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It was always a high. Winning an award, going up on stage, and staring out at the thousands of fans that had given up their time to be there to support them. It never failed to bring a rush of adrenaline each time. Taehyung was still feeling the effects of that rush even after they had sat back in their seats, with yet another daesang under their belt. Namjoon’s speech for their album of the year award was amazing, “As expected of our leader” Taehyung thought proudly. He then proceeded to turn his head to tell him so, “Hyun-”, He started, and was promptly interrupted. “God, Taehyung your hair dye.” Namjoon’s wide eyed stare was focused on the side of his face. “Huh?”The next thing he knew, Namjoon was dabbing his face a bit forcefully with a tissue. Taehyung wrinkled his nose in distaste and leaned away from the rough treatment. “Taehyung-ah stay still, how did you not notice this?” Namjoon exclaimed, never letting up on trying to wipe the red hair dye off Taehyung’s face. The other members were starting to take notice and were curiously watching the peculiar scene.“What the hell is going on? Why is Namjoon hyung scrubbing Tae’s face like his life depends on it?” Namjoon shot a look at Jimin and pointed at the sides of Taehyung’s face with an exasperated face. Taehyung felt all his members’ eyes on his face and watched as Yoongi burst out laughing first and the other members joined in not soon after. Namjoon rolled his eyes but had an amused smile on his face.Taehyung touched the sides of his face puzzledly, and looked at his fingers only to see them stained with a shade of red uncannily similar to his new hair color. His fresh new hair color.He flushed. He must look ridiculous right now. His face a bright red to match with his hair and clothes. The members had stopped laughing (Thank God) and were now handing their tissues to Namjoon to wipe the dye off his face. Taehyung scowled and grabbed the tissues from Namjoon’s hands to wipe the dye off himself. (He wasn’t actually mad - just a little embarrassed) Taehyung honestly wasn’t sure if he was wiping the dye off correctly but nevertheless refused to look at the members while he blindly wiped the sides of his face. Suddenly, a warm hand cupped his chin and forced him to look back.Jungkook’s clear eyes, that were still filled with mirth, entered his sight. “Ah hyung ~ you’re not getting any of it off,” Jungkook chuckled as he plucked the tissue from Taehyung’s hands and, with the hand that wasn’t holding his face, started to wipe away the dye from the sides of his face gently but firmly. Taehyung wondered when Namjoon and Jungkook switched seats, but he pushed that aside and got over the initial shock of the situation as he tried to pull away again. However Jungkook was relentless and firmly held his face still in his warm (so warm) hand.“Curse Jeon Jungkook and his ridiculous strength” Taehyung thought reluctantly yet he didn’t try to move away again. Taehyung caught Jimin and Jin’s eye and he could see them watching them but he could tell that Jimin was itching to help Jungkook wipe away the dye or better yet, do it himself.Any feelings of irritation or embarrassment he had felt before instantly melted away. His members always meant well, no matter how much they teased him or laughed at him, they would always make sure to care for him. He smiled slightly, his heart swelling with love for the people he called closer than family. “There’s no need to be embarrassed Tae, all this sweat must have just messed with your fresh hair dye” Jungkook said softly, dragging Taehyung’s attention to him. He realized that Jungkook must have known how he was feeling, He could even rival Jimin’s role of “Taehyung’s Mind/Emotional Reader” with his ability to somehow be in tune with Taehyung’s emotions and feelings.Taehyung noticed that Jungkook had finished wiping the hair dye and was now wiping away any drops of sweat that dripped from his hair. “I wasn’t embarrassed” He pouted. “Whatever you say Tae” Jungkook said skeptically, yet his mouth stretched into a full smile displaying his bunny teeth and his eyes filled with amusement once again. Taehyung’s eyes widened as his heart skipped a beat, the fond look in Jungkook’s eyes threw him off guard for the second time that night. He was always so gentle with him, as if Jungkook was the older one instead of him.As his face grew warm once again, Taehyung successfully pulled away from Jungkook’s soft hands that were still fussing with his face. “I think it’s all gone now,” Taehyung mumbled, ducking his head to hide his eyes behind his bangs so he wouldn’t have to make eye contact with Jungkook.
