Work Text
I know you’re scared of the unknown
You don’t wanna be alone
I know I always come and go
But it’s out of my control
And you’ll be left in the dust
Unless I stuck by ya
You’re the sunflower
I think your love would be too much
But you’ll be left in the dust
Unless I stuck by ya
You’re the sunflower
You’re the sunflower
-“Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee“So is this a result of wizard stuff or private investigator stuff?”I opened my eyes. Lila’s fingers were tracing one of the scars on my chest, closer to my collarbone, her voice soft and inquisitive. It had actually faded rather well, all things considered. The ones on my wrists were uglier.“Wizard stuff,” I confessed. “Most of the P.I. stuff doesn’t leave scars. Usually concussions and bruises.”Lila lifted an eyebrow. “You’re either really good or really bad at your job, in that case.”I chuckled. “Probably.”She wiggled her naked hip slightly, indicating my left hand, currently draped across her. “And what about this?”“Wizard stuff.”“Ah.” She lapsed into silence for a bit. I tried not to chew my lip as guilt crept up. It had been doing that a lot lately.“How come you didn’t want them to amputate it?” she asked after a while, her tone still soft.“Stubbornness,” I said.She snorted. “That sounds like you, alright. You must be one hell of a fast healer.”“You don’t know the half of it. I’m part Wolverine.”Lila made a purring sound that raised my temperature. “Ooh, I like the sound of that. If you start calling me darlin’, we’ll never leave this bedroom.”I grinned. “Is it wrong that your comic book references turn me on?”“Hell no. Half the reason I’m with you is your resemblance to Hugh Jackman.”I laughed then. “That’s probably the nicest thing a girl has ever said to me.”“You’re welcome, bub.”I tugged her closer for a kiss. It was a good one. Then again, they were all good ones. Lila had the most plump, delicious lips. I could kiss her for hours. Days, even.“Can you stay the night?” she asked once we both came up for air.I winced. “Can’t. I’ve got a thing in the morning that I need to be in my apartment for.”She nodded, but I caught a bit of the hurt in her expression. I hadn’t brought her over before, for reasons that didn’t bode well for a long term relationship. We’d been together nearly three months. She’d been way more patient and understanding than she should have been, honestly. I knew it bothered her that I hadn’t invited her over, but she didn’t press me.I wanted to tell her the truth. Badly. But I still couldn’t decide if I had any right to do that. It was like being born; you couldn’t go back once you were already there. It wasn’t that I thought she couldn’t handle it. It was just so much to tell a person that pretty much everything they’d been believing was a lie, to a certain degree, and they were walking down the street alongside monsters and beasties without knowing it.Lila was still recovering from being attacked by a drunkard one night going back to her car after a concert. Thankfully, she hadn’t been hurt, but that sort of thing lingered in the mind. She’d enrolled in self-defense. She was pretty good at it already; I’d been to one of her classes. Still, keeping her out of the magical side of my life meant for the most part that none of the nasty things out there would come after her, but the longer we stayed together, the more likely that they would put two and two together.“Hey,” I murmured, catching her gaze for a moment. That, too, had been difficult lately—not accidentally triggering a Soulgaze when we were intimate. “You know I’d stay if I could, right?”“Yeah, I know, Harry.” Her chest moved, as if she were going to say more, but she didn’t. I squeezed her gently.“Talk to me. What’s going on?”Lila nibbled her lower lip. “I just…well, when you get to about three months, that’s the turning point. Between just hanging out and being in a relationship. I’ve been going over it in my head a lot lately.”I swallowed past the desert in my mouth. “Right. What are you thinking?”“I don’t know,” she admitted. “It’s confusing. How much I like you, considering how little I actually know about what you do. Which is fine. Some girls date FBI agents and government officials, so they never know what they boyfriends get up to in their own time.”“But,” I finished for her. “None of them claim to be wizards.”“Yeah,” she said. “So I’m a bit conflicted. Like, for instance, my friends want to meet you.”“And you don’t want me to?”“It’s the opposite. They’d adore you. They hated all my exes, but from what I’ve told them about you, they can’t wait to meet you. But they shouldn’t meet you if we don’t continue on from here.”I cleared my throat. It was starting to get tight. Even mentioning breaking up bothered the hell out of me. I really liked her. I’d gotten comfortable with her by now. I came over a few times a week and spent the night. On weekends, we’d lay on the couch and read, my head in her lap, her fingers in my hair. We fooled around regularly, and we were both very good at it.“I guess…we have to have a grownup conversation soon,” Lila concluded, frowning slightly. “About where this is going.”“That’s fair,” I admitted.She sighed and pressed her forehead to mine. “God, I don’t want to. I want to ignore it. Just keep on floating.”“Yeah,” I said quietly. “Me too.”She shifted slightly and kissed me, her lips curling up at one end. “So can I have one for the road?”“One?” I scoffed. “You can have several.”