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The night had fallen on DS9.
Actually, the night was always there; it was the colour of space, dark and boundless, the light of distant stars. The light in Jadzia’s eyes.Everyone admired her, like those stars but nobody was able to reach her, nobody owned her. As the stars, she was free, endless, ethereal and elusive.She only belonged to the sky and none else.On the other side of the bar, a Ferengi watched her, pretending to be too busy, distracted by his job to pay attention to her.For him, the night had no meaning; anything that could not be sold had no meaning.He didn’t shine, he radiated darkness, he was as dark as the night but not that beautiful.She was the star. He was the black hole.They were different but so similar under the same sky.“I’m closing.” His rough voice woke her up from her daydream.“Yes, I’m leaving.” Taken aback, she turned, her expression amazed.She was the star but he was not going to steal her light.She was priceless, more precious than gold but he kept it as a secret.Quark snorted, tired and bored, but not angry. Maybe he felt a little lonely, just like her.
Who wasn’t alone in this world?
“Ah, I’m not kicking you out of here.” He rolled his eyes, sitting next to her.“Thank you, Quark.” She showed a smile and then returned to observe the boundless space.
He did it too. Silently.Together they observed again and again how…
The night kept falling on DS9.
On their souls, hearts, on the tenebrous future that awaited them.
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In common, they had nothing or maybe more than they thought.They both cared about the security of the station more than anything else, but their similarity went further. It was not a mere supposition, even though they were not sentimentalist men and so they would never have admitted that they were bound by a very similar fate.Their mistrust made them doubting everyone but they never doubted themselves and their capacity. The honour pulsed in their blood, but also the strength of honesty, justice and the courage to keep fighting even when other people, strangers or even relatives, denigrated them, their loyalty and natural rectitude. Or their life choice. Defining them as traitors, weak or even crazy.
Things were more complicated than how they appeared.
Worf sipped his delicious plum juice, while he kept observing in front of him the man he considered an ally but also a rival not only because he did the job for which Worf was built, or so he believed; the work that had been taken from him but this was not the truth. No one had stolen anything from anyone but Worf still was so arrogant to believe he was the only one able to perform that job. To be the only worthy security’s officer, the only one able to protect the station. It was not like that anymore. Things changed and this place was not the Enterprise.
Once again, things were more complicated than how they appeared.
Odo did not doubt his methods but he doubted the man he was facing.The changeling scrutinized him, keeping his arms crossed, from the height of his pedantic honesty, but he was unable to comprehend the Klingon soul. A form he had never experimented, perhaps he could try to imitate a Klingon warrior.What kind of experience would it have been? Maybe then Odo would have understand more his colleague, or maybe not. Because Worf was not an ordinary Klingon, he was a renegade, an outsider. Worf grew up with humans, and Odo with solids.Odo was not an ordinary changeling because he also was renegade, an outsider. Just like Worf.
Maybe things were not as complicated as they appeared.
Odo looked away, watching Quark counting his earnings, enjoying the rare silence of the bar, while his mind wandered in thoughts that Odo did not want to explore because he was realizing he was not so different from the rebel Klingon named Worf.The wary nature of both was the thing that made them similar but distant.No word between them, only hostile looks, full of meaning or maybe it was their natural way of looking at the world. They did not hate each other, they were colleagues after all, perhaps, actually, they esteemed each other but they were too proud to admit it.A warrior like Worf could not appear sentimental, because surrendering to the emotions was unbecoming, so he hid the truth behind his stubborn and cold glances. While Odo was too suspicious to lower his guard, too cautious and observer to allow himself a break, and he could not allow his ice-heart to melt.
They were so similar but so different.
The same glance.
The same coldness.
The same passion, loyalty and courage but the same mistrust, fear and resentment.
Resentment towards the people who abandoned them, who did not accept their diversity, the path they had decided to follow was the one of the stranger, of the enemy. Then they were discriminated by their own people, the people who would accept them only on one condition, the condition to deny their principles, their honesty and their troubled past. Even themselves.The path Worf and Odo had chosen was the path of solitude but it was also the path of honour and justice. It was the most important one, it was not worth any compromise, and none of their brothers could offer them an alternative, because they would have obtained the acceptation they deserved only by themselves.Since then, they decided to work together, for the same honourable cause, accepting the contradictions that made them so similar.
