Work Text
Pete's POV
I've been going to therapy since I was 15 but now my therapist managed to talk me into doing group therapy. Talking to other people about private things has never been easy so doing it in front of a group will be super hard.There's about 12 other people in the group so I stay quiet for most of the session and listen to other people talk.I've come to therapy for depression, anxiety, bipolar, self harm, drug abuse and even suicide attempts so I understand the things people say. Life is shit a lot of the time and even though its hard to talk in front of all these people, its nice to hear about other people's experiences.It's a group for younger people so no one here is over 30 and some look like they're still teenagers. I'm almost 27 and some people look really young so I feel bad for them, they shouldn't be in a bad situation when they're so young. All of high school was ruined for me because of my mental health and it sucks to see people going through the same.When its time for a short blond boy to talk I sit up a bit straighter and watch him with interest. He's one of the ones that look like a teenager but he's really attractive so I wait for him to talk while I look over his appearance.He's short but so am I so it makes it more attractive that I'm taller than him. His fluffy blond hair is short but he has a fringe hiding part of his face which makes him look even younger. It looks really soft so if it didn't make me sound like a pervert I'd say I want to run my hands through it. He's skinny but not overly skinny, just small enough to mean I can easy pick him up and carry him around.The poor boy looks so nervous about being here that I wish I could hug him tight and tell him everything's going to be ok. If a fuck up like me can get his life back on track then a beautiful boy like him can have a great life.It takes a while but eventually the boy looks up and gives the group a shaky smile "Hi, I'm Patrick and I'm 17. I don't want to be here because of my anxiety but apparently the only way to beat it is to face it so here I am. I have anxiety and depression which makes me anorexic and I self harm. I love music so I'm supposed to sing or play something but I don't want to, I can't do it"Patrick sounds like I did when I was 17, apart from the anorexic part, so now I really want to give this boy a hug.At the end of the session only half the group got to share so we're invited back next week when the rest of us are going to talk. Patrick's shaking so badly that he falls when he tries to stand but he picks himself up and wraps his arms around his stomach.We're supposed to hug everyone in the group to make a sense of community so we all go around hugging each other. Patrick's the last person I have to hug so I go over and open my arms for the small boy so he can slowly step into them. His arms go around my waist but he's still shaking violently so I guide his head to my shoulder and stroke his hair softly.He's so warm and snugly so I love it, plus his hair is just as soft as I thought it would be so I hold him close. It's starting to go into the realm of a creepy pervert preying on a teenage boy instead of a friendly hug so I whisper "You'll be ok sweetheart" before pulling back.The whimper Patrick makes when I pull away goes straight to my dick but when I see him shaking again I feel terrible. I'm such a pervert but he's my type and I wish I could spend the day holding him and telling him everything's going to be ok.I leave the room as soon as possible to get away from Patrick before I do anything stupid. I'd never touch the boy or say anything gross but he's amazing and I need to get those dirty thoughts out of my head.My cars right by the door so I climb in and sit in the drivers seat, texting flatmate Andy to say I'll be home in an hour. I need to get coffee and burn the perverted thoughts out of my head in case Andy can tell what I've been thinking. I know its stupid but Andy seems to have a sixth sense so if I walk in while thinking about getting a 17 year old naked, he'll know. He's put up with a lot for me so I don't want to talk about statutory rape and I don't want to disappoint him.As I put my phone down I see Patrick walking out of the building so I decide to wait until he's left before going to get my coffee. He's a sweet kid so regardless of how attractive I think he is, I want to make sure he gets home safely.He's clutching his phone and after looking around the empty parking lot he slumps against the wall and stares at his shoes. There's barely any cars here so I guess his mom or dad hasn't come to get him yet.Leaving a little 17 year old in a parking lot by himself wouldn't be safe so I get out of the car and walk over to the blond boy."Hi Patrick, are you ok?""Y-yes""Are your parents coming to get you?""I think so, they said they'd be back""Have you texted them?""Yes"I'm worried about him so I lean back against the wall with him and try to give him the most comforting smile I can."Do you want me to wait with you until they get here?""Its ok""I don't want to leave you alone, its not safe for pretty teenage boys to be alone in a place like this""I... Are you going to kidnap me?""No of course not, I just want to make sure you get home safely"We wait in silence for another 5 minutes until Patrick gets a text then shoves his phone in his pocket."You can leave, I should go""Are your parents here sweetheart?""No they forgot and they said I should walk home""I can drive you, its not safe for you to walk home by yourself""I think its safer to walk than to get in the car with a man I don't know""I won't hurt you, I just don't want you to get hurt"He gives me a little nod and puts a hand on my bicep "Ok, I only live down the road. If you do kidnap me can you promise you won't give me back for ransom? Can you promise to just kill me instead of torturing me or raping me?""I won't kidnap you, I'll get you home all safe and sound and I won't hurt a hair on your pretty blond head"I lead him to my car and wait until he's comfortable in the passenger seat before driving out of the parking lot. Patrick stays silent so I stop at a red light and look over "Where do