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Keith had been so close. The cold, unforgiving face of Zarkon flashed by as Red soared past, her laser missing the leader by mere inches. He heard the screams of his teammates berating him for being so reckless as to take on what was probably one of the strongest beings in the universe, alone. "Keith, look out!" Lance screamed through the communicator, his blue lion soaring towards Keith with great speed. It wasn't fast enough; a shot hit Red with an impeccable force that caused the lion to shudder and quake. Sirens roared and the rest of his team screamed his name as he's pushed away from the battle, plunging down into the planets atmosphere. Keith tried to regain control, to get away from the shot of the beam, but Red won't move, can't move. Keith feels panic clench him at the throat, everything flashing a bright white, before fading to black. - Keith's chest rattled with pain. The pungent smell of smoke burned through his lungs, the abrupt zaps of electricity causing the darkness to flash with a sudden blue light. Keith blearily tried to sit up, hissing in agony and instinctively reaching to clutch onto his stomach where the pain is located. His hands met a slick probe of metal, leading into his stomach and if he had the energy he'd have been sure to let out a scream at the fact that he'd been impaled. He needed help, and fast. "Hello? Guys?" Keith's voice rasped, throat clenching around his words. He only recieved panicked, distant shouting and gunfire amidst a haze of static. "Sh-Shiro? Lance? Pidge?" Nothing. He reached out a hand to try and grab onto something, anything that might bring Red black to life, but pain shot up his arms, immobilizing him. Keith doubted that even if he could move, Red would work. Her once comforting presence in the back of his mind had since vanished. Was Red dead? Keith panicked. Was he dying? "It's too much!" He heard the distant sound of Pidge yell. "I'm being cornered!" Hunk. "I'm comin-" Lance's voice was choked by his own scream. "Where's Keith?!" "Keith, do you copy?" Shiro's firm voice crackled through the speaker. "Keith, do you copy?!" "Shiro..." Keith rasped between panted breaths. He tried moving, tried getting himself out of the piece of metal. "Shiro...help me...please..." They couldn't hear him. He needed to get out. He couldn't move his legs. He couldn't feel the lower part of his body at all. It was numb and wouldn't heed any of Keith's commands. It was odd, like he'd forgotten how to move. As the steady flow of blood from his stomach continued to blotch into his armor, the taste of iron on his lips intensified and his limbs failed to respond to him, Keith felt his chest clench in panic. "Shiro, Lance, Hunk...Lance, please!" Keith begged. "I need help I'm...please hear me...help, I..." His breath and jumbled words caught in his aching throat as he struggled for breath. The cold, pointed fingers of fear clenched around his neck, choking him, silencing him. All he could do was listen, tears silently falling as numbness began to spread through his body, listening to his teammates fight a losing battle. He needed to go and rescue them. Get up, Keith, get up. Lance and Shiro screamed in pain. Everything came back too fast. The searing pain in his stomach, his painful, ragged breathing, the screams from the paladins. Blood surged up his throat and he choked, crimson dribbling down the sides of his pale chin. Tears cascaded down his cheeks as he sobbed. "I don't want to die, not when I...not when I've found a family," Keith sobbed. "Shiro, please, someone, please help me I...I'm scared, I don't want to die like this I don't want this anymore - I'm sorry!" He rambled on and on, mind blurring in panic as he sobbed and pleaded for the paladins to hear him, but earned no reply. Keith was exhausted. He tried relentlessly to get his teammates to hear him, but they couldn't. He'd made his wound bigger trying to break free, could no longer feel his arms. He lay slack in the chair, tears running down his cheeks as he stared numbly into the darkness slowly caving in around him. "We've got to leave - we're opening up a black hole!" Coran announced. "No! Not until we find Keith!" Shiro yelled. "We can't leave him here!" Agreed Lance. "We have no choice!" Pidge's voice was hoarse, as though she was fighting tears. "We can come back for him!" Hunk agreed, trying to keep his voice steady. "But what if something happened? Why can't we reach him?!" Lance's voice heightened as he began to panic. "Lance, Shiro, I know Keith means a lot to you both, as he does to all of us, but we can't stay here much longer, or we will all suffer!" Allura stepped in calmly. "We can't risk it!" Coran agreed. "But-!" Lance continued to argue. "Keith, Keith, please answer us, KEITH!" "Lance, LANCE!" Shiro shouted, silencing him. "It's okay," Shiro muttered, his voice breaking. Keith distantly realised that Shiro sounded like he was crying. "We will find him. Now let's go." "No...don't leave me..." Keith whimpered, but of course his voice wasn't heard. There were a few more gun fires amongst Coran ordering everyone to enter the black hole, and Shiro shouting for Lance to hurry up and follow them, before everything fell