Work Text
1. In which Taehyung falls in love
Taehyung is seventeen when he falls in love for the first and last time.He didn’t really have a chance or a choice – the moment he sees Jungkook, with his huge eyes and sweet voice too big for his slight frame, his heart is forfeit, though he doesn’t know it at the time. All he knows is, I want to see him again.And he will, because as he learns later that day, they’ve been tapped for the same boy group project and will be sharing dorms, studios, practices, and lives for the foreseeable future.Taehyung submerges himself in Jungkook and doesn’t both to come up for air. And for some reason, Jungkook allows him in. They’re joined at the hip, even more touchy and affectionate than the rest of the group. They like the same games, anime, and music. Jungkook never seems to get tired of him, like everyone else does at some point, even Jimin. Taehyung always wants to be around him, even though they’re together all the time.But Taehyung doesn’t recognize what he’s feeling until they’re playing Truth or Dare one night on the kitchen floor. Seokjin keeps coming up with team bonding activities for them to do, and they all go along with it because they aren’t familiar enough yet to challenge their hyung.“Jungkookie! Truth or dare?” Hoseok asks, already red in the face from the soju Seokjin had procured for them.“Hmm…truth,” Jungkook says. He almost always goes for dare. Taehyung leans on Jungkook’s shoulder and waits for the question.Hoseok goes for the classic. “Who was your first kiss?”Taehyung is half expecting Jungkook to say he’s never kissed anyone – he’s practically a baby still (even if he’s only two years younger) and seems totally uninterested in girls so far – but Jungkook blushes a little and says, “Um, it was a girl in my class. When I was thirteen.”While everyone else coos, “Jungkookie!” and clamors for more details, Taehyung stays silent, trying to figure out why that sentence sits weirdly in his stomach. So he hadn’t known that Jungkook had already had his first kiss, but it isn’t that weird, is it? Jungkook is cute, shy but kind. Tons of boys have even had girlfriends by that age.He should remember that Jungkook is a red-blooded teenager, not just a cute puppy that he dotes on. He has no right to feel – what is it that he’s feeling?Jealous?+
2. In which Jungkook gets himself a girlfriend
Although they all talk about girls a lot (Hoseok and Namjoon especially), they’re too busy to do anything about it between school and practice and lessons. So Taehyung does his best not to think about what he’d started to realize during that game of Truth or Dare and assumes it’ll be fine.Until Jungkook comes home from school one day and admits that a girl in his class had asked him out and he hadn’t said no.“Good for you,” Namjoon tells him. “There’s no rule against dating as trainees. Just be careful, alright?”There are a couple of questions – what does she look like, how did she ask you, are you going to take her out on a date, etc. Usually Taehyung would be one of the most curious, but he can’t bring himself to pretend that he wants to know anything more about this situation than he already does. He finishes eating as fast as he can and escapes to the kitchen to start on dishes, even though it’s Yoongi’s turn and they’ve already moved onto another topic.Later that night, Taehyung is woken out of a sound sleep by someone squeezing themselves into his tiny twin bunkbed with him and digging their elbow into his ribs. Somehow – maybe the dim outline in the dark, or the smell of his soap – Taehyung knows it’s Jungkook. He groans in protest but scoots over to accommodate him.“Hyung?” Jungkook whispers.“Mm.”There’s a rustle as Jungkook shifts so they’re facing each other. “Are you mad at me?”“Why would I be mad?” Taehyung asks, genuinely puzzled.“I don’t know. Just, at dinner earlier, you seemed… you left really quickly,” Jungkook mumbles. “When I was talking about –”“Oh,” Taehyung interrupts. He’s glad that it’s dark enough that Jungkook can’t see his face. “No, of course not! I was just…tired. I’m happy for you, Kookie. Really. Why would I be mad about that?” His laugh sounds pretty natural, he thinks.“Yoongi-hyung isn’t happy about it,” Jungkook says glumly. “He thinks I’m going to get distracted.”“He’s just saying that because he doesn’t have a girlfriend,” Taehyung says. Then, more seriously, “I trust you. I know you wouldn’t let yourself get distracted. Namjoon-hyung knows that too.”“Yeah, I guess,” Jungkook says. “It’s a good thing I’m not that into her.”Taehyung ignores the spark of joy that ignites in his chest. “That’s fine, you’re in middle school. It doesn’t have to be that serious. When we’re idols we won’t be able to date anyway.”“Mm,” Jungkook says. He seems to drift off after that, and Taehyung follows him into sleep.Jungkook goes on one “date” with the girl before it fizzles out because he’s too busy preparing for their debut. Taehyung tries not to feel happy about that.+
3. In which Jungkook has a crush