(His heart felt like it was about to explode)
He felt Jungkook’s eyes on him, but he resolutely stared down at his hands. He felt as if Jungkook was about to say something, but fortunately (or unfortunately?) he was interrupted by the presenter on stage. “Now then, let’s reveal this year’s Artist of the Year!” Taehyung looked up towards the stage as the presenter opened the envelope. Time stopped for a moment. The dull roar of the fans’ cheers ringing in his ears.“BTS!”Although this was their third time winning this award consecutively. It never failed to cause his heart to stutter and his breathing to quicken. They stood up, all seven of them, and they patted each other’s backs and gave one another side hugs as they all walked on that familiar stage together. Taehyung saw his members’ smiles and sparkling eyes as they received the award, bowing to the grinning presenter.The feeling of that high was back, Taehyung stared at the back of Hoseok’s head as he began his speech and back at the crowd feeling nostalgic of the first time they had won this award (He still couldn’t believe how far they’ve come). When Hoseok stopped in the middle of his speech and tried to stop his tears by smiling his usual sunny smile, but failed to, Taehyung couldn’t help but be transported to the beginning of the year. The pain they had gone through seemed unbearable at the time. Doubts, stress, and immense pressure weighed each one of them down like they were sinking deeper and deeper into the sea with no way to escape.
(Then a suggestion was thrown out among them, like a lifeline, if they grabbed it they could finally escape the constricting sea.)
Taehyung broke from his reverie as Jimin hugged Hoseok and comforted him through his touch while resting his chin on his shoulder and Namjoon and Jin patted his shoulders smiling through their own tears threatening to spill. Taehyung was certain Jungkook was struggling not to cry and Yoongi smiled fondly at Hoseok. Then he himself, moved closer to Hoseok offering his silent support, resisting his tears. (If one of them was in pain they were all in pain). Jimin spoke after Hoseok, grinning with his eyes. He mentioned the difficulties they went through but softened it with the realization that the amount of support that they had during that time was tremendous. “Even if we had some struggles, we were able to gain strength”, Jimin boldly stated and Taehyung held back his tears once again. (What if we had grabbed that lifeline?) Taehyung stepped up to the mic and he thanked their parents as Jimin handed him the award. His careful control slipped when he felt the weight of the award in his hand (This moment almost didn’t become a reality) He gripped it tightly, reassuring himself that this was real, that they were all here together, that they were going to be just fine (Because they had gone through the worst and had survived). Somehow he choked through his speech and finished before he could burst into tears. He let Jin step to the mic and turned away to take a deep calming breath and faced the crowd filled with their fans. Jin was always straight-forward, cutting straight to the point even if it hurt. “We went through a lot of mental struggles.”
(The sea was so suffocating)
“We even considered disbanding.”
(The sea almost destroyed them)
His heart clenched. Then he crumpled. Those four words brought him back to the time he wished to forget. They were all so tired from the work, stressed from the fame, and pressured from all sides. The decision to renew their contract had come. It should’ve been an easy decision. But it wasn’t.
(“Maybe we should consider disbandment.”)
The walls of stone Taehyung tried to build around his heart were torn down and he sobbed into his hands as he bent forward. (His members were always his weakness). The thought of the seven of them being separated from each other, indefinitely, brought relentless tears to his eyes. Jin was still speaking but Taehyung couldn’t focus. His shoulders heaved with a sob and he finally raised his head, covering his face with his hand as he continued to pour out the feelings he had so carefully hidden for the past few minutes on stage. Dropping his hand he turned away from the audience and the cameras, looking for comfort? Looking for reassurance? He wasn’t sure in that moment. Suddenly, a familiar warm hand cupped the back of his head (Strong yet oh so gentle). A sense of deja vu washed over Taehyung, as he was softly pulled against a firm chest this time. His face hidden in the black fabric of a familiar jacket. He hiccuped in surprise yet still continued to weep into the comforting floral scent of the jacket. A hand patted his back as he gasped out sobs.Pat. (“We didn’t suffocate in that sea, it didn’t destroy us.”)Pat.
(“We didn’t grab that lifeline, we didn’t take the easy way out.”)
Pat.
(“We didn’t drown, we’re at the surface now, not at the bottom.”)
Pat
(“We’re all together, as we’ve always been and as we’ll always be.”)
