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Jimin didn’t think of himself as weak. Actually he was the furthest thing from a weak person. Nobody with a weak bone in their body could’ve possibly handled all the things life has thrown at him. Jimin has surmounted so much negativity that it’s actually astonishing to see him keep his composure 24/7. Where many people would have given up, Jimin pushed through; Bright smiles and a sunny demeanor, that was his most perfected façade. No, Jimin didn’t usually think of himself as weak, just like everybody else, but after that day...after he came along and just fucked everything up...he began to realize just how truly rooted his lies had become. “ Jiminnnn I really wanna go to the party at Tae’s tonight, can we please go?” Jimin looked up from the novel in his hands (that he admittingly has been glued to all morning) to find Jungkook’s best try at puppy dog eyes, staring right at him that he swears he could feel his gaze burning right into his skull.How long has he been doing that? “Ugh, I don’t know Jungkook, I’m not really in the mood to-“ “COME ON, everybody’s gonna be there! There’s even gonna be alcoholllllll… ” Jungkook smiles with his eyes, scrunching up his nose before he finally breaks eye contact, walking away into the bedroom to change, door still wide open. “Are you really trying to lure me with alcohol,” Jimin began as he bit his bottom lip slightly, trying his best to conceal the smile that was threatening its way onto his lips.“Cus’ it’s n-not working.” Jimin stammered as he began to lift himself from the living room couch, walking his way up to their bookshelf, putting his book back carefully in its spot at the very front of the line (where Jimin is known to keep only his favorite books, apparently he says, it’s for easy access). “Are you sure it’s not? Not even a little?” The end of Jungkook’s sentence getting muffled as he pulled the new shirt down from his head onto this chest.“Coulda’ sworn I heard you stutter just now. C’mon Jiminieee. I know something’s been going on lately and I know you say it’s nothing but Jimin we all know it’s not nothing, but we won’t force you to tell us. You will choose to tell us when you’re ready but in the meantime I- we, really don’t want you to stay in here locked up and gloomy.” Jungkook finished buttoning up his jeans as he made his way back into the living room of their small apartment, stepping up behind Jimin who hadn’t moved from his spot in front of the bookshelf. “We love you Jimin and we just wanna help you relieve some stress, yeah?” Jungkook spoke softly into Jimin’s ear as he rested his chin on his friend’s shoulder. Jimin let out a deep sigh as he blinked slowly, letting his friend’s words marinate in his mind. He knows he’s being unfair by keeping them in the dark about his real feelings but he doesn’t have a choice. If he told them about what happened now that means he’ll have to explain everything from the beginning and he doesn’t think he can do that, not yet. Jungkook let out a soft sigh through his nostrils and was about to pull away until- “Okay.” Jimin looked down to his feet, feeling the embarrassing heat rising to the tips of his ears as he admitted defeat. “Okay..what?” “Okay, I’ll go to the party.” “REALLY?? FUCK YEAH. Okay!! I’ll text Taehyung that we are on our way!” A small smile began to tug at the corners of Jimin’s lips as he watch the younger skip away phone in hand with a wide stretched grin. He still feels bad that he’s being so secretive around ‘em but at least he can do simple things like this to make them happy.
Jimin, do it for them.
~
Jimin always liked parties. Ever since highschool, Jimin practically fed on the energy at places like this. When everybody’s dancing and talking and a few possibly having maybe a bit too much to drink. The way it was all so unpredictable and fun at the same time, that thrill was the appeal for Jimin. He can’t even count the amount of times he’d almost gotten blackout drunk during his last year of highschool. Damn he really was a mess. Not that he has changed too much since highschool, I mean it was only like what—3 years ago?—no, he hasn’t changed much, but he’s definitely grown. At least when it came to parties anyways. Thanks to all those almost, not quite but pretty damn close, encounters with alcohol poisoning Jimin has managed to develop a pretty high alcohol tolerance. He’s sure everyone in this room has seen him down vodka like water at least once. “Jiminie!” a voice called out to him excitedly. Jimin had been lounging off in a corner near the kitchen, nursing a bottle of who knows what (honestly he just took whatever he found). He turned his head in the direction of the voice only to find one of his bestest friends since highschool’s freshman year, Taehyung, speed walking right towards him, boxy grin of his on full display. “Taehyungie, hi!” Jimin cooed as he was swooped up into a big hug by the taller male. “You came!” “Yeah Jungkook kinda almost started crying when i said no.” Tae rolled his eyes half heartedly before smiling again, tightening their hug even more. “ Tae .. Lungs- ” Jimin wheezed out softly as he teasingly smacked his hands on Taehyung’s back. “Ah!! Sorry love! I'm just really happy to see you here,” There was a sudden flash of something in Tae’s eyes that Jimin couldn’t quite catch.“We haven’t heard from you since almost a week and a half ago..” His words trailed away as the corners of his smile began to falter. “Tae..” Jimin began before Taehyung cut him off. “ I mean, we all knew you were.. okay ..like alive and everything because Jungkookie texted us so, but still,” Tae took a step back and was looking into Jimin’s eyes now. Jimin knew what he was going to say next, and it’s part of the reason he didn’t want to come. “We are your friends...I thought-..Jimin I thought we were best friends.” There was a pause. Jimin knew that well of course they’re best friends, they have been each other’s rock for years . But then again he also knew the way he’s been acting hasn’t been exactly his.. usual character. “We are best friends Taehyungie..I just have been going through a lot right now. It’s all kind of new for me, and for once I just wanted to kind of deal alone. I’m sorry.” Taehyung let out a sharp sigh, before his eyes began to soften a bit. “Yeah. You know the guys won’t pester you to tell us everything, we always wait until you are ready. I just thought we were different y’know? I don’t know it always felt that way for me at least. I tell you everything and vice versa.” Taehyung bit his lip. “ Hey -” “No Jiminie it’s cool. Sorry, that was dumb. Please forget it, it’s not my place to get emotional for something like this. You’re having an issue and I’m making it about me, sorry. Anyways, hope you enjoy the party,” There’s a bit of a forced smile and an empty chuckle bubbling up to the surface. “see you around Jimin.” As Taehyung walked away Jimin just stood there, too scared to blink because if he did then everyone would see the tears that have been threatening to spill ever since they started talking, and he’s really not gonna fucking have it.
