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Blood was not the first thing Felix wanted to see when he finally managed to go outside and breathe. He had had enough blood down there in the ruins. The bandages around his arms were still soaked, he would need to seek for some clean ones.He looked down, to that unrecognizable body laying on the ground. He thought about who that person had been in the past, but he didn't allow himself to be taken by sadness and melancholy for too long. He had been under soil for way too much time, he needed food and clean clothes and maybe a bed. He doubted he would get any of these soon.Felix looked around. Almost a year had passed since the day Minho had told him that he would be back. He never came back, and Felix just hoped it was because he had forgotten about him or didn't care about him anymore. Looking around, the other option was that Minho was dead and Felix preferred literally anything else.How Minho knew about the under soil ruins was still a mystery. Why he didn't hide there with Felix was an even bigger mystery. Felix tried to remember what had happened almost a year ago. Maybe more time had passed, he had been starving himself a little so his food would last longer, so maybe his calculations were wrong. He didn't have to try hard to remember. During all those months completely alone, he had held onto that last memory of his best friend to try to keep his sanity. The way he had held his hands firmly, looked at his eyes and said without a doubt those three goddamned words; "I'll be back."Minho's soft voice saying that he would be back wouldn't stop resonating in Felix's mind as he walked around what was left of the city, avoiding all types of corpses. Humans and animals were the same when they were dead, just a pile of bones and rotting flesh. There were corpses in all phases of decomposition laying in the ground. The smell was so strong it could take down the strongest of soldiers.Felix kept walking in the search for literally anything that could help him, and Minho kept saying that he would be back. The voice was so loud Felix tried to quiet it down by hitting his ears, first softly, then not so much. Minho stopped saying that he would be back to start yelling the same words. Minho’s voice had never been that full of pain, not that Felix remembered. He hadn’t imagined he would ever hear him scream so loud. And then the bodies on the floor started yelling that there had been no one to be back for them. Their voices crawled under Felix’s skin. Felix yelled too. He told them to shut up, that Minho never came back, no one had been back for him either. He dropped to the floor, the crack from his knees shaking his brain. Minho never came back and Felix was scared and hungry and his arms hurt. He scratched his shoulders, because the voices had gone up until there trying to reach his brain, trying to make him lose his mind. He wanted to believe he wouldn’t allow them to drive him crazy. And as the corpses stopped yelling one by one and Felix tore down his bandages showing the scars he had got from trying to climb the rocks, he realized that the worst part of the end of the world was that Minho never came back. Felix wasn’t aware of what had gone down during all the time he was safe under the soil. The cave sometimes shook, but he couldn’t hear anything at all. The silence had been the worst part of his stay in the ruins. The only thing he knew was that the world seemed to be about to collapse when Minho carried him to the cave entrance without further explanation. Felix remembered fainting at some point. He had been sick the days before everything went to shit, and Minho had just taken him out of his house without checking if he had recovered. Felix remembered the confusion of those hours, how fast he went from being in his bed trying to rest to being feet under the ground completely alone. He remembered seeing all those cars trying to escape the city, people running in the streets and every light and electronic device exploding.That was the past now. He wasn't sure if running out of food had been good or bad. He had been forced to go outside, and the outside world looked like a complete nightmare. But his stay at the ruins had been supposed to be short, just until Minho came back to get him. But he never did, so it was Felix's turn to act on his own.Walking around the city was like being in one of those apocalyptic video games, controlling a hero who rescues children and jumps from tall buildings or whatever it was that a hero did. Felix didn't see himself doing either of those things. He didn't feel like a hero, if the world had turned into some type of twisted story, he for sure wouldn't be the protagonist. At most the side character, the one who dies first. Being blond didn't help. The blond ones always died first.Felix stopped walking. He stood in the middle of the street, but it didn't matter because there were no cars anyway. He went over his thoughts again. Something didn't click.He wasn't blond. He didn't remember being blond. He took some strands of his way too long hair and pulled them close to his eyes. Apparently, he was blond now. His hair was the purest tone of white he had ever seen in someone's hair. Well, if it were clean. His heart started beating faster. When did his hair do that? Why had he been ignoring it until then? How did it happen? He felt dizzy and sat. He sat in the middle of the road and rested his head on his hands. What was going on? It took him hours to reach the forest. The city was wide, and the cave was strangely close to the center of the town. Felix didn't even know that cave was there until Minho took him through that secret elevator thing, or whatever it was. By the time he reached the forest, he was, luckily, dressed and bandaged up again. He had stolen some clothes from one of the very few remaining shops, one that wasn't burned down nor had its building collapsed. Felix saw that it had been a very expensive shop, with clothes for the rich and stylish. He took what felt comfortable and useful, no time to be stylish. So he stole a full body jumpsuit that didn't really make much sense -sleeveless but full leggings? What?- but was his size, and a pair of weird pants that could turn to shorts by undoing a tie that connected both parts of them. If he hadn't been wearing the jumpsuit, his thighs would have been pretty much exposed, and he didn't think that would be good out there. But he thought that maybe he would need to wear short pants at some point, and he didn't want to take too many pieces of clothing with him. Lastly, he had torn down a huge plain white shirt and covered his arms, also taking a jacket that was quite big for him, but he didn't want to risk being cold when the night approached.So Felix reached the forest with his new outfit. The more he walked, the more surprised he was that he wasn't fainting. From the moment he had run out of food to when he finally managed to find an exit from the cave, several days had passed. Now he was walking nonstop. He did feel hungry, but it just didn't make sense how he hadn't collapsed yet. Busy with confusion and fear, Felix didn't realize it was deep night. Maybe he didn't realize because he could see everything around him perfectly. When he noticed the moon in the sky, he wanted to yell. Now he could see in the dark too? What the hell?Felix sat by the side of a tree and cried. He didn't know why he was crying, he didn't know which of the reasons he could have for tears was the one guilty for his uncontrollable sobbing. Maybe because Minho wasn't with him, maybe because everyone seemed to be dead, maybe because he was tired and hungry, lots of maybes started to scream at him. Everything seemed to scream at him. It was a big house, and it seemed to be in perfect condition. Felix couldn't believe that it was still standing. Even if he didn't know what had caused it, every building he had seen was destroyed in one way or another. The house looked like it held dear memories for someone, the type of house you always dream about going back to. It looked like it was inviting Felix to go around it, around the white fence that closed a small area where there had probably been animals at some point, and enter through the door. The house was telling Felix to go in, so he didn't know if he should. If it invited him, it could have invited someone else, and he didn't know if that was good. Someone could be in there, and he didn't have a way of knowing what their intentions were.But curiosity killed the cat, so Felix walked around the house. The entrance was decorated with enormous trees that made a corridor to the door. Felix admired them from afar, and it wasn't until he got close that he saw what was hanging from their thick branches."A-?" Felix was surprised when he heard his own voice, he didn't remember it being so deep and raspy, but it had been long since he had talked aloud. He didn't try to talk again, but he kept looking at them.Apples. Red, shiny apples hanging from the trees' branches. He walked some slow steps to the closest apple, hanging at the height of his head. He didn't dare touch it. What if they were poisoned? He was so hungry but... He didn't know if he could trust the hanging apples. He never imagined a thought like that would cross his mind.Felix was really hungry but he didn't know why those apples where there, why had someone put them there. Then he thought that the apples were there because he was really hungry.He walked towards the door, and that was when he saw that there was no door. Where there should have been a double door, there was a huge bed sheet. It was torn and what seemed to be paint was starting to fade, so Felix assumed it had been hanging there for long. What frightened him the most was the words written on the sheet, the paint strokes aggressively spelling out the words “Everything is fucking dead”.Though all signs seemed to tell him that he should not do that, Felix entered the house. He was curious.He was received by emptiness. There was almost no furniture, though the walls looked like lots of things had been hanging from them at some point in time. The wallpaper was torn too, and Felix was sure there was blood on the floor. He swallowed.The kitchen did have some furniture. Felix guessed it was easier to take a table than a whole sink or a refrigerator. Maybe people had needed to burn wood to warm themselves. Maybe the winter had been rough. He couldn’t know, he hadn’t been there. He walked around the kitchen, there was a window, but he didn’t dare slide the curtains and look outside. He didn’t dare to open the fridge either. Maybe there were human heads there or some shit.Felix got bored of the first floor pretty quick, so he went upstairs. The stairs creaked as he walked, and he started to fear of someone hearing him, though there had been no signs yet of anyone living in that house.The second floor was a corridor with doors to the sides, all of them closed. That gave him anxiety. He stood in the last step of the stairs considering opening a random door or going back and running away, just in case.A soft shush reached Felix's ears. It sounded gentle and comforting. He stood very still, not daring to move a single muscle, not wanting to be noticed."It's okay, my love. No one's here." The voice was soft but deep, like the kindest growl you could imagine. The words seemed to spread tenderness where the sound reached. "How do you know...?" Another voice, a shaky, more high pitched one made its way out of a closed room, the one closest to Felix, the door just some steps away from him. A normal human couldn't have heard those whispers, but Felix had assumed that he wasn't a normal human anymore. He kept on listening, feeling like a mere viewer, a character that didn't fit in a familiar movie. "Well, you wrote that, didn't you, my love?" Felix remembered the bed sheet that was spread across the house's door, the words that had welcomed him to that place. "Everything is fucking dead". A shiver went down his spine. He decided to focus on the beauty of that boy's voice every time he said "my love", like he had made those words himself just for the person he loved. "I'll go check if it makes you feel better." There was a soft sound, like the other person started to say something, and then Felix could hear a kiss. The sound of footsteps reached Felix from one of the rooms in the corridor. The door opened softly, cracking in the way. A head peeked out, looking the opposite direction Felix was at. He had black hair, and that was everything Felix could see. The boy wasn’t turning his head and Felix thought that maybe that was his chance to turn back and run.A loud thud was heard and Felix saw a sharpened metallic tube hammered into the wall that he had had behind him until that moment, right where his head had been at. He didn’t know how, but he was now at the opposite side of the corridor, feeling kind of dizzy. Felix could see the boy’s face, and he looked terrified. Fear quickly turned to anger and the boy pulled the tube out from the wall and aggressively closed the door.More sounds came out of the room, but Felix couldn’t tell what was going on. He hesitated for a little. He thought maybe he should leave, forget those people and go another way. But that didn’t feel like his storyline.He opened the door slowly, not knowing if he could be able to avoid another flying object. He carefully peeked inside the room. The boy was crouched in front of a big wooden closet. He was holding his metallic tube pointing to the door, ready to attack. His grimace scared Felix more than the dry blood splatters on his improvised weapon did. He totally looked like he was ready to kill.Felix entered the door holding his hands up in the air, like in movies.“Get the fuck out.”The boy’s voice had no tenderness left for Felix. Only anger and, deep inside, Felix could sense an immeasurable fear.“I’m unar-”“Shut up, I know your kind,” the boy said, and Felix wanted to ask what he meant.Felix tried to open his mouth.“Don’t fucking move,” the boy held his tube stronger.“I saw the apples outside,” Felix managed to say, still with his hands up, “I thought whoever lived here must be a good person.”The boy seemed confused. He softened his grip on the metallic tube.“If you’re hungry take them and leave.”“You put them there for travelers?”The boy did not seem happy about a conversation evolving. He held his tube higher again.“For survivors. We have enough of them. Everyone has taken the hint of not bothering us.”“ ‘We’…”The boy damned himself for his words.“Listen,” he started, but he didn’t know how to continue. He moved closer to the closet and stood up, still holding the tube tightly, “if you want to hurt him I won’t hesitate.”Even though his words and his stance (and his huge biceps) were pretty intimidating, Felix saw pain in his eyes.“I have no reason to want to hurt someone I don’t know at all,” Felix lowered his arms slowly. The boy was about to break crying at any moment, “I just- I really don’t know what’s going on.”“What… What do you mean?”Felix didn’t know where to start. He didn’t know what to say or how to explain what he had lived.“I… Why… Why is everything dead?” Felix had to make an effort not to break down crying.The closet door opened. Sitting inside the closet was another boy, with bright coral hair and wearing a yellow beanie. He had his hand pushing the door, tears on his eyes, and a surprised expression on his face.“Jisung!” the boy crouched again to be near the one on the closet.“You really don’t know?”Felix broke down.“Please help me.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Changbin didn't want to trust that boy. He probably wanted to hurt Jisung. He didn't know why someone would want to hurt him, but if there truly was no reason, then why...? Changbin sighed and shook his head. He didn't want to think about it. He finished preparing the sandwich for that guy and went upstairs as fast as he could, he didn't want them to be alone together for long.
When Changbin opened the door, he saw Jisung on the floor, crawling close to the small table.
"Jisung!" Changbin said, dropping the sandwich in the table in front of Felix, "I told you to stay in bed!"
"But we have a guest," Jisung said, not resisting it when Changbin carried him bridal style to the closest chair. His legs swung lifelessly as Changbin walked, "I didn't want to be rude."
"You could've waited for me to carry you, for fuck's sake," Changbin said as he helped him sit down, carefully placing his bandaged legs in a comfortable position. He carried the chair close to the table.
"Don't curse."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Umm..." Felix started, "Sorry to bother. I don't want to be an inconvenience."
"Don't worry," Changbin sighed, "You're not. It's just..."
"We've had... bad experiences with strangers," Jisung finished, seeing how Changbin couldn't find the words. He caressed his legs as he spoke.
"I- I see..." Felix whispered.
Jisung smiled at him.
"You said... You really don't know what has happened?"
"No... I don't know anything..."
"How?" Changbin said, frowning, "It's impossible to be out there and just not... know."
"That's the thing," Felix started to explain, "I wasn't out there. I was... I don't really know where I was... My friend took me to a strange cave under the city. There were ruins there as if someone had lived under the soil a long time ago..."
Changbin couldn't believe what that guy was saying. Maybe he was lying. He looked genuinely scared and confused. The people who were after Jisung had some very good actors between them.
Changbin felt bad for thinking so poorly of that boy. He focused again on what he was saying. But that didn’t mean he trusted him. Not yet.
“... I had to come out when I ran out of food… The last thing I know about the world outside is that everything seemed to be about to… break.”
Changbin felt Jisung’s hand reaching for his own. He held his hand and gave him a little squeeze. Jisung had been in the hospital the first days of the end of the world. Nothing serious, just the flu needing more attention than necessary, but he had been pretty much isolated. Changbin remembered taking him out of his hospital room. “Screw the nurses, they’ve run away too,” he had said as they walked down the stairs, the elevator hadn’t seemed a good option. Jisung had been confused, almost as confused as the boy in front of them was. Changbin assumed Felix had been through a lot.
“What happened was…” Jisung told Felix, “Well, we can’t really know. Different media said different things. But most of them agreed that it was humanity’s fault,” Jisung looked through the window, talking mindlessly.
“Not only was it natural phenomena,” Changbin continued for him, “there was also some bombing here and there. By the time the human weapons arrived, all media outlets had stopped working, so there was no one to explain why people were trying to kill each other.”
“Bombing…” Felix looked down to his half-eaten sandwich. He looked shocked and hurt, and Changbin had to try hard not to feel bad for him, “Why… Why did this happen…?”
Felix talked to himself, and Changbin and Jisung allowed him to shed some quiet tears. They had encountered all types of people who were surviving their own way, but Felix was the first to need help and explanations. The thing that bothered Changbin was Felix’s hair. He sure didn’t look like he had any type of albinism, so why was his hair white? He looked over at Jisung and his bright orange locks, and he knew he was thinking the same. Jisung’s hair used to be a very dark brown, but they weren’t going to tell that to Felix.
Changbin was preparing the bath for Felix. He had tried to get him to help just so he wouldn’t be alone with Jisung. But Jisung had insisted that he wanted to chat with Felix, tell him more about everything that had happened the last year. So there he was, boiling water in four different containers just so a complete stranger would be able to take a warm bath.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help people that needed it, that wasn’t it. The thing was that he had other priorities now. He had someone to take care of. Jisung had been the first person he had thought of when everyone started to take their loved ones and run away. Changbin smiled fondly, remembering when he met Jisung when he was eight, and when he realized he was in love with him at fifteen. He hadn’t dared to tell him, not until it was too late for them to be a normal couple. Changbin could still taste the bitterness of their first kiss, a taste of blood that shouldn’t be involved in what was supposed to be a sweet moment. And now that he was nineteen, his only reason for living was his silly boyfriend, that had a heart too big for him. A heart too big for what had become such a cruel world.
As he walked to their room to tell the newcomer that his bath was ready, he remembered he should look for new bandages for Jisung’s legs. He knew it was useless, there was nothing he could do for him. But bandaging and cleaning his legs had become a weird routine for them. It was not only a method to count how many weeks had passed, but also their way of having a feeling of normality.
“...if they didn’t know you?”
Changbin heard Felix’s voice from the corridor. He didn’t want to be nosy, he wasn’t going to listen. Okay, maybe just a little.
“I don’t know,” Jisung’s voice was as beautiful as always, but Changbin was very aware that it didn’t sound like it used to. There was an undertone of sadness and exhaustion in every one of his words. There had been for a long time.
“I don’t know what I did for them to want to kill me,” Changbin instantly took a step back. He was talking about that day, “Changbin saved my life, you know?” He could feel the tears coming, his throat acting up, “They broke my legs, yeah, and I have no hopes of walking again but… I could have died. And if I had to choose between having died that day and leaving the pain behind but having him suffer for years, or living without my legs but by his side…” Changbin didn’t want to hear it. He loved Jisung more than anything else. If Jisung had died that day, and Changbin had been completely alone, he would’ve probably not been alive by then either. And Jisung knew that, and he had a heart of gold. He walked the opposite direction, back to the bathroom, because he didn’t want to hear it. But he did.
“...I think I’m really happy with how I am right now.”
Felix was really pretty, Changbin had to admit it. Especially now that he was clean. Without the dirt on his skin, they could appreciate his cheeks starred with freckles. His hair now shone, white as snow, turning him into a fairytale creature. It still was obvious that he was malnourished, and his skin clearly needed to see the sun a little.
And when darkness started to make its way into the house, came the conflict of where he would sleep.
“Not in our bed,” Changbin said.
“We don’t have another one,” Jisung replied from his chair.
Felix was sitting on the floor, inspecting some books he had found, as if the lack of light didn’t bother him at all. Changbin thought he was probably looking at the pictures.
“Not in our bed,” he repeated, a little bit louder, because he was tired of the whole thing. He didn’t care if Felix heard him.
“It’s big enough for the three of us,” Jisung said, keeping his cool, “Come on, my love…”
Jisung knew Changbin was weak for him, he was weak for those words. Changbin damned his boyfriend for being so cute with a beautiful voice and stunning eyes. He ran his hand through his hair, considering his choices. He did not like what he decided for.
“Okay,” Changbin watched Jisung’s focused expression, paying attention to every word, “but I’ll be in the middle.”
“Hmm… Changbin sandwich, I like it,” Jisung jokingly said, with a mischievous smile on his face.
“I just don’t want him near you,” Changbin whispered, kneeling closer to him, “not yet.”
“Why, are you jealous because he’s pretty?” Jisung asked, also in a whisper, his forehead against Changbin’s. Changbin wasn’t surprised that he too thought Felix was pretty.
“Should I be?” Changbin asked back, and then he joked, “Does that mean you don’t think I’m pretty?” His stare was fixed on Jisung’s lips. He took the hint.
Jisung placed his hands on Changbin’s neck, caressing his skin and then traveling to his hair. He played with the short, uneven strands of hair of what was supposed to be an undercut, but there weren’t any hairdressers in the apocalypse. What there was a lot of were kisses. And so they kissed. Changbin slowly moved Jisung’s legs to put him in a more comfortable position. He placed his hands on Jisung’s waist while he was still having fun with his hair. Changbin didn’t know how Jisung did it, but he always tasted nice. His lips were soft and his mouth always wanted more. Jisung was really touchy, so Changbin just let his hands travel and wander around every part of his body they could reach. The kiss continued even after both of them started to be running out of breath. “Don’t let this end, not yet, not yet…”They never knew how long their kisses were, time just flies when you have in your arms the person you love. And the end of a kiss was never sad, it just meant the start of another one later, of a hug, a long talk, or a moment of silence and just admiring each other. Changbin didn’t want to lose this.
“I’ll kill for you if it’s needed, you know that…” Changbin whispered when their lips finally separated.
“I know,” Jisung smiled sadly, “and I wish you didn’t have to. Now you don’t have to.”
Changbin looked at the corner of the room. He almost had forgotten about him. Felix was now giving them his back, in a kind of useless attempt at giving them some privacy.
Changbin carried Jisung to their bed like he did every night. He put his legs straight, and then massaged his thighs a little, right in the spot where Jisung could still feel something. Jisung had a sleepy smile on his face, his eyes barely keeping themselves open. Changbin kept caressing and massaging him until he fell asleep.
Felix was sitting in the edge of the bed. It was king sized, so there was no need to worry if the three of them would fit or not. That wasn’t what worried Changbin.
“You should rest,” Changbin said, sitting in the opposite side, Jisung’s legs over his own.
Felix, with the same partly surprised partly scared expression he had had on his face for the entire day, just nodded. He slowly and carefully took the covers, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to do that. They had told him that he was, but Changbin appreciated his consideration. Felix laid down giving his back to Jisung. Changbin appreciated that too. He was kind of huddled and burying his face on the pillow.
Changbin didn’t know who he should give his back to. Felix didn’t seem dangerous, but at that point, he couldn’t be sure of anything. Though, if Felix wanted to kill him, he’d do it while Changbin slept no matter who he was facing. He decided to sleep like he did every night, hugging Jisung.
In the dark, he could barely appreciate the details of Jisung’s face, but he still kept his eyes open for a while. He could recognize the shape of his nose, his mouth. If his lips were partly open, his slightly crooked front teeth would show. Changbin couldn’t see it but he still smiled. He was so cute, even in the dark. He wanted to caress his cheek gently, but that could wake him up, so he didn’t.
Felix moved a bit and their backs rubbed for a second. In the dark of the night, with the silence of sleep, Changbin could think better.
“Are you awake?” he whispered, even though his voice seemed to resonate all over the room like thunder.
Felix took his time to reply.
“Me?”
“Yeah.”
“Yes,” Felix paused, and the bed creaked when he turned his head to look at Changbin over his shoulder, “Why?”
“I…” Changbin didn’t know how to start that sentence. He decided to go straight to the point, “I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep Jisung alive. You can stay with us if that’s what you need but if your wishes interfere with mine I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
“I know,” Changbin didn’t expect Felix to reply so quickly, “I understand. If I had someone I loved so dearly I’d do the same.”
Changbin went back to not knowing what to say.
“Okay.”
Silence started to choke Changbin. There was something else he had to say, he was sure. But the conversation seemed to be over.
“I…” Changbin thanked the heavens for Felix saying something else, “I’m… I’m sorry I’m bothering you two.”
It was now Changbin who looked over his shoulder. Felix had turned around again. He was even more huddled than before.
“Felix,” Changbin called. Felix didn’t react, so Changbin reached to poke his shoulder, “Hey.”
Felix raised his head just enough to look at Changbin. The moonlight entering through the window shone in his hair and illuminated his tears.
“You shouldn’t feel like trying to stay alive is a bother to anyone.”
That was it. Felix nodded and went back to his position. This new silence wasn’t choking Changbin, but now his arms were itchy. He didn’t touch them.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He had lots of nightmares. Most of them involved his legs, but absolutely all without exception involved Changbin. Changbin getting hurt, hurting someone, going crazy, getting lost, or trying to kill himself again. Jisung never told Changbin that he had nightmares. He had been having them since before the world was destroyed, so it wasn’t anything too new or relevant. And because he wasn’t the type to shake or scream in his dreams, he would never know.
That night, his dream was more of a memory, a slightly altered memory.
Jisung watched as Changbin grabbed the metallic tube and hammered it into the second man’s head. The first one was laying on the ground, his skull absolutely smashed. Jisung was at the opposite side of the corridor, his legs completely beaten up, facing the floor with tears on his eyes. Changbin let go of the tube and looked at his hands. There was blood all over his clothes. He didn’t seem to believe what he had just done. Then he looked at Jisung on the floor.
“No,” was the only sound that went past his lips. He rushed to Jisung’s side.
There were tears on his eyes as he carefully picked his best friend up and held him in his arms. Jisung was crying too, but he tried to smile. Changbin buried his face on Jisung’s chest, and he held his head with both hands, tracing circles on his cheek with his thumb. The pain on his legs was immeasurable, but he held it in.
He knew that memory from heart. He knew what came now. Now was when Changbin performed the biggest and most poorly timed love confession ever. Jisung had gone over that memory hundreds of times.
He didn’t know whose voice it was, it sounded like him, but it also sounded like Changbin. The mysterious voice’s words resonated all over his brain.
“This is going to kill us both.”
He woke up, confused but not unsettled. His nightmares were only painful in his head.
Changbin was still asleep. He laid on his back, his arm still wrapped around Jisung’s shoulders. Jisung couldn’t imagine how much his arm muscles would hurt every morning. He was so cute when he was asleep, especially because he didn’t have that concerned frown on his face. Jisung hated that he made him worry. He placed a soft kiss on his cheek before looking up.
Felix was awake. He was back to the books, Jisung didn’t know what he was looking for in them. He turned around at the slightest movement Jisung made as if he could hear it.
Felix looked at him. Jisung thought he looked like a scared cat. He stood still for some seconds, probably considering what he should do. He opened his mouth but closed it quickly. Jisung waited patiently, resting his weight on his arms, for Felix to decide on his next move. It was so obvious he had been completely isolated for an entire year. It was like he had forgotten how basic interactions worked.
“Good… morning…” he said softly, either because he didn’t want to wake Changbin up or because he wasn’t sure if those were the appropriate words.
“Good morning,” Jisung smiled at him, and Felix seemed to relax, “can you do me a favor?” Jisung asked, and Felix tilted his head a bit to the side. That was cute.
“Uh, sure.”
Jisung smiled and extended his arms in Felix’s direction, who didn’t seem to get it at first. It took him some seconds of observation to understand what Jisung wanted.
“Oh,” he said, and quickly stood up.
He walked carefully to the bed, to the side Jisung was at. He glanced fearfully at Changbin in the way. He was still asleep.
Felix stood in front of Jisung, who extended his arms again.
“Can you do it? I’m quite light but…”
“I think I can…” Felix replied, still looking at Changbin, “Won’t he get mad?”
“He never gets mad at me,” Jisung smirked, “He won’t get mad at you either because that would mean being mad at me for asking you to carry me.”
He extended his arms again, and Felix gave up. He held his back with his right arm and very carefully put his left under his knees.
“Don’t worry,” Jisung half laughed, seeing how slowly Felix was raising his legs, “I don’t feel anything, it doesn’t hurt.”
“Oh, okay…”
Felix carried Jisung to his wooden chair near the table. It was a small table, and it wasn’t in its best condition, but that was everything they needed. Changbin had carried the few pieces of furniture they would need to that room when Jisung couldn’t walk anymore.
Felix stood nervously next to the table. He looked through the window, the sun was starting to rise. He took some steps to the corner where the tiny bookshelf stood, but then walked back next to Jisung’s side.
“Do- I mean, would you want me to sit with you?” he asked, playing with his fingers.
“Yes, please,” Jisung replied politely. He knew Changbin didn’t trust Felix yet, so maybe it was his job to make him feel welcome, “Will you show me what you’re reading?”
Felix nodded, slowly and quietly, and rushed to the corner to pick up the book he had been inspecting. He checked that Changbin was still asleep.
Felix carefully placed the book on the table, and Jisung smiled at the sight of the words on the pure white cover.
“To Kill A Mockingbird,” he simply said, and he could see a hint of a smile on Felix’s lips.
“Yes,” he took the book on his hands like it was the most precious thing on earth, “I had to read it some years ago for a class. I didn’t want to, I never wanted to read what they gave me,” Felix’s smile got wide, “But I loved it. I really did.”
“It’s a beautiful book,” Jisung agreed, “I’ve read it twice this year. There’s not much to do in here.”
They smiled looking at each other, as if having read that book connected them in a way they didn’t expect. Then Felix’s smile got sad as he lowered his eyes back to the book.
“When I first read it,” Felix said, so quietly Jisung had to bend over to hear, “I thought that if I ever had kids, I would make them read this book. And I thought that I would love for them to think that this was an enormous piece of fiction. For them to think that the world had never been like this, that people had never been like this. For my kids to be handed a world where there was no space for meanness.”
Jisung stared at Felix. He couldn’t get to see his eyes, as he had lowered his head so much. But his voice hinted to there being tears on his face. Jisung saw himself in him. A sudden memory came to him. Being a little kid, looking up to his mother’s face, and innocently asking, “are there really people in this world who are bad?”. His mother had looked at him like she wished she could tell him that there weren’t, that everyone was good at heart. Instead, she had just told him that he was too young to think about that.
“Jisung,” Felix called, still with his head low, and Jisung had to come back to the present, “is the world still unfair? Is it still cruel?”
At that moment, Jisung understood why his mom had said what she had said. Felix looked lost, hopeless, and Jisung wished he could give him a tiny bit of hope for the future. But he could not, and Felix wasn’t a kid. And then Jisung wished his mom had told him the truth from the start.
“Changbin has had to kill three people since we got here,” Jisung said, before he could process his own words, surprising even himself, “If we insist on continue living, maybe he’ll have to kill someone else. Maybe I’ll have to, or maybe you will,” Jisung continued, watching Felix’s expression darken, “Extreme situations can get the best or the worst out of people, and all survivors seem to have chosen cruelty. The world is not cruel if people don’t make it like that. But if everyone around you chooses cruelty, you have few options.”
Felix looked back to the book. Tracing the title with his fingers, he seemed to be overthinking something. Jisung was about to change the topic to something lighter when Felix spoke.
“And what can we do to change it?”
Jisung’s eyes widened. Change it? Change what, the world? They couldn’t do that. They were just boys, barely adults, barely alive. What could they do? Jisung looked Felix in the eyes. He wasn’t joking.
“Jisung…?” Changbin’s sleepy voice filled the room. Jisung could see Felix start to panic, “How did you get there?”
Jisung didn’t take his eyes off Felix. Then he understood, and he wondered how he didn’t get it before.
“Changbin,” Jisung said, voice stable. Sitting down, his legs dead, his eyes tired, his heart broken, “I am going to change the world for you.”
Changbin placed Jisung’s legs in a comfortable position. The night was starting to arrive and Felix was sitting on the edge of the bed, still reading. Jisung smiled tenderly at Changbin as he massaged his thighs, like he did every night. Jisung hoped to get a smile or a kiss or something that would make his heart flutter. But, like every night, Changbin looked like he was thinking of something else, always worried. He hadn’t talked to Felix at all during the day. Jisung wished he could know what he was thinking.
And as he started to feel his body heavy, his eyes closing themselves, he could see a hint of a smile on Changbin’s mouth as he helped him lay down.
“Felix,” Changbin called, right as Jisung was falling to a deep sleep.
“Y-yeah?”
“Thank you.”
Jisung didn’t have any nightmares that night.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
He felt like running. Running away or running in place, or running in circles or running without a fixed destination, but Felix wanted to run. The wounds on his arms were healing slowly as days went by just as slowly. All his body yelled at him to run. Maybe he just needed to release some stress, maybe his body was telling him to exercise just in case. He didn’t know.
Maybe he felt trapped. He always walked around and outside the house, knowing that he could leave at any moment and the only thing that would happen would be that he would find himself all alone again.
he liked Jisung and Changbin. They were nice boys. Even if Changbin was kind of stiff and dry sometimes, Felix understood why. He wanted to protect Jisung, and that was normal. It hurt a little bit, seeing them take care of each other. Felix couldn’t stop thinking about Minho, where was he, what was he doing, was he okay? He had to be okay. Felix wished he was, at least, alive. But, being realistic, he probably wouldn’t see him again.
Winter was near and Changbin wanted to bring the heater to their room. Jisung couldn’t move a lot, so Changbin didn’t want to have him have to go to what used to be the living room where he couldn’t have a comfortable place to sit just so he wouldn’t be cold. Jisung had told Felix that last winter had been brutal for them.
“I almost lost him to a cold. Can you believe? A damn cold,” Jisung had shaken his head, “I had never seen so much snow in my life… By the time he recovered, he couldn’t go look for food either… I fell ill too, because of hunger, you know? My body needed proteins that we couldn’t get from the few stuff we had...”
They feared next winter would be just as rough if not more. So Felix had offered to pick up and prepare some firewood. maybe the work could help him release whatever it was that was piling up inside of him.
Jisung was sitting outside as Felix struggled to use the ax. he turned around to look at him. Jisung looked calm. He was enjoying the sun with his eyes closed, his back resting on the trunk of one of the entrance trees. The apples were still hanging.
“We’ll have to replace them soon,” Jisung said, referring to the apples.
“Do people really…? I mean,” Felix said, kind of breathless, leaving the ax on the floor for a bit, “has someone ever came by? Someone that was… harmless.”
Felix knew about the men that had broken Jisung’s legs, and he had also been told there had been a girl once that tried to literally eat Changbin. The three of them were buried not far from there.
