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Ed is a terrible friend. He’s selfish, rude, irresponsible, and compassion isn’t part of his vocabulary. Ivy tried to be his friend, she
really
did. No one else wished to be his friend so she tried to stay around; tried to teach him how to be a lovable and tolerable person. But, his talent of nimble fingers on a piano got to his head before she could make it reversible. His fame created a self-obsessed person who disappeared on a nightly basis due to one-night stands.
In conclusion, he’s an asshole; Ivy has ran out of ideas, nice ways to make him a kinder person.
“Did you fix the TV?” Ivy asks, hands on her hips in front of Ed.
“Nope,” Ed pops the “p”, flipping the page of his book.
“Ed, you know I’m
shit
at computers! Why can’t you do this one, simple thing for me? I’ve asked so nicely!” She’s losing her patience.
“If you’re so upset about it then figure out how to do it! I’m not going to do
everything
for you.”
She feels steam coming out her ears. “YOU DON’T DO
ANYTHING
FOR ME, ED!”
He jumps, startled at the sudden shouting.
She throws her hands to her sides with defeat. “I’ve been so nice to you. I’ve tried so hard to make you less of an asshole. There’s only one less thing to do!”
Concerned, Ed jumps up and watches from his spot as she disappears into her plant lab. This isn’t good. Trouble occurs in there; he wants no part of it.
“Ivy, let’s discuss this,” Ed pleads at the sight of green powder in her hands.
She shakes her head, “No, Ed. You can’t talk yourself out of this. You’re unlovable.”
“What?! People love me!”
“Because you’re a charming, good looking performer, Ed. They don’t like you as a person.”
“Ivy-”
She blows the dust at him. He coughs, rubbing at his eyes to remove the dust out of his eyes. He feels hot, too hot like he’s burning. He’s shrinking, he can feel it, and when he finally removes the hands from his eyes, he notices his hands are beginning to grow brown fur.
Oh no.
Ivy sighs when Ed reaches his new form, passing out almost immediately. She picks him up from his clothes and takes him out to the trash bin in the back of the apartment complex. She’s hoping he’s pissed enough not to come back right away. With the her heart telling her, she leaves a not for him saying, “True Love’s Kiss, Ed. Good luck”. And, she means the good luck. He’s fun and quirky and intelligent when he’s not being an asshole.
One of Oswald’s most popular night was Jazz night every Thursday. The audience loved Edward Nygma, his charismatic and clever performance, and his piano playing was to die for. The people were enraptured with him, and maybe Oswald was too. Ed was a flirt; his white and bright smile, his mesmerizing brown eyes, lanky form that he moved so fluently with, and his hands were something meant to be in the joke called “hand porn” if Oswald was being serious.
Yet, Ed hasn’t showed up in the past three weeks. Oswald had to find a replacement who’s not as good. The customers have been asking where Ed has gone with the lousy answer of “I don’t know” every time with no update. Then, there became the rumors. He ran away with some new fling. That pissed Oswald off, truthfully. It was no secret that Ed would disappear after the shows with some lucky man or woman.
That just made Oswald jealous
every
week. And, honestly even more insecure in his physique.
And, his stress happened to get worse when a cat showed up. He somehow found ways to get into the club on Thursday nights. The audience found the cat adorable, he would rub on everyone and sit in their laps. After awhile, he showed up almost every day to walk along the counter and kill dead mice simply for Oswald to find or step on.
He hated the cat.
“Why don’t you get rid of it then?” Butch asks after the millionth rant of Oswald’s hate.
“I’ve already lost my best player. I can’t lose the
new
Thursday attraction!” Oswald explains, pacing in his office.
“It’s a cat, boss. It probably wants attention and it seems to leave mice
for you.
Befriend the darn thing.”
“Do I look like someone who needs a furry companion?” He asks with disgust.
Butch rolls his eyes. “Someone who needs a companion in general.”
“Fine!” He throws up his hands. “I’ll befriend it. If the behavior doesn’t change I’m giving it away for adoption.”
“That’s fair.”
