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I stand close-by in readiness for the right moment to help ascend the soul of my latest charge to my father’s kingdom. As I wait, a strange feeling overtakes my senses that goes beyond the realms of my heavenly duty. The girl grieving by the bedside has me captivated. Death is not the end and it is why I take pride in what I do. Comforting the souls of pure hearts as they begin their next journey, is deeply satisfying. As I continue to watch in reverent silence, I am struck by a warm connection towards the girl with the dark-braided hair. I’m quickly drawn back to my task as the pure heart takes her final breath. Hearing the tearful cries of the grieving girl has a powerful effect on me, but I have a mission that needs my full attention. My aura begins to illuminate around my body as I spread my glorious wings before slowly approaching the bed. “Do not be afraid Primrose. My name is Peeta and I’m here to guide you to heaven. Your suffering had ended.” The pure heart opens her sky-blue eyes and smiles warmly as I stretch out my arms to welcome her. Taking my hands without hesitation, she gently rises from the bed and the machines that tried in vain to keep her body alive. This pure heart was never destined to live a long life but as her spirit leaves her mortal body, she stands on steadied feet and turns to look over her shoulder. “I’m not afraid Peeta but…my sister. She’s going to be all alone.” Her heart is indeed pure as she thinks not of herself but of the one person she will leave behind. My eyes become fixated on the sister. “What is her name?” I ask. “Katniss.” Primrose replies, watching her sister sadly. “It’s just been the two of us since we were young.” As I roll her name from my tongue in practice, the dark-haired girl raises her head suddenly and with tears streaming from her beautiful silvery eyes, turns to the sound of my voice. Katniss heard me.
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“That’s impossible. Only those in your charge can hear you. You must have imagined it, though I’ve never known you to be taken with such unrealistic thoughts.” Haymitch has been my guardian and mentor ever since I can recall but I know what I saw and felt. “I go to her when she cries in her sleep and whisper words of comfort to her. She hears me Haymitch...I know it!” Haymitch paces worriedly. “You need to stop this Peeta! Nothing good will come from it!” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Do you have any idea what you stand to lose? Your immortality…for this girl! She could live a thousand lifetimes and not deserve you. Think about the sacrifice!” “Please Haymitch. I have thought of nothing else over these months…it’s what I want. I need to be close to her.” It is written that angels who relinquish their immortality for a life in the mortal world will be sent to a dark place between heaven and hell called purgatory once their mortal lives end. They must wait to account for their lives with our heavenly father through purification before they can re-enter heaven again and to an eternal life in paradise. For some poor souls, purification never comes. Haymitch considers my plea for a moment. “You are one of our father’s favourite and Snow resents you because of it. He won’t make this easy for you. Hardship, anguish, pain, suffering. All these mortal tortures are things you’ve never experienced, and they could be waiting for you...and for what Peeta!” He exclaims. “For a chance to be with Katniss.” I reply as the memory of watching her sleep peacefully last night brings a smile to my face. Haymitch knows he cannot dissuade me from my decision and agrees to help. “Okay. I can see your mind is made up but I’m telling you, none of what you are feeling for this girl adds up and I’m going to figure out why. But if this is what you truly want…I’ll do my best to make it happen.” ***** Haymitch wastes no time making his way to Snow’s private chamber. Not bothering to knock, he swings the door open making sure it bangs with a loud thud against the wall behind it. “What did you do to that boy?” He shouts angrily. “Haymitch. Always a pleasure.” Snow says smirking. “Cut the crap Snow! I know you have something to do with the way Peeta has been acting so you’ve got exactly three seconds to start talking before I forget who I am. So, I’ll ask you again, what did you do to that boy?” Haymitch practically yells in exasperation. “I can see why you’ve never progressed beyond that of guardian. You’re a drunk with no social skills whatsoever Haymitch. More’s the pity.” “Don’t try to shift the focus on me Snow, you are the Overseer and have control of all the new assignments. Now you wanna tell me why Peeta is preparing to give up his immortality because he thinks he has a connection to the sister of his latest charge, or do I have to take this matter to the Gathering?” Snow stays hard faced, as he continues with his usual sarcastic demeanour. “I think you’ve been drinking way too much sacrificial wine.” There’s a sudden change of attitude as soon as Snow opens the Book of Souls. “There is no way I would allow Peeta to cross paths with his soulmate.” His facial features have taken on a sickly shade of grey as he stops flicking through the pages. His patience at an end, Haymitch shoves Snow causing him to stumble and the Book of Souls to fly off the lectern. Glancing over the upturned book, Haymitch’s eyes fumble on the page that outlines the original path that was set for Peeta and finds it...altered. “What the…? You son of a...I cannot believe you’ve kept Peeta from his true destiny! By the grace of God, he and this girl are soulmates!” Haymitch’s eyes widen as they follow his fingers that are scrolling down the holy writings and the original pathway marked as Peeta’s true purpose. “I am his assigned guardian so why was I never counselled over this decision?” Frustrated by the lack of response from Snow, Haymitch continues. “By who’s authority gave you the right to interfere with the paths of those blessed with such an honour!?” Snow revels in his smugness. “Come, come, my dear man. You clearly underestimate the power of the position I hold. I alone have sole authority and do not answer to anyone. Have you forgotten that I was chosen by the Gathering to take any action necessary to protect those granted with such an honour? Soulmates are for those proven worthy and in my opinion, Peeta was granted his soulmate rather hastily. I merely smoothed a ripple before it turned out to be a storm in the ocean. Besides, he has proven his worth far better as a guide-way and will continue to do so for as long as I see fit.” Haymitch closes the Book of Souls shut and slams his clenched fists on the old leather-bounding. “I may be just a guardian, but something tells me there is more to this than you’re letting on and my guess is that you have a personal dislike towards assigned soulmates or maybe…a dislike for Peeta himself. If anyone deserves eternal happiness with their soulmate, it’s that boy!” Snow stays eerily silent, his beady eyes staring coldly at Haymitch and it’s all the encouragement he needs. “I don’t know by what miracle those two managed to cross paths but you’re going to grant that boy’s wish and allow him to spend a mortal lifetime with his girl or you’ll see first-hand what this drunk is capable of.” Snow sniggers at Haymitch’s words. “Many have tried and failed before you and just like them, your feeble threats fail to intimidate me?” Haymitch, walking towards the door, stops and turns to face Snow. “Seems like you’re the one underestimating me. Take it as good advice.” He returns a smug smile, before walking out.
