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It's been six months since the first breakout happened. Four of those I've spent on my own. I lost my family. I don't know if they're dead, turned or somewhere else. Since then, I've been by myself. I don't trust anyone to join them. I hace tricked quite a few people by playing small and frail, making them let me into their group, then steal their supplies and leave. It's quite easy because of my body. The muscles I've built up the past months are hidden by my jacket. Last week I managed to steal quite a lot of canned food and a good gun. I've eaten one can of beans in a week. I need to ration my food.It's getting warmer, so I sleep in the trees. But the walkers are getting faster as well. They can't really climb anyways, so I should be fine, but you can never be too careful. It's getting dark. I'll eat a bit for dinner and go to sleep. I find a spot to sit, where I'm hidden but still can see if someone would come too close for comfort.I start making a small fire so I can heat my food. I make sure to open the can before I heat it up. I don't have any metal to prop it up on, apart from my crowbar, so I just put the can next to the fire. I use the crowbar to move it without burning my hands. I carefully poke the can until it's away from the fire. I take my spoon out of my bag and wait for the can to cool down a bit. I start mumbling to myself."Walker kill count: two-hundred-and-thirty-four. Human kill count: seventeen. Count to infinity: ones and zeroes."I have to tell myself this. Every night. I have to count to keep track of myself. Fun fact: you can actually count to infinity with only ones and zeroes. I enjoy counting. "Six cans of beans. Four packets of dried meat. Three packets of dried fruit. Three bottles of water."The can is cooled down enough for me to touch it. I pick it up and start eating from it with my spoon. My hair falls in my face. I have to cut it soon, tomorrow maybe, if I can find somewhere to wash. A lake, or the sea. It needs to be as short as possible, so no one can grab hold of it. I've seen quite a few people die because their hair is too long. But they're not my problem. It's much easier to only keep track of yourself. I put out the fire and start climbing a sturdy tree nearby. I whip out my sleeping bag and prop myself up against the trunk on a wide branch. I use a long belt to tie it around my waist and the trunk to keep myself from falling in my sleep. I watch the sun set in the horizon. I can feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier. I wake up with the sun. One bad thing with sleeping outside is not getting to pick when to get up. I try falling back asleep, but it doesn't work. I guess I have to get up. The watch on my wrist says seven twenty-four am. I wake up earlier and earlier each day. I'll have to sleep in my tent as it becomes lighter, or find a house somewhere. I only use my tent when it rains or snows. I unbuckle my belt and carefully climb down from the tree, after I've made sure that no one is nearby. I pack my stuff and start walking, crowbar on back, screwdriver in hand. I need to find some kind of water source so I can wash myself and cut my hair. I have enough drinking water for the moment. Maybe even a pond will do. I'm constantly on high alert, listening carefully to everything around me while staying as quiet as possible. Listening for the flow of water, or footsteps. Maybe a rabbit would be nice for lunch. I didn't eat meat before the outbreak, but now I don't have much of a choice. You eat what you can get. I ate a bird two weeks ago. And its eggs. I did what I had to. I had an animal kill count before, but now I can't count anymore. Too much to keep track of.I find a lake after about an hour of walking. I quickly make sure that no one would see me, get undressed and get in the water. It's freezing cold, but I need to be clean. I have a neutral bar soap in my bag that I use for washing. I have to make sure that I don't have a smell, or the walkers will get to me. I dip my hair in the water and grab the scissors from my bag. I grab a chunk of hair from my forehead and chop it right off. I don't care about appearence anymore. I don't care if people see me as a boy. That's what I am, after all. I drop the hair in the water, letting it float away, while I keep chopping it. The shorter the better. I don't have a mirror anyways. I keep listening to the forest. If someone comes out here now, I only have my scissors to defend myself. I chop another piece and throw it in the water. No one can track me if the water floats away in the water. Once I'm done cutting my hair, I grab the bar soap and sit down in the cold water. I put the scissors on the ground nearby, so I can easily grab them if I need them. I wet the soap and start cleaning myself with it. It's been at least two and a half weeks since I washed myself the last time. I miss taking a proper shower or bath.A branch breaks. I quickly get out of the water and