Work Text
I. Their first meeting
Valentina never think that she can be this devastated; her father just died and her boyfriend always find a way to irate her. Lucho is an asshole and Valentina didn’t know why she choose to still date him, maybe in some ways too much changes are coming to her since her father’s death and having Lucho near her act as a distraction for her. Truthfully speaking, Valentina did not feel anything for Lucho, yes, Lucho can be compassionate when he wants to but most of the time he is a jerk that can’t keep it in his pants. And now Valentina is sitting on the bench by herself, trying to hold back her overwhelming sadness and rage. She can’t stop thinking about her father, about the sudden death that happened that day was supposed to be a very happy day for her father and for the family, but the universe did not seem to agree with her. Instead, she has to bury her father and her boyfriend can’t even let her grieve properly. Everytime Valentina talks about her father, Lucho seems so frustrated with her because according to Lucho she is depressing and she can’t even be normal anymore. Who the hell in their right mind could speak that way to a person who just lost someone? Everytime Valentina tells Lucho that she is grieving, Lucho gets angrier than her and starting to scream up on her face, just like what he did on the street just now. Valentina really did not want to make a scene on a public place but it seems that it is very hard for her to hold back her tears. She takes a swig from her canteen an can feel the alcohol burning in her throat but at least it helps her numb all of her pain.“Are you okay?” a voice startles Valentina from her thoughts and she realize that she is still crying, she must looks so desperate that a person even bother to ask her what’s going on. Valentina did not feel like answering the person and she is kind of embarrassed to look at the person who speaks to her.“Do you need something?” the person continues to ask her, trying to get an answer out of her lack response.Valentina wipes her tears, “I need to be alone” but as soon as she answers, she feels that her voice is breaking and she tries to hold back her sob, not wanting the person talking to her to bother her anymore. “I’m sorry,” the person replies softly, “it’s just that I’ve seen you on the street before, fighting with your boyfriend—but yes, you are right, I should leave,” the person says as she gets up from the bench. Valentina feels very bad for this person, she is only trying to be kind to her and that’s how she talks to the person? Her father does not raise her to speak with this kind of attitude to other person, no matter the circumstances.Valentina directly realizes her rude answer to the person and calls her back, “Wait, I’m sorry, I think I’m fine,” she feels herself chokes up, “yes, I think I’m fine. Thank you for asking.” Valentina turns her head away to wipe the tears off her face; she must look like a mess.The person turns back and returns to the bench, “So, what’s wrong?”. Valentina huffs loudly, “ I don’t know, I just think that—I think that men are from other planets,” she stifles another sob of frustration. The person did not answer her directly and she says, “Your clothes are beautiful,” Valentina turns her face to the person and that’s the first time she realizes that she is talking with a very pretty girl. The girl smiles at her and Valentina says, “Thank you,” she looks at the girl and she is about to tell the girl that the girl dress nicely when the girl cuts off her sentence, “No, don’t even look at me, I just got here and I don’t have any money to buy anything,” she chuckles. Valentina stares at the girl’s outfit, there’s nothing special about it, just a t-shirt and jeans but the girl really looks good and Valentina wouldn’t be lying if she wants to compliment the girl.“Well I think you look so stylish, in addition, money seems overrated right now,” Valentina says to the girl. “Don’t you care about money?” the girl asks her.“No,” she replies shortly, that’s the truth for Valentina since she knows that all the money in the world cannot bring back her father.“Well then, give me everything you bring,” the girl threatens her sternly. It is like an ice cold water has been poured to Valentina, she is too startled to say anything, of course, she is never bound to have any peace and now this stranger wants to rob her.Suddenly the girl laughs, “I’m kidding,” Valentina could only look at the girl, laughing so happily, her eyes sparkles as Valentina stares at the girl and a smile creeps into Valentina’s mouth. The girl must realize that Valentina is thinking that she will be robbed, “Hey, I’m kidding,” she says in between her laugh, “be calm, don’t worry.” Valentina is relieved and she also laughs with the girl but she can’t hold back the tears that come out because of the mixture of emotions she felt so fast. “It’s okay. Oh no, don’t cry,” the girl looks at Valentina with concern, not realizing that Valentina will react this way. “Please, don’t cry,” the girl pulls Valentina into her hug and as soon as Valentina feels the warmth surrounding her, it’s like something stirs in her heart and she just start to cry, “hey, it was a joke,” the girl soothes her, rubbing her back, trying to make her calm down. Then Valentina’s sob turns into a laugh because she feels so foolish for crying over these things and she feels embarrassed because she becomes a mess in front of the girl, but for the first time after her father’s death, Valentina laughs freely, as if nothing is holding her back, and the girl laughs with her too.Valentina clears her throat, “Valentina,” she says as she holds out her hand for the girl to shake. The other girl smiles sweetly and takes her hand, “Juliana,” and they both start to chuckle again. And in that moment, Valentina thinks that maybe the universe is not that bad to her, maybe her fight with Lucho brings her to meet Juliana. Valentina didn’t know why but she feels so safe and comfortable in Juliana’s embrace back when Juliana is trying to calm her. Valentina laughs heartily for the first time since her father’s death and it feels good to feel happy again even though just for a while, all thanks to Juliana. Something about Juliana makes Valentina feel very familiar and she is intrigued to find out more about this girl.
II. Juliana’s blouse
After their meeting in the park, Valentina makes it her personal mission to know more about the girl but she remembers that she did not even leave Juliana her phone number. It turns out circumstances has a funny way of bringing them back together again. Several days after their meeting, Valentina is getting back home and conversing with her new driver, Jacobo, when she sees Juliana in the street. It turns out that Juliana is selling lottery tickets because her mother only works at a café and they need all the money they can get. Valentina then asks Juliana to come with her for coffee and they talked for hours. Everything with Juliana is so easy, it feels like Valentina has known Juliana for a long time and it’s different than talking with all of her friends. Valentina is so intrigued by Juliana’s brashness and it turns out that Juliana’s father is also gone. Valentina keeps telling herself that maybe what makes her connect with Juliana easily is that both of them lost their fathers. After their talk on the coffee shop, Valentina decides that she needs to see Juliana again, being with Juliana makes her feel light and happy and so Valentina invites Juliana to come to her house.Valentina sends Alirio to pick up Juliana in the morning and when Valentina gets down from her room to meet Juliana, she can only hear her heart beats very loud, she didn’t know why she feels this nervous and excited. Maybe, it has been a long time since she has a friend that she can connect with, Valentina tries to reassure herself with that thought. As she sees Juliana admiring the paintings on her living room, the nervousness in Valentina is replaced with giddiness, “Hello,” she says excitedly, “how are you?” she smiles at Juliana as she steps down the stair and then stumbles a bit since she clumsily trips herself in walking toward Juliana. “I’m good,” Juliana hugs her, “and how are you?” she chuckles softly at Valentina. Valentina don’t know why it feels like she wants to melt into Juliana’s touch as she chuckles back nervously she takes a step back and look at Juliana. And her brain just stops to admire how beautiful Juliana in her colorful blouse, she dresses in a very simple way but it always suits her perfectly.“You look so pretty,” Valentina says, “did you design it?”. Juliana seems shy from the compliment, “Well, I bought it and adjust it for me,” she says sheepishly.Valentina directly gives Juliana a tour of the house and she shows Juliana pictures on her photo album. Valentina is never one to share her childhood stories to her friends, but being with Juliana only makes Valentina wants to tell her everything and she even shows Juliana her childhood pictures on the album, telling Juliana about how her mother passed away when she was small. Valentina is surprised with herself that she could share all these things to Juliana since she did not really like to talk about her childhood, she never shows Lucho this album because she know that Lucho couldn’t care less about her story. Juliana might be the first person that is really interested in hearing her stories and all responses given by Juliana seems to be perfect and that only makes Valentina grows more and more comfortable with her. After Valentina shows all of the pictures on the album, they decided to eat since Valentina has asked Silvina to make special meals for the both of them. Then, Valentina thinks that it will be a good idea to get into the pool, however Juliana says that she can’t swim. It’s a perfect opportunity to teach Juliana how to swim and then the two of them stays in the pool for who knows how long, enjoying each other’s companies, laughing around as Valentina hold Juliana in her arms as she is trying to teach Juliana how to float on water.Suddenly, Lucho and Sergio comes to the pool and the peace between her and Juliana is ruined, some part of her is relieved since she feels so nervous being so close to Juliana, maybe it’s the chill from being in the cold water but also some part of her is irritated that Lucho and Sergio just had to show up. Lucho pulls her away from the pool and starts to talk but Valentina did not even care about what he’s saying because every word that come out from Lucho’s mouth are just complaints and demands for Valentina to spend more time with him. Valentina only stares at Lucho blankly while he rants on and on about how Valentina did not even care to spend time with him anymore. While Lucho was blabbing, Valentina sees that Juliana is talking to Sergio and she feels something shifted in her, she feels like something uneasy has burden her heart but she chooses to ignore it. Lucho keeps talking and Valentina answers him calmly, saying that he is overreacting but it seems that Lucho did not buy that Valentina is listening to him so he decides to stomp his feet and go home. Valentina did not even feel bad for making Lucho comes to her house for nothing. Lucho leaves with Sergio and Juliana knows that Lucho must being a jerk again to Valentina but Valentina don’t want to talk about Lucho with Juliana; instead Valentina decides that they should clean up and take a shower.As Valentina dries her hair, she notices a necklace on her drawer and the first thing that comes to her mind is that it would look good on Juliana. So, without any hesitation she takes out the necklace, “Juls,” she calls out as she walks toward Juliana and puts the necklace on for Juliana.