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Ben’s a toddler, probably around three, when Han makes the decision to flee his wife. He’s never thought that he would actually do it, if he’s to be perfectly honest. He’s always thought, after Endor, that everything would be fine and there would be a happily ever after. No more Empire, no more anything. It’s when he overhears Leia talking to someone he can’t see that he realizes something’s very wrong. They’ve both put Ben to bed and Han’s going off to bed when he hears Leia’s voice. “You want me to...bring him to you?”Han stiffens in that moment as he heads to his room. He turns around, and Leia — Leia looks like she’s in some sort of trance. Staring at the wall, almost past it — like someone’s in the same room as her that he can’t see. “I can’t. He deserves to have a childhood, as much as anyone...”Ben. So Leia’s talking to herself — or someone Han can’t see — about bringing Ben to...somebody. Someone who’ll hurt him. Leia continues. “The Force...? He has the Force in him?” A beat. “Luke wouldn’t do that to him. He wouldn’t.”Emperor’s black bones, but what is Leia talking about? And this isn’t Leia. This hasn’t been Leia for a while. Han thinks back to one time post-Endor, when Leia actually had a seizure. Luke had looked grim — he knew something was wrong, he said, but he had no idea what. Or who was causing the seizures. It’s worse for Han. Even as he listens in, Leia continues. “Fine. To keep him safe from Luke.”***They argue over it, of course. Leia insists that Luke’s going to do...something horrible to Ben. “He won’t be himself,” she insists. “How can you — Luke wouldn’t — ?””You have no idea what the Jedi were like. And now Luke’s...bringing them back. They’re going to repeat the same mistakes, just with a different script.”Han gapes at her. “Who the kriff has been telling you this? Or did you come up with it yourself?””So I’m crazy now?”Han takes a deep breath. Stars, but her words hurt like a crotch-kick. “You haven’t been yourself since Endor,” he says. “I’m scared for you.””I don’t need your help!” Leia snaps. “Especially if you’re putting Ben in danger to Luke.”Wait, what?”Luke wouldn’t hurt a gizka!” Han says. “Not intentionally.””Look, assuming Ben does have the Force — ””I don’t need your condescension, Han.”Okay, now she’s just being ridiculous. “Fine!” Han snaps. It’s a good thing that they’re arguing in hushed voices, lest they accidentally wake Ben. He heads off to his room. Leia heads off to hers. Han wishes that there was something he could do now, to save his wife and son. ***Maz is the one who looks grim when Han explains it to her. “Your wife is not herself,” she says. “I don’t know how real the possibility is that she could harm your child, but — ””Physically?” Han says. Even the possibility is enough to be like a vibroblade to the gut. “Making him just like her. Indoctrinating him in ways like Palpatine’s and Vader’s.”No. They couldn’t have taken his spunky, staunchly pro-democracy wife and made her this...Maz continues. “It’s painful, Han, but you need to get Ben away from Leia.””He needs his mother.”Maz looks solemn. “Having both parents is no use if one of them may harm the child in some way. Do you love your son?””Beyond measure.””Then save him,” Maz says. “Save him from his mother...and his mother’s master.”***Han takes Ben shortly after the conversation with Maz and leaves. It’s the worst thing he’s done, heading to Jakku with Ben on a shuttle (with Maz and Lando’s help, naturally), and he isn’t crying — after all, he took Vader torturing him without so much as a whimper — but kriff does it hurt. He’ll have to come back in order to kill the someone or something that warped Leia into someone she wasn’t.He’ll need to come back. And as he heads out of the shuttle to Niima Outpost with Ben clinging to his leg, he knows that’s a promise he’ll need to keep.
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They’ve fortunately got enough emergency rations to last them, but one of those things that really strikes Han is how far away he is from home. Well, what could have been home. There was nothing about that house that became home towards the end, when Leia’s monsters were already taking over. She never hurt him. But kriff, some of the things said scared the stars out of him...The first night they spend on Jakku, Han has a nightmare. Well, a flashback. It’s not really a nightmare if what happened already happened.
The argument — stars knows what it was about anyway, but it’s when Han says the wrong word, all by mistake, that the tension in the room stretches tighter, threatening to snap.
There’s something about his wife’s face that seems to change, becoming almost demonic, almost monstrous. Everything around Leia is shaking, trembling — including delicate glass objects that look like they’re about to shatter. Han steps away — and Leia seems to realize that she’s scaring the living stars out of him, because she stops, shaking, trembling herself. She looks like she’s just woken up from a dream. A really bad one.
“Han.” She sounds horrified. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. It was like someone else...someone was...no, I mean, that’s no excuse, it’s just — ”
“It’s okay. I’m sorry too.” Truth be told, Han doesn’t know anything about the Force. He can’t tell Luke. The kid will probably assume the worst about his own sister. Think there’s something irredeemable about her. This is something that can only stay between them. Their own private little hell. “Sweetheart, come on...”
