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“oh my god namjoon's gonna fucking hate me,” seokjin whines as he stares at himself in the mirror. he isn't wearing a shirt, his jeans halfway up his thighs as he jumps and pulls himself into the skinny fit. he looks on with disgust towards his upper body, his stomach flab, scarred with pale stretch marks and with much shame, he acknowledges his boobs and he sighs loudly. “i wish i was fucking skinny fucking goddamnit!” he screams in his head whilst his eyes tear up as his jeans finally goes over his ass. he thinks he shouldn't be complaining because isn't being “thick” the new thing? but would it really matter? he was a boy and so was namjoon, would it really be the same if he was a girl? he doesn't know. he goes on in his head, namjoon wouldn't have asked him out if he didn't want seokjin the way he was. there was no way namjoon, the genius boy with a scholarship and top of the university two years in a row, with the most kind heart and the sweetest person to ever exist and not to mention he was a firm believer in what is right rather than religious morals and shit, would criticise seokjin for being a little on the plus side. would he? he wouldn't have asked you out if he didn't see how fucking great your ass was now would he have seokjin? okay so maybe there was some perks. seokjin likes to think he was nice, good grades, good personality, always nice towards everyone, maybe a little teacher's pet and his parent's pride and joy, so maybe looking past his body namjoon may find something better. okay but what if they reached that stage and namjoon is a little weirded out by seokjin's body beneath his jeans and sweaters? IT IS ONE FUCKING DATE SEOKJIN STOP THINKING FURTHER! one date can be the last but that doesn't mean third base doesn't occur on it too.he blows his bangs into the air and sulkily he puts on a skin tight shirt jungkook bought for him for this occasion and maybe he sheds a tear as his fat sticks out in it. he starts crying a few alligator tears and throws a yellow hoodie on. he washes his face again, like he didn't shower an hour ago, styles his hair up then down then side and finally chooses bangs down and brushed neatly. he doesn't go overboard on makeup, because what if namjoon doesn't like boys in makeup? so simple, powder for his red cheeks and maybe a little bit of lip tint, just the tiniest bit. there, he thinks, ready. not really, he was anxious and so scared, he's never liked a boy this much in years. the last one he liked, he left him in his hometown and with his high school memories, ready to start college with nothing of the sort. but then he meets namjoon and he's convinced he's the one. he sucks in a deep breath as he rings up an uber and leaves his apartment, standing outside the complex and freaking out silently. his driver arrives, he tells him the address of the cafe he's meeting namjoon and he doesn't say another word in the twenty something minute drive until he has to pay and say thanks. namjoon was waiting for him in a quaint little cafe that was surprisingly empty. maybe that was due to a starbucks in the vicinity he doesn't know or care. “hi,” he smiles when he walks up to the table namjoon was sitting at, book in hand. “hey,” namjoon scrambles to stand as he pulls out a chair for seokjin. “i was a little scared, thought you bailed.” “nearly did,” seokjin chokes, “got scared you actually don't like me on the way and you're doing this to humiliate me.” he doesn't say that, instead he says, “didn't know what to, uh, wear.”“you look great regardless,” namjoon smiles at him, with dimples, and seokjin blushes and turns his head slightly.“thank you,” he mumbled and god bless, a waiter comes up to them right then.“you guys ready to order?” a boy, around their age is their waiter, “do you want your usual hyung?”