grab my scissors. If I have to stab someone, I will. I don't even care about getting dressed, I don't have time if someone is about to attack me. I slowly walk up and look behind the trees. It's a really big guy, with a long coat and curly hair. He should probably cut it. I can take him down if I surprise him. I keep walking towards him, slowly but surely. When I'm close enough, I charge at him, jumping on his back, making him fall forwards. I turn him over on his back, put my knees on his shoulder, one hand over his mouth and the scissors against his throat."I could kill you, right here, right now, if I wanted."The guy looks terrified."Do you hear me?"He nods."You are going to stand up, turn away and leave, forget this ever happened. You will not tell any of your friends about what you heard or saw. Do you understand."He nods again. He could probably take me down if I let go of him."I am going to let you go. I want you to run in the opposite direction."Another nod. I slowly let go of him, still pointing the scissors to the mans throat. They're sharp enough to cut through skin. He slowly gets up and turns around. I refuse to move. As soon as I lower the scissors, he turns around again and runs towards him. Before I can raise my scissors again, he's holding me in his arms."I'm sorry, we're starving."He hits me in the head and everything goes black. I remember hanging from someone's shoulder, only for a brief moment, barely a second.I'm wearing clothes. It's warm. I carefully open my eyes and look around. It's dark. I sit up and rub my eyes, or at least I try to. My right eye is swollen, and my hands are tied together."Hey! Let me out of here!"I must be at that guy's base. My vision is blurry. I blink a few times, trying to adjust to the dark. Theres an almost dead fire a few meters away from me. And there's a girl."Calm down, you're safe."I look up at her as she walks closer to me. She's at least twenty centimeters taller than me, has long, blonde hair and large, purple-ish eyes. "My name is Kaede. I'm-""I don't care about your name, let me out of here.""I'm sorry, I can not do that.""And why is that?""Would you guys like to take that?"She's not talking to me this time. Three boys walk inside wherever we are. A big tent? A house? I don't know. They all sit down."This is Byakuya Togami. Our strategist."Ahe points to the tall, blond boy with glasses. He looks bored. "This is Fuyuhiko. Our... yeah what do you do, Fuyu?""I tell people what to do and sit back while they die."Fuyuhiko is short, blond as well and dressed in all black. At least his hair is buzzed."Yeah, sure... and this is Kokichi Ouma, our leader, I guess."She points to the last boy. He has rather long, purple hair and a scarf with a checkered pattern. "You should cut your hair.""What?""You should cut your hair. A walker might grab it and then you're dead, just like that. You should too."I turn to the girl. She grabs hold of her hair, like she's trying to protect it."Are you gonna tell me why I can't leave now?""We're decreasing in numbers. We're dying and starving, we need more people.""So you just kidnap a random person you happen to come across.""No, we kidnap random teenagers we come across. Strong teenagers, healthy teenagers.""You think I'm strong? Did you not see my body when you... dressed me?""You took down Mondo with one hit. The only people who have been able to do that are Sakura, Nekomaru and Gonta. Never someone like... you.""Mondo should cut his hair too. Since it's curly it's even easier to grab onto.""Stop babbling about cutting hair!""No! I've already seen too many people die because their hair was too long! Especially people with curly hair! If youwant to survive, you cut your damn hair! Now let me go, I don't want to be a part of your stupid group!""Now that you've seen our base, we can not let you go, I'm sorry."The tall boy keeps talking. "And who's fault is that, huh? Who brought me here!?""Technically Mondo.""I don't want to hear, just untie me!"They all look at me. Neither of them look like they are very strong. I can probably take them down and run for it..."Sakura and Nekomaru are both outside the door, waiting to grab you if you try to run."Is he reading my mind or something?"Just untie me and I'll stay at your stupid base.""Do you have a name?""No, I don't.""Stupid boy, you must have a name."The boy with the buzzed hair walks up to me and starts untying my hands."I don't do groups, I don't do names."The boy points to my legs. My feet are tied too? Really? I turn my feet to him and let him untie them too. I'm wearing my own clothes. They probably brought my bag from the lake. And they probably took my food and weapons."Where's my stuff?""We took everything except your clothes. Since Kokichi was the smallest one before you, we probably need to get new clothes in your size, but something we have should fit.""You took my stuff? My weapons too?""Yes.""Give them back! I need them!""For what? Killing us? You're not going out on any missions