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The woman at the bar is looking at Foggy.She's beautiful, in an inconventional way. A latina, tiny, with a prominent nose, and the eye he can see is a deep black. Her hair are almost shaved on the right side, and shoulder lenght and covering her face on the left one.And she keeps glancing at Foggy.Maybe she's interrested? Which is flattering, but Foggy still has this non-thing with Marci, so he's kinda taken-not-taken? Maybe Foggy should stop staring back before she gets the wrong idea?...Aaaand it's already too late, she's sliding in his direction. "Excuse-me, but are you Franklin Nelson? From Nelson and Murdock?"What?"I followed your cases with Fisk and the Punisher on TV."Well that's... Nice? His firm partner? Yes, that was Matt Murdock, but they're not working together anymore. No, as far as he knows, Matt is fine. Well, it was a pleasure, Miss..? Matthew? That's funny, because we were talking about Matt, and your name is Matthew... Got it?...Anyway. Err, I have to go? Have a good day, Miss Matthew! "Have a good day, Mister Nelson! And in the case we ever meet again..."She smiles. "Please, call me Dolorès."---two days later---Foggy is enjoying himself. Claire is enjoying herself.Luke is enjoying himself.Danny is enjoying himself. Jessica is enjoying herself and pretending she doesn't.Colleen, Trish and Malcolm are busy.Matt just didn't show up. Which is, as far as Foggy is concerned, a good thing. They never got over That Night.They're celebrating a victory. Nothing earth shattering, just an old woman trying to sue Jessica for propriety damage. The case was quickly wrapped, especially since witnesses could attest that Jessica hadn't been the one to throw a chair in the woman's window.The little party is well in when they hear Matt's voice on the fire escape. "What are you doing here, Lola?"(Lola?)Foggy moves so he can see through the window, quickly followed by the others. Claire is the only one to stay away, and she glares but doesn't actually tries to stop them.It's Dolorès."I... I wanted to see how you were. A lot of things happened in Hell's Kitchen the last couple of years. I wanted to make sure you are okay."Well. That's fair. And this poor girl probably doesn't know how close he was of the events."Why?"Really, Murdock? Don't ya think that's a bit cold? "Because I'm your sister. "It shouldn't hurt that Matt didn't tell him something that important. Matt starts to laugh, a laugh that is at the same time chilling and hysteric and broken and just straight up fucking dead, and Foggy doesn't want to hear it ever again."You were Nelly's, too, weren't you? And I had to listen while you burnt her alive!"It takes a few seconds to Foggy to understand, and then it's like a frozen stone was falling in the pit of his stomach. By the looks on their faces, the others are experiencing something similar. "Nelly wasn't my sister.
- Yes! Yes she was! If anything, She was more you sister than I am!"For the first time, Lola? Dolorès? The woman seems upset. And how wrong is that, that she wasn't upset at the accusation of burning people alive!"No! No, Ty, no! Of course you're my brother! Nelly, Nelly was nothing, I swear, Ty, I swear, she was nothing! She didn't sit beside me in the cages, we didn't smile to each other with blood on our teeth, none of us knows how the other's blood feels on our hands or in our throats, we didn't comfort each other in the dark, she wasn't my sister but you're my brother, Ty, of course you are, don't you ever think you're not!"She's crying, now, and the cold turns to nausea, because fuck what the fuck is this shit, what the fuck how is this real, oh God...(God has nothing to do with any of this.)"I... I love you, Ty, and I m... missed you..."She hugs Matt, and he hugs her back. When he talks, his voice is so quiet Foggy can barely hear him."I missed you, too, of course I did."He breaks the embrace, and by the look on her face, she knows what is coming."But they were children, Lola, they were ten and you killed them!"He takes a deep breath."Go away, Lola. Please, go away."Lola looks heartbroken, and hugs Matt one last time before leaving. Matt waits a few minutes before sliding to the ground, and cries his heart out in perfect silence.
