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They meet in the apartment complex’s hallway.The apartment next to Yanan’s has been empty for quite some time, and some people were looking for someone who would rent the place. Given the commotion outside about an hour ago, Yanan thinks someone was here today.Usually, he wouldn’t go out. It is better if he stays hidden during the day. But he has to go to the hospital today for special check ups, so he puts on presentable clothes and opens the door when he thinks the real estate agent and his potential client left.Turns out a pretty young man with brown hair was still here, standing in the hallway. His eyes gleamed with a certain innocence. He didn’t do anything but his presence was refreshing, somehow. Maybe this is why Yanan suddenly started a conversation.“Hello. Are you going to rent this place?”The question felt a little out of place, but it was the best Yanan could come up with at that moment.The boy was lost in thoughts and didn’t realize he had company. He jumped in surprise and flashed Yanan a polite smile.“Oh yes! I didn’t realize— I’m sorry I mean no! No.” The boy’s smile fades away. “I don’t really have enough money to afford this place,” he laughs.Yanan nods and whispers something like okay, barely audible. Thinking their short conversation is already over, he heads toward the escalator, not wasting more time. He pushes the button and waits in semi-awkward silence. “Are you living here? It must be nice.” The boy asks after some time.“It is,” he says sharply.The boy doesn’t say anything back. Yanan doesn’t blame him, he isn’t really the best at keeping a conversation going. A few seconds later, the doors of the escalator open with the sound of a bell. He looks back at the lone figure in the hallway before bowing and excusing himself, entering the metal box.What he doesn’t expect is for the other to rush toward him desperately in the cramped hallway to stop Yanan from going away.“W-What?”“Can I live with you?” the boy says, sounding extremely serious. Yanan is dumbfounded.“Excuse me what? I don’t even know you?”“I’m Jun! Nice to meet you! Now you know! So what do you think?”Yanan thinks this boy— Jun is ridiculous. He tells him.“I think you’re ridiculous. You’re making no sense.”“I am! I’ve been thinking for a while on where to move in for the new semester and I’ve come to the conclusion this apartment complex would be the perfect place! But!”“But?” The blonde asks, amazed by how much energy the other has. He seems like a bright kid. He really is young. Maybe a bit stupid, though.“I told you. I can’t afford this place.” A pause. “So I’ve decided that I could find a roommate to share the rent, and I found you.”Yanan doesn’t say anything. He lets the other continue.“You look my age, and also very tired. And you’re so pale you could pass as a vampire.” he jokes. “Are you perhaps exhausted from part time work? I know how it feels. I could help you, maybe? Share a bit of the burden? And it also seems like you don’t enjoy life much. You have a very,” he makes vague hand gestures toward the blonde, “lonely aura.”Yanan’s breath catches in his throat at the mention of the word vampire, but he doesn’t comment on it. Actually, he forgets it pretty fast. ‘Don’t enjoy life?’ ‘A lonely aura?’ A complete stranger Yanan met less than five minutes ago is going to pretend he can explain Yanan’s whole life only because he is very pale?“What makes you think I don’t want to stay alone?” Yanan retorts. His brows furrows in a scowl as he watches the other boy intently.“You know, I study acting at the nearest college. It probably doesn’t explain anything, but I think I can pick up the general vibe of someone. I had to act someone like you numerous times. I did my research. You reminded me of it.”Yanan doesn’t know what to say. It feels ridiculous to listen to Jun’s words. It is ridiculous. But what feels even more ridiculous is that the boy might not know it, but he is not wrong. He really can’t be mad the boy is right. He still has every right to be annoyed though.He doesn’t know how Jun could figure that out from his outer appearance alone. The former thought he did a fairly good job at hiding his feelings. Or hiding from others in general; society wasn’t really ready for his kind. Maybe the lack of human contact made him rusty and he underestimated how important looks had become. He thinks humans who said looks don’t matter were lying, but he isn’t mad toward them. Maybe Yanan is mad at himself. He has sure become weaker.They look into each other’s eyes for who knows how long. Yanan can’t figure out what the other is thinking and it scares him. His glare morphs into a deciphering look. Jun starts shifting on his feet, clearly uncomfortable by the staring.“Um, actually… If you don’t want to, it’s alright. I’m just annoying you. You were going somewhere right? I’m sorry.”The sudden mood change surprised Yanan. Why does he suddenly sound so dejected? Now he just felt bad. Way to go.“Oh and just wanted you to know that you’re handsome? I know it’s my fault but don’t frown too much, you’ll age ten times faster. Nobody wants to have wrinkles when they have your face.”He sighs. Now what? Yanan really has no idea how to reply to the other. If someone tried to read his thoughts now, it would probably be full of question marks. It’s not like he can tell Jun he actually is ten times older than him and his face is still free of wrinkles. Maybe he should have read psychology theses in his spare time to avoid a complete loss of words.He sighs one more time. He shouldn’t. Yanan knows this isn’t a good idea. The boy is human. It’s dangerous. He can see him distressed by the constant sighing.He shouldn’t, but nothing is going to stop him so he sighs a final time. Yanan decides he won’t be listening to the rational part of himself today. He thinks maybe he could bring back fun in his life. What was there to lose anyway? The main problem is on his part, he’ll just have to put in extra effort to hide it from Jun. And maybe it isn’t so bad, it’ll add unexpected to his repetitive life, something he hadn’t experienced in years. Maybe he just needed an unexpected factor.Maybe the brunette wasn’t that stupid, after all.He looks for something in his pocket before throwing it in Jun’s direction. The other catches it.“Yanan.”Jun looks up and tilts his head to the side, not quite understanding.“It’s my name, and the keys. Number is 1013. I’ll be back in two hours, we’ll talk then. Make sure to open the door for me?”Jun’s eyes widen, as if Yanan just told him something outrageous. He’s not wrong.“You- are you nuts? You’re going to give your keys to a stranger? Just like that?”“Mh? Weren’t you the one who wanted to live with me? Besides, you said it yourself earlier. I know you now.” He flashes the younger a playful smile before hopping in the escalator.Jun’s face gradually lit up, a smirk evident on his face. The cheerful boy is back.“Now who’s ridiculous!” his voice resonates in the hallway.One could see Yanan roll his eyes in annoyance at the young man, but the proud close-lipped smile on his face gave him away.“Thank you, Yanan.”
