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ADMISSIONS OF THE HEART

PRELUDE
"Thanks Ana. Could you reschedule my three o'clock, I have a feeling I'm going to over-run." The blonde-haired lawyer murmured to her secretary as she set down the tray of coffees on the large oval-shaped meeting table. The secretary gave a subtle nod and retreated silently from the mediation room.Elsa Arendalson glanced to her blonde-haired client who was shaking her head adamantly.There was an obvious tension within the room and it was rapidly reaching boiling point. Elsa realised pretty quickly that this must have been the first time her client and the estranged wife had been in close contact with one another. If they couldn't reach a compromise soon, she hoped suggesting a break would at least half the confliction within the room."You can't be serious!" Emma seethed, glaring at her estranged wife sitting on the opposite side of the table.Emma couldn't believe what she was hearing. She understood how angry Regina was about the whole situation but at the same time, she was dumbfounded by how deluded the brunette had become in her pursuit to destroy her."She destroyed our marriage! She cheated on me. The lies. The drinking. The reckless behaviour which nearly killed not only herself but me as well. Henry shouldn't be exposed any longer to that lifestyle..." Emma paused, becoming increasingly angrier by the minute. "To this monster!"Regina's head snapped to attention as she glared at the blonde."I am filing for full custody of Henry!" Emma snarled as her chested heaved.Emma's admission was directed to Regina's lawyer, Mr Gold. The grey-haired man didn't flinch at the hostility of the blonde's statement. He'd seen this kind of behaviour a dozen times over."She swore from the day he was born that unequivocally Henry was my child too. I adopted him for that reason and now she is saying I have no rights to him." Regina bit back with equal hostility.The lawyers didn't react, allowing the women to thrash out their anger at each other.After a few moments, Emma's lawyer spoke. "I think a five-minute break would be beneficial at this point. Would you agree Mr Gold?"Mr Gold gave a questioning glance toward the brunette who nodded in reply."Agreed Miss Arendalson. My client understands that this mediation process is an imperative step toward the divorce settlement and would like to settle with a favourable outcome for both parties." Mr Gold stated, placing his hand over his clients to calm her down."An official note of your client's admission will be tabled." Elsa nodded toward the mediator who was sitting at the head of the table. "I believe we will be able to agree to the terms of the divorce so we can all avoid a lengthy court hearing."Mr Gold nodded in agreement as he stood, directing Regina out of the room silently.As soon as the door to the mediation room was shut, Emma spoke."There will be no compromising with her." Emma mused, reaching for her coffee and taking a sip."You don't know that Emma. You heard him; your wife wants a speedy solution. Avoiding court altogether." Elsa said, stacking her files together."No, what I am saying is that I've decided. I am filing for full custody. This is pointless; I want to go to court. I've changed my mind." Emma sighed deeply."Emma, are you sure?"Emma nodded decisively. "I can't allow her to dictate my life anymore…"
~()~
Regina was perched on the wooden fold-out chair, one leg crossed over the other as her hands rested on her knee, she tightly held the photocopied brochure she had just been given. Her eyes drifted left toward the scruffily dressed man who was picking at the dirt under his fingernails and occasionally nodding in agreement with the speaker. Glancing away, she then focused on the dirty blonde-haired woman in the row in front who was skittishly glancing around the room. Subtly moving her handbag from the floor by her feet and placing it on the chair next to her, Regina returned her attention to the voluptuous African American woman standing by the makeshift podium at the front of the room talking to the group.A few heads then turned and looked to Regina. Waiting for the brunette to react."Would you like to share your story, child." The African American woman encouraged with a sympathetic smile."Pardon…" Regina murmured."Share your story. We are not here to judge, my child." The woman replied, fiddling with her small golden crucifix necklace around her neck.Regina glanced around at the small sea of faces. Unsure of herself and if she wanted to share her story. The scruffily dressed man stopped picking at his nails and repositioned himself on the seat. Regina was about to shake her head no when her lawyer's advice from a month ago formed in her mind.
Receive counselling Regina; it will not only help you but your divorce case as well. If the court can see you've actively taken part, they will look at you more favourably at the custody hearing.
Regina slowly stood; instinctively pushing loose strands of hair behind her ear as she moved toward the podium."Ahh.." She paused slightly as she looked out to the sea of faces staring back at her. " My name is…" Her gaze drifted to the voluptuous woman searching for some sort of reassurance. The woman responded with an encouraging smile. "I'm Regina and I'm addicted to alcohol. My last drink was a month ago." She immediately let out a deep breath of relief.Returning to her seat after revealing her 'story' to the rest of the group, Regina spent the rest of the hour listening to other people reveal their addictions. This was the first step to take in her recovery and she knew that it would be a long road, but she was determined to see it through. She needed to do this, not only for herself but for her son. She needed him in her life.Once the group session was over she helped herself to the complimentary tea and coffee. That was when she noticed the mildly handsome bearded man chatting to Grace the voluptuous African American woman who appeared to run this 'addiction group'. Although she couldn't hear what they were saying, Regina got the impression that they were talking about her. Glancing away when their eyes met, Regina returned to her seat intent with making the most of the free coffee. As she read over the brochure again, she noticed the charity organisation also offered private one to one counselling. This was something that she would be more interested in and immediately made a mental note to ask Grace about this in due course."Hi, it's Regina. Right?" A gruff slightly accented voice said beside her.Regina's eyes left the brochure and focused on the bearded man who was now sitting beside her. She nodded slowly."I'm Robin. It's a pleasure to meet you." He offered his hand for the brunette to shake."And you Robin." She shook his hand firmly."Whoa, you got quite a grip there." He chuckled, flexing his fingers a few times."Sorry.""No, it's fine. Grace was telling me that this is your first time here." Robin replied.Regina's eyes drifted toward Grace who was stacking the fold out chairs away. "Yes, that's correct.""Well I wanted to introduce myself; I help run the charity with Grace. If you have any questions about our charity or any of the services we provide." Robin pointed to the brochure that Regina was clutching tightly. "Don't hesitate to ask either myself or Grace. We're here to help." An encouraging smile appeared over his face as he got up from the chair.Regina's eyes dipped to the brochure and then back to Robin. "Well, actually I do have a few questions."Robin nodded and offered his hand for the brunette to take. "Okay. But first, can I buy you a decent coffee? I hate to admit it but the coffee we serve isn't the best." He chuckled, gesturing for Regina to take the lead.
~()~
Regina unwound her heavy scarf from around her neck and placed it on the cushioned seat next to her; she glanced toward Robin who was making his way over to the booth balancing two steaming mugs of coffee and pastries on a tray.Sitting down opposite the brunette, Robin unloaded the tray, sliding a coffee and pastry toward Regina. "One coffee and pastry for the lady." He smiled."Thank you." Regina murmured softly before taking a sip. Letting out a satisfied sigh, Regina leant back in her seat and glanced around the small coffee shop. "I've never been here.""Oh it's a hidden gem; Grace introduced me to it years ago." Robin replied, letting his gaze roam around the shop."You and she seem close." Regina said.Robin nodded a few times as he placed his coffee back on the table. "Grace is my mother in law.""Oh! I didn't realise." Regina said, picking up her coffee and holding it tightly in her hands.Robin looked to his own mug of coffee, his fingers traced over the handle of the mug. "My wife Marian was murdered a few years ago. And after her death, we found a kind of solace in each other that eventually led us to start the charity. In Marion's honour. She was always helping people to find their true self." His voice trailed off."I'm so sorry, Robin.""At least some good has come from her death." He locked eyes with the brunette."It's a noble cause, what you and Grace are doing." Regina smiled softly."Thank you." Robin noddedAfter a moment, Robin spoke again. "So you had questions?"Regina placed her mug down and took out the crumpled brochure from her handbag. "Yes, I was wondering if I could take part in the one on one counselling." She looked to the bearded man."Of course, I can give you Dr Hopper's number. He will be able to help you." Robin smiled, pulling out his mobile and readying it to the Doctor's phone number.As the pair drank their coffees and discussed the charity in more depth, they also disclosed a little more of their lives to each other and by the end of the night, a promise was made that they would keep in contact with one another. As Regina left the coffee shop and returned home, she had to admit to herself that this new friendship with Robin could easily develop into something a little bit more serious if she were to allow it too. There was an air of easiness, a comfort that radiated off the bearded man. But that was something she would consider in the future. For now, it was nice to have a new friend.
~()~
"The Doc says the female was killed first then Mr lover-lover took his own life." Killian said, pointing to the whiteboard with the enlarged photographs dotted over it before glancing back to his blonde partner.Emma uncrossed her arms over her chest, pushed herself away from the desk and tapped the whiteboard marker a few times over the palm of her hand as she walked toward the whiteboard. Scribbling a few notes on the board, she stepped back and inspected their progress so far."Is there anything else that seems unusual? She asked.Killian flicked through the file. "An inconsistency with the entry wound on the male."Emma nodded and wrote the words inconsistent entry wound on the whiteboard before stepping back and glancing toward the clock, she sighed softly at the time. They had been working on this case for six hours straight and were slowly making progress.Snapping the file shut, Killian tossed it on the desk behind him. Rubbing his stubbly cheeks, he moved closer to Emma and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Let's call it a night, Swan."Emma nodded in agreement. She was tired. "Perhaps Dr Isles will have something more for us tomorrow."Killian nodded, giving the blonde a quick peck on the lips before releasing from their embrace. "Am I staying over tonight?""School night." Emma murmured, gathering her red leather jacket from the back of her chair."Ahhh the dreaded school night rule. How could I forget." Killian sighed."Killian, come on. You know I don't want to confuse Henry any more than I can." Emma sighed, slipping her jacket on.The tall dark haired man raised his hands in a defensive matter. "No it's fine, Swan. I get it. The lad comes first. I will respect that nothing serious will happen until you're divorced.""Thank you." Emma murmured, holding her hand out for Killian to take. "Walk me to my car?"Killian smiled, taking the blonde's hand and leading her to the elevators. "Of course."
~()~
Regina was sat comfortable enough on the black leather couch; her gaze had drifted to the large sash window where she could see the first signs of winter making its self-known. As the small snowflakes danced in the swirling wind, her thoughts left the acknowledgement of winter and drifted back ten or so years ago.
Toying with the fine gold necklace that her mother had just given her, Regina took a deep breath before turning to her father who had been lovingly admiring his only daughter. A nervous smile transformed into a wide confident one as she nodded her head; ready to seal the love she had for the blonde who she knew would be nervously waiting for her on the other side of the old wooden doors. Hooking her arm around her father's they slowly entered the old church.

Emma stood with her back to her and Regina could tell that the blonde wanted nothing more but to turn and witness her entry. A whispered comment was made to the blonde by Ruby who was glancing over her shoulder toward her. Emma was struggling not to turn around and watch her wife-to-be walk down the centre aisle. All eyes were on Regina as she passed by the pews of guests toward the blonde who fidgeting on the spot. Regina noticed Emma's shoulders relax as she approached silently. The blonde sensed her arrival and turned her head slightly, taking in the sight of the woman who she loved more than anything else in the world. Emma's green eyes smiled and danced as she drank up the sight of the brunette standing next to her.

Regina's father and Emma's best friend retreated to their seats, leaving the couple standing before the pastor.
"You have been my companion on adventures and a confidant for my soul. You have challenged me to see the greatness in myself, celebrating with me my success great and small. Inspiring me to be better, more generous and loving me. Believing in me when I have not believed in myself. This commitment is very serious to me. I am so very happy to be standing here today. With patience and compassion, I promise to support you through the changes and challenges of our lives together. I promise to be faithful and honest, and to stand by your side, as we grow old together.
My companion, my lover and best friend I promise to be the very best version of myself, that I can. For you, for us and for all time. Emma Marie Swan, I take you as my lawfully wedded wife."
A tear rolled down the flushed cheek of the brunette. Regina blinked a few times as her fingers wiped away the tear as it reached her jawline."I never lied about the vow I promised Emma…" Regina murmured, focusing on the red-haired man that sat opposite her.Pushing his round-rimmed glasses further up the bridge of his nose, Dr Hopper made a few notes on the lined page in front of him as he glanced toward the brunette. "Nobody is questioning that Regina. I think for you, Emma is more than just a failed marriage. She is possibly the only person you feel comfortable enough to express your true self with. As for your other relationships, like your mother for instance, that is more complex."Regina scoffed to herself. Complex doesn't even cover what she felt for her mother."But that is for another time." Dr Hopper said, glancing at his watch.Regina's session was up, he was due to see his next patient any time now.
~()~
Regina followed the Dean of the University into the small auditorium. He ascended a few of the steps that led to the rows of chairs and glanced back to the brunette. "You will split your time between here and the studios if you choose to take the position, Mrs Swan-Mills."Regina walked closer to the podium at the front of the room; she ran her hands over the flat surface of the polished pine. Adjusting the flexible microphone stand, she glanced over her shoulder to the whiteboard that ran nearly the length of the wall behind her. Turning her attention back to the Dean who was now sitting down in one of the chairs, she walked around the podium and toward him."I have already made my decision, Mr Hendry. I just needed to see where I would be teaching before I started." She said, ascending the stairs and sitting down next to him."Good, Good. I'm happy you accepted the position. You will be a great asset to the University, Mrs Swan-Mills." He offered his hand to shake."I would prefer to be called by my professional name." Taking his hand and giving it a shake, Regina smiled."Of course. I'll organise everything. You'll be known as Ms Mills here."Regina nodded. "Thank you."The Dean of the University stood, straightened his tie and gestured for Regina to take the lead. "If we just head back to my office, we can finalise your contract."
~()~
"No, I think it needs to go a little higher on the other side, Ma." Henry said, squinting at the canvassed photograph.Emma stepped down off the small step ladder, retraced her steps and stood beside her son, who was still squinting at the photograph. Resting her hands on her hips, Emma studied the canvas; it was indeed a little crooked. Climbing the ladder again, she nudged the photograph to the left a little and then glanced back to Henry. "Better?"Her son smiled widely and gave her a double thumbs up. "Perfect."Emma for a third time retraced her steps and stood beside her son, both their hands were on their hips and wide smiles plastering their faces."Thank god for that, it's only taken six months!" Ruby called out from the small kitchen.Mother and son glanced over their shoulders towards the kitchen, rolling their eyes simultaneously as Ruby appeared in the doorway holding a plate of sandwiches she had just prepared."So, you're finally moved in, officially." Ruby quipped, placing the plate of sandwiches down on the coffee table.Henry swiped a sandwich and plonked himself on the red material couch, taking a big bite and moaning softly. His Aunty Ruby made the best grilled cheese sandwiches ever.Emma took a triangle of a sandwich and sat down in her armchair. "Yep, we're all done. That was the last of the things from the boxes."Ruby sat down next to Henry and patted his knees. "So what do you think of your new digs, Henry?"Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Henry glanced to his Aunt. "It's kinda small but I love my room. Ma got me an Xbox.""Oh did she?" Ruby tilted her head toward the blonde. "That's bribery, Swan."Emma waved away the notion. "I don't know what you're talking about.""Can I go play it now Ma." Henry asked eagerly.Emma nodded. "Only until Mrs Jefferson gets here. You've got a visit with your Mother today."Henry groaned softly. Mrs Jefferson was a family court liaison officer who conducted the supervised visits between Henry and Regina. Every Saturday, she would accompany Henry to his old house in Brookline where for an hour or two she would sit silently in the corner of the room watching Henry and Regina interacting with one another. Usually once the visit was over, on the way back to his new home, she would ask him questions about how he felt the visit went. He didn't like being watched by her and felt it was unnecessary, but Emma had explained that if he wanted to see his other mother regularly then it was something that had to be done.Henry swiped another triangle as he dashed out of the lounge and disappeared into his bedroom. As soon as the door was shut with a slam, Ruby took a triangle of the sandwich. "How's it going?"Emma sighed loudly. "Well, Henry doesn't like being watched by a stranger but he does enjoy seeing Regina each week. But when he returns he's always in a mood for a few hours. We have a chat and he might mention what they did or chatted about." She paused slightly, running her fingers through her hair and then letting her hands drop to her lap. "He doesn't understand why we don't live there anymore. I explain it as best as I can, but I don't think he fully understands what's going on.""He will over time, Swan. He's only seven. It's a big adjustment." Ruby replied."I know, Rubes. But it breaks my heart to see him upset when he returns. I wish for his sake that things could be different. But my lawyer feels that this is best whilst the divorce is going through." Emma sighed."Listen it will be over soon, right?" Rubes asked.Emma nodded. "Yeah, she thinks we will be divorced by the end of the year."
~()~
Regina gathered up the small pile of files in front of her and glanced toward her now blonde ex-wife who was thanking her lawyer for all her help. Regina noticed that there was now an air of difference about the blonde. A certain glow engulfing the blonde as if the weight of the world had been lifted and she was finally free. Free of the restraints of their failed marriage.Their divorce was now legally finalised.Mr Gold, Regina's lawyer took the files from her and spoke. "I know this has been hard on you, Regina. But the outcome will work in both of your favours. I know you wanted the best for Emma and Henry."Regina turned her head back to her lawyer and murmured. "That's all I ever wanted for them."He nodded, understanding Regina's admission. Placing his hand on her shoulder, he spoke. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"Regina shook her head solemnly. "No, you've done everything you can already. Thank you so much."Offering a sympathetic smile, Mr Gold brushed past Regina and headed over to the opposing side to shake Emma and her lawyer's hands.Regina placed her own personal papers in her handbag and gave one last fleeting glance to the blonde who was now chatting with her parents. A part of her desperately wanted to speak to her ex-wife but she quickly dismissed the idea. What did she have left to say to the blonde woman?Loosely wrapping her red silk scarf around her neck, she draped her long woollen jacket over her arm as she slid her handbag over her shoulder. With her head bowed in defeat, she silently walked out of the court room.As she hurriedly walked through the corridors of the court house to the exit, she took a double take at a vaguely familiar looking man who was rushing past her and heading down the corridor where she'd just come from. For the life of her, his name escaped her memory, but she knew instantly that she'd seen the man's face before.Once outside, she lingered on the sidewalk by the concrete stairs of the Court House checking her phone for text messages and missed phone calls. She happened to glance up as Emma exited the building, hand in hand with the familiar looking man.Averting her gaze quickly, Regina turned to walk away but she was quickly stopped by Emma's parents. She glanced over her shoulder as they purposely walked down the stairs toward her. With a tight smile, she awkwardly stood rooted to the spot as they approached her. They both gave her a sympathetic hug and wished her all the best for the future before they walked off in the opposite direction. Regina turned toward the curb to cross the road when she felt someone tug on the sleeve of her jacket.Glancing over her shoulder, it was Emma that had stopped her. "Regina. I..."Regina's gaze diverted to the familiar looking man who was loitering just behind her ex-wife before landing upon Emma. For the life of her, she still couldn't remember his name.Emma glanced to Killian who was obviously trying to eavesdrop. "Can you give me a minute, Killian?"
That was it. Killian Jones! One of Emma's colleagues from the police force.
"Aye Love." Killian said, giving Regina a tight-lipped smile before walking out of earshot.Regina ignored the comment and the raven-haired man, her gaze locked onto the blonde.Emma wet her lips with her tongue slowly as she turned her attention to her brunette ex-wife. "I want to apologise to you…" She paused slightly as if to gather her thoughts. "I never wanted to make you out to be some sort of monster, Regina."Regina wanted to respond but was halted by Emma."But at the time I was so angry and hurt by what you did to me and Henry." She paused slightly, gathering her thoughts as the real reason for talking to the brunette still needed to be mentioned. "Regina, my lawyer is fairly confident that the custody arrangements will be finalised in the coming weeks but I have changed my mind…""What!? Emma seriously after everything that we've gone through why would you do this now!" Regina's nostrils flared. She was becoming angrier by the second.Emma frowned. "Regina, it's nothing bad. Don't worry. In fact, this will be better than what they are proposing. I've been told by the Family Court Liaison that you are receiving professional help. And I can see that you have changed."Regina nodded. "I am. I've been sober for a year now."A sad sorrowful smile slowly crept over the blondes face. "So they said. I'm happy for you. Really I am. Umm, I will withdraw the custody application and we can sort something out between us then."The brunette didn't know what to say. She was speechless. Never had she thought that Emma would do anything like this? The current custody order was brutal enough. She had supervised visits, once a week for only an hour or two. "What do you propose?"Emma glanced toward Killian who was about twenty feet away and preoccupied with his phone before she looked back to Regina. "Ahh, I was thinking about shared custody."Emma had Regina's undivided attention now."Henry will live with me and you can see him every weekend. We can sort out holidays, his birthday and Christmas at the time, I guess.""I'm fine about holidays, his birthday and Christmas. But I propose that he stays with me every weekend?"Emma looked a little uncomfortable. It wasn't that she was opposed to the idea, she was just a little cautious. "Perhaps we can see about that in the future."Regina frowned slightly. She knew it was too good to be true. Of course she wouldn't get everything she wanted. "Well since we're stipulating our wishes. I think it would be better if your little 'itch' over there isn't introduced to Henry." The brunette nodded toward Killian.Emma frowned, turning back to Killian who looked up at the same time and winked. Gritting her teeth, Emma turned back to her ex-wife. "Regina. You have no right…""Maybe I don't anymore, Em-ma. But we both know that it won't last." Regina seethed. "You just have an itch that needs scratching…""Regina, please can we at least be civil toward each other. I don't appreciate the snide remarks about my relationship with Killian. I don't talk about you and Robin that way. We've both moved on but we still need to be in contact with each other for Henry's sake. Shall we agree not to speak about anything other than our son?" Emma urged.Regina sighed. Emma was right. That comment was out of line. She nodded. "Agreed. But I do want Henry to stay with me each weekend."Emma studied the brunette for a moment before relenting. "Okay, deal.""Thank you, Emma." Regina murmured. "I'll pick Henry up tomorrow morning at nine."Before Emma could object, the brunette crossed the road and disappearing out of sight.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