for a while.""I've already told you, I'm leaving, and I need my stuff!""No one leaves. You'll find your place here."As on signal, all the boys leave at the same time. I sigh and lie back down."I'm sure we can find you a task...""I don't do groups. And I don't do names. Can I at least have my screwdriver? I don't feel safe without it.""No one is allowed to carry weapons except for the people on the wall. You will get weapons of choice if you go out on missions."I stand up and take a look at myself. I'm wearing the clothes I left on the ground while I washed and cut my hair."How many people do you have here?""We were almost fifty at the start. We all went to the same school. Now we're about forty, maybe thirty-five."I sigh once more and leave the tent. The sun is setting outside. Like the boys said, two very strongly built people are standing outside the entrance of the tent. One girl with long, white hair and huge muscles and one boy with a lot of facial hair growth for a teenager. I barely reach their chests in height. I understand why they.put them in the guarding position. I start looking around in their base. It looks like we're at the top of a hill or cliff, with lots of tents set up. They've put up my tent as well. Hopefully I can have it for myself. In the middle of everything they've built benches and table, as well as a large fire pit. There seems to be some old furniture as well. The whole area is surrounded by a high wall constructed of metal sheets and wood. It has a couple of ladders leading up to small platforms. There's at least one person on each platform, all with some kind of shooting weapon. They're there to tell if anyone is coming, and eventually shoot them down if needed. The area is... empty. Or at least it feels like it. They have too many tents up compared to how many people there are. Five people on the platforms. The tree leaders and the girl. Some people are by the fire pit, preparing food. I recognize my bean cans and dried meat. There seems to be two washing stations in the corners, probably one for girls and one for boys. I start walking along the wall. I look up at one of the girls on the platform above me. She has short, black hair and freckles. I keep walking. How is stuff divided here? Are there groups, squads? Does everyone the same thing, or do the tasks rotate? What tasks am I gonna get? Do I have to gather food or clean? I sigh and sit down with my back against the wall, watching the people do their tasks. I don't know how long I was out for. Is it even the same day anymore? No, it has to be the same day. Otherwise my eye wouldn't be this swolen. We all sit on the benches around the fire in the middle of the camp. Someone prepared soup. It's okay, I guess. Better than just beans in tomato sauce. I sit alone, refusing to interract with the others. The only people not eating at the tables are the people on the platforms by the wall. But it still feels like we're missing ten people, or at least five to come up to thirty-five, like Kaede said. I have to count something. Anything. I start counting the peas in my bowl of soup. Twenty-four. I count the lines in the wood of the table. One-hundred-and-eighty-seven. I sigh and keep eating my food. Until someone sits down next to me. I look at the person. He's rather tall and skinny, with bright red hair and a small, tied up beard. Why would anyone want to tie their beard? "Hey there, newbie!"I stare at his face. He's got freckles. Finally something to count."What... what are you doing?""Counting.""Counting what?""Your freckles.""My... freckles?""Yes? Can you not hear me peoperly?""Why are you counting my freckles?""I need to count something." "Anyways... what's your name?""I don't do na-""Everyone line up!"I sigh and stand up. Everyone else seems to know how to line up. They all line up in groups. Some are larger, some are alone. The leaders are standing in front of everyone. I walk over and stand behind them. Is this something they do every night or something?"It's time you pick a task."Byakuya points to the first group, the largest one."Our fighters. Go out on missions in groups of three to five. Gather food and supplies. Keep the walkers off of us. Those skilled with guns might be placed in the watch towers."I look up at the fighters. They're all taller than me, probably more built. He continues down the line."Kazuichi Souda and Miu Iruma. Our nechanics. Have fixed quite a lot of cars for us. Also fix the wall if it ever breaks."I look at the mechanics. The boy - Kazuichi - has bright pink hair, with dark roots."If you want to blend in, I don't recommend having glow in the dark hair.""Hey! Leave my hair alone!""Mikan Tsumiki, our nurse. Takes care of our wounded, obviously."Her hair is very long as well. I guess it's fine if she doesn't leave the base. "And the taskless. They stay here, cook food, clean, wash clothes and so on.""I wanna be a fighter."He stops ans looks down at me. "You... a fighter? Really?""Yes, really."He sighs."I guess they'll