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yoongi pursed his lips.“jungkook, for the last time- i don’t need your help.”brushing it aside, jungkook bent down to yoongi’s level and scooped the older up in his arms from the wheelchair, and began to climb the flight of stairs.“this, this is embarrassing.” yoongi groaned, pushing his face into jungkook’s chest.the younger lets out a breathy chuckle.“i don’t work out for nothing, hyung,” jungkook huffed out, “i’m pretty much prepared to do this for the rest of my life.”yoongi rolled his eyes, arms around jungkook’s neck.“you can put me down now, jungkook,” yoongi mumbled flatly, “it’s not like i can’t walk.”“i know, hyung, i know.”yoongi had been born with a hole in his heart. a hole between the two chambers of his heart- to put in laymen terms, his blood carried oxygen at a slower rate, since there was no separation between the deoxygenated and oxygenated blood in his heart. he was simply constantly feeling faint and feeling out of breath most of the time.“you don’t have to pick me up every time i go for a check-up, jungkook.” yoongi started, silenced by jungkook suddenly wrapping his arms around him.“get off,” yoongi smiled softly, nudging at jungkook’s sides.“let’s just stay like this for a little while.” jungkook mumbled, resting his chin on yoongi’s head, while the older relented, wrapping his arms around jungkook’s waist. “-not in the middle of a hospital, we won’t.” yoongi laughed, the two finally pulling away.jungkook had known yoongi his whole life. jungkook’s parents went through a rough patch and got divorced, and jungkook’s mother had gotten custody over their only child. at first, yoongi babysat jungkook for the extra cash, but upon finding out their family financial situation, he offered to do it out of goodwill.and just like that, the two grew up together. jungkook draped his arm over yoongi’s shoulders, and together they walked in silence to the bus stop.“i need to sit.” yoongi whispered, having felt a little short of breath. he sat down gently, inhaling deeply while closing his eyes in order to escape the sudden giddiness and nausea that overcame his senses.in that moment, a slight breeze blew, sending a few dried leaves and flowers that once dangled precariously from the trees and their branches, fluttering down slowly, sweeping from side to side, before finally resting.a peculiar flower drifted down from above, landing atop yoongi’s head, without his notice.jungkook laughed to himself, shaking his head.he crouched down in front of where yoongi sat, such that they were face to face. yoongi finally opened his eyes.“you scared me.” yoongi grumbled, frowning while attempting to push jungkook away.but jungkook only inched his face closer, while yoongi struggled to lean backwards, a little frightened by the sudden contact. a crimson red had found its way into yoongi’s pale skin, dusting itself over his cheeks. “can’t breathe.” yoongi gasped, facing away from jungkook.“sorry,” jungkook cooed, placing his hand underneath yoongi’s chin, “there’s a flower in your hair.”and with that, he puffed his cheeks and blew the flower off yoongi’s head, managing to catch it in his hand as it drifted to the ground.jungkook handed the small flower to yoongi, who examined it for a mere two seconds before blowing it off the palm of his hand.“do you have,” yoongi said, still short of breath, “any plans later?”PFO closure. sealing the patent foramen ovale, the hole in one’s heart that never closed the way it should’ve after birth.“no hyung, what will you be up to?”risks. ischemic stroke. reduced blood flow to arteries in brain, causing blockage. “nothing much, shall we do something together?”result? irreversible damage, both physically and mentally. “hyung, lets go to tha-““-i have an operation scheduled for this thursday,” yoongi interrupted, still seated, hunched over, head in his hands.silence.“and-and i’m not going to lie,” he stuttered, continuing when jungkook remained silent, “i’m scared.”“i’m really, fucking scared.”jungkook sat next to yoongi, getting the older to lean his head on his shoulder.yoongi found jungkook’s silence comforting, somehow. the silence spoke for itself, it was peaceful, in a way where yoongi could feel warm, could feel at home, at peace, and know, that no matter what was happening, jungkook would be forever there for him.it was the magic hour, the golden hour, when the sun dipped everything in liquid gold. when the clouds parted and disappeared, allowing the sun rays through. this light was sweet, and the cold breeze after the rain welcomed them both like an old friend. the calming sounds of the soft wind caressing the autumn leafs echoed through the wind, carrying this sound to them. yoongi could feel the autumn breeze running through his veins, caressing his cheeks as they tinted them another rosy pink. this everlasting feeling of calm, it laid deep inside his heart, filling him with a nostalgic, calm happiness he had never felt before.“hyung,” jungkook finally sounded, voice a little shaky, a little hesitant, “shall we walk instead?”yoongi lifted his head from jungkook’s shoulder, and a weak smile plastered itself across his face.“let’s go.”thursday came by quick.“you can still look good in a hospital gown, huh?” jungkook laughed, smiling at yoongi.