ADMISSIONS OF THE HEART

CHAPTER ONE
"Henry Daniel Swan-Mills, don't slam the…" Emma's words trailed off as she was faced with the slammed door of her nine year old son. "Door…" she murmured.Sighing deeply and shaking her head, Emma retreated slowly back to the kitchen. Unfolding the yellow detention slip again, she read it more carefully this time. This was the third detention Henry had received since he started the new school year, six weeks ago. The first was for forgetting to do his homework, the second for being involved in a school yard scuffle and now Henry had received a week's detention for disrupting the class. According to the slip, Henry had been giving attitude to the teacher.Up until now Henry had been a model student, a mentor of sorts to the younger kids at his school. He was top of his class in most subjects and as all of his teachers had expressed an absolute pleasure to teach. Over the years at every parent / teacher meetings, Emma had been regaled with comments about how intelligent, attentive and the potential Henry had to achieve top marks when he graduated. 'He would go far in life.' That seemed to be the same message relayed to her over and over.And Emma couldn't be more proud of Henry.But she had noticed over the last little while, Henry's attitude to school was starting to change. Gone was the eager child who 'needed' to be at school extra early and replaced with a kid who needed a lot of coaxing every day to even get up on time for school. She knew once Henry was a teenager, the daily struggle was only going to get worse. Remembering what she was like when she was a young teenager. Sighing deeply to herself, she knew that this was going to be an up-hill struggle.Emma had wondered if Henry was perhaps finding it hard adjusting to the new grade. She needed to speak to her son and find out what the problem was. Glancing toward her son's closed door, she knew that wasn't an option at the moment. Henry was sulking in his bedroom and Emma was the last person he wanted to speak to.But with previous experience, Emma knew that Henry would eventually come around when he started to get hungry.So in the meantime, She busied herself and prepared him an after school snack. Normally she would be starting dinner now but being as it was Friday and his other mother was due to pick him up in less than two hours, she prepared her son's favourite snack. A grilled cheese sandwich.True to form, Henry emerged from his bedroom twenty minutes later and meekly snuck up next to his blonde mother, giving her a tight hug. Emma placed the bread knife down on the wooden chopping board and turned to accept the hug fully. This was Henry's process of apologising.Over the last two years her son had shot up in height somewhat. His face buried into her chest as she slowly started to rub his back. A muffled 'I'm sorry, Ma." resonated around the mother and son.Letting go of her son, Emma smiled tightly before speaking. "Henry, its fine but I want you to talk to me about what's going on."The brown eyed boy's gaze left his mother as he noticed the grilled sandwich on the chopping board. With his eyes lighting up briefly, Emma sighed deeply as she turned back to finish plating his sandwich. Handing it to her son, she watched as he silently padded out of the kitchen and sat down on the couch. Flicking on the television, he tucked into the sandwich.Emma followed her son to the lounge and purposely sat down next to the boy, taking the remote and pointing it at the television, she turned it off. Looking to her son, she spoke."Henry. Why did you give Mrs Sierna attitude?"Henry shrugged."Not good enough kid."Henry rolled his eyes and sighed a little. "I don't know why, I just did."Quickly realising that this line of questioning wasn't working, Emma expertly pulled out the ace she held up her sleeve. "I'm going to have to tell your Mother, kid."Henry's eyes shot to his blonde mother "No, don't do that! She'll make a scene.""I don't have much choice, kid. I need to tell her about your detentions next week. Remember your staying with her while I am out of town."Henry frowned. "Yeah, I remember…"Handing Henry the remote, Emma stood. "Eat up and then get your stuff together. Your Mom will be here soon.""Are you going to tell Mom about the other detentions?" Henry glanced to Emma.Pursing her lips tight, Emma's eye brows lifted together."Great…" Henry muttered to himself as he slumped back into the couch.
~()~
There were three sharp knocks to the apartment door announcing Regina's arrival. Emma hastily slung the rest of the dirty washing into the machine before padding through the apartment toward the front door. She called out to Henry as she paused by the front door. Glancing toward the small wall hung mirror, she studied her reflection fleetingly. There was nothing she could do about the crow's feet wrinkles that were etching themselves around her eyes, that was down to age. After all, she was nearly forty. But she certainly could cover up the greying roots that were poking through her thick blonde tendrils. Ruffling, fluffing and raking her fingers through her shoulder length hair, she watched it fall back into its natural style. That was better, the greying roots were covered. For now.Not that it mattered to Emma how she looked in front of her ex-wife now, she couldn't help but find herself making more of an effort whenever they were together now. She really didn't know why, it wasn't like they were romantically involved anymore. But never the less, she still found herself checking her appearance in the mirror before each visit. She wondered if Regina noticed or even if she did the same thing. Smirking to herself at the thought, she turned to the door, opened it widely and stood firmly in place."Hi. Henry's just getting his stuff ready." Emma's eyes drank in the presence of her ex-wife.Immediately noticing the newly highlighted strands of hair tucked behind the brunette's left ear and the recently reapplied mascara and lipstick. Interesting.Okay perhaps they were both playing this game?"Thank you. I'll just wait down stairs in the car." Regina gave a tight smile as she turned away from her ex-wife."Actually..." Emma countered.Turning back to the blonde, Regina gave a questioning head tilt."I need to talk to you before you go. Come in please." Emma said, stepping back allowing Regina to enter.The brunette was taken aback by Emma's actions. She had never been invited inside before. In the past if they needed to talk about Henry, she would normally receive a text message or phone call from her ex-wife. Maybe on the odd occasion, they would talk briefly here at the front door. But never inside. Slowly she entered the apartment; Emma gestured for Regina to proceed down the hallway toward the lounge area before shutting the door behind her.Standing awkwardly beside the vibrant red couch, Regina casually glanced around the modest sized apartment. The walls were painted a neutral but warm inviting colour and were adjourned with generic colour canvases of city landscapes. Her gaze lingered on the colour canvass of Emma and Henry that hung over the couch; she knew straight away it wasn't one of her photographs.Of course, her ex-wife wouldn't have one of her many portraits of them hanging in their apartment. The space was devoid of anything that was merely related to the brunette. Which was to be expected.This was Emma's and Henry's apartment, and this was their life now. Just a mother and son, living alone and trying to make the best of what they had."Have a seat." Emma gestured to the couch.Regina glanced away from the canvass and looked to the couch. Sitting silently, her eyes followed the blonde as she sat down in the armchair opposite. The brunette noticed how relaxed Emma was as she sat down in the armchair. That was obviously 'her' chair."Oh actually would you like something to drink?" Emma said, half rising from her chair.Regina shook her head. "No it's fine. Thank you anyway."The blonde nodded. "Okay, I..um..need to talk to you about Henry.."The brunette brow furrowed slightly as she tilted her head slightly. "Is he alright? He's isn't ill, is he?"Emma shook her head. "No nothing like that. It's just he's received a detention today." She rose from the chair and disappeared out of the lounge area to the kitchen, returning a moment later with the yellow slip of paper in her hand. Handing it to her ex-wife, Emma resumed her place in the armchair.Regina's eyes flittered over the yellow slip as she read through it. As soon as she was finished, she glanced toward Emma."He's got a week's detention after school next week. I just wanted to let you know. Well since I won't be here and he's staying with you for the duration."Regina nodded. She was well aware of Emma's plans next week. Well not in depth, all she knew was that Henry's other mother would be out of town for a few days. She had presumed it was for work.It wasn't uncommon for Emma to be out of town for a few days every now and then since leaving the police force and returning to bail bonds.When Emma had texted her at the start of the week of her plans, they quickly organised for Henry to stay with her for the duration. At the time, Regina had wanted to pry into the blonde's business but thought best of it. All she was truly concerned about was that she would be spending more time with their son.When their divorce was finalised, a curious turn of events happened, Emma had been true to her word and amended the custody details. She had been granted joint custody of their son, Henry. The arrangement had specified that every weekend from Friday night until Sunday night Regina could spend her time freely with their son."Thank you, Emma. I appreciate the heads up." Regina said tightly, handing the slip of paper back to the blonde. "It says he disrupted the class and gave his teacher 'attitude'. Have you questioned him about it?""I've tried, Regina. But he is being stubborn and won't say." Emma shrugged."Do you want me to have a word with him?" Regina asked.Emma nodded her thanks. She was glad that they were able to co-parent their son like this. Even after everything they had gone through, it was nice to know that they still had each other's backs when it came to parenting Henry.At that moment, Henry entered the lounge area with his school bag and small suitcase trailing behind him. His gaze fell to the yellow detention slip and then towards his brunette mother. "Hey Mom." He said sheepishly.Oh great...Henry thought to himself. He knew what to expect now when they were alone. His brunette mother would definitely question him about the detentions.Regina's gave her son a loving smile as she stood and embraced him. "Hello my darling." She kissed the top of his head.Emma stood. "Have you got everything you need, kid?"Henry nodded, turning from Regina's embrace. "Aha…""Good. Okay so I'll be back next Friday. I'll pick you up from your detention after school." Emma said.Henry gave an affirmative nod as Emma approached and embraced her son. "Love you, kid. I'm going to miss you next week." She murmured as Henry pulled away from the embrace."Love you too, Ma." Henry said, slinging his school bag over his shoulder and taking hold of his small suitcase. He looked to his brunette mother expectedly.Regina turned to her son. "Henry, can you wait outside in the corridor, I won't be a minute."Henry nodded as he wheeled his case behind him and left the apartment. Once the front door shut, Regina turned back to her ex-wife."It seems pointless you picking him up on Friday only for me to have him a few hours later. I could just pick him up from school and take him straight home." Regina shrugged.Emma's brow furrowed, although she could see the brunette's point and perhaps this only complicated the matter just a bit but she assumed that Regina would forfeit her weekend with their son next Friday. "Actually, I assumed that you would forfeit your weekend. I mean he's staying with you for five days."Regina pursed her lips tightly before speaking. "Why would you assume that, Emma? I only get to spend time with him two days out of the week. I appreciate you allowing him to stay with me while you're away with work. But…""I'm not going out of town for work, Regina. I'm going on a short break with Killian." Emma countered.Regina snapped her mouth shut and furrowed her brow. "Excuse me?""Killian is taking me away for a few days." Emma murmured.Although she knew that Emma and Killian Jones were in a serious relationship now, Regina was still finding it hard to deal with the idea that her ex-wife had moved on with someone else so quickly after her. Trying to masquerade her uncomfortableness of the situation, she offered a weak excuse."Oh right. Well I just assumed you were away with work, I didn't realise…" Regina's words trailed off as she got lost in her own thoughts."It's fine, Regina. He sprung this getaway on me at the last minute." The blonde looked equally uncomfortable. This area of discussion was still a little awkward for both women."Anywhere nice?" The words escaped the brunette's mouth quickly. Realising what she said, Regina scolded herself. Where did that come from? "Actually, it's none of my business."Emma pursed her lips closely together and glanced away. This conversation was starting to become more uncomfortable by the minute. Clearing her through, she created a little space between them.The brunette realised that she hadn't helped the situation, she sighed deeply to herself, trying to gain a little composure and to steer the conversation back. "Emma, I don't understand why you would assume that I would just forfeit my weekend with Henry."Emma knew by Regina's tone that she wasn't going to let this issue go. This remark reminded of the time when they were both sat in her lawyer's office, arguing over their divorce and custody details."You can't be serious!" Emma seethed, glancing to her estranged wife sitting on the opposite side of the table.
Emma couldn't believe what she was hearing. She understood how angry Regina was about the whole situation but at the same time, she was dumbfounded by how deluded the brunette had become in her pursuit to destroy her.
"She destroyed our marriage! She cheated on me. The lies. The drinking. And reckless behaviour which nearly killed not only herself but me as well. Henry shouldn't be exposed any longer to that life style..." Emma paused, becoming increasingly angrier by the minute. "To this monster!"
Regina's head snapped to attention as she glared at the blonde.
"I am filing for full custody of Henry!" Emma snarled as her chested heaved.
Emma's admission was directed to Regina's lawyer, Mr Gold. The grey haired man didn't flinch at the hostility of the blonde's statement. He'd seen this kind of behaviour a dozen times over.
"She swore from the day he was born that unequivocally Henry was my child too. I adopted him for that reason and now she is saying I have no rights to him." Regina bit back with equal hostility.
The lawyers didn't react, allowing the women to thrash out their anger at each other.
Not wanting to start a fresh argument with her ex-wife, Emma averted her eyes, silently scolding herself for remembering the remark she had made about Regina. She wasn't the monster she had portrayed her to be early on in their divorce hearings. Regina was just a woman who had lost sight of who she was when she inadvertently invited the devil to rest at her table.And now here they were a couple years later, finally finding a common ground where they successfully co-parented their nine-year-old son. Admittedly, if she was honest with herself, she liked where their relationship was now.Holding up her hands in defence, Emma spoke. "Okay, Regina. I don't want to argue with you about this. I get that your weekends with Henry are special. I do. But perhaps we can come up with some compromise?"Regina was taken back by Emma's admission. A compromise? What did the blonde have in mind? "Meaning?""I don't know. Perhaps all three of us can do something together."Regina regarded the blonde for a moment before speaking. "Does Henry know of your plans for next weekend?"Emma shook her head."So you're saying we spend time with him together next weekend?"Emma thought about what that meant. The three of them, together for the first time in a long time. "I guess I am."Regina genuinely smiled; she kind of liked the sound of that. "Okay, I'd like that. Thank you, Emma."Emma regarded the brunette for a moment. Did this mean with this compromise that they had finally passed that awkward stage of their relationship and finally became friends again? Well she hoped for Henry's sake, it did. "Don't mention it." the blonde murmured.
~()~
Regina trailed behind Henry as they entered her house. Her son kicked off his shoes by the foot of the stairs and padded in his socks towards the kitchen, where he immediately helped himself to a glass of apple juice from the fridge. Rolling her eyes softly, Regina picked up her son's sneakers and placed them on the top shelf of the shoe rack before following her nine year old son into the kitchen.Henry discarded his empty glass on the kitchen island and opened the fridge once again, this time scanning the shelves for something to eat."I'll start dinner in a minute, Henry." Regina said, closing the fridge door."Whatever." The boy huffed as he strode into the lounge and turned on the television.Regina chuckled to herself as she shook her head; she knew it wouldn't be long before her son turned into a stroppy teenager.Her cat, Rocinante sashayed into kitchen and started weaving in between her legs, Regina glanced down at the cat. "At least you don't give me any trouble." She said, quickly preparing some food for her. Placing the food bowl down by her feet, Rocinante gave Regina an appeasing meow before quickly helping herself to her food.Regina's mobile started to chime and vibrate against the counter of the island. She glanced at the screen, noticing it was a call from Robin. Holding it close to her chest, the brunette popped her head into the lounge and checked on Henry who was far more invested in the quiz show than her. Quickly she retreated from the kitchen and answered the phone, asking Robin to hold on for a moment until she was upstairs in her bedroom.As she pushed her bedroom door close, the brunette tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and sat down on the end of the bed before she spoke. "Hi…" A shy smile formed over her face.Entering the kitchen about ten minutes later, Regina finally got started on dinner for herself and Henry. When she was finished, she called out to Henry to turn off the television, wash his hand and join her for dinner in the kitchen.Taking his place at the breakfast bar, Henry gaze fell upon his mother who was putting the finishing touches to their plated meals. "What are we doing this weekend, Mom?"Placing Henry's dinner in front of him, Regina sat down opposite her son. "Well, Robin rang, He was wondering if perhaps we would like to join him and Roland this weekend, camping?"Henry's brows furrowed ever so slightly. It wasn't like he disliked her mother's boyfriend, he just had mixed feelings about the guy. Robin was nice enough but 'tried' that little bit too much to gain Henry's affection. And then there was Robin's son. Urgh! That kid was just plain annoying but thankfully Henry didn't see him that often. "Okay." He said stolidly.Regina caught the subtle brow furrow and Henry's impassive reply. "If you don't want to Henry, we can do something else. Perhaps see a movie or something.""No, it's okay Mom. Camping sounds fun." Henry said, suddenly feeling a little guilty."Okay, I'll ring and tell him it's a yes." Regina said as she cut into the chicken and looked to her son.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

ADMISSIONS OF THE HEART

CHAPTER TWO
Henry had been sitting in the extendable camping chair watching his mother and Robin for the last fifteen minutes whilst they interacted with one another. They were blissfully unaware that the nine-year-old was silently scrutinizing their every move.Henry's gaze finally left them when Roland suddenly appeared from his tent, joining his father and Regina.Robin attention then turned to his son, kneeling, he scooped the five-year-old in his arms and gave him a crushing embrace. Regina giggled lightly as Roland tried in vain to escape his father's bear hug. Ruffling the boy's hair, she glanced toward her own son who was still staring at the interaction between the three. It was Henry that looked away first; concentrating upon the long twisted stick he was holding over the fire. Lifting it slightly, Henry examined the smouldering marshmallow before he directed it back into the flames of the pit fire.Regina sidled up next to her son and reached for her stick. Placing a marshmallow on the end, she directed it into the fire. "Are you having fun, darling?"Henry glanced to his dark-haired mother. "Aha." He smiled slowly.Inspecting his marshmallow again and deciding it was burnt enough, he turned the stick around and cautiously bit into the crusty marshmallow. Fanning his mouth comically afterwards.Regina waved and twirled her stick over the fire, making sure her marshmallow was evenly burnt on all sides. Satisfied it was done to her taste; she copied her son and bit into the sticky sweet. "Oh, that's so good." She grinned to her son."I know, right?" He bit into the marshmallow again. "I totally could eat marshmallows all day every day." He said wistfully."And you would have no teeth by the time you were thirty, Henry." Regina quipped, nudging her son with her shoulder.Henry rolled his eyes dramatically. "You're no fun."Regina chuckled lightly to herself. "So are you up for a hike tomorrow?""How far?""Not far." Robin responded as he sat down on the opposite side of the pit fire. "There's a lake about an hour away. I was thinking we could hike to it, have some lunch, a swim in the lake and then return here in the afternoon." He glanced to Roland who seemed excited about tomorrow's events.Henry gave a non-committal shrug.Robin glanced to Regina and frowned softly, giving a subtle 'I'm trying' shrug before turning his attention back to his son.
~()~
Henry emerged from his tent, finally ready for the groups hike through the woods to the lake Robin had mentioned about the night before. Plonking his rucksack down on the ground, he tightened the laces of his hiking boots and glanced toward Robin who was securing the miniature rucksack over his son's shoulders. They gave each other a decisive nod before Robin swung his own rucksack over his shoulders. Turning his attention to the nine-year-old, he spoke. "You all set, Henry?"Henry nodded. "Yeah.""Good." He smiled. "Are you ready, Regina?" Robin asked the brunette who was placing her water bottle into her rucksack. The brunette nodded. "Okay Roland, lead the way." He said, pointing in the direction they needed to walk.Father and son set off away from the campsite with Regina and Henry following silently behind.The group of four had been walking for some time now and Robin was now taking the lead. Every so often he would momentarily stop or glance over his shoulder making sure no was straggling behind.Just over an hour later, they finally emerged from the thick woodlands and were faced with the expansive lake. Robin stopped suddenly and rested his hands over hips; he turned around to the others who were a short distance behind. With a wide smile on his face, he turned back to the breath-taking view of the lake. Roland sided up to his father and copied his stance. Together they stood silently taking in the beauty of the area.Regina and Henry finally sided up next to the others, taking in the view."It's beautiful." Regina mused.Robin nodded in agreement, giving the brunette and her son a side-ward glance. "Come on, let's set up down near the shore." And with that, he was walking off toward the shoreline with the others following.Spreading a picnic blanket on the ground and arranging the small supply of food they had brought with them, the group of four sat down and started on their lunch. The conversation was dominated by Robin who was commenting and explaining the surrounding area. Regina and Roland seemed genuinely interested but Henry wasn't taking much of the conversation in; he was far more interested in his lunch.About half an hour later, Henry was strolling along the shoreline. Every so often he would pick up a smoothly rounded pebble and skim it across the water, trying to make it skip further each time. Roland had joined him and was trying to copy the nine-year-old, but he couldn't quite manage to make the pebbles skim the surface. Henry gave the five-year-old some pointers and together they played until Henry became bored with the game. Retreating a few feet from the shoreline, Henry glanced over to his mother and Robin who were sitting close together on the picnic blanket chatting. Curiously her watched as Robin casually pushed away strands of the brunette's hair from her eyes and tucked them behind her ear before leaning in and chastely kissing the brunette on the lips. Regina instantly dipped her head shyly as the bearded man Robin beamed widely. Regina's gaze found Henry who was staring at the pair. Nervously she licked her lips and subtly created a little space between the pair. Even though Henry had witnessed Robin kissing her before, she couldn't help but feel a little awkward at the way her son was watching them. She cleared her throat, immediately stood and walked toward Henry and Roland who was desperately trying to gain his attention.Eventually acknowledging the five-year-old, Henry offered the boy some advice on how to successfully skim the pebbles. Stepping away from Roland, he finally felt his mother's embrace from behind. Kissing him on the top of his moppy brown hair, Regina rested her hands on his shoulders as they together watched Roland unsuccessfully skim the pebbles. Robin joined his son a moment later and simultaneously they skimmed the stones. Offering him words of encouragement after each turn.Not to be left out of the game, Henry decided that he wanted to join in again. That was Regina's cue to slip away and make herself comfortable on the picnic blanket. Settling herself down, Regina watched as the three interacted with one another.A smile crept over her face as she watched Henry interact with Robin. She was happy that her son had finally accepted Robin into their lives. Her thoughts fell back to when Henry first met Robin, about a year ago."Henry, this is Robin, my…" Regina was a little unsure of how to introduce Robin. They had been casually dating for the last couple of months and this was the first time Henry would be meeting Robin. "Friend." She eventually said, smiling to her son and then to the mousey brown haired man next to her.
Henry's gaze fell upon the man who was smiling warmly at him. "Hi."

Robin nodded and stuck out his hand for the boy to shake. "Hi Henry, I'm Robin."

Henry took the man's hand and duteously shook it before letting his own drop beside him.
"I've heard so much about you, Henry. It's great to finally meet you."
Henry tilted his head and curiously looked at the man. "Really?"

Robin nodded a few times. "Your mom tells me how much you love to write stories."

At the mention of his favourite hobby, Henry looked to his brunette mother who was nodding in agreement. "I was telling Robin about your stories. He would be interested in reading some of them."

The boy frowned slightly; his stories were private. Something that he only shared with both his mother's. They weren't intended for anyone else to be a part of. "I don't like writing anymore." He simply said.

Regina's eyes widened slightly at Henry's admission. "Oh okay. Since when?"

Henry shrugged. "Can I go play in my room, mom?"
"Ahh yeah, that's fine. I'll call you when dinner is ready." Regina said.
Henry glanced at Robin before silently walking out of the lounge and ascending the stairs to his bedroom. Shutting his door heavily in the process.

Turning to Robin once Henry was out of sight, Regina offered an apologetic smile. Their first meeting wasn't exactly how Regina had hoped for.
But as the months went on; the relationship between Henry and Robin improved. But Regina could see that Henry was still reluctant to let the man completely into his life. She often wondered and would ask Henry how he felt about Robin. To which she was usually met with a groan or a "He's alright." By her son.There had been a handful of times that the four had spent time together and it seemed with each time, things were improving slightly. But this was the first time that Henry had independently interacted with Robin. Obviously, Henry was becoming comfortable with Robin's presence.Her reverie was broken when the boys approached the picnic blanket. Roland was hopping up and down on the spot trying to take off his hiking boots. Henry had plopped himself down next to his mother and started to untie his boot laces."Daddy said we can go swimming now, Regina." Roland excitedly declared as he kicked the shoe off his foot.Glancing past the young boy, she noticed Robin approaching."Are you coming in?" Robin asked, taking off his t-shirt and dropping it on the picnic blanket.Regina nodded. "Aha." She lifted the hem of her white t-shirt and revealed a black swimsuit. Placing the t-shirt beside her, she stood and slipped off her three quarter length khaki trousers; letting them pool around her feet.Robin smiled broadly to the brunette before drawing his attention to Roland who was having trouble with his remaining hiking boot. Crouching down and untying the laces, he pulled off the boot and placed it next to the other one.Henry had wandered back down to the water's edge and toed the water to feel if it was warm enough. It was bearable he thought to himself as he glanced back toward his mother and Robin who were strolling toward him hand in hand with Roland. Roland let go of their hands and ran toward Henry. Stopping sharply at the shoreline as his feet met with the cool water."It's so cold!" Roland excitedly yelped.Henry rolled his eyes slightly as he turned away from the five-year-old and started to walk further into the water. Knee deep now, Henry turned as Robin picked up Roland and carried him into the lake. The bearded man winked at the nine-year-old as he passed by and stopping when he was chest deep.Regina had entered the lake and was paddling around trying to get used to the water. As she passed Henry, she reached out to take his hand and together they paddled toward Robin who was playfully threatening to dump Roland into the water. The four of them played and swam in the cool water of the lake for about half an hour before Regina, Robin and Roland decided to get out and dry off in the sun. Henry was now paddling in the shallower waters, content with spending time in the water by himself. Bobbing up from under the surface, Henry watched as Robin and his mother happily played with Roland.Frowning slightly, he realised that they were oblivious of his presence. Henry couldn't hold back his jealousy any longer. Deciding at that moment he'd had enough, he emerged from the water, passing the three of them to retrieve his towel from his rucksack. Choosing to ignore Robin's insistent pleas for him to join them. As he dried himself off, Henry's gaze never left his mother, Robin or Roland.
~()~
As they pulled up in front of her house, Regina glanced over to Robin and then over her shoulder to Henry who was far more invested in his hand-held video game than their whereabouts."Henry?" She prompted her son.Glancing up from his game, Henry realising they were now home. Unbuckling himself, he tucked his game into his rucksack and got out the SUV. Robin retrieved their luggage from the trunk and placed it on the stairs to the brunette's brownstone."Thank you, Robin. I've had a lovely time." Regina said as she rummaged through her handbag for the house keys."My pleasure. Did you have a good time, Henry?""Yeah, it was alright." Henry shrugged.Giving each other a subtle eye roll, Robin and Regina turned their attention to a sleeping Roland in the back of the SUV."Looks like he's out for the count." Regina quipped.Robin nodded in agreement. "Well anyway, I should get going." He placed a chaste kiss on the brunette's cheek. "Thank you for spending the weekend with us." Directing the comment to both mother and son. As Robin got back into his SUV, Roland woke and glanced around at his surroundings. Suddenly the back window wound down and Roland stuck his head out the window."This is for you, Regina." Roland said, waving a folded piece of paper toward the brunette."Thank you, Roland." She said taking it off him and placing a kiss on his cheek. "I had a lovely time camping.""So did I." Roland smiled. "Bye Henry!""Yeah bye." Henry murmured as he stood beside his mother and watched the SUV pull away from the curb.Closing the door behind them, Regina watched as her son silently disappeared into the lounge and settled down on the couch and switched on the television. Sighing to herself as she followed her son into the lounge, she settled down on the couch beside him. "Henry…"He glanced away from the screen toward his mother."What's going on?"The nine-year-old shrugged. He didn't know what his mother meant. Well, he knew that this conversation was bound to happen at some point."Did you not have a good time this weekend?"Henry shrugged.Sighing loudly to herself. "If you don't talk to me, how can I help you? I know something is bothering you."Henry sighed softly. "I had an alright time.""But..." Regina prompted.Henry plucked the folded piece of paper from Regina's hands. Unfolding it, he studied the picture for a moment. Not that he really needed to. During the journey home, Henry had been watching Roland draw it. He handed it back to his mother.It was a crudely drawn picture of four stick figures, a tent and the sun stuck in the corner of the page. Each stick figure had a name under it. From left to right it read Daddy, Me, Henry and Regina. Underneath the word 'Family' was written."That isn't his family." Henry frowned.Regina glanced to her son. "Oh Henry, I'm sure Roland doesn't mean it like that."Henry wasn't convinced. "Mom, how else does he mean it?"Regina didn't know what to say. But she could see what the problem with Henry was. "Darling..." She scooted closer to her son and wrapped her arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. "Roland has been through a lot over the last few years. His mother died suddenly and I think this is his way of expressing how he is feeling.""Yeah, but we aren't his family."Regina pursed her lips together. "No, but would it be such a bad idea if perhaps…""Mom, we have a family. You, me and Ma." Henry countered.Regina sighed softly. "Henry, you know that Emma … Sorry, Ma and I aren't together anymore. But yes, I guess we are still a family.""Yeah, well I don't want that to change, but it's going to…" His voice trailed off."Oh my darling, that is never going to change but..." She paused slightly. "What do you mean it's going to?Henry didn't say anything, he studied his mother for a moment. "Do you know that Killian is going to ask Ma to marry him."Regina leant back from their embrace. She didn't know about Killian's intentions. "How do you know?""He told me a few weeks ago. I bet he does it this week when they are away." Henry frowned."And you're not happy about that…" Regina prompted.Henry shrugged."Oh Henry, darling. This explains a lot. Listen, sweetheart, you should be happy, not upset. I know that everything over the last couple of years has been such an upheaval for you. It's a lot for you to take in, I get that. We're moving on with our lives. But I want you to remember that Ma and I love you very much. And yeah, we'll always be a family but unfortunately not in the way you may want."Do you think Robin will ask you to marry him?"Regina shrugged. She wasn't sure, it certainly hadn't been discussed and if she was honest with herself, she wasn't sure if she wanted to be married again, just yet. But she tried to answer her son the best she could."Well, we've been dating for over a year now, it's natural for things to evolve. If Robin wants to be a part of my life, he knows that includes you as well." She reassured her son.Sighing softly, she thought about her feelings for Robin. Over time her feelings for the man had certainly changed but there was still an air of reluctance for her to truly accept Robin into her life. This relationship was different from anything she had experienced with Emma or even Mal Draak. At the time, she thought she was in love with Mal and she knew that she had loved Emma once and knew that she would always have a love for her ex-wife but what she had with Robin was different. She enjoyed his company, cherished and appreciated the support that Robin had given her but perhaps 'love' was too strong of a word to explain her feelings for the man."Henry, I have feelings for Robin and maybe our relationship has reached a point where we…" She paused slightly. Mindful of how she was going to explain it to her son. "I can see us going forward and I am comfortable with Robin. He is making me happy at the moment. I won't deny that."Henry didn't say anything."Henry, do you like Robin?"Henry shrugged. "I mean he is alright most of the time but...""But what, Henry?""Roland is such a pain. Copying me and stuff."Regina gave an understanding nod. "He looks up to you, Henry. Perhaps he sees you like a big brother or something.""Yeah well, he is just annoying sometimes…"Regina chuckled softly.Silence loomed over them for a moment."I just want to spend time with you, Mom."Regina had an inkling that this had been what was bothering Henry this weekend. "I want to spend time with you too, Henry. I miss you when you're not here but I thought this weekend would make for a nice change for us.""Yeah it has. But are we going to be doing more stuff with Robin and Roland now?"Regina shrugged. She didn't know. "We might, but if there is something you want to do specifically with me then we will do that. You know you come first, sweetheart."Henry nodded. He knew deep down that both his mother's had always put him first.Regina regarded Henry for a moment and saw the flicker of sadness wash over his eyes. "Is something else bothering you, Henry?"Henry sighed. "Not bothering me as such. But something that I wish would change.""Go on…" Regina prompted.Henry sighed loudly. "Okay don't get mad and I know it's not going to happen ever again but…" He paused as he gauged his brunette's facial expression. "I just want things to go back to how they used to be. Me and Ma living here with you.""Oh Henry…" Her voice trailed off. "You know that's not possible.""I know! It's stupid but I liked it better when we all lived here." He started fiddling with the zip of his hoodie.Lowering her gaze, Regina pursed her lips together. Even after all this time, Regina was still embarrassed and regretted how her marriage to Emma ended. This was something that she had to live with for the rest of her life and she had never denied she was the reason why they found themselves in the situation now.
I did too, sweetheart. I did too.
Raising her head slightly and glancing sidewards to her son. She knew that she couldn't change the living conditions but perhaps there was something that would possibly fill the void that Henry was obviously feeling."How about if we all spent some time together. I know Ma has something planned for you next weekend. I could join you two." She watched as Henry thought about her the proposition? "Would you like that?"His eyes lit up in anticipation and a wide smile crept over his face. "Just the three of us?"Regina nodded. "Yes, just the three of us."

