” Zack tells him, eyes honest. “Just talk. Show him. He’ll understand. It’s not like one kiss would ruin everything.”Josh is surly. “There was no kiss. That’s what the pickle is.”Zack rolls his eyes to the back of his head as if the landscape would be any brighter there. “You guys are something. Look at me and Tatum, man. Do you know what kind of shit stroke I was in when I had gotten her letter and found out I had made her pregnant? Not to mention the moment I went to see her in Windhelm. I was prepared to get my ass roasted and put into a soup and then be eaten by some northern barbarians, but look at us now. I made up for my carelessness and we’re about to have the most beautiful child in the world, together,” Zack says. When Josh doesn’t look convinced, Zack’s blood starts boiling. Josh feels it as the other snarls, grabbing him by his collar and yanking him right out of his personal space, ripping him forth to face him.Josh’s eyes widen in surprise. It’s like getting kissed with a thick, threatening aura that makes him shrink. Zack doesn’t stop, and the only thing Josh can see are his dark eyes looking right into his. Zack talks like thunder.“Listen, idiot. I fucked up, but I’m still going to marry the woman of my life so hard. Just some food for thought,” Zack says with a confidence Josh has never seen before. The other pulls back easily, steadfast as winter, looking at him coldly. “One missed kiss is nothing to me. I made up for my mistake. Now you get the fuck inside and make up for your own. I don’t care if you’re gonna kiss him senseless or just take him right there, right now. I know he seems a bit fragile but trust me, I know my brother, and he can take a thing or two more than you can even imagine.”Josh is sweating. He can’t help but let an amused snort escape through his lips, his eyed wide. And Zack, he’s smiling wickedly, looking just like Tyler, and Josh remembers why this face had stuck with him for so long. Nevermind about Zack, though. Because Tyler is waiting inside, and Josh hopes the lecture he got from the younger brother didn’t reach his ears through the thin window glasses. * There’s no way that he could have heard. Tyler is asleep. Josh finds him laying in bed beneath all the thick furs on the exact same spot they were about to kiss for the first time. He’s unmoving and disconnected from the time at hand. Josh stands at the mouth of the room watching him, entering slowly as if afraid that waking Tyler up would get him banished.Taking that first step, the floorboards groan under his weight, and Josh sees the nature of cat sleep. Tyler wakes up at the sound immediately. His eyes fly open at different times, head lifting from the worn pillow trampled by pained thrashing only nights before, stained by blood, sweat and tears. The perpetual lack of sleep has him stunned. Tyler doesn’t dare to move nor does he make a sound. Josh goes to him. His steps are slow and silent, calculating as he observes Tyler’s every reaction. He’s afraid of upsetting him even more. However Tyler doesn’t do anything. He lies paralyzed, breathing as quietly as he can as he stares up at Josh like a hurt animal. His hair is damp and he has shaved, looking oddly younger in Josh’s eyes, but also so, so tired.He’s been crying. Josh notices it immediately as the reddened eyes stare at him hopelessly, struck down as if to tell him to stay there.This is not the way they should be facing each other at all.Josh sits at the edge of bed. The hard wood makes cracking noises at the added weight. “Can I come in?” he asks with steadfastness, so calm that it throws even himself off. When Tyler doesn’t answer, Josh reaches down, pulling off his snowy boots, keeping an eye on the other. They drop to the floor, one after another. Carefully lifting the hem of the pelts and blankets, Josh whizzes himself swiftly in to spare the heat Tyler has worked so hard to warm up the bed with. They settle next to each other. In his fright, Tyler is rigid like a pillar. He’s shrinking into himself despite having done nothing wrong, smothering himself below those covers. In his speechlessness, Josh fixes the pelts. He’s trying to come off as calm, but the nervousness is slowly sinking in and he realizes doing nothing but nervous fiddling. Lying beside the other, it would be too weird to get up now and flee with a tail between his legs. So Josh doesn’t. He’s facing Tyler, facing his eyes, as the rest of him is hidden. Not knowing how to start, Josh does the only thing he can think of, and says,“Hey.” It comes out as a whisper. Tyler blinks. It’s slow, tired. His voice can barely cut through the barriers but Josh hears him. He says hey back, and Josh can see the thinnest coat of glass take over the peasant’s eyes, and with a voice so small Tyler croaks,“You came back.”“Of course I did.”“I thought you left for good.”Josh sighs sadly. The cowardly side of him wants to think through his words, but his heart speaks louder.