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they're both thirteen year olds bubbling with energy when it happens.soonyoung is playing soccer on the ground while wonwoo only observes him from afar. he frowns at the bandage tied across his ankle and huffs; he could play, it isn't like he was injured to the point where he couldn't move his leg. but no, soonyoung, being (a caring friend) the overacting being he is, went as far as to bar wonwoo from even coming to the ground. it was only after wonwoo whined back angrily that he reluctantly let him tag along, all the while looking at wonwoo’s bandaged ankle.the two things soonyoung concludes, as he tells wonwoo, are these: falling off the stairs is a scary thing and he would never let go of the railings from now; and seeing wonwoo cry in pain is the absolute worst.“goal!” little seokmin’s scream bounces across the otherwise empty playground, startling wonwoo.he sees soonyoung rejoice along with seokmin and seungkwan, while seungcheol, mingyu and another guy (wonwoo cannot remember his name) only pout. this is the second time they’ve lost, and wonwoo muses about it when he knows for a fact that seungcheol plays with his dad who’s actually a football player.“you’re getting us ice cream from the store!” seungkwan announces, hands up in the sky to gather everyone’s attention.“hey! that wasn't the bet before,” other guy yells back. “it was only crackers.”“well, it is now!”“hell no!” other guy yells in english. “ one more match if you want ice cream.” he switches to korean so easily, amusing wonwoo.seungkwan pauses for a moment to ponder, looking at soonyoung and seokmin in question. the two shrug; they’re sure of winning anyway.“okay!”and another match starts, making wonwoo let out a deep sigh in dejection.“you’re making me feel bad ,” he mutters under his breath as seokmin maneuvers the ball to the goal. “making me sit out of the game.”“it's for your own good, wonu!” soonyoung yells from his position, shooting a really unnecessary wink before focusing on the ball coming towards him.wonwoo only watches as soonyoung jumps up block the ball, barely escaping from hitting his head on the metal post. wonwoo only shakes his head; why is he even sitting out?yeah, because soonyoung is (a caring friend) an overacting being.wonwoo goes back to reading the book in his hand, occasionally shooting glances at soonyoung, who is only all too focused on the game. somehow, it makes feel him even more annoyed. and left out.after a long while of yelling and screaming, there's even more screaming which makes wonwoo look up and realize that the game has ended. from the looks of it, sooyoung's team has won. he sees seungcheol frown even more than before, lips literally bent downwards. it's a bit endearing, if he thinks about it.what wonwoo does not expect, is soonyoung running towards him. wonwoo’s eyes are only on the two jumping around and the other two frowning, that he doesn't see a whole person running in his direction.soonyoung reaches, makes wonwoo almost fall over with his deathly tight hug. he could almost feel soonyoung’s happiness course through him from the hug.“we get ice cream!” soonyoung yells into his shoulder, the tingle adding to the happiness.wonwoo hugs him back, letting a smile grace his lips. even if he didn't play, he feels almost as happy as soonyoung. maybe that’s just his effect on people.what he does not expect even more , is soonyoung pulling away and pressing his lips against wonwoo’s.it takes more than two minutes for wonwoo to process what happened, and soonyoung is back near the goal post, sticking his tongue out at the other team by the time wonwoo even gathers his mind to ask what they just did.when they are going back to their own houses, half-eaten ice cream melting in their hands, wonwoo does ask soonyoung about it. the response he gets is funny: soonyoung only shrugs, says “ it’s what close friends do, ” and proceeds to bet wonwoo for a race to the house.(wonwoo trips a second time, and it’s soonyoung who actually cries this time while wonwoo sits on the gravel, trying to comfort a wailing friend. maybe that answer is right, he muses later.)✨ soonyoung is a few days away from being a 16 year old when the second kiss happens.it’s summer holidays (!), and soonyoung is probably more than ecstatic to spend it at the playground playing for most of the day. mingyu and seokmin were the only other pair staying, since seungcheol, hansol, (wonwoo finally remembers his name) and seungkwan went to their grandparents’ places.and wonwoo has the inevitable job of preparing a surprise soonyoung’s birthday.it isn't like wonwoo complains about it; he’s just running out of ideas and gifts to surprise soonyoung with. soonyoung is a teenager who has fluctuating tastes (wonwoo remembers the rubik's cube he had bought for his last birthday stashed in a corner of soonyoung’s room and winces), and wonwoo simply has no idea what he is into now.he finds himself sitting before mingyu and seokmin, hands supporting his chin as he stares into space in deep thought.