“That’s a tall order, Dresden. Don’t let your mouth write a check the rest of you can’t cash.”“Oh, now you’ve done it,” I said as I rolled her onto her back. “Never challenge a wizard, beautiful.”Lila giggled. “I do remember them being ‘subtle and quick to anger.’ Although you’re anything but subtle.”She wiggled a bit to emphasize the part of me that was anything but subtle right now. I adopted an offended look as I hooked one of her long legs around my waist. “Why, madam, I’m offended. I am every bit of a subtle man.”She inhaled sharply as I settled my weight on top of her and my hand vanished between our bodies. “A lot of bits. Mm. A lot of them.”I grinned, pleased, and propped her right leg on one of my shoulders. She shuddered underneath me, her breathing quickening as she scrambled to hang onto something. “Oh. Ooh. Right there. Damn you, Harry. Why are you so good at this?”“Would you prefer I be bad at it?” I teased.“Yes,” she lied. “That way I could stay mad at you. It’s impossible to stay mad at you when you’re amazing at sex.”“Thank God for small miracles.”Her eyelids fluttered closed as her head tipped back on the pillow. “Hallelujah. Let the church say amen.”I took my time. I wouldn’t be here tonight, but I wanted to be, so I made sure she savored every moment of her pleasure. I brought her once with my hand and again with my mouth. I had her from behind, then from the side, then with her on top, and then finally on her back. The last time was dangerous. She had her arms around me, held close, skin to skin, our heartbeats syncing, mouths melted together, climbing towards heaven as one.“I want you to stay,” Lila whispered, so quietly I nearly didn’t hear it.“I know,” I whispered back. “So do I.”She trembled under the weight of my words. I didn’t waste another second; I catapulted us both over the edge into the climax and memorized the look of ecstasy on her lovely face, a pleasure so deep it was nearly pain.Hell’s bells.I was in too deep already.I stayed in bed with her as late as I could, then got up, and showered. Lila slept heavily, so she never woke the whole time. Once I was dressed and ready to go, I just stood there for a moment. She slept on her side, her dark curls cascading everywhere, thick lashes resting on her cheeks. I brushed her hair over her ear and kissed her forehead. I ran my knuckle gently over her jaw. “Bye, Lila.”I left.But part of me stayed.As part of my apology for not being able to spend the night, I also brought Lila lunch the next day after I’d gotten the ceremony at dawn over with and took a nap to compensate. Then, as per usual, something else fell in my lap and I had to have Thomas stop by her coffee shop to drop something off to me.The resulting interaction was…interesting to say the least.“You don’t pay me enough for this,” Thomas said with a dramatic sigh after entering Coffee Mates, offering a thick envelope, clear annoyance on his face.“I don’t pay you at all,” I said with a roll of my eyes.“Oh, that’s right,” Thomas said. “I need to speak with the union about that.”I shook my head. He flicked his grey eyes to the counter where Lila was finishing up with the last customer. “She’s even cuter than I remember.”I eyed him. He made a disgusted noise. “Oh, please, Harry. If that had happened, it would’ve been the first thing out of my mouth when you said you met her.”Something paranoid and worried inside me relaxed. I opened the envelope just as she came around and nodded towards him. “Lila, this is my brother, Thomas. Thomas, this is Lila.”Evidently, she hadn’t really paid much attention to him the first time, because she glanced at him and then her eyes widened. She touched her chest and then looked back at me in shock. “Okay, so this can never happen again.”I gave a start, worried. “What? Why?”“The two of you in the same room,” she said seriously. “Jesus Christ. It’s too much attractive in one small space. I’m only human, you know.”Thomas’ smile widened into a grin. “Oh, I like her already.”I pursed my lips at him. “Of course you do.”He chuckled and offered his hand. “Nice to meet you.”Lila shook her head. “No, don’t touch me, that’ll just make it worse.”Thomas actually laughed that time. “Fair enough.”I gave her a look. “Do you need a cold compress?”“Hey, you started it,” she said. “Or, rather, I guess your parents did.”I sighed. “Lila.”“Alright, I’m going, I’m going. Nice to meet you, Thomas. Please walk very slowly out the front door when you go.” With that, she returned to the counter.Thomas chuckled and shook his head. “Oh yeah. She is definitely a keeper.”“Hardy-har,” I deadpanned. “I need you at the apartment at sundown, just to keep an eye out. I have a hunch someone might be sitting on my place.”He gave me another laborious sigh. “You owe me a case of Mac’s ale for this, little brother.”“Fine,” I grumbled. “I should be back around eight-ish.”“And if you’re not?”I handed him a business card with the address to where I’d be. “Check here. I’ll call if something happens. It shouldn’t, but you never know.”