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They could do better somewhere else. That’s what Amanda will say, Olivia can already hear that hint of a Southern drawl echoing in her ear as she scans the expanse of the lake ahead from the doorway of the place they’ll call home for the next three weeks. The surface sparkles under the bright sun and the water is clear enough to see to the bottom, she’d already peered over the edge of the rickety, wooden pier with Noah and Jesse. Both the kids had squealed with delight, begging to be allowed to jump in while Amanda had hung back at the cabin. “It’s too hot,” she’d said, “I need to change.”It’s 77 degrees with a perfect breeze and she’d already been wearing capris with her favorite, worn white t-shirt. Liv knows Amanda is frustrated. She has good reason to be. This isn’t what they’re used to, they’re far from the concrete confines of the jungle that is Manhattan; but, Olivia thinks, it’s exactly what she needs. It’s what their family needs. In spite of the fact Amanda had vehemently disagreed with that assessment, Olivia is sure of it. They’re going to make this work and by the time they’re back home, everything that’s been broken will be fixed. A shiver runs up her spine. She whips her head around to look behind her, expecting to find one of the kids behind her, ready to pounce, but there’s nobody. Nothing. There’s just her and the vague chill left in the air. It’s strange, she thinks, with the sun still shining the way it is. Time sees to pass by more slowly up here. She swears it must be later in the day but when she checks her watch, the numbers read ten before noon. Then she hears footsteps barreling down the stairs and the high-pitched giggling shrieks of her little boy and the chills are forgotten. “We’re going to have so much fun up here,” she says, dropping to her knees as she pulls Noah close. She glances up as Amanda’s feet leave the last step, her gaze traveling up long, toned legs showing off a pair of shorts that haven’t seen the light of day since last August. Jesse is nestled comfortably in Amanda’s arms and in place of the warm smile Olivia longs for, there’s that familiar skepticism set in pursed lips and surrounded by ever-deepening frown lines, that visible distrust and disbelief that have driven Olivia to question nearly every aspect of her life in recent months. She offers a tight but hopeful smile. “We’re going to learn how to be a family again.”—When the phone rings at 12:07 PM at B & C Paranormal Investigations on a Thursday, it makes all three occupants of the sole three chairs in the room look up from their respective cartons of Chinese takeaway. “It’s ringing.” Rafael is the first to state the obvious, sounding confused and even mildly alarmed. He kicks his feet off his desk, scrambling to sit up straight and gesturing wildly with his chopsticks. “It’s ringing! Answer it!”Sonny nearly chokes on the chow mein he’d been in the middle of swallowing down, fumbling with his container in his rush to pick up the office landline. “B & C Paranormal, how can we help? Yes, this is Sonny Carisi. Ah, right, okay. No, yes, yes, I understand. I understand. I’ll get right on that, thank you.”He sets the receiver back down gently, silent for a moment before meeting Rafael’s eyes. “Electric company,” he says grimly. “Friendly reminder that we’re past due.”“Seems like we’ve been past due for months now,” Fin says, scoffing as he shovels another forkful of fried rice into his mouth. “When are we going to admit it’s time to throw in the towel?”“Hey, come on, we’ve had this conversation,” Sonny says, holding up a placating hand. Fin is always the first to say things like this, always the first to favor practicality, but Sonny has always managed to convince him to hold out hope. The only problem is he’s been having more and more trouble lately convincing himself of the same thing. “Something’s going to come along, we just need to be patient.”“Patient.” Fin shoots him a disbelieving look. “Really? We’re a national joke, everyone out here thinks we’re about as legitimate as the Ghostbusters.”Sonny groans, letting his head fall back as he rubs at his temples. Fin’s not wrong, of course. Trying to justify why they’d believed a young girl’s doll had been possessed by a demon had been a nightmare but they’ve been in worse spots before, worse spots that had been all too real. Now they’re paying for believing in what’d turned out to be a hoax, for making one mistake. The Hodda family had wanted their fifteen minutes of fame and it’d ruined the business’s reputation almost entirely. If not for the few jobs they’ve been called to here and there, they would have been shut down months ago. He glances at Rafael, who remains silent and focused on his food. “Okay, we’ve gotten some bad press,” Sonny says, “but that doesn’t mean we’re down and out.”