“do you have any idea of what soonyoung is into these days?” he asks simply, looking between the two younger ones. they only shake his head.“it seems like he stays at home most of the time,” mingyu says. “or at the playground.”“i know that.” wonwoo glares at the two. “i live right beside his house, yknow.”“yeah, yeah.” mingyu replies as he waves his hand at him dismissively.“ help me!” wonwoo whines, face pulled together in a frown. “i want this to be the best birthday for him. like actually the bestest birthday ever.”“give him a kiss then,” seokmin says with a shrug, earning a kick on his shin from mingyu. “what?”“what?” wonwoo asks in confusion. why should he kiss soonyoung? why are they asking him to do that? why do they think it's the best birthday surprise ever?“he’s just kidding,” mingyu says with an awkward laughter. “right! i’ve seen him hang out with a new kid these days.”wonwoo tilts his head in question. “new kid?”“i was going to buy coca-cola the other day when i saw him and this… really young kid walking together.” mingyu says. “maybe 12? 13? yeah, around that age.”wonwoo only frowns in thought. soonyoung got a new friend and he didn't think of telling him?“don't tell me you're thinking soonyoung isn't your friend anymore,” seokmin says, and wonwoo can only glare at him because he’s right. almost. “hyung, you know how forgetful he is. hell, he even forgot his bag to school once! maybe he just forgot to tell you, like he always does. that goldfish hyung.”that gives some relief, but it doesn’t ease his heart completely. and he doesn't want to dwell further in the thought. wonwoo starts to panic when there is exactly four days and twelve hours left till soonyoung’s birthday. and he still has not bought him a gift.half the blame is on wonwoo, while the rest goes on seokmin and mingyu because they were supposed to check up on soonyoung and find out what he’s up to these days. wonwoo very vaguely remembers listening to pop music blasting from soonyoung’s room in passing, but he cannot rely on that one fact alone. he is neither that rich to buy him a speaker set, nor stupid to buy him an album he might already own (god knows how much albums soonyoung buys). and he has been preoccupied with the thought of soonyoung having a new friend.the recurring thoughts only tell him one clear thing: he never wants to let go of soonyoung. he is a part of his life, a part of him even, and he does not want to let go of that. ever.“wonu!” soonyoung jumps when he sees wonwoo standing beside the park, ball in his arm. “where are the others? whatever, let’s go play!”wonwoo only smiles as soonyoung puts a firm arm over his shoulders and guides them to the playground.they do not see mingyu or seokmin, and soonyoung is known for being impatient, so he and wonwoo start playing. however, wonwoo only spaces out in thought, not focusing on the ball and getting hit on his face.soonyoung, being the (caring friend) overprotective being, runs over to wonwoo after the third time, worry etched across his face.“are you fine? does it hurt anywhere?” soonyoung asks hastily, thumb grazing across the darkening bruise. wonwoo shakes his head, pulling himself away and gulping at the sudden awareness that creeps to his senses.“you seem so out of it today,” soonyoung points out, looking at the blue patch that has formed on wonwoo’s cheek and still running a thumb across it ever so slightly. “you fine? nothing that you're hiding from me?”“no,” he says. yes , he screams internally. yes i want to get you your birthday gift but i don't know what you like and you seem to have a new friend i’m worried i’ll be replaced and — “no, nothing.” he says again.soonyoung frowns worriedly at the bruise extending over his face. “that's gonna look so ugly,” he says. wonwoo notices the intense frown all over his face, the wrinkles on his forehead and lower lip jutted out. it’s cute, he thinks.“it’s okay.” wonwoo says, trying to get up but slipping from his weak grip and falling down again. in the end, soonyoung helps him stand up and walk him all the way to his house, a firm hand on his waist even when wonwoo tells he’s perfectly fine. “i’m telling you, it’s fine, really!”“ you don’t tell me, specs,” soonyoung chides. wonwoo’s more mad about the new nickname soonyoung had seemed to give him than to think about anything else. “weak body and a weaker immunity, what will you even do without me?” soonyoung shakes his head disapprovingly.