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"I just don't know what to do," Steve says, palming his face and sighing fretfully. Bucky, sitting across from him, makes sympathetic noises as he drinks the rest of his beer. At this point Steve is pretty sure Bucky's just humoring him, because they - well, Steve has been going around in circles for the past three hours. "Look, Stevie," Bucky says, setting down his empty bottle and leaning forward. "You've already told me a dozen times exactly why it doesn't make sense for you to bring Tony with you. You're going to be working long hours, you'll barely have any time to yourself, you're sharing a hotel room with Bruce, you're traveling in a car with three other people, and you know Tony is not going to want to sit at the table with you. You can't watch him and sign comic books at the same time, especially with such a large crowd. Just leave him home with me. Seriously, he'll be fine."Steve frowns, toying with the peeling label on his beer. "I just don't know." It's only been six months since he officially adopted Tony; he honestly didn't think he would be asked to attend this convention, but his boss had someone drop out at the last minute and Steve would draw the next biggest attraction. It's in New York, which is a good eight hour drive from where they live.And really, Steve knows deep down that Bucky is right. Realistically it doesn't make sense for him to drag Tony along. It's only going to end in tears on Tony's part and frustration on Steve's. But just thinking about having to tell Tony that Steve's going somewhere and that Tony can't come makes Steve want to cry. He's pretty sure Tony is only just getting to the point where he's accepted that Steve might not send him back to the orphanage. What if Steve leaving unravels all of their progress? He can't bear the thought of Tony going back to that sad, tearful little boy who thinks no one wants him."He'll be fine. Tony loves me. You know I'm his favorite uncle. I'll take good care of him. We'll have loads of fun. So much fun he won't even realize you're gone," Bucky says patiently."You're going to feed him McDonalds and let him stay up until 4am, aren't you."Bucky smirks. "That's what favorite uncles are for.""Jerk," Steve says, rolling his eyes, but he can't complain too much. Bucky's not lying; Tony really does adore him, which Steve will always be grateful for. He just wishes that the two of them didn't love teaming up to pull one over on him as much as they do."Just for that, I'm also going to feed him chocolate right before you come home.""Don't you dare!"Bucky just laughs at him and, in spite of himself, Steve cracks a grin in return. He drinks the remainder of his beer and then sets the empty bottle down on the table. He leaves in two days, which means it's past time that he explained things to Tony. The thought of doing it makes his heart ache already, but he doesn't have a choice. His boss has made it pretty clear that Steve's job is on the line: either he goes to the convention and puts in a good effort at spending time with the fans, or he no longer has a job. And given that Steve now has a mortgage to pay - he was so proud to be able to make the move to a new home with, and Tony loves his room so much - the choice is obvious.They pay their tab and make their way out to the front of the bar, where Bucky stops a cab. Steve rehearses what he's going to say tomorrow morning the whole way home. Bucky shoots him a couple of worried looks, but doesn't press the issue. He must be concerned though, because he directs the cabbie to drop Steve off first. Steve hands Bucky his half of the fare, then gets out and wanders into the quiet house. He finds Darcy asleep on the couch, the television playing softly and Tony's baby monitor right beside her face. "Darcy?" Steve whispers, giving her shoulder a gentle shake."Huh? What?" Darcy jerks awake, blinking. "Steve?""You feel asleep," Steve says."Oh shit. I was studying..." Darcy pushes herself up, running a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry.""It's fine. Is Tony in bed?"Darcy nods, muffling a yawn. "Yeah. He's really get good with me. He went down so easy tonight.""That's great. Here." Steve stuffs some money into her hand, ignores her protests that it's too much, and helps her gather her stuff together. Darcy is amazing with Tony, so patient and kind. No amount of money is enough, really. She's one of the few people Steve trusts with the most important thing in his life."I heard from Thor that you're going away. Did you want us to take Tony?" Darcy asks as she walks to the door.Touched by the offer, Steve shakes his head. "I appreciate it, but Bucky has already offered. He said