“Carl Hodda screwed us,” Fin says. “Unless we get another big case, another big real case, we’re done. That’s just the truth.”“We just need to get through the lull, Fin.” Sonny catches Rafael rolling his eyes and tosses a crumpled piece of paper at him. “We’re going to make it. End of story.”“Inspiring speech, my love,” Rafael says dryly, popping a piece of his fortune cookie into his mouth. “If only a can-do attitude could pay the bills.” He lowers his eyes to his fortune, smirking after a moment then flicking it away to watch it flutter down to the floor. “‘Be patient. Good things come to those who wait.’ That’s not even a fortune, that’s just advice.”“Is it wrong I’m hoping some cookie-cutter family moves into a house full of malevolent spirits?” Fin shrugs at the incredulous stares directed toward him, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “Hey, I’ve got a grandson to support, that’s all I’m saying.”“Look,” Rafael says, “as long as someone needs our help, I don’t care what kind of case we get. We just need them to remember we’re the ones to call.”“I’ll keep posting on Facebook and Instagram,” Sonny offers weakly, cringing even as he says it. “You can do promoted tweets, too, I just found that out the other day. Could help.”“Listen to yourself,” Rafael says, wrinkling his nose. “You’re Satan. That is a very Satan thing to say.”Sonny flashes him a warning look. “Not funny.”“It’s a little funny,” Rafael counters, kicking his feet up on his desk as he lifts a challenging brow. “Fin, didn’t you think it was a little funny?”Fin shakes his head. “I’m staying out of this one. I told you before, you deal however you want to deal but don’t put me in the middle of it.”A tense silence falls among the three men. Sonny and Rafael glare at each other while Fin’s attention turns to his phone. This isn’t an unusual occurrence, it’s not the first time Sonny and Fin have been rendered speechless because of some off-handed comment Rafael has made. It’s been almost two years since they’d investigated the possession that’d earned them so much attention in the first place, almost two years since they’d nearly lost Rafael to a demon hellbent on terrorizing the Hernandez family up in Poughkeepsie. They don’t talk about it; rather, Rafael won’t. But they’d all been there, Sonny and Fin had witnessed the hell Rafael had been put through and everything had changed. That Rafael would still be willing to be a part of this at all still throws Fin for a loop.“Things will work out for us,” Sonny says, breaking the silence. He nods his head firmly. Fin isn’t sure who he’s most trying to convince. “They always do.”—They lock the office door promptly at five and say their goodbyes to Fin, just like they’ve been doing for the last few weeks. There’s nothing to keep them there, no cases that require the kind of in-depth research they’ve been missing since the Hodda debacle. Every so often, they get requests for interviews, some of them offering payment and some of them not. Sonny responds to all of them because they need to keep their name alive if they want to keep the business alive but frankly, that’s not what’s worrying him right now.Rafael will be annoyed with him for asking, Sonny is all too aware of that but he can’t help himself as he starts the engine and pulls out of the parking lot. “Did you mean what you said earlier?”After a beat, Rafael answers, “I say a lot of things, want to be a little more specific?”The sass is enough to tell Sonny that Rafael knows exactly what he means. The subject is touchy, Rafael doesn’t like to talk about it much and Sonny can’t blame him. It’s the only time it’d happened to any of them. They’d taken the Hernandez case not long after Rafael’s mother had died and their relationship had grown strained for it. Rafael has never been particularly good at expressing his feelings but he tries, he really does. The only time he hadn’t, Sonny had almost lost him. “If I thought I needed to, I would. We’re coming up on two years, there’s nothing on your mind?”Rafael absently presses his hand against his belly, tracing lines with his thumb over faded scars through his shirt. Sonny isn’t even certain he realizes he’s doing it. “It’s always on my mind,” Rafael says, turning his gaze out the window. “It’ll always be on my mind.” He sighs heavily. “If we get a case like that again—and that’s a big if—I’ll be fine. What happened last time won’t happen again, things are better now. Isn’t that why you married me?”