Work Text
You see, I’ve written a million poems, hoping that somehow, maybe some way, you’ll jump out of the page and be closer to me.
- To the Girl Who Works at Starbucks, Rudy Francisco The piano aches a little tune that tells a story of a moon gazing upon the glittering waters of the lake as it thinks of a love lost along with the stuttering of its voice. It thinks of a musician with a quirk for falling in love with unattainable women and ends up with a megaphone for a heart.“Piano Sonata No.14 by Ludwig van Beethoven,” Dazai mumbles as he recognizes the overture of the third movement reverberating through the walls of the cafe. The fast rhythm of the music has his heart singing along with it while he serves another batch of freshly brewed coffee complimented with an assortment of bread to a group of company employees.There, a few meters away from him, playing the piano with his delicate hands is a college student named Nakahara Chuuya. The said student has eyes the color of the ocean right before a thunderstorm; the color of the sky on a beautiful summer day; and the color of the flowers his mother tends in his childhood home. His ginger hair is the flame of the candle her mother had warned him not to touch—but she didn’t know that he is a moth who is attracted to the light.It has been around five weeks since Chuuya started coming to the cafe and playing the piano every chance he gets, which is usually around early mornings or a few minutes before the closing time. And Dazai hasn’t stopped himself from admiring the boy, with constellations of freckles in his face and rose gold glasses hiding striking blue gems beneath them, ever since the day he first laid his eyes upon him.Twenty-nine days, nine hours and three minutes ago—not that he is keeping track—right on the first day of spring, his eyes that seem to resemble the soil right after a drizzle found Chuuya’s own ocean blue ones. He was cursing the broken coffee machine before a voice saying “Excuse me” startled him. It was some sort of miracle that he didn’t start proposing a romantic double suicide to the other when he was met with such a breathtaking view.Dazai stepped into the counter and asked, “May I take your order?” Up close, he could see how the ginger’s nose scrunched cutely as his eyes were focused on the menu presented to him. The brunet also noticed the vinyl album he was holding tightly in his arms entitled The Best of Beethoven.“I would like a chai latte, please,” Chuuya replied with a crooked smile tugging the corners of his lips. The other simply nodded in understanding, afraid that he might stutter upon witnessing such a cute smile. He didn’t even know what chai was or a latte for that matter, but he swore that it was officially his new favorite drink.“What name would you like me to write on your cup?”“Chuuya is alright,” the ginger answered before leaving the counter while the barista started to make his latte with ease. It didn’t take long before Dazai was calling out the customer’s name and handing him his drink.The barista smiles upon the memory. He had thought that he would soon lose interest in Chuuya, but he is proven wrong as soon as the latter’s gaze lands on him. Damn, he is too weak to resist such beauty and perfection.When the music reaches its conclusion, Chuuya looks at him with a question in his eyes, as if he is seeking for his approval, so he gives him a smile and a wink. And as soon as he does that, he starts questioning his life choices and hopes that the ginger didn’t find his actions weird or that would mean he loses his chance to marry him or, well, date him in the first place.“Here you two go again with dancing around each other,” Yosano says as he takes Dazai’s place in the counter. She has been observing the two of them ever since Chuuya asked the manager if he could play the piano displayed in the cafe. There is some sort of force that has been pulling them together, and she is determined to find out what it is.“There is no dancing, only playing the piano.”“Don’t be like Beethoven and just confess your love before someone whisks him away.” * “Dazai-san, I don’t think just staring at Chuuya-san until he approaches you would work,” Atsushi says while he heats up the smores in the oven before serving it to the customer. “Wouldn’t it be easier if you just talk to him like a normal person?”“But Atsushi-kun~” Dazai whines, earning him a glare from their manager, Kunikida who he sticks his tongue out to, just so he can spite him. There is no way he is going to let a day go by without pissing him off. “Normal is boring~”Of course, Atsushi should have known that the older is incapable of acting normal or even doing anything that borderlines normality. He still remembers that time when he had asked Dazai’s help to walk his aunt’s dogs, only to find him taunting them by eating dog treats in front of them. Or, that one time when the brunet thought it was a good idea to send the police to a literal wild goose chase just because nothing interesting had happened that day.