Work Text
As I sat by Negan’s window for daily school work help, he began to tell me a story. He told me about the world before, a world I would never know. To me, it was the equivalent of a storybook fantasy. I couldn’t imagine a world where you walked outside and didn’t fear for your life. That world seemed kinder, I wished Carl were here to tell me all about it.Then Negan said something interesting. He told me I was lucky to live in this time as opposed to the past. I couldn’t imagine how that would be true. Airplanes, roller coasters, waterparks, movie theaters, all sounded like fabulous things that I would surely never experience. When I asked why, he told me, “Now, people have one thing in common, the will to survive.”“Didn’t people want to survive back then?” I asked at the odd comment.Negan smirked, “Not as much as you would think.”My expression turned curious. “How so?”“Well, people just didn’t know how to get along,” he began, “They fought over stupid things like money, fame, relationships, beauty, the newest whatever. Then there were other problems like heath, addiction, poverty, education. I couldn’t tell you the number of wars that were fought over peace. But no matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t find a solution.”“Kinda sounds similar to these days.” I replied.He laughed, “You’re right. Only now we don’t fight over stupid things, we fight for the things worth fighting for. Survival, as I said. People didn’t care when things were handed to them on a silver platter. Now we share a common goal."“I guess that makes sense,” I muttered.“You’ll understand it better one day,” Negan reassured, “Until then, just fight for what makes this world a better one.”I giggled, “Now you’re sounding cheesy.”“Just trying to give you a little inspiration,” he grinned.“Bye, Negan,” I said picking up my textbook and rising off the ground.“See you later, know-it-all.”I smiled as I walked back to the house. I didn’t know Negan much before he was sitting in our jail. I knew my mom didn’t like him very much. She told me he was dangerous and to stay away. But he had changed a lot in the past years, now I felt like I could trust him as a friend. I wished the rest of the community could see him that way too.---------I woke up to the startling sound of gunfire. It shook me awake as I hurried to grab my flashlight, just in time for a bomb to go off in the distance. I could hear my mother’s footsteps running down the hallway as I threw open the door.“Mom?” I called out panicked. Adrenaline coursed through my veins.“Judith, stay where you are! Stay with RJ. Get your gun and hide in the closet. Only fire if necessary. I’ll be back soon,” She announced with urgency in her voice. Another explosion rattled the house.“Mom!” I yelled again.“It’s okay, Judith. What is it?”“I love you.”She softened at this point, tears almost slipping from her eyes. “I love you so much! Now be brave.”I gave a quick nod before rushing back to my room. I grabbed the gun from the top shelf before running over to RJ.“Where did mama go?” He questioned with a concerned expression.“She’ll be back soon. We have to hide in the closet now.” I assured.RJ’s face lit up, “Are we going to play hide and seek?”“Yeah, just some hide and seek. But we have to be quiet so shhh...”I would be lying if I said I didn’t shake from nervousness. It took everything for me to not look out the window and see what was going on. I could hear bullets and commands being shouted. I urged my eyes closed tightly, holding my hand over RJ’s mouth to make sure he didn’t make a peep.Then...I heard the door open. I clenched even tighter but managed to give RJ another reassuring look. I waited for a voice, any voice. My gun was now pointed at the closet door and RJ’s eyes widened. Out of the silence I heard a faint whisper that said, “Judith?”I calmed realizing it was a familiar voice and slowly opened the door to Rosita and Eugene.“Are you guys okay?” Rosita asked, lowering down to our level.“We’re fine. Where’s my mom?”There was a pause as Rosita and Eugene tried to find the right words.“She’s okay, she just has some responsibilities she needs to take care of,” Rosita said.RJ stood up from his place on the ground, “Is hide and seek over?” He asked Eugene.“Well, we found you, so yes,” Eugene smiled slightly at him. I saw Rosita smile as well. I wondered if she thought about Eugene being as understanding with her baby as he was with RJ. I was thrilled to find out she was pregnant and couldn’t help but smile too at the thought.