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John sat in the back of the pub nursing a pint. He was the first one here and he wasn’t at all surprised. It tended to be him or Brian to be on time with Roger and Freddie waltzing in whenever they felt like it. He had only been sat there for a minute when Brian came through the door and scanned the room waving as he spotted John. He pointed to the bar and went to buy a drink whilst John waited patiently. He was at the table soon after and sat down opposite John with a smile, ‘been here long?’‘Nah, about five minutes,’ John said sipping his pint.‘Take it the others aren’t here yet?’‘Nope but this band meeting was only arranged by them and their idea so why would they be on time.’‘You’re right,’ Brian chuckled, ‘I’m being ludicrous.’The two chatted for a while before John spotted a pair of raucous men entering the pub in what looked like a gripping conversation. They went to the bar without checking to see if the band was there and got beers before scanning the room and spotting their bandmates in a corner. They made their way over and sat down, with a cheery hello.‘Alright guys,’ Roger said sparking up a cigarette, ‘been here long?’‘No,’ Brian said sarcastically, ‘just from the time we agreed.’‘Alright mate,’ Roger said, ‘some of us have been at work.’‘Busy day?’ John asked.‘Overrun,’ Freddie said, ‘Rog almost got in a fight with an old woman.’‘Again?’ Brian asked.‘Cheeky old bitch tried to haggle. Serves her right.’‘Remind me never to introduce you to my grandparents, eh?’ said Brian.‘Business alright otherwise?’‘Steady,’ Freddie said as he cast a cautious glance at Roger who nodded. It was noticed by the boys whose eyes narrowed but they said nothing, knowing that they would spill whatever secret they were sharing soon enough, ‘actually, that’s what we wanted to talk to you about. You see Roger and I have been talking-’‘Freddie’s been talking,’ Roger quipped and there was a distinct thud of someone being kicked under the table.‘Roger and I have been talking and we’ve been thinking about giving up the market stall.’‘Oh yeah?’ Brian asked his eyes swimming with questions waiting for them to be answered without asking them.‘Yeah,’ Freddie continued, ‘you see the stalls great and it’s manageable but whilst it’s there, there’s no reason to really do anything else. It’s tying.’‘What Fred means is that with the stall we always have to be in one place. We always have to be there Monday to Friday to keep it going and pay pitch rents and stuff. If we didn’t have it we’d be freer to focus on other stuff.’‘Band stuff.’‘What are you saying, you want us to quit our jobs too?’ John asked quietly.‘Of course not,’ Freddie said with a wave of his hand, ‘we just want to see if you’re on the same page. You see I found this in the paper a couple of days ago.’His hand went to his jacket pocket from which he produced a scrap of paper that seemed to have been folded and refolded so many times it was now crumpled in appearance. He unfolded it and placed it on the table between where Brian and John sat. The pair had to turn sideways so that they could both read it but they managed nonetheless, it read:
RECORDING SPACE AVAILABLE
Fully equipped recording space available. Open to all artists wishing to record demos and albums. Deposit £200 and additional costs for each session and production.