“That’s a cheerful thought,” he muttered. “Fine. Stay out of trouble for once.”Thomas turned to leave, but then glanced over at Lila with a Cheshire cat grin. Then he made “oontz-oontz” noises as he left the coffee shop, wiggling his hips in a manner that a male stripper probably would. Lila collapsed into giggles and he was beaming by the time he actually made it out the door. I just sighed. Well, at least they got along. It could be a lot worse.It did get worse.A lot worse.That night, I woke up in Lila’s apartment.With zero memory of how I’d gotten there.My head hurt. Not the normal kind of hurt, like my headaches. No, a nice, sharp, aching hurt that indicated an injury that had possibly left me concussed. Fantastic.It was dark and cool, and I couldn’t see too well aside from knowing I was at her place thanks to the ceiling fan and the frames on the wall of her paintings. There was a bag of ice on my forehead near the origin of the pain, numbing at least some of it, and I felt warm everywhere else. Something shifted beneath me and I realized my head was in someone’s lap.“Thomas,” Lila called out. “He’s awake!”The bedroom door opened and Thomas came flying in, pale and worried. His hair was back in a ponytail and I could see fresh bruises on his cheek and on his arms. Defensive wounds, maybe. Who the hell had he been fighting with?“Harry,” he said. “Can you talk?”I frowned at him. “Yeah, I can talk, you dumbass.”But what came out of my mouth was nothing near English. I frowned harder, cleared my throat, and tried again. This time, I spoke English. “Yeah, I can talk, you dumbass.”He sighed. “Good. No more gibberish, at least. The ice is working. Here, I’m gonna prop him up a bit. Scoot.”Lila gently lowered my head onto a pillow and moved aside as Thomas grabbed a glass of water and some pills. “Harry, take these.”“The hell is going on?” I asked, but again, the words were soft and slurred. Part of me didn’t actually care. I hurt too much. My limbs were stiff and I felt several cuts underneath bandages on my upper torso and on along my right thigh.“Shh,” Lila said, holding the glass up to my lips. “Just drink, Harry.”Oh, well. Who was I to argue? I did, and she fed me the pills, and I fell asleep again in mere seconds.The next time I woke up, Lila and Thomas weren’t there. I’d been bundled up in her comforter, shirtless and sockless, and I spotted Mouse lying along the foot of the bed. He lifted his head and gave his tail a tentative wag, blinking his brown eyes at me hopefully.“Hey, boy,” I rasped. “On sentry duty, huh?”His tail wagged in confirmation. He moved as if to get up and get the others, but I made a small noise of dissent. “Just a sec.”I zeroed in on the murmurs going on in the den. The bedroom door was open. It took me a minute to focus thanks to the head injury, but while things were fuzzy for a bit, they eventually cleared.“—things that are out there that are more dangerous than you know. He…usually gets in between them and that’s why stuff like this happens.”“So he does this all the time?” Lila asked.“Sadly, yes. He has Chronic Hero Syndrome. Either he gets himself into this shit or someone else does. Lately, it’s the latter. He’s mixed up with a lot of different…organizations, I guess, and they often use him to make moves against each other. He tries his best not to get caught up, but sometimes it’s not up to him.”Lila was silent for a stretch. “How bad is this, Thomas?”“I’m not sure yet. I’m sorry I had to call you. It wasn’t my first choice. But they knew about the apartment, and Murphy’s place too. I swear, I would never put you in harm’s way, but we had to lose them or we’d both be dead right now.”Movement. Maybe he’d moved closer and touched her shoulder. “Lila, you saved his life tonight. Mine too. I want you to know that.”“I didn’t do anything, Thomas—”“Lila, a lot of girls wouldn’t do what you did,” he said softly, emphatically. “A lot. And I would know. Thank you.”“Don’t thank me yet,” she murmured, and her voice took on an edge. “I’m probably going to kill him once he’s better.”Thomas chuckled. “You’re angry. Good. I’d be worried if you weren’t.”“Oh, you’re not off the hook either, Loki. You’re going to have to explain some of what the hell I saw out there.”“I…” He sighed. “I think it’ll go over better if I let him tell you. I’m a part of this, but I’m more on the periphery.”There was a pause. “You really think I look like Loki? Which Loki? Like Avengers Loki or Dark World Loki?”“I mean, you’ve got a Tom Hiddleston thing going anyway, but with the long hair? Dark World Loki.”“That might be the nicest thing anyone’s said to me this week.”Lila let out a small chuckle. “You’re welcome.”Okay, that was about enough of that. I lurched from the bed, waited for the world to stop spinning, and then made a slow path to the doorway. Both fell silent when I appeared. Thomas retreated into his neutral look; Lila’s switched between worried, angry, regretful, and compassionate all in about two seconds.My gut twisted. This was exactly what I had been trying to avoid, so of course, it is exactly what went down.“Hey, gang,” I croaked. “Which one of you sat the elephant on my head?”Lila gave me a disapproving look. Thomas just rolled his eyes. Ah, my adoring audience.“Get your ass back in that bed,” Lila said.“Gosh, babe, not in front of Thomas and Mouse,” I said, lifting my eyebrows to look affronted.She glared. “Really? You’re cracking jokes when you were this close to a skull fracture?”