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

ADMISSIONS OF THE HEART

CHAPTER THREE
Regina glanced down at her shoes and pointed the toe of each. The sneakers were a little garish and definitely not to her taste. But they would do for today's activities.When Emma had texted her yesterday reminding her that she'd need to wear comfortable clothes and shoes today, she wasted no time in rushing out and buying the first pair of sneakers she'd seen at the sports store. Although they were comfortable enough, she knew that by the end of the day she'd have blisters on her heels. But wearing these garish shoes were for only one day and no doubt they would end up in the back of her wardrobe, never to see the light of day again.Raising her hand and giving three sharp knocks against Emma's apartment door, she stepped back and waited patiently for the door to be answered. She heard a muffled conversation from the other side of the door before it swung wide open and a beaming Henry stood firmly in its place."Hey Mom!" Henry stepped aside, letting Regina enter."Hello sweetheart." Regina said, hugging her son as she entered the apartment.Closing the door, Henry shuffled past his mother. "Ma. Mom's here!" He bellowed.Emma appeared from her bedroom and rolled her eyes. "Thanks Henry, I don't think the neighbours heard you."The boy shrugged nonchalantly as he disappeared into his bedroom.Regina pursed her lips tightly as she raised her brows to Emma. She didn't miss how loud Henry could be sometimes."Hey…" Emma said, tightening her ponytail before ducking back into her bedroom to grab her fleece body-warmer and sneakers."Hi…" Regina said, glancing around the small entrance hall. She wasn't sure if she should venture further inside the apartment or not.Emma appeared in the doorway and brushed past her ex-wife; heading toward the lounge area. "Make yourself at home. I won't be a minute." The blonde said over her shoulder.Regina nodded subtly as she followed her ex-wife. The blonde perched herself on the edge of her armchair and started putting her sneakers on. She glanced to Regina who settled down on the couch. Her hands resting in her lap as she tapped her left foot against the wooden flooring. Emma noticed Regina's sneakers and smirked slightly."Well that's a first." She nodded at the sneakers.Regina stretched out her foot and looked to her sneakers. "And the last time."Emma chuckled to herself as she tightened the laces. "Nah, they suit you."Regina scrunched her nose instinctively, dismissing Emma's comments.Standing up, Emma silently disappeared into the kitchen and reappeared a moment later, holding three small bottles of water and a container of mixed nuts and dry fruits. "I got us some supplies." She said, opening her small rucksack and placing the items inside."Oh! Let me know how much I owe you." Regina quickly said."Pfft.." Emma waved her ex-wife's comment away. "Don't worry about it."Regina debated in her mind whether or not to insist but quickly decided that she would treat them to lunch or something later.The blonde looked to the brunette. "Are you all set?"With a decisive nod, Regina stood. She nervously toyed with her car keys in her hands. "All ready."Emma gathered up her rucksack and slung it over her shoulder before grabbing her sunglasses and house keys. "Are you ready, kid?" Emma called out.Henry appeared at the entrance of the lounge area. His mega-watt smile beaming. "This is going to be so cool!"Rolling her eyes and turning Henry on the spot, Emma ushered the nine-year-old out of the apartment, with Regina following closely behind.
~()~
Regina slowed her Mercedes and pulled in to an empty space. She looked across the carpark toward the growing crowd that was gathering around the entrance of the theme park. "Is it always this busy?"After Emma's text yesterday about wearing comfortable attire, Regina had texted back enquiring what exactly did she mean? Emma only then divulged that she had planned to take Henry to a theme park.Emma glanced toward her ex-wife. "Normally it's busier, but it's getting to the end of the season, so it shouldn't be too bad today." She gave a hopeful smile.The family of three got out of the car and strolled toward the entrance to join the growing queue. Purchasing their tickets, Emma, Henry and Regina passed through the stall booths and strolled casually toward a huge freestanding map of the park. A theme park employee was handing out smaller maps to the parents and directing families to the various attractions.Emma adjusted her rucksack on her back and unfolded the map. Studying it intently for a minute or two she glanced over to Henry who was explaining to Regina the different rollercoasters and rides he wanted to try out whilst they were there."So, which one first kid?" Emma asked."The corkscrew!" The nine-year-old responded with a wide smile.Emma glanced down at the map; she found it pretty much straight away. "This way." She said pointing in the direction of the ride. And just like that, Henry raced off down the path toward ride with Regina and Emma following closely behind.It only took some gentle persuading and a promise of a coffee for Regina to join Henry and Emma in the queue for the ride. Because of her fear of heights, Regina had never been one for rollercoaster rides. When they had gone to a small theme park in Cape Cod when Henry was younger she was more than happy to be left standing holding the bags.But now it was different.She wanted to experience and enjoy every ride with Henry and Emma. Even though she was feeling rather nervous as her gaze drifted over the height of the roller coaster. She had started to wring her hands together and tried in vain to control her rapid breathing, almost not registering the gentle and rather soothing movement of Emma's hand on the small of her back.Regina glanced to her left; Emma was aimlessly staring straight ahead yet the circular motion continued for a few more moments before it suddenly stopped when Emma realised that Regina was now staring at her."Oh god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to." Emma apologised.The brunette cleared her throat and looked away. She was taken aback by Emma's actions. That had been the first time in two years that the blonde had willingly shown any physical contact towards her.Turning back to her ex-wife, Regina murmured. "It's fine. Thank you…"Emma averted her eyes and started to blush lightly. Embarrassed by her actions.With the queue lazily moving forward a few feet, it wasn't long before the three were now at the head of the queue. Awaiting their turn. The blonde glanced to the brunette who was nervously watching the carriages of the coaster launch forward and disappear through the dark tunnel."If you want to sit this one out…" Emma's voice trailed off.Regina shook her head vigorously. "No, no it's okay. I promised Henry I would do all the rides with him."Emma's gaze suddenly fell upon the roller coaster as it started to ascend the steepest peak of the track. Reaching the peak, she glanced to Regina again who was nervously watching too. Then all of a sudden the carriages one by one descended over the peak and raced down the other side. The brunette's eyes widen slightly as she followed the roller coaster race around the track, through the loop to loops and whoosh past them only to do the circuit one more time. The entire ride done and over with in under five minutes.Henry turned to his mothers with a wide smile plastered over his face. "We're next!"Emma hummed and nodded in confirmation before glancing to her ex-wife who suddenly looked very pale. "Last chance to back out."Regina shook her head one more time as her gaze fell upon the roller coaster as it pulled into the station.Without warning they were being ushered forward, Henry raced to the front carriage and picked his seat. The blonde and brunette casually followed. Regina hesitated by the carriage, she figured that Emma would probably sit with their son. But what the blonde said next, surprised Regina."Kid, I'm going to sit with Mom." Emma announced.Henry looked to Regina, seeing the fear in her eyes. "Okay." He turned back in the seat.Emma silently guided the brunette into the seat behind Henry before sitting down next to her ex-wife. As the safety bar lowered over their shoulders and clicked into position, Emma's hand naturally found the brunettes, their fingers instantly entwined."It's going to be okay." Emma winked, giving Regina's hand a reassuring squeeze.And then without warning the roller coast lurched forward.Regina's immediate reaction was to close her eyes tight. Even though Emma had reassured her that it was going to be fine, she wasn't at all convinced. What had she got herself into? As they approached the summit of the first peak, she felt Emma let go of her hand. Slowly she opened one eye followed by the other, glancing to her left where Emma was readying herself to wave her arms high above her head when they would be descending the peak. She then noticed Henry doing the same. Like mother like son, came to her mind as she closed her eyes tight again.Gripping the cold metal bar in front of her, she waited for the inevitable drop. The rollercoaster shunted slowly forward as it reached the summit. Their carriage teetering gently before suddenly falling down the other side of the peak. Closing her eyes tightly, Regina held onto the metal bar for dear life. Her stomach dropped and rolled continuously as she felt the rush of air against her face, causing her shoulder-length hair to fly widely over and her face. Sneaking a peek with one eye open, Emma and Henry both whooped with excitement as the carriage furiously built up speed and raced along the singular track, through the loop to loops before dragging itself up the highest peak.Cautiously she opened her eyes as she felt Emma's hand on her knee. The blonde was giving it a reassuring squeeze. With their eye's locking onto each other for a moment, it distracted the brunette from the impending drop that was fast approaching them."Are you ready?" Emma said seriously."Ready for what?" Regina asked."This!" Emma squealed.The carriage was now dropping suddenly, Emma & Regina's eyes never leaving one another as the rollercoaster raced down the other side of the highest peak and what could only be best described as flying, soared along the track and through the loop to loop's again before gently slowing its self into the station and stopping suddenly."That was so cool!" Henry bellowed as he suddenly appeared beside the carriage. Jumping up and down in excitement.Pushing the safety bar up and over their heads, Emma answered their son. "It was Kid." She glanced to Regina as she offered her hand for the brunette to take and to help her out of the carriage."You tricked me, Emma." Regina's eyes narrowed in a faux annoyance."But it worked…" Emma smirked, as she turned to Henry and took his hand, allowing her son to lead them out of the station and onto the next ride.It was after four rides, that Emma finally suggested that it was time to have a break. She felt a little sorry for the brunette who although was taking each ride in her stride seemed happier when both feet were planted firmly on the ground. They headed toward the outdoor food court where Regina insisted that she would treat them to anything they wanted.As Henry sat down at a picnic table and took a huge bite into his corndog, he glanced to his parents who were animatedly chatting to each other as they approached the table. If he was mistaken, both his moms looked happy. Or at least the happiest they had been in a long time. Curiously he watched as his brunette mother casually brushed away a loose tendril from the blonde's face. They simultaneously blushed, smiled shyly at each other before turning their attention to their son.But as soon as they sat down at the table the interactions and conversation ended.Henry glanced to both his mother's, silently studying them for a moment as he wondered what was transpiring between them."So, what's next?" Regina asked as she unscrewed the lid of her apple juice and took a sip.Emma glanced up from her greasy basket of fries to the brunette and then to their son expectedly.Henry's eyes lit up excitedly as he unfolded the map and studied it for a moment.
~()~
Pulling up in front of the blonde's apartment building, Regina glanced over her shoulder toward the back seat where her son was sound asleep. Chuckling softly to herself and nodding back to their son, both women glanced to their son."Car journeys always sent him to sleep." Regina mused.Emma smiled and reached out, lightly tapping Henry's knee. "Hey kid, we're home."Henry's eyes slowly fluttered open as he dreamily gathered his whereabouts. Unbuckling his seatbelt quickly and followed his parents into the apartment building. Together they silently rode the short elevator ride to their floor and as soon as the door's opened, Henry strolled toward his apartment with Emma and Regina following behind at a short distance.Pushing open the apartment door, Emma allowed Henry to enter first before following him silently in. Her nine-year-old went straight to the kitchen and helped himself to leftovers in the fridge. Regina was unsure if she should follow her son and ex-wife into the apartment. Hesitating at the open front door, she tried to catch Emma's gaze as she started taking off her body warmer. Clearing her throat softly, the blonde glanced in the brunette's direction."Henry!" Emma called out to her son.Henry suddenly appeared in the hallway. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he spoke. "Yeah?""Kid, your mom is leaving now. Say goodbye and thank her please. "Swallowing what was in his mouth, Henry brushed past his blonde mother who had disappeared into her bedroom. Presumably to hang up her body warmer but Regina knew it was to give her and their son some privacy."Thanks for everything today, Mom. I had a great time.""You're welcome Henry. I had a great time too." She smiled widely. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Emma slip out her bedroom and head toward the lounge area. "I'll see you next weekend, okay?"The nine-year-old nodded, giving his brunette mother another quick hug. She kissed him on the top of his head and mouthed 'goodbye' as she glanced in Emma's direction. "I'm going now, Emma. Thank you." She called out into the void. Henry glanced toward the lounge as his blonde mother came into view."Okay." Emma crossed her arms over her chest and leant against the wall. Her gaze momentarily distracted by Henry who was venturing back into the kitchen for some more food.Realising that Emma was keeping her distance and wasn't going to see her out of the apartment; Regina reached for the door and slowly started to close it behind her before looking to her ex-wife one last time. "Goodbye Emma." She said, closing the door softly behind her.Once the door was shut, Emma realised that she hadn't thanked Regina for driving them to the theme park. What must the brunette think of her? She was eternally grateful that Regina offered to drive them. Scoffing softly to herself, she hoped that Regina didn't think she was a jerk or anything. She needed to thank the brunette properly. Glancing toward the kitchen where her son was now helping himself to some leftovers in the fridge, she spoke. "Kid, I'll be back in a minute."A mumbled reply came from her nine-year-old son as she slipped on her sneakers again, grabbed her apartment keys and chased after her ex-wife.As Emma stepped out of her apartment building, she noticed her ex-wife sitting in her car about to pull out into the traffic. She quickly headed toward the black Mercedes and gained the brunette's attention. Regina killed the engine and opened her door. Stepping out of the car, she looked to Emma with a sense of confusion."Is everything alright? Did I forget something?" Regina asked.Emma shook her head. "No. I realised that I didn't thank you for today, Regina. You know for driving us and paying for lunch etc.""Oh. Oh, Okay..." Regina stumbled over the admission. She hadn't realised that Emma neglected to thank her. "It's fine, you're very welcome Emma. I'm just glad that Henry had a great time." She smiled softly.Emma smiled softly. "I had a great time too."The brunette nodded "I enjoyed it better than I thought I would."Emma chuckled. "I'm glad. I know you don't do rollercoasters. You were always happy just to watch or hold the bags and stuff.""I promised Henry. But I'm still scared of heights though." Regina mused."Oh I know, I wasn't sure if you were going to pass out or not on a few of them." Emma chuckled.Regina's thoughts drifted back to a few of the 'big' rides. If it hadn't been for Emma she surely would have passed out. "Thanks for calming me down."Emma tipped her head. "Any time…"A moment of silence passed between them. They both realised that this was the first time in a long time that they were actually having a proper friendly conversation. In the past, it had always been small talk or a conversation directly about Henry."Anyway..." Emma finally said. "I should let you go."A sad smile etched over the brunette's face. She wasn't sure if she wanted this moment or even the day to end just yet. Quickly she countered. "Perhaps we could do it again sometime soon."Emma quizzically tilted her head at the brunette. "Go to the theme park again?"Regina shook her head no. "I mean, spending time with Henry together.""Ahh.." Emma said awkwardly. "I..listen..I know you said that Henry wants us to spend time with him together and that you think he's finding it a little hard to adjust to our divorce. I'm not sure that making this a regular thing is best for everyone. Henry may get the wrong idea and start to think we are getting back together."Or one of us might. Emma thought to herself."Today has been lovely and I've enjoyed my time, but you have to admit, it felt a little awkward at times."Regina's mouth snapped shut as she studied the blonde for a moment. What was the blonde trying to say? She enjoyed Regina's company but because of their history, it was too awkward for her? Regina realised then that she had totally misread the whole day. How could she be so stupid to allow herself to be swept up in Henry's fantasy for the three of them being a 'proper' family again?"Well I guess your fiancé would have something to say about us spending a lot of time together." Regina slipped back into the car, immediately the passenger window wound down. Emma bent down and glanced inside. "I'll pick Henry up at seven sharp next Friday." Regina said pointedly, not looking at the blonde.Emma sighed softly. " Regina..I.."But it was too late, the tinted window quickly closed and before Emma could say anything else the black Mercedes was already halfway down the road.
~()~
The following Friday came and as usual, Regina arrived outside Emma's apartment on time to pick up Henry and spend the weekend with her son. She'd texted Emma from the car, saying that she was downstairs waiting. Minutes later, her nine-year-old son appeared beside her car. Getting in silently, Henry fastened his seatbelt, glanced to his mother as she pulled away from the curb.This weekend wouldn't bring the same togetherness they had felt like the last one. This time they would be at the brunette's house, where they would spend it together. Alone.The weekend had come and gone so quickly before they both knew it.And here she was again, another Sunday evening pulling up outside Emma's apartment. Glancing toward the entrance, Regina saw her blonde ex-wife leaning against the brickwork, seemingly waiting for Henry.This was certainly unexpected. Emma had never in the past waited downstairs for Henry's return.Henry had also noticed his blonde mother waiting. He turned to his brunette mother, frowned in confusion before dragging his gaze back upon his blonde mother who was now making her way over to the black Mercedes."I better go…" Henry mused as he leant over and kissed his brunette mother on the cheek. "Thanks for a good weekend, Mom.""You're welcome, darling. See you next weekend." Regina said.With a nod, Henry pushed open his door as Emma stood by the car. Holding the door open for her son, Emma softly murmured something to her son. Henry glanced over his shoulder to Regina, nodded before quickly disappearing inside the apartment building.The next moment Emma was sitting in the now-vacated seat by Henry. Closing the door sharply, Emma glanced toward the apartment building before turning back to her ex-wife. "I need to talk to you…" she murmured. "But not here…"Regina furrowed her brow. "What about Henry?""He'll be fine. Killian is upstairs…"The brunette's grip tightened on the steering wheel before she eventually nodding her approval of her son's safety and babysitter. "Coffee?""Okay." Emma nodded, buckling her seatbelt and pointedly gazed out her window.Ten minutes later, Regina and Emma are silently sitting opposite each other in a booth at the local coffee shop. They are both cradling their respective mugs of coffee."So…" Regina eventually murmured. She was tired of this pointless exercise of sitting opposite one another and not talking.The blonde lifted her head; her eyes fell upon the brunette. "Regina, I want to talk to you about what happened the other Saturday.""Can I just apologise for misreading the situation and suggesting that we could make it a regular event." Regina countered quickly. "I think I was swept up in the illusion of the day..."Emma remained silent for a moment. "It's not only you…""Not only me, what?""That was swept up in a fantasy of the three of us being together…" Emma sighed, sinking into the cushioned backrest of the booth.The brunette furrowed her brows slightly. It was quickly making sense now. Emma used Henry as an excuse as to how she was feeling about the situation. "What are you saying, Emma?" Regina needed to be absolutely sure she hadn't got this wrong."Spending time with you and Henry was really good. It felt natural and comfortable. I felt at home.""But you said it was awkward?" Regina countered.Emma sighed, compelled to divulge more than she wanted to. "Because Killian had only just proposed a couple of days before." She looked to the small stone engagement ring on her finger. "But being with you, I realised how much I missed…" she trailed off, distracted by her mobile ringing. Pulling it out of her pocket of jeans, Emma glanced to the screen. "I need to take this..." She said, sliding out of the booth and answering the phone.Regina watched as Emma made her way through the coffee shop to the entrance. The blonde glanced over her shoulder toward the brunette before quickly disappearing out the door. Regina could have cursed whoever had rung Emma's mobile at that exact moment. Regina was in no doubt that Emma was going to say that she missed her.When Emma didn't return to the booth after ten minutes, Regina realised that Emma had left and wasn't returning to finish their conversation. Sighing to herself, Regina took out her mobile and quickly typed out a message to the blonde.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

ADMISSIONS OF THE HEART

CHAPTER FOUR

We have rekindled our friendship and that's all I have ever wanted since the divorce was finalised. I know that you'll never fully forgive me for what happened in our marriage and I don't blame you. But I just want you to give me another chance. X
Emma glanced up from her mobile and stopped walking. She immediately closed her eyes and took a few calming deep breathes to steady her emotions. After a moment, she opened her eyes, turned on the spot and stared in the direction of where she'd just come from. The coffee shop.She couldn't go through this again; allowing herself and emotions to be swept up and consumed by Regina Mills.Although it was a year after their divorce, Emma finally felt that she was able to cope with the bitter aftertaste that her marriage to Regina Mills had left deep inside her. She had finally cast away all the hurt and pain that Regina had caused her. She felt that now she was able to finally forgive the brunette and move on with her life. And that's what she was doing now with Killian Jones.But now with the recent interactions with one another and this one simple text message, every emotion that she thought had dissipated came crashing back tenfold. But it wasn't the hurt and pain that was rearing itself but something deeper that she hadn't felt in a long time. And this surprised Emma. It also scared her because she knew that she was quickly losing her resolve.Lowering her gaze, she pocketed her mobile. Letting the message go unanswered. Taking a settling deep breath, turned back and continued to walk home, back to her son and her partner.
~()~
Emma continued to stare at her reflection in the large mirror that hung over the bathroom sink. She had gone to bed last night determined to do everything in her power to distract herself from the text message she'd received from her ex-wife the night before. Her reverie was broken by the constant knocking and Henry's calls for her to hurry up.Glancing toward the door, she replied with a mumbling garbled reply before bending over the sink and spitting the excess toothpaste out.She took in her reflection again for a moment as she wiped around her mouth free of toothpaste. She had decided at that moment, she would purposely work that little bit later than normal this week. Also deciding it was probably a good time to start allowing Killian to spend consecutive nights at their apartment. After all, it did seem a little weird that after a year and half of them 'officially' being together that they hadn't moved to that stage in their relationship yet.This would certainly distract her from the text message and her brunette ex-wife. Right?"Okay, the bathroom is all yours." Emma said, opening the bathroom door to her son who was leaning against the opposite wall in the hallway. Henry pushed past his mother and slammed the door shut. Sighing to herself and deciding against berating her son about slamming the door, Emma proceeded to the kitchen to prepare their lunches for the day.As she entered the kitchen, Killian was leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping a coffee."I see the lad is a bundle of joy this morning." Killian chuckled.Placing a chaste kiss against his stubble cheek, she turned to the fridge and started to gather items for their lunch. "Well if he'd gone to bed at a decent hour instead of playing video games until midnight."Killian pulled a face. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. We both were into the game." He placed his empty coffee mug down on the counter side and moved closer to the blonde. He wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled into her nape.Emma relaxed into the embrace. "Yeah but Henry is only nine and he knows when his bedtime is. He played you, Killian."The raven-headed man chuckled lightly. "And what's our bedtime?" He placed another kiss on her cheek.Emma moved her head and out of his embrace. "Actually, I was thinking about that..."Killian cocked an eyebrow. He was intrigued.Making space between herself and Killian, Emma distracted herself with the mug of coffee Killian had made her. "I think perhaps it's time you stayed more than one night at a time." She took a sip of the coffee.A wide smile slowly etched over the raven haired man. "Is that a …" He lifted her hand, kissing the engagement ring.At first, Emma didn't react. Was that her reply to the question he'd asked over a week ago. Possibly. "let's call it a 'trial' period." She eventually relented.The tall man stroked his stubbly chin as he thought about Emma's admission. "Trial period? Well, that's a different way of putting it."Emma didn't offer an explanation. She distracted herself with another sip of her coffee.Killian smiled again as he moved closer to the blonde and placed his hands on her hips. "Well, I'd like that very much, Emma." He leant down and captured the blonde's lips again.Breaking from the embrace, Emma smiled back at her boyfriend. "Good, that's settled."Okay, so one distraction was now in place. Emma wasn't entirely sure if it was a welcomed decision but perhaps this would definitely distract her from the confused feelings she was having for her ex-wife.She had informed Henry that morning on the way to school that she would be working longer hours this week. The nine-year-old didn't seem fussed about Emma's decision because it wasn't uncommon from time to time for Emma to do so. But when she informed him that Killian would be spending more time at their apartment that reaction was met with silence.As she pulled up outside Henry's school, she wanted to make sure that Henry was happy with her decision and if he wanted to chat more about it.Emma glanced to her son. "Kid, please talk to me. Are you okay with Killian spending more time with us?"Henry dropped his backpack on his lap and turned in his seat. His attention focused on his blonde mother. He shrugged."Words, kid. Talk to me."Henry studied his blonde mother for a moment. "So, you said yes…"Emma frowned slightly. "Is there a problem, kid?"Henry shrugged again. "It doesn't bother me. But..." He paused slightly, not knowing if he should voice what he was worried about.Emma urged her son to continue."What if Mom is there at the same time? It's going to be a little weird."The blonde ran her fingers through her hair. Emma had purposely managed to keep these two parts of her life very separate. Emma remembered when Regina found out that she and Killian were casually seeing one another.It had been the final day of their divorce and custody proceedings. Just over a year since she had walked out of their house and Regina. At the time the revelation hadn't gone down too well with the brunette.
Emma smiled softly as her lawyer gave her a warm embrace. Thanking her lawyer, Emma glanced over to her now brunette ex-wife. Regina's lawyer was speaking to her. Emma didn't want to interrupt the conversation so she remained on her side of the courtroom.

Their divorce was now legally finalised.

An air of sadness swept over Emma suddenly. Ten years of marriage over and done with. Emma stood as her mother and father approached her, giving their daughter a loving embrace. Regina's lawyer approached, shaking both her and her lawyer's hand. Emma's gaze trailed back to the now vacated desk on the other side of the courtroom. Her ex-wife was gone. Without even saying goodbye. Emma frowned slightly as she was ushered out of the courtroom by her parents.

As they walked through the corridors of the courthouse, Killian came into view; she smiled warmly to him as he approached her. They embraced quickly before walking out of the courthouse hand in hand.

Emma's parents walked ahead and descended the concrete stairs together; the blonde noticed that they were heading toward her brunette ex-wife. She slowed her steps as she watched the three interact. There appeared to be no hard feelings between her parents and her ex-wife. Interesting.

Emma quickened her steps when she realised that Regina was leaving, she managed to take hold of her ex-wife's sleeve of her jacket before she crossed the road.

The brunette glanced over her shoulder; she seemed surprised to see that it was Emma stopping her.
"Regina. I .."
Regina had turned around and glanced to Killian who was loitering just behind her before her gaze fell upon herself.

She turned to Killian and spoke. "Can you give me a minute, Killian?"
"Aye Love." Killian had replied with a tight-lipped smile directed at her brunette ex-wife before walking out of earshot.
Wetting her lips with her tongue, Emma turned her attention back to her brunette ex-wife.
"I want to apologise to you…" She paused, slightly gathering her thoughts. "I never wanted to make you out to be some sort of monster, Regina."
Before Regina could respond Emma continued.
"But at the time I was so angry and hurt by what you did to me and Henry." She paused slightly, gathering her thoughts as the real reason for talking to the brunette still needed to be mentioned. "Regina, my lawyer is fairly confident that the custody arrangements will be finalised in the coming weeks but I have changed my mind…" "What!? Emma seriously after everything that we've gone through why would you do this now!" Regina's nostrils flared. She was becoming angrier by the second.
Emma frowned. "Regina, it's nothing bad. Don't worry. In fact, this will be better than what 'they' are proposing. I've been told by the Family Court Liaison that you are receiving professional help. And I can see that you have changed."

Regina nodded. "I am. And I've been sober for a year now."

A sad sorrowful smile slowly crept over the blondes face. "So they said. I'm happy for you. Really I am. Umm, I will withdraw the custody application and we can sort something out between us then."

The brunette stood speechless in front of her but finally answered. "What do you propose?"

Emma glanced toward Killian who was about twenty feet away and preoccupied with his phone before she looked back to Regina. "Ahh, I was thinking about shared custody."

That got the brunette's undivided attention now.
"Henry will live with me and you can see him every weekend. We'll sort out holidays, his birthday and Christmas I guess at the time." "I'm fine about holidays and Christmas. But I propose that he stays with me every weekend?"
Emma looked a little uncomfortable. It wasn't that she was opposed to the idea, she was just a little cautious. "Perhaps we can see about that in the future."