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“It is good to see you my friend, but something tells me this is not a social call.” Chaff who was once a guardian, greets Haymitch with great fondness. It was he who guided Haymitch into heaven all those years ago and saw to his training personally before Haymitch was appointed Peeta’s guardian. Chaff was now a prominent member of the Gathering and Haymitch needed his friend’s help. “You’re right, it’s not. I’m here to ask a favour, not for myself but for the boy who has asked me to help him give up his immortality for a girl who I’ve only just discovered, is his soulmate. I’m assuming of course, you already know what Snow did to Peeta’s pathway.” Chaff motions Haymitch to take a seat at the table and pours him a tall glass of wine. He nods before taking a small sip of the fermented juice. “Let’s just say that Snow’s unorthodox actions have been under the Gathering's radar for some time now.” Haymitch listens intently as Chaff confirms his suspicions about Snow. Peeta’s pathway is not the first to be altered but the circumstances surrounding it brought special attention and a secret investigation was ordered. “Snow had just been elected Overseer and at once began altering pathways that he considered ‘ripples’; The earlier members of the Gathering never questioned him until a higher authority brought Peeta’s altered pathway to their attention.” Chaff takes another sip of his wine. “What we managed to uncover was that Snow became obsessed with the daughter of one his prior charges. He took liberties with his new position and would visit her while she slept trying to convince her to leave her husband and the mortal world, promising her eternal life but only if she joined with him. The young woman’s name was Eliza Mellark and her mind had been troubled since childhood. She became even more delusional to the point where she believed the voice in her head was evil and the child she was carrying was Satan’s spawn. Her depressive episodes became stronger until one day she could no longer deal with her torment and took her own life. Eliza's death was indeed a tragedy, but the loss of her innocent unborn son was felt by many.” Haymitch sighs heavily and buries his face in his hands to digest everything Chaff had just told him. “That unborn child was Peeta, right?” “Yes.” Chaff confirms. “Snow appeared before the Gathering to answer allegations of misconduct. Surprisingly, he was forgiven and absolved of any part he played in the girl’s death. Suffice to say, her life was destined to be short-lived, but the unborn child…Peeta…was an entirely different matter. His destiny was to be born, grow to be a good and caring man and live a long and fulfilling life with his soulmate. The decision to ascend Peeta’s soul to be reborn was made by the same higher authority because he was of pure heart, but Snow had other plans for Peeta. The rest, as they say, is history.” “The boy’s mother, did she ever receive purification?” Chaff nods his head. “She rests in eternal peace now.” Haymitch feels relieved but stays silent, drinking his wine. Moments pass before he speaks again. “I promised the boy I would help him be with his girl. What do I tell him?” There’s a smile on Chaff’s face. “Tell him he has our blessings and can be with his soulmate whenever he is ready.” “Chaff, this is no time for games.” “Snow has abused his power and proven that he is incapable of holding any position of power, especially as Overseer. We have been waiting for the right moment to finally have him banished to purgatory. With Peeta willing to sacrifice his immortality for a life with this girl, well, it was all we needed to have him removed. He is being summoned to the Gathering as we speak. Drink up my friend, I believe you will want to bear witness to Snow’s abdication of responsibility.” They finish their wine and stand to leave but Haymitch stops in thought. “The higher authority. It was—” “Yes. He has been watching over Peeta and his guardian for a while.” Chaff answers. **** “You won’t be alone, there are others that have gone before you who know to seek you out. They will help you adjust into the mortal world.” “Thank you for all you have done for me Haymitch. My only hope is that one day we will meet again.” He pauses, “Haymitch?” “Yes?” The guardian quirks a brow. “My mother…I…I forgive her.” Peeta says softly. “And that’s why you will be blessed. Live a long and happy life with your soulmate son.” They offer each other a warm embrace and say their final goodbyes. **** Peeta doesn’t quite remember how he came to be falling towards earth, but soothing voices from below calmed him. And when his feet touched terra firma, a myriad of information and images flooded his mind as his link to the mortal world grew strong. The long tensile bond to his soulmate tugged at him. As his eyes flew open, a man with sea-green eyes and a wide smile welcomed him. “You have a lot to learn before you go find her.” The man says with a grin. “I’m Finnick by the way, fallen angel extraordinaire.” He claps Peeta on the back. “You must be starving, let's get some food in you and I’ll tell you the story about my Annie.”
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Three days!
That’s how long it has been since I last stood quietly beside my soulmate’s bed, feeling helpless as she struggled to break free from her nightmares; since I heard her scream out for her sister; since I whispered softly in her ear, trying desperately to comfort her with my words. I promised I would find a way to stay and protect her…always. Each morning dawns another painfully long day since I was granted my wish to descend to this mortal world for a chance to be with my soulmate. And I’ve never felt so powerless. Finnick had mentioned his wife Annie not long after my arrival. He explained that I would need some modern clothing and as we navigated the shops, with only a few strange looks at my hair and attire, he told me their story. I was upset but not surprised, when I found out how Overseer Snow tried to manipulate her troubled thoughts, much like he did with my own mother. Finnick had been secretly assigned by the Gathering to watch over Annie to gain evidence against Snow. It was thought Snow would specifically seek out those with troubled minds making it easy to plant suggestive thoughts, eventually leading them to succumb to his advances. Annie it seemed, was his next intended victim. At some point during Finnick’s heavenly duty, Annie snuck up on him. As he jokingly puts it. When enough evidence was compiled to assist the Gathering’s investigations, he asked and received mortality, saving Annie from an uncertain fate in the process. After the tale and with many shopping bags in hand, Finnick pulled me over to a place called Starbucks. He laughed uproariously as I wrinkled my nose at the strong black liquid before offering me a tea with no sugar. “Just until your taste buds wake-up, friend.” He winked. Finnick then drove me to a quiet little neighbourhood and welcomed me to his home, were I would be staying for the time being. When the door swung open, he introduced me to an eagerly awaiting Annie. She smiled and hugged me, offering me a haircut and advice on modern etiquette. Sweetness and light shone through her in Finnick’s presence. It was clear to all how much they loved each other, and that brought my thoughts rushing back to Katniss. Now, almost a week later, I’m sitting in their kitchen, a towel wrapped around my shoulders. With a comb and a pair of scissors in her hands, Annie attempts to tame my wild curls into a more modern hairstyle. As she snips away at my hair, I mindlessly drift back to that hospital room where I saw Katniss for the first time. “Did you pick up enough clothing at the shops?” Annie asks. “Huh?” My inner thoughts are cut short, much like my hair, by a now familiar female voice. “Daydreaming again, Peeta?” Annie chuckles, snipping off more curls and if I wasn’t so caught up with thoughts of Katniss, I’d be worrying how much is left to cut. The distant look in my eyes is a tell-tale sign confirming my current tutor is correct in her assumption and I am embarrassed by my lack of respect and concentration. “I’m so sorry Annie. I can’t stop thinking about Katniss. I’ve been with her every night since I guided her sister, she must be worried where I am.” Annie laughs innocently under her breath. “How can Katniss be worried about you Peeta, she hasn’t met you yet.” No, technically we haven’t met, not in the true sense of the word…the way mortals do but we’re soulmates and it should be all that matters. This feeling I have is real and I know Katniss needs me, now more than ever. The connection between us is undeniable and that thought keeps me grounded. She felt my presence; my words brought her some comfort and peace when she needed them the most. “No, she hasn’t but this feeling I have…here…I can’t explain it.” My hand goes to my chest where my heart beats fast. “She’s waiting for me. I just know it and I’ve listened to everything you, Finnick and the others have said but with each passing day, this feeling becomes stronger.” No matter how or what I feel, I know I must try to stay calm and focus on their kindness and words of wisdom. Patience is a virtue and it came so easily as an angel, but I have quickly realised being mortal has its disadvantages and I must learn to be patient. I can never repay Finnick and Annie for accepting me into their lives with such grace. Along with the others, they have been patiently teaching me the ways of mortal life, but as the days creep by, my desperation grows.
I count the hours until I’m considered educated enough to survive here.
Together with my mortality, I’ve inherited doubts and worrisome feelings which appear to be part of human nature. Yet, I can’t allow these emotions steer me away from my true destiny. Realising all this does nothing to hide the reality of Annie’s words and I’m hit hard by them, causing those doubts to ignite and it troubles me. Those who have come before me offer their support and welcome me with open arms. These fallen angels willingly share their own experiences and pass on the knowledge they hope will ease my adjustment into mortal life. But I’m convinced none of them understand just how desperate I am to find Katniss.
She needs me.
“We all know how hard this is for you Peeta, but you simply cannot go running up to this girl and announce that you are her soulmate. Not to mention, a fallen angel who gave up his heavenly powers to be with her.” She says in a concerned tone. “You would scare her for starters. What do you think she will do, if we let you go before you are ready, before she is ready to hear and accept what you have to say?” Before I have a chance to think of an answer, Finnick walks into the room over-hearing our conversation, and shouts out a response. “She could call the cops and have you arrested or worse…committed!” He ruffles the top of my freshly cut hair and laughs at the outrageousness of that scenario.
I never thought of it that way. I don’t want Katniss to fear me.
As the jovial laughter dies down, Finnick turns to me, his face takes on a serious look as the smile on my own instantly drops. I take a deep breath and swallow the lump that has formed in my throat.
Has something happened?
