Work Text
Wonwoo sat on the sofa, flipping lazily through the pages of his book. The afternoon sun filtered into the apartment, and coated the living room with an orange haze that brought a tranquil calm. Wonwoo enjoyed the peace, quietly humming an old tune as he basked in the warmth of the apartment. Today was a good day, he thought. A rare off day with no classes or work to bother his long overdue serenity. It was moments like these when Wonwoo thought he was the most content. No homework to worry about, no cramming for exams, no jobs to rush to. It felt nice. The only thing missing was a cat to curl next to him as he read, and then it would really be perfect. If only moments like these could last. But alas, time moves forward, and Wonwoo can only do his best to keep up.He was brought out of his thoughts when the front door abruptly swung open, revealing a distressed looking Kwon Soonyoung. “ARGHHH!” Soonyoung half-yelled in frustration. “Welcome home.” Soonyoung ignores him as he throws his stuff on the nearby table and joins Wonwoo on the sofa, slumping down. He leans his head back and closes his eyes, leaving them to sit in silence. Wonwoo lifts his head from the book to look at the other. He takes in Soonyoung’s sharp jawline as he rests his head back, and doesn’t miss how his pretty lips are slightly turned downwards as a frown settles onto his face. His gaze flits down to notice how Soonyoung’s collarbones slightly jut out from under his white t-shirt, eyes lingering for a second too long. Wonwoo wonders how someone could have such soft but defined features. Beautiful , he can’t help but think. Wonwoo clears his throat, “What’s wrong with you today?” He asks nonchalantly, going back to his book. Soonyoung sighs loudly before answering, “I fucking hate the new dance instructor.” Soonyoung was a dance major, and had landed a pretty decent paying job at a dance studio his first year in Seoul. He taught dance there regularly and had quickly become a crowd favorite. The owner had instantly taken a liking to him, and even allowed Soonyoung to use the studio whenever he wanted to. Not only was Soonyoung an amazing dancer, but he had an amazing personality too. He was a complete package deal, so it was no surprise when entertainment companies started scouting him to be in idol groups and offered him deals in the past, to which he’d declined them all. ‘I wouldn’t get to see you or the guys anymore, and I don’t want that. I’d miss you guys too much’ he told Wonwoo when he’d refused them. Wonwoo wasn’t complaining. He’s heard how strenuous and demanding the idol life could be, and didn’t want Soonyoung to go through living life constantly worried about public opinions and his image, he was too sensitive. And to be frank, Wonwoo couldn’t entertain the thought of rarely seeing his best friend either. Wonwoo blinked before replying, “Oh yeah? He the new favorite now or what?” “Hah! Yeah right, like his fake ass could come anywhere near my title. I am, and will always be, owner-hyung’s favorite.” He declared with a small pout that Wonwoo thought was cute, despite the clear frustration he still wore. “You never know dude, the owner might just swoon and find himself a new favorite. What’s this new guy’s name anyways?” “Park Minjae, the fucking asshole. I can’t believe he managed to swindle owner-hyung to let him start teaching other people with that god-awful attitude of his.” Soonyoung spat out in pure distaste. Wonwoo finally finds it in him to put the book he’s reading down, and fully turns to face his friend, “Soon, I really can just sit here and listen to you complain about this guy all day long, but that’d mean giving up my precious reading time, which you should know, I haven’t had much of lately. So, tell me what happened that bothered you enough to come back home this upset.” Soonyoung looked at his best friend before rolling on his side to lay his head in Wonwoo’s lap. The other automatically reached down to card his fingers through the soft, brown hair, a habit he’d formed that helped calm and relax Soonyoung whenever he was stressed or upset. “It was after dance lessons today. I was getting my stuff ready to leave when this kid, who was having a lot of trouble this past week, came up to me.” Soonyoung started, “He wanted some advice about how to be a better dancer and stuff like that. And you know, I was happy to answer his questions, ecstatic even, that someone was asking and genuinely wanted to get better. I told the kid that one of the most important aspects of dance was emotion. The feelings that you are able to convey to an audience also shows them what type of dancer you are. It determines how well you are able to connect with the audience, and how well the audience can connect to your performance. I gave him some tips, told him an easy way to convey emotions in dance, was to relate whatever dance he was working on with something in his life. Then this fucking asshole Park comes up, and starts spewing bullshit about how ‘emotions aren’t impressive when you can’t even do basic moves well’ and straight up said this kid was a lost cause. The kid looked crushed. He was really trying to get better, but this fucker comes along and basically shoots him down.” Soonyoung looked up towards the ceiling, glaring holes into it, “I tried to cheer him up, but he looked so embarrassed and sad. I’m not even sure he’ll want to come back.” Wonwoo played with Soonyoung’s hair as he listened, seeing how worked up he was about this. He ran his fingers through his bangs, watching them fall gently back down onto Soonyoung’s face and waited for the other to continue. “But you know what? That’s not even what made me so mad. I talked to Park about it afterwards, but he had the audacity to tell me I was giving that kid false hope, and proceeded to educate me on how my methods of dancing were too tiresome and pointless, saying that anyone could fake an emotional performance and nobody would notice, because the moves were what mattered. ‘We’re just actors who dance. You shouldn’t think of it as more than that.’ How can someone say that and continue to teach other people how to dance? To dance without feeling anything genuine ?” Soonyoung emphasized his words with his hands, a frown settling deeper into his face. “Truthfully, I don’t even know why I’m so mad about this. People say dumb shit all the time, and I normally never get this upset over little things like this. It’s just… I put my all into dancing, express myself through it. I can’t help but to feel emotions when I dance. To hear someone say that the one thing that’s been with me through the most emotional times of my life, is just acting makes me so… angry? I don’t know anymore.” Soonyoung let out an exasperated sigh, and brought a hand up to rub his eyes, “You know what, this is stupid. Maybe I’m just dumb and blowing this way out of proportion. I should just get over it, I don’t know why I’m throwing such a fit.” He finished with a quiet voice. Wonwoo understood the way he felt, “You’re mad because it’s important to you.” He stated after a moment, “Dancing means a lot to you and there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe other people don’t see it the way you do, but you dance because of your emotions. If dancing with real emotions is too tiresome and pointless , then you must be an amazing dancer to be able to put your all into a choreography and still shine as bright as you do. There’s a reason why you’re owner-hyung’s favorite after all.” Wonwoo brought Soonyoung’s hand away from his face and held them gently, tracing the lines of his palm, “If someone came up to me and started talking shit about how books and literature weren’t important, then believe me, I’d be pissed too.” Soonyoung let out a small chuckle, “Sometimes I forget how much you actually love books.” He looked up apologetically at Wonwoo, “Sorry I took up your reading time. I know you haven’t had much time for it lately.” Wonwoo only shook his head, “Don’t worry about it, Soon. You know I’m here to listen to you whenever you need me.” Soonyoung smiled at that. “Besides,” Wonwoo started again, “Listening to you talk isn’t so bad. I like hearing your voice.” Soonyoung’s face flushed red before he turned his head away, “You’re dumb.” Wonwoo laughed then, and leaned into the other’s ear, “Only with you.” Soonyoung squeaked and rolled off the sofa, falling with a thump, which did nothing to ease Wonwoo’s laughter. “Great. Now my ass hurts.” Soonyoung groaned as he sat up to rub his lower back. “I can make it hurt even more if you want?” “Oh, shut up!” Soonyoung whined in embarrassment from his spot on the ground as he threw a pillow at Wonwoo’s face. Wonwoo caught it before it could hit him, and made a quick attack of his own, tackling the other on the floor to tickle him. “AH! Stop it!” The shorter male cried out in a fit of giggles, attempting to shove the bespectacled man off him. After a while, the two laid there, panting as they both caught their breaths. “God, you’re so out of shape.” Soonyoung teased, sitting up and grinning ear to ear. “You’re out of breath too.” Wonwoo defended, still lying on the ground. “Only because you were tickling me!” Wonwoo couldn’t help but to keep teasing the other, “Sorry your day went kind of bad. If it makes you feel any better, mine was great.” “You’re unbelievable.” Soonyoung shook his head, but couldn’t keep the smile off his face, “Well, I’m glad at least one of us had a good day.” They both looked at each other before breaking out into another fit of laughter. Wonwoo stared at Soonyoung, the orange haze between them, and watched as his round cheeks bunched up whenever he laughed, and the way his lips curled so prettily as his voice filled their little apartment. His heart prickled, a feeling close to adoration, but more than that. It was perfect. Wonwoo thought that he would want this moment to last forever, and couldn’t stop the warmth blooming in his chest. “Thank you… for always listening to me even when you’re busy. I know I don’t say it enough, but you really are too good to me. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t deserve to have you in my life.” Soonyoung says softly. “Don’t get sappy on me now.” “Fine, I take it back.” Wonwoo sat up, eyes locking onto Soonyoung’s, “I understand. I understand even if you don’t tell me. You don’t know how much you mean to me too. I say these things even less, but you understand anyways as well, right? So, don’t worry about things like this.” Soonyoung kept his gaze on Wonwoo as he beamed at him, a smile so bright, it hurt Wonwoo to look at. If he had looked closely, he’d notice the twinge of pain tucked away in Soonyoung’s depths. “You’re the bestest friend anyone could ask for.” Wonwoo doesn’t realize when his smile falters. “Anytime.” He replies, an edge in his voice as the bitter warmth in his chest grows cold. The orange haze disappears as the sun begins to set behind the horizon, its soft embrace leaving their little home, and Wonwoo remembers nothing lasts forever. Time moves forward, and he can’t do anything but try his best to keep up.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Jihoon sets down his headphones with a groan and rubs a hand over his face. He stares blankly at the screen before him, watching it flicker off in the dimly lit room. Jihoon didn’t know how long he had been in here, but he knew he had to leave before he got angry. He’d been in his studio for god knows how long now, trying to finish his midterm project. The deadline was in a week, but he wasn’t getting anywhere with it, and getting frustrated by the minute was definitely not helping.Jihoon sighs loudly and grabs his phone to see just how long he had separated himself from the world. The time reads 8:26 am. As if on queue, his phone lit up with a text message.
Cheol
Hey, you free today?
Ji
No. I’m in the studio.
Cheol
You were in the studio 6 hours ago when I texted you at 2 amIt’s morning nowDid you even go home?
