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Bulma tapped her glass against the table. “I hereby call to order the twentieth bimonthly meeting of the Council of Human Women Dealing with Saiyan Bullshit. I'd like to welcome Raditz who has graciously agreed to spend part of his only day on Earth helping us to put some old standing arguments to rest.”
“Keep serving me alcohol for breakfast and I'll tell you whatever you want. This is the best interrogation I've ever experienced.”
“It's not breakfast. It's brunch,” Videl reminded him. “You're allowed to drink at brunch.”
“Then I love brunch. Look at this drink! There's bacon in it!”
“Okay, first order of business. Chichi, it's your question, hit him with it.”
Chichi cleared her throat, her two Mimosas helping her get over the embarrassment. “Okay. Saiyan sex drives. Goku has one, but it's… less active. I have to get him started, then he cares. He only approaches me on a blue moon. Vegeta on the other hand--”
“Total horndog,” Bulma finished. “Explain. Which one of them is weird?”
Raditz took a long drink from his Bloody Mary and called for another one. “Kakarot's the weird one.”
“I knew it!” Bulma yelled while Chichi snapped her fingers.
“Saiyans have appetites. Bloodshed, buffets, and booty. A day with all three is a
damn good day
,” he said, winking at the woman setting his fourth drink in front of him. She blushed a little and left quickly. “Must be Kakarot's brain damage.”
Chichi sighed. “Figures. Two full-blooded living Saiyans left and I get the defective one.”
“Gohan falls more toward--”
“Wait!” Chichi called. “You're not allowed to talk about my son's sex life until I am at least three drinks in.” She grabbed her Mimosa and downed it quickly, then paused a long moment. “Okay, go.”
Videl laughed. “He falls more towards the Vegeta end of the spectrum. Not at first, admittedly, but once he got over the embarrassment he was all over me for like a month. Things calmed down some after that but he definitely seems to be way more interested than Goku. Sorry, Chichi.”
Chichi crossed her arms. “Whatever, ladies. We already compared sizes months ago, and I win there.”
“It runs in the family,” Raditz said, stretching.
Bulma tapped her glass again. “Okay, next question. This has been a long standing debate. What's the purpose of tails in sex and are they worth it?”
“Don't any of them still have one? I know the half-breed was born with one, too,” he said, swishing his own tail behind him protectively.
“Nope. All gone.”
“Bummer. Yeah, you're missing out.”
“I'm not paying to feed a Saiyan brunch for vague promises,” Bulma said, leaning back. “Details.”
“First off, they're sensitive as fuck. Well, not as much as a dick, but like… just shy of that. As long as they're a little horny beforehand, rubbing that tail will make ‘em putty in your hands. Secondly, they're strong. I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say they usually like to hold you down with one hand?”
“Yep,” Bulma nodded. “He does.”
“Goku too,” Chichi agreed.
“Same here,” Videl said, earning a shiver from Gohan's mother.
“That's normal. Sex for Saiyans could break out into a fight at any time, so you hold them down to make sure you get to keep going. Problem is, they have to use a hand to do it. If they had a tail to stop you from moving, that frees up a whole second hand for other things.”
Bulma tapped the glass. “Official motion to wish all their tails back.”
“Seconded,” Videl said.
“I am nervous but on board,” Chichi announced.
“I will get the dragon radar and get started… tomorrow,” Bulma decreed. “I'm already to little too tipsy for an adventure today, and I'm not planning on stopping.”
“Can I make a motion?” Raditz asked.
“I'll allow it.”
“I motion the second wish is to bring Uncle Raditz back to life? There's no brunch in hell.”
“Seconded,” Chichi said cautiously, “but if you ever steal one of my babies again I will kill you.”
“Aw, come on. I bet Piccolo doesn't have to deal with this, and he kidnapped him too.”
“You'd be surprised. Piccolos paid for his transgressions, too,” Chichi warned him.
“She hit him with a frying pan,” Videl nodded. “At our wedding.”
“I waited until pictures were over. I forgive. I do not forget.”
“Yes, Ma'am.”
“Okay, next order of business,” Bulma announced. “Who thinks they can win the kinkiest sex award for the month?”
Raditz snorted. “There's an award? Can I compete?”
“Having much sex in hell?”
He glanced back toward the waitress. “Give me an hour and ask again.”
“I think I win this month,” Videl said, a little sheepish.
Bulma pulled out a notebook and a pen. “Give me details and I'll rack up your points.”
She nodded. “Okay, in public.”
“There's a point,” Bulma nodded.
“In a closet. At his work.”
“Two points.”
“Clothes stayed more than 50 percent on. Also, no protection.”