“yeah sure minnie,” namjoon says without looking at 'minnie’, “what would you like seokjin hyung? everything here is to die for.” “um,” seokjin doesn't comment on the fact that he hasn't opened a menu, much less has one where he can open it, “i'll just have a coffee, black.” “that's it? you should try our cheesecakes, like hyung said everything here is to die for honestly.” the waiter raises an eyebrow and his mouth is slightly frowning. “thanks but i'm trying to watch my weight, maybe another time?” seokjin says meekly, really not enjoying how this conversation was heading. “hm,” the waiter nods and leaves them. seokjin's ready to leave after that disaster already. he doesn't look at namjoon, instead his head bows and he fiddles with the hem of his hoodie. “hyung?” namjoon asks, “you okay?” “yeah,” he says, raising his head but not meeting namjoon's eyes, “i'm fine, it's just i'm nervous this is like my first date pretty much and i'm so scared honestly and that was so awkward i don't know what i'm doing here.” he slaps a hand over his mouth and he's ready to cry a little after his mini rant. “it's okay hyung,” namjoon says and reaches for seokjin's hand across the table. “if anything goes wrong it's okay, it doesn't matter to me.” seokjin nods and purses his lips and he thinks he skillfully hides a tear that escapes. the date wasn't too bad afterwards. he thinks.he learns that the cafe was run by his mother, who in turn let her younger son, namjoon's brother, taehyung, run it most days and the waiter was jimin, taehyung's best friend. he meets taehyung too, a nice kid, much like his older brother and as the evening goes, seokjin feels himself be okay. ~
days go by and namjoon and seokjin are still thriving. he hasn't asked him to be his boyfriend yet but seokjin doesn't mind as long as they're fine. but that doesn't stop his mind for going places. it's pouring rain outside and seokjin cuddled up in pajamas as he binges a drama when his mind starts to wander. he looks at the screen and envies the couple before him. the perfect girl, korea's finest stereotype and the good looking guy, something that seokjin will never feel. he knows he has a pretty face with his thick lips, pretty eyes and cheeks and he's cute, he knows that. it's just he thinks his body doesn't fit with it. not to mention he's barely 5’8 and he feels so small next to namjoon and his height of six feet. he sighs, pauses the drama and gets up to get rid of his snacks, feeling disgusted with himself. as he washes up in the kitchen, he hears a knock on his door. it's namjoon in the hole he sees. he doesn't think twice about opening the door for him, until he sees he's dripping wet.“hey hyung,” namjoon smiles, “didn't have an umbrella and i got sexiled in my dorm. really fun times.” he said weakly, “can i come in?”“yeah,” seokjin says, opening the door wider, “but wait here i'll just get you a towel and maybe some clothes, can't have you getting my floors wet.”“okay,” namjoon replies. seokjin doesn't answer again until he's grabbed towels, a sweatpants and a shirt that should fit his nearly boyfriend. “here,” he gives him the towels, “you can use the shower if you want,” take off your shoes, and maybe your clothes i'll throw them in the washer for you.”“you want me naked already hyung?” namjoon asks teasingly as he sheds his jacket.“no!” seokjin nearly shouts, “no i don't you'll get a cold if you stay in those wet clothes i don't want you sick,” he rambles slightly. “it was a joke baby,” namjoon laughs, “but i won't mind if you do.” he winks at him and takes off his pants with struggle. seokjin notices that he's shivering when he does and as he wraps himself in a towel, seokjin leads him to his bathroom.“do you want anything?” seokjin asks, “like to eat or drink i don't know i can make you something warm?” “yeah,” namjoon tells him, “that'd be nice.” seokjin leaves before it gets more awkward.he throws namjoon's clothes into the washing machine and makes them both a pot of hot cocoa. he's zoned out in the kitchen when namjoon sneaks up on him, making him jump as the two arms go around his waist.“hey,” namjoon says and steals a kiss from his lips, “what'd you make?” “oh my god,” seokjin says and looks at namjoon, mouth and eyes gaping. “you stole my first kiss!” he accuses the younger. “i can't believe you just—” namjoon cuts him off with another kiss, this one a little deeper. “hyung, calm down,” he says, “i'm glad to be your first kiss.” he steals another kiss and seokjin's heart starts racing faster he notices. “you taste like hot chocolate, can i have mine now?” he gestures to the cups seokjin had set out on the counter. “yeah,” seokjin says weakly as he starts to blush, fully understanding what the fuck had just happened.