I’m so sorry.
~
“ Jimin where’d you go??” Jungkook’s voice could be heard through the speaker box on Jimin’s phone, louder than usual probably to overcast all the noise inside. “Sorry guk, just uh, came outside for some fresh air.” “Oh.” “Yeah, but don’t worry I’m not leaving.” And Jimin coulda sworn he could hear the smile spreading on the younger face as he responded happily, “Oh thank god. Okay! Well I’ll be here!” Then there was a loud wooo in the background before Jungkook continued, “Got to go now, they’re about to make Hoseok go up next on beer pong and we all know his aim is shit so this’ll be hilarious.” Jimin laughed briefly, “Okay bye.” He knows he just told Jungkook he wasn’t gonna leave but damn how he really fucking wanted to. Tonight just felt so weird , he wanted to let loose and have some fun but everytime he saw his friends he couldn’t help but feel guilty . He really didn’t deserve them. Jimin got up from the bench that he’d been occupying for the past 15 minutes and was about to walk back inside before he heard footsteps walking up behind him and a voice that felt uncomfortably familiar. “ Hey , it’s you again.” Jimin turned around slowly, almost as if he was scared of who he’d find standing behind him. And there he was, just a few feet away on the porch steps, the guy who caused this whole slump in the first place. He was just about to walk right past him and text Jungkook that he was sorry he had to leave before the other boy spoke up again. “Oh.” “Huh?” “Are you still upset..?” Jimin scoffed.Who the fuck did this guy think he is? “Please just, leave me alone.” And with that Jimin was quickly on his way out the front gate, leaving the dark haired male behind him, mouth agape as he watched Jimin exit. “W-WAIT!”
Nah fuck that.
~
2 weeks prior
Jimin had just gotten a text from Jungkook as he was locking the front door of their apartment.
Guk
hey jiminie imma stay out late after class bc tae asked if we could hang out at jung’s cafe so don’t wait up
He sighed, realizing that now he’s gonna have to walk back home alone because both him and Jungkook usually walk back after their classes. He was sure to text him back a quick ok, before double checking his bag as he waited for the elevator in the middle of the hallway. ~ “ Minnie! ” The blonde haired boy quickly whipped his head up, finding a smiling Namjoon sitting on his bike, foot on the ground, just a few steps in front of him. “Namjoonie hey!” Jimin quickly cooed as he closed the textbook in his hand, highlighter stuck in the binding, bookmarking his place. “What’re you doing out here?? Don’t you usually go home after class?” Namjoon asked with a slight tilt of his head. “Haha dunno, guess the weather just drew me to be outside to study for a change, ”Jimin smiled at the older boy softly,“besides Jungkookie is gonna be out with Tae tonight so it’s gonna be lonely at home.” “Ahhh i see.. hm. Do you wanna come and chill with me then? We haven’t hung out in a while.” Namjoon teased before smiling with his eyes again. “Sure! Why not, honestly I didn’t think I could keep studying for much longer, my eyes were already starting to cross and that’s never good.”Jimin pinched the bridge of his nose before he began packing everything up. Just as Namjoon was about to get off his bike to offer him some help, a slightly shorter guy possibly an inch taller than Jimin, made his way up to the younger. “Um..hey, excuse me?” he said (honestly kind of shyly), slowly reaching out his right hand, trying to get Jimin’s attention. “Hm?” “Hi sorry but um would you be able to point me in the direction of the music building?” the slightly taller male asked, lips formed into a slight unconscious pout. “Oh uh yeah,” Jimin looked up as he pointed off to the right, “over there.” “Thanks-” “Do I know you from somewhere?” Namjoon blurted out just as the other was about to walk away. “Eh?” his shoulders jumped a bit as if he was surprised to see him there, not having had noticed the taller male only a few feet away from them. “Yeah! You’re Jin’s new neighbor!” “J-Jin?” “Kim Seokjin! He lives in 43A, we saw you moving your things into 44B yesterday.” As if finally recalling a face, he responds with a slight nod of the head. “Oh yeah..Nice to meet you. Sorry but I need to get to the music building’s office..” The raven haired boy tried his best at a smile before he slowly walking his way backwards. “Oh, yeah! No worries, see you around!” Namjoon shouted back at him.Jimin just stood there in front of the bench, hand frozen in his bag as he finished watching the whole thing. He pushed in the last of the books before zipping up the bag and walking beside Namjoon. “He’s Jinnies new neighbor?” “Yeah we saw him yesterday, wow didn’t know he was a student here that’s cool.” Namjoon’s attention was brought back to his bicycle that rested underneath him. “Alright Minnie lets go, I’ll ride slow so you can keep up with me.” “Ughhh okay.” The two friends walked off campus, talking about anything and everything: how their studies have been going, family life, their plans for their upcoming breaks, and what their other friends have been up to. Cracking jokes as they walked, causing Jimin’s whole body to wrack with laughter, throwing himself onto the taller dimpled boy for steadiness. This is how it’s supposed to be, always. ~
Present