Ed chose the Iceberg Lounge for two reasons: First, he can spend time with his fans. And second, Oswald Cobblepot. He’s been pining for the short, fashionable, powerful, pretty bird-like looking man since his hiring. Every Thursday night he’s contemplated asking Oswald to go home with him, but he never does. Rejection is one thing, but rejection from his biggest infatuation? No, he’s not risking it. So as he’s fucking, or being fucked, by someone else he thinks about Oswald as an alternative.
However, Oswald doesn’t act very thrilled of his new presence. Maybe leaving dead mice isn’t the best idea, but he’s taking care of the problem, has to eat, and doesn’t have opposable thumbs to clean up. It’s pretty tough.
Butch,
surprisingly
, is his saving grace. He encourages Oswald to befriend him, the cat, because he wants attention.
It’s simply brilliant.
When all of this is over, if it’ll ever be over, he’ll send the man some chocolates.
Oswald ends up taking it home with him and Olga helps set up the necessities for the cat. When he releases the cat in the mansion it walks around, sniffing and taking everything in around him. He allows it do its thing as long as it stays out of his way.
The cat stays away for hours up until Oswald is finishing his last of paperwork for the evening. The cat leaps onto the desk, plopping right on Oswald’s work and staring at him with a slow wave of the tail.
“Please move,” Oswald demands, shoving it.
The cat stays steady and chooses to rub Oswald’s hand instead. The cat begins to purr, eyes closed in content. The steady rumble is almost calming and Oswald gives up trying to remove the cat, taking it as a sign to take a break.
“You really are an attention whore,” Oswald insults.
The cat doesn’t seemed affected by the insult, it perks up. Oswald can’t believe he’s talking to a cat. Has he gotten that lonely? That affection starved?
“I really hope you don’t make me regret taking you in,” Oswald tells that animal.
Oswald stretches and gets out of his chair. The cat follows, his walk almost like a strut, up the stairs to Oswald’s room. Oswald snorts with amusement at the cat turning around, sprawling out on the bed, to give Oswald privacy as he changes for bed.
Once he’s under the covers, the new guest is placing itself on the pillow beside Oswald’s head. He settles in, laying down and looking at the door. Amazing himself, Oswald reaches a hand out to pet down the cat’s short, perfectly combed and cleansed brown fur. The cat leans into it, responding with a loud purr.
“I should name you shouldn’t I?” Oswald queries. The cat stares at him, focused on him. “I’m going to assume that you’re a boy.”
The cat rubs on his hand voluntarily. He can only guess that cat is agreeing with that idea.
Oswald smiles at the reaction. Maybe he really can find a friend and rock in this solution. “I hope you don’t take this wrong way or find it weird, but I’m thinking Ed?” He watches as the cat’s eyes go wide, but he doesn’t hear any disagreement, “He’s this pianist at the club, but he’s been missing for
weeks
. He’s rather amazing; charming, talented, intelligent, attractive... As expected though, he isn’t interested. I appreciate his efforts to talk to me however.” Oswald laughs to himself. “There’s no one in this city I’d be interested in dating, pursuing a relationship with except
him.
I feel like we have more in common than we let on.”
The cat, Ed, rubs on him again and moves to sit on Oswald’s chest. He keeps petting Ed, the cat curling on him. He’s going to have to kick him off his chest soon, but he’ll make him happy for now; petting him is soothing.
While Oswald is at the Lounge during the day, Ed tries to plan on what to do next. He’s been here for a total of two weeks so far, making him a cat for five weeks, and he’s beginning to get sick of it. The cat toys don’t amuse him, using a litter box is disgusting, the hairballs are horrible to barf up, and even though licking your own ass was intriguing at the time it no longer is.
There is also what he’s going to do about Oswald. The first night gave him hope and blew his mind.
Oswald has liked him all along.
Honestly, it’s aggravating that he was so infatuated with the man that he didn’t notice any of the signs. He’s a mess. But, what if Oswald is the one to break the spell Ivy put on him? This is where it becomes complicated.
There’s a possibility he’ll be able talk with Oswald? He’s never tried communicating with anyone. He never wanted to look back at this experience and know he said “meow” to people. Being a cat is bad enough.
He thinks he can trust Oswald with this secret. He can try talking to him. Good thing his ear is itching because he so
wants
to kick himself.
