Work Text
Scene: Doctor Elizabeth ‘Mac’ MacMillan’s private office behind her laboratory. She is wearing a white lab coat over her men’s shirt, vest and trousers. Her chestnut brown Glen Plaid suit jacket is hanging on the back of a rocking chair. A pair of cream colored knickers is draped over the arm of the chair.Miss Phryne Fisher, Lady Detective is present. She is wearing a white lab coat over an ice blue frock. A sweet little fascinator comprised of small silk peacock feathers sits on her Lulu bobbed dark hair. They are sipping whisky and waiting. There is a bit of smoke clearing and a slightly acrid smell in the room. A window is open.A policeman’s knock is heard on the office door, Mac walks over and unlocks it. Inspector Jack Robinson enters. He removes his long overcoat, dark fedora and hangs them on the coat stand.“Good evening, Inspector,” said Dr. MacMillan.“Doctor.”“Hell-oh, Jack!” said Phryne.“Miss Fishah!” He greeted her. “Is something on fire?” He asked as he sniffed the air.“We plugged in my electrical massager and it snap crackled and popped,” Phryne explained.“Probably from overuse at home,” added Mac.“Pity,” said Jack. “I was looking forward to the seminar regarding its use on various delicate parts of the body.”“Actually, it was going to be a demonstration,” explained Phryne.“We planned to use this,” said Mac as she picked up a rubberized version of female genitalia and showed it to Jack.“Interesting,” he said.“Would you like to touch it?” Mac asked.Phryne snickered.Jack gingerly touched the replica, “The labia are rather small, aren’t they?”“She’s in an unaroused state,” explained Mac as she put the model down.“Currently,” added Phryne.“Well, since we murdered the machine, what about a demonstration of Ben-Wa balls?” suggested Mac.“Whose balls?” Jack asked.“The doctor is referring to Venus balls, Jack. You do know about them, don’t you?”“I have a friend who can enlighten you,” said Mac as retrieved her office bottle and splashed a generous portion of single malt in a specimen glass.“Medicinal?” She asked and handed it to him.“As it comes,” he answered. “You did wash this glass, didn’t you, Doctor?”“I run a clean lab, Inspector. These are strictly for drinking purposes.”“I’m pleased to hear it,” Jack smiled, sipped and swallowed.“Usually,” she added.Phryne snorted. And, then looked down at her own glass.“Now, as to the Ben-Wa balls, Inspector. They come as a pair and are used to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and for use in Kegel exercise.”“And, other things,” added Phryne knowingly.“There’s only one here,” observed Jack pedantically.“The other is present, but unseen,” said Mac wisely.“Oh, I…” began Jack.“Now, these are cute because they have a little chime in them,” Mac picked up the small egg-shaped metal covered ball and gave it a little shake. It tinkled and sang charmingly. There was a muted, tiny answering chime that came from Phryne’s direction. “They are inserted into the vagina and the pubococcygeus muscles are used to hold them in.”“The silken string is used to remove them,” added Phryne helpfully.“So, they are used therapeutically?” Queried Jack.“And, for sexual stimulation,” Phryne chimed in.“Technically,” explained the doctor, “Ben-Wa balls are not meant to bring a user to immediate orgasm. One might say subtle stimulation rather to tease than to bring completion.”“I recall seeing something like this,” Jack looked at the item Mac was lecturing about, “when I was ordered to raid that brothel years ago. I confess I failed to understand the point of them at the time.”“One might also use them seated in a rocking chair. My assistant will demonstrate.” There was a tiny little chime as Phryne moved to the chair, sat down and began to rock slowly.“Does anyone hear that?” asked Jack.“What?” Both women answered.“A little chime,” said Jack.“No,” said Phryne as she rocked.“Possibly,” replied Mac.“What are you doing, Miss Fishah?” Jack watched her in the rocking chair as she rocked to a distant teeny tiny chime.“Exercising my Kegel muscle even as we speak?”“You seem a bit flushed.”“Kegelling is warm work, Inspector,” explained Mac.