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HELL’S KITCHEN, NYKaren’s heart beat a million miles a minute as she walked up to the deli. She was anxious. Anxious to get to Foggy and tell him everything that she had just found out. That a masked man saved another man’s life. A man in a black mask.It had to be Matt. It couldn’t be a coincidence. When he had saved her the first time, he had been wearing a black mask over his face. She had her suspicions about him still being alive, but this was the first time in three months that even a inkling of proof had surfaced.She opened the door to the deli, where Foggy’s family was gathering for a celebration, and put a smile on her face. She was a little late, but she made it.“Hi,” she said out of breath to Foggy, his brother, and his dad. “Sorry, I, uh-”“Perfect timing!” Foggy exclaimed. “Now everyone can stop worrying about my career choices and start worrying about me cheating on Marci. Much better.”His voice oozed his usual sarcasm as he walked up to Karen in his fancy three piece suit and short haircut. It made him look like a real, professional lawyer. A big difference from the shaggy haired guy who was flying by the seat of his pants. The guy used to be a package deal with Matt Murdock himself.Karen ignored his antics. What she had to say to him was urgent. “Can I talk to you?”He dropped the smile.“What’s wrong?”She took him in for a hug, and whispered into his ear, “I think Matt’s alive.”He pulled away, his eyes wide, clearly taken aback by her statement. They both went into the corner of the deli and spoke in hushed conversation. Karen explained everything that she had learned at the hospital earlier.“So the guy in the mask. He wasn’t in a, you know, a devil suit?”“No, no, but he was wearing a black mask, Foggy.”“So it could be anybody!” he whispered sharply.“It could also not be anybody,” she argued.“Hell’s Kitchen is ground zero for vigilantes these days. Believe me, I want it to be Matt too. But he’s….gone.”Karen shook her head, “No, no.”“We need to get past that,” Foggy was adamant, but Karen kept shaking her head.“There is no proof of that.”They hadn’t even found a body. Matt could very well still be out there.She tried to continue, “Until there is-”“You know how I know he’s gone? Because if it was Matt, if he was really still alive, he would’ve reached out to us.”Karen was livid now. She couldn’t believe that Foggy, of all people, Matt’s best friend, could be saying these things. It was like he didn’t want Matt to be alive. Did he not have any semblance of hope?No, he did. She knew he did. He had to.She ran her tongue over the inside of her bottom lip, arms crossed.“You know how I know you don’t really believe that?” she asked, “You keep saying ‘gone’ instead of ‘dead’. Now don’t you want to take a minute and be absolutely sure that it’s not your best friend out there somewhere?”“I wish it was my best friend. But it’s not. He’s dead.”Karen’s eyes watered with rage. She couldn’t believe it. He really was an idiot.She couldn’t be there anymore. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Before saying anything else that she might regret, she clenched her teeth and headed towards the door of the deli.In his normal voice, Foggy protested,“Karen, come on. Stay.”But she was already pushing the door open, making the bell ring, and marching onto the street.Fine. If Foggy wasn’t going to listen, she could count on at least one other person who would.QUEENS, NYIt was the morning, the sun shining surprisingly bright, when you were in the middle of doing a load of laundry, and the buzzer rang.“I got it!” your mom announced from the kitchen.Thinking that it was probably some salesman or a delivery person dropping off a package, you didn’t think twice about it. You filled the washing machine with detergent and dumped the pile of clothes from your basket and into it.A mundane task, but it was enough to keep your mind preoccupied for the time being.But of course, with your luck, it was short lived.“Y/N!” you mom called from the front door. “It’s Karen here to see you!”You froze mid motion, your head snapping in the direction of the door. That was the last thing you expected. Karen rarely visited, but when she did, she usually called or texted you. So this was a surprise.A sudden pang of anxiety hit you. Was something wrong?“Buzz her in!” you said, closing the washing machine so it could start its cycle, and headed to the front of the apartment.After a minute, there was a knock on the door and you opened it. Right outside in the hallway, stood your old friend, Karen Page, dressed in her usual professional attire. Her strawberry blonde hair was pinned up in a low bun and her blue eyes were as beautiful as ever.She smiled at you with her usual friendly smile. You managed to smile back, but not as vibrantly. That was a hard thing to do these days.“Hey, Y/N,” she greeted softly.“Hey Karen,” you said, a little apprehensive. “Everything okay?”Her smile dropped into a thin line. You could see the urgency in her eyes now that she wasn’t trying to keep up a facade.“I need to talk to you.”You frowned, “Is something wrong?”If it was so important that she couldn’t just call or text you, then it must be serious.She opened her mouth to say something, but then she closed it. It filled you with a sense of dread. Of panic.Oh no. A wave of nausea hit you, and you were scared you’d actually throw up.You stepped out into the hallway, and closed the door behind you.“Did they….did they find a body?”Because if they did…that would be that he was really gone. That he was-“No, no. Oh God, no. They still haven’t found Matt’s body.”You let out a breath of relief and put your hand over your abdomen, where a small pregnant belly was growing. Three months to be exact.Karen glanced at it, before going on, “But…it does have to do with him.”You perked up at that and stepped closer to your friend.“What about him, Karen?”She leaned closer to you, as if afraid someone, somewhere might be watching. It wouldn’t be the first time such a thing was true.“I think Matt’s alive, Y/N.”The night that the Midland Circle building collapsed on Matthew Murdock, was the worst night of your life.The two of you had been up and down a lot in your relationship before then. When your relationship had started, you had what everyone labeled as, “The Honeymoon phase.” Everything seemed to go great, until you were forced to face a lot of issues.His life as vigilante being one of them.You wouldn’t have been so pissed about it had he not lied to you so goddamn much. Or had he not tried so hard to push you away. Saying that he wasn’t good enough for you, and that being with him would only get you hurt.You told him he was being stupid, that you loved him and were willing to work through this. But at the end of the day, he decided to end it.You tried staying away from him, to date other people and move on with your life, but it was hard, you came to realize soon enough. You cared about him too damn much, and no one made you feel the same way he made you feel.When you rebuilt your friendship, and admitted that you were still in love with each other, you decided to get back together. It felt good, better than last time, and you were much better at dealing with his bullshit, reminding him that he didn’t have to push you away. That you were staying because you could take care of yourself.But then, Stick came back.Stick was the one who trained Matt to fight when he was a kid, and he is, and