“How could I leave? I don’t think I could ever do that without coming back. I know I messed up, Tyler, and I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did what I did. I just freaked out. It’s just that… this is all so new to me, and the different kind of closeness just drives me away sometimes,” he speaks, trying to arrange his thoughts.Tyler takes them all in, silent. “And it shouldn’t, but… I don’t know. I’m not very good at this. And maybe I have some issues, but I’m ready to work through them with you, and the kiss—“ Josh is only babbling at this point, he knows, but is stopped by Tyler’s finger pressing on his lip.“We can talk about it later. I’m…”Josh sees the effect of the potion shine through Tyler’s eyes then. Pupils wide and black, he simply can’t keep up with anything now, barely holding on to Josh’s words anymore.“I-I know. Go back to sleep. Sorry for waking you up.”Sniffling, Tyler is still weak. He keeps hiding it, but it simply wears him out. The peasant nods without a word, his eyes drooping shut. Carefully, Josh puts his hand on Tyler’s waist, rubbing warmth into his body. Tyler’s head nestles on the slot between Josh’s head and collarbone, drawing in his warmth. His still damp hair pools against Josh’s face, filling his senses with an earthy smell of root soap. Josh sighs, filling his lungs with it, and then again. When Tyler shifts closer, Josh does the same. All his fears disappear and fill him with a newfound hope, a silver lining for everything from now on.Given more time, they just have to talk. For now, Josh nuzzles his lips lower, planting a careful kiss on Tyler’s forehead, apology.It’s given to him. Josh feels Tyler’s body relaxing against his own, and he can’t believe how a thing so simple like sharing body heat could get so scary. It’s everything. They fall asleep facing each other like they have many times before, closing the rest of the world behind their backs. For the first time ever, the world could wait.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Like Frost Fall, Sun’s Dusk has come to an end. Two months have passed quickly during their stay at the place Tatum and Zack have claimed as their own. Still lacking a proper name, the farm was nearing its earlier days’ glory, when no burnt buildings or smell of the charred wood would take place. Josh is glad to see it after his two-week absence. The air is wafting with the lightest amount of snow as the tall trees pop and crack in a familiar crispy frost in The Pale of Skyrim. He’s now back from Dawnstar, lighter of his carryings and thicker of his coin purse.Lifting the small wooden gateway to get past the fence, Josh enters the yard alone, carefully closing the gap so no possible livestock could escape. He doesn’t know how many things have changed during his absence, doesn’t even know what to expect.Approaching the pen where he used to skin all his quarrel, Josh can hear a flock of chicken cackling and quacking behind the barred walls now. He’s just peeled his eyes away from it and taking a step towards the narrow porch of the house when a creaking sound above his head yanks his attention up to the sky. Josh leaps quickly back to avoid from getting jumped on by a shadow, stumbling on his feet. A man lands on his feet in front of him. It’s Tyler. Of course it’s him, but the sight of him so strongly on his feet is still an odd sight to see, not to mention the trick he’s just pulled on him.Josh’s heart beats fast. “Tyler!” The peasant comes up just as fast as he had went down. “Hi Josh. Welcome back.”His hair is gone. It’s the first thing Josh notices, followed by the big grin on Tyler’s cold-blushed face. Smiling incontinently, Tyler’s skin is back to its blotchy, frostbitten color that makes his cheeks blush in exhilaration. With nothing there to cover his head, the tips of his ears are glowing red like embers. How long has he been up there waiting for him?Josh covers his ears with his hands. “What in Oblivion were you doing on the roof?”Tyler shakes his head as hard as he can with his cheeks squeezed between Josh’s mittens, lips plump and pouty. “Practicing my own deer catching skills, I guess.” He blurts these words out, and Josh breaks into a bright smile at the answer he didn’t expect, his head falling back as he laughs. The sound coaxes Tyler to do the same.Josh bends his face back down to take a look at him. The peasant is so full of color, like the most beautiful sight of a sunset in the northern sky.Tyler looks healthy. He is healthy, and Josh is more than relieved to make that remark himself.“How was trading? Did you get rid of all the skins?” Tyler asks in return, shaking Josh out of his one-man staring competition.Josh blinks. “I did. It was a lot better than I expected. Some of them went to the White Hall, even. I had no idea I was commercing with a servant until the smith pointed it out,” he tells Tyler in disbelief. At that Tyler frowns, a confused quip of his. “The White Hall?” puffs the air out of his mouth.