For all that they sing and rap about girls, they have very little practical experience combined between the seven of them, and none recently. So it doesn’t come up that often in everyday conversation.Until they’re prepping for Weekly Idol, and one of the questions is, “Name a female artist/group you’d like to get closer to.”Taehyung doesn’t think about it too hard before putting down SNSD. Everyone loves SNSD, and they were the first album he bought with his own money way back when he was a kid in Daegu with no aspirations to be an idol himself.Jungkook seems to be having a hard time thinking of an answer. He watches plenty of girl group MVs, so Taehyung has no idea why.“Put IU down, I know you want to,” Jimin teases, and Jungkook flushes but does it.“Oh, is that why you watch her videos all the time?” Hoseok calls. “Yah, our Jungkookie’s growing up.”“It’s not like that!” Jungkook protests, but the blush across his cheeks says otherwise.Huh. Taehyung had noticed him watching some IU videos, but he’d never thought it was because Jungkook had a crush on her. It makes sense, though. Isn’t that why a lot of people watch their favorite idols?“You know she’s dating Jang Kiha, right?” he asks, too sharply.Jungkook gives him a weird look. “I know, hyung. What does that have to do with anything?”It comes up a few other times in various interviews, and Jungkook says IU every time. Taehyung can’t blame him – she is very pretty, and very talented.It’s helpful for him, too. To hear that Jungkook likes girls, likes one girl in particular – it’s a good reminder to him not to overthink things and overstep his boundaries.It’s just – sometimes when Jungkook looks at him with so much open affection in his eyes, or lets Taehyung hang all over him even when he’s tired, or chooses Taehyung first time and time again – sometimes Taehyung gets confused. Sometimes he starts to think, what if I held his hand for real, or what if I kissed him, or what if I said I love you and really meant it like that. It’s helpful to remind himself that Jungkook isn’t like that. Jungkook likes IU. Jungkook likes girls.Maybe someday it won’t ache every time he makes himself think about it.+
4. In which BTS dating is Schrodinger’s cat
Taehyung likes America, for the most part. He likes the fans, the arenas, the cities. He likes the talk shows and interviews, even if trying to express himself in English makes his palms sweat.One other thing he doesn’t like about the interviews is the obsession with romance. It seems like they can’t get through one without some question about it – “Who’s your celebrity crush?” “Do you have time to date?” “Who’s going to get married first?”Namjoon does a good job of deflecting the dating questions, for the most part. Korean talk shows would never ask that question in the first place, but American celebrity culture is different. It’d be weird if all of them said no. So Namjoon does his best to skirt around the issue without giving a definite answer either way. Taehyung doesn’t envy him that job.It comes up again during the Ellen interview, and Namjoon stumbles uncharacteristically before recovering and coming up with a charming deflection that makes everyone chuckle. Backstage after they’re done, he says, “Wow, I nearly had a heart attack when she asked me that.”“Why? Everyone asks that,” Seokjin says.“I thought…” Namjoon laughs. “I misunderstood the question at first. She said, ‘Are any of you dating,’ like, ‘Do you any of you have a girlfriend,’ but for some reason the first thing I thought of was ‘Are any of you dating each other.’”“Yeah, I really don’t think any interviewer is going to ask us that,” Hoseok says dryly.“Hey, I got confused for a second, alright? You try translating all day…”Taehyung has to swallow down a heavy lump in his throat at how easily everyone dismisses the mere possibility that any of them could date each other. Of course they’re right, it’s ridiculous. They’re brothers and coworkers. They like girls (or will be allowed to, once they’re no longer idols). There’s something wrong with Taehyung, something ugly and covetous and twisted inside him. He doesn’t know why he’s like this, but he would give a lot not to be.Jungkook looks at him with a concerned expression. Taehyung smooths his face with effort, biting his lip hard enough to taste iron. The last thing he needs is Jungkook figuring it out. He’ll deal with his own issues.+
5. In which Taehyung fails to get a clue
All the members have different, albeit overlapping, tastes in music. It’s caused more than a few arguments when it comes to creative direction for their albums, but they’ve found ways to compromise. Taehyung and Jungkook happen to like a lot of the same music, so they started a playlist between the two of them to share songs with each other. They didn’t intentionally exclude the other members at first, but now it’s become something of a running gag that no one else is allowed to see the playlist. Anything that annoys Jimin is a bonus in Taehyung’s book.Jungkook chooses a lot of his covers from that playlist, and Taehyung would never tell anyone this but he has his own private playlist made up of just Jungkook’s covers. He tries not to listen to it too often, only once in a while when he’s alone in his room and with headphones on, for obvious reasons. It isn’t all about his feelings, even – Jungkook’s voice really is his favorite in the world.Taehyung is hanging around at the studio late one night, messing around with a half-completed melody, when Jungkook pokes his head in. “How’s it going?”“Ugh,” Taehyung says eloquently, latching onto the distraction. He’s always happy to see Jungkook anyway. “What are you working on?”“A cover. I just finished, wanna listen?” Jungkook looks nervous, for some reason.“Sure, why not? Not like I’m getting anything done anyway.” Taehyung puts his notebook down and follows Jungkook back to his studio.Jungkook pulls up the track and clicks play. Taehyung recognizes it immediately, they’ve been listening to the song so much recently – it’s a stripped-down version of “Only Then.” Jungkook’s voice is so clear and delicate, Taehyung listens as if in a trance, barely noticing how Jungkook’s staring fixedly at him. The little hitch in Jungkook’s voice at the end nearly breaks him.“It’s so good, Jungkookie,” he says, when the last note fades away. “Better than the original, in my humble opinion.” He wants to say more, but some unspeakable emotion is clogging his throat.“Don’t say that,” Jungkook deflects bashfully. “I’m glad you like it, though.”“Of course I do. I love listening to you sing, you know that.” Taehyung makes himself ask, “What were you thinking about, at the end there?” Who is Jungkook in love with that he hasn’t told Taehyung about? “Does our Jungkookie have a crush?” he coos.“No, of course not,” Jungkook dismisses, and Taehyung would have believed him if not for the way he doesn’t meet Taehyung’s eyes.“Come on, you can tell hyung,” Taehyung wheedles. He doesn’t know why he’s pushing the issue when he doesn’t really want to hear the answer, but maybe he needs to hear it. And some other part of him is irrationally hurt that Jungkook is keeping secrets from him, that Taehyung’s no longer the first person he tells everything to. “Is she an idol? It isn’t IU, is it?” Jungkook hasn’t mentioned her in months.“No, it isn’t IU. That was a long time ago.”“Okay. But she is an idol,” Taehyung guesses. “Give me a hint at least.”“Just let it go, please,” Jungkook begs.“Have I met her?”Jungkook hesitates a beat too long before saying, “No.”“You’re really bad at lying,” Taehyung informs him. “Someone we’ve met…” He tries to think back over all the girl groups and idols they’ve met at award shows and events this year. There are a lot of options. He hadn’t noticed Jungkook taking a special interest in any of them. His heart clenches in his chest. “Does she know how you feel?”Jungkook snorts. “No. Definitely not.”“You should tell her! I’m sure no one would turn you down.” Taehyung admits he may be a little biased there, but objectively speaking Jungkook’s a catch.“That’s not true. And anyway, we’re too busy –”“Ah, people get around that all the time. And if she’s an idol too, I’m sure she understands.”“Why are you so invested in this?” Jungkook asks warily.Good question. Because he’s a masochist, probably. “I just want you to be happy, of course. Life’s too short to not tell people you love them.” Taehyung’s a huge hypocrite. As long as there’s a chance that they love you back, he appends mentally.Something in Jungkook’s gaze changes at those words. “You really think I should tell them, huh.”“Yeah. I mean, you’ll never know if you don’t try, right?” Taehyung smiles as encouragingly as he can and holds eye contact through sheer force of will.“Okay,” Jungkook says abruptly, standing. “I’ll do it. Tomorrow.”“Oh.” Somehow Taehyung hadn’t expected Jungkook to actually go for it, but of course he’s a man of action and once he comes to a decision, he carries it out. “Okay. Let me know how it goes!”Taehyung makes his way back to his own studio in somewhat of a daze and collapses facedown on the sofa. This doesn’t change anything, he reminds himself. Jungkook was never an option. This was going to happen someday, sooner or later. It’s his own fault for getting himself involved and forcing the issue. It doesn’t get rid of the cold hollow feeling inside his chest.Maybe this is what he needs, to finally get over Jungkook.He really isn’t in any mood to work on lyrics after that, so he packs up and goes home.When he checks his phone before going to sleep, he has a text from Jungkook. Did you leave already? Usually they would check with each other first, maybe share a ride home.Yeah, sorry. I was tired, he sends back. He really is exhausted. He doesn’t bother washing up, just changes into pajamas and falls into bed.He doesn’t want to think about tomorrow.+
+1. In which Taehyung and Jungkook learn to communicate
Usually Taehyung can sleep anytime, anywhere, but he has a restless night, waking up what seems like every hour. He finally gives up around six in the morning and just lies in bed, staring at the sunrise and thinking, Jungkook is going to tell this girl he loves her today.Jungkook is one of the most careful, conscientious, and loyal people Taehyung knows. If he’s planning on confessing to this girl, despite the challenges of dating in their line of work, he must really love her. And he must think there’s a good chance she likes him too.They’ll probably start dating secretly at first. Maybe in a few years, after BTS ends and Jungkook starts his solo career, they’ll go public. Jungkook always seemed like he wanted to get married young, like his parents did. Maybe they’ll have kids young