He hugs her, kisses her forehead because that’s the best he can do. Just like Endor. When Luke ditched her there on Endor, Han was there. And while she’s crumbling, he’ll hold her there too.
Han wakes up in that moment, shaking and sweating and trying not to scream. Stars, but that had been scary. He hadn’t expected that to happen, and he had actually expected the glass to shatter and impale him. And the fact that they had been arguing so much before the glass started shaking...Now he wonders if it was Leia’s mysterious master that Maz mentioned. That monster living in her mind, like some sort of Sith spirit in horror holos possessing someone. Someone who took his wonderful wife and warped her. If not for the fact that Ben’s currently asleep, and sleeping peacefully, Han would smash something in frustration. Damn whoever found them. Damn them. Ben’s still blissfully asleep. Han finds his frustration cooling a little, because he absolutely loves his little bandit, maybe the only right thing to come out of this. They’ll have to have breakfast and then explore Niima Outpost tomorrow, see if there are any odd jobs they can do. ***Apparently, Unkar Plutt’s in charge of everything, and he’s a real piece of work. “You’ll have to earn your keep around here,” he says to Han. “If you expect everything to land in your lap on a silver platter, then you’re solely mistaken.”Han bristles. “Fine. What do I have to do to ‘earn my keep’?””The graveyard out on Jakku is a good place to start," Plutt said, “Though I doubt that you could ever make the climb.”Okay, now Han’s really bristling. “I guess I’ll see you in hell, then.”Plutt smiles the sort of smile that would look more flattering on a nexu. “Tell them Plutt sent you.”***Of course, Han has to pick up scavenger gear, actually. Drop Ben off at Niima Outpost with Plutt with the threat that Plutt’s in for a galaxy of pain if he hurts Ben in any way. And then get the necessary rope to scale a kriffing Star Destroyer. Even as he takes the speeder across the desert to the graveyard, he has to admit that it’s a little exciting; he gets to scale a Star Destroyer! He decides on the big tilted over one, because that one...that one looks pretty awesome. Even infiltrating it, he throws the rope to the top, ties it, before beginning his climb. He won’t deny that it’s a long climb up, and a treacherous one at that. It’s the sort of climb where he would expect to break his neck at any minute. He’s getting vertigo climbing, and it doesn’t help that it seems kind of skewed...He reaches the top, though, and reaches in to get the necessary part. He gets it, and wrenches it clean out. Tucks it away before swinging down. His feet touch the ground and he heads into the sunlight towards the speeder. He climbs in before heading back to Niima Outpost. The others are already gathered there, lined up to present Plutt with their latest finds — not that Plutt will be impressed, of course, Han has a feeling. Han reaches the front of the line, of course, where Ben runs to him to hug his leg. Plutt looks on impassively, of course, but kriff him. He presents his find to Plutt, and Plutt, not exactly being the master of generosity, says, “What you brought me today is worth...one quarter portion.”Han stares at him, disbelieving. “Are you serious?” This has to be petty revenge for the “see you in hell” comment. It’s got to be. “You want to negotiate, Mister...””Beckett.” It’s the first name that comes to mind. “You’re nobody,” Plutt says. “Just like everyone else.””No, he’s not!” Ben protests. Han could really hug Ben right now, he really could. “Ben, it’s okay,” Han says. He turns back to Plutt. “They’re not nobodies. They deserve more respect. Especially from you.”Plutt’s seething even as they walk away. Even as Ben walks away with Han, he says, “You’re not nobody, Daddy.”Han smiles. There’s something about hearing it from a three year old who barely comes up to your knee that really is comforting. Even as they prepare dinner — and it smells awful, but it’s not like Han can complain. This is his life now — he explains to Ben how not everyone in the galaxy really believes that people deserve equal rights. “Even droids,” Han adds. “Droids aren’t really treated well either."Ben blinks up at him with those wide brown eyes. Then, “Why?””Good question. Some people are afraid, some people just think they were born to be better than everyone else, some people don’t know any better...the list goes on. Our goal is not to be them. But I know you won’t. You’re a sweet kid.”Ben giggles. It’s incredibly endearing, and Han thinks it’s a miracle he’s still got it even though things have gone to hell. Then, “Will we see Mommy again?”Han’s guts feel like they’ve been twisted. Then, “We will. I believe that.”They eat, before Han draws with Ben, colors with him with one of the sets that he packed. Ben’s drawing is simplistic, but kriff if it doesn’t punch Han in the guts — a sunny day with three stick figures: Han, Leia (happy and smiling), and Ben. Han’s sketching Jakku, and the sunset outside their window. And Han smiles at Ben. “It’s a sweet drawing, kiddo,” he says. “I like it.”He just wishes, as he puts Ben down later for sleep, that it could be reality. Even as Ben tugs at his sleeve, talking about bad dreams of his own, Han agrees to stay (it’s not like they have much room in the shuttle anyway) and snuggles with him until dawn.