“Jimin! Why’d you leave?? Seokjin just got here and was looking for someone to challenge with shots.” Jimin could hear the frown on Jungkook’s face through the phone. He sighed. “Sorry guk I just..couldn’t be there anymore.” Jungkook took a sharp breath before releasing a sound close to a rumble. “Yeah, it’s fine we understand. See you at home Jimin.” And before Jimin could say anything else the call ended. Jimin was aware of how his sudden disappearances have been affecting his friends but he just couldn’t build the courage to face them. Everytime he was there he felt like such a piece of shit, and he just couldn’t do it.Couldn’t handle it.He tried to ignore the churn in his stomach as he turned the doorknob of their apartment. He walked through the door frame dropping his bag on the floor before heading straight for his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.He could really use a fucking nap right about now.Just as he was about to drift off into dreamland he was jolted awake by a slamming against his front door. With a grunt Jimin dragged his half asleep body out his bedroom, rubbing a fist against his eyes to rid them of the fog that began to gloss them over.There was one more loud bang before Jimin reached to turn the doorknob, swinging it open.There standing in front of him was a panicked Namjoon, panting profusely with bloodshot eyes. “Joonie-” “JIMIN TAEHYUNG GOT HURT!”
What?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
During the taxi ride to the hospital Namjoon explained to Jimin what had happened.Apparently, Taehyung saw Jimin leaving the party and just as he was about to cross the street to catch up to him he got hit by an oncoming car. Jimin immediately started sobbing, he couldn’t fucking believe that Taehyung got hurt because of him. If Jimin would’ve just manned up and stayed out tonight this would’ve never happened. The amount of self hatred bubbling within him was dangerous and he knew it.
Why are you so fucking STUPID!
You’re so fucking selfish.
They don’t deserve you.
Look at what you did.
When they arrived at the hospital Namjoon was quick to show Jimin the way to Taehyung’s room, Jin was already there and had called them to let them know where it was they were keeping him. Immediately as they approached the door Jimin stayed behind. He didn’t know how to face him, he didn’t know how to apologize for this. Because this was all his fault. Right? “Jimin are you coming?” Namjoon broke the silence as he stood in front of Tae’s room door. “I just..I don’t think…” he choked on a sob, “how do I even apologize for this..” Jimin raised his right hand to muffle the cries coming out of his mouth, whimpering quietly in the empty hallway. “Jimin… it’s not your fault. C’mon.” Namjoon reached and intertwined his fingers with Jimin’s, pulling him beside him as they walked into Taehyung’s room.And there he was, unconscious on the hospital bed while Seokjin sat beside him resting his hand on top of Tae’s own. Jin’s head whipped up as soon as he heard the two step into the room.His eyes were red too. Jin’s soft gaze wandered from Namjoon to Jimin before getting up and embracing Jimin into one of the most suffocating hugs he’s gotten in a very long time. “I’m sorry..” Jimin croaked out as he rested his nose in the crook of Jin’s neck. “Don’t be.” And with that Jin pulled away, looking at the younger boy in the eyes, expression hardening slightly before he spoke again. “You have no reason to be apologizing Jimin. You couldn’t have foreseen this.” “But it’s my fault! If I would’ve stayed Tae wouldn’t have gotten hit!” Jimin’s voice was shaking. “Jimin. Enough...Look I don’t know what’s been going on with you..but don’t pin everything on yourself. You are not to blame for this.” Just as Jimin opened his mouth to disagree, a smaller, more broken voice spoke up. “Ji..mi..n” It was Taehyung, he raised his head slightly opening an eye as he stared right at him.Jin was quick to pat him back down telling him that he shouldn’t move and that he needed to rest. “Jiminie..please don’t blame yourself. It was an accident.” Jimin let out a whimper. Namjoon stepped forward this time to hold his hand one more time. “Minnie..talk to us. What’s been going on?” “Yeah Jiminie, we’re your friends, you can trust us.” Jin sighed. “You can’t just keep us in the dark like this..” Taehyung nodded slowly. Jimin felt cornered. He wanted to say something, anything to excuse himself of the way he’s been acting but everything just felt too hard . It was too much too quickly and he just-He couldn’t. Fuck he can’t. “I’m scared..” Jimin let out a shaky breath.“I’m scared you’ll all leave me.” “Jiminie you have nothing to be afraid of..we would ever think of doing such a thing.” Taehyung offered him a small smile before continuing,“Nothing you could say could make me hate you.” ~
1 week and a half ago
“I just think if you’re going to sign up to teach a class of 20 something year olds learn how to use a knife,” Jin pauses to take a sip of his iced coffee before continuing, “you should at least treat them with respect! I swear he thinks I don’t even know how to chop onions! The audacity!” Jimin giggled and reached out to pat the top of his hand in comfort. “ Yah, Jinnie it’s okay look at it this way, few more months and you’re done.” Jin let out an exaggerated sigh before laughing as well. “Jungkook almost burned down the kitchen in the apartment the other day” “ No way. ” “ Yes way, that kid forgot the fucking fork in the container when he was heating it up!” Jimin snorted.“After he saw smoke he started crying like a baby, I’m pretty sure the microwave scarred him for life.” Right as Jin was going to respond both of the boys’ attention strayed off towards the chiming bells from the front door, signaling that a new customer had walked in.