“What’s going on?” I finally asked after a few seconds had passed. It was currently driving me crazy.“Just a little disagreement with another group, that’s all.” Rosita answered.I raised an eyebrow, “A little? It sounds like a war.”“That’s just a bluff. They want peace just as much as we do.” Eugene stated. Rosita gave him a look that made me uneasy. The look said that was a lie. The word “peace” also made me think of a certain someone, which was my next question.“What about Negan?”“Negan?” Rosita whispered, a little shocked.“Yeah,” I nodded shyly“He’s just fine and dandy,” Eugene announced, “Why him of all people?”I exhaled, knowing that what I was about to say wouldn’t go over so well.“He’s my friend. I wanted to make sure he was still alive.”Another unsettled look was exchanged. No words were spoken, just quiet nods. That’s when I heard the door fly open downstairs again. This time it was my mom.“Oh thank God,” she said as she wrapped RJ and me in a hug.“Mama!” RJ exclaimed.The moment of reunion was cut short as her expression turned cold.“We need to go,” she hurried as she grasped our hands.“What happened, Michonne?” Rosita asked.My mom glanced at us before whispering, “They’re going to take this place. Hundreds of them. We’ll be better off moving to Hilltop than fight a fight we can’t win at the moment.”“But we can win, we have supplies,” Rosita announced confidently.“No, it’s too risky. It’s for our own safety,” My mom stated.I froze, “But we will fight, right?”“Yeah, we’ll fight.”We were halfway out the door when I ran back inside, my mom nearly chasing after me. I bolted up the stairs and jumped up to grab the picture hanging in my room. It was a painting of my family. My dad and Carl included. I grabbed the printed picture of Carl and me too. It seemed too important to forget, just in case we didn’t come back. Memories were too precious, especially the ones I made with them on their last days. We walked slowly and carefully across Alexandria. I kept my eyes peeled for the strangers who wanted to take our home. My mind raced with thoughts and I was cold in my pajamas. We reached the back entrance where Daryl and Siddiq stood, accompanied by Dog. I personally loved the name Dog, it was simple and made me laugh when Uncle Daryl yelled his name.I still had my gun in hand, holding it close by incase I had to shoot. I would shoot, I just hoped I didn’t have to. If it meant protecting my family I would do anything. Daryl gave my mom a quick nod before he whistled at Dog to lead the way.“Wait!” I called out, everyone shooting looks in my direction. “What about Negan?”This caused Daryl to scoff, “Forget about it. They can have him.”I was beginning to feel myself tense. I knew Negan wasn’t their favorite person but it seemed inhumane to leave him to the enemy. They would most certainly let him die since he was one of us.“Please mom,” I pleaded, giving her the puppy dog eyes I learned from storybooks Carl read to me.She gave a look around, almost sensing my concern. “I-I don’t have the keys. I’m sorry, Judith,” she stuttered as she watched my defeated face.“It’s not too late, we can go back--” I urged.“No we ain’t. It’s too much time that we don’t have,” Daryl stated as he became frustrated.“Mama, Negan!” RJ exclaimed, hardly even knowing what we were talking about. I knew she couldn’t resist RJ, especially now that he caught onto my puppy dog eyes. She looked around for a second, wondering what to do. Fortunately, she gave in.“The keys are in the office. I’ll be right back. Don’t move,” she said.I exhaled in relief, even though I was practically putting us in more danger. 3 minutes later there he was, handcuffed as my mom held onto his arm to guide him.“Was this your work, kiddo?” He grinned as he came to a halt.“Yep,” I replied boldly. He looked much happier now that he was finally free.“What did I tell ya’?” He stated quietly, “Survival. This is a better world.”“Shut it,” Daryl urged roughly so everyone knew his irritation, “Your ass just got lucky.”My mom glanced at me and RJ, “Let’s go.