test you tomorrow if you're good eno-"A loud bang interrupts him. We all turn around. Someone is banging on the wall."It Gonta! Peko hurt!"Everyone starts running towards the wall, no, the door, to let them in. As soon as it's open, a very large man and a shorter, pale woman run inside. The man has a girl on his back. She's bleeding from her forehead and seems to be passed out. The nurse - Mikan - runs to one of the tents. It's gotta be where she does her job. I should probably stay out of their way. I sit back down at the table. Someone is shaking my shoulders. I open my eyes and sit up. It's the really large girl with the white hair. "What is it?""Get up. If you want to be a fighter, you have to prove yourself."Right. They're gonna see if I'm "worthy". I slowly get out of my sleeping bag. When she leaves the tent, I get a glimpse of the outside. It's barely even light outside yet. We're getting up that early? I get dressed and leave the tent. I expect the whole fighter team to be outside, but it's only the girl. Is she the one who will decide if I'm strong enough?I stand in front of her, waiting for her to say something. She's almost double my height and is at least three times my weight. I cross my arms."Togami let me be the one to decide if you're good enough.""I noticed...""We're gonna start with just push-ups and sit-ups. Do as many push-ups as you can without stopping."Push-ups? I never worked out like she probably did, I only became strong because I had to take care of myself. I roll up my sleeves and get down on all four. I don't think I've done an actual push-up since middle school. I was always the weakest one in class, I could barely do five. I start doing as she says. I am doing a lot better than in middle school, but I'm not sure I'm using the right technique. I continue on for as long as possible until I drop to the cold, hard ground. "Seventy-six. Sit-ups, come on, go."Already? I don't even get a break? I turn around and sit down instead and start again. After a few reps, she puts a hand over my head."You're not supposed to go further than this."That makes it a lot worse. The muscles in my stomach are burning. The pauses between the reps become longer. I cherish every second when my back hits the ground. After maybe fifty reps, I let go and let my back hit the ground, not getting up again."Fifty-nine. Hm, that's below the average of the fighter group...""I'm a fighter, not a gym shark! I never worked out before... this!""Calm down, we're not done yet. Get up."I sigh and does as she says. "Weapon of choice?""Screwdriver and crowbar.""Also odd. Why screwdriver?""They can easily penetrate a skull but doesn't get stuck."She scans me before she nods."Wait here."I stand up and wait for her. She gets in one of the tents. After a couple of minutes, she comes back with a screwdriver. My screwdriver. It's been cleaned, you can actually see the blue handle for once. She hands it to me."We're going out. Come on."She walks towards the door in the wall while she puts her hair up, and I follow her. "Like, going out? For real?""I can not tell how good you are by only working out. You need to actually do something."I'm gonna get to kill walkers, finally. Finally I can show what I'm made of. She unlocks the door and walks outside. I haven't actually seen what's outside the walls. We're on the top of a hill, surrounded by a forest. "It doesn't happen often that walkers get up to the wall, but we like to stay safe. The people skilled with shooting weapons, like Mukuro, are stationed in the towers. Those of us who are more into hand-to-hand combat, like me and Mondo, go out on missions. We gather food and medicine when needed. Every once in a while we send someone out to look for reqruits. Like how Mondo found you.""He didn't find me, he came up to me while I was cleaning and then kidnapped me.""And you basically took him down. That's why he took you. I don't think he'd take someone your size if they didn't show potential."I sigh and follow her. She doesn't seem that bad. She's rather kind actually. "Who else is in the fighter team?""It's me, Mondo, Nekomaru, Gonta, Peko, Celestia, Leon, Akane, Mukuro, Komaru, Aoi, Toko, Gundham, Tenko, Kaito and Maki. We had some more when it all started but... yeah, you can figure it out.""They died."She nods and keeps walking. "Some of us are only alive because of others. Fuyuhiko is only alive because of Peko. Toko would kill for Byakuya and Komaru. Mondo protects Kiyotaka with his life."I figured there'd be couples at camp. "Do you... do you have someone? Someone you'd kill for?""I have Aoi. She was a swimmer before this started, we used to work out together. I always make sure to go on a mission with her. I couldn't leave her, you know?"I nod, but I actually don't know. I never had someone I'd kill for. Except my dad maybe, but I don't know where he is. He might be dead. He might be in some other city. He might have turned. I don't know. I keep walking."Do the teams have... leaders? Like is there a cleaning leader and a fighting leader and stuff like that?""Kirumi is the leader of the people who stay at camp. Make sure someone always has something to do. She's almost like our mom, cooks the best food. And I'm the leader of the fighter team. That's why I was picked to take care of you today.""Take care of, like I'm some sort of child...""Technically, you are.""I turned 19 last month!""