“The Jarl’s court. I sold my furs to the Jarl of Dawnstar.” Tyler’s face brightens up. “Ohh, I see!” His gasp is irreverently amazed, mouth open and round. It makes Josh’s face crinkle at Tyler’s mocking. “I see that you’re suddenly a decent merchant, too.”Josh gives him a good-natured push at that, and Tyler pretends to be unbalanced. “No, I mean it, I learn something new about you every day,” he deadpans, rubbing his shoulder. ”I want to come with you, next time.”Josh grins. He’d missed that face so much. “Of course. How are your legs?”Tyler casts his eyes down, waving his toes inside his warm fur boots.“They’re still a bit weak from time to time, but I managed to climb up there,” he says and quips his head towards the roof, a goofy-proud smile propping his cheeks up. His thumb points at the same direction. Josh sighs, unable to hold back anymore as he wraps his arms around him, planting a long kiss on his forehead before releasing him.“You’re crazy.”“One day I’ll catch that deer. A grown buck. Just watch me.” * Inside the house is where the warmth is. In the common room, Tyler is dancing around the dining table with moves that Josh has never seen before.The peasant is swinging his elbows and moving his knees like there was no ending. It looks chaotic but well thought at the same time; Tyler dances with an odd preciseness, a thick veil of concentration matching his movements. And Josh watches him with all his heart, the love he has for him fills him with an abnormal warmth, quicker than the fire in the hearth ever could.He guesses there’re still sides of Tyler that he doesn’t know about. And he’s excited to discover every single one of them.“Stop flailing around like a madman,” Zack says, carrying a dry set of firewood closer to the fireplace.Obviously, Tyler doesn’t stop. “I’m exercising,” he says instead and keeps swaying, swinging his arms and spinning around on a single foot. “You’re just happy that Josh is back,” Zack says.“I am.” Josh snorts, enjoying the warm drink in his hands. He falls unable to drop his eyes off the show that Tyler is putting up for him. Their eyes meet in the moment, Tyler turns to look at him, smiling and beaming with a new-found energy, regained only after having rested off the strain that his journey had put him through. All of it.His eyes are the farthest thing from the ones Josh saw on the day he’d returned from his hunt with Zack. That night, he had found Tyler in bed, weak from the remaining sickness and raspy from crying. He had been scared to face Josh again, all the while fearing he’d never come back. The night was a whirlwind of emotions. It’s the way Josh reads it now, having had enough time to make sense of it, going through all and everything. They’ve really been through a lot, it’s crazy to look back to it now; Zack had been found and Josh’s purpose had been filled, it’s true. He’d kept his word, had taken Tyler to the Winterhold and beyond as promised, but at what cost? Josh only brought him through the pass with broken bones and beaten up face, he made Tyler think that he had killed someone. He was tormented by a restless spirit, haunted night after night after night, put to rest by Tyler’s own two hands as he was finally forgiven for a crime he had never committed.The relief was so big, it took Tyler’s ability to stand up anymore. The burden lift off his shoulders allowed him to let go, too light-headed to stay on his feet anymore. Amongst it all, in the middle of pain and overstrain, Tyler had left his diary open and wide in an innocent hope, so vulnerable for curious eyes to see. It revealed the things Josh was too oblivious to see himself, revealed how Tyler had still fallen in love amongst the hardest time of his life. Ink dancing over the pages, the diary told their story perfectly in all its imperfections. And Josh, he had fallen for him as well, somehow understanding it only after it was nearly too late. Tyler had protected and kept death away from him, only to get ripped apart by the bear they both ended up fighting twice, only in different ways.To Josh, the price was heavy in his conscience. The way he saw it was blindness to Tyler who got his brother back, not caring what happened to him. The promise he’d given to his family had almost gotten him killed, almost, but Tyler doesn’t see their crime. It makes Josh’s heart ache, how the path he had chosen nearly took his fire out. The fire that he swears to keep alive for the rest of his days and nights is dancing in front of him now, and Josh’s smile has dropped. There was no way they could be separated after that, not after all they’ve been through, and somehow, it had been the only thing that Tyler was worried about. In his foolishness, he had let Tyler’s worst fear surface again, to be left alone as all he wanted was to stay together. And together they stayed, as things ran around them faster than they ever could, only to collide for one last time, never falling apart again.Tyler is holding his gaze no more. Josh allows himself go back in time, back to the day they stopped running from each other.