The feeling of dread must show and at this point, I’m almost certain Finnick has the power to read my mind. “It’s okay Peeta. This has nothing to do with Katniss.” I let out a sigh of relief and then just as quick, take another deep breath in anticipation. As I do, Annie takes my hand and I am grateful for the small comfort it brings. Taking a seat next me, Finnick begins to speak and I listen intently, hanging on every word. “Since your arrival, many of our dear friends have visited, to speak about their mortal experiences and to give advice which you have accepted. One of the fallen had a very important piece of information to share that relates to one of the first conversations we had. Do you remember what we talked about?” I was so focused on my own selfish need to find Katniss that I had forgotten what Finnick and I discussed privately when I arrived. Ashamed, I swallow another lump in my throat as my eyes drift off to the side of the room, my mind playing back to that very conversation. My heart begins to beat fast and if not for the squeeze of Annie’s hand, I would have forgotten the need to breathe. I snap out of my thoughts and turn back to Finnick and by the look on my face, he knows I remember. I nod my head and it’s all Finnick needs. He says the words I thought I’d never hear. “We’ve found him.” ***** Getting an early start to catch the bus to the next town was a good idea. Surprisingly, I found rising before dawn came naturally to me. I sit by the large window looking out to the view, my eagerness to reach my destination takes a slight detour by sudden thoughts of Katniss. As the bus stops to pick up passengers opposite a small park, I think at first glance how picture perfect this place is. I imagine how nice it would be to sit beside her on a blanket with a picnic basket filled to the brim with all her favourite food, enjoying the fresh air and sunshine I have come to appreciate. Just the thought of sitting lazily under the shade of a tree on a hot summers day leaves a warm and inviting feeling. Even watching busy workers sitting on one of the wooden benches scattered around the park to eat a sandwich during their lunch break, brings a smile to my face. But as I keep staring out the window with my imaginings, an icy-cold, almost painful shiver runs through my body causing the hairs on my arms to stand on end.
That was strange.
*** The sign outside the shop hangs precariously by a single chain link and the windows look like they haven’t been cleaned in months. People walk passed the old rundown store without a single glance and by the looks of the empty glass shelves behind the shopfront, it’s no wonder. I look at my surroundings and see the busy streets filled with different businesses offering their wares. There’s a clothing store and a florist on either side of this shop and across the street a bank, a hardware store and other types of businesses with a good stream of customers. It’s a pretty little town and from my quick observations, the people seem happy and friendly. My attention is turned abruptly to the sound of the squeaking brass sign that hangs above me as it sways in the breeze. I tilt my head to read the engraved letters in need of a good polish then check the GPS as the voice on my newly-acquired phone tells me that I have reached my destination.
This is the place.
Entering the shop, a bell hanging over the door rings and a man’s voice calls from the back. “I’ll be right out.” He shouts before I hear him coughing. As the swing-hinged door opens, I’m silenced by a glow surrounding the grey-haired man standing behind an empty counter.
I say nothing.
It only takes me a moment to calm my senses. The light I see is not coming from him but from the guardian hovering behind him, infusing me with their warm presence. It’s faint, but the slight shimmer is something I recognise immediately, though I was sure my ability to see it had been lost when I became mortal. “Welcome to Mellark’s Bakery. What can I do for you son?” He asks cheerfully before covering his mouth with a handkerchief as a coughing fit takes hold. Without hesitating, I rush behind the counter to guide him to the nearest chair, helping him sit until the coughing ceases. “Do you need some water?” I ask, but he shakes his head. “No. It will pass soon enough.” I drag another chair over to sit beside him as he recovers. My eyes stare worriedly upon his weary face, visibly marked by the passing of time and I’m struck for the right words to say. After everything I rehearsed on my way over here, I can’t think of a single, sensible thing. I needn’t have worried. A minute, maybe two ticks by when he speaks. “I’m Jacob Mellark by the way. I didn’t catch your name.” He extends his shaky hand out and I take it reverently. “Peeta, just Peeta.” I nervously reply. “Well just Peeta, it’s nice to meet you.” “Maybe you should see a physician about that cough.” I say, without thinking. “Already have. No need to worry though, death is not contagious.” I look at him and see a proud man who does not seek or want pity, so I let the comment pass. I know without further question that my father is not long for this world and my heart sinks at the possible shortness of time I have left with him. This must explain the weird feeling I got on the bus. Still, I wasn’t prepared for this.
“Hardship, anguish, pain, suffering. All these mortal tortures are things you’ve never experienced, and they could be waiting for you…” Recalling Haymitch’s words, it seems he may be right. “I don’t get many customers in here. You must be new in town. Are you lost?” His words bring me back to the present. Don’t just sit there. Say something! I silently urge to myself. “No sir, I’m not lost.” “I’m afraid I don’t have anything left to sell today. I only make a few loaves of bread for my regular customers these days.” “I-I didn’t come to buy anything sir…I-I just wanted to—” “If you’ve come to rob me, as you can see around you, there’s not much of value left either.” He chuckles. I shake my head, trying to muster some courage. “N-n-no sir, I’m not here to rob you.” There’s an uncomfortable silence as he waits for me to state my business. His furrowed brow smooths as his tired blue eyes suddenly meet mine. “Do I know you from somewhere?” Avoiding the question and by way of distraction, I take out the papers from my jacket pocket and begin to explain myself. “I’m looking to be trained as a baker, but I need to be apprenticed. I’m strong and good with numbers and I pick things up quickly. I’m punctual and very responsible and willing to work hard and—” “Whoa there. That’s certainly some sales pitch you’ve got going son and I can see you are keen to learn but if you’re asking me to take you on as an apprentice, I’m afraid you’re wasting your time. I can’t afford to take you on and in case you haven’t already noticed, I’m not a well man. Besides, I was actually thinking of selling the business.” “I’ve noticed sir, but you don’t need to sell the bakery. This place just needs a little sprucing up and after a while, we can build the bakery up to make you a handsome profit. I can do all the hard work, lifting and carrying. I know I’ve mentioned that I’m strong, but I didn’t mention how good I am with people. All you need to do is teach me as your father taught you. That would be payment enough…Please sir, give it 6 months, a year tops, and if you’re not happy with my progress—” “How did you know my father taught me to bake?” I swallow hard. My words fail me yet again and, in that moment, I realise my exuberant attempts to convince my father may have cost me the chance to work alongside him. Perhaps I am not as prepared as I thought. “I-I didn’t. I just assumed this was a family bakery. I’m sorry if I was wrong.” He sits quietly, observing me as I try not to show my slip of the tongue. By the frown on his face, I can’t tell whether he’s seriously considering my offer, or whether I’ve overstayed my welcome and I’m about to be shown out the door. “Yes, my father did teach me just as his father taught him. I never got the chance with my own child though. That dream was taken from me long ago.” My heart plunges at his words and the sadness I see in his eyes. He clears his throat, taking a moment to catch his breath then flicks each page over one more time. “It’s tempting that’s for sure, but I can’t afford to fix this place up, much less order the different grains and flour I would need to stock up before I can even begin to think about baking in larger quantities.” I take the papers and point to the part where it says ‘allowances’. “Did I mention I’m good with a hammer too?” I add, hoping beyond all hope that all I have said is enough to convince him to give me a chance. “Huh. Well if that don’t beat all. You’re right. The state will pay me an allowance to train you.” He reads over the papers once more and I’ve never been more thankful to have fallen angel Alice working in the State Apprenticeship Office.
I must remember to thank her when next we meet.
“I kind of like the idea that my family recipes won’t die with me.” A smile begins to widen on his face and it’s enough to make me hold onto hope. “Okay just Peeta. It looks like we have ourselves a deal. You can start next week unless you have another date in mind.” The light behind him shines a little brighter and I know exactly what it means. A subtle yet deliberate sign from his guardian warning me that time is of the essence. “I was hoping we could make a start tomorrow sir.” “Sure. Tomorrow it is, but under one condition.” There’s a serious look on my father’s face and I worry what that condition might be. “None of this sir business. Call me Jake.” A smile to match his own brims wide on my face. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, Jake. Bright and early. You won’t regret this, I promise.” I say enthusiastically, shaking my father’s hand rather vigorously. **** The feeling of happiness at meeting my father and now, being able to work alongside him just like my forefathers did, just as it was written. I’m following my original pathway in the Book of Souls and it fills my heart with joy. Even with the short space of time he has left, I solemnly vow to make every moment count. On my return trip home, I sit by the window seat of the bus watching it slowly pass by the park. Another icy-cold shiver runs through me, only this time it feels like it has reached my soul and I shudder at its intrusion. This is not about my father. No…it’s—
Katniss!
“Stop the bus!”
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~Katniss~
I am so stupid! I don’t know why I agreed to meet Gale here in the park. Prim has been gone for months now and after her funeral, I told him it would be best if we went our separate ways. Truth is, I never wanted to see him again. But as I dwell on the past, his sudden presence startles me out of my thoughts. “I’m glad you finally came to your senses Katniss and decided to meet me. I knew you would eventually.” “What do you want Gale?”
I’m so tired of this.