Oh it’s him again.
Jin immediately recognized the boy; His short stature, dark hair, soft features, pouty lips and cat eyes. This was that new guy next door! The two boys watched as the newcomer stood idly waiting for his coffee, that is before loudmouth Seokjin over here, broke the silence. “ Hey!” The raven haired boy looked up with a surprised expression on his face, his eyes meeting Jin’s before he began taking out one of his earphones. “H-Hello?” “Hi! I know you!” “You know me? Uh..” he responded seemingly confused, as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, unsure of how to feel about this sudden conversation. “Kim Seokjin. 43A. We live in the same apartment complex! I’m your neighbor haha.” Connections are made in the others mind and it’s so apparent on his face that Jimin giggles.
Ah Cute.
“ Oh.” “I don’t think I've formally introduced myself so I don’t blame you for not knowing!” Jin smiles at him before he continues, “Oh! How rude of me, this is my friend Park Jimin!” “Hi.. we kinda met already.” Jimin smiles awkwardly. “ EH?! When??” There’s a pause after Jin’s sudden outburst before the other male shyly speaks up. “ Ohh..” Jin looks at the two confused as hell until Jimin decides to elaborate for his dear friend. “Yah Jinnie, few days back on campus he was asking for directions.” “OH YEAH! Namjoon told me he saw him at school! Oh okay that makes sense.” The quieter boy’s cheek seem to flush in embarrassment before he decides to finally step forward to properly introduce himself. “ Nice to meet you Seokjin,” his eyes catch Jimin’s before he continues, “Jimin, My name is Yoongi. Min Yoongi.” Oh? What a pretty name . “Nice to meet you Yoongi!” Jin responded happily with a small bow, Jimin following his lead, dipping forward slightly before choosing to speak next. “If you want you can come sit with us-“ “ ICED AMERICANO FOR YOONGI” Yoongi bowed apologetically, declining Jimin’s offer, before saying he’s sorry but that he actually needs to get going.Before they knew it, the boy was gone. “Well ain't’ he a cutie.” Jin laughed, Jimin couldn’t help but feel a blush spread across his cheeks as he silently nodded his head in agreement.Jin let out a smirk before nudging his elbow playfully into Jimin’s side.“You should get to know him Jiminie!” Jimin smacked his arm, causing the older to release a loud wheezing laugh. “You should come over later and then try and bump into him . Nonchalant and Easy. There simple.” “ Jinnnnn” “ I’m just saying..he seems totally your type.” Jimin looked down and focused his eyes onto his drink that still sat directly in front of him on the wooden table, heat rising to his cheeks and spreading all the way up to the tips of his ears.He bit his bottom lip before reluctantly admitting, “ maybe .”
Yeah, maybe.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Present
Jimin had fallen asleep in the waiting room, knees curled up tight against his chest. His cheeks wet and nose still cherry red from crying.
Honestly he was just
tired.
Jimin tried to tell them in there he really did but god nothing came out. He hasn’t faced this legitimately in
years,
being frank he never planned to face it in the first place. Things are easier when ignored..they do say ignorance is bliss.
After Taehyung told him there was nothing he could do to make them hate him, Jimin broke. Something about those words just made everything feel so much more real..he realized he isn’t alone, not anymore. But still he asked them to wait a little longer and they all understood.
God
..they
understood.
I really don’t deserve them.. fuck.
When Jungkook came out of the restroom he found Jimin already peacefully asleep, slumped up on the waiting room chairs. He looked so calm that Jungkook didn’t have the heart to wake him up so instead he decided to just sit beside him. He took Jimin’s hand into his own, and smiled as he intertwined their fingers carefully. He rubbed his thumb in light circles on the top of Jimin’s hand, in part to calm Jimin but mainly because it was therapeutic for Jungkook too. Things weren’t easy for him either, the one he
loved
was laying in a hospital bed, while one of his best friends was also suffering alone in his own mind. Watching them both tore him apart.
He was tired too.
Eventually Jungkook fell asleep as well, his head resting comfortably against Jimin’s shoulder. The two boys sat there in the waiting room, resting against each other, sleeping as if there was nothing else in the world that could bother them in that moment.
But that peace (of course) didn’t last very long before Jimin was shaken awake, the sound of Jin’s loud voice calling out to him causing Jungkook to stir beside him.
“Jiminie!”
He was walking towards him from the front entrance, Hoseok by his side who was holding a fairly large bouquet of flowers.
Purple and white lilies, Tae’s favorite.
“Mh..Jinnie.. ” Jimin put his feet back onto the floor, rubbing his eyes awake, “..hi Hobi.”
Jin and Hoseok both smiled at the blonde haired boy before sharing a glance between the two of them, probably saying something between the lines of;
ah cuute
or
i want to put him in my pocket and protect him from the world.
Jimin’s shift in position caused Jungkook to stir and eventually wake up as well, doe eyes gazing sleepily at the now three boys in front of him.
“Oh hi Jin, hi Hoseok”
“Can you show Hobi to Tae’s room? He wants to see him too and give these to him.” Jin asked Jungkook as he gestured towards the flowers in Hoseok’s hands.
Jungkook smiled softly as he nodded in agreement, telling Hoseok to follow him as they both walked out of the waiting room.
Soon after the others were gone the doctor walked into the room looking for Seokjin (he’s the one who brought Taehyung here in the first place). After the two respectfully greeted each other the doctor took one last look down at his clipboard before clearing his throat, causing Jimin to sit uncomfortably in his seat.
What? What is it..fuck..
“Well it seems like thankfully, Taehyung has not experienced any life threatening injuries. He really only suffered a cut near his rib cage as well as on his left temple, which we have quickly stitched up already.”
Jimin sighed audibly causing the Doctor to look up and meet his worried eyes, possibly telling him
there’s no need, he’ll be okay
, with his gaze.
“He’ll have bruising along the place of impact of course but besides that he is fine. We’re only going to need him to stay a couple more days before he’ll be able to go.”
“Thank you so much Doctor.” Jin smiled before bowing deeply, Jimin following his lead.
“Yes, thank you for taking care of our Taetae..”
The doctor simply smiled and waved them off,
“I’m just doing my duty, please, it’s my honor.”
~
Monday morning and Jimin wished to do nothing more than to stay home and sleep. These past couple nights have had him simply restless. The only good news being that Taehyung was getting discharged later in the day so he’s happy for at least that. Nevertheless going to class at a time like this seems simply tedious and bothersome but unfortunately school is school and he can’t afford to miss it.
“Okay Guk I’m off!” Jimin yelled out into the apartment from the front door before bending over in a squat to finish putting on his shoes.
“Okay Tae! Please take it easy yea?” Jungkook responded delicately as he cut through their living room, speed walking towards the front door to try and catch him before he completely left the room.
“Of course.” Jimin then placed a chaste kiss on the crown of Jungkook’s head before turning around and opening the door.
~
Jimin was speed walking on his usual path towards the University’s English building, that is, until he saw
Yoongi
coming out of a nearby building walking directly towards him.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
The second Jimin made eye contact with him, he was already turning to walk the other way. He seriously did not want confrontation so early in the morning, and honestly he could’ve gotten away with it if Yoongi hadn’t ran up to him to try and close the space between them.
“Jimin!”
Go away.
“JIMIN!”
No..Stop!
Yoongi reached out and grabbed Jimin, holding him from his elbow, keeping him from walking away any further. Yoongi’s fierce gaze burning right into Jimin’s skull.
“WHAT YOONGI?!”
Yoongi scoffed.
“
Why
are you being like this??”
Jimin looked like he was already holding back tears. Yoongi caught a glimpse of his glazed over eyes and softened a bit.
“How is he doing? Is Taehyung alright?”
Now it was Jimin’s turn to scoff.
“Why the fuck do you care?” Jimin yanked his arm from the other boy’s grip, “he’s not your friend.”
Yoongi crossed his arms, his eyebrows furrowing together and his eyes narrowing directly at the blonde.
“Are you serious right now Jimin? He’s not my friend? He’s still a fucking person! I have a right to be worried! Everyone that was at the party knows about what happened,” he closed his eyes “
I
know what happened...Jimin, I saw it with
my own eyes!
”
The raven haired boy took a deep breath before continuing, “I’m just asking his apparent
best friend
, that I’ve been hearing so much about, how he’s doing? Is that seriously too much?”
Jimin closed his eyes shut in annoyance before finally opening them up again, staring right into Yoongi’s, “He’s fine.”
Yoongi released a subtle noise, similar that to of a sigh of relief.
“Are we done here? Yes? Good, now
leave me alone
.”
The younger took off and walked straight past the older, knocking his shoulder against the other’s, preparing to never met him again. He was halfway down the path before he froze dead in his tracks. Replaying in his mind the question he just heard come out Yoongi’s mouth...together with all the implications that came with it.
“Are you scared of me? Or..maybe what I
represent
for you?” Yoongi shouted out only loud enough for him
to hear.
Jimin bit his bottom lip, hard enough to draw some blood, before continuing to walk away.
He was not going to look back,
fuck looking back,
instead he stared directly in front of him, on the brink of tears.
He seriously hoped that he’d never have to cross paths with him again.
Shut the fuck up.
Yoongi watched as the shorter boy continued walking, disappeared off into the English building. The corners of his mouth turning down in a heartbroken frown.
He seriously hopes that someday Jimin will realize that he doesn’t want to ruin him..he wants to
help
him.
Yoongi’s always wanted to help him.
Always.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
1 week and a half ago
Somehow, and he’s still not sure why exactly, but Jimin was in the lobby of Jin’s apartment. A couple days ago Jin had suggested the idea of
“coming over”
to his place in hopes of bumping into that cute new guy Yoongi who apparently
also
lives in this complex, but Jimin didn’t think he’d find himself actually
doing
it. Nevertheless, here he was on a Sunday afternoon, walking up the halls towards the building’s elevator to get up to Jin’s floor just to try and get a glimpse of the dark haired boy.
Just as Jimin was about to reach to press the elevator button, someone from behind him beat him to it.
“Lucky me,” the other male said as he pressed the it down.
Jimin whipped his head back so fast that he’s surprised he didn’t hurt himself.
That voice-
“You..” Jimin uttered beneath his breath as he stared right at Yoongi’s face. His cheeks suddenly heating up, causing him to bring a sweater paw up in attempt to hide it. He had spent all morning unconsciously waiting to come face to face with him again, yet now that it’s happened Jimin doesn’t know what to do with himself.
Yoongi’s eyes crinkle a bit at he corners before letting out a soft laugh.
“I get to see you again.”
Was he always this forward?
“I really am just seeing you everywhere, though, aren’t I? Are you—perhaps—stalking me..?” Yoongi continues, lips mocking a gasp.
“WHAT?? NO!” Jimin’s eyes go wide, nervous and almost shouts a little too loud for this indoor setting.
“Of course! You’re here to see your friend...uhh” he stopped to scratch the back of his head nervously, “Seokjin! 43A.
Yah...
well that’s embarrassing.”
“What’s embarrassing?”
“I asked if you were stalking me when it’s obvious you probably don’t even remember my name.”
“Well do you remember mine?”
Yoongi hesitates to this, grazing his teeth over his bottom lip.
“I do.”
Jimin cocks his head to the side, eyes losing their nerves and now sparklingly with something a bit more mischievous.
“Do you now?”
“Y-Yeah Jimin.”
“Well
Yoongi
, you’re not someone easy to forget either.”
Yoongi’s mouth gapes but before he could say anything back they get interrupted by the
ding
of the elevator in front of them.
The two men walk inside and the doors close, the air suddenly getting too thick. Yoongi could hear his heart beating a bit quicker than it was when he first arrived and Jimin swears his face was on fire.
Shit!Shit!Shit!
Yoongi breaks the silence as his eyes watched the elevator number, rising, getting closer to his floor.
“
Um..
it’s a shame that our meetings are always so brief huh. I’d invite you over to talk some more but I’m sure you have more important stuff to do with your friend and-”
“I’d love to.”
“R-Really? I don’t want to intrud-”
“Jin can wait. Namjoon’s already there so they can keep each other company and honestly I
don’t
feel like third wheeling soo..”
“Third wheeling? They’re dating?”
“Nah but you know, there’s always this tension in the air between them that just makes
me
feel
weird
.” Jimin brings a hand to his hair, pushing back some stubborn strands that kept clinging to his forehead. “Besides I would like to get to know you some more Mr. Yoongi.”
Yoongi smiles at this, a soft gummy smile that makes Jimin’s heart and stomach squeeze in a way that it probably shouldn’t after only 3 meetings.
They reach their floor and Yoongi lets Jimin walk out the elevator first.
“Well..like I mentioned earlier..
lucky me
”
Jimin giggles before getting closer, walking side by side with Yoongi down the hall towards his front door.
Can’t believe that worked..
~
“I’m sorry but ramen’s all I got at the moment..” Yoongi sighed, “the glory of a college student amirite.” The older smiled shyly as he handed Jimin a steaming styrofoam cup with the soft noodle inside. Jimin smiled in return and shook his head.
“Don’t apologize Yoongi, lucky for you I love ramen so this is no problem.” He let out an airy laugh. “Although..if you ever want like, real food, you can always come over to my place. I’m the one that cooks since my roommate can’t so..yeah there’s always food at home.”
Yoongi shifted in his seat nervously, and Jimin noticed this, causing him to avert his eyes to the chopsticks between his fingers instead mumbling a “or not..your choice.”
“No!
I mean
Yes! Thank you! I appreciate the offer Jimin but I don’t want to burden you haha
really
!” Yoongi showed of that warm gummy smile of his before bringing a load of ramen noodles to his mouth, chewing them eagerly all the while huffing and puffing because of the heat.
“You’re cute.”
Shit wait did I say that out loud??
“Huh-?” Yoongi responded with his mouth still half full, wondering if he
really
heard that with his own two ears.
“Sorry ahh...I mean yeah you’re cute, the way you eat and all, and your smile” Jimin cleared his throat nervously, feeling the heat rise up to even the tips of his ears, “I really like seeing you smile and—why are you looking at me like that?”
Yoongi gulped before looking away, cheeks a rosy pink. Cursing at himself for being caught staring.
“Sorry just, yeah I think you’re cute too. I like hearing you talk.” Yoongi toying with his earring hanging on his left ear nervously before looking into Jimin’s eyes.
“Please keep talking? Tell me about yourself.”
And that they did. Apart from stolen glances and heated cheeks, the two seamlessly talked about college and their friends and what they liked for what seemed like hours. Yoongi was so easy to talk to that Jimin felt like he knew him his whole life. It was weird..but Jimin liked that.
“So yeah I’ve been dancing since primary school. Unfortunately I couldn’t stay in one school for too long..” there was hesitation in Jimin’s voice.
Too much.
“Guessing you moved a lot huh?” Yoongi asked as he began picking up their trash, moving into the back of the kitchen, hovering over the trash.
“Um..Kind of? My family had their reasons I suppose.”
There was a silence, and Jimin swore Yoongi could hear how loud his heart was hammering against his chest right now. And as if a switch was flipped in Yoongi’s mind, his face morphed into a completely-i can’t believe this-expression.
“Wait a second.”
Jimin held his breath.
“Jimin?”
“Huh?..”
“
Jimin? PARK Jimin?
”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Y-Yeah? Wait how do you know my family name?”
There was a pregnant pause, and Yoongi’s eyes slowly grew wider in the realization that Jimin was indeed
that
Jimin. He bit his lip.
“Jimin...I know you. We went to the same primary together, um well, at some point.”
Jimin almost whimpered.
God please no, not him
.
“We did? Aha I don’t remember, maybe you’re confu-“
“Wolcheon Elementary School.” Yoongi stepped around the table to get closer to Jimin but Jimin slowly stepped back, out of his seat.
“Oh-”
“It’s you!” Yoongi reached out a hand, “I always wondered what happened to you..” His voice went hush before he closed his eyes for a second, trying to keep it from wavering too much. “Rumors went around the school that your parents...that you were going through stuff...I-I never was sure to believe them, I mean you know kids say crazy stuff but, that day..”
Jimin’s eyes glossed over, tears making their way foreword hearing Yoongi bring it all back again.
“The day they called you out of the lunchroom...the day before you stopped showing up again. I noticed the mark on your leg Jimin.” Yoongi’s voice turned grim, and he had to bite the inside of his lip to keep himself from crying as well.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
No he doesn’t know.
“Jimin- I
saw
it...I didn’t know you too well but I remember how upset I felt after you never showed up at school again. You were the short kid with the smile that made anybody feel better. You danced all the time in the halls!” Yoongi stepped closer, resting his hand on Jimin’s arm. “Y-You were a brunette back then, wavy hair and all. You almost never wore shorts or short sleeves...But that day..”
Yeah Jimin remembers that day. While waiting in line for lunch someone spilled their tray on his pants so he had to go to the office to have them give him a spare pair of pants which were the p.e shorts (he never wore the shorts only sweatpants).
“I saw you in the cafeteria off in a corner by yourself with some shorts on. I remember how weird it was to see you like that.
Everybody
loved you, you were—no, you
are
so kind, a-and so I didn’t understand why you were sitting alone.”
Please stop.
Something in Jimin snapped. That was enough. He didn’t want to think about this.
Fuck
this, why did Yoongi remember him? Why does he remember
that
? Why can’t those memories just fucking
die
already. Why Yoongi? Why. Why. Why.
“I-I have to go.”
“Wait Jimin! I’m sorry-”
Jimin yanked his arm away from Yoongi’s grasp, backing out of the kitchen towards the front door. He turned around to grab his jacket and immediately stepping his feet into his shoes as he reached to turn the door knob.
“Jimin!
I’m sorry
! I didn’t mean...I didn’t mean to push it..”
“You didn’t mean to push it?? Of course you didn’t!” Jimin was crying now. “You don’t fucking know
anything
!”
And with that he walked out, ignoring the mantra of “
i’m sorry
”’s left behind him by Yoongi. No he didn’t know what he was saying. Nobody knew.
Fuck
why did it have to be
him
.
Jimin cried the whole ride home.
~
Present
“Please?”
“No Joonie.”
“
Double
Please?” Taehyung’s voice could be heard shouting in the background, piercing through Jimin’s phone speaker.
“I don’t feel like going out tonight Taehyungie I’m sorry. I had a shitty day at school today…”
Taehyung audibly sighed, causing Jimin’s heart to clench. Fuck he felt guilty.
“But you
knew
I was getting discharged today..I thought you’d want to hang out finally, you know? Outside the hospital..”
Jimin knew what he was doing was wrong. Honestly Taehyung needed him and that was a bigger deal than what happened with Yoongi..but he still wasn’t ready. He had promised them at the hospital few days ago that he’d tell them what was going on, and honestly he thought he was ready to but after today. After seeing him again, fuck all that frustration came out again. He doesn’t know
why
Yoongi is making him feel like this. He didn’t do anything
wrong
but bring up shit that Jimin probably should’ve talked about years ago. If not with his friends than definitely with a therapist. Why was he so upset?
He sucked in a breath before changing his mind.
“Fine.”
“Fine?”
“Okay Tae I’ll see you guys soon.”
“YES!”
A loud mesh of voices could be heard cheering now over the phone. Jimin rolled his eyes, now realizing he was most likely on speaker.
“
Yeah yeah
, bye everyone.”
“Hurry Jiminie!”
It’s now or never.
~
Jimin arrived to Taehyung & Namjoon’s shortly after, two bottles of rosé in hand, Taehyung’s favorite.
“Jiminie!” Taehyung clashed into Jimin, smothering him with kisses and hugs before his pain finally crept back up. The bruises on his ribs were still not 100% healed yet. “Ow..”
Jimin laughed softly before handing the bottles to Namjoon who set them onto their kitchen counter.
“Be careful Tae..”
“Sorry I just missed you soooo much!”
“You literally saw me yesterday.”
“Ok but I was laying
down
yesterday, you were like a giant to me so now it feels so good to be back and on top.”
Jimin scoffed and poked at his best friend’s side causing the other to choke on a cry.
“Yeah? Miss this too?”
The boys laughed as they walked together into the living room where the rest of the boys were: Namjoon, Jungkook, Hoseok and Jin.
“All I’m saying is that the books are way better than the movie!” Hoseok exclaimed as he stuffed another handful of chips into his mouth.
“I mean whatever but the Harry Potter movies are still pieces of art.” Jungkook retorted cooly before taking a sip of his cola. “
Iconic
.”
“You guys are fucking weird, thank
god
Jimin is here. If i had to sit through another debate I’d walk back down to the hospital myself.”
The boys laughed and Jimin made himself comfortable in Taehyung’s armchair beside the couch. He curled up his legs onto his chest as he giggled at his friends pointless bickering.
“How are you feeling?” Jin asked carefully.
“Being honest not the best.”
Jimin faked a smile. “But it’s fine. Taehyung is safe and well and that's all that matters to me right now.”
Jin frowned a bit, so did Tae.
“What’s been going on.”
It wasn’t quite a question anymore, no, Taehyung needed to know. It was time. He told Jimin he’d never judge him or hate him and Jimin
needed
to understand that he meant it. He was going to let him take his time but after being friends with him for so many years he knows that sometimes Jimin won’t do things if he has a choice to
not
do it. So now, no choices.
“Tae..”
“Jimin.” there was an edge to his voice. “Talk to us, we’re all here.”
Everyone nodded, gentle and worried smiles plastered all over their faces.
You’ll be fine Jimin, just talk.
“Okay..I’ll talk.”
The blonde hugged his knees tighter, trying to find comfort in the small space he made for himself.
“The reason why I’ve been so hesitant in telling this to you is because of my fear of being seen different. I didn't want you guys to find me weak, I also didn’t want to feel like a liar and make you..especially you Taehyungie..feel like inadequate friends. It’s true that something triggered this all and I’ve been scared of sharing that with you because I
knew
that if I did I’d have to explain it all from the beginning. A beginning that I’ve been avoiding for a
very
long time.”
Everyone watched Jimin attentively, nodding along to show him they were listening, and letting him go at his own pace.
“Up until Highschool I was abused often both physically and mentally by my parents. They’d yell at me over every and any trivial thing, and when they felt that wasn’t enough they’d hit me. At the time I just thought it was something I was meant to endure as their son.”
Taehyung was already crying silently, shaking his head ‘no’ at Jimin’s words.
“I’d have to move schools a lot during Elementary and Middle School because there’d be times when the marks became too visible that my parents didn’t want someone to find out. They’d take me out until the marks faded away and switch me to different schools almost routinely until there were no more schools to change to.” Jimin let out a shaky bitter laugh, “Looking back at it now their logic was so fucking stupid.”
Taehyung choked quietly on a sob and Jungkook wrapped him up in a hug, wiping his tears away from his eyes before leaving a chaste kiss on his temple.
“I-I’m so..rry….I shou..ld..ve noticed..” Taehyung croaked out.
Jimin looked up from his daze and immediately got up to hug his best friend.
“No! God no! Please don’t apologize..”
“It makes s-so much sense now..why you never invited me over to your house. Why I never saw your parents at your recitals.
Fuck
why didn’t I fucking
NOTICE.”
Taehyung cried out causing Jimin to hug him tighter.
Jin wiped away a tear before it fell, “Are you still in contact with them? Your parents?”
“I haven’t talked to my parents in 3 years.”
Jin let out a relieved sigh.
“But this wasn’t your fault Jiminie..” Hoseok whispered, “Why did you feel like we’d see you different for this?”
“B-Because during that time, I used to do all kinds of things.
Bad
things. I thought...I thought I deserved pain, that I was doing something wrong, so I’d hurt
myself.
It wasn’t as bad in elementary school but nearing the end of middle school and through high school I developed an eating disorder because of how my parents talked about my body. Called me ugly and fat and told me horrible things. In high school I used to practice all night until I collapsed because I didn’t feel like I was good enough. They always said I wasn’t good enough. Of course I believed all of it, and my body felt the consequences. So I was ashamed. I hated myself for so long..so it was natural for me to think you all would hate me too.”
To this Taehyung couldn’t hold it anymore, he was shaking, face stained with rolling tears. He gritted his teeth and balled up the rim of Jimin’s sweatshirt in his hands.
“Why did I never notice...how could I call myself your best friend if through
all
that I never
fucking
noticed.”
Taehyung pulled away from Jimin’s hug to stare him in the eyes, guilt and shame underlying them.
“Taehyung
don’t.
See THIS is why I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want you guys to feel clueless or bad for not noticing. I made it hard for you guys to ever be able to pick up something being wrong. It’s not your job to take care of me.” Jimin released a shaky breath before looking up at the rest of his friends, all staring at him, eyes full of worry.
“I wanted to act strong for you guys. I know it was wrong of me but I thought it was the only way. But please guys know, I appreciate you all
so so
much. I am so thankful to have you guys as friends but I please understand my feelings...I didn’t want to feel like a burden to the group.”
Jungkook takes his turn in hugging Jimin now, a faint smile painted on his lips as he looked him in the eyes.
“You will never be a burden to us. This all was never your fault so you have nothing to be apologizing or feeling bad for.”
“I was scared of you guys seeing me as fake. I see now that..that would’ve never happened. I just was clouded by all the toxicity my family instilled in me. I swear to god my love for you all is very real...this-this was just hard for me.”
At this point everyone was either trying to end their crying or continuing to do so. No one having taken notice to how much pain Jimin had been harboring, granted most of this happened since before they knew him (except Taehyung) but nevertheless they all felt somewhat guilty for never knowing this about their beloved friend.
A group hug was initiated and between all these much larger bodies, ironically, was when Jimin felt like he could finally
breathe.
Namjoon settled onto the floor next to Jimin and held his hand close to his chest.
“Jiminie.”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for being brave enough to share this with us all. You don’t understand how much of a relief it is for us to know that there's this level of trust in our friendship…” Namjoon smiled a bit before tilting his head to the side, most likely unconsciously, as he thought about what he was going to say next. “But Jiminie, if you’ve kept this secret for years, why is it all of a sudden now that you’ve gotten into a slump about it? Why is it affecting you now?”
Jimin bit the inside of his lip.
“Because someone from the past..came and..dug it all up again.”
Jin’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion,
“Who?”
“Yoongi.”