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It was one of those days. One of those bad days. Bad days with a capital b and a capital d. Days where they could feel the hands and nothing else. Nozomi stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to ignore the tightness in their stomach. They rolled carefully, to avoid upsetting the ocean residing in their abdomen, trying to ground themself as they looked at their ticking analog clock.Huh. They felt devoid of everything. The shadows danced in the corner, having a silent rave as Nozomi had their mental breakdown. They were a robot. Beep boop. They vaguely were aware of dressing themself and washing their face, basic human things. No binder today, too much work. Concealer, blush, lipstick, so they didn’t look as dead as they felt. They hesitated near the kitchen but decided that food would be fine without them. That being said, they did stare blankly into it, as if daring the dead herbs and the moldy bread to move.They moved robotically, shuffling almost. Door locked, lights off, keys in hand like brass knuckles, knife on a chain around their neck. Their legs stung. They didn’t remember doing that but that honestly didn’t mean a thing anymore. They glanced down, but there was no visible blood through the fabric on their thighs. Sweatpants would be fine for work, right?Everyone steered clear of them. Men would refuse to stare them up and down, probably because of the vacant, robotic look in their eyes. Regardless, it was appreciated. No catcalls meant no misgendering, none of the nausea and self-doubt that always accompanied whispered "they"s. They caught a look at themself in a window and almost winced. The shadows looked at the window with them. It was strange, but they seemed more like companions than enemies. They seemed to understand, but they still hovered a little too close to their disheveled shirt. They seemed a bit like bodyguards, as humans and monsters flowed around them, not touching them. At least this time. Nozomi knew not to trust them. They knew not to trust anyone.They reached the shop and let out a sigh of relief. They quickly tidied, not that there was really anything to tidy, but it gave them a sense of purpose, and put on some soft music before flipping the sign to ‘open’. They didn’t expect anyone for at least an hour, it was still early and Gerson usually arrived when people did, so they listened to the music they wanted to as they re-stocked shelves and made notes of which bestsellers would be most highly prized.They wandered the aisles, seeing the shadows walk alongside them, like guards meant to keep in the bad instead of keeping it out. The books brought them no comfort today, no matter how much they inhaled and ran their hands along the bound spines.The words blurred in the distance between the shelves and their brain. Did they put on their glasses? Did they wear glasses? They couldn't remember.Regardless, they were trying, and that was worth something. Or at least that’s what they should be thinking. If their thoughts weren’t clouded, a fog that coated their brain and the store around them. The static was back. And the shadows. They didn’t know how they got into their brain but they were eating their thoughts and leaving them with nothing. Nothing but 1s and 0s, leaving them an emotionless, thoughtless shell. An "it". A tremor ran through their body at the unbidden voice of their father running mockingly through their mind. "It. It. It. It."The shadows must have liked the song, because they were acting rather excited, moving rapidly. The club really was getting turnt tonight. The biting voice of their father fit right in, taunting them in time to the music. Some of the shadows began to grow his face, and Nozomi forgot about breathing.A bell triggered an automatic response, breaking up the shadows, scattering them into small pieces across the store, thankfully faceless once again.“Welcome to the Tattered Page. Please feel free to ask me if you need anything.” The words sounded wrong. They were too slow, too flat. The shadows were all around the newcomers, but it was clear they were confused. Probably some regulars or something.“HUMAN! ARE YOU OKAY?” The voice barely registered through the static, which kept getting louder. How loud did it need to be? Oh right, that voice asked a question.“Thank you for asking. I am just fine, may I assist you?” The words were jerky; each one punctuated and flat, falling on the floor instead of reaching their target.“HUMAN!” Their hand was grabbed and they was vaguely aware that the face looking at them was not human, and was definitely concerned. They berated themself for being so racist as to assume that they were human. Racist? Speciest? The voice cut through the self-deprevating talk. “I CAN CALL MY FRIEND, HE IS THE OWNER. ARE YOU SICK? SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG!”“I’m fine.” The response would maybe have been convincing, okay, no, not in a million years, but the 'not fine' was simply emphasized by the fact that they just looked lazily at their hand, which was limper than an overcooked noodle in the gloved hand of the monster. The glove was red. Did that make this spaghetti? They were allergic to spaghetti. Would the monster mind?“Papyrus, call Gerson. I’ll take this.” The pressure on their hand disappeared and so did the face that had been there but that was quickly replaced with a different face, this one smiling, but it seemed forced. “Hey kiddo. Can you focus on me?”They opened their mouth to answer affirmative but got distracted by the shadows. They were everywhere, listening intently to hear what they had to say. They were too close. Too close, revealing snarled teeth and a voice shouting "it". Something touched their arm and they reeled, blind. Their head hit something, their breathing went funny, fast fast faster. They didn't speak, why did Dad throw them? They scrambled into the corner, but the shadows surrounded them. They weren't friends, they were Father. They were going to kill them. They were too close, they were no companions they were gonna hurt them. They were going to kill them.“Breathe, sweetheart. Breathe. Nobody’s gonna hurt you. I promise. Just breathe. Please.” The voice was a deep baritone, it cut through the high pitched static of their mind. It was soft, cutting through the screams of their father. “Can I touch you?”The shadows were reaching out and trying to strangle them, they fought them off, scratching them off of them.“You’re okay. Shhh. Breathe.” Their hands were grasped by something. It was warm. Warm. It smelled like ketchup. They were allergic. Should they tell the voice? That seemed like a good idea. The voice chuckled. "You're not going to eat me, relax."“Nozomi?” That was Gerson, they would recognize his deep, soothing voice anywhere. “Are you okay?” They nodded. “You’re really not. Take the day off, and any more time you need.” They shook their head.“Can’t. Need. Rent. Medicine. Food?” The last item was more of a question, an afterthought. People ate food, right? They wouldn't know, they were just an it.“When’s the last time you ate?” Gerson’s voice was gentle but firm. They shrugged, somehow even though the shadows were clinging to their back.“HUMAN!” The loud voice caused them to wince, even though they knew it wasn't Father. It was Spaghetti, the one with the gloves.“Papyrus, loud noises are hurting them.” Gerson said gently.“Sorry. Human, You Need To Eat.” His voice was still loud but much softer than before. Father's voice was never that soft. They decided to repeat this joke aloud, but there was nothing but concern in the audience. Tough crowd. But the shadows seemed to enjoy it, moving as if they were cackling.Gerson looked at them with concern. “Paid leave. Take your time.”The shadows were creeping in and they instinctively went to claw them off only for the things holding their hands to tighten. Was that Spaghetti or Ketchup?“Boys, can you help them home? They're in the same apartment building.” Gerson said, noticing the poor adult. “I’m afraid that they won’t make it home on their own.”Nozomi moved on autopilot. Something clicked and there was a quiet hum. That door looked familiar. That was their apartment. Somehow the door unlocked, and the brothers were still there. Spaghetti tucked them into bed, taking off their shoes and turning out the light, and they stared at the wall, slowly slipping into sleep. They heard someone saying goodbye, but they was already drifting off. Maybe this bad day wasn't as bad as it could've been.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
As a child, Nozomi had been scared of monsters under the bed. Scared of the monsters in the closet, and mostly the monster that was their father. It was the most natural part of being a child to them. You are scared of the dark, of creepy crawlies under the bed, and of your father.
So when the monsters showed up on the news, Nozomi had been confused. A mere child leading an exodus of hundreds of beings. News channels covered developments constantly, ranging from “these monsters want rights, what’s with that?” to “look at the cute face the human ambassador made”. Nozomi was very confused. Not just by Frisk, a tenacious little child with messy brown hair and a bright smile. The ambassador, who wore a blue hand knitted sweater that said “they/them” in crooked pink letters and cargo pants to a meeting with international diplomats. The mute youngster who captured the hearts of people everywhere and yet kept everyone on the news speculating about whether or not they were somehow corrupted by the monsters to be neither male nor female.
No, although Nozomi was as enraptured with the child as everyone else, they were more confused by the kindness, the smiles, the warmth that radiated from these beings, more than they had ever witnessed. A far cry from the emotionless crowds bustling everywhere, of the anger that pervaded the world. A monster's soul was made out of love and compassion. Of course Nozomi was familiar with the concept of souls prior to the discovery of the monsters. But this was much more tangible.
Rather than being a tool used to scare Nozomi into submission, the soul was a real thing. Everyone was encouraged to incorporate their soul trait into their work, since it was the most natural thing for them to do. Monsters taught doctors how to draw out souls to check for health that way. Nozomi had it done once, and once was far more than enough. The concerned look of the bunny monster at the sickly green color of Nozomi’s soul had been enough to make them feel as if somehow not having a soul would have been better.
Having no soul would be familiar. It certainly would be better than the look of pity that the bunny had given them. They had been called soulless enough times for ten lifetimes by their father, forced to sit through lectures and sermons. The monsters had questioned everything that they thought they knew. Nozomi's entire foundation had crumbled the instant that they met Gerson for the first time. They had marked female on the job application after much debate, they had been rejected too many times to care about being misgendered. Of course, it had always been for a stated reason not related to their gender, but they knew better. Most people didn’t want to hire a “tranny” unless it helped fill a diversity quota.
"What pronouns do you prefer?" The question had caught Nozomi off guard. It had been on the application. The application that was sitting right in front of him. Why was he asking? Was this a trick question? They had prepared for every outcome, every question. Except for this one, obviously. They fumbled for an answer. What did this kind monster want? "You're hired already, Nozomi, I just want you to be as comfortable here as possible."
Nozomi hadn't known that they were crying as Gerson had written they/them at the top of their application, until he returned with a box of tissues. A huge weight had been lifted and Nozomi didn't know how to react.
Every single monster had been the same way, kind, respectful, always making sure to ask about pronouns and gender, never recoiling in disgust. This kindness wasn't just limited to gender though.
One time Nozomi had been ill but still had come to work, desperate to stay in good standing with the grandfatherly turtle. Gerson had smiled gently and drove them home. He left them some soup and golden flower tea.
Yes, the monsters had questioned everything that Nozomi knew about the world. They had known not to trust anyone, but yet found themself unable to do anything but trust every monster they came into contact with. They knew that touch would hurt them, that was one of the constants of the world, but when Gerson hugged them, the world felt safe again.
But this, this had to take the cake.
Nozomi stared blankly at the wrapped tray and the note on their doorstep before finally picking it up and bringing it back into their apartment, trying for the millionth time to make sense of the handwriting. It was addressed simply to "HUMAN", but for some reason it reminded them of the voice - loud, boisterous, caring - from yesterday. The one that had held their hand and asked what was wrong. The one with the gloves the color of marinara sauce.
'HUMAN, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, NOTICED THAT YOUR APARTMENT WAS A BIT DIRTY. I HOPE THAT YOU DO NOT MIND, BUT I WATERED YOUR PLANTS AND THREW AWAY THE FOOD THAT HAD GONE BAD. I HOPE THAT WE CAN BE FRIENDS, AND AS A TOKEN OF MY GOOD WILL, I HAVE ENCLOSED SOME FRIENDSHIP SPAGHETTI!
NYEH-HEH-HEH,
PAPYRUS.'
A stranger wanted to be their friend? A stranger that witnessed their worst moment? Nozomi could comprehend a lot of things, but this was not one of them. This
Papyrus
must have been the one who tucked them into their bed. Suddenly Nozomi was painfully aware of their thighs, perhaps that hadn't been necessary. Maybe they hadn’t been hurt in that way. But the past always repeats and repeats and repeats, the only way to remove the violation was to cause another. Right? A high-pitched whistling filled their ears, pulling them from their spiraling thoughts. What was that sound? They tried to still their shaking hands enough to carry the tray but it was fruitless. They quickly grabbed it, the ceramic bowl creating a slight clanking sound against the metal tray.