to a hauntingly quiet static. Keith sat for a moment, the silence heavy. They'd left him. His chest rattled with every breath, the searing, unbearable pain beginning to subside. Each breath became more and more exhausting, and Keith could feel his eyelids getting heavier. Maybe this was a nightmare. Maybe he could go to sleep, find himself waking up on the couch of their common room, probably leaning on Lance, curled up in blankets with the rest of his family surrounding him. Shiro would have put the blanket over him and Lance as soon as they'd both fallen asleep, and he'd be not so far away, snoring quietly. Pidge and Hunk would have gone back to their rooms, and the low hum of the music from the start screen of a movie they'd decided to watch would be playing softly in the background. Keith would place his head back onto Lance's shoulder, feeling content enough to fall back asleep. And with the thoughts of home covering his conscience like a warm blanket, he let his eyes slowly close, the hum of static growing louder, and louder, until, like the flick of a switch, everything falls silent.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Static was all Lance could hear. It was a permanent low hum in the back of his conscience, clinging onto him as he pulled through routines and roll-calls. It seemed the longer the static made a home in the back of his mind, the more his limbs seemed to seize up, what little energy he had suck out of his body as though it was leeching off of his own life-force, making even mundane tasks like getting out of bed feel like having to fight off a fleet of ships on his own.
Whilst the rest of the team seemed to keep moving, time for Lance seemed to stand still. Everything around him was as though it was on hyperdrive, moving quickly - too quickly - and yet Lance was just
standing there
, stuck in time whilst everyone and everything around him moved on. Part of him wanted to break out the hold, to move on too, but the other, bigger part doesn’t want to let go. To let go of Keith.
For weeks he’d been out every day, searching in Blue for some sign,
any sign
, of Keith.
He was out now, the blackened abyss before him causing fear to clench his heart and doubt to riddle his mind, because
how
were they - was
he
- going to find Keith when the universe is so big? He could have been taken anywhere by now, or captured by the galra -
what if he's dead?!
Lance cleared his head of any thoughts just as his breathing began to rasp and become shallow, focusing on what Shiro had taught him one time, breathing in through his nose for eight, holding on for four, and breathing out for another eight. He repeats that routine, wondering if Shiro and Pidge had gotten back to the castleship by now after travelling to a nearby planet to try and persuade them to join the coalition. He wondered if maybe they’d found any clues on the way back, and though he berated himself for being so negative, he still found himself highly doubtful they had.
Shiro had joined Lance on most of his excursions, but being the leader, he had other responsibilities that he said he couldn’t just ignore. Lance had argued with him over it, and there were tears and angered shouts, accusations of putting robots and the ungrateful universe over their
best friend
, but it had ended with Shiro breaking down, and Lance realising how much it was truly hurting him - how he’d thrown himself back into his work to
cope
because he
cared too much,
not because he didn’t care at all.
The others were solemn too. Pidge hardly left her room unless dragged out for her duties as a paladin, and Hunk had cooked up food as though he was making a feast for an entire planet, (though most of it went to waste by the end of the day - sometimes all of it).
It was somehow just Allura and Coran that had managed to stay strong. The two alteans had both already somewhat coped with losing their planet, their family and friends, so what was one more disappearing into cosmic dust?
Keith may not even
be
dead, Lance reminded himself, in an attempt to stop himself from crying
again.
But that was what killed him. He
didn’t know.
He didn’t know if Keith was camping out somewhere, shivering and waiting for someone to rescue him, or being tortured and imprisoned by Haggar or some other hostile alien species. Was he searching the universe for them as well? His supplies would be running out soon.
Lance had retraced their steps and flown through the debris from since destroyed galra ships far too many times, searching and searching for some sign of a red lion robot, of
something,
but found nothing.
Eventually, Allura and Shiro’s faces popped up. Both of their eyes were bleary with concern, Allura’s expression more subdued than Shiro’s.
“Anything?” Shiro asked, and Allura gave him a small glare. Lance shook his head and tried to avoid looking at Shiro’s expression. He was giving up, Lance could tell.
“Lance, I think it’s time for you to come back now,” Allura spoke softly and gently.
“Give me another varga, please-”
“Lance, you’re exhausted. Please, just come back,” she continued. “You need rest - in this tired state, even if you come across a clue, you will be too tired to notice it. We can
all
come with you and look once you’ve had some rest.”