Who is ridiculous, indeed.
——————
“Wen Junhui, where are you?” Yanan sing-songs, a pout on his face.A few weeks have passed since then, and Yanan has gotten incredibly comfortable with Jun he has trouble admitting it. The gloomy hermit of the 10th floor is pouting like a little child, his head resting on his folded arms, and not very patiently waiting for Jun to come back to the living room with lunch. When he catches a glimpse of the other leaving the kitchen, two plates in hands, he sits up straight and look at the brunette expectantly. Jun smiles at him.Truthfully, he thinks Jun’s cheerfulness is contagious.Yanan didn’t actually need to eat (he never did before, Jun was shocked to find his refrigerator empty the first day), but he missed the taste of home cooked meals. He also missed being taken care of. Not that he would say it out loud.Jun places the plates on the table and sits across Yanan. They share a meal in comfortable silence mostly, Jun sometimes starting small talk and Yanan pointing out little details in his story. It’s warm. Once both of their plates are finished, it’s time for Jun to go back to university. It has been their little routine: Jun wakes up early to go to morning classes, comes back to cook something for poor sick and lonely Yanan, and then go attend classes again. Yanan just sleeps and wakes up whenever he smells something yummy.At this point, Yanan is pretty sure Jun thinks he is some kind of sick slash depressed fellow whose body is too weak to even set a foot outside. He even tried to have a serious talk with Yanan about his condition because he found weird pharmaceuticals he didn’t understand in the bathroom.Yanan didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth, so he went with the sick card. It was better that way.“Oh yeah, by the way!”His little rêverie gets interrupted by the brunette’s voice.“I’m supposed to have extra classes today so I won’t be able to do the groceries on time. I know you never go out but, please? Meat is half price today! Can you believe!”Jun makes a face saying you absolutely have to go out today no isn’t an answer, and Yanan sighs and shrugs an okay ma’am, sure. It’s not like he can’t go out, he would just rather not to. But then again, meat is half price today. Can you believe? He smiles to himself.“Yay! Thank you AnAn!” Sparkling eyes. “I left the list on the counter!”And just like that, the door clicks close and Jun disappears.Silence.Yanan stands up, takes both their plates and dumps them in the sink. He opens the water tap, but makes no move to wash the dishes. He stands, still as a statue. He watches the water molecules pour out of the tap before he dips one finger in the stream, hypnotized.It’s warm. The water is warm. He closes the tap. He doesn’t care about the dishes. He didn’t even know he had plates, he never used them. Someone will wash them, it doesn’t have to be him. He leaves the kitchen.There is nobody in the living room. Nobody in the kitchen, nobody in the other bedroom. Nobody in the apartment next door, nobody in the hallway.Jun left.It’s empty.He is empty. He looks over at the window. The sun is still up. He wants the feeling of emptiness to stop. He reasons he could sleep an hour or two before heading to the store; maybe he will feel better. He knows he won’t, though. But he hopes, because Jun taught him there’s nothing wrong with a little hope and ‘the worst that could happen is your life staying the same,’ he said once. ‘It can only get better.’ Yanan hopes the boy is right. ———— Yanan wakes up from his dreamless slumber. He tries to look for the time, but remembers he never bothered keeping track. He smashed his last clock twenty-ish years ago, he was going insane from the constant ticking. Instead, he opens the curtains with lethargic movements.Nothing changed since he closed his eyes. The sun is still up and bright; like a certain someone, Yanan's brain supplies.Still, he knows some time has passed so he reluctantly puts on his long grey coat, takes the list from the counter and heads toward the door, toward the outside world.The streets are lively and colorful. The supermarket not so much. He guesses he is quite early for the sale. He sighs. These kind of events gave him impressive headaches. What he wouldn’t do for meat, really.
Was it really only meat?
He looks for the meat section anyway. He hasn’t been in a supermarket in ages. He figures he could follow the scent of blood, make this weird ability useful for once. Unsurprisingly, the road to meat ends quickly and Yanan is met with rows and rows of fresh, raw meat. His face brighten to reflect his pleasant surprise.Looks delicious. Smells delicious.He searches for the list in his pocket and opens it, revealing a very cute ‘for meat buy whatever you like!! :D’. Yanan stares at the word for a few seconds before he smiles and hesitantly takes one pack in his hand, examining the tags. Apparently the whole row is eligible for the half-price sale, so he doesn’t think too much about it.Instead he concentrates really hard on the quality of the meat, not-so-gently digging his fingers in the plastic to judge if it was tender. He doesn’t really know the name of the meat Jun buys usually so he’s trying to find something similar with his touch. If anyone were to see him, they would probably call the security for suspicious individual at the meat section. Thankfully, nobody was here yet so Yanan could take his time.What he really didn’t take in consideration was his strength and how fragile the plastic film was. His nails ripped it mercilessly and it took him a second to realize what happened to the poor packaging. A small gasps escapes him as he hurriedly tries to put it back together. What really happens is blood spilling everywhere and Yanan bending forward trying to clean his mess on the ground with the sleeve of his coat. He’ll deeply apologizes to the piece of fabric later.He doesn’t realize until it’s too late that his heart started beating sometime during the whole ordeal, which is odd because it isn’t supposed to, and he is sure it isn’t panic. His heart died a while ago. It can only mean one thing; he’s fucked up more than he thought.His vision blurry and he can feel his fangs threaten to come out. He claps his non-bloodied hand on his mouth and tries hard to focus on a tile of the supermarket’s floor. He starts to hyperventilate. He bites his lips until he can feel a familiar taste of iron on his tongue which does nothing to calm the blonde, if it doesn’t worsen his case.Blurry shapes start moving around him and a new sense of urgency washes over him. He gets up abruptly and heads toward what he thinks is the exit, not caring about the security guards yelling at him to stop. He has no time. He shrugs them out of his way and disappears in a small alley. Yanan has to hurry home and take his suppressants before the other comes back from university. He underestimated one’s thirst and thought meat could satiate him, not worsen the feeling. He hasn’t drank blood properly in years and his body is clearly reacting to the overexposure to the liquid.He has let his guard down for the past few weeks. Jun has been too much of a distraction. He feels sick. If he bumps into any human right now, it might not end prettily. He reaches the complex in no time, relying entirely on touch and his familiarity with the vicinity. Nobody ever use the stairs in a huge