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Claire is the first to react. "Luke, there should be an apple pie and chocolate milk in the fridge. I think we're going to need it."She doesn't even wait to see if he heard before opening the window and joining Matt on the fire escape. It takes a while, and Luke has long fulfilled his task, but she manages to calm him down and bring him inside. (Foggy squashes a surge of envy. Matt and him had a fallout, they aren't friends anymore, he shouldn't be jealous of Claire, shouldn't feel like she stole his place.)"What the fuck was that?"Jessica is as brusque as usual, but there's something in her voice.( None of us knows how the other's blood feels on our hands or in our throats, and the implication that Matt and Lola did.)"My sister."Matt stopped crying, and is eating pie with a neutral face. Somehow, it's even worse than the tears. "In more details maybe? She implied cannibalism."Matt snorts, with a kind of dark, broken amusement, and Foggy remembers his earlier laugh and shudders. "She mentioned blood drinking. In my experience, those are two very different things."And what the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the... What the...What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Matt is vegetarian, for fuck sake! He wouldn't...("The hell do I know about Matt Murdock?)(Surely, Matt wouldn't bury his teeth in human flesh, wouldn't tear the morsel away from his screaming victim, wouldn't swallow the meat like a demon?)("Maybe you just can't stop yourself.")(Surely, Matt wouldn't press his lips against the wound, wouldn't drink the dripping blood.)("I don't want to stop.")Foggy feels bile in the back of his throat, and throws everything up.
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(It's wrong.)(This. This whole thing. It's wrong.)(Here there are, heroes and vigilantes, sitting in a nurse's kitchen.)(Here he is, pondering if Matt could eat people.)(They were... They were supposed to be best friends!)(Foggy didn't sign up for this.)(He just...)(They were supposed to be best friends, okay?)(They were supposed to be best friends.)
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"I think you three should go."Jessica, Luke and Danny's heart give the same incredulous jump."Go?! Claire, he all but confessed cannibalism!- Yes. And we're going to talk about it, and then we'll decide what to tell you.- But...- No, Danny. I will tell you what you need to know, and it's up to Matt whether he tells you more."They keep talking, but Matt isn't listening. (The smell of vomit in the air is all-encompassing, and he needs to focus if he doesn't want Santino's pie to join in on the floor.)(Foggy's heart is beating very fast, and Matt can smell the fear-sweat on his skin. He's afraid of Matt.)(Lola was there. Lola is alive and well and she missed him and she's all right)(Lola was there. Lola is alive and well and who knows what she did and who knows who she killed)(At their core they're both the same, if one looks close enough. They both have a Devil in them, and the only difference is how long their leashes are, the only difference is that Lola's Devil never quite goes back in.)Footsteps. Three of them.(Loud. Luke. Strong. Jessica. Sure. Danny.)(Whatever Claire said, it worked. Matt will have to thank her later.)(Foggy is still here, and Matt really doesn't want to deal with it.)(Maybe he could leave through the window. He could go to the workshop, sort the fabrics by how Nice they feel. Melvin has a lot of Nice fabrics.)(Foggy is afraid of him.)"So. What do we do now? - Now? Now, Matt, I think you owe me an explanation."Matt thinks about what Claire said, about not having to tell anything he doesn't want, and then he thinks about Columbia, about Foggy saying I'm starving after mere a few hours, about all the reasons he never told Foggy. It hurt to remember.(And Frank could tell it still does, could tell how he hurt himself trapped in the Cages the container his own head.)Foggy wouldn't understand.(And he didn't, did he? That night, when Nobu died and Matt tried to explain the lesser of his sins, when he told him about letting the Devil out after the law failed, about being angry after hearing a child being raped, and the only answers he got were maybe it's about you having an excuse to hit someone and maybe you just can't stop yourself.)Foggy would judge. (And judge he did, everyday after that night, and Nelson & Murdock died from a thousand cuts, every accusation like a stab to Matt's heart, every silence like a kick to Foggy's ribs.)And yes, maybe Matt should have been more open, should have told Foggy more, but after how he reacted to a taste of Matt's world, to a glance at the truth... Can Matt really be blamed for not having risked more?