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Tony Stark @IAmTonyStarkSo somebody convinced you to get twitter @CapnAmeric? Steve @CapnAmericPeter can be very convincing when he wants to, Tony. Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@CapnAmeric did you even let him teach you how to use Twitter? Bucky @buckysgoats@IAmTonyStark No. No he didn't. I'm gonna go help him before he throws his phone at the wall trying to @ you. ---Jessy @MarvellousFanoh my god tony and bucky trying to teach *******CAPTAIN AMERICA******* how to use technology is 👌👌👌. but does anybody know who peter is?
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Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@saltnPepper have you seen the kid? Tony Stark @IAmTonyStarkShit Friday, I meant text her! Pepper Potts @saltnPepper@IAmTonyStark Tony, you will be the death of me, but no, I haven't. Try asking May? --- The Daily Bugle @TheDailyBugleBreaking: Tony Stark (@IAmTonyStark) and Pepper Potts (@saltnPepper) have a child? Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@TheDailyBugle Pep is telling me to be professional about this, so I can safely say you're very wrong 🅱️eter 🅱️arker @itswednesday@IAmTonyStark uh huh Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@itswednesday Peter, go to sleep Tony Stark @IAmTonyStarkWait a second WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO @itswednesday 🅱️eter 🅱️arker @itswednesday@IAmTonyStark Haha it's funny story, one that I should probably tell you in person...
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Spider-Man @notaspiderBad things about being spider-man1. People think my dad fucked a spider2. People think I fucked a spider?????3. People think I like spiders4. It's very hard to fight crime while wearing a binder5. I get in trouble for fighting crime while wearing a binder6. I can't thermoregulate so winter = pure hell7. One time I started hibernating bc it got so cold8. Getting a building dropped on you is Painful9. People think I can turn into a spider Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@notaspider WHAT DO YOU MEAN "GETTING A BUILDING DROPPED ON YOU IS PAINFUL"??????????????????????? Spider-Man @notaspider@IAmTonyStark ahahahahahaha funny story remember that time you took my suit away for being stupid? yeah so i was kinda just extra stupid and the Vulture dropped a building on me Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@notaspider oh my god kid why didn't you tell anybody? Just because you have super-healing doesn't mean you can blow off any injuries you get! Benj @BenjaminCFhol' up yes spidey getting a building dropped on him is tragic but uh,,,,,,@notaspider IS OFFICIALLY TRANS WHOOP De @thisbishemptySPIDER-MAN IS A TRANS GUY SUCK ON THAT HATERS
Katie
@pitterpatter
wait how tf did @notaspider get his powers then? Spidey 💖💙 @spideyownsmysoulyall who tf thought spidey got his powers by fucking a spider how does that even work? FUCK YES @gottalovememesoh my god @IAmTonyStark being such a dad to spidey is father-son goals --- Spider-Man @notaspider@ everybody who asked if i was transyes. and yes exercising in a binder is Very Bad for you (Mr. Stark and Karen remind me of this constantly)I got my powers after being bit by a spider, but Helen says I'm genetically part spider so like,,,, Spider-fan @wednesdaymydudesWait @notaspider what ARE your powers? Spider-Man @notaspider@wednesdaymydudes uh.. enhanced healing and metabolism, super strength, I can stick to things... The webs are my own design, I make them in a lab and they don't shoot out of me I have web-shooters, enhanced senses, and my spidey-sense which is basically glorified anxiety and is mostly useless bc it goes off at literally ANYTHING including a puddle I walked past yesterday