“What is this?” “What? It’s a necklace for you. You don’t like it?” Valentina asks, worried that she might be upsetting Juliana. “No, it is very cute. I like it,” Juliana says to her fastly, “but I am not used to it.. for people to get me anything,” as she holds the necklace.Valentina smiles, “If you like it and you want to keep it, it’s okay, you just need to say thank you,” Juliana smiles brightly at her remarks.“Thank you,” she chuckles, Valentina feels happy when she sees Juliana’s expression and Juliana’s laugh warms her heart.“But I don’t bring anything for you,” Juliana says, a hint of fear is expressed in her eyes.“It doesn’t work that way,” Valentina holds Juliana’s hand, “you don’t have to give me anything in return” she says to Juliana. “You know what?” Juliana says as she picks up her blouse and hands it to Valentina. Valentina is surprised as Juliana’s action, “No,” Valentina refuses. “I want you to keep it,” Juliana says, not letting go of Valentina’s hand.“You worked hard on this,” Valentina shakes her head, not wanting to accept the blouse.“I know, but I want you to keep it,” Juliana insists and when Valentina wants to continue to say that she can’t accept it, Juliana says, “You only have to say thank you,” and Valentina is amazed by how the girl could do such good things to her and using her words against her makes Valentina grows more fond of Juliana.Valentina shakes her head as she laughs, “Okay, but you can’t go like this outside,” motioning at Juliana only in her bra, so Valentina takes a dress from her drawer and puts it around Juliana like a scarf, “here, it’s for you. It looks good on you.” Juliana looks at her in a way that makes Valentina’s heart skips a beat and they laugh and hug each other. Oh, how Valentina hopes that time will stop in that moment, every time she hugs Juliana, she never want the moment to end, hugging Juliana seems to give her a lot of happiness and comfort and Valentina did not want to let go. In this moment she realized that being with Juliana is different than being with her other female friends, Valentina never feels so strongly about any of her friends but why does it have to be different with Juliana?
III. Dancing
Lunch with Lucho and Sergio is boring as always, but Valentina thank god that she brings Juliana with her and after they finish their lunch, Lucho and Sergio leaves abruptly for something, Valentina did not care to pay attention to what they were saying and so it leaves her alone with Juliana. Valentina gets a spontaneous idea to go on a bike ride and walk around the park and her idea makes Juliana smiles as she nods and follows Valentina. They ride a four-wheel-bike and manage to abandon Valentina’s bodyguards and everything makes Valentina happy. After riding the bike, Valentina wants them to take a walk in the park; Valentina loops her arm with Juliana’s and she acts as if it is a muscle memory. They walk arms-in-arms together as if it was the most natural thing to do and that they have done it countless time. Valentina smiles at the contact they had and she sighs contently, feeling things that she had never felt before, when she is around Juliana everything seems different, ordinary things become extraordinary and everything seems to be more colorful when she is with Juliana. They are trying on sunglasses when they hear a song playing in the background, Juliana gasps and says, “You know what? I love that song,” Juliana’s eyes lights up, “let’s go,” Juliana takes Valentina’s hand and lead her to the source of the music.“Shall we dance?” Juliana looks at Valentina expectantly.“To this? No, I can’t dance,” Valentina shakes her head because she did not want to embarrass herself in front of Juliana, of all the things she is able to do, dancing is not one of them, she didn’t know why but it seems that she can never get on the right rhythm. “Don’t be like that,” Juliana says as she takes Valentina’s hand into hers again, “I’ll teach you to dance”. And just like that, Valentina agrees to dance and now she is in the middle of the group, trying to follow the instructor’s moves. But it’s getting too hard for Valentina because she really didn’t know what she’s doing and of course, Juliana dances very well, she gets into the rhythm easily. Valentina can’t keep up with the dance steps and she decides to take a step back from the group, Juliana sees her backing away and says, “Don’t go, please stay,” Valentina shakes her head and motions for Juliana to keep on dancing because Juliana looks very carefree when she is dancing and Valentina did not want to ruin that. When Valentina watches Juliana dance, it seems like every of Juliana’s move is played in a slow-motion and Valentina watches her intently, seeing how Juliana’s feet move in a steady pace and how she eases in to the dance very gracefully. Something stirs again in Valentina’s heart and her heart beats faster than usual again as she looks at Juliana in awe, “How can a person be so beautiful” Valentina thinks to herself. Juliana dances for several more minutes and she goes back to Valentina, smiling so brightly as she takes Valentina’s hand, “Come on,” Juliana brings Valentina to a less crowded area of the park.“You don’t have to know how to dance, you just dance,” Juliana says as she chuckles at Valentina.”“Hey, you dance very nicely so you did not understand the burden I have to bear,” Valentina replies sheepishly. “You know what? You should teach me how to dance,” Valentina asks Juliana. “What? No, no I don’t dance that well,” Juliana shakes her head and laughs along with Valentina. “But at least you’re better than me in dancing,” Valentina scrunches her nose at Juliana, “what if, somebody invites me to a party and I dance terribly?”
“Okay, okay, I’ll teach you how to dance because you’re teaching me how to swim,” Juliana proposes.“Okay?” Valentina holds out her hand as if she is sealing a deal.“Okay,” Juliana agrees and shakes Valentina’s hand, not letting it go as she pulls Valentina slowly closer to her. “So, we start like this,” Juliana holds out both of her hand toward Valentina, “take my hand, and put your other hand here,” Juliana says as she takes Valentina’s left hand and places it on her shoulder. Juliana moves her right hand toward Valentina’s side and Valentina’s heart skips a beat as she shivers to Juliana’s touch. “Okay, and now you need to take a step to the right, to the left a little and back to the right” Juliana commands her, “ready? One, two, three four,” Juliana leads Valentina’s steps and Valentina shuffles on her feet awkwardly but focusing on how Juliana’s feet move. And Valentina finds it very hard to focus on Juliana’s counting; maybe if it isn’t Juliana in front of her, she could focus more to the steps but having Juliana in a very close proximity to her with just small spaces between their bodies, make Valentina’s brain haywires. So, Valentina decides to focus on Juliana’s feet movement, not wanting Juliana to realize how fast her heart is beating and how excited Valentina is being very close to Juliana. “I’m doing it,” Valentina says happily as she focuses on her feet, following Juliana’s steps.“Hey, but you know what?” Juliana asks. “What?” Valentina asks her back, still gluing her eyes to their feet.“When you dance like this, you have to look into your partner’s eyes,” Juliana holds her gaze toward Valentina. “No, I can’t,” Valentina takes a quick look at Juliana’s face, “I can’t do both at the same time, I mean, I can’t look at your eyes and count and then look at my feet,” Valentina rambles on as she switches her gaze from her feet to Juliana’s face and back on her feet again.Juliana smiles warmly at Valentina, “Okay, let’s do it like this, we will be doing it one at a time okay? So now, you have to look at me first. And I will lead you, just sway with me,” Juliana says as she pulls Valentina closer into her arms and Juliana tightens her grip at Valentina’s side.“Look at me and just sway into the rhythm,” Juliana says as she holds Valentina closely, Valentina turns her eyes and looks into Juliana’s brown eyes and a surge of warmth radiates from her, wanting to stay that way forever with Juliana. “One, two, three, four,” Juliana counts softly, “one, two three four,” she keeps counting so that Valentina will not lose the steps. Valentina realizes that she never feels this way with Lucho, sure, they took a dance class one time just for fun but Lucho seems to make fun of every steps and he kept stepping Valentina on her feet. With Juliana, dancing could become a thing that she even considers to enjoy; Juliana leads her in a firm way but gently and patiently. Having Juliana this close to her and their bodies press against each other makes Valentina realize that what she is feeling for Juliana is more than a feeling she was supposed to have for a friend.
IV. The black dress
Juliana gives Valentina a blouse again, that she makes by herself from scratch and Valentina feels her heart doing somersaults. Valentina knows that the perfect occasion to use the blouse is for Guille’s birthday party. And of course she invites Juliana because she wants to spend more time with her and even Guille allows her to invite Juliana because he is curious about the girl who teaches her sister to dance and makes his sister laughs again. Valentina knows that Juliana will be reluctant to come to the party so she pleads to Juliana, promising her that the party will not be too big and not much people will come, after some quiet pause, Juliana agrees to go to the party. Valentina is too excited that Juliana agrees to come and she thinks a way to celebrate it is to go shopping, Valentina knows that Juliana needs a dress, not a usual one but the best dress because she knows that there can’t be anyway for her to top Juliana’s blouse that is made with such care and determination. At least, Juliana can have a new dress for her to use for Guille’s party. And so Valentina takes Juliana to her favourite boutique and the looks on Juliana’s face is priceless on seeing the beautiful clothes and dresses on the rack, and that makes Valentina’s heart swells and she promises to herself that she wants to keep making Juliana this happy and excited. Juliana admires the beautiful clothings hanging on the rack but it seems that she is reluctant to try on them and so Valentina chooses several pieces that she thinks would look good on Juliana and asks her to try it on. And of course, Juliana looks good in every clothing she chooses, Valentina just want to purchase it all and give it to Juliana but she know that Juliana will feel upset about that because they have make a promise about gift-givings, one gift in exchange for another and so Valentina can only give Juliana one gift in order to stay true to their promise. Every time Juliana goes out of the changing room, Valentina can only smiles and stares at Juliana in awe, her heart of course beats faster for the girl and she can only laugh with Juliana because she’s just too afraid that she will rambles on and on about how Juliana is so beautiful if she decides to speak. When Juliana changes to the third dress and comes out of the dressing room, Valentina feels something tugs inside her and she is just star-struck to see Juliana in the simple black dress. Valentina can only look at Juliana seeing herself in the mirror, smiling uncertainly as she looks all over her body in the black dress. Valentina is at a loss of word, she stares at how amazingly beautiful the girl right in front of her is.“Oh, wow,” Valentina utters softly, her mouth suddenly turning very dry.“What?” Juliana asks as she looks at Valentina and back to the mirror, watching how the dress looks on her.Valentina can’t answer Juliana, her brain stops and her heart just keeps beating faster and faster, she looks at Juliana from her head to toe, admiring how the dress fits perfectly in Juliana’s body. “It’s—“ she says as she still holds her gaze at Juliana in the dress, “it’s perfect, you look very pretty. Do you like it?”“Yes, I like it,” Juliana says as she bites her lower lip and how did Valentina gets so lucky to have this girl in front of her? In this moment Valentina realizes that she is falling for Juliana and it kind of terrifies her because Juliana might be upset if she knows how Valentina is feeling. So Valentina clears her throat and holds her hand to Juliana, “We’ll take this one, in fact you know what? Do you have any shoes?” she asks the cashier.“No, Val,” Juliana is suddenly upset, she looks down at the dress, “do you know how much it costs?” she frowns.
“Well, that’s what it cost,” Valentina smiles, wanted to assure Juliana that it is okay.
“No, I can’t let you buy me something so expensive,” Juliana refuses, “you don’t need to that for me,” Juliana shakes her head.“Listen to me,” Valentina says as she looks at Juliana’s eyes, “someday, your dresses are going to be worth this much or even more and you’ve already given one to me, so we’re even,” Valentina holds Juliana’s hand to tell her that she is happily doing this and she will give everything more if Juliana just let her. “I promise you, that it will be worth more and I swear that you’re going to have a store like this,” Valentina holds out her pinky finger and smiles as Juliana loops in her pinky finger and both of them hugs each other. Valentina never feels so happy in her life, making Juliana happy really does makes her happy and Valentina will promise everything good for Juliana and she wants to make sure that those promises will stay true. After they finished shopping, both of them go back to their own home to clean up and Valentina has promised Juliana to send a driver to pick her up later in the evening.Valentina pulls her hair up in a ponytail and combs her hair as she admires how the blouse Juliana gave her fits so perfectly on her. It makes her think that Juliana in some ways pay attention to her, because how could Juliana knows her body’s measurement if she did not look at Valentina? The thought of Juliana looking at her body only makes Valentina feels a rush in her cheeks and she curses herself for letting her thoughts roam everywhere. That’s the last thing she needs to think about before meeting Juliana again, as she finishes her make-up, she hears the car pulls up in front of her house and she hurriedly leaves her room and head outside. Valentina swears that she is not prepared with what comes next. Alirio gets out of the car and opens the passenger door, Juliana steps her foot out of the car and walks toward Valentina, smiling sweetly as she locks her gaze with Valentina’s. Valentina stops walking and she can’t think about anything else other than Juliana is looking very perfect, like a goddess sent from heaven to her and Valentina’s breath hitches to see that Juliana pulls all of her hair up in a messy bun, revealing her beautiful long neck and it makes Valentina more and more speechless. If what she felt back on the boutique was intense, what Valentina feels now is maybe ten more times, no, it’s a hundred times more intense than what she felt at the boutique. Valentina is truly tongue-tied as she admires how Juliana can be so mesmerizingly beautiful in just a simple outfit and make-up. The sound of the passenger door closing startles Valentina from her trance and it brings her back to her senses.“Hey,” Valentina greets Juliana, her voice raspy and low.
“What happened?” Juliana asks, her face looks confused at how Valentina stares at her. Valentina still can’t believe that a girl as pretty as Juliana can be in front of her, she shakes her head and says, “No, you look very beautiful” not taking her eyes off Juliana she pulls her in for a hug, “you look very beautiful, Juls,”. Valentina probably sounds like a broken record but Juliana really looks beautiful and she wants Juliana to know that. When they break from the hug, Valentina realizes that she is falling too deep with Juliana and this intense feeling she has can’t be just an ordinary feeling, she knows it but she didn’t want to acknowledge it. Valentina is falling very hard for Juliana and there’s nothing she can do about it.
V.