“hey! stop calling me that.” wonwoo frowns. “i can do just fine without you.”“can not.”“can do.”“can not .“ can do .” wonwoo pouts, pulling away from soonyoung and walking a step ahead.soonyoung only chuckles as he pauses in his steps, making wonwoo stop as well.it happens before wonwoo can even think anything ahead. a light peck on his cheek, probably misjudged and coming across his lips as well. it’s very short, almost forgettable even, but wonwoo finds the world slow down when soonyoung pulls away and smiles widely at him.“cute.” (he does get soonyoung a gift: a pair of shoes, because he has (finally) discovered that soonyoung is into dancing. the smile on soonyoung’s face is worth everything, even his savings which have reduced considerably now. it’s all worth it if it is to make soonyoung smile.he is steadily getting more aware of how his heart picks up speed when soonyoung smiles.) ✨ wonwoo and soonyoung are close to 19 when the third kiss happens.“hyung!”wonwoo looks up from his cluttered table to find chan standing right before him, backpack slung over one shoulder.he feels a smile make its way to his face; it’s always nice to see a friend.he and chan met through soonyoung; he was the new friend wonwoo was so worried about. it turned out that he didn't have to, because the two of them have somewhat adopted chan into their lives; like adopting a new brother out of nowhere. chan and soonyoung went to the same dance academy (wonwoo finally found out what soonyoung was into), and as an extension chan became wonwoo’s close friend too.“yeah, chan?”“you aren't getting ready?” chan asks, feet tapping the floor impatiently.“for?”“ hyung ,” chan gasps dramatically. “the finals are today .”wonwoo looks at him confusedly for a minute; what finals? the exams were almost six months away, and he is preparing well— oh .“it’s today? ” wonwoo almost yells as he haphazardly pushes all the papers to a pile and slips out of his pajama pants, changing into a random pair of denim. “why did no one remind me!”“i thought you would remember your best friend’s dance finals!”“well i didn’t ! you know i'm shit at remembering!”“not my problem,” chan shrugs mockingly, and ducks away when wonwoo throws a pen at him.“what’s the time?”“half an hour till the show starts.”“ shit ,” he whispers to himself, checking his reflection in the mirror. “shit shit shit; i’m so going to be late.”wonwoo is not someone who rushes, really. he takes his time no matter the rush, and never panics. but this time, it isn't just the fact of running low on time: it’s also because he has planned a surprise for soonyoung, which took months of convincing himself, and he needs to be there for at least that, if not for anything else.“good luck on confessing, hyung!” chan calls after him as wonwoo rushes out of the house after a hurried goodbye, hoping to make it on time for soonyoung’s performance, at least.and he does. in the nick of time, after a bus ride and a lot of sprinting, he does make it to the hall before soonyoung goes up the stage. thank god , he whispers to himself before standing behind the crowd, hoping he is tall enough to see past the number of heads. wonwoo is almost breathless, but more than the running, he thinks it’s more because of soonyoung himself.he sees soonyoung go up the stage, his eyes wandering about, worry etched in them. the make up on his face is neither too less nor too much; just the perfect amount to accentuate his eyes and cheeks. wonwoo tries to not to look at the slightly tight outfit clinging on to the muscles of his body.he sees soonyoung’s eyes light up— quite literally— when he spots wonwoo. a small wave, and that is all soonyoung manages before the lights are dimmed and soonyoung moves to the centre.in the fraction of a second, wonwoo feels like someone put him in a spell of trance. his eyes never leave soonyoung, following every bit of his movement, taking in all the power and grace of it. there is only one word that comes to his mind:it’s beautiful .he knows there might be other words which mean much more than just beautiful, but he cannot remember them for the life of him, stuck on watching soonyoung’s crisp yet smooth movements across the stage, in harmony with the others on stage yet shining by himself. it’s just beautiful .he breathes the same way soonyoung does once the music stops, notices how his chest rises up and down, in sync with soonyoung. it’s simply, breathtakingly beautiful . even the sweat beaded across soonyoung’s forehead is shining gloriously, and wonwoo wonders whether soonyoung was a prince in his past life. maybe he was; who knows.he has soonyoung in this life, and he’s happy for it.before wonwoo can come out of the trail of thought, soonyoung runs towards him and almost jumps into his arms, the happiness contagious enough to make wonwoo feel light-hearted, promptly breaking his thoughts.