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The wind started to pick up as we walked. I wasn’t sure where we were walking to tonight, Hilltop was still far even by horse. It had only been 30 minutes into our journey when my mom picked RJ up and carried him. Daryl offered to carry him but she refused. She said he was sleeping and she didn’t want to wake him. I wished I were still in bed, instead I was out here freezing my butt off in a thin pair of pajamas.My mind was active with all the what ifs. I couldn’t lose my home after everything we’ve done to protect it. I looked at the pictures I held in my hand. They made me feel warmer as I recalled my dad and Carl. Carl, my happy, teenage brother that I couldn’t remember much of. He was there when I was born and I was there when he passed away. The handprints on our porch made me smile, I hoped our enemy wouldn’t remove them.My dad, on the other hand, I remembered very well. I kept our memories in a safe place in my heart, where no enemy could remove. He was a gentle giant, I thought, though I was very short at the time. He was a leader, our fearless leader. I aspired to be just like him one day. He built a community in the fallen world, something I only wished to achieve.Siddiq must have seen me shiver because he took off his jacket and wrapped it around me. I smiled at the gesture but replied, “But then you’ll get cold.”“I’ll be fine. I’m the doctor, and I can’t have you getting sick,” he responded in a reassuring tone.“Since you’re the doctor though, what’s going to happen if you get sick?” I asked.A smiled formed on his face, as if he were proud of me for my quick response. “Let’s just hope everyone stays healthy.”My mom nodded, “I agree. We all need to be strong if we’re going to win, that includes you, Judith.”I gave her a smile and Siddiq too. “Thank you,” I told him.“Not a problem.”A twig snapped in the distance, bringing us to a halt. Daryl looked at my mom as he drew his crossbow. I stood behind my mom, using her as a barrier. She didn’t have easy access to her katana holding RJ, but I still had my gun. I pointed it towards the sound but before I knew it Rosita and Eugene surrounded me, forcing me to lower it.“We can handle this,” Rosita whispered softly to me, aiming her gun at the sound.“I want to help,” I said. I was tired of having people protect me, I could protect myself.“No Judith,” my mom raised her voice slightly to say, “You listen to us. You’re not old enough to fight yet.”I groaned. I was old enough.Daryl lowered his hand that halted us. “It’s nothin’,” he said, “Just a dead one.”Everyone exchanged dreadful looks. By now we were beyond exhausted, cold, and hungry. I could feel my energy slip away as we stood there.“Sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but given our current predicament it would be wise to find somewhere, anywhere, to take shelter for the night,” Eugene said, and I agreed.“Yeah,” my mom replied, “We should find somewhere, rest up, and continue to Hilltop in the morning. It’s not good for any of us to be out here in these conditions.”“Do ya’ have a place in mind?” Daryl asked, though not in agreement. “There aren’t many places that haven’t been overrun.”“So what are you suggesting?” My mom asked with a bit of annoyance.“We can go to the sanctuary,” Negan pitched in with a sense of of optimism. The next thing I knew, my mom was laughing hysterically, almost on the verge of tears. Even Rosita shook her head trying to compose herself. Daryl, on the other hand, looked like he saw a ghost, which made me laugh at his blank expression.“Are you serious?!” My mom asked, though I was unclear of what was still so funny.“Well, I’m not joking,” Negan replied enthusiastically, “The sanctuary is safe, there’s walls and plenty of space.”“And what about all your people, are they still there?” Rosita asked, like my mom and Daryl, still not giving in to the idea.“I would say that’s unlikely,” Negan responded, still keeping his confidence. “Look, I’m not trying to hurt you people. I just want to give the kids, and the rest of you, someplace to stay, that’s all. Plus, it’s not too far from here.”“I think it’s a good idea,” I said. I was simply too exhausted to hear them argue anymore. Daryl scoffed at my remark.My mom looked at me and then at RJ, who was sleeping soundly in her arms.“Okay. I’m trusting you this one time. One time. If you try anything, you’re a dead man walking,” she said.“Deal,” Negan grinned, leading the way.