“Two more. Are you guys trying to get pregnant again?”
“No,” she shrugged with a blush. “We just didn't have any on us and didn't want to wait.”
“I need more alcohol,” Chichi announced loudly. “And more pancakes.”
“Five points. Not bad, Videl. I still win. Public oral for her, one point. At my work, clothes mostly on, two points. He was under my desk, one point. Then two people walked in the room to speak with me and couldn't tell he was under there. He didn't stop. Do we even have a point system in place for that?”
Chichi and Videl conferred. “Two points combined.”
“So six altogether. So, for the third meeting in a row--”
“Nope. Not this time,” Chichi smirked. “
I
win.”
They gawked at her. She'd never won before.
Bulma got her pencil ready. “Spill.”
“At
someone else's
house. Against the wall. No protection. Simultaneous orgasms. Caught red handed. Didn't stop.”
Bulma laughed incredulously. “Caught in the act is two points on it's own. You're at seven. I'm going to call bullshit unless I hear who caught you.”
Chichi blushed deeply but shrugged. “Fine. Krillin caught us. We were at Kame House.”
They stared at her.
“They needed us to babysit Marron. She and Goten were both asleep, there was no one else around for the night, one thing led to another in the living room. Then Krillin came back because he forgot his wallet and walked right in the front door. I swear to Dende, Goku didn't even
slow down
. He just muttered, “Sorry, Krillin” over his shoulder. Guy ran outta there like he'd been burned. Hasn't said a word about it since.”
They laughed loudly.
Raditz snorted. “Ah, I love this.”
“Motion to bring Raditz with us to the spa after brunch?” Videl proposed.
“Seconded,” Chichi and Bulma announced.
“Sweet,” he nodded, closing his eyes. “This meeting is way more fun that the monthly one the guys have to talk about you.”
The table went silent and Raditz looked up to see the confused faces of three very concerned women.
Bulma cleared her throat. “I'm sorry, their
what
now?”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Gohan really thought he got away with it, so he let his guard down. That was his big mistake. When the front desk buzzed his office and told him he had a ‘meeting’, he just assumed it was with colleagues he had forgotten about. He'd told the receptionist to send them right up, apologizing for the lack of notice. The fool.
Vegeta walked into his office with Goku not far behind, both carrying boxes of pizza and a case of beer each. Krillin came trailing after them with his arms crossed, sitting in a chair across from Gohan and saying nothing.
“Not a terrible place to work. Bulma's office is bigger,” the prince muttered, making himself comfortable.
Gohan went pale. “Um… I thought I told you guys I couldn't do this today? Remember, super busy at work, so I have to rush right through lunch.”
“Which is why we are here instead of the usual bar where we belong,” Vegeta said, dropping the case heavily onto his overcrowded desk.
“We didn't want to leave you out,” Goku smiled warmly, plopping into a small chair that bowed under his weight.
Gohan rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Guys. I
hate
this. I keep telling you, I
hate
this. Please, let's just skip it. Can't you two just have your monthly meeting together?”
“We tried that last month, it did not end well,” Goku said, rubbing the back of his head.
“I know. We got the bill for that table you broke.”
“Vegeta broke it.”
“You pissed me off. The point is, we need a moderator and someone to answer our questions about Earth. Neither of us are qualified.”
“What about Krillin? Krillin's here for some reason, he could answer questions.”
“I'm not answering anything,” Krillin grumbled, staring at the floor. “I'm here to lodge a complaint with The Club.”
“It's on the agenda,” Vegeta said, waving him off. “I motion to open today's meeting of The Club For Confused Saiyans Trying To Understand Their Earth Women.”
“Seconded,” Goku nodded.
Gohan groaned.
Vegeta looked around, suddenly noticing an empty spot. “Kakarot, where is your brother?”
Goku shrugged. “I lost him.”
“You lost him? You only had to keep track of him for twenty-four hours!”
“I told him we were meeting. He said he'd think about because he had another offer. Something about 'runch’.”
“What's runch?”
“No idea, it's just what he said.”
Vegeta rolled his eyes. “ He probably found some skirt to chase. He wouldn't be helpful anyway. Okay, first item on the agenda: Bulma's pissed at me.”
“Shocking,” Gohan muttered, leaning into his hand.
“It doesn't make any sense this time! So she's always nagging me about being more romantic, right? There's this asshole shareholder at Capsule Corp she's been complaining about for weeks. He interrupts her, calls her out, he's just a general dickhead. I see the perfect opportunity to have some fun and get her off my back about being romantic all in one swoop. I go to the guy’s office after hours, haul him up by his neck, and inform him that if he pisses my wife off again, I'll rip out his entrails.”