building, even more if you live at the 10th floor. Yanan is thankful for humankind’s laziness. He uses this opportunity to climb all the way up at an abnormal speed and dives right into his apartment’s door, not caring if it smashes with the impact. Thankfully, it doesn’t. He fumbles for his keys and almost breaks what he thinks the blurry figure is the doorknob.What he didn’t expect was a second impact, throwing him off balance. Even more unexpected was that he didn’t hit the floor, and that he landed on something way softer. Something —someone that smelled delicious. Someone that would make the monster in his head take over. ———— Jun grunts at the growing pain at the back of his head. What just happened? He got home early after his professor cancelled the afternoon classes (something about celebrating his marriage anniversary) and noticed Yanan was already out so he opted for waiting for him patiently. Then he heard loud noises from outside the apartment. The frantic thumps seemed to come from the staircase. As curious as ever, Jun headed toward the door to see what kind of madman would actually use the stairs, it’s the tenth floor, but got interrupted pretty fast when something collided with the front door. The whole room was shaking from the impact. He had no time to realize what was happening next. In a mere seconds, the door opened and he was thrown to the floor.He felt hair tickling his neck and opened his eyes. He recognizes a very familiar shade of blonde and instantly huffed a sigh of relief. He didn’t know how he could explain the situation to the blonde if a burglar broke into their apartment.But Yanan doesn’t move. He is still as a rock, and it worries Jun.“An? Are you okay?”No response. He tries again, his voice more hesitant.“Yanan?”He was never this close to the other. He can feel how cold his body is. There is no warmth emitting from the blonde. Their apartment is dead silent. He can only hear his own breathing. Yanan doesn’t seem to. He tries to get a better look at the other and- Is it blood on his sleeve?A pang of fear hits Jun. Did he hit his head hard against the door earlier? Did it knock him unconscious? Oh my god please please please Yanan don’t die on me—He tries to get up hurriedly but the blonde takes hold of his wrists and Jun is slammed back down with extreme force by the man on top of him. Yanan doesn’t stop tightening his grip on Jun’s wrists, as if to say he won’t let him go, there’s no use fighting, and Jun doesn’t think he can feel his hands anymore. When he gets to have a look at Yanan’s face, he observes his eyes are completely dark, hooded with something Jun can’t quite understand.Yanan slowly crawls on his knees up to head-level, almost straddling Jun, and buries his face into the crook of his neck, not looking at the younger once. He takes in long, deep breaths. It sends shivers down Jun’s spine. He unconsciously turns his head to give Yanan better access.Jun can almost feel the blonde’s lips touch his skin. They’re so close he can feel the entirety of Yanan’s body pressing against him, trapping him completely. The younger feels bare under the touch of his roommate. He feels oddly affected, completely intoxicated in the other. The whole situation feels so intimate; Jun can’t help the blush creeping up his cheeks. This emits a low growl from the other, as if sensing the blood rush. It resonates in the living room.He tries to call his name a few times but gets no response. He still can’t get up, the other has him grounded. He doesn’t understand what is happening and why Yanan won’t answer. He was usually very considerate with him and would never do something without asking first. He was that polite. A true gentleman.But this Yanan isn’t the one he lived with for a few weeks now. He isn’t looking at Jun at all. He might not even know it is Jun he has placated on the floor. He never did look into his eyes. Jun doesn’t know why his heart hurt so much at that thought. The thought Yanan didn’t care, that he would touch anyone like that. That Jun wasn’t special in the slightest.He feels frustrated. So frustrated he doesn’t notice the tears rolling down his face. He feels so weak— so pathetic. He can’t even get up.His breath shudders. He can’t believe such a small thought can affect him so much.He didn’t realize Yanan had become that important to him.Maybe it is because he likes him that much that he refuses to stay like this. A sudden rush of courage hits him and he remembers the door to their apartment has never been closed in this mess of limbs. If he can’t move, he can still use his voice. And thankfully he knows how to; so he does.He screams once. High-pitched. He’s pretty sure nobody will hear him, it’s still early in the afternoon and school is not yet over for most, and it is the tenth floor, but it is better than giving up completely.He screams twice. This time, he can see Yanan jerks away from him, seemingly very angry. Jun can’t blame him, he did scream directly into his ear. Serves you right, bastard. Next time ask before you sexual harass me. Jun smiles just a little at the thought. How he wish he took this more seriously sometimes.The win was short lived, though. And it wasn’t really funny.Yanan latched his hand onto Jun’s throat and was squeezing hard. Jun’s face contorted in pain and he desperately tried to loosen Yanan’s grasp on his neck, digging his fingernails into the other’s arm. Not a single coherent word could get out from his mouth.His vision started to blurry from the lack of oxygen and he almost missed how Yanan’s mouth slightly opened to reveal prominent canines. If he wasn’t scared earlier, now he’s pretty sure he’s going to die.His eyes quickly lost focus. He could feel his consciousness slip away.Until the pain just stopped. That’s it, he thought.His hands lay limp at both side of his face. His legs are out of the question. He watches through half-lidded eyes the body on top of him, not finding enough strength to open them completely. He can’t hear anything. There is a loud buzz in his ears. If he concentrates hard enough, it does sound like his name. But it makes his head hurts. He doesn’t want to concentrate. He can hardly manage to look up into Yanan’s eyes.They’re clear. He’s glad. He drifts off. ———— When he heard shuffling from his room’s bed, Yanan instantly stopped whatever he has been doing. In other terms, nothing. He has been going back and forth for almost two hours dead worried, waiting for Jun to wake up. He was stupid. Careless. Insert another negative adjective. Maybe two. Three. A million. That’s how bad he felt. He can’t think of any words, but he is sure all of them would apply. It was that bad.He rushes to his bedroom. Jun looks disoriented. Yanan doesn’t think he has ever let the other in his room once. He hurriedly takes hold of Jun’s hand and help him rest his back against the headboard of the bed.“Jun? Are you okay? I’m sorry I’m so sorry I-” he sees Jun open his mouth to speak. He stops him immediately. “Wait- don’t talk. Your throat- I’ll be back.” He runs toward the kitchen and pour a glass of plain water. When he comes back Jun is looking around his room, his eyes filled with curiosity. The brunette spots Yanan and smiles slightly.“There please drink. Slowly, there.” He watches intently as Jun takes the glass with both hands and starts drinking. He coughs back the water in the process, his throat obviously still hurting. Yanan patiently helps him finish the water. It’s the least he can do.