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The Sanctuary was no Alexandria, but it was the safest place to stay as of right now. Daryl and Siddiq did a perimeter sweep while Negan guided us to rooms. He wasn’t lying when he said it was unlikely anyone would still be here. The building was clearly not maintained and had been abandoned for several years. Siddiq, being the doctor that he was, even mentioned that it might not be safe for us to be exposed to the mold and filth. He was especially cautious because of Rosita’s unborn baby. Daryl, however, assured him that it would be fine for now. Siddiq was clearly still skeptical.I didn’t know the full story of why Alexandria was at odds with Negan and The Sanctuary. I knew a few background things from what he told me while he sat in our jail. He even admitted that he was in the wrong. Negan’s side of the story said that the communities crossed each other and fought over property and resources. The Sanctuary wanted products from Alexandria and would even threaten the people who lived there. He said we went to war to settle the dispute once and for all. Once Eugene betrayed The Saviors during war, Negan was captured and brought to Alexandria to serve as a reminder. I was unclear if his story checked out, but it was the most anyone had told me. It seemed reasonable so I had no reason not to believe him.“Area looks clear,” Siddiq said as he entered the room my mom, RJ, and I were staying in. It was rather bland compared to my room. It had no color or art, just a bed, dresser, and window. Though I wasn’t complaining, any bed and warm, safe place was nice. I immediately placed the two pictures on the dresser along with my gun. Then, I took off Siddiq’s jacket to hand it back.“No, keep it with you. It’s still pretty chilly and you and RJ could use it,” he said calmly pushing it away.“What about Rosita? She’s pregnant and needs to be warm too,” I suggested.Siddiq smiled, “That’s very kind of you, but she’ll be fine. We have plenty of blankets.”“So do we,” I said, still holding out the jacket. Siddiq finally gave up and took it back, “Thank you."--------I didn’t wake up to the sound of birds chirping or a rooster crowing like in my storybooks. That was far too unrealistic for the new world. I could sometimes hear a walker outside banging into the walls or people talking in Alexandria, but The Sanctuary was quiet, too quiet. I slept like a rock once I got settled. When I woke I was covered with four layers of blankets and RJ’s eyes instantly greeted me.“Hi, Judith!” He said louder than I expected. My eyes blurred from the sun as I sat up.“RJ…” I groaned, rubbing my eyes and yawning.My mom came into the room in a hurry, startling me as she opened the door.“RJ, there you are!” She said relieved, “I told you not to wake up your sister.”RJ lept into her arms with a laugh, “Sorry, mama.”“It’s okay,” I replied, “I was going to wake up soon anyway.”“That’s good. We managed to find some food and bottled water,” she stopped briefly in thought, “Well the bottled water was here at least. Daryl and Dog went out hunting earlier this morning.”I laughed lightly, mostly at my mom calling Daryl’s dog, Dog. Jumping off the springy bed, I joined them. “Did you get some beauty rest?” Negan asked from the bottom of the stairs. I immediately realized that I slept much longer than everyone else.“Yeah,” I responded when I reached the area everyone was standing, “Where’d you sleep?”“Ah, you know, I found a nice couch. Only had to kill a few creepy crawlies and it was all mine,” he said with much enthusiasm.“Who still says ‘creepy crawlies’?” I asked teasingly. Rosita laughed which made me laugh to.“I don’t know what slang you kids are using nowadays,” Negan rolled his eyes, tossing me a bottle of water.Before Siddiq could say anything, I quipped, “It’s good to keep hydrated. We need to make sure we don’t pass out on the way to Hilltop.” Siddiq clearly knew my response was targeted at him because he replied, “As you can see, there is a new doctor in town..."“And her name is Judith...Judith Grimes,” I finished with a smirk.We packed up a few bags we managed to find around The Sanctuary with food and water. Enough to last us three days, if we rationed well. I gently placed the two pictures and gun into my bag and swung the straps onto my shoulders. Negan walked around The Sanctuary as if it were the last time he would ever see this place. I understood. The Sanctuary was his home, like Alexandria was mine.