“Aw,” Goku said. “You big softie.”
“Right?! So I go home expecting some ‘thank you’ sex and instead she yells at
me
.”
Goku frowns. “What, why?”
“Exactly! The man is too terrified to look at her, I solved the problem.”
Gohan muttered something against the desk.
“Speak up, Boy.”
“She doesn't want you to fix it! When women complain about someone they don't want you to fix it, they just want you listen.”
“How do you know?”
“Videl told me that. Like, imagine you were about to fight a huge rival-- you know what, Dad. Vegeta, imagine you're about to fight Dad at a tournament and you mention being slightly unsure you can defeat him. So Bulma goes up to him and tells him to go easy on you. Are you happy?”
“Fuck no! Also the premise is ridiculous, I would never--”
“That's just what it'd be like. She wants to deal with her problems on her own. Just listen and agree.”
“Okay, it's my turn,” Goku said.
“Please no,” his son said.
“Chichi wants me to start wearing condoms, but I hate them so much--”
“Dad!”
“They're suffocating! She says she hates the pills because they make her gain weight, which is silly because they don't and even if they did I like when her hips are a little wider--”
“Alcohol. Please,” Gohan said. Vegeta was already opening the case, handing him one as they dug into the pizza.
“You know we only bring the damn alcohol for you,” Vegeta grumbled. “I don't see why a Saiyan is so squeamish about sex.”
“She’s my
mother
.”
“Did you not know they were fucking? Where do you think you came from?”
Gohan shivered, drinking the beer quickly and opening a second.
“Does Videl make you wear condoms?”
Gohan grimaced. “I… yes. Okay? I wear condoms.”
“How do you stand it?”
“Are you buying the right size?”
“There's sizes?”
“Dad, like I say to you every month, if you don't understand something just
Google it.
”
“I hate the computer. Can't you just tell me which ones to buy?”
“They say XL. Just… here, I'm ordering them in bulk online and I'll have them shipped to the house.
Don't
let Goten see them. One of us should avoid mental scarring.”
“Cool. Your turn Vegeta.”
“What is pegging?”
Gohan spit out his beer, having the foresight to aim away from his keyboard as he sputtered. “
What
?”
“The Woman said she wants to try it and I did not want to admit ignorance so I told her I'd think about it. What is it?”
“
. Please, learn to use a computer. Your wife runs the highest tech company in the world!”
“That damn box has nothing to teach me! Except this. Do you know or not?”
“Screw it, we're using Google anyway,” Gohan said, typing the search term into his computer and spinning the monitor around to show them. The Saiyans and Krillin looked it over a moment.
Vegeta tilted his head. “She wants me to fuck her with a fake dick? Why? I have a perfectly usable-- OH GREAT GALAXY THOSE ARE ALL MEN.”
“You asked, Dude.”
“Is she
insane
?”
“Clearly,” Gohan sighed, drinking his third beer and wondering how messed up his workload would be if he just went home for the day.
“Krillin, you're being awfully quiet,” Goku said tuning to look at his friend who refused to meet his eye.
“Is it time?” Krillin asked.
“Fine,” Vegeta mumbled, waving his hand. “Make your complaint.”
“I move that The Club forbid its members from
having sex in my house
!”
“I said I was sorry,” Goku rolled his eyes.
Gohan dropped his beer. “You did what?”
“It doesn't count as an apology if you are still
actively doing the messed up thing
when you say it. You just kept right on banging Chichi against the wall--”
Gohan yelled and covered his ears.
“--we had to
burn
those curtains, Goku. What were you thinking?”
Goku laughed apologetically. “You know, you get past a certain point and you're like, forget it, I'm cumming one way or another. Besides, Chichi was close too. Honestly I think she liked being caught a little bit 'cause it was only like twenty seconds after that--”
“Everyone out! Everyone here is banned from my office!”
“Oh, calm down--”
“No! I mean it! My lunch break is over anyway, and I'm slightly drunk. Please, let's adjourn.”
“Very well,” Vegeta rolled his eyes. “I second adjournment.”
They filed out, taking rest of the food with them. Gohan dropped his head into his hands trying to shake off a mental image that would haunt him for years.
His phone buzzed and quickly opened the text from Videl.
Your mom won.
He shivered.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Bulma officiated as always. “I hereby call the Council of Human Women Dealing with Saiyan Bullshit to order, and I move our first order of business is to change our name. From now on we shall be the Council of Wives of Pig-headed Z Fighters Plus Raditz.”
“‘Plus Raditz’ seconds that,” the recently revived Saiyan said, raising his mostly empty glass.