Ji
It’s fine. You know I have a project. Don’t worry, I rested a bit. He didn’t. Jihoon gets up to stretch, ignoring the chimes from his phone for a moment. His back hurt like hell, and his eyes threatened to close on him, but he wouldn’t tell Seungcheol that. Jihoon looks around his studio, something he never thought he’d have. Truthfully, Jihoon still couldn’t believe he had a studio he could call his own, in fact just last week he didn’t. He thinks he’s lucky, and he probably is. He’d manage to score big his last year in university, and landed a contract with a producing company.Dream come true right? Getting employed straight out of university was everyone’s big goal. He was happy, really, but he couldn’t stop the overwhelming sense of tiredness and burden that suffocated him as the year neared its end. He knew this feeling, has felt it before, the passion and motivation being sucked out of him. There was no way he could be burnt out. He has only just started again, he can’t feel burnt out, especially not now. He didn’t know how to feel, and the conflicting emotions only made him more frustrated. Jihoon slumps back down on his chair and massages his temples.Music wasn’t originally his goal, it wasn’t something he had wanted to pursue seriously before. He came to Seoul as a business major. Jihoon was always good with instruments and enjoyed making music, but he couldn’t have a future in it. “Unrealistic” as his parents put it. But he had gotten a scholarship through his musical prowess, and Jihoon needed that scholarship, it offered to pay a large amount of his tuition if he was a music major. So, he became a music major and told his parents about it, told them that he would still go for business, but keep the music as a means for the scholarship. Everything was fine for awhile, until he realized how much he actually loved making music. It became important to him.When his parents found out that he dropped business completely, they tried to convince him out of it, even tried to bring him back home. Jihoon understood their concern though. He understood that it was a high risk career with possibly no rewards. There was no guarantee for any payout, and he knew that. It was something he spent hours thinking about back then, wondering if he was making the right choice. But Jihoon was too far in to let music go, wasn’t willing to, and was prepared to face his decisions wherever it lead him. Eventually, they caved in and let him do what he wanted, but he knew that they had always hoped he’d change his mind. He never did, and now he was in his last year of university about to start working as a music producer.If Jihoon was honest, he was a little proud of himself. He had made it this far, albeit with help that he could never repay. Sure, there were plenty of hardships, even now, but he was getting there. One step at a time, though some steps were heavier than others. He’s had plenty of slumps before, and figures that he’ll get over this one as well. He can’t be burning out again. Jihoon doesn’t want to think about it.He sighed again and shook his head. He really shouldn’t dwell on his thoughts for too long. He opened his notifications to see what he had missed and who was asking for him, when a certain Kim Mingyu popped up in his messages.
Kim Mingyu
Where are you?I made dinner tonight :(It’s late so I’m guessing you’re not coming back homeYou’re probably in your new studio again. I guess sleep well? lol Jihoon grimaced, feeling bad as he imagined Mingyu eating by himself, and made it a mental note to apologize to him later.
Jihoon-hyung
Sorry, was working all night and didn’t see your texts. I’ll be home tonight. And sorry about missing dinner. He was grateful for his friends. If not for them, he wasn’t sure how far he would have made it. Jihoon thinks himself a very fortunate man. He managed to snag a roommate his first year in Seoul as an equally broke and desperate college kid trying to survive in the big city. Kim Mingyu was bigger help to him than he even realized. He was useful to have around, and was actually a great guy. Tall, nice, and handsome. Emphasis on handsome. Jihoon was nervous the first time they had met. He was sure Mingyu would turn out to be an arrogant and snobby fuckboy. What a pleasant surprise when Mingyu ended up proving him completely wrong. He was a little younger than Jihoon, but that never caused any problems unless Jihoon was feeling particularly sensitive. Of course, Mingyu nagged him about cleaning up after himself too, which to his credit, was entirely understandable.Despite how polar opposite they seemed to be, both in personality and appearance, they got along well and knew when to give each other space. It was something Jihoon was grateful for. Surprisingly, they had also ended up in the same friend group, which only helped their roommate relationship become more friendly and less formal. Their friend group was another thing though. Jihoon almost laughs as he recalls the memory of their last get together, and realizes that he hasn’t seen a big chunk of his friends in awhile.He shoves his phone in his pocket and grabs his things to finally leave the studio. Jihoon would admit that his studio was a mess right now, but that’s what days of locking yourself up in a small room would look like. He figures it was time for him to get some air and find something to eat. He can’t remember the last time he ate.As he walked, he took in the cold air and quiet hum of the city. It was too familiar and unfamiliar all at the same time. Just when did he start feeling like a stranger in the city he spent the last four years in?Jihoon remembers, he could never forget. It’s been two years. It’s been long. He noticed how the city grew quieter, how the air felt colder, how the nights seemed longer. Winter was nearing again. Jihoon suddenly became very aware of how unknowingly fast and incredibly slow time moved. Unchanging and unforgiving, yet changing and forgiving all the same. It almost makes Jihoon want to cry. But he doesn’t, and he remembers that all things come and go, and this was no exception. That was how life worked. He was better now, because just like time, he was changing and moving too.Jihoon reaches his destination and pulls open the door to step inside, a bell signalling his arrival as the smell of coffee beans, pastry, and warmth welcomes him.“Hello. Welcome to Cafe Home.” Came a deep, but pleasant voice. The man at the counter turns around to meet his customer, the surprise evident in his eyes, “Oh.” “Nice to see you too.” He shook his head, “Sorry. Was just surprised to see you here by yourself.” He went to the cash register, “The usual?” Jihoon nodded and went to sit at one of the empty tables by the window. There weren’t many people here. It was that odd hour of the day when business ran slow. The morning rays were still soft and the day hadn’t fully settled in just yet. Jihoon laid his head back and closed his eyes, tapping his fingers to an unknown melody as the exhaustion from days at work finally swept into his bones. “Tired, huh?” Jihoon opened his eyes at the familiar voice and sat up, finding his coffee placed before him as someone sat in the seat opposite of his. “How have you been?” Jihoon contemplates his answer and hums, “ Great .” He pauses, “You ask that like we haven’t seen each other in ages.” “Well, we all haven’t seen you since you got your new studio.” The other states. “No…” “Soonyoung and Seungcheol don’t count.” “You look sleep deprived.” “Thanks. I’m glad you noticed.” “Go home and get some rest. Staying in your studio all the time isn’t healthy. You honestly look like shit.” Jihoon only rolls his eyes and sips his much needed coffee. “Seriously Jihoon, we haven’t seen you in almost a week. Even Mingyu is starting to miss you and he’s your roommate.” “If you haven’t seen me all week, how did you know I was in my studio?” “You act like you don’t know Kwon Soonyoung is my roommate, and never shuts up about you or your new ‘cool as fuck’ studio.” It was Wonwoo’s turn to roll his eyes. “Of course.” Jihoon sighs defeated. Actually, Jihoon never even realized how long he had been in his studio. He can barely notice when days pass by, much less a week in a secluded room. It’s true that he hasn’t seen most of his friends in a while, but he still saw Seungcheol occasionally and Soonyoung almost on the daily. Maybe that’s why he never realized just how isolated he’s kept himself this past week.Soonyoung had made it a mission to come check on him in the studio often, and make sure he was still alive, even forcing him to eat, much to Jihoon’s protests. And when it wasn’t Soonyoung, it was Seungcheol. It’s like those two had made it a schedule between them, something that wouldn’t surprise Jihoon. But maybe it was for the best when he wasn’t left alone to think. “Okay, fine. Speaking of Mingyu, I should probably talk to him later.” “Yeah, you should. You know how he is. He may look big and tough, but he’s really just a sensitive little puppy.” Jihoon raises his brow at the other, “Little puppy?” “Have you seen the kid? He’s a walking paradox.” “Ah.” Jihoon muses to himself, “I should have you write lyrics for me.” Wonwoo cracks the slightest smile, “I’m glad someone appreciates my lit major.” Silence falls around them, but Jihoon doesn’t think it’s bad. It was almost comforting knowing that someone very similar to himself was sitting across from him. He appreciated the quiet Wonwoo gave him. It almost felt like he knew. And he probably did. Wonwoo was always good at picking up emotions, even if he wasn’t good with them himself. He brought a welcomed hush into Jihoon’s chaotic mind, a gentle presence. Not too faint, and not too loud, but just enough to reassure Jihoon he wasn’t alone. Though for all their similarities, there was still a side to him that Jihoon didn’t know, and maybe that was for the best. Maybe that’s why Wonwoo and Soonyoung got along so well. He wonders if it was a miracle how he came to know Jeon Wonwoo. How he came to know any of his friends really. Jihoon stops his thoughts, and finds that he’s become more sentimental lately. It must be the weather. “By the way, I know this isn’t something that would come from me, but the guys are planning to get together this weekend.” “Yeah, you’re right. There’s something not quite right hearing this from you. I mean, you are probably the other most homebody person I know besides myself.” Wonwoo scoffs, “Touche.” Jihoon mulls it over, “Even if I don’t want to go, Soonyoung or Seungcheol or both of them, would probably drag me there anyways.” “Wonderful. We shall not be deprived of the Great Lee Jihoon any longer. How joyous.” Jihoon cringes at that and makes a face, “I take back what I said about wanting you to write lyrics for me.” Wonwoo laughs and moves to stand up, “As great as it is being blessed by your presence, my duties call for me.” He smooths out his uniform, “Make sure to talk to Mingyu though. That boy really is sensitive, and you missing out on dinner last night made him sad.” Wonwoo shakes his head. “I will, when I get back home later.” Jihoon nods as he finishes his coffee. He goes to stand as well, and orders a small sandwich to go, bidding Wonwoo goodbye before leaving the cafe with a wave. Jihoon checks his phone and sees that he has new messages.
Cheol
You need to get out of the studio moreIt’s not good being in there all the timeAnywaysLet’s go somewhere later
Ji
Where?
Cheol
Idk. Anywhere lol Jihoon stops before replying and considers declining. He knew that going would only make it harder on himself, and he couldn’t handle that. Not now. Seungcheol was his best friend, but he could never understand what ran through Jihoon’s mind. He almost settles to not reply when his phone blows up with new messages.
Soonyoung
HeyWhere are you?Nvm probably at the studioI had the worst day yesterdayNew instructor is a big fuckin jerkI hope your day was better at leastAlso, Good morning
Jihoonie
Thanks Not at the studio right now. New instructor sounds like he sucks. Made no progress with my project But I guess that’s better than having to deal with people.
Soonyoung
At least you’re out of the studio now without having someone drag you outI’m so proud
Jihoonie
Okay, I’ll go back.
Soonyoung
Noooo :(Let’s go do something todayWe haven’t gone out to do anything besides eat lately
Jihoonie
You make it sound like we do anything else besides eat
Soonyoung
You know what I meant Jihoon hesitates before answering.
Jihoonie
Okay
Soonyoung
Oh. Really?I didn’t think you’d agree actuallyBut Great! I’ll come pick you up laterStudio or Apartment?
Jihoonie
Apartment
Soonyoung
;) Jihoon felt a little guilty, but pushed it away in place of his sandwich. Soonyoung knew better than anyone. The sudden urge to take his words back crossed Jihoon’s mind. He couldn’t depend on Soonyoung forever. But Soonyoung was nice to be around, even if he was overly eccentric sometimes. It was interesting to think how Soonyoung and Wonwoo were best friends despite being so different. He had such a big and bright presence, loud and obnoxious. Sometimes Jihoon wondered how himself and Soonyoung could get along. Back then, Jihoon had tried his best to avoid the other, refused his help even when he desperately needed it. But Jihoon caved in, and Soonyoung became the person he could rely on when he couldn’t rely on himself, someone he knew would always understand. Beneath his loud and bright surface, Soonyoung had his own hush, his own silence.Jihoon blinks and clears his head. It must be the weather. He finishes his sandwich in record time, and after a moment’s debate, decides that going back to the studio would only make him want to stay there for another week, something he wanted to try avoiding now that he’s realized how bad he’s been. He also wanted to talk to Mingyu, knowing how upset he probably was now. He really didn’t deserve a roommate like Mingyu. Jihoon pulls his jacket on tighter, and makes his way back home with determined strides. He never did text Seungcheol back.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Chapter 3: Mingyu
The moment Jihoon steps through his apartment door, he notices a mop of brown hair slumped over on the sofa. Closing the door gently, he makes his way gingerly to the other, like a teenager being caught out all night. Bracing himself, Jihoon expects Mingyu to start lecturing him, but is mildly surprised when the other only spares him a single glance before going back to his phone.
