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"I date men, not boys. And until you can be one, I don't think we should see each other anymore." I remembered that night well. It was one filled with passion and heart wrenching heartbreak. As much as I hated myself for doing it, I knew it'd needed to be done. He would never learn if I didn't teach him. He didn't love me and he didn't want me. He was in love with the idea of me. He worshipped a life he'd only heard and read about, seen on TV screens, but never did he actually want to dig directly to the core and learn about where I come from, where my people come from, my beginning nor my end. "Sade?" my friend, Karinni shook my shoulder."Are you ready? We're getting ready to start." She looked worried. I wouldn't blame her. I'd been zoning out ever since he'd left three weeks ago and it was starting to take a toll on how I interacted with everyone around me. "I'm ready. Sorry," I shook her off.I hated to be so cold, but as much as I liked to pretend I could, I didn't know how to deal with the situation and I didn't want to bother her with my problems. I sat down in the seat and adjusted the mic. "Are you sure you're ready?" Karinni called from the other side of the room.She helped her boyfriend, Crew, with the camera. I nodded. I just wanted to record this cover and get out of here. Being around others was beginning to become too much. "As I Am Kehlani cover. Take one!" Karinni shouted out and the music began to play.I closed my eyes and let it wash over me.
In my head every time I take a step it's on the clouds
Feeling like a whole lot of power and I don't need a crown
'Cause you know the royals you never get to fall in love anyways
And if you couldn't tell I'm falling even more every day
And every time you kiss me I hear a song
When you look at me it's like nothing's ever wrong
Maybe I'm bad for living in this fantasy
One where you're almost as in love with me
"Stop it!" I squealed and ran around the house, hiding behind a huge honeysuckle bush. "Sade," he sang my name, sending chills down my spine. It was bad enough his voice was deep as all get out, but then he knew just what to do to make it sound completely seductive. "Where are you, baby?" He stealthily creeped through and searched through more bushes. Then, all was quiet.
"You didn't think you could hide from me that easy, did you?" I felt warm breath by my ear and a hand slide around my waist. "How did you catch me?" I squirmed in his hold. "Little man can always find you," he chuckled in my ear and pressed his lower half into my backside. I rolled my eyes and pushed away from him, smiling. "I'm kidding. You know you giggle really loud? And I could hear your bracelet dangling from across the yard." He plucked the anniversary gift he had given me and leaned down for a kiss.
As I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, Iam, with you
Yeah yeah yeah yeah, baby baby
As I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, with you
Can you put those hands on my body and baby just feel me?
If I gave you the chance to hold my soul would you just feel me, see the real me?
"Take it!" He thrust into me roughly as I puffed and moaned, scratching at his back. For the first time, we were experiencing each other in a new light. Discovering one another in a more intimate way than we'd ever thought possible. "Oh, God," I whispered and let go, allowing the warmth to envelope me. He finished and we rolled over and pulled the covers over us. "Don't ever leave me," he kissed the top of my head that was buried in the crook of his neck and continued to stroke up and down my back. "Never," I whispered. "I love you too much."
Realizing what I'd said, I froze and held my breath for the words I feared he wouldn't utter. "I love you too." We were complete.
Cause I love that if you do
I would owe all my happiness to you
If you couldn't tell baby my smile has been brand new, yeah
And every time you kiss me I hear a song
When you look at me it's like nothing's ever wrong
Maybe I'm bad for living in the fantasy
One where you're almost as in love with me
As I continued to sing, emotions hit me left and right and I had to force the tears back. I had no clue why I'd chosen this song. It was only proving that he was someone I didn't want to live without and that I'd possibly ruined a relationship with forever. All I could think of was him---Namjoon.A/N: This in no way depicts any negative feelings towards Namjoon. I believe he has a definite love for black culture and I know he's very conscious, at least by now, of the atmosphere and society around him. I would actually love to see him and the others experience much more of it, though. Sorry this is so short. Hope it was enjoyable. Thanks for subscribing!
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Again, I threw another ball of paper into the trash can, frustrated. Every lyric I tried to write just wasn't working and it was all her fault. I couldn't stop thinking about her. She wiggled her way into every crevice of my mind and warped it. Everything revolved around her, and ironically, she wanted nothing to do with me. This was no love story. This was a story of the death of a relationship once cherished. But even though I prayed it would be mended, I don't even know if it could be. "Namjoon-ah? Are you still working on lyrics?" Yoongi popped up behind his dongsaeng. "Ne," I nodded my head."I can't seem to get them right. I keep messing up. None of this is any good!" I angrily motioned to the wastebasket beside me. Yoongi leaned against the side of my desk. "Can't stop thinking about her?" he asked. He knew about the entire situation between the fourth oldest member and the 'Sade' he had met while in LA while filming for American Hustle Life. What he didn't understand was why Namjoon didn't just project his feelings into the music. It was just that simple, but he was obviously struggling, and deadlines were coming up, so, hyung had to come and save the day."I don't know what it is, hyung. We only stayed in LA for a little while. The entire relationship should have been a fling, but I can't get her out of my head. She didn't want to be with me because I'm not a man? How much more of a man can I become? I've pleased her in ways millions of other girls can only imagine that I'd do to them. I've written poems and sung songs for her. Hell, I even met her parents once! She liked me and I liked her. So why did she break up with me and why can't I get her out of my head?"Yoongi shook his head. "No, you loved her. You're this hung up over her? You loved her. And I don't know about her, but it was hard to keep the two of you apart. I'd be willing to bet that she still feels the same way about you. But, in the meantime, until you can work things out, write it down. What do you want to say to her? Let the music speak. What does Kim Namjoon want to say to the woman he loves?"The smooth rapper pushed off the desk and back-walked to the door. "When you can figure that out, come find me. We've got music to make and CDs to sell."