They probably wouldn't have bothered to change the name, but they didn't want Eighteen to feel left out. She sat leaned back in her chair, observing the group guardedly while she sipped the drink they'd ordered her.
“What exactly do you do here?” She asked, swirling the drink.
Videl shrugged. “Complain, compare, get tips and advice. Drink.”
“And Raditz is here because…?”
“I'm a goddamn traitor to my species and I'm willing to give away secrets of our biology for Bloody Marys and spa treatments. Look at my hair! They shampooed the whole thing last time. Do you know how
long
that takes on your own?”
“Speaking of Raditz's advice,” Bulma said, “that's our first order of business. It has been ten days since the men all got their tails back, and we need to give reports. Vegeta was fucking
thrilled
. Don't ask him about it because of course he's got to grumble about us 'meddling’, but don't be fooled. Literally two hours later he
begged
me to give him a blowjob while I rubbed his tail.”
Raditz shivered. “Hell yeah, those are the best.”
“He said he'd missed them,” she chuckled.
Raditz popped the straw out of his mouth. “Hold up, what do you mean 'missed them’? We're talking about
Vegeta
, here?”
She blinked. “Duh. Why?”
“I, Raditz, who spent almost my entire childhood with Vegeta, hereby swear on my empty grave that he had
never
had a blowjob with his tail until ten days ago.”
She scoffed. “Are you sure?”
“He was one hundred percent definitely a virgin when they got to Earth.”
Her mouth dropped open. “You're kidding me.”
“Did he ever say he'd been with anyone else.”
“Well, no… but he didn't say he hadn't either. I just assumed he was keeping his history to himself to be respectful.”
“I was shocked when I came back and found out he was married. Killing a bunch of women he was fine with, but flirting? Not a chance in hell. Glad to see he's getting some.”
“Goku was less enthusiastic,” Chichi said a little sloppily. She'd been drinking a little faster than the others, wanting to be pretty far gone by the time they started to talk about Gohan. “He didn't lose his tail after all, he removed it on purpose. He saw it grew back and just pulled out a knife to cut it right off.”
“Oh gods, did you stop him?” Videl asked.
“Yeah, just in time. I told him we did it on purpose. He was mainly confused, but to be honest a little annoyed too, and that's rare. He told me Kami told him he wasn't supposed to have a tail, and his grandfather told him it was a weakness. I reminded him the whole point of removing the tail was because he didn't know he turned into a giant ape at the full moon back then, but now he knows about it and he can control it better. I tried to touch it and he flinched away; he only has memories of it hurting.”
Raditz sighed. “My own brother. Doesn't know what he's got. Poor dumb bastard.”
“I convinced him. When Goten went to school Goku took a shower and I joined him. He knows that usually leads to sex, so he was on board. So when I had him distracted rubbing him down with soap I started in on the tail. He panicked for about two seconds, then he straight up melted. He's not conflicted about keeping it anymore.”
“Are you drunk enough for me to talk about Gohan?” Videl asked her mother-in-law.
“Oh I'm
gone
, Dear, go for it.”
“He hurt himself. His tail grows back out of nowhere, he thinks, and his first instinct is to study it. He looked at it for a while, swished it around, and then pulled three hairs out of the end to test them.”
Raditz winced sympathetically.
“He screamed like he'd been stabbed. Poor guy. I didn't want to try anything with it so sore, so I thought I'd give it a few days. But when I woke up the next morning I noticed his tail was… wandering. He was essentially laying there watching me while he groped me with it. I asked him what he was doing and he just shrugged and said 'experiments’.”
“That's my nephew,” Raditz said proudly. “Smart guy.”
“Thank you,” Chichi mumbled, resting against her hand with her eyes drooping, “but I didn't teach him that.”
“Why am I here?” Eighteen asked curiously. She didn't mind tagging along, it was free food and something to do besides just hanging out with her daughter, but the thought had been bugging her. “I'm not married to a Saiyan. Krillin doesn't have a tail.”
The other ladies looked at each other. Bulma cleared her throat. “We wanted to talk to you because we heard a rumor--”
“Not a rumor, a solid Raditz-given fact. And Eighteen if you're interested in seeing what a tail can do I could help there--”
“Bad Raditz,” Bulma said, slapping his shoulder. “Down, Boy. Or else no spa today.”
“Maybe we should get him fixed,” Videl snorted.
“Raditz told us he saw Krillin naked when the guys were changing and he was… equipped. Like, ‘maybe Goku is no longer the reigning champion’, equipped.”
“I called bull,” Chichi announced. “I accidentally walked in on him once when he was using our bathroom. It looked perfectly proportional to me.”
“I know a grower when I see one,” Raditz insisted.