“how was it? did i do well? did i look good?” soonyoung asks hurriedly, and wonwoo nods for everything, unable to find words good enough to explain how good he did.“it was beautiful,” wonwoo says, eyes lingering on the tint on soonyoung’s lips. he looks away when he realizes he’s staring, ears turning red. "you look nice," he says off-handedly, the image of soonyoung etched in his eyes.“come on, i’ll introduce you to my team!” soonyoung says enthusiastically.and wonwoo can do nothing but follow him, smiling all the way because he likes soonyoung. loves soonyoung. the realization, even though old and known, makes him feel flutters all across his body.he likes soonyoung. more than anything in this world.it’s a very overwhelming feeling, wonwoo thinks. you want to give the world to the person you love, and it would still feel like it is not enough. wonwoo wonders if he can tell how much he loves soonyoung in measures.soonyoung breezes through congratulating his teammates, and the two settle on a corner of the room backstage, soonyoung sitting nervously as he sees the other teams dance through the tv set up. wonwoo knows that soonyoung will get the prize, that his team will win, but he also understands soonyoung’s nervousness. sometimes, whatever you do is never enough; sometimes, you need more than enough.wonwoo thinks soonyoung gave more than his everything, but he cannot convince him of the same, so he just sits and watches him.they do end up winning; soonyoung rejoices with a crushing hug with wonwoo, and while he’s having a hard time breathing, wonwoo does not complain. he likes the closeness, how soonyoung's happiness flows into him easily with every touch.it takes a while for soonyoung to greet everyone and return home, certificate and the award cup in hand, a blinding smile on his face. wonwoo loves that; loves everything about soonyoung. he does feel a bit weird thinking of how much he loves soonyoung, but he figured it isn't strange. he was always meant to love soonyoung, he thinks. it feels just right.“i’m so happy today, wonu,” soonyoung says, voice clearly expressing what he said. “this is the best day of my life.”wonwoo only smiles, laughs at the way soonyoung jumps around the room, bouncing with glee. he wants soonyoung to be like this every day, every minute, every second of his life.and suddenly, wonwoo is scared.will he be able to keep soonyoung happy? he isn't someone who is good at surprises, or preparing happy events for that matter. every couple around him seem to do that, this happy events thing. monthly and yearly anniversaries, surprise dinners and outings. even seokmin, ever so aloof, managed to surprise mingyu with an anniversary plan. on the contrary, wonwoo is shit at remembering things. and he had been dependent on soonyoung for almost every joy in his life. soonyoung is the one who dragged wonwoo out of his room, made him enjoy even the harsh winter winds and the scorching summer heat. he was the one who took him to watch the blooming cherry blossoms and the falling leaves. can wonwoo be the one doing all of that for soonyoung?he thinks, and he’s scared.he sees soonyoung still beaming happily as they walk home together. he’s a step behind soonyoung who is talking about how much he practiced for the show, how many nights he hadn't slept and how it all paid off. he’s still scared, but he's also in love. so much in love that he feels like he might suffocate if he doesn't express it.“soonyoung,” wonwoo says, feeling all the blood rush to his face. this is it; the moment of truth.“yeah?” soonyoung turns back to him. the setting sun casts a glow on soonyoung’s face, making his cheeks glow.wonwoo is so much in love .“i like you,” he says, almost in a trance than consciously.soonyoung smiles casually, standing beside wonwoo and putting an arm over his shoulder.“i like you too!”wonwoo sighs, knowing what soonyoung is thinking. “ no , soonyoung,” he withdraws soonyoung’s hand over his shoulder. “i mean... i like you. like like you. hell, i love you.” wonwoo feels strangely calm saying all of this; maybe even a bit frustrated. is this normal , he wonders. “i like you, your eyes, your smile, even that damn sandwich you make for me whenever i come over to your house. i love you when i see you and even when i don’t, i still love you the same. i’ve loved you for so long, it’s so— so much love i cannot keep it in anymore.”soonyoung only stares at him, face void of any surprise or shock. wonwoo wonders if he had done it all wrong, and whether soonyoung would hate him forever now. no one confesses so aggressively, so frustratedly, he just ruined everything, that’s it—“idiot,”wonwoo snaps out of any and all thoughts when soonyoung looks at him and calls him that. “what.” he asks blankly.“you absolute idiot ,” soonyoung says, and the next moment his arms are around wonwoo’s waist, and his face is buried in his shoulder. “you should tell me! i thought i was the only one!”wonwoo feels numb, strangely. the one year of hiding his overflowing feelings, the moments of fluster he tried his best to go through by himself, everything lead up to this one moment, and soonyoung tells him he likes him too.