“I… I have a lot to explain to you. But can you wait until you get better? I promise I’ll explain everything I’m just- I was so worried Jun I’m so sorry this is all my fault.” Yanan doesn’t dare look up, doesn’t dare look at Jun.“We can talk when you’ll feel better and then I’ll let you say anything you want you can leave and erase me from your life I-” he closes his eyes, “I deserve it.”“—I don-” the brunette starts with difficulty, “I don’t blame you.” Jun’s voice is hoarse. He takes Yanan’s hand in his and squeezes lightly.When Yanan steal a glance at the other, he is smiling softly, hiding his pain from his face. He looks at Yanan. What he can’t say with his mouth, he says with his eyes; his bright, shining eyes, glimmering with the same innocence as the first day. I don’t blame you, they repeat. ———— “So you’re not... human?” Jun asks, sitting on the couch of their shared apartment, his legs crossed.“I am not.” Yanan looks down, afraid of the other’s reaction. He had just told him the whole story, how he neglected his monthly blood intake because eating regularly made him feel satiated. He realized too late only eating human food would have been too convenient. What are vampires if they’re not drinking blood?Jun stands up, and for a moment Yanan thinks he is going to leave, until the later just purses his lips together in a semblant of a pout.“Oh come on, how come you get to be the vampire and not me! I’m jealous!”Yanan’s eyes widen. He can’t exactly process what the other just said.“...You want to be a vampire?” The blonde asks, clearly disbelieving. He doesn’t get how Jun could accept the news so easily after all that happened. “...It’s not all that great, you know.”The serious tone in his voice indicates the playful atmosphere from earlier is nowhere to be found. Yanan thinks that was Jun’s way of being considerate. A little joke to ease the tension.After some time, a mere ten seconds really, the brunette responds.“I know.” A pause. He moves to lean against the table. He continues.“I’ve never really seen you be happy. For something other than food anyway. You always seem so tired. You never go out, and when you do go out, you head to the hospital. I always thought you had some kind of chronic disease or something that prevented you from going out. And then you came back home the other day, and you seemed in so much pain... I don’t know what happened and I don’t know how it felt for you, but I do understand it must be really hard on you. Being a vampire I mean. But…” He is searching for his words. He looks so earnest.“You know, sometimes... when you’ve been you for so long, don’t you want to become someone— something else too?”Yanan’s brows furrows, not really understanding what the other means.“It’s just…” he looks up at the ceiling. “You know how there are a ton of movies about vampires, werewolves, hybrids, fairies, or even magicians? I guess I just want to experience that lifestyle, add a bit more fantasy into my life. Maybe do some cool martial art moves, say weird incantations… transform into another animal! Don’t you think that’s cool? I think it’s super cool. I think I would like to do that. A lot.”“Is this why you picked up acting?” Yanan asks carefully.“Maybe. I guess. I don’t know. I mean, I love acting, and I love watching the finished product even more. But it doesn’t really feel like me the more I watch, because it’s not. I didn’t really kiss that girl, nor have I been a cat-hybrid since birth and hid it from my friends all this time. I think I just want to escape the cruel reality. It’s a bit like dissociating.” Yanan knows what dissociation feels like. It feels like dying. Except he is part of the undead, and he might never be able to fight back the hollow feeling now. He gave up on that a long time ago, he forgot how it felt before.Yanan thinks he misses being human. He misses being alive. That was years ago. Maybe a century. He lost count.He didn’t realize Jun felt the same. He was too caught up with himself, trying to bring back fun in his own sad, sad life. Unintentionally using Jun to do that, regardless of what the boy felt. The brunette visibly hesitates to continue. His voice wavers.“I think I just don’t know who I really want to be.” Silence. “It’s easier to let someone else write your life story.” A minute passes and none of them dare speak, both unsure of what to say. Jun visibly regrets talking about this matter. His gaze is fixed on the door of his own bedroom and he is biting his lower lip, afraid of Yanan’s reaction. His hands are gripping the table so hard his knuckles are turning white.Unable to watch any more of this, Yanan takes a step forward.“If you really think this then I need to thank the author right now.” Jun looks up at him hesitantly. “Do you mind if I…?” the blonde asks for permission.The younger shakes his head no, and Yanan takes another step, closing the distance between them. He takes the brunette’s right hand off the table and starts drawing circles on the top with his thumb. A comforting gesture. They are a mere centimeters apart. He can see the human avert his eyes, a bit glassy. His hair fall onto his face hiding his eyes. He can hear his heartbeat speed up consequently.“What’s up with you. All of a sudden.” He sniffs, his voice so small Yanan would have not heard it if he weren’t this close.The younger always seemed a bit half-hearted, a prankster with a hollow personality; someone who would be good as a mob character or as the comic relief that appears every two episodes to lighten the mood, and everybody would forget his existence the day after. The world doesn’t realize how this man, this beautiful man crying in front of him, is deserving of attention. Yanan himself didn’t realize. He has never regretted something so much. He thinks Jun doesn’t deserve to feel like a nobody. He doesn’t deserve to exist only to bring someone else’s story to life.He deserves to have one of his own. So he tells him the best he can.Slowly, he brushes the strands of brown hair away and lets his forehead fall onto Jun’s. He whispers, for him only to hear— for him only to know.“Don’t mind me. I am letting the author know that I am really happy they allowed me to be part of your story. Or you to be part of mine. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re here, and that you know you’re making me the happiest I’ve ever been in years. Please don’t assume you lost to food.” he says, smiling softly.Yanan likes to watch how Jun’s cheeks tint slowly. Like a flower blooming for the first time, opening for him only, revealing its hidden inner beauty.The younger doesn’t answer immediately, but a small smile makes its way on his face and Yanan feels reassured. “Well I think the author shouldn’t have made you into a vampire. That’s unfair. I still think it should have been me.” Jun bites, but there is no hostility to his words. Yanan is relieved Jun is comfortable enough with him to joke about it.“You know I’m thanking you, right? It’s you who made this possible, that day in the hallway.”Both are unmoving until the smaller man simply nods and scoots closer, burying his face into Yanan’s shirt, hiding his embarrassment. Yanan puts his free hand on the small of the other’s back, holding him tightly.