It was only that, that had gotten Lance to turn Blue around.
“Thank you, Lance. We will see you soon.” Allura gave a sad smile, before their faces flickered away.
Lance let his shoulders fall slack as sobs began to wrack their way through his body in disgustingly weak tremors. He would find Keith, or he would die trying.
-
It was when Lance was pushing food around his plate, pretending to eat so as not to hurt Hunk’s feelings, pretending that the seat next to him wasn’t empty, that they had first heard it.
An almighty crash, sending a shudder through the entire castle ship, coming straight from the lion’s hangars. They all jumped to their feet.
“Something's entered the red lion’s hangar!” Coran exclaimed, and it was Shiro and Lance that lead the way, Lance with his gun, Shiro’s hand glowing purple through the darkened halls.
As soon as they got inside, Lance’s breath caught in his throat. Lying on her side, with smoke pouring from her mouth and stomach, was Red.
“Lance, wait!” Shiro called, but Lance was already climbing in through Red’s mouth, finding his way to the cockpit.
Static. The static surged, became too loud,
too loud.
“Lance,
Lance!
” He heard calls but they were distant, as though he’d been plunged under water.
On shaking legs, he stepped towards the pilot’s chair. The ceiling looked as though it had collapsed on itself, red sparks flying across the room in little spurts. A large chunk of metal, smeared with blood, struck right through the back of the pilot chair.
“No…” Lance whispered, freezing, not wanting to step around the other side, to see what had been done. “No...Keith, you
can’t
...can’t do this...”
There
must
be a way to fix it. There was no way Keith could be dead. Allura could save him, the cryo-pods could heal his wounds. “It’s gonna be okay, Keith. You’re gonna be okay,” Lance whispered, and quickly walked around, choking on his words at the sight.
Put up against the metal protruding through his stomach, Keith looked
tiny,
like a small child. His skin was pale, had taken a deathly blue tint, his hair ragged and slick with blood.
“Lance-” The voice of whoever had entered had been stolen from them, just as Lance’s had been.
“G-Get Allura. Coran needs to get a pod ready. I can fix this, he can be okay,” Lance mumbled, hands gripping around the metal, attempting to pull. Hands quickly pulled him away. He struggled weakly.
“Lance, he’s gone. There’s no fixing-” Hunk’s gentle voice began to mumble.
“No,
no!”
Lance thrashed against Hunk, who simply tightened his arms around him, pulling him round so he was facing away from Keith, his face stuffed into Hunk’s chest. He slammed his fists against Hunk. “We can fix this! He can’t die! He can’t do this to me!”
“I’m sorry, Lance, he’s gone.”
And Lance sobbed, and sobbed. Hunk continued to hold him, no doubt crying himself, trying to comfort Lance in some way as he tried to come to terms with the fact that Keith was
gone.
-
Lance was pacing through the corridors, unable to sleep as usual. He was heading towards the kitchen, maybe to grab some of those cookies unk had made - if Pidge hadn’t obliterated them herself. He was sure there was still some milk left that he’d gotten from Kalternecker lying around, too.
As he passed the training room, he heard noises, sounds of lasers and heavy breathing - a sudden cry of pain.
‘Who the hell is training at this time?’ Thought Lance, stopping outside the doors. He hesitates, before slowly pushing them open.
Inside he saw Keith fighting off three training bots at once, his movements sluggish, exhaustion clearly hindering his usually flawless performance. Lance stepped inside, and just before a laser hit Keith square in the back of the head, Lance called: “training sequence, end!”
Keith whirled around, bristling, his Marmora knife still in position to attack. “Hey! I had it!”
“Of course you did,.” Lance waltzed forward, rolling his eyes, folding his arms. “Have you not heard of a thing called beauty sleep?” Lance looked Keith up and down with a raised eyebrow his eyes lingering too long on the toned stomach that showed when Keith lifted up the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. “B-Because it might explain a lot if you - if you haven’t!”He quickly snapped, trying to ignore the heat rising in his cheeks.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”
“D-Don’t worry about it!”
“Okay,” Keith frowned at Lance. “I’m gonna continue now, so if you don’t wanna get shot or something, leave I guess?”
“No, nope, you are not going to start training again.” Lance attempted to pry Keith’s knife out of his grip. Keith tugged back firmly, glaring at him. “Keith, you’re exhausted. Haven’t you heard of sleep?”
Keith scratched the back of his neck. “I uh, kinda skipped out on training, though.”
“Because we destroyed a galra ship? Does that not count as training?”
Keith shook his head.
“So, you’re telling me, every time that we’ve gone on a mission, you’ve still trained?!”