Jihoon frowns to himself.
Clearing his throat, he pushes his growing anxiety aside and speaks first, “Hey…” He pauses, not sure how to begin, “I know that I haven’t been…around lately. I… I haven’t been here, and you obviously know that, but there’s just so many things happening right now. I’ve been really busy with everything recently and I guess I didn’t stop to realize that you were probably here waiting for me the entire time.” Jihoon shifts on his feet, feeling the awkwardness of his own voice.
“I know you’re upset with me, mad even, and you have every right to be, but I really…” He stops again and all words seem to escape his mind as he tries to form an apology. The seconds grow heavy and he risks shifting his gaze on the other, but sees Mingyu still facing away from him.
“I’m sorry.” He finishes instead, unable to find the right words and hopes that somehow his thoughts were heard. Jihoon was never good with apologies, never had many friends to apologize
to
.
A couple beats of silence goes by, and Jihoon wonders if he’s finally lost the one person who has probably put up with more of his shit than he could even begin to make up for. Jihoon lets out a silent breath of relief when Mingyu lets out a loud sigh and sits up to face him.
“I’m not mad, not really anyways. I’m just disappointed. That feeling you had just now, it doesn’t feel too good does it? Every time you ignore me, it makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong. I never know when I might set you off, but these silences from you hurt the worst. It hasn’t just been this past week Jihoon, it’s been these past
months.
And it’s only gotten worse with that new studio of yours. I don’t expect to see you home, hell, I don’t even expect to get a text back anymore. I don’t like feeling that way.” Mingyu says with furrowed brows, the words falling out of his mouth as Jihoon can only stare hard into the floor.
“But even when you’re not coming home, at least text me so I know not to make dinner and be disappointed when the only one who eats it with me doesn’t show up.”
Jihoon wanted to say something, but how could he when everything Mingyu said was right? Jihoon couldn’t help the growing pit of guilt in his stomach. He knew how lonely Mingyu could get when left on his own. He should have known better.
“Look, I know that whatever you’re going through, it’s affecting you a lot right now. So in respect to that, I’ll accept your apology. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still hurt. Seriously Hyung, we’ve been friends for too long for me to have to ask
Soonyoung
if you’re okay.” Mingyu finishes with an edge.
Looking back up, Jihoon sucks in a breath of air and gives Mingyu the most sincere look he could, “I’m sorry for making you feel that way, I really didn’t mean to ignore you. I’ve just been caught up in seemingly everything lately. I’m sorry for being horrible and honestly, you’re too nice for me. I don’t deserve it. I’ll try not to get stuck in my studio as much as I have been. But as much as I would like to make that a promise, I know myself, and I know that I will probably end up there sooner or later again, especially with deadlines coming up and graduation on the rise.” Pausing for a moment, Jihoon might regret his next words but knows it is much deserved, “When that happens, I’m giving you permission to drag me out.”
Mingyu raises an eyebrow and gives Jihoon a look, “I thought that was Soonyoung’s job?”
“It looks like he’s going to have to work part-time now.” With this, Mingyu lets out a smirk.
“At least you know yourself Hyung. Thanks, I’ll keep your word on this.”
“I miss having a roommate. I miss having conversations
with
my roommate. But more importantly, I just miss having my friend.” Mingyu says with a small voice. In moments like these, Mingyu really did remind Jihoon of a small puppy, despite his actual size.
“I really am a terrible friend aren’t I?” He says defeatedly, slouching into the sofa as Mingyu does the same.
“Yeah you are. But not all the time. Only sometimes, like now.” Mingyu responds with a slight tease.
Jihoon only rolls his eyes, “I’m also sorry about missing dinner. I know how much effort you put into that.”
“Well, at least some part of that was saved, since someone was so kind as to come over yesterday and eat with me over my blood, sweat, and tears.”
“You cried?” Jihoon asks with a raised eyebrow.
“Only a little.” Mingyu supplies with a sniffle.
Jihoon stifles a small smile, “So, someone came over yesterday.”
“Mhmm. When I realized my roommate dumped me for his studio again, I gave Wonwoo a call and he came over.”
Nodding, Jihoon took in that information, Wonwoo didn’t mention it to him earlier. Though, it didn’t surprise Jihoon, those two probably had more secrets between each other than anyone else in their group.
Bringing him out of his thoughts, Mingyu stretches as he gets up from his spot on the sofa.
“Anyways, I’m still a little sensitive and I need to get going. I have a shoot today, so hopefully I’ll see you later?”
“You will.” Jihoon reassures as Mingyu grabs his things from the counter and puts on a cap.
“And Mingyu? Thanks, you’re the best.”
Mingyu shakes his head, “I know.” And the door shuts.
Getting up as well, Jihoon walks to the refrigerator in search of something to drink when he sees a wrapped plate on the counter with a small note, ‘For Jihoonie-hyung’ and the doodle of a face sticking out its tongue.
Maybe Jihoon was terrible, but that only meant that he really didn’t deserve Kim Mingyu.
~~~~ •
Arriving at the photoshoot, Mingyu parks his car and walks to the makeup station before spotting a particular brunette along the way. Wearing a grin, he quickly catches up to the other and hugs him from behind, promptly startling his victim.
“AH! What the fuck?”
Minghao snaps his head around to see who had just attacked him and is met with the charming smile of one Kim Mingyu.
“Oh my god Mingyu. I was
this
close to punching you right in the face.” He emphasizes with a tired groan.