“Well, yeah,” Jisung said as Felix approached. He sat by his side, his arms hurting from the excessive effort, “There have been people who have taken a fruit or two and then left us alone. You’re the first to interact with us we haven’t had to… you know, get rid of.”
“I see…”
Felix looked up to the apples. He thought about the people who had taken the fruit Changbin and Jisung always hung. He couldn’t imagine how it had been for them to survive out there. His thoughts went back to Minho for a moment.
Then he thought about himself. Changbin and Jisung hadn’t asked him much, and he was thankful because he couldn’t explain anything. He had been reading until late for days, not realizing the sun had set and he wasn’t supposed to see anything, as there was no electricity at all. But he could see. He remembered what Changbin had told him. “I know your kind.” Felix was aware something strange had happened in that corridor. He should have had Changbin’s metal tube smashing his head. He didn’t remember moving. He didn’t even have time to think. But it had been as if he had moved at the speed of light or something, because in less than a second, he had been on the other side of the corridor.
No one had mentioned that again, but changbin had said that he knew “his kind”, and Felix couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Felix felt Jisung’s soft, warm palm against his hand.
"Are you okay?" he asked, a concerned frown on his face. Felix hadn't noticed he was clenching his teeth. He relaxed his whole body. Jisung's touch was soft, and Felix got a weird but nice feeling on his stomach. He had carried Jisung to his chair a couple of times, but this touch was more intimate. It made him feel something he could not explain. He raised his head to meet Jisung's gaze.
"Yeah, don't worry."
Jisung smiled and took his other hand to hold Felix's tightly. He played with Felix's fingers, whispering a soft "small, so cute". Felix just let him. He was aware his hands were small and cute. Jisung traced circles with his thumb on Felix's skin, and Felix was feeling calm and content. That was nice. Jisung took Felix's hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on his knuckles.
Felix stared at him with wide eyes. Jisung smiled softly and closed his eyes, covering them with Felix's hand, just like a little kid. What that kiss meant was another question to join Felix's mental chaos. Changbin came back not so long after that. He carried the bodies of some rabbits and quite big birds in a handmade fabric bag. Before going to the back of the house to prepare the meat away from Jisung's and Felix's eyes, which they appreciated, he placed a kiss on Jisung’s forehead. To Felix’s surprise, Changbin smiled at him. He didn’t think Changbin would ignore him, but he wasn’t expecting… that. He didn’t know what he was expecting.
As Felix carried Jisung inside, he thought about Changbin. As mysterious and secretive as he could be, Felix completely understood him. It was a weird feeling. He had only known both of them for some days, but they gave him a sense of safety. He understood Changbin, but he wasn’t sure if Changbin understood him. If he didn’t, Felix really couldn’t blame him. He hadn’t made an actual effort to talk about himself.
Jisung asked Felix to lay him in bed because his back hurt a little, as Felix did as he was told. He tried to place Jisung’s legs in a comfortable position, just like he had seen Changbin do every night. He caught Jisung smiling tenderly at him while he moved his legs softly. Felix’s mind couldn’t stop going back to what was left of Jisung’s kiss on his knuckles. Like a butterfly resting on his hand, he could still feel the slight touch of his lips on his skin.
Felix stood straight for a moment and looked at Jisung, laying down on bed with a small smile on his face, pushing his cheeks up.
“Are you comfortable?” Felix asked, and Jisung just nodded, “Do you need something else?”
Jisung nodded again, and Felix waited for him to say what he needed. Jisung gestured to tell Felix to approach. Felix rested on his knees to be face to face with Jisung. He inhaled before talking.
“Winter is rough.”
“I know,” Felix replied.
“No, you don’t. You really don’t,” there was no meanness on Jisung’s voice, just a little bit of sadness and that permanent pain, “Last year we were lucky enough, but I don’t know if things will go as well this time.”
“What do you-”
“If something happened to me,” Jisung cut Felix, “if anything happened to me, please, please, take care of Changbin. Help him let me go.”
Felix went silent. His heart hurt on his chest and his throat was feeling strange.
“Nothing’s going to happen to you…”
Felix said that as if he was sure, when he really couldn’t be. Maybe saying it aloud could make it be true.
“We can’t know,” Jisung said, again that sad smile decorating his face, “So, if the worst thing happened… please try to…”
Jisung couldn’t finish his own sentence. Felix tried his best to dry his tears, but they wouldn’t stop coming.
“Nothing’s going to happen to you,” Felix repeated, knowing how useless it was.
“I just-” Jisung choked on his own sobs, “I don’t want him to be sad and alone again.”
Felix kept his hands on Jisung’s hot cheeks.
“He won’t. I promise,” Felix whispered softly, “I’ll take care of him, but…” he raised Jisung’s head a little bit so that they were looking at each other's eyes, “but I’ll take care of you too. Nothing will happen to any of you.”
Jisung chuckled between tears.
“Okay.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Changbin knew Jisung was scared. He wanted to tell him that the three of them would be okay, that nothing would happen. But he couldn’t lie to his boyfriend.Changbin wanted to find something. He knew what he was looking for, but he didn't know where to look. The house was comfy and calm, but it was far from resources of any type. They were lucky that they had picked up as much stuff as they could before moving there. They grew their own food, Changbin could hunt, they knew how to make soap and the river wasn't far, but that wasn't everything they needed.Changbin hadn't told Jisung, but he was desperate to find him a pair of crutches. He could carry Jisung anywhere he wanted to go, that wasn't a problem at all. Jisung's legs weren't a problem to Changbin, they were a problem to Jisung. Changbin had had to see him wither and fade, every day going a little bit sadder, a little bit weaker. As much as Changbin told Jisung that he loved him and his disability wasn't a bother in any way, it had become obvious -and Changbin had guessed it too- that Jisung simply missed being independent. He couldn't imagine how much it hurt him to have to ask for help for anything, from waking up to going outside to going to the bathroom.Not a day went by without Changbin thinking about the day those two men broke Jisung's legs. Jisung continued to think that neither he or Changbin knew them at all, but that wasn't entirely true. Changbin didn't know who they were or why they wanted to hurt Jisung, but he had seen them before. The day everything ended, the day Changbin dragged Jisung out of the hospital. He had come back to get some of Jisung's stuff from his room because he had insisted that he wanted to have his bag. That was when he saw them, coming out of Jisung's room. They weren't doctors, they weren't even trying to pretend to be. Not that they needed it, everyone was running and screaming and the floor was shaking, so no one would really care that they were going into a room that wasn't theirs. Except Changbin did care. He saw one of them write down the name on the door, Jisung's name, on a notepad. "Don't worry, we'll get him. We'll get them all". Changbin couldn't even be sure if that had been what he had said, as he wasn't close enough to hear that clearly. So he hadn't given it much importance. Not until those same men showed up at their door, pretending to be travelers seeking for help. When they had innocently asked them their names, Changbin had been fast to say that his name was Jisung. That was when they tried to kill him. And as Jisung tried to protect him, he had been attacked too.Jisung constantly said that he owed Changbin his life, but Changbin thought he had instead cursed him. If Changbin hadn't been so worried about saving his own life, maybe he could have helped Jisung run away, and his entire body would be just fine now.Maybe it was useless to think about the past. Changbin could just keep on living to help Jisung and be thankful that the physical pain had gone away. Even though other types of pain remained. But he'd do something about that later. "But why do you have to go so late?" Jisung pouted, "It's going to get dark, and cold, and you shouldn't be outside.""It's not that late," Changbin said, getting some stuff on his bag. Crap, they had run out of cheese, where would he find good milk now? Changbin sighed, "Listen, I know you're worried, but I'll be fine," he took the fluffiest and warmest jacket they had in the house and raised it to show it to Jisung with his eyebrows raised. He rolled his eyes. Changbin approached him, sitting on his chair, and kneeled to be at his height. He cupped Jisung's face with his free hand and smiled, "I'll be here before you can even start to miss me."Jisung looked at him with a sad stare. He wasn't angry, he was scared."Please be careful...""Of course I will," Changbin kissed Jisung on his cheek, "Ah, where is Felix?"Jisung couldn't help but smile at the mention of his name."He's outside, back of the house. He said he wanted to learn how to start and control a fire so he can warm his own water and you don't have to."Jisung watched as a smile stretched on Changbin's lips. He shook his head. Changbin had to admit that, during the past weeks, Felix had been making an enormous effort to be helpful and not a bother. He appreciated that. Maybe the kid wasn't that bad."I'll go call him," Changbin said, checking that his shoes were well tied, "I don't want you to be alone up here."When Changbin raised his stare from his shoes, he caught Jisung not even trying to hide his smile. Changbin thought about protesting or making an excuse. But pretending he still hated Felix would be useless. Jisung knew more about him than he did."Whatever," he laughed, leaving the room, though stopping at the door to send Jisung a last goodbye.He went downstairs, outside, and walked around the house. Felix was at the back like Jisung had said. He looked like a kid playing with sticks and stones. He was so concentrated, crouched down on himself, he didn’t even notice Changbin was there and staring at him with a grin on his face."I can teach you if you want."Felix quickly stood up from where he was seated, dropping everything to the ground. He looked shaken and Changbin wished he would stop being scared of him."I was- I mean- I promise I wasn't doing anything-""I know, I know, Jisung told me, don't worry," Changbin was quick to try to calm him down, "I appreciate it, really."Felix seemed to calm down a little."But, now, could you go inside? I don't want to leave Jisung alone, he might need something while I'm out," Changbin said, pointing to the second floor with his thumb."Oh, yeah sure..." Felix said, doubtful, "But where are you going? If you don't mind me asking, of course.""It's just a... routinary exploration of the land," Changbin improvised, wishing Felix took the hint and didn't ask anything else. He apparently did."Okay... Good luck, be careful," Felix bowed when passing by Changbin to go inside, leaving him alone.Changbin knew what he was looking for. The sun had been still high up when Changbin had left, and not many hours had passed. But winter was making its way into the world way faster than it should, and the thick fluffy jacket seemed like nothing out there. The sun was saying its last goodbyes before finally setting and welcoming the night. Changbin cursed under his breath. He hated lying to Jisung, he wouldn't be back soon. He finally found the road that led to the city, kilometers away, God knows how many kilometers away. He just wished he could be back home before Jisung woke up. He wished Felix was taking good care of him, keeping him company and reassuring him that everything would be okay. He also wished Felix was okay too.He set a foot on the road, the surface irregular and destroyed by the elements. But that wasn't important. He looked in both directions of the way. Which one should he take? He could barely see in the darkness of the night, the moon looking at him from above, pitying his fate. But he didn't care if the moon, the sun, and all of the stars laughed at him. He knew what he was looking for. He took a deep breath and headed left.Changbin was not sure how much time it would take him. he hoped that not a lot. He didn't mind going a day or two without food or water, he really didn't care. But he absolutely did not want to have Jisung worrying and suffering because of him for too long. As he walked, eyes traveling around the landscape and a knife in his hand, he thought about him. Then he thought about them, the two of them. Jisung and Felix seemed to get along really well. Changbin was glad. If anything happened to him, Felix could be there for Jisung. That calmed him.Though he did not know Felix really well, he felt as if he could, slowly and carefully, start to trust him. He still wondered what type of person he was, if he was a human at all. His hair still bothered Changbin, because it somehow related him to Jisung, didn't it? Anyways, he wasn't going to ask.He tried to shake those thoughts away from his head. Jisung was perfectly normal. Felix was weird but he was okay, he didn't seem to want to hurt them. At moments Changbin panicked, thinking that he had let them alone for hours or maybe days. But Felix hadn't shown signs of being dangerous. But he still was a stranger. But he wasn't as much of a stranger now. Changbin hit his head softly with his palm to try to stop thinking about that once and for all. He sighed and looked up. For how long had he been walking?His attention focused on something meters away from him. It was big, but he couldn't tell exactly what it was, being that it was so dark, now fully black night. He half-walked half-ran there, holding his knife tightly. As he approached, his stomach started twisting and turning. Right in front of the unknown object, Changbin could finally and perfectly tell what it was.A car.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was dark night and Changbin still hadn't come back. Jisung's anxiety was eating him alive, as much as he tried to pretend that he wasn't thinking about it. Felix was making his biggest effort to distract him with hand games and reading books aloud making voices and all kind of stuff. Felix had cooked him dinner and prepared the heater for the night. He hadn't even asked if Jisung needed to get his legs washed. That was Changbin's job.Now, the moon watched over them. Jisung looked through the window and wondered if the moon was making sure Changbin was okay. He wished he could ask her, he wished she could tell him. Jisung found himself desperately wanting to see the trees, the mountain, the ground the world rested on. Maybe he thought it would bring him closer to Changbin. He knew it made no sense, but he wanted to be outside, feel the earth under his feet. But he couldn't do that. His feet didn't feel anything anymore."Felix," Jisung called, and the boy looked at him over his shoulder, preparing the heater for the night."Yeah?""Bring me closer to the window," Jisung didn't ask to be taken outside, he knew Felix wouldn't do that. It was really cold and Felix would not risk it. The window seemed good enough to calm his anxiety."Jisung, it's really late...""Please," he asked, his stare sad and his voice low, "just for a little."Felix hesitated for a bit. He stood up and far from the heater. He put his hands on his waist."Can I know why?" Felix asked, not aggressively, just genuinely curious."Because I need it," was Jisung's only response.Felix was taken by surprise. He seemed confused, and kind of scared too, but he obeyed. With all the strength he could gather, he raised Jisung's chair and took it closer to the window. They could already feel the cold start to crawl under their skin, away from the heater and the warmth of the bed covers. Changbin and Jisung had talked about moving the bed to another room without windows, as the cold entered even when they were closed. But Jisung had begged him not to do it, with the excuse of that one room being the only one prepared to have a heater in it. The truth was that Jisung didn't see himself in a room that did not show him the world.He looked outside, to that world that seemed like it was giving up on its creatures. Maybe it was for the good. Maybe humans were never of any help for nature. But, still, Jisung felt like he had to... fix it. The world he loved so deeply was asking him for help."Do you feel it too?" Jisung asked, in the softest voice that had ever come out through his lips, "Do you feel the forest talking to you, or am I the only one?"Jisung didn't need to look at Felix to know he was confused. He kept his eyes on the forest, though he couldn't really see anything. He still felt that strange, deep connection. He had never felt it before the end of everything. It was as if something had clicked on him ever since the world destroyed itself. Then there was, of course, the mystery of his hair... He had assumed it had been stress that had decolored his hair, now he wasn't so sure. Because now there was Felix."I see... you don't feel the same as me...""I'm sorry, I don't think I get what you mean..." Felix talked softly and carefully, as if trying not to make a mistake or offend Jisung somehow.Jisung looked up to look at Felix in the eyes. He seemed scared, genuinely scared. Jisung thought that what he was going to say would scare him even more, but he said it anyway."I know you can see in the dark," as Jisung expected, Felix opened his eyes wide and swallowed. He was nervous. He opened and closed his mouth as if he had been caught cheating in a test and was trying to make up an excuse. His mind seemed to have gone blank."It's okay," Jisung reassured him with a small and short smile. He sighed looking outside and then raised his arms in Felix's direction, "Let's go to sleep?"Felix carried Jisung to the bed, his arms shaking more than usual, and not because Jisung was heavy. He placed him in the center of the bed and then hurried to take the pack of warm water to put under the covers. Jisung watched as he repeated the same process he had seen Changbin execute every night, checking every step to make sure he was doing everything right. Once he was finished, he stood for a moment going over everything that he had to do. Jisung smiled fondly at him."Felix," he half-laughed."What did I forget?" he immediately asked.Jisung could help but laugh aloud."You forgot relaxing. Come here," Jisung patted the spot next to him, "It's really late, let's sleep. Changbin will be back soon and we have to be well rested to welcome him.""Uh, yeah, sure, wait for a second," Felix sat on the side and untied his old shoes. He undid the knots that tied both parts of his pants together, leaving him in really short shorts, but Jisung was used to it. And it wasn't like they slept really close together anyway. Felix seemed calm when he laid on his side of the bed and covered himself. He faced Jisung to wish him a good night's sleep. Jisung smirked."Come closer," Jisung whispered. There was no one around, there was no need to whisper, but Jisung felt the need to make that moment more intimate."W-why?"Jisung could see Felix start to get nervous and he couldn't tell why. Maybe he was uncomfortable, maybe he was still scared of Changbin."Because I want to have you closer. If that's okay with you, of course," Jisung continued to whisper.He could see Felix bite his lip and, again, he wasn't sure of what that meant. Jisung laid on his side, his legs moving awkwardly as he tried to move the upper part of his body on his own. He rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes, inviting Felix to either approach him or ignore him. Not much later, he felt Felix's warm breath reaching his chest. He opened his eyes and found him very close, looking down to Jisung's chest to avoid meeting his eyes. Jisung thought maybe he was blushing. He was sure Felix looked really cute at the moment and wished he could see him."Can I hug you...?" Jisung asked in a whisper, eyes closed and hands near his chest, "It's okay if you don't-""Yes," Felix cut him, in the same low, soft tone of voice. Though Felix's voice was deeper, and the soft growly undertone in it made Jisung shiver, "Hug me."Jisung didn't open his eyes as he carefully extended his arms to reach Felix's body. He felt warm and soft as Jisung pulled him closer, Felix's face being buried on his neck. Jisung was touchy and had never tried to hide it. He ran his hand all through Felix's upper back, feeling his muscles above his shirt. It was actually Jisung's shirt. Felix hadn't brought a lot of clothes with him, so they always lent him some. Felix also put his arms around Jisung's torso. He hugged him like he didn't want to let him go, and Jisung didn't have a problem with that. He didn't want to let go either."Felix..." this time, Jisung did open his eyes. He looked at Felix, who looked at him back. In the dark of the night, he could barely appreciate his features. He could see his face, but, at the moment, he was desperate to take in every detail. He wished he could see his freckles, get lost counting them. He cupped his face with one hand and traced circles on his cheek with his thumb, "I really appreciate having you here..."For some reason that not even he understood, Felix moved his face closer to Jisung's. Jisung smiled and approached him more. Their lips touched, not even fully, not even on purpose. Just the tips of their lips in contact. Not moving closer, not separating either, they remained like that as they felt each other's hearts beating faster.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The sun was barely rising when Changbin arrived back at home. The sunlight filtered through the leaves of the trees around the entrance, leaving Jisung's handwriting only partly illuminated. Everything's fucking dead. "It may be, my love," Changbin though, his smile wide on his face, "it may be, but that doesn't mean there's not any hope left for us". Changbin dropped his bag at the door, not really caring about anything else than going upstairs and sharing his news. He ran up, skipping some steps with his heart beating strongly on his chest. He couldn't wait. He opened the door softly because he didn't want to scare them. They were still sleeping. Changbin stopped for a moment.They were hugging each other. Felix's head rested on Jisung's shoulder, his hair tickling his chin. Jisung hugged him tightly, pressing his cheek on the top of Felix's head. They looked calm and content, and Changbin felt things on his stomach that he didn't know he was able to feel. Something about that sight made his insides shake and scream. He was so happy.He approached them slowly, thinking that it was a shame to wake them up at that moment. They were so cute. He kneeled at the left side of the bed, next to Felix. He was giving him his back. Jisung looked so cute from that angle, his cheek pressed making it more prominent. His lips even hinted of a smile. Changbin couldn't stop smiling. It was impossible for everything to be this perfect. He must be dreaming. He carefully raised his hand and patted Felix on his shoulder. It took him a second try to wake him up, this time strongly and accompanied by a soft whisper of his name. He turned around slowly and with difficulties, as Jisung's arms were still trapping him in a hug. Felix could move enough to face Changbin."Good morning," Changbin said with the widest smile. He watched Felix widen his eyes and start mouthing apologies and half-words, "Why are you panicking?" Changbin chuckled.Changbin stood up and carefully sat on the bed on his knees. He tried his best to put himself in front of Jisung. A very confused Felix managed to free himself from Jisung's hug and helped Changbin wake him up."Hey, my love," Changbin said in his softest voice. He saw Felix make a strange face, but he didn't give it much importance. Felix was still scared of him. He'd have to fix that, "My love, good morning."Jisung seemed to instantly react to Changbin's voice. He opened his eyes and instantly threw himself into Changbin's arms, who gladly welcomed him into a hug. Jisung started rambling about how Changbin was a liar and a traitor and he had missed him so much and he had been scared and anxious and it was his fault and he loved him so much. Changbin let him, responding to every word with a smile or a laugh or a kiss. Once Jisung was done with his insults that didn't really hurt, Changbin cupped his face with both hands and looked at him with the most intense love in his eyes. How could he love him so much? Changbin stared at him, the person he lived for, one last time before letting his face go and sitting straight. His smile still didn't fade away."I bring good news," he said, legs crossed and hands on his knees. He looked and Felix, who had an expression on his face that Changbin couldn't really decode, and repeated, "I bring good news.""What is it?" Jisung asked, sitting down with Felix's help, resting his back on the wall behind him, " Did you find something?"Changbin nodded, still smiling. He wondered how it was that it had always been so difficult for him to smile. It was so easy at that moment."I had been thinking about it," Changbin started to explain, "some weeks ago I stumbled upon a road, a road that leads to the city.""The city?" Jisung asked."Yeah, not our city but a different one, but still, the city part is not important. What matters is what is in the roads," Changbin waited for them to get it, but they didn't seem to understand his point. Jisung and Felix looked at each other confused. Felix shrugged as if answering a question that wasn't asked, "Cars, guys, there are cars on the roads. And I found one."Both Jisung and Felix opened their mouths in excitement. A car meant an easier and faster way of moving, it also meant they could go further. Anything they needed, they could easily go look for it, they could also carry things around. It was great news. It was the greatest news. Changbin dropped himself in Jisung's arms, wrapping each other in a hug, holding each other tightly. When they separated, Changbin hugged Felix, who was very much taken by surprise. When he let go, he jumped out of the bed. Changbin talked non-stop about all the possibilities a car would bring them while clapping his hands. He explained that it needed some lubrication and one of the doors had to be fixed because it was basically gone, but he'd have it done in no time and they could start preparing things for the winter much more easily."We could even leave the house at any point if we wanted. We could look for a better place to live in. Or we could go on a trip!" Changbin moved around excitedly, shaking his fists and doing small jumps here and there. He focused his attention on Jisung and Felix, they were smiling widely looking at him. They were excited too, "Jisung, you could go on a trip if you wanted," Changbin said, in a softer voice. Jisung nodded, with the widest smile. A tear went down his cheek but he was quick to dry it. Changbin approached again."Yes, I could," Jisung affirmed, wrapping in a hug both Changbin and Felix. "What else could we need?" Changbin asked, pressing his pencil against his lip. The list in front of him was ridiculously long, they'd have to cross off some stuff that wasn't a priority. A lot of the things in the list weren't even necessary, they just wanted some stuff that could make them feel like they were living a normal life again. Changbin thought of that long list as an excuse to go out, see other things, and give Jisung a little bit more of freedom.Felix held himself back. He wanted to say something, but he was kind of afraid of it seeming ridiculous or dumb. So he remained quiet, shrugging nervously when Changbin looked at him or asked him if he had any ideas. Felix knew he wasn't being of any help at that moment, but he couldn't help the fear he felt.It was true that Changbin had been softer with him for the past few days. He guessed that having had him around for a little more than a month now was making Changbin start to get used to Felix's presence. But Felix couldn't help but be nervous and excessively aware of every movement Changbin did.Like in that very moment, Felix was terribly intimidated by the way Changbin was looking at him. He couldn't guess what his frown meant. Maybe he was getting tired of him being useless."Felix," Changbin said, and, though Felix expected him to say something, he still was surprised, "are you okay?""Yeah, I just-" Felix coughed, in an attempt to get that weird and uncomfortable feel out of his throat, "I'm a little bit tired."Felix looked everywhere except at Changbin. The kitchen didn't have a lot of stuff to look at but he tried."Maybe you should rest a bit," Changbin laid back on his chair, playing with his pencil with his right hand, his left resting on his thigh. Something about his relaxed stance intimidated Felix even more, "Jisung is upstairs."The mention of Jisung confused and terrified Felix. Why was Changbin bringing him up now? Why would he want him to be alone with his boyfriend again when he had avoided it so much at first? Did he know about whatever it was that had happened two nights ago between him and Jisung? It wasn't a kiss, they technically did not kiss. But there was something in Felix's gut telling him that he had done something wrong. Maybe he should try to step away from Jisung for a little. But... he was so..."Felix? Dude, really, do you need something?" Changbin now seemed genuinely worried. He moved closer to Felix and put a hand on his shoulder.Felix looked at Changbin's arm. He could probably smash his head and that made him feel a lot of different things at once. He started feeling warmth on his cheeks."Yeah, I, uh..." Felix stood up nervously, letting Changbin's hand slip from his shoulder. He walked backward and had to be fast to catch the chair before kicking it down, "I think I'm going for a walk."Felix ran outside, leaving Changbin in the kitchen, confused and with an incomplete list.Books. That was what Felix thought they needed. They really needed books.
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Felix walked upstairs. He didn't want to see them, but he had to sleep. They would find it weird if he didn't. Jisung seemed completely calm and unbothered while Felix had the most terrible anxiety. "Come on," Felix talked to himself, "it wasn't even a proper kiss. It was nothing! Get it together!", he internally yelled and scolded himself. But as much as he reminded himself that it hadn't been a real kiss and that Jisung didn't seem like he considered it cheating, his anxiety was still off the limits. As he went up the steps he could hear his heart beating faster on his chest, shaking his whole body. He felt like was going to throw up.Felix reached the door. They kept it closed to keep the room warm. Maybe opening it would be a mistake. He considered that maybe he had interfered too much already with Jisung and Changbin's lives. Maybe it was his time to say goodbye and leave. Or maybe he was just being overly dramatic. Felix took a deep breath. He brought his hand to the doorknob. Before his fingers could even touch it, he pulled his hand back and close to his chest. He really didn't know what he was going to do. He took some steps back and breathed deeply again, though it seemed to be useless. Then he heard Changbin's voice coming out from the room."Where is Felix?"Felix felt his soul leave his body. "Oh no," he thought, "now he will come here and he will see me and it'll be over."“He was downstairs,” Felix heard Jisung’s voice from inside the room, “I guess he has better light for reading there.”Jisung was lying. He knew Felix could see in the dark. Why would he lie to Changbin was something Felix didn’t quite understand.There was a moment of silence inside the room. Felix could hear Changbin placing Jisung on the bed, covering him. But there wasn’t any sound of Changbin’s weight over the mattress. The silence was killing Felix. It reminded him too much of the cave. He thought that he couldn’t leave. He’d lose his mind if he found himself all alone again.“How can I…?” Changbin’s voice reached Felix’s ears, “I mean, Felix is still scared of me, right?”Felix took a step back.“Yeah, it seems like it,” Jisung replied in a sleepy voice.“What do you think I can do about it? I want him to be comfortable here.”Felix stood in the hallway. The guilt dragged itself into his heart, coming from his stomach and leaving its footprint everywhere it passed. Changbin was trying to help. Felix then realized that the problem was not that he had almost kissed Jisung, it was that he wanted to do it properly.Felix knew you’re not supposed to get in between a relationship, especially if the two people are saving your life. He walked slowly around the house, trying not to make a noise and thinking about how bad he felt. He reminded himself of how much Jisung and Changbin loved each other to try to get his desire of being close to Jisung out of his head. He sat in the kitchen for a couple of minutes, looking out the window. He realized it was funny he was thinking about that type of stuff instead of being worried for the future. The world was literally an “every man on its own” kind of thing now, and his biggest problem was an inexistent kiss. At that moment it was important. Felix thought it would be easier to heal the world than heal his heart. The moment his thoughts went to Minho Felix decided he had been overthinking for way too long. It was painful to think that maybe he should forget about him. It would only hurt more to have hope.Felix went upstairs. The room was dead silent now, so at least one of them was asleep, and he didn't know who he preferred to be awake. He took a deep breath before opening the door. He took a quick look at the bed. Jisung was raising his head slightly to look at him. Felix could guess he was smiling at him. He tried to smile back and entered the room, closing the door behind him. Every step towards the bed made his heart beat faster. He realized once he was already close that Changbin, now deeply asleep, had changed his spot. He was now at the edge, back hugging Jisung, leaving Felix with no choice but to lay down by Jisung’s side. He discreetly took a deep breath. Felix laid down with his heart jumping around his chest and a couple of knots on his throat. He covered himself and faced Jisung because he wanted to see him, but he laid far from him. Jisung had closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he smiled showing his gums. Felix was sure he was laughing at him.“You’re going to fall out,” Jisung whispered, and then gestured towards himself, “Come closer.”Felix knew that that “come closer” would be the end of him. His brain said he shouldn’t do it. But the rest of his body missed Jisung’s touch. His soft skin and the warmth of his body, his surprising ability to smell nice even though he couldn’t shower a lot, his palms running over his back and his fingers that traced soft circles everywhere they went, the way Felix’s head perfectly fit in the space between his neck and his shoulder, and his soft sigh when he rested his cheek on Felix’s head. Before Felix could even realize, he was already in Jisung’s arms. He had to remind himself that Changbin was on the other side. But suddenly he didn’t care. Changbin’s arms were one around Jisung’s waist and the other under the pillow, so one of his hands softly brushed Felix’s waist too. Felix slowly shook his head, brushing his face against Jisung’s neck. Jisung giggled softly.“You’re like a kitty,” he whispered, not caring at all for Felix’s sanity. His heart pushed the alarm button and started running again. Felix damned his body for not being able to control itself. They were so close it was absolutely impossible for Jisung not to notice that Felix was about to combust.“You don’t have to be scared,” Jisung’s voice was so soft Felix thought he had hallucinated it for a second.“Sorry,” he instantly replied, not thinking about the consequences because, being absolutely honest, he wasn’t thinking much at that moment.Jisung raised his hand to Felix’s cheek, his thumb repeating those movements it knew so well. Slowly and not pressing the skin at all, Jisung caressed Felix’s face, so close to his chest that Felix thought he could kiss Jisung’s neck at any moment. It was hard to fall asleep that night.
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Every day was unbelievably colder than the last one. Some days the wind blew so strongly they couldn't leave the house. They feared the walls wouldn't be prepared to hold themselves together in such extreme weather. The days in which it didn't seem like Earth was trying to wipe all humans out Changbin walked to where the car was at and worked on it. He had improvised a subjection for the driver's side door, it probably wouldn't last long but they weren't planning on seeing the whole world anyway. It would have to do.Changbin put the towel in water again. He used all the strength on his arms to try to get the blood off the seat. A part of the stain had came out, but there was still a huge dark spot on the fabric. Changbin couldn't know what had happened there, but he could imagine it hadn't been pretty. Besides the broken door and a little bit of dust and lack of lubrication, the car was in perfect state. There had to be a different reason why someone had left it there. A fight had very obviously taken place there. He couldn't know if the person whose that blood belonged too was even alive anymore. The whole thing made Changbin think that everyone had a story. He wondered how many stories there were at the moment in the world. He wondered if those stories were sad.He then thought that maybe his story was sad. He hated the fact that that could mean he was making Jisung's sad too. A thought sparked in his mind that maybe Felix had came into their lives to take the sad away. Changbin smiled, imagining Felix as some type of magic creature bringing joy into people's lives. He sure was doing that with Jisung. He kept on imagining Felix as a being of light and purity because it distracted him from all the blood on the seat. There really was a lot of blood.As the sun started to threaten with hiding again, every day sooner, Changbin decided it was enough for the day. He took a quick look at the car. Having the door partly fixed and the inside of the car clean enough to be comfortable inside, Changbin felt satisfied. He was dying to go back home. It was the first time in his life where he actually felt like he had a place to go. But it was not really the place. The house was kind of cold, kind of dead, and held bad memories that were too close in time. He was very aware that the house had absolutely nothing to do with his feeling of belonging. It was them. Changbin didn't really feel surprised anymore when he found himself including Felix in the mental idea of his life. It did feel a little weird. It had taken him years of being Jisung's best friend to realize that he loved him. He wasn't sure what he felt for Felix, but he knew it was growing strong. He'd just have to wait and see how that would go. The trees along the way took his thoughts one by one, replacing them with new ones. His brain couldn't keep quiet for a second.Changbin found himself running at times, skipping and jumping. He didn't care about the night falling on him. He really wanted to see them. The smile would invade his face without him noticing. Had he ever felt that happy? Was he so twisted that the happiest time in his life was when almost all life had been wiped out? Overthinking had always been a bad habit of his, but he had never tried to fix it. He had always thought he deserved to punish himself. Now, he tried to cover his self-loathing thoughts with images of Jisung, with the memory of his scent. He wished he could make his brain keep forever the image of Jisung and Felix sleeping together, both looking so calm on eachother's arms.As Changbin started to recognize the trees and paths around, his heart started to beat faster. He was getting close to home. He was getting fond of that word. It meant something real now. He did his best to avoid falling on his face, but the path was irregular and so was his walk. He jumped over roots that peeked out and put aside branches very carelessly. He'd have scratches on his arms later. He didn't really mind. He could see the clearing, he could see the house, he could see the trees on the entrance. His skin was telling him to walk faster, to run, to fly as quick as he could, his skin knew what it wanted. The cold air of winter had nothing to do against the warmth that was invading him, his cheeks burning like the sun.Changbin ran upstairs. He doubted they'd be sleeping so he didn't care much for the noise he was making. He was sure the walls of that house had never witnessed such an intense feeling. Changbin himself had never imagined that something like that would take place on his heart.The door was closed to keep the room warm. Changbin stood in front of the door with a wide smile on his face, enjoying those last seconds of excitement. He took his hands, both of them, first to his heart, then to the door knob. As he opened the door the joy inside of him and the butterflies on his stomach only grew stonger. A warm image welcomed him again. There was only warmth around them even on the cold days.Jisung was sitting on the middle of the bed, looking directly to the door with a smile on his face, very aware of who was stomping on the stairs. He smiled wide showing his gums, his bright orange hair falling on his also smiling eyes. Jisung was in the process of taking his shirt off, the piece of clothing midway through his arms. A very asleep Felix's arms were around his waist, his legs surrounding Jisung's body as he sat behind him. Changbin walked closer to them. Jisung raised his head up, demanding a kiss, but not moving too much to avoid disturbing Felix. Felix's face was resting on Jisung's exposed shoulder, his cheek pressed up. Changbin gave Jisung a short and soft kiss, just gently pressing their lips together. He looked at him in the eyes, those eyes full of stars, before redirecting his attention to Felix. He too had his own constellations. Changbin couldn't resist brushing the tip of his nose against Felix's starred cheeks, so gently Felix didn't even notice. His breath was calm and he looked paceful. Jisung giggled."He offered giving me a massage," Jisung explained in a whisper, "and it seems like his massages are as relaxing to give as they are to get."Changbin smiled. He sat beside them, hugging Jisung's left arm and resting his head on his shoulder. Jisung raised his hand to gently stroke Changbin's cheek. He closed his eyes, his smile still not fading. He felt a little bit sleepy too."Did you know that Felix is just one day younger than me?" Jisung asked, like a child who just learned something exciting and is making sure that everyone knows it.Changbin opened his eyes and raised his head a little to look at his boyfriend. He kissed his cheek. "I didn't know that," he said, "it's cute.""Yes..." Jisung whispered, wearing a smile, "Next year we can celebrate together.""That would be awesome."The room started to get dark as night fell deeper and deeper into them, but neither of them moved. Everything was where it had to be in that moment. Changbin felt Jisung breathe deeply. He did that sometimes. He said it was so that he could remember with every one of his senses what different emotions felt like. Sometimes, Jisung would list what different things sounded, smelt, or looked like."Happiness," Changbin asked, "could you please list happiness for me?"Jisung looked at him but Changbin kept his stare low. Changbin could still guess that he was smiling."It's been long since I did that.""It's been long since I asked," Changbin replied.Jisung took another deep breath."Okay," he murmured, "Which one?""I said happiness," Changbin repeated."Yeah but, which happiness? There is a bunch of them," Jisung explained, as if it were obvious."Oh," Changbin said, softly, "Okay. Then... the warmest one?"Changbin could basically hear Jisung grin."I hear cars on the street, I hear my parents talking softly on the living room, and I know they're talking about me."There was a short pause. Changbin rubbed his head against Jisung's neck, as if telling him to continue."I smell... cinnamon. Cinnamon candles.""That's your room.""Yeah.""Then it should also smell like clothes. Both clean and dirty, because you never put any in their place," Changbin reminded him, and he felt how Jisung's shoulders shaked from laughter."I'll give you that one," Jisung admitted, and then he continued, "I don't see much, my curtains are down, but I don't need to see."There was a pause again, and Changbin swore he remembered this one too. But he didn't say anything."My mouth tastes like desire. And, under my fingers," Jisung said, raising his hand again, "I feel your skin.""My skin?" Changbin asked. He surely didn't remember that one like that."Yes," Jisung whispered. It seemed like he was getting sleepy too, "Your cheek, your neck, your arm, but just the part above the elbow. The small part of your skin that your shirt didn't reach to cover because it was my shirt from some years ago and it was too small for you," Changbin caught a glimpse of Jisung's sad smile, "You didn't even wake up."Jisung moved his head slowly to face Changbin and they both moved closer together until their lips joined together. Changbin wondered, as he kissed him, for how long would the calm last."And the most recent happiness...?" Changbin whispered, his face still close to Jisung's. Jisung smiled."You tell me," he reached for Changbin's hand, "you're living it too."
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Assuming that they had kept good track of the days, it was mid-December. There hadn't been any incidents with snow yet, but they didn't want to keep their hopes up. Changbin continued working on the car, and he said that it would be ready in a couple of days. Jisung insisted that maybe he should take a break and see how the weather would treat them. Felix didn't say anything because he didn't know who he should agree with. Jisung was right when he said that the weather would probably get worse. But Changbin was also right about needing to bring the car home as soon as possible so that that same weather wouldn't damage it.So Felix just stared at them as they argued. It wasn't really arguing though. He had never seen two people debate with such respect for each other. They were so in love they didn't even dare interrupting the other. No voices were raised and no petty arguments were used. They even held hands as they reminded each other that they were terribly wrong. Felix found it extremely adorable, so he just stared."What's so funny?"Felix didn't even notice that Changbin was talking to him. He blinked rapidly and tried to find the words. He hadn't realized that he had been smiling."Nothing," Felix said, lowering his head, his whole body sinking on the mattress next to Jisung, "it's just cute."Changbin looked at him, confused, and Jisung just giggled. He paused and then sighed to himself."You know what?" Jisung said, giving up, "Go. Work on it and bring the car here," a smile invaded Changbin as Jisung spoke, "maybe it can be our Christmas present."Changbin stood from his chair and wiggled as he hugged Jisung. To Felix's surprise, he hugged him too. When Changbin let him go, he remained in his position for some seconds, staring right into Felix's eyes with a smile on his face that Felix didn't really understand. He still didn't know what he was for Changbin."I'll be back soon," Changbin said as he put on his jacket, "I promise," he smiled, and the door closed behind him without making much noise. Felix and Jisung heard Changbin's footsteps as he went downstairs and through the entrance hall. His steps were still noticeable for Felix even after Jisung was uncapable of hearing them. Jisung looked down to the mattress. He traced circles with his index finger, dragging the old fabric of the bed sheets. He sighed. Felix wished he could read minds too. Maybe that would make it easier to know what he had to do to make Jisung happy. He was so close to him it was driving him crazy. Jisung was wearing a worn out sweater that showed part of his shoulder, and some baggy sweatpants that were easy to put on for him. Those were literally the clothes he had slept on. Why did Felix still see him as the most beautiful person on Earth? Felix's skin burned, asking him, begging him to get closer to Jisung, to wrap him in a hug, cover him in kisses. He wanted to touch him everywhere and hear him giggle and see him smile. He was sure his hands would move on their own if he didn't do anything about it. His fingers wanted to travel around every strand of Jisung's hair, stroke his cheeks gently. Felix was really going through a lot at that moment. Jisung looked up, meeting his eyes, but Felix was so absorbed by his beauty he didn't quite notice."Are you okay?""No," Felix replied to Jisung's question before he could even process it. Jisung's concerned frown got deeper, a slight pout on his lips."I-I mean," Felix started explaining himself before Jisung and his worries started interrogating him, which would probably lead to Felix confessing everything, "I'm... a little bit tired..."That was a lie that Felix hoped Jisung wouldn't catch."It's morning..." Jisung said to himself while looking through the window, as if he didn't get why and how could Felix be tired. He seemed absent, "Okay," Jisung said looking at Felix, as if snapped back to reality, "then I guess we're not going out today," he said with a small smile."Oh, no! I can still carry you outside if you want! It's not trouble I swear-""It's okay," Jisung shook his head with a wide smile. Now Felix felt bad, because he knew how much Jisung loved being outside, feeling the ground under his body, the sun on his skin."It's too cold anyway," Jisung said, shaking his hand in the air as if to make Felix's guilt go away."Really even if it's for a short while, I promise I don't mind-""Shhh..." Jisung pressed his hand against Felix's chest, completely unaware of how crazy Felix got at the slightest touch of his skin, "Here," Jisung moved weirdly, his inmobile legs spread like parallel lines across the bed. He put his hands on Felix's shoulders to force him to lay down again. Then he tried to lay by his side, facing him, but it was being difficult for him as his legs were not cooperating."Wait," Felix said, placing a hand on Jisung's waist to help him lay on his side. Without noticing what he was actually doing, Felix pulled Jisung closer to him. Jisung seemed to find it funny. He giggled, leaving Felix a little confused until he finally realized how close they were."I- I mean- Shit, I-" Felix stuttered, making Jisung smile even more, showing his crooked tooth, that adorable tooth."Why are you so red Lix?"Felix didn't know if he was red or not, but he was sure that if he was red before, now he was a goddamned freshly picked tomato. Jisung had called him Lix."It-it is quite hot in here," Felix said, inmediately regretting it. It was not hot at all. It was so cold it hurt your skin. But Jisung seemed to want to play along."Ah..." he said, cheeky smile forming on his face, "Then maybe... you should take this off..." Jisung murmured, running his finger up and down Felix's shirt. He got closer to him. Felix wondered if Jisung was entertained by the way he was panicking."I-I... I think I'd rather not..." Felix managed to say.Jisung laughed softly again. He closed his eyes as he moved his face closer to Felix's."You know Lixie..." Felix felt his entire body shake. It was getting worse, or better, he wasn't sure, "I really like you..."Jisung didn't seem to be bothered by Felix's silence or his loud heartbeat. He got closer and closer. He rubbed their noses together as he smiled. He opened his eyes, slowly, first looking down to Felix's chest, then to his lips, then meeting his own eyes. Felix was absolutely mesmerised by the beauty of Jisung's eyes. He couldn't believe what Jisung had just said. He was about to ask him to repeat it because maybe he had heard wrong, but the words didn't go past his lips. And though Felix wanted Jisung to explain what he meant, he also wished he wouldn't. Because that meant that Jisung could correct himself, say that he wasn't talking about that certain meaning of "like". Felix didn't know what to do."Can I kiss you?" Jisung whispered, his breath brushing Felix's face. They were so close he could do it if he wanted."Changbin," was Felix's first reaction, which surprised himself more than it surprised Jisung, "I mean- What about Changbin?"Jisung smirked."What about him?" Jisung said, as if he didn't know what Felix meant. He seemed to want to play with him."He's your boyfriend," Felix said slowly. Had he misunderstood their relationship or something? That seemed impossible. But Jisung was confusing him."Yes, he is," Jisung agreed, "So?""You..." Felix didn't know what Jisung expected him to say, "You love him.""Yes, I do. So?" Jisung wanted to take Felix somewhere, that was sure. But where? What was he trying to say?"Then... me... Where do I fit in there?" Felix asked, lowering his stare. Jisung was putting his arm around Felix's waist too.Jisung giggled again. That soft sound was music for Felix's ears."So..." Jisung looked up without moving his head, pouting slightly, pretending to think hard, "So you think that because I love Changbin I can't love you too?"Felix tried to ignore all the movements inside of him, inside his belly and in his chest and his throat."I..." Felix started, but didn't know how to continue, so Jisung continued for him."Trying to limit what a person feels is unfair... and hurtful... Love is such a beautiful thing, why should we control it? Who cares who I love... how I love them? And who cares how many people I love as long as I love them truthfully and care for them as much as I can?" Jisung spoke softly, but the tone of his voice showed that he was very sure of what he was saying."Won't he be hurt...?" Felix still had Changbin on his mind.Jisung sighed, though he didn't look bothered. He started moving away from Felix."Okay, when he comes back we'll ask him if that's what you-""N-no!" Felix grabbed Jisung's waist tightly, not really aware of what he was doing. He quickly apologized and let go of him, scared to have hurt or offended him. But Jisung just laughed."Felix," Jisung said, close to him again, still smiling but somehow very seriously, "you really think I haven't talked with him about this?"Felix froze. He could see Jisung containing his laugh so he assumed his shocked face was pretty funny. He took a deep breath. Changbin knew Jisung liked him? The fact that Jisung liked him was hard enough to take in. How was he supposed to look at Changbin now?"Of course I don't want to hurt him..." Jisung said softly, taking his hand to Felix's cheek, brushing his skin with the tips of his fingers.Felix enjoyed every second of Jisung's touch, though he still doubted if he was allowed to enjoy it or not. His heart said yes and his mind said yes and his skin said yes. Everything about him said yes except his mouth."I'll ask again, and you can say no, of course," Jisung whispered, "Can I kiss-"Felix didn't let Jisung finish.
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It was obvious for Jisung that Felix was new at this whole kissing thing, but that was okay, they had a lot of time to practice. Jisung didn't want to stop kissing him. Everytime he called Felix's name with a smile on his face Felix would run to him, knowing what Jisung wanted. Jisung could feel his rushing heart, and the way his eyes shone everytime he opened them when their lips separated was absolutely adorable. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that they hadn't stopped kissing since the first time they did it. Both felt so full of love.Jisung had spread his legs so that Felix could sit between them, his head resting on Jisung's shoulder in a way that would be easy for him to move so they could kiss again and again.Jisung felt Felix move between his arms. He was looking through the window, a slight frown on his face."Is he coming?" Jisung asked, startling Felix."Ah... I think so..." Felix started."Can you hear the car?" Jisung said with a smile. He suspected that another one of the weird things that Felix could do was hearing things that were far or quiet. Felix remained silent for some seconds, deciding if he should expose himself or not, Jisung assumed."Yeah," he finally whispered.Jisung grabbed his chin gently and moved his head so that he would face him. He pressed a quick kiss on his lips and hugged him more tightly."Does it sound like it will take us very far?" Jisung wouldn't lie and say that he wasn't excited about going to other places, seeing more of the world."It sounds like a completely normal and functioning car," Felix smiled too, "He's done a good job..."Jisung saw how Felix went back to his guilt. No matter how much Jisung told him that Changbin was okay with it, Felix still felt bad for loving Jisung, and for that love being reciprocated. Jisung hoped that Changbin could fix that."Oh!" Jisung said softly, "I hear it too."The car did sound perfectly normal and functioning. The growling of the motor and the crunch of the ground under the wheels were sounds that Jisung hadn't expected to miss. What had always been so common and sometimes even annoying was now a huge comfort. The sound got closer and then stopped out of a sudden. Changbin was home."M-maybe I should... go greet him or something..." Felix squirmed between Jisung's arms, but he just held him tighter. Felix didn't want Changbin to know anything and Jisung wanted to share the great news."We'll wait for him here," Jisung said, firmly, but still smiling. He rested his chin on Felix's shoulder.So they did. They heard Changbin run upstairs and stop at the closed door. Jisung could feel Felix's heart jump all around his chest. For some reason, Changbin knocked on the door. Jisung giggled."Yes?""Oh, hello!" he said, still not opening the door, "I'm here to pick up my dates."Jisung did his best to contain his laughter as he rubbed his cheek against Felix's."Ah, yeah. Come in!" he played along.Changbin opened the door confidently and leaned on the door frame. Jisung chuckled and even Felix couldn't help but smile. Changbin was wearing a ridiculously colorful pair of sunglsses. He took the glasses by the thin golden rod. he smirked as he raised his eyebrows."Hey babes," he said with a nod, "Wanna go on a ride?" He held the keys of the car in his fingers, pointing outside.Jisung laughed out loud."Where did you get those uglies from?"Changbin opened his mouth pretending to be very offended and then laughed too. He dropped the keys on the bed and sat in front of Jisung and Felix, smiling at both."The previous owner of our new car was very... stylish," Changbin stated, holding the glasses with both his hands. He left them on the mattress carefully. Resting his weight on his hands behind his back, Changbin looked at Jisung and Felix with a smile.Jisung stared at Felix. He seemed to be more relaxed now, as Changbin hadn't shown any type of anger or annoyance. He actually looked happier than ever. Jisung had never seen him so content in his life, and it made him happy too to see the joy on his face."Tomorrow I'm taking you two for a ride. I don't care if we don't even go one kilometer away, it felt amazing to be in that car and i want you to feel it too," Changbin stated confidently, raising his eyebrows."Sounds great," Jisung said, smirking, "What do you think, Lix?""Oh, I..." Felix stuttered while looking at Changbin. Jisung wasn't sure what his stare meant. He was sure that he had never seen Felix look at Changbin like that, "I think that's a good idea..."Changbin nodded confidently."Oh, by the way, Felix," Changbin said. Jisung saw Felix get a little bit tense. Changbin either didn't notice or didn't want to point it out, "I picked up some water on my way here, will you help me bring it inside for the bath?""Ah..." Felix let out all the air he had held in, "Yes, of course."Changbin smiled at him as he said thank you, and Felix smiled back.
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Felix wasn’t sure yet of which things he could do. Apparently, he could move very fast, he could see in the dark, and he could hear things that others could not. He didn’t know if there was something else he could do that he wasn’t supposed to be able to do. He didn’t know since when he had those abilities, powers, or whatever you want to call them, but he assumed it had something to do with the sudden end of the world. He tried to recall if something weird had happened before he went into the cave, because nothing happened once inside, that was for sure. The cave was dead and boring.Going over the memories of that day like some type of broken record, Felix played the images like a movie on his head. Eyes closed and his full body in the bath, warm water around him and only the birds singing outside as a distraction, but he still couldn’t remember a moment in which something had happened to his body. Maybe it had been the air, maybe it had been something in the water, maybe…He opened his eyes at the sudden realization.“I fainted…” he murmured. He had almost forgotten about it. After getting inside that empty building with Minho, he had lost consciousness. When he had woken up, he was inside the cave, Minho was with him and said those three words that kept on haunting him before disappearing into the darkness of the cave.If something had happened to him while he was unconscious, he couldn’t know. But that… That couldn’t be. That would mean that Minho had something to do with…Felix quieted his mind and listened. Something was going on. He paid more attention to those sounds that reached him from some rooms away. There was heavy breathing and bodies moving, and an unidentified sound that somehow seemed familiar.“Fuck…” that was Changbin’s voice, and it was followed by a giggle on Jisung’s side. A second of silence, and Changbin continued, “I missed you…”“How?” Felix heard Jisung say. He wasn’t supposed to be hearing him when he was talking so softly, “I’ve been right here?” Jisung giggled again.The unidentified sound got louder, and Felix could finally recognize it.Oh.“Shit, you know what I mean…” Changbin’s voice was just as soft, but maybe more rough, as if he was running out of breath.The breathing got louder and the creaking of the old mattress got more intense. Jisung seemed to not need to joke anymore, and only small, soft and high pitched sounds coming out of his mouth reached Felix’s ears from the other room.He pretty much wanted to die. Didn’t Jisung know that Felix could hear everything? Or was he so desperate to fuck he didn’t care? Felix could feel his face getting warmer, and not because of the hot water. He took some deep breaths, the creaking, the breathing and the friction seemed to be happening in that same room, or at least he was hearing them as if they were. Felix wished his face was the only thing that was reacting. He pushed his legs together and tried to ignore it, but oh boy was it hard.The water got slightly colder after a while, but that wasn’t the reason why Felix was shaking. He looked around the bathroom trying to distract himself with literally anything, but there was nothing at all in there. The more he tried to get his mind to think about anything else, the louder the moaning got in his head. His blood rushed to his cheeks and to other unspoken parts, having his heart make its biggest effort in a while. Felix breathed deeply, massaged his temples, moved his shoulders backwards, checked his pulse, but what could he do if the moaning and the bed creaking didn't stop?He couldn't leave the bath, that for sure. He'd just have to wait until they finished. And what was he going to do with his... own problem? He prayed that once they were done he too would calm down. Because he was not going to touch it. Felix felt exhausted. Sitting on the back of the house, his back resting on the stone, he still could not believe what happened. And he was so embarrassed. He had no idea how was he going to look at them in the eyes now. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad that he had heard them if it weren't because he had liked it. He could feel himself blushing again. He brought his hands to his warm face and his knees to his chest. At least it didn't hurt anymore. God, he felt so guilty. A part of him also felt dirty. A different part of him was confused. Jisung kissed him, and then he had sex with his boyfriend, knowing that Felix could hear it. What was he trying to tell him?It wasn't like he hadn't expected them to do these things. They were young, they loved each other, they were chased by the everlasting feeling that their lives didn't make any sense and that there was no future and everything was lost. He understood. But still.It was getting dark, and Felix did not know how he should enter the room. He'd have to see them, he'd have to sleep on that bed. Should he pretend nothing had happened, that he didn't know? Should he joke about it? "Haha, that was so funny!" Fuck.He stood up. Taking a dramatic deep breath with his head up, Felix decided to enter the house. The first thing he noticed were the huge wooden boards next to the door, or, technically, the entrance. Maybe Changbin was trying to make up an improvised door to keep the cold away more effectively. Felix walked past them, his steps decided though he was not. Stomping on the stairs, he didn't notice Changbin was going down until he saw him. Felix froze in place when Changbin stopped right in front of him, not letting him continue. He was about to start stuttering something when Changbin spoke."Oh, Lix," Felix felt butterflies on his stomach without knowing why, "I'm going to cover the door during the night, protect the windows and all that shit. Do you mind putting Jisung to bed instead?""M-me?" Felix pointed at himself with his hand as low as his confidence in that moment. Changbin didn't even notice."Yeah, why not?" Changbin said, not waiting for an answer before continuing his way down, not without squeezing Felix's shoulder softly first. Felix stood on the middle of the stairs. Too soon, man. He wasn't as decided as his feet thought he was. He took a shaky deep breath and walked up.He opened the door, not thinking about it more than once, because if he did he would run somewhere else. Jisung was on the bed, laying with his arms spread and his legs in a weird position, as always . He looked up and Felix could see on his face the most calm and content smile. He approached him without saying anything. Moving him to the center of the bed, where he had been sleeping lately, Felix noticed that Jisung had changed his clothes. He was now wearing a t-shirt that wasn't as loose as the other one, and very short shorts. He also noticed something else."You changed the sheets," Felix couldn't help pointing it out."Hygiene," Jisung said, letting Felix take him and move his legs as he pleased. His eyes were looking everywhere, but they focused on Felix's face, "You're blushing."Felix's shoulders went up instinctively. He wouldn't look Jisung in the eyes, but he could feel him inspecting his face."Oh," Jisung said, sudden realization on his voice, "You heard."Felix cleared his throat as he put Jisung's legs together. His hands went up from Jisung's knees, just a little bit up. Jisung took Felix's hands and moved them higher, very slowly. Felix could feel his heart start to shake again as his fingers brushed Jisung's thighs. Jisung stopped mid distance from his knees and his hips."Here," he said, "Here is where my nervous system fully works again."Felix looked at his hands on Jisung's thighs. They were pretty, he found himself thinking. His legs had some marks, some bumps, an unusual color at some parts, but they were still pretty. Felix's heart started to get tired of him and his rushing thoughts. From that point onwards, Jisung could feel everything. Felix took his hands away all of a sudden, and dared looking at Jisung in the eyes. He couldn't read his expression and that bothered him.Felix went around the bed to lay on his side of the mattress, and, to his own surprise, he laid giving his back to Jisung. Some seconds of silence went by, and Felix thought that would be it for the day. He wished it would."Sorry if we made you uncomfortable," Felix heard Jisung's voice from behind him. He didn't want to admit that it hadn't been uncomfortable. He then felt Jisung bring himself closer to him, struggling a little, but managing to put his arms around Felix's waist. Jisung's chest on his back and his face close to his neck, Felix started shaking again, "But, you know..." Jisung's voice was playful, and Felix feared that whatever he would say would break him, "you could've joined us if you wanted."Oh. Fuck.Felix turned around faster than he should have, completely surprising Jisung, who still had a playful smirk on his lips. Jisung got closer again and kissed the corner of Felix's mouth very slowly. The little pecks continued towards his jaw, and then Jisung stopped to giggle."Just joking," he said, his breath tickling Felix's neck, right where he later placed another kiss.
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The sun was rising and the air was fresh. Jisung sat on the ground, breathing deeply with his eyes closed, smile on his lips. He liked it. He took his head back as much as he could, letting the light touch his face. He rested his back on one of the trees, waiting for Felix and Changbin to come. The grass felt soft and there was a small breeze. It wasn't too cold. February was right around the corner, slowly bringing spring with it. It was the perfect day for a road trip.Jisung opened his eyes, blinking slowly to get used to the light. Looking at the house, he wondered if they'd ever come back. He didn't know how he felt about the building. It wasn't home, but he knew where home was, so that was okay.Jisung couldn't help but smile when the two people he loved the most appeared on the entrance, smiling at each other and chatting as if nothing mattered. In that moment nothing did matter. They were together, that was everything.Holding his arms out, Jisung waited for Felix to pick him up bridal style. He liked being carried around, he had to admit that. And he liked it even more if it meant he could kiss his boys. Changbin got the last things they needed in the car. The car's boot was full to its top. They didn't even know they had so much stuff until they started preparing for The Big Trip.The past weeks had been very entertaining, Jisung thought as both of his boys helped him sit and fasten his seat belt in the back seat. Usually, Changbin would take the car and go to near cities and towns, writing down on a piece of paper how far they were and what was in there. He never found people. Then he'd came back and take Felix and Jisung with him, for them to see the towns too, and to pick which things they'd like to take. Jisung loved that.Though the scenery anywhere they went was pretty depressing, with its broken down houses, abandoned vehicles, and sometimes bones forgotten on the ground, seeing the world again made him feel alive. For awhile he thought that he would live the rest of his life in the house. He didn't really believe it, but that was how his heart felt.Changbin started the car and looked first at Felix and then at Jisung with his eyebrows raised and a dumb smile on his face. Jisung was sure that there was something in particular Changbin was looking for. He couldn't stop himself from taking the car almost daily. That persistence was not common in him. There had to be something he wanted. Jisung didn't ask, though. Maybe it was a surprise.The wind, stronger because of the car's speed, came inside the vehicle like a hurricane, shaking their hair and hitting their skin. It was still a little cold outside, but they knew that it would soon be too hot to be out. So they enjoyed the unusual temperature of the Earth while they could."So," Changbin started, raising his voice so he could be heard above the wind entering through his broken door, "Are there any special requests as per where we're going to stay?" he asked, taking out those ugly sunglasses he had found in the car and putting them on."I'm not staying anywhere with you if you keep wearing those uglies," Jisung said, putting his hands on the top of Changbin's seat to touch his neck gently.Changbin laughed out loud, and Jisung could see Felix chuckle."It's fashion," Changbin replied."Ew."Changbin laughed again. Jisung stretched his hand out towards Felix, who held it without hesitation. And so they drove. Their goal was reaching the city, farther away than the rest of villages and towns they had been at. It was kind of scary, if they had to be honest with themselves, to think of the people they could find. Not everyone was a friendly angel of light out there. Not everyone was like Felix, Jisung thought. The road slowly became fancier and the signs along it told them that the city was near, very near. It didn't take long until the first houses and factories and other types of buildings started appearing. The road took various different ways, and to know that they could take whichever they wanted was both exciting and scary. Their lives could completely change if they turned to the right instead of to the left.The scenery was as sad and nostalgic as you'd expect it to be. Not everything was breaking down, some buildings still stood untouched. It was the emptiness, the silence. The cars and buses abandoned along the roads, the signs of past fires visible around, everything made the city look something worse than dead: forgotten.Changbin drove slowly, taking his time to take everything in, and giving the same time to the other two. They knew what they were going to find, but seeing it first person was different. Felix held Jisung's hand tighter, and Jisung gave him a reassuring look. It was okay. They were still together.Jisung paid attention to Felix's stare fixed on the road ahead of them. He thought that he was probably thinking about his friend, the last person he saw before everything happened. Sometimes he'd catch Felix doing that, looking out into the distance without saying anything, and Jisung would know that he was remembering."Oh," Jisung suddenly said, and Changbin stopped the car slowly to look at him. Jisung pointed at the road signs, "There's a park."Changbin smiled."Do you want to go there?""If it's not a bother..." he murmured, looking at the signs that told them where the park, a train station, and a hospital were at.Changbin read the signs too and smiled again."Your desires are never a bother," he cheerfully said, starting the car again and turning to the right. The park was perfect. Felix asked Jisung if he wanted to sit on a bench, but he replied he'd much rather be on the grass. It was not the biggest park Jisung had seen or been at. It was only enough for the patients of the hospital right in front to walk around and clear their minds. That was what Jisung was doing, except for the walk part, of course. Felix helped him sit with his legs spread, resting his back on a tree. The trees there were thinner than the ones on the old house's entrance, and the bark easily fell off when touched. But there was grass, and there were some rebel flowers that dared blooming in the middle of that dead area. Jisung breathed deeply. Felix was taking some stuff out from the car. Changbin approached him and told him something in a voice so low Jisung wasn't able to catch it. Then he walked towards the hospital. Jisung frowned."Where's he going?" he asked Felix, who was bringing him a bed sheet to cover himself and some fruit they had picked up."Medicines, he said we may need them," Felix replied as he sat down and started peeling a pear."And he's going alone?""He asked me to stay with you."Jisung rolled his eyes. Felix laughed and Jisung couldn't help but smile. He took a piece of the fruit that Felix was offering and took a bite. Looking at the hospital, he frowned again."That could be dangerous," Jisung said after swallowing."Yeah..." Felix agreed, cutting another piece for himself with his pocket knife, "The building looks... weak."Jisung crossed his arms and moved uncomfortably. Felix chuckled softly."Okay," he said, handing Jisung the rest of the pear and his knife, "I'm going."He stood up and brushed the dust off the back of his pants. Jisung raised his head, holding his chin up. Felix smiled and gave him a short kiss. Jisung smiled too.A loud crash was heard. The right side of the hospital started crumbling down. The roof fell, then the walls. The glass windows shattered loudly. The air got full of dust. Both Jisung and Felix stood very still, the fear, the shock not letting them move a single muscle. Then Felix ran.Jisung always thought that he hated not being able to walk. But he had never hated it as much as in that moment. As Changbin got out of the building, bleeding and unstable, Jisung damned his legs. And as Changbin fell to the ground, unconscious, not giving Felix time to catch him, Jisung damned himself. He screamed.
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Felix was doing his best. But trying to hold the weight of Changbin’s body and stitch up the wound from his elbow to his shoulder while calming Jisung down and trying not to break down crying all at the same time was a hard task. There was too much blood, Changbin’s arm was too open and he wanted to throw up. He had never gotten anyone stitched up, he could barely get the thread in the needle (and thank god they had those). Jisung crawled to their side, sobbing uncontrollably because Changbin was not responding. As he tried to hold the unconscious boy, Jisung yelled at Felix to be faster. He knew he wasn’t being fair with him, but the panic was taking over. Felix yelled back, telling Jisung that he couldn’t concentrate, tears starting to fall down his face too.They spoke in screams and tears, being only slightly aware of what was actually going on. Maybe it was the adrenaline that made them not notice the man in front of them until he had Changbin on his arms.“What are you doing?! Let him go!” Jisung did his best to yell in between cries.“I’m trying to help,” the man had a calm and stable voice, nothing like how Felix and Jisung were feeling, “Both of you are too emotionally invested in this man to be able to operate properly,” he continued, unbothered, while he placed Changbin on the floor and covered his wound with clean fabric. He stretched his arm out to Felix, who gave him the needle and thread without hesitation, “I also doubt you’re medically trained, no offense.”Not sure of what else they could do, and slowly becoming aware that that man (whoever he was) was actually doing a great job at helping Changbin, Felix and Jisung held onto each other. Sitting on the grass, both of them in weird and uncomfortable positions and stained with blood, Felix hugged Jisung’s shoulders and patted his head, though he wasn’t feeling so great himself. The back of the stranger was wide, and his shoulders moved as he worked, not allowing them to see what was happening. Once the man was seemingly done stitching up Changbin, he sat down and held the still unconscious boy. His arm was bandaged, soaked in blood, and he was overall paler than usual.“I’ve cleaned the wound a little and have done my best to stop the bleeding,” the man explained in a calm and reassuring voice, “but he needs professional help, and I’m afraid I can’t give him that here,” he stood up slowly, letting Felix and Jisung see all of his movements as he raised Changbin’s body, visibly struggling, “it’s not a question nor an offer: I’m going to save this boy’s life whether coming with me was in your plans or not.”“What- Where...?” Felix started but was not able to make a full sentence.“The village for strays,” the man said with a smile, “I’m taking you there.”He started walking and leaving them behind, and that was when they both noticed the truck parked on the other side of the road. They watched him open the door to the cabin and carefully leave Changbin there. Felix tried to compose himself and stood up too. His legs wiggled.The man saw how Felix picked Jisung up and instantly understood.“Should I take him? You shouldn’t take weights right now.”“Th- thank you...”The man smiled, his eyes kindly telling him that everything would be okay. Jisung didn’t say a single word as the man took him in his arms, he just simply held on to his neck for better support.The man delicately left Jisung on the back of the truck, next to some boxes and sacks. Felix climbed over to sit by his side. The man helped them by moving a couple of boxes for them to have more space for themselves. He secured the back door and smiled at them again. They held each other’s hands, knowing they were feeling the same way when looking at him: small but protected.“By the way, I think he was trying to get that, so we should appreciate his efforts," the man pointed towards the hospital, and then Jisung noticed what he had been ignoring: Changbin had taken a wheelchair out of the hospital building.Jisung barely noticed it when the man put the wheelchair next to him. His head hurt and so did everything else. He sobbed again and felt Felix kiss his forehead."Oh!” the stranger said, suddenly remembering he hadn’t introduced himself, “My name’s Woojin, yours?”
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Jisung wasn’t used to that much freedom of movement. He had forgotten what it was like to be able to go to the bathroom if he wanted to. Though a part of him was happy and relieved, enjoying the autonomy that he had long time ago lost, he couldn’t get his head focused on what Woojin was teaching him about his new chair. Changbin hadn’t woken up yet.“You’re lucky, this is a regular user wheelchair,” Woojin was telling him, “hospital wheelchairs are harder to use for daily life. Your friend chose a nice one.”“He’s my boyfriend,” Jisung caught himself saying.Woojin looked up from where he was kneeling. He was checking the wheels to avoid any future inconvenience. He smiled. He had a comforting smile, but Jisung couldn’t get himself to smile back.“That’s great,” Woojin said, going back to the chair. The footrests seemed to be okay too, “I thought you were dating that other Felix kid.”“Yes,” Jisung simply replied.Woojin looked up again and tilted his head then chuckled.“Two boyfriends?”Jisung nodded looking at the floor.Woojin laughed and his laugh was pure and clear in Jisung’s ears.“Lucky one.”“Jisung!”Felix came in running and stopped abruptly upon seeing Woojin on the floor. He knelt too to look at Jisung in the eyes.“Sorry, they wouldn’t let me go,” he panted.“We had to check for wounds,” Woojin said slowly as if he was tired of repeating the same thing. Felix and Jisung ignored him. He didn’t mind.“It’s okay Lix,” Jisung caressed Felix’s cheek. Evening light came in through the window and shone on Felix’s honey eyes. He smiled tenderly.“Have they let you see him...?” Jisung dared asking.Felix shook his head slowly. He cupped Jisung’s hand on his cheek with his own hands.“But they told me he’s okay. He’s recovering,” Felix’s voice was low, as if he was trying to convince himself.“And hi-his arm?” Jisung stuttered, remembering the wound, the blood, the flesh.Felix took a deep breath.“They haven’t told me much...”“But will he be able to move his arm again? Please tell me he will,” Jisung’s voice trembled as the thought of Changbin ending up in the same sadness he was in started to choke him.“Yes,” Woojin intervened, making the couple suddenly remember that he was in the room, “He will have quite a huge scar, that’s for sure, but the nervous system didn’t seem to be damaged so he should move his arm just fine.”“Promise it.”Woojin was taken by surprise by the sudden aggressiveness of Jisung’s voice. He relaxed his body; no matter the news you give about the patient to their loved ones, you must always look confident. Woojin had learnt that in his first years of medicine.“I promise he will move his arm,” he started, voice clear and looking Jisung right in the eyes, “He may experience some pain if he performs extreme movements, but he will live his daily life perfectly normally.”Jisung’s lip trembled and Felix took his hand in his own. Woojin approached him and knelt down to be at his height. He patted Jisung’s head and gave him a comforting smile.In this new world they had been forced to live on, pain was unavoidable. But Woojin had learnt that even if you can’t help but see people around you suffer, you can choose to make the pain a little more bearable. Woojin and the rest of the doctors considered that it would be better for Jisung and Felix to rest a little before seeing Changbin or doing literally anything else. They had barely seen the town, but at the moment they couldn’t care less about it. They insisted that they weren’t tired, but the moment Felix laid Jisung down in bed, laying by his side just later, they instantly fell asleep. The panic had affected their bodies and minds. They slept until late noon, when one of the doctors woke them up and brought them food. They had also not realized how hungry they really were. In the house they had food. Changbin didn’t mind hunting and they cared for a small garden that provided them with just enough veggies. But it wasn’t until they had a full plate in front of them that they realized they had actually been starving.Before the doctor left, Jisung hurriedly asked her if they were allowed to see Changbin now. The woman shook her head with a sad smile.“And just when will we be able to see him?” Jisung asked, defeated.“It’s... complicated,” the woman said, tightening her ponytail, “It will be better for both you and him to rest this one out. He will probably wake up soon, then he’ll say who he wants to see.”“Of course he’ll want to see us!” Felix said, not knowing why he was so offended. The woman was just doing her job.But she didn’t get angry, she smiled.“I don’t doubt that,” she threw a finger gun and then seemed to remember something, “By the way, the Captain wants to see you two. The kiddo said it was very important.”“Who?”“The Captain? He’s the founder of the village, Woojin and him have been... you know, rescuing people, teaching us things... They searched Heaven and Earth for a dentist just so the kid could get his braces off. And they found one!” the doctor laughed, then she got serious “I’m... not supposed to know but...” she checked that there was no one in the hallway and then looked at Felix and Jisung, “We have two very special boys in the village. I don’t know why... I just know the Captain has been treating them very, very well... And he was looking for someone else...” the woman stared at the two boys laying in bed as if they held the answers to all the questions in the world, “Anyway,” she said, seemingly changing topics, “you two have funny hair.”Giving the door frame a last tap, and not saying a single word more, the doctor left as she had came.Felix and Jisung sat back on their bed, both looking at their plates with confused faces. Felix looked up slightly to stare at Jisung, but quickly turned his attention back to his food upon seeing the boy’s focused expression.“Why do you think she said that?” Jisung asked once he was done eating, but not having finished his food.“The very cryptic thing about some random spoiled boys? Yeah no, I have no clue,” Felix laughed it off, but he was feeling strange too.“I mean the hair part,” Jisung said softly, not looking up still, “Why did she mention our hair?”Jisung’s brows furrowed.“Well... I mean it’s true we have funny hair so-”“It’s not that,” Jisung interrupted, “She was trying to imply something. I saw it in her eyes. The way she looked at us.”Jisung sighed and pushed some of his hair down to look at his bright coral-ish orange locks. He looked serious, and Felix guessed by his expression that he had been thinking about this for a long time.“Lix,” he suddenly said, “for how long have you had your hair white?”“I-I...” Felix didn’t really know. He hadn’t noticed until he was out of the cave that his hair had changed, “I assume it was the stress of being in the cave...” he didn’t dare laughing the thing off this time. It was getting serious and he didn’t know if he liked it.“So, since the day everything happened,” Jisung shortened it for him.“Y-yes...”Jisung let go of his hair. Throwing back his head he sighed again, closing his eyes, brows still furrowed.“I think you guessed by now that this hasn’t always been my hair color,” Jisung waited in case Felix wanted to say something, but a reply didn’t come, so he continued, “My dark, very, very dark, almost black, brown hair slowly but surely started turning this color since the day Changbin took me out of the crumbling hospital, threw me in his car, and searched for somewhere safe. And the thing, the thing I’ve always been thinking about...” he opened his eyes and sat straight to look at Felix again, “Maybe I was the one they wanted to kill. The men who broke my legs. When they innocently arrived, they asked our names. I didn’t know why, but Changbin said his name was mine, he said he was Jisung. So I was forced to say that my name was his. I didn’t know why he did that. But after saying “our names” those men dragged me out of the room, and then they tried to kill Changbin, and everything went to hell. And- I’ve been thinking that maybe they wanted to kill me, not him. I don’t know how Changbin knew it but maybe he was protecting me,” Jisung spoke fast and Felix wasn’t fully able to process everything he was saying as it came out of his mouth. But he was sure of something, they were probably in trouble.“And I haven’t told Changbin about this but- I saw something as he was taking me out of the hospital room,” Jisung’s face showed the pain of hiding, but it also showed the determination of wanting to know, “There was a syringe in the floor, by my bed. There were a few drops left of a liquid, maybe a medicine. But the thing is that,” Jisung stopped to take a deep breath, and Felix held out his hand for him. As they held hands, Jisung continued speaking, “I hadn’t gotten any injections. Just pills. I- Why was that in my room, and empty, when I hadn’t needed it? I thought about it as Changbin drove the car and, I don’t know, I got scared. I got so scared I thought the worse. So I- God Felix, I checked my arm when Changbin was too focused cursing at the road to notice, and I had a tiny but quite obvious bruise on my arm, along the veins, you know, where they inject you. And I have gotten injections before, I know what that means. I-”Felix squeezed Jisung’s hand and he let out a sob he had been holding in.“I don’t- I don’t know what any of that means and that’s what scares me the most...”Felix held Jisung as he cried, not saying a single word, just there for him. He didn’t know what to say. He was scared too. Mostly because he had also found a bruise in his arm when he first woke up in the cave.
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Felix and Jisung weren’t sure if they wanted to meet this “Captain” person. They didn’t know much about him, but according to the nurse and her very vague words, that man was looking for someone. They were afraid it’d be them.Woojin guided the way. They walked slowly, not only because Jisung’s wheelchair wasn’t made for the irregular pavement of the village, but also because everyone seemed to adore Woojin. They were stopped by someone wanting to talk to him every five meters. He politely chatted for a minute before explaining that he had other duties at the moment. It didn’t bother Felix and Jisung to walk slowly. That way they could see the village a little bit better.The few houses around them were small and made of wood. The wall that surrounded the village was also a wooden one. They had entered through the biggest door in the wall. It all seemed to still be under construction, but it was a very fast construction. All type of people walked around with boards and hammers, looking busy but not stressed.“Do you think...” Jisung softly asked Felix, who was pushing his wheelchair for him, “Do you think they built all of this in a year and a half? I mean... It’s a lot of work...”“Yeah... I mean, they probably did,” Felix reasoned, crouching over to talk with Jisung without Woojin hearing, “Why would you build an entire village if it’s not to seek refuge?”Jisung nodded once. He was truly amazed. All of these people had gotten together to face the end of the world, and they had constructed this soft, warm environment for themselves.As Woojin said goodbye to a young woman carrying three one meter long boards on each arm, they continued their way to wherever they were going. Felix spotted a truck with a couple iron beams on the back. He was surprised, as he hadn’t seen any iron constructions around the village. By the side of the truck a couple of people drew over a paper on an improvised table. They seemed to argue about construction.“Yeah but the moment he bursts into flames that whole thing will combust!” one of the girls discussing yelled so loud everyone on a ten meter radius heard her. She calmed herself down before going back to the papers, explaining to her peers why the idea was dumb.“Um...” Jisung hummed with a frown on his face, “Will someone burst into flames...?” he asked, voice loud enough for Woojin in front of them to hear.Woojin laughed uncomfortably.“That’s...” he turned around for a second to look at them, “Uh, the Captain will explain. We’re almost there.”Jisung looked up at Felix and was not comforted, seeing how he was just as concerned.They arrived at the biggest and most stable looking building of all. It seemed like an old factory and, judging by the people that entered and came out of it as well as the whole village being under construction, they guessed it still worked as such. They were stopped before coming in by an obstacle: stairs.“What the hell?” Woojin seemed confused but mostly annoyed, staring at those three steps of stairs, “Hey,” he called a man that was passing by, “Where’s the ramp? We asked for one this morning.”The man gasped. As another man walked past, the first one stopped him by grabbing his arm.“Jackson that’s what we were forgetting about,” the first one said, pointing at Jisung and his wheelchair“Wha- OH! Oh my God, right, the ramp.”Woojin face palmed. The two men apologized energetically before promising they’d have it done in an hour.“It’s okay,” Felix told Woojin, seeing how he was ready to apologize too, “I can carry him, it’s just three steps.”Woojin sighed with a soft smile on his face. The men left hurriedly to get the materials they needed to install the ramps on every set of stairs they could find, while Felix carried Jisung and Woojin took the wheelchair upstairs.“We had been planning on making the whole village accessible,” Woojin explained himself as they moved between different separated buildings, “But it hadn’t been, you know, our first priority. There’s so much to do...” he spoke more to himself than to the two other boys.They entered a room that didn’t look any different from the others. It was all the same reddish brown color, the bricks and the wood making up a small environment on their own. The room was separated in two parts by a yellow curtain, and Felix could hear a pen scribbling across the room. He pushed Jisung’s wheelchair following Woojin. He moved the curtain away for them to pass and then put it back in place for privacy; the outer wall was mostly made of glass.There was a young man sitting behind a desk, a desk full of papers with notes and sketches of buildings and rooms. The small yellow sticky notes adorned the wall behind him, partly covered in improvised shelves that held an eclectic variety of books. The man looked gentle, that was the first thing Jisung thought. There was something about his brown curls and his sleeveless shirt that made him look approachable. Jisung recognized a painting of the tower of Babel printed on his shirt. For some reason, he liked that.The man held a finger up asking for them to wait for him to finish writing something down. Felix noticed a ring on his hand. His eyes went directly to Woojin’s hands and he couldn’t stop his heart from fluttering when he saw that same ring in Woojin’s finger. Looking up to his face, the man that had guided them was smiling softly.“Thanks, Woojin,” the Captain said before he was even done writing, “You can go rest.”“But I’m not tired,” Woojin pouted.Both Felix and Jisung were surprised to see how soft Woojin had become in a second. The Captain smiled showing a deep dimple on his face.“Babe...” his smile was caring and compassionate, no one could say no to that smile.“Okay, fine,” Woojin approached the desk with a single step and kissed the man’s forehead, “I’ll see you later,” only Felix could catch the whisper that escaped Woojin’s lips.Giving the two boys a last smile, Woojin left the room, leaving them alone with the so called Captain, whose name they didn’t even know. Felix and Jisung were aware that he had answers to some of their questions. But they weren’t sure if they were ready to know them.“Ah, sorry, could you tell me your names? I don’t remember who was who...” the Captain spoke once Woojin was out of the room.“I’m Jisung.”The Captain wrote it down in a paper with words highlighted in different colors. He chose a brown marker to underline it.“And I’m Felix.”Once again, the Captain underlined Felix’s name, this time with a yellow marker. He carelessly left both markers in a pencil case.“Felix, please, take a seat,” he stood up to grab a chair from a pile in the corner of the room. He was shorter than they had expected, “My name is Chan, by the way.”“That’s nice,” Jisung said as he watched Felix sit by his side, “For a moment I thought you were named Captain for real.”Chan stopped by his desk and sighed.“Who’s calling me that again?” he sounded defeated but a smile escaped his lips.“Literally everyone we’ve talked to.”Chan giggled. Both Felix and Jisung felt comfortable with him. That was surprising. They were ready to hate on everyone who was responsible for them not being able to visit Changbin. But you just could not hate that man.“Okay, so,” Chan finally sat down, “There’s... something that I have to explain to you two....” He spoke slowly, aware of the reaction his words would cause on the boys. They tensed their bodies without even noticing.“I had called Jeongin so he could help me explain, but he hasn’t come yet so I guess I’ll have to do it on my own...”“Is it... Is it about- you know,” Felix didn’t know if he should say it. Maybe Chan knew why he could see in the dark and hear across rooms and all other type of stuff. But maybe he didn’t know anything about that and he was referring to something entirely different. He was scared, mostly of himself.“Yeah, I mean, I guess,” Chan ran a hand through his curls, looking down to the highlighted words in his paper, “I mean, you guys must have noticed you abilities as of now...”“Wait- Us?” Jisung asked, his loud voice not matching how small he was feeling, “Both of us?”Chan sighed with a fatherly smile on his lips.“Yes,” he said slowly, “Both of you. Both of you are special. You are...” he stopped, trying to find the appropriate words, “You are our hope.”
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"You are our hope."Chan went quiet after that. He seemed like he didn't know where to start. He took a long deep breath."This is why I wanted Jeongin to be here..." he sighed, staring at Jisung and Felix and their confused faces, "Let me tell you about the Apocalypse Project.""The what?" Felix said by instinct."The Apocalypse Project. I know," he said, putting his hands forward, "it sounds bad, it sounds as if this whole... destructive episode the Earth is going through was planned. But it's the opposite. There was a group of people who knew this was going to happen," Chan stopped for a moment to clear his thoughts and search for a good way to explain it, "I wasn't in that project initially, I was accidentally involved in it after meeting Jeongin, once all of this had already happened...""Excuse me, but who is this Jeongin person you keep talking about?" Jisung dared asking."Oh, yeah, he's currently one of our citizens. He is also the son of one of the original members of the Apocalypse Project.""You said these people knew what was going to happen," Jisung moved uncomfortably in his chair, "Why didn't they try to stop it?"Chan smirked, putting his elbows on the table and resting his chin on his palms. He had been expecting to be interrogated."They tried. They were working on it. But it came too soon.""What does any of that have to do with us?" Jisung asked, his voice harsh. He was not having any of it."The plan, the original plan," Chan explained patiently, "was recruiting people who would be willing to help and train them. They were supposed to have enough time to do that, but as I said, it all came too soon.">They had to get the serum in someone, fast, there was no-""Wait what?" Jisung interrupted Chan, which didn't seem to surprise him, "Which serum?"Chan looked at Jisung and Felix."I know this is hard to take in but... you two, plus two other young boys, were injected a serum which was being tested."Chan said that knowing fully well that it sounded awful. Jisung and Felix didn't dare to look each other in the eyes."It has been proven to..." Chan continued, taking their silence as permission to keep explaining, "well, the serum gives people special abilities, as I said.">If you're asking yourself why, the answer is simple," Chan traced the names on his paper with his index finger, "Your abilities are supposed to help heal the Earth.">I can understand if you're confused and upset, this is a big responsibility falling on you but..." Chan hurried to say, "Maybe you want to meet the others first?"It didn't escape to Chan's eyes when Jisung reached for Felix's hand, but he didn't mention it."Just-" Jisung started. He closed his eyes and breathed, and didn't open them as he asked: "what type of ability do I have?"There was a subtle laugh in his voice. He felt ridiculous.Chan smiled, but Jisung couldn't see it."You're Earth, and Felix is Light. You'll understand after you meet Water and Fire."
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There was a lake. It wasn't enormous, but it was still quite big and scary. The wooden walls surrounding the town had a small guarded entrance that led to the lake. The air was chill and the sun shone just bright enough to be comfortable. But still, Jisung wasn't feeling great. As he managed his wheelchair through the irregular path, he couldn't stop thinking that things would be easier to deal with if Changbin was there. Felix was usually an amazing emotional support, but he was currently experiencing the same doubts and fears as Jisung, so he didn't blame him for not being fully by his side. They both kept quiet as they approached the shore.Chan greeted the boy sitting by the lake. He was wearing a denim sleeveless top and jeans. His hair was a very saturated and dark tone of red and that made Jisung's stomach twist."Seungmin," Chan said, "this is Jisung, Earth, and Felix, Light."The boy, Seungmin, stood up slowly, keeping an eye on the water. He bowed lightly."I'm... Seungmin, Fire.""Hey," Chan looked around with curiosity on his eyes, "wasn't Hyunjin here with-"Chan was interrupted by a sudden splash of water. Seungmin let out a yelp and hurried to press a button on his watch. At the shore, a boy with light turquoise hair and wearing only shorts was standing up as fast as he could, his entire body soaked."So?" the boy asked, his voice too loud even for outdoors, completely ignoring Felix and Jisung just a couple of meters away from him. He ran to Seungmin's side."Uh," Seungmin covered his eyes from the sun to see his watch, "thirteen minutes and forty one seconds.""Yes!" the boy cheered for himself, grabbing Seungmin's arm with both his hands to squeeze him. Neither of them cared about Seungmin's clothes getting wet. Jisung then noticed that the blue boy was now fully dry.Chan sighed.“Hyunjin, I told you to be careful…”The blue boy turned to Chan, and just then he seemed to notice Jisung and Felix.“I am careful,” he pointed to Seungmin, “I have a lifeguard.”Chan sighed again, this time more dramatically.“Whatever,” he ran a hand through his hair, “introduce yourselves, won’t you? Also, do you happen to know where Jeongin is?”Seungmin whispered something to the other boy’s ear and his eyes shone for a moment. He smirked.“Jeongin is hiding behind that pine tree,” the blue boy pointed mindlessly to a tree near them and ran towards Jisung and Felix, ignoring Chan stomping towards the pine tree.Another boy came out of behind the trees, running in the opposite direction. Chan ran after him.“Hey, I’m Hyunjin,” the blue boy smiled wide at them. He had a beautiful smile, “I’m told we’ve finally found you guys. It’s a pleasure.”“I assume you are… water… Whatever that means…” Jisung talked slowly. Felix laid a hand on his wheelchair. It felt as if he wanted to hide behind him.Hyunjin nodded.“Yes, I’m Water. Don’t worry, you’ll learn about all of this soon…” Hyunjin took a look at Chan, approaching them from the edge of the forest grabbing a younger boy by his arm, “By the way,” Hyunjin continued, “what did you have?”“What…?” Felix started.“I had cystic fibrosis,” Hyunjin smiled and crossed his arms over his bare chest, “and you?”“Um…”“They didn’t have anything important,” a new voice joined the conversation. Chan let go of the boy’s arm, though he stayed behind him to make sure he didn’t run off again, “They joined last minute, it was unplanned and rushed.”“So you’re Jeongin…?” Jisung massaged his temples. All those new people were making him nervous.“Yes I am,” he replied, “I would have liked to observe you further before introducing myself but it has not been possible as Chan says it is rude to analyze people you haven’t met yet.”“Awww, that’s my socially awkward boy!” Hyunjin tried to pinch Jeongin’s cheek, but the latter dodged him.“Anyways,” Jeongin continued, “now that we have been forced to encounter each other…” he side eyed Felix, who took another step behind Jisung, “I assume I am obligated to explain what is your role in the Apocalypse Project.”“That would be awesome, thanks,” Jisung said, eyes closed and forehead resting on his palm.“So basically you have to reverse the damage that centuries of human activity have caused on our planet.”“Excuse me?” was the only thing that could come out of Jisung’s mouth, who didn’t dare open his eyes.“I love when he does the thing, you know,” Hyunjin whispered towards Seungmin, “the thing where he doesn’t consider that the things he knows are scary as hell and dropping them like that is heavily shocking. I love that, it’s so fun.”“It’s actually very simple,” Jeongin said, “Nature is heavily hurt. We need to heal it. Humans were refusing to change their habits and that was our biggest problem, but now that mass-production is over it will be much easier to take care of our planet.”“That’s a quite nice way to say that society as we knew it has broken as so has our home and we’ve had to find other ways to live,” Seungmin’s voice denoted surprise, “It amazes me how you always find a way to be frivolously objectical.”“Thanks.”“Okay so,” Jisung interrupted them. He felt like he was going crazy, “We got some kind of dumb magical powers-”“They’re not dumb nor magical, it’s all science.”“Okay, whatever. And we have to go around fixing what the entirety of the planet has been doing wrong since the beginnings of modern civilization?”“Yes.”
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He opened his eyes right in time to catch the last drops of sunlight coming in through the window. He didn’t know where he was, he didn’t remember what had happened, and he would have been scared to death if it weren’t for Felix and Jisung.They sat in a couch by the side of the bed where he was laying down, Jisung in his usual position with his legs falling straight and his arms to his sides to keep his posture. Felix laid his head on his shoulder while holding on to Jisung’s right arm. They slept peacefully, and that calmed Changbin down, because even if he didn’t know where he was, they were there, they were okay, and they were relaxed enough to fall asleep. That was all he needed to be sure they were safe.The night gave him a nice break.Changbin tried to sit straight to look out the window, try to see where he was. The moment he raised his torso a profound pain went through his chest and over his shoulder, ending on his arm. He had to make his biggest effort not to let out a scream. Laying down again, he observed his arm and started to remember. The hospital, the wheelchair. He looked around the room, raising his head just a little. He smiled upon seeing the wheelchair by the side of the door. It seemed to be in perfect state. He was glad, so glad.He hadn’t thought that the building could collapse. When he saw all those chairs in there, trapped under a column, truth is he didn’t think at all. The only thing that crossed his mind was: “Jisung will be so free with one of those”.He wanted to ask him if he liked it, if it was comfortable to use. He wanted to ask Felix to teach him how to assist Jisung with the chair, because he was sure he had learnt already. He wanted to know what else he could do, how he could help. He wanted to be there for them. But, for now, they rested.The looks on their faces were calm, the soft breeze coming in through the window brushing their hair just lightly. Changbin found himself wishing he could stand up properly just to observe them closely, make sure they were real because at times it was difficult to believe he had gotten so lucky. He had a bandaged arm and piercing pain all over his body but he was still filled with so much joy and happiness. His mind travelled back to some years ago, to the street and the pain, the sadness that wouldn’t leave. The hopelessness was something he hadn’t forgotten, something he couldn’t forget, not when it was marked on his skin forever.But now, in that moment, in that place, he was okay. He wanted to keep being okay. He knew he was going to be even more than okay.With that thought on his mind, he fell asleep again and waited for the morning to arrive.
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That night’s dream wasn’t particularly a nightmare. It started very calmly. Jisung found himself in the house where Changbin and him had lived together for so long. He could walk, and it wasn’t until he spotted Changbin at the door that he noticed he wasn’t supposed to walk. Jisung looked around. The sun shone, but it didn’t do it in that overwhelming way it was normal lately. The wind wasn’t too strong and there were way more flowers along the path that led to the house than Jisung remembered there being. He smiled as he took some slow steps towards the door. It was strange to feel his legs again.Once he was close enough to see Changbin’s smile, his boyfriend walked inside, leaving the untouched door open behind him. Jisung wasn’t sure why he felt his heart shake when he thought of him as his boyfriend. They were dating, weren’t they?Jisung entered and closed the door behind him. His mother passed by with some plates on her hands and walked around the table to turn the TV on. Changbin sat awkwardly in front of Jisung’s father waiting for the food to be served. Jisung looked at his best friend and he looked back at him. Changbin looked down and hid his face.They were now in Jisung’s room. There was a mattress set on the floor for Changbin. He looked at his improvised bed and held his bandaged wrists with his hands, joining his arms.“Thank you for taking me in,” Changbin’s voice reached Jisung, but he couldn’t see his face. He wanted to approach him, hug him, ask him to sleep together that night.Changbin turned around. His eyes were empty.“But did you really think it would be enough for you to fix this?” Changbin spoke but his voice sounded like three different people at once, and as his mouth moved cuts started appearing on his face. He didn’t seem to be in pain, but Jisung could feel them on his skin.The house where Jisung had been raised started to fade quietly until they were both in the forest house again. The floor opened up under them and Jisung wasn’t scared, but he felt stressed because he didn’t know how he was supposed to fix that. He woke up in a quiet room. It took him a couple of seconds to remember where he was. He spotted Changbin on his bed and felt the warmth of Felix’s body by his side. The sun was starting to rise and it was a little bit difficult to see through the filtered light. Jisung tried to stretch his arm to move the curtains but he didn’t want to wake Felix up, so he gave up.With a sigh, he went back to the memory of his dream. It had been long since he had thought about his old home, about his parents. He didn’t know where they were. Changbin and him looked for them before escaping the city, but their neighborhood had been evacuated. He didn’t know if he would see them again. Jisung remembered how he suggested searching for Changbin’s parents too, in case he wanted to see them again. He remembered thinking that maybe the end of the world would make Changbin’s parents change their mind about their son. Maybe they regretted kicking him out of their house now.Changbin hadn’t wanted to look for them and Jisung hadn’t pushed the matter further.He took a deep breath. All of that was the past. Changbin’s parents were the past. What they had gone though was the past. But the present didn’t look very promising either.“Am I doing enough…?” Jisung whispered with his eyes closed. He felt the tears piling up and could already guess that his mind was going to start playing tricks on him again.“Oh, love, stop pushing yourself…”Jisung’s body reacted before his mind did. That was Changbin’s voice and he wasn’t hearing voices yet. He opened his eyes and leaned forward. Changbin was awake. He smiled and opened his eyes slightly. He remained in the same position he had been in since the surgery, he probably couldn’t move well yet. Jisung cried.“I would give you my hand to hold but…” Changbin chuckled, “I might faint if I try to move.”“D-don’t move, love, it’s okay,” Jisung knew he was crying and he didn’t want to worry Changbin but he couldn’t help it.Changbin blinked very slowly. He seemed tired but there was a smile on his lips.“I’m so glad you two are okay…” Changbin closed his eyes.Jisung thought he would have to explain to him what they had learnt about themselves, but not now, not yet. Changbin opened his eyes again and he seemed to attempt to frown.“Is everything okay…?” his voice was soft and raspy as ever. Jisung didn’t want to lie to him.“We have to update you on a bunch of stuff…” Jisung chuckled as he dried his tears. He heard Felix mumble something and guessed he was waking up.“Right… Where exactly are we?”Jisung smiled softly.“A village for strays.” Jisung explained to Changbin how he had fainted in front of the hospital and Woojin, coming out of nowhere, had rescued them. He explained that they had put Changbin through a short surgery to fix his arm. Felix, still half asleep, just nodded and hummed along as Jisung spoke. They both skipped the part where they were Earth’s last hope and had innatural abilities.One of the doctors checked Changbin’s condition and introduced herself as “the person you have to thank for for your mobility”. Changbin mumbled a small ‘thank you’ as she helped him sit straight to feed him.“Oh, and by the way,” the doctor turned to Felix and Jisung, “the captain wants to see you.”“Again?” Felix’s voice sounded tired. He liked Chan as a person but him wanting to see them couldn’t mean anything good. He really wanted to rest for a little more. With Changbin.The doctor shrugged.“You got responsibilities now.”Changbin frowned at that, but he didn’t ask anything.With a sigh, Felix brought Jisung’s wheelchair closer and helped him get on it. Jisung spun his wheels towards Changbin and gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaving. Changbin smiled like he knew they were hiding something.“We will have to tell him at some point,” Jisung stated once they were alone in the corridor, him trying to get used to managing the wheelchair on his own.“I know,” Felix replied, “But I really don’t want to worry him.”“Yeah,” Jisung said back. The people at the village were very effective: all buildings had now their appropriate ramps to make them easily accessible for Jisung. He felt kind of bad, having forced them to stop their duties just to give him some commodities. He then thought that Changbin would yell at him that it wasn’t his fault to be in that condition and he shouldn’t feel guilty for having a necessity others didn’t. He would tell him that he wasn’t the only one to need a different attention sometimes. Jisung smiled at the thought of Changbin angrily supporting him.They arrived at Chan's office-room-thing very fast, as they were not really interested in talking to anyone or even making eye contact with the people passing by.Just as they were about to put the curtain that served as door aside and enter, the loud sound of people arguing startled them. Felix took a step back.“I’m not going to let you put yourself in danger!”“I will be safer if you let me…!”“Woojin!” Chan’s anger shook his voice, “It’s final. Leave!”Felix hurried to drag Jisung’s chair to the side of the door. They kept as quiet as they could as Woojin exited the room without looking back. He didn’t even notice them in there.Jisung looked up to Felix. He knew they were both wondering why Woojin and Chan had fought. But maybe that was between the two of them.Though they felt quite silly doing that, Jisung and Felix waited outside for a couple of minutes so that Chan wouldn’t know they had heard them argue. Once the timing seemed appropriate, they took a deep breath and made their way inside the room. Felix moved the curtain for Jisung to pass easily as they both said hello.Chan smiled at them as if nothing had happened.“Oh, I’m glad you guys came,” he sat back on his chair, “I’ve been told your partner is recovering well?”“Yes,” Jisung said with a smile, “Thanks to you guys. We are really thankful.”Chan smiled, looking down to his hands. He played with his ring.“We have some really great doctors,” he let out a small sigh before continuing, “I’m glad we’ve been able to help. You’re probably wondering why I called you here again, though.”“Well, yeah.”“Well,” Chan made an attempt to stand up but seemed to end up deciding to remain seated. He looked around the room searching for the words to say, “There’s been an unexpected turn of events…”“That doesn’t sound good,” Felix let out.Chan laughed.“Oh no, it actually is good,” he rushed to explain, “Jeongin got so excited by the fact that we finally found you guys, making the team as complete as it gets, that he spent all evening and night working on some…” he gestured with his hands like he was holding a tablet or a phone, “Well I don’t know what that thing is, honestly,” Chan admitted, “But apparently the adrenaline rush helped him finish it and he has detected something he had been looking for for a long time.”“Basically, there’s one more serum that the Apocalypse Project didn’t have time to use on someone, and it’s crucial to have that one, because it serves the Air,” Chan tried to explain as simply as he could, “Jeongin was desperate to find it because the other members of the project are probably also searching for it, and if they get it… bad news.”“And he knows where it is now?” Jisung asked.“Yeah, all the serums are trackable,” Chan said, and then he rushed to add, “But you’re safe here, we installed signal blockers on this building’s roof so they can’t find you.”“Nice to know that,” Jisung mumbled, looking at his legs. Now that he thought about it, the two men that wanted to kill him were probably part of the Apocalypse Project. He didn’t know how to feel about that.“But anyways,” Chan continued, “Now that we know where it is, we have to send people to the cave to bring it-”“Cave?” Felix couldn’t stop himself from saying, “Which cave?”“I’m not sure… Jeongin didn’t want to tell me more about it. Not surprising, he keeps a lot of secrets,” Chan shrugged.Jisung looked back at Felix. He had spent the first year of the end of the world trapped in a cave. Did he think it was the same one?“So while our team is on their expedition, you two will start your training as soon as you can. Hyunjin and Seungmin are already pretty good at using their abilities, some control problems but at least they are aware of what they can do. You two will have to work on discovering what your abilities are, how you can control them and, more importantly,” Chan looked first at Felix and then at Jisung, “what are your limits.”