what?
wonwoo’s thoughts are interrupted yet again when soonyoung pulls away but stays close enough for wonwoo to feel his breaths. rushed, short yet not uncomfortable. wonwoo’s scared of how much he knows soonyoung, even just by his breath.“can i... kiss you?” soonyoung asks, voice shy and barely above a whisper.they’re in the middle of a road, the evening has darkened mostly, and soonyoung’s hands are on wonwoo’s shoulder, moving towards his face. wonwoo doesn’t have to reply for soonyoung to lean in and press their lips together. it’s soft and slow at first, but slowly picks up pace, all of the repressed and hidden feelings overflowing in large amounts.wonwoo feels suffocated and liberated at the same time.maybe love is magical, he thinks as soonyoung pulls away and rests his forehead on wonwoo’s shoulder, a shy smile on his face. ✨ wonwoo and soonyoung are 22 when the fourth (and fifth) kiss happens.college is an absolute hellhole, wonwoo concludes as he stares at the empty papers and the printed words congested in pages of books before him, everything blurring into one puddle of sleepiness.he can feel soonyoung behind him, feet shuffling in crisp movement and hands following in sync. wonwoo might not understand dancing particularly well, but he loves watching soonyoung dance. it always makes him freeze in place, unable to think of anything but soonyoung. maybe he is biased, or maybe soonyoung has that effect on everyone, but wonwoo does not complain about it.he realizes he’s dozing off, head hanging to his chest when he feels a hand on his shoulder.“come on,” soonyoung beckons him. “sleep ““need to finish this,” he says, blearily looking at the papers spread out before him. he feels like crying. he’s surprised that he is even forming coherent sentences now. “you sleep.”“ no ,” soonyoung says, and yawns right after. “i’m not sleeping till you do.”“ soonie ,” wonwoo whines. “i don’ wanna make you stay up.” he rubs his eyes off the sleepy itch and sits straight. “go sleep; you have an early class tomorrow, don’t you?”“i don't care; you should sleep.” soonyoung argues back. “i’m not sleeping.”wonwoo sighs; there is definitely no other way to end this argument but to comply. he has three more days to finish the assignment, and he feels stupid for putting it off till now.before he can protest, though, soonyoung is packing all of his things to a big pile and pulling him away from the chair. he whines, almost cries even because i have to finish this, i can’t put it off even more .“come on ,” soonyoung grunts as he pushes wonwoo to lie on the bed, pulling the blanket over him. “no one would believe that you’re a grown-up if they see you now.”“don’t care,” he says, throat already aching with dryness. he would love a glass of water right now.there is a throbbing in the back of his head, dull but incessant, but he ignores it and closes his eyes, arm secure around soonyoung’s waist.“g’night,” he whispers, letting out a slow, long breath.what he does not expect is soonyoung’s lips against his.it’s chaste, not exactly long but not hurried either. it’s one at soonyoung’s own pace, the cold flesh pressing against his skin, and wonwoo can almost feel the content smile soonyoung has as he kisses wonwoo, because he feels the same too.he tightens his arm around soonyoung just a bit more, and is soon sound asleep, not noticing how soonyoung’s eyes are on him for a long while after he has slept. wonwoo wakes up with a burning fever. it isn’t surprising, though; he nearly felt it when he was up writing all night. it’s hard to even open his eyes without feeling like they're burning alive.