“So we need your help to settle this. Is Krillin bigger than Goku or not?”
Eighteen laughed. “Well, how big is Goku?”
Bulma handed Chichi a napkin with an official swish, and she wrote a number down on it. She slid it dramatically across the table to the android. Eighteen examined it a moment and then smirked, taking the pen and writing down her own number before holding it up to show the table.
Bulma broke the silence first. “No fucking way.”
Raditz laughed. “Told you so.”
“No, I refuse to believe it,” Chichi shook her head. “There's no way a man that small could manage that. There's simply not enough blood in his tiny body, he'd pass out everytime he got excited.”
"He didn't grow up, he grew out," Eighteen pulled out her cell phone and swiped a few times, then held a picture up for them.
Videl spit out her Mimosa and Bulma dropped her fork. “
Holy shit Eighteen
! Why do you have a picture of Krillin's dick on your phone?”
Eighteen snorted. “Do you
not
have one of Vegeta?”
“Uh, no,” Bulma said, a slight blush running up her neck.
Eighteen chuckled. “Aw, you guys are cute.”
“You should hear their definition of kinky,” Raditz grinned. “They basically just mean ‘sex in a random place’.”
“A place like my living room, I hear. You don't use bondage? Costumes? Role playing?”
“I like this woman,” Raditz announced.
Videl laughed nervously. “I don't think Gohan would like that.”
“Goku's too innocent,” Chichi said, shrugging.
“They're men. Have any of you tried?”
They shook their heads.
Eighteen cracked her knuckles. “We're going to need some notebook paper, ladies. You're going to want to write this down.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Raditz leaned against the table with a bored expression painted across his face. Goku frowned as he shoved another boneless chicken wing into his mouth. “Something wrong with your drink, Raditz?”
The Saiyan huffed. “Yeah. There's no bacon in it.
“Bacon?” Gohan asked.
“Yes, bacon. No bloody marys, no mimosas, no flowers on the table, no stacks of pancakes with the white powdered sugar sprinkled over hot syrup… bars suck.”
Vegeta tapped the table. “This is how men drink on Earth, Raditz.”
“Then I feel sorry for all of you. None of you understand how good life can be.”
Vegeta flinched suddenly. “Kakarot, you hit me with your tail again!”
“Whoops,” Goku shrugged, grabbing his tail to stop it from moving. “Sorry. I'm not great at controlling it anymore. It's been a long time since I had one, and I was a lot smaller then.”
“That's why you're supposed to wrap it around yourself,” Vegeta sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “That, and it's polite. You look like a child that hasn't grasped the necessity of wearing pants in public.”
“I'm
sorry
,” he repeated, manually wrapping the appendage around his waist with his hands. “It's hard to keep still.”
“It's not that bad,” Gohan shrugged, examining his own tail that he kept firmly wrapped. “I've been experimenting with it a lot though, doing exercises to make sure it doesn't hurt when it gets pulled.”
“The way I hear it that's not the only kind of experimenting you've done with it,” Raditz snickered.
Gohan blushed deeply. “I don't know what you're talking about.”
“What part of 'your wives tell me everything’ still eludes you guys?”
“He's bluffing,” Vegeta said flippantly to Gohan. “He knows nothing.”
Raditz sat up straighter. “Last week you got a blowjob in the Gravity Room and had a mild heart attack when Trunks knocked on the door wanting to train.”
Vegeta choked on his bourbon, setting it down on the table with a loud clack. “What the
hell
? How dare she!”
“Dude, I told you, all bets are off when it comes to girl talk.”
“You are
not a woman
, Raditz.”
“Whatever, I know how to stick with a winning team when I see one. My loyalties lie with the ones who feed me and get me drunk before noon. Have you ever even
been
to a spa, Vegeta? Do you know what a seaweed wrap is?
I do
.”
“Traitor.”
“Videl doesn't actually talk about that stuff though, right?” Gohan asked. “With my mom around, I mean?”
Raditz smiled at him apologetically. “We get her plastered first, if that helps.”
He shivered and took another swig of his beer.
The door to the bar flew open, and a very confused Krillin walked in. He caught sight of the group and ran over, catching a few stares from other patrons.
“Goku? What happened?”
Goku blinked at him. “What?"
The man held up his phone. “You texted me. SOS? Life and death situation? Get here
now
?”
Goku shrugged. “I didn't send that.”
“I did,” Vegeta said, “when you went to the bathroom. We wanted Krillin here. Now Krillin is here. You're all welcome.”
Krillin groaned. “You
asshole
. Why would you--”
“You're the idiot for thinking Kakarot could send three perfectly written texts on his own. The man barely knows how to call people in his contacts.”