Contact 020 7946 0769 for more details on how to book
Both boys scanned it over whilst Roger and Freddie watched them nervously. Brian finished first and looked up before John did and said, ‘What’s this got to do with selling the stall?’‘We want to take this band seriously, no half measures. We’ve been talking to the manager at this studio and he’s been saying that we can have some of the recording space - for free as long as we use it out of hours. He’s seen us play and thinks we’re really good. He was also saying that if we record some stuff we’ve then got stuff to give out at gigs-,’ Roger explained‘He’s also in with the student gig circuit and thinks that they’d be interested in our stuff.’‘Student circuit?’ John asked.‘All uni’s around the country.’‘A tour?’‘A tour! But it’s not going to happen if we can’t leave our jobs. We’ve got to be all in,’ Freddie said, his eyes were alight with excitement and the smile off Roger and Brian was encouraging him all the more.‘Well, you know I’m in,’ Roger said. Brian bit his lip for a moment before he shrugged and said, ‘me too. Besides, I can do some of my thesis from the road if need be.’‘There’s our favourite little nerd,’ Roger laughed. The boys chuckled for a moment, all apart from John who was lost in his own thoughts. This was not unnoticed and all 3 of the men looked at John who was nervously sipping on his pint. It was Freddie, bold as ever who said, ‘Deaky? You’re in, right?’‘I…’ John started. His mind was a whir with every possible notion. On the one hand, this is what he wanted. He loved being in this band and he loved performing but he wasn’t ready. The boys were older than him. They had finished university and gotten jobs whereas John was still in that final year, attempting to maintain his studies, the band, and social life and keep afloat in the expensive city of London, which even in the seventies was a higher cost of living compared to his home town of Leicester. ‘Let me think about it?’‘Deaky mate,’ Roger said looking at the man, ‘what’s there to think about? You’ve been wanting this since you were 14 you can’t-’‘I just need a minute.’‘Yeah,’ Brian said, ‘he’s got uni and things to worry about. Can’t blame him for being the baby of the group.’‘Well let us know when you want to be serious,’ Roger said irritably.‘It’s not that I don’t take it seriously!’ John argued.‘C’mon Rog,’ Brian said, ‘don’t be a dick.’‘I’m a dick for helping us get ahead huh?’‘Don’t forget who found the space,’ Freddie said, ‘besides maybe being an electrician is far more exciting.’‘Guys,’ Brian warned.‘No,’ Freddie said, ‘c’mon Rog, let’s allow John to mull it over. Until he’s sure.’The two of them downed the rest of their pints and stood angrily before stalking off across the pub and out the door. Brian sighed and looked at John with a sympathetic smile. Brian got it but the feeling that John had doubts was still a punch in the gut. They’d lost members before this but John was different, they were like family now and they didn’t want to do it without him.‘They’ll come around,’ Brian said and John nodded glancing down at his watch and realising the time he said, ‘thanks mate but I’ve got to run. Late for work.’Brian nodded as John stood, drank the rest of his pint and put his coat on before heading to leave. He did beforehand shout back at Brian who hollered at him about not missing rehearsal tomorrow.He promised he wouldn’t and then he was out the door.
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By the time John got in from work, it was gone midnight. His eyes were heavy and his feet aching as he had been up all day. He sat down on his couch, the main focus of his poky living room and took his shoes off before he rested back against the sofa and rubbed his temples closing his eyes. The effort of lugging barrels up from the cellar in the pub he worked in was hitting him now. The tension had grown in his shoulders and he could feel them knotted.‘You’re back late,’ came a soft voice which was punctuated by a small yawn. John looked up and spotted his girlfriend, Y/N, who was standing by the bedroom door. Her hair was down and messy and she was wearing only a T-shirt of his. It came down to mid-thigh and covered her loosely as it did John when he wore it. She claimed that she loved his T-shirts because they were always oversized and really comfortable.‘They offered to let me work till close, I couldn’t say no,’ John said with a weak smile.Y/N smiled and walked over to him. She looked at him puzzled. John wasn’t timid. He was reserved, sure, but he wasn’t shy. Once he was sure of a person and trusted them he was one of the funniest, charming, likeable men she knew. It was also odd for him not to talk her ear off the minute I got home. He looked tired and beaten even though she could tell he was trying to pretend he wasn’t.