“god you're so cute,” namjoon remarks, “i'm gonna kiss you again.” and he does. all night, over and over, namjoon keeps stealing kisses from seokjin as they watch studio ghibli movies on his laptop in his room. just before they fall asleep seokjin asks namjoon, “what are we?” “what do you mean baby?” namjoon asks and in the pale light seokjin sees his eyebrows furrow.“like are we friends or are we tog—” another kiss: gone, taken, stolen from his mouth. this one a little bit more passionate than the rest. “i thought we're dating already?” namjoon asks when they pull away, “unless you don't want to?” “no,” seokjin tells him and in the heat of the moment, seokjin shyly kisses namjoon this time, “i would love to be your boyfriend.”“good,” the other whispers, “i won't be letting you go soon.” they fall asleep together, seokjin being namjoon's little spoon and seokjin's the happiest he's been in forever.~
it's been a few short months since namjoon and him have started dating and seokjin starts to wonder about what comes next.by that he means sex. “r.i.p to me,” he says out loud, "you stupid fucking whore." he's folding his fresh laundry, it's a quiet saturday, no work due for weeks and he's finally got some time to himself. yet he still misses namjoon, just a little bit. he thinks about calling him when he's finally finished cleaning up his apartment and actually doing shit aka his laundry, the dishes yeah. cuddling his pillow as he watches a drama seems so lonely now since he has namjoon to hold. seokjin smiles thinking about his boyfriend, imagine that! kim namjoon! his boyfriend! he doesn't even understand it. he squeals into his pillow and kicks his feet in the air. then promptly falls off the bed when the doorbell rings. “coming!” he screeches as he scrambles up off the floor and makes his way to his front door.it's namjoon. “hey babe,” he greets the elder and presses a kiss on his lips. “i brought snacks.” he lifts a white plastic bag that seokjin didn't notice he had.“hi joonie,” seokjin kisses him back and wraps his arms around his neck as they walk into the apartment together. “missed you,” he confesses. namjoon takes off his jacket and seokjin internally swoons at his fit, black pants and a grey t shirt that somehow stuck to his skin and was still a little loose.“you saw me yesterday,” namjoon teases.“yeah but that was like forever ago,” seokjin complains, “cuddle me.” the elder opens his arms wide and namjoon walks into them, lifting seokjin off his feet a little as he leads the way into seokjin's room, waddling with him. namjoon throws seokjin onto the bed lightly before crawling over him. the elder scooches up into the middle of the bed and this causes his sweater to rise and expose his tummy. before he gets a chance to pull it down, namjoon already has his hands on the soft flesh and to seokjin's horror, his boyfriend begins to tickle him.“namjoon no!” he cries, “stop!” he pleads through his giggles. namjoon only grins, his dimples showing as he continues to tickle the elder and making his shirt rise more and more. seokjin thrashes beneath the younger in a fit of giggling and when namjoon's hand brushes his nipple, he fucking moans. namjoon stopped and pulled his hands away and out of seokjin's shirt. he takes a step back and now there's only tension in the air.“fuck,” he whispers, “fuck namjoon i'm sorry, sorry i didn't mean to, i'm so sorry,” he apologized without thinking and tugs his shirt down. he sits up and pulls his knees to his chest. “i'm sorry,” he keeps saying. “stop saying sorry,” namjoon tells him and puts a hand on his knee, “it's not your fault, i shouldn't have done that.” “i'm sorry,” seokjin chants again and he puts his head between his knee. he's already close to crying, he doesn't know why but the fact that namjoon had seen him, seen how ugly he was beneath his clothes and when namjoon had innocently touched him, he fucking ruined it. “jinnie,” namjoon touches his cheek, “jinnie baby what's wrong?” “you’re gonna hate me for that,” he says, “i'm so sorry i'm sorry. i'm so fucking stupid."“jinnie baby, no,” namjoon tells him softly as he lifts his head up from his knees, “you're not stupid love and i don't hate you baby, why would i hate you?” “because i'm ugly,” seokjin whispers, “you don't want me anymore. you can go, everyone else does.” “no baby,” namjoon speaks softly to him, “i don't hate you, look at me,” seokjin turns to face him with his teary eyes and red face, “you're not ugly my love. i'm not going anywhere.” “yes i am ugly!” seokjin sobs and wipes away the hot tears on his cheeks, “i'm fat and chubby and i'm short and nobody likes me!” “don't say that,” the others cups his cheek and with his thumb, wipes seokjin's tears away, “you're not ugly. you're the most beautiful boy i've ever seen and what if you're a little on the plus side, why would that matter to me? who cares if you're not that tall because i like how small you are next to me and how well you fit in my arms and i love you and yeah it's a little early to be saying that but you're the beautiful, kindhearted and the sweetest boy and i'm so glad you're even mine. sometimes i wonder if you're really even human,” namjoon chuckles a little, “you're more like an angel and you're mine, my only angel, my baby seokjin.” seokjin's crying more now, the tears streaming down his face but he's blushing furiously at the end of namjoon's praises. the tears stop but his lip doesn't stop trembling. “i'm sorry,” he says again, “for doubting you. i'm so stupid.” he berates himself.“you're not stupid love,” namjoon tells him, “it's okay to be insecure but know that i love you.” seokjin puts his legs down and moves closer to namjoon. the younger accepts him in his arms and lets him sit in his lap. “i–i love you too joonie,” seokjin tells him shyly, burying his face in his neck. “i think so anyways,” he mumbles. “you only think so?” namjoon teases and they're back to seokjin lying flat on the bed with namjoon hovering above him. “tell me what you love about me.” he demands. seokjin bites his lips and wraps his arms around namjoon's neck, pulling him closer to him and bringing him in for a kiss. namjoon kisses him softly, only teasing him with his tongue in his mouth as he reaches to hold seokjin's face in his hand. they pull away and seokjin pants a little before saying, “i love you when you tell me i'm pretty and when you tease me for being cute and i love how you praise me and when you put up with me being stupid.” he takes a deep breath, “i love how you actually show you care about me and how you actually don't hate me. then i love how diligent you are about school and music and those times when you smile at kids on the street and those times when you try to play with them and freak out if they cry. then i love how nice you are to everyone, even when they do stupid shit. i love how smart you are and you act as if you aren't. i love—” he doesn't get to finish because namjoon kisses him again and this time it's a little heavy. at some point namjoon rolls them over so seokjin's on top with namjoon's hands on his waist, his hips, his ass—all over. “i love you,” namjoon tells him. “so much.” seokjin starts to blush again and turns his face away but namjoon brings him back to look at him. “i love you turn red every time i compliment you,” he pecks his lips, “how do you manage to be so cute?” “'m not cute,” seokjin mutters and bites his lips. namjoon raises his hand to seokjin's face and pulls his lip out of his teeth. “you're the cutest boy ever. can't believe the cutest boy on campus is my boyfriend!” namjoon insists.“i should say that about you!” seokjin retorts, “campus’s golden boy is dating me! me and for what, only he knows.” “i've had a crush on you since orientation,” namjoon blurted. “when you bumped into me and you didn't even look at me when you said sorry and after that i just couldn't get my mind off of you. how pretty you were. are.”“that was you?” seokjin asks, surprised. “wow i never really remembered it.” “hey hyung,” namjoon says, “remember our first date?” seokjin groans and throws his head back, “please don't speak of that disaster, i'm trying to forget.”“i didn't think it was that bad,” namjoon says, “at least you're not intimidated by jimin again.” “that boy is terrifying namjoon,” he says, “he wanted to kill me, does he still like you?” “he's with taehyung love,” namjoon tells him, “he's nothing to worry about.” “sorry,” seokjin says for no reason.“stop apologising!” namjoon demands. “one day you'll apologise for breathing.”“sorry,” he quickly raises his palms up, “force of habit, i'm sorry.” namjoon laughs before pulling him down to kiss him again. “you're so cute,” he tells him again. “i heard you only the first ten million times,” seokjin rolls his arms, “you're literally more cuter than me kim namjoon.” “impossible! i'm not cute, i'm like, sexy.” namjoon tells him with a serious face.seokjin giggles and falls off of namjoon and settles next to him. “yeah like never,” seokjin says, “you're the fucking cutest boyfriend ever.” “i am sexy!” namjoon insists as he pounces on seokjin, lifting his hands above his head and intertwined their fingers. “jinnie tell me i'm sexy.”“no!” seokjin giggles again and looks at namjoon sweetly. “i'll tickle you.” “you wouldn't dare.” he did.~