Krillin sighed. “Yeah. I did think that was kind of suspicious. What do you want with me?”
“Sit down, it's about time we start this meeting.” Vegeta said, tapping his glass. “I motion to open today's meeting of The Club For Confused Saiyans Trying To Understand Their Earth Women.”
“Seconded,” Gohan sighed.
“Gohan?” Krillin asked, taking the empty chair. “You're here voluntarily?”
“If it's mental scarring in a bar or mental scarring in my office, this is the lesser of two evils.”
“I'm not a Saiyan,” he reminded them. “I only came last time to complain about Goku.”
“We need you here for information,” Vegeta said solemnly.
“More like
interrogation
. That's why I'm here, too.” Raditz grumbled. “We're in trouble.”
“In trouble for what?”
“We'll get to that,” Vegeta snapped. “First order of business… tails. We have tails again. Raditz, explain. What the
hell
were you thinking?”
“You assume it was me?”
“We've never had them wished back before. You start hanging out with our wives for
some damn reason,
and now we do. Don't try to feign innocence with us.”
He shrugged. “You're welcome.”
“Videl did this on
purpose
?” Gohan asked with wide eyes. “Why?”
Raditz smirked. “Gohan, did you or did you not use your tail to hold Videl's arms to her sides while you had her bent over the bed?”
Gohan's blushed deepened while Goku's eyes went wide. “Woah. I hadn't even thought about that. That could be fun if--”
“Dad,
please
,” Gohan begged.
“That's why. The ladies wanted some Saiyan fun, and they got it. Are any of you really complaining about them?”
“Some
warning
would have been nice,” Vegeta grumbled. “It's not my old one, it's completely new. I know because it's as weak as a child's. I've had to add daily exercises to stop it from being a liability.”
“Let me translate,” Raditz said. “Oh, Raditz, thank you
so
much for improving our sex lives with our hot human wives, even though it gets you nothing but the joy of seeing our happy faces.”
Goku shrugged. “Well, I like it. As long as it doesn't hurt, it's kind of nice to have a tail again.”
Raditz thumped the table. “See? Kakarot gets it.”
Vegeta rolled his eyes. “Next order of business.” He turned his steely gaze onto Krillin and the man gulped. “What the
hell
has your wife been telling our wives?”
Krillin blushed, knowing exactly what he meant. “Uh, I have no idea what you're talking about.”
Raditz laughed loudly, clapping Krillin on the back. “Are we finally talking about this? I thought I'd have to wait a few more days until the ladies got together to get the report.”
“Of
course
you knew about this,” Vegeta growled at the Saiyan. “We're done with you. You can leave.”
“I'm not missing this part for anything,” Raditz grinned. “Come on, who got what? I know for a fact there has been bondage, costumes, and role playing in your recent pasts.”
“This is your fault, Krillin,” Gohan muttered.
“My fault?” Krillin asked, still red in the face. “What do you mean?”
Vegeta nodded. “Eighteen put… ideas in their heads, and we've been dealing with the aftermath. If you weren't such a pervert--”
“Come on,” Raditz said, bouncing in his seat. “Who got what assignment?”
The three Saiyans looked down awkwardly. There was a long silence. Gohan broke first.
“I couldn't help myself,” he sighed, setting his head against the table.
Raditz clapped. “She used the Saiyagirl costume, right?”
“Yes,” he mumbled. “I came home and she was already wearing it, and she told me to put mine on because we had somewhere we needed to be, and then that somewhere ended up being the bedroom… I can't even wear my suit anymore without getting distracted.”
“The less you're in that suit, the better,” Vegeta winced. “That's nothing. The Woman wants to roleplay Namek.
Namek.
There was nothing remotely sexy about that planet. I've held her at bay for the last week but… I'm weakening.”
“What's
wrong
with you guys?” Raditz shook his head. “So your wives got kinkier.
Enjoy
it. That leaves Kakarot with bondage and power stuff, right? Did Chichi let you tie her up?”
Goku shook his head, sipping at his beer.
Raditz stared at him. “Was Chichi…
not
the one tied up?”
“I was afraid I'd hurt her,” Goku said, looking uncharacteristically bashful. “She couldn't hurt me if she tried, so…”
“My own brother, a secret sub. Beautiful. Holy
shit
I can't wait for the women's reports.”
“You need to fix this, Krillin,” Vegeta snapped.
Krillin held up his hands. “Hey, I'm with Raditz on this one. What's the downside, here? Yes, okay, I've done some weird stuff in bed with my
wife,
not that's it's any of your business. Maybe the girls wanted some more options. Why not embrace it?”