Lupe’s kidnapping
Valentina knows that Juliana is a very strong girl and she is not an emotional girl to begin with. Her life stories and experiences makes her who she is now and Valentina can’t even comprehend the things Juliana went through since her time in San Antonio. Of all their times together, Juliana never even cried in front of her, not while telling her about her father or the time she has to move away abruptly from the town, it seems that Valentina is the one who always cries in most of their interactions. Yes, Valentina is an emotional person, she cries easily and she feels that crying means letting out her emotions and it is helping her to clear the burdening feelings in her heart. And when she thinks about what Juliana went through, her heart aches and she can’t even imagine how much burden and feelings Juliana has to put up with and not even letting it out even once. But then, Lupe, Juliana’s mom, is kidnapped and for the first time, Valentina sees Juliana cries. Seeing Juliana cries only makes her heart aches harder but Valentina promises herself that she should stay strong for Juliana. She needs to keep a clear mind and also be a rock for Juliana so that she can go through her mom’s kidnapping together.Valentina holds Juliana in her arms as Juliana cries and Juliana keeps thinking about what will happen to her mother. Valentina knows that she can’t promise anything to assure that Juliana’s mother is safe but the least she can do is stay with Juliana, comforts her and goes through whatever Juliana’s going through. As she presses soft kisses toward Juliana’s head, Valentina rubs her hand soothingly at Juliana’s back, wanting her to calm down, because seeing Juliana cries makes her feel that she will do everything to stop it and makes the pretty smile return to Juliana’s face. In that moment, she vows to herself that she will do anything to protect the girl she loves and to make sure that Juliana is happy again. Now, Juliana has calmed down and falls asleep in her arms, Valentina looks at the girl softly as she presses a very long kiss to Juliana’s forehead, thinking to herself that she is truly in love with Juliana and she should protect Juliana from all bad things happening in the world.
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I. The invitation
Juliana never gets any invitation to come to a friend’s house. Everybody back at San Antonio knows that she is Chino’s daughter and they know well not to get involved with her. And so, moving to Mexico gives her some freedom to lie about her family and she hopes that she could just get a normal treatment from people around her. It did work! Valentina, the girl she met at the park invited Juliana to her house and Juliana doesn’t know why but she feels so happy and excited to go to her new friend’s house. Of course, she is not trying to look so excited since her mother will be asking a lot of questions and also she doesn’t want to creep out Valentina. So Juliana keeps all the excitement to herself and she is smiling widely and screeching like a teenage girl when Valentina calls her in the morning. Juliana thought that Valentina must be forgetting her because as she knows, Valentina is busy with her college, friends and her boyfriend. But the moment Valentina calls her, she never felt so happy to get a call from a friend and she keeps on telling herself not to put too much hope on Valentina because they just met several days ago.Juliana remembers that she got a pretty red dress and she decides that she will use it when she goes to Valentina’s house. She starts working on the sewing machine and with every seams she sew, she keeps thinking about Valentina’s sweet voice and her laugh, then Lupe’s voice snaps her out of her thinking, “Are you going to be working on that all night?”.“I’m almost done, Mami,” she smiles as she keeps working on the dress “Can’t it wait until tomorrow mija? It’s getting very late,” Lupe says with a yawn. “I need this for tomorrow. My friend is inviting me to her house,” Juliana says calmly, trying to hide her excitement. “Hm? A friend?” Lupe tilts her head confused. “She’s a new friend, Mami. Her name is Valentina,” Juliana’s heart stirs a little when she says Valentina’s name, “I met her at the park several days ago when you were applying for the job.” “I see,” Lupe nods her head, “don’t stay up so late okay? I’m going to sleep first, I’m so exhausted. Night, Juli.” Lupe says as she kiss Juliana’s forehead. “Night, Mami.” Juliana replies as she keeps working on the dress, it’s almost done and she wants it to be perfect, she doesn’t care how many hours she spent on resizing the dress, what matters is she wants to look her best for showing up at Valentina’s house.After she finishes resizing the dress that now is a blouse, she tries it on and nods her head contently at the precise sizing she did. She twirls around and checks the blouse once again to make sure that everything is perfect. Juliana looks in the mirror and she sees herself smiling so wide she doesn’t even recognize the idiot reflection of herself with a big grin and she feels weird. Seeing herself smile just seems odd, she is never one to smile so hard and grins easily since her life is a living hell, thanks to Chino. She got in a very hard time back in San Antonio she’s not even sure she still wants to live since then her day goes by with her frown and pursed-smiles only for courtesy. She got nothing to be happy about, her life is such a mess, moving to Mexico makes it worse since she can’t keep going to school and they are always looking back, afraid of Chino coming after them. But since she met Valentina, everything seems a bit better; she actually has something to look forward to besides selling lottery. Even though she only meets Valentina only for two times, there’s something about the girl that is magnetic and Valentina’s presence makes Juliana forgets about her condition and she likes feeling that way. She takes one more look at the mirror and scolds herself, “Estupido,” she mutters, knowing that she should not feel too happy about things in her life because she knows that a girl like Valentina wouldn’t want to be her friend if she finds out who Juliana is. Juliana shakes her head, trying to get rid of the giddiness and excitement on going to Valentina’s house but it seems that her feelings can’t be controlled, she just can’t help it. She doesn’t even know why she gets so excited about the invitation. Juliana thinks to herself that maybe this is how it felt to have a friend that did not have any assumption about you, a genuine friend, that’s why maybe she’s so excited to meet Valentina and wanted to look her best.
II. The park ‘date’
Lunch with Sergio and Lucho is very unbearable for Juliana, if it wasn’t for Valentina; she knows well that she won’t be there. They just invite her because Valentina insists to Lucho that she will come if Juliana also comes. Plus, Sergio seems to be hitting on her since they met at Valentina’s house. Juliana has tried her best to politely decline Sergio but it seems the guy has a lot of confidence and a dense brain that he can’t take a signal that Juliana is not interested. Sure, Sergio is charming and he seems like a good guy underneath her cocky, spoiled boy attitude but Juliana feels nothing for Sergio. Also, she is not even trying to give dating a chance; it will just complicate everything, knowing that Chino is still out there, she might be going out of Mexico any time soon. Even if she were to date, she did not think that Sergio is her type, actually she did not know if she does have a type or not since she never pays attention to her romantic life. She knows that a girl like her did not deserve to have a normal relationship and maybe she don’t deserve love, not after what her father did and with her situation, who would even care to be involved with Juliana? Everything about her only screams danger and uncertainty. No one will love her and Juliana makes her peace with it a long time ago, she knows that for every good deed, there will be something that needs to be exchanged. If not, what’s the point of doing anything good? People only live to put their needs first, survival of the fittest; Juliana learns this the hard way back on San Antonio. People are good to her because they fear Chino or they need a favor from Chino, so she knows well not to receive any act of kindness. The only love Juliana receives is from Lupe and she is content with it.And she knows that the only reason Sergio and Lucho are inviting her to lunch because of Valentina so she tries to her best to bite back her snark comments on Lucho’s stupidity and Sergio’s attempt on hitting on her. They eat at a fancy Chinese restaurant and everything just makes Juliana annoyed, she is not used to go to this kind of place and she feels out of place. However, it’s like Valentina keep bringing her back and she’s the only reason why Juliana still stay seated and holds herself back from fleeing from this weird restaurant. Not long after finishing their food, Lucho and Sergio asks Valentina to go since their friends are inviting them to some party but Valentina refuses to go. Both Lucho and Sergio drink and they are a bit tipsy, ready for going to a party, so they did not really say much when Valentina refuses the offer. As soon as Lucho and Sergio leave, it seems that everything seems lighter and easier. Being in the fancy restaurant was not too bad, having Valentina across her, smiling at her and looking at her with her blue eyes make Juliana feels that everything is better and the anger that once was there dissipates bit by bit. Valentina holds her hand and says, “Hey, I got an idea. Let’s go to the park,” she says excitedly as she squeezes Juliana’s hand. “I don’t know Val, I still need to sell the tickets,” Juliana says with a hint of disappointment in her voice. “Let’s do this,” Valentina says, her eyes twinkling, “let me buy all