“...Don’t you?”
“No! Okay, with me, now!” Lance grabbed Keith’s wrist, tugging him out of the room, towards the lounge. There, Lance sat Keith down and left for a while. He came back with a blanket and a couple of glasses of milk, balancing the plate of Hunk’s cookies on his arm (proud of himself for only almost dropping it once). He places the cookies and the glasses down, then throws the blue fluffy blanket over Keith, ensuring that it covers his head. Keith swipes it off, giving Lance a tired glare.
Lance takes a seat next to him, pulling the cover over himself too, the two fighting for a couple of seconds, each pulling a little too much over their side, until they finally settled.
(Lance let Keith have most of the cover)
“I know you’re, like, an idiot,” Lance started, “and reckless, and have no sense of self preservation-”
“Your point?” Keith muttered through grit teeth, holding tightly onto his glass of milk.
“But training, at midnight? Exhausting yourself? Why?” Lance turned and watched Keith, ready for Keith to shut im out and walk away, because that was what always happened when Lance tried to talk to him. When anyone tried to talk to him.
“What’s it got to do with you?” Keith muttered.
“I just wanna know, I’m curious!” Lance held up his hands in surrender.
Keith mumbled something, holding the blanket up to his nose so his voice was muffled.
“Uh...what?”
“I said I’m scared, okay?!” Keith snapped, flinching at his own voice.
“Scared? Of what?” Lance asked gently, feeling proud that he’d managed to get
something
out of him. Keith
never
admitted weakness to anyone. Not even Shiro. Either exhaustion was getting to him, or he actually trusted Lance.
Probably the former.
“Of dying,” Keith mumbled again, but Lance leaned closer and heard it.
“Isn’t everyone?”
“Yeah, but...I’m terrified, Lance. I mean, what even happens afterwards? What...What if it’s really painful? What if I’m all alone and no one even knows I’m gone?” Keith’s eyes began to shine more than usual, and he blinked frantically, as though holding back tears. Lance placed an arm around Keith, expecting a punch in return, because Keith hated any form of physical contact, but Keith simply leaned into his touch.
“We put our lives on the line every day, Lance. We’re so close to death every day and...and it terrifies me.” Keith retreated further into the blanket, his eyes only just peeping over the edge.
Lance blinked, trying to process Keith’s words. Of all the people he thought he’d have this conversation with, he’d never expected to have it with Keith. Hunk of course, or even Pidge. He could even see Shiro being afraid, but Keith? The guy who seems so fearless of death he willingly laughs in her face every day? Who puts himself in danger on purpose?
“I think for starters you need to stop being so reckless, Keith,” Lance laughed a little.
“I know,” Keith muttered, “but I can’t help it. Especially when you’re all in danger I...I don’t get scared then, because all I see is that I need to save you-”
“It’s afterwards, when you realise how close you were,” Lance continued. Keith nodded, shuffling.
“Well, it’s a good thing that the amazing Lance McClain has your back, huh?” Lance puffed up his chest. “The best sharpshooter in the galaxy will protect you, princess.”
Keith punched Lance gently. “‘M not a princess.”
“Ah, but I’m the best sharpshooter in the galaxy?” Lance crooned. “Ow.” He flinched when Keith hit him again.
“Sorry.”
“But seriously, Keith, you don’t need to worry about dying. I’ve got your back. We’ve all got your back.”
“Thank you.” Keith’s hand finds Lance’s, squeezing it. “I’ve got yours too.”
“I know.” Lance watched Keith’s eyes flicker shut, leaning further into him. He chuckled. “You wanna go to bed?”
“Comfy here.”
Lance feigned a huff of exasperation, running his hand through Keith’s hair. “You owe me.”
Keith didn’t reply, his breathing deepening. Lance continued to run his hand through Keith’s hair. Without the stress and fine lines of worry constantly weighing down his features, he looked almost childlike, vulnerable. It was strange, because sometimes, with someone so headstrong and independant as Keith, who dealt with his problems alone and by himself, Lance forgets that he’s human. That he feels fear, sadness, even happiness, just like the rest of them.
Gone was the frown creasing his eyebrows together, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as his conscience fell into a dream-like state, his cooling breaths falling against Lance’s collarbone. His hair forms ringlets around his cheeks, still curled and ruffled from training, and from Lance’s fingers carding their way through it, smoothing out any knots. He was beautiful, and Lance wondered why he always hid himself behind his hair and kept it pointed to the ground, as though hiding his face from the rest of the world.