he'd stay here with Tony. I'm hoping that staying at the house will help.""Maybe," Darcy says doubtfully, shifting her backpack. "Well, tell Bucky that if he needs back-up, we're just a phone call away.""Thanks Darce," Steve says, meaning it. He really has the best friends in the whole world.He stands at the door and watches her walk outside to her car, not leaving until she's backing down the driveway. Only then does he lock the door and move away, feet automatically taking him down the hall to the nursery. The door is only partially open. Steve nudges it open fully and looks in to see that Tony is sound asleep in the crib, laying on his back. His pacifier is in his mouth and he has his stuffed kitten held against his belly with one arm. Steve smiles at the sight, tip-toeing inside to pull the blanket up around Tony's shoulders. He lingers for a moment, staring down at Tony. His life changed the day he adopted his Little for the first time. He'd never realized how much his life was missing until Tony came into it. Suddenly, everything Steve did had meaning. There was a reason to get up in the morning, and a reason to come home earlier at night when he had to go into the office. His heart never felt more full than when he pulled into the driveway and saw those big brown eyes staring at him from the living room window. He kisses Tony's forehead and quietly slips out, heading to his bedroom. The beer helps him fall asleep, but it's restless at best and Steve is almost glad when he wakes up to the by now familiar sound of Tony crying. He stumbles out of bed and into the nursery, plucking the baby out of the crib and kissing Tony’s tears away. In a matter of moments, Tony is giggling instead.“Daddy, no!” he says, pushing Steve’s face away. “Hungry!”“You’re hungry, baby boy?” Steve asks, setting Tony down on the changing table. That’s a pleasure to hear. Some days Tony wakes up and has next to no interest in food. Getting him to eat on those days can be a challenge.“Hungry!” Tony whines, kicking his legs. Steve skillfully dodges his feet and changes Tony’s diaper as quickly as possible, then scoops Tony up again.“Okay. Then let’s go eat!”When breakfast is over, and Tony has settled down on the couch with a bottle of milk, Steve walks over to sit next to him. His pulse quickens with nerves as he looks at the contented picture Tony makes. When he thinks back to how anxious Tony was when he first arrived, it’s like night and day. He drums his fingers on his knees, searching for the right words, and doesn’t even realize that Tony is watching him until a tiny foot pokes him in the leg.“Daddy, what’s wrong?” Tony says quietly, peering up at him.“Nothing’s wrong,” Steve says automatically.Tony just looks at him, unconvinced. “Don’t lie to me. You always bounce you leg when something’s wrong.”Steve abruptly stills his leg. “Uh – well – the thing is, honey, I have to go away for a few days. For work. There’s a comic convention and my boss tells me that I have to go. Uncle Bucky is going to stay here with you. I’ll only be gone for four days.” He watches Tony’s face anxiously. “Four days?” Tony repeats, face blank.“Yes. I leave on Tuesday and I’ll be back Friday night before you go to bed.”“Daddy’s leaving,” Tony says in a very tiny voice. Tears start welling up in his eyes. The first sob is enough to make Steve blink back tears of his own.“Tony, I’m sorry. I have to go. But it will be okay,” Steve says, reaching for him.“No!”Steve freezes, shocked to his core, as Tony yanks away so violently that he almost falls off of the couch. Tony has never pulled away from one of his hugs. From the first day they met, Tony’s sucked up affection like a sponge. He stares at Tony, devastated, as Tony gets up and toddles out of the room. The sound of his sobs echo behind him as Tony flees.“Tony…” Steve whispers, staring at the doorway. He doesn’t know what to do. Should he give Tony space? Try to comfort him? Call Bucky? “No!” Tony screams again from somewhere in the house, voice thick with tears, and Steve flinches even as his heart breaks. He’s now officially sure he’s ruined any progress that Tony has made.