“I think it’s okay not to know who you want to be. But I don’t think giving up fits you. You work hard in everything you do, you stay up late practicing your lines, and you would put on the back burner your paper due in two hours to call your friend and comfort them from their breakdown. I think you have always been writing your own story, and it is nowhere as bad as you think. I can’t figure out your writing style, but I like it. It makes you more interesting. But I know it’s not easy to realize it yourself, so...” he squeezes Jun’s hand tighter.“So if you need help, some constructive criticism on a paragraph of your life, maybe you could ask me. You know my secret so you’re stuck with me now, I can’t let you go. And frankly— I don’t think I want to.”The brunette doesn’t answer, but Yanan knows he listened to every words; like he always does.From that angle, he can’t see Jun’s face anymore but he can hear him take deep breaths (probably to calm himself). The blonde starts rubbing soothing circles on the younger‘s back.Yanan moves his other hand to touch Jun’s neck, still harboring red marks. He could never apologize enough for what he did. Jun winces slightly at the contact, but eventually leans into the caress. They stay like this in comfortable silence, breathing in each other’s presence. After some time, the vampire decides he could try to lighten the mood to make the human feel slightly better. It reminds Yanan a lot of how the other used to comfort him when they just moved in together. He didn’t really need comfort but the extra attention made him feel better nonetheless. He felt appreciated for the first time in a long, long while.“If you really want to be one— a vampire that is, it could be arranged.” An audible smirk.The last words emits an immediate response from the human. His eyes widen and he rapidly takes a step back to take a direct look into Yanan’s eyes and gauge how much of it was a joke, and how much was serious. He decides he would rather not know the answer. Instead, he decides he really misses the other’s touch. But he won’t say it aloud.Jun tries to regain his composure with difficulty. He really really wants to hide right now. He wonders how it ended up like this. He just learnt his roommate wasn’t human, poured his heart out for no reason, then let himself be held by said roommate, and now he was offered being turned into a vampire, which probably meant (if the movies he watched weren’t lying) letting Yanan feed directly from h—“I-I think I’ll pass!” he sputters out. He can hear his blood pumping in his ears. His bloo— oh. Oh. He needs to calm his frantic heartbeat right now. Right. This. Moment. Does Yanan know? Can his vampire superpowers sense his blood too? Do vampires even have superpowers? Oh my god that would be amazing? Do they? Wait no, stop.Yanan, sensing Jun’s internal conflict, had loosened his grasp on the other’s waist and instead settled on taking in all of his facial expressions, going from shock, to disbelief, to realization, to excitement. He is a bit proud he was the cause of it all… but excitement? Did he really consider the offer?To be honest Yanan didn’t really think too much about what it would entail when he offered. Realizing it now, he thinks it was pretty inappropriate. Turning one into a vampire is a really intimate ritual. It was his turn to be embarrassed. He never even considered tasting Jun’s blood.Jun instantly untangled himself from the blonde’s arms and was now sprinting toward his own room.“Um!! If-if you need me... I’ll be in my room… Bye Yanan!!” He rushes the last words.Before he can twist the doorknob, Yanan interrupts him.“Junhui.” The vampire’s voice travels through the air.The brunette stops and turns toward the other male. He looks up timidly.“Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I’m sorry about earlier.”The human doesn’t respond. Shortly after, the sound of a door clicking shut is heard in their shared apartment. The vampire pretends he doesn’t hear the muffled scream from the other room.He thinks about how it felt like holding Jun and grunts. He misses the warmth. He only knows cold.He leans against the closest wall and closes his eyes.He thinks he should have been more careful, but a small part of him is actually glad Jun found out about his true nature. Maybe he needed someone to know. Years of hiding made him feel incredibly lonely at times. He thinks back to his first conversation with Jun, and how the younger could decipher him in a mere minutes. He really does have that lonely aura.The fact the other wants to be a vampire, though, was very amusing to the blonde— endearing almost. It is like a small cat wanting to become a fierce tiger. Adorable.To Yanan, Jun was always a weird mix of a small baby animal with endless energy that needs to be taken care of, and a reliable figure who would protect his loved ones with his whole being.He was fascinating and Yanan found himself unconsciously want to become more and more like the human. To live your life to the fullest no matter what happens; a luxury few can afford. Needless to say he was surprised when he learnt how Jun thought of himself. He wants to tell him how inspiring he is, how ridiculous, how selfless and thoughtful he can be, and how he wants to learn more about him, Wen Junhui the drama student, Wen Junhui his reckless roommate, Wen Junhui the person . Not Wen Junhui the character. He opens his eyes and lets out a sigh.This is gonna be complicated.Another sigh. He isn’t quite sure why, but would he do it for Jun? Absolutely.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
"Yanan! This is an emergency! Do you see this?" the man shouted from the kitchen.
"What is it, Jun?" the blonde drags his feet to the kitchen, not yet ready on a Sunday morning to deal with the other’s antics.
When Yanan enters the kitchen, he is met with Jun pointing at the open fridge with one hand and the other on his chest for dramatic effect. Yanan leans against the doorframe, amused.
"We don’t have any meat!" the younger says with a horrified look on his face."Actually, we don’t have any food." Yanan states matter-of-factly as he takes a good look at the white and empty freezer. He did scrap everything left together to make a decent meal for Jun after the incident. Sorry .
"Geez, thank you for your input. The point is!" Jun exclaims. "We completely missed the sale and we’re running out of snacks.""In my defense, it was an emergency."
"I know, and this is emergency number 2. We’re going out!" Jun declared, clasping his hands together."Since when?” the blonde asks almost immediately. Jun is taken aback. Since when what? are the words plastered on the younger’s face. His brows furrow in confusion and he tilts his head, asking for a clarification.“I don’t remember agreeing with dating you."The little gears in Jun’s brain seemed to click, and his mouth opened in realization. He sighs before he flashes the vampire a playful smile. He steps closer and brushes away the blonde locks from Yanan’s face.
"Aw, come on AnAn. You agreed with living with me, that’s much worse.” he shakes his head in compassion, lips pursed. “And we’ve been living together for almost two months now, we’re practically married."
Yanan smiles, satisfied. "Fair point. So what are we really, then?"
"In need of food, that’s what we are," Jun replies and lightly taps Yanan’s cheek to signal they should be serious. He skillfully makes his way past Yanan to the living room.