("No, no manner! and Foggy didn't even let Matt explain and it hurts.)(If there's one thing Matt is good at, it's turning pain into anger.)"No, Foggy, I don't owe you shit. I don't owe anyone shit because no one is entitled to my fucking trauma.- So it's better to found a whole friendship on lies?- Oh no Foggy. You don't get to play this card. Because right until I became the Devil of Hell's Kitchen, I didn't mention some private things, but I didn't lie!- Well, you can't say you were being honest!- If Marci were a rape victim, would she have to to tell you? If she were diabetic, or trans, or had sensory processing disorder, would she have to tell you? How is this any different?"( All this time, I actually felt sorry for you.)"If anyone founded this friendship on lies, it's you.- For fuck sake, Matt, do you even hear yourself? - You felt sorry for me! Our whole relationship was based on me being 'just a dude', and you pitied me. You only pity your lessers, Foggy, and you can't be friend with someone who isn't your equal.- I still deserved the truth! - Are you even listening? It's not about you deserve, Foggy, it never was! And even if it was, you wouldn't understand! You can't understand, anyway, because you where never really confronted to the fact that people are fucking monsters!"They keep going, after that, but they just repeat the same arguments, again and again, and it all just goes in circle until Foggy leaves with a cry of frustration. (The thing is, a year ago, Matt probably wouldn't have argued back, would have suffered in silence and done almost everything to get Foggy to stay.)(The thing is, he only had Foggy then, but now there are Claire and Frank, and even Santino and Melvin, and they get it. They get him.)(Maybe Foggy has a leg to stand in, but so does Matt, and he refuses to be the only one to make a step, refuses to go in a relationship where they are not equals. He's not crazy, he's not wrong, and he's not anyone's pity project.)
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Claire tells Matt he can stay for the night, and Matt looks hesitant. "You're not upset?"She can't afford to be upset, not yet, not with Matt visibly shaken by whatever trauma 'Lola' brought up and the others losing their mind over the implications. "You're a good person, Matt. I don't have the details, but I know some shit happened, and I think it's part of it. I don't need the details to know you're not going to start eating people at random. Whatever happened, I know you did your best."Matt curls up on the couch and begins to speak in a flat, broken voice, like thin ice over a waterfall. It's confusing and non-linear, two snippets rather than the whole story, and Claire stashes away the horror for tequila later, focus on each word separately to keep her heart level.(She needs to. She really, really needs to.)(At least, she knows why he doesn't eat meat now.)(At least, she knows what 'family' means to him.)(What Lola means to him.)"Do you pity me, now?"Claire takes the time to think before she answers. Matt doesn't trust rushed answers, and she doesn't want to risk a heartbeat spike. (You only pity your lesser)"...No. I don't. I think... It's fucked up. It shouldn't have happened to you, or anyone, and I'm angry it did. But I don't pity you. It would mean that I think I would have done better in your place, Matt, and I don't think that's something a lot of people could say. You survived, Matt. From what I know, that alone means you are stronger than most of those that look down on you."Matt relaxes. "Thank you."They stay silent a moment. "What do you think we should tell the others?- The truth. You didn't want to do eat. It won't happen again if you can help it. Unless you want them to know more.- ...No. No, I don't think I do. Not yet. Maybe never. - Okay. That's okay."They stay silent a moment longer."So, people are monsters?"Matt nods. "There's a monster in everyone. The difference between scum and good people is how much they let it out.- That's very cynical. - Mmm. I think that's what we have in common. - Who? - Me and Lola. And Frank, too, I guess. We all know, intimately so, that people are monsters. I think the difference is how we reacted to this knowledge."Matt pauses, and Claire makes an encouraging noise. "You know, at first, I thought the reason I couldn't kill was only him, a refusal of becoming what he wanted me to. But it's deeper than that, I think. It wouldn't matter as much if lives didn't have values by themselves. Because that's the thing, Claire. People are monster, yes, but the reverse is true too."Matt smiles, like he smiled to Santino and her after Fisk's fall, like he smiles to his clients after saving their homes, or children, or themselves."Monsters are people."
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Lola