...Oh."I sigh again. I get mistaken for a child all the time. It's nothing new. A branch breaks. I turn around and raise my screwdriver. It's a single walker. I look up at the girl, who nods. Time to show her what I'm made for. The walker has spotted us, or sensed the smell of warm flesh, and is walking towards us. She stands back, letting me take it all by myself. I scan the area. The walker is taller than me, but only has one foot. It's balance isn't the best. I run towards it, ready to attack. I jump, stomp my legs against a tree nearby to get better momentum, and stab my screwdriver into it's head on my way down. It falls limp to the ground, dead. Imagine dying twice. That probably sucks. I remove the screwdriver from it's skull and look back at her. She nods again. I did good. I guess.Sadly, I've made friends. Leon and Mondo are growing on me. Sakura too. I've started working out with them. Sometimes Aoi and Kiyotaka join too, even if Kiyotaka isn't a fighter. He couldn't kill a fly. Same goes for Shuichi. He joins Kaito and Maki just for the sake of working out. He usually helps Byakuya and Kyoko to strategize. I've been out on two missions so far, once to gather food, and once to just get rid of walkers. I have requested to go out on a mission to gether clothes. I only have two sets of pants and shirts, so I need more in my size. Kirumi offered to adjust some of the larger clothes for me. The others seemed rather impressed by the fact that I was even allowed to be a fighter, but I don't care. And they still don't know my name. They just call me "kid". It's fair, I guess. It's only been three weeks and I'm already stronger. Sakura and Nekomaru hold daily workout sessions for us, one in the morning and one in the evening. I hate to admit it, but I want to be part of the group. I want to be seen as an equal, especially to the other fighters. I don't think I'll ever weigh enough for the others to not pick me up. Mondo and Leon enjoy picking me up the most. Either on their shoulders or backs. I don't even care anymore at this point. I'm becoming more and more comfortable with them for each day that passes. We're all sitting around the campfire. Someone found a couple of blankets the other day. Those of us who are colder than the others have the blankets wrapped around our shoulders. I share my blanket with Gonta and Komaru. Gonta basically a gentle giant, the kindest soul in the entire camp. And also a great heater. I have my head leaned against his chest, his arms wrapped around me and Komaru. I haven't been this warm since I was in my house. I could easily fall asleep here, and I probably will. I feel... safe, in his large arms. He could save me if something happened. Leon and Kaede are singing some kind of ballad together. Leon told me the other day that he wished he had brought his guitar. He was a baseball player in highschool, that's why his weapon of choice is a baseball bat with spikes shoved into it. Their voices fit nicely with each other. I pull myself closer to Gontas chest and close my eyes. The singing mixed with the heat from Gontas body and the fire is perfect sleeping conditions. I can't even keep my eyes open anymore, even if I try.I'm out on a mission with Leon and Sakura. Leon is driving. I had to sit in the back seat, since it's smaller than the front seat. We're out to get clothes, that's why we're one for each size. Small, medium and large, so we have some kind of indication. I don't think Leon ever got a driver's license. His driving is very... shaky. I keep grabbing my seat to not feel like I'm going to fall off, even if I'm using the seatbelt. It takes us an hour to reach our destination: an abandoned mall. It's almost completely empty, apart from some stray walkers. We easily take them down in less than two minutes. Then we start searching. We split up to cover as much ground in a shorter time as possible. Leon stays on the ground floor. I go one floor up, and Sakura two. All I find is a game store and a grocery store. The others can't get mad if I bring home more food, right? I go inside the grocery store and start looking for canned and dry food. It stinks of rotten fruit, vegetables and meat. I pull my collar up over my nose and continue further into the store. I find bags of chips, dried fruit, nuts, and canned beans. I stuff my entire bag with food, along with a bag I brought with me. "Kid! Leon! Get up here!"It's Sakura. She either found something or is in danger. I quickly close my bag and leave the shop. I run up the escalators, which stopped almost a year ago, following Sakuras voice. "I found clothes!"I find Sakura standing by a window, pointing into a shop. It's basically untouched, but a large door is blocking the entrance. We have to break in somehow, and hope that the alarm doesn't go. Leon comes up about a minute after me."Did you find something?"She nods towards the store. "We need to break in somehow."Sakura nods and looks down at me."I have a plan."She points up to a grid up on the wall. Or more specifically: an opening to the vents."