“wonu?” soonyoung’s dreary voice comes in from somewhere , he doesn’t know where. “you’re burning.”wonwoo whimpers under the cold touch of soonyoung’s hand over his forehead, and pulls the blankets over his head. the warmth is comparatively better than the biting cold.he dozes off, not really able to focus on anything else. screw the assignment; he doesn’t care anymore. all he needs is sleep . and warmth.he feels a sudden coldness entering the blanket and almost cries; he does not want that, where is soonyoung?he opens one eye and looks around, only finding the room empty. there is a pillow in the place of soonyoung, and wonwoo hates the replacement. where is soonyoung? he feels— and probably is— delirious, he realizes as he feels tears sting his eyes. this is not him. this is not jeon wonwoo; he doesn't act this whiny! where is soonyoung? “ soonie ,” he remembers whining, but anything after that becomes a blur. he doesn’t know if it's for better or bad, but he figures it’s better to just follow what his body tells him to do.he hears soonyoung, he’s sure, but the words go in one and out the other. he’s never been this sick to not focus on soonyoung’s words, whatever they may be. he feels bad; and sick.he grips onto whatever he finds in between his palms, and passes out subsequently. the next time he comes to, he feels a lot less bleary, but still a lot tired. he feels disoriented and clueless as he sits up, every muscle in his body aching at the movement.“wonu?” comes in sooyoung's sleepy voice, and it is then that wonwoo realizes the hand that was holding his. “wonu? you’re awake?”he mutters something close to an affirmation, trying to rub the tiredness away from his eyes.“do you feel better?” soonyoung asks again, sitting upright. wonwoo feels it through the shift in the bed. he feels a lot more awake, but still tired enough to take time to understand the question.“yeah,” he croaks out and realizes how parched he feels. “water.”soonyoung rushes somewhere (wonwoo misses him even for that short moment) and comes back with a glass of water. wonwoo feels at peace when he has soonyoung beside him, with him. soonyoung exudes the warmth and comfort that wonwoo needs in his life.“i was scared,” soonyoung starts. “i-i knew this is just a fever, i knew it’ll go away and i know you don’t really like hospitals…” wonwoo frowns at the name itself. “but i was scared. if i’d have to take you there, see you with all those needles and machines… if i’d—”wonwoo feels soonyoung shudder, through his hand over soonyoung’s shoulder. he hears the untold words; understand them. anyone would have been scared at that situation.“i-i was so scared, wonwoo.” soonyoung whispers, leaning into wonwoo’s shoulder, hiding his tears. “i-i was going to call mingyu and seokmin and-and tell them to get help because i couldn’t-i couldn’t and that’s so stupid but—” soonyoung takes a deep breath in, composing himself. “i’m sorry. i’m sorry, i couldn’t take care of you much but i did what i could. i really hope you’re fine.”wonwoo waits patiently till soonyoung finishes his rant. as much endearing it is, wonwoo feels bad. he hasn’t seen soonyoung this scared ever before, and it tugs at his heart. “ i’m sorry for not taking care of myself, and for scaring you like this.”soonyoung knows he should not be doing it, what with wonwoo’s fever still very much present and contagious. he might get down with the same fever as wonwoo, but he doesn’t care. he tilts his head upwards and presses a slow, soft kiss on wonwoo's lips.“i’m glad you’re fine,” soonyoung mutters against wonwoo’s cheek, feeling the ticklish shudder through the latter’s body.he sees wonwoo’s smile, the blinding one that pure and truthful. if this is what takes to make wonwoo happy, soonyoung would do it forever.(he does come down with a fever, though not as intense as wonwoo’s, and subsequently makes all of his friends (read: seokmin and mingyu) suspicious about them. soonyoung doesn't care, though, and so doesn’t wonwoo.) ✨ they’re 27 when the (actual) fifth kiss happens.it’s lonely and empty, wonwoo thinks as he throws his bag on the couch and loosens a few of his shirt buttons, letting the fresh air hit his chest and take the stress away.it had been a particularly long day at work, with three manuscripts needing final corrections and two of them including meetings with the whole board. sometimes, even doing the job you love might be a bit stressful, no matter how passionate you are about it.there’s two missed calls and three messages in wonwoo’s phone: all from soonyoung, all unnoticed.wonwoo opens them and realizes: oh .it’s valentine’s day.wonwoo sighs as he sits on the couch, leaning on the backrest and staring at the ceiling. was , he reminds as the clock strikes twelve.it was valentine’s day.and while neither of them have the habit of celebrating it with a bash, they had promised to spend the day together at least. which wonwoo has broken, for the first time.he hates himself.wonwoo’s eyes go to the dining table, and of course finds a plate covered by another plate, and a sticky note on top of it. like he does every time he comes home late. eat and sleep! i don’t want a growling stomach the first thing in the morning , reads the note. it makes wonwoo smile, but also makes his heart heavy.wonwoo wonders, but at times he wishes he doesn’t, because it only torments him to no end. this is one of those times.