‘C'mon Mr D,’ she said offering a hand to pull him up off the couch, ‘Let’s get you to bed.’John reached out for her hand and allowed her to pull him up from the couch and lead him to the bedroom.When Y/N woke at 7 am she found the other side of the bed empty. She sat up sleepily and climbed out of bed walking to the door and into the living room. It was deserted. From her position at the door, she could see the whole flat. John wasn’t in the kitchenette and the door to the bathroom was wide open showing nothing. She sighed. She had hoped to have been able to see him this morning for him to tell her what was wrong. She dressed and headed to her first lecture of the day hoping she’d catch up with him soon.John had gotten up, as he did most days, at 5 am. He had eaten and dressed in silence before getting the tube to Primrose Hill for his first job of the day. Primrose Dairy was where John started every day. He donned his smock and got to work delivering the daily milk to houses in the area. It wasn’t easy and though he had a truck he still had to walk miles and lug milk crates on and off the vehicle. He was lucky though. Whilst the world started to stir and the sun came up John spent time thinking. There was no interaction with anyone and he was just alone with his thoughts. Some times that was a blessing but today it was a curse. His mind whirred about the band.He didn’t want to disappoint them. It was what he’d always wanted but it was a risk. He worked two jobs whilst managing a full-time degree as well as being in the band. His parents supported him as much as they could but once he had left home to go to uni he was, as many kids were, on his own. His milkman job covered his rent and basic needs whilst his pub work supplemented his equipment purchases and band expenses. If he gave them up to tour and start focusing on the band who could guarantee there would be any money to maintain them? What if they were a flop? He would hate to leave two perfectly good jobs to come back empty-handed. It was fine for Roger and Fred. They were out of uni and had their own savings and wages from the market stall - a successful one at that, both of them had the gift of the gab after all. If the band did flop the boys would surely pick up where they left off, they may even pursue something better this stall was only to tide them over whilst they shot for stardom. And Brian was technically still a student. His PhD was fully funded with uni accommodation and everything, he could come and go as he pleased.And of course, it wouldn't just be John that would be affected. His wages, combined with Y/N’s, were what kept the flat afloat. Without them, she could and would suffer. But he couldn’t explain that to the boys. They had one focus. And they didn’t have a relationship like he did. Freddie and Mary were together but she had her own place and managed herself. Roger had a new bird every week and Brian was single, for the time being. He didn’t think they’d understand.As John finished his last delivery the sun was up and the street lamps dimmed one by one. There was a smattering of people about now, starting their day, and John smiled at them as he drove by trying to keep negative thoughts at bay. He deposited his truck back at the shop and got the tube back to Knightsbridge so he could attend his first lecture of the morning.
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'You’re late,’ said Freddie as John walked in the door, bass on his back. John mumbled his apologies, not wanting to argue, as he clambered to get up on the small raised platform they were set up upon. This rehearsal space was ‘on loan’ to them by the university. Brian had squared it with one of his favourite physics teachers so that every other day the boys could practice in a lecture hall, as long as it didn’t clash with classes or they didn’t wreck the joint. The first they could manage but the second was usually harder to maintain.‘By a couple of minutes Fred,’ Brian said to Freddie who was stern-faced, ‘like you’ve never been late before.’‘At least I take it seriously,’ Freddie said, ‘thought about it yet Deaky? Or is it not on your list of priorities?’‘Fred,’ John sighed.‘Nah Fred, don’t be too serious you know how John doesn't like that,’ Roger quipped.‘Can we get on please?’ Brian asked irritated and the boys mumbled incoherently and went to their various stations red-faced after being scolded like children. Rehearsal after that was uneventful. John played in near silence and allowed the boys to do most of the decision-making for fear of getting his head bitten off. He daren’t even present the new song he had written earlier that day though he was sure they would have liked it. And though he wanted to defend himself he didn’t let on that the only reason he was late was that he had left his equipment at home instead of the storage locker at the tube station that he usually used because he was short on change. It was Friday and his wages were only due at the end of the week.After about three hours the boys decided to call it quits and started packing up. Mary and Y/N arrived just as they started to load their equipment into Roger’s van which was parked beside the lecture theatre’s emergency exit. They greeted their respective spouses with a quick kiss and then the other boys.‘How was the rehearsal?’ Mary asked from where she was tucked into Freddie’s side. There was a mumbling of ‘okay’s’ and ‘not bad’s’ which caused the girls to share a suspicious glance, ‘Anyway,’ Mary said, ‘we were thinking that we could go for a drink and something to eat, what do you think?’‘Sure,’ Brian said.‘Sound’s perfect,’ Freddie agreed leaning down to kiss her forehead.‘Babe?’ Y/N asked. She had been watching John throughout the conversation, gazing up at him from where she stood next to him holding his hand, watching as unease flickered over his face.‘Actually,’ John said nervously, ‘I don’t think I’m gonna come.’There was a chatter of disapproval and a sea of angry faces and a whisper of, ‘why?’ from Y/N.‘I’ve got uni work to do,’ he lied, ‘sorry guys.’‘Sack it off! It’s Friday night,’ Roger said in disbelief.‘I can’t,’ John said, ‘sorry.’‘Next time,’ Y/N said reaching out and giving Mary a hug who then followed Freddie and Roger who had said nothing and just stomped off angrily into the front of the van leaving only Brian with the couple.‘Mate you don’t make things easy for yourself do you?’ Brian asked with sad eyes.‘Not by choice,’ He murmured before turning and walking off, Y/N hot on his heels.She came up beside him and reached out for his hand which dangled limply by his side. She wanted to hug him but the instrument on his back prevented her from getting too near.‘What was that about?’‘Nothing,’ John mumbled.‘Oh pull the other one, John,’ she said, ‘what’s happened?’‘Just Roger and Freddie being dramatic, it’s nothing.’‘Didn’t sound like nothing,’ she baulked as the two dropped into silence walking back towards home. John was unusually quiet which put her on edge, he was never like this. They walked past the chip shop at the end of their road and Y/N asked, ‘fancy some chips?’‘Nah,’ John said, ‘I’m not hungry,’ he was betrayed by his stomach which growled loudly at the thought of food. It was around 9 pm and he had last eaten around dinner time but he wasn’t sure the handful of change in his pants pocket would stretch to a cone of chips.‘Liar,’ she laughed poking him in the side with the hand that was still entwined in hers, ‘wait here.’John tried to protest but she was inside the shop before he could say anything. He waited against the wall outside until she reappeared, plastic bag in hand and nodded for him to follow her home. Their flat was about 500ft away and they were inside within minutes. John dropped his bass by the door and kicked off his shoes, sitting down on the couch as he had yesterday except for today he was more than physically exhausted and emotionally spent.Y/N placed the bag on their coffee table and unloaded the cartons onto it before nipping to the kitchen to get a fork for both of them. John’s stomach rumbled loudly as the smell hit his nose he opened his portion to find fish and chips awaiting him. Overcome by need he tucked in. John turned on the TV as they ate but Y/N’s attention was only on him. She waited until he was satiated and relaxed before she spoke. He wiped his face and threw the napkin he had into the carrier bag as he lay back against the couch. Y/N set the remnants of her meal down and turned to face him, he sensed her and looked her way with an arched eyebrow, ‘what?’‘No you’re fed and watered I want you to tell me what’s going on and ah-’ she waved a finger to cut off his protests, ‘no pretending you’re okay.’John sighed and wiped his face, his tongue sweeping behind his lower lip in a disgruntled fashion as he said, ‘fine. I’ve just been running flat out for a while. You know, up early for work, lectures all day, band rehearsals, working in the pub - it’s just been hard and it’s not even like the benefits have been great.’‘We’re managing okay,’ she protested.‘We’re managing and that’s when we’re running flat out and then the boys suggested we just pack it all in and up sticks to go on tour-’‘John, sweetheart, that’s great news,’ she tried to say but John waved her off.‘It would be if I could do it but I can’t. I can’t just risk a stable job, two for that matter, and the flat and my bloody degree for something that might not even work. Not to mention if it all goes wrong that you’re affected just as much as I am. I couldn’t do that to you, Y/N. It’s not fair.’‘John,’ she said sadly reaching out to put a hand on his forearm but John just shook his head and pushed her off.‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ he said, ‘I’m gonna go to bed.’He moved off the couch and headed to their room, closing the door behind him. Y/N sighed, feeling tremendously guilty, and got off the couch tidying away the remains of their meals before heading to the bedroom. She changed in the dark and climbed in behind John’s frame which was facing away from the door towards the wall, unmoving. She moved up behind him and wrapped her arm around his slight frame her chin resting in the crook of his neck. His breath was uneasy but he touched her forearm tenderly nevertheless. She pressed a kiss into his neck holding him until he fell into a troubled sleep.