...You want me to...""Yup. You have your screwdriver, right? You can remove the screws and climb through, and get out on the other side.""You can not be serious...""Yes I am. Come on, get up."She crouches and puts her hands out so I can step on them. I grab her shoulders and put my foot on her hand. She stands up and bosts me up so I can reach the vents. I start removing the screws until the grid falls down. Sakura boosts me even further so I can climb inside. It's cold and dark, but not too hard to navigate. It just takes me a couple of minutes to find the other end. I remove the screws and drop down inside the store. I push the button to open the gate that blocks the entrance. "Did I do good?""You did great, Kid. Let's get some clothes now."Leon ruffles my hair and runs inside."Hey! Watch the hair! It can't get tangled!"Kirumi fixed my hair the other week. It's a lot more even and sleek now, even if it does get tangled up easily. It's a bit longer as well. We all walk inside and start looking for clothes in various sizes. We grab all jackets without holes, all pants, all hats, socks and underwear we can find. I end up in the child's section to find something in my size. Kokichi is probably gonna need stuff from here too. I grab all shirts without any necessary sequins or glitter. No skrits or shorts are allowed, the thicker the clothes are the better. We need coverage. As soon as my bags are filled I find the others."I found food as well, so my bags are already full. I'm done." Sakura closes her bag."I'm done too. Leon?"He nods."Let's get out of here."I push the button for the gate again and it starts closing. I run out before it closes. It's loud and cranky, but at least it works. We all start running down the escalators to get to the car as soon as possible. I have two heavy bags in my arms and one on my back, I'm clearly slower than the others. Right as I'm about to pass through the doors of the mall, something gets stuck in my hair, and I'm being pulled back. A sharp pain goes through my shoulder. I fumble with my screwdriver for a moment before I can stab the thing I got stuck in. I get unstuck and take a few steps back before I stab the thing again. It's a walker. I stab it again and again until it drops to the floor. I put a hand on my shoulder. It's bleeding. It bit me.Leon and Sakura have stopped. They must have noticed that I wasn't following them anymore. "Hey, Kid, are you oka-"They notice my shoulder. "Did it-""Yes, it fucking bit me. I'm fine, let's just go.""Are you sure you can wa-""YES I can walk. It bit my shoulder, not my leg."I walk past them and sit down in the car. I need to stop the bleeding soon. I grab a shirt from one of the bags and rip off a piece of the fabric. I wrap it around the wound tightly to stop the bleeding. I refuse to look at the others. Mikan stitched me up. It hurt like hell but it was worth it. Only Mikan, Sakura and Leon know it's a bite. The others think I I was hurt when something fell down on me or something, I don't know the whole story. I'm leaned against Gonta again next to the campfire. All I can think of is how much time I have left. It can't be more than maybe two weeks, maybe even less. I don't know. All I know is that the infection is slowly spreading throughout my body, killing me. I pull myself closer to Gonta. If I want somebody to hold me while I die, I want it to be him. I can't help but feel safe when I'm with him. He's the only person in this entire camp I'd trust with my name. I don't even know him that well, but his soul is just so... pure. I don't know why I feel like this but... I do. Maybe I like it. Having someone to trust for once. "...Gonta?""Yes?""Can hou promise to keep a secret? And don't freak out, please."He nods."Of course! Gonta great at keeping secrets!"His grammar isn't the best, but that's okay. I don't care. I carefully stand up to whisper in his ear."I'm not injured. I'm bitten."I can see Gontas smile fade as he realizes what I'm saying. "Promise not to tell anyone.""Gonta promise."I sit back down next to him. He pulls me closer than before, like he needs to protect me. I don't mind being protected by him. I'm not allowed to do any work until my "injury" is "healed". I'm stuck at camp, cleaning and stuff. Kirumi tried teaching me how to sew and adjust clothes, but I'm no good with a needle and thread. I'm basically just staying in my tent all day, thinking of death. I can't help it, I have to. I'm dying, I'm allowed to think about it. I'm looking up at the roof of the tent. I want to