“Oh, it gets much worse, trust me,” Thomas said, crossing his arms. “This is just a mild dose of his full potential to joke after being in mortal peril.”I scowled at him. “Tattletale.”He just shrugged. “I call it like I see it.”Lila marched toward me. She was a good foot shorter than me, and yet I almost backpedaled from the deadly expression on her face. “Get. Back. In. The. Bed.”She tilted her head slightly and gave me a chilly little smile. “Or I will make you.”I cleared my throat. “Right. To bed, then. Thomas?”I jerked my head so he’d follow, and shuffled back to Lila’s bed. It was just as comfortable and enticing as the last time I’d seen it. The sheets smelled like vanilla spice. I eased myself down into it again and propped some pillows up behind me. “So I’m having trouble connecting the dots. What happened?”“You didn’t call, is what happened,” Thomas spat, narrowing his eyes at me. “When it hit eight-thirty, I went to the address. You were mid-fight, as usual, so I scooped you up and we took off. You already had that goose egg on your head, so when I asked you where to go, you told me here. I got Lila’s number out of you and called her, told her to be ready once I lost our pursuers. I thought we’d shaken them, but one caught up right before I reached here, so I told Lila to get me something pointy with iron in it and the rest is history. We dragged you up to her apartment and now you’re all caught up.”He uncrossed his arms and sighed, shaking his head. “I’m gonna go do another perimeter check while you two kids talk it out.”He touched her shoulder as he passed by her, just a light brush of his fingers. “Don’t go easy on him. At all.”“Don’t need to tell me twice.”Thomas whistled. Mouse got up and followed him out, leaving me in the dark with Lila.Stars and stones, I’d rather be in hell than here right now.Lila sat beside my feet, close but not enough to touch me. It spoke volumes. “How’s your head?”“Fuzzy,” I grunted. “But still in one piece, for now.”I exhaled and went for it. “How much did you see?”“Some kind of creature,” she said quietly, rubbing her arms. “And Thomas ripping it in half after he stabbed it with my nail file. What is he?”“Vampire,” I said idly.Lila looked at me. “No shit?”“No shit,” I said, nodding. “White Court vampires operate like the ones you read about, with the super strength and agility, except they feed on lust instead of blood, and they’re perfectly fine in daylight.”She paused and then nodded. “Oh. So that’s why I’ve wanted to fuck him so badly. Thank God. The guilt was killing me.”I snorted. “Gee, don’t pull your punches, babe.”“Wait, does that mean you—”“No,” I said firmly. “We have the same mother, not the same father. The vampire half came from his father, the Lord of the White Court.”She relaxed a little. “Oh.”Awkward silence descended. She rubbed her arms some more. I wanted to touch her so badly, to hug her and tell her everything would be alright, but it wouldn’t. So I just stayed on my end of the bed.“You know,” she said quietly. “I thought you were lying, at first. Like maybe you were some kind of criminal and you used the wizard thing to throw people off. But that didn’t stick. I know you too well. You have a very strong conscience, so then I thought you were just ashamed of whatever it was and didn’t want to tell me. Until I saw the scars. So I thought maybe you were a fighter, like a bare-knuckle boxer or something. You have the build for it, just not the temperament. I didn’t expect this part.”“How could you?” I asked gently. “I mean, no one wakes up and expects to see their boyfriend’s vampire half-brother rip a supernatural creature in half.”“I just…” She shook her head, and her curls spilled forth, hiding half her face. “Didn’t see this coming. I knew there was something different about you. Special. Not dangerous.”I winced. “It doesn’t make a difference now, but I wanted to tell you so many times. So many times, Lila.”“Why didn’t you?”I swallowed hard. “Dunno. A lot of things. First, I didn’t know where to start. Then I didn’t know if I had the right to tell you since it’s your life and you choose what to do with it, and telling you would change it completely. And I wasn’t sure how long we’d be together. If it made sense to tell you if I wasn’t sure of our future. It’s not like just telling someone you’ve been married before—”“Have you been married before?” Lila asked dryly.“Almost engaged once,” I admitted. “But it went as far south as it can go.”“Ah.”“I don’t have any excuse,” I whispered, too ashamed to even try to look at her now. “Not one. I did it because I was afraid. I like you so damn much, Lila. I’m selfish. I wanted you with me without putting you in harm’s way. Hell’s bells, if any of the myriad of beasties out there found out about you, I’d probably get myself killed trying to tear them apart. I’d fight an army for you. That’s the truth. But I was being an asshole. There was no way I’d be able to keep all this from you for long. If you hate me, I understand completely. You deserve to. What I did was unforgivable. I owe you my life. I can’t repay you, but I can say that I am sorry for hurting you and I’m grateful that you saved my life.”“I didn’t save your life,” she mumbled. “Thomas saved your life.”“Lila, if you hadn’t agreed to help, both of us would be dead. Period.”“Anyone with a nail file could have saved you—”“But it wasn’t anyone,” I said fiercely. “It was you. You showed more courage in helping us tonight than most people ever display in their entire lives.”“I was terrified,” she whispered hoarsely. “Completely terrified. Like that night at the concert.”My chest constricted. I reached out, hesitating, and then tilted her face toward me. Tears had spilled down her face now. I brushed her hair to one side and ran my thumb down her cheek.