Emma noticed how Regina's face turned thunderous.
"Well since we're stipulating our wishes. I think it would be better if your little 'itch' over there isn't introduced to Henry." The brunette nodded toward Killian.
Emma frowned, turning back to Killian who looked up at the same time and winked. Gritting her teeth, Emma turned back to her ex-wife. "Regina. You have no right…"
"Maybe I don't anymore, Em-ma. But we both know that it won't last." Regina seethed. "You just have an itch that needs scratching…" "Regina, please can we at least be civil toward each other. I don't appreciate the snide remarks about my relationship with Killian. I don't talk about you and Robin that way. We've both moved on but we still need to be in contact with each other for Henry's sake. Shall we agree not to speak about anything other than our son." Emma urged.
Regina sighed deeply, nodded and finally spoke. "Agreed. But I do want Henry to stay with me each weekend."

Emma studied her ex-wife for a moment and finally relented. "Okay, deal."
"Thank you, Emma." Regina murmured. "I'll pick Henry up tomorrow morning at nine."
Before Emma was able to comment, her ex-wife had left her standing there on the curb. Emma watched as Regina had crossed the road and disappeared out of sight.
Up until a few weeks ago, she had managed to keep these two parts of her life very separate. Killian only spent the weekends around Emma's and was never allowed around on a Friday night and had to be gone by six o'clock on a Sunday. But last night had been the exception. That had been part of the reason why she had waited for Henry outside the apartment building."I'll sort something out. Don't worry, Kid." Emma said. "Come on, you're going to be late…."Henry seemed to accept her mother's response. He leant over, kissed her on the cheek before silently slipping out the car and making his way toward the school gates.
~()~
It was now Tuesday and she still hadn't had a reply to her text. Regina had resigned herself to the fact that perhaps she'd overstepped her place and that Emma had decided that she was going to have no contact with the brunette. There had been fleeting moments over the last few days when she had contemplated sending Emma another text apologising for the last one and asking that she forget everything that was mentioned.Perhaps it was for the best to keep things as they were. Both of them just co-parenting their son through the briefest of text messages about their son's wellbeing.It would be better for everyone involved if that was the case.Perhaps that's why Emma hadn't returned to the coffee shop on Sunday night. She had an inkling that this is where their conversation was heading and thought better of it. Of course, it made sense. She was in serious relationship with Killian Jones. Emma was engaged now.Regina had no right to get herself involved in Emma's life anymore. She'd had the privilege once and she had totally wasted that opportunity beyond repair. She needed to forget all about Emma, she needed to subdue the feelings that were haunting her day and night of late. Even though she wasn't exactly sure what they were.
~()~
It was a few minutes to eight o'clock on Wednesday night when Regina heard the rhythmic tapping of the front door knocker. For the last two hours she'd been elbow deep in grading student papers in her upstairs office. She took her reading glasses off and placed them on top of the paper she was in the middle of marking. Pushing herself away from her dark mahogany writing desk, she padded barefooted against the carpeted floor and out of her office, descending the stairs quickly toward the front door.Squinting through the peephole, she was surprised to see her ex-wife on the other side. Backing away from the door, she ruffled and fluffed her shoulder-length hair, giving it some more volume and body. Taking a deep calming breath, she slowly opened the door; making sure she had a look of surprise plastered over her face as she did. "Emma! What are you doing here?"The blonde's eyes lowered slightly as she fleetingly looked sideward making sure no one was in the vicinity. "Can I come in?""Of course…" Regina said, allowing Emma to enter her house.The blonde silently brushed past her ex-wife and stopped mid-way down the hallway, glancing over her shoulder as the brunette softly closed the door.Regina was still confused by blonde's intrusion. She asked the first thing that came to mind. "Is Henry alright?"The blonde nodded. "Yes, Henry is fine. He's staying with Ruby and Dorothy tonight."The brunette nodded slightly as she passed her ex-wife and headed toward the kitchen. "Can I get you something to drink?" She asked over her shoulder, as she entered the kitchen."A coffee would be nice."This had been the first time in two years that the blonde had returned or stepped inside this house. Her old home. The one that she and Regina had fallen in love with at first sight.Emma quickly glanced into the lounge as she passed it, noticing that the décor had dramatically changed. Gone was the once warm and inviting rustic green walls and replaced with a sleek and modern soft grey. The once dark rosewood fireplace now replaced with a stark white modern one. And she quickly noted that the brown fabric couch and armchairs that they had purchased together all those years ago were now replaced with a stylish charcoal grey leather sofa suite. She wondered fleetingly when Regina had changed the décor? Was it soon after she and Henry had moved out or was more recently? Not that it made any difference to her; this wasn't her home any more. Everything within these four walls now reeked of Regina.Emma stood just inside the kitchen; her gaze fell upon the sleek metallic kitchen accessories that were dotted around the room. Gone were all the colourful ceramic kitchen accessories that she had purchased years earlier. The kitchen now reminded her of a professional commercial kitchen that you would find in a lavish top end restaurant."Thank you." Emma murmured as a mug of freshly brewed coffee was handed to her.The brunette pursed her lips together briefly as she studied her blonde ex-wife who was cautiously sipping her coffee. "Emma…"The blonde placed her mug down on the surface of the kitchen island and looked to her ex-wife. "I apologise for running off the other night. We hadn't finished talking."Regina slowly opened her mouth to say something but no words came out.Emma ran her fingers through her hair and nervously glanced over her shoulder before looking back to the brunette who was curiously studying her. "Are we alone?"Regina nodded yes.Emma pursed her lips together tightly and nodded. "Good." she murmured."Emma, before we get into anything else, can I just apologise for my possibly ill-conceived text message. In hindsight, I realise that perhaps I shouldn't have sent it.""It wasn't...""It wasn't what?" Regina was confused."ill-conceived." Emma murmured."Oh…" Regina murmured softly.Emma took a deep breath before picking up the coffee and took another sip. Nurturing the mug in her hands, she bit her lip nervously as she conjured the strength to explain her sudden intrusion on the brunette."Regina, against my better judgement I can't ignore that text message. I've really tried to ignore what it possibly meant and what it could mean for 'us' in the future, but I just can't. God knows I've tried." A sad chuckle escaped Emma's mouth."What are you trying to say, Emma?" The brunette asked."It means for a moment I forgot what happened. I forgot about all the pain, the hurt I was feeling when everything fucked up..." She raised her voice slightly as she waved her hand around the room, indicating the situation that they had left all those years ago. "When you checked out.""Checked out? I may have fucked up, but I did not leave. It was you who left me" Regina countered sharply."You broke everything that meant anything to me, Regina." The blonde seethed."I know that. Don't you think I do? I have regretted that every fucking day since." Regina snapped. "Did you just come to stick the boot in a little more, Emma?"Emma closed her eyes tight and controlled her breathing; she didn't come here to have a fresh argument with her ex-wife. The reasons why were quite the opposite even though every conscious instinct Emma had was screaming at her to walk away and build a life with Killian. But she couldn't and that's why coming here tonight was so difficult, she knew that she had to walk away, she'd done it once but since Sunday night, well actually since her and Regina had 'reconnected' weeks earlier she couldn't ignore the emotions and feelings that were surfacing every time she thought of the brunette.But this conversation wasn't going the way she had planned in her mind when she was driving here."I don't know what I am more afraid of, to see you again or to never see you again." Emma murmured."Excuse me?"Emma opened her eyes and immediately closed the distance between them. Before Regina realised what was happening, Emma had captured her lips and was desperately kissing the brunette.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

ADMISSIONS OF THE HEART

CHAPTER FIVE
It was as if their mouths were dancing with one another; both trying to claim dominance over the other but equally submitting and giving in to the temptation of the other. A dance that exposed the years of pent up regret, anger, hurt and then oddly their recent frustrations of the situations that they found themselves in. The sense of loss.As Regina let contact slip away from the blonde, a tingling almost searing impression lingered over her plump lips. She gently touched them with the pads of her fingers. This was a sensation that she hadn't felt in such a very long time."Emma…" she husked.The blonde opened her eyes and witnessed the shocked expression on the face of her ex-wife."I shouldn't have done that." She paused. "I'm sorry." Emma turned to leave but was stopped by Regina's hand wrapped tightly around her wrist."Please don't go. We need to talk about this!" Regina urged as she led them into the lounge.Together they sat down on the leather sofa; creating a deliberate space between them and allowing silence to loom around them. They were both unsure how to start the conversation and equally unsure of what just happened. Why it happened and what if meant for them both, individually?"You kissed me..." Regina eventually murmured, touching her lips once again, hoping to cling onto the sensation just a little bit longer.How she'd hoped over the last few weeks that Emma would kiss her but at the same time every time that fantastical idea surfaced, she couldn't shake the guilt of her action's years previously. She knew that she didn't deserve any sort of reprieve from the blonde."I don't know why I did it." Emma murmured as she glanced away. "I just…" She sighed loudly. "That text really threw me. I don't know what to think at the moment.""Are you willing to give me a second chance?" Regina asked.There was nothing in this world that she wanted more than for Emma to give her a second chance. Regina needed to hear Emma confirm her suspected thoughts and feelings."I don't know…" Emma murmured.Tears started to well in Regina's eyes as she sucked in a deep breath. That wasn't a 'no' but more of a 'maybe' and for Regina that was more than she ever deserved.But that kiss signified 'hope' for Regina and that meant something to her. Hope for her redemption. Hope that their broken relationship was salvageable. Hope that she had Emma's love and forgiveness.And for Regina knowing that there was hope meant far more to her than anything in the world.
~()~
Thursday's were always busy for Regina. The day started off with a department meeting then she taught two classes back to back before grabbing a quick lunch on-the-go from the campus café before returning to her office where in the afternoon, she held one to one meetings with students before heading back to the campus studios to assist with the freshman classes until five or six in the afternoon.Sighing to herself as she stood in the queue waiting to be served, she wondered how easy it would be to rearrange her schedule a bit. Perhaps moving her 'one to one' meetings to a different day; say Friday as it was her less scheduled day, would certainly free up her Thursday afternoon for an hour or so before she needed to be back at the campus studios for the freshmen. Humming to herself, she decided that would do the trick. It allowed her the 'personal time' she needed.As she slowly stepped closer to the front of the queue, she decided that before she left this afternoon, she would have a chat with the head of the department about the changes she wanted to make possible.A few moments later she was making her way out of the campus café. Clutching her chicken salad and bottle of mineral water in her hands. Her thoughts drifted from her impending afternoon to the events of last night and the reason why she wanted to implement these schedule changes.
Emma's fingers wiped the tears that had formed and started to roll down over her blushed cheeks. Regina slowly closed her eyes and embraced the touch of her ex-wife as it cupped and lingered under her jawline.
"I want to see you again…" Emma murmured softly as her thumb started to stroke the brunette's cheek.
Regina opened her eyes abruptly and focused on the blonde who was now only sitting inches away from her.
"Regina, I know this is crazy and I don't understand it. Everything up here" She pointed to her head. "Is screaming at me to walk away. That coming here was a mistake and that I will only get hurt again. But inside here …" She pointed to her heart. "Wants only you, it needs you and wants to kiss you again…""I want that too." Regina lowered her gaze and looked away, slightly embarrassed by her admission. She shyly glanced back to the blonde.
Emma pushed herself up from the couch and walked over to the bay window. She moved the curtain slightly and glanced out the window. Her bug was illuminated by the overhanging street light. A late night dog walker caught Emma's eye, she watched as the middle-aged man crossed the street in the distance and walked past her car. Emma's thoughts tried one last time to get its message across. Now was a good time to leave. Eventually, she backed away from the window and left the curtain to hang back naturally. "We need to be discrete…" she murmured, looking back to her ex-wife.
"What?" "If we're going to do this then we need to be discrete." "So you and I have, oh I don't know, have some sort of fling? And you're okay with that?" Regina frowned.
Emma shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah it's crazy. I know. But it's the only way."
"I don't want a fling, Emma. I want more than that." Regina stood and stepped closer to the blonde.
The blonde furrowed her brow. "But I can't give you more than that."

Before Regina knew what was happening the blonde was gone. She didn't chase after her ex-wife, knowing that it would a fruitless endeavour. Moving toward the bay window, she pulled back the curtain and watched her ex-wife get into her beloved yellow bug and drive off down the road.
Regina couldn't understand why Emma had suggested that they have a fling. She was basically saying that they can have a sexual relationship with no strings. But this notion sat a little uneasy with the brunette.After everything she had done years earlier, Emma was now the one suggesting that they cheat on their partners with each other. Regina was finding it hard to comprehend why her ex-wife would even suggest such a thing. But at the same time, if it meant that Emma was going to be back in her life in some compacity then she was prepared to take that risk.But with Emma leaving so suddenly last night, Regina rationalised that Emma had second thoughts and had come to her senses so to speak. It was obvious that the blonde feared her feelings and fled with embarrassment by her actions. She could have cursed herself for pushing Emma a little too hard last night. She'd now blown her chance for possible redemption.Perhaps it was for the best. After all, she had Robin now and he should be her focus. Here was a man willing to accept her into his life. She knew that she needed to forget all about Emma and what happened the night before. Not doing so, would be unwise.Regina softly touched her lips and felt the lingering sensation left by Emma.But forgetting would be easier said than done.
~()~
Regina was mid-conversation with one of her students when her mobile started to vibrate against the surface of her desk. Her gaze drifted to the phone as the screen lit up briefly and blackened again. Discretely she swiped the screen, allowing her attention to now fall directly onto the mobile.
One Missed Call – Emma
A soft throat clearing cough broke Regina's attention, she glanced to the student who had now stopped talking and was curiously watching her. "Sorry Mark, you were saying…"The young student ran his fingers through his unruly hair and continued their conversation, glancing sporadically at Regina's phone only to make sure he had her full attention.After a few minutes the phone vibrated again and this time both sets of eyes glanced to the phone. Regina noticed that it was Emma calling again. She gave Mark a tight apologetic smile as she flipped the phone over, ending the call."If you need to take it, Professor Mills. I can go, it's not a problem." Mark gestured to the phone before quickly closing his ring-binder folder and standing.Regina eventually nodded. "Thank you Mark, I'm sorry for the interruption. We can discuss your thesis in detail tomorrow…"The student nodded his appreciation as he opened the door. "Thank you for everything, Professor Mills. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good evening." And with that Mark disappeared out the office, closing the door behind him.Regina slumped in her seat and glanced to her phone. Picking it up, she swiped the screen and contemplated whether or not to return Emma's call. Placing the phone back down on the desk, she sighed deeply to herself.Did this call mean that Emma was willing to offer her something more than just a sexual fling? She hoped so for her own selfish reasons.Deciding if that was the case, then calling her back would be worth the risk. She picked up the phone again, swiped the screen and scrolled to Emma's name. Her finger hovered over the little green icon.But what if Emma's hasty retreat last night was the catalysis for this phone call? Cementing the blonde's decision to end whatever this would be before it started.Knowing that she needed to find out one way or another, she pushed the green icon and lifted the phone to her ear.
~()~
And now she found herself standing outside Emma's apartment, fluffing and flicking the ends of her chestnut coloured hair over her shoulder. Only minutes earlier, she'd been reapplying her lipstick and mascara in her car after she'd pulled up around the corner from Emma's apartment building.She took a deep breath and finally knocked against Emma's apartment door. Licking her lips nervously, she waited for the blonde to answer.As the door slowly opened. Emma appeared before her with a neutral expression etched over her face. The brunette immediately noted the soft makeup and the hint of a very familiar perfume aroma lingering around her ex-wife. Emma's blonde tendrils were tied up into a messy bun. Although the style could have been deliberate, because the blonde knew that Regina liked her hair like that, she quickly decided that it was styled in haste. Emma wore her signature tight white tank top and skinny jeans. With her petite bare feet peeking out from under the hem of her jeans."Hi…" Emma shyly smiled as she stepped back, allowing Regina to enter her apartment.The brunette entered silently, lingering close to the blonde as she closed the door behind them. As soon as Emma turned back to her ex-wife, she was suddenly being pushed back toward the nearest wall. The brunette captured Emma's lips with extreme urgency. Playfully she nibbled and tugged at the pale pink glossed bottom lip. Emma gasped loudly as without warning, olive tanned hands cupped and kneaded her jean covered arse. The blonde's hips started to rock and roll voluntarily into the brunette's grasp.Eventually Regina slowly and reluctantly released her hold on the blonde's lips. Wiping her own lip with the pad of her thumb, she stepped back and created space between them. "Hello…" She purred.Touching her lips and sighing deeply, Emma realised how much she missed the way Regina kissed her. Taking a hold of the brunette's hand, she led her silently into her bedroom, softly closing the door behind them.An hour later, Emma emerged from her bedroom wearing only a pair of black bikini briefs and her tight white tank top. She went directly to the kitchen where she flicked on the coffee machine and leant against the kitchen counter; she was lost in her thoughts and didn't realise that Regina hadn't followed her.Instead of following her ex-wife, Regina chose to gather her thoughts in the bathroom. Closing the door behind her, the brunette sighed deeply as she studied her reflection in the mirror.
What were they doing?
Delicately touching her lips with the pads of her fingers. A flash memory of what had just transpired in the bedroom surfaced suddenly before her eyes. A relieved smile started to etch over her face.What had just happened was that she willingly decided that Emma's suggestion of a sexual fling was accepted by her. She lowered her gaze, suddenly unable to look at herself in the mirror. She couldn't help by feel confused and a little ashamed by what this ultimately meant.Their tussle in the sheets complicated matters further. But did she regret sleeping with Emma? Strangely the answer was no. Lifting her eyes and quickly sneaking a look at herself in the mirror, she realised that she was fine with that. Fine with being Emma's bit on the side. Being the other woman. Raising her head fully, she studied her reflection for a moment and accepted that ultimately what had just happened was completely fucked up. But she didn't regret one minute of it.Emma's reverie was broken when Regina appeared in the kitchen doorway wearing Emma's oversized Boston Red-Sox jersey. Her slender tanned legs exposed for the world and Emma to see. Ruffling her hair, she leant against the doorframe and curiously watched her blonde ex-wife.Without a word being spoken, Emma handed the brunette a mug of freshly brewed coffee. She brushed passed her ex-wife and retreated to the lounge with Regina silently following behind. Emma sat down cross-legged on the vibrant red couch, clutching her coffee between her hands as her gaze drifted to Regina who sat down close beside her. The brunette crossed one leg over the other, she pulled at the oversized jersey, so it covered her thigh."Leave it." Emma smirked.A blush crept over her cheeks, Regina lowered her head, tucking a loose tendril behind her ear before taking a sip of her coffee. Shyly her gaze drifted toward the blonde who was still cradling her coffee."Any regrets?" Regina asked.Emma tilted her head in thought before eventually shaking it slowly. "No. You?"Regina shook her head almost immediately. "None…"And this was the one decision she hoped that she would never regret making. Realising that if by entering this fling meant that there was a possibility to have Emma back in her life again, in any shape or form, she would take it tenfold over. It was a selfish decision, she knew this, but she was willing to pay the price for this transgression.But what confused her still, was Emma's willingness to be comfortable with the idea of them being together in this capacity especially after what she had done to Emma all those years ago. Any normal person wouldn't have even entertained the notion. Staying far away. But that was a conversation for another day. Because at this moment, right now, she wanted nothing more but to be with Emma. The reality now was that they both were willingly entering an illicit affair, fling or whatever this was with no expectations.Slowly Emma's right hand found Regina's left, their fingers entwined as they held onto each other.
~()~
Over the next couple of weeks, Emma and Regina creatively found time for each other, mostly finding a quick hour here and there at Emma's apartment during the day when Henry and Killian weren't there. Regina had insisted that she shouldn't be there when Henry returned home from school as it could create an even more confusing situation for them all. To which Emma was glad really because she couldn't face any enquiring and potentially embarrassing questions from their nine-year-old son.But by the end of the first month of their affair, it seemed to be slowing down a little. The constant secrecy, quick fumbling under the sheets and the realisations that this was all it was becoming all to constricting, too tiring and started to confuse Regina even more so. She needed to approach Emma with her concerns."… maybe I'm scared because you mean more to me than any other person. You are everything I think about, everything I need, everything I want." Regina said, buttoning up her blouse and turning to Emma.The blonde slid up the bed and leant against the headboard, she pulled the duvet up over her naked chest. "Regina, come on. You know I can't give you what you want. Don't do this…" She sighed deeply, running her fingers through her unruly blonde hair.Turning away from the blonde, Regina picked up her heeled boots and slipped them on over her sock covered feet. She stood, grabbing her jacket from the small armchair in the corner of the room."I'm in too deep; I think I need to end this, before I get any deeper." She muttered to herself as she slipped her jacket on. "What was I thinking? I'm with Robin! Of course, this was going to go nowhere." She glared at the blonde as she picked up her handbag. "I'll be here the usual time on Friday to pick up Henry." Her voice trailed off as she exited the bedroom and apartment.Emma groaned loudly to herself as she picked up the pillow beside her and threw in the direction of the hallway.And just like that, the affair was over as quickly as it began.
~()~
It would be another two weeks before Regina and Emma would finally see each other, this time inadvertently.Regina tucked a loose strand of hair over her ear as she perused the menu one more time. She glanced up from the menu as Robin stopped pouring the sparkling water into her wine glass. Nodding her thanks, her eyes drifted to the entrance of the restaurant as a familiar blonde entered with her date. Sighing softly to herself, she averted her gaze back to Robin who was intently studying the menu in front of him. But almost immediately she found herself watching Emma and Killian being led to their table. Thank god it was on the other side of the restaurant and there was a room full of patrons separating them.Feeling Robin's hand cover her own, Regina's gaze fell back to her boyfriend. Smiling softly, she focused on the bearded man opposite her. Ordering a moment later, they fell into a deep conversation while they waited for their meals. But all the while, Regina kept a watchful eye on her blonde ex-wife and her fiancé who were enjoying each other's company.Their conversation slowly dipped as they enjoyed their meal but Regina's interest in Emma and Killian continued. She noted how carefree her ex-wife acted around Killian. And how they appeared happy and content with each other. A prickling of jealousy surged through her as she dragged her eyes off the pair and back to Robin. She couldn't allow Emma's presence to upset her evening. What was done was done; they had had a brief affair, purely about physical contact, no emotion, it wasn't right to be jealous of Emma now. In the end, their affair hadn't hurt anyone but perhaps slightly bruised her pride as she realised that the redemptive future she'd hoped with Emma was gone.Finishing her meal, she placed her cutlery together in the centre of the plate, she rested her elbows on the table and yet again found herself staring in the blonde's direction. But Emma wasn't there, only her dark-haired fiancé who wistfully staring into the distance. Regina noticed that Emma's leather jacket hung over the back of her chair but the small clutch that Emma had come in wasn't.Emma must have gone to the toilets to relieve herself.Frowning slightly, Regina glanced over her shoulder toward the toilets and then back to Robin who was oblivious to the events surrounding him. Excusing herself, Regina weaved through the sea of tables and headed toward the toilets. Momentarily stopping outside, she glanced back to Robin before slowly pushing open the door leading to the toilets.Closing the door softly behind her, Regina sighed a breath of relief as she realised that the toilets were empty of any other patrons. Lingering on the spot, the brunette's gaze fell upon the only occupied toilet stall. After a few moments, the door slowly opened and Emma appeared, she glanced toward her brunette ex-wife with a look of surprise written all over her face."Regina?" Emma murmured softly."Hello Emma…" Regina said, moving closer to the blonde.Emma stood in front of the sinks and glanced in the large mirrors. Regina was now standing only a foot away from her, she was focused on the blonde "What are you doing here?""Having dinner with Robin." Regina said, moving to stand next to the blonde, she glanced into the mirror at Emma.Emma nodded as she fixed her hair over her shoulders. "I'm here with Killian."'I know' Regina wanted to say but instead she smiled tightly and focused on her reflection in the mirror as she reapplied her lipstick.Emma gave a sideward glance to her ex-wife and sighed deeply. "Listen Regina, I want to apologise…" She paused slightly, hoping that she had the brunette's full attention. "Perhaps it's for the best; you know that we ended what we started before one of us got hurt too much."Regina's shoulders tensed. Did Emma regret their brief affair? "It's fine..." the brunette eventually murmured. "We're moving on, both of us and that can only be good."And how Regina wanted to believe that, but she couldn't, not when she would always hold a torch to Emma's heart. Lowering her gaze, she hoped that Emma hadn't seen the uncertainty in her eyes. But the blonde had caught it, fleetingly as it was, as the brunette looked away."Do you really believe that?" Emma asked, leaning against the countertop and turning toward the brunette.Regina's lips tightened into a thin line before she plastered one of her infamous wide smiles over her face. "Of course."Emma's brow furrowed. Regina had just lied. Even after all this time, she knew when the brunette was lying. But she was going to play this game, albeit a foolish pursuit. "Well I am truly happy for you, Regina. I'm glad you have someone. Robin seems like a great guy, he obviously makes you happy." With that she leant in and placed a chaste kiss on the brunette's cheek.As she turned away from the brunette, Emma felt Regina's hand take her own and lead her into the nearest toilet stall. Before she knew it, the door was slammed shut and Regina had captured her lips, kissing her with such passion like she'd never experienced before. Eventually but quite suddenly Regina stepped away, wiped her lip of the smeared lipstick and exited the toilet stall only to turn back to the blonde who was still in a state of shock."But I'm not happy. Are you?" Regina murmured.As Emma exited the bathroom a few moments later, her gaze fell upon her ex-wife who was hastily making her way back to her table. The blonde slowly made her way back to Killian who was waiting patiently for the blonde. Approaching the table, her eyes left Regina as she smiled sincerely to her fiancé and sat down opposite him. Making herself comfortable in the seat, she was distracted by her brunette ex-wife and her boyfriend exiting the restaurant, hand in hand.
~()~
Turning over and away from Robin, Regina snuggled deeper under the covers and listened to the bearded man's soft rhythmic snoring. For the last hour, she'd tried to get to sleep but it seemed useless. Her mind was still racing with the nights' events. Seeing Emma in the restaurant, talking to her in the toilet, the kiss on the cheek from the blonde and her returning that kiss with such passion that at the time and even now still surprised her. Sighing deeply to herself, she closed her eyes one more time and tried to go to sleep.A moment later, her mobile started to vibrate against the surface of her bedside table. Brown eyes suddenly opened, focusing on the vibrating device. Regina glanced over her shoulder, Robin hadn't stirred. She shifted her weight and rested on her elbow as she reached over to grab her mobile. Swiping the screen, she saw the new message icon flashing on the screen. She didn't need to open it to know what it said or who it was from. Pushing back the cover, she slid out of the bed and grabbed her grey satin dressing gown. Wrapping it tightly around her naked body, she padded softly out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen.Minutes later, she was perched on the top step of the outside decked area, her mug of coffee placed beside her as she clutched her mobile to her ear."I'm not happy either..." The blonde replied before hanging up quickly.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