“oh? you’re back,”wonwoo turns around to the direction of the voice and freezes.there, under the dim panel lights, comes soonyoung’s sleepy, puffed up face. his tousled hair is under a hoodie, and his hands are stuffed in that hoodie’s pockets.it’s almost like a scenery, if wonwoo were to be honest. the most beautiful scenery he could ever see.he knew deep down his heart that he would choose soonyoung over anything in the world, but the realization comes to him yet again— like waves crashing against the shore— almost painfully.he sees soonyoung rumble something about coming home late, and walks to the table, grabbing the plate and coming towards him. but wonwoo feels the words stuck in his throat, and is only able to watch soonyoung.to think such a man is his boyfriend. to even have that blessing.wonwoo wonders whether he’s good for soonyoung. or maybe if soonyoung is too good for him.wonwoo wonders, and it scares him.“hey, what is it?” soonyoung asks, setting the plate on the floor and climbing up the couch beside wonwoo. “too many thoughts?”wonwoo nods, and leans into sooyoung's shoulder.soonyoung knows him so well. wonwoo feels like he only knows a fraction about soonyoung in comparison, even if that fraction takes up most of his memory.a lifetime won’t be enough for wonwoo to know soonyoung completely.but he wants to . he wants to know each and every bit of what makes kwon soonyoung. he wants to take time learning everything and not leave any part unknown.the realization is less like a wave and more like a full truck crashing against him, so painfully real .“are you okay?” soonyoung asks, and that is when wonwoo notices how ragged his breaths are. “wonwoo? is there any problem?”“be with me,” he says in a hurry. he doesn’t quite know why he’s saying this, but he feels like he should ; like he wouldn’t get a chance otherwise.“what? of course i’m here with you—”“for life.”wonwoo closes his eyes, scared to look at soonyoung’s reaction. he knows it’s a lot to ask for— no one can be brave enough to commit to someone for a lifetime. that is how the world works; people sit back and think twice before committing themselves to something for a lifetime.“be with me,” wonwoo says, eyes still closed. “forever. will you marry me?”he can hear soonyoung’s resigned breath, and his worry increases. did he ask for too much? will soonyoung leave him? what will he do without him? the questions pile up, and wonwoo struggles to find an answer.“of course,” soonyoung says, breaking the silence. “of course, wonwoo. yes, yes .”the happiness that surges through wonwoo’s heart at that moment is unexplainable; he does not know any word to express it. he feels like he is soaring through clouds. it pushes a wide smile across wonwoo’s face.he doesn’t really ask before pressing his lips against soonyoung’s, kissing him over and over and over . he doesn’t care if he’s breathless, or if he’s sitting uncomfortably; he’s happy, soonyoung's happy, and that is enough.he would live through lifetimes just to make soonyoung smile.he hears soonyoung chuckling in a whisper, just as he pulls away. “that’s enough kisses for a day, won.”“happy valentine’s day,” wonwoo says. “i’m sorry i couldn't be home soon.”“who cares about valentine’s day?” soonyoung replies. “i have you . every day with you is the best day for me.”wonwoo does not have to say the words for soonyoung to know he feels the same, that he feels even more than that when he’s with soonyoung.“i love you.” wonwoo says.his mind runs with thoughts; it’s so, so easy to love soonyoung. all through his life, wonwoo thinks he has loved soonyoung. be it romantic or not, it’s so easy to love all of soonyoung. it’s like flowing water, like air: it cannot be stopped.“love you too,” he hears soonyoung say, leaning against his forehead.“i love you so much,” wonwoo says again, holding soonyoung’s shoulder. “i’ll love you forever.”and wonwoo knows those are not empty words, a promise made in the spur of a moment. wonwoo knew this way back when he was thirteen and liked being with soonyoung; when he was sixteen and realized he’s in love with his best friend; when he was eighteen and nervously confessing his heart. he knew it since they kissed the first time till now, his heart unchanging and still overflowing with the love he holds.wonwoo has always known he loves soonyoung, and he’ll love him forever; for lifetimes, even.because it’s so easy to love kwon soonyoung.