“But you still did it,” I said as gently as I could. “Both times. You stopped that creep who attacked you and you helped my brother even though you were scared. Doesn’t matter if you don’t think you’re a hero. You’re strong. So damned strong, Lila. If nothing else happens after this mess, take that to heart.”She stared at me for a long moment, more tears spilling when she blinked. “I’m so mad at you, Harry. Furious. I want to punch your damned lights out.”She took a trembling breath. “But I’m so glad you’re still alive.”I gave her a crooked smile. “Me too.”Lila exhaled and crawled into my lap, burying her face in my neck. I wrapped her in my arms. “So what do we do?”Lila was silent for a while. “Have a threesome with your brother.”I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for that horrifying mental image.”“You deserve it,” she said. I did. But still. Yuck.Lila sighed. “I don’t know.”“Do you want me to leave after Thomas says it’s safe?”“Yes.” She made a frustrated noise. “No. I don’t know. It’s too soon. I want you to go away because I’m so angry, but I’m worried about you, so I want you here. You’re Schrodinger’s wizard.”I snorted. “God, it’s so hot when you say brainy stuff like that.”“Jerk.” She burrowed further into my arms. “Stay. You couldn’t stay before, but now you can. So stay, Harry.”My throat got real tight, and the room blurred for a few seconds. It was probably the concussion. “Okay. I’ll stay.”So I stayed.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
For the record, recapping my life out loud to someone reminded me of just how utterly insane it was, and it wasn’t a particularly welcome feeling.Last night, Lila had encouraged Thomas to spend the night, not only as extra muscle, but just as her show of thanks. He was hesitant, but he stayed since with my bump on the noggin, I wouldn’t exactly be at full strength if we had to fight. This morning, he went out and grabbed us breakfast and got me a new set of clothes. But, being Thomas, he thought it would be funny to get me one of those irritating novelty t-shirts. This one said “FBI: Female Body Inspector.” I punched him very hard in the gut while he just laughed. He’d also bought some whiskey to go in Lila’s coffee, assuring her that she’d need it once I got started.By the time I had finished recapping what happened with Susan and the toad demon, Lila silently went to the coffee machine, made a fresh cup, and dumped some whiskey in it. I didn’t blame her one bit.It took a long time to get her up to speed; a few hours, in fact. She stayed mostly silent, but she asked intelligent questions every so often for clarification—about magic, about certain entities, about incidents and rumors she’d heard in the past about Chicago, and about the world behind the world. She looked shaken at some points, especially about Kravos, the entropy curse, and the phobophages, but all-in-all, she seemed to absorb the oodles and oodles of information as best as she could. I tried to keep things in broad terms to avoid completely overwhelming her. It was already too much, but she’d asked me to be straight with her, and I certainly owed her enough to oblige.When I came to around present time, Lila hopped off the counter and paced the length of the kitchen. She ran both hands through her hair a few times. The clock on the wall ticked. Mouse’s doggy breathing and her soft footfalls were all I could hear for a while.“So,” she said, licking her lips. “Where does this all leave me?”I took a deep breath. “It’s your choice. You know all the relevant stuff now. What you do with it all is up to you.”“Well, basically from what you’ve told me, I’ve been cast in the role of Gwen Stacy,” Lila said, narrowing her eyes. “And not badass Spider-Gwen. Like Silver Age comic book Gwen Stacy, who dies in Spider-Man’s arms. I’m basically a Muggle and you’re the Chosen One, to mix metaphors a bit.”I winced. She had a point. “It’s sort of why I kept it from you at first. I didn’t want you to be put in that spot as the designated Muggle girlfriend. It doesn’t bode well.”“No,” she said softly. “It doesn’t.”Thomas shifted uncomfortably and made as if to leave, but she waved a hand. “Relax, Thomas. We’re not going to start that conversation yet. I’m just thinking out loud.”He settled down again. “If I may?”Lila nodded. He continued. “I’ve been in Harry’s life a good while. I’ve seen him interact with a couple paramours, and I have to say that you’ve handled most of this supernatural crap pretty well so far. When it came down to the line, as the kids say these days, you were ride or die. I don’t think you’re Silver Age Gwen Stacy. You’re a Muggle, sure, to use the terminology, but you’re nobody’s helpless girlfriend even if you just learned all of this in the last 24-hours. You can learn to protect yourself without being a magic user or a preternatural creature.”She smiled at him faintly. “Thank you. That’s a nice sentiment, but I’m not sure how realistic it is. Sergeant Murphy, for instance, is entirely human, but she’s a trained police officer, martial artist, and a sharpshooter. Charity Carpenter is entirely human, but she too has been trained to be able to protect her family. I don’t know that I have the ability to keep up with Harry on that front.”“No one said you had to,” I told her. “One thing Murphy has taught me that has nothing to do with magic is that being aware of your surroundings is the best way to stay alive and stay out of trouble. Doesn’t always work for me, but I think it would work for you. You’re sharp, Lila. You noticed things about me within just a day of me being around you. You have great intuition. That’s going to protect you more than you think.”“And there are steps you can take,” Thomas said. “If you want to, that is. No one is trying to say you have to accept all of this and change your entire lifestyle in just one day. I think you should take some time to mull it over and decide what you want.”Mouse wandered over and leaned against her thigh. She smiled and rubbed his ears. “Yeah. Guess so.”She took a deep breath. “But that’s the future. What about today?”Thomas and I traded glances. I went first. “If you’re willing, I would like to stay just until sundown and then figure things out from there.”“I’ve got a few things to take care of,” Thomas added. “But I’ll be back this afternoon to check on you.”“That’s fine.” She scratched Mouse’s head. “Who’s looking after the furball?”“Mouse should stay here,” Thomas said. “He’s basically a giant early warning detector.”He paused and smirked. “And Harry is pretty useless right now, like always.”“Hey,” I protested. “No making fun of the guy with the head injury.”“Older brother privileges,” he sniffed, and headed for the door. Lila followed. They exchanged quiet words in the doorway, and then she reached up and hugged him. A look of surprise flooded his expression, but he gently hugged her back.Then he loudly announced, “Don’t be afraid to smack my useless brother around a few times if you need to.”I rolled my eyes. “Begone, thot.”Thomas wheezed, choking on laughter. “Where the hell did you learn that?”“Molly,” I supplied. “But to be fair, I have no idea what it means.”Thomas finished laughing and wiped his eyes, glancing at Lila, who was also giggling. “Don’t tell him. It’s funnier if he doesn’t know.”“Roger that,” Lila said, grinning. “Bye. Be safe.”“You too.” He left. Lila shut and locked the door. Mouse looked between us and then disappeared into the guest bedroom. Lucky bastard.“How are you feeling?” I asked gently, watching her gather the dishes. I walked over to the sink and ran some hot water into one side, adding dish soap.“Like my head’s gonna explode,” she admitted, handing me the items one at a time. She cut a glance over at me, her lashes low over her brown eyes in a sly look. “So why is it that you just happen to have so many attractive women in your social circles, mister?”I blushed. “I swear, it’s not on purpose.”“Uh-huh,” she said skeptically. “Good thing I’m not the jealous type.”“Yep. Good thing.”She snorted softly. “You seem so well-adjusted to it all. I guess it’s not as weird when you were mostly brought up knowing all this stuff exists.”“Trust me when I say things still weird me out or scare the hell out of me,” I assured her. “You never get used to it. You just…roll with the punches.”“Which are literal, in your case,” she said. “I can’t imagine how many concussions you’ve had by now. You might as well be an NFL player. I can’t believe your brains aren’t scrambled.”“Nonsense. I’m a perfectly cromulent wizard, with sharp mental pudding pops.”Lila hid a smile, but I could hear the laughter under her breath. “Right.”We finished washing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen. The domesticity of it made the situation both better and worse; better, being around her and she was still relatively comfortable with me, but worse when I thought about the fact that I might lose her soon. Lila was a lot like me in that she seemed to keep things close to the chest. Part of me was glad I’d been unconscious when she and Thomas had fought off the creatures. Seeing her scared and upset wasn’t something I wanted to repeat after the drunken asshole episode a while back.We retreated to the couch. I sat first on one end, unsure of her disposition, but then she settled into my side and draped her legs over my lap, her head on my shoulder. I relaxed and rubbed her back.“I have so many questions,” she said. “But I’m not sure I want the answers to them.”“Welcome to my life.”“On the one hand, ignorance is bliss. On the other hand, that’s how you wind up dead, purposely ignoring threats around you.”I nodded silently in agreement. “How do you keep from feeling…I don’t know…helpless?”I thought it over for a bit. “Focusing on something I care about. The wizard thing is natural, but private investigating is something I chose to do to balance the scales, I guess. I have the ability to help. Not a lot, but enough that it feels like it makes a difference to certain people. I mostly feel satisfied with what I do. I’ve watched you in the coffee shop, and you genuinely like what you do. It’s something you enjoy. Investigating is hell and it gets me in trouble constantly, but I care about it. Maybe that is something that will help you deal with everything. It’s your shop. It’s still within your control. You have order and structure and drive. It keeps you grounded, in a way.”I thought about it some more. “And you have to find a way to blow off steam and enjoy yourself. You can go crazy pretty easily without finding an outlet.”“Ah,” Lila said. “So that’s why you’re so good at sex. It’s a hobby.”“It’s not a hobby,” I groaned. “I’ve only had two girlfriends, you know.”“Not counting Murphy, your work girlfriend,” Lila added.