of your tickets.” “No, Val,” Juliana refuses, “don’t do that.” “Think of it as my way of saying sorry for dragging you to this terrible lunch with Lucho and Sergio,” she smiles, “or is it not terrible, because of Sergio?” “Okay, okay,” Juliana answers in defeat, “but just this one time. And no, Sergio did not make the lunch better. You did,” Juliana says and she feels her heart beats a little faster because she is not supposed to blur out the two last words. Of course, Valentina makes the lunch better but why does she have to say that to Valentina? What would Valentina think then? Instead, Valentina laughs heartily and offers her hand to Juliana as she stands up, “Alright, so should we go to the park now, senorita?”Juliana takes her hand, smiling widely, “Let’s go.”As soon as they arrive at the park, Valentina goes right ahead to the bike rental booth and she manages to rent a four-wheel bike. Juliana only shakes her head, how will they be able to ride those kind of bike, and it is kind of a stupid thing since obviously riding that kind of bike will be harder than riding an ordinary bike. However, Juliana doesn’t know why but she just goes along with it and she thinks again to herself that it might not be so bad, looking at Valentina’s excited face, how can she says that this kind of ride is stupid. It turns out, riding this bike is fun and it takes them a short time to be in sync in pedaling the bike. It’s not even stupid anymore when Juliana sees how riding the bike makes Valentina so happy and carefree. Juliana thinks to herself that there might be more stupid things that Valentina wants to do and she’s willing to do it all if that brings that happiness to Valentina. That’s a way that Juliana can repay Valentina’s kindness at least since Valentina has treated her so well from their first meeting. Juliana did not have a lot of money to treat Valentina or to buy her things but one thing she knows is that she can goes along with any of the ideas Valentina has and she knows it won’t be enough to pay back Valentina, but at least she’s trying.The bike suddenly stops and Juliana feels Valentina scooching next to her, pressing her front against Juliana’s back. “I have an idea,” Valentina whispers as she giggles. “Tell me,” Juliana replies, keeping her eyes on the road as she balances the bike, feeling suddenly nervous having Valentina so close to her. “Let’s shake off my bodyguards, I’m tired of being followed anywhere by them,” she tells Juliana her idea. “Okay, and how are we going to do it?” Juliana smiles at Valentina’s idea. “In a while there will be a curve, let’s ride so fast that they are going to lose us, just keep pedaling, okay?” Valentina says as she giggles as she rests her chin on Juliana’s shoulder. “Let’s do it,” Juliana says confidently, not wanting Valentina to hear her heart beating very loud. Juliana thinks that it’s only the nervousness she feels on shaking off Valentina’s bodyguards so she did not think about it and keeps pedaling the bike as fast as she can with Valentina. As they pedal faster, she can feel Valentina laughing and they both shout as they feel the rush of the wind on their faces and they actually succeeded to lose Valentina’s bodyguard. They halt and return the bike first then decide to walk around, Valentina’s arm is looped around hers and Juliana feels warm and happy with the contact. They are trying on cheap sunglasses and laugh together at their silly looks with the sunglasses and that’s when Juliana hears a song playing, it’s one of her favorite song and so she directly pulls Valentina’s hand “Hey, it’s my favorite song, let’s go dance,” and it turns out that Valentina can’t dance. While Juliana was following the steps of the dance class, Valentina slowly moves out of the group because she can’t follow the steps. Juliana notices that and decides to bring Valentina to a less crowded area of the park, Valentina is embarrassed that she can’t dance and she’s asking Juliana to teach her. Juliana isn’t that good at dancing of course she can’t teach Valentina, but Valentina insists “…what if someone invites me to the party and I don’t dance well?” as she pouts. And how can Juliana says no that adorable pout, “Okay, okay, I will teach you how to dance just because you teach me how to swim,” a skill in exchange for a skill, that seems to be fair for the both of them.So Juliana starts off by teaching Valentina the steps to the song, she places Valentina’s hand on her waist and she puts her hand on Valentina’s back as she intertwines both of their free hands. Juliana notices that Valentina is so nervous; she knows that Valentina might be embarrassed because she really can’t dance. Juliana sees how Valentina dances and she knows that girl is so stiff at dancing, but of course she won’t laugh at Valentina, Juliana can feel how tense is Valentina’s body in front of her. Following Juliana’s steps seems to be a very hard task for Valentina and Juliana knows that Valentina’s brain makes her think that she will lose the count of her steps. So Juliana starts counting, “One, two, three four,” repeating it as Valentina slowly follows her steps. As Juliana feels Valentina’s body becoming less tense, she pulls Valentina closer and tells her, “When you dance like this, you have to look in your partner’s eyes.” Valentina doesn’t want to lift her head from her feet since she can’t be counting her steps and looking at Juliana’s eyes at the same time. Juliana did not know what drives her to do it but she tightens her grip on Valentina as she squeezes her hand, “Okay, let’s do it like this, we will be doing it one at a time okay? So now, you have to look at me first. And I will lead you, just sway with me.” After she says that, Valentina lifts her head slowly and when her eyes met Juliana, it awes Juliana so much to look into the ocean-blue eyes of Valentina, staring at her with such softness and vulnerability. Juliana tries to control her breath as she feels every ounce of air was sucked out of her lungs, looking at Valentina’s eyes, being this close to her makes her feel things she never felt. As she tries to keep her calm by swaying and leading Valentina in the dance, she hears the faint music of her favorite song still playing in the background “Eso es amor… Cuando sientes que ya no te falta nada.. Y hay una magia en tu alma.. Eso es amor..” it’s weird but the song really describes what she’s feeling since she meets Valentina and she is afraid to even admit it but she can’t help but asking herself, is it love?
III. The call
Juliana can’t stop thinking about the design school she just visited. It seems like a very interesting and good school to learn fashion design and the atmosphere there just excites her and it’s been a long time since Juliana feels this way on going back to studying. Of course, she knows the school with the help of Valentina because it seems that Valentina really supports her in what she did and with Valentina, everything seems to be possible and so Juliana is willing to give a chance on checking out the school. And it turns out that Juliana loves the atmosphere of the school and it will be a very good opportunity if she can study there. However, when she saw the tuition fee in the pamphlet, she was flabbergasted; all hope seems to be lost. How could she pay for the tuition? It was a lot and Juliana knows well that she can’t afford it. This is one of the reasons that pull her back to reality, one of the reasons that keep reminding her to keep her feet on the ground; she can’t go back into studying and let her mother works by herself. And even her mother monthly payment did not even cover half of the tuition fee. Juliana stares at the pamphlet in a trance, she takes one look of the school again and keeps the feeling she felt on seeing the clothes design only to herself. She doesn’t need to burden her mother with the thought of her going back studying in a very expensive school. What Juliana needs now is to go back to work, selling those lottery tickets in order to help her mother pays the rent. Juliana knows that Valentina will be nagging her to go back to school but she knows that Valentina won’t understand that her situation is so complicated and Juliana just hopes that Valentina will try to hear her out at first rather than judging them. It’s enough that her hope to go back to studying is crushed and Juliana wishes that she won’t lose Valentina, her source of hope. And just like clockwork, Valentina texts her on her break time telling her that she will be taking Juliana to have lunch. Valentina seems to remember her break time well and for these past weeks they have been spending their free times together. That is the one thing Juliana always looks forward to on her day and seeing Valentina does make everything a little bit better and lighter. Valentina meets her and the park and when Juliana sees her it seems that her worry and her exhaustion from selling the tickets are gone, Juliana smiles and Valentina wraps her into a hug then loops their arm together as they walk.“Hey, I’m going to take you to a place and you’re going to like it, okay?” Valentina looks at her as she smiles excitedly.“As long as we don’t have to eat with chopsticks, I’m good.” Juliana replies as she remembers the terrible lunch with Lucho and Sergio , but Juliana smiles a bit because she also can’t seem to forget the park ‘date’ they had after lunch. Valentina laughs at Juliana’s remark and it only makes Juliana’s heart swells because making Valentina laughs seems to be a very rewarding action for her, something in her heart feels content when she makes Valentina laughs or smiles. “By the way, I went to the school you recommended to me,” Juliana told Valentina. Valentina beams at her remark and hugs her, “Really? Oh, congratulations! You’ll see that it’s going to be awesome and you’re going to have a great time!” she tightens her hug.Juliana’s heart fell when she sees how excited Valentina was and she knows that Valentina will be disappointed to hear what’s next but she won’t lie to Valentina and if Valentina wants to be disappointed with her, so be it. “No, Val,” Juliana breaks herself from the hug, “I’m not going to that school.”