Gale steps close, invading my personal space. “I know you needed time to grieve, but I’ve missed you and I want us to start over again. Just you and me, like it was before.” “We can never go back to how it was Gale. You must realise this by now. We were never meant to be anything more than friends and with everything that’s happened, I don’t think even friendship is possible now.” I say as I take a step back. “You don’t really mean that Katniss. You love me. I know it!” Gale steps towards me again, but I throw my hand up to stop him. “I don’t love you Gale....not the way you want me to!” My voice is firm, conveying my message to him. “No, you’re wrong. When we made love for the first time, you-” I start to shake my head as the anger begins to well up causing my skin to flush. “Stop it! We never made love Gale! Things got out of hand and you took something I wasn’t ready to give you. After that, it was just sex and a way for you to release your tension.” I was naïve and stupid enough to allow it to happen. “But the whole time I was with you…it felt wrong. I should have ended it that night, maybe then-” “Oh! So, we’re going to have this conversation again, are we? I can’t believe you’re still angry with me for not picking Prim up from school that day!” Gale fists his hands at his sides as his voice grows louder. He knows I blame him for her death. “It was an accident Katniss!” “If you were there when you said you’d be and not out with Clove or Cashmere or whoever she was, Prim wouldn’t have gotten on that school bus. She wouldn’t have taken the full impact when that truck crashed into it.” I pinch the bridge of my nose hoping to stop the sting of tears as the image of seeing my little sister’s broken body flash before me. “This…you and me…it needs to end! I want you to leave me alone! Stop calling...texting…stop all of this!” I meet his eyes angrily to show him exactly how serious I am. “You say that now, but you’ll come running back to me when you realise how much you need me to survive!” He shouts. “Goodbye Gale.” I bite back, not prepared to entertain his ego one minute longer. I turn to walk away but his hand grips my arm tight enough to leave a bruise. “We’re not done yet Katniss!” “Let go of me Gale!” I growl. “The lady said let go.” A stranger with blonde curls stands to the side of us. His deep and placidly calm voice rushes over me as Gale tightens his grip. “This is between me and my girl and none of your business!” “I. AM. NOT. YOUR. GIRL!” I say, through gritted teeth. The stranger slowly inches closer to us and there’s a fierceness in his eyes that sends a message that he isn’t going to back down and I find it strangely alluring. “That’s where you’re wrong. It is very much my business. Now, I’ll ask you nicely, let the lady go.” Gale loosens his grip and pushes me to the side. The stranger sees me stumble and reaches to steady me, but I am quick to regain my footing. As Gale starts to take a step towards me, the stranger comes between us and faces Gale head-to-head. “I don’t want any trouble but there’s no way I’m going to let you hurt her, so walk away while you can friend.” The stranger and Gale stare at each other like they do in those old western movie showdowns but surprisingly after a few tense minutes pass by, Gale backs off. “I was willing to forgive you, but you know what…it’s not worth it. Maybe when your world comes crashing down again Katniss, you’ll change your mind and come looking for me.” “I won’t!” I shout angrily. To say I am relieved to see the back of Gale’s head, is an understatement but when he saw the determined look on my face, he finally understood that after today, we would never see each other again. Taking in my final words, he simply nodded then turned and walked away. “Are you alright miss?” The sound of this stranger’s soothing voice brings me back and as I turn, I am met with the most wondrous blue eyes. A tingling feeling sweeps through my body as if something deep inside of me has awaken. “Y-y-yes…I am…thanks to you, I’m fine.” He reaches out and gently takes my hand in his, and it feels so right I know I’m not going to be the first to let go. “Are you sure? You’re shaking.” “Yes, I perfectly fine, thank you again.” “I’m just glad I was walking past when I did. Hi, I’m Peeta by the way.” “I’m Katniss.” I whisper and Peeta grins, like he already knew. “Well, Katniss, I’m kind of new in town and still don’t know my way around yet. Can you recommend any places to eat around here?” He asks shyly. “Um…yeah there’s a great cafe just a few blocks from here.” Peeta’s eyes haven’t left mine as he stuffs his hands in his pockets and shifts nervously. “I don’t suppose you’d like to join me? I mean grab a coffee…or maybe a tea, or something to eat. That’s if you’re hungry?” I’m not a very trusting person, but there’s a feeling deep inside that tells me that I’m completely safe with this man, yet I hesitate. “That’s very kind but I don’t really know you Peeta—” “It’s okay Katniss. I understand. It was way too forward of me anyway. I mean, we’ve only just met, and it wasn’t in the best of circumstances.” He rubs his neck awkwardly but offers me a soft smile. “It was very nice meeting you and I hope we see each other again.” Peeta says, then turns slowly and starts walking towards the path. For some strange reason, watching him walk away throws me into a mild panic. “WAIT!” I run to catch up to him. “There’s a really great café that makes the best hot chocolate but it’s a bit tricky to find especially if you don’t know your way around.” Now it’s my turn to shift nervously. “I am kind of hungry, so if the offer still stands....” Peeta’s brilliant smile lightens my heart. “Yes! I mean…of course it does. Shall we?”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
I can’t help but smile at my ridiculousness as I recall the many ways I rehearsed my introduction to Katniss in front of the bathroom mirror.
“Hi! I’m Peeta. Will you go out with me?”
“You’re so pretty. Can I walk you home?”
“How do you do Katniss, my name is Peeta Mellark. I’m your soulmate and I used to be an angel but gave up my immortality to be with you.”
I roll my eyes.
Ugh!
I internally cringe and shut my eyes tight, embarrassed by that last one. Katniss would have run a mile for sure with that gem and losing her before I got the chance to know her is unthinkable. My less than dramatic first introductions fell by the wayside, but I wasn’t about to complain. Days before, those increasing, inexplicable feelings that she needed me were a sign and just the thought of me almost missing the connection is too horrible to contemplate. What if I had ignored them and simply remained on that bus? Who knows what could have happened to Katniss? Maybe she could have handled the situation on her own. The briefest glance into those spellbinding eyes was enough for me to see a fiercely resilient woman, inner strength shining behind those determined silver orbs. Even so, I was not about to stand back and watch someone hurt her. After agreeing to my invitation to coffee…or rather hot chocolate, we sat in the café and sipped our hot drinks and after a shaky start, the conversation began to flow freely. We talked for hours. So comfortable in each other’s company, time became meaningless as our thoughts and hopes spilled into the air between us. Although I would never have pressed for details, I was grateful Katniss felt comfortable enough to speak about her relationship with a very persistent Gale Hawthorne and why she agreed to meet him in the park. There was no hiding the pang of jealousy building up inside, but I quickly reminded myself that it wasn’t my place as I was new at being human.