'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
Here we go again, I thought. If yesterday hadn't proven it, today certainly did. I was stuck in an endless cycle punishing myself for pushing away one of the sweetest and most caring people in the world that I know. When I thought about it, though, I couldn't fully blame myself for what I'd done. He didn't understand and if he couldn't then our relationship would be built on nothing but lies, hurt, and ignorance. I couldn't take that. It was too much and it wasn't fair--to either of us. I questioned myself, though. Often. Was I asking him to do something he wasn't yet ready for? But in a way, I was helping his career. To be the best, you have to watch and study from the best. And in order to do that, you have to know that what you broadcast is something you're actually knowledgeable about. I thought about the first episode of American Hustle Life. After I'd met Namjoon, I decided to watch the show. It was my little way of being with him when I wasn't physically there. And I noticed something, as I'm sure the other millions upon trillions of fans that they had did too. BTS knew hiphop, but they didn't know hiphop. Sure, they knew the basics and knew what they'd seen on their little screens and heard on their little phones, but they were still out of the loop. It wasn't a lifestyle to them. It wasn't til death do you part because it's the only way you have to survive. They didn't understand the severity of it.Reminiscing over the show, a small smile that slowly simmered into a frown came upon my face as I remembered episode five and six of the "season". They had to pick up women. And they didn't choose just any kind of woman. They chose black women. Obviously black women. Did they pick them up because they were black and because hiphop markets scantily clad melanin-rich women shaking their asses, or because they were genuinely beautiful people that they thought had 'dope' style and nice personalities? I honestly believed it when I told him he had some growing up and learning to do. Just because you date a black woman, doesn't mean you actually want one. I reached in my back pocket and pulled out a small picture of us at the fair. He'd licked me on the cheek and held me still while I tried to get away. We ended up making out and a security guard had to tell us to go somewhere more private if Namjoon wanted to roll around with 'someone like her'. He understood the hostility in the man's voice, and yet still failed to see why I was so upset. He couldn't see what truly lie behind that man's words. He couldn't see that even though America claims to be open minded and has not an inkling of racism, it lurks beneath us, slinking around, just waiting to destroy lives.A tear slipped down my cheek.For someone so smart with top scores, he's so dumb.
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"Will you please just call him?"Karinni handed me a cup of tea. "Why should I?"I took a sip and continued to stare out over the ocean of my balcony. "Sade, you've been staring at the ocean all day. It's beginning to get depressing. If you don't go crazy, I think I just might." I shrugged. What was the point? I'm quite sure he hasn't learned anything yet. If he had, he would have contacted me by now. True to herself, Karinni always seemed to know what I was thinking."You know you can't expect him to figure out something without direction. Hell, most of America is blind to what you're trying to get him to realize. Do you really think he's going to figure it out? He's a guy. He needs things to be put simply. Bluntly."I pursed my lips. She was right...that still didn't mean that I wanted to give in, though. I sighed. "True. Where's Crew?" She leaned back in her chair. "Setting up in the studio. He got a new camera and wanted to make sure everything was good before we recorded anything."Karinni was a dancer, majoring in hiphop, lyrical, and ballet. She had the makings of a great star, yet she settled for her simple life of recording videos to post on YouTube. I'd tried to convince her to go further, but she just said it was never her time. When the time was right, she would know. "What song are you doing?" "Treat Me Like Somebody by Tink."I nodded. "Can't wait to see."I took another sip and continued to watch the ocean. Eventually, she sighed and got up. "Think about what I said."
Us meeting isn't just coincidence
Meeting you was what I wanted
You're a flower and I'm a bee
You're honey and I'm a bear
She wasn't picking up. She tells me not to call until I've 'become a man' and she doesn't answer the phone. Frustrated, I threw my phone on the bed. I'd give anything to see her again, hear her voice, but she wasn't giving me a chance and I didn't know when the next time we'd be going back to LA would be."Dammit!" I cursed and stared at the ceiling. I wondered what she was doing. Probably recording videos with her best friend, Karinni. She would have her hair curled to perfection, like springs. And she wouldn't have on any makeup because she believed it aged people. She didn't grow up wearing it and didn't care to wear it now. Her body would be covered in a shirt too big, but fit her just perfectly with shorts just long enough to be considered respectful. And she'd have on those cute knee high socks I got her. She loved wearing them and wore them whenever we cuddled after filming. She had no jewlery to wear except for the studs in her ear and nose. She had a bellybutton ring, but she didn't like to show it off. That privelege, she reserved for someone she actually wanted to give her body to. Me. I rolled over and tried her again, only to end up straight to voicemail. Running a hand through my hair, I left her a message. All I could do was wait for her to return my call.
Hey, baby. It's Rapmonster, Namjoon. I just...wanted to hear your voice. You haven't contacted me at all.
I don't know what's going on between us, but I really need to speak with you. I want you back.
I don't want to give up on us and I'd like to know why we're apart in the first place. Give me a call when you get this.
....I love you.
I clenched my jaw and took a deep breath. What Karinni had said was true. I couldn't keep avoiding him and expecting him to learn something about a place half way around the world. He didn't live here every day. Of course he wouldn't know. I pressed the call button and waited for the dial tone to be interrupted.
"Yoboseyo?"
"Hey...Namjoon. It's me."
"Sade? Hey! I missed you. How've you been?"
"Fine. ...You?"
Our conversation was tense and I hated it. We used to talk and laugh for hours on end about nothing and we couldn't anymore. I hated it.
"Listen, Sade. I need to have a talk with you. About what you said to me."
I bit my lower lip.
"Yeah?"
"Ne. I don't understand. I'm a man. All the time we spent together? I think I would have proven just how much of a man I am."
I rolled my eyes. Of course he would resort to his sexual prowess, or rather his lack thereof considering I was his first and lead him through the act we'd performed multiple times that night.
"You're missing the point. Listen, I need someone who can handle me and all I've got to give."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means, Nam, that right now you can't. Do you know about anything that's going on over here right now?"
"No, what does that have to do with anything."
"Look up these names. Michael Brown. Eric Garner. Call me when you got something. I'll talk to you later."
He rushed to keep me on the phone, but I was done for then. I'd give him some time to research and then regroup. I wanted him to get this. His future depended on it. We depended on it and like Karinni said, someone had to be there to guide the way.
"Bye, Namjoon. ...I love you too."
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It was his fault.
He deserved it.
Another thug off the street. I'm glad he's dead.
Do you know what he's done? ***** deserved it.
Does it matter?
They were really going through it. America was crashing, spiraling out of control and surrendering to the hatred and lies that spewed from people's mouths and brewed from their actions. He couldn't believe it. How could people be so cruel? How could they completely disregard the value in a human life? How could they judge him so harshly and strike upon him with their weighty gavels as if they'd never done anything wrong? As if what he'd done gave anyone the right to take away his life and leave his family lying awake at night, praying to God that this was just a dream and their beloved would walk through the door again and wrap them in their arms just as they'd always done? A husband was lost, a son was lost, a dad was lost....one of God's children was lost. Once again by another of God's children who made it their mission to take all power into his hands, as if he had the right. As if...he had...the right. He scratched his platinum blonde hair and leaned back, stretching his muscles sore from sitting and researching all day. When would it all end? When was this evil and chaos going to be over?Never.He understood Sade was trying to get across a deathly important point, but what was it? He'd researched. What now? Was the answer supposed to just pop into his head? Was it supposed to dawn on him that quick? It didn't. And he was still as lost as he always was. He sighed and looked at the clock. A little after 9:30 pm. She would be asleep. He'd have to call her later. He needed clarification. Without it, where could they move on from here?2:58 pm. Yet I still didn't want to call him. I know I was supposed to fight for our relationship, but a part of me kept insisting that my efforts would go to waste and there was no point. Perhaps that could have been another prime example of how society had beaten into the public's heads the idea that love wasn't worth fighting for and other races didn't care about your own. Perhaps not. Who knew?
Sittin' here thinkin' 'bout yesterday
About what we did and how we used to play
Just the thought of you brings a smile upon my face
That's how it makes me feel to see you every day
Where we go, nobody knows
And what we do, is between me and you
So c'mon and take my hand, to that special place
Where smiles come to life and dreams come true
A hard knock came at my door, interrupting me brushing my hair."Come in," I softly called.Karinni shuffled in tiredly. "Sade, you know I love you. I really do, but please, go to bed."I looked at apologetically."Sorry, Ri. I just can't sleep."The Greek goddess flopped on my bed."Gee, I can't imagine why," she replied sarcastically. I frowned and put my brush down, turning around to look at her. "Don't start, Ri. Please? You know how I feel about him."Karinni rolled over, her hair waterfalled over her face in a dark auburn curtain."Exactly. That's why you need to get off your ass and stop being so damn stubborn. This has been going on for weeks. You look miserable and you're making me miserable. Even Crew, the king of the silent lip emo vibe, is starting to get annoyed. You're bringing him down."I pursed my lips and sucked my teeth."Didn't know I was such a bother.""You're not. You're just being your usual stubborn idiot self. Call the damn boy. For everyone's sake.""No.""Sade...""No!" Karinni narrowed her eyes at me and grabbed my phone."What are you doing?" I nervously inched forward."Something that should have been done a long time ago. Calling Namjoon."Before I could screech at her no to, she thrust the phone in my face. "Answer."With wide eyes, I placed the phone to my ear. "Nam?""Yobeoseyo?"
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"Sade?"I glared at Karinni before sitting down on the edge of my bed. "Hey, Mon." "I thought you would be asleep.""Couldn't. ...Too much on my mind.""Like?"I hesitated. Even when he was here it was hard for me to express my feelings. "You. Me. Us...if I'm going about this in the right way."I heard shifting on the other side.
"I read the articles about the guys you told me about. What exactly are you trying to say? This is something big, I get that, but what are you getting at? Some guys were killed. Wrongly, but what does that have to do with me?"
I clenched my jaw. "It means you need to own the black struggle as well as our music. You may not have known about it, but you just found out. I know you saw the feedback America got from those killings and the descision not to indict that bastard, so I know you ought to have an opinion. Don't be like those good-for-nothin' people that declare they're all about black culture and in love with hiphop and then not stick up for the fucking bullshit we have to put up with. It's trifling and it's disgusting. Don't do that." I was incredibly pissed and met with silence. How dare he say something like that? What does it have to do with you? Fucking everything! Don't claim only one part of the life and art you worship. Be there when we really need you because as quickly as we brought you up, we you can tear your trashy empire down.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look, that's not what I'm trying to do. I'm all for his ass being locked up but there's nothing I can do! And furthermore I don't understand what it has to do with us!"
I swallowed."It means, Namjoon, if you can't accept and stand up for my people and my rights when I really need you, then we can't be together. I need for you to be there for me. What we go through and what I do as well.""What the hell are you talking about, Sade? I'm always there for you, and I will always be there for you whenever you need me. Even if I did agree with the verdict, which I don't, the situation has nothing to do with us. I love you for you. Not those other assholes that think they can just go around and kill whoever they want without getting busted for it. This is you and me, not us and them. Only. Fucking. Us. And I will be damned if you let go of us over that bull. I accept all of you and every piece of fucking shit that comes with it. Do you hear me? Do you understand?" His voice was shaky, filled with rage that I'd made such a comment. I could understand where he was coming from. And I knew he always had my back, no matter what. I honestly didn't even know what my doubts had been based on. Except distrust, but I was certain I trusted him. I had to. He was my one and only and I couldn't deny that any longer. I guessed I'd taken to long to answer because he'd snapped and asked me again. "Yes," I whispered."Good. Now get your ass over here. I haven't seen you in forever.""Mon, I can't just pack up everything and come visit you."
"Yes, you can. I've got a little saved up. And I know you aren't doing anything. I miss you. Just...stop thinking about everything and come visit me. Please. 제발, just come!"
I chewed my lower lip. "I don't know..."The phone was snatched from my hand. "Hey, Namjoon? Yeah, it's me, Rini. She'll go. If you need any help just call me and we can work out the arrangments. Uh huh, yeah, OK. Bye.""Here. Don't screw this up." Karinni looked at me pointedly. "And you can thank me later. Goodnight." She kissed me on the cheek.I pouted and put the phone back to my ear. "Namjoon? Stop conspiring against me with my best friend."He laughed huskily.
"Baby girl, I would never."
I could almost hear the smirk in his voice. I smiled. It seemed like everything was right in our world."I love you."
"나도 자기야. 나도 사랑해."
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The flight to Seoul was long and tedious, but I was excited. While others on the plane slept their way through, I could barely manage to close my eyes. I was ready to explore and learn new things and meet new people, and most importantly, reunite with the man who's changing my life. And who I'm falling in love with. After our conversation on the phone the week before, we'd been talking nonstop whenever we had a free moment. It was difficult with the difference in time zone, but we made it work. I sat up as the stewardess called attention for the plane to land. We were descending upon the mother of all Kpop. Many thought Korea had been around since forever, but it was still a relatively young country, but even so, it was advanced. That, I could tell already. I shot Namjoon a quick text letting him know we were landing and oddly, a wave of butterflies swarmed my stomach. Why I was nervous, I had no clue. We've been together for two months, and it still feels like we're just meeting for the first time. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my ringtone, Brandy and her crew bumping Wanna Be Down, Remix edition, as we were exiting the plane. I followed the crowd towards the baggage claims as I answered my phone. "Hello?" a soft smile crossed my face. "Hey." His voice was deep and husky, one of the things that caught my attention first. "I see you.""Oh really now?" I flirted. "I just texted you. You zoomed here pretty quick.""Did you really think I would be late picking up my girl?"I bowed to the woman handing me my bags and looked around. "You never know," I giggled. "Oh, well I see I'll have to change that, huh? Gotta have faith in me, girl." I could hear the smile in his voice; I could practically see the deep indentations of his dimples in his cheeks. "I have plenty. Now where are you? I don't want to look like a weirdo standing in the middle of the floor looking around.""You know, you should really pay attention to your surroundings," he chuckled.I felt long hands wrap around my waist and pull me against a body. Warm breath sent a shiver down my spine. The feeling was extremely familiar."Guess who."