ADMISSIONS OF THE HEART

CHAPTER SIX
From the moment Emma murmured the words I'm not happy either that night a couple of months ago, everything suddenly appeared transparent for the blonde and brunette. It seemed that their whispered admissions of being unhappy inadvertently caused a sense of confirmation that they were both willing to participate fully in the illicit affair. No matter the cost.And so it began; in the days, weeks and months following by cleverly using every opportunity of 'family time' to masquerade their affair. Henry was more than happy that his parents had finally decided to get along and spend more time with him together. He wasn't going to complain, this had been what he had always wanted.But after months of using Henry as a guise, Regina couldn't shake the feeling of guilt by her and their actions. It wasn't as if she was having second thoughts. No, how could she? She had Emma back in her life again and that was all she ever wanted. But what concerned her was the way they were going about it. She knew that she needed to address her thoughts and feelings with Emma and that was exactly what she going to do at the restaurant today.She felt the blonde's presence before she even saw her. As she turned her attention from the digital art projector, she tucked a few strands of hair over her ear and focused her attention upon her blonde ex-wife who was standing by the open double doors of her lecturing room. Emma offered a playful wink as she smoothed her form-fitting red dress over her hips before settling down in the closest lecturing chair. Crossing one leg over the other, revealing a hint of her pale thigh, Emma's attention directed an intrigued admiration toward the brunette.A subtle cough by one of the students broke Regina's reverie, she sourced the culprit and subtly apologised for the disruption before turning her attention back to the projected image where she continued her lesson. As the lesson continued, Regina's gaze surreptitiously shifting to Emma when the moment arose.The sudden movement and low reverberated murmur from the students signalled the end of the lesson. Regina quickly finished what she was explaining and turned off the digital projector. A few students gathered around her, they spoke about the lesson and she happily answered questions before she turned her attention back to Emma who was slowly rising from her seat.Regina quickly gathered up her teaching material, tidied her desk and was met by the blonde now standing opposite her."Teaching really suits you." Emma smiled."It pays the bills." Regina scoffed softly. "I thought I was meeting you at the restaurant?""I thought I'd surprise you." Emma smiled.Regina placed her leather satchel back on the table and moved around it, she cupped Emma's face and chastely kissed the blonde. "Thank you, it was a welcomed surprise.""Shall we go?" Emma murmured softly.With a subtle nod of agreement, Regina slipped her leather satchel over her shoulder and followed the blonde out of the lecture hall.
~()~
"For me, it doesn't feel like an affair…for me, it feels like I'm coming home." Emma said as she wiped the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand and looked to the brunette who was standing opposite her in the small metal carriage that was suspended between the fourth and fifth floor of the building they had entered together only minutes earlier.Regina's attention turned to the blonde. "But what we're doing is wrong, Emma."Emma remained silent as she considered Regina's statement.Yes, it was wrong. This relationship or whatever it was that they had entered into and carried on with over the last few months would eventually be their undoing. People would inevitably get hurt. The lies they had spread would no doubt come back and bite them on the arse. Emma knew this. Yet she couldn't help how she felt, she couldn't help herself to indulge in the passionate affair that they both seemed so comfortable to consent to. With a sigh, she looked to the brunette and smiled at the older woman."Why does it feel so wrong to fall in love with someone who is so right for you?"Emma wasn't expecting an answer, it was a rhetoric question put out there in the universe to express her feelings for the situation that they found themselves in.Regina looked from the blonde and turned her attention to the buttoned panel beside her. All the numbered buttons were lit up like a Christmas tree. When they'd felt the elevator ground to a halt, it was Emma who had the bright idea to push all the buttons in a frantic attempt to get the elevator moving again. Of course, it hadn't worked. Regina sighed to herself as she dabbed her forehead with the cuff of her blazer. It was definitely getting hotter in the lift carriage.Regina's focused back on the blonde. "Robin knows something isn't right...""Did you tell him about us?" Emma countered, anxiety quivering in her voice as she spoke.Regina shook her head. "No." Pausing slightly, she then continued. "I wanted to, but I'm such a fucking coward."Emma pondered her own situation with Killian. She felt Killian knew something wasn't right. The recent neediness he was displaying for her attention, combined with some rather anxiety fuelled behaviour and the comments that were starting to gnaw away at her. What she had with Killian was fun, it was easy and if she was brutally honest, nothing but superficial. The relationship had started because an itch needed to be scratched. And now, it served no purpose. He was like an annoying mosquito that needed to be swatted away."With Robin it's comfortable." Regina mused."What do you mean, comfortable?" Emma asked.Regina looked down at her hands. "No surprises, easy, just comfortable…I know where I stand with him." She shrugged her shoulders.Emma remained silent."But with you…" Regina trailed off into her own thoughts.Emma glanced down at her watch; they'd been stuck in the lift for the last ten minutes. It was becoming more obvious by the second that the Service Manager that Regina had managed to contact on the emergency phone wasn't coming in a hurry.Emma blew out a breath of hot air. Being trapped in the elevator was starting to take its toll; she couldn't help but feel a little claustrophobic. Emma felt a bead of sweat rolling from the back of her neck to the middle of her shoulder blades and eventually soaking into her lower back. She swiped the back of her neck with her fingers, the moisture soaking into her skin. She glanced at Regina who was delicately patting her nape with a scrunched up tissue."You're afraid." Emma's voice was sincere.Regina lifted her head, her brown eyes focusing on the blonde. She nodded. "I'm afraid if I get in too deep with you again, I'm going to ruin it. I'm a destructive person, compelled to destroy everything that is good around me." She said as she lowering her gaze from the blonde."Look, I'm not so innocent. I treated you awfully, you didn't deserve that. I found myself in a dark place and Killian seemed like the easy option to take. I was the coward." Emma said.Regina remained silent; she kicked off her pumps one by one and slowly slid down the side of the carriage until she sat with her legs extended out in front of her. She started to wiggle her toes to release the pent up pressure of them being trapped in the tight shoes. Emma followed suit, kicking off her shoes and slid down the wall until she reached the floor. She adjusted her dress underneath her as she brought her legs up to her chest. Her hands rested upon her knees.Regina slid her blazer off her shoulders, exposing the olive skin underneath. The sleeveless white blouse clung to the damp skin. She undid the top button, allowing her skin to breathe just a little bit easier. A flash of lace from the bra she was wearing came into Emma's view. Regina repositioned and tugged at the hem of her pencil line skirt to allow herself to get more comfortable. With her legs extended out in front of her, she welcomed the coolness of the metal floor underneath her. Emma naturally and perhaps unconsciously copied the brunette; she extended her legs allowing her toes to meet Regina's in the middle."I can't go on like this…" Regina finally said.Emma tilted her head questioning the brunette's statement."I don't want comfort or ease. I need to live again…""But you're afraid what you're feeling for me right now isn't real because we're not really together." Emma offered.Regina nodded slowly."I feel the same…" Emma admitted.Regina's eyes fell upon the blonde again, a small twitch of a hopeful smile swept subtly over her face as she looked, really looked at the blonde. "I miss this…"Emma narrowed her eyes slightly; she wasn't entirely sure what Regina meant. "Miss what exactly?""I miss this…" Regina waved her hand back and forth between them both. "I miss this symbiosis we share. I think that's why we were able to co-parent when things were so acrimonious between us."Emma smiled as she briefly recalled in her memory the many times they were able to hold down a civil conversation about Henry's well-being even though the tension between them was less than desirable. "It's because we share the same values…"Regina nodded. "And like the same people."Emma nodded "And dislike the same people."They both simultaneously laughed out loud and it was obvious they were thinking of the same person.Emma leant back against the wall of the elevator carriage. "I have always admired your uncanny ability to find something beautiful in the most mundane situation. Your appreciation for detail surpasses anyone else." She said wistfully.Regina softly raised one of her finely manicured eyebrows and shrugged. "I suppose that trait helps, It led me to find you all those years ago."Emma chuckled out loud as she thought back to when they first met.
Emma adjusted and slid her black-rimmed glasses off her nose, letting them rest on top of her head as she squinted at the black and white photograph that solely hung in the centre of the brilliant white wall. She couldn't quite make out what it was supposed to be. Inching her face closer to the picture, she stopped, leant back and then finally gave up. Stepping back, she shook her head. She didn't have a clue what it was supposed to be. Rubbing the back of her neck as she turned from the photograph she quite literally bumped into someone who was stood behind her.
"Oh god, I'm sorry. My bad." She had said, taking a step back as she focused on the brunette who seemed a little perplexed. "Not at all. I wasn't aware of you there…I apologise." The brunette had answered as she held her hand over her chest and flashed a sparkling apologetic smile.
Emma focused on the obvious award winning smile and then the most gorgeous brown eyes she'd ever seen. Emma was an instant mess, slowly drowning in those eyes. "Nah, you're good…totally my fault...I wasn't watching where I was going, suppose it's cos' I was still trying to figure out what the hell that photo was all about.." She rambled.

The brunette looked over and past Emma's shoulder at the photo. With a rueful smirk, she turned her focus on the blonde. "The beauty within…it's exploring the idea that beauty is in the detail."

Emma's mouth grew slack as her eyes bugged out widely. "Oh come on, really? How can you tell…I mean to me it's just an unfocused blob of ..well..something..it doesn't look like anything really.."

The brunette cocked an eyebrow curiously, remaining quiet to allow the blonde woman in front of her to continue rambling. She found the blonde woman somewhat endearing, refreshing and even dare she say it. The most beautiful woman she'd ever laid her eyes on. She found herself tuning out of what she was saying as she concentrated on the green eyes that seemed to dance around in front of her. They seemed so free, so inviting, so young and spirited. Regina noticed that the blondes left iris was actually a shade darker than the right. She wondered if the woman in front of her realise this small detail about herself. It was only when she heard the blonde say something about the photographer that she pulled herself out of her reverie and stopped the woman. Holding her left hand up to stop the woman from speaking any more. She interrupted her. "Sorry dear, I didn't quite catch what you said."

Emma sighed deeply; she thought the brunette had tuned out some time ago. "I was saying. I probably could take the same exact photo with my phone and sell it for a tonne of money and live off the spoils..no one would be the wiser. I find it laughable that this Regina Mills is actually an up and coming Contemporary Photographer with photos like this…" She said, comically throwing her thumb over her shoulder towards the photo.

Regina looked to the photo once again, squinted at the photo. She pretended to study it for a moment whilst all the time she was formulating the perfect retort and debating with herself to relieve her identity. No, she thought. For once in her life, someone was actually being honest with her. Her eyes focused back on the blonde who had half turned to look at the photo again.
"I'm not saying it's not good, I'm just saying I don't get this photo..but hey!" Emma threw her hands up. "Whatever floats your boat, right?"
Regina chuckled at the blonde's response. "Indeed, whatever floats your boat."

Emma smiled at the brunette, nodded her head and started to walk off but was stopped by a hand being gripped around her forearm. She looked to the brunette for an explanation.
"Would you like to get a coffee with me? I'd love to hear more about your thoughts on this photographer." Regina smiled. She just knew if she let this woman go now she'd never see her again.
Emma blushed slightly as she glanced around the gallery space and took notice of all the so-called art critics scrutinizing each photograph. She'd had enough of this scene and well she'd be crazy to turn an offer for coffee with this gorgeous brunette. Giving an indifferent shrug of her shoulders she answered. "Yeah why not, I could do with a change of scenery."

Regina smirked. "Me too, dear."
"I still can't believe you waited until we'd finished the coffee to finally tell me who you were." Emma said as she playfully nudged Regina's foot. "God I felt like such an idiot." She shook her head comically.Regina smirked "I did contemplate whether or not to put you out your misery earlier back in the gallery, but you were just so refreshing, not like everyone else at the time, kissing my arse every five minutes.""If I recall correctly, that came a little later" Emma winked.Regina threw her hands up over her face covering her now blushing cheeks. Peaking between her fingers, she watched as Emma smiled widely at her. "You've always been insatiable.""Oh you're one to talk!" Emma playfully scoffed."Only when it comes to you." Regina flirted back.It was now Emma's turn to blush.Silence filled the carriage momentarily as both women locked their gaze upon one another.Finally Regina spoke. "I've missed you, Emma…"Emma remained silent; she had a feeling Regina had more to say."From the very get-go, all those years ago, you never were one to mince your words. You told it like it was. Always challenging me, making me question myself, pushing me to strive better. Never afraid to speak your mind. I found it refreshing then…and I still do to this day." Regina continued."You didn't do too badly either. I think that's why it worked for so long, we.." Emma said as she looked straight in the eye of her ex-wife."We completed each other." Regina finished.Emma could only nod in agreement until an obvious sad memory floated to the surface. She glanced away and lowered her head. "Until it all went wrong…"Regina looked away from the blonde; she knew exactly what Emma was talking about.
Regina flipped the cover of her phone shut and huffed annoyingly to herself as she gripped the phone tightly in her left hand before throwing it with all the strength she had at the whitewashed brick wall of her studio. The mobile phone smashed against the brickwork breaking into several pieces. Sighing to herself, she walked towards it bending down along the way picking up the pieces. Gathering the broken bits in her hands she walked back to the long wooden table that sat along the far wall of her studio. Tossing the bits on the table, she turned her attention to freshly developed prints that were lined up at the far end of the table. Gathering them up one by one in her hands she tucked them under her arm as she grabbed the plastic shallow tray and a half-empty bottle of whiskey that sat squarely on the edge of the table. She placed the tray and whiskey down in the centre of the room and started tossing the photos in the direction of the tray, her eyes skimming over each photograph. She came to the last one and stopped. It was a photograph of Emma and their five-year-old son, Henry. Both were smiling widely into the camera. Tracing her fingers over both their faces, she held the photo tightly in her hands as she looked to the pile of discarded photographs; they were all exactly the same. Emma and Henry smiling into the camera. The edges of the photograph started to bend as Regina tightened her grip. "FUCKKKKKKKKKK" She screamed out, the sound reverberating off all four walls. Tears now freely flowed as she grasped the photograph to her chest. She'd caused this; she caused the situation she now found herself in.

Alone.

How did she end up like this? Easily really. Her destructive nature compelling her to ruin the best thing she had going in her life. Her marriage to Emma and ultimately the little family they had created when their son Henry was born. She'd lost it all because of her weakness to allow herself to destroy the happiness around her. The last time 'that old friend' had surfaced was before she'd met Emma. Since then, it had sunk deep inside herself, hiding its ugliness from herself and the rest of the world. But recently it had surfaced; only briefly at first, she didn't notice it really. It was disguised as something completely different. But she started to notice it when she would start snapping at Emma for no reason, retreating from her home life and locking herself away in her studio ignoring her responsibilities to Henry and then ultimately hitting her hard in the face in the shape of a redhead who was bent over naked with legs spread wide while she fucked her over the very table that she now had turned her attention to. Necking the bottle of whiskey, she winced in disgust as the warm liquid travelled down her throat and hit her empty stomach. She looked at the bottle in her hand, looked at the table then poured some of the whiskey of the table. Turning around she slowly walked back to the scattered photographs and sprinkled the last remnants over the photos. She turned quickly and threw the bottle at the brick wall; she didn't even react to it smashing into a thousand pieces. Reaching into the back pocket of her jeans, she looked at the small red throw-away lighter; she flicked the wheel and watched the flint spark as she strolled back to the table. She followed the dripping liquid as it flowed off the table onto the floor. Squatting down beside the liquid trail, she watched the natural flow head towards the centre of the room. All it would take was one spark from the lighter, the fire; the flame would travel gradually to the photos and also to the table. Symbolic of how her life was, really.

One side her family; representing all that was good in her life and then the other, where the devil laid bare tempting and seducing her to re-acquaint their friendship.

What did she have left to lose? Nothing now, she'd lost it already. She flicked the wheel, watched the spark light the liquid which roared to life in the shape of a flame.
"It was never my intention to kill myself, Emma. You know when you found me." Regina said as she looked to the blonde."I know…" Emma said as her eyes met the brunettes."Things had got out of hand, I was drunk and emotional. I had just got off the phone to you and I really didn't know what I was doing. You were taking my son from me." Regina said, her voice laced with sorrow.Emma sighed deeply. They'd never really spoke about that night since. "You can understand why, can't you?"Regina nodded. "I know now, you were doing what was best for Henry."Emma nodded. "Henry didn't need to see his other mother like that." She paused slightly as she looked away. "I couldn't see you like that…"As a washed up, 'has been' once famous photographer who lost a grip of reality, drinking herself into a stupor every night and fucking every common whore while I struggled at home, raising our son alone. Emma didn't voice her thoughts.Over the years, since, Emma had forgiven Regina. It wasn't easy at first and Emma had used Regina's destructive trait against her in an ugly custody battle but once Regina had sort out help professionally, she realised that her actions had been wrong. In the end, she agreed to share custody of Henry. Because really Regina wasn't the monster Emma had portrayed her to be. She was just a woman, who lost sight of who she was and had invited the devil to rest at her table."I forgive you, Regina…" Emma said softly.Regina offered a soft smile. She believed Emma and was grateful for the blonde's remorse.Emma blew out a breath of hot air. Her dress now clinging to her sticky skin. Running her fingers through her now damp hair, she closed her eyes for a moment and then slowly opened them. The brunette was staring at her."Like what you see?" Emma playfully said.Regina clucked her tongue and smirked. "Perhaps too much, my dear…"Emma gave a shy smile as she looked down to her lap and threaded her fingers together and then looked back to the brunette. "Do you think someone is actually coming to rescue us?"Regina glanced up to the emergency phone that was on its cradle and then to the buttoned panel. She noticed the buttons where no longer lit up. "I think the power is out.""Great!" Emma scoffed sarcastically.Silence filled the carriage as they both watched the emergency lights flicker on and off several times before finally settling to their 'on' position. Regina repositioned herself on the floor and leant her head back on the wall of the carriage. Closing her eyes tight; images of Robin and his son Roland flashed before her eyes before they transformed into Emma and Henry. Emma watched the brunette closely as her face contorted into different shapes and then seemingly resting with a shy smile. She wondered what the brunette was thinking about.With a sigh, Regina's eyes fluttered open as she focused on the blonde woman. A lone tear rolled down her cheek, momentarily resting on her jawline before falling and soaking into the collar of the sleeveless blouse.Emma's breath hitched slightly as she realised that Regina's thoughts were obviously causing the brunette some pain. Pursing her lips together, she tasted the slightly salty moisture that had coated her lips. She sighed softly, realising that the brunette needed some comforting. Bending her knees, she pushed with her hands against the floor and slid over towards the brunette; settling next to her ex-wife. Extending her legs out, Emma crossed her ankles and rested her hands on her lap momentarily before her left hand moved and rested on the brunette's lap; finding Regina's right hand. Their fingers entwined together naturally. Emma's thumb unconsciously started to stroke the brunette's soft skin of her hand. Sitting shoulder to shoulder, no words were spoken as the women sat in silence contemplating their past, present and possible future.Emma tilted her head slightly as she looked down at the brunette who was slightly shorter than herself. Regina's silent tears flowed seemingly more frequent now. A small sob escaped the brunette's lips but was sucked back up just as quick. Emma gripped the brunette's hand tighter and increased the pressure on her stroking thumb as she leant her head against Regina's chestnut hair. A hypnotic scent of vanilla and honey crisp apple encased the blonde's senses and a memory that surfaced to the front of her mind.
Her face buried in the brunette's nape as she nuzzled into the soft chestnut coloured hair. Loose strands tickling her nose, making it twitch as she drew in a deep and satisfying breath for the first time. Emma instantly fell in love in that moment. The brunette turned and tilted her head towards the blonde, their lips instantly connecting. An air of electricity swept around and between the women. They were really doing this, but was it too soon after their initial meeting? In that moment, Emma couldn't care less. The brunette had captured her heart and soul and Emma was going to take full advantage.
"I hate all this lying." Emma whispered.Regina focused on the opposite wall of the carriage. "Does Killian know?" She murmured.Emma pursed her lips tightly together before she spoke. "I'm not sure."Regina glanced at the blonde waiting for more of an explanation.The blonde rubbed her hands over her face and threaded her fingers through her hair. Her eyes focusing on the same point as Regina's. "He knows something isn't right, between us." She clucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "I'm running out of excuses…" She mused."What was is today?" Regina asked."Lunch meeting with a business associate."Regina smirked slightly. "So, I'm a business associate now."Emma gave the brunette a quick sideward glance before frowning. "Regina, don't."The brunette chuckled slightly as she shook her head slightly. "I'm not starting anything. I'm just relieved I've moved up in the world. What was it last time? Henry's teacher, I believe."The blonde scoffed lightly "Well there's only so many parent-teacher meetings Henry can have."Silence momentarily washed over them before Emma sighed deeply and then spoke. "I don't like who I am becoming now. Sneaking around, lying to our partners and lying to our son. I don't want him to think its acceptable behaviour."Regina remained tight-lipped as she let Emma's admission filter into her own thoughts. She'd had the same guilty reservations when she started cheating on Emma with the redhead that, when she was lost in her own thoughts would refer to the woman as "Red". But to Emma, she was Merida McLachlan, a college friend who had kept in touch with Emma over the years. Once upon a time, they'd been as thick as thieves but as the years had gone on and perhaps the distance between them had created a friendship that was in name only.For Regina, Merida McLachlan was always that friend of Emma's who she would hear about every so often when Emma was retelling her adventures in College; or the name on a Birthday or Christmas card that was sent every year.In Regina's defence, how would she have known that Red and Merida were indeed the same person? Well not until the moment when Emma had introduced her college friend who had only recently moved from Los Angeles to Boston because of a job opportunity.Regina still remembered the night like it was yesterday.
Regina glanced up from the chopping board and placed the knife she'd been using down on the countertop. It seemed Emma's college friend Merida had arrived. She wiped her hands over the black and white tea towel before she slung it over her shoulder and walked out of the kitchen to meet their guest. She could hear Emma and her friend chatting in the lounge. Straightening her clothes as she walked the short distance to the lounge, she momentarily stopped just before the doorway. She took a deep breath and plastered the best smile she could muster on her face before she entered the lounge where the two women were quite animatedly chatting and laughing.

And then that's when she saw the woman who for the last month she'd been occasionally fucking in her studio. Two sets of eyes turned to face Regina who by her own admission knew she was turning a whiter shade of pale. Her infamous 'Politian smile' as Emma would call it faded quickly as she let her mouth hang open quite comically before she snapped it shut and pursed her lips tightly together and tried in vain to recover from the shock of seeing the woman who she dubbed as "Red" standing in her lounge room with her wife, Emma.
"Sweetheart, this is Merida my friend from college." Emma introduced.
Regina glanced at her wife and then let her eyes drawback upon Merida. With a tight and well-guarded smile, she moved closer and stuck out her hand for the red-head to shake. "Regina..." she said as Merida took her hand and shook it quickly. Regina could see that Merida was trying hard to mask their false introduction as much as she could. Regina realised very quickly that this evening was going to be pure torture for not only herself but for the red-head who stood opposite her. Letting her hand drop, Regina quickly made an excuse to leave the two friends and get back to the dinner she was preparing for the three of them.

Her hand clasped the small filleting knife tightly as she stood at the kitchen island. Her head bowed in disgrace as the realisation hit her that Emma would if not already realised that both Merida and Regina already knew each other. Puffing her cheeks out, she blew the air she'd just sucked in a few times as her eyes trained themselves on her shaking hands. She needed a drink. Tossing the knife to the countertop she swung around and grabbed her glass of wine. Red. How ironic Regina scoffed to herself as her eyes quickly glanced to the red-head who was standing just inside the kitchen. Her hands clasped together as she waited for an explanation from the brunette.

Regina brought the glass of wine to her lips and gulped down the contents quickly before smacking her lips hard together.
"Regina, what's going on?" Merida whispered harshly as she glanced over her shoulder making sure that Emma couldn't hear her.
Regina moved closer to the woman and looked over the red-heads shoulder at the corridor. "Obviously I'm fucking my wife's oldest friend." Regina answered with an equally harsh whisper.

Merida took a step back from the brunette when she heard Emma walking down the corridor towards the kitchen. The blonde entered the kitchen and curiously looked at the two women, who it seemed were having a staring competition. The atmosphere within the kitchen could have been cut with a knife. Regina shook her head comically before placing her empty glass on the counter. She retrieved two more wine glasses from the glass-fronted cabinet and placed them down beside hers. She reached over for the bottle of red and quickly poured out the liquid, filling each glass just a little bit too much. She realised at that moment, that she would definitely be drunk before the night's end.
As Regina remembered rightly, that night wasn't as torturous as it could have been. Dinner went without a hitch. Merida had stayed for a little while afterwards and seemingly relaxed a little in Regina's presence. Emma had gone to bed pretty much after Merida had left. Citing an early start at work the next morning as her excuse. Regina remembered that she'd sat outside on the decking nursing a bottle of wine tightly in her hands.
Regina glanced down at the half-emptied bottle of wine in her hands. The glass was long forgotten when she'd opened the bottle. Thoughts of the evening whirling around in her head as she brought the bottle to her lips and gulped down a fair amount of the red wine before letting it rest between her clasped hands. She let her gaze direct her to the darkness of her back garden. What had she done?
The brunette remembered that three days later Merida had shown up at her studio. She'd been busying herself or more truthfully distracting herself from the revelations of that evening with her wife and her lover.
Backing out of her dark room, she closed the door and turned around to find the redhead standing in the middle of her studio. She dropped the small pile of developed photographs. Merida initially watched Regina fumbling to pick them up before she generously gathered up a few that were out of the brunette's grasp. Silently she handed them to the brunette who brushed past her and headed towards the long wooden table.
"Why didn't you tell me you were married?" Merida said, following the brunette and stopping a few feet away from her.
Regina sighed to herself as she bent over the table and arranged the photos in chronological order.
"Regina?" The redhead urged.
Regina straightened up and planted her hands firmly on the table. Her eyes drifted to the whitewashed brick wall in front of her before she turned and looked at the redhead. "Because we decided no names, no personal information to confuse the matter further. Remember?"

Merida stayed silent, she remembered the conditions of the 'situation' she'd found herself in with the brunette. In all honesty, all she knew about the brunette was that she was a professional photographer. That's all Regina had allowed Merida to know about her.

Merida walked closer to the table and glanced down at the photos. All of them were portraits. Different people that had captured the brunette's attention in some way. As her eyes scanned the photographs, she wondered if there were any photos of her blonde friend. There wasn't.
"This needs to end…"Merida said as she looked over to the brunette who was standing at the other end of the table silently observing the red-head before she calmly picked up an unopened bottle of whiskey that was resting on the window sill. Unscrewing the lid, she let it drop to the floor and looked at the bottle. When had she started drinking whiskey? She thought. Bringing the bottle to her mouth, she let the liquid pass her lips. Swallowing a small amount she then gasped as it seemingly burnt her throat as it travelled down to her stomach. She glanced back at the red-head. "Does Emma know?"
Merida's head dipped slightly as her eyes avertedly left the brunette. "It's not my place to say anything, Regina."

Regina scoffed to herself as she took another swig of the whiskey. The alcohol she'd just swallowed topped off and hit the mark. She had reached the drunken high she'd been achieving for the last three days. At that moment she made possibly the worse decision of her life. "Well if that's the case then how about one for the road..." she said, giving the red-head a seductive wink.