“It’s a good thing you didn’t damage this handsome face then.”
Rolling his eyes, Minghao gives the other a punch in the arm, “Anyways, you’re here early today.”
“Of course I am, I wanted to see my favoritest person in the world.”
“Please, we both know who your ‘
favoritest person in the world’
is.”
Mingyu puts a hand to his chest and gives his best friend a look of betrayal, “I really just came here to have a good time, but I’m feeling so attacked right now.”
“Oh shut up, idiot.” Minghao rolls his eyes and walks over to his seat, Mingyu following behind as they wait for the makeup artists to start doing their magic.
A comfortable silence passes over them and Minghao notices the way Mingyu’s hands tremble just the slightest bit, and how his brows just crease enough to make it look like he was in deep concentration for who knows what. But Minghao knew his friend better than anyone else.
“Why do you look like that?”
“Uhm, I always look this gorgeous?”
“No, I meant why do you look like someone just kicked your puppy? Oh wait, you are the puppy.”
“I do not.” Mingyu protests with a pout, “And I do not look like a puppy.”
“It’s hard to believe you in both cases when you pout like that, you big baby.” Minghao remarks in amusement, “It’s written all over your body Mingyu, something is bothering you.” He says more seriously.
Mingyu lets out a sound and covers his face, “I am not pouting, and honestly, there is nothing bothering me.” Mingyu crosses his arms over his chest, and puts on his best poker face to make sure he was no longer pouting.
Minghao sighs and shakes his head, “A consequence of hanging out with Boo Seungkwan so much. But, I know you Mingyu. There is definitely something on your mind right now if your mismatched socks are anything to go by. And we both know you
never
wear mismatched socks.”
“Maybe I decided to be avant garde today. Besides, we don’t need to talk about whatever may be bothering me right now because nothing is bothering me!”
“Is it Jihoon? I heard he didn’t join you for dinner yesterday,
again
. Or is it your hopeless love life instead?” Minghao says instead, just about had it with the other’s insistent denial.
“First of all, uncalled for. Second of all, who told you? I don’t remember telling anyone but Wonwoo about it.”
“Wow, really?”
Then it clicked, “Wonwoo! That traitor!” Mingyu squealed in dramatics.
“Shut up, you’re being too loud.” Minghao chastises with a smack on his head as he turns to apologize to those around them.
“Anyways, what’s up? You can’t be that upset about dinner are you?”
“What if I am?”
Minghao stared hard at his friend, not believing it for a second until the other finally cracked.
“Okay! Fine. It’s not just about dinner.” Minghao only raised a brow for the other to continue.
“Truthfully, I don’t know why I feel so bothered. Jihoon apologized to me earlier before I left, and I did accept his apology, so I don’t know why I still feel agitated. I mean, I should just leave it right? I know I should. But this little part of me still wants to be upset at him.” Mingyu finally breaks.
“Honestly, I hear about Jihoon even if I don’t see him. Wonwoo constantly talks about him because Soonyoung constantly talks about him. So I constantly hear about him even though I barely see him.” He huffs, “It’s not like I don’t appreciate them telling me what Jihoon is doing, in fact, it’s the only way I find out. But all of that, doesn’t feel important? No, that’s not right. I just wished Jihoon actually talked to me more, and not just that, but everything lately just seems so heavy?” Mingyu gestures with his hand, not quite being able to put his thoughts into words.
Minghao could see his friend getting frustrated as he went on, and saw that this was definitely not the place to be having a suddenly serious conversation like this. Tapping his armrest, Minghao decides to talk to Mingyu about this later and moves to change the subject.
“You had dinner with Wonwoo though, right? So it wasn’t all for nothing.”
Mingyu, seemingly grateful for the sudden change of topic, nods eagerly, “Yes! We did, I mean, I called him over when my initial plan failed...
again
.” He sighed dramatically, not missing the way Minghao’s eyes told him they would finish the previous conversation later.
“Well, how was it? And more importantly, what did you two talk about?” Minghao asked with a slight lilt in his voice.
“Ah, well. Actually we mostly just talked about Jihoon, and Wonwoo mostly listened to me complain about him.”
Minghao scoffs at this, “Wow, if I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought that you were in love with Jihoon.”
Mingyu splutters and looks at his friend with bulging eyes, “Minghao!”
“I mean, you look at him with stars in your eyes, and you wait for him to come home every night like an abandoned pup. It’s not hard to jump to conclusions.”
“That’s not it.” Mingyu frowns a bit, the red creeping up his neck, “And I don’t stare at him with
stars in my eyes
.” He finishes, looking straight into Minghao’s gaze.
“I’m just teasing you Gyu. Besides, I said
if
I didn’t know any better, which unfortunately I do. And I know how absolutely and hopelessly in love with Jー”
“Okay! Looks like it’s time to go, they’re calling us over now.” Mingyu stands abruptly and heads towards the shoot, leaving no room for Minghao to argue.
~~~~ •
After a long day of photoshoots and interviews, Mingyu finally has the time to slump down in a seat, and relax his body for the next 3 minutes before he has to get ready to leave.
“Good work today.” Minghao comes to slump beside him and offers a drink. He takes it.
“God, I’m so tired and hungry.” Mingyu whines out before getting up and gathering this stuff.
Minghao glances him over and sighs, “Jun is on his way and we were going to go out and eat, did you want to come along?”
“Ugh, the boyfriend.”
“What do you mean
ugh
?”
“I mean I don’t feel like being the third wheel tonight.”
“Come on Gyu, if you were going to be a third wheel I wouldn’t even invite you.” Minghao says with a glint in his eyes, “Besides, you act like Jun isn’t your friend too.”
“Fair.” Mingyu looks down at his watch, “When’s he supposed to be here anyway?”