always will be an asshole. He was the very person who instilled the idea in Matt that he didn’t need anyone. That personal relationships were a distraction. Luckily, Matt wasn’t having any of that bullshit anymore, as much as Stick fought him, and you, on it. And it all seemed good, until Elektra made an appearance.No words could describe the immense jealousy that came with meeting Elektra. She was Matt’s ex-girlfriend, charming, beautiful, and panther-like. Not to mention his counterpart when it came to kicking ass. You never thought you’d be the jealous type. When it came to Claire or Karen, you didn’t feel jealousy, but in this case it hit you hard. Especially considering that Matt and Elektra seemed to be perfect for each other, and once even they thought they were meant to be. It was hard not to believe it yourself.No matter how many times Matt told you that there was nothing going on between them, it still created a rift. He already didn’t spend many nights with you because of Daredevil, but now he was spending those nights with her. He said it was solely for a mission, and nothing else. But still, your brain just seemed to fill in the blanks, even if those assumptions weren’t necessarily true. And you refused to be a second choice. Not to her.After all, how could you compete with a soulmate?So you ended it. Again.Apart from the night he died, that was probably the most gut-wrenching night of your life.For a moment you thought that was it. That you’d cut ties with him for sure, but then tragedy happened. And Elektra was killed in combat.Some morbid part of you wanted to be relieved, but it was only for a fraction of a second. This was someone Matt used to love and care about, someone he used to see a future with, and he had just seen them die in his arms. You knew you just couldn’t not be there for him.So, you went to the funeral. You hugged him, held his hand, and that night you even slept in the same bed. Nothing happened, but your presence was enough.The one sentence that he uttered to you that night was, “You were never just a second choice to me.”It was then that you realized that you loved Matt more than your heart could contain. You were willing to fight for him, for what you both had together, no matter what. Willing to get past the jealousy. It was a different love from Foggy’s and Karen’s, because you knew that you could never just be friends. It seemed impossible. So, a few weeks later, the two of you got back together. For good.Or so it seemed.Time passed. Matt finally told Karen he was Daredevil, and in that same night he decided to retire the mask and the suit. Knowing Matt better than that, you were skeptical. That part of his life was embedded in him whether he admitted it or not. But you didn’t say anything. Maybe he needed the break. After all, he was dedicating more time to your relationship than ever, so you didn’t mind. However, you could still see that he missed it. And even though he said that he didn’t, you knew he was lying.Then…The Hand came back in full force, and by some miracle, Elektra was alive. You weren’t sure how, but she was back, and she wasn’t herself at all. Matt ended up joining a group of vigilantes to fight them off.He tried hiding it from you, Foggy, and Karen. But for your safety, he felt the need to tell you. Foggy and Karen didn’t take it too well, as expected. They always saw this lifestyle as self destructive, and you understood their point of view. But, you also knew that this was something Matt was meant to do, so, you told him to go.He was surprised, especially since Elektra was involved. But you knew better this time. You knew just how much he loved you, and that he would never choose anyone but you. At least you were betting on it.So you told him to do what he had to do.Little did you know that it would be something you’d come to regret.The night before it happened, you were talking about getting married. You were pregnant by then, but you didn’t know it.It was the first time he ever really talked about a future with you. Before that, he never thought he deserved you, and that what you had would be short lived because he’d just hurt you again. However, seeing how you’ve stayed in his despite everything, it proved him otherwise.“Y/N….would you marry me?”Your eyes widened, not in fear but in shock. “Are you - are you proposing, Murdock?”He chuckled, “No, no. Not yet, anyway. I was just asking out of genuine curiosity.”You cocked your head to the side. To you it wasn’t even a question, but you could see why Matt was asking.“Of course I’d marry you,” you said with certainty. “I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.”His lips quirked in a small smile.“Even if I kept being Daredevil?”“I think I’ve learned from being with you that Matt Murdock and Daredevil come as a package deal. As long as you stay alive, I think I’ll be okay.”His smile was bigger now. “Then I promise, that when this whole thing is over, and I’m still breathing….I’m gonna save up and buy you a ring.”You laughed, breathlessly, “I’ll hold you to that, baby.”When you found out - rather, realized, what happened, you were at the police station with Foggy, Karen, Trish, and Malcolm. All of the Defenders had come into the small room you were all waiting in. Luke, Claire, Jessica, Danny, and Colleen. All of them bloodied or injured in some away or another, coming back to their friends and loved ones.You waited in anticipation for Matt to walk through the door, following close behind in his red suit. To see him bruised and banged, but alive and breathing as he always was. You were ready for this to be over. And yet…Seconds, minutes seemed to pass, but he didn’t come. And when you all realized what that meant, that he wouldn’t be coming back, that he was gone, a wave of dizziness hit you.“No….he couldn’t….he has to be….”Luke looked at you somberly and shook his head.You swore you could feel your heart shatter into a million pieces.Karen sobbed and turned to hug a distressed Foggy. Your own legs gave out and you dropped to your knees, your eyes flooding with tears, but no sobs came out. Luke put his hand on your shoulder, making sure you didn’t pass out. You could vaguely hear his voice trying to be soothing, but it was muffled by the rushing in your ears. Karen sank down next to you and wrapped her arms around you in an embrace, but you barely registered it.All you could do was stare at the door, still hoping that Matt would walk through it. But he never did. You found out you were pregnant about a week and a half later.You remember sitting on the floor of your bathroom, crying, the positive pregnancy test on the floor next to you. So many emotions washed over you. You wanted to be happy that you were pregnant with Matt’s baby, but sad that he wouldn’t be alive to raise them with you. You were angry at him for staying down there and risking death, angry that he didn’t make it out alive like he promised. But you were also angry at yourself for condoning his actions in the first place.And still, you knew. You knew he would’ve still done it. He would’ve done it behind your back anyways, because he was a stubborn asshole who had no regard for his safety.You were supposed to get married one day. You were supposed to get the fuck out of Hell’s Kitchen and move to a house and have children, together. Not alone. Not like this.Sick of Hell’s Kitchen, and the constant reminder of Matt’s death, you decided to move in with your parents back in Queens. As much as