“Yes,” sighed Phryne. She grabbed a file folder from the nearby desk and fanned herself with it.“Leaving so soon, Inspector?” Mac asked as Jack headed towards the door.“No, just putting on my coat.”“Are you cold, Jack?” asked Phryne as she enjoyed her ride.“I believe my enjoyment of this seminar will be enhanced, if I wear it,” he explained, shrugging into the coat and placing a hand in a pocket.“I see,” said Phryne.“A nice touch,” added the instructor.“A question, Doctor, perhaps off topic.”“Yes, Inspector?”“I wondered about the importance of the labia versus the vaginal opening, in terms of female arousal?”Phryne closed her eyes and moved a little on the chair.“Stimulation of both the labia major and minor increases a woman’s pleasure and facilitates easier intercourse. My own opinion is that most men just want to stick it in and have it off.”“That’s very learned, Doctor.”“Thank you. The question we might discuss is friction or fucking?”“What about frigging?” Chimed in Phryne. “Gawd…Yes!” Mac and Jack looked at each other. “Is it hot in here? I feel…”“Flushed?” asked Mac.“Faint?” inquired Jack.“Ooh, I’m over it now,” Phryne sighed.“Perhaps a glass of water, Miss Fishah?”“Or a cigarette?” said Mac.“No thank you. I’m fine now. I just felt a…”“Spasm?” The Doctor asked.“Twinge?” The Inspector prodded as he placed the other hand in a coat pocket.“Perhaps it was a more like a stimulating tease,” Phryne closed her eyes and moved on her chair secretly and sensuously. Perhaps not that much of a secret since the other two were watching her.“There it is again!” said Jack.“What?” asked Mac. “This?” She picked up the Ben-Wa ball and gave it a small shake.“Only very faint and muffled,” explained Jack. Phryne rocked and gave a cat like smile while Jack busied himself with his pockets for a bit.“I wonder if you might give me your opinion of vaginal orgasm vs. clitoral orgasm?” Jack inquired“Either,” said Phryne.“You’re referring to Freud’s whimsical notions regarding female anatomy and sexual pleasure, are you not?” The doctor asked. “He’s a bogus old turd, who wouldn’t know a cunt from a hole in the ground.”“Don’t hold back.Tell us how you really feel,” encouraged Jack.Mac laughed. “Despite what Mr. Freud believed…”“The clit is it,” said Phryne as she rocked and rolled.“Agreed,” said Mac.“He doesn’t even have one, so what does he know?” Phryne came out of her rocking reverie to observe.“The clitoris is usually ignored.”“My last lover couldn’t even find it,” complained Phryne.“Your last lover couldn’t even pronounce it,” added her dear friend, the doctor.“Very informative,” said Jack. “Especially regarding the idiot lover.”“Not a lover, an old friend,” Phryne lectured.“Not so old,” added Mac. “I thought I was going to have to add ‘chicken-hawk’ to your bonafides.”“Hmm,” Jack furrowed as he calculated just how young the idiot had been.“Your furrowing again, Inspector,” nagged Phryne.“Your risking arrest again, Miss Fishah.”“Back to our seminar, students,” Mac clapped her hands and brought her class to order. “Any further observations?”Jack stopped furrowing and said, “I must add that in foreplay the testicles are often as ignored as the clitoris.”“Personal experience, Jack?” Phryne asked as she increased the movement of the rocker.“Women won’t touch ‘em. Or, if they do, it’s more of a quick squeamish pass. Ooh, yucky kind of thing that leaves you feeling alone.”“You like your balls fondled, Jack?” Phryne asked.“Well…” he hesitated.“In a word? For the purposes of our discussion,” Mac encouraged.“Yes.”“Useful information, from the male’s perspective,” said Mac. “Go on.”“I also dislike having my penis used like a pump handle.” Both women laughed. “I am quite serious, ladies. I am flesh and blood not bone.”“Not boner?” Mac asked helpfully.“Who treated you like that?” Phryne asked nosily.“No one you know,” Jack put her off testily.“Our friend here is well-versed in the handling of all those manly, but tender parts you mentioned,” said Mac.“I am.” Phryne licked her lips, closed her eyes and moved on the chair with chiming sincerity.Jack bit his lips and swallowed hard while Mac observed her students and sipped her whisky.