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Odo did not know the women’s heart.He didn’t even know his own heart.However, Odo was curious to know the heart of that woman.She was an enchanting and strong woman. There was something special in her, that he could not understand.Emotions were her greatest strength. Love was her hope but also her greatest weakness.Odo did not comprehend the nature of Lwaxana Troi, an extravagant, cheerful and emotional woman.She was so different from him, his opposite. Perhaps she was the only person who could really understand Odo. The only one able to give him a sincere and warm affection.Odo felt guilty because he could not return that love. Her love.Even if they were just married, they were husband and wife, but not for so long. It was not a real marriage anyway.They would have been married until she would have her baby and then they would be just friends again.Only friends.Because Odo’s heart already belonged to someone else, to a woman who did not return his feelings, who wasn’t aware of his heart.Odo could not lie to himself, especially not to Lwaxana. Odo wanted to love Lwaxana, to give to her what she desired, but he couldn’t because he was not able to do it. He was different. He was not a solid.Odo could not live like them or feel like them. He didn’t even feel to belong to this place. He was not a part of it, could not be part of
Lwaxana’s world.Maybe Odo was unable to love. Lwaxana deserved a love pure and true, a love he could not give her. He knew she deserved better than that.She was still a humanoid woman, not like him. A stranger to carnal love, passions or desires.“What are you thinking, dear?” Lwaxana asked, smiling softly. A sincere smile that donated to Odo serenity and inner peace. For a moment, he forgot his worries.“Nothing special, I didn’t imagine our plan could work. Now we are husband and wife. Another humanoid experience to put in my collection.” Odo said sarcastically.“Oh, Odo, my dearest. You have nothing to be worried. It’s thanks to you that I can keep my baby. Only thanks to you and I will be grateful to you for the rest of my life.” she caressed his face, and then rested her head on Odo’s chest, almost fell asleep.Lwaxana was safe, her baby was safe and she finally found her peace of mind. A new future, a new dawn, she was no more chained inside the cage that somebody else built for her, forcing her to accept rules she didn’t understand. No woman would have ever accepted it because no woman would be glad to abandon her baby. Now she was glad, because she could finally breathe serene and free.She even accepted the ugly truth, that Odo would have never returned her love feelings but he already gave a lot to her, Odo could not even imagine.She knew what Odo was thinking about, there was no need to read his mind or use her empathic power because she already knew the heart of the changeling and had already resigned herself to the idea that there was no space for her in his heart.Lwaxana would be satisfied to love him from afar, be close to him as a dear friend and it would be enough. Now she was no longer alone because she had her child and would give him all the love of the universe. The love Odo could not donate to her, the love she kept inside and was endless like space and time.Then Odo caressed her head, a smile appeared on his face, a sweet sour smile because he knew. He knew what he was going to lose and he would have never found anyone else like Lwaxana Troi.
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Come on and lay with me
Come on and lie to me
Tell me you love me
Say I’m the only one
Ziyal and Garak were laying together in the Cardassian sauna.It was not a real sauna of their home planet because they were in the holodeck and this was just a program. It was fake yet pleasant; it was the only way for them to escape from the harsh reality of the station. For a moment, they could pretend to be at home. As if both already didn’t lie to themselves enough. At least she did it.She often thought about her condition and all the unfair circumstances that brought her here. She didn’t know if she deserved it, but she had to accept her fate anyhow, she had no other choice yet to accept her ungrateful destiny.Ziyal was just an outsider, she still didn’t know how to define herself, but she didn’t belong to anywhere. Sometimes, Ziyal didn’t feel like a Cardassian but neither a Bejorian. Because Ziyal was just a hybrid that none of the two factions was able to accept.At first, Ziyal believed that she could represent a hope, like a flag that could unite the Cardassians and the Bajorans. She could be the beginning of a change or even a role model for the future. A future of peace, without war, but perhaps it was just an illusion. A delicious lie that she told to herself.Ziyal, a girl who had never told a single lie to anyone, was only lying to herself. Nothing was more terrible than lying to themselves.She was lost in her thoughts, observing the void in front of her. Nobody would say what was crossing her mind. Apparently, she seemed so relaxed, she was enjoying the warmth of the sauna, she was only relaxing but it was not the truth. Because the man next to her knew her more than she could imagine, even if they had not spent a lot of time together, but he knew. He was able to understand.“I see you melancholic, are you fine?” Garak asked her in a gentle tone of voice.Ziyal was perfectly aware; she was an open book for him, because she was as transparent as crystal spring water. Despite this…“I’m fine… I just feel little numb, thanks…” she told him, not looking him in the eye.“Are you sure? If you feel numb, how can you say you are even fine?” Garak asked her, he searched for her gaze but she was still lost in some kind of mysterious thoughts. Maybe thoughts of nonsense.Then Ziyal turned to him, “Yes, it makes no sense… Maybe I feel numb in a good way, if it is possible…” she said, showing a shy smile.Ziyal did not know how to express her feeling; she was happy and sad at the same time. It was strange. It was just melancholia. Yes, it was.“Uhm, I understand…” he told her, he smiled at her, tenderly, as he often did.Ziyal wondered if his was just courtesy, genuine interest or a mask. What was hidden behind his smiles, she could not tell…Did he wear a mask even with her?She did not care about it, this did not matter, it was his nature. It was written in his genes, she could not erase words written on the stone and she could not change his nature.