It was a strange emotion, one of many that riot in me. The combination of chilling weird feelings, finding my father, being on that bus the very same day Katniss agreed to meet this man was nothing short of divine intervention. The timing of their meeting must’ve been meant to be. ...and now, she has agreed to meet me tomorrow after my first day at work. The bus ride home is spent in reflection. My mind bounces back and forth between my father, Katniss and to the strange, prophetic feelings I’ve had in my time here and powers I know I should not possess. There is still so much I don’t understand, so much I’ve yet to figure out. “You can no longer call on your angelic powers. Just like the rest of us, yours were forfeited the moment you relinquished your immortality and descended to the earth. It is the price all of us have willingly paid.” Remembering Finnick’s speech when I first arrived, makes no sense and seems immaterial now. I appear to be an exception to this rule. How else can I explain it? My ability to sense the presence of a guardian angel is another matter altogether and becoming harder to fully comprehend. I’m not supposed to have these senses let alone look upon the brilliance of their auras as they spread their magnificent wings. That holy conduit was cut from me the moment I chose a life with my soulmate above everything else. But I’m slowly beginning to wonder if a strong force still watches over me, bestowing heavenly graces that no fallen angel should rightfully have. Its purpose proving a mystery to me. Why was I chosen? That thought repeats itself in my head leaving me with another baffling question…who is watching over me now? Whoever it is, I am clearly unworthy to be granted such a gift. I accepted the terms, condemning my soul into purgatory once my mortal life is extinguished and I have mentally prepared myself for when that day comes. It is the price I would gladly pay a thousand times over if it meant sharing a lifetime with Katniss. For a life without her, be it immortal or mortal, would be no life at all. I am suddenly struck by another thought. Could I have Katniss’s sister, Primrose Everdeen as my heavenly advocate? Although her pathway had already been written, I’m beginning to think her pure heart was in my charge for a reason. Perhaps she was destined to be our champion all along, guiding us together like a beacon of light. I sigh with discontent. This is but another mystery that may never be solved. I could go on analysing all of this in my head for what good it will do me, but whatever the reasons, my true destiny began to unravel with my last charge. Primrose’s death, as tragic as it was, ultimately lead me to Katniss and our meeting in the park, even my confrontation with Gale Hawthorne cannot be put down to sheer luck. Through his persistence and self-centred ignorance, he unwittingly made it possible for my soulmate and I to finally cross pathways. It all feels too unreal to be anything but fate. **** I could hardly contain my excitement after arriving back at Finnick and Annie’s home. I knew they were patiently waiting for me to return and tell them details of meeting my father for the first time. Of course, they had no idea what transpired after. I find them both in the sitting room and they turn expectant eyes to me and Finnick immediately jumps up. “You’ve been gone for ages Peeta. Annie was beginning to worry.” There’s a degree of concern in his tone making me believe Annie was not the only one. I waste no time telling them of my day and start by recalling piece by piece how I felt when I saw my father’s face for the first time. Their shrieks of joy echoed through the whole house when I announced tomorrow will be my first day as my father’s apprentice. “See, I told you everything would be okay. You had nothing to worry about.” Finnick’s smile beams wider than my own as he looks across to Annie proudly recounting his encouraging words from earlier today. Finnick and Annie’s excitement soon turned sombre at the news of my father’s illness. Although they know death is not a finality, they are saddened by how little time I will have left with him. Weeks, months…a year at best. The sign evident as I remember watching the glow of the angel’s aura surrounding my father, suddenly dim. But I refuse to dwell on what is destined to happen…something I am powerless to change. So, I have resigned myself not to think on the shortness of our time together. Instead, I will rejoice in each living moment. I decided to conveniently leave out the part about my father’s guardian. What purpose would it serve to bring this to Finnick’s attention? Perhaps, it is some sort of test and I am meant to keep it a secret. Until I learn and understand more, it is a secret I intend to keep. The room falls silent, and in the quietness, I feel Annie’s stare as she gazes towards me curiously. “You know we will be here for you when the time comes but there’s something else. What is it you’re not telling us?” There is no way Annie could possibly know about my ability to sense the presence of my father’s guardian angel, of that I can be certain. Still, underneath that gentle, mild-mannered exterior lies a very perceptive and inquisitive person. Can she somehow see the gleam of excitement blooming through the pain in my eyes? Not wanting to keep Annie nor Finnick in suspense any longer, I practically burst from the seams and tell them of my chance meeting with Katniss. “By some sort of luck, I met Katniss in a park on the way home and we ended up at this café drinking hot chocolate and we talked for hours! She has even agreed to meet with me again…this is just the beginning of our lives together.” I excitedly say in a single breath. Annie practically springs from her seat and squeals with delight. I find it hard to contain myself. Finnick’s excitement is a little more subdued and I begin to think he disapproves in some way. But after a few anxious seconds on my part, he smiles brightly and congratulates me. “Wow, I knew you had a strong connection to your soulmate, but this is completely off the record. It’s nothing short of—” “Miraculous?”. I finished. Tomorrow will be a bright new day and the start of my future, learning all I can from my father in his bakery. Hopefully my career choice will be good enough for Katniss to want to spend the rest of her life with me. This would be beyond anything I could ever wished and prayed for and I don’t hesitate to share these thoughts with Finnick, but he is quick to bring me back to reality, reminding me to slow things down. “Take it easy there Peeta. You need to go slow with this girl. From what I can glean, Katniss has been through some rough times. Sure, she’s your soulmate, but the thought of romance, marriage, kids, may be too much for her right now. I’d hate to see you get your hopes up if all she wants from you is nothing more than friendship.” I know Finnick means well and is trying to protect me from getting my heart crushed, but he needn’t worry. “I remember everything you taught me Finnick, and I promise to take things slow with Katniss. If friendship is all she wants from me then I will be happy to be her best friend.” Finnick places his hands on my shoulders and there’s a look of sincerity in his sea-green eyes. “You are like a brother to me, but you need to be prepared for disappointment. There’s always a possibility your girl could reject you…it could happen Peeta.”
I can’t allow myself to think that way.
*** It’s been several weeks since that day in the park. I thought I had blown my chance by being too forward with Katniss, my heart was beating so hard when I heard her call out to me. Hearing my name on her lips was like the sweet sound of herald angels singing. When she agreed to show me a good coffee shop, my heart nearly burst with relief. And just like that, her visiting the shop for coffee or just to talk, has become a daily occurrence. New-found skills learned from my very patient father are apparent when I present the first batch of bread made from my own hands. Being in the bakery with him is an experience beyond measure. He and I work in sync, laughing, trading jokes and enjoying each other's company. It took no time at all to fix up the bakery, and with Jacob’s permission, I added a few personal touches like the mural of spring flowers I painted on the blank wall behind the tables. Everyone was surprised by my talent, including myself. It adds a warm and inviting environment for our customers to sit down and enjoy eating our freshly baked goods or just sip on a great cup of coffee and watch the day go by. I even dreamed up a few of my own recipes that have become great sellers. Katniss has become a regular customer and comes into the bakery each morning for my famous cheese buns. My father adores her and takes every opportunity to tease me about my crush, causing me to blush every single time. Thanks to his encouragement, I’m finally brave enough to ask if she can stay a while and join me for a hot chocolate, something I’ve perfected just for her. Jacob smiles like a loon from behind the counter, winking at me, as I lead Katniss to a corner table. I waited nervously as she took her first sip of the sweet beverage before I finally asked her on a real date. My hands shook but Katniss just grinned and said she’d been waiting weeks for me to ask. It only took me a few more weeks before I worked up the nerve to ask her to be my girlfriend. It took no time at all for Katniss to say ‘yes’. *** It’s a sunny Saturday afternoon and the usual rush of customers has finally lulled. Katniss arrived a short time ago and sits at our usual table sipping her favourite hot drink while I start cleaning the bakery kitchen. Jacob however, has other ideas and insists he can manage without me. Practically ordering me to take advantage of this beautiful day by taking my girlfriend out for a picnic and he wasn’t about to take no for an answer. …and I wasn’t about to argue with my father. I join Katniss at our table and together we begin to plan our afternoon but the crash of bowls then a sickening thud halts our conversation. I jump from my seat, barely registering what Katniss is saying… “What was that?” I don’t answer her and push through the door to see Jacob on the floor. Katniss is behind me and immediately tells me she’s ringing for an ambulance, but I know they will be too late to help him. “Dad!” I yell, rushing to his side. There’s a gentle, calming aura over my father and I know by the warmth of its low shimmering light, his angel is here to finally guide Jacob’s soul. How many times did I do the same as I waited for my charges to take their final breath in this world? Knowing does not make it any easier.
I wanted more time.