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It’s when Ben’s five that Rey comes into their lives. Han’s come back from a day of scavenging and is heading with Ben back to the shuttle when he hears the sound of a child screaming in protest. He nearly drops his portions before running towards the source of the noise with Ben. It’s Plutt, and he’s dragging a little girl, probably around Ben’s age, roughly by the arm as a ship soars into the sky. “No!” the girl screams. “Come back!””Quiet, girl,” Plutt grinds out. “Hey,” Han says. “Let her go!”“There’s nothing to see here, Beckett,” Plutt growls. “Move along.”“You’re manhandling a kid and you think there’s nothing to see here?” Han says.”What I do with my property is my business.””Property?” Han says. He can practically feel the red rising behind his eyes. The girl speaks. “Who are you?” “Beckett. Eli Beckett.”Han squats to her level to get a better look at her. Ben peers at her curiously. She’s a tiny thing, almost starved-looking, with her hair tied in an unusual hairstyle — three buns. She sniffles a little, wipes her eyes. “What’s your name, kiddo?” Han says. “Rey.” The girl sniffles even as she speaks. “Just Rey, huh?” Han says. “Rey Shan.””That’s a nice name,” Han says. “So...what happened?”“Mummy and Daddy are gone.” Rey sniffles as she speaks. “Mummy promised...promised to come back...””They’re not coming back, girl,” Plutt cuts in, and Han wishes he could strangle him. “They sold — ””What if I looked after her until her parents came back?” Han said. Of course, if her parents did sell her, he doubts it’ll happen, but still...Plutt blinks. Then, “You would adopt her out of the goodness of your heart? I find that hard to believe.””Ya think that everyone’s as much of a son of a schutta as you?”Plutt snorts. “It’s Jakku, Beckett. Of course people aren’t going to be noble.””Maybe it’s a first,” Han says. “We need a little more of it in this junkyard.”Plutt’s eye actually twitches. Han continues. “Tell you what; I’ll take her off your hands. No credits needed.”Plutt sighs. “Done.”Rey seems to get along well with Ben even as they tag along back to the shuttle. They’re talking animatedly among themselves, Rey’s tears seeming to dry even as she talks to Ben.They reach the shuttle. It’s times like these that Han’s grateful that he brought emergency rations along. And other things. Even as he prepares the meal, he can feel Rey’s eyes on him, wide and attentive. He shoots her a quick grin. “It’s not much,” he says, “But I think it’ll last us a while.”Rey nods. Her eyes are wide. Han wonders if her absolute schutta parents even fed her. Judging by how skinny she is for a five year old, probably not.And judging by how she practically demolishes the soup that Han gives her (thank the stars he brought stuff like this along), Han’s worries are confirmed. He decides in that moment that he really hates her parents, with all his heart. Rey finishes the soup (and some treats that Han brought along for the trip), and so does Ben. (He also finishes the treats) They color, Rey drawing pictures of her family no doubt in happier times, and it’s as the day winds down that Rey and Ben both ask for a story. Han nods. “Okay,” he says. “I’m...not really much of a storyteller, but I can try.” He clears his throat. “A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was an evil Empire that wanted to take over everything. But there was a Rebellion too, a Rebellion that was willing to stand up to tyranny. Among them was a brave farmboy and a beautiful princess...”Ben and Rey both listen, rapt, even as Han talks, as Han tries to uncover as many good memories as he can. Before it all went wrong, really. There’s too many ghosts in Han’s memories. Too many distant voices. It’s when Han reaches the end that Rey says, “What happened to the princess?”Kriff but if Han’s guts weren’t made to be twisted. “She’s...currently fighting against a new monster. There’s always new monsters to fight, after all. And the smuggler...” Han takes a deep breath. “Sometimes you have to save yourself first. Some people lose the battle with their own inner demons. Sometimes the best thing to do is run.”Rey nods. “I hope she...gets better.””Yeah. Me too.” Han can’t help but feel guilty just leaving Leia behind like that. And yet he knows if he stayed...well, who knows if Ben would have been hurt somehow? Who knows what would have happened if Han had stayed? Even that idea is enough to scare Han. Rey yawns. It’s probably time to put her and Ben down for bed. Jakku’s starting to undergo a rich glow of the sunset, and it looks beautiful at least for a junkyard planet. The junkyard planet that Han Solo has no choice but to call home. Rey sleeps, nestled next to Ben, and the two of them just look so peaceful, Ben seeming to shield her from the worst of Jakku, from the memories of her parents who left her. Han looks at them both, and somehow, there’s something about it that reminds Han of what could have been. Maybe he wouldn’t be hiding out on Jakku just trying to get by. Maybe there wouldn’t be some sort of monster preying on his wife. Maybe everything would be all right. Han just knows that along with Ben, he already loves this young girl Rey like she’s his own daughter. It’s going to be a hard road without a doubt, but he’s going to do whatever he can in order to keep them both safe, no matter what.