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When Y/N awoke the next day she was alone. It was late morning and she expected John was already up in the living room, he had to go to work early this morning. She strolled out and found it empty. That was odd. He usually came straight back after his early shift and so she wondered where he could have gotten to. They usually spent Saturday mornings and all of Sunday together as it was when John was least busy, even if he was still irate about last night he wouldn’t bail surely. John wasn’t like that.She dressed and scarfed down some cereal before heading out into London. She stopped by the university halls where Brian stayed, as a student ambassador for free accommodation. She could hear him before she saw him. The melody of a song echoed down the hall on the strings of an acoustic guitar. She tapped lightly on the bedroom door and then turned the handle, knowing Brian wouldn’t mind. He was dressed in a pair of pants and nothing else and he was lying on his bed built up against pillows the guitar covering his bare chest. He sat up when she entered.‘Y/N hi,’ he said somewhat surprised, ‘didn’t know you were coming.’‘I wasn’t planning on it I just, you’ve not seen Deaky have you?’‘No sorry, should I have?’‘No, no,’ she said moving to perch on his very cluttered desk, ‘we sort of had crossed words last night about some stuff and he didn’t come back this morning. I’m sure he’s fine.’‘Everything okay?’ Brian asked with a frown.‘Yeah… well no. He’s upset about stuff..’ she trailed off not wanting to betray John’s confidence but thinking he should know. Brian looked at her expectantly and she continued, ‘he’s worried. About the band’‘What about us?’‘I don’t know if you know, or if you do I don’t think you and the boys realise how flat out he is. He works 16 hours a day and manages with the band too. He’s scared of taking a risk and it not working. He doesn’t want to let you down but he doesn’t think he’ll manage money wise and he thinks I won’t be okay if he does.’‘I didn’t know,’ Brian said, ‘I guess you don’t realise he’s still younger than us.’‘I know. I told him to go for it but he told me to butt out. I wondered if you and the boys could talk some sense into him.’‘Well, Roger and Fred weren’t exactly nice when John said he had doubts but they did not know all this other stuff and I’m sure if they did they would understand. They think he was just not serious about the band.’‘This is what John wants! I’m sure of it he’s just being...cautious.’Brian sat up and placed his guitar on his bed before he stood and pulled a T-shirt from the pine chest of drawers opposite her. He slipped it on and then bent to put his shoes on as he said, ‘c’mon. I’ll help you track him down.’The two left and checked everywhere in the university John could have been but found everywhere empty. Brian said, ‘c’mon let’s head to the shop, he might be there.’Y/N doubted it but she followed Brian on the short fifteen-minute walk to Roger and Freddie’s stall.It was busy, after all, it was Saturday morning, with shoppers bustling about the small lanes between stalls. They reached the boy's stall to find Roger perched on a stool, fag in hand, and Freddie towards the back with a young girl both of whom were chatting amorously about the piece of clothing in his hands.‘Alright Bri, Y/N,’ Roger said taking a puff.‘Alright mate, have you seen John?’‘No,’ Roger said somewhat argumentatively, ‘why?’‘Y/N can’t find him and he’s not exactly alright.’‘What do you mean?’ Roger’s face went from annoyed to concerned in a flash. He put his cigarette down on the ashtray and stood up from his stool.‘He’s a mess about letting you lot and me down about this band opportunity. He’s working two jobs and it’s barely covering anything financially and he’s worried about me and what happens if the band doesn’t do well-’ her voice was becoming shriller by the second and she didn’t know just how upset she had become just thinking about how put out John looked last night. Roger looked panicked, hoping she wouldn’t cry, and Freddie left the customer for a minute drifting over at the commotion.