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I squealed and whipped around, welcoming the comforting warmth of his lips enveloping mine. "You know Korea's pretty conservative, right?" he whispered in between peppering me with kisses."You know I don't give a damn, right? I missed you." I pulled away from him, a small tear fighting to fall through. "I really missed you, Joonie," my voice cracked.The now blonde and pink-haired bastard chuckled. "Hey, don't go pullin' water works on me now. I'm not going anywhere."He pecked me on the lips once more before looking around warily.It was then that I noticed he was covered from head to toe, aside from a tuft of hair, in clothing even though it was only the beginning of the end of hot summer. Of course, I'd forgotten all about the fact that if he slipped one bit of clothing off the people around this airport would flock to him like ants at a picnic. "Oh my gosh, baby. I'm so sorry; I completely forgot. We need to get out of here quick, don't we?" He looked down at me with huge dimples in his cheeks. "It's fine. Are you ready?" Nodding, we quickly slipped out of the airport and into a van driven by another man. "Will I get to meet the boys?" I turned to him. "Of course," he replied and cuddled me under his arm more. "I'm really happy to be here. It killed me that we were apart, but I wanted you to understand." I pressed my nose into his neck. He lifted my head and looked me in the eyes. "Let's talk about that later," he whispered and captured my lips in one swoop. His tongue fought its way through, demanding dominance as he angled his head to kiss me deeper. As much as I tried (and I truly did), I lost the battle and surrendered, settling to wrap his strands of silky hair around my fingers. I tugged and leaned into him more, enjoying his quiet groans. The only sounds that could be heard from our spot in the back seat was the sound of lips parting and reconnecting. Slowly, his hand inched over my thigh and slipped down to lightly stroke my core. I gasped and let loose a low whine."Joonie, not in here. That guy's up there."I leaned my head back so I could further enjoy the warm feeling of him sucking on my pulse point. The sensation flew straight down. God, I wanted him to touch me more, but I was not about to do that with that guy up front. At least, not when I just got here. I don't want to seem like a major hoe when they first meet me. "He's not watching." His long fingers tickled their way up my stomach and grasped my right breast."No," I moaned. He tweaked my nipple and bit my ear."Yes," I gasped and thrust my heat closer to him. I was so lost in him I didn't even notice that the van had stopped and we were actually the only ones still in the van. That is, until a frantic knock came at the window by Namjoon's head, startling me so much I pushed him away and jerked his hand from under my shirt. "Fuck!" I cursed. Namjoon laughed and waved off the cheerful boy outside the window waving like a chicken with its head cut off. "We'll definitely be doing that later," he kissed my lip and winked, biting it in the process. "Come on."
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I met the boys over a meal ‘Mama Jin’ had cooked. Apparently Namjoon had told them all about me and they were all pretty excited to say the least, especially Taehyung who couldn’t stop talking for a single second. “Noona,” Jungkook took a bite out of his steak. “Hyung won’t stop talking about you,” he snickered, earning a pointed glare from Namjoon. I chuckled and shushed my man. “I would say the same about you,” I winked at him and laughed at his flustered face. “The entire time we were together, he only talked about you and the boys. I’ve been itching to meet you since we met.” “Itching?” Taehyung cocked his head to the side cutely. “Excited,” I clarified. “I hope you don’t mind me staying here?” I asked them. Namjoon and I had agreed I would stay for at least two months. His manager had already cleared it, but only if I help them in their English studies and music. “Ne,” Hoseok cheerfully reassured me. I nodded and smiled. As we talked over dinner I learned more and more about each and every one of them. Hoseok and Taehyung were very bright and bubbly while Yoongi and Jin were the more quieter bunches of the group. And the relationship between Jungkook and Jimin rang clear and true. They had the perfect bromance. They were truly all brothers and seeing him so happy being with the ones he called family invoked a feeling so proud and bright in me, I knew I couldn't bare to ever see him down. After a while, it came time for everyone to sleep and Yoongi called me over. “Yeah?” “What’s your purpose for being here?” His abrupt question caught me off guard. I knew he could be slightly intimidating, but I didn't know he was this rude. “What do you mean?” “What do you want with Namjoon?” he clarified. I held my head high. “I want to be there for him and I want us to be together. I want our relationship to be mended. I really like him.” “Love him?” “Huh?” “Do you love him?” he repeated. He had nerve, but he still had the right to ask. Oddly enough, I hesitated. Did I? We’d only known each other for a few months, yet I was always thinking about him. “You could say that…but let us handle that. Yeah?” He looked at me carefully, his orange fringe parting slightly to look me hard in the eye. “If anything happens to him, I won’t forgive you. He really cares for you.” _______________________________ We lay in our bed snuggled with my head on his chest. Since the boys weren't exactly naive no matter how much fans thought they were, and they already knew it'd be awkward enough with them in the room, they had sacrificed a bit of space to give us our own room. "Namjoon," I started. "What are we going to do?" He furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?" His voice was a low rumble against my ear. I adjusted myself so my chin jutted into his chest. “I mean, where do we go from here? Now that I’m here and we’re back together, what do we do so we don’t end back at where we were?” He was silent for a moment before he answered and sighed.“Well, I guess we just continue to love each other, and understand each other, and not shut each other out. We’ve got to be a team, co-captains.” I snickered. “Has anyone ever told you just how corny you are?” He winked. “You love it. Has anyone ever told you you’re incredibly crazy beautiful?” I raised a brow. “Plenty,” I joked. He gasped playfully. “Wow, and here I thought I’d swept you off your feet.” I leaned up to kiss his cheek. “You did, Mr. Cheese. You charmed my pants off.” “Those panties, too. How about you show me just how charming I was?” He squeezed my hips gently and tugged me to lay over him. “Mmm,” I straddled his waist and leaned to whisper in his ear. “What would you like first, daddy?”