you live sweetheart? I need directions""Can you not take me home yet? If my parents see me turning up in a car with an older man they'll be angry""Why?""I like guys so they'll say that I didn't go to the group and was off having sex instead""That's stupid but I can take you somewhere else first if you want, do you want me to buy you a coffee?""Maybe a hot chocolate would be nice"His little shy smile is perfect so I drive to the nearest coffee shop and jump out to open Patrick's door and hold a hand out for him. I'm happy when it makes him giggle because his face lights up and he's even more beautiful than normal.Patrick wanted a hot chocolate so I buy him one and a cappuccino for myself before taking Patrick to a couch. I sit at one end, hoping Patrick will sit with me but he sits at the other end, as far away from me as he can get. I would love to pull him over to me but he's obviously scared so I don't want to push too much.While we wait for our drinks I look over at the teenager and smile "Do you want to talk to me Patrick?""About what?""Anything, tell me about you""You already know all my private secrets, tell me about you before I say anything else""Do you want the deep stuff or the random shit?""Deep stuff, you know mine so I want to know yours"I nod and lean back on the couch as the barista gives me my coffee and Patrick his hot chocolate."Well I'm Pete, I don't know if you knew that but now you do. I'm 27 and I go to the group because I have depression, anxiety and bipolar. I used to self harm and take a lot of drugs, I tried to OD a couple of times""Really?""Yeah it was a shitty point in my life""I'm sorry, your problems are worse than mine""It's not a competition sweetheart, I've learnt to live with a lot of mine and take medication to keep me sane. You're only 17 so its worse for you because you don't know who you are and its hard to grow up feeling broken and different"This seems like it was the right thing to say because Patrick slides over to sit right next to me. When I rest my arm on the back of the couch he doesn't move away which makes me happy. Its not quite having my arm around him but its close enough so I won't test my luck too much right now."You remember what I said right?""Yeah""I was going to walk home and self harm when my parents forgot me but instead I'm drinking hot chocolate with a nice guy""I'm glad, you can come drink hot chocolate with me any time you want, a beautiful boy like you doesn't deserve scars""Thank you, I hate myself but I like you, you're really nice""I'm gonna go buy a muffin, you want anything?""No I'm ok""I've never had anorexia but I know its hard so I want you to fight it, you're a great boy and you don't deserve this pain""I'm fat""You're tiny, I'll buy you one but you don't have to eat it if you don't want to. If you don't then I want you to take it home and eat it at some point today, I want you to get better so I'll help any way I can"I quickly go up to buy us a muffin each and hurry back when I see Patrick with his face buried in his knees. I hope I didn't do something wrong so I put the food on the table and wrap an arm tight around Patrick.I don't think he's crying but he's obviously upset so I hold him against my chest until he pulls back and looks at me "I'm sorry, I shouldn't do this""Do what?""Get upset""You're allowed to be upset""But you don't want that. You're buying me things and treating me good so I'll have sex with you, you don't want my tears or my depressed crap""I'm not doing this for sex, if I wanted sex I'd go to a bar and find someone. I'm here because you're a sweet kid and I want to make sure you're ok""Do you like me? Like in a romance way?""Yeah I do, you're beautiful and I can't help myself. I promise I won't do anything bad though, I respect you and I know you're really young"Patrick's shaking so I run a hand through his hair to try and calm him down. I can't deny that I did think about how beautiful Patrick would be naked and moaning under me but I won't make a move. I have Andy's voice in the back of my head telling me I've fucked up too much in my life to get charged with statutory rape as well. As much as I wish Patrick was 18 and mentally healthy he isn't so I can't try anything with this sweet innocent boy."I really like you Pete""I like you too Patrick""I really like you, you're nice and caring and you're the most perfect person""You're perfect Patrick""No I'm not but you are. You're perfect so you could have anyone in the world but I want you to pick me. I know I'm nothing but maybe worthless, fat, ugly teenage boys are your type and maybe you won't leave"Listening to him put himself down and tell me how ugly he is makes me so angry. This boy is perfect so I don't want him hating himself, I want him to love himself because he's too precious for these ugly thoughts."Don't call yourself worthless and fat and ugly, you aren't any of those things""But I am, I'm just telling the truth""You're wrong, you're beautiful and amazing""I'm not, I'm a worthless depressed kid who can't even go to school or make friends. I'm fat and its disgusting and I'm just ugly in general so I'm not lying. I'm gross and stupid and I hate myself for it, don't try to convince me otherwise""It's not true Patrick, you're gorgeous"I wish I knew how to help him but all I can do is pull him into my arms and tell him how amazing he is until he believes it."Patrick don't say these things, your body is perfect and you're perfect""I'm not perfect""I don't want to sound like a pervert but you're beautiful""I don't care if you sound like a pervert, tell me""Your face is beautiful because you have the most amazing blue eyes and your smile is so sweet. You're pale and the way it looks when you're in my arms is so hot because the contrast if gorgeous. You're short so you fit perfectly in my arms like a little angel. There's nothing wrong with you and I don't know what your brain is telling you but its all lies"There's silence for a while so I lean my cheek on the top of Patrick's head and listen to his soft breaths."Do you really think all that?""I do and I'll tell you that as many times as you want""Do you want to have sex with me?""Not right now, if you were older and more confident I would but I care about you for more than sex""But you would want to? If you found me naked on your bed would you want to have sex?""I think I'd be a bit scared about how you got in my house but I'd want to have sex with you. I'd restrain myself because it'd be totally inappropriate but I'd jerk off to the thought for weeks"As much as I hate how perverted I feel Patrick seems a lot happier so I hand him the blueberry muffin I got him. He eats about half before putting it down and looking up at me "I'm going to go to the bathroom, is that ok?""Yeah I don't think there's one here but we can go to the McDonald's down the street if you want""Yeah that'd be nice"I drink the rest of my coffee and throw Patrick's leftover muffin in the bin then walk with him to the McDonald's.Going in to the bathroom with him would creepy so I wait by the door until Patrick runs back to me and jumps into my arms "Pete Pete Pete, help me""What's wrong angel?""There's people by the door and I don't know how to get past and they're doing things"He's not making any sense so I slip my hand into his "Do you want me to walk you there?""Yes please""Come on sweetheart, lets get you to the bathroom all safe and sound"When we go through the door I see a man and a woman pressed against the wall, looking like they're having sex. Patrick's shaking but I pull him towards them "Excuse me, my boyfriend needs to piss so could you get the fuck out of the way"They roll their eyes but move so me and Patrick can get into the bathroom and Patrick can stop holding his breath "Thank you Pete""It's ok, go do what you need to do and I'll be right here"He runs into a cubicle so I put my elbow under the hand dryer so he can have some privacy. If I leave him he might stay in here for the rest of the day because he's too scared to go out so I want to stay with him.When he finishes, he comes out and washes his hands before we walk out, ignoring the couple who are still going at it. I consider telling someone to go break them up but if I got the chance I'd do the same thing with Patrick so I won't tell.I need to take Patrick home now before his parents worry but I walk slowly on the way back to my car, holding Patrick's hand tight.When we get in the car I don't start it and instead look over at the beautiful blond boy next to me."So Patrick what now? Do you want me to take you home?""Not yet, can I ask you something?""Yeah go ahead""Why did you call me your boyfriend?""Because I wanted them to move and I didn't know what else to call you, I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable""No I just wondered why you said it, do you want to be my boyfriend?""Yeah but its probably not appropriate""Why not?""Because I doubt your parents want a tattooed 27 year old college drop out dating their innocent 17 year old son""I don't care, I want you so what they want doesn't matter"Patrick's pout is as adorable as the rest of him so I lean in slowly, giving him time to pull away if I read the signs wrong. He doesn't move so I press my lips to his kissing gently then giving his plump bottom lip a little nibble then pull back.Patrick's eyes have almost doubled in size and he's panting hard even though I barely did anything. I'm worried that I've given him a panic attack until he clumsily crawls across to settle himself in my lap. It's clumsy and ungraceful but it's adorable so I laugh and wrap my arms around him, pulling him in for another kiss.His body is tiny and fragile in my arms so I hold him close and stroke every piece of skin I can reach. Every part of him is soft and warm so I touch as much as possible and only stop when Patrick rests his head on my shoulder to breathe."That was so good Patrick""I like kissing you""Have you done it before?""Not really, not like that""You've never made out with anyone?""I have but not with someone so much older and so attractive"The way he's gotten more comfortable around me is great because I don't have to worry about whether he's going to get upset. He's beautiful when he's in my lap so I let my hands run up his thighs and give them a light squeeze."Patrick I really need to take you home""Or you could not""I could take you to my house but I don't think it'd be a good idea""Why?""Because I can't just take a 17 year old home, I don't think I could keep my hands off you and my flatmate would kill me""I'd be ok with that, at least I could spend a fun night with you before you die""I think I'd rather wait a while until I can spend time with you without getting murdered for it""We could go somewhere else""I'd get murdered by my flatmate and your parents and if that failed I'd probably murder myself"He rolls his eyes so I give him a gentle push so he gets back into his seat and I drive to the house he directs me to. I wish he'd get out and go home before I do something stupid but he climbs back into my lap and hugs me tight."Thank you for everything""You're welcome darling""Can I see you again?""Yeah I'll see you at the next group therapy thing""Only then?""Yeah, we should take things slow and we can become friends""I don't want to just be your friend""We can work up to more but until you're 18 I can't do these things with you"Patrick's face drops and he slumps against me so I stroke my hand through his hair and kiss his cheek "I'm sorry sweetheart but you're too young, when you're 18 we can talk about what you want""Are you going to leave me alone?""No I want to be friends and spend time with you but I think we should limit the kissing"He nods slowly and gives me one light kiss on the lips before he gets out of the car "I'll see you next week, I turn 18 in 4 months by the way""Good to know, I'll be counting down"I sit outside his house for a while after he goes in because I don't feel like leaving yet. If I wanted I could have Patrick naked in my bed right now but instead I bought him a drink and gave him a couple of kisses. That feels nice and maybe it's because he's so young and vulnerable but I don't want more yet. One day I'll have to get him naked and show him how perfect he is but for now I'll take whatever Patrick's willing to give.