Work Text
I can't blame her. Of course she loves Master. I do too. We all do.I sit down upon my bed, my wet hair dripping upon the fresh sheets. The rain has waked me up properly.What does she have that I don't? She said it was nothing - that she was nothing. But she is enough for Master. He approves of her. He gives her what she wants. What I want. He doesn't love me enough to give me hearts and flowers.I wait for her as she gathers her belongings. I have suffered in silence for so long, waiting for that which was never going to happen. A few more minutes don't bother me.She gasps when she sees me. 'Leila? Christian is downstairs. Do you want to see him?
Yes I do. I always do. I always want to see Master.
'I came to see you', I reply instead. My hand retrieves a gun from my pocket.'Okay' she answers, as if speaking to a child. Is she not scared? Her mouthpeaks twitch to a smile before she speaks again. 'Christian told me what happened. I know you're in a lot of pain. I'm so sorry.''He lets you call him by his name', I say, heartbroken at the realization.'He talks about you. All the time. He cares about you.'The blatant lie pulls both my trigger and the gun's. I fire, damaging only the bricks behind Master's new lover. She flinches.'Don't lie!' I observe her silently before I resume. 'Tell me what you have that I don't.''Nothing', she says immediately. 'I'm nothing. He'll get tired of me.'
He won't. Never. Not now, when he has come such a long way with you.
'Master sleeps in your bed.'
Which he refused to do for me.'How do you know?' Only now she appears to be suspicious about me.'I saw you. I watched you. I know you love him. I do too. We all do.'
Every single one of us.'Why don't you put the gun down?' she suggests shakily.
'You don't know him and what he likes! You don't give him what he wants. He's pretending with you!'The door to my side opens. Master appears and as if by magical force, I cower before him like way back when.Master gestures me to focus on him. And when I do, the entire universe narrows down to the two of us. No bodyguard, no perfect miss Steele.'Kneel', he whispers. And I do, the way he taught me to. He strokes my head approvingly. I am at peace. For now.What happened after... I don't remember all of it. Master put me down upon the couch. He caressed my face and showered me with sweet words. The words I longed to hear.I woke up upon the same couch. But Master wasn't there. He had left me yet again.
'Are you sure you want to do this?' Master asks. 'We can also start with something else.''Yes, I want this', I respond, staring blankly at the thin rope he holds before me.
This is what it takes to be with him. This is what he wants.
His hands tie mine together skillfully. He then attaches the rope to a ring. He pulls it, forcing me to bend over.
This is humiliating. But, yet again, this is what he wants.
A smack on my backside makes me gasp. I then giggle nervously. He smacks me again. My teeth clamp my lower lip to silence a moan.He hits me again. Then two more times. Then he opens up his trousers. I don't get to see his cock, but I can sense its size.
Remember you aren't doing this for your own pleasure. You are doing this for him.
I cry out when he enters me. He holds still for a moment, relishing in the wet hug my cunt provides his cock with.His hands place themselves upon my hips, and then he starts to thrust. The lack of lubrication is unpleasant, but I don't say a word. I listen to the pleasured moans that spill from Master's lips. He pounds into me faster and faster.'Do you want to cum?' he asks as he moves his hand to my swollen clit.'Y-Yes!' I exclaim. 'Yes I want to cum!''Beg for it, slut!''Please Master! I need to cum! Please let me cum!'
He refuses. He removes his hand and pounds into me at top speed. I moan and beg a bit more, but he is unrelenting. Until he has release of his own. He thrusts onto me lazily as his orgasm subsides.If I close my eyes, I can still feel his ands upon my skin. His voice flows into my ears.Up until several weeks before that encounter, I had felt as if I was weird, as if my desires were wrong. I couldn't imagine my acquaintances enjoying this kind of sex. Turns out I was just acquainted with wrong people.But Master made me feel important. He needed me as much as I needed him. But I wanted more than offering him my everything. I wanted a romantic relationship. I wanted Master to let me touch him, I wanted Master to sleep in the same bed and I wanted Master to go on dates with me. When alone at night, I used to stare at the ceiling, imagining how it would be if Master was here beside me. But I never managed to imagine a realisic scene, solely because I knew that t was never going to happen.I should have remained silent on the matter.'Hey', he says when he enters my bedroom. It is morning and I just finished getting dressed.'Good morning, M-Sir.' I am to call him Sir when not playing with him. He goes to stand behind me. He places his hands upon my shoulders. I am reminded of a scene in Titanic. Rose sits before her mirror with Caledon behind her. He intimidates her with his own twisted version of love.'Something's bothering you, Leila', he says.'No - I mean... there is something that bothers me, but... evermind.' I get up and walk to the bathroom to brush my hair.'If its something regarding our relationship, you can tell me. Please do.''I just feel like there should be... more to this relationship. Maybe a date once in a while. Or... you can't even sleep in one bed with me.''I told you several times I don't do dates and romance. I love you, trust me, but in my case love does't express itself through hearts and flowers. I kow it's not the kind of relationship you used to, but it is the only relationship I can fully commit to. You kow that. Stop trying to change me, Leila.''I'm not trying to change you! You are trying to change me! I need romance and love, the normal way! I want to be your girlfriend, not your property! I love you, but I don't know how to deal with you anymore! I only know I want - need your love! Love me, Christian!'I have crossed a line, and I know it. Christian raises his hand and slaps me once. Before I have the opportunity to react, he slaps me a second time. I gasp in disbelief, then walk away from him. I love him dearly, but this isn't the life I want to live. I am not someone who desires to be owned like cattle.
Leaving Master was awful, but marrying another was worse. I know I chose to myself, but I have never forgiven myself for it. My husband was a true gentleman, but he was not what I truly wanted. The subissive part of me kept trying to claw its way back up. It kept trying to excersise dominance over the rest of me.I remember standing before him at our wedding like it was yesterday. I try to surpress the memory: I did not intend to trigger it in my journey down memory lane. All that matters are the memories I have of Master, both the good and the bad. They maked him who he is. They make him loveable, despite he suffering he inficts upon people. That's why Anastasia loves him.I can't blame her. Of course she loves Master. I do too. We all do.