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He swiftly helped me remove his thin shirt to reveal his defined abs. Most wouldn’t think it, but Namjoon was actually quite built. His chest was hard, accentuated with small, pink buttons on each breast and his arms were to die for. They were my absolute favorite part of his body. Dancing had clearly helped define him. His biceps were rock hard and the muscle showed through clearly. I slowly slinked my way up his body, leaving a trail of butterfly kisses up to his face. My lips folded over his and he responded eagerly. He pulled back to nip at my lower lip and I parted my lips to grant him entrance. Like the hunter he was, he dove right in in a battle for dominance, pressing our lips so hard together that our noses crushed and made our heavy breathing audible. “God, I missed you,” he panted and licked my neck. “Sure you didn’t just want my body?” I teased him and squealed as he flipped us over. “Well, that’s a perk too,” he chuckled as I playfully pushed him and pulled off my tank top. He unbuckled the clasp of my bra and ripped it off to capture a nipple in his mouth. “Baby,” I gasped. “They might be able to hear us.” His tongue swirled around my hardened nipple as he thoroughly massaged my other breast. “Then I suggest you keep it down,” he whispered in my ear and proceeded to muffle my moans with his mouth. His wandering fingers pulled at my shorts and I lifted my lower half to help get them off. After he’d dutifully unwrapped me from my clothes, he leaned back to stare down at me quietly. I raised a brow questioningly. “Joon…” He cocked his head to the side. “While I don’t mind your staring at all, mind telling me why you’re still partially clothed?” He leaned back and placed my hands on his zipper. “Go ahead,” he chuckled. Rolling my eyes, I leaned forward to grasp his zipper between my teeth and drag it down, making sure to press against his erection. His eye twitched cutely. He couldn’t hide anything from me. He put up a tough front, but he was just as turned on as I was. After completely naked, he pushed me back gently. “I’ve waited forever to do this again,” he murmured and arranged himself to settle at the apex of my core. My breathing quickened with anticipation. “Hurry, Jo--” my breath hitched with the first intrusion of his slick tongue into my dripping cavern. "Shit," I whimpered and pulled him in closer by my grip on his hair. He was ravenous. He ate me as if he'd just found water. His muscle snaked its way in and out, lapping at each fold before he finally settled on the thing that made every girl cum--my clit. He latched on tightly and sucked, spurred on by my groans. I didn't care anymore if they could hear me. My handsome devil was eating me out deliciously and I was enjoying every single second of it. He held my bucking hips down and loudly slurped. That was what drove me to my peak. That's how it had always been. Sound had always been my weakness. With one final suck and nip, the tight knot within the pit of my stomach broke and I shot into a curve like an archer's bow.My orgasm was so powerful the most I could do was silently scream. Without giving me time to calm down, he sunk into me, filling me to the brim. He had slipped his condom of well endowment on during my violent throes. "You're so tight," he groaned. "Always so tight." I gazed at him with glazed eyes. "Please move," I begged him. Forever honoring my request, he pulled out to the tip before slamming back into me, drawing a high pitched yip from me. His thrusts were long and powerful. He had needed this. We had needed this. Fitfully, I pleaded for him to go faster. Harder. Deeper. Close to his breaking point, he pulled out to flip me over and swiftly thrust back in, working my clit furiously and with great prowess. God, he was always so talented with his hands, almost as much as he was with his mouth. My body surged forward with each thrust, each one more powerful and bruising than the next. Quickly, we began to reach our end and as per usual, he knew exactly what I needed to get me to that blessed finish line. Keeping rhythm with his thrust, he leaned forward to serve the final blow that would send the both of us into eternal bliss. "You wanna cum?" he rasped. I nodded frantically, too breathless to answer. "What do you say, baby girl? Who do you wanna cum to?" His warm breath tickled the nape of my neck. "You, daddy! Shit!" I cursed and fell to the bed, all of the strength of my arms having quickly fled. He pumped twice more before falling forward and groaning into my neck. He rolled off of me and took off the condom, tying it up and tossing it in the trash. I curled against him when he lay back down. "You've, " I still panted for air. "You've been watching porn again haven't you?" His deep laugh reverberated the room. "Right, Joon?"
The sound of my phone ringing several hours later woke me up. It was 4am. That meant it was 3pm back home. "Hello?" I answered groggily. "Sade..." Karinni's tearful voice immediately woke me up. "What's wrong?" Karinni hardly ever cried, not even when she'd been dancing and ended up snapping her bone in half having landed incorrectly in a flip. "It's Crew," her voice shook terribly. "He's been shot. Tito and Armani. They...oh God, I don't know if he's gonna make it." I took a deep breath. They'd been together since they were kids, almost twenty years dating. I knew if anything at all happened to him, she'd never recover. Her shriek was what broke me out of my thoughts. "Karinni? Karinni!"
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If only you knew the utter fear that struck a chord in my heart. If only you knew how my pupils immediately constricted. If only you knew how my breath quickened. how that lone tear that ran down my cheek. If only you knew the history we had. If only you knew just how much he had done for me. If only you knew the things that raced through my mind. I didn’t want to picture any of them, but they beat their way into my head until I hadn’t the energy to attempt to hold them at bay. “Karinni, please answer me,” I whispered. I could hear her sobbing on the other end. “Karinni, please, God, no.” I sunk to my knees. Her muttering soon began to make sense. She was speaking in her family’s tongue of Greek. “Slow down! I can’t translate that fast. What are you saying?” I snapped. She sniffled. “It’s a miracle. He lives. The doctors just brought him out of surgery.” Whispering a prayer of thanks, I sobbed. “But, Sade….they said he’s in a coma. We...don’t know when he’ll wake, if he does.” I shook my head determinedly. “Don’t say that; he will. We just have to believe. I’m just glad he’s alive. ...Did they find Tito and Armani? Do you know why they did it?” She was silent for a moment. So silent, the quietness became deafening. “They shot him,” she paused, “because he was with me. Because we’re together. Because he’s Spanish and I’m...not.”Why do we hate what we do not understand? It’s the cause of fear, bigotry, hatred, prejudice, and discrimination. The cause of wars and depression, poverty and ruin. And now, the cause of an almost death and the reason a man who was practically my brother cannot speak, eat, connect with the world, or even be with the most important girl in his life. I abhor the men that did this to him. I knew who they were, we all did. They’d been gangsters opposed to the idea of pigments mixing to create the most beautiful colors of the rainbow. They halted beauty in its tracks. Set fire to it, leaving the stench of death and deception. They were lower than men. They were the vilest things on the planet. And I hated them dearly. “Baby, what’s wrong?” Joon’s husky voice was in my ear and he wrapped his strong arms around my waist. I took a shaky breath. “Crew’s in a coma.” Without uttering a sound, he turned me around and tucked me in his embrace, my head burrowed in his chest. “I’m sorry.” With just those remorseful words, I broke down once again. “Why does it always have to be this way?” “What way?” he looked in my eyes. “Why do bad things happen to good people?” He swallowed and gave me a peck on the lips. “To give the bad one last hoorah before their light finally burns out.”