Despite the exhaustion, sleep doesn’t want to hold the peasant in its grip. Josh recognizes Tyler’s upset moving in his arms later that night, pulling him back to consciousness. The restless squirming alarms Josh of his foul mindset - a silent cry for help.

Josh opens his eyes, and is not surprised to find Tyler staring at him.

“I can’t sleep,” Tyler confesses in the waning candlelight immediately, agony swelling up in his eyes as he shimmies back clumsily, still affected by Tatum’s potion. Even still, he appeared wide awake, words stumbling on his tongue. “Not if we— if we don’t talk this through.”
Josh knows what he means. They’ve avoided talking about their feelings for way too long now. It was time to face what they truly were to each other.  Tyler is shaking at the thought, somehow more afraid of what was to come. They’re at an arm’s length away from each other now, it’s too chilly this way, Josh wants him back.
And he asks, “Are you cold?” and Tyler shakes his head, but the way his body trembles speaks with other words.

Josh sighs. “Tyler,” he says and opens his arms, scooting closer himself. “Come here,” and Tyler doesn’t think twice about it, letting himself be closed into Josh’s arms again, holding on to him.

He’s tense all over, still reluctant to relax fully. Josh’s hand settles in his hair, combing slow and calm. Like summer waves against a faraway shore, his fingers hone the sharp edges away, ushering Tyler to drop his fears.

“You confuse me,” Tyler utters unevenly after a short while, shaken up fingers kneading his tunic chaotically, a contrary to Josh’s movements. “It’s like I can’t read you at all. You let me come close to you, like this, and the next moment you’re pushing me away. And it’s just… I-I don’t…”

“Tyler, I’m so sorry.”

“I just don’t understand you.”

Wincing at his words, Josh tries to find the right ones for himself. And he starts the same way he did earlier, feeling like broken sheet of already written notes.

“I know. I’m just not good with people, and it makes me push them away sometimes. I might not even notice it sometimes. I’ve been alone for so long, I’ve let it petrify something inside me. I wanted that freedom of living on my own, and not be dependant on anyone. That’s why I left Riverwood in the first place. But it has somehow grown a fear of getting tied down amongst it all, and it makes me freak out. I don’t know how to explain.”

He feels stupid for saying that. Josh presses his palm over his eyes, wanting to groan, however refusing to give Tyler a wrong message. He’s done it enough times already. “I’m simply not good at this. I’m sorry.”

There’s darkness until he feels a hand at his own. Warm, gentle and alive, Tyler tuggs it away, searching for his eyes.

“You’ve been good to me,” he vows in a simple remark. Tyler waits until they can look at each other with no sense of hiding. “I wanted to be good to you too. But I felt like a burden, I thought you started regretting it all. I didn’t want, I didn’t want it to be like that…”

“You are who you are,” Josh tells him. “But that doesn’t make you a burden to anyone. I had the feeling that you were trying a little too hard, sometimes.”

Tyler sighs a disappointed groan at himself, having no other option but to accept Josh’s point of view. He apologizes for getting mad at him, having no control over his temper sometimes, however Josh knows how frustrated he’s been with him. Tyler was right about him as well. They’re still a total mystery to each other, so different yet it’s exactly what makes them whole, somehow. Josh ceases his words from coming for a moment, but he can’t keep his crime to himself any longer.

“I read your diary, Tyler.”

Tyler is quiet at his words, waiting before lifting his eyes. “I know,” he simply says, seeing no point in circling around the truth.

Josh’s face furrows at that, confusion clear in his eyes. “You knew? How?”

“I don’t know. I just knew. You acted all weird the next morning when I had fallen asleep after the— the burial. And it’s... I’m not mad. Really I’m not. Maybe I wanted you to read it, I don’t know. Because I hadn’t gotten any sense of you if you liked me or not-“

“I like you.”