They set the tray down on the kitchen counter as quickly as possible, an uncomfortably loud noise that made them wince, and turned back to the stove, where a tea kettle was whistling. That's right. Tea. They were making tea. That was that sound.
They took a mug out of the cupboard, a chipped white oversized cup that barely fit into their shaking hands. They carefully poured the water into it, trying to quell the shaking that seemed to permeate their entire existence before grabbing a random tea bag and throwing it into the steaming water. They couldn't do many things right, but they could make tea. A few scalding drops splashed onto their arm but they barely felt it, too busy trying to hold onto their existence, onto reality. Tea. Tea was safe. Normal. They knew what tea would do. Tea couldn't make them fat or confuse them or make them question everything that was reality.
Love, compassion, hope. They would never get used to being at the receiving end of this kindness. Somewhere in the depths of their dilapidated couch, their phone buzzed. Nozomi was too busy staring past the beige wall to care, upright only by the support of the counter. The paint was dirty and chipped, scuffed in some areas, with holes left from thumbtacks, reminders of the previous tenants that had lived there. It felt a lot like themself, dirty and plain, used and abandoned. Why would people care about them? Gerson, they could pretend to understand. He was an old, sweet monster, the one who gave them days off if they sneezed and left little pastries on their doorstep, of course he would be kind to them. But a stranger? A random stranger? Nozomi shook their head and turned back to the tea, throwing the tea bag away before sipping it in shaking hands and scalding their tongue. They rolled their tongue around in their mouth, feeling the rough texture of burnt taste buds scrape against the roof of their mouth. Feeling. Feeling is good. They centered on the sensation, trying to find their way back into their body again before shivering violently. They felt so cold.
A knock at the door broke Nozomi out of their ritual, causing them to jump and splash some tea onto their hands. More sensation, more feeling. Who cares what sensation it was?
"Coming!" Nozomi winced at the femininity of their voice.
Lower your voice, next time
. The berating morphed as somewhere in the back of their brain, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Father began to taunt them. Nozomi put the tea down, perhaps a bit too hard as some splashed onto their hand yet again. Using the wall to support them, they made their way to the door before opening it. Eyes on the ground, speak clearly but with a low pitch, no fidgeting, no movement, no weakness. "Hello, how can I help you?"
"Good to see that you're doing better. kiddo." The voice was baritone, smooth, familiar. Familiar? Nozomi’s eyes jerked up to meet the eyes of the visitor. The face was familiar as well, but barely, a hazy memory of holding hands and whispered worries. A lazy grin, accompanied by tired eyes, eyesockets? A skeleton. This wasn't the one with the gloves and the strange note. Maybe a brother? Was that prejudiced? To assume that two skeleton monsters were related? How long had they been standing there, staring? Had they said anything? Oh God, had they invited them in? They must look like a monster hater! They shook their head. Restart, reboot, wipe the brain like an etch-a-sketch.
"Would you like to come in?" Nozomi instantly winced again, berated themself for not lowering their voice below the natural tone.
Stupid. High pitched. Spoke too fast.
Wait, did the skeleton say kiddo? "Also, I’m not a kid."
"Sure thing, kiddo." The skeleton grinned, shrugging. Nozomi's lips twitched slightly upwards as they held the door wider to let the skeleton shuffle in. Hoodie, shorts, and slippers? Eh, they couldn't judge. Seemed comfortable. Did they have slippers somewhere? Shorts, couldn't wear those out for a while. They brushed their hands against their pants to try and calm the shaking, as if they could just rub it off. Their brittle nails caught on the fabric. They needed to clip them again. They cleared their throat, clasping their hands behind their back.
"I don't believe we've officially had the pleasure of meeting."
Too formal.
Too formal.
The pleasure? What were they, 200? God, couldn't they do anything right?
"Name's Sans. Sans the skeleton. You called me Ketchup though." Nozomi winced. Leave it to them to say something that dumb. "Hey, no sweat. Thought we could ketchup now that you’re up." His statement was accented by a cheesy wink, bringing Nozomi out of their self-deprecation.
"Was- was that a pun?" They tried really hard not to stutter.
"I know it seems unlikely that I could mustard the courage for a pun at such a thyme as this, but I truly relish puns." That, that was definitely a pun. Several puns. Of course he was mocking them. Stupid. They ruin everything. Sans' smile slipped slightly at the corners, his eyelights focusing, shrinking. "Hey, you ok?"
Nozomi shook their head again rapidly. The world spun and tilted, causing them to grab onto the wall again. "Yeah, I'm fine." They were forgetting something.
Tea.
They inched towards the kitchen and grabbed it, leaning against the counter with their entire weight.
Sans arched a brow bone (how) before following them into the kitchen. "I see that you got my brother's spaghetti."
"Y-yeah! I don't think I can eat it but it was really sweet."
Sans hummed in understanding. "He was pretty worried about leaving you here yesterday. You seemed pretty out of it."
"I’m fine.” Nozomi blurted out before realizing just how that sounded. “I mean thank you."
Sans smiled a bit more. "No problem kiddo. Are you feeling better today?"
Nozomi was suddenly overly aware of every cut. Of waking up in a tidy bed and freaking out. Doing what they knew best to get rid of the hands. The socks that they forgot to take off stained red. The need for more gauze, even as the gauze they tried to wrap around their thighs was torn to shreds with their shaking hands and sharp, ragged nails. "Yeah." Lies. Too many lies.
Sans looked skeptical. Or maybe that was their imagination. His smile hadn't slipped, his eye lights just seemed a little more focused, trained on them. But he didn't press. After all, he was a stranger and they were a failure. The silence stretched on too long.
They shifted from looking at him to looking anywhere but him. Hands at sides, brushing hair, back to sides, holding each other. They didn’t know how to hold a conversation, especially one where this fragile acquaintance relied on improvement, on them being able to lie and say that everything was fine and that they were absolutely stable and this was a one time thing and not every day and be able to laugh it off and-
Nozomi tried to focus on anything, ground themself with anything before this turned into a full-blown panic attack. The gauze under their sleeve was fascinating. A small piece lodged into their nail. They didn't care.
Sans' eyelights dimmed, hazier than before, noticing the bandage. He seemed to be studying them, with their hollow cheeks and pale skin, their ragged nails and shaking hands, their disheveled appearance and lack of energy. Nozomi decided that they hated it. The silence was deafening, the only sound being of their struggling heart beating in their ears, their throat, everywhere where it definitely didn’t belong.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Sans was the one to break the silence, clearing a non-existent throat before awkwardly shoving his phone in their direction. "Well, here, put your number in. We can stay in touch and stuff." Nozomi wasted no time, eager for the questioning silence to end, and for Sans to stop looking at them with such ... concern. "Have you eaten?"
"Huh?" Nozomi looked up, having put in the phone number after retyping it six or seven times because their hands wouldn't. stop. shaking.
"Food. Have you eaten it today?" The question was simple but direct and Nozomi hated the pit in their stomach. They looked at the ground instead of at the inquiring, concerned eyes of this skeleton stranger. "Thought so." He looked like he was deep in thought for a moment. "Hang on. I'll be back in a minute."
Nozomi jumped as Sans suddenly disappeared. Of course they knew that monsters had magic, they worked with one after all. But teleportation was new. Nozomi dug their ragged nails into their arm, trying to focus on that sensation. The nails bent slightly but did a good enough job for now. Food. Nobody besides Gerson ever seemed to ask about it.
Sans blipped back into the room, making Nozomi jump yet again. "Here. Grillby makes the best burg around. No pressure to eat it while I'm here. I asked him to hold the tomato. Figured that you were allergic."
Nozomi choked out a thank you, a cold weight in their throat. Cold. So cold.
"No problem, kiddo. I'll see you tomorrow." Sans picked up the tray of spaghetti with a final look of concern and blipped out of the room, leaving Nozomi alone.
They carefully took the greasy bag of food and placed it into the trash can. A lump formed in their throat that they desperately tried to swallow. They couldn’t eat. They weren’t allowed to eat after episodes. Memories of being locked into a closet for days at a time flooded their mind, and Nozomi made no effort to stifle them this time. They took up space, they made another being worry. The punishment for that was three days of no food.
They stared into the trash again before closing the lid. They might make an exception and go a whole week. After all, he said that he would be back tomorrow, and that definitely constituted more worry than the typical amount. With their mind set, they dumped their now cold tea and went back to their room. No bed for them, beds meant bad things and were only for good children anyways. Instead they curled into a ball in their small and dark closet and cried themself to sleep.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It was dark. Nozomi put their hands up, hoping to see them. No such luck.
“Hello?” There was no echo or anything. Nozomi focused on walking forward, but nothing seemed to change. Perhaps they had moved, there was no way to tell. They put their hands up to their eyes and covered their face. Okay, they could feel that, the constant quaking most definitely theirs. They carefully moved their fingers to their eye sockets. Yup, their eyes were open. “Is anyone there?” Silence.
Nozomi decided to just roll with it, and leaned back, enjoying the feeling of weightlessness. There was no way to tell how long they spent there, it could have been minutes or hours, there was no change. And then the static started. Nozomi straightened, feeling cold, well colder, all of a sudden.
“Hello?” Their voice shook slightly, but they couldn't hide the curiosity from their voice. Nothing but the slight static responded. “Who’s there?” Static, the kind found on TVs, could be seen in their periphery. They shivered with cold, or maybe fear, but they pretended it was the cold. “Please answer me.”
There was a strange sound, Nozomi had no way to describe it but it sent chills up their spine. A body, or at least a form, began to appear in front of them. A white, drooping face, skeletally white with a crack extending up and another down, a black amorphous body, two white hands with holes in them. Nozomi felt as if they should be frightened, but couldn't help but calm upon seeing the stranger. They felt... familiar. The noise repeated, screeching like nails on a chalkboard. Nozomi walked closer, examining the stranger.