Yanan looks after Jun’s trail before smiling to himself. He is compelled to follow.He catches Jun skipping around the apartment in search of his wallet. The human is humming a song about money that sounds oddly familiar to Yanan. It must have been popular half a century ago.Realizing he’s staring, he stops abruptly and heads toward his room. He should get ready too. He opens his closet, picks a pair of black jeans and a grey blazer (something casual enough, his brain inquires) and puts them on lazily. He believes he could allow himself some extravagance, so he takes a pair of fake glasses from his bedside drawer where he keeps all his rings and other accessories. Casual, but fashionable.When he emerges out of his room Jun is sitting on the sofa, scrolling through his phone. He puts his glasses on the table and travels the short distance to the younger. When he is close enough, he leans over the backrest. He can see that Jun seems to be reading a page about vampires, an evident frown on his face.“Are you that interested in vampires?” Yanan whispers in Jun’s ear.Jun jumps in surprise and clutches his phone to his chest. He looks at the blonde half-annoyed. “You scared me! Don’t do that.”“I’m sorry,” Yanan giggles.“No you’re not.”“You’re right, I’m not. But you know you can always ask me directly about vampire stuff.”The brunette looks down to his phone and bites his lips. The screen is dark.“Okay. Can I ask something then?” he says after a few seconds.“Shoot.”“Where do you get your blood?”Jun looks up hesitantly at Yanan. The latter shows no signs of surprise at the question.“I go to the hospital; I drink one blood bag then,” he starts nonchalantly. “I have to go at least once every other week, and if I feel bad in the meantime I can take suppressants.”“One bag is enough?”“I don’t know, it usually is? I have never drunk more.”“And the hospital knows that you’re not human?”“I have my ways of breaking in.” the vampire says confidently.“You— What!?” Jun stands up abruptly from his spot on the sofa. His eyes are opened wide. The reaction emits a laugh from Yanan and a complaint to stop laughing from the smaller man. Jun sits back on the sofa, facing the taller man.“Just kidding. I’m not sure if they know the details, but it’s on my prescription so… they give me blood. It was initiated by the government.”Jun doesn’t sound convinced. The truth is Yanan was found by the city’s hospital on the verge of death after he had been attacked himself. When he woke up, he felt completely different. His surroundings were white but his mind was dark with a burning desire. An unknown voice telling him to break the first person setting foot in the room; a heartless creature taking control over his body.It took a while to take in the fact he was no longer human. The hospital staff at that time relayed the information to the police, who put Yanan’s treatment in the government’s hands. They have been using his body to gather information to protect themselves against him and his kind, in exchange of regular blood supply. It might sound ideal, but their main goal was to keep Yanan fed and in control so he wouldn’t jump on the first innocent passerby and cause a national panic with how easily media gets spread around nowadays. He would never attack anyone, and the government can focus on hiding vampires’ existence; keeping it as a mere product of fiction.In other words, he is something akin to a national treasure— someone akin to a prince. A prisoner, really. Yanan thinks a part of Jun wanted the vampire to be a criminal at the head of a blood-trafficking organization or something as ridiculous. Yanan has to agree it sounds better than his current life (being a bad boy doesn’t sound bad at all), but it also sounds like a huge pain. He likes it with Jun better. It’s warm and comfortable. It’s simple.It makes him feel alive; makes his heart beat again (metaphorically). The frozen world starts moving, slowly but surely. Yanan realizes he really, really doesn’t want to let Jun go.But he knows the human’s life is bound to end, and he won’t even be able to stay with him that long. At most, they have until Jun graduates from college. What’s less than three years in an eternity?He wants to make Jun comfortable too, for as long as they have left.“By the way, the government pays for this apartment too. So really, you don’t have to pay rent at all,” he pauses, taking in the surprise from the brunette’s face. “I took your money last time but I had no use for it and I didn’t know if refusing it would raise suspicions, since I’m not working either. But since you know anyway, I can give it back to you?”Jun’s lips were slightly parted when Yanan finished talking, and he was looking at the blonde disbelieving. He looks like he has some questions about Yanan’s involvement with the government, but fortunately he doesn’t voice them. “I thought you were rich! A rich sick boy! A young heir to the lost throne!”Yanan chuckles. “Are you sure you’re not watching too much movies?”“It’s all part of my studies, I take the clichés very seriously, thank you very much.”“Whatever you say, Jun. But you don’t have to hold yourself back today,” he says, straightening his back and taking his glasses from the table. He puts the frame on and checks himself in the mirror. Jun gives him a look, but doesn’t question his fashion sense. If you look at it from an outsider’s point of view, he might have been checking Yanan out.“Hmpf. Do you have everything?” Jun looks him in the eyes through the glass, an air of mischief surrounding him.Yanan nods. “Shall we go, then?” ———— “When I said you didn’t have to hold back, I didn’t realize that meant you were gonna go all-out on snacks. Where are you even gonna store these?” Yanan pushes the front door open with his shoulder, both his arms full with plastic bags filled with even more colorful plastic. If he looked around, he would still remember the endless rows of snacks and the horrid artificial lighting of the supermarket. His head hurts. Jun on the other hand, is completely unbothered.“My room, obviously. But if you want some I can share because I’m a kind and considerate person.” he offered, putting both his hands on his waist, his head tilted up.“Don’t count on me to help you store the groceries then. The kitchen is all youuurs,” the last word gets muffled as Yanan face-plant on the sofa’s pillow.“Ugh, what are you, a grandpa? If you’re gonna look this young and fresh act like it.”“Of course I have to stay fresh, rotten flesh smells awful.”“Ew, what. Vampires rot? Are you sure you’re not a zombie in disguise?”“No need for oxygen nor nutrients, and only one tint of blood in my veins... It’s just my dead body and I sometimes.”“Err, so basically you look like this thanks to me?”“Yes. Take responsibility for this fresh and hot body and feed me." “Woah there, where does your confidence come from?” Jun sighs. “Bring back the shy and awkward man from two months ago.”“I would, but we lost him in the supermarket.”Yanan closes his eyes, burying his face in the junction of the sofa. His body isn’t tired, but the over exposure to light was getting to his head and he needed some well-deserved rest. Last days have been pretty hectic and he experienced more emotions than he did in the past year.Jun seems to understand that. Yanan can hear him enter the kitchen, occasionally coming back to the living room to fetch yet another bag of groceries.Noise echoes through the walls of their shared apartment, but Yanan feels calm nonetheless. It’s a nice reminder he’s not alone. ———— Yanan wakes up to the smell of grilled meat. He scans his surroundings to find Jun sitting at the table in a simple white t-shirt and black sweatpants, occasionally laughing at a funny video he sees on his phone. It seems to be evening already, meaning he’s slept the whole afternoon. He adjusts his position so he is no longer lying on the couch, deciding to sit instead.He catches Jun looking in his direction from the corner of his eye, and mimics the action. The other smile gently at him. “Good evening.” Jun puts his phone on the table, concentrating on the man before him. “I’ve grilled some sausages if you want,” his voice is low and gentle.Yanan whispers a ‘ thank you’ and gets up from the sofa to sit at the table with Jun. They spend the next ten minutes in silence, Jun’s phone back in his hands. When Jun found something he thought was really funny, he tried showing it to Yanan only to get a curious slash confused look. Yanan thinks it was supposed to be funny, but maybe nowadays’ humour was a bit too complicated for him.Yanan eventually figures he could change out of his clothes for something more comfortable. He excuses himself and enters his own room, discarding his previous outfit on the floor and putting on a black t-shirt and shorts. He picks up the pile of dirty clothes and heads toward the bathroom. He isn’t surprised to find Jun still at the table (his phone still in his hand as well) when he passes by the area. It is on his way back to his bedroom that Jun calls him.“Oh yeah AnAn, we were talking about movies earlier. Care joining me for a study session?” he grins.“Mh? If you’re gonna study isn’t it better if you’re alone? I don’t understand your stuff.”“You don’t want to?” Yanan could see Jun’s imaginary puppy ears fold downward. Ugh .“I didn’t say that.”“So you want to?” the ears unfold. Jun straightens up; his eyes are sparkling. This is bad.
