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There was a time when I was alone nowhere to go and no place to go home.-lost boySome called me a lost soul, others a useless waste of space. I was a wanderer. No house, no home. I lived in the forest under the stars. I was an outcast tossed away by society. I was a reject. I was him.I AM ME.I am also you. I am him. I am her. I am everybody and nobody. I am atoms. I am a memory of what once was. I was Luke. I was on top of the world yet at rock bottom. I was hopes and dreams but I am me. A lost commuter on my way home, a car with one destination, a one-way street. So, I changed, changed from an icon to a threat, from leather jackets to coats, from him to me. I can’t go back to what I was, a shell of a human. A shell filled with guitar and fans, secrets and hiding, hate and despair. Secrets kept from fans. Secrets kept in hiding. Love for a person that people say I should hide. Hate from fans for love. Love, it was only ever about love. Love for a friend who was more than a friend. Love for a band who were more than a band. A band of brothers who I would protect with my heart. I had to leave to protect them. To leave to show that it was all my fault. My fault that I loved them more than brothers. My fault that I couldn’t take the pain, my fault that I was him. Him a boy with a plan, a future, with a family who cared, who helped heal the pain. But now I am me, alone, no one coming to help fix it. Me who once was a shell now is a chasm looking into the deep abyss. “Luke” my name something I had not heard in a long time. How could they find me, I wanted to break free? A crackle of leaves and a snap of a twig. A face. A gasp and a thump. A body next to mine pulling me in closer, whispering in my ear telling my everything is okay that I am okay but I am not. He is here so who is there. A pair of eyes golden filled with tears and a promise. A promise that I was okay, that everything was okay, that after I left everything was okay. But I am not okay.News-Luke Hemmings has been found three years after going missing because of being outed by the press. Calum Hood was said to have found him in a bad mental state and Ashton released this statement, “We are glad that he is home. He is surrounded by love from family and friends. Thank you for all the kind words and messages. We just want our old Luke back.”Okay (adjective) – Satisfactory but not especially good.I don’t think that I was ever okay. Okay with being me. Okay with my image. Okay with my soul. But being surrounded by my boys helped me feel a little less broken and a little more loved. They took care of me. They helped heal my pain even though I couldn’t heal theirs. Tears. Running down their cheeks and cling to their eyelashes. A thought that I had made them upset, that I had caused this pain. I wanted to run, away from that followed me around the room and away from the hope in my heart. Hope that everything will be okay, that time will heal our pain, that I won’t be a broken shell. Tears, spilling out of my eyes and onto my pillow in a room preserved like a museum. A knock on the door with a promise of tea. A face. A face with a smile as wide as the Sun that drops back down to Earth when his eyes meet mine. Love. Love that I feel when he wraps me in his arms and whispers in my ear that we will fix this, that we will pick up the pieces. A kiss, as light as a feather that says a hundred words. A kiss with a promise and hope. A hand reaching out and intertwining with mine. A rock to keep me grounded. To stop me floating away. A hum, that turns into a tune, that turns into words, that sends shivers down my spine. Our song. The song that we sing when one of us is sad. The song that shows that we love them. The song that sends me into a deep dreamless slumber but my thoughts filled with Calum.News-2 months after being found, Luke Hemmings was seen out in public with fellow band member Calum Hood walking his dog on a hiking trail, and allegedly having a panic attack when too many memories came back to him which Calum helped him through before taking his hand and walking back to their car.Calum was my rock, my escape, my freedom. He was all that I wanted, all that I needed. A safe space to hide when I couldn’t face the monsters outside my door, to run to when the world was too big. I couldn’t help but fall again with the crinkles by his eyes when he smiles, with his willingness to stay in bed with me whilst I hid in the sheets, with the infinite love he made me feel when I would spend two seconds by his side. I felt loved and needed and wanted and cared for. I felt a sense of peace. That I was home and I was safe from whatever life threw at me as long as he was by my side.News-5 months after being found, Luke Hemmings was seen by himself in public for the first time. He was seen going into many shops in search of Christmas presents. He talked to fans but refused to take pictures or give autographs. When asked about going on tour he said that he wasn’t in the right headspace and that he needed time to recover.Mum cried when she first saw me, I was taller and hair was longer. I had changed so much but was still her son. She said that I shouldn’t have gone, that I was hurt but I shouldn’t have gone. I should have told someone, anyone and they would have helped. That I was so much more than what they said of me. I couldn’t say no, that I was exactly who they say I was, that I was unlovable. I wanted to but I couldn’t because I knew that there would always be someone who would turn around and say that I wasn’t.There was a hashtag when I came back #WeLoveYouLuke it trended all around the world. There was only one person that didn’t believe that and that was me. I had built my walls so thick and so high so long ago that as soon as someone tried to break them, they all collapsed and I ran. I ran, I always ran, I never stood up and fought I would run. So I did, I ran and hid for three years. Where I started to rebuild my walls until one person came and smashed them down and remembered to pull me out of the rubble.News-New years day and pictures of Luke Hemmings and Calum Hood lip-locking surfaced this morning and some people were concerned that Calum was taking advantage of Luke since being found six months ago. Whilst most were happy for this maybe couple with the hashtags #Cake, #Cake4eva and #CakeHoodings trending worldwide at spots 1,2,3 over taking Ariana Grandes 7 rings.I felt complete. I felt whole, I felt loved. One person can change your outlook on life. Life was now something that I wanted to live. Life was free and open and I felt big. Bigger than mountains, bigger than planets. I felt like nothing could stop me. That was until the tweet. The tweet that flicked the switch, that lit the fuse to the bomb that would be my downfall. 11 words. 11 words that took me from high in the sky to back on Earth. “Luke was better gone, nobody needed him, he should kill himself.” It made me think. Did they need me? Was I really a waste of space? Did Calum mean it when he said he loved me? Questions. Questions that I didn’t want to ask but need the answer to. Why was I here? I should be out there left to suffer. Alone. In quiet. In peace. Where I am not a burden. A teardrop on my pillow. A tear that I didn’t know I shed. A hand moving my phone out of my hand. Arms soft and caring wrapping me in a hug. Thumbs wiping the tears from my cheeks. I turned in his arms and was faced with a pair on green eyes that blazed with fury and hurt. Fury at the person that could make me feel this hurt. It hurt to see so I buried myself in his chest where I felt safe and soft. Where he whispered sweet nothings in my ear. I was home.News-8 months after returning, Luke Hemmings was seen entering the studio with his fellow band members to finish recording the last few tracks on the album that was part-way complete when Luke went missing. Fans are going crazy asking if there will be a tour. When asked this question Michael Clifford said that as soon as the album is out, they will try their hardest to get another tour set up.The studio was like my home away from home. It was my safe space. My haven. Nobody could touch me here. I was protected. I was surrounded by people who had the same passion as me. Who had the same fire. The same spark. The same energy. I was home.News-1 year after Luke Hemmings returned home, 5 Seconds Of Summer are back on tour. Fans went crazy when the news was released on twitter. Some fans called into question whether it was too soon for Luke. To which he replied, “I do not think that it is too soon. I want to get back to doing something that I love. I want to prove to myself and others that if you are doing something that you love and are truly happy no one can say you are doing it wrong.”Onstage with my boys. With fans screaming. With lights shining down and my guitar in my hand. This is where I am meant to be.I am Home.