The words have an immediate impact on Tyler who looks at him in dried-up tears, sealing his lips tightly together as if to keep him from breaking right then and there. Red-eyed by tears threatening to fall, Tyler bites his lip so hard trying not to cry, refusing to let go as he asks,

“But do you… d-do you…”

“I have feelings for you, Tyler. Feelings that I have never had for anyone else before, ever.”

His words are one of a kind, something that could only be spoken once. Josh doesn’t treat them lightly, and Tyler understands that. The winter rain runs down his cheeks now, wilder and freer like any other spring so far here in the north. Silent tears, Tyler buries his face in the crook of Josh’s neck, heaving a stuttered breeze against his skin.

They’re pressed together, so close to each other they could feel the smallest shifts and weakest breaths, pressing against one another. Only now it wasn’t enough. Tyler comes back up again, their noses brush together, connected by a watery bridge as Tyler’s tears gather and shiver between them. That’s how they stay, holding their breaths  as their eyes avoid to dive in to no avail.

Tyler hiccups, doesn’t dare to move a single muscle anymore, and Josh is punched in the face by his own stupidity.

He’s the only fool here. He’s the one who has to do it.
So Josh leans in, and kisses him. Tyler sucks in air in the last moment before it’s too late, their mouths coming together. It’s shy and nervous at first, yet determined as well. Tyler turns his head just slightly as Josh forgets to move, fixing the angle to keep their lips sealed around each other. He takes control, and suddenly,  Josh is the one being kissed by Tyler. He doesn’t mind, for he can only follow Tyler’s lead, so lost in the moment he doesn’t want to live for anything else, ever again. It’s an uncharted territory for him, he knows it better than anyone. It’s a road he’s never put his foot on, but they can keep going by taking that step together.
J
osh can’t withdraw anymore, nor does he even want to. Tyler’s cold hands come up from his chest, finding their place around his neck in a way he’s only becoming familiar with it. Not sure where to put his own hands, Josh lets them settle against the small of Tyler’s back, moving them to his hips. He pulls him closer instinctively, pulling him nearly on top of him. Feeling him tremble in his grip, Josh’s sense is just enough to remember the countless bruises littered all over Tyler’s body. But the peasant doesn’t waver. He doesn’t want to let him go, cupping his face desperately now, holding on to him like wanting nothing else in the world. Only Josh.

He doesn’t mind giving himself to Tyler. His lips feel numb from kissing alone soon enough, breathless as Tyler drops sounds into his mouth, making him shiver. And when they separate, Josh misses it already.

He’s quick to chase him up, pressing one more kiss on Tyler’s cheek. It goes right on the nearly faded bruise on bis face, light, as if to wipe it off altogether. Tyler’s eyes close in the moment, looking sad as they pull back, looking into each other’s eyes.
Tyler draws his fingers along his face, charting his features in a new light. Those eyes, Josh knows, are the ones he could drown into a thousand times and still be okay with it. They’re Tyler’s eyes, and he’s still shedding tears through them, Josh can’t believe it. He catches them one by one, moving them aside as more fell the same route as the others. Josh dries them all. “Is this your happy face?” he asks with his warmest voice, patient.Tyler snorts a faint laugh. He shakes his head and tries to keep on smiling, but more tears just keep slipping, twisting his mouth back down. “I love you,” he chokes out, lips trembling as he can finally permit himself to say it out loud. He lets no one else hear it, and allows Josh to pull him in for another kiss. 
Hands in his hair, limbs tangled and warm, it’s weird to kiss someone who’s crying. Their lips don’t fit together at all. Tyler struggles to calm down, he’s hot and tense and forced to pull back as another wave of rattling pushes through his chest. He can’t make it stop, as much as he tries, and Josh caresses his back, helpless.

“Tyler…” he says nearly pained at his reaction and pulls him back into a hug instead, cutting the crying with the safety of his arms, simple closeness. Tyler draws in a heavy stuttering breath through his nose, swallowing around his tightening throat.

The peasant’s damp hair is messed of sleep and Josh’s fingers, still holding him. Weak and stunned of their confessions and light of his head, Josh feels the same, but finds focus in one thought, saying it out loud as many times as he needs.

“I love you, Ty. I love you so much.”

Tyler returns his words with a noise, unable to return it any other way. But he’s said it in his own way before, only now their feelings were brought out and laid in front of them, getting only stronger as there was no hesitation or fear behind their actions.