Emma hadn't found out about Regina and Merida's affair initially. That happened about a month later when she'd been out on a night out with Merida. Racked with the guilt of what had transpired between her and Regina, the redhead confessed all. Their re-emerging friendship straining under the confession. It wasn't until Merida explained that it had ended three days after their dinner and that Regina had never once mentioned that she was married. Emma listened to reason and realised that Merida wasn't the one who she should be annoyed with. Her total annoyance and devastation should solely be directed at her wife. Emma didn't waste any time confronting Regina. The brunette didn't deny the affair or her actions. She left their family home without protest and moved into her studio space. It was two weeks later when Emma had found Regina standing in the middle of her studio watching the flames destroying all that Regina had worked so hard to achieve in her life.
"No more lying, Emma." Regina simply said.Emma glanced at Regina. "We need to be honest with them and to ourselves."The brunette allowed her eyes to fall back upon the blonde sitting next to her. Silently she studied Emma who continued to stare at the wall opposite them. "But, I need to know, if we continue with whatever this is Emma, I want you and Henry back in my life permanently. Can you do that?" She looked to the blonde."The question is, Regina. Can you?" Emma countered harshly.Even though Emma had said she'd forgiven her, perhaps the reality was that all hadn't been forgiven. Shifting her body weight, Regina moved slightly away from the blonde, creating a little distance between them. Bringing her knees close to her chest, she let go of Emma's hands and grasped them over and around her knees. Emma realised that Regina was hurting. She turned her body and rested on her bent knees underneath her. Her right hand took hold of Regina's chin, lifting it and turning it in succession; so the brunette had no choice to look at her."That came out wrong…" Emma said, but was cut off by Regina."No, you have every right to be dubious, Emma. I don't blame you." Regina said. "But I'm not the same person I was then."Emma nodded. She agreed that Regina wasn't the person she was all those years ago. The brunette had come a long way to redeem herself. "I just think it's best to let things develop naturally." Emma said, pausing slightly. "I don't want to give Henry false hope if things don't work out between us."Regina nodded her head "Of course." She didn't really have any choice, realising that if there was any hope for a future with Emma and Henry, then she needed to abide by Emma's wishes.Silence once again loomed over the pair and once again it was broken by Regina."I don't want you to be the reason why Robin and I break up. I can't allow you to be a part of that." Regina sighed deeply."If that's what Robin sees as the reason, then it's not really up to you or me to decide that for him.""No, I suppose not."Emma started to fan herself with her hand. The insufferable heat that was circulating within the elevator carriage was becoming unbearable. She noticed that sweat was now visibly forming at the base of Regina's neck. Emma reached for Regina's discarded blazer and started to wipe away the sweat with it.Regina gave a shy smile at Emma's nurturing touch. "You always knew how to look after me."
Emma looked at items on the wooden tray. Bowl of soup, napkin, spoon and a cup of tea. All checked off the mental list in her head. But there was one thing missing. Glancing out the French door to the potted plants that sat on the wooden deck, she realised the tray needed a bit of colour. Regina would appreciate that small detail. A twig from her lavender plant would finish it off. Rummaging through the utensil drawer she grabbed the scissors and went out to her beloved potted lavender. Snipping a twig, she half skipped back into the kitchen and placed the twig on the tray next to the napkin. She looked at her handy work and smiled to herself. That would do just nicely. Picking up the tray she hurriedly walked to the bedroom and nudged the wooden door open with her hip. Standing in the doorway, she glanced over to their king-sized bed. Regina was snuggled under the duvet; sleeping soundly. She quietly padded across the wooden floor and placed the tray down on the bedside cabinet. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear before she gently ran her fingers down the side of the brunette's sleeping face. Regina's face twitched by the touch. Emma glanced over at the clock. It was getting late in the afternoon. She would need to wake Regina up, encourage her to eat something and then leave her to pick up their son from school. Crouching down low beside the bed, Emma reached out and pushed the brunette's hair away from her face. Regina's eyes fluttered open and focused on the blonde.
"I've made you soup..." Emma said as she glanced over to the wooden tray.
Regina's eyes followed the blondes and rested on the tray. "Thank you." Regina whispered as she pushed herself up and rested her head against the headboard. She glanced up at the clock, realising she'd been asleep for at least four hours.

Emma scanned the bed at the discarded used tissues which were scattered over it. "Feeling any better?" she asked.

Regina nodded slightly. "The soup will help."

Emma picked up the tray and placed it on the brunette's lap. "It's chicken noodle soup. I've got to pick up Henry from School."

Regina glanced up at the clock quickly before her eyes settled back on the tray. Picking up the spoon, she scooped up some soup and brought it to her lips. "I don't deserve this, Emma."

Emma remained silent. Regina was right, what she had done to her was beyond excusable. But what Emma had witnessed two nights ago was a woman who had fallen so deep into her own personal hell and felt that she had no escape. Emma reached the door and looked back to her wife. "No, you don't. Goodbye Regina." She said, closing the door behind her.

Regina continued to stare at the closed door for a long while. She knew what Emma's statement meant. The blonde was leaving her for good.
"Do you think they've forgotten about us?" Emma said as she reached over to her small clutch and retrieved her phone. She waved the phone around in the air trying in vain to get a signal. No such luck. Zero bars. Groaning to herself she gently lobbed it back into the clutch.They'd now been stuck in the lift for the last twenty or so minutes.Regina looked at the time on Emma's watch. It was a few minutes after one o'clock. She sarcastically replied. "I think Gary the Service Manager has gone to lunch.""Speaking of, I think we've lost our reservation at the restaurant." Emma mused as her stomach gave a well-timed rumble.Regina smirked slightly. "Always thinking about food, Miss Swan.""Hey! A girl has her needs, Miss Mills." Emma humorously countered whilst she pattered her stomach."Oh don't I know it." Regina winked.Emma roared loudly with laughter. "Do you remember Cancun?""Our third wedding anniversary..."Emma nodded in agreement. "I'm pretty sure that buffet restaurant changed their policy after we visited.""Well you certainly took the meaning "all you can eat" quite literally." Regina chuckled."Well after two days of 'Cancun Belly' you too would be famished." Emma playfully huffed."I did warn you not to drink the water out of the untreated wells." Regina rolled her eyes.The blonde shrugged. "Okay, point taken. But still, I accepted that challenge and came out victorious." Emma double fist pumped the air.A short silence filled the carriage. Regina repositioned herself and rested on her knees. She took a hold of the blonde's hands and looked deeply into those jade green eyes she'd fallen in love with all those years ago. Emma frowned slightly, she wasn't sure what Regina was about to do or say. She glanced down at her hands being held by the brunettes. Regina was tenderly rubbing her thumbs over the back of Emma's hands. The brunette took a deep breath."Emma, I don't want to be casual about the promise I'm going to make you."The blonde looked deeply into the brunette's eyes and realised that Regina was being serious. Her face softened as Regina continued."I promise to share your values of family, faithfulness and commitment and I will never ever cheat on you again. You need to trust, that I only want you…" Regina sincerely said as tears started to well in her chocolate brown eyes. "My biggest regret was and will always be that I cheated on you. I threw away the only good thing I had in my life. I realise that now. I know our relationship then was real but I took it and you for granted and I promise that I will never do that again, that is if you will have me again."Emma gently retracted her hands from Regina's and wiped the tears that were now flowing freely down her face. She held Regina's face in her hands as she moved and rested on her knees in front of her ex-wife and held the brunette's hands again."I love you, Emma." Regina whispered. "I have always loved you, I want you back. But I'm scared that I'm going to fuck this up, but it's something I have to do...I just want to be with you." Regina bowed her head slightly, her eyes focusing on the floor of the elevator.Emma smiled shyly as she leant towards the brunette. Her forehead rested against Regina's momentarily before she dipped her head to the right, her flushed cheek rested against Regina's before she tilted her head and let her lips tenderly ghost against the brunette's skin. Her lips seeking out the brunettes. Softly they captured them and she silently kissed her only true love. Emma pulled back and looked in those chocolate brown eyes that had captured her soul all those years ago."I love you, Regina. I always have and always will."
~()~
Regina fixed the collar of her blazer as she glanced to her blonde lover giving her a reassuring smile. They had been stuck in the elevator for about forty minutes before it had finally started moving again. As the cold metal doors slid open slowly, the couple were greeted by Gary the service manager and a crowd of people eager to enter the lift."You ladies okay?" The shapeless service manager asked.Regina ushered her blonde lover out of the elevator, stopping momentarily by the Service Manager. She eyed him up and down with disregard, noting the smear of burger sauce across his right cheek."You took your time…"Emma glanced back to her brunette ex-wife and took a hold of her hand, she led Regina out of the building. They stood on the sidewalk, unsure where to go now until Emma noticed a burger van parked up the road a little. Grabbing the brunette's hand, she simply said. "Burger date…"As the two sat side by side on the park bench, burgers in hand, they silently glanced to one another until Emma started chuckling to herself. Regina frown, she was a little confused as to why the blonde had started laughing."This is how it all started. The burger date. That's when I knew I loved you."The brunette dabbed at the corner of her mouth with the napkin. "We've come full circle…"

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

ADMISSIONS OF THE HEART

CHAPTER SEVEN
Emma woke suddenly; she could hear whispering voices coming from her lounge. Reaching under her bed for her trusty baseball bat, she pulled back the covers and got out of the bed. Hastily she pulled on pyjamas pants. If there were burglars in her apartment, she certainly didn't want to face them with only her underpants and old Rolling Stones t-shirt on. Padding silently over the carpeted floor, she slowly opened her door ajar and listened out for the burglars. She could tell one was in the kitchen rooting through her cupboards and the other was in the lounge. Her head cocked to the side when she heard something smash on the floor in the kitchen followed by a muffled "Shit!"Okay, it was time to confront the intruders. Taking a few deep breathes to psych herself up, she swung open the door and charged down the small hallway, stopping suddenly in the kitchen with the bat raised over her head ready to strike."WHAT THE FUCK!? Ruby what are you…" Emma shouted but her voice trailed off when she realised it was her best friend in the kitchen."I broke your 'Oktoberfest 2016 mug' Ruby said, showing the blonde the broken mug. Glancing past her blonde friend to Mary Margaret who was holding a dustpan and broom."I found the broom..." Mary Margaret simply said. "Oh, you're finally awake, Sweetheart." She placed a chaste kiss on her daughter's cheek as she handed Ruby the dustpan and broom."Mom..." Emma said, lowering the baseball bat and leaning it against the wall of the kitchen. "What are you doing here?""You weren't answering your phone, so we came over." The pixie-haired woman said as she took over the coffee making duties.Ignoring her mother, Emma disappeared from the kitchen and into her bedroom to retrieve her mobile. Swiping at the screen, it came to life. There were two missed calls from her mother and a text message from her brunette ex-wife.
Don't forget to pick up Henry's birthday cake from Gino's Bakery. Love you. X
Emma smiled lovingly at the screen before quickly replying to Regina. When she was finished, she glanced to her mother and best friend who were looking at her suspiciously. "It was on silent. Sorry." She waved the phone at them before placing it down on the kitchen counter."Your father has popped into town for some supplies for Henry's party later." Mary-Margaret said, handing Emma and Ruby their coffees as she walked out of the kitchen and into the lounge. "Though I must say, it isn't looking very 'party' like here." She added."Well, actually there's been a change of plans." Emma murmured as she sat down in her armchair.Mary Margaret and Ruby both looked to the blonde for an explanation."We've decided to throw Henry a joint party this year." Emma said, sipping at her steaming mug of coffee."Who you and Killian?" Ruby asked.Emma glanced away as she shuffled on her seat. She licked her lips nervously before taking another generous sip of her coffee, trying to deflect the question. "Not exactly…" she murmured into the mug."What do you mean?" Mary Margaret asked."Well I mean, he might be there. I'm not sure." Emma sighed."Swan, what is going on? You're being very cryptic." Ruby asked, perching herself on the edge of the couch. She looked to Emma's mother for some help.Emma pursed her lips together hard; obviously her mother and best friend weren't going to give up with the excessive questioning. "Killian and I have kind of broken up. I think.""You think?" Ruby asked. "You either have or haven't."Mary Margaret looked from Emma's best friend to her only daughter. Studying the blonde for a moment, she knew something wasn't quite right with her."Okay. We have. It's over." Emma said taking another sip of her coffee."But you guys were getting married? Soon." Ruby asked.Emma frowned as she shook her head. "Not anymore." She quickly dismissed the question. Her gaze left the pair, her face softening as she thought about her brunette ex-wife. A shy smile formed over her face. "Regina and I have decided to hold a joint party for Henry this year…"Ruby and Mary Margaret looked to each other. Okay that explained why the apartment lackeddecorations for a birthday party. But it didn't explain what had happened between Emma and Killian."Emma Marie Swan, what is going on? And don't you even dare lie to me. Does your break up with Killian have anything to do with Regina?" Mary Margaret looked at her daughter pointedly.Emma's gaze sharply fell upon her mother.After their 'burger' date the ex-married couple had gone separate ways. Like they always had, so as not to arouse any suspicion. Emma had picked up Henry from school and they returned to their apartment. But as soon as Emma had entered 'their' home, she realised how much she actually missed Regina when she wasn't around. And suddenly how foreign their apartment felt to her.And now in the days since she'd been stuck in the elevator with Regina, since they had had a very honest conversation about their feelings, she found herself constantly thinking about what her future with her ex-wife would be like.Even though they had promised to let their relationship form naturally, she couldn't help but get ahead of herself and that scared her a little. Because as hard as she tried to reign her feelings for the brunette in, she couldn't.She found herself looking at Killian with pity and an ever-growing sense of guilt. What she was doing with Regina was exactly what the brunette had done to her, years earlier. Ultimately, she was a walking and talking hypercritic.She knew that it wasn't fair to keep stringing him along like she was. And that was when she decided to end their relationship before he got hurt any further. She contemplated whether to tell him the 'whole truth' as to why she was ending their relationship. Because if the shoe was on the other foot, like it had been when Regina cheated on her, she wanted to know the real reason. She knew that she owed him that much.So, she sat him down that evening and effectively divulged everything. The several month affair she'd been having with Regina and their decision to make a go at another relationship. She apologised profusely for her actions and asked him to consider a possible friendship. To which that comment was left unanswered. She knew that was probably too much to ask for, considering what she had done.If Killian was shocked at the revelations, he hid it well, Emma had thought to herself afterwards. She fully accepted his parting comment. "And now I know the reason why you never said yes."Admittedly, she knew now that she was never in love with Killian, her heart had always belonged to Regina.As hard as it was to admit these feelings to herself, she was cowardly denying the reasons to her mother and her best friend. "Mom, I don't know what you're talking about? I just couldn't marry Killian." Emma shrugged, deflecting the question.Ruby gaze fell back upon her best friend. She'd known Emma for many years now and could easily read the blonde. Emma was deflecting and quickly building her emotional walls, so as not to get hurt. "Regina is the reason." She simply said.Emma's eyes darted to her best friend, she sighed softly, knowing that Ruby could read her so well. She slowly nodded her head. "Yes.""When did it start?" Mary-Margaret asked.Ruby whipped around to Emma's mother. Was she missing something? What had Mary-Margaret figured out? She glanced back to Emma who was had lowered her head slightly, avoiding all eye contact."About five or so months ago...""How?" the pixie-haired woman asked."It just kind of happened." Emma said, keeping her answer as vague as possible."Do you love Regina?" Mary Margaret asked.Emma nodded her head as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I never stopped loving her."Admitting to herself that she had not only missed Regina every damn day since their divorce was a hard thing to swallow. But now, realising that she'd never stopped loving her in the first place, was a strange feeling altogether. It didn't make sense to miss the person who hurt you the most.But here she was, living proof that of that notion.When she realised her feelings for her ex-wife, all those months ago, and when they both started acting upon those feelings, she started to wonder about her relationship with Killian. If he had done to her what Regina had done in their marriage would she have missed him as much? At the time, she scoffed loudly to herself, the answer was simple. He would be out on his arse and not another minute would be spent thinking about what she missed about him.So what was it that made them so different?She already knew the answer, she truly loved Regina. Killian had been always been a distraction, to keep her heart from missing who she truly wanted."When someone makes you the happiest person and the saddest person, at the same time, that's when it's real. That's when it's worth something." Mary Margaret declared, cupping her daughter's face and lightly kissing her cheek.
~()~
"Oh, there you are!" Zelena declared, entering the kitchen and placing the bags of party supplies on the centre island by her sister. "There are a few more bags in the car."Regina's gaze never left her mobile as she aimlessly continued to flick through the photos in her phone's gallery until she stopped on one of the last photos.
Emma and herself were snuggled closely together on the blonde's vibrant red couch, they both looked dishevelled and wearing very little. She was placing a feathery kiss on the corner of the blonde's mouth.
Blushing slightly to herself, if Regina's memory served her correct, that photo had been taken just after one of their latest tussles amongst the bed sheets.Zelena cleared her throat softly, knowing that Regina hadn't heard her.Brown eyes eventually drifted from the mobile and turned to her sister. "Sorry, you were saying?""There are more bags in the car." The red-head repeated, allowing her gaze to drift toward the screen of her sister's mobile. Curiosity was getting the better of her; she wanted to know what was holding her sister's attention. She was surprised to catch a flash of the blonde as the screen turned black."Oh right. Yeah. Sorry." Regina said."What the bloody hell was that?" Zelena asked, pointing to her sister's phone.Regina clutched her phone close to her chest as she glared at her sister. "None of your business.""Was that Emma?" Zelena asked, ignoring her sister's comment.Regina frowned heavily as she backed away, trying to exit the kitchen and to avoid the relentless questioning."Regina? I said." Zelena urged, following her younger sister down the hallway.Sighing deeply, Regina's shoulders dropped, she knew her sister wasn't going to let this drop. She'd seen too much as it was. Slowly she turned around and faced her older sister."It's nothing. Just leave it, Zee!" Regina said, pinching the bridge of her nose.Zelena rolled her eyes dramatically. "It didn't look like nothing to me, Regina. Was that a photo of Emma?"Regina pushed past her sister and walked back into the kitchen, she walked to the sink and glanced out the window, noting that Robin was at the far end of the garden with his son. They were busily preparing for Henry's birthday party later in the day. She turned back to her sister who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, her hands resting defiantly on her hips, waiting for an answer. "Okay, yes it's a photo of me and Emma. Is that what you want me to say?"The Redhead smugly crossed her arms over her chest."It's an old photo…" Regina paused. "From when we were married…" Her voice trailed off.Zelena wasn't convinced.Sighing loudly, Regina knew her sister hadn't bought her excuse."Okay it's a recent photo, Zee.""What do you mean?" Zelena paused slowly as she started to put two and two together. "Are you seeing Emma?"Glancing out the window again, Regina made sure Robin was out of earshot. "Yes.""What the hell is going on, Regina? After everything you went through, everything she has done to you!""Please lower your voice, Zelena." Regina pleaded, stepping away from the counter and closer to her sister.Taking hold of Zelena's hand, Regina led her sister upstairs to her bedroom. If they were going to have this conversation, then she needed a bit more privacy. Shutting the door behind them, Regina turned to her sister who was silently waiting for an explanation."Okay, I lied and led you and mother to believe that it was Emma who cheated, ultimately ending our marriage." She hesitated. "But the truth is, that it was me! I was the one who cheated, with one of Emma's friend never the less, she found out and it was her that filed for divorce, not the other way around." Her voice trailed off, embarrassed by revelation "But there were other issues as well." Sitting down on the end of the bed, she sighed deeply, burying her head in her hands. "I was…" She paused slightly. "I'm a recovering alcoholic, Zelena. Ultimately, that is what ended our marriage."Uncrossing her arms over her chest, Zelena sat down next to her sister. "I know that you being an alcoholic played a part. Mother had said that you had been battling with that illness for years. But why did you lie about who divorced whom?"Raising her head, Regina's eyes were now red and puffy. Taking a calming breath, she glanced to her older sister. "Because I couldn't face the constant criticism from Mother. It was easier to say it was Emma. She's never really liked her." She shrugged. "I was in a dark place. Ashamed of my actions but also in denial that I had a problem. It was easier to lie. If she knew the truth, no doubt it would be added to the list of things she disapproves of. All of my life there have been little digs aimed at me. My career choices, my relationships, my sexuality, my marriage. The list is just endless, Zee."The red-head nodded in agreement, she knew all too well where her sister was coming from. Over the last fifteen years since she'd got to know her mother, she too had witnessed and on occasions been on the receiving end of those disapproving remarks. "I get it, Regina. I do. But you could have told me the truth. I wouldn't have judged you, Regina."The brunette's gaze settled upon the opposite wall. "Thank you.""So, you and Emma, huh?" Zelena finally said, bumping her sister's shoulder playfully.Regina glanced to the redhead. "Yeah, Emma and me.""But isn't she engaged to that guy…""Killian..." Regina murmured."Yeah, him." Zelena said.Straightening her back and sitting up tall, Regina nodded silently.Zelena glanced away, processing everything that she had just been told. "God! This all sounds complicated. Are you sure that you want this, Regina?"I know, this is all a fucking mess." The brunette sighed loudly. "But I just couldn't help myself." She leant forward, resting her arms on her knees as she continued her focus on the opposite wall."Do you love Robin?"Regina lowered her eyes. "No.""And Emma?""I have always loved Emma and I always will." The brunette whispered.
~()~
By the time the sisters returned downstairs, Robin was in the kitchen with Roland. He was making them both something to eat before the party later that day. He glanced to Regina and her sister as they entered, offering them both a warm welcoming smile."I know we haven't spoken or even approached the subject, but..." Robin moved away from his son to the brunette, wrapping his arms around her waist, embracing her gently. "I was just thinking that your back garden would be a lovely place to get married." He placed a chaste kiss on her cheek before glancing over his shoulder to his son, offering him a wink.
Here goes nothing, son. I'm doing it. I'm going to ask her to marry me.
Robin felt the brunette's body instantly tense up. "I mean eventually…"Regina remained silent. Her expression was unreadable.Quick to recover the situation because Regina hadn't said anything. Robin added. "But we can get married where ever you want…"Furrowing her brow slightly, she regarded the bearded man for a moment. She was immediately awash with guilt. The bearded man stood in front of her had obviously given the next phase of their relationship some thought. She stepped back from the embrace, creating some space between them. She nervously glanced to her sister who had pursed her lips tight and lifted her eyebrows high, waiting for the brunette's response. She knew by that look, she needed to do the right thing. She needed to end the relationship.Right now, at this moment."I can't marry you, Robin." Regina murmured softly.Robin frowned, he didn't understand.Regina backed away quickly, disappearing out of the kitchen before Robin could react to her admission.Robin softly swore under his breath. He could have kicked himself, realising that he shouldn't have approached the subject of marriage like this. He'd pushed the brunette a little too hard. She obviously wasn't ready for marriage. Running his fingers through his hair, he looked to his son who had stopped eating his sandwich and had seen the entire scene play out. He then glanced to Zelena for an explanation for Regina's admission."I'll watch Roland…"Nodding his thanks, Robin excused himself and disappeared out of the kitchen in search of the brunette.Passing the lounge, he glanced in, but there was no sign of Regina there. He stroked his beard in frustration as he stopped at the foot of the stairs and glanced up, she was most probably upstairs.Quickly taking each stair to the first floor, he searched in her and Henry's bedrooms, hoping to find the brunette. Coming up empty handed, he wondered where she could be?The only rooms left were the bathroom and the brunette's office. Nudging open the bathroom door he was met with nothing. That left her office. Putting his ear to the closed door, he hoped that she was in there. Slowly he turned the knob and pushed open the door.
~()~
Regina was pacing up and down the sidewalk outside her house when Emma pulled up to the curb in her yellow bug. Curiously she watched her ex-wife for a moment, it was obvious that the brunette was dealing and wrestling with her emotions. Eventually, she stepped out of the car, leaving Henry's birthday cake sitting in its box on the front passenger seat. Nudging the driver's door shut with her hip, she realised that Regina was unaware of her presence. Cautiously, she approached her ex-wife and deliberately stood in the brunette's path and reached for her ex-wife's hands, holding them tightly at the wrists, to stop Regina from pacing. Lifting her head, Regina registered that someone had a hold of her, unwilling to let her go. Her face was awash with guilt."Gina, what's happened?""I can't marry him..." The brunette murmured."Okay?" Emma was a little confused. "Did Robin ask you to marry him…" She looked to the house, realising that the bearded man must be inside."Not in so many words but the intention is there." Regina relented.The blonde took a deep breath and focused on her ex-wife. Selfishly and secretly she was relieved. "Okay. Is Robin inside?" She looked over to the house again.The brunette nodded solemnly and glanced to the house. "I need to talk to him."Emma remained silent, she was focused strongly on her ex-wife. Letting go of the brunette's hands, she brought her hands up to the brunette's face and cupped her cheeks, she lent in and placed a chaste kiss on the brunette's lips. "Okay. I'll come back later."Nodding her appreciation, Regina was glad that Emma was giving her some space. But at the same time, she wanted to reaffirm her promise from the other day. "Emma everything I said in the elevator is the truth. I want you and Henry back in my life. Permanently. The promises I made weren't said on a whim. I need you to know that I meant every word, Emma. I love you. I always have and always will."Regina had seen the subtle drift of Emma's attention to something behind her. Slowly turning away from the blonde, she found Robin standing behind her.
FUCK!
"Regina?" Robin questioned.Scrunching her face hard, Regina realised that Robin had most certainly heard her admission to Emma. It wasn't meant to happen this way. She opened her eyes and started to anxiously rake her fingers through her chestnut coloured hair. That was when she noticed out of her peripheral vision Emma silently retreating to her car. Her gaze followed the yellow bug as it set off down the street.Taking a deep breath, she realised that she was ready to give him the explanation her deserved."What's going on, Regina?" Robin asked, stepping closer to the brunette."Not here, Robin." Regina curtly said as she pushed past the bearded man and returned to her house.
~()~
"Okay let me get this correct. For the last five or so months you have been having an affair with Emma. You're ex-wife?" Robin looked away from the brunette, as he ran his fingers through his closely trimmed beard.Nodding yes, Regina averted her gaze from the man sat beside her. The weight of her admission and guilt not allowing her to look him in the eye. But she could tell he was slowly connecting the dots together. He glanced back to Regina. "And you are in love with her?""I have always been in love with her." Regina murmured softly."hmmm" Robin hummed to himself as it all suddenly became very clear. "So why did you agree to go out with me then, when we first met?""I thought you were my second chance." Regina said.Robin remained silent for a moment.Regina felt like she needed to explain further. "At the time, I needed to move on from Emma and dating you meant that I was. But as things developed with Emma." She paused slightly. "My head and heart were saying two different things.""So, you decided to have both!" Robin raised his voice, annoyed."Robin, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you." Regina pleaded softly.He glared at the brunette. "Well, it's a little late now. The damage is done. I thought you were my second chance as well, Regina. After Marion's death, I never thought I would find anyone else but then you came into my life. I allowed myself to move on." He paused slightly. "To love again..." His voice trailed off."I'm truly sorry Robin..." Regina reached to hold his hands, but he recoiled them quickly away."Don't." Robin created a little space between them on the couch."Robin..." the brunette pleaded."Regina I never had your heart in the first place, I think I knew that deep down. It has always belonged to Emma. You said it yourself, you love her and you always will. I can't compete with that.""I am sorry..."The bearded man was sick of Regina's empty apology. She wasn't sorry that she'd hurt him, she was only sorry that she had got caught. He stood up from the couch and walked to the other side of Regina's office before slowly turning back to the brunette."We need to be honest with each other and ourselves; we were clinging onto something we can't have. You're only sorry you got caught. Not that you hurt me." He said.And Robin had a point. She knew what he was saying was the truth. She knew that she'd purposely sabotaged her happiness for her past. A past that she still couldn't move on from. One that she knew she would never be able to move on from. A past that she didn't want to move on from. Because when it came down to it, she still loved Emma and that wasn't going to change. Ever."You're right…" she murmured as she lowered her gaze to her lap.Considering the woman in front of him for a moment, he finally spoke. "I'm going to go, it's for the best. For all of us."Regina looked up to the man. She knew it was for the best. For all of them as he said. She didn't bother to stop him. The damaged had been done, the relationship was over. There was nothing more she could say or do. She knew that.As the door closed behind the bearded man, Regina slumped back into the couch and closed her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose. She could feel a migraine forming behind her eyes.She didn't hear the door softly open or the padded footsteps that swept over the carpet towards her. But she did feel the couch dip beside her. Opening her eyes slowly, Zelena was staring back at her."Are you okay? She asked.Offering her sister a sad smile, Regina spoke. "I will be...""Robin and Roland have left." The red-head said.Regina nodded slowly. "I know. And before you say anything else, I knew I was going about it all the wrong way but it was for the right reasons." She sighed deeply. "I know it's fucked up, but I had to do it."