“Thank you for bringing us here,” I told him. Negan looked at me with hopeful eyes“It was a good place. It’s kinda sad to see it all abandoned and dirty. Makes me feel like I failed my people,” he sorrowed.I was sure he hadn’t failed his people, but I didn’t know how to say it in a believable way. So instead I said, “You didn’t fail us.”Negan stopped at my comment, “Really, kid?”I nodded and smirked a little, “Well, yeah. Without you, Alexandria wouldn’t be where it is today. Plus, you brought us here when Alexandria wasn’t at its strongest. So no, you didn’t fail us.”“Now look who sounds cheesy now,” Negan sneered.“Whatever,” I said.“--Judith!” Rosita and Eugene interrupted as they raced over.“What now?” I asked, my tone a little snappier than I would have liked.Rosita grabbed my hand and pulled me away from Negan, “You know your mom doesn’t like when you talk to him.”“I know...but he’s not dangerous, I swear!”“Then you don’t know him,” Rosita said lowering her voice, “He’s more dangerous than you think, more capable than you think. You can’t trust him.”I looked at the ground, trying to control my temper, “People can change.”---------My feet ached as we arrived at Hilltop. It had been countless miles of walking in the cold temperatures. Siddiq once again gave me his jacket but even that wasn’t enough to keep warm. The gates opened to the community I hadn’t seen in years. It took me by surprise how developed it had become. Fields of crops, new weapons, electricity, families gathering together--it was marvelous, just like Alexandria. Tara immediately wrapped me in a hug, assuring my mom and Daryl that it was safe here. It had been a while since I last saw her. Now she was co-leading with Jesus while Maggie was away. “What’s going on?” Aaron asked as he joined us. He had left for Hilltop with Gracie recently to help Jesus and Tara. My mom sighed, “Alexandria is under attack,” she begun, “We had to leave because we didn’t have the numbers to fight. We were hoping Hilltop could help.”Jesus and Tara nodded at each other. “Yeah, absolutely,” he said, “How bad is it?”“Pretty bad,” my mom said quietly. I knew she didn’t want to scare us, but right now she couldn’t help it.“It’s going to take an army--given their numbers. The Kingdom would be of great benefit too, if we can come to agreement, that is,” Eugene added.“In the meantime, The Hilltop is glad to have you. We’ll talk more once you get settled,” Tara replied. My mom ushered me along. Her facial expression told me she was worried, but for me she was trying to be brave. “Are they going to come here, too?” I asked, even though I knew she would lie and say they wouldn’t.“I don’t know, Judith,” she said under her breath, “We don’t know what they’re capable of. We don’t even know what they want exactly. It makes it hard to predict their next move.”I sighed, knowing that I couldn’t do anything to help. I was happy we were safe for now, but that didn’t stop the anxious feeling I had since we left Alexandria. “Your dad wouldn’t have let this happen,” my mom’s voice broke, “He wouldn’t have let them take Alexandria..he..he would have protected everything we built.”I swallowed hard, stopping myself from crying.“I’m not fit to run that place,” she whispered, “I gave in at the first sign of danger. I didn’t even defend Alexandria’s people!”“But you are fit to lead Alexandria,” I said. Tears were now streaming down my face. “You protected us by getting us away from them. It was a good decision.”“No,” she argued, “Your dad would have fought them, right then and there. He would find some crazy...stupid...smart plan...and he would win.” She was now laughing through the sorrow in her voice.“It’s okay, mom,” I said embracing her, “We’re safe...that’s what he would have wanted.”She nodded and hugged me back. Her shirt was now tear stained with my tears. “It’s okay,” RJ said excitedly as he joined in on the hug. His innocent face lighting up and reminding us of the hope that was still there. If my mom wasn’t crying already, she was now.“I love you guys,” she said, “Never forget it.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The longer we spent at Hilltop, the more homesick I became. It wasn’t that I disliked the community or the people, I just missed Alexandria. I missed helping cook dinner every night, taking katana lessons, visiting Negan for school help. The routine I developed over the years was my comfort zone, anything contrary to it made me feel unsettled.