They’ve been close like this to stay warm and protect each other. It’s not that different from before, yet everything has changed all the same. All that’s left undone was crossing that slightest distance between them, and they feel it as they press into a fierce embrace that night.

They were truly alive, just like Tyler said, feeling it inside and out as their hearts beat as one.

Tyler’s arms come down as Josh gets pulled back from their memories of that night. Tyler is sweating. If his hair was still there, it would stick to his reddened skin, Josh is sure. Tyler seems to think the same, for he brings his hand up, raking his fingers through the invisible strands. He seems to like the feeling, slowly swirling the palm of his hand against the raw scalp. “I brought some fish from Dawnstar,” Josh says then, getting finally up after the long day.Tyler stops capering. “Are you serious?” he says and goes to Josh as he lifts an entire corpus of a salmon on the table. “Wow.”“It’s fresh, caught this morning. Do you know how to gut a fish?”Zack snorts at the stupid question. “Of course. We have an aunt in Solitude that works at the docks. She taught us to do it whenever she came for a visit in Rorikstead.” Zack nods and wipes his hands on a towel. “You can do it Tyler,” he says, and the peasant nods.“Sure. Do we have lemons or anything to get the smell off my hands afterwards?”“There’s vinegar in the basement I think.”“That works. I’ll gut it there.” Underneath the ground, the basement is littered with candles and bigger than Josh expected. It’s chiller down here where the food cellar laid, driving them to wrap their clothes tighter around themselves as soon as their feet landed on the cold floor, carried by the creaking of the ladder. Shelves, sacks of flour and barrels of something unnamed stood against the walls. Things stacked up along the floor, the corners were messed and dark, some of them full of secrets as a thick layer of dust stood on top of the supplies with no light aimed at them. At the other side of the room is where Tatum’s alchemy lab was built. Books, papers and ingredients gathered around it, the only table in the basement was slovenly homely with cups of mysterious mixtures and other things scattered on top of it, leaving them with no space to gut their food.That doesn’t matter. Josh watches Tyler crouching on the floor unbothered, his knees staring up at the ceiling. Not a single joint in his body make a sound. “Borrow me your knife, yeah?” Tyler asks and outstretches his hand over his shoulder. Unclasping it from his belt and placing the sheath in Tyler’s hand, the peasant pulls it out and opens the salmon accustomed. Josh stands away from the light’s way so Tyler can work efficiently. The fading blush from Tyler’s earlier exercising is slowly fading away like a painting in sunlight. The fish’s stomach is open in no time, spread by Tyler’s fingers as he removes its guts and entrails with squelching noises between his fingers. Pinching out the last of them alongside the heart, Tyler drops them into a small container next to him, taking a hold of the cup of cold water to rinse the catch thoroughly. The head comes off in a single motion. Cutting through the spine, the scales resist what they can, but give out beneath the sharp knife. The peasant continues from there, cutting through the same line to get steaks out of it. Finishing and leaving the skin on, Tyler puts the knife down, damp and used. He’s about to wipe his face with the back of his hand, however seeing his mistake in time before coating his skin with thick layer of slime and cold blood. He shakes his hand with little succession to get rid of the filth, and smiles. * Despite everything they tried, Tyler smells like fish. He has his arm around the small of Josh’s back, head leaning against his shoulder, eyes closed. He keeps him close now that he’s finally back, and Josh remembers what home truly felt like.Staying close to the fire, their fingers are tangled around each other on their lap, quiet as Josh slowly skims his thumb along Tyler’s fire-warmed skin. Josh squeezes his hand tighter. “I missed you,” he says then and turns to look at him, seeing Tyler’s cheeks rise up in a fond smile, eyes crinkling from his words.