“Something happened to you.” It wasn’t a question. There was no way to tell, but somehow Nozomi felt as if they knew this stranger, as if they were friends. “You’re stuck here, in this…” Nozomi gestured to the dark, or at least they assumed they did before dropping their shaking hands, “…this nothing.” Another noise, causing Nozomi to wince slightly, and then they were face to face with the being. The strange noises filled Nozomi’s ears and a hand, or what was left of it, rested on their face. It seemed to be urgently speaking but they were already drifting off, falling softly…
Nozomi blinked awake slowly, a far cry from the usual sleepless nights or nightmares, before shutting their eyes again at the dazzling sunlight. After the initial shock, they relaxed, the sunlight felt lovely. They smiled and nuzzled deeper into their pillow, content to go back to sleep. Weekends were for sleeping in, after all. They’d have to thank Gerson for the time off and- Nozomi jerked up so fast they felt their neck pop. Wait, they didn’t have today off unless…They snatched their phone off of the side table, ignoring the analog clock like a dumbass. Grimacing, they squinted at the phone screen trying to see it through the sunlight before letting out a sharp squeak of panic. “Shit, shit, shit shit shit.” Nozomi sprang out of the bed like it was made of fire and ran to the closet. “Shit shit shit shit shit.” They threw pieces to the other side of the closet, or attempted to, some of them hit the ground, before settling on their favorite flannel. “Shit shit shit.” They tried to run and ended up slipping on their clothes on the floor. Nozomi felt the breath leave them as their tailbone hit the wood floor hard. “Ow. Shit.” Not to be deterred, they army-crawled to the bathroom where the rest of their outfit was waiting. Binder, flannel (why did they pick a shirt with so many freaking buttons?), boxers, skinny jeans, clean socks. No time to brush teeth, grab a stick of gum. No time to shower, throw hair into a man bun. SHOES ON. Keys, knife, lights off, ok, let’s go! Nozomi closed the door between slamming it open again once the chill autumn air hit them. “Jacket jacket jacket.” They grabbed their sweatshirt and zipped it up hastily, grimacing as their shirt sleeves got bunched up inside. “Gross.” They hesitated for a moment before slapping their glasses onto their face as well. “Less gross.” Door relocked, keys and knife safe around neck, time to run. They couldn't lose this job, they needed this money they needed the money. Rent was due soon and they needed the money. They couldn't lose this job. They quickly ran out of steam, their mental energy taking as much out of them as the physical activity itself. Nozomi was out of breath within a block and was wheezing within three. God damn, binders suck. Ok, maybe it was also that they were out of shape…. But anyways! Nozomi resorted to speed walking as fast as humanly possible, and then walking fast, and then walking. No sense in being on time but then being out of commission at work for an hour due to an asthma attack. Gerson always understood when they were late before (Nozomi resisted the urge to dwell on the feeling that they were going to lose this job). Plus, it's not like they could inform him of their current plight, upon reaching into their pocket to grab their phone, they realized that they had left it back at their apartment. No way to tell time, no constraint weighing in the back of Nozomi’s mind (except for the anxiety creeping up their spine, but that was no matter). The streets were crowded with commuters, and they wished more and more that they had their phone to distract themself from the traffic, from the crowds, the noise. But then they never would have heard the child. A child that was screaming profanities. Call it fate if you wanted, but Nozomi snapped right out of their spiralling thoughts. Now, Nozomi knew that times were changing, children could curse, but this child sounded mad, and scared? Nozomi took a quick glance around. No parents arguing with their kids, no kids playing in the streets, only busy people running from place to place. The few kids that were visible were either chattering excitedly, or looking entirely bored. No sign of an angry child... or a scared child. No one else seemed to notice the sound either, leaving Nozomi questioning whether this was an auditory illusion or not. They hesitated but pinpointed the sound to an alleyway between an abandoned thrift store and a rundown tobacco shop, not the best part of town to be in. Shrugging, they moved out of the flow of foot traffic, just to check and make sure that nothing was wrong. Best case scenario, there was nobody there and it was just their mind reminding them of a different time and place, when Nozomi themself had been a child. They could live with that. Worst case scenario... Nozomi decided not to think about that. “I SAID LEAVE US ALONE!” There was that voice again, high pitched and scared, erasing any remaining doubt, and Nozomi ducked into the alley. A teenager in a dirty and torn striped sweater was curled up, cornered by a group of men. A small golden flower was off to the side in a pile of soil and broken ceramic, screaming profanities as the men attacked the teen, no doubt the sound that Nozomi heard. The kid was protecting their head, and Nozomi pointedly ignored the question of how they knew to guard so well. Another time, another place. Right now, this kid was in danger. “HEY!” Oh, that was their voice, they had said that. The men turned towards them, away from the teen, and Nozomi began to ramble. “Listen, can’t we just resolve this peacefully? You are right by the street, a PUBLIC street, and this is just a kid, what did they do to you?” While speaking, Nozomi put their hands up in a placating manner and edged closer, putting themself between the teen and the men. They could deal with these fuckers, there was no guarantee that the kid could. Nozomi saw the flower watch suspiciously before relaxing when the teenager was no longer in the line of fire. “What do you want with a monster fucker like her anyways?” One of the men sneered. Monster sympathizers and supports were often attacked, but not like this. It didn't completely add up, but it told them enough to know that these men were pieces of shit. Nozomi arched a brow dramatically. “So that’s what this is about. Now I’m not usually one to call names, but that’s not a very nice thing to say, Douche McDickBag.” They stepped forward, fully shielding the teenager, who watched the exchange carefully with a guarded, emotionless face. “What the fuck did you call me?” Head honcho, aka Douche McDickBag, tried to use his height to intimidate; hissing, and therefore spitting a little into Nozomi’s face. The stench of rancid tobacco made their eyes water just a tad bit. Their stomach dropped as they realized they may have bitten off more than they can chew but they kept up the facade. Just a little while longer and the kid will be safe. Just keep the kid safe whatever you do, Nozomi. “Douche McDickBag.” Nozomi looked slightly off to the side, in what they hoped was a disarming way. Clearly not, as the ringleader saw this as his chance. He signaled to the other men who moved forward, surrounding Nozomi. Nozomi made sure that the kid was creeping to the side and the ringleader saw this as his shot. He lunged forward, Nozomi barely had time to react at the sight of the knife, and stabbed them in the side. They felt the breath leave them but they didn’t move. Stay still and he'll leave faster. Nozomi would never be grateful for what he put them through, but it was most certainly helpful now. He glared at them and they locked eyes with him into a staring contest for a solid minute of bated breath before he looked away, wiping off his knife on his dirty pants. Success. “Fine. Let’s go.” He shoved Nozomi slightly as he headed out but left. Another man made eye contact with her before they left, but he also left after just a few seconds. Nozomi took a deep breath and put their hand over their injured side before turning to the teenager. “Hey, you’re safe now. Are you ok?” The kid didn’t answer besides a slight nod, shaky and barely perceptible. “That’s not super convincing.” “They’re mute, idiot.” Nozomi turned around to see the golden flower from before glowering at them. “We had it handled, we didn’t need your help.” A stern glare from the kid had him relenting. “But thank you. I guess.” Nozomi quickly examined the child for injuries. Scrapes and bruises mostly, their sweater appeared to have taken most of the damage, but there was a cut on their cheek that was scabbing over slowly. “Nothing too major! That’s good!” They moved a piece of hair out of the teen’s face with their free hand in an offhanded tender motion. “You’ll be just fine! We’ll want to get that cut checked out, but it shouldn’t scar.” “But that would look so badass!” Nozomi smiled at the flower then kneeled in front of him, the change in movement causing a little bit of blood to squish between their fingers. “Any injuries for you, Mr.?” He glared up at them before shaking his head. He mumbled something about not getting stabbed. “Ok good!” Nozomi ignored the comment and sat down. While the flower gazed in disbelief, they untied their shoe before scooping the spilled dirt into it, careful not to grab any ceramic shards. “What the hell are you doing?” The flower asked annoyed. “We need some way to carry you, silly.” Nozomi smiled, acting as if they were dealing with a toddler. “Fine.” He huffed impatiently. When Nozomi had firmly re-planted him in the worn sneaker, he mumbled, “and the name’s Flowey.” “The name’s Nozomi.” Nozomi smiled gently, standing (somewhat unevenly). They watched as the teenager grabbed Flowey, having a silent conversation, before offering their free hand to Nozomi. Nozomi took it after a little hesitation on their end, and was rewarded with a giant toothy grin. “Hope you are both ok if I take you to my work so we can get you guys patched up and ready to go. It’s just a little ways ahead!” “Fine but you try anything and I’ll kill you.” Flowey mumbled. It lacked any real bite but Nozomi nodded solemnly for his benefit. The group made it to the bookstore eventually, having to stop a few times for Nozomi to extract something or another from their foot. The sign already had been flipped to open, and the lights were on. Nozomi sighed, taking a moment to push away the anxiety of being laid off. There were more important things to deal with. Namely a bleeding kid and a grumpy flower. “Gerson! I’m ho-ome!” Nozomi called out dramatically as they used their shoulder to force open the door. “Nozomi!” Gerson could be heard shuffling through stacks of books in the back. “Hang on!” Nozomi winced as a crash echoed through the store. “I’m coming!” He came into view, hobbling at record speeds with his cane. He stopped and observed the ragtag group for a moment. “Ah, I was wondering why you were late.” He smiled kindly. “Hello. I will get the first aid kit. Come in and sit down. I’ll see if I have an empty pot around here as well.” “Please.” Flowey sounded exasperated, but his face only showed a trace of annoyance. The majority was relief. The kid, who now that they were in safety, Nozomi could observe better, was wearing their tattered sweater, along with cargo shorts (all of the pockets were bulging) and hiking boots. It was a bit of a strange combination but it worked. They reached into one of their many pockets, retrieving a wrapped piece of candy, unwrapped it carefully before shoving it into Flowey’s mouth as he started another tirade against existence. They motioned towards Nozomi and started signing. “Whoa whoa whoa, sorry I don’t understand sign language.” Nozomi made a mental note to learn, just in case they ever encountered this kid again. After all, it certainly wouldn’t hurt to know it. “They said thank you and they like your sock.” Flowey looked crabby at being stuck as translator. Nozomi looked down and wiggled their toes. One foot was still in a sneaker, but the other was clad in a blue sock with a yellow rubber duck pattern on it. “Oh.” Nozomi grinned at the kid. “You’re welcome, and thank you.” Gerson came back with a fully stocked first-aid kit. Nozomi simply pointed to Frisk and he sighed, knowing that they would refuse help.