“hey namjoon,” seokjin asks, “what's sex?”namjoon, his boyfriend of four nearly five months, chokes on his water and spits some of it out. “you're kidding right?” he asks the elder, “tell me you're joking?” “i'm not, what's sex?” seokjin bats his lashes at his boyfriend, “can we do it?” “seokjin if you wanted me you could've just said so,” namjoon remarks.“how was i supposed to do that?” seokjin asks bluntly, “do i come up to me and say 'hey joonie i want your dick in me but i'm a little scared because i'm a virgin but i trust you.’?” “you're a virgin?” namjoon asks, blinking his eyes. seokjin proceeds to turn red.“fuck,” he whispers, “yeah, yeah i'm a virgin whoops.” he smiles awkwardly.“good to know you trust me baby,” namjoon tells him, “how do you want to do this?” “is that how this goes?” seokjin asks, “on a bed preferably but seriously are you going to have sex with me because i asked?”“yes is that not how we should do? consent is the sexiest thing in this world my love.” namjoon raises an eyebrow at him, “but uh, i was kinda waiting for you to ask me.”“and you thought i would ask you! namjoon i'm shyer than everyone loner girl in a movie!” seokjin exclaims.“sorry!” namjoon says, “well we're both stupid about this huh.”“i don't want to have sex with you again.” “jinnie no, come back! i love you!” namjoon goes behind him.they have sex that night, two stupid fumbling virgins who finally consummate their love. they fidget around foreplaying, it becoming more embarrassing more than anything. but namjoon would do anything for seokjin.“i love you,” namjoon says when he finally bottoms out. seokjin's tight but he's sucking him as he digs and drags his nails down namjoon's back. “you better,” seokjin retorts and brings him down for a kiss. he kisses namjoon until the pain dulls and when it's okay he tells him to move. “i love you, my pretty baby,” namjoon tells him as he thrusts into him slowly. seokjin blushes and gasps loudly when namjoon cups his tits. the latter brings his mouth down to duck on his nipples and that sends seokjin into overdrive as he clenches around namjoon.they settle on a slow pace until seokjin's begging namjoon to go faster and take him rougher. namjoon doesn't agree with fucking him roughly because it's his first time but he does quicken his pace. namjoon's hands doesn't leave seokjin's body or more specifically his tits as he furiously sucks on and fondles his nipples, playing around the hard nubs. seokjin's fingers in namjoon's hair grips on hard and tugs furiously as he approaches his climax, his hips furiously bucking upwards to meet namjoon's thrusts. he cries out when he comes and clenches around namjoon and that makes namjoon spill inside the condom. they ride out their high and namjoon flops dead atop seokjin. they're both breathing hard when they're finished and seokjin has a smile on his face. “that was amazing,” he breathes, “god wow what the fuck. now i understand why people have self destructive sex, that shit's incredible.” “babe don't say those things,” namjoon pants out as he stays inside seokjin, not moving.“get off of me you big stupid log, i have to pee.” seokjin says and attempts to push him off of him.“no stay here,” namjoon snuggles further into seokjin's chest.“five minutes.” namjoon starts to snore.~
okay so maybe everyone saw it coming when they got married at an impromptu vacation to america weeks before graduation in a run down church in las vegas and an overcharging priest but it was worth it. what wouldn't you do to be with your soulmate? in mostly legal and moral terms kids, don't live with your soulmate if they're unethical. during the years they were together seokjin always wondered if he should tell namjoon that he fell in love with him when seokjin had fell on the street and namjoon helped him up. he didn't however, it was before college, he wouldn't have remembered. namjoon had become his hero since then. seokjin smiles at the memory. then forgets it when a man holds his hand. his husband. he thinks.