“I missed you too,” Tyler says and nuzzles his face against him, taking in his mixed scent of smoke and fresh air. Knowing that Josh wanted his freedom from time to time, Tyler had let him go and head to the north coast to get rid of all the skin he’d prepared. Bulky northern deer and smaller animals, Josh had practiced a successful bout of merchandise and earned them some money to get by for a while. And Tyler, he had promised Josh to take it easy, allowing himself to heal fully so he would be ready by the time he came back.They had both done as promised. However there was only one skin Josh had left behind, saved for later. Hid with Zack’s help, Tyler knew nothing about the bear skin somewhere in the house. Josh saved his present for different times, knowing exactly what he wanted to use it for once the time was right. He didn’t talk about it. It only felt good to be back now, for coming back showed him where he was meant to be, leaning his head against Tyler’s and enjoying the simple things in life. It’s a real banquet that Tatum has conjured out of nowhere for them. There’s bread, chicken dumplings with garlic and leek, salmon steaks with cheese, broth with boiled potatoes with dill, butter and eggs, and even an apple pie. There’s a jug of sauce next to it, the sweet dessert waiting at the other side from the main course. Josh fails to even name everything in one go as they’re called to sit around the table. The smell around the house is amazing, Josh realizes how hungry he truly was only then. Tyler seems to think the same, frantically wondering where they should even start. Zack brings the ale, passing it around the table. Tatum puts the jug aside as it comes to her, hoisting it to the side and grabbing her water as a toast is raised.“To Josh, to Tyler,” Tatum decides in the moment as they get up, holding their respective cups. Tatum meets both of their eyes before continuing, and raises her cup up to the air. “To Tyler and Josh!” “Oh, stop it,” Tyler says with the same tint that faintly coats Josh’s face as well, however joining the celebration that was unknowingly held for them. “We’re happy for you guys too.” They skoal for good things to happen with smiles on their faces, every cup meeting the other before they drink to rejoice for each other’s happiness. The Breton urges the three hungry men to get their hands on the food then, seeing their entertainingly hungry looks shine through their faces and the courtesies in their words.The common room is filled with laughter and light, the sound resembling something like music as the warm atmosphere wraps around the circle of family, friends and loved ones.It really has the sense of home around it, but Josh knows it’s the people who make it. Tyler is still chewing when he suddenly brushes a kiss on his cheek. There was no good reason for Tyler to show his affection, he was eating, but somehow the gesture in the middle of the most mundane thing was the loveliest thing ever. Grease left behind, Josh doesn’t mind the tacky feeling of it, only smiling his lover’s way, lightly nudging his foot under the table with his own.Drained cups and empty plates, the four of them are gathered together after their shared meal. Zack has something important to tell them.“We’re staying here,” Tyler’s younger brother informs them all as they sit around the fire. “I have my own family to protect now. Growing crops so far in the north is impossible, but we can keep tending to some other livestock. Cattle, chickens… I’m planning to extend our stall and get more animals, maybe even start a small inn for travelers between the northern cities. And Tatum is an alchemist. She’s really good at it,” he says and leans over to kiss her on the lips, smiling all the while.“Life is more simple and safe here. We’re happy to live like this, together,” Tatum agrees, having a clear vision of their shared future.“There’s one more thing,” Zack says and holds Tatum closer to him. The Breton’s hand rests softly against her belly with a calm and knowing look on her face.“The North raises her children strong.” * It was time for them to leave, giving the two the peace to prepare their life for a new mouth to be fed. The time was to come soon. The Bretons ankles appeared swollen and sore by now, however still standing up to send them off alongside Tyler’s brother.“Come back and show your faces sometime,” Zack tells them, handing over Tyler’s sword. With a new coat and a thick layer of fur around his shoulders, the peasant rolls his shoulders to get comfortable around its weight, spitting a loose hair out of his mouth before grabbing his weapon.“Sure,” Tyler answers then. “Write me a letter in case you decide to disappear again.” It’s a sharp reminder, Tyler points his finger at him, a warning. “But I’m not coming after you for a second time,” he tells him and turns on his heel, already waltzing to the door, case closed. ”I’ll wipe my ass with it. Just so that you know.” Zack snorts, going to slap him on the back of his head but Tyler is faster, ducking away easily.Josh puts his arm between them. “Hey, no fighting you rascals.”“Why are you looking at me?” Tyler insists, however halting to look at his brother for one last time. Maybe it’s smoke that stings in his eyes. “Will you write? A word to home?” Tyler asks Zack, a hopeful undertone blooming behind his words.Zack thinks. “I’ll see. I’m not sure what to say, really. A part of me wants to think my words carefully, the other one to tell them how things just are. But I’m not going back anymore.” A pause, filled with nothing by the two of them. “We’re the worst sons one could ask for, aren’t we?”Tyler swallows. “I know.” His younger brother nods at that, slow. “I’ll write to them. You should, too. Where do you plan to go?”Tyler looks at Josh, their gazes twinge in something yet unwritten.