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🅱️eter 🅱️arker @itswednesdayMr Stark: literally falling asleep in his labMe: Hey Mr Stark maybe you should,,, go to sleep?Mr. Stark: I'm fine!Me:Mr Stark:Mr Stark: sets Dum-E on fireMr Stark: Ok maybe you have a point, Pepper Potts @saltnPepper@itswednesday you're lucky he actually acknowledged that you're right. Normally he keeps working and gets Friday to send me to bed Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@saltnPepper @itswednesday what is this, gang-up-on-Tony-Stark day? Colonel Rhodes @JamesRhodes@IAmTonyStark they aren't wrong. You've always been like this, just now you have a better excuse than "I'm doing a 20 page essay that's due in the morning", even though I know you did the essay last month Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@JamesRhodes what happened in college stays in college, Rhodey 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesday@IAmTonyStark you know how suspicious that sounds Mr Stark, don't you? Tony Stark @IAmTonystark@itswednesday what happens in college stays in college, just like what happens in the LAB, STAYS IN THE LAB, PETER Tony Stark @IAmTonyStarkBut since you all decided to betray me, let me tell everyone else some of the dumb shit you guys have done! Colonel Rhodes @JamesRhodesFuck 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesday@JamesRhodes It can't be that bad, can it? Tony Stark @IAmTonyStarkOnce in college, Rhodes forgot about a 25 page essay that was due the next day, and stayed up all night to finish it. He ended up sleeping through the actual class and had to retake it during the summer. 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdayOk but I haven't done anything that embarrassing so 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdaySHIT WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE TIME H E C K Tony Stark @IAmTonyStarkOne time I walked in on Peter dancing to Umbrella in drag. He had a wig and even managed to set up a stage in a spare room. FRIDAY recorded the entire thing and since I feel particularly evil today, here's the link Natasha @bwidowPeter! I didn't know you could dance, or do gymnastics. 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesday@bwidow uh, I can't? MJ @dontcallmemj@itswednesday oh my god peter can dance i'm never letting him live this down 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdayWelp looks like I gotta die now bye
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🅱️eter 🅱️arker @itswednesdaySome things should never be witnessed by a child, but alas, my eyeballs are forever scarred with the memories of the last 5 minutes Tony Stark @IAmTonyStarkPeter?? 🅱️eter 🅱️arker @itswednesdayMy dreams will forever be haunted by the scene I just discovered Steve @capnamericPeter you're a teenager, don't tell me you've never walked into the wrong room at a party? 🅱️eter 🅱️arker @itswednesday@capnameric I DON'T GO TO PARTIES AND THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS Ned @NedInTheChairPeter we don't get invited to parties in the first place
🅱eter 🅱arker
@itswednesday
@NedInTheChair NED STOP CALLING ME OUT IN FRONT OF THE AVENGERS Bucky @buckysgoats@itswednesday unless high schools have become unrecognisable in the 90-ish years since i graduated, theres no way you havent accidentally found an in-use storage closet before 🅱️eter 🅱️arker @itswednesday@buckysgoats NO BUCKY, I HAVEN'T 🅱️eter 🅱️arker @itswednesdayAND EVEN IF I HAD THAT DOESN'T TAKE AWAY FROM THE TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE I JUST WENT THROUGH 🅱️eter 🅱️arker @itswednesdayAlso people are gonna start putting two and two together so you guys should probably prepare for that Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@itswednesday honestly I'm surprised it took them this long to get caught by the wrong person. And you two aren't being very subtle about what happened...