“It’s just that a man might like a slow hand,” Jack explained.“I love that,” said Phryne.“Tenderness in touch is so very n-n-ice,” he said as he played with his pockets.“Oh yes,” said Phryne as she teased herself with the secreted ball and the action of the rocking chair. “It is.”“So, masturbate much, Inspector?” Mac asked.“Not so much that I have to shave my palms, but I may need glasses soon.”“I like to do it after my bath, so I can sleep,” said Phryne sensuously.“That sounds quite c-c-osy,” Jack closed his eyes and fondled his pockets.“She definitely has a cosy coozy,” said Mac. Jack and Phryne glared at her. “Just an observation, students.”“What about you, Jack?” Phryne asked. “Are you blushing?”“I’m a grown man, I’m not embarrassed about…”“Being a wanker? Medically speaking.” Mac added with a smirk as she poured more whisky in their glasses. “When? Where? And, how often.”“You first, Doctor,” said Jack.“About twice a week?”“You seem unsure.”“Lately I have had help.”“Are you seeing someone, Mac?” Phryne stopped rocking and asked.“No comment. Inspector?“As often as I can without arresting myself for public indecency.”“Class, shall we discuss the intricacies of female orgasm? And, can a man be instructed in the art of bringing a woman to completion.”“Of course,” said Jack.“Please,” said Phryne. “To please, I mean.”“Oral stimulation is part of that topic,” Mac instructed. “Most men don’t know what they’re doing in that regard, according to my assistant. And, she would know.”“Please inform us, Miss Fishah.”“They think if they give you a quick kiss on your thatch they’ve done their duty. Or, they may venture downward if you encourage them.”“Thigh lock around the neck, perhaps?” asked Mac.“Well, not that drastic.”“Usually?” Jack inquired.“What I am trying to say, if you both would let me speak. Is that even if you can encourage them to give it a go, it’s cursory and rushed. Positively unenthusiastic, in my opinion.”“Afraid it might bite? It’s a snatch after all,” said Mac.“Want to get to the main event,” said Jack.“Well, I enjoy the opening acts,” stated Phryne defiantly.“As do I.” He looked at her with mingled lust/love, serious big blue eyes and hands in pockets.“Do you, Jack?” She responded with more rocking as she wet her lips and penetrated him with her gaze..“God, I’m glad I’m a dyke. Stop having eye sex, you two,” complained Mac. “The topic was cunnilingus.”“I’ve always thought that term had a musical quality to it. Like chimes,” Jack smiled at Phryne with his almost dimple.“Well, she’ll sing if you know what you’re doing, lad.” Mac informed him.“Do you, Jack?”“Know what, Phryne?”“About that music your mouth might elicit from me…her…a woman?”“My former wife sang midnight arias, if that’s what you are asking.””“Vital information,” said Mac. “You’ll store it in your pretty pink purse for later, won’t you, pet?” “For contemplation in the future, Mac? Absolutely.”Jack removed his hands from his pockets, stood up tall and declaimed, “Dirk vanquished sword on the field of Romancin’/His tongue tickled her fancy/And she got to dancin’/Clampin’ her thighs and grabbin’ his hair/Ridin’ his mouth ‘til he spilled his seed there/In a…“Puddle in a muddle!” shouted Mac.“You know that one?”“I’ve done it,” said Phyne.“No doubt.” Mac said. “Did Robbie Burns write that?” She winked at him.“I think it was a very minor poet instead. Well, I must be going. Duty calls. A most stimulating discussion, ladies.”“Nightcap, Jack?” Phryne asked as she rose from the chair.“I’m afraid I’m doing some scientific research tonight.”“As am I,” said Mac.“Science. Always divine science with you two. Excuse me, must use the loo.” Phryne left the room quickly.“Ten o’clock suit you tonight, Pinky,” Jack asked as Mac handed him his hat.“Further experiments with the clitoris, Robbie?”“Perhaps you’ll show me how those Venus Balls work?”“Perhaps you’ll let me investigate these?” She reached down and cupped his testicles.“A divine plan”, he sighed.“Impure science,” Mac purred and released him.“I look forward to it,” said Jack as he left her office.