“Dad.” My voice now rough with emotion. I feel Katniss’ hand on my shoulder and there’s a gasp, but I cannot focus on its meaning. My eyes stay on my father and he looks confused, not sure of what is going on, so I do the only thing I can think of and try to use my words to comfort him. I wish I could tell him everything, that there will be no more pain or suffering but those words must come from his angel. The moment is lost as his breathing becomes rapid and all I can do is take his hand and hold it close to my chest. It’s only a matter of time before his body succumbs to the cancerous growth that has been slowly eating away at his body. “It’s alright, the ambulance is coming. Just try to hold on.” I plea with him but the glow from his guardian becomes brighter. “Y-you called me dad.” My father struggles to say, his eyes moving slightly to the glorious light. “I did.” I choke back tears as his eyes stray to the side once more before locking them on me. “I-I think I always knew…there was something.” His eyes beam and his lips curve in a slight smile, his breathing becoming even more rapid. “You have your mother’s eyes.” “You will be with her soon dad.” I choke as I tighten my hold on his hand. “Eliza.” It’s only faint, but he whispers my mother’s name. A lone tear runs down his cheek and, in the distance, I can hear the siren from the ambulance getting closer. “Peeta, I-” he tries desperately to continue his words, but the pain is too great. I clasp his cold hand with both of mine and whisper my final words to him. “I’ll miss you dad.” The guardian’s aura shines brighter, and I know what is to come. They are spreading their wings to welcome my father’s soul. It’s time. Jacob takes his last breath and rivers of sorrow fall freely down my cheeks. Although I have seen this phenomenon a thousand times as an angel, it brings me little comfort. The emotions swelling in my chest making it hard to breathe. I raise my eyes to the gloriously blinding light, gazing in wonderment at its brilliance. My father is no longer in pain and a feeling of relief fills me. “Thank you.” I manage through the force of my sadness. The angel acknowledges me by emitting a soft, orange glow that radiates through my body and just for a few seconds, the despair is washed away in its warmth. Then with a sudden burst of light…it is gone. My mortal emotions crash over me in waves as I bring my hands to my face and openly sob. I feel a distant warmth on my shoulder, it is only then I remember Katniss is in the room, her hand perched there through it all. When I turn to look at her, I see her wide eyes. A look of fear frozen upon her face. “K-Katniss?” “What did I just see Peeta?” She whispers through her own tears. The loud footsteps of the paramedics entering the bakery, into the room where my father’s body lies still and cold, silences my reply. *** Today is my father’s funeral and I feel blessed to have so many of dad’s neighbours and friends join me to not only mourn his death but to celebrate his life. They had all heard of Jacob Mellark reopening his bakery with the help of a new apprentice. Being witness to the months of laughter and happiness as we joked and carried on behind the counter, talking and serving our many customers new and old. They had in turn come here to pay homage to a kind and caring man and pass their condolences to the apprentice they now call the baker’s son. Everyone I know is here including Finnick and Annie. But it’s having Katniss by my side, holding tightly to my hand, that keeps me from caving under the weight of my grief. She stays close as we walk from my father’s graveside. And after…when everyone has gone home, Katniss asks the question she’s wanted to ask for days. “What I saw…was it real?” It comes in a small, disbelieving whisper. This conversation needs to happen. I stop and face her hoping she can see the truth in my words. “I never wanted you to find out this way.” Katniss’ face is unreadable, but she waits for me to continue as I take a steadying breath. “What you saw was real. I shouldn’t be able to sense the presence of guardian angels or see their aura’s, but I can. I thought my ability to sense other angels was lost but the day I came to the bakery I could see the light of my father’s guardian. “Ability? Other angels? I don’t understand.” Katniss shakes her head, confused by my words and knowing that I could lose her at any moment, has my heart pounding out of fear but I know I must go on. “I can see them, because I was once an angel and I would help the souls of the dying ascend to heaven.” She stares at me blankly, disbelief written on her face. “It’s true. Search your heart and know that all I am saying is real. I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you in that hospital.” “When did you see me-?” A gasp escapes her mouth as the pieces fall into place. “Yes. Primrose was a pure soul with a destiny all her own. She was worried about you though; I asked her what your name was and when I repeated it, you heard my voice. It changed everything I thought I knew Katniss. There was something special about you. Your sadness affected me like nothing I had felt before and since that day, I was compelled to watch over you, comfort you in any way I could. Your sadness was my own and your happiness became my only wish.” I take her hands and they feel chilled, so I hold onto them tightly hoping she can feel the warmth flowing through me, but her eyes refuse to look to mine. I begin to worry that all my fears are slowly becoming a reality.
Am I losing you Katniss?
I continue with my story, not wanting to keep any secrets from the woman I love. “Not long after, I learned that we were destined to be together had I been born into this world. True soulmates, that’s what we are Katniss. The thought of not being with you as it was written was something I couldn’t live with. I gladly gave up my immortality for a chance to be with you, in whatever capacity you saw fit. And now, whatever the future holds, I’d like us to face it together...if you will allow it.” There’s a stillness in the air as I take a deep breath waiting for my heart to be shattered into a million pieces, just as Finnick warned could happen. I swallow hard and prepare myself to be plunged into my own personal damnation. My hand instinctively reaches for her face to gently stroke her cheek and I’m surprised Katniss hasn’t flinched from my touch. Searching her eyes, I see more questions still burning but she doesn’t ask them. I begin to silently plead.
Please…Stay.
It feels like Katniss and I are the only two people in the universe and I’m selfishly wishing I could freeze this moment and live in it forever. All my fears fall away when she leans into me, resting her forehead against mine as the warmth of our connection overcomes us. True soulmates are rare. Sharing the same soul, born from the same star. A mirror of each other. In that moment all my thoughts are laid before her, thoughts of my past and hopes for our future reflect in her eyes. And the answer I have wished for whispers from her lips. “I’ll allow it.” *** Katniss accepted my past angelic life and we never speak of it again, preferring to live in the moments in which we build our life together. She tells me later how she always felt something in her life was missing…incomplete, that everything started to fall into place the day we met in the park. It wasn’t that we wanted to forget. Far from it. After everything we both went through, we just wanted to focus on the future. We spend every possible moment together. I continue to proudly run the bakery as a legacy to my father, which he left to me in his Last Will and Testament. Katniss still comes into the shop each morning just to see her favourite baker and taste his delicious buns. I shamelessly greet her with that line in front of my customers each day just to see the blush on her cheeks before she goes off to her own job. She leaves me with a silent promise and a sweet smile reserved just for me. It’s enough to sustain me until we meet for dinner at her place. *** Our kisses started soft and tender, our touches barely more than innocent explorations. But it’s not long before our relationship soon blossoms into something more. As an angel, I never felt the urges and desires of mortal men. But now there are so many carnal thoughts crossing my mind, especially when I hold Katniss in my arms, kiss her sweet lips and hear the soft moans she emits from her mouth as my kisses move freely up and down her neck, before my lips latch onto that special spot just behind her earlobe. Trying to hide my arousal at the sound of her sensual mewls is almost unbearable.
Being mortal has its own tortures.
*** It always begins slow. Sweet, chaste kisses turn passionate. Tender touches that smoulder at first contact begin to burn inside us like a coal-seam fire, and we are consumed by its ferocity. When Katniss looks to me in a certain way…a silent language that only I understand, I’m hard-pressed to keep myself in control. When she runs her fingers through my hair, I almost come undone. I felt nervous the first time we made love. I had no experience, but I was determined to give my all and learn what excited Katniss and what gave her the most pleasure. She would be my teacher and I, her very eager student. I knew I wasn’t Katniss’ first, it was something she regretted, but it didn’t matter to me. Looking upon her naked body, there was a shyness and beauty bringing me to my knees in worship. In my eyes, she was pure, and my heart melted at the sheer sight of this perfect woman standing nervously before me. When our naked bodies touched for the first time, any nervousness we both had fell away, leaving only hunger in its place. Our sated bodies lay tangled in the bed sheets, both of us catching our breaths after what I can only describe as ecstasy. I’m holding Katniss close in my arms, the wide smile on my face a reminder of what we had just done. We were in sync with one another as we reached the pinnacle of bliss. In my happy mindless state, I comb my fingers through her long hair and close my eyes at the soothing effect it has. A sudden wetness on my chest then a sniffle brings me out of my trance.
She’s crying.
“What’s wrong Katniss…d-did I hurt you?” My body is turned to face her. I am mortified by the thought I may have hurt Katniss as I reached my release. I tilt her chin up, she blushes and turns her head to avoid my stare. But I’m persistent. I stroke her cheek and run my fingers along her lips then under her chin and lift her head again…slowly. “Please, tell me what I did wrong.” She shakes her head and brings her eyes to me. “You didn’t do anything wrong Peeta.” I let out a relieved sigh. But why the tears? “All those times with...” Katniss pauses. A stabbing pain hits my heart. I know who she means, and my confidence takes a sudden dive. I didn’t measure up to him. I begin to shift away disappointed with myself, but Katniss holds onto me like her life depended upon it. It’s pointless to resist, I can never refuse this woman and hold her tight in my arms. “He would always say I was cold...unfeeling. I blamed myself for so long, thinking there was something wrong with me. I never understood until now. I could never feel what I was meant to feel because it wasn’t with you…it had to be you Peeta.”
I don’t try to hide the smile on my face.