“I married you because I love you.” Rafael falls silent, moving his hand from his belly up to his throat, rubbing at his skin as he’s prone to do. Sonny nearly reaches out to stop him, he’s always hated when Rafael does this because it’s a reminder of memories they’d both rather keep buried, but he knows Rafael almost always does it unconsciously. He doesn’t run until his skin is raw anymore, at least. The last time Sonny had brought it to his attention, Rafael had locked himself in their bedroom and refused to come out until the next morning, leaving Sonny to sleep on the couch. Sonny remembers Rafael’s pale face, the haunted expression that had lasted for weeks and the bags under those green eyes so typically vibrant with life. It’d scared him. He doesn’t want to risk it happening again. “If we get a case like that again, I think maybe you should consider sitting it out.”“Let’s not do this again, Sonny. I don’t want to fight.”“I’m not trying to fight.”Rafael’s laugh is empty, humorless, and he shoots Sonny a pointed look. “I’ve asked you not to treat me like I’m breakable. Do you know exhausting it is to have to keep repeating myself?”“Not as exhausting as being woken up in the middle of the night while you think you’re doing a good job of covering up your nightmares.” The words come sharply, sharper than the tone Sonny usually takes when broaching this subject, and he regrets it but he can’t take it back now. He briefly glances at Rafael, frowning at the stunned hurt and flicker of embarrassment he finds in his husband’s eyes before returning his gaze to the road. His guilt comes in the form of a heavy sigh as he hits a fist lightly against the steering wheel.“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean— Look, that’s not the exhausting part, okay? It’s worrying about you, all the time, even when you don’t want me to and I wish I could stop. But I can’t because what happened to you, watching that thing hurt you like it did and not being able to do anything about it, that was the most terrifying thing that’s ever happened. I was so sure you weren’t going to come back to me.”Sonny only hears the sound of a muffled sniffle and the weight of his guilt grows heavier. “I don’t want to talk about this,” Rafael says. It’s a practiced phase but his voice still wavers. “We shouldn’t be getting ahead of ourselves. There’s no case, there’s no reason for you to be worrying. I’m okay.”A hand curls gently over his thigh and Sonny fights the urge to pull over so he can take Rafael in his arms. “You’re right,” he concedes. “You’re right, it’s just the time of year getting to me, that’s all. I’m sorry I brought it up.”“You don’t have to apologize. I know you want to— to know more. I mean it when I say I’m better. But I don’t know when I’ll be ready to talk about it. I don’t know if I ever will be.”“I never want you to feel like I’m pressuring you,” Sonny says, offering Rafael a quick, reassuring smile. “I just want to make sure you always know I’m here if you need me, no matter what.”“I do.” Rafael leans over to press a kiss to Sonny’s shoulder then another to his cheek. “I love you.”Sonny hums, pleased that the conversation hadn’t escalated further. The nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him to push more, to ask questions, to force the answers out of Rafael, quiets to a whisper, returning to the darker parts of his mind. He only wants what’s right for Rafael, he reminds himself, what’s good. If this is it, he’ll accept it. He’s been telling himself that for two years. “I love you, too. Promise I’ll make this up to you when we get home.”“Oh, yeah?” Rafael chuckles, giving Sonny’s thigh a playful squeeze. “How so?”“A little bit of Netflix and chilled wine, maybe?”Rafael groans, letting his head fall back against the headrest. “That was terrible. Quite possibly one of your worst. Do you hear yourself when you talk?”“Hey, you married this,” Sonny retorts, grinning. “You chose this life.”“Yeah.” Rafael’s tone softens. “Yeah, I did. Wouldn’t change a thing.”—“Do you want a glass of wine?”Amanda peers over the top of her book at Olivia, who stands at the foot of the bed with a smile on her face that doesn’t disguise the caution in her body language. Olivia has her arms crossed over her chest, her body already tilted toward the door, as if she already knows the answer Amanda is unapologetically about to give.“You’re having another? You had two at dinner.”Olivia’s smile falters. She shrugs a shoulder, a patented move Amanda’s grown overly tired of over the course of the last few months. “It’s just one more glass before bed, that’s all.”“Maybe you’re hoping it’ll help you come up with a big idea for your next book,” Amanda says dryly. Olivia’s expression doesn’t flicker. They’ve had this argument before but this time, the wind’s out of its sails. It’s been done too many time. She sighs, waving a hand dismissively. “I’m good. Enjoy.”Olivia’s lips part but she purses them at the last second, before she can offer up some witty retort, before she can fuel any more of the fire between them. It’s the first time Amanda’s felt grateful toward her all day.“I’ll be back up in a little bit,” Olivia says. She leaves without another word. The peace lasts all of a paragraph’s worth of reading before Jesse’s shrieking giggle cuts through the quiet.