“But what if being normal will get you a date with Chuuya-kun?”“I don’t think he is even normal.”“What makes you say that?” Atsushi asks, wondering how Chuuya could not be normal when all this time he has been acting like a typical college student—messy hair tied in a bun, scribbles of deadlines on his wrists, disorganized notes, and coffee-induced projects.“He has an obsession with Beethoven!” It didn’t take Dazai long before he figured out that Chuuya has some sort of fascination or, well, obsession with Beethoven. The signs are already present even in their first meeting with the way the ginger’s eyes sparkle every time his eyes land on the vinyl album. “I can’t even compete with a dead musician.”Atsushi gives him a pained smile before calling out the customers for their orders. Everything is going smoothly until he stumbles upon the name ‘Chibi’ written on the cup.“Eh, Dazai-san? Who is Chibi?”“That’s the nickname I gave to Chuuya, but, of course, he doesn’t know that.”“You might want to change the name you wrote.”In the end, Dazai didn’t change the name, but he did receive a glare from Chuuya. At least, the ginger has started to take notice of him already even though he calls him “Waste of bandages” on his way out. That, to him, sounds like progress.Totally worth it. * Dazai has done some stalking or, as he likes to call it, intensive research regarding a certain ginger who frequents the cafe. Apparently, Chuuya attends the same university as him and is currently taking a degree in Music with a minor in French Studies. No wonder he knows how to play piano, but that still doesn’t explain his level of skills when it comes to playing Beethoven’s compositions. And he bets his arm that Chuuya would definitely sound sexy speaking in French.Unfortunately, his daydreaming is cut short when someone approaches him while he is preparing an espresso shot. Imagine his surprise when he finds Chuuya waiting on the other side of the counter, fingers impatiently tapping on the surface while his face remains passive.“Can I help you with anything?” Dazai asks, eyes glued on his definition of love right in front of him. And he wills himself not to spout something weird like ‘Would you like me to help you change your single status to in a relationship?’ or ‘I can help you turn a scowl into a smile with a kiss.’ It is all bullshit, but he then realizes that he doesn’t have any clue whether the ginger is single or not. Well, that is a problem.“Do you mind changing the music to a classical one?” Chuuya asks another question in return and the brunet can’t help but smile upon his request. “I mean if it’s not against the shop’s policy or something.”“Or something.” Dazai’s face lingers in amusement as he walks towards the location of the shop’s phone and changes the playlist in Spotify to Beethoven’s. He presses shuffle play and smiles upon hearing the prelude of the musical piece. Symphony No.5 in C minor. It is his favorite out of all the composer’s works and the same piece that reminds him of Chuuya—the way his eyes flutter closed when he plays the piano, how he breathes in the smell of coffee first before tasting it, and the love he has for even the mundane things in the universe. The music seems to be a call of fate, whispering him words of promises and love.The barista wants to open up the cage surrounding Chuuya's heart with his bare hands and seal himself inside of it, just so he can trace every stitch and every wound etched in his heart, and heal it in the tune of his own. But, despite that, there would still be thousands of mysteries about him that he hasn't discovered, and he wants to spend every minute of his life unraveling every single one of them layer by layer.Brown eyes meet blue ones when he lets his gaze linger on the ginger longer than he intended. The latter signs him a ‘Thank you’ to which he mouths a “You’re welcome.” And he thinks that there is progress—that he must not be the only one feeling that there is something blooming between them; that this isn’t just some pathetic unrequited love in the making.The music reaches its conclusion and Kreutzer Sonata starts playing, and he thinks about dancing with Chuuya barefoot in their bedroom with only the moon and the stars as the witnesses of their love. * Dazai has been working at the cafe ever since he figured out that taking a part-time job would result in less time spent with his family.His parents have always thought that he would take either business or law in college, so imagine their surprise when they told them that he has been accepted in AB Literature with a minor in Creative Writing. They have been furious and disappointed with his decision, saying that he is only wasting his genius on his chosen field and he should have acted more like the rest of his siblings, but the brunet begs to differ. He refuses to play by the hands of his parents, instead, he wants to follow his passion in the search for happiness.