you loved Foggy and Karen, you just had to get away from the city, and your mother was more than happy to provide company in your grieving, as well as help you with your pregnancy.Part of you still refused to believe Matt was truly gone. Maybe it was a delusion, or the fact that you had part of him growing inside of you, but you had a feeling he was still out there, somehow. They still hadn’t found a body, it could very well have been true. Of course, so many people told you to move on, so you kept your mouth shut, and kept the thought to yourself. Maybe you were wrong, maybe you were crazy, but it was the only thing that would help you move forward for the time being. That, and the baby.You just never expected the day would actually come when Karen would knock on the door, and tell you that you weren’t in fact crazy. That Matt could very well have survived the collapse of Midland Circle. That he was alive.QUEENS, NYYou and Karen went out to a coffee shop down the street to talk. She ordered a coffee and you ordered some tea and a pastry. You ate and drank as she told you everything about the story she had been investigating. About the man who was saved by a man in a black mask. Matt usually wore his signature devil suit, but before that, he used to wear a black outfit with a black mask that covered half his face.“Foggy thinks it’s just a coincidence. That it’s just another vigilante, but I don’t think so. Do you?” she asked hopefully.You shook your head, “I think I’ve spent enough time with Matt to know that there’s not such thing as coincidences.”Before you knew he was Daredevil, you had overlooked so many coincidences because the idea of him being a vigilante just didn’t make sense in your head. After finding out, and your world was turned upside down, you knew better than to doubt “coincidences” ever again.“So you think it is him?”With more hope than you’ve had in a long time, you said, “Yes.”She sighed in relief, “I knew you wouldn’t. You’re the only other person who’s never really lost hope.”“I can’t afford to.” Your hand flew to your belly again. “Besides, Matt’s too stubborn to die just like that. I can’t tell you how many times he’d come home on the verge of death, only to cheat his way out of it somehow. I used to joke that ‘The Hand works hard, but the Devil works harder’.”She hummed in amusement. “You’re not wrong about that.”“Foggy’s right about one thing though.”“And what’s that?”“If Matt is alive, he should’ve contacted us. Any of us,” you were hurt thinking about it. “Why is he hiding out now, instead of trying to come back?”The thought made you angry the more you thought about it. Was he just going to keep this up, making you all think he was dead? And then suddenly make an appearance as if we weren’t going to notice? You were carrying his child, and because of the stupid habit he had of pushing people away, he wasn’t going to find out.She shrugged,“You know, Matt. He’s too good at isolating himself, and keeping a lot of secrets.”“You’d think he would’ve learned by now,” you murmured, feeling emotional. After everything, he was still doing this.You worked at your lip with you teeth, thinking of what you should do with this new piece of vital information.“We have to find him, Karen.”She nodded, “I’ll do everything that I can. If I find something, I’ll let you know.”“Are you still paying for the rent on his apartment?”She looked taken aback by the fact that you knew this piece of information.“How did you…?”“Foggy told me in hopes that I’d get angry at you and tell you to let it go.”“Of course he did,” she huffed, annoyed, but then when she looked at you she narrowed her eyes. “But you never did.”“It didn’t feel like the right thing to do,” you shrugged. “That’s Matt’s place, and letting someone else take it would be….wrong.”Karen nodded in agreement. You felt that way even though you never went in there since it all happened. Not once. Despite the internal promise you made to yourself to stay away, maybe now it was about time you went back. Before, you wanted to stay out of it all, to stay out of Hell’s Kitchen, but now…you had a reason to go back.“Karen…..would be be crazy if I went back there?”She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “T-to see it? Or…?”“No. I mean to move back in.”“I thought you never wanted to go back there.”“I know, I know, but….if he’s out there, and he really is pushing everyone away….then you’re gonna need all the help you can get. And I want to be here when you find him.”You expected her to look at you like you were crazy. To tell you that Hell’s Kitchen was no place for a pregnant woman to live, but she didn’t. Instead, her eyes seemed to light up. She knew you could take care of yourself. For the first time in a long time, it was just like old times.She nodded, almost excitedly. “Okay.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Just when you thought nothing crazy would happen, everything kicked off.It was the night of Wilson Fisk’s release.Everyone had been freaking out. Karen had gone to the hotel he was staying at to get some information and Foggy was there too, trying to jump start a campaign. You were instructed to stay inside by both of them, and you knew you should’ve listened, but you didn’t.Because something told you that today was the perfect day to look for Matt Murdock. And nothing brought the devil out quite like Wilson Fisk. Especially at night.You racked your brain day and night, sitting in his old apartment, haunted by memories, trying to figure out where he could be. You often searched for him in the faces of other people, only to be disappointed when he wasn’t there. It was only until now that you figured it out, and you didn’t intend on wasting any time in acting on it.The dark sky fell over the city like a sheet blocking out the sun, devoid of stars. The grey-stoned church towered over you as you stood at the foot of its steps. You took in even, ragged breaths, anxious about going in. Anxious about what you might find, or not.Matt used to come here in times of darkness or big waves of guilt. It was also here that he was raised after his father was shot dead, and he became an orphan. Aside from Fogwell’s gym, and his own apartment, it was the only other place you could think of that held any emotional value to him.Of those three places, this church was the only one that seemed a plausible place for him to hide out. After all, they did offer sanctuary, right? And it was against their beliefs to tell someone else’s secrets, no matter how dark.You nodded to yourself.
Yeah. He’ll be here.
Without another second wasted, you went up the stairs and into the open doors of the church. Unlike the streets outside, it was quiet. Silence fell instantly upon your ears. So much so that you could probably hear a pin drop. The lighting was warm yellow, just as warm as its temperature, and the place smelled of incense.You went up the center aisle, walking past the pews, your eyes searching for any sign of Matt. Although you doubted he’d just be sitting here for anyone to find him. No. All you saw was a sole person, sitting near the back, praying. No one you knew.When you reached the first row, you took in the massive white altar before you. The golden cross in the middle, the stained glass windows above it, the red candles on either side, and the larger cross with Jesus on it that was on the left.Have you been taking care of him? You asked whoever, or whatever was up there.
Someone has to. We all know he won’t.
Your attention was taken away from the altar by the sound of footsteps, coming from a small room to your right. A small nun, about your mother’s age, came out with her head bowed, her hand holding a rosary tightly within its grasp.You watched her for a second, before deciding that you might as well ask her if she knew anything.“Excuse me,” you said softly, but loud enough for her to hear.She finally lifted her head to look at you as you walked towards her. Her brown eyes were big and round, very alert.“Can I help you?”“Yes, um, my name is Y/N, and I was wondering if you could help me find someone.”“Who, may I ask, are you looking for?”You looked behind you before saying the next part, making sure no one was listening in.“I’m looking for Matt Murdock,” you whispered.If the name was familiar, she didn’t show it on her face. Instead, she looked at you with her reserved, yet poised expression. She was trained to keep secrets, big ones. The only sign that she did, in fact, know something, was her lack of an answer. So, with that bit of hope, you went on.“I know he probably swore you to secrecy, but…..I need to find him.” Those last words came out more desperate than you intended, but your desperation was what fueled you as you rambled on. “He’s supposed to be dead, but I knows he’s not. I know that he’s been hiding out these past few months, and I…..I just figured he’d be here.”After a pause, you slowed down a little bit. “Is he? Here?”She looked at you for a second, as if taking you in, analyzing you. And you did, in fact, feel insane.“Or am I just talking out of my ass and sound crazy?” you looked down at your feet, but then realized you had cursed in a church. “Sorry.”“It’s alright. I’ve heard worse.”Despite your rambling, she didn’t show you any sign that she was annoyed or distressed. Maybe it was her teachings as a nun, or just her personality. Who knew? She walked closer to you, her hands clasped in front of her.“What is he to you?” she asked thoughtfully. “Friend? Boyfriend? Fiance?”The more you were in her presence, the more you felt like there was something about her that set you at ease. You felt like you could trust her, even though you didn’t know her at all.“The last time I checked…boyfriend. In fact, the last time we talked, he told me he was going to buy ring, but then a building collapsed on him.”“So, the two of you…you were in love.” She seemed a little surprised by her own statement.“More than you know,” you uttered.
“We loved with a love that was more than love.”
They were words from one of your favorite poems, one that Matt would ask you to recite aloud to him often.Annabel Lee by Edgar Allen Poe.You unconsciously put your hand over your pregnant belly, thinking of what exactly that love had created.When you looked at her, her eyes were at your hand over your stomach, her eyebrows raised. You opened and closed your mouth, realizing what you had done. It wasn’t like you were trying to keep it a secret, but you hadn’t planned on dumping everything on this woman you had just met.“Are you…?”You nodded, defeated.“Does he know?”You shook your head, getting emotional once again.“Not yet,” you said, “So you can see why I have to see him.”She took a deep breath and nodded slowly, before taking a small step back and pivoting. You at her curiously.“Come with me,” she said. “I’ll take you to him.”She took you to a door to the left side of the church, that opened out to a series of stairs that went down into a mysterious lower floor.Before you went down, she spoke in whispered conversation. No doubt to keep Matt from hearing.“He sustained some pretty bad injuries from the collapse, lost his hearing for a while, which you might guess was pretty hard on him. He’s still healing, but its back now. It would’ve gone much faster had he not decided to go out and look for a fight when he wasn’t supposed to.”You shook your head, “That’s Matthew.”A small smile graced her lips.“So, you’ve known each other a long time?”“Four years. Seems much longer than that, though.”“And together for..?”“A little less than that. We were on and off a lot at first. Issues and whatnot.”“But you stuck with him regardless?”“Was hard not to. I love him too much.”“That’s good. He needs someone to hold on to him no matter how hard he resists.”Sister Maggie then pursed her lips, “I must warn you, that he’s fallen into a pretty dark place. Mentally, I mean. I don’t know how he was before all of this happened, but…he might not seem like the same man you knew before.”You frowned at that.She went on. “I’ve tried talking to him, but….hopefully, you can knock some better sense into him than me.”“I’ll do my best,” you sighed.Luckily, you had plenty of experience in that department.“Just remember that love you have for him, and don’t let go no matter how hard he tries to push you away.”You nodded. “Okay.”The both of you went down into the darkly lit chamber made of stone that was occasionally adorned with stained glass or a small statue. You protected your pregnant belly with one arm, as you went down the steps, and your heart began to beat so hard in anticipation, you could feel it against your ribcage.Sister Maggie said that Matt had lost his hearing before, but he must’ve gotten it back by now. So, there was no doubt that he could hear you right now as you came down the stairs with her.Could he tell it was you?Finally, you reached the end of the stairway that led to the large stone room below the church. Your eyes went everywhere from the pillars, to the statues, to the stained glass, to the stone coffins, and then to the small room that was situated towards the back.Where a dark figure stood facing away from you.Your heart lurched, and you braced yourself on the wall to keep yourself steady. He turned his head to the side, listening closely.“Matthew, there’s someone here to see you,” Maggie announced.He turned his body around so quickly, you would’ve thought he was about to fight off an enemy, and you gasped. Not because of the motion, but because of how real he was.After three months of thinking he was dead, he was here in front of you, still breathing. You had still held out hope that he was alive, but a part of you still lived in that grief. It was a way of saving yourself any more despair should they have found a body. But that never happened.Now he was here. The same old Matt Murdock that you fell in love with, or at least in appearance. The same dark, short hair, and the green eyes that never quite looked at you, but still managed to see you. The same pink lips that you kissed and the stubble you often ran your fingers over. Even the cuts and bruises were still on his face, always in different places and shapes, but still there.His eyes widened and you could see an intense look of concentration on his face, like he was trying to hone in on his senses to double check that he wasn’t dreaming. You were the last person he had expected to see today, no doubt.“Y/N?”The question was more of gasp, and hearing your name come out of his mouth felt so good, so familiar. You had to pinch yourself to make sure that you weren’t dreaming, because for the last few months that was the only way you ever heard him say it.But now it was real. And you could almost cry.“Matty,” you exhaled.“I’ll give the two of you some privacy. You have a lot to talk about, I’m sure,” Sister Maggie said, before giving you a pointed look and heading back upstairs.When she was gone, both you and Matt stood there, facing each other with a large gap between the two of you. But you couldn’t take it, you couldn’t take not touching him for one more second, not when he was right here in front of you.You practically ran to him, and threw your arms around his shoulders, embracing him. Tears spilled from your eyes and you sniffled into this neck. He smelled of blood, sweat, and that musk that only belonged to him, all smells that you associated with him.He took a while to register and process your embrace, but surely his hands came to rest on your waist.When you finally pulled back to look at him, you ran your hands up and down his arms, chest, and face, as if to make sure everything was all there. And now that you were he was, part of you was pissed that he was hiding here the entire time.“I don’t know whether to kiss you or punch you right now,” you admitted.“Well, I wouldn’t blame you if you did the latter.”His voice was colder than normal, but you didn’t let faze you.“Well it seems like someone already beat me to it,” you said, gesturing to his fresh cuts and bruises.“Yeah, you should see the other guy.”You hummed in amusement at the familiar line.“Did you hear me coming? Sister Maggie said that you were struggling with getting your hearing back.”“Yeah, it just came back today actually. I thought I heard you, even smelled you, coming down the stairs, but I thought I was losing my mind for a second.”“Well, you weren’t. I’m here.”He back up a little bit, and crossed his arms.“I can’t believe you’re here,” he said. “How did you convince Maggie to let you down here?”“I told her about us, and other things,” you vaguely explained. “Which is why I needed to find you, to talk to you, to bring you back.”“You shouldn’t have done that, Y/N,” he shook his head. “I’m not going back.”You gave him a weird look, “Why not?”“Because things aren’t the same anymore. I’m not the same anymore. You shouldn’t be here. I thought you left Hell’s Kitchen.”“I did,” you said, now crossing your arms and spreading your feet shoulder width, “but then a few days ago, Karen came knocking at my door, telling me someone in a black mask saved a man from getting killed. So, on the off chance that it was you, and you were still alive, of course I came back.”Matt nodded slowly at that.“I should’ve known Karen would be the first to find out.”“You know, if you wanted to keep a low profile, you should’ve at least chosen a color other than black or red to wear.”“What can I say? I can’t exactly get a suit made here. Resources are limited.”You rolled your eyes.“Did you really think I wouldn’t find you here?”“I was hoping you wouldn’t, but I think deep down I always knew better than that.”He knew you better than that, and you knew him better too.“What are you doing here Matt? Why have you been hiding out here this entire time, making us think that you’re dead?”“Because I am dead, Y/N. Matt Murdock is dead.”“What the fuck are you talking about?”He took a second to breath, to get his words together. “I didn’t want you guys to know that I’m alive, because I don’t want you guys to have me in your lives anymore. I’m not a good thing to have in your lives, especially not good enough for you. It was a mistake to have you in my life, so I have to cut you guys out.”You dropped your jaw in disbelief, but also in hurt. You had heard the whole, “I’m not good enough for you,” spiel a long time ago, but not like this.“Woah. Where the hell is this coming from?”“Everyone in my life gets hurt, Y/N, and I can’t have that happen anymore. Stick was right. Personal relationships only get in the way of what I’m supposed to do, and the only way to end that is if I become Daredevil. Fully. Matt Murdock has to die, so that others don’t.”You swore you were gonna throw up.“You’re kidding me, right?” you yelled. “Don’t pull that melodramatic bullshit with me. The Matt Murdock I fell in love with would’ve never admitted that that asshole was right. He might have taught you everything that you know, and he might have been right about a lot of things, but he was wrong about this.”“The Matt Murdock you fell in love with is dead.”Your heart constricted, and you could feel hot angry tears prickle in your eyes.“Stop saying that. No, he’s not,” you argued. “You can’t actually believe that this is the only way to solve any of this. That isolating yourself and killing that part of yourself is the only way to save people. That’s not a way to live. You can’t save everyone, Matt.”“Maybe not, but I can save the ones that matter.”“Who? Us?”He didn’t say anything, but his silence was enough.“Oh, so we do matter to you?” you asked. “Is this about Elektra? Are you worried we might end up like her? Or is this about Fisk? Are you worried about him? Both? Because if that’s what you’re worried about, then that must mean you still feel something. That the Matt Murdock that loves us is still in there.”At mention of both of those names, he faltered a bit.“After this, I don’t think he will be.”You clenched your jaw before you could scream in frustration. Your stomach tightened, but you really weren’t looking to have morning sickness right now. You looked up at the arched ceiling and tried to take even breaths to keep it down.When you looked back down, you focused on your anger rather than the feeling in your stomach.“Is that why you made us think you were dead? Is that why you didn’t reach out? Why you didn’t want me to find you?” you seethed, “You were just going to - what - fall off the face of the fucking earth without saying anything? Go on another suicide mission and die for good this time?”He worked his jaw. He was trying to act cool, but you could tell he was fighting off tears. “I’m sorry, but it’s better this way.”“Better this way?!”“I get it, you’re angry, but you don’t understand-”“No.” You shook your head, “Don’t you dare. You don’t get to do that. You don’t understand. After everything we’ve faced, after all the shit we’ve been through, does what we had mean nothing?!”“Y/N-”If he was going to say anything else, you didn’t let him, because you marched up to him, and shoved him in anger. “Shut up!”“Do you know what I’ve been through these past three months? Do you know what I felt when I lost you? When that building collapsed and you died? Do you know what it was like for me, Foggy, and Karen to wait for you to walk through the door with everyone else, only to find out that you weren’t ever coming back?”“That was Hell!” you shoved him again. “I LOST HALF OF MYSELF THAT DAY!” you sobbed, hitting him again. He tried reaching for you, but you pulled away.“So don’t you tell me, Matt Murdock, that I would be better off with you dead, because that’s a goddamn lie. I mourned you every day, Karen mourned you every day, Foggy mourned you every day. So you don’t get to tell us to just stop caring about you, or to pretend that your existence means nothing, because - new flash - it does. Whether you like it or not. You’re Matt Murdock whether you like it or not.”When you stopped, and finally got it all out, your chest was heaving. You tried to steady it, but it was hard. You couldn’t look at him anymore, so you turned around, and found a resting place against one of the pillars to steady you. There were too many emotions festering inside of you and you didn’t know what to do with them.Matt slowly walked to you, standing by your side. Probably making sure you didn’t pass out.You wanted to tell him to get away from you, to fuck off, but you were hit with extreme nausea. You put your hand over your stomach, and just as Matt was about to ask you if you were okay, bile rose to your throat and you were running to the sink that was behind him, emptying out the contents of your stomach.Matt ran to your side and pulled your hair back to keep it from getting any vomit on it.When you were done, you turned on the faucet to make it all go down the drain, and to clean yourself up. Meanwhile, Matt never took his hand off the small of your back. It was familiar, but considering everything that just happened, it was also a little strange.“You should sit down,” he said in the softest voice. It was just one sentence, but for the first time since seeing him again, he sounded like himself. “I’ll get you some water.”But still, you were too pissed at him so listen.“No,” you shook your head, still over the sink.“Y/N, you’re sick, you need to sit down. I can hear something off inside you, a sound, but I can’t tell what it is.”“I’m not sick, Matt!” you raised your voice, pleading for him to understand. There was a lump in your throat as you cast a sideways glance at him, and finally said the words you came here to say. “I’m pregnant.”His breath hitched and his big green eyes widened. You had to look away from him to keep from sobbing, so you kept your eyes on the faucet, bracing yourself on either side of the sink.“That sound you’re hearing, is a baby’s heartbeat,” you murmured. “Our baby’s heartbeat.”You had heard it for yourself a few times now, when you went to get an ultrasound. Of course, you couldn’t hear it without a doppler, but you knew that with his abilities, Matt could. Sometimes you wondered if things were different, if he would’ve found out that you were pregnant before you did, given that babies develop heartbeats at six weeks and you found out at seven.He was tearing up now, his face filled with shock.“Our baby? You mean…?”You were crying again, “I’m 12 weeks pregnant…and it’s yours.”There was a beat of silence as he processed this.“When did you find out?”“Almost two weeks after Midland Circle fell.”He exhaled sharply, probably thinking about how that must have been for you.“Like I said, losing you was hell,” you reiterated.As joyous as a pregnancy should be, the idea of having to raise it without a father broke you more than anything.“And, you’ve been dealing with this alone?”“No,” you shook your head, and finally turned your body to face him. You could see the battle of emotions within his eyes. “My mom has been helping a lot. Plus Karen when she can, and Foggy whenever I see him. Which is rare.”“So, they know?”“Yeah. Everyone except you.”His lip quivered, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. He was angry at himself now. Despite how pleased you felt over it, it still hurt you to see him in pain.“I’m sorry. I didn’t….If I had known…”“It’s okay,” you said sincerely, “You were recovering half of the time, and I wasn’t even in Hell’s Kitchen while it was going on. It would’ve been hard for you to find out anyway.”He worked his jaw. For the first time since seeing him again, you could see the real him peeking through again.“Out of all the crazy things I’ve done and experienced, this is the craziest thing to wrap my head around,” he laughed nervously.“You want to feel it?” you asked. The baby was by no means big enough to move around yet, but you were sure Matt would be able to feel something.Hesitantly, he nodded. You grabbed his hand and splayed it over your bump. He gasped and a tear rolled down his cheek.“Oh my God,” he gasped.There was a joke there about him saying that in a church, but you didn’t say it.“I know.”You stayed silent so he could listen in on the baby and feel it. With a teary smile, he looked up at you and you could see that all of those walls he had up when you first entered, were not gone. This was pure, real emotion. A terrified excitement. He asked in a sharp whisper, “We’re gonna have a baby?”Through tears you nodded vigorously, “Mhmmm.”He scoffed in disbelief. The next thing you knew, he put his other hand on the back of your neck and kissed you. Relief washed over you, because now the hard part was over. He knew you were pregnant and he was happy about it, and best of all, you had him back.His lips molded to yours and you melted against him. You never wanted to let go for fear that you might lose him again.When he disconnected his lips from yours and your foreheads touched, you said,“So you see why you can’t just disappear. You can’t just push me away and decide not to be Matt Murdock anymore. I won’t let you, because I need you - we need you.”You motioned to you and the baby.“And you need us. All of us,” you added, referring to Foggy, Karen, and even Sister Maggie too.“Okay,” he nodded. “Okay.”“I missed you so much, Matty.”“I missed you too. More than I wanted to admit to myself,” he said.“I know.”“I should’ve come to you. At least to you,” he said somberly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I put you through all that. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when you found out you were pregnant. I’m so sorry that I kept this from you. I didn’t mean….”“I know.”“I didn’t think…”“No, you didn’t,” you smirked, and he did it right back. “Just don’t do it again…or I’ll kill you myself.”He chuckled, and straightened up again. He put his hands on either side of your waist and you rested your on his forearms.“I was just trying to protect you.”“You always say that,” you rolled your eyes.“It’s true, Y/N. And now? With the baby?” You could see him start to panic and worry. He shifted his hands on your shoulders. “Y/N…you really need to get out of Hell’s Kitchen.”“But I just got here, and I just found you again!”“I know, but right now it’s too dangerous for you to be here.”“As opposed to every other time something like this has happened?”“Yes, because this time, there’s one more life I need to protect, and Wilson Fisk, the most powerful man in New York, who also happens to have it out for me, is out of prison. I intend on stopping him for good, and I can’t risk having you or the baby in the line of fire. Because if something were to happen to either of you….I don’t think anything would be able to pull me back from that darkness ever again.”You knew the things Fisk was capable of, of the power that he had. The thought him doing anything to you or the baby made you want to throw up again. Matt was right, there was one more life to protect. You just wished you didn’t have to leave him again so soon.“So…what? I’m supposed to just leave you here, pack my bags again and hope you don’t die for real this time?”“Not quite,” he said with a smirk, “I’m gonna need something from my apartment before you go.”You raised your eyebrow at him. “The Daredevil suit isn’t there.”“I know. That’s not the type of suit I need.”You gave him a weird look. “What do you have planned, Murdock?”“Just gonna visit an old friend in prison.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Your face was squished against the pillow as you blissfully slept on the queen sized bed in your apartment. All was silent except for the sound of your breathing, and the faint noise of traffic outside that was always going on no matter the time. After all, New York was the city that never slept.A small smile graced your lips, and you hugged the pillow tighter. On the nightstand next to you was your phone, a glass of water, and your wedding ring (along with its corresponding wedding band). In the corner was a rocking chair, and on the wall, by the foot of the bed, was a crib meant for a baby.Needless to say, so much had happened in the time after you found Matt at Clinton Church. You expected nothing less after hearing of Wilson Fisk’s release.While he was off, breaking into a prison, you had the job of telling Foggy and Karen everything that happened. They were mad that you hadn’t brought any of them along, but they were mostly mad at the fact that Matt had been in hiding this whole time after all. Since you had already been over these emotions yourself, you were the calm one in the situation.Despite their frustrations with Matt, they did agree to you leaving Hell’s Kitchen for your safety. Part of you was stubborn, and still didn’t want to leave him behind again. But you thought of the baby, and let them help you pack up once again, and hailed you a cab to Queens back to your mother’s.Meanwhile, after the prison fiasco, the FBI was looking for Matt, and had apparently sealed off the apartment for investigation. Luckily Karen is an expert bullshitter, and was able to keep their scent off of you entirely. After that, a man named Ben Poindexter was dressing up in his own Daredevil suit, and killing people in Matt’s name. He murdered people at the New York Bulletin with Karen and Foggy there, as well as Clinton Church, where he was looking for Karen, and ended up killing Father Lantom.All on the orders of Wilson Fisk.Matt was terrified that he’d get to you somehow, telling you to leave the state, but you didn’t have the money and couldn’t just do that on a whim. Besides, Karen was good at keeping the FBI away from you, so you should be okay. Still, he was adamant about taking matters into his own hands, as he always did. But Foggy wanted to stick to the law, to get Fisk “the right way.”You couldn’t care less whether Fisk lived or died, he was a monster, but you also didn’t want Matt so lose himself again. Not when that was what Fisk clearly wanted. You told him this over the phone, and he took it into consideration, but you could tell he was angry and anxious.When working by the law didn’t seem to pan out, Matt broke into Fisk’s suite and nearly beat him to death with his bare hands, but by some miracle, he didn’t. Instead, Fisk was taken into custody and Matt’s name was cleared.And when Karen gave you the news, it was like you could breathe again. Matt was alive and his soul was still intact. He could come back to you.The day after all of this was over, Matt took a cab to your mother’s house in Queens where you were staying once again until all was safe. He was all bruised up, as always, which was juxtaposed with his grey suit.The two of you stood at the front steps of the building. You held him tightly, not wanting to let go. He kissed you, kissed your belly.“You have no idea how happy I am to see you alive,” you sighed in relief.He smiled softly, “I think we both know at this point that it’s gonna take a lot to keep me down.”“Doesn’t make me worry any less when you risk it,” you said.“And I appreciate it, really.” “Can we finally go back home?”“Almost,” he said, “I wanted to do something first.”“What did you want to do?”He took a deep breath and started to fish for something in one of the pockets that was inside his suit jacket. Your heart started to race in anticipation, already thinking of what he could be taking out.
Was he….?
He laughed at the sound.When he took out a small, black box, you gasped. “Oh my God.”He opened it, to reveal an engagement ring, with a gold band. In the center was a princess-cut, red ruby diamond, with smaller white diamonds on either side. It was absolutely beautiful, and matched both his glasses, tie, and the Daredevil suit.No doubt he did it on purpose. He couldn’t see the color, but he did it for you regardless. He knew what it symbolized.“Y/N, you’ve stuck with me through some of the darkest points in my life. You’ve seen past my bullshit, and knocked sense into me, and you’ve shown me more love than I probably deserve. You’re my soulmate, and there’s nobody I could imagine spending the rest of my life with,” he went on, “A long time ago I told you that I’d get you a ring, and that I’d marry you. I’m a little late, but I hope that doesn’t keep you from changing the answer you gave me back then.”He got down on one knee, a smirk on his face. Your vision blurred with tears, and your hand went to your stomach.“Y/N, will you do me the honor of being my wife, and marrying me?”You had to take a second to clear away tears and fan yourself, but of course, you nodded, “Yes. Yes, of course.”He took out the ring from the box and you have him your left hand so he could slip it onto your ring finger. It fit surprisingly perfect. He stood up straight and gave you a deep fervent kiss as he held your face in his hands, both saying “I love you”’s into each other’s mouths.He kept his nose close to yours, his expression changing a little bit. You could see the cogs working in his brain.“Let’s get married. Today.”You furrowed your brow. “Today? Today, today?”He laughed breathily, “Yes.”“You’re kidding, right? You literally just proposed. Like five seconds ago.”“I know, but…why wait any longer? Right? I’ve kept you waiting long enough as it is. And I’ve never been more ready for something that doesn’t have to do with Wilson Fisk,” Then he smiled, “What do you say?”He wanted to elope? You couldn’t help the grin on your face.It was sudden, but you never felt more sure about anything in your life. You were already going to have a baby together, and you had wanted to marry him for a long time, to build a family. Most weddings took a year to plan, but that was too far in the future, and he was right. Why wait any longer? Why not now?“Okay,” you nodded, “Let’s do it.”In a matter of hours, you, Matt, Foggy, Karen, and even your parents scrambled to find wedding bands, a dress, and a cake. The two of you got married at Clinton Church, of course. It was the church of his childhood and the one that gave him sanctuary in his time of need. Although it pained him to not have Father Lantom be there, Sister Maggie, who turned out to be Matt’s biological mother, was there in his stead.It was nothing fancy or expensive, but that didn’t matter to you or Matt. You had the people you loved around you, which was more than enough as is. The “reception” was at yours and Matt’s apartment. You had food and drinks (non-alcoholic for you of course), and since there were so few of you, everyone gave a speech.You definitely couldn’t have asked for a better wedding night.About five months later, your water broke at about 3am. You had never seen Matt in such a panic, you had to laugh. Despite the fact that you were the one having contractions, you had to stop to remind him that everything was going to be okay. Although every time you had a contraction, he looked extra concerned. You had a feeling that whatever sound your body was making as it was preparing to give birth was anything but pleasant.And…a few hours later, you gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Matt held your hand through the entire thing, and didn’t complain once when you were damn near crushing his bones. When the baby came out, of course you were a crying mess. The second you saw the him, you were bawling, and Matt cried too. Especially when he finally got to hold his newborn son.He kept saying, “I can’t believe you just did that.”When Foggy and Karen came in, they were beyond overjoyed. Foggy kept saying things like,“I’m an uncle!”