“Ok, Frisk, let’s see those scrapes.” “Wait.” Nozomi stood up super fast, placing their hand even more solidly on their side, suddenly acutely aware of their injury. “Frisk? As in Savior of the Underground Frisk? Oh my God, those guys were trying to kill you probably. Oh my God, I just said that out loud. Oh my God I shouldn’t have said that.” Flowey gave Nozomi a smirk at their panicked face. “Yes. Now sit down. You took care of the situation. Frisk is fine. Calm down before you have a fucking heart attack or bleed out or something.” Flowey was on the receiving end of three glares. “What? Just because I sound like a little kid doesn’t mean I am one!” “Doesn’t matter. By the way, I’m sorry I cursed in front of you two earlier. But I wanted to get a message across.” Nozomi said, staring at their shoes, well, shoe. “Someone got Nozomi to curse in public?” Gerson looked up from bandaging Frisk’s knee to see Frisk grinning and nodding. “Wow.” The next few minutes were spent with Flowey and Frisk conversing rapidly, making Nozomi’s head spin. A couple times Frisk would sign something to Gerson or Flowey and then they would just glance over at Nozomi. Nozomi was very glad for the small victory that their hands weren't freezing anymore. “So,” Gerson settled down into a chair after finishing bandaging up Frisk. “Give me the short version.” His gaze searched Nozomi's in his normal, worrying way of his. Frisk signed out something while Gerson nodded. This continued for quite a few minutes, making Nozomi wish more and more that they had studied sign language as one of their electives in high school. They elected to stare at their lap, surprised at the amount of blood they were seeing. Suddenly they were fascinated with anything that wasn't their own body. Gerson then turned to Nozomi, breaking them out of their scattered thoughts. “Douche McDickBag?” They stared at their hands, covered in dirt and flaking blood in embarrassment. “I like it. So, wanna tell me how you figured out these two found trouble?” “I heard a child cursing, but they sounded scared. I figured it couldn’t hurt to make sure that nothing was happening. I’m really glad I checked in when I did.” Nozomi admitted. Gerson's face softened at the silent implication. “See! Cursing is good for something!” Flowey beamed, breaking the moment. Gerson rolled his eyes and Frisk snickered. “So you got stabbed.” Gerson’s gaze turned slightly accusatory and Nozomi gulped. “’Tis but a flesh wound! I will be fine!” They said dramatically. Gerson rolled his eyes again but he knew not to press. He knew what happened last time he pressured them. “Well, I’m gonna call Toriel, make sure she knows what these hooligans got into. Though, I’ve got to say, I’m proud of the weed for not causing trouble.” With that final wink, Gerson walked off to Flowey screeching. “Remind me again why you are here?” Nozomi asked of the towering skeleton as Frisk and Flowey bickered in the background. Something about Frisk not needing to carry around every single thing they found. "Seriously Frisk? That band-aid doesn't even have any stick left! Why are you carrying it?" Nozomi's attention snapped back to Papyrus as he began to speak. “OF COURSE! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE BEEN TASKED WITH HEALING ANY INJURIES THAT THE THREE OF YOU MAY HAVE SUSTAINED DURING THE ENCOUNTER! ALSO, TORIEL WAS BUSY AND I’M THE GREAT UNCLE!” Papyrus posed again, his coat defying the laws of well, everything, to wave in the wind behind him. There was definitely no draft in the room. Frisk signed and Papyrus turned his gaze back to Nozomi, but with concern. “What did they say?” They asked nervously, chewing their lip. “That you got stabbed! And then refused help! Human, please allow me to heal you!” Papyrus kept his voice uncharacteristically soft as a sign of his obvious concern, and also a sign of Gerson giving him dirty looks, despite trying really really hard not to give him looks every time he raised his voice. Must be the senile old man in him. “Please heal Frisk first.” Nozomi, none too subtly, leaned their hand harder against their side. Papyrus wasted no time and quickly summoned out Frisk’s soul, a beautiful vibrant red, and poured green healing magic, transparent green mist, into it. Frisk gave a happy little sigh and a thumbs up after their soul was back in place. The bruises were gone, and there was just a slight red mark where they got cut. “OKAY HU-“ Gerson caught Papyrus’ eye with a warning (slightly murderous) glance, and Papyrus gulped before lowering his voice, “human, it is your turn now. I am going to call out your soul, just to heal you.” “O-ok.” There was a tug and the world seemed to fade away, as if they had tunnel vision again. Papyrus smiled encouragingly across the plane of black and white. “Human, I will now heal you!” They shut their eyes, not wanting to see it, or their soul. All that they felt was calm and then a feeling like they were being made whole again. “Are you alright, human?” “Yup!” Nozomi slowly opened their eyes and gave a big smile, surprised to feel that all aches had subsided. “Anyways, I need to pick up my lazy brother from that grease trap! Gerson, can Nozomi come with us?” “You’re driving?” Gerson asked with a chuckle, but nodded in consent anyways. Nozomi opened their mouth to argue but was pulled along by Papyrus to a fancy car. “COME ON HUMAN! LET’S GO!” Papyrus hopped into the driver’s seat. Literally jumped over the door into the seat. Nozomi blinked and then got in carefully, opening the door. Frisk carried Flowey into the back, buckling up. “AND WE ARE OFF!” Papyrus carefully backed up before before turning the corner and parking in front of a restaurant called Grillby’s. Papyrus jumped out and then lifted Nozomi under his arm as if he was carrying a ball. Frisk and Flowey snickered at the sight, causing Nozomi to stick their tongue out at them. “Papyrus, I can walk.” Nozomi grumbled but it was half-hearted. They would never admit it, but they missed human contact. They entered the establishment and it went silent. It only made sense, they were dirty and covered in blood. Frisk however, did nothing but wave with a huge smile to the patrons before running over to one of the booths to tackle a girl with white hair into a hug. Sans turned around on his barstool at the sound of the door and waved. “Hey bro. What’s up?” If he noticed the blood (which he would have had to), he made no motion of it. “I JUST PICKED UP FRISK AND FLOWERY FROM GERSON’S BOOKSHOP AND BROUGHT MY NEW FRIEND AS WELL!” Papyrus said, finally setting Nozomi down on top of the bar stool next to Sans, who arched a brow bone at them, eyelights traveling from their eyes to their stomach and back up again. “How about you sit down, bro? Looks like we’ll be here for a while.” Sans motioned to Frisk who was signing up a storm to her platinum-blond friend. He waggled his brow bones suggestively, Nozomi decided not to question it. “Hey Grillbz, I’ll take another burg, no tomato or ketchup please.” Sans winked cheekily at Nozomi before taking a swig of ketchup. They crinkled their nose instinctively. The food was up soon and Sans pushed the plate towards Nozomi without a word. Nozomi fiddled with it for a while before feeling Sans’ eyes on them again. Deciding that it would be rude not to eat it, Nozomi took a small bite. Eyes widened in surprise, the burger was gone before they knew it. Sans and Papyrus talked in hushed tones to each other while they scarfed it down. Sans just chuckled. “Nothing can compare to your first burg from Grillby’s, huh?” Nozomi froze, mid-nod. Their eyes widened. Did he know what happened? Did he know that they threw the burger away? Did he know? Did he know? They risked a glance at Sans to be met with piercing eyes but a joking smile. Just vague enough for only them to understand. They felt a shiver run up and down their spine again. Nozomi subconsciously put their hand over their chest, over the approximate location of their soul, as their heart hammered. “C-can someone take me home?” Papyrus was about to volunteer but Sans beat him to it. “I got this, bro.” Sans motioned for Nozomi to follow him out of the building. They did so without hesitation. “Where to?” “Gerson’s please.” Nozomi hesitantly grabbed Sans’ outstretched hand before feeling as if their entire being was being stretched and then compressed into a tiny container before equalizing. They opened their eyes to be standing right outside the entrance to the bookstore. “Thanks.” “Don’t mention it.” His grin was pained as he looked at them, at their side. And then he was gone, leaving Nozomi with a sense of unease. He knew. Swallowing their pride, they decided to get back to work.
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Hi guys. This next chapter will be a bit delayed, as I hit some EXTREME financial difficulty. To help me out, consider commissioning me (you can DM me on Twitter @KitCatNinja) or donating. (paypal.me/kitcatart or Ko-fi.com/kitcatart). This is incredibly urgent and anything helps.
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"Nozomi, I thought I told you to go with your friends." Gerson lectured, although gently. Nozomi forced a smile that didn't quite reach their eyes. "I'm good." Gerson gave them a stinkface but was interrupted by the bell above the door. Nozomi turned, a bright smile plastered on their face. "Welcome to The Tattered Page! Please feel free to ask me if you need anything."The man who came in looked strangely familiar but they were too distracted by the lava in their stomach. Shouldn't have eaten. Shouldn't have eaten. They forced their smile wider."Yes please, ma'am. I need help finding some books on the French Revolution. And your number." The line tacked on the end of his statement almost flew past them because they were finding it harder to breathe."Excuse me sir, my employee is not a woman." Gerson placed a reassuring claw on Nozomi's shoulder, a silent show of solidarity and a way for them to ground themself. Nozomi shrugged slightly, a nearly invisible sign that they were fine and would continue with the customer. Gerson gently removed his claw and moved away, mumbling something about unpacking darn boxes."French Revolution right?" Nozomi was the epitome of professionalism. They led the man to the section of the bookstore. "Here you are, sir?""Thank you very much sweetheart." Nozomi stiffened as he brushed past them. "You know, you're much too pretty to be stuck up in a hole like this." "Please stop." Nozomi tried to remain calm but their voice wavered slightly. "Come on, you're such a pretty girl." He placed his hand on their upper arm and Nozomi felt the need to vomit. Burning hot lava rose in their throat and they focused on fighting it back. "Plus, I was supposed to trash this place, but if you decide to cooperate, since you didn't earlier, I might leave this place alone." Nozomi's lungs felt inflexible. "What do you want?" They hissed, trying to not alert Gerson. "Meet me at the place from earlier tonight. Doesn't matter when. But if you're not there by 3 am, it's back to the original plan. Got it?" Nozomi nodded hastily. "You ditch on me, and I will find you.""Is there a problem here?" Nozomi jumped at Gerson's voice."Nope. Just headed out. You guys didn't have what I was looking for." He pushed past Nozomi in a none-too-gentle manner and exited the shop. Nozomi's throat burned and they ran to the restroom, promptly heaving up their lunch. They spent a few minutes shaking a dry heaving, reminded of a huge man with a similar sneer. Gerson was waiting for them when they emerged, armed with a cup of sea tea. He offered a sad smile and handed them the tea. "I need you to check out this book for me." Gerson settled them down into a chair and handed them Pride and Prejudice. He knew that they would refuse to go home, but he refused to make them work in their current situation. He also knew that they would stare off into space instead of actually reading the book he handed them. It was three pm when Gerson told them that their shift was over. They shifted mechanically, not even checking the clock. Gerson watched worriedly as Nozomi gathered their items and headed towards the door. He made them promise to text them when they got home, but they barely responded. Nozomi opened the door and shuffled towards their apartment. Towards the danger. But they were protecting Gerson and that's what mattered. Nozomi stumbled through their door. Who needed a locked door anyways. Blood dripped in a slow trail and they swiped their sleeve across their face to clear the blood to little benefit. It hurt to breathe. They closed their eyes and reopened them to find themself on the floor face down next to the couch. Weren't they supposed to at least be on the couch? Oh well, it didn't matter. It was comfortable enough. The floor was really comfortable. They were fine there. They just wanted to sleep.
The static wasted no time in starting this time. Nozomi tried to settle into it, just wanting to drift off further into oblivion. They closed their eyes and focused on deep breaths. Their plan was thwarted with the garbled loud noise coming from in front of them and the shaking of their shoulders. When they tried to ignore it, it simply grew in intensity until they groaned slightly in response.
They opened their eyes to see the face that they had met before staring at them with concern. They tried to smile but ended up grimacing as the figure gently let go of their shoulders.
The face was there from before accompanied by the strange sounds. Bone white hands grasped each other, wringing them wildly.
"'m fine." Nozomi muttered. The face showed concern and there was just one stream of noise. Somehow Nozomi knew what it was saying. "I'm really fine." One of the hands was put on their forehead. Nozomi managed a smile. "It just hurts." The body made a show of examining them for injuries before beginning to pace frantically. "I'm not the one who's stuck here. What should I even call you?" The noises turned disbelieving and Nozomi managed a chuckle. "Shadow the hedgehog then." They were met with the most disbelieving face they had ever seen and tried to laugh but ended up coughing.
They sat in silence for a few seconds, or minutes before Nozomi broke the silence again. "I should probably sleep." The being, (Nozomi decided that it was a he, although they didn't know how they knew that) shook his head adamantly. "I need to stay here?" A nod. "Why?" A chattering noise erupted from the figure.
"Ok." Nozomi was too tired to argue at this point and just lay down. The figure knelt next to them. He brushed his strange, holed hands through their hair. He slowly started to hum a song. His voice was warped but the humming turned into a soft resonating tone that was somehow comforting. Nozomi couldn't place it, but it felt like home. The being said something after a moment but Nozomi was already too far gone to the lure of unconsciousness.
Sans watched the two teenagers chatting away at the table. He grinned, finishing his sixth bottle of ketchup. Zenith laughed over something that Frisk signed and leaned forward toward them. Frisk leaned forward and brushed a stray hair out of her face, ever the flirt. They both blushed. Sans zoned out, happy for them. Papyrus shook his shoulder. "SANS." Sans tore his eyes away from the "couple" and turned to his brother. "GERSON WANTS TO TALK TO YOU." Sans took the phone from Papyrus' outstretched hand."'ello?" Sans reclined lazily. "Hey there sonny, was wondering if you could do me a favor." Gerson's voice was worried, an unusual tone for him. He had been unphasable, even in the genocide runs, so this was unusual. It was frightening and Sans straightened, bracing himself for the worst. "What's up?""I sent Nozomi home early. There was an interaction that really shook them up, I took care of it, but Nozomi was really affected, so I sent them home. I told them to text me when they got back. It's been several hours and I'm worried about them.Can you check on them? Make sure they got home alright?" Sans shrugged. "Sure thing." He hung up and handed the phone back to Papyrus. "I'll see you later, bro. I have to go check something.""I WILL HEAD HOME AS WELL. ZENITH, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF FRISK FOR ME. AND IF YOU DO KISS THEM, MAKE SURE TO TAKE THEM ON A PROPER DATE!" Papyrus ran out of the door, leaving the two teenagers blushing wildly as Sans chuckled.He followed in his brother's steps and walked out casually before quickly teleported to the fifth floor of the apartment building. He shuffled down the carpeted hallway, acting casual before his eyelights shrunk to mere pinpricks. Nozomi's door wasn't closed all the way. And something that looked suspiciously like blood was on the ground. Sans hurried the rest of the way and knocked on the doorframe, hoping that everything was okay. There was no response. Sans hesitated before entering. Maybe they were just lazy like him. Just taking a nap."Nozomi? Are you here?" No response and Sans entered fully. He decided to leave the door open, just as a courtesy. "Nozomi?" Silence. He tried to breathe deeply. Where were they?The television turned on suddenly, simply static. Sans jumped before moving to the tv area, where he found Nozomi on the ground, out. "Oh my god." He rushed over to their side, placing his fingers against their neck. He let out a breath as he felt the heart rate, faint but steady. "Ok, ok, ok." He gently turned them over onto their back and inhaled sharply. Nozomi's face was bloody and bruised. Blood was on the floor. Sans stood, picking them up gently, being mindful of body contact. He took one last look at the apartment before teleporting to his own, where his brother was waiting. He never noticed that the tv had turned off by itself.
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This. This was not their room. Nozomi stayed entirely still, hastily closing their eyes to think through everything. Ok. Ok. How did he find them? How did he get to them? They should have escaped him. They even changed their name, how much more could they do? Nozomi could hear footsteps approaching and tried their best to breathe normally, but their breath hitched in fear. “Relax, buddy. Nobody’s gonna hurt you.” Nozomi’s eyes shot open in shock. That wasn’t their father’s voice. They slowly turned to the source of the voice and their eyes opened wider. “Gaster?” The skeleton’s eyes widened at the same time that Nozomi’s eyes did. Where had that name come from? Where? “How the hell do you know that name?” Sans asked, not angry but rather confused. “I-I don’t know.” Nozomi admitted. “It just seemed familiar.” Sans stared at her for a moment before relaxing. “Ok. How are you feeling?” That was a good question. Nozomi did a quick mental check of their body. “I’m feeling good?” They tried to recall what happened but had nothing but a blank. “No offense, Sans, but how did I end up here?” “Gerson wanted me to check on you.” Sans looked away, but Nozomi still saw his eye lights disappear. “So I did.” Did they try to commit suicide? Why would they feel ok then? Maybe Papyrus healed them. Did they try to kill themself? “I’m sorry.” Nozomi mumbled, causing Sans to whip around and stare at them. “Why?” Sans asked, leaning against the wall. “I honestly don’t know what happened, but clearly something affected you and so I’m sorry.” Nozomi hugged their knees to their chest. “I’m sorry for bothering you.” “Nozomi, you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t worry about a thing.” Sans reassured them. Nozomi’s shoulders loosened slightly. “Ok. Ok good.” They let out a deep breath. “What time is it?” “It’s about 4 pm. Why do you ask?” Sans shoved his hands deep into his pockets. Nozomi straightened fast. “I missed work!” They sprang out of the bed before Sans held up his hand. “Hold up there.” Nozomi froze mid step. “You’ve been out for a couple days, Gerson isn’t mad.” “A couple days?” Nozomi’s voice rose in pitch before they brought it back down, not wanting to sound too feminine. “I’ve been out for a couple of DAYS?” “Yeah. They really did a number on you.” Sans remained unfazed. Nozomi took a note of the disgust in his voice at ‘them’, whoever he was referring to, and filed it away for later. There was a loud knock on the door before someone opened the door. “Hey Sans, I brought some more water and- HOLY SHIT!” Nozomi jumped at the loud voice. “YO, EVERYONE, THE PUNK’S AWAKE!” Nozomi shrank into themself further from the volume. A tall fish woman with beautiful red hair suddenly came sprinting at them and picked them up. “ABOUT DAMN TIME!” Nozomi tried not to flinch, staying rigid as they were flung around. “U-undyne m-maybe you should let go of them.” That was a new voice. Nozomi didn’t really have time to process as they were suddenly dropped, losing what little support they had. They would have collapsed if it wasn’t for Sans (when did he get there), right behind them. He supported them as they gained their footing. Nozomi took the time to scan the room, somewhat a defense mechanism. A small reptilian girl was fidgeting nervously next to the tall fish (Undyne?), Frisk and the girl from yesteday were peeking into the room, and Papyrus was asking them questions but it all sounded like white noise. “ENOUGH!” Nozomi jumped, shaking slightly at the unexpected noise. The white haired girl uncupped her hands from around her mouth. “They’re clearly feeling overwhelmed, so stop crowding them! And keep it down!” The others had enough decency to listen. Papyrus backed up a little before asking questions again. “Zenith was right, we should have been more considerate. How are you feeling?” His voice was at a much lower volume than normal. “I’m ok, Papyrus.” Nozomi’s voice sounded small. They hugged their arms to their chest, armor against the world. Papyrus seemed to notice this and smiled gently. “I made some pasta. Would you like some?” His voice was uncharacteristically soft, but Nozomi couldn’t bring themself to feel bothered by it. “It’s true. He’s been doing nothing but making pasta while you were out.” Sans spoke up. For some reason, Nozomi didn’t feel scared by his voice, if anything it was calming. Regardless, they shook their head. They couldn’t eat. “H-how about a movie? I doubt Nozomi feels up too much anyways.” The yellow lizard spoke up. Frisk nodded rapidly before grabbing Zenith’s hand and running out of the room. They returned in a second with a movie in hand which they handed to Sans. He looked at it for a moment. “Good choice kiddo. Movie it is. Go get set up, guys.” Frisk grabbed Zenith again, running out. “Come on, Alphys, we gotta beat those punks!” Undyne scooped the lizard up under her arm and sprinted out of the room. Papyrus grinned before seeing that Nozomi still had their arms wrapped around them in a defensive gesture. He grabbed a blanket and carefully wrapped it around them. “There. Now you have some awesome armor, just like me.” His smile was gentle and kind, making Nozomi relax slightly. He ran to join the other, leaving just Sans and Nozomi. “You ready to join the others? I know that it probably is a lot…” Sans rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Nozomi, not trusting their voice, chose to instead nod and follow Sans to where everyone else was waiting. As they sat on the couch, surrounded by strangers, and people who seemed to be approaching friend status, they found themself strangely comfortable. Maybe they could trust these people after all.
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Papyrus had said to call in case of emergency. Nozomi stared at his contact page for a minute. Was this an emergency? No. It wasn’t. They were fine. They were perfectly fine.
Yes. It is an emergency.
But they’re busy. Meetings and politics. They must be so tired. They have so much prejudice to put up with. Nozomi would be selfish to interrupt. The screen of their phone devolved into static before text appeared. ‘He told you to call.” Nozomi barely budged, used to Gaster’s shenanigans by now. They turned their phone off and threw it across the room, where it landed against the wall with a dull thud. Knees up to their chest, as if that would make the pain go away. Maybe it would. Could they suffocate in that position? Probably not. Still, it felt as if they were. Their phone lit up the dark room again. Nozomi ignored it. The group was busy. Relations were still dicey. If they asked for help now, they could lose years of progress for the monsters. Because they were a burden. And this wasn’t an emergency. Nozomi’s chest felt tight, and their breathing went funny for a moment. Gerson had been teaching at the school. He was a good teacher, having lived through so much, and having Undyne as a student. Nozomi was in charge of the shop. They were fine though. The pain helped them focus, pain under sweater sleeves. Made the lights and the smiles less painful, especially when they pressed. It was autumn. Red was in season after all. Food was delivered to the bookstore at lunch, always without tomato, always on a tab. Sometimes Nozomi hid from the delivery person in the back room, sometimes they took it. The lava never stayed down for long. No, this isn’t an emergency, they’re fine. They’re happy. Nozomi rolled over, ignoring the static on every screen, grabbing their friend.
They are your friends.
They shouldn’t be. The silver and the red reminded Nozomi of a different time, so they made it deeper. And deeper. Gaster was pleading, reaching for them. Was he half out of the Void? Or were they half in it? It didn’t matter. It wasn’t an emergency. They were fine. They tried to tell him this, but the words came out wrong. Why did he care anyways? It’s not like he could stop them. The words were almost as sharp as the blade, and it made him recoil. Recoil and leave. It was dark. Dark and silent. Sobs bubbled up and out almost as fast as the blood. But they were fine. They were fine. Because Daddy couldn’t find them here. And there was no one to stop them. After all, it wasn’t an emergency. The static resumed, but maybe that was just their head. They didn’t know. A light turned on but Nozomi was too busy. This wasn’t an emergency. “Nozomi. Nozomi. Nozomi, can you hear me?” The voice grew in volume and Nozomi laughed, crying, big messy tears streaking their cheeks. “Oh dear God.” They smiled lopsidedly, loopy, at the shocked skeleton. “I didn’t call. Not an emergency.” His eyelights were pinpricks. He was scared. Nozomi informed him that there was no reason to be scared, after all, Daddy wasn’t here. He didn’t find them. His eyes disappeared, leaving only inky darkness. The silver was lifted away in a blue cloud, disappearing without a trace, before Sans grabbed the first aid kit. “First aid kit is for emergencies, dummy.” Nozomi said, feeling sleepier than they had for days. “Arms.” Sans’ voice was shaking wildly, almost as much as his hands. Must be too much coffee, he was working so hard and now he has to worry about them. He bandaged them carefully, gently. “Gaster.” “Hmmm?” They were sleepy. Sans gently shook them. “No sleeping. Gaster told me that I needed to get here.” “It wasn’t an emergency. I didn’t call. Not emergency.” Sans sighed, staring at blood soaked sheets. So much blood. “I’m glad I got here when I did. What the fuck were you thinking? I thought you were getting better!” Sans tried to keep his voice level but it ended up rising a little bit each sentence, ending in a half-panicked shout. Nozomi shrugged. Sans sighed deeply, shakily. “You could have died.” Nozomi rolled their eyes, angry now. "You don't get it! You don't understand how hard it is to get up every day and just breathe! You have no clue what I'm going through so STOP CARING!" Their outburst had no effect on the skeleton, who leaned his back against the wall by the bed, picture complete with half-lidded eyes and a lazy smile. "Don't I?" The smile seemed lazy but it dripped poison. The tension in the air was thick and heavy. Sans stood after a long moment. “I will be back tomorrow. Dad will contact me if there’s another emergency. Don’t be fucking stupid.” And he was gone, his angry words cutting deeper than any knife. Nozomi cried themself to sleep that night. Gaster was nowhere to be seen when they finally fell asleep.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“WAKE UP, HUMAN!” Nozomi groaned, turning over and nuzzling deeper into their pillow. “NOZOMI! UP!” Nozomi squealed as their pillow was ripped out from under them. “Dude, what the hell?” Nozomi rubbed their eyes, sitting up. “WELL, HUMAN, I HAVE DECIDED TO BE YOUR GUIDE!” Papyrus posed dramatically as Nozomi took in his outfit. He was wearing a cropped red sweatshirt and the skinniest jeans possible. He was dressed surprisingly…. low-key. “My guide?” Nozomi was trying to wrap their head around this. “What time is it? Why are you in my room?” “IT IS 6 AM! I HAVE COME TO ASSIST YOU! NOW, UP!” Papyrus picked them up under the armpits. He set them on their feet. “GET DRESSED AND THEN I WILL EXPLAIN!” “Okay?” Nozomi accepted it. Papyrus graciously left the room while they changed. Flannel, jeans, binder, boots. Perfect for the winter weather. They combed their hair, brushed their teeth, and joined Papyrus in the living room. “Hey, Papyrus. Wanna tell me what’s going on now? Why are you in my apartment at six in the morning?” “OH! MY APOLOGIES, HUMAN! I HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU NEED SOME GUIDANCE AND WANTED TO OFFER THAT TO YOU!” Papyrus grinned, clearly proud of himself. “Guidance? What are you talking about?” Nozomi leaned against the wall. “I AM … WORRIED, NOZOMI.” Papyrus looked down at his hands, clearly uncomfortable. “I FEEL AS THOUGH YOU ARE WASTING AWAY IN FRONT OF MY EYES AND I CAN STAND IT NO LONGER.” Nozomi felt a pit grow in their stomach. “Oh.” Papyrus brightened, clearly not planning on staying morose. “LUCKILY, I THOUGHT OF A SOLUTION!” “What makes you think that I would want to change?” Nozomi asked defensively, crossing their arms. Papyrus thought for a moment before standing and looking them in the eye. “Nozomi, are you happy?” His voice was uncharacteristically quiet and serious. Nozomi tried to look anywhere but his eyes but it seemed impossible. Slowly, they shook their head ‘no’. “Do you want to be happy?” Did they? God knows they didn’t deserve it. But maybe they did. Nozomi bit their lip absentmindedly before finally nodding. “EXCELLENT! THEN IT IS SETTLED!” Papyrus lit up, before grabbing Nozomi’s winter coat. “I HAVE A DAY PREPARED FOR US! LET’S GO!” Nozomi wanted to protest, but knew that it would do no good against the eager skeleton. Instead, they pulled on their puffy coat and hat before following Papyrus out of the door. Papyrus led them through the cold and crowded streets until they reached a bakery. He held the door open for them and Nozomi quickly ducked into the warmth. “Papyrus! Welcome, dearie!” A spider monster greeted from the counter. “And who is this lovely friend?” “THIS IS NOZOMI!” Papyrus introduced. “NOZOMI, THIS IS MUFFET!” “Nice to meet you!” Nozomi jumped from eye to eye, unsure of which to make eye contact with. The spider girl giggled. “Just pick an eye, I don’t mind. Now what can I get you today?” Papyrus quickly ordered for the both of them and they sat down. Nozomi quietly sipped their cider while Papyrus fiddled nervously. “NOZOMI, ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU SOME COMPLEX FEELINGS.” Nozomi leaned forward, drink forgotten. “FEELINGS LIKE YOU SHOULDN’T BE HERE, LIKE YOU DON’T BELONG HERE, AND THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU. THAT THE WORLD IS TOO HARD TO DEAL WITH AND EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER WITHOUT YOU IN IT. THESE FEELINGS MAY BE WHAT YOU ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW!” Nozomi decided that they were interested in their drink again. Papyrus’s hand found Nozomi’s, and held it reassuringly. Papyrus’s voice dropped and his eyes were kind. “Back in the Underground, a lot of monsters struggled with depression. There were a few monsters who could remember things that they thought nobody else could. One of these monsters was so close to dusting, that their family worried endlessly about them, even though they too could remember. The family wanted to help and did everything in their power to do that. They went to the university and decided to become a therapist to help their family member.” “Papyrus, you’re rambling.” Nozomi said quietly. “Nozomi, my brother may be much better now, but you remind me so much of how he was. Burdened by something that nobody should be with. I don’t know what happened, but I know that you didn’t deserve it.” “You were a therapist?” Nozomi raised an eyebrow. “Why aren’t you one now?” Papyrus visibly brightened. “WELL, OUR DEGREES WEREN’T HONORED BY HUMAN SYSTEMS! UNTIL RECENTLY, WHEN WE HAD THAT LONG TALK WITH THE GOVERNMENT! NOW WE CAN DO WHAT WE LOVE AND HAVE THE QUALIFICATIONS FOR!” Nozomi smiled. “That’s great Papyrus.” Papyrus smiled softly. “I want to help you, Nozomi. Will you allow me to help you be happy?” Nozomi thought for a moment before nodding. Papyrus didn’t say anything, tears streaming out of his eyes. Instead he walked to their side and hugged them tight. “Thank you.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
The question came out of nowhere and Nozomi felt their stomach clench. The night had been normal until this, settling into the new routine of cooking dinner together, an agreement for Nozomi to eat more. If they weren’t paying attention, they probably would have chopped their finger. Instead, they set the knife down next to the freshly diced potato, and took a deep breath. Nozomi turned to look over at Papyrus, who was tasting the sauce. “What was that, Pap?” Nozomi asked, trying to keep their voice even. “DIFFICULT LIFE EXPERIENCES CAN AFFECT OUR HEALTH. DO YOU FEEL LIKE ANYTHING IN YOUR PAST HAS AFFECTED YOUR HEALTH?” Papyrus continued working on the cooking, but Nozomi noticed that he had slowed down. “What do you mean?” Nozomi placed the potatoes on an oven sheet. “GROWING UP IN A PLACE WHERE PERHAPS YOU WERE HURT, OR WHERE FAMILY MEMBERS HAD MENTAL HEALTH CHALLENGES OR DRUG OR ALCOHOL ISSUES. EVEN EXPERIENCING VIOLENCE. ALL OF THESE THINGS CAN AFFECT OUR HEALTH. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU’VE EXPERIENCED ANYTHING THAT’S AFFECTED YOU?” Papyrus asked, seasoning the potatoes before sticking the sheet in the oven. Nozomi didn’t respond, staring at the wall. Papyrus put the rest of the food in the oven before setting the tea kettle to boil. He waited carefully, hoping that Nozomi would answer. He watched their face as they stared off into the distance, no doubt somewhere else. The angles had softened in their face, thanks to actually eating again. The tea kettle clicked, signaling that it was done, and Nozomi jumped slightly. “How about you go sit down. I’ll be there in a second.” Papyrus said in a soft voice. Nozomi nodded slowly and moved to the couch. Papyrus made two cups of tea quickly, swirling some honey into Nozomi’s, and joined Nozomi on the couch. Nozomi had curled up with their knees pressed to their chest tightly, rocking very slightly. “I made you some tea.” Papyrus’s voice was very quiet, almost a whisper. Nozomi quietly took it with a whispered thanks, uncurling slightly but still drawn into themself. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Papyrus stood. Nozomi flinched before looking up at him with questioning eyes. “I’m just grabbing some things. I’ll be right back.” Papyrus reassured quietly. Papyrus sped walked, grabbing some paper from drawers and coloring materials before placing them down on the coffee table next to abandoned mugs of tea. “You don’t have to talk. Not today. Instead, I want you to draw your emotions.” Papyrus explained gently. “My emotions?” Nozomi asked shakily, uncurling slightly again. Tremors wracked their body still but they were trying to be calm. Papyrus nodded with a gentle smile. “You clearly have a lot on your mind. Just draw whatever you want. We can talk about it over dinner or when you’re ready.” Nozomi picked up a red marker shakily and nodded slowly. They slowly grabbed a piece of paper and began to draw. Papyrus smiled before moving into the kitchen, deciding to clean the dishes to give them some space. Papyrus took the food out of the oven and looked into the living room. Nozomi was staring off into space, clawing at their arms. “Nozomi?” He spoke softly, but they still jerked as if he had screamed. “Are you ok?” They hesitated. “No.” Papyrus moved over into the room, sitting next to them. He extended his hands and they placed their hands into his, a grounding mechanism that they used occasionally. Nozomi was shaking like a leaf. “Yes.” “What are you saying yes to?” Papyrus asked. He knew, of course he did, but he wanted them to say it. “Earlier.” Their answer was very brief but he understood anyways. He was proud of their effort. “I see.” Papyrus glanced at the sheet of paper then quickly glanced away. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. When you are ready, we can talk about it. I have resources that may be able to help you.” Nozomi started crying then turned to Papyrus and clung to him like a lifeline. Papyrus slowly rubbed their back, whispering assurances. Dinner went untouched but Papyrus figured that was okay. There were bigger things to deal with. Sans came in quietly. Papyrus simply nodded in greeting, Nozomi still clinging to him like a lifeline, even though they were asleep. And if he saw the drawing that was simply too gruesome, well Sans would never say anything about it. And if he wasn’t able to sleep, well that wasn't anybody's business.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Grillby didn’t know a lot about the human in front of him. He knew that they were a friend of Sans and Papyrus, and of Frisk, although that was barely a surprise. He knew that they were quiet and kinda shy, but they cared a great deal about their friends. He could respect that. He observed them from his vantage point at the bar. They were comfortably curled into the corner, a warm beverage in their hands, flipping through a book of sign language. They flipped the page, frowning slightly as a loose curl fell into their face again. Grillby chuckled slightly at the sight before approaching them.Nozomi looked up as he approached and gave him a huge smile. “Hey! What’s cooking, good looking?” Grillby pointed to the clock, unable to communicate well. It was later than he would have wished, closing time. Nozomi glanced at it before grinning. “Thanks for the heads up, Grillbz! I’ll see you later!” They grabbed their few things and ran out of the door. Grillby waited, tidying and polishing well cleaned glasses in worry until he got a text from Sans. With the assurance that the delicate human was home safe, he quickly locked up the restaurant and went home. He didn’t know a lot about the human. But he decided that he liked them very much. Things were looking up, Nozomi thought to themself as they looked in the mirror. The sun was shining and everything was beautiful. They gave a big grin and then an air-kiss to their reflection before going through the rest of their routine. They grabbed a container out of the fridge and heated it in the microwave before watering the plants. Waving in greeting to a few familiar faces on the way to work, Nozomi couldn’t help but smile. Today was a good day. And then they froze, causing a few people to bump into them. They didn’t notice. And their smile shattered, accompanied with shadows creeping up from the sidewalk to highlight him. They took a deep breath and looked away, leaning against the wall to Grillby’s. Maybe it wasn’t him. Their brain liked to play tricks on them, Papyrus had helped them a lot to recognize that. They took a deep breath and risked a second look around the corner. No. That was definitely him. And he was right outside of their work. Slowly they took a deep breath through tight lungs and thought about their options. Or tried to. Their hands were shaking terribly and they found it near impossible to breathe. They ran into Grillby’s, which instantly went silent as the few patrons turned to look at who slammed the door open. Grillby noticed how shaky they were and rushed over, abandoning his normal station behind the bar. He held out his arm gently, an invitation, not an order, which they latched onto gladly, sinking their weight into it, and escorted them to a booth in the far corner, away from any eyes. He sat across from them, waiting for them to catch their breath. They were pale, too pale, as if something had sucked the life out of them. “S-sorry about that.” Nozomi said quietly, clearly on the edge of a breakdown. They were wringing their hands, digging nails in, it worried Grillby but he didn’t react to it. Grillby cocked his head to the side and they chuckled, humorlessly, manically. “I saw him. I saw him and I panicked. He’s here. He’s here and I can’t go to work. He knows where I work. Grillby, what do I do? He knows where I work!” Grillby grabbed Nozomi’s hand reassuringly before pulling out his phone and texting Sans. Once assured that the message had sent, he went back to wordlessly soothing the frazzled human. He patted their hand and offered them all the support that he could. Sans popped into existence within a minute, ignoring any greetings, and rushed over to the table. “Hey there, Zomi. You okay?” His smile was taut, his eye lights pinpricks. They looked up at him with huge, haunted eyes and pale lips, trembling. It reminded Sans too much of the first time they met and it scared him.