“What are you doing, Dazai-san?” Atsushi has been shooting weird looks at the older barista who has been staring at the cup he is holding for five minutes already.“I’m trying to come up with a cute pun,” he replies. Writing has always been easy for him when it comes to expressing his own emotions. For the past few days, he has been leaving notes on either Chuuya’s cup or napkin, and he is always rewarded with a gentle smile painted on the ginger’s face.Dazai hastily writes ‘I hope you have a brewtiful day’ before Atsushi called Chuuya’s name and gave him his Caffè Misto—a mix of brewed coffee and steamed milk. The brunet’s handwriting stands out on the white cup and he waits for Chuuya to take a sit and read his note.“I think Chuuya-san likes what you wrote on his cup,” Atsushi says, his voice dripping with fascination as if he had doubted Dazai’s ability to make the ginger smile. He is not taking a minor in Creative Writing for nothing.“Do you think I should keep writing them?”“No.” Dazai looks at Atsushi, his eyes glinting with confusion and a hint of disappointment. He had thought the latter would support him in his quest for conquering Chuuya’s heart. Though it didn’t take long before his frown turns upside down as the next words leave the younger’s lips, “I think you should tell him directly how you feel.” * “Do you mind if I sit here with you?”It takes two weeks of leaving notes and stealing glances from Chuuya before he is able to build up the courage to approach him. His heart feels like it is ready to crawl out of his mouth right after he had said those words and, damn, he can’t risk looking like a fool to his future boyfriend. He has decided to take a step down from his first claim—he can claim Chuuya as his wife again once he starts dating him for real and not only in his dreams or daydreams.“Not at all,” the ginger answers as he looks at him, his eyes more pronounced due to the baby blue knitted sweatshirt he is wearing. The note Dazai had written a few minutes ago is folded neatly in between the pages of the book Chuuya has been reading.“The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde,” he reads. There is something strangely familiar about the book aside from the fact that he had read it years ago, just before he entered his 2nd year in high school. “I didn’t take you for someone who reads classical books.”“A certain barista suggested it to me and I just found myself reading it a week later,” Chuuya muses while flipping the book to back to where he has left off. “Though I thought he would remember it.”At that moment, Dazai feels stupid. Wait, no—he feels like an asshole. How could he forget recommending a book to Chuuya? “I think I’m a bit stupid,” he says loud enough for the ginger to hear which earns him a chuckle or two and suddenly, he has an urge to bang his head on the table. Repeatedly.Silence then follows as they bask each other’s presence while Dazai is trying his best not to walk back to the counter and strangle the living daylights out of Yosano who has been throwing him teasing remarks every chance she gets. No. He is not wasting this opportunity to gawk openly at Chuuya even if he hears another “Just kiss him already” or “Dazai, you’re drooling!” Does Chuuya even know that his name is Dazai?“By the way, I’m Dazai Osamu,” the brunet introduces and the ginger quickly replied, “I know,” followed by his own name, which Dazai already knew wholeheartedly with all the intensive research he has been doing for the past months. And then, they are smiling at each other and he just has to ask a simple question and preferably right before he turns into a nervous mess and starts babbling—not that he hasn’t done anything stupid a few minutes ago.“Do you want to go get ice cream with me?”Dazai is seriously supposed to ask Chuuya out on a date, but here he is, proposing to get ice cream with him like a 5-year-old. Maybe, he can just tell him it is a date on the same day they get ice cream. Would that be alright?“Ice cream sounds nice.”“Meet you at the park tomorrow?”“Sure, I’ll be there at 10.”And that is what he calls progress. He still can’t believe he is going on a date with Chuuya even though he doesn’t have any idea that it is actually a date. Well, he will find out about it soon, anyway. Maybe. * The next day, they find themselves walking aimlessly around the city after buying a cone of ice cream for each other when they both insisted to pay. The two of them have been exchanging stories from their childhood up until their latest school projects.“The first time I saw you, I felt like a robber with the way you were hugging that vinyl album. It’s not like I was going to steal it!" Dazai exclaims as he recalls their first meeting while the ginger laughs alongside him. And then, he realizes, he likes hearing him laugh; it is the kind of music he wants to keep hearing everyday.