Going on day six, I dressed in a gray cotton shirt with dark jeans. The outfit was a little big because it wasn’t mine, but I would never complain too much. I wondered what our enemy would take from me, clothes included. Maybe I would get lucky and they wouldn’t take anything at all. But when I got dressed this morning I remembered something I forgot. Something that was possibly even more important to me than the two pictures.
The hat.
It sat underneath my bed, hence why I didn’t see and grab it. If they took it, I would feel guilty. Guilty because through it all, the hat was the thing that survived. It was my dad’s in the past and he eventually gave to Carl. I kept and wore it in memory of them. I couldn’t bear to lose it.
I observed as Daryl walked over to one of the newcomers. I learned her name was Connie, and clearly Daryl liked her. His mood lightened when they were together. Dare I say he was less tense and even happier. It was strange, Daryl never liked anyone like that. But for her...maybe? Whatever they had, it was special. And I liked it.
I gathered that they must have been talking, or rather communicating, about the war. My mom assigned certain people different jobs. With Kingdom on our side, there would be more than enough people to fight. I wasn’t necessarily fond of my job. Sitting on the sidelines is
not
my thing. But leave it to my mother to convince me that I had an important job. I was in charge of watching RJ and Siddiq even agreed to let me help with medical. I liked that idea. Helping people
is
my thing.
Our plan was to attack at sundown, that way we could be as discreet as possible. The Hilltop provided us with spears and swords, The Kingdom had amour and arrows, but Alexandria had our guns. Our enemy had the upper hand now if they got ahold of them. My hand gun could barely do damage if it wanted to. Not compared to a machine gun at least. I had one round of bullets, as I had never used it before. My mom made it clear it was for
emergencies only.
I shivered at the cold wind. Luckily, Siddiq wasn’t around to give me his coat (I always appreciated the offer, but I also felt bad for taking it all the time). He was currently prepping medical equipment in the infirmary with Enid. Obviously I was hoping for no injuries, but this was war. That being said, I was honestly a bit excited to help in medical care.
After a few minutes of sitting and observing, Tara had come to sit next to me.
“You alright about tonight?” she asked.
It took me a few second to respond with, “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Don’t worry. Between Alexandria, Hilltop, and Kingdom, they don’t stand a chance.”
I nodded in return. “Who are “they”, exactly?”
Tara had a confused look on her face. “Your mom hasn’t told you?”
“Nope. I don’t get many details. Most of the time I only find out through eavesdropping.”
“Oh,” she said a bit hesitate, “Maybe try asking her then. The last thing I want is your mom being mad at me.”
I rolled my eyes. She would never tell me anything because she thought of me as a child. I could handle it, I just needed her to see that too.
“What happens if we don’t win and we make things worse?” I asked after a moment of silence. The question had been bugging me for days.
“Try to not think about the worse case scenario,” Tara said, “The less you think about it, the more likely success will be.”
I hid my smile with a scoff. “You know, you and Negan are pretty bad at giving advice.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, clearly offended but still grinning.
I shrugged. “I don’t know...it’s just really bad...and
really
cheesy,” I smiled.
“Okay then,” she replied, “What else is on your mind?”
“A lot of things. Mainly losing people. My family was separated through times like this...I just don’t want anyone to go through it too.”
“I get it,” she said solemnly. “Loss is a hard thing to process. I know we’re going to lose people, good people even. But we can’t control it and it is most definitely not your fault.”
Her answer was hard to hear. I was looking for an encouraging answer. Instead, I got the hard, honest truth. Fortunately, Jesus and Aaron had joined us.
“What’s happening?” Aaron asked excitedly.
“Oh you know,” I responded, “Just having a little
girl chat
.”
“Eeek,” Jesus voiced whilst making a funny face. “I’m no girl, but I wouldn’t mind joining a little chat.”
“Not to be rude or anything,” I begun, “But don’t you still have work to do?”