Taehyung pulled back from the soothing embrace and peered at Jungkook through his blurry eyes. Surprisingly, he didn’t meet those clear eyes because Jungkook was gazing out at the audience with them. They were red rimmed and swollen, a tiny wobbly smile graced his face as he faced away from Taehyung.The tears continuously poured down his face (But they were tears of relief maybe even tears of happiness this time) and Taehyung found himself unable to stop, covering his face, he allowed the warm hand that still firmly held the back of his head to tenderly push him back into that protective chest. The rest of the night was a bit of a blur. Taehyung was aware of the rest of his members hugging him as they gathered together for a group hug, while he desperately tried to wipe away the tears that kept spilling over. He was aware of when they stood together for the backstage interview after MAMA, still not quite alright, as he was struggled to get his feelings under control again. His members teased him for crying so much when they themselves were still on the verge of tears. He was aware of when they finally entered their cars and when they were on the way back to their dorm.The car was silent except for his occasion sniffles, but no one teased him this time, they only extended their comfort to him. Jimin leaned into him, a heavy but warm weight against his side, Jin reached from behind to hand him tissues and ruffled his hair as he leaned back, and after a few minutes, Taehyung felt his hand (By now it would be impossible to not recognize that hand) interlock with his own hand. Taehyung glanced to his other side at Jungkook but once again he was unable to meet his eyes. As Jungkook gazed out the window, Taehyung accepted the familiar warmth of his hand as he gently squeezed it and felt Jungkook squeeze just as gently back.(“We survived”) When they finally arrived at their apartment, Jin ushered them all into the dorm and Taehyung realized how tired he actually was. All that crying he did wore him down and his eyes felt extremely heavy. He swayed a bit on the spot but steadied himself before he could stumble. Almost instantly, Jungkook was beside him, “Hyung I need to get my headphones from your room. I left them there” Jungkook stated already walking towards his room. Taehyung tilted his head in tired confusion, “Uh sure Guk, I didn’t know you brought them with you when you came to my room last time.” Jungkook avoided his eyes as they walked to his room, “Yeah. I did, you were probably too busy drawing in your sketchbook to notice” Jungkook explained, referencing Taehyung’s latest interest in art and sketching. “Oh, you’re probably right” Taehyung mumbled, too tired to argue further and rubbed his eyes that were already beginning to become swollen. They reached his room and Taehyung opened the door to let them both in, As Jungkook closed the door behind them, Taehyung face planted on his bed, prepared to sleep like the dead until the morning. “Hyung, you need to at least take off your shoes,” Jungkook’s voice came from behind him. Taehyung gave a muffled grunt in response but made no move to do what was told, there was a sigh and he felt his shoes being removed. “Gukkie, you didn’t have to do that” Taehyung slurred forcing his irritated eyes open and turning his head to the side. “Don’t worry about it Tae” Jungkook said softly “Come on, you’ll be more comfortable under the covers and with your head on a pillow.” Jungkook carefully guided Taehyung under the cover as he weakly protested “No, m’fine here” Taehyung grumbled. After a few moments with Jungkook ignoring Taehyung’s complaints, he was finally under the covers. “There, now you can sleep comfortably” Jungkook stated satisfied that Taehyung was correctly positioned on the bed now. Taehyung harrumphed in response but was secretly thankful that his face wasn’t squished against the bed anymore. “Good night Tae” Jungkook whispered, and Taehyung felt a soft pressure on his head, and as quickly as he felt it, it was gone. Taehyung pried his eyes open to see Jungkook’s back as he began to walk towards his door, with the little strength he had left, Taehyung reached out his hand and grabbed Jungkook’s arm. Jungkook immediately turned around to face him “What’s wrong?” Jungkook asked concerned. “Can you - can you maybe -” Taehyung stumbled around his words but Jungkook knew what he wanted or rather needed (He always did). Jungkook silently lifted the covers and slid in beside Taehyung, He was instantly surrounded in Jungkook’s strong arms and his head fit perfectly under Jungkook’s chin. “You okay?” Jungkook quietly asked, Taehyung felt the vibrations in his chest as he talked and for a moment was silent. “I-” he was suddenly interrupted by the sound of his door opening, Jungkook’s chin left the top of his head as he craned his head back to see who it was and Taehyung peeked over Jungkook’s shoulder. “I knew you would be here Guk” Jimin smirked, Taehyung didn’t need the light on to see Jungkook eye rolling at Jimin. “Go away Jimin hyung” Jungkook muttered against Taehyung’s hair - he had turned back once he saw who it was at the door. “You punk, Tae’s my best friend in case you forgot” Jimin hissed walking over to the bed and jumping in beside Taehyung - ignoring Jungkook’s annoyed grunt - and hugged him from behind. “Mmph Chim, what’re you doing here?” Taehyung’s tired voice came out muffled from Jungkook’s chest, feeling a bit too warm from being sandwiched between his two members.