It was the moment that Keith, in his sleep, shuffled and buried his head into the crook of Lance’s neck, that Lance had realised he’d fallen for Keith.
-
It was a few weeks later of pining and watching from afar, tiptoeing around the red paladin that was clearly still embarrassed about falling asleep on Lance that night after spilling his darkest fear to him, that Lance had mustered the guts to confess to Keith.
He’d managed to catch him into the kitchen alone, had offered to make him a milkshake in an attempt to get him to stay a little longer . He occasionally threw the odd altean berry at Keith as he worked away, just to annoy Keith (and of course it worked.)
“One milkshake, princess!” Lance plopped the two glasses on the table, taking a seat opposite Keith.
“I’m going to pour it over your head,” Keith threatened, though there was no bite to his words.
“That’s not very etiquette of you.”
“That’s not how you use that word.”
“Fuck you.”
They sat in silence, glaring at each other, before bursting out into laughter.
“So, what did you want to talk to me about?” Keith asked, after they had finished laughing. Lance chewed on the berry he’d plucked from the top of his milkshake.
“How do you know there’s something to talk about?”
“Well, you only ever make milkshakes when you want to talk, so, what is it?” Keith asked, chewing at his straw.
“Uh, right, I um,” Lance shuffled nervously. Keith looked concerned. “I just, uh, well...you…”
Alarms blared through the kitchen, and Keith hopped to his feet.
“Paladins! A galra fleet is approaching! Get to your lions!”
Called Allura, her voice broadcast throughout the castleship.
“I’m sorry Lance, we can talk after?” Keith suggested, placing a hand on Lance’s shoulder.
“Uh, yeah, that’s fine. Promise you’ll come find me when we get back?” Lance smiled, holding out his pinky finger.
Keith smiled, rolling his eyes playfully, and Lance was pleased to find Keith remembered his lesson not long ago on how to make a pinky promise. “Promise. Now get a move on, sharpshooter.”
-
But he didn’t come back
, Lance thought, sitting in the dark, quiet kitchen.
Alone
.
The door clicked open, and Lance squinted at the sudden light. He looked to see Shiro standing in the doorway, looking sorrowful.
“Couldn’t sleep either?” Shiro whispered, as though scared to disturb something, taking a seat opposite.
“Nope,” Lance popped the ‘p’, leaning his head in his arms.
Shiro hesitated, looking from Lance, to the wall, to the ceiling, and back to Lance again. Even though they were still sitting in darkness, Lance could see that Shiro’s eyes were bloodshot. “I miss him.”
This was new. Shiro had shut Lance out, shut
everyone
out since the day that they’d found Keith. He’d refused to let Coran attempt to get Keith - or, what was left of him - out of Red on his own. Since then, he’d become a cold shell of what he was, just existing and throwing himself into his work, not giving himself time to think.
“I miss him too,” Lance mumbled, toying with the sleeve of his jacket. The one that Pidge had thrown into Keith’s wardrobe when in a rush to get her chore done,
because fuck obvious colour schemes, right?
And in Keith’s drowsy morning state before his space-coffee, or whatever Hunk called it, he’d put it on anyway, by accident, and hadn’t even noticed until he’d reached out to grab the coffee Hunk had made him, and realised the sleeves were way too long.
Lance hadn’t seen it himself, but Pidge had assured him that it was the best thing she’d seen in her life - Keith, blinking tiredly and wondering where the
fuck
his hands were, and - wait, why was his jacket
green
?!
Lance had seen an angry and flushed-red Keith throw his jacket into his face when storming down the hall, however.
“I feel like I’ve failed him, Shiro,” Lance continued, because fuck it, if he can’t talk to Shiro about this, who could he talk to? Talking to a lion who could only provide the occasional purr wasn’t enough. “He...he opened up to me, he said he was scared,
terrified
of dying and - and I
promised
him I wouldn’t let anything happen to him, Shiro!”
“It’s not your fault,” Shiro attempted to reassure, “blaming yourself isn’t going to do anything.” It was hard making your advice sound convincing when you won’t take it yourself.
“I
loved
him, Shiro, I...I…” Lance choked on a sob, and Shiro instantly got to his feet, passing round to sit down next to Lance, rubbing his back comfortingly.
“I know, Lance.” Shiro pulled Lance into a hug, holding him tight. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. It might not be now but...but it will be...I hope.”
Just like Shiro clung onto Lance, Lance clung on to Shiro’s words.
And they stayed like that, taking comfort in each other, until the lights on the castle turned on, much like the sunrise in the morning, the castle slowly came back to life, and they carried on.