Stop making that face, Wen Junhui.
“Okay.” Yanan says finally with a sigh.“It’s decided then! Let’s go to my room.” he bolts toward a closed door, the one hiding personal from communal.At least Jun looks happy.Yanan follows his trail with a lot less enthusiasm. Not like he isn’t happy to spend time with the younger, he just can’t rivalise with Jun’s energy.Even though the door is now opened, he tentatively knocks before entering.Jun has taken his laptop and is browsing through the internet in search of a movie. He finally settles on one and invites Yanan to sit beside him on his bed. The latter complies, his movements a bit hesitant. Confusion washes over him once the movie starts playing and Wall-E can be read on the screen.“Is this an animation movie? You study animation for your acting course?”“Not at all, I’ve just been craving some dystopian story.” Yanan hums in response. Of course Jun wouldn’t actually be studying, what was he thinking. But whatever; he will watch it for Jun anyway.“Well don’t underestimate animation movies, AnAn. You learn a lot more stuff in kids movies than in blockbusters.” Yanan doesn’t answer. He chooses to concentrate on the little lonely robot instead. ———— The movie itself isn’t that bad, Yanan thinks. It’s entertaining. When he glances at Jun, he has a frown on his face. Speaking from experience, Yanan thinks he is either debating on which snack he should start eating next (very high probability), or actually thinking about the movie (low probability). He looks back to the screen and patiently waits for Jun’s next move. Turns out it was the movie.“You heard how many times they said Eve’s name?” Jun starts. Yanan nods in answer. “Think about it for a second; the voice is altered to be more robotic, but you can feel a different emotion each time. It has a lot to do with how you articulate certains words, so it can be a lot more interesting than you think.”Yanan wasn’t really paying attention to the voices, but he guesses he can start thinking now.“How can you be so sure they didn’t record it only once and altered it after? Aren’t there songs like that too?” “Nah, I have a good feeling about it. Since the whole point of the movie is the robots being more human than humanity, it would make sense they recorded everything separately.”“Well…”“Oh shut up. I was trying to be smart.”Jun tried to hit Yanan with his head, but it hurt Yanan’s shoulder pretty hard instead and he had to bring one hand over his forehead to soothe the pain. He lets his head fall on Yanan’s shoulder defeated. It makes Yanan laughs at the attempt. He uses one hand to ruffle through Jun’s brown hair.“Okay, I’ll acknowledge you can at least come up with a bunch of nonsense on the spot.” he pushes Jun away so the brunette can sit properly. A bit more and his laptop would have fallen.“Trust me AnAn, if you can’t bullshit your way through any essay, you’re not fit for college. It’s all about being convincing. Acting is convincing.”“No wonder you’re not very good.”“Now are you really picking a fight?” Jun’s head turns to look at Yanan in the eyes, his index finger hitting the space bar of his laptop. Jun is so ready to close that laptop and pretend to hit Yanan with it. Yanan smiles at the scene forming in his head.He puts his hand before him as a small indication of fear so Jun wouldn’t actually hit him. Yanan is a pacific man after all. (Jun would disagree)“No but admit nobody would speak like that.” He points to the screen. “It sounds like high-pitched slow-motion.”He leans in to press play again. Wall-E is communicating with Eve and Yanan can’t help but laugh at the poor robot.“ JuuUuUnnn, ” he imitates the small character.“Stop it,” Jun sounds annoyed but his smile is betraying him, white teeth peeking.“Junnn?” Yanan presses.Jun moves on the bed to face Yanan and holds his laptop close to his chest so the other is unable to see the screen. “That’s it, you’re not allowed to watch it anymore.”“Do I have to find a plant so you’ll forgive me?” Yanan receives a small kick in response. ———— They end up lying together on the bed, the laptop forgotten on Jun’s working desk. Yanan is looking up at the ceiling, a sleeping Jun in his arms. The younger insisted on the fact they would take up less space and could both fit on his single bed if they were cuddling. Yanan suspects Jun simply wanted to cling on someone tonight. Yanan would be a fool not to indulge him.He brushes Jun’s hair delicately. He tries not to think of the proximity and how Jun is nuzzling his neck, purring after each stroke. If his heart could still beat, he would have suffered from a heart attack long ago. Jun had this effect on him. After an hour or so, he feels the fluttering of lashes against his neck. He stops stroking Jun’s hair to let the brunette wake up at his own rhythm. His eyes are open and he looks around, disoriented. He untangles himself from Yanan and leans against the wall. The vampire turns to face him.“Hello.” he says tentatively.“Hi.” Jun answers, his voice raspy.“How do you feel?”“Mhh.” he closes his eyes again.Yanan doesn’t press on the matter. He sits up and shuffles a bit on the bed to recover the blanket and tuck Jun in it. The human mutters a small ‘thank you’. Yanan stays at the side of the bed for a few minutes until he hears Jun’s breathing calm. He can go back to his room and leave Jun in Morpheus’ care. It’s when he gets up that he feels a hand taking his. Jun’s hand is using barely any force, Yanan could escape anytime. What compels him to sit back is the intensity of Jun’s gaze, reflecting both fear and determination. Yanan smiles at him and squeeze his hand gently, intertwining their fingers. He slips under the blanket, Jun’s eyes never leaving him. They look at each other for who knows how long until Yanan feels Jun’s eyes move downward, his gaze lingering on his lips. He closes his eyes shortly after and tighten his grip on Yanan’s hand.