sleep my day away, not doing anything. I don't even want to help. Talk to the others. I just want to... get it over with. Would anyone be angry if I just... did it? Would it be selfish if I did? Or do I have to stay here until it's time? I force myself to stand up. I cover the skin around the bite with a jacket and leave the tent. It's getting visibly infected and hurts to the touch. Some of the girls from the stay-at-home group are sitting by the fire, cooking lunch. I grab a blanket and sit down next to the fire."How is your shoulder doing, Kid?"Kaede sits down beside me and tries to move my jacket. I push her hand away."It's getting better, slowly. I wish it could heal a bit faster though."I wrap the blanket tighter around me. Even if it's almost summer, in the middle of the day and I'm sitting next to a fire, I'm still freezing. Maybe it's the infection messing with me. "I'm bored. I can't contribute in any way.""You could... help us peel potatoes? We have another twenty potatoes to peel. If you want to contribute, I mean."I nod slightly. It's not the funniest thing to do, but it's something. I grab a potato and a peeler. Can you eat raw potato skin? What does it taste like? Is it good? I have to stop myself from putting the peel in my mouth. Then I notice how hungry I actually am. I haven't been eating in four days, since the accident. Maybe that's a side effect from the infection, or it's a side effect from the depression. "Hey, uh... how long until the food's ready? I'm... rather hungry." "An hour maybe? If you're hungry I could bring you a snack..."I shake my head."I don't want to take food from someone else who might need it more."I'm about to die soon anyways. "No no no, you're not taking anything. And, you haven't eaten in a while, right? You need it.""Kaede, I'll be fine. I need to go to Mikan soon anyways. Okay? I'll be fine, I promise."God, I really am becoming a softie. Having to make sure that someone else is fine rather than putting myself first? I barely recognize myself. I pick up another potato and start peeling it. I have no energy. I feel like I need to go back to sleep, but I also want to help. I'm taking painkillers to, well, kill the pain, but we can't do more than that. The only thing we could do if someone is bit is to quickly amputate the body part, but becaus it's in my shoulder we can't really do that. I would have bled out instead. After I've peeled five potatoes, I stand back up."I'm going to Mikan..."I pull the blanket around me and force myself over to the nurse's tent. She quickly pulls down the cover to the entrance. I sit down on one of her pillows."I'm dying faster than I thought I would..." I remove my jacket, shirt and bandage so Mikan can take a look. She makes a face when she sees my skin. It's turning yellow and green, and my veins are visible. I'm rotting."Why can't I just... do it? Can't I just get a gun and stop it? Wouldn't that be better?"She shakes her head."Suicide is prohibited. I'm not letting you go until it's time.""Isn't it time yet? I'm rotting, Mikan. I'm probably going to be dead by the end of the week anyways."I sigh."I'm in pain. And... I don't want everyone else see me go.""They don't have to. You can be completely alone if you want to-""No, I don't want that either. I want... I want to... I want to have Gonta by my side. Maybe Sakura and Mondo too. And Leon. Is that weird?" "Of course not. They are your friends after all, right?"I can't move. I can't tell if I'm warm or cold. I'm coughing up blood. I'm dying and I know it. It's happening now. Kaede has been bringing me food every morning and night for the past few days. She probably will now too. I can only hope she comes before it's too late.I was right. I don't know how long it takes before she comes, but it feels like hours. "Hey, kid, it's time for breakfa- oh god!""G-get... Mikan... please..."I can't see her. I can only stare up, but I can hear her footsteps. After what feels like another couple of hours, I hear more footsteps outside my tent. Someone grabs my arms and leans my body against theirs. It's Gonta. Mikan, Mondo, Sakura and Leon are there too. Everyone I told Mikan I wanted to be there when I died. My friends. I barely have any energy to say anything."Mondo...?""Yeah?""The gun... in the corner...""...No...""You have to... as soon as I go... so I don't turn into one of them."My vision is blurry, but I can see him crawl over to the corner and grab it. Gonta puts his arms around my chest. His entire body is shaking: he's crying. He knows what's happening. A single tear falls down my cheek. I'm completely drained of energy. I don't know for how much longer I can hold on to the tiny string of life I'm clinging to. I can't even keep my eyes open."Chihiro Fujisaki.""What?"Leon sounds confused."That's my name. Chihiro Fujisaki."I close my eyes completely and finally let go. It's not as painful as I thought it would be. It feels more like... release. Almost like I'm floating. All the pain is gone. Finally.