too. Taehyung is getting way ahead of himself here.But what he does know is… he and Jungkook will slowly drift apart, once BTS is over. He likes to think they’ll still be friends, maybe they’ll see each other at industry events and reunions every once in a while, but it won’t be the same as living and working together every day. Maybe Taehyung will still be a bachelor – maybe he’ll find a girl who he loves enough and they’ll make a family.Just thinking about it is making his heart ache. He tries to breathe deeply and turns his face into his pillow to blot away the tears.He eventually gets himself under control, though still feeling fragile and ready to shatter at a touch. He needs to get used to it. He needs to be less dependent on Jungkook for everything.It’s only eight; no one else is awake yet, probably. Definitely not Jungkook, who sleeps the latest of them all. He washes up, fixes himself a plate of toast, and heads over to the studio. He thinks he knows how the rest of that song goes now.The words seem to pour from pen to paper – he can’t write fast enough to keep up with his thoughts. He has a pile of raw lyrics by lunchtime, still needing to be arranged and polished.He’s in the middle of stretching and contemplating what he wants for lunch when there’s a knock on the door. Jungkook opens it before Taehyung can tell him to come in.“Hey. Did you eat lunch yet?” Jungkook holds up a bulging plastic bag.“No, I was just going to order.” Jungkook takes that as an invitation to enter, setting his backpack on the couch and the food on the table. “What did you get?”“Jjajangmyeon.” Jungkook sets out the containers and utensils. “I picked it up on the way here and thought you might be hungry.”Jungkook is going to be such an amazing boyfriend. Taehyung can only hope that this girl is good enough for him.They eat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Jungkook asks, “How’s the song going?” Taehyung’s complained to him a lot about the writer’s block he’s been dealing with, though he hasn’t showed him the lyrics, the subject matter being what it is. Of course, if the song does get approved by Bang PD, Jungkook will see them, but he’ll cross that bridge if it comes to it.“Good, actually. I got a rough outline done this morning.”“That’s great!” Jungkook sounds genuinely pleased for him. “Can I see it?”“Not yet, it’s not ready.” Taehyung isn’t sure if he’ll ever be ready for Jungkook to see it, actually. Maybe he shouldn’t put it forward for the album. He feels laid bare, like his insides are on display. But Jungkook probably won’t even figure it out. There’s no reason for him to think that Taehyung likes boys (likes him).Jungkook does seem unusually jumpy today – probably worrying about his confession to come. Taehyung is tempted to ask about it, but he also doesn’t really want to know. Then again, a good friend would let Jungkook talk about it if he needed to.“What’s up with you?” he asks, leaving it open-ended.“Remember what we were talking about yesterday?” Jungkook says.Of course he wants to talk about it. “Of course. Are you worried about that? I’m sure –”“Well, I wasn’t completely telling the truth. When I told you about it.”“Okay…” Taehyung has no idea where this is going. “She isn’t an idol?”“No, no. That’s not it. I…” Jungkook falls silent and twists his fingers together. Taehyung reaches out to hold his hands still.“Jungkook-ah, don’t worry about it. It’s none of my business anyway, I’m not going to be mad.”“But it kinda is,” Jungkook blurts out. “Look, what I lied about… it’s not a she, it’s a he.”“Oh.” Taehyung’s brain is blank with shock, but he scrambles to reassure Jungkook. “Okay, that’s a little more complicated, but you have to know it doesn’t matter to me, right? You’re my best friend either way.”“And the other thing… well, it wasn’t exactly a lie, but…” Jungkook closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “You don’t just know him. It’s you.”“I… what?”“It’s you,” Jungkook repeats. “I’m in love with you.”Taehyung cannot for the life of him come up with anything to say to that.“Say something,” Jungkook pleads.“I’ve loved you for five years,” Taehyung says.“Five years?” Jungkook echoes.“Since the day I met you,” Taehyung confirms, holding Jungkook’s hands more firmly. “You better not be messing with me.”“I’m not,” Jungkook whispers, leaning in closer. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”“I was sure you were straight! And I didn’t want to mess up…” He waves his hand between them to encompass the many things they are to each other.“Well, it’s a good thing I said something then.” Jungkook narrows his eyes. “I can’t believe you told me I should confess when you weren’t going to.”“I said ‘if you had a chance,’” Taehyung defends. “I didn’t think I had a chance. I thought you liked girls!”“I like both, but right now I only like you,” Jungkook says.“That’s so cheesy but I like it.”“Good, because there’s a lot more where that came from.” There’s a huge dopey smile on Jungkook’s face, and Taehyung is sure his expression is the same. “Five years. I can’t believe we wasted all that time…”“It wasn’t wasted. Everything happens when it’s meant to happen.”“I guess. Now who’s being sappy?”“Me. But you like it, don’t you?”“I love you.”“Love you too.”