“My best friend had a baby!”“This is proof that women are the superior beings.” (Literally everyone in the room agreed to that).After he was done freaking out, Karen asked what the baby’s name was. You shot a smile at Matt, letting him say it as you held the baby in your arms.“His name is Jack Murdock,” he said, “Like his grandfather.”They both teared up at that.It was an easy decision really. The second you found out you were having a boy, you had the name in mind. Matt loved his father so much before he lost him, it only seemed right to honor him this way. Matt got emotional when you had brought it up, but he was more than happy to give his child the name.Now, about a month later, you were sound asleep. All was quiet in the Murdock apartment. A little too quiet in fact.Normally, you wouldn’t have questioned it, but considering that you haven’t had this much silence in the past few months, it was strange. Your motherly instincts kicked in and your head shot up from the pillow as you woke up from your dream.It was still dark outside, and you wondered how late or how early it was. Time was hazy nowadays.You furrowed your brow at the seemingly empty side of the bed before you.Matt? Did he make some late night excursion without telling you? No, he wouldn’t do that. Not anymore.What he would do, is not wake you up when he was supposed to.You shook your head to yourself, and got out of bed. Out of habit, you walked over to the crib. As you suspected, it was empty. Still half asleep, a part of you feared the worst. But that was quickly put to rest when you heard a faint whisper from the other side of the sliding door.“We’re over here.”You relaxed your shoulders in relief and slowly opened the sliding door, careful not to make too much noise should the baby be asleep. When the crack was big enough for you to fit through, you stepped into the living room.You practically melted at the sight before you.It was dark except for the always colorful light coming from the jumbotron across the street. It was enough to illuminate Matt, who was sitting on the couch that was facing away from the kitchen in nothing but sweatpants. In his arms he was holding a sleeping baby Jack Murdock, pressed against his bare chest.Ever since the nurse suggested skin to skin contact to the both of you the day you gave birth, Matt was more than happy insert it into this time with Jack. He found that it was not only soothing for the baby, but for him too. It grounded him.“My boys,” you whispered with a smile. Matt smiled back and patted the empty space next to him, gesturing you to sit down.You padded over to the couch and sat down next to him gently. He turned his head and you gave him a soft kiss before you both looked down at the beautiful baby boy he was holding.You spoke in hushed whispers so as to not wake him.“That’s weird. I didn’t hear him cry. Did he cry?”“He was starting to, but I scooped him up before he could wake you up.”“A true super dad.”He snorted.Super hearing was also good for knowing when the baby was awake, and since you were both on such high alert, it was no surprise that Matt was always ready to go if Jack needed anything.“Did you feed him already?”“Yeah, about an hour ago. Warmed up the bottle just like you told me to. Didn’t take long for him to fall asleep, but I also didn’t feel like putting him down.”You nodded. You knew the feeling.“You know, it was supposed to be my turn already,” you said, resting your chin on his shoulder.“I know, but I figured I’d let you sleep a few more hours. It’s the least you deserve after carrying him for nine months, let alone giving birth to him.”“That’s sweet of you,” you said. You were beyond tired from lack of sleep and felt like a mess, but if it meant getting to see little Jack every day you didn’t mind. “Still, you should go to sleep, Matt. Let me take care of him for a bit. You need rest too.”“Eh, it’s fine. Besides, my brain is still wired to be up all night, so I really don’t mind.”You shook your head, “Lucky you.”You continued to look at your sleeping son, at his soft pudgy face. He looked so much like Matt, the same dark hair, and blue eyes that were giving away to green. His eye shape was yours, as was his nose, but for the most part he looked like his father.You wanted nothing more than to squish him and cuddle him and kiss his cheeks. Not right now though. You’d make sure to save that for when he was awake.Still, you couldn’t refrain from reaching over and brushing your knuckles lightly over his skin, which was so incredibly soft. He wrinkled his nose for a second and your heart swelled. Matt chuckled softly at your reaction. You could almost cry with how much you loved this tiny little human, or how much you loved the larger human that was holding him.If you ever thought that you and Matt couldn’t be any closer, then you were quickly proven wrong by having a child. Most couples seem to grow apart, but with you two it wasn’t like that. If anything, you spent more time together, and your bond was stronger than ever before.After putting Fisk back in prison, it didn’t take him long to retire the mask yet again. You wouldn’t put it past him to put it on way down the line, but for now, he wanted to spend every moment that he could with you and the baby. Because of that, for the first time since being with him, his face wasn’t covered in cuts in bruises, and all his wounds were properly healed. His was was as clear as day.He even went back to being a lawyer full time to support his tiny family. After all, the money his dad left him could only last so long, and vigilante work didn’t pay that well - or at all.Despite not having the job of fighting crime anymore, Matt was probably the happiest you had ever seen him. He wasn’t pushing Karen or Foggy away anymore, so they were very much in your lives again. Especially now with Nelson, Murdock, & Page in full swing.You and Matt even declared them the Godparents ahead of time, which made them extremely happy. Maggie, Matt’s mother, was also slowly being a part of your lives too. He was angry when he first found out, but with your help, their relationship was starting to bloom. One day, when the Jack was a little bigger, you’d definitely take him to visit her at the church.Overall, things were really looking up, and you couldn’t be happier than right now.You kissed his cheek, “I love you.”In turn, he planted a butterfly kiss on your forehead, “I love you too.”You rested your head on his shoulder.“You should go back to bed,” he said in a tone that you used to use on him when he was still Daredevil. It was wild how the roles were reversed now. He was always watching over you and the baby, making sure you were taken care of. It used to be you that had to take care of him.You liked it, though. Being a dad was a good look on him.“No, I want to stay right here,” you smiled sleepily, as your eyes fluttered shut, “With my boys.”“Okay,” he smiled.Even though you just closed your eyes, you could already feel yourself going to sleep.“Wake me up when it’s time to feed him?” you mumbled. “I wanna do it.”Matt kissed the top of your head, “Okay, baby.”You drifted off in a matter of minutes. And Matt sat there in your apartment, with both of his loves asleep, one in his arms and one resting against his shoulder. In that moment, he swore he felt like the luckiest guy in Hell’s Kitchen.