Ed sits by the door waiting for Oswald. He actually believes he’s falling for Oswald; much more than infatuation. Oswald is so kind to him, cares for him as if he loves him, talks to him like Ed’s his rock. It could be all due to him being a
damn
pet, but he can work with this.
“Hello,” Oswald greets, opening the door and putting his umbrella into the stand.
Here goes nothing. “Oswald, we need to talk!”
Oswald freezes, staring at him. He points a shaking finger at him. “I’m losing my mind. You sound just like him.” He grips his head, “Was I that pathetic over him? That I’m hearing him from my cat!”
“I can explain everything!” He begins following Oswald into the dining room. “I need your help. I think you’re the one to fix this shit show. Please listen to me.”
He watches Oswald shake his head in disbelief and pour himself a large glass of wine. This is going as he expected, unfortunately. When all of this is over, if it’s ever over, he’s going to let Ivy have it.
“Oswald please,” Ed pleads, hopping onto the table to meet Oswald’s eyes. “And get a
damn
grip. You’ve seen much worse in this city! Fish, Galavan, and Jerome Valeska being resurrected! Bruce Wayne having a clone! Actually, scratch that, everything that goes on with that kid is
ridiculous.
The monsters roaming the streets. The Court of Owls-”
“How the
hell
do you know about half of that?” Oswald demands, giving his full attention.
“Let’s just say that I eavesdropped on your conversations with Gordon, as cat and human, out of jealous curiosity.” He dismisses his statement, flicking a paw. “The eavesdropping isn’t important at the moment. I don’t really care about it. Anyway, I need your help and you’ll have to listen to my
whole
story.”
Oswald gives up. “Fine. Go ahead.”
Ed sits down, wrapping the tail around him. “I had this friend who I was a real asshole to. I was horrible to her; ignored her, never helped her, acted as if she was below me, and didn’t take responsibility for me being a complete bitch. She cracked, went to her voodoo flower room, blew this powder in face, turned me into a cat, and told me that I would only be human again if my true love kissed me.” Ed’s eyes go flat. “It was sort of amusing at first. Everyone loved me, told me how cute I was, and it was neat to lick my own ass, but that got old fairly soon.
However, I got to be around
you.
I’ve always wanted you. Those others?
Nobodies.
They weren’t people I had true interest in or wanted to try a real relationship with. You’re captivating Oswald, from the very start. I want you. And, I know you want me too. So, I was wondering if you could… at least try? To kiss me?”
“This is what I’ve gotten from that whole story: You got turned into a cat because you were an unlovable bastard and you need true love’s kiss to turn back into a human. You like me romantically-”
“I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”
Oswald inhales deeply. “
You love me
, and you’re hoping I’m your true love. In summary, you want me to kiss you by the belief of me being you’re one true love.”
Ed nods. “Sounds about right.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t hesitate. Just kiss me-”
The kiss is weird to say the least. Oswald’s mouth is so much larger than his, but Ed tries his best to reciprocate with his leaning forward. His body feels tingly and it burns. Ed moves away, looking down at his paws to see that they’re changing.
“You weren’t kidding,” Oswald breathes.
Ed bites his lip through the discomfort of the transformation. He doesn’t care about how he’s completely naked on Oswald’s dining room table. He’s never been modest when it comes to his appearance. His hands run down his body, the tone stomach no longer covered with fur.
“You have no idea how happy I am for you to be my true love,” Ed tells Oswald.
Oswald looks as if he’s in shock. “I should get you clothes.”
“No, I don’t need that right now.” Ed grabs Oswald’s arms, pulling him into his space. “Please kiss me again.”
His partner doesn’t hesitate to react, cupping Ed’s face and pressing his lips to the other’s. There’s so much left to discuss. What they’re going to tell the patrons at the club. What they’re going to be after they’re done with the whole repeated kissing cycle. What Oswald is going to say about how Ed dreams to be a role in his life, the violent and criminal one along with the businessman life.
But, it’ll all work out in the end. Oswald is sweet and caring. And although, yes, Ed is forever is going to be an asshole, he’s learned how he should be treating others who care about him. Ivy will be getting hundreds of thank you and apology cards. Because, Oswald isn’t the hero in this story, it’s Ivy Pepper.