“Say,”Jun doesn’t dare reopen his eyes. “If I were to kiss you right now, would you hate me for it?” he whispers, fear present in his voice.The reply is almost automatic, an obvious statement.“I don’t think I can ever hate you.” “You don’t know that, it’s only been two months. I can be pretty annoying.” Yanan wants to say a million things to counter that, but he feels like it wouldn’t matter if Jun keeps avoiding him. He doesn’t just want to tell him, he wants to show him. He brings his free hand to Jun’s face, fingers brushing against his cheek. “Look at me?” he says, softly.He waits patiently for Jun to feel ready to open his eyes again. When he does, Yanan continues.“You’re right, I don’t know that. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know more about that side of you.”Jun stays silent. Yanan doesn’t mind.“I keep thinking of what you said the other day, and I was mad at myself for not realizing. I really want to learn more about you, so I can tell you how every single part of you is awe-inspiring. Did you know you’re breathtaking?” he teases.“What are you talking about, I know you don’t even need to breathe,” Jun places his hand over Yanan’s chest for emphasis. It does not heave.“Thank you for proving my point.” Yanan smiles.At that, Jun buries his face in his pillow. “You’re embarrassing.”Yanan’s hand crawls up, his fingers gently brushing Jun’s brown silky locks. The latter slowly turns his head around to face Yanan with half-lidded eyes. Jun leans into the feeling of fingers running through his hair, and closes his eyes completely. It’s only when he hears shuffling and he feels the hand move down to cup his face that he reopens them. His hand is cold to contrast the warmth of his cheek, creating the perfect temperature. The blonde man feels impossibly closer, propped up on his elbow, his face lit up by the subdued light of the night sky peeking through the curtains.He looks so ethereal. Jun turns around to lie on his back, his eyes unintentionally linger on the vampire’s lips. He can only register their closeness and the regular thumps— the deafening sound of his own heartbeat.“Can I?” Yanan whispers.Jun’s eyes run up his face, from his lips to meet his eyes. They exchange a silent confirmation. He closes his eyes for the second time. He meets Yanan half-way. It is nothing but a light press of lips against lips, scared and hesitant and barely a proper kiss, but Jun likes it just the same. The way Yanan is unmoving, his hand still on his face. The way Yanan offered, when it is obvious he doesn’t have much experience. The way their nose brushes, the way their teeth collide, the way it makes Jun smile into the kiss. When Yanan tries to pull away, Jun chases him, more relaxed. One of his hand find his way to the vampire’s nape and he tilts his head, pressing him closer, deepening the kiss. His lips start moving sloppily and he can feel the other mimicking the action. It feels natural, it feels comfortable .When they finally part, they both smile at each other. There is no awkwardness between them. Jun decides to break the silence.“It’s so weird. Your lips are cold but you still manage to make me feel warm and giggly inside.”“Is the cold unpleasant?”“No, it anchors me. It makes me realize this is all very real. It’s very you.”Yanan lets his forehead fall onto Jun’s. “Can I ask you something?” he starts.Jun mumbles a ‘ sure, go ahead ’, prompting him to continue.“Why did you want to kiss me?" Jun’s eyes widen, clearly not prepared for this particular question. Panic settles all over his face, blood creeping up to his cheeks.“O-Okay. But I get to ask you one question first!” he exclaimed.Yanan settles back in his side of the bed, untangling himself from Jun. The brunette whines, but is quickly met with Yanan’s eyes, communicating silently. He decides he can ask his question, so he does.“...Why did you kiss me?”The older gasps, breaking the connection. His hands going up to hide his face. He turns, his back facing Jun. Jun thinks he’s cute when he is embarrassed. He doesn’t get to see him act like this often.He wishes he can see him act like this more often, from now on.“That’s unfair.” Yanan mumbles behind his hands. Jun smiles softly, patting his shoulder so he would roll on his back and face him again. “That was exactly my thought,” he whispers, his upper body hovering the blonde’s. He pushes his hands away. He looks into the deep dark orbs, not scared in the slightest this time. It’s the safest he’s ever felt. “You’re incorrigible.”“Yup, I like you too.” I like you , it felt natural rolling on his tongue; three little words he was sure he meant. A small, twinkling star dancing in his heart.Yanan doesn’t answer him, but Jun doesn’t mind. Being able to look at him right this moment is enough. If Yanan thinks he doesn’t know a thing about Jun, then Jun knows even less about the vampire. When he thinks about it, he doesn’t even know his real age.But in the end, does he really care?Jun thinks he’d rather pay attention to the little things that present Yanan does, the little habits present Yanan has. Because present Yanan is here , and any other Yanan wouldn’t matter.“Kiss me again?” Jun asks, his voice small and innocent. Yanan can see the mischief in his brown eyes.“Shouldn’t you go to sleep by now?”“I don’t care. Did you think I would let you go that easily?” Jun teases.They stay in silence for a few seconds. “You’re ridiculous, you know that,” Yanan sighs finally, the smirk on his lips betraying him.Jun’s smile widen.
They close the distance, meeting a second time, letting their feelings take over their stories.
————
The door to apartment 1013 opens slowly, revealing a handsome young man with brown hair. He looks around the living room hesitantly, taking in his new surroundings. The new semester will start a new chapter of his story, a chapter he will spend here. A chapter he will share with the blonde man from the hallway.Jun isn’t quite sure why, but he thinks everything will be alright. Smiling to himself, he enters the apartment and closes the door.