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

ADMISSIONS OF THE HEART

CHAPTER EIGHT
It had been nearly five weeks since she'd broken up with Killian. A month to the day since Henry's tenth birthday and in the last month, she and Regina had dated a few times. They were actively keeping things simple between them. No expectations.Speaking of the brunette, Emma hadn't heard from her for nearly a week now. She felt it a little strange that Regina hadn't been in some sort of contact since their last date. Because on previous occasions, the brunette would follow up their dates with the same endearing text message.
Thank you for joining me. I had a lovely time. Until next time. X
Normally she would receive this message the next day or in the following days after their date. But this time, after a week, there had been nothing. No text. No phone call. No contact. Admittedly, Emma started to wonder to herself if their 'honeymoon' period was now over or ending. If that was the case, then it had come quicker than she had expected.Finding herself thinking back to when they had first met over a decade ago, she realised that Regina had done the same then. After each date or weekend spent together, there would be a phone call or a text message thanking her for a lovely time. This ritual had carried on for months when they were living in separate cities and only ended once their relationship had been cemented to something more official. She found herself smiling to herself at that memory. The brunette's actions had always brought about an air of romance and thoughtfulness to their relationship early on. For Emma, Regina was a conundrum of complex emotions and layers. And she felt privileged to be exposed to the hopeless romantic hiding under the hardened exterior.As she picked up her mobile and scrolled through the previous messages from the brunette, she quickly realised what she was doing. She was allowing old insecurities of neediness to dictate the momentum of yet another relationship. The itch that needed to be scratched with Killian was perhaps a little more than that. It was a need to be loved and Killian was more than happy to oblige. So, for Emma, it was easy to allow him to fawn all over her because at the time, she was hurting and he was the quick fix to that solution.But now she had the opportunity to do things differently. Regina was so different to Killian in every respect and she needed to remind herself of that fact. The brunette was still that conundrum of emotions and layers that she'd fallen in love with all those years ago.Placing the mobile back down on the coffee table, she decided at that moment, she didn't want to be that person anymore. She didn't want to come off as being needy. She recognised the trait had served a purpose when she was with Killian and seemingly allowed it to carry on when her and Regina's affair was purely about a physical release. But now, she needed to cast it away again. Knowing that she wouldn't get this chance again.It wasn't the end of the world not hearing from the brunette. After all, they were only dating, and it was still early days in this new relationship.As she slumped back into the armchair, her gaze drifted to the portrait canvas of Henry and herself that hung above the vibrant red couch. The photo had been taken by Ruby one rainy Saturday afternoon (much like the one today) not that long after they had moved into this apartment."Well Rubes, I'd say you'd give Regina a run for her money." She laughed. "You really think so?" Ruby said, glancing up from the small screen of the digital camera. Smiling with pride as she studied the photo again.
Emma chuckled to herself and slapped her friends back. "Yeah, sure. Why not."
"Let me look…" Henry insisted, reaching for the camera off his Aunt.
Ruby's brows furrowed as she handed the camera to Henry. She wasn't sure if Emma was being serious or not.
"Aunty Ruby, my eyes are shut! We need to take the photo again!" Henry said, handing the camera back to the brunette before returning to the small wooden stool that was positioned by the far wall of the apartment. Climbing up onto the stool, he sat tall with his back straight and brushed his shaggy fringe from his eyes. "Come on Ma. You know we need to get this right for Mom." He urged his blonde mother.
Ruby gave a questioning glance to her blonde friend. 'Right for Mom?" She mouthed.

Emma shrugged to her friend as she walked back to her son and stood behind him. Kissing his moppy brown hair, she rested her hands on his shoulders. "When you're ready, Ruby." Emma smiled widely for the awaiting camera.
When they had got around to finally hanging the canvassed photograph of themselves, it cemented their intention that this was just their apartment. Their home. All of Regina's influences not present. It signalled a new start for the pair of them.And for the last couple of years, it had worked well for them. But now, for some strange reason, the apartment didn't feel like a home, just a place where they would eat and sleep. Something was missing.Leaning forward in the seat, she rested her elbows on her knees as her gaze drifted around the apartment. Finally stopping in the direction of her bedroom. Humming softly to herself, she contemplated whether or not it was time. She glanced back to the canvas of her and Henry. Replacing that wasn't an option. As she looked to the far wall, where a black and white canvas of a city landscape hung above the television, she pursed her lips together in contemplation. That could be an option. Silently standing, she disappeared into her room.As she stood in the doorway of her small walk-in wardrobe, she couldn't help but think about what this simple act would signify in the overall scheme of things. What she was contemplating in doing, could be, on some sort of level, be perceived as her willingness to relent and allow past actions to finally be forgiven. And perhaps that was the point? Perhaps it was time to move on. Although she knew she would never forget and maybe it was in a way symbolic for that reason as well.Moving to the back of the walk-in, she pushed apart her hanging clothes and focused on the bubble-wrapped parcel leaning against the wall. Picking it up carefully, she laid it down on her bed and started to unwrap the protective bubble-wrap. She needed to see it again. After all this time.Moments later the enlarged photograph that was the catalyst for her relationship with Regina lay bare on the bed. Pursing her lips together tight, she hummed to herself. Yes, it was time for it to be displayed again. She realised that she was ready, for whatever reason this piece symbolized for herself.Tracing her fingers over the image, she cast her mind back to when she first saw the photograph hanging up by itself in that small gallery in New York. That was the first time she saw the brunette and that was the moment when she knew her life truly started. Without warning, tears started to form in her jade coloured eyes as she thought about everything that she had endured since.Her relationship, her marriage and divorce to the only person who seemed to complete her.She never once believed it was all for nothing. How could it be? She had her son after all. Henry. The best thing to come from that relationship. Even if the pain of a failed marriage continued to haunt her every day."The beauty within…" Said the familiar husky voice from behind her.Wiping her tears, Emma turned to the owner of the voice."You kept it." Regina said, stepping into the bedroom."I did." Emma murmured."Why?" Regina asked."I could never let you go." Emma gave the brunette a sad smile.Regina didn't reply, she simply wiped the lingering tear that sat high on the blonde's cheek.The blonde frowned slightly; Emma was confused by the brunette's presence. "Why are you here?" But quickly added. "Not that I'm unhappy to see you…it's just..." Her voice trailed off, as she offered a lopsided grin.Regina's gaze drifted from the blonde back to the photograph. "I need to go home, back to Storybrooke for a while. Mother is not well and..." She blew out a deep breath. "I needed to tell you in person before I left." She eventually said.Emma frowned slightly. "What do you mean not well?"Regina pursed her lips tightly; she averted her gaze from the blonde. She couldn't allow Emma to see her cry. She needed to stay strong. For her mother, but more importantly for herself. "Cancer, Zelena tells me. Mother has had it for years and neglected to tell either of us until it was too late. It's now Terminal.""Gina, I'm so sorry." The blonde embraced her ex-wife, rubbing her hands up and down over the brunette's shoulders. She could see it in the brunette's face, she was struggling to keep her emotions under wraps. "Hey. Hey. It's Okay." Emma murmured softly, holding her ex-wife tight against her body. She felt Regina's body immediately tense as it fought against its self before slowly accepting the hold on her.Lifting her head from Emma's shoulder, she leant back from the embrace, her red-rimmed eyes straining to hold back the tears that were threatening to flow. "I don't know what this will mean for us." Regina eventually said.Stepping away from the brunette, Emma moved the photograph from the bed and leant it against the bedroom wall. She sat down on the bed and held out her hand for Regina to take. The brunette's fingers found the blondes and together they sat in silence. Both unsure what to say next.Before long, Emma simply said. "Your mother needs you at the moment. I understand."Nodding her gratitude and acceptance of the situation, Regina murmured softly. "Thank you."Regina's gaze fell to her lap as she thought about the moment, she had been told the news. It had literally come hours after her last date with Emma. At the time she was stunned by what she had heard, because never in a million years, did she expect to hear such news. But then as the days passed, Regina admittedly struggled to hold her emotions together and did what she was always had done; something that was hard-wired into her psyche.
The bottle of whiskey sat untouched on top of the kitchen countertop for two days before she couldn't take it any longer, in the end, its presence becoming all too suffocating. And then that's when she realised that she was allowing history to repeat itself and this pattern of self-destruction needed to stop. A mistake that she wasn't prepared to pay the price again for.
Sensing the inner emotional turmoil Regina was battling, Emma encased the brunette in a supporting and comforting hug, allowing Regina to instinctively turn her head into the blonde's chest, letting Emma hold her as long as she needed.They sat together in silence, as Emma unconsciously started raking her finger through the brunette's hair, pulling her even closer and finally placing a feathery kiss to the top of the brunette's head. Regina's eyes slowly fluttered shut as she sighed deeply, content to be consumed by this familiar embrace. Focusing on the blonde's rhythmic breathing, she listened to Emma's heartbeat gently against her ear. She finally felt at home in the world."Em, I don't deserve this. Your compassion. After everything, I did in the past." She paused slightly, her train of thought shifting. She wanted to apologise for everything. "I know that I have hurt you, lied to you and let you down in so many ways. It will be hard for you to forgive me. Fully. But I need you to know that it was never my intention to ever cause you pain." Regina sighed heavily against the blonde's chest like the weight of the words that she'd been harbouring finally escaped.Emma's breathing hitched suddenly as she realised what was transpiring between them. Regina was apologising for all her past transgressions. Lifting her head and falling back from the embrace, her touch slowly slipped away from the brunette. She nervously raked her fingers through her own hair as she created space between them.
You fucking idiot. Why didn't you keep your mouth shut and just let the moment play out however it was going to?
"Emma, don't run…" The brunette's voice was small.Emma was already glancing toward the door, contemplating whether or not to run. She shook her head and lowered her gaze from the door back to Regina. "I'm not going anywhere."Drawing a breath of relief, Regina had been almost certain that the blonde was going to build her emotional walls up and disappear from her again."I wasn't fair to you when we started our affair all those months ago. I was deliberately holding back and only giving a piece of myself to you at a time, only to snatch it back when things started to become too real. It was because I was terrified that the other shoe would eventually drop and history would repeat its self. I did it to protect myself.""I can understand the reasons why." Regina lowered her eyes, embarrassed by the blonde's admission."But being trapped in the elevator, allowed us to have an honest discussion about our feelings and our marriage." Emma paused slightly. "About everything. I realised then that I had been blaming you for our failed marriage. But I've come to realise I'm equally to blame.""Emma…" Regina countered. For Regina, Emma wasn't to blame at all."No, hear me out, Gina. I knew that you were struggling after your father's death. That's when the problems started. But I chose to sit back at first and do nothing. Then by the time I did do something, it was too late. And that made it easier for me to blame it all on you. I chose to give up on you because it was all about protecting myself. How selfish is that? To do nothing and watch the person you love slip further and further into depression. I can't help but feel that I contributed to your demise, Regina. That will always hang over me.""Oh, Emma..No.." Regina didn't want Emma to feel that she had any part in the reason why she did what she did."But we're both to blame for our marriage now working. Albeit for different reasons. My mistake was that I gave up on you too soon. That would be the only thing I would change about our marriage if I could."The brunette remained silent."You've made me the happiest person and the saddest person at the same time. That's how I know that this is real love. I couldn't live with you and I know that I can't live without you." Emma said, taking Regina's hands in her own. She squeezed them lightly.
~()~
"To the left a bit." Emma said, resting her hands on her hips and tilting her head slightly.Regina rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time and moved the photograph a fraction to the left. "Anyone would think that you're the particular one." She chuckled to herself."That's what living with you as done to me…" Emma said, helping Regina down from the small step ladder."Hey! I was not that bad." Regina feigned innocence."Yeah sure, if you say so." Emma smirked, as she stood back a few feet and studied the photograph for a moment. "Does Tony the decorator ring any bells?""That man was an incompetent fool!" Regina huffed."And didn't you let me know it." Emma chuckled to herself, disappearing out of the lounge with the step ladder to put away in the hallway airing cupboard."Well if he had done the job properly in the first place, he wouldn't have had to come back to finish it." Regina called out to the blonde."Babe, you made him come back three times." Emma shook her head in disbelief, as she appeared back in the lounge with a takeaway menu and her mobile in her hands."He got paid in the end."Emma smirked slightly as she sat down cross-legged on the couch and opened the takeaway menu and started to peruse it. "Yeah, I'm sure that's why he returned each time, hoping for payment in a different way…" she murmured to herself as her eyes scanned the menu.Regina sat down beside her. "I still can't believe he would even suggest a thing..." her words drifted away as she shuddered to herself. "Honestly, the audacity of some people!"Emma chuckled to herself. "You're only jealous, cos' he liked blondes.""Yeah, that's it…" Regina rolled her eyes, snatching the menu from Emma.Emma gave Regina a sidewards glance, smirking to herself. "It's a good thing that brunettes are my type." She placed a chaste kiss on Regina's cheek. "Are you staying for dinner?""I will if you want…" Regina glanced up from the menu."I think you should, the weather has got worse." Emma glanced to the window, the rain was now lashing heavily against the glass window pane."I'll ring Zelena and tell her I'll leave first thing in the morning." Regina mused, reaching for her mobile from the coffee table and started dialling her sister's number.Emma nodded as she took back the menu and continued to study it. "You can stay if you want? Henry is staying at a friend's tonight." She winked.Regina smirked wickedly. "Oh! And it's a school night, well Miss Swan…I dare say…" Regina flinched as her sister answered the call. "No Zelena, it's not what you think." Her voice trailed off as she got up from the couch and walked out of the lounge, giving herself some privacy.Regina returned a few minutes later, she placed her phone back on the coffee table and sat down beside Emma again. "If you're sure, Emma. I'd love to stay the night. I've told Zelena to expect me mid-afternoon tomorrow.""I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't." Emma shrugged."Okay, so what have you decided for dinner?" Regina said waving the menu at Emma.Plucking the menu from Regina's fingers, she flung it over her shoulder as she swung her leg and rested herself on top of the brunette's lap. "You..."