‘What’s going on?’ he questioned.‘John’s not doing too well,’ Brian said, ‘apparently there’s more to this spat you’ve been having.’‘What Brian is saying Fred, is that we’ve been a pair of twats,’ Roger sighed.‘What do you mean?’‘I’ll explain on the way,’ Roger said grabbing his coat off the hook by the till ‘c’mon Fred we’re shutting up early. I know where he is.’The park was heaving, given the warm spring weather and the weekend relieving children from their schools. John sat under a tree, in the shade, his notebook and pen in hand as he scribbled new lyrics down hastily the feelings of the past few days overwhelming him so much he just had to get everything out. The group spotted him from across the green but he didn’t see them until they were inside his eye line. He looked up, shielding his eyes from the sun as he did so, surprised to see as many faces as there were.‘What are you doing here?’‘Come to talk some sense into you, you big idiot,’ Freddie said. He sat down first, beside John and the rest of them followed so they were sitting in a circle on the grass.‘What do you mean?’ John questioned.‘Why didn’t you tell us all these problems you had about this recording malarkey?’ Brian asked.‘You dobbed me in?’ John said, looking at Y/N.‘It’s not dobbing you in mate. We need to know these things!’ Roger said.‘Yeah,’ Freddie agreed, ‘We’re family. This band, we’re together no matter what. One of us has a problem, all of us do.’‘That’s not true is it?’ John sighed, ‘You lot don’t have worries like this. You’re out of uni, you’ve got your backup plans, some money in the bank. Me? I had to come and sit in a flamin’ park because I couldn’t afford to go to the pub for christ's sake. So don’t pretend we’re the same.’‘Do you really believe that?’ Brian asked, ‘mate, we can’t help you if we don’t know there’s a problem, can we?’‘Yeah,’ Roger said.‘That’s why,’ Freddie said looking around at the group, ‘we’ve been thinking.’‘What about?’ John said.‘You. We’ve got a solution. If you’d stop pouting for long enough so that we can tell you it.’John rolled his eyes and then made an exaggerated face to signal that they could go ahead.‘Right so, this recording session helps us make an album and the guy I know that will let us use the space said they can get us a spot on every university campus and student hotspot across the UK whilst we get the recording out to labels. You can’t just pack up and leave we get that but Y/N rung the pub and the dairy this morning about perhaps a suspended job for 6 weeks. They keep your job on hold for a six-week period and if it looks like it’s going to flop you go back with no hardship or moaning from the band,’ Brian explained looking directly at Freddie and Roger with a warning eye.‘But that-’ John interrupted though he was cut off by Freddie.‘Doesn’t deal with your rent situation? We know. Luckily, Mary is looking for a roommate as of the end of the month and Y/N said she doesn’t mind leaving your flat and moving in there.’‘The rents cheaper and me and Mary can bitch about you boys face to face instead of on the phone so it’s ideal,’ she smiled at him encouragingly.‘The only thing left to sort is uni and you’ve pretty much aced that all the way through,’ Roger chuckled, ‘all we have to do is wait till you finish this semester and-‘‘And you’ve thought of everything haven’t you?’ John said with a smile.‘Deaky,’ Brian said, ‘we want to do this. But we don’t want to do it without you.’‘We just thought you didn’t care, not all this other stuff,’ Freddie said.‘I want to do this with you guys too. And it’s nice to know that the only reason you two were such stroppy prats is that you loooove me so much,’ he joked.‘We can still axe you from this thing you muppet,’ Roger warned making the group laugh.‘C’mon,’ Fred said standing up and dusting off his trousers, ‘I’ll even buy you a pint I’m so happy you agreed.’‘Now that is true love,’ John laughed.