“Hey,” I said, poking her side. “Not funny.”Lila’s phone—safely perched as far away from me in the den as possible but so that she could still hear it—rang, and she got up to answer it. Then she lifted an eyebrow and gave me a pointed stare. “Speak of the devil.”My eyebrows shot up. “Wait, it’s Murphy?”“Yep.” She turned back to the phone and answered affirmatively a few times, then gave Murphy her address and the number to buzz herself in.“When the hell did you give Murphy your number?” I asked, bewildered.“It was Thomas’ idea,” she answered. “To keep me in the loop. Murphy said she has some news. She’s on her way.”“Ah.” I shifted a bit on the couch, and Lila crossed her arms, smiling. “Why, Harry, is there some reason you don’t want me to meet Murphy?”“No,” I grumbled. “But you two have…let’s say very similar personalities and I get the feeling it’s not going to be great for my ego.”She rolled her eyes. “You’ll survive somehow, I’m sure.”Murphy arrived roughly twenty minutes later. I could see a bit of relief in her features when she walked in and saw I was in one piece. She’d kick my ass if I brought it up, of course, but I knew her. Mouse reappeared and offered his paw, which made Murphy laugh and comply as always.“Thank you for helping him out,” Murphy told Lila. “I was stuck elsewhere or I’d have been the cavalry. And thanks for letting me stop by. I’m sure you’ve got a lot on your mind right now.”“Tons,” Lila admitted. “Actually, I was hoping you might be able to help me with that.”Murphy blinked. “Oh.”“Mind if we talk?”“Not at all.” Murphy handed me the fat case file I’d requested and narrowed her blue eyes at me. “Shoo. Private conversation, Dresden.”“Fine,” I grumbled. “But if you get into a mud wrestling match, don’t leave me hanging.”Lila threw her slipper at my head. I ducked and escaped into her bedroom with Mouse. It took an ugly amount of will power, but I did not listen at the door. I reviewed the case files and let the new facts click into place so I could form some theories. I had everything relevant memorized in about half an hour, and returned to the den.Murphy and Lila were both laughing lightly upon my return, and their posture gave me the impression they were getting along great.“Harry, I’m dumping you for Murphy,” Lila announced with a straight face. “Just so you know.”I snorted as I handed the file back. “Oh, good. Thanks for stealing my girlfriend, Murph.”“She’s too good for you anyway, Dresden,” Murph replied, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Besides, I have a house and steady paycheck. You can’t compete with that.”I adopted a hurt look. “What about my charming personality and endearing quirks?”“That’s the first reason why I’m dumping you,” Lila said.I shook my head. “I get no respect, I swear.”“You don’t deserve any,” Murphy said without missing a beat. She checked her watch. “I’ve got to go. Where’s the pretty boy?”“He’ll be back this afternoon. He went to update Grasshopper and do some digging on our assailants. I’ll be out and about tonight.”Murphy nodded. “Good. Lay low for as long as you can. I’ll catch up with you both later.”She glanced at Lila. “Lila, it was a pleasure. I’m always around if you need anything else. Or to just complain about him, because my God, is he annoying.”“Tell me about it,” she sighed. “Thank you, Murphy.”She walked Murphy out and I peered at her suspiciously. “So what was that all about?”“None of your business,” she sniffed. “Girl talk.”“Girl talk?” I asked. “Wait, Murphy’s a girl?”She glared at me. “Keep sassing me and you get no lunch, mister.”I gave her my best obedient puppy dog look. “Not another word, I swear.”Thomas and Murphy reconvened that afternoon, and then after dark we left to handle business. Before I left, I’d asked Lila if she wanted me to come back afterward, and it was one of the more unnerving parts of my personal life. If she said yes, it meant we’d finally have our grownup conversation. If she said no, then I pretty much knew where I stood. She’d said yes. It said a lot about me that I’d rather fight monsters than have a heavy conversation with my girlfriend.When she opened the door, I spread my arms and grinned, using my best announcer voice, “So once again, the day is saved thanks to the Powerpuff Girls!”Lila just shook her head at me. “You are such a dork, Dresden.”I grinned. “Yep.”I loped inside her apartment and pretended my heart wasn’t trying to pound its way outside of my rib cage. Hi, I’m Harry Dresden, I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.“Hungry?” she asked.“No,” I said. “Has everything been quiet since we left?”“Yeah. No trouble.”“Good.” I took a deep breath and stuffed my hands in my pockets, that way she wouldn’t see them shaking. “So. I guess we have to have that grownup talk now.”“Yeah,” she said quietly, sinking into the couch and drawing her knees up to her chest, her slender arms going around them. She settled her chin on top of them and looked up at me through that wild, beautiful mane with those big brown eyes. She could kill with a look, and not in a bad way. Melt a guy from a thousand paces with one look, one smile. God, I hoped I’d get to see it again.