“So, what you’re trying to tell me is that I am the first to give you pleasure. Is that it Katniss?” She nods, burying her head in my chest shyly. When she looks up again, her eyes sparkle from tears she tries to hold back…happy tears. “You gave me something I thought was never meant for me. It was love. You and I made love for the first time and it was perfect…you are perfect.” My heart swells hearing her words and I can’t help feeling proud as a peacock. “You and I will have so many firsts Katniss. We’ll build our lives around them.” I am rewarded by the brightest of smiles and after kissing her senseless, there’s only one question remaining as my hunger for her grows. “So…we’re okay to do this again, right?” I ask while kissing her neck. She giggles and rises from the bed to straddle me. “Yes Peeta. I plan on us doing this again and again.” That night was the beginning of many firsts for us. *** Stopping outside her driveway, I jump out of the driver’s seat and run to the front passenger side but she’s already out before I get the chance to open the car door for her. I grind my teeth as I barley catch the door before she slams it shut. As hard as I tried to explain, she refused to talk to me in the car. Anger radiates from her as I follow her up the footpath. Truth be told, I’m a little angry myself. When we reach her front door, she fumbles with the keys, fingers made numb by the storm still brewing inside her, but I won’t let that phase me. “Here, let me try.” I calmly suggest. Katniss hands me the keys reluctantly and steps to the side. Opening the front door wide, I motion for her to enter and watch as she stomps passed me, making a hurried beeline to her bedroom door, slamming it with a thunderous bang. Finnick is a constant source of wisdom and I rely on it now more than ever. I sigh as I hear his words in my head.
“Be patient Peeta, things won’t always be easy. Just remember to be a gentleman and never go to bed angry.”
I walk slowly down the hall trying to get my own emotions under control before trying to coax her out. “Please talk to me Katniss.” I plead, tapping on the door that separates us. “Maybe you should talk to Glimmer from Marketing instead!” She yells out sarcastically. I thump my head repeatedly against the door.
Ouch.
“I don’t want to talk to anyone from Marketing and I’m not leaving until we clear this up.” I hear muffled sounds from behind the door. “Katniss?” I’m met with silence. “I’ll stay right outside this door all night if I have to but I’d rather we talk face to face and not through a locked door.” “It’s not locked Peeta!”
Oh.
I open the door slowly and find Katniss has already changed out of her shimmering dress. It fit her perfectly, conforming to every curve, and if it hadn’t been for the Christmas party, I would’ve unzipped and lifted that beautiful dress right off and kissed every inch of her by now. But she’s gorgeous like this too, if not a little defensive. Sitting on her bed in nothing but her panties and an old T-shirt I must have left here the last time I slept over. Arms folded, legs crossed, scowling at me…and I’ve never been more turned on. It takes everything I have not to give into the distraction. We need to talk about the damn party and all the trouble it caused. Everything was going well, I knew most of the people Katniss worked with and enjoyed catching up with them. Glimmer Sparks however, was one colleague I avoided. She had a reputation for being flirtatious and tonight she was living up to that status. I had been side-stepping Glimmer’s drunken advances all night, giving her no cause to ever think I would be interested in ‘hooking up’ as she so eloquently put it. I tried to get Katniss’ attention from across the room, hint to her that I needed saving. I should have known better not to step out onto the balcony alone, but I needed to escape. That was a decision I now regret. I should have walked over to where Katniss and her boss Johanna were talking and quietly hinted to Katniss that we should go home. If I had just done that, Katniss would not have found me outside with Glimmer clinging to me, one hand clutching my rear and the other forcing my face to hers. I shook her off immediately, but Katniss had seen the display. There was yelling and shoving and then Katniss ran out the door but not before knocking Glimmer to the ground. And now my girlfriend hates me. “That’s some left hook you’ve got there, Miss Everdeen.” I say, trying to add a little levity to the situation. Katniss gets up from the bed and huffs in frustration, clearly not amused by my dismal attempt to lighten the mood and turns her back to me. Not even close to giving up, I inch closer, being careful not to say anything stupid and gently turn her around slowly reaching for both her hands to bring them to my lips. “You know my lips belong to you.” I whisper softly, kissing the tips of her fingers sweetly. She rolls her eyes trying to wiggle her hands free from mine. “Well it seems Glimmer didn’t get the memo.” Unphased, I go on. “My tongue belongs to you.” I bring one of her fingers to my mouth and swirl my tongue around and suck on it seductively. I distinctively hear a hissing sound coming from Katniss’ mouth, which is promising but I need to make sure she understands me. Still holding on to both her hands, I slowly guide them down my side, behind my back to my butt cheeks… wiggling them around just to see if I get a reaction. “These definitely belong to you.” Katniss lets out a snort and buries her head in my shoulders. My hands still holding onto hers tightly.
There you are.
Feeling brave and a little bold, I bring her hands to cup my manhood, the bulge tenting in my trousers getting decisively harder. “You must know by now this belongs to you.” She leans into me and the feeling of her heated body excites me even more but as close as we are standing to each other, she is still too far away for my liking. I save the best for last and guide her hands up to my chest, to where my heart is beating fast. “This will always belong to you…only you.” Without another word spoken, we both lunge at each other, our lips meeting in the middle for a deep passionate kiss. Reluctantly, I break away just long enough to utter an apology. “I am so sorry Katniss. That woman wouldn’t leave me alone all night. I would never do anything—.” “Shshsh…I know you wouldn’t.” Katniss hushes me as she runs her fingers across my swollen lips. Huh? “You do?” Katniss nods. “Mmmhhmm. I noticed you were gone and came out looking for you and saw that trollop with her hands all over my boyfriend, I don’t know what came over me. I was angry with myself more than anything. Now I guess I’ll be reported to HR and lose my job over my lack of self-control.” She says with all seriousness. I know I should be offering some words of advice right about now but when I feel her fingers start to unbutton my shirt, whatever I was about to say is forgotten. I regain some composure long enough to suggest something I’ve been wanting to discuss with Katniss for a while. “If you do lose your job…and I’m not saying that will happen, but if you do, I have it on good authority the town baker has an opening for an accountant who can help him expand his bakery. I could put in a good word for you.” Katniss considers this briefly. “And what would you want in exchange…for the good word?” She’s teasing now. “A kiss.” I say a little too excitedly. “Oh.” She mocks disappointment. “What a shame. I was willing to start our negotiations much higher but if a simple kiss will seal the deal—”.
No more games.