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🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdayokay so for context for my next tweets, the avengers and co. decided to try some team bonding and got bored 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdayMe: *laughing my ass off*Steve: Peter what the **** (censored bc hes from the 40s and legally cant swear)Me: Rteve SogersSteve:Natasha: *laughing* Steve @capnameric@itswednesday if you post anything else from that conversation I will personally make a PSA purely for you 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesday@capnameric >:) 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdaySteve: Nat, stop laughing!Natasha: *still laughing*Steve, quietly: I'm gonna regret thisSteve: Ratasha Nomanov Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@itswednesday Peter I'll tell May if you continue 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesday@IAmTonyStark she thinks it's funny so good luck with that 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdayTony: *laughs*Me: Sony TtarkTony: *laughing* oh yeah, well-Me:Tony: 🅱eter 🅱arker @ itswednesdayTony, turning to Bucky: ha-Bucky:Tony: Bruce-Bruce:Pepper & Happy: *walk in*Tony: hey guys -Everybody:Wanda, softly: Manda Waximoff Hawkeye @hawkeyes@itswednesday Peter I am begging you, please stop 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesday@hawkeyes then beg 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdayClint: *falls out of the vent laughing*Clint: BLINT CARTON
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Spidey Stan @ilovespideyok guys, theory time: who really is spiderman? emmie @emilyart@ilovespidey well we know that he's youngish, and probably lives in queens since that's where he's seen the most. what else? Spider-Man News @spiderynews@ilovespidey @emilyart he's also trans and visits the avengers regularly Spidey Stan @ilovespideyook so does anybody living in queens know any transguy teens who could know the avengers? Amanda @randomamanda @ilovespidey @spiderynews @emilyart yall are acting like spider man isnt just a robot created by tony stark Spidey Stan @ilovespidey@randomamanda haha funny joke there hun 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesday@ilovespidey wait i match that description OH MY GOD AM I SPIDER-MAN???????????????????? Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@itswednesday Funny joke kid. Like you could keep something like that a secret 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesday@IAmTonyStark hey! I can keep secrets! @NedInTheChair back me up here man! Ned @NedInTheChair@itswednesday peter... you cant keep a secret to save your life MJ @dontcallmemj@itswednesday he's right. you're terrible at keeping secrets 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesday@IAmTonyStark @NedInTheChair @dontcallmemj guys!!!!! i'm gonna make up a secret to keep just to prove you wrong Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@itswednesday Kid... I don't think that's how it works...
Pepper Potts
@saltnPepper
@IAmTonyStark Shhh don't ruin his fun
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Reeeeeee @tomatobisqueit's thirsty bitch hour yall time to be thirsty on main Reeeeeee @tomatobisquetoday's theme is avengers and co btw so now you gotta tell me who's the hottest Spider-Man @notaspider@tomatobisque thor=100% sexiest avenger and y'all can fight me on it Spider-Man @notaspiderCRAPCRAPCRAP WRONG ACCOUNT OH GOD I CAN SEE MY LIFE FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES Thor @StrongestAvngr@notaspider MAN OF SPIDERS, IS THIS TRULY YOUR OPINION OF ME? I'M HONOURED, YOUNG ONE Manda Waximoff @scarletwandaI mean, he's not wrong Bucky @buckysgoatsNah @notaspider @scarletwanda @tomatobisque Captain America is the hottest Ant-ony :( @langscott@buckysgoats @tomatobisque he has America's Ass Pepper Potts @saltnPepper@tomatobisque I personally think Iron Man is the sexiest avenger
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🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdayy'all ever see a cute guy and just go hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@itswednesday Of course Bucky @buckysgoats@itswednesday Honestly Same Natasha @bwidow@itswednesday never Jessy @MarvellousFan@itswednesday daily Falcon @FalconPUNCH@itswednesday occasionally Katie @pitterpatter@itswednesday is it possible to not experience that Pepper Potts @saltnPepper@itswednesday hey @IAmTonyStark this is me about you -- 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdayy'all ever see a cute girl and just go hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Natasha @bwidow@itswednesday all the time FUCK YES @gottalovememes@itswednesday is a bisexual mood Meme 🅱rincess @whatareTHOSEEE@itswednesday impossible not to Steve @capnameric@itswednesday Buck will be upset if I say yes so I have to pretend I can't relate De @thisbishempty@itswednesday repeatedly Tony Stark @IAmTonyStark@itswednesday hey @saltnPepper this is me about you
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Gillian @truamericanCan't believe some people actually think that THE Captain America is a faggot. What's next, you gonna tell me he not even American? He's not Catholic? Some people, smh Bucky @buckysgoats@truamerican you just fucked up. you fucked up so bad. Steve @capnameric@truamerican To be completely honest, I don't give a shit what you think. However, I think you and the world in general should be informed of a few things if that is how you see me. Steve @capnameric@truamerican Firstly, what does it matter if I'm queer? If I want to screw a fella you can bet that I'll do it if he's willing. I'm bisexual, not stupid. Steve @capnameric@truamerican Also? Both of my parents were Irish immigrants. Though, the history books don't mention that, do they? My parents left a country on the brink of a war to come to America, then my father fought in WW1 until he died. Steve @capnameric@truamerican And sure, I'm catholic, but my boyfriend is Jewish, so could you kindly stop making false assumptions about my opinions to fit your image of me? Thanks. Bucky @buckysgoats@capnameric you're so adorable when you get all righteous ily bby 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdayhe fricking snapped omg
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🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdayguys guys guys it's mr starks birthday today so can you all tag him and say nice things about him to make him happy? i'll start
🅱eter 🅱arker
@itswednesday
@IAmTonyStark I'm just some orphan kid from Queens, but you still manage to make time for me. I don't know where I'd be without you. Happy birthday and #ThankYouTonyStark
Pepper Potts
@saltnPepper
@IAmTonyStark I've seen you at your best and worst, but you've come so far from the man you once were. You inspire so many people on a daily basis. Happy birthday and #ThankYouTonyStark
Manda Waximoff
@scarletwanda
@IAmTonyStark I mightn't have grown up hearing about Tony Stark, the man who saved the world, but I'm glad future generations will. Happy birthday and #ThankYouTonyStark
Steve
@capnameric
@IAmTonyStark You will never fully understand how much the world needs you, Tony. You've done so much for all of us, and we're all eternally grateful. I know we've had our disagreements, but you're a great guy. Happy birthday and #ThankYouTonyStark
Bucky
@buckysgoats
@IAmTonyStark i've done some bad shit, but you forgave me anyway. happy birthday and #ThankYouTonyStark
Colonel Rhodes
@JamesRhodes
@IAmTonyStark You carry the weight of the world, Tones, but you keep going. But that doesn't mean I'll leave the October Incident in the past. Happy birthday man, and #ThankYouTonyStark
MJ
@dontcallmemj
@IAmTonyStark you've helped peter more than you think. happy birthday and #ThankYouTonyStark -- Birthday Boy @IAmTonyStarkWho changed my name and why is #ThankYouTonyStark trending? -- 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdaythank you guys. mr stark is crying but i'm like 80% sure they're happy tears. 🅱eter 🅱arker @itswednesdayalso i'm the one who told friday to change his name but shh don't let him know
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BI-der-Man
@notaspider
gay day gay day gay day gay ITS PRIDE MONTH
Iron Pan
@IAmTonyStark
@notaspider a) how on earth did you manage to convince friday to change everybody's names and b) did you really stay up until exactly 12am to send that tweet BI-der-Man @notaspider@IAmTonyStark a) she loves me and b) yes of course i did but also c) i meant to put that on my other account OOPS -- 🅱aby 🅱i @itswednesdayi made an oops
Captain Bi-merica
@capnameric
@itswednesday What did you do? 🅱aby 🅱i @itswednesday@capnameric well firstly helped friday change all of the avengers names but then she changed mine too and i can't change it back until july so we're all stuck like this
🅱aby 🅱i
@itswednesday
@capnameric and the other thing is Classified Information
Gay-mes Barnes
@buckysgoats
@itswednesday c'mon, it can't be that classified
Pan Wilson
@falconPUNCH
@buckysgoats I think you're forgetting that this is a public social media site, Barnes. As in, anybody can see it?
Gay-mes Barnes
@buckysgoats
@falconPUNCH yeah well nobody asked you -- BI-der-Man @notaspideri cannot BELIEVE that on This Day, the Beginning of Gay Month, i posted my gay day tweet to the wrong account
MJ
@dontcallmemj
@notaspider Disaster Bi
BI-der-Man
@notaspider
@dontcallmemj eye-
Iron Pan
@IAmTonyStark
@dontcallmemj @notaspider She's right and you know it