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Tony hides in the back of Steve's closet and staunchly refuses to come out when Steve leaves. Steve lingers at the door to his room, staring sadly at the door, long past the point when he should. If it weren’t for the fact that the closets are too small, he would totally climb in there with Tony. But he tried that once, and it ended up with him and Tony stuck and Bucky having to come to the rescue.Steve will never hear the end of that one.“Baby, just come say goodbye,” Steve pleads.“No!” Tony says.“Stevie, come on. Natasha looks like she’s getting ready to burn down the house,” Bucky says, grabbing him around the shoulders. Steve opens his mouth to protest, but Bucky just shakes his head and half-guides, half-pushes Steve down the hallway and out the front door. Much to Steve’s surprise, Bruce is standing on the front step and immediately takes over bundling Steve into the car. The instant Bruce runs around to the passenger side and jumps in, Natasha starts the car. They back out of the driveway and start driving down the street and Steve cranes his neck to look back at the house, seriously considering pushing the door open and jumping up – to hell with his job. But, as though sensing his intentions, Jane leans over to him."Natasha's engaged the childproof locks," she says. "You can't get out."Steve frowns and huffs, crossing his arms. "Not cool, 'Tasha."Her eyes flash at him in the rearview mirror. "First of all, don't call me 'Tasha. Second of all, Tony will be fine, Steve. I know you're worried about him, but you losing your job won't solve things. You can't stay with him twenty-four hours a day. That's not realistic.""All kids hate seeing their parents leave," Bruce adds, twisting around from the passenger seat. "It's normal. Tony needs to see that you're going to leave and come back."Jane nods. "Thor went through the same thing with Loki," she confides. "He was devastated the first time that Thor left him, and he was convinced that Thor wasn't coming back. It was the hardest week of my life, no word of a lie. When Thor did finally return, Loki was thrilled. It ultimately made them a lot closer." She pats his leg comfortingly. "Natasha is right. Tony really will be fine.""Yeah," Steve says with a sigh. Everything they're saying makes sense, but it does little to assuage his own guilt in the situation. He spends most of the drive brooding on it, trying to think of ways to ease the separation, but he's not sure what to do. Short of calling Tony and talking to him twenty-four hours a day, which would be great but also defeats the purpose of Steve going to the convention in the first place, there doesn't seem to be anything he can do. And that in itself is frustrating, because from the day he brought Tony home Steve has prided himself on knowing how to fix all of the problems in Tony's life. He loves the fact that he can do that. Knowing he can't fix this, and that it might happen again in the future, is both a blow to his pride and to his heart.His three coworkers seem content to let him strew during the first four hours, but, after they stop for a break at a rest stop, Jane pulls out the newest copy of her dialogue for an upcoming story. She's a writer, whereas Steve does the initial drawings. Bruce does color and Natasha is an editor. All four of them work well together, and Steve can't help being drawn into discussions about the newest storylines. Jane really does have a gift for coming up with new plots, and she's usually all too eager to share them with everyone else and get their feedback.The final set of four hours passes relatively quickly. In spite of himself, Steve's pulse quickens with excitement as they head into the downtown. The fame is a little unnerving, but he truly loves interacting with fans. Their excitement and fascination is always so genuine, and it's very uplifting to see how much other people admire your work. Sometimes a single panel that took him hours to get just right can make a fan positively gush with enthusiasm, and that always makes Steve feel like every bit of work that he does is well worth the effort.Their panel isn't until the next day, so the four of them spend the rest of the night getting reacquainted with the city. Steve tries to call home before he goes to bed. Bucky answers, but Tony refuses to talk to him. Their conversation ends up being brief, with Tony in the background repeatedly screaming 'no' and Bucky trying to reassure Steve that everything is fine over the sound of said screams. In the end, they end their conversation purely because Steve can't hear anything over the ringing in his ears. He goes to bed feeling like the worst daddy in the whole world.Natasha wakes them up early. There's no time to worry about Tony when they get to the convention: their schedule is tight, with a panel and autograph and, for Steve and Natasha, photograph sessions. Before Steve knows it, it's past six and there's a dozen missed calls from Bucky on his phone. Worried, he quickly signals to the nearest assistant that he needs a break and steps away from the line. He quickly walks to a quieter spot and calls Bucky back."Thank god," Bucky says, without even saying hello. "Buck? Sorry I didn't hear my phone; we've been flat-out -""Yeah, yeah. Listen, someone here wants to talk to you," Bucky says. Steve furrows his eyebrows, confused. There's silence on the other end of the phone, then Bucky's voice murmurs something unintelligible in the background. A damp sniffle comes over the line, and Steve's heart skips a beat."Tony?" he says carefully."Daddy!" The sound of the miserable wail shatters Steve's heart. He turns away from the gazes of curious passerbys, not wanting to be disturbed."Tony, baby, what's wrong?" Steve asks, trying to keep his voice level. Tony's sobbing is enough to bring tears to his own eyes, but he knows that Tony needs him to be strong right now. Steve is always the one who fixes everything, after all."Da.... da..." "Tell me, sweetie," Steve urges."Dada... maaaaad," Tony wails."What?" Steve says, utterly baffled.The phone must be on speaker, because Bucky speaks up. "Tony seems to think that you left because you were mad at him.""That's crazy!" Steve exclaims. "Tony, you have to know that's not true. Baby boy, I love you so much. I would never leave you if I didn't have to. I’m not mad at you at all.""That's what I said," Bucky says. "See, Tony? I told you that your dada still loves you." There's a long pause during which neither of them speaks; Steve listens eagerly, trying to discern what's going on. From the rustle of clothing, he thinks that maybe Bucky is hugging Tony or maybe wiping away Tony's tears. It's unbearably frustrating to have to stand here and not know.At last, Tony speaks in a very tiny voice. "Dada loves me?"Steve has to swallow the lump in his throat before he can speak. "So much, my sweet boy. More than you could ever know.""Dada come home?""In two more days," Steve promises, closing his eyes. He wants to jump in the car and drive home now, but they've got another full day booked tomorrow. He grits his teeth and exhales slowly, then adds, "You have three sleeps to get through, and then I'll be home.""Steve?"Steve starts, looking over his shoulder at Jane. She waves awkwardly, gesturing at the door, and he knows that someone sent her to find him. He's not surprised, really. The crowd is probably getting impatient. "You have to go," Bucky says. "I do. I love you, Tony. Good bye." Steve hears Tony start crying again and has to force himself to hang up. He stands there for a moment, hand over his face, until he feels less like he's the one who’s going to start crying. Only then does he walk over to Jane. Her face is full of sympathy, but she does him the kindness of not asking any questions and just silently leads him back into the room.Day two at the convention is a heck of a lot harder to put in, but Steve does the best he can. He pastes a smile on his face and pretends that he's happy to be there as much as he can, when really he's counting the minutes until he gets to go home to Tony. The day drags by and it's a relief when he, Bruce, Natasha and Jane are finally told they can go home. If Steve had his way they would've headed home that very night, but his coworkers put their feet down and stand firm on not leaving before 7am. Naturally, Steve has them all in the car 7:01am the next morning. Bruce drives, because Natasha gets road rage when she's tired, until they get to the rest stop, whereupon Bruce joins Jane in the back to sleep and Steve gladly takes the wheel. The closer they get to home, the faster Steve goes. He starts to worry as they closer that maybe Tony will be angry again when Steve finally gets there, but then again he doesn't care. So long as Steve is home, Tony can react however he wants. All Steve wants is just to be able to give his precious baby boy a big hug.His fears turn out to be for naught: Steve barely has the car in the driveway before the front door bursts open and a familiar face bolts outside."Dadaaaaaaaaa!" Tony screams, racing towards the car."Tony!" Steve leaps out of the car and grabs Tony up in a huge hug, swinging him around in a circle. "We'll see you later, Steve," Natasha calls out, sliding across to the driver's seat. She shuts the door and backs the car out of the driveway. Steve barely notices them going, too busy pressing kisses all over Tony's face.He scoops Tony up, balancing the baby on his right hip, and grabs the two bags that either Jane or Bruce must have set outside the car - thankfully, because one of those bags is completely crammed full of souvenirs for Tony - then walks towards the house. Bucky is standing in the doorway, watching them with a fond grin on his face. Steve meets his gaze with a sheepish, grateful smile and a half-shrug. Bucky just shakes his head and reaches out to sling an arm around Steve's shoulders, patting Tony's head with the other."Welcome home, Stevie.""Thanks Buck."