Experiences have a lasting impression
But words once spoken
Don’t mean a lot now
“Have you ever been here? I mean, in a sauna like this. On Cardassia.” She asked him, curious.“Yes, few times… It is not the same but, I have to admit, Quark did a great job. This program recalls a lot an original Cardassian sauna. At first, you would not say it is false.” Garak said, pronouncing the word ‘false’ with a sort of grudge. Maybe he just missed his home so much.Ziyal knew anything of this world because she had not lived many experiences.Unlike her, Garak had lived too many and now he almost had no energy to face this life anymore; the unknown of this vast universe, its cruelty, its mystery and the unknowable, nothing seemed to make sense. No more.They were similar, abandoned by their own people, misunderstood and trapped in a foreign, cold, desolate prison.Nevertheless, they were so dissimilar, two sides of the same coin, and perhaps for this reason they compensated each other.Or maybe it was only an illusion. Nothing but an illusion.Ziyal loved to think this way, there was no guarantee, she was not even sure if in another situation, Garak would ever have been interested in a naive girl like her.They were like day and night, two entities that were not supposed to meet, but the two of them lived here together, kept each other company. This cold and unfair prison did not seem so uncomfortable together. Did not seem. It was not an absolute truth. There was no truth in anything.
Belief is the way
The way of the innocent
And when I say innocent
I should say naïve
“I hope I would be able to live a real experience of it one day.” She told him.“I am sure you will…” he answered, seeming so convincing.“I doubt they would ever accept me…” she sighed.Ziyal knew he was lying only to make her glad, it was for good but she was so tired of living of illusions but she had to do it anyway. It was her only way to escape from this harsh reality. Illusions were her only reality.Garak did not answer; it was the most honest answer he could give her.She still felt numb but glad because she was not alone, she was sure that he cared of her, even if not so much. Even if he pretended. It was something to hold on.An ungrateful silence fell into the cave, the sauna where they were still lying. She felt uncomfortable. This silence hurt her. This silence made her remember the truth. That awful truth. Her true loneliness.
So lie to me
But do it with sincerity
Make me listen
Just for a minute
Make me think
There’s some truth in it
Ziyal wanted to share something with him; she wanted to feel real warmth. Not only the heat of the sauna, but felt a more real warmth, the warmth of the person she loved.Ziyal was not sure if what she felt was true love. She had never loved anyone before, so she had no basis for comparison and so she did not have any idea. Ziyal grown attached to Garak, she wanted to be with him but maybe it was not a mutual feeling.She was almost sure that Garak was with her because she was the only Cardassian on the station, he had no choice, and she was not even a true Cardassian, so she doubted he would ever consider her as his equal or a possible lover in another circumstance.It did not matter now, only the present was important and she desired to live this moment with him. Only with him.She wanted to break this annoying silence as well.“Would you ever lie to me, Garak?” she asked him.“Hum, what do you mean?” he seemed confused by her question.
Come on and lay with me
Come on and lie to me
Tell me you love me
Say I’m the only one
“I don’t care if you do…” she said with a sweet tone of voice.Because she did not want to be alone, anymore.Then Ziyal moved a little, putting herself sideways, looking into his eyes. She searched for his hand and touching it, then she grabbed it.His hand was cold but soft, bigger than hers but it made her feel closer to him, she felt comfortable and warm.He kept looking at her, without saying a word. Maybe he was confused and he did not expect this reaction from her.She knew, he needed it as well, since he did not want to be alone, not anymore. Just like her. Everyone craved for some love in this life, even the ones who said that they did not need it. They just lied to themselves. Because everyone wanted to be loved. At least once in a lifetime.Words were useless and superfluous now, and she did not need them.Garak held her hand as well, maybe he understood, Ziyal wondered if even gestures and silence could lie. She did not know. She did not care.Garak was free to lie to her if he wanted, maybe she wanted it, she wanted to hear those bitter words, even if they were false, she wanted to hear them and be cradled by illusions. Hearing those words, that he loved her sincerely, that she might be the only one.She wanted Garak to tell her that one day they would even come back to Cardassia together and be finally true. To stop lying and living like this, between illusions and fake worlds.Until then, she would accept this fantasy, because it was the only thing she owned, her only hope, her only life.