“We are
warriors
,” Vegeta spat. “Not costumed actors. Or whatever the hell Kakarot did.”
“There were whips,” Goku said quietly.
Gohan cleared his throat. “I mean… I didn't
hate
it.”
Vegeta narrowed his eyes. “Seriously?”
“It was… okay, it was
really
fun. I love being Saiyaman. I just never thought about doing it in bed before. I was freaked out for a while because I didn't know where she'd gotten the idea, but… I wouldn't say no to doing it again.”
Vegeta scoffed. “Can you believe your son, Kakarot?”
“I loved it.”
“
What
?”
“I said I
loved
it. It's kind of hard to admit because I'm
way
stronger than Chichi, but it was… exciting. I'm always the strongest guy in the room--”
“Debatable.”
“-- but I didn't have to worry about that at the time. We
may
have done it more than once already.’
“You are both poor excuses for Saiyans.”
“Didn't you just say you were weakening?” Gohan asked. “Just when are you planning to give in?”
Vegeta grumbled. “That's why Krillin is here. So he can talk sense into his wife who can talk sense into
mine
.”
“You're giving up tonight, aren't you?” Gohan asked.
“It's been a
week.
Do you know how long it's been since I went a week without sex? I do, because I was in the fucking Hyperbolic Time Chamber.”
“Just do it, Vegeta,” Krillin said. “Eighteen and I have roleplayed the first time we met, too. It's fun,
and
you get sex. It's a win-win. Now, forget interrogation. If anything, it looks like all of you owe Raditz and me free drinks.”
“But not here,” Raditz winced. “Let's go somewhere where they know how to make a fucking pancake.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Bulma laughed, leaning back against the rim of the large hot tub. “Seriously? He was into it?”
“I swear, I was just as surprised as you,” Chichi giggled. “I did
not
think he would be the one tied up.”
“He told us he didn't want to hurt you,” Raditz said lazily. His head leaned back over the side of the tub where two brave and blushing women were working on rubbing conditioner into his massive hair.
Chichi snorted. “Oh, please. I
suggested
we try ropes and his hands were behind his back in a second. I have no idea how long he's been waiting to try that.”
“Goku?” Videl asked incredulously. “That's hard to believe.”
“Not really,” Eighteen shrugged, sipping her maitai. “That's what power play is all about. People who normally have the power want to lose it for a while and people who have less of it want a taste. Krillin's always in charge when we pull out the handcuffs.”
“Oh my gods!” Raditz exclaimed suddenly, making them jump. “Is there like a special school that teaches you guys about magic fingers, or were you just born with this talent?”
The women working his scalp giggled, but Bulma splashed him. “Down, Boy.”
“Oh, come on,” he grinned, “we sip drinks and talk about all your sex lives once every few weeks. Doesn't Raditz get any? All this kinky stuff is getting to me.”
“I know for a fact you've dated since you got back,” Chichi said.
“That was
weeks
ago,” he whined. “There's a reason Saiyans mate for life; we need regular sex. Well, all of us except Kakarot, apparently.”
“That's changed a little,” Chichi muttered.
“Whatever. I'm horny. Bulma, imagine Vegeta going five weeks without sex, now that he's had a taste.”
She winced. “He
might
destroy the Earth.”
“Exactly. My only solace is having inside information. Now tell me what Vegeta thought about Namek.”
Bulma laughed. “It was worth the wait. When he came home--” There was a commotion outside; a few loud thuds and a loud voice they couldn't quite make out. Bulma sighed. “I'd know that tantrum anywhere.”
“--to see my own wife!” Vegeta mumbled, pushing open the doors to their private room and striding inside. “Woman! Stop what you're doing!"
Bulma didn't even look up from her drink. “What am I ‘doing’?”
“Talking, I'm sure,” he said, crossing his arms. Goku came wandering in behind him eating shrimp, followed by an apologetic looking Gohan.
“Kakarot what are you eating?
How
are you eating?”
“They've got a whole buffet out there,” Goku said with his mouth full, pointing towards the reception hall.
“You don't eat during negotiations.”
“You can drink though, right?” Raditz asked, shaking his glass.
Bulma narrowed her eyes at him. “Raditz, why are they here?”
He shrugged. “I don't know. They didn't bring this up at the last meeting.”
“We had a meeting without you, Traitor.”
Raditz put a hand to his chest and pretended to be offended. “That hurts, Vegeta. I'm no traitor. I've been very clear since the beginning where my allegiances lie. They're just not with you. I didn't invite them, Ladies. I don't know how the hell they knew where to find us. It's not my fault.”
“You yelled ‘pancakes’ when you left this morning,” Goku reminded him. “We just followed your ki to the restaurant, and they told us you'd be here.”