I lift Katniss up and she squeals with delight at my brashness. She wraps her legs around my waist and peppers me with sweet kisses as I carry her over to the bed. Our lips are locked in a kiss, as I lay her down, my body gently resting on top of hers. “I never want us to fight again.” Katniss tells me, as the last of my clothing is removed and I begin to make good on my silent promise to kiss every inch of her. “Mine.” She whispers. “Yours.” I tell her. *** The years were good to both of us and life’s challenges although small, were met head on…and always together. Katniss resigned from her job and started working with me as my partner and a year later, I proposed. To think I was nervous when we first made love…proposing marriage to her was on a whole different level. I surprised her with a picnic by the lake she swam in as a child. Tears of joy fell from both our cheeks, my hands shaking as I placed the pearl ring on her delicate finger. Katniss agreed to become my wife. We exchanged wedding vows in front of the people we now called family just as the sun began to set in the horizon. It was the perfect backdrop and the beginning of a perfect life with the woman I love. Our bakery began to grow just as the little pea-sized human grew inside Katniss’ belly. She was hesitant at first, the news that we were pregnant with our first child was completely unexpected. “What if I’m not good at being a mother?” Katniss began to doubt her ability to look after our baby, but I knew her doubts and fears were unwarranted. “You will be the best mother ever.” I reassured her, kissing her then reaching down to place a soft kiss where our child was growing. There were days when Katniss withdrew from the world. Her inner fears plaguing her mind until she felt the first kick from our child deep within her womb. She embraced it with all the love an expectant mother would. *** Jacob Mellark was born on a cold winter’s night, two weeks earlier than our doctor first calculated. But the moment Katniss cradled our crying son lovingly in her arms and kissed the top of his tiny head, any fears still harbouring deep within became non-existent. Looking at the image of my wife and our new born son was one of the proudest moments of my life. On a fresh spring morning three years later, our second son Hunter Mellark came into the world. Of course, we would name him after Katniss’ dad. Both our fathers were loved and honouring their memory this way felt right. How truly blessed I was. *** The cutting of their first teeth, their first steps, first haircuts, first days at school, first loves, first heartaches, leaving home for university. These are the memories I will treasure forever in my heart. Our sons grew to be fine young men. Fine young bakers too. Our bakery business grew making Katniss and I very comfortable in our retirement. Jacob and Hunter grew to love the bakery just as much as I did and knowing that I can one day leave that part of my life in their capable hands brings me great comfort. And just like the sands in an hourglass, the years pass by. I watched as some of my dear friends who first welcomed me into this mortal life, take their last breath. These people lived good and wholesome lives, guilty of only one crime…love. And each time, I prayed in the direction of the light that would deliver their souls to a place I too, will one day go. Purgatory. I prayed for their salvation. Finnick’s passing plunged me into a sea of grief and I hid from the world for weeks. He gave so much of himself and lived a full and happy life with Annie right beside him. Like the others, I prayed hard for his soul, selfishly demanding my prayers be granted. It was the first time in my life I felt abandoned. If not for Katniss’ love, I would have remained in that dark place. Her voice brought me back from the deepest abyss. That feeling of loneliness returned as I watched Annie cry out for Finnick with each struggled breath. She knew long ago the sacrifice he made to be with her but as her life neared its end and with her loving family surrounding her, she begged for her soul to be taken to him. The gift I was granted all that time ago had suddenly become my curse. Watching as the bright shining light came closer, Annie remained defiant, refusing to be guided to paradise. I felt powerless as I looked hopelessly at the dimming aura of Annie’s guardian. Lowering my head to silently pray for her soul, a comforting presence was felt by my side warming the chill that had settled in my chest. I slowly looked up to the sight of a separate aura, shining brighter than anything I have ever witnessed before. My spirits lifted as I saw Annie reach a frail hand towards the light as her last breath escaped with one final word. “Finnick.” An angel, remade. He moves closer as his light softens then surges, then in a blink, they’re gone. Hope is not lost. *** When the news came of my own illness, I knew what that meant. I would have to leave Katniss. How could I possibly do this? We promised each other on our wedding day to face life’s challenges together, but some challenges you must face on your own. I convinced myself long ago that I was prepared for my soul to be banished to purgatory, to leave Katniss. But nothing can be further from the truth. I’ll never be ready to leave her.
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“…and this is a picture of you and me picking wild flowers in the meadow, Grandpa.” My heart is bursting with pride and joy as I look at the drawing my granddaughter drew just for me. Even at the age of seven, she has the same artistic flair as I do. “It’s beautiful Heather and I’m going to treasure it always.” Her deep blue eyes glisten as she smiles brightly before kissing me lovingly on the cheek. Katniss takes the drawing and clips it on the cork board in our room where all her drawings take pride and place. “Okay, pumpkin, time to let Grandpa rest now. You can go downstairs and help your dad make a fresh batch of cookies.” Our youngest grandchild smiles lovingly as she steps off the bed. “Okay. I love you Grandpa. I’ll bring you some cookies when they’re done.” “I love you too. See you later alligator.” I tell her, trying hard to hide my pain. “After while crocodile.” She says in a sing-song voice and skips happily out of the room. True to Haymitch’s words, my mortal life has not been the easiest, but as each new challenge presented itself, Katniss and I faced them together. I often wonder if he still watches over me. Looking around the confides of my bedroom, I stare at all the framed family photos and the cork board crammed with drawings. There’s a lifetime full of love and happiness that I wouldn’t trade for anything in this world or the next. The love that Katniss and I share has extended to our boys and their families. As I turn to my wife and look into her tear-filled eyes, I have only one regret in this life. I will have to leave her soon. “Don’t cry love. I don’t want you to be sad for me. I have so many wonderful memories and they all involve you.” Katniss wipes away her tears and lays beside me, resting her head carefully on my chest. Breathing in her scent, I smile warmly as sweet memories fill my heart. “Do you remember when we first met? I couldn’t stop staring at you. You acted so fearless, but I could tell how scared you were.” “My knight in shining armour.” She sniffs, braving a smile. “After that first day, I had a hard time trying to convince you to go out with me again, but I was persistent if nothing else. I won in the end. Do you remember love?” Katniss raises her head slightly to look up at me, running her fingers softly through my hair as she has always done since the first time we kissed. “I remember.” She whispers tearfully. I hold onto her as tightly as I can. The strength of my arms has weakened since my illness. Katniss listens to my voice but manages to give me a smile as the memories of our younger years together flood through. “Even after all these years, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” Katniss fusses with the bed sheets, making sure I’m warm and as comfortable as I can be. She pauses and looks deep into my eyes. “I knew it was you, that day…in the park. I somehow knew it was you in the hospital with Prim and at night when my nightmares would come. I knew you would always be there to protect me.” She soothingly brushes her fingers along my face. “Did I make you happy Peeta? Was it worth all that you gave up just so that you could be with me?” I don’t even have to think about it. “Happy beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Spending the last fifty years with the woman I love more than my own existence has been a gift, I would gladly make the sacrifice a thousand times over.” I feel a strange peaceful sensation wash over me. Is death coming for me? “I just want to hold you in my arms and hear you whisper that you love me.” “I love you with all my heart Peeta Mellark.” Katniss whimpers. “Stay with me.” My breathing has become heavier and I know that my time is almost up. “Always. Sleep now, love.”
I’ll find a way for us to be together.
The shimmering figure in the background comes closer but I don’t allow his presence to distract me from looking at my beautiful wife. I want to keep the vision of her etched in my mind as the struggle to remain with her becomes harder with each laboured breath I take. But my mortal life is at an end and now my soul will journey to an eternity in purgatory.
Purification will not come for me.
I hear Katniss call to me and as I try to reach out to comfort her, my eyes wander to my outstretched hands. They are no longer that of an old man’s hand. My aura, thought to be long gone, begins to shimmer around me and then…my wings. This is not supposed to happen. I relinquished my immortality for a life with Katniss and as punishment, I would never be able to claim back my angelic form. Along with my aura, my youth has been restored. The warmth of his hand reaches for me as my spirit lifts from the bed and my wings appear. “Haymitch?” “Who did you expect, Archangel Gabriel?” He chuckles. “I have to say boy, you’ve been my favourite charge. You have lived a good life, you’ve filled people with strength and hope and have brought so much love into the world. It’s a better place because of you, but now it’s time to go.” I don’t reach for his hand. Instead, I turn to my grieving wife as she calls to me again. “Take me with you Peeta....please.” Katniss’s voice is now just a pleading whisper and I know I can’t bear to leave her. I look to him. “I can’t leave her Haymitch.” Haymitch smiles warmly and nods and as I take her hand tightly in mine and hold fast… ...he pulls us both into the light.
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I hear the tune my young son hums while I help him dress for school. It reminds me of a song from when I was a little girl. “What are you humming Adam?” I ask, trying to place its familiarity. “It’s the song Grandma sang to me last night. She always sings me that song when I get scared.” I look to my son in confusion. “But Grandma couldn’t have sung to you, she’s lives far away, remember I told you that’s why she can’t visit often.” “You’re silly mama. Not that Grandma. Grandma Katniss.” My heart sinks. Grandma Katniss died of a broken heart. My dad found her lying next to my Grandpa. He told me that she was so sad when Grandpa died her heart couldn’t take it. I was seven years old. I don’t know what to think of my son’s comments. “Adam, I’m sure Grandma Katniss is watching over you in heaven, but I don’t think she can sing to you from there.” He climbs on his bed, crossing his legs and lifts his head to look up at me with those deep blue eyes. “She and Grandpa Peeta come and visit me when I’m sad or when I’m having a bad dream. They always make me feel better. Grandpa tells the silliest jokes.” He giggles. I’m stunned into silence. Remembering how Grandpa would always have a new joke to tell me when we would come to visit, brings back happy memories. I walk to the mantle and open the keepsake box, offering him the last picture of Grandpa Peeta and Grandma Katniss before Grandpa got sick. “No. They're not old people mama.” He frowns, handing back the picture. I rifle through the box again and come across their wedding photo. My heart fills with warmth at the sight of their happy faces. They were so in love with each other. I show the photo to my son. “Yep. That’s Grandpa and Grandma! He points. “Grandpa told me to tell you something.” “He did? What was it Adam? Do you remember?” My heart soars in anticipation. His tiny finger taps on his lip and thinks for a moment… “Oh yeah, he said…see you later alligator.”