“Just taking a short break,” Jesus laughed, “Everyone’s so tense, it’s driving me insane!”
“Makes sense. It’s driving me insane too,” I replied.
“So you’re ready for tonight?” Aaron asked.
“As ready as I’ll ever be. At least I’ll get to help some. What about Maggie, do you think she’ll mind?” I asked, making eye contact with Jesus and Tara.
“Hard to say,” Jesus said, “I think she trusts us to make the best decision for the communities. I couldn’t imagine her allowing your home to fall.”
I gave him a nod. “Do you like leading Hilltop?”
“I don’t mind it. But...I am looking forward to her coming back,” he smiled.
“Me too,” Tara added.
The communities came together at sundown. I was positive I had never seen this many people in my entire life. I was silent as my mom ran over the plan with everyone. My nerves caused me to shiver, but it wasn’t just my nerves...it was freezing outside. This time Siddiq gave his jacket to Rosita--as I told him. Finally he listened, but now I was cold.
As we departed, snow fell like I’ve never seen before. It came as bit of a shock. I remembered it snowing every winter, but this was different. In the past, I could simply go inside and warm up…this time we had to go to war. My mom gave a concerned look as the wind picked up, blowing more snow onto our path.
“Horses will never make it through this,” she said, “Not with all the supplies at least.”
“They’ll have to,” Aaron said with uncertainty clear in his voice. “If we turn back now, we’re practically giving up.”
I watched as my mom gave a loud exhale. “It’s dark. It’s snowing. And to top it all off, we’re going to war. It’s too dangerous.”
“Not to mention possible hypothermia. I agree with Michonne. It’s not worth the risk,” Siddiq added.
“What’s
not
a risk?” Daryl asked. “We ain’t stopping for a little snow,” he said, continuing to walk past them with Dog at his side.
“He’s got a point,” Jesus replied, “We didn’t all come together just to turn around.”
“It’s my decision. We’re not going,” my mom stated without hesitation. Angry voiced filled the crowd.
“With all due respect, it’s not your decision to make,” Eugene spoke out, all eyes turning to him. “This is our home we’re talking about. We must defend it. For the people, for the children, and for the future born. We’ve come together for this purpose, we knew the risks beforehand.”
My mom looked away and shook her head. I understood her views, but I also agreed with the others. I wanted our home back.
“Mom,” I mumbled above the voices. “What would dad do?”
“Judith Grimes don’t you dare bring your father into this--”
“--But,” I interrupted, “This is his community too. You said it yourself. He would do whatever it takes, no matter the risk, to defend Alexandria.”
The cold wind hit me in the face like a slap. The crowd got quiet. My mom nodded through the alarmed looks. Eyes focused on her now. “If we’re going to do this, we have to be quick.”
--------------
We pulled up to the gates of Alexandria. From outward appearance, our home was still intact. I exhaled in relief, watching as my warm breath formed a cloud in the coldness. Silence was the sound coming from inside, like no one was even there.
...No one was there--that became clear when we heard the clicks come from behind.
“Well,” A woman's eerie, southern voice spoke behind us. Next to her stood a tall man. He wore a mask like many of the others in their group, only these weren’t playful or figurative masks. They wore the mask of monsters. Siddiq pulled me behind him.
“I guess y’all don’t know how to listen,” she said. “We told you to leave, that was our deal.”
“This is our home,” my mother replied forcefully. “We can talk---”
“We’ve already talked,” she interrupted with haste, “Maybe next time you’ll listen.”
With that, she took her shotgun and began to shoot.
Everywhere.
I watched people drop all around us. Their blood stained the glistening white snow. Panic spread across my body. Frozen in place, I was distraught. This wasn’t the plan. I sat with RJ in the corner, wrapping my arms around him and pointing my gun in front of us. Rosita and Eugene surrounded us just like they had a week ago.
I kept my eyes peeled for my mom. She was not in sight, but directly in the line of fire. Only the sound of clashing metal made me wonder if it was her katana... or our enemy.