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Weeks went by and Crew stayed in the hospital. His assault had made national news after stations got hold of the reason he was shot. Now, authorities were on the lookout for Tito and Armani, and they were coming up empty handed. That was nothing new, though. Everyone who knew the two low-lifes knew it’d be hard to track them down, and even if they were found, they already had people ready to back them up, willing and unwilling. Meanwhile, the boys were preparing for their new comeback, The Most Beautiful Moment In Life Pt. 1, and I had been helping them. I needed something to take my mind off of the situation and this was the perfect opportunity. Not to mention, I had to hold up my end of the deal I had with their manager. “Jimin, your high notes are really beautiful,” I complemented the smiling cutie. Instantly, he rewarded me with his adorable and ever so legendary and endeared eye-smile. “감사합니다!” I smiled back. “You don’t have to speak so formally. Just speak to me comfortably, like I’m your older sister.” “아아 진짜요? I nodded and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. “Yep. So you’re practicing ‘Hold Me Tight’?” I had heard small snippets of each song as they reviewed and practiced over and over again. “네. Comeback really soon.” I offered a comforting smile. The poor guy looked a little antsy. “Don’t worry. Your fans are going to love it. And I’ll be there cheering you guys on all the way.” I patted him on his back and walked off to call Karinni. I hadn’t talked to her in about two weeks and just tried to keep up to date by watching the news. When she answered the phone I could tell she’d not gotten a wink of sleep. “Babe, how’s he doing?” “Still not waking,” she sounded desperate and sluggish. But what could one expect when the love of your life was given a death sentence by those who had no right to judge. Now, she was just waiting for the final verdict. I leaned on the wall and pulled at the loose string on my sweater sleeve. “Any updates?” I could hear her shuffling around. “No,” she sighed. “Sade, I don’t know if I can take this much more.” “What do you mean?” “I mean the waiting and being afraid. He’s been like this for weeks with no improvement. What’s supposed to change? It’s just...too much.” I clenched my jaw. I loved the girl, but she was pushing on a button she did not want to press. “Listen here, Karinni. I need for you to suck it up. Forget about your fucking feelings for a second and stop being so damn weak right now. You have a man lying in a bed fighting for his life for you. You don’t stay by his side, who will? You can’t leave him to die there. You can’t give up. Because if you do, you’ll be killing him all over again and leaving him for dead just like Tito and Armani. And if you do, I’ll never forgive you. And neither will he. I’ll make sure of that. So, buck up, put your big girl panties on, and get some rest. You’re going to need your energy to take care of him when he wakes up. Trust me, you’re going to want to be around for that. Okay?” There was a pregnant pause before she spoke again. “Thanks, αδελφή. I’ll talk to you later.” I brushed her off easily. “Just make sure you take care of yourself too. I don’t need you getting hurt too. And Rini, give him a kiss for me. Bye.” ....Sometimes, all they needed was a little tough love.
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After I ended our call, I went to see what my man was doing. He was sitting with Hoseok and Yoongi gathered around a computer in one of their studios. I softly knocked on the door before leting myself in."Hey, guys", I softly greeted them over the rough beats pouring out of the speaker. "Working on a new track?" I asked Namjoon and sat beside him.He nodded distractedly and put his arm around my shoulders. Realizing he was busy, I decided to see if I could help any and closed my eyes to focus on the music. From the sounds of it, it was their song Fun Boys and they were debating on how to change the lyrics so they could perform on a television broadcasting network called KBS. I'd heard of the company before and knew they were constantly trying to get groups to switch up their lyrics because they deemed them "inappropriate". I; however, saw nothing wrong with the song. Namjoon had already translated all of the songs for me the day before and honestly, it just felt like KBS was being a bit bitchy. "Can I ask something?" I slightly raised my hand. I could see the irritation in Yoongi's shoulders from where I had interrupted him. "What?" he gritted out. I sighed and went on speaking. "Why are you trying to change it? It sounds perfect the way it is."I nudged Namjoon to translate for me since we both knew that although I had started trying to learn some, I would butcher it if I even dared to think about trying to say it in Korean."Because KBS doesn't want it that way," Hoseok explained to me gently, a slight look of sadness in his eyes."And why do we care about what KBS thinks?"I really didn't get it. So what if a dumb company didn't like your music? It wasn't the end of the world. "Because performing on KBS is what gives our fans exposure to our music. How else are they going to hear it if we don't perform it live and promote it?" the clearly hot-headed blonde said. "OK, well then how else are they going to truly experience your music? If you change the lyrics then it won't be yours anymore; it'll be KBS's. Don't you want to preserve the integrity of your music?"That's not how it works." he snapped. "How would you know? Just get out and let us concentrate! Now, now! Get out!" he angrily waved me off.I jerked back as if I had been slapped. I knew Yoongi wasn't the easiest to get along with sometimes, but he was really about to get it, so I decided to go ahead and leave the room before I was any more tempted to snap right back at him. "Let me know when you're done," I eyed Namjoon and left to fume in peace. Three hours later Joon shyly slinked into our bedroom and sat down beside my sprawled body. "Jagiya?" he nudged me. I continued scoring points on the game on my phone, ignoring him as he continuously called my name to get me to answer him. "What?" I huffed at him."What's wrong with you?" I clicked my phone and rolled over, pissed. "Seriously? You're going to ask me that after your homeboy just yelled at me three fucking hours ago???"He looked down in shame, shuffling his feet nervously. "Baby, I know, I'm sorry. But he's my hyung. I couldn't just scold him like you want me to. I have to respect my elders here.""I don't care, Joon. He's only one freaking year older than you. He'll get over it. And when someone does your girlfriend wrong, you defend them. You don't just--".He had covered my lips with his own. I tried to push him away but quickly lost the battle as I moaned and gripped his shirt to pull him closer when he caught my tongue between his teeth and sucked lightly. He pulled away slowly and pressed our foreheads together, looking into my eyes."I'm sorry. You're right. He shouldn't have spoken to you like that, no matter how frustrated he was and you didn't deserve it. Things are different here, though. Suga and I are great friends, but he's still my elder. I can't just go off on him like you want me to. However, I will talk to him."I nodded slowly and swallowed. "Don't let it happen again. The next time he tries it, I will read