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“Not any more than I usually do,” Kathryn says with a lopsided smirk, ducking her face into her coffee cup.
Chakotay smiles, showing off his dimples, something he knows she loves, then takes a sip of the coffee. He sets down the clear mug. “Well then it’s the perfect amount.”
He relaxes into the chair, thinking he should probably excuse himself soon. He’s been here long enough.
The end of these dinners, after they’ve finished their meal and they’re just sitting, enjoying each other’s company, that’s when it hits him. It reminds him of the meal they shared nearly a year ago. How she’d looked at him across the table, licking her lips. The way she’d said
dessert,
leaving no doubt in his mind that dessert meant him.
He stares into his coffee cup, remembering.
Kathryn had stood and held out her hand, confidence but also a touch of fear in her eyes. She had been afraid he’d reject her. That he’d tell her to wait one just more night.
She needn’t have worried. He was very willing to go to bed with her. He had been willing for years.
He did ask her though, once, after they’d kissed and their hands had roamed under each other’s shirts, into the forbidden and glorious territory of touching bare skin.
He’d asked her if she was sure. “I don’t want you to regret this.”
“Chakotay,” she’d said, his name rolling off of her tongue in that seductive way that only she could say it, “this time tomorrow, we’ll be home. There won’t be a need for regrets.”
He’d put his hands on her shoulders. “Kathryn. Are you
sure?
”
She’d answered him with a kiss. And then a shove, pushing him down onto her bed.
“Chakotay?”
He jumps, sloshing his coffee onto his uniform jacket. “What? Sorry.”
“Damn,” she says, standing up and coming around to his side of the table with her napkin.
Kneeling down, Kathryn wipes at his chest. “Where were you just now?”
His breath catches. “Um, nowhere. Thinking.”
Her gaze travels up from where her hand still dabs at him to his eyes.
“Thinking about what?”
“Kathryn,” he warns.
She flattens her palm on his chest and looks him over. Her eyebrow raises when she gets to his crotch, the barest hint of a bulge there.
“Kathryn,” he repeats, weaker.
Her hand, her entire
being
is so damn distracting. His own gaze wanders over her. She’s in her grey undershirt, having shed her jacket at the start of their dinner. He notices her bare arms, the way he can see the outline of her bra through her shirt. The smell of her shampoo is strong when she’s this close to him. His fingers itch to caress her cheek.
She licks her lips, staring hungrily at him.
Deliberately removing her hand from his jacket, he slides his chair back.
“I think it’s time for me to go.”
“No, Chakotay. Please. Stay for dessert.” She presses her hands on his thighs, keeping him seated.
“I’m stuffed, Kathryn. I don’t need dessert, thank you.”
“Oh but I do.”
As her fingers knead the muscles of his legs, he sighs. “Kathryn… this isn’t what we agreed upon.”
“Consider it an amendment.”
Her hands roam up his body until her fingertips brush against the growing erection in his pants.
His hand shoots out and grabs hers.
“Kathryn,” he waits until she looks up at him. “This is not a game. If we do this again, I’m not going to just pack up and go back into my corner like a good little boy.”
She sighs, sliding her hands a safe distance back down his thighs.
“No one-time thing?”
“No, Kathryn. We’ve had enough ‘one-time things.’ The next time it’s going to be more. I want all of you or none of you. I can’t stand this waiting around for you to feel joyful or depressed or scared enough to want to go to bed with me.”
She frowns. “Chakotay, I can’t give you all of me, you know that.”
It’s his turn to sigh.
“Not
all
of you in that sense.” Gathering his thoughts for a moment, he attempts to explain to her what he means. “Kathryn, I want to be able to hold your hand at dinner. To push your hair back behind your ear when we’re sitting on the couch.” He takes a deep breath. “I want to be able to make love to you on a normal day. Just regular, simple, everything-is-fine love. Not ‘you’re going into a borg cube’ love or ‘it’s our last day stranded on a planet together’ love. Or…”
He trails off.
The expression on her face falls. “Go ahead. Say it. Or ‘we’re in the middle of nowhere and I’m feeling sorry for myself’ love.”
Leaning forward, he takes her hand in his. “Kathryn, I don’t expect to marry you or move in with you or have the crew throw us a party. I just want
you
. Like this. Dinner, companionable conversation.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Maybe a little snuggling or a little love making if the need arises.”
She smiles. “Oh, I think the need will arise.” Her free hand walks back up his leg. “I think the need already rose.”
He smiles back but clears his throat. “Kathryn. Is that a yes then?”
“To what,” she asks innocently.
“To
my
amendment to our relationship. Do I get
all
of you?”
She tilts her head as her palm cups his erection.
“Only if I get
all
of you, too.”
He chuckles. “You drive a hard bargain. But alright. Yes. You can have all of me.”
She bites her lip. “Good. So, how do we make this official? Do we shake on it?” Her hand rubs up and down against his bulge.
Chakotay groans, eyes closing.
“Do we sign our thumbprints to a padd?” Her thumb swirls and presses into the fabric of his pants.
He hisses. “Kathryn…”
Crawling forward, she moves his legs apart and slides in between them.
“Yes, Chakotay?”
The grin on her face when he opens his eyes is both that of an evil temptress and a sweet angel.
He cups her chin with his hand, bending forward and pulling her up closer to him.
“How about we seal it with a kiss?” he suggests.
She swallows and nods. “That sounds official enough to me.”
“Good.”
He smiles and closes the distance between them.
Their lips meet in a soft, tender kiss. A kiss full of promise for a future where they will no longer be so alone. They will be able to have these moments together, in good times and bad. The kiss signifies the change in their relationship. Not just a temporary hold for one night to fulfill a need, but a real shift to true lovers.
When they break apart, he can’t keep the smirk from his lips.
“What?” Kathryn asks.
“Like I said, you put just the right amount of poison in the coffee.”
She graces him with a lopsided grin of agreement. “Maybe I added just a little something extra tonight. Now, where was I?” She glances down at the sizable bundle in front of her. “Oh yes. Dessert.”