“Go!” Daryl yelled as he shot behind us.
But where to? We were surrounded at all angles, the temperature had dropped since we left Hilltop, snow coated my brown hair, and my fingers turned various shades of purple and blue. I knew it was too dangerous to leave. We would certainly be captured or freeze to death. Despite my wishes to sit still, I was being pulled out of the wagon by Aaron.
“No,” I yelled, “I’m not leaving my mom!”
“Judith, listen to me. It’s too dangerous. We should've never brought you out here in the first place,” Aaron whispered urgingly.
The tears from my eyes froze in place. Gracie held onto Aaron as he reached for my hand. Eugene picked up RJ so his small legs wouldn’t get tired. Along with Tara, Rosita, and Siddiq...we ran.
I could hear the screams coming from Alexandria. Orders were being yelled through the chaos. I placed my hands over my ears to muffle the horrible sound. The concept that our people were dying didn’t seem real then. Only now that we were a safe distance away did it become clear.
The thought of my mom and Daryl echoed in my head. As much as I wanted to believe they would win, injury or death seemed more likely. More tears poured from my eyes as I became aware of the reality. I was scared, regardless if I would admit it or not. Gracie reached out for my hand as an act of comfort. Why were we fighting? We’ve seen how death destroys us, so why kill? This wasn’t a better world, all we did was fight. We fought for life by putting others to death. How was that right?
We stopped by a tree somewhere in the woods. Far enough we couldn’t see them, but close enough we could hear them. It was just us as we sat in the cold darkness. I still had my hands covering my ears and I could see Gracie and RJ copying me. The amount I fought to come and help soon turned into regret. I should have stayed far away.
“It’s going to be okay,” Rosita’s muffled voice said while rubbing my back. She was crying too, but she would likely blame it on pregnancy hormones.
“How can you say that?” I asked, choking between my sobs. “They’re dying and we’re doing nothing to help them!”
“There was nothing we could do,” Tara said joining us. “But they’re strong. Your mom has Daryl, Jesus, Carol, King Ezekiel, and so many more on her side.”
“But the others are strong too. We should have waited,” my sadness soon turned to guilt and I realized that this was my fault. I told my mom we should go, putting everyone’s life in danger in the middle of a blizzard.
“This isn’t the first war we’ve fought. We didn’t come all this way to lose,” Rosita tried to assure me.
“It didn’t look too good back there,” I replied, wiping away the remaining tears.
“That’s war. It’s always messy. The outcome is uncertain no matter what,” Tara stated with certainty. I nodded in return, though I didn’t believe it. The Saviors didn’t seem
this
bad from what I heard. This war was the first time I’ve seen my mom genuinely concerned, and I didn’t like it.
I heard several more gunshots. They sounded closer, but I was already scared enough as it is. Siddiq pulled an apple and blade from his backpack. “Anyone hungry?” He asked trying to bring some normalcy back into the situation.
I shook my head no. My appetite was completely gone between fear and violent shivering. He handed the currently sliced apple to Rosita, knowing that now she was pregnant she would most definitely eat it.
How I wished I had a blanket and warm bed. Instead, I had a blanket of snow. Luckily, leave it to the doctor to pack extra blankets.
“No hypothermia for us,” he smiled through chattering teeth. I felt the warmth of the blanket drape over me as I sat with RJ and Gracie shoulder to shoulder.
“How’d they know we were coming?” Tara questioned. I was wondering the same question too.
“Those whisperers are observant. They’re everywhere. It wasn’t much of a secret anymore when all the communities came together,” Eugene replied cautiously.
“So they could be out here?” I asked. The fear was once again rising as I felt the remainder of my energy slip away.
“That is a poss--” Eugene started but paused when Rosita punched him in the arm.
Another shaky exhale left my lips. I had to pull myself together in hopes to remain as silent as possible.
A loud
boom
followed by a few scattered pops drew my attention. I prayed it was our side that fired those weapons. With the little hope I had left, I listened closely.