him."He cocked his head to the side confusedly. "Set him straight," I clarified. He chuckled and pulled me into his lap to straddle him. "I promise, baby girl.""Joon?""Hm?" He had leaned back comfortably on the wall and pulled me closer into him. He pressed his nose into the crook of my neck and nuzzled the skin there."Kiss me again? I'm getting a little horny."I felt him smirk against my neck before he tilted his head to capture my lips again and trade the position of his hands for settling one on my waist and one under my chin. After what felt like forever of making out (and maybe an orgasm or two coaxed out with a little apology finger action), we settled down to lay on the bed. I lay curled into his chest listening to the music from the upcoming album with him because Namjoon wouldn't be Namjoon if he didn't work his ever hardest trying to get something right. We were interrupted by a soft knock at the door and I volunteered to get up so he could continue concentrating. "Yes," I cracked the door open to see the rude ass that had yelled at me earlier. "Can I talk to you?" he asked me. I pursed my lips and stared hard at him."Please?" He looked extremely uncomfortable, flicking his eyes over the floor. I sighed and moved into the hallway with him."What?""I'm sorry for yelling at you. I was ....." He searched for the word in English."Frustrated?""Ne," he nodded."I'm sorry. I won't do it again." I looked at him seriously. I knew he hadn't meant it. Of course he was just upset. I just wanted him to apologize."It's okay," I shrugged and went to hug him, startling him before he slowly patted my back awkwardly. "Thanks for apologizing," I said before moving to inch back into the room.'Wait," I stopped. "When did Joon say anything to you? We've been...busy ever since he came back."His cheeks flushed lightly as he read between the lines."He, uh, it was before he left the studio."I hummed with satisfaction, one eyebrow raised. "Well, thanks again. Goodnight."Before he could suffer through another second of embarrassment, I quickly slipped back into the room and locked the door behind me before curling back up to Namjoon. Sliding my leg over his to cuddle closer, I grabbed his chin so I could bring him down to give him a long kiss."Thank you," I settled back on his chest. "You're welcome," he pecked me on the forehead and laid back to continue working.
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Weeks later the boys had completed their preparations and were gearing up for their first performance of their comeback on Music Bank and as promised, I had helped [attempted] to help them prepare for the great feat I knew they would succeed at accomplishing. They were all gathered backstage ready to run on stage and 'turn up' with the crowd. And as usual, they were nervous, but extremely excited. I leaned against the wall, Namjoon's hand settled beside my head. "You know you're going to kill it, right?" I smiled brightly and wrapped my arms loosely around his head. "Of course, since you're here," he winked.I rolled my eyes. "Please, don't try and charm me.""Why? Afraid something might happen if I do?" he smirked. I scoffed. "Don't start something you can't finish, Mr. Kim." I pushed him away and directed him towards the edge of the stage. "Now, go. It's time." He thumped his cheek."Don't I get a kiss for good luck?" Instead of pecking his cheek, I gave him a long kiss. "There's more where that came from later." I winked and waved at the rest of the boys who were trying not to look as if they were watching us. "Good luck boys! Make us proud!"Watching Namjoon perform was honestly, pretty orgasmic. I could see why millions of girls, and some boys, would willingly drop their panties at the drop of a dime for him if he asked. His flow and swag was amazing. His entire essence on stage blew my mind as he rapped effortlessly and without ceasing. When he looked out at the crowd I could tell he knew he had us mesmerized at his power. His dark eyes slid over us sultrily and when they landed on me, I felt myself get just a little bit wet. I was ensnared in his song and he knew it. He had me right where he wanted me. I hid in a dark corner in the hallway at the end of their set. One-by-one they passed me unknowingly. Namjoon was the last one and I grabbed him right before he entered his dressing room. "What--?"I shushed him and pushed him into one of the supply closets. After locking the door and pushed him against the wall and smushed my lips against his. His hands immediately flew to my waist, pulling me closer. I moaned and pulled away to nip at his neck. I eagerly palmed at his crotch, fumbling with his belt in haste to whip his pants down. I fell to my knees and quickly began to pull down his underwear."Sade, what--?" His question was cut off by a deep, startled moan. I bobbed my head quickly, circling my tongue around his shaft, lightly running my teeth over to coax out a chill. He had awakened something in me that I usually kept quelled down inside of me. I wanted him and since I still had my morals about having blatantly public sex (especially since I can be a bit loud), this was the next best thing. I wanted him now. I wanted to show him just how much he had turned me on. I was, virtually, showing him exactly what those millions of girls wanted to do to him and in the process, making it clear that he was all mine, even if they didn't know. I kept at it, his hand scrunched in my hair. I could tell he was straining, trying his hardest not to just pump into my mouth. At this point, I didn't care what he did. I just wanted him to cum. So I sped up, dove down til my nose brushed his little hairs, and hummed. And I hummed. And I hummed until he couldn't hold back any longer and he released into my mouth. I took everything he had to give. As I wiped my mouth and kissed him again, I gripped his penis. "Make sure you can still use him tonight. You did great out there."Bang SiHyuk, the producer of Big Hit, rewarded us all with a dinner. They had won first place after working so hard and deserved it wholeheartedly. Although I had been in Korea for a little while already, I still hadn't eaten most foods and Jin was attempting to expose me to more and explain what they were. Needless to say, I was loving it, but I noticed that Namjoon was acting a little stiff as he watched me interacting with him. Yet, he wouldn't say anything to me. And it stayed that way until we got home. "Babe, you okay?" I asked him once we were in the privacy of our room.He remained quiet for a moment, settling down on the bed to slide off his shoes and shirt. "Joon..." I stood in front of him and forced him to look at me."What's up?"He pursed his lips and swallowed."He was flirting with you.""Who?" I cocked my head to the side."Jin."I chuckled and sat on his lap."Are you jealous?" He glared at me and moved to push me off. "Baby, you don't have anything to worry about. Jin wasn't flirting with me. He was showing me new foods. You know how much he loves food. Why wouldn't teaching me about Korean food excite him? Besides, I'm not in love with him. I'm not his. I'm yours." I held his face in my hands. "Okay?" I leaned our foreheads together. He didn't respond. "Hm?" I snuggled his neck."Okay," he chuckled. I pushed him back on the bed and crawled over him. "Good, then it's time for your reward from before," I said against his lips and pressed closer.
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Months passed as my adventure in Namjoon's home country advanced. The more time we spent together, the more we fell in love with each other. And the longer I spent time with his brothers, the more they became my brothers as well. Although, I still refused to call anyone 'oppa'. But as time passed, I also heard less and less from Karinni and she wasn't answering my calls. Just sending short texts with updates on Crew's status. And unfortunately, there was no one else I could contact. I was, of course, extremely worried, but I could do nothing more than wait for Karinni to give me some sort of sign that everything was alright.Lips softly kissed the side of my neck as Namjoon wrapped his arm around my waist. "Good morning," he whispered in my ear huskily, sending a shiver down my spine. "Morning," I deeply kissed him and rolled over. "What's on the schedule today?" I asked him. They had the next few days off to recoup from their intense concerts. "Mm, whatever you wanna do. Right now, I just wanna lay here with you."I smiled. "What a coincidence. So do I." I pressed myself against him and settled my head in the crook of his neck. "I love you, Namjoon." He place a kiss on my head and held me tighter. "I love you too." Slowly, we drifted back to sleep.
When we woke up it was to the insistent knocking on our door and Jungkook and V bursting through our door. "Hyung! Wake up; we go to the beach!" they shouted. Their faces instantly fell when they saw the look Namjoon was giving them. "Out," was all he said before flopping back down on the bed and huffing. I giggled.
"They mean well. Look at this way, at least they didn't catch us doing other things." I allowed my hand to drift over his abdomen towards his core.
He chuckled. "Keep on and they just might."
I playfully hit his chest and kissed his temple. "I'm gonna get ready. The beach doesn't stay light forever and I don't do dark waters." I collected my toiletries and sauntered out and into the bathroom, leaving him with only a teasing wink. Within an hour we were ready and everyone was packed to go.
The part of the beach we went to was secluded. Thankfully, no fans had seen us as we piled out of our mysterious dark van that hardly anyone couldn't recognize as an idol's ride. We spent hours upon hours on the beach. Namjoon and I had our own little corner under a nice umbrella. Suga lay in front of us asleep on his blanket while the other boys played in the water.
"Joon, what are you going to do when I have to leave?" I asked him, my back pressed firmly against his front as I sat between his legs.
"What do you mean?" I felt the rumble of his deep voice.
"Well, I mean, your promotions are over. I've helped you out. I'm sure Bang PD isn't going to let me outstay my welcome. He only let me stay this time because I was useful to him. Not to mention, I've gotta go back and help Karinni take care of Crew."
He clenched his chin.
"I'll talk to him. PD-nim won't have a problem. You could move here."
"Babe, no. I don't have the funds for that. I barely made it this time." I looked up at him. "And neither do you."
Before he could retort my phone rang signaling a call from Karinni. "Hello?"
Lay Me Down -Sam Smith
Karinni's POV
I lay next to him curled up against his chest. It was slowly rising and falling. I could feel him struggling to take each breath that he took. He was trying so hard, I could tell. But it wasn't enough. It seemed it would never be enough; not in his condition.
I remember how we first met. It was fourteen years ago at Georgio's supermarket in South Central LA. Neither of our families could afford better housing elsewhere, so we lived in gang- infested neighborhoods. And being the only Greek girl from the only Greek family in a neighborhood filled to the brim with blacks and hispanics, I was more than just that white girl; I was that "exotic" white girl from over there that needed to go back home where she belonged. But it wasn't until I stumbled upon Luis Honest, or Crew, as he went by because he didn't want to catch shit for being half-white. No one but me knew his real name, not even Sade. He was twelve and I was eleven and I had lost my mom and about to have real mental breakdown because I'd heard so many bad things about what guys would do to you if they caught you alone in these parts. But when I saw a set of converses stop in front of me and I looked up to see a boy with dark brown hair covered by a green beanie. He didn't wear much color other than that. His jeans were ripped and black, his shirt black, his heavy jacket black. But most importantly, his eyes were black. They were deep, dark, and intimidating. And oddly enough, I wasn't. Intimidated, that is. Normally, I'd have freaked and started screaming like a banshee for my mom, but something about Crew told me he didn't mean me any harm. Sure, the dead look on his face was a little disconcerting, but I figured that was just him. "What's up with you?" He had a quiet voice.
"I, uh, I lost my mom," I mumbled nervously.
"Why?" It wasn't like he was demanding an answer. He sounded almost...curious, perplexed even.
"I...wasn't paying attention? I...I don't know where she went." I began to chew on my bottom lip.
He stared at me for a moment before thrusting his hand out in front of me, startling me. "Let's go find her then."
"I don't know you," I backed up.
"You won't know those boys that are watching you from around the corner, either. If I leave now, they're gonna come up at here and try to talk to you."
I peeked over my shoulder and I my eyes widened like bowls.
How had I not noticed them watching me? They were a group of at least six, some looked like they were teens and some around my age, and they all looked dangerous. They licked their lips when they looked at me. I felt like I was going to die if they came up to me.
I whippped around and I looked the boy in the eye. "You promise you'll help me find my mom?"
He nodded. "There's only one white lady in the store. I don't know how you missed her. I know where she is."
I hesitated, but in the end, I felt like I could trust him. So I took his hand.
"What's your name?" he asked me. I looked over my shoulder again to see the boys down the aisle. They looked angry now.
"Karinni. Karinni Lagos. My family and I moved here from Greece because of my dad's job. What's yours?"
He looked down at me and then pointed down the aisle we had walked onto to my mom. "There she is. Pay attention to her next time."
With that, he walked away and I didn't see him again until the start of school when we had second period biology together. Before the teacher could even fully say his name aloud he'd interrupted her and told her to call him Crew. And then he'd proceeded to threaten her if she ever called him else wise. Logically, he went to the principal's office after that, but finally, I knew his name.
Throughout the year he watched me. Everytime I turned around he was there. Until one day I confronted him. He wasn't at all intimidating anymore, no matter how much he tried to pretend like he was. We became friends, best friends even. Lovers when we reached college and moved to a better part of LA where we met Sade. He was the only guy besides my dad that I truly felt safe with, maybe even safer. He was there for me no matter what, and I for him. And it pained me to see him this way because I knew that if he didn't make it through, I would never find anyone like him ever again. No one would love me the way that he does. On the outside, he appears to be so cold and distant, but really, he's the sweetest, most determined, most overprotective and loyal man that I will ever know. If he didn't make it, I'd die. Every first I'd had was with him, but I didn't want my first breakup to be by death, and most certainly not the death of someone I can only call my soulmate.
I leaned up to kiss his lips again and noticed there was no air coming out from his nose. "Crew?" I held his face in my hands. "Crew, baby, no." I whimpered and pressed my forehead to his. "Luis..." I began to kiss all over his face. "I love you so much," I whispered into his ear over the drone of the machine signaling he was gone.