“Oh. Yeah, that sounds like my fault.”
“I told you yesterday, Vegeta,” Bulma huffed. “No husbands allowed on brunch days. This is the time we need to complain about all of you. Go away.”
“Do you complain about me, Videl?” Gohan asked, frowning a little. “Did I do something?”
“No, Honey, I'm here for the food and a free spa day,” she smiled sweetly, if a bit unconvincingly.
“Where's Krillin?” Eighteen asked.
“Keep track of your own damn husband.”
She rolled her eyes. “I just mean I thought he was part of your little troop now. Why not bring him?”
“Krillin said, ‘deal with your own wives, mine's perfect’,” Goku reported.
“So that's what we're doing,” Vegeta agreed solemnly. “This oversharing of our personal business needs to stop.”
“What is this, a coup?” Bulma asked.
“No, that would imply you have any power in this situation at all, Woman.”
“And you think Gohan and Goku are going to be on your side of this instead of their wives?” She asked, smirking.
Gohan shifted uncomfortably, eyes on Videl. “You don't actually talk about… private stuff, right?” He blushed. “Around Mom?”
Videl laughed nervously. “Hey, Gohan, why don't you come get into the hot tub with us? They have spare suits, and I'm sure Bulma wouldn't mind another on the bill, would you Bulma?”
“Not at all,” Bulma smiled slyly, shaking a drink at Gohan. “Come on it, we'll get you a full treatment.”
“Don't fall for it, Boy,” Vegeta warned him. “They're sirens. Look what they've done to Raditz. They want to cut our numbers.”
“Um, Raditz is fine,” Raditz called. “Just hoping for another mimosa maybe?” he grinned at one of the women working through his hair and she nodded, taking the empty. “This place is heaven, Gohan.”
Gohan looked back and forth between his club and his wife, shrugging. “Sorry, Vegeta. Sorry, Dad.”
The ladies cheered and Raditz held up his new glass as Gohan quickly changed and got in the water with them.
Vegeta crossed his arms. “Kakarot, that's your son. Aren't you going to say anything?”
“Huh? Oh,” Goku blinked, looking up from his shrimp. He gave his son a thumbs up. “Uh, good job Gohan, keep your wife happy.”
“He just defected to the other side!”
“Oh. Well, it's not like a
real
battle, Vegeta.”
“The hell it's not! We are fighting for our right to privacy here! Do you want Chichi telling everyone what you like in bed? It's embarrassing!”
Goku shrugged. “I mean, I don't really get embarrassed very easy…”
“Oh, Goookuuu,” Chichi called, waving her fingers at him.
“Don't listen to her Kakarot, you're weak!”
“Did you know they will bring you food right to the hot tub here?”
Goku's eyes went wide. “Really?”
“Yep. And the buffet isn't the only option. There's a
menu
.”
Goku bit his lip and Vegeta growled in warning.
“Plus, if you give this up now and let me talk about whatever I want without protest, then tonight we'll pull the ropes back out and--”
“Bye, Vegeta,” Goku said quickly, running to Chichi.
“You spineless goddamn jellyfish!”
“Your revolt is looking a little weak, Vegeta,” Bulma laughed. “Not that you ever stood a chance. We know your weaknesses.”
“I don't have a weakness.”
“They'll massage your tail.”
He paused. “What?”
“It's true, Man,” Raditz grinned, popping his tail out of the water. “And after we finish soaking they blowdry it, too.”
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “This conversation is not over. Some things should be kept private.”
“Why?” Bulma asked. “It's not like you have anything to be ashamed of in that department. Nine meetings out of ten we win the kinkiest sex award. We
definitely
do it the most often. Except for maybe Krillin and Eighteen, they're freaks. No offense.”
“None taken,” Eighteen smirked.
Vegeta paused again. “It's a competition?”
“Yeah, and you're winning. Just get in the tub,” she insisted.
Vegeta looked over the other three men soaking luxuriously and rolled his eyes. He stepped behind a screen, quickly changing. “Kakarot, save half of that menu for me! I know damn well you'll deplete the kitchen's stock and I'm hungry. Besides, I assume we are footing the bill for all of this anyway--”
“Oh, are
we
paying?” Bulma asked. “I didn't realize you were getting paid to punch things now.”
“Shut up,” he mumbled, easing into the water next to her.
“Fantastic battle boys, really,” Raditz said, holding out his glass. “All of you caved in ten minutes. Now can we focus on what's important?”
Gohan was sipping out of Videl's drink, but he pulled back and frowned. “What's that?”
Raditz sat forward seriously and pointed at his face. “Uncle Raditz needs a girlfriend!”