“stop,” yoongi chuckled, adjusting the bed such that he could sit up.jungkook put down the bouquet of flowers and the fruit basket.“it’s a little much, don’t you think?”“really? i thought you’d find it sweet.”“i find it stupid.”jungkook laughed once more.he sat down next to the hospital bed, taking yoongi’s hand in his.“nervous?” he asked, bringing yoongi’s hand up to his lips.“a little, to be honest.”“don’t be, hyung,” jungkook mumbled, “i’m right here.”“min yoongi. are you ready?” yoongi raised his head, nodding wearily as the doctor in charge entered the room, handing him a clipboard of forms.“-if you could just wait outside for a moment, sir.” the nurse said warmly, escorting jungkook to wait outside while the doctor went through some forms indicating yoongi’s personal preferences.jungkook graciously bowed his head, thanking the nurse for taking care of yoongi in advance.the nurse smiles in return. it’s not everyday where she’s thanked for her hard work. the doctor walked out of the ward, explaining some details of the operation to jungkook.“i’ll be operating on yoongi today, it’s a relatively short and simple procedure, so you’ve got nothing to worry about,” he said reassuringly.“you must know that the operation is invasive, so discharge will not be immediate,” he continued, “a stay in the icu is very normal, so again, nothing to worry about.” the doors of yoongi’s ward were held open, and his hospital bed was wheeled out slowly.“hyung!” jungkook called out, waving at yoongi who was no longer propped up on the bed, but lying flat.“walk with me,” the older mouthed, and jungkook ran over to his side, holding his hand and walking alongside the bed.“you ready?” jungkook asked for the last time, wanting to know that yoongi felt alright.“you know, i didn’t starve for nothing right?” yoongi jokes, the nurses pushing his bed snickering as they watched jungkook’s face contort into one of confusion.“he couldn’t eat or drink for the past twelve hours,” a nurse explained, “he’ll be under general anaesthesia, so it’s to avoid any vomiting during the surgery.”jungkook nodded, ignoring how hard his heart was beating in his chest.“sir, you’ll have to wait here.” jungkook let go of the hospital bed, shuffling to one of the seats outside the operating room.yoongi craned his neck to look. “see you in two hours,” he called, the younger waving back at his hyung.two hours felt like forever.jungkook sat at the waiting room, pondering over everything. jungkook wondered what love was made of. he didn’t know, but he imagined it to be the colour of yoongi’s eyes.jungkook wondered what love felt like. was it that lightheaded, giddy feeling he got when he’d kiss him on the forehead? or the ache that he got when he longed to be with him?the operating room is now vacant.after the successful operation, yoongi was transported to the intensive care unit where he could recuperate. after all, heart surgery was invasive.having been under general anaesthesia, yoongi woke up a little groggy. “you’re awake,” jungkook said softly, planting a kiss on yoongi’s forehead.yoongi smiles weakly.it is a sudden loss of blood flow resulting from the failure of the heart to effectively pump.jungkook watches as yoongi lifts his hand to his chest. “is everything okay?” jungkook questions.“get doctor jung for me,” yoongi gasped, voice soft and weak, as if he were clinging on to that last bit of air.some individuals may experience chest pain, shortness of breath, or nausea.the monitor starts to beep rapidly.it’s cardiac arrest.a nurse enters, slamming a button behind one of the machines.“code blue.”jungkook is pushed aside, and a crash cart is wheeled into the room.“hyung!” jungkook yells, trying to push past the nurses that held him back.but before anything can be done- long beep.“do something,” he sobbed, managing to get to yoongi’s side after thrashing through the helpless nurses.jungkook couldn’t understand. “time of death,”“why aren’t you doing anything?”jungkook presses down on yoongi’s chest, just like in the movies.“one-and, two-and, three-and,”“please,” he begged, tears streaming down his cheeks as he continued to apply forceful compressions on yoongi’s chest, “resuscitate him.”“min yoongi, time of death, seventeen twenty-three.”“please,” he cried out again.jungkook couldn’t comprehend.they should’ve shocked him. they should’ve resuscitated him.“please.”the monitors are being turned off now.“no,” jungkook shouted, an uncontrollable river of tears dripping down his face as he begged them to do something.“sir,” the doctor approached jungkook, restraining him as he continued to violently thrash against their efforts to hold him down.“he signed a form,” he shouted across the chaos.“we can’t override an order, sir. this is hospital protocol.”jungkook has now stopped fighting against the people holding him down. he’d quietened down, no longer crying. he’d never felt this empty.there was absolutely no right thing to do.jungkook felt lost, and all he wanted to do was cower away. to dig a ditch so deep, to bury himself, to hide under the blankets deep in his head. he lost his appetite. he wasn’t hungry. but this was terribly wrong, it might’ve been a way he grieved, a way he coped, but it was wrong. it was wrong because because he didn’t want to trouble his mother. and he should be strong for her.but he guessed it was what his hyung wanted.“it was the order for do not resuscitate.”