“Why?” Valentina’s voice softens and Juliana can feel the disappointment seeping from her tone and the way Valentina looks at her makes her feel guilty.“Because it’s very expensive, Val. I mean, one year of my wages would not be enough to even pay for one month of the school.” Juliana says, wanting Valentina to know how expensive the school is for her. Valentina holds her hand, “No, we can go to the company and ask them to help us.” she says, assuring Juliana. “Help us what?” Juliana asks exasperatedly, she knows that Valentina wouldn’t want her to say no and Valentina being the sweet girl she is, try to make up solutions for Juliana. “To get scholarship, obviously.” she answer Juliana like it is the simplest solution in the world, scratching her head, confused at Juliana’s expression. “What? What’s on your mind?” she asks Juliana, knowing that the younger girl face has turns into a frown. Juliana tries her best to control her emotion, it’s not even Valentina’s fault, she was just trying to help, but it seems that she did not understand that life is not that easy. “Look, Val, I’ve already said it a thousand times that I don’t like it if you feel sorry for me,” Juliana raises her tone a bit, she hates it when people pity her and it only makes her even angry at the situation. “And I don’t want to walk begging for charity. I’m going to a school where I can pay, wherever it is where there are normal people like me, so I don’t have to feel—“ Juliana is tired, she is tired of trying to explain to Valentina and she doesn’t want to be mad to Valentina, she knows it in her mind that Valentina is only trying to help her but her heart did not agree with her mind, all Juliana can feel is how angry she is at this situation on how she’s poor and Valentina is rich, it reminds her that they don’t come from the same world and no matter what she does, Juliana will never be good enough for Juliana, even as a friend. “You know what, you don’t understand anything, forget it.” Juliana says as she’s walking away, not wanting to argue anymore with Valentina. “Juls, wait,” Valentina of course, needs to go after her, and Juliana walks faster, not wanting to look back because she knows that she has blown up to the girl who cares about her. But right now Juliana can’t handle it, so she did what she does best, walking away. “Juls,” Valentina calls out to her, her voice soft and Juliana can almost feel it breaking into a sob but she keeps her head straight on the road and walk away as fast as she can.When Juliana arrives at Perlita’s café, her only thought was how she has ruined the only friendship she has in this town. More than that, how she upset Valentina and she has lost her chance in having something good out of her life. She felt very bad because she blows up at Valentina just because Valentina is trying to help her. Lupe, being the considerate mother she is, directly sees the frown in her daughter’s face, “Hey, aren’t you going to have lunch with your friend?”“Yeah, we were, but we got into a fight,” Juliana answers glumly. “What happened?” “Well, I went to the fashion school she recommended to me and it was very expensive, Ma. One year of my wages can’t even cover a month of the tuition at that place, and Valentina offers to pay for the tuition using scholarship,” Juliana tells Lupe, “I don’t want people feeling sorry for me, and it just makes me mad.” “Did she say that she will be paying your tuition?” Lupe asks her, wanting a clear information on the situation. “No,” Juliana replies shortly, “she says that she will be helping me get the scholarship.” Lupe knows that her daughter’s friend is only trying to help and Juliana seems to take it in a wrong way, “Mija, I think she only wants to help you, that are what friends are for right?” “Yes, I think so, Mami. I’ve ruined our friendship didn’t I?” Juliana sighs, her head hung low. “Hey,” Lupe puts her hand on Juliana’s cheek, “it’s not something that can’t be fixed. Why don’t you go to her house and apologize?” At Lupe’s suggestion, Juliana starts to smile, “Okay, I will go to her house, see you later, mami!” she kisses Lupe’s cheek. “Be careful on your way, mija!”Lupe shouts as her daughter walks away swiftly.Juliana got her apology right on her mind and she hopes that Valentina will have the heart to forgive her. However, she was stopped by one of Valentina’s bodyguard when she wanted to go inside the house. And the bodyguard won’t let her in since her name was not on the visit list. Juliana insisted that she went there all the time without any list and why did today matters? The guard stands on his ground and kept her from coming into the house. So, Juliana pulls out her phone and calls Valentina, but the calls went to voicemail and Juliana can’t help but think that Valentina is ignoring her. Maybe she is right; she has ruined the one good thing she had with Valentina. With a heavy heart, she says thank you to the guard and walks back to her house. On the road, she can’t help but think that Valentina is zoning her out, the sudden visit list that won’t allow her to come in and then ignoring her calls? Yeah, maybe Valentina is tired of hanging out with a girl like her. She did not even matter much to Valentina; she does not even benefits Valentina with anything, so why do Valentina have to keep Juliana as her friend? Juliana’s mind is filled with regret and sadness as she thinks back about how the past months has been her happiest weeks and it is all thanks to Valentina. How is she supposed to spend her days without the girl’s presence? And it frustrates her how much she get attached to Valentina even though they had only known each other for several months and it seems that Valentina has become a part of her routine. And now that routine is gone, it’s like losing a part of her and Juliana only has herself to blame. Juliana did not even realize that her tears come out without her allowing it. She has tried so hard to keep it together since she moves from San Antonio, but the tears won’t stop. As she wipes her tears furiously, it keeps streaming down her face and she sits on the side of the road, burying her face on her knees, letting herself sob quietly. Life is not going to let her even has a bit of happiness, she thinks to herself.Juliana spends her night quietly in the room, laying on her bed, blankly staring at the ceiling, not wanting to do much. She’s tired and she’s sad, she feels angry and frustrated at the same time, she’s exhausted and she did not have any spark of energy she usually has that’s only reserved for Valentina. She sighs loudly, berating herself for being too attached to a person who did not even care less about her. As she quietly counting the cracks in the ceiling, her phone rings and lazily picks it up, it must be her mother telling her she’s working late.“Hola?” she picks up. “Juls,” the voice on the end of her phone jolts her up on her bed, surprised that Valentina is calling her, “what’s up? I’m glad you called me,” Valentina speaks, her voice is raspy. Juliana’s heart drops once again, Valentina is drunk and that is why she’s calling her. “Are you—“ Juliana hesitates, actually not wanting to hear Valentina’s answer, “are you drunk?” “No, I’m not,” Valentina clears her throat, and speaks clearer, wanting Juliana to know that she’s not drunk, “I want to say I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, really, I’m sorry.” Valentina stops and continues, “I mean, I love you so much. And I can’t be like this to you, I want to keep spending time with you and I don’t want to lose you.” her voice barely heard but it was so loud and clear for Juliana. Hearing Valentina’s voice only has make her heart fills with warmth, and the apology Valentina makes her happy and relieved and she’s the one who’s supposed to apologize to Valentina but this girl calls her first to say sorry. Her apology was sweet and genuine, Juliana can hear it from her voice and how it makes her heart beats a lot faster when Valentina utters ‘I love you’ and how she wants to spend time with Juliana. Valentina is not angry with her and she did not want to lose her. Juliana can feel the warmth spread on her chest and she can feel the tears brimming in her eyes and some of them roll down as she can’t hold back her tears from the feeling of relief and happiness inside her at hearing Valentina. “Who are you talking with?” Juliana can hear a man’s voice from Valentina’s end and before she can answer, Valentina abruptly ends the call, “I’ll talk to you later okay, good bye.” Of course, she should be able to guess who was with Valentina, obviously, it’s Lucho and what the hell she’s getting all excited for, Valentina has a boyfriend and those moments they had are only moments of friendship. Juliana is mad at herself for wanting it to be other kind of moments and it just angers her for thinking that maybe she could be happy with Valentina, she’s not even sure that what she’s feeling for Valentina is natural and looks where it leads her now. Back to her downward spiral, but at least, Valentina is not mad at her and they can still be friends. It relieves her and Valentina’s word keeps on playing in her head on repeat. No one ever talks to Juliana with the intensity and the softness that Valentina talks to her and she refuses to feel or think about anything further than Valentina and her being friends because maybe that’s how friends supposed to treat each other and that’s just the way how Valentina apologizes. But, it still cause something to stir inside Juliana and the more she hears Valentina’s voice and the more she thinks about Valentina, the more she can’t control herself from wanting to see the other girl again.
IV. The sleepover
Juliana didn’t like crowds, she didn’t like parties and she felt out a place on Guille’s party, even though Valentina is always making sure that she is not left out, still, Juliana feels that it’s not her kind of scene. She was introduced to Guille for the first time and she can see that Guille is a reserved and kind man, his eyes are sad and Juliana knows that he is not exactly excited for the party himself. However, seeing how he interacts with Valentina makes Juliana realizes that Guillle is only having this party just because Valentina want that for him and Valentina is only trying to make Guille happy again. Their bond amazes Juliana and she wonders, what’s it like to have a sibling, to have someone who could love you unconditionally no matter what the world throws at you? She smiles at their interaction and she even smiles wider when Valentina looks at her from afar, mouthing to her that she will be back. Valentina looks relaxed and more cheerful than usual, Juliana can’t take her eyes off of Valentina, first, Valentina is using the clothes she makes for her and second, Juliana is using the beautiful dress Valentina bought for her. She leans in beside the bar as she sips her lemonade, she doesn’t trust herself enough to drink and she actually hates alcohol, she hates how it makes Chino so violent and whenever he’s drunk, bad things tend to happen and so Juliana always tells herself that she shouldn’t get drunk and she wouldn’t. However, she knows that Valentina can’t seem to keep her hands off from alcohol, Valentina drinks a lot, and Juliana never brings it up with Valentina but a part of Juliana is scared of what will happen to Valentina if she keeps drinking like that. As her mind wanders off, Juliana suddenly jolts as she feels a pair of hands encircling her waist, she was about to snap because it could be a drunk person who’s not even conscious enough to see who they’re hugging when a she hears the familiar voice, “Julianaa!” it’s Valentina, her speech is slurred and Juliana is sure that she is drunk and she has drink enough. “Val, let’s go back to your room, you’re drunk.” Juliana says as she wraps her arm around Valentina. “No, I’m nott! We’re not even having fun yet! Have a drink Juliana,” Valentina whines, “a drink or two!” “No, Val, let’s go,” Juliana says as she tugs on Valentina’s hand. Juliana realizes that people are starting to leave the party and it turns out Silvina and Guille is ushering them out and Guille seems nervous as he asks his guests to leave. As she turns back to take Valentina to the room, she realizes that Valentina is nowhere to be found. Juliana scans the room for the brown-haired girl but she is not there, and so she goes upstairs because maybe Valentina has gone up to the room by herself. As she reaches the second-floor, she finds Valentina, leaning on the wall, playing with her hair, looking so carefree. “What are you doing?” Juliana asks as she approaches Valentina. “ I was thirsty, very thirsty,” she says, holding a glass of water, “aren’t you thirsty?” “You’re so strange,” Juliana replies as she takes the water from Valentina, she knows the girl is drunk but this is a weird kind of drunk. “Meee??” Valentina says exaggeratedly, her eyes widen and she laughs, “You’re weird!” she says as she points her finger to Juliana. Juliana chuckles at Valentina and when Valentina asks her to open her mouth and trust her, Valentina puts a pill on her mouth and tell her to swallow it, Juliana realizes that Valentina is high, she is consuming drugs and for God’s sake, something snapped in Juliana. She hates drugs, it’s the reason why she lives a miserable life with Chino and it’s the cause that she and her mother were chased by the cartels. And now Valentina is getting high with probably the drugs that even Chino is selling, hell, she doesn’t know anymore. A part of her wanted to be angry to Valentina because drugs only causes misery on her life but a part of her wants to take care of Valentina because Juliana can’t think of what happened if she lets Valentina by herself, Juliana did not even want to think what might happened to her and Juliana wants to make sure that Valentina sobers up before she goes back home. Before Juliana has a chance to say anything, she hears footsteps approaching, “Tell me who gives you this permission to hold this party!” it must be Eva, Valentina’s sister, she looks furious. Juliana takes this chance to spit out the pill Valentina gives to her. “Papi just died Val! Can you imagine what he will say about all this? This family had enough scandal already, Valentina! And do you remember what happened the last time you were this drunk? You almost drowned?” Eva keeps shouting at Valentina as Valentina covers her ears, closing her eyes and shaking her head. Juliana’s heart drops when she hears the last sentence, hearing Valentina almost drowned, hearing how bad the alcohol has affect Valentina, it was like something very heavy is sitting on her chest and she wants to run away, she wants to go back home but she looks at Valentina. With her ears covered as she shakes her head, like someone trying to shake off a bad dream, she aches for the girl, she sees how Eva is treating Valentina and she shouldn’t do that, Valentina is only trying to make Guille happy by making this party and she can’t let Eva keeps reminding Valentina about her dad because Juliana can see that Eva is clearly hurting Valentina. And so, as politely as she can say, she interrupts Eva’s rant, “Eva, please, I can take care of her, I promise you she’s not going to drink more,” she says calmly. “Are you sober?” Eva asks her, eyeing her with suspicions. “Yes, I don’t drink.” Juliana answers. “Okay then, take care of her,” Eva says, her tone commanding rather than asking for help. “Let’s go, Vale, come on,” Juliana offers her hand to Valentina and takes her to the room. As soon as they enter Valentina’s room, Valentina goes straight to her music player, “Hey, I’ll play a song! Guess what song I’ll play!” she says excitedly. Juliana follows her and closes the door as she looks at Valentina fidgeting with the music player and then she hears the song. It was Eso es Amor, the song she and Valentina danced to at the park, Valentina remembers and a warm feeling creeps inside her as she almost smiles. But then, Valentina asks her why did the pill did not make her energetic too and Juliana stops to remember that Valentina is clearly drunk and high and she is out of her mind. Juliana lies as she says that the pill makes her a bit dizzy and then Valentina grabs her hand, “Hey you know what, I’ll make you dizzy!” she pulls Juliana from her seat and spins her arm around Juliana’s and Juliana ends up being pressed to Valentina as their faces are separated inches apart. Juliana looks away, not wanting to get lost in Valentina’s eyes because she knows she’s weak at looking at those blue eyes and she’s afraid that she will do things that both of them regrets in the morning. A part of her is still angry at Valentina for drinking and getting high , she’s not blaming Valentina for all of that but she’s angry at herself for not being there for Valentina. Valentina always seems to be cheerful and friendly, keeping up her appearances for other people, but she didn’t need to keep up anything in front of Juliana and Juliana blames herself that Valentina can’t feel comfortable enough to even tell her about these things. Juliana tries very hard to look away from Valentina but Valentina keeps touching their foreheads and brushing her nose toward Juliana’s cheek. They danced for a while, Valentina guiding Juliana, just as Juliana teaches her, but Juliana feels uneasy because she knows that the girl in front of her is so high and drunk. She can feel Valentina’s breath on her ear as they sway along to the song and Juliana presses the urge to close the gap between them, she can’t do it and she won’t do it. She won’t take advantage of Valentina and she’s not even sure herself how Valentina will respond if she did that. “Hey, I have an idea,” Valentina says as she spins Juliana again and pushes Juliana gently in her arms toward the bed, Juliana lands on the bed and Valentina is breathing on top of her, it feels like her chest will explode if she stay still and Juliana can even hear her heart pumping so loudly, her blood rushing to her head as she tries to maintain a calm attitude in front of Valentina. “ I have a game,” Valentina says as she holds up Juliana’s hand, trying to intertwine both of their hands together. And Juliana doesn’t even know if it is a real game or not, the girl is not in the right state of mind and the game is ridiculous, feeling each other’s energy? Who does that? Juliana thinks to herself and decides to humor Valentina, she holds up her hand, letting Valentina roams her hand around hers and then to her face and her neck. And well, it seems Juliana is also enjoying it and even Juliana tells her to close her eyes, and Valentina’s touches make her heart flutters each time and she knows that it’s bad for her to do this, she’s just torturing herself and she knows that Valentina will probably forget about this in the morning. But what harm can the game do? So Juliana plays along with Valentina. Valentina traces her hand on Juliana’s and then toward her neck and back to her cheek, pushing away the strands of hair on her face as she holds Juliana’s cheek and caresses it. Juliana did not dare to open her eyes because if it is a dream, she wants it to not end and she can still feel her heart beating madly, like she was asked to run a 10k marathon, her hands suddenly feels sweaty. Then, Juliana can feel that Valentina’s breath is getting closer and closer toward her and she can feel Valentina’s nose touching hers. Valentina stops only an inch before Juliana’s face and Juliana can feel Valentina’s soft, ragged breath on her lips and she needs just to lean in a little to be able to kiss Valentina when suddenly the door is opened and Guille comes in. Both of them pulls away quickly and Juliana abruptly stands up, pacing herself, calming herself down from what was about to happened just before Guille barges in. Guille tells Juliana that all of the chauffeurs have gone home and so he can call her a cab when Valentina interjects, “No, Juliana, stay, you promised me that you won’t leave. Stay with me, please?” Juliana hesitates, she know that it will just makes her feelings more complicated toward Valentina if she stays but she has to make sure that Valentina is safe and that she sobers up enough in the morning, before she can answer, Valentina holds her hand, “Please?” her eyes widen, begging Juliana to stay and how can Juliana says no to those eyes? Valentina then turns to Guille, “Besides I have a lot of energy, are you willing to put up with me with all these energy?” Guille shakes his head at his sister and pulls Valentina into a hug, “Thank you for today, hermanita. Now, get some rest,” and then he turns to Juliana, “Nice to meet you, Juliana.” “You too,” Juliana answers as she shakes Guille’s hand. “Okay, good night, sleep well,” Guille says as he exits the room.Shortly after that, Valentina turns her back toward Juliana, “Can you help me get my shirt off?” Valentina says nonchalantly as she tries to unzip her cloth. Juliana’s cheek feels very hot as she blushes furiously at the remark; thank god that Valentina is not facing her. She approaches Valentina as she brushes Valentina’s hair off so she can unzip the cloth. And the sight of Valentina’s bare neck makes Juliana’s breath hitches as she slowly unzips the clothes to show Valentina’s bareback and Juliana gulps at the sight of the girl’s body. However, Juliana berates herself for thinking that way, she can’t do that to Valentina and Juliana tries to suppress any thoughts regarding to Juliana in order to get through the night peacefully. Juliana immediately turns her back away when Valentina freely takes off her clothes and changes into her pyjamas. Juliana borrows Valentina’s pyjamas since she is not prepared to have a sleep over and when she finished changing, Valentina is already under the cover of her bed as she pats the space beside her, “Come Juls, let’s sleep,” she mumbles. Juliana smiles a bit since Valentina gets sleepy very quickly even though she says that she still got a lot of energy. Juliana gets on the bed and she lays down, resting her head on the pillow, putting a space between her and Valentina. But then she can feel Valentina’s arms around the cover, pulling her closer, “Come here, I’m cold,” Valentina says sleepily as she cuddles Juliana. Juliana is startled by the contact but then her body relaxes and her mind is too tired to think of anything and so she drifts into a deep sleep.Juliana wakes up and the room is still dark, it must be very early, she thinks to herself and she did not dare to wake Valentina up because she knows that Valentina will have a very bad hangover if she wakes up. And so Juliana stay quiet, staring up at the ceiling of Valentina’s room, replaying what happened yesterday, she and Valentina almost kissed, she is now in Valentina’s bed, the girl’s face only a few inches away from her. She tilts her head a bit so she can see Valentina’s face, even in the dark, the girl looks so beautiful and she looks so serene in her sleep and Juliana thinks about what Valentina did and her drinking problems and how she gets high yesterday and Juliana frowns at the thought of that. She wants Valentina to trust her, to tell her that she needs help and to let her help because knowing this about Valentina eats her up and she just want the best for Valentina because this sweet and loving girl deserves the world. Juliana thinks to herself that at some point, she needs to talk with Valentina about this issue and she hopes that Valentina will try and listen to her. Because seeing Valentina numbing her pain with alcohols and drugs breaks Juliana’s heart and she swears to herself that she won’t let Valentina drown deeper, now that she knows about it, she won’t let Valentina falls. She will do everything she can to make sure that Valentina stops numbing her pain in an unhealthy way. It will take some time, but she is willing to do that, she will try as hard as she can, just to see Valentina genuinely happy again without the help of alcohol or drugs. Juliana brushes her fingers toward Valentina’s cheek absent-mindedly and presses a light kiss to Valentina’s forehead, swearing to herself to always be there for Valentina.
V. “Let yourself be loved!”
The car ride is silent and tense but Juliana couldn’t care less, her mother is held by the cartels. Those bastards who got problems with her father, who’s nowhere to be found, took her mother for things she did not even know and Juliana is furious. She is frustrated because she can’t do anything about her mother, if she can’t do it, who will? The detective seems to be hesitant in helping her, Juliana knows that he’s only trying to help because it’s his job, but he seems to not really care about the situation because he is suspicious of what Lupe and Juliana are dealing with. Juliana’s mind is filled with questions and worries but a small part of her mind is relieved because Valentina is with her. She stays with Juliana from the beginning when Juliana get the call about her mother’s kidnapping and Valentina only left her to go back to her house but returning directly back to Juliana in the morning. If her mom was not kidnapped, Juliana might be overly distracted by the affections and actions Valentina give her and even what Valentina said to her back at the house is replaying over and over in her mind. “Nobody’s going to take me away from you okay? No one.” Valentina says softly but firmly with fire in her eyes, wanting Juliana to know that she will always be by her side. Juliana is just amazed on how the girl beside her loves so fiercely and if it were not for the whole kidnapping situation, Juliana might just kiss Valentina. But all of it should be the least of her worries; she needs to be thinking about her mother, trying to stay alert for any information that will come from the cartel. And just like that, her anger snapped back again, thinking about how Chino caused all this mess when he just fled, leaving the both of them in Mexico, bringing along the cartels going after them. Juliana is all caught up in her own thoughts when Valentina breaks the silence, “You know what, Alirio? We’re going to the college,” she asks the driver, “I’m not leaving you here,” she turns her head to Juliana. “No,” Juliana rejects, she just need to be alone, worrying by herself, Valentina has done enough for her, “Please, Val, just leave me here, it’s okay,” she shakes her head tiredly. “I’m not leaving you,” Valentina says sternly. “Val,” Juliana calls her name, a bit strongly, not wanting Valentina to get more caught up with her mess. “You’re coming with me, I can’t miss class,” Valentina answers firmly, looking straight ahead, “it’s not a big deal, you need to come with me, it’s okay,” she gestures frantically and Juliana knows that it’s Valentina’s way to cope in this kind of situation, Valentina is panicking but she does not want to show it to Juliana. Juliana did not really want to do this but she have to, for Valentina’s sake.“Look, Val,” she says, her voice a bit rough, “the detective told you that it’s dangerous to be with me.” “I don’t care what he told me!” Valentina interrupts her. “No, I did not want you to be in danger because—“ Juliana can feel her voice rising because she is frustrated and tired, she just wants to keep Valentina safe, she can’t even keep her mom safe and she doesn’t even know what would happened if Valentina keep sticking with her. “Let yourself be loved, please, Juliana!” Valentina shouts, her voice raises and it surprises Juliana. Valentina never shouts at her, she rarely raises her voice when she speaks and hearing her speak in this tone startles Juliana and she’s at a loss of word, holding her breath, knowing that she has made Valentina angry with her attitude. “I’m sorry,” Valentina speaks softly, realizing that she must startles Juliana. “No, you’re right, letting myself be loved is the one thing I need,” Juliana says tiredly, knowing that Valentina is right and she’s always guarding herself at some distances from people. “You and everyone,” Valentina stares at Juliana, their eyes meet and Valentina smiles, resting her hand on Juliana’s thigh, opening them, waiting for Juliana to take her hand. Juliana takes Valentina’s hand, holds it tightly and leans her head on Valentina’s shoulder.Juliana knows that it’s not even the right time to think about it but she can’t help her feelings toward Valentina growing stronger and stronger. She knows that she can’t act upon it now and she fears that Valentina won’t feel the same. Because maybe that’s just the way Valentina takes care of people. But for Juliana, nobody ever treats her like Valentina did, no one ever promises her so fiercely to always be by her side, no one ever forces her to finally try and accept love, and Valentina’s breaking her wall, piece by piece, and Valentina’s snap might just be the strongest blow in taking down all her walls. Sitting in the car, resting her head on Valentina’s shoulder, breathing in Valentina’s scent that always smell like strawberry, their hands intertwining and amidst of all the problems, Juliana can say that she’s at peace, she’s home.