“I saw him. I saw him, Sans.” “Where?” Sans had questions, but now wasn’t the time for questions. Now was the time for action. And somehow he felt as if he knew the source of it. A picture with a father with too wide of a smile with too much blood and too similar of a face to Nozomi. If he had organs, he might have vomited. “At the bookstore. He was waiting for me. I know it.” Sans pulled out his phone and dialed a number quickly. “Hey Gerson, yeah, do you see a man around your shop? Shady, looks a little like Zomi? You do? Okay. Nozomi’s not coming in today, then. You already figured as much? Good. Thanks.” Sans hung up and turned back to Nozomi. “Problem solved.” Nozomi shook like a leaf and Sans allowed his mind to wander back to the picture. Back to the first time they met. Back to all the mentions of “father” or “daddy”. Back to his hypothesis…. He swallowed, pushing the image to the back of his mind. There were more important things to deal with. “Papyrus is out of town, but if you want to stay with me today, we can watch stupid tv or something?” Sans suggested softly, trying to convey his point without scaring them. Nozomi hesitated before nodding slightly, barely noticeable over their baseline shaking. Without even having to be prompted, they grabbed onto Sans’ jacket. He turned and forced a smile of thanks to the bartender before blipping out of existence. Grillby may have messed up a few orders that day, forgetting tomato products, but nobody was keeping track. It was clear his mind was occupied elsewhere, somewhere that made his flames burn a little bit lower than normal. But nobody would mention that.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Nozomi?” Nozomi looked up from their position on the skele-bros couch, knees drawn tightly to their chest. Sans stood in the doorway, leaning against it stiffly, looking way out of his depth. “What do you need right now?” Nozomi smiled weakly, appreciating the effort. “N-nothing. Well... maybe a distraction?” Sans released a little bit of the tension he was holding. His grin visibly loosened. “Can do. Movie? Book?” Nozomi thought for a moment but neither of them really stood out to them. “Y-you decide.” He must have picked up on their discomfort because he continued to list off things. “I could tell you dumb jokes? Tibia honest I’m good at that even though I’m a numbskull.” Nozomi smiled a bit brighter at that. “Um, you could draw? Or talk? Or... bake?” He looked almost embarrassed to mention the last one. “Do you bake?” Nozomi asked, slightly shocked. Sans nodded slowly, looking anywhere but them. “I make a mean pie.” Nozomi pondered for a second and then grinned. “Well then, by all means, teach me your ways, Pastry Chef Sans.” Sans grinned, standing straight as Nozomi joined him. “Titles are more my bro’s thing, tibia honest.” “You already used that one, bonehead.” Nozomi bantered back. Sans noticed that they were still shaking very slightly but it was a huge improvement from earlier. Sans took out two random aprons and threw one over to Nozomi. They both tied theirs on and then laughed. Sans’ had ‘Kiss HUG the Cook’. Nozomi’s said ‘Math puns are the first sine of madness’. It was pretty clear who the aprons belonged too It felt nice, natural almost to laugh together. The air felt lighter, the room bigger. Sans felt as if his very soul was being inflated with helium and decided that making Nozomi laugh was his number one mission. With this in mind, he quickly started pretending to do warmup stretches. “What are you doing?” Nozomi asked with a smile. Sans decided that he wanted to see that smile as often as possible. “Stretching. Don’t wanna hurt myself. Cooking is a dangerous sport.” Sans threw a cheesy wink towards Nozomi, causing them to snort in an undignified manner. “Okay, I will need flour, eggs, milk, butter...” He continued to list off ingredients and the two of them collected them quickly. The tower leaned precariously but it stayed upright and they moved onto the next step. “Can you crack the eggs into this bowl while I do this?” “Sure.” The two worked in harmony, occasionally cracking a bad joke or ‘accidentally’ bumping each other. Soon the pie was in the oven and the two were on the couch, Nozomi’s legs across Sans’. They were both lightly dusted with flour and splattered with batter. “That was fun.” Sans admitted. Nozomi hummed in agreement, leaning against the arm of the chair. “Don’t fall asleep on me.”“But it’s comfy.” Nozomi hid their face in the couch so their speech was mumbled. “You know, Nozomi, you should laugh more. It’scute.” Sans said rapidly, looking away after getting the line out. “What was that?” Nozomi asked, turning to face their counterpart. “Nothing.” They sat in a comfortable silence for a few more minutes before the timer beeped. The two rushed to the messy kitchen, which was worse than they were, and retrieved the pie from the oven. Nozomi grabbed two glasses and poured milk while Sans dishes up two slices of pie. The two sat down at the table and each grabbed a forkful. Sans held his high while Nozomi stared at him quizzically. “We gotta clink it!” Nozomi bumped their fork against his and then the two scarfed down their slices. “I’M HOME!” Papyrus called from the front door. He froze when he saw the two of them at the table. “HUMAN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”“Sans taught me how to make butterscotch-cinnamon pie!” Nozomi explained. “AND HE GOT YOU AND THE KITCHEN ALL DIRTY WITH HIS SUGARY QUICHE WAYS!” Papyrus said, feigning exasperation. Nozomi giggled at this, and the facade fell. Papyrus dishes himself up a slice and they all sat and chatted over it for hours. Nozomi felt safe with them. They could ignore that the shadows were watching. They could ignore the feeling of the lava. They had their friends and that was enough.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
This was not good. Nozomi woke to their body feeling like lead and shadows in their room. Each breath was a struggle and they felt unable to get up. With some effort, they turned onto their side, staring at their alarm clock. It ticked reassuringly but Nozomi felt nothing but panic. They should be better than this, they should be better. Papyrus would be so disappointed, Sans would be mad, and their father was right. Nozomi choked back a sob, tears obscuring their view of the shadows gossiping in the corner. A ping from their phone gathered their attention. Nozomi clumsily grabbed it only to see the static screen. “Hi Gaster.” They mumbled apathetically. ‘Do you need me to get Sans?’ Nozomi let out a choked sob at that. “Why? So he can scream at me and hate me?” Nozomi set the phone down, tears streaming down their face. Breaths came unevenly and rapidly and the shadows were so loud that Nozomi almost didn’t hear the ping. Shakily, they grabbed it again and stared at the screen. ‘He doesn’t hate you.’ Nozomi didn’t mean to drop their phone, but it was on the ground now. Ugly sobs wracked their entire body and Nozomi heard rapid pings that gave way to static as Gaster grew more and more frantic. The shadows kept whispering. Suggestions, lies, were they lies? Nozomi put their hands over their ears, hoping to drown it out. When that didn’t work, they placed their blanket over their head. Maybe this was all just a bad dream and they would wake up soon. It was impossible to know how long Nozomi was there. How long they spent crying and shaking. It certainly felt like an eternity when a soft voice interrupted, cutting through the harsh words. “Nozomi?” That was Papyrus. Oh God, he couldn’t see them like this, he would be so disappointed. Nozomi felt the edge of the bed dip where he must be sitting. “Bad day?” Nozomi nodded slightly before realizing that he couldn’t have seen that with the blanket over their head. Sheepishly they pulled it off of their head and nodded again. Papyrus didn’t look disappointed, which was confusing. “It’s okay to have bad days.” Papyrus gently put his hand on top of Nozomi’s calf. “Everyone has bad days. Everyone is allowed to have bad days, including you.”“But I should be better.” Nozomi whimpered, curled up under their comforter. “Zomi, I get bad days sometimes.” Nozomi looked up at the skeleton in shock. “I mean it.” Nozomi let that sink in slowly. Papyrus smiled gently. “Do you want to watch a movie?” Nozomi shook their head. “Do you want to just go back to sleep?” Nod. “Okay. I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”He stood up and walked to the door. “And, Nozomi, you have made progress. I mean it. And I’m proud of you.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Nozomi’s heart pounded in their chest and head. Their breaths came out jagged as they leaned against their front door, as if holding it in place against an intruder. They tried to calm their breathing but it was in vain. They clawed at their chest with their free hand before giving up and sinking to the floor, sobbing. The nearest screen, their phone in this case, lit up with static and a message. Of course Gaster would notice that something was wrong.
What happened?
Nozomi shook their head, unable to speak through their panic attack. Another message appeared after a second.
Want me to contact one of the boys?
Another head shake. Gaster seemed hesitant but then decided to leave them alone, considering how badly some previous things had gone. Nozomi found themself spiraling, memories flooding their mind, unbidden and relentless. Their phone rang. They didn’t answer it. Whoever it was could wait. How did he find their apartment? They stared at the small scrap of paper clutched tightly in their hand until tears obscured their vision. Bile rose in Nozomi’s throat at the memory of waking up to pounding at the door. Of opening it and seeing a familiar predatory smile. Of trying to breathe and be polite. “What do you want?” The words were a bit sharper than intended, but heaven knows he deserved it. “I just want to talk.” His voice was condescending, his eyes leering. “How did you find me?” Nozomi crossed their arms, trying to appear confident. “It’s amazing what a few dollars can do.” His smile grew and Nozomi decided that they hated it. “What the fuck do you want?” “That’s no way to talk to your father, Anna.” “It’s Nozomi and you will never be my father.” “I don’t fucking care what you want. Listen, I’m going to make you a deal.” “And what makes you think that I would take any deal that you offered?” Nozomi spat. “I just thought that you would want to protect your friends, Anna.” Nozomi opened their mouth to argue again but then saw what he was holding. A picture of Papyrus and Sans. He motioned for them to take it. They forgot how to breathe as they took the photograph, no, stack of photographs from their father’s outstretched hand. Picture after picture. Papyrus with Nozomi, Sans with Papyrus, Zenith and Frisk, Papyrus and Mettaton. Nozomi thrust the pictures back as if they had burned them. “What the fuck do you want?” His grin was one of a man who knew that he had won. “Well, Anna,” the name stung, even now, “you have three options.” He placed the photos back in his pocket with a fond look. Nozomi felt ill. “One, you keep your job, your life. But let me warn you, I will tear everyone you love away from you. A lot of people hate monsters you know. Many have no problem with dusting them if they can make it look like an accident.” Bile rose in their throat but they pushed it down. “And the other two?” Their voice was small, feminine. Even after all these years he knew exactly how to make them small. Powerless. “Two.” He leered, close to their face. “You leave.” He tucked a stray piece of hair behind their ear mockingly. “You leave. You tell no one where you are going. You leave everything. And you find a quiet place to die alone, ridding the world of your fucking existence.” Nozomi resisted the urge to recoil. “And the third option?” “You come with me. You come back and do what I say, instead of being a sad excuse for my daughter.” He stepped back, clearly satisfied with his answers. “Fuck you.” Nozomi whispered. “Here’s where you can meet me.” He handed them a sheet of paper with an address scribbled on it. “You have 24 hours. Disappear, meet me, or kill your friends.” He stepped back and grinned lecherously. “The choice is yours.” He waved and walked away, leaving Nozomi clutching the sheet of paper as if their life depended on it. Making up their mind, Nozomi tore the paper into shreds. They were never going back there. But they couldn’t stay. “Hey Gaster.” Their voice was small and weak, tired from crying. Their phone lit up again.