“I did a lot of thinking while you were gone,” Lila said. “About what you’ve told me. And I compared it to what I wanted my life to be before I found out the truth. And then I compared it to what I want my life to be now that I know the truth.”She cleared her throat. “I, um, I’ve been in bad relationships before. Nothing abusive, but toxic. Hurtful. I’m kind of withdrawn sometimes, and I don’t open up around my significant others as a result of those bad relationships. And yet you’ve sort of gotten me out of that habit. I joke about the sex, but I think that was the first clue that I liked you. I’ve never been with a man the way I’ve been with you, physically speaking. It was…scary how much I responded to you. To your energy. You made me feel safe. You made me feel wanted.”Her brown eyes hardened into onyx. “And to find out that you were lying to me, by omission, did the opposite. I no longer felt safe. I no longer felt wanted.”I swallowed hard and nodded in acknowledgment, but didn’t interrupt. She exhaled and kept going. “My knee-jerk reaction after you left was to break up with you. But…while I waited for you to come back, I realized that the truth was staring me in the face the whole time. I wanted you to come back, even if it was just so I could scream at you. That’s significant. Every other time I’ve waited up for a boyfriend to come home, it’s been for bad reasons—either he was cheating on me or just being negligent. With you, I knew you were coming back to be with me. I wanted you here with me. My place feels so much…I don’t know…warmer when you’re here. I thought about what it would be like if we broke up tonight and I went back to my normal life, and I can’t picture that anymore. I can’t picture pretending that I don’t know what’s out there. The kind of monsters you face every day. You were right. There is no going back."She swallowed before continuing. "One of the things that I asked Murphy about was what it was like for her, being human and witnessing this insane amount of magic and power around you. She admitted it scared the hell out of her, and she'd never get used to it. I asked her if she felt it was all worth it in the end, the sleepless nights and terrors and danger. She said, to her, it was, because for every horrific nightmare you'd faced, you'd saved lives and protected people who needed it. And that you had only been able to do that by enduring, and enduring together."Nila set her shoulders. "As much as you’ve hurt me, I still want you in my life.”She took another deep breath. “The question is if you want me in your life.”“Lila—” I started.“Harry,” she said gently. “I know you care about me. What I mean is if you think I can fit into your life considering all that you have to face. It’s not just about what I want. Hell, life isn’t about what anyone wants. It’s about what we can make happen. I’m willing to try, but you have to be willing too. The woman that you proposed to was just as human as I am before that awful night, and to some degree, that means we might be able to make this work. But it won’t be easy. I’ll be scared. You’ll be scared. We’ll fight and worry about each other constantly. I might die. You might die. Or maybe nothing ever happens and you just outlive me. So ask yourself if you’re willing to go through all of that for me. Really ask yourself, Harry.”Tears slipped down her cheeks. “If you say you want me, then you’re screwed, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’ll fall for you.”She met my gaze for a fearless second. “So if you’re gonna go, then go now. After that, it’s too late for either of us.”I shut my eyes. I considered her words. I considered my world, my life, and everything in it. I considered the possible futures ahead of me. I considered what I wanted. I considered what I needed. I considered what I had been through with my past relationships. I considered the pain I had felt and would continue to feel. I considered the risks. I considered the rewards. I considered…her.Then I opened my eyes.“In my experience,” I said softly. “The world doesn’t give you many obvious signs. They’re more subtle. A whisper in your ear. Nudging your elbow. An instinct that prickles on the back of your neck.”I smiled at her. “When I met you, it was a huge, blinking neon sign the size of Times freaking Square.”Lila blinked at me, surprised. “And it wasn’t a warning. It was one of those lightning strikes that Nat King Cole sung about. I was walking along, minding my business, when out of an orange colored sky, flash, bam, alakazam, wonderful you came by. I knew it from the moment I saw you. I knew I wanted to be near you. I knew I wanted to make you smile. My life is hell, Lila. The last thing I want to do is put you in harm's way, but it's not just my choice. I think both of us have what it takes to make all the miserable bullshit we're going to go through worth it in the end. One thing about anything magical is that if we give our word, it binds us. It takes some of our power if we give it, and then lie."I took a deep breath. "And I give you my word that if we do this, I will never lie to you again. Never again, Lila. I should never have kept everything from you, and I am truly sorry that I did in the first place. I may have only been in a couple relationships, but I know what it feels like to be in one where I'm content. And that's with you. And I haven't had that in a long time, and I'll do whatever it takes to hold onto it. Maybe we'll make it in the long run, and maybe we won't, but I'm damn sure willing to try."I cleared my throat and scratched the back of my neck. "So...what do you say?"Silence yawned between us, wide and terrifying.Lila stood up from the couch and walked into her bedroom alone.Then, a few seconds later, called out, "You comin' or what, wizard boy?"