“I just… I wanted to know how you were doing… and I think I need this tonight.” Jimin murmured from behind him. They were quiet for a beat after that, their breaths were the only sounds that resounded in the room. The three youngest members snuggled a little closer together after a few moments - as impossible as it sounded - and Jimin even reached his arm across Taehyung’s body to hug Jungkook as well. They lay like that for a few minutes, simply enjoying each other’s presence, until the moment was interrupted once again by Taehyung’s door opening. “Wha-?” Jungkook grumbled while Taehyung and Jimin jerked awake, “Awww our maknaes are so cute!” Hoseok exclaimed.Hoseok entered the room closely followed by Seokjin, “Ughh” Jimin moaned “I was just starting to fall asleep!” Jimin buried his face into Taehyung’s back. “Well, don’t leave me alone in our room Jimin! We’re supposed to be roommates and you ditch me!” Hoseok whined, “Okay that’s valid point, but why are you here Jin hyung?” Jungkook pointed out. “I obviously wanted to check on you young ones! You’re welcome.” Jin sniffed indignantly, “Great you checked on us, we’re fine, good night and see you tomorrow.” Jungkook deadpanned, glancing down at Taehyung to see him yawn tiredly, “We need to sleep” Jungkook declared. “Right you are, you disrespectful brat and that’s what we’re here for” Jin announced. “Wait what-” Taehyung suddenly felt two extra weights crushing him. “Oh good God” “Are you serious?!”“Hobi hyung you’re kneeing me in the stomach!” The last one came from Jimin as he pushed Hoseok off himself. “Why?!” Jungkook snapped, pushing Jin’s leg off Taehyung’s hip. “Well I’m not going to sleep by myself” Hoseok said matter of factly, “And as the eldest hyung I have a responsibility to take care of you guys after such a taxing and emotional night” Seokjin proclaimed callously. Five people on a bed that obviously was not meant to hold five people, caused a lot of discomfort of course. After much wiggling around and squirming, the five members finally found comfortable places to position themselves in. “Why are you guys really here?” Taehyung muttered, luckily he didn’t have to move around much though that might be because Jungkook refused to let go of him or move from his spot. Hoseok and Seokjin didn’t answer for a few seconds, “I just need some reassurance I guess.” Hoseok admitted quietly, “It was a tough night” Jin answered honestly “In a weird way I wanted to be as close as I could to you guys tonight.” A sense of mutual understanding passed through them and they settled down as comfortably as they could get. After a couple of minutes in silence Jimin spoke, “If Namjoon hyung and Yoongi hyung walk in here I’m going to scream.” “Nah they wouldn-” The door creaked open for the third time that night.“Oh this is where all of you were” Namjoon wondered.“I’m going to scream.”“Don’t,” Taehyung whined, trying to block out the noise by burying further into Jungkook’s chest. . “I thought it would be good for us to be together after such a hard night so I was going to gather all of you up but here you guys are!” Namjoon grinned oblivious to the other members’ exasperation. “Well Joonie, it’s a bit crowded here as you can tell-” Jin cuts off, when Namjoon suddenly climbs into the (extremely) cramped bed with them. “Namjoon your six-foot ass is not going to fit!”“Hobi hyung you’re kneeing my stomach again!”Namjoon settled himself by the foot of the bed despite the vehement protests from the five members and Taehyung was certain Namjoon was half dangling off the edge of the bed by the time he got comfortable. “I think it’s really beneficial for us as a team to cope with this togeth-” Namjoon started, “Joonie hyung we’ll listen to your inspirational speech first thing tomorrow but not now. Not now.” Jimin grouched. The other members let out noises of agreement, and Namjoon muttered something about ‘disrespecting the leader’ under his breath but nonetheless stopped speaking. “All we need now is Yoongi to complete the party”, Seokjin said from somewhere to Taehyung’s left. “I thought Yoongi hyung was here already” Namjoon responded in confusion. “No way hyung, if Yoongi hyung was here then you would have been on the floor, there would be absolutely no space left.” Jimin mumbled, his face pressed against Taehyung’s back. “The only person we don’t have to worry about is Yoongi hyung, there’s literally no chance he’ll come-” Jungkook was not able to finish his tired and almost hopeful statement. The door opened for the final time.