What is it, Nozomi?
“Will you make sure that the boys stay safe? That they all stay safe?” They tried to steady their voice but it didn’t work.
What? Nozomi? What are you doing? Do you need me to get someone?
“No!” Nozomi composed themself and then sighed. “Listen, I know this sounds crazy. I know I sound crazy. You can’t tell anyone. This is dire. This is life or death.” The screen remained static for a moment before text appeared again.
Are you sure about this?
“Gaster, I don’t have a choice. My father-“ A garbled noise and the entire screen filled with text. “Calm down.”
He doesn’t deserve that title.
Nozomi laughed humorlessly. “I know.” They wiped away a stray tear. “Trust me, I know.”
What did he do?
Nozomi thought for a moment, choosing their next words carefully. “He gave me an ultimatum.”
Fuck his ultimatum.
Nozomi smiled half-heartedly. “Gaster, I need you to trust me. Can you do that?” The screen was blank for a moment.
I promise.
Nozomi smiled weakly. “Thank you. Take care of everyone for me.” They wiped more tears away and set their phone down on the table. “Tell everyone that I love them.” More garbled noises but Nozomi ignored them, placing a simple note and their keys next to their phone before leaving the apartment. When Sans decided to check in on Nozomi, there was no sign of life, instead a one-word letter, a phone, and keys sat on the empty table. With shaking bones, he picked the paper up gingerly.
Sorry -N
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Sans.” Papyrus shook his brother, who was staring blankly at the computer. “You should sleep.”
“It doesn’t make sense.” Sans muttered, taking a sip of coffee. He motioned Papyrus over to the screen. “Look.”
Papyrus sighed, taking the seat next to his brother. It was probably nothing, but he wasn’t going to leave his brother in this state.
“The camera skips. It’s repeating. Someone altered the footage.” Sans paused it and rewound. “See?” He pointed it out and Papyrus audibly gasped.
“But who? Who did it?” Papyrus asked, not expecting a real answer.
“I DON’T KNOW!” Sans pounded the table with his hand. He curled up and put his head in his hands. “ I don’t know.” A broken sob ripped through him and Papyrus immediately wrapped his brother into a tight hug.
“It’s okay brother. We’ll find them. I promise.” Papyrus hoped with all his soul that he was right and that it wouldn’t be too late.
It took twelve more hours for Sans to fit together the pieces of the paper that was ripped on the floor. By now, all monsters were on high alert for any sign of the missing person. After all, they had saved Frisk and they were important to Sans. That was all the reasoning anyone in the community needed to start looking, turning Grillby’s into a hub for the search. This was where Sans headed.
Grillby’s was hushed as Sans set down the taped paper.
“We’ve got a lead.” He said gruffly.
Undyne sneered, snatching the paper and reading it. “I know where this is. Let’s go!”
Grillby firmly placed his hand on the eager woman’s shoulder. “Wait a minute, Undyne.” His low voice was gravelly, punctuated with a crackle every now and then. “Wouldn’t it be suspicious for a monster to go? It could be a trap.” He set a bottle of ketchup down in front of Sans, who looked at it as if it personally caused this. Papyrus saw the exchange and slowly shook his head towards Grillby, he had already tried. Sans refuses to touch it. Grillby’s flames dimmed slightly at seeing the skeleton’s state.
“As much as I hate to say it, Grillby is right.” Asgore sighed, drumming his fingers on the hardwood. Despite never having met Nozomi in person, he knew how important they were to his own children and had therefore become involved in the search.
“I’ll go!” Zenith volunteered, holding Frisk’s hand.
Sans shook his head, sighing wearily. “If whoever was involved was watching Nozomi, and therefore most of us, you would have been involved. It’s too risky. We can’t afford to let another person get hurt.”
“What about me?” The room fell silent, looking to the speaker. Flowey rearranged his leaves as Frisk set his pot gently down on the table. “I can get in and out without being seen. After all, I’m just a flower.”
Frisk signed something unintelligible to the flower, brow furrowing. He rolled his eyes. “If I could follow you through the Underground with you barely noticing, then I can sneak up on these bastards.” Toriel uttered a soft ‘language’, effectively quieting the small plant.
“As much as I hate to admit it, the plant’s right.” Undyne crossed her arms, clearly ticked off at being useless.
“U-Undyne and I c-can examine the s-security footage for the area, f-find a good place f-for Flowey to hide, s-search for c-clues.” Alphys piped up, taking her lover’s hand. Undyne beamed down at the small reptile.
“Great idea, babe!”
Frisk looked around the park rapidly before taking Flowey out of his pot and setting him down on a bare patch of dirt. They signed something to their adopted brother.
“Relax, Frisk. I’ll be fine. I promise.” Flowey smiled almost softly, running a vine along their cheek before disappearing below the ground. Frisk quickly gave a thumbs up to Papyrus who was running laps around the park.
Alphys and Undyne sat in front of the computer, watching the camera feed diligently. Other monsters watched the screen as well, but they stayed a respectable distance away. Grillby polished an already long clean glass. They all waited, Undyne summoning a spear “just in case”.
Luckily after a while, Flowey reappeared next to Frisk who sat doodling where they had dropped him off. They quickly gathered him, climbed into Papyrus’ waiting car, and drove back to Grillby’s where everyone waiting anxiously.
Everyone was entirely silent as Frisk set Flowey on the table. Flowey looked no worse for wear but he did seem a bit discouraged.
“Alright.” Flowey sighed. “Nozomi’s dad was the one responsible.” Grillby’s flames tinged blue for a second and Undyne clenched her fists.
“No surprise there.” Papyrus spat with uncharacteristic disgust. Several monsters exchanged shocked looks at his tone but Sans just snorted.
“Isn’t my bro the coolest?” He smiled lazily, but it would take an idiot to miss the strain on it.
“Anyways.” Flowey regained attention. “Nozomi’s dad came to their apartment the day that they went missing. He had been stalking them, and most of us, as much as I hate to admit it, the smiley trash bag was right, and said that if they didn’t either ditch everything and leave to…” Flowey trailed off, and the implication hung heavy in the air. Flowey sniffed but continued. “Leave to die or come with him, he would kill us.”
“GOD DAMN IT!” Undyne smashed her fist down on the table, sending the laptop flying. It shattered against the floor and Undyne smiled sheepishly at her girlfriend. “Sorry babe.”
Sans sunk into himself, before being attacked into a hug by Frisk.
Flowey hesitated before continuing. “In terms of good news, they didn’t go with what he thought they would. They decided to risk it on their own. And they were last seen headed towards the mountain.”
Sans jerked up at that news. He was strangely silent, his eyelights gone, betraying his inner turmoil. He shrugged out of Frisk’s hug.
“BROTHER, WAIT!” Papyrus grabbed Sans’ hoodie before he could teleport away. “YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE! THEY COULD BE LONG GONE OR DEAD!”
“Papyrus is right. Nobody’s seen them in two days.” Flowey said, holding back a sob. Frisk patted his petals gently.
“Nozomi’s not dead.” Everyone froze at the sound of Sans’ voice. It was a downright feral growl. “STOP saying that.” He wrenched out of Papyrus’ grasp.
“Brother, I-“ Papyrus reached for his brother again but Sans stepped out of his reach with a low, menacing growl. Before anyone could say another word, Sans teleported away, leaving everyone else in a stunned silence.
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Tired. So tired. Nozomi stumbled slightly over the uneven ground but quickly regained what little sense of balance they had. They had to keep going. Their bare skin was dirty and bloody in places. Twigs were caught in their curly hair, but they couldn’t stop now. If they stopped, everyone would be in danger. They had to get away, they had to. Keep moving. Keep moving. The distracting thoughts (and blurry vision) kept Nozomi from seeing the exposed root beneath their foot. This time they didn’t catch themself and fell hard. They tried to brace themself, but the exhaustion of traveling nonstop for two days got to them. Nozomi’s arms buckled underneath them, making a sickening crack, and their head bashed into a rock, hard. Nozomi struggled to stay conscious but Gaster was right there and he was telling them to stay with him and who would they be to argue? Their body went limp. Sans searched the forest carefully. “Nozomi! Nozomi!” He looked around some more and then teleported to the next location. His phone buzzed and he grabbed it only to see his screen filled with symbols. “Gaster?” Sans asked. “What are you doing?” The symbols slowly became more decipherable, and then switched into English.
It’s Nozomi
“What about them?” Sans asked. “I’ve been searching for hours, for days. They could be…” He shook his head, unable to accept the thought.
They’re asleep. They’re with me.
“In the Void?” Sans asked. This was new, but sure, whatever, anything goes at this point.
Yes. I am… concerned about their health. They keep saying that they have to keep going, that they have to wake up.
“Are they okay?” Sans asked, practically screaming at his phone.
I think not. There is no way for me to know for certain, but I think they may be injured.
Sans let out a long string of curses. “Where are they?”
I am stuck in the Void, I am unable to know anything about their situation, Sans. I wish I could. Unfortunately, there is no electronic that I can use as a portal.
Sans thought for a moment, looking around. “Could you use my phone to sense your own presence?”
I’m afraid that I don’t follow.
“You are scattered. A part of you is with me currently. If Nozomi is with you in the Void, then perhaps another part of you is with their body.” His phone screen remained blank static for a moment before another message appeared. It may be worth a shot but- “Great. Direct me, and hurry.” Sans cut off Gaster’s thought, quickly taking charge. “Which way?” Left. Sans immediately veered left, running slightly. Forward. He continued, picking up the pace. Right. Sans turned so sharply that he almost lost his footing. Forward. Sans barreled through the thick vegetation, regard for anything but Nozomi gone. Slightly to the right. No, left. Gaster continued to direct him in a similar manner until Sans caught a glimpse of a black hoodie. “There!” Sans sprinted forward and quickly scooped Nozomi up, holding them close as if afraid they would disappear. “Thank God. Thank God.” He suddenly started crying. “I, I thought I lost you.” He examined their injuries, mostly their head injury. “You’re going to be okay. I promise.” He stood carefully, tucking one arm under their head and the other under their knees, before teleporting back.
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Hey guys! I know it's been forever and I do want to apologize for that. Some updates and logistics: I am NOT abandoning this fic. In fact, I will be going back and re-editing things, as I have improved in my writing more recently. I came out! I now live with my two partners and my best friend in an apartment. I am attending college full-time and was officially diagnosed with some mental health issues that have been suspected for a while. If you want to support me financially, as I am unemployed, you can always buy me a coffee using kofi.com/kitcatart ! It would really mean a lot and I'm sorry for not updating recently, i just needed to sort some things out. I am always open to criticism, and feel free to tell me what you would like to see more as I edit this! Thank you for supporting me and being such great readers!See ya soon!River!
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Hi!I just wanted to say that I am indeed still alive. A bit touch and go for a bit, but I'm ok. As you should know, I am working on reworking this piece, it just moved too fast and I want that sweet sweet character development. Chapter Three of the rework is currently being worked on, but I'm almost done. That's where you, the lovely reader, comes in! Would you like me to continue in this way, or perhaps make a new fic so that it makes it easier to see updates as they come out. I will say that this Chapter Three is entirely new content so that's where I want people to see the updates! If you follow Crush or any of my other fics, chapters are on the way! I had some stuff go down so it's been a while, but I am here and excited to share updates with you!If you want to find me on socials, I'm on Tiktok at ArtsyRiv, and on Twitter at KitCatNinja!Take careRiv EDIT: The new story is Bookstores and Breakdowns! I have chapter one up now!