“I don’t know yet. Not home though. I’m… I’ll write them later. Can you- can you tell them that I’m okay, and I’m keeping them in my thoughts. The village, too. Please.”Zack nods, something like longing in his eyes at the mention of their faraway village despite knowing they were not going back. Not now, to say the least, and maybe that was the reason. “Okay. Take care.”“Take care.” * The coniferous forest hums in an odd silence around them, giving no indication where they should or should not go. They’re sitting on the few steps that lead their way down and out to the wild or back to the safety of four walls. However their faces are turned towards the snowy path in front of them, frosty trees and mountains around them, stopping to think but having that pressure to get moving soon. “It’s weird, isn’t it?” Tyler asks him then, leaning against his sword, hand dangling around it. “My heart is beating fast inside my chest. I don’t know what to make out of it. But I feel free. Somehow I can’t even believe I’m here. I mean… where is this place, even? How the fuck did I get here, sitting next to you?”“Hey, don’t ask me. I just happened to walk past and almost got an arrow in the knee for it.”Tyler growls. “Don’t remind me of our first meeting,” he says poignantly, and Josh laughs, leaving it at that. “I feel like I’ve lived ten years in just a…” Tyler frowns. “I don’t know. I’ve lost count by now.”“And you’re going to be an uncle,” Josh points out. Tyler groans again, shaking his head wildly like a rain-soaked dog.“There’s too much going on right now,” he exclaims, throwing his arms out.“Tell me about it,” Josh sighs, perhaps too deeply. Tyler quirks his brow, ogling at him. Their eyes meet, sparking a laugh between them. Tyler rubs his thick mittens together, snickering.“Well, my ass is freezing,” Tyler decides and jumps up to rub it, starting to do a warm up on the spot. Josh stays behind, watching him.“What now then? Where do you plan to go?” He repeats Zack’s earlier questions, clearly getting Tyler off guard then. Tyler, who flinches and halts his stretching, turns back to Josh to look at him, a crease over his face. “Um,” he says with his arms still up in the air. “I never even thought about that.”“Are you kidding?” Josh laughs, standing up and following Tyler.“No, are you kidding? I thought it was obvious. We’ll stay together, right? We’re together.”“We’re together.”“Thank you,” Tyler sighs at the confirmation, somehow still doubting everything. “Do you think they’ll open the door if we knock now? Like, take everything back.”“Doubt it.”Tyler moans. They’re stand shoulder to shoulder, facing the road in front of them. Josh’s foot moves the crisp snow around, feeling nervous all of sudden. He must have caught whatever Tyler held in his heart, for the force of it made his nerves flutter.There’s still so much he wants to do, so many places he wants to see. Tyler might not have a destination in mind, but Josh does. It might be stupid, but feels right, too. Josh draws in a breath. He turns to face Tyler.“I think we should do this right. To go there where we first intended, right?”Tyler looks at him curiously, open for all and everything. Imagination drawing maps and routes between their eyes, the possibilities were rich at the every point of the compass.  And Josh, his curiosity pulls his thoughts to northeast, a city that’s been in their thoughts for a long long time now.“Do you want to come to Windhelm with me?”It’s impossible to describe Tyler’s face then. Once again, Josh gets caught in his eyes, the endless power that could still burn him to death were he careless. And Tyler, he nods with a trusting smile on his face, giving no space for hesitation as a new-old destination has been crossed on their map that once was Josh’s, now shared with his love. Windhelm, the city of Kings and a common end of only one of their journeys, was now waiting for them, with new threats along the way.“I’d love to,” Tyler says despite it all, and Josh can’t help but smile, knowing that their true journey was only at the beginning, the next one decided only as they go.In Skyrim, there are many places to discover, roads to encounter, and destinations to reach. It’s an unending adventure requiring courage where every day was a new horizon. And where the unknown draws people together, so have they found each other, making it through the hazards and dires of their motherland, side by side.It has made them stronger. For when there’s suffering, there’s survival, and those who make it will see and feel the full meaning of staying alive. They’re both far from home, but find home in each other. They’ll be okay.Tyler draws in a freezing cold breath. It comes out warm and steady, full of peace.”Wherever you go. I’ll go with you.”***