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

ADMISSIONS OF THE HEART

CHAPTER NINE
"I won't be long, Mrs Johansson." Henry said over his shoulder to his friend Nick's mom as he reached his apartment door. Sliding his key into the lock, he gently pushed open the door. He glanced over his shoulder as Nick's mom nodded and smiled softly.He couldn't believe he'd forgotten to pick up his P.E. bag for school today. But was thankful that Nick's mom agreed to drop by his home to get it on their way to school.As he closed the door softly behind him, he knew it was unlikely that his blonde mother would be there because normally on a Friday she went to work earlier so she could finish earlier for the weekend, so he didn't bother calling out to her. Ducking quickly into his bedroom to grab his bag, he knew it would be exactly where he left it yesterday afternoon, by the foot of his bed. As he picked it and slung it over his shoulder, he glanced around his room for anything else he may have forgotten before disappearing out of his room.He was about to exit the apartment when he suddenly remembered his drink bottle in the kitchen. Dropping his hand from the door, he quickly padded down the short hallway, passing his mother's bedroom on the way. He peered in and noticed that the bed was made up and room tidy. This confirmed to himself that his mother had obviously already left for work.As he entered the kitchen, Henry noticed two coffee mugs sitting upside down on the draining board by the sink. With his hands on his hips and frowning slightly, he wondered if his mother had had a visitor last night. Hopefully, it wasn't Killian. To be honest he was pleased when his mother had broken up with the guy. It wasn't that he didn't like him, it was just, Killian wasn't right for his mother. Spotting his drink bottle on the kitchen side, he filled it with some apple juice and casually left the kitchen. It wasn't until he was back in the hallway that he heard the soft rhythmic snoring coming from the lounge. Creasing his eyebrows in confusion, he dropped his bag and drink bottle to the floor before creeping toward the lounge.Now the sight that greeted him wasn't something he was expecting at all.Both of his mothers were snuggled together on the sofa. He watched in fascination as their soft rhythmic snoring matched each other. Henry's gaze drifted to the protective embrace his blonde mother was holding his other mother in.The last time he'd witnessed his parents sleeping like this was when he was about five or six years old and had walked in on them early one Sunday morning. On that day, he'd climbed up onto their bed and snuggled down between them before drifting off back to sleep. He remembered that they'd spent most of the day in bed together watching old movies and ganging up on each other having tickle and pillow fights.They all seemed so happy back then.He remembered how, back then; his parents spent every waking hour showing him not only love but expressing it to each other. He'd lost count the times he'd caught them making 'googly' eyes at each other and kissing each other when they thought he wasn't watching.But he was a lot older now and those happy moments were long gone.Although, admittedly he had noticed that over the last six or so months, it seemed his parents were making a real effort to get on and oddly that they had been spending a lot of time together as a family again. Were things changing again? If this scene was anything to go by, then the answer was yes.He raised his eyebrows when he noticed that their fingers were entwined, just like they were on that Sunday morning.What the heck was going on?Being the curious boy that he is, he had questions that needed answering about what he was witnessing. What did this mean? For him, for them all. Were they going to live together again? Was he finally getting his family back? There were so many questions.Sensing a presence, Emma's eyes fluttered open and she came face to face with her son staring back at her and Regina. A slow hopeful smile crept over his face and Emma knew exactly what her son was thinking.Clearing her throat softly, Emma murmured. "Morning kid." She was careful not to wake the brunette."Morning Ma…" Henry whispered.Regina started to stir, she slowly opened her eyes and lifted her head off the blonde's chest. Glancing to Emma who pointedly nodded toward their son. Turning her head and shifting her body, her gaze focused on their son. "Good morning my darling.""Good morning, Mom." Henry smiled widely.Pushing herself off the blonde, Regina perched herself on the edge of the sofa as Emma shifted her body and swung her legs around the brunette, to sit up next to her. There was just enough space on the sofa for Henry to join them. Which he didn't hesitate to fill the gap; glancing simultaneously at his mother's."Why are you not at school?" Emma asked.Henry sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "Forgot my P.E. bag.""Is Nick's mom waiting for you, downstairs?""She's waiting for me in the corridor." Henry said.Emma stood up and silently disappeared out of the lounge, returning a few minutes later with Henry's school bag in her hands. Placing the bag on her armchair, she returned to the sofa."What's going on?" Henry said.Regina glanced to Emma who raised her eyebrows expectedly. "Well my darling, your ma and I have come to realise a few things…" Her words trailed off as she caught Emma's eye roll. Frowning, Regina silently challenged the blonde to come up with a better response."The thing is kid. What your mom is trying to say is that..we..you know..ahh..umm.." Emma couldn't help becoming flustered as she glanced to Regina for some help. With a raised eyebrow, Regina too waited to hear what the blonde had to say. Rolling her eyes dramatically, Regina crossed her arms over her chest as she silently judged the blonde's weak explanation."You're totally together, aren't you?" Henry quickly interjected.Both the women looked at each other. Yep, there was no other way to say it. They were together. Emma's gaze left the brunettes. "Yep, kid. Me and your mom are together." She reached out to take Regina's hand. Giving it a reassuring squeeze, they both looked to their son. "Is that going to be a problem?"Henry animatedly shook his head. "No! This is great!" But he instantly frowned. "But I don't want things to be like they were before." He's admission directed at Regina.Pursing her lips together tightly, Regina immediately knew what he was saying. She let go of Emma's hand and took her son's. "Sweetheart, I have regretted the mistakes I made in the past and have since learnt from them. I have no intention of making them again. That is my promise to you.""But you can't promise that…"Regina looked questioningly at Henry."I mean, you can't promise that you won't be angry with me or ma ever again."What do you mean?""You were angry all the time, with me and ma. Cos' you were always drunk." Henry explained."Oh sweetheart, you're worried that is going to happen again." Regina pulled her son close, embracing him protectively. "I promise you that it won't. I have learnt to deal with any problems I have differently now, darling. But I was never angry with you or ma. I was angry with myself and I didn't deal with it very well, I pushed everyone away who meant something to me because I was scared." Regina said."Scared of what?" Emma asked.Regina looked to her ex-wife, realising at that moment she was truly admitting her feelings about their marriage."I was scared that I was failing you. Both of you." Tears welled in the brunette's eyes. "It was easier to block everything out with alcohol then confront my fears. And that is my biggest regret, I didn't trust myself enough to be the person you both deserved…until it was too late."Emma silently moved closer and embraced her ex-wife and son too. "I forgive you and I apologise that I wasn't the person you needed when you felt like that. It was easier for me to run away from myself and our problems." She placed a chaste kiss on the brunette's cheek and leant back from the embrace. "But I think it's for the best, to take things slow.""Why?" Henry asked."In case things, you know, things don't work out." Emma replied."But why won't they work out? I don't get it. You're meant for each other, it's so obvious." Henry frowned."Obvious?" Emma questioned.Henry nodded indignantly. "Yep" popping the 'P'. "After everything that's happened, you've found each other again." He smiled smugly to himself. "It's true love…"The women looked to each other and shook their heads in bewilderment. True love was a big statement to make."This is everything I have wanted. You, me and Mom to be together again. All living in one house. I had hoped that it would happen and now it's like my wish has come true. I'm just so happy. For all of us." Henry continued."Whoa kid! Not so fast, we haven't discussed living arrangements just yet. This..." Emma gestured between herself and the brunette. "…Just happened. There's a lot to think about and to discuss.""Henry, we will live together again sometime soon, I'm certain of that. But not just yet." Regina sighed deeply. "We all need to be a little patient, taking each day as it comes.""So, it won't be like before?" Henry asked."No." Emma looked to Regina. "I think it's going to be better." Emma smiled.
~()~
Regina had realised a long time ago that a superficial veil had been drawn over her relationship with her mother, which had allowed them both the freedom to create a set of parameters to define their relationship upon. But recently and especially with the news of her mother's condition, she had come to realise that she was wrestling internally with her sentiments for this woman. Especially now as she had come to realise those harboured emotions were starting to poke through the thin veil.In a way, this realisation was making this journey back to her home town that bit more difficult. Well, that and the realisations that this would be the first time since her father's death that she would be returning home.As she approached the turning to Mifflin Street, she felt the twinge of anxiety growing in the pit of her stomach. As she took the calming deep breaths that Doctor Hopper had taught her to do throughout his many sessions where he would prod, probe and encourage her to open up and talk about the events of her life, she started to concentrate on clearing her thoughts and remind herself, that in recent years, she had clawed her way back and overcame that part of her life. She recognised that she was changing for the better and that she needed to stay determined to continue along this path.In a strange way, she was thankful that she had experience her rock bottom when she had. Because it allowed her to have a better sense of who she was as a person and ultimately become the best version of herself. It was funny how Doctor Hopper's words of encouragement echoed what her father had said to her all those years ago.
You may have had a setback, but you are well on your way to recovering and you deserve everything good that will follow, if you stay true to yourself.
As she pulled up behind her sister's car in the drive, she killed the engine and sat silently for a moment. She needed to gather her thoughts, subdue the anxiety and focus on the reason why she was here. This wasn't about her anymore. It was about her mother.Taking one last calming breath, she exited the car and retrieved her suitcases from the trunk before walking up to the front door of her childhood home. Zelena was already standing on the front porch, waiting to greet her."How is she?" Regina asked, approaching her sister."No change when you rang yesterday. I told her you were coming today."Regina raised her eyebrows. "I bet she loved that. Where is she now?"Zelena grabbed a suitcase and ushered her sister inside, closing the door behind them, she spoke. "In her room."Wheeling her suitcase to the foot of the stairs, Regina glanced up the sweeping staircase. She slipped her handbag off her shoulder and placed it down beside her suitcase. "I won't be a minute." She murmured as she ascended the stairs, one by one.Softly pushing open the door, Regina stood firmly in the doorway. Her mother's gaze left the book she was reading and drifted toward her daughter. As she lowered her book to her lap, Cora spoke. "You're here. How was your drive?""Good." Regina offered, not indulging her mother with any further information. Knowing that it would be pointless as her mother wouldn't be interested if she went into too much detail. Regina slowly entered the bedroom but lingered close to the end of the bed. She was in two minds whether to sit there or to pull up the small cushioned stool that sat by her mother's dresser. Opting for the stool, Regina positioned it beside the bed.Sitting on the stool, she crossed one leg over the other and rested her hands in her lap. "How are you feeling, mother?" Regina asked."How do you expect me to be feeling, Regina? The cancer is terminal." Cora's tone was stoic."Is there nothing that the doctors can do? It's just, Zelena said…" Regina's words trailed off as her gaze fell upon her sister who entered the room, holding a silver tray."Your sister lives in a fantasy land; suggesting alternative therapies and such nonsense." Cora scoffed."Mother, I know you don't approve but it's worth looking into." Zelena implored, as she placed the tray on her mother's lap.The oldest Mills glanced down at the steaming bowl of soup. "Thank you, Zelena." She unfolded her napkin and placed it delicately over her chest. "The only thing I know for certain is, I am tired of soup." She quipped.The redhead rolled her eyes. "Mother, it's the only thing you can stomach at the moment." And with that she exited the room, leaving her younger sister and mother some privacy.As soon as the door was closed, Regina spoke. "So, you've given up fighting then…"Considering her daughter for a moment, Cora knew that there was an element of truth to what Regina was saying. She had given up, admitted defeat and was now just living on borrowed time. Moving the tray off her lap and placed it beside her on the bed; folding her hands in her lap, Cora spoke."Regina in my life I have learnt to pick my battles carefully. Some can be fought and won, whilst others you need to accept fate and move on.""Well, I wasn't expecting to hear that you've given up." Regina frowned.Choosing to ignore her daughter's statement, Cora changed the subject. "And how is everything with you and..what is his name…Roger?""Robin…" Regina corrected her mother."Yes, him. Robin. How are you and Robin?" Cora asked.In all the time that they had been together, Cora had shown little interest in their relationship. Regina knew that her mother was only being polite in making small talk. "Robin and I have ended our relationship."Cora raised her eyebrows; this piqued her interest. "unforeseen circumstances?"Regina let out a breath of air, she knew her mother too well. Any information given would be used against her in the future. "We just decided to end it."The older Mills narrowed her eyes; she knew that there was more than her daughter was letting on. "Perhaps it was for the best. You have your career to think of."Regina pursed her lips together, deciding not to reply."And how is my grandson?" Cora asked, repositioning the tray over her lap."Henry is doing fine. Getting taller by the minute!" Regina chuckled lightly to herself."Good to hear. And how is his other mother?" Cora purposely choosing not to say Emma's name."Em-ma. Is fine, she sends her regards." Regina smiled warmly as she thought about the blonde.Cora nodded dutifully and noticed how her daughter's smile reached her eyes. This was an interesting discovery by the elder Mills. Wetting her lips, she spoke. "And you are in regular contact with Miss Swan?" Cora still couldn't bring herself to say her daughter's ex-wife's name."Yes mother, regularly for Henry's sake. We're co-parenting him, remember." Regina said."Good to hear. Henry needs some sort of stability in his life, even after everything she's put you through." Cora said, turning her attention to her soup. Picking up her spoon, she dipped it into the liquid and drew a spoonful to her lips.Regina physically squirmed on the stool, her gaze left her mother for a second and rested upon her lap where her hands were freely wringing themselves. "Yes mother." She murmured.They sat in silence for a moment, Regina watching her mother eat her meal until finally the older Mills woman finally spoke. "I don't need a babysitter, Regina. You can go…"Moments later Regina entered the kitchen and casually leant against the kitchen counter next to her sister who was preparing something for them both to eat. She picked up a sprig of rosemary, held it under her nose and inhaled the aroma before handing it to her sister.The red-head glanced to her sister and offered her a hopeful smile as she continued to lightly chop the sprigs of rosemary and thyme before tossing them gently over the large bowl of pasta. "She sent you down here, didn't she?"The brunette nodded."She likes the fuss but doesn't want to be fussed over." Zelena mused, placing a bowl of pasta in front of Regina. "Like someone else I know."Regina smirked gently. "I am my mother's daughter."Zelena chuckled lightly to herself as she opened the fridge and picked up the bottle of white wine, nudging the door shut with her hip. She grabbed a glass from the cabinet and poured herself a drink. "I'd offer you some, but I don't want to be responsible for your relapse." Zelena quipped."Yes, it's probably for the best. But what I wouldn't give though…" Regina mused, watching her sister take a sip of the wine."Do you still have urges?" The red-head asked as she placed her glass down beside her own meal.The brunette shrugged, stabbing her pasta with her fork. "Honestly?" She sighed heavily. "Sometimes…"Zelena studied her younger sister for a moment. "I don't have to lock up the alcohol, do I?" The question was said in jest, but the undertones were serious all the same."You don't have to worry about me, Zelena. I have paid the price for my transgressions." Regina frowned.Accepting Regina's reply, Zelena pursed her lips tight and offered her sister a supportive smile. She had indeed seen the price Regina had paid for the mistakes she had made in the past and she knew that her sister wasn't about to jeopardize her future for a bottle of cheap wine. "And how are things between you and Emma?"Wiping the corner of her mouth with her finger, Regina nodded a few times as she finished her mouthful of pasta. "Yeah, they're really good. We're taking things slow. Just letting things develop naturally." She shrugged."Sounded like it last night." Zelena winked as she chuckled to herself.Regina blushed lightly as she hid her face with her hands.
~()~
The brunette had been back home in Storybrooke for just over a week now, she was slowly reacquainting herself with the sleepy harbour town and its charming inhabitants, when she wasn't taking her turn to be by her mother's side in her childhood home.To be honest it was their mother who insisted on numerous occasions that they shouldn't be coup up in the house babysitting their 'dying' mother. So, the decision was made that they would take it in turns to leave the house for some fresh air for a few hours, whilst the other stayed behind. Just in case.For the last couple of hours, Regina had been out and about exploring Storybrooke when she inadvertently found herself standing outside the Town's Council Offices. As she casually looked over the town notice boards, a stout and gruff looking middle-aged man appeared beside her and started pinning a notice abruptly to the board. Regina's gaze drifted toward the notice he had just pinned to the board before landing toward the man. He offered the brunette a sarcastic smile before stepping away and muttering something about 'outsiders' under his breath as he quickly disappeared back inside the council offices.Turning her attention away from the man back to the notice that was just pinned, she quickly read it before glancing back to the council office, a little confused and bewildered as to what she had just read. Stepping away from the notice boards, she hurriedly walked home and back to her mother.As she opened the front door to the mansion, the brunette called out for her sister, letting her know that she had returned. Following her sister's reply to her father's study, she momentarily stood in the doorway.The red-head snapped the book she was reading shut and placed it on the coffee table in front of her. "Nice walk?" She murmured as she pushed herself up off the old brown leather chesterfield sofa."It was interesting." Regina frowned as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Where's mother?""Asleep. Nothing to report." Zelena said as she brushed past her sister and headed to the kitchen. "Coffee?" She threw out over her shoulder as she disappeared into the kitchen."Actually, have you got anything stronger?" Regina called out as she turned from her father's study.Zelena suddenly appeared around the door. "What?"The brunette sighed loudly, mostly for herself. "Nothing. Forget it…""No. No. What's going on, Regina? You look like you're about to rip someone's heart out and crush it.""Mother. That's what's going on." She scoffed, shaking her head. "She just couldn't help herself. Always interfering." She scrunched her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose once more."Huh? You've lost me, Regina." Zelena said, crossing her arms over her chest.Regina closed the distance between them and ushered her sister into the kitchen, where they could have some more privacy. "Mother has resigned from the Mayor's office and has nominated me to be her replacement. "She sighed loudly."What? But you live in Boston. And shouldn't there be, I don't know, some kind of election?" Zelena replied."I'm a native of Storybrooke, it doesn't matter." The brunette murmured softly. "You're right, the town's chapter does require an election to take place. But it seems I am the only candidate. I guess I'll be elected unopposed." Regina frowned as she sat down on the closest kitchen stool."Can't you remove your name?" Zelena asked, sitting down on the other wooden stool, opposite her sister. "You know, before the election?""And why would she want to do that?" Cora said, stepping into the kitchen.Both sisters' heads turned sharply to their mother who stepped closer towards her daughters."Mother, what are you doing up? You know what the doctor's said…" Zelena's voice trailed off as Cora immediately dismissed the notion with a wave of her hand."Leave us, Zelena." Cora 's tone was impassive. Her gaze focusing on her red-head daughter as she sidled up to the kitchen island and placed her palms flat on the surface.The red-head glanced apologetically to Regina as she passed her mother. "I'm going out for some fresh air…" Her voice trailed off as she exited the kitchen.Hearing the front door to the mansion shut loudly, Cora pursed her lips together tightly as she glanced to her youngest daughter. "Regina, you will do no such thing. I will not have our name forever tainted by your bad decisions. Not only will this ensure your father's legacy but our standing within the community. This is for the best. You will realise this in time..""In my best interest? Really Mother!" Regina scoffed loudly."Regina, this position will open up so many more opportunities for you. I am only thinking about your future." Cora replied."See there you go again. It's happening all over again. You dictating what is best for me. I know what is best for me!""And where did that get you, Regina? Hey?" Cora scoffed. "You left Storybrooke when you were a teenager, hell-bent on this fantastical idea that you were going to have such a wonderful life. But you ended up nothing more than a drug addict, drowning in your own self-pity. And who was it that that rescued you? It was me. Your Mother! I knew what was best for you back then, I brought you back, patched you up and orchestrated your life until it was on track again.""And I will be forever grateful…" Regina sighed. "But Mother, I am no longer a child. You need to let go and allow me to live my life.""I did and that ended in disaster too. Not that it was your doing, of course. Miss Swan led you on a merry ride and you were right to divorce that woman.""That woman?" Regina questioned. "Mother, you know nothing of our marriage.""And it appears, neither did you? Whilst you were working away, she was also…" Cora spat.Regina's nostril's flared. She could take many things, but she wasn't going to allow her mother to bad mouth Emma any longer. "IT WASN'T EMMA THAT CHEATED. IT WAS ME!" She roared, standing up from the stool and kicking it away. "It was me, your not so perfect daughter. I fucked up! Lost everything because of a mistake." She glared at her mother before storming out of the kitchen.
~()~
It would be a few days later when Cora and Regina would speak to each other again. Over the last few days, Zelena had acted as a 'go-between' the two woman and was quickly becoming sick of the unresolved tension within the house.She and Regina were sitting in the lounge watching the evening news when Cora appeared behind them at the lounge doorway; her hands folded together in front of her. "Zelena, could you give Regina and myself a moment please."The red-head craned her neck around to her mother, she glanced to Regina who had immediately tensed up on the seat next to her. "Right, yeah I've got some work to do anyway…" Zelena murmured as she stood up from the sofa and disappeared out of the lounge silently.Cora glanced away from her eldest daughter as she ascended the stairs to her bedroom. Turning her gaze back to her youngest daughter, Cora padded softly into the lounge and stopped a few feet away from the sofa. Her eyes never leaving the back of her daughter's head. "Regina. Please come with me. I have something to show you."The brunette lowered her head slightly as she stood from the sofa. Her gaze finally found her mother as she stepped around the sofa and silently followed her mother. Together they stopped outside the cellar door, where Cora reached into the pocket of her housecoat and pulled out a lone gold key. Sliding it in the lock and gently pushing against the door, it opened, she gestured for Regina to go first.The brunette gave her mother a questioning glance as she brushed past her and descended the stairs. Reaching the bottom stair, she glanced over her shoulder to her mother who was slowly following. Cora then reached up for the pulley light switch and gave it a tug. The cellar space immediately lit up. The makeshift studio that her father had converted for her was exactly how she had left it all those years ago."I could never bring myself to changing it back." Cora said, brushing past her daughter and stepping onto the concrete floor. Walking around the space in a loose circle, she glanced to her daughter. "This was your studio…""Mother…" Regina murmured.Cora raised her hand to silence her daughter. Regina immediately pursed her lips tight together."I am not the tyrant that you believe I am, Regina. I am a mother who has always wanted the best for her daughter. Perhaps I haven't always shown my love in the most traditional of ways, but I have always strived to give you your best chance in life. Something that lacked in the relationship I had with my own mother." Cora's eyes and voice softening as she looked to her daughter who was stood at the foot of the stairs. "You are a mother now and I know that you will do everything in your power to give Henry the life he deserves. And I suspect that you will succeed. Although you and Miss…" She paused slightly. "Sorry, Emma. May not be together, I know that you both will find a way to always put Henry's interests first. That's what a mother does, they put their children first before themselves." The older Mills woman stopped in front of her daughter and frowned slightly. "I had hoped that you would take this opportunity that I am giving you, but I understand also that you are your own woman." She reached for her daughter's hands, taking them in her own, she continued. "Listen to what your heart is telling you and never compromise your principles, Regina." Cora then shook her head lightly, chuckling under her breath. "We are very much alike, my darling.""Actually, Emma and I are together." Regina murmured. "We decided to give our relationship another go.""Oh, I know. A mother always knows." Cora quipped."How?" Regina asked."Thin walls." She smirked slightly.Regina rolled her eyes lightly."I've heard your late-night conversations over the phone." Cora said. "But you gave yourself away when you spoke about Emma the other day. Well to be honest, it was your smile that gave it away."Regina blushed lightly."I apologise if it appeared that I never approved of your marriage to Emma. It was quite the opposite. From the very first moment I met her, I knew she was perfect for you. In every way. I knew that she would challenge, support and comfort you when needed. She's a very loyal person and quite observant when she needs to be." She chuckled lightly. "She always saw the beauty within you even when you were at your worse."Regina remained silent; she didn't know how to respond to her mother's admission about her ex-wife. This revelation had been contrary to her and Emma's belief that Cora didn't approve of their relationship or marriage. Cora then led her brunette daughter off the bottom stair to the centre of the room."I need you to know that I have always been proud of you and your accomplishments, my darling." Cora squeezed her daughter's hand tenderly before letting it go. She stepped away and slowly made her way up the stairs, stopping halfway up the staircase, she turned back to the brunette. "Regina…"The brunette turned on the spot and glanced up to her mother."When love once pleads admissions to our hearts, the woman that deliberates is lost."

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

ADMISSIONS OF THE HEART

CHAPTER TEN (epilogue)
She had been here before, about a decade ago, stood in the same exact spot by the last row of pews watching her brunette wife say goodbye to one her parents. Emma's hand rested on the back of the wooden pew as she lowered her gaze to the floor and said her own silent goodbye to Cora Mills.Stepping out of the church a moment later, Emma glanced around for her parents and her son, Henry. She eventually spotted them amongst the other guests who were lingering by the churchyard gates. Signalling to her father to give her a moment, she walked off in the opposite direction toward the small plot of graves. As she strolled down the path, her eyes drifted over the small sea of names etched on the gravestones until she eventually stepped off the path and onto the grass. As she did, her heels sunk slightly into the soft soil. Stepping onto the wooden planks that boarded the freshly dug grave, she peered into the hole. Henry Mills Snr mahogany casket stared back at her.Looking to the gravestone, Cora's name had already been freshly carved out on the marble stone.As she crouched down to scoop up a fist full of the freshly dug soil, she bowed her head out of respect for Henry Mills Snr. Standing, her pale lips formed a tight thin line as she let the dirt fall from her hand and onto her father-in-law's casket."I'll continue to keep my promise to you, Henry. Regina will be forever loved." She murmured to herself.Moments later she was stepping away from the grave and back onto the path, to join her parents and son by the churchyard gates. Emma lay her hands on her son's shoulders as she glanced over to the open church door where her wife and sister in law were talking with the Reverend."Are we not waiting for Mom?" Henry asked as he glanced up to his blonde mother.The blonde shook her head. "No, Mom and Aunt Zelena want to say goodbye to Grandma Cora in private."Accepting Emma's reply, Henry glanced over his shoulder to his grandparents who were making their way to their car. Frowning slightly, he glanced to his blonde mother."Go with your grandparents, Kid. I'll see you at home in a few minutes." She kissed the top of his head and nudged him in their direction.Emma's attention was drawn to the pallbearers as they slowly exiting the small church carrying Cora Mill's casket towards the freshly dug grave. Her brunette wife and sister in law followed closely behind. Drawing a cross over her chest, she bowed her head out of respect for Cora Mills.
~()~
Emma's gaze drifted to the brunette sitting in the seat next to her. Regina hadn't said a word for the entire journey from the churchyard to their home. Taking the brunette's hand, Emma gave it a reassuring squeeze. Finally, the brunette's hooded eyes lifted from her lap and fell upon the blonde next to her in the driver's seat. She replied with a sad smile."We're home darling." Emma murmured.As they silently exited the Mercedes, Zelena's car pulled up behind them on the drive. The couple lingered beside the car and waited for Zelena before the three silently walked toward the side entrance of the house. Pushing against the white Georgian styled door, Emma held it open for the others to enter first. Allowing her sister to enter first, Regina pulled the door too and took her wife's hand. She needed a moment alone with Emma. Glancing over her shoulder and making sure that they were alone, she led her away from the door."Em, I couldn't have got through all of this without your support. Thank you." Regina could feel herself tearing up again.The blonde softly smiled as she gently wiped the growing tears away from her wife's eyes and embraced her, the best she could. "Baby, it's fine. The last year has been very trying for both of us but more so, for you. I know it hasn't been easy. But I am so proud of you. Heck! I'm proud of us. We got through all of this together." Emma placed a chaste kiss on the brunette's cheek. "God! I can't wait till I can get out of these clothes." She chuckled to herself, rolling her shoulders and pulling at the collar of her buttoned-up black blouse.Regina rolled her eyes as she gave the blonde a lopsided grin. "All in good time, my darling. We have guests." She pushed open the door and pulled the blonde inside.The couple quickly made their way through the house to the formal lounge where their guests were. As they entered, a few people turned around, acknowledging their presence before tentatively deciding to approach the couple and express their condolences. Emma instinctively wrapped her arm around her wife's waist, as they together expressed their appreciation for their attendance. Together they stood united, supporting each other as they had done over the last year.For the next half hour, the couple made their way around the room together, chatting briefly with each of their guests until Emma subtly excused herself and wandered off to the kitchen where their immediate family and close friends were. When she entered the kitchen, they were huddled around the island, chatting with each other. Mary Margaret was the first noticed Emma."Sweetheart, are you okay?"Emma nodded as she went over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. Twisting the cap off, she took a sip of the water. "I'm getting a little tired, it's been a long day." She shrugged.Mary-Margaret smiled sympathetically and gestured for her daughter to come closer.Emma sidled up next to her mother who instinctively wrapped her arm around the blonde's shoulders."It's nearly over." Her father said, stepping up behind her daughter and resting his hands on her shoulders. "I'm so proud of you, kiddo." He placed a chaste kiss on her cheek as he squeezed her shoulder simultaneously."Thanks Dad." Emma said.At that moment, Regina entered the kitchen, her gaze sought out Emma. "Darling, Jeremy is leaving." She held out her hand for Emma to take.Emma nodded as she stepped away from the island and took her wife's hand. Together they made their way to the foyer. A thirty-something-year-old sandy blonde-haired man was lingering by the front door, toying with his car keys in his hand as the couple approached."Thank you for coming, Jeremy." Emma smiled as she approached the man, giving him a tender but friendly hug. She stepped back as Regina approached the man."Yes, thank you so much for all your help. It's been most appreciated." The brunette said, stroking her hand up and down his arm."My pleasure boss." Jeremy smiled as he reached out for the door handle. "I'll see you bright and early Monday morning, Madam Mayor." He winked.Regina smirked. "Not too early, I hope."Jeremy chuckled softly to himself. "Anyway, I better be going. It was good to see you again, Sheriff. Take care of yourself and this one." He nodded to the brunette as he opened the door and let himself out.Regina and Emma stood together in the doorway, watching Regina's assistant quickly walk down the paved path toward his car. Over his shoulder, he raised his hand and gave it a quick wave.The women waved back before shutting the door softly. Turning to each other they both sighed deeply."Are you ready to return to work, sweetheart?" Emma asked.Regina pursed her lips together and hummed in thought before answering. "I am actually. But I admit I am a little nervous. I hadn't been there long before I took the sabbatical. It kind of feels like I'm starting again." She shrugged.The blonde understood what her wife meant. "I get that. But knowing you, you'll have the place ship shape by the end of your first week." Emma stated."Week? Try the first day…" Regina smirked as she took her wife's hand and kissed her knuckles tenderly. "You look tired, my love. Why don't you have a lie down for a while."Leaving Regina downstairs with the other guests, Emma ascended the sweeping staircase, heading directly to the master bedroom. As she pushed open the door, an image from six months ago thrust its way to the front of her mind's eye. And if she was completely honest with herself, it still caused her a certain degree of distress.
When she entered the room, Cora wasn't where she expected her to be. Laid up in bed, resting. Like how she was when she left for her shift the night before. The details of the incident that had been relayed over sheriff's cruiser radio had been vague, to say the least. This would be something she would address to the rest of her team when she had a chance. But first, she needed to deal with the scene before her.

Zelena was stood in the middle of the room, hugging herself with a worried look on her face. She pointed toward the ensuite.

Emma set her first aid backpack down on the floor and entered the ensuite where Regina was hunched over her mother, stroking her hair and sobbing softly.
"Gina, baby, I need to assess your mother's wound." Emma murmured.
Regina glanced to her wife and stopped stroking her mother's hair. She sat up on her knees, nodded solemnly and shuffled away, giving the blonde space.

As soon as Emma removed the cold compress from the open gash to Cora's forehead, she instantly realised the seriousness of the situation. Cora was cold and pale, barely conscious, her pupils were fixed, breathing was laboured. Placing the compress back over the wound, she unhooked her walkie-talkie from her belt.
"ETA Emergency Services Mifflin Street. Over."
A crackling reply of 'five minutes' resonated through the walkie talkie. Latching it back to her belt, Emma glanced to Regina who was sitting on her haunches, her hand was covering her mouth as tears streamed down her face.
"She's going to be fine, Regina. EMT's are on their way."
The brunette's gaze shifted to the blonde who gave her a reassuring smile. Even though Emma realised that Cora's condition was extremely serious. She didn't want to panic the woman any more than she was.
"Zelena!" Emma called over her shoulder. The red-head appeared in the doorway. "I need a blanket, pillow too. Something to cover your mother and make her more comfortable."
The redhead disappeared and retrieved the items, returning a few moments later. Emma carefully placed the pillow under the older woman's head. Although the likely hood that Cora had a spinal injury was very low, she didn't want to take any chances. Covering Cora with the blanket, she looked to Regina again.
"Gina, I need you to stay with her, I'll be back in a minute. I am going to meet the EMT's." Emma stood and disappeared out of the bedroom.
As she reached the open front door, Emma noticed the EMT's pulling up behind her cruiser. The small crew of three jumped out of the vehicle and gathered their equipment from the back.
"You'll need the stretcher." Emma called out from the front porch to the small crew.
Within a matter of minutes, the crew were pushing the stretcher up the paved footpath toward the house as Emma relayed the relevant information to them as they entered the house. Leading them up the stairs and to the bedroom, Emma pointed toward the ensuite, where Regina was still kneeling beside her mother murmuring softly into her ear.

Immediately the small crew of EMT's crowded over Cora and started to perform their tasks. Regina reluctantly moved away from her mother and joined her sister at the end of the bed. Together they watched in awe as the EMT's commanded the situation with such professionalism.

Within minutes, Cora was placed on the stretcher and wired up to the portable ECG machine. An oxygen mask was placed over her mouth and nose and she was been stretchered out of the bedroom, with Emma following behind, carrying the crew's equipment.

The blonde returned to the bedroom a few moments later. Regina and Zelena were huddled together at the end of the bed. They were softly soothing each other.
"Gina. Zelena. I can give you both a lift to the hospital." Emma murmured.
The sisters turned their attention to the blonde and nodded.
"Okay, I'll be downstairs waiting." Cora would never return to the house on Mifflin, having been admitted straightaway onto a specialist ward at the hospital, where she was monitored closely for the next two weeks until it was decided in her best interest that she be transferred to a hospice for her continued care.She had passed away in her sleep just over a week ago.Kicking her heels off by the foot of the bed, Emma padded barefoot over the soft carpet toward the walk-in wardrobe. Slipping her full-length black military styled coat off her shoulders, she hung it up immediately and turned toward the full-length mirror at the end of the wardrobe. Her hands immediately covered her stomach as it strained against the tight-fitting black blouse. She unbuttoned her black trousers and shrugged them over her hips, letting them slide down her pale legs and pool around her feet before stepping out of them. Pulling out a pair of loose grey track pants, she slipped them on quickly. Catching her reflection in the mirror, she tilted her head to the right and realised at that moment how much fuller her breasts were starting to look. Unbuttoning her blouse and letting it slip off her shoulders, she discarded it with the trousers. She then plucked her loose-fitting Boston Red Sox jersey off its hanger and slipped it on over her head before smoothing it over her extended stomach. Ruffling her shoulder length blonde tendrils from under the collar, she then stared back at her reflection in the mirror for a moment.She was tempted to leave her discarded clothes in a pile on the floor, but she knew her wife would have something to say when she found them. Glancing away from her reflection, she groaned as she bent down and scooped up the clothes and dropped them in the laundry basket on her way to the bed. Pushing back the covers, Emma slid into the bed, immediately turning onto her side toward the centre of the bed. Reaching out for Regina's pillow, she positioned it snuggly against her stomach. Sighing deeply with content, her eyes fluttered shut and not before long her breathing evened out. She was asleep.
~()~
With all the guests now gone, Regina couldn't help but suddenly feel relieved. It was over. The events of the last year were finally over.Frowning to herself as she pinched the bridge of her nose, she wondered if it was okay for her to be feeling like this?She had just said goodbye to her mother for the final time.She rationalized that she should be feeling a sense of grief, sadness and loss. Because that's what she had felt when her father had passed away, all those years ago. There was never a sense of relief. Pursing her lips tightly a sense of guilt crept over her as she stared out the kitchen window, it suddenly dawned on her, that she had already felt those emotions. The process had started a year ago when she had returned to Storybrooke. Her mother's death hadn't been anything like her father's.His was sudden. A shock.But Cora's had been drawn out and as the months went by, as her mother's condition worsen, she had experienced those familiar emotions. She realised that she had nothing to feel guilty about. That's what she told herself. Because this was the end.She was ready to move on with her life.Pushing herself away from the sink and silently retreating from the kitchen, she stepped into the main corridor of the house. Glancing to the right, toward the sweeping staircase, where her wife was upstairs, resting. She was tempted to join Emma upstairs but decided against it. She had one last thing she needed to do.She stepped to the left and slowly made her way down the corridor, her gaze falling upon the many photographs that adorned the walls. Her life's work on display. She stopped before what she would always deem as the most important one. Her fingers traced lightly over the image.
The beauty within
An accidental moment captured that would change the course of Regina's life.As she smiled fondly to herself, she was reminded of the significance that the memory connected with the photograph represented. The beauty of life is within the detail. After a moment, she slowly stepped away and continued to the cellar.Unlocking the door and descending the stairs slowly, she tugged on the pulley light switch and made her way over to the small 'dark' room. Disappearing inside and shutting the door firmly behind her, she glanced to the glimmering 'red light' casting just enough light for her to see. Just above her head and hanging the length of the room was a series of photographs. Touching the bottom corner of each until she found the one, she was looking for; she smiled to herself as she plucked it from the line and exited the room. Placing the photograph down on the metal workbench, she studied it.The image was that of a portrait. Well, to be honest, it was a family portrait.
The brunette blinked rapidly as she looked through the viewfinder of her camera. Brushing away a loose tendril, she tucked it behind her ear. She narrowed her eyes and studied the scene before her again. Lifting her head and focusing her gaze upon the blonde and her son, she gave them an apologetic lopsided grin before glancing back into the viewfinder. She motioned for Henry to move slightly to his left. He moved half a step and turned slightly into his blonde mother. His gaze fell directly at the camera. Giving him a thumbs up, Regina was finally happy with the shot. She lifted her head, stepped away and took up her position next to her wife.

Smiling to herself, she liked the sound of that. Emma Swan, her wife.

Only an hour ago she and Emma had got married. For the second time. But this time it was very different from their first wedding. This time it was a small intimate affair in the Registry Office at the Council Offices of Storybrooke. Witnessed by their son, Emma's parents, Regina's mother and sister.

Regina slipped her left arm around her blonde wife's waist and held her close. She turned into Emma as he right hand instinctively cradled the blonde's stomach, softly stroking it.

That was another revelation, which had come to light after their small ceremony. They would be having another child in nine months' time.

Regina glanced to Henry, his smile beaming. She looked at Emma, her smile beaming and then she turned her attention to the camera, her smile beaming as the flash of the camera lit up the immediate area.
That was three months ago.For Regina, it was funny to think that her life had started with a simple photograph all those years ago. That photograph would not only shape the impressions but the moments and the admissions of her heart. And now years later, it was as if history was repeating itself. Well, that's what she hoped anyway.Because sometimes one will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
THE END.