“What the- What the hell are you all doing in here?!” Yoongi gaped at the mess of six bodies on the considerably small bed. All six members groaned loudly.“I just want to sleep!” Jimin cried dragging his hand across his face.“Does this mean that I have to sleep on the floor now?” Namjoon questioned, sounding very unhappy. “What are you even doing here hyung?” Jungkook sighed, finally accepting that neither he or Taehyung would get a good night’s sleep.“I came to check on Tae! I had no idea all you crackheads would be in here basically smothering him to death!” Yoongi pointed out. Indeed, Taehyung was half buried in Jungkook’s chest and Jimin’s body. “I’m okay hyung, just extremely tired” Taehyung called out from where he was, emphasizing the fact that he was very tired and hoping that all of the members caught his hint.Jungkook opened his mouth, probably to warn the other five to shut their mouths, because he definitely got Taehyung’s hint.Unfortunately, the hint flew over the other members’ heads.“What do you mean, ‘you came to check on Tae’?” Seokjin’s voice took on a teasing tone. Yoongi flushed realizing what he said. “I mean, I was worried he like passed out or something because of all that crying he did. We have a packed schedule tomorrow and I didn’t want him holding us up.” Yoongi gruffly stated picking at his nails at a pathetic attempt to act nonchalant.Namjoon snickered from the end of the bed, “Sure hyung.” “Shut up Namjoon, I know where your stupid Ryan plushies are” Yoongi threatened. “Whoa let's not get crazy hyung, I’m sorry, please don’t hurt them.” Namjoon pleaded, his tone sounded desperate.“Thank you for coming to check on me hyung.” Taehyung interjected, his heart warming up with the thought of Yoongi being concerned about him. Yoongi’s ears turned red, “I told you I was only thinking about our schedules.” he mumbled, scratching the back of his head. Taehyung giggled sleepily at Yoongi’s defensive statement, “Aww you’re such a tsundere, hyung!” Hoseok bubbled. Yoongi narrowed his eyes, another threat ready at the tip of his tongue, when he was suddenly pulled into the bed with the rest of the members.“Fuc- Jin hyung!” “Well you obviously wanted to sleep with us but you would never admit that so I did what I had to do.” Seokjin chirped. “We aren’t gonna fit!”“True, I’m about to fall off the bed.”“We will, Yoongi’s small, we can manage!” “Say that again, I fucking dare you.”Somehow, as impossible as it seemed, all seven of them were able to fit on Taehyung’s bed. It was cramped, congested, and tight; Taehyung had someone’s knee digging into his back, Hoseok’s legs were thrown over Namjoon’s, and Yoongi was practically on top on Seokjin. “Well, this sucks.” Yoongi eventually deadpanned after a few moments of silence.“No it doesn’t hyung. This almost feels like our first dorm, remember?” Namjoon responded almost wistfully. All seven members reminisced for a while, remembering their cramped dorm and the single room all seven of them had to share. It had been tough back then, but being together right now in a single bed, cast a feeling of nostalgia over all the members.Sounds of breathing in the room evened out and Taehyung guessed that the others were beginning to finally nod off.“Jungkookie?” Taehyung whispered as quietly as he could. “Yeah Tae?” Jungkook immediately answered without missing a beat.“You asked me if I was okay earlier” Taehyung murmured into Jungkook's chest “and I just wanted to say… I am now.” In this moment surrounded by the people he loved the most and who loved him the most, feeling more secure and happy than he ever did before, Taehyung was undoubtedly and unequivocally much more than okay. Jungkook’s breath hitched and Taehyung felt him smile against the top of his head. “I’m glad to hear that Tae.” Jungkook answered warmly and Taehyung felt the same soft pressure he felt a few moments ago once again, at the top of his head.As Taehyung started to nod off himself, he suddenly remembered something, “Jungkookie?” he slurred, “Hm?” Jungkook hummed questionably, “Did you find the headphones that you said you left in my room?” Taehyung mumbled, straining to stay awake to hear his answer. It was oddly quiet for a beat. Taehyung almost thought Jungkook fell asleep until Jungkook finally answered, “Uh actually I think they might just be in my room, I must have forgotten.” Taehyung heard someone snort after Jungkook finished speaking. Jungkook’s leg moved slightly, there was a thump, and an indignant cry.“Hey! You kicked me off the bed!” “Stay there.” Jungkook grumbled darkly. As more complaints arose from the members who were once again awoken by the commotion, Taehyung merely smiled secretly and cuddled closer to Jungkook’s warmth. Allowing his eyes to close and slipping into unconsciousness, Taehyung reveled in his members’ warmth and comfort. He was so grateful that they were all together.(What a relief that we are seven, what a relief that we have each other).