“You’re silly! Okay, I’m counting to ten now!”
Amanda rolls her eyes but smiles to herself, expecting Noah’s voice to echo down the hall next but there’s nothing, just Jesse’s countdown and then a beat. Noah’s getting better at this, Amanda thinks. The last time they’d played hide-and-seek, Noah had laughed and laughed until Jesse had thrown a curtain back to find him so hard, she’d pulled the rod down with it.
“Esther, where are you?”
Amanda frowns. Esther?Kicking back the covers, Amanda sets her book down on the bed and turns the corner out of the bedroom to make her way down the hall. She peers into the kids’ room, scanning from left to right to make sure Noah and Jesse are both accounted for, check, and to see who the hell Esther might be. One of Jesse’s dolls renamed, maybe, but no.No, all of the dolls are nestled right in front of Jesse’s pillow: Kimmie, Annie and Bethie, reporting for duty and not for hide-and seek. Noah, too, is only watching from his own bed, lying on his tummy with his chin propped up on his hands. He looks at Amanda with a bright smile, holding a finger up to his lips. Amanda mimics the gesture then returns her gaze to her daughter, watching as Jesse looks in dresser drawers and behind curtains, under the bed and in the closet. When she finally turns toward the door, Jesse lets out a happy gasp, running toward Amanda with extended arms.“Mommy! I made a new friend!”Amanda takes the force of Jesse’s hug with a grunt, though she covers it up with a laugh, though the little siren sounding in the back of her mind grows a little louder. “A new friend, huh? Who would that be?”“Esther!” Jesse glances over her shoulder, deflating a little. “But she went away, we were supposed to play hide-and-seek.” With an accusing, stern expression learned, Amanda knows, from Amanda herself, Jesse continues, “I think you scared her away!”“I’m sorry, baby,” Amanda says, leaning over to press a kiss to Jesse’s hair. “Noah, did you make friends with Esther, too?”“No,” Noah answers. His curls bounce with the shake of his head. “She’s Jesse’s pretend friend, not mine.”“She’s not pretend,” Jesse insists. “She’s real, Mommy, Esther is real.”“I’m sure she’s very real to you,” Amanda says, lightly tapping a finger against Jesse’s nose. “If she comes back, I want you to come get me, okay? So you can introduce me.”“Okay, but she said she doesn’t really like grown ups.”“Why’s that?”“She said grown ups are mean, like her daddy.”The corners of Amanda’s eyes tighten but she forces a wider smile. “Well, you tell her she’s safe with your moms around, okay?” Jesse nods, looking satisfied enough. “Okay. It’s getting late, did you both brush your teeth?” Both kids chime “yes” in unison. She reminds herself to check on whether the toothbrushes are wet or not before she goes back to the other room. “Get to bed, then. Pancakes in the morning.”She gets a cheer for that and both kids get another kiss before they’re tucked into bed and ready for the light to be switched off. Amanda lingers in the doorway for a moment, watching as Noah and Jesse shift under their sheets to get cozy. There’d been a time when Olivia would be standing right next to her rather than pouring herself another glass of red but that feels like an eternity ago. Olivia is a good mom, she loves their kids, Amanda knows that; but she can’t help the bitterness that rises and settles every time she thinks about what’d brought them to this cabin in the first place.Olivia thinks this will fix everything. As Amanda turns back to their bedroom, all thoughts of Jesse’s Esther pushed aside for the time being, she has to admit she’s still not convinced.