“He’s here now.” They both walk out to be greeted with the familiar smile of their friend and boyfriend.
Jun strides over to Minghao and places a peck on his lips, “I missed you~” He coos.
Mingyu gives them a scandalized look and places a hand over his mouth.
“Stop being so dramatic.” Minghao rolls his eyes as he slips his hand into Jun’s.
“You guys are disgusting.”
“Sorry, it’s called being in love.”
Before their banter could get any further, Jun looks at Mingyu and smiles, “I heard you want to come with us for dinner?”
“Uh, yeah I was thinking about it.” Mingyu replies sheepishly.
“That’s great! We were planning to go to a new Chinese restaurant I found the other day. Come along so we have some company~”
“Aren’t you two enough company for each other?”
Jun makes a face, “Hao is boring, he doesn’t play with me as much.”
“Well, excuse me for not wanting to play make believe with my fish and shrimps before eating them.” Minghao says under his breath, but loud enough to make sure they knew he was never going to do that. They laugh at this.
“Okay then, I’ll tag along. Besides, I need to get out before I have another breakdown in my kitchen.” Mingyu grins.
~~~~ •
Three hours had passed, and Mingyu was sure Jun had ordered almost everything off the main menu. The guy didn’t look it, but he could eat A LOT. Dinner ended up being very therapeutic for Mingyu, and true to Minghao’s word, he did not become a third wheel. Mingyu guesses that this was one of the perks to being friends with a couple prior to their relationship. They’d all been friends before, so when Minghao and Jun became a thing, nothing really changed except that they kissed and held hands in front of him now, which was gag worthy in it’s own right. Adding to the fact that he was definitely
not
a little bit more than tipsy right now.
Watching as his two friends glanced into each other’s eyes and saw the galaxies when they thought Mingyu wasn’t looking, couldn’t stop the small bud of loneliness creeping into his heart. As much as he tried to push it down, it always came back up to choke him. He couldn’t stop the prickling in his eyes as he lingered on the thought too long. Mingyu was always an emotional drinker after all. And maybe Minghao knew this as he handed Mingyu another glass of beer.
Of course, Minghao knew that when it came to drinking, his friend was somewhat of a lightweight, but this was the only way to get him to talk about his feelings instead of stubbornly holding everything inside until everything burst catastrophically. Minghao knew his friend well enough, and decided he was done hearing Mingyu talk about his problems without actually talking about his problems.
Carefully, he starts, “Gyu, about earlier. What you said about everything feeling heavier, what exactly did you mean?”
Mingyu gives his friend a thoughtful look, and knows what Minghao is trying to do, has known the whole night, but let himself fall into it because maybe he just wants a reason to spill everything out and not feel shitty about it for once.
The question spurs a whole mess of emotions inside of him, and he has to take a minute to find his grounding before he settles on his words.
“It’s just...It feels like they all know something that
I
don’t. The three of them. I get it, they’re all best friends and they all depend on each other in some way or another. But everytime something happens, they always seem to know, and I’m always left to wonder what happened. It’s not like I’m so far removed from their situation like you guys are. No offense.”
“None taken.” Jun pipes in, knowing exactly what Mingyu means.
He’ll admit it, their friend group was large, so of course they’re all not going to know what’s exactly going on with each other at all times. It doesn’t mean they’re any less of a friend than the next person, just that they know their boundaries and aren’t nosy. They all had lives of their own, and unless something directly involved them, it was all up to the person to decide who they wanted to share things with. Most of the time, there were no hard feelings, and it worked just fine for them.
Most of the time.
“But,” Their friend starts again, “Aren’t I Jihoon’s roommate? Am I not one of Wonwoo’s closest friends? I thought I was. I understand why Soonyoung might not want to share things with me, but it’s not like we don’t text everyday. I know Wonwoo’s one of my bestest friends, and he’s in turn Soonyoung’s best friend. And I hear about him all the time. So, best friend by association if you will.” He says with a grumble.
This makes Minghao chuckle and he brings his glass to his lips, “So what are you trying to say Mingyu?”
“I’m saying!” He throws his hands up in exasperation, “I’m saying that I consider them such a big part of my life, but whenever something happens, it’s like they all have this ability to block me out of it all, and that drives me insane.” Mingyu flops his head down onto the table and huffs a quiet breath out.
He was being unfair, he knew it. But it never seemed to ease the hurt when he so obviously saw something was going on between his three close-knit friends that he had tried so hard to get close to. It’s not like he was even looking to get closer to them, just that it happened with some effort on his part. He was roommates with Jihoon, so of course he would be invested in his friends too. And not to mention that all of them were literally in the same friend group. Mingyu had already learned way too much about the three of them than anyone else in their group did. So he couldn’t understand why through everything, that he felt like he didn’t know them at all.
No, that wasn’t right. He did know them, just not in the way that seemed important. Out of the four of them, Jihoon has known him the longest. So forgive Mingyu if he said that he felt just the tiniest bits of bitterness when the other would refuse his help and seek someone else. It’s like those three lived in a world of their own, something that no matter how hard Mingyu tried, there would always be something that separated them, and he could never figure out what. It was like constantly looking through a fogged up window, while having an idea of what was going on, he could never see what exactly was happening unless they came up to rub a streak of clarity before having it fogging up again.
It didn’t used to be like this. In fact, Mingyu thinks that everything was a lot better before. Before everything happened. Before Jihoon’s breakup. They were so much happier,
he
was so much happier. He cuts off that train of thought just as quickly as it came though. Mingyu shouldn’t be thinking like that. It was none of his friends' faults that things turned out the way it did. He just wished that it had turned out better.
And there it was. The root of all their problems it seemed. He wasn’t going to blame his friends, but he also wasn’t going to deny that ever since it happened, it put a huge strain on some of their friendships. Of course, like every good friend, he tried to ignore it. But how could he ignore it when days afterwards, all he could hear from Jihoon’s room were muffled sobs and desperate cries to
call Soonyoung
. His breakdowns happened so often afterwards, that it had become an unspoken rule that Soonyoung would be the one to handle him when it happened. When they had even become that close, Mingyu had no idea, and maybe that was one of the reasons why he was so frustrated right now.
But how can he confront him when he remembers the image of someone like Jihoon crying his eyes out on the bathroom floor, and then the insistent assurance that he was
fine and over it
. How can he even ask anything knowing that he’d call Soonyoung anyways? It wasn’t Mingyu’s place to confront Jihoon, and it might never be. And yet, it always seemed like those three always understood each other, and that hurt more than anything. Looking back on it, Mingyu knew that Soonyoung had probably confided in Wonwoo a lot, and in turn extended their friendship to Jihoon. But where was he in all of this? Even Mingyu didn’t know. How did he miss this when he had known Jihoon the longest?
Maybe he just wasn’t the right friend for Jihoon, not the right person for the problems they had. Thinking this, it brings him a little comfort knowing that maybe it wasn’t any fault of his own that his friends were leaving him like this, that maybe he just wasn’t
right
.
It didn’t help that he was also pining after one of them, which was a whole other battle, that quite honestly wanted to make Mingyu cry. He was fucked. But suddenly his emotions are becoming too much, and he has to clench his heart before he actually does cry.
Minghao sighs loudly, looking at his friend’s quite literally crumpled form, snapping Mingyu out from his thoughts.
“Mingyu, you and I both know that they don’t do it on purpose. I also know that you know, they all suck when it comes to communication outside of the three of them.” Minghao pauses for a moment, trying to grasp the right words without making Mingyu retreat back into his stubborn shell.
“They have that weird sense to know what’s going on with each other even if they don’t know anything specific. Not everybody is like that, and you and I, as well as many of our other friends, are certainly not in their strain of weird understanding. And that is okay. You don’t need to be like them to feel like you deserve to be their friend. Hell, how do you think all of us have stayed friends despite everything that’s happened? It’s because we’re all different, and we know it, so we communicate. I’ve always told you this, and I’ll tell you again. You need to talk to them yourself, instead of jumping to crazy conclusions that I know you are doing inside that mind of yours.” Minghao finishes with a sympathetic furrow of his brow.
Mingyu is quiet at that, “I know… but it’s hard.” He breathes out, “I was never good at communicating my feelings, and I can’t help but feel like it’s too late to do it now after all these years.”
The implication hangs in the air, but Minghao knows what he means.
“Of course it won’t be easy, but it’s never too late to try. We’ve all been stuck with what happened, and it’s no one’s fault besides our own for not communicating afterwards. But we’re all trying now despite it.”
Mingyu feels like an idiot. An idiot because he wasn’t the only one who was affected by what happened. It rings heavy in their group even now, the unspoken hurt that passes through them, and the uncertainty that lingers as they all wonder if they can continue their friendship like this. It might seem silly that a bad breakup might do this. But it wasn’t just any bad breakup, it was
Jihoon’s
bad breakup. And quite frankly, it shook their whole group.
Silently berating himself, he looks back up to his friend who, bless him, somehow had all the patience in the world to deal with Mingyu.
“You’re right. Thanks Minghao, really. I’m such an idiot, but I’m really glad that we’re still friends. God, I’m a mess.” He laughs a little, partly due to the alcohol and partly because that’s all he can do right now.
“This was just supposed to be a simple dinner and here I am pouring my heart out like this. You guys could be having a nice romantic evening and be absolutely disgusting with each other, but here you are listening to me ramble about everything that’s wrong. What did I do to deserve you guys?” Mingyu says, wiping at his eyes, eternally grateful that his friends allowed him this moment to rant, slightly feeling bad that he might’ve ruined their night.
“You idiot. I told you right? You don’t have to feel bad. It’s okay to be hurt and uncertain. It’s okay to feel emotions. Besides, we were friends before anything else, and regardless if I’m in a relationship or not, I’m still here to listen. Believe me, if I was tired of you, I would’ve left a long time ago. But here we are.” Minghao gestures with a roll of his eyes and slightly curved lips.
“Yeah! And it’s not like you ruined our night Gyu. It’s fun talking with you, even when you rant. And like Minghao said, we’re always here to listen.”
“You guys are seriously going to make me cry.” Mingyu smiles and decides that it’s time to pull himself together.
“And anyways, you know that saying, ‘bros before hoes’ or something?” At this, Jun has to dodge a well practiced glare before flailing his hands out frantically, “Wait no! That’s not what I meant. Definitely not what I meant! It’s the concept of it! The
concept
. I swear I love you so much Hao, I would never!” He tries uselessly while still holding his playful smile.
“Oh my god, I’m going to kill you.” Minghao’s threat is lost as he punches Jun’s arm in a way that can only be described as grossly endearing, “How did I ever fall in love with you?”
This causes them all to break into laughter, whether the alcohol was finally getting to them or the emotions of it all, it was well needed and breaks the serious atmosphere suffocating Mingyu.
“Thank you guys, I really needed this.” Mingyu repeats, his emotions settling down and not for the first time, really sees the two sitting across from him. He realizes that this won’t be the last time he’ll spend with his friends like this, that he’ll have many more nights of self-doubt and frustrations to go in the future. But the weight of loneliness suddenly doesn’t feel as heavy when he knows that he’ll always have somewhere to go. It might be selfish, but he can’t bear the idea of losing even just one of his friends. For as long as he can, Mingyu will hold onto them all until he finally crumbles into the ground. And even then, he’ll get up and keep trying. He has to.