“Well, I thought you were pretty cute,” Chuuya says thoughtfully and Dazai thinks his brain needs a start-up before it can function properly again. Did Chuuya just flirt with him? Because goddammit, he didn’t see that coming. “But now, I realize you’re pretty annoying.”“Chibi, you just broke my heart into teeny tiny pieces,” the brunet sighs while dramatically clenching his hand on his chest. He ponders the other’s words for a moment before deciding that Chuuya is definitely a tsundere.“Chibi, huh? Haven’t heard that from you for a long time."“I didn’t know you like my nicknames for you.”Before they know it, they had already spent the rest of the day in each other’s presence—watching the sunset together near the port, singing at the karaoke bar and competing with each other at the arcade, and eating french cuisines at a nearby restaurant. This has been the most productive day in Dazai’s life and he swears he wouldn’t trade even a minute of this for the world.When they are a few minutes away from the bus stop, Chuuya suddenly stops in his tracks and kisses the barista on the cheek, and hurriedly rushes away from him. And Dazai just stands there, staring dumbly off the distance until he hears the ginger shouts.“Thank you for today, Mackerel! I really had fun!”Dazai keeps grinning on his way back home, but then he remembers that he has forgotten to inform Chuuya that they just had their first date. He just hopes that the latter already has the idea that someone like him wouldn’t spend a whole day with just anyone. * Upon entering the cafe, the first thing Dazai notices are the giggles from his co-workers and the crowd forming around Ranpo with his phone out for all the world to see.He walks closer to see what they are whispering about, only to find his own face staring back at him. There, on Ranpo’s phone, are photos of Chuuya and him together on their date yesterday, which no one should have known about for his own sanity. Apparently, the green-eyed barista has other plans for him and has taken the task of teasing the brunet until he goes insane.“I didn’t know Dazai-san can look this smitten.”“Oh, you should see this. It looks like Dazai is jealous of the teddy bear Chuuya-kun is hugging.”“I can’t believe this. He is actually blushing.”Dazai groans in frustration as he hears comment after comment about his date with Chuuya. Trust his co-workers to meddle with his love life and make him suffer from all their innuendos and courting suggestions which, by the way, he has no interest in doing at all.He decides to ignore them and starts his work by preparing the coffee beans for brewing. With all his attention on it, he fails to notice a certain ginger entering the cafe while dragging along a boy that appears to be younger than them by a year or two. So, when he hears Chuuya’s voice echoing through the walls of the cafe, he is surprised to find him with his arm draped around the scowling boy.“Come on, Ryu. I’ll even pay for your drinks,” Chuuya whines while pouting cutely at his companion. Dazai feels something weird stir in his stomach and it is leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He wants to take the ginger away and curl his body around him and love him until Chuuya’s definition of love becomes Dazai himself.“Chuuya-san, please let me go. You know how much I hate to go here.”“Nonsense. I’ll go find us a table and just order whatever you want, I’ll pay for it.”Chuuya proceeds to do just that and leaves the other alone with the barista who is having a hard time controlling the frown on his face. And right at that moment, he thinks his chances with Chuuya are slim to none with the way he looks at the person in front of him who chooses the same blend of coffee that the ginger likes.“Dazai-san, remember that boy I told you about? The one I like?” Atsushi asks out of nowhere as Dazai prepares the two students' orders. He has been chanting ‘Don’t poison him’ for the past few minutes and the younger barista seems to be a better distraction. “Well, that’s him.”He follows Atsushi's gaze and he is shocked to find out that it is the very same person as the one Chuuya is talking to. “His name is Akutagawa and we have almost the same classes,” the younger informs him while he continues to stare at the said boy.“It looks like Chibi and him are getting along well.”“It’s not like they are dating.”“Who’s to say that they are not?”Silence falls upon them as Dazai adds the finishing touches to the drinks. He has been observing the two since he has first seen them together and he still can’t figure out if they are dating or not. Because if they are, well, he would not be responsible for the stolen glances he has been receiving from Chuuya while they are both talking.“A jealous Dazai Osamu. I never thought I’ll be able to witness such an interesting view,” Ranpo interjects before he can call out Akutagawa’s name.“You’re so annoying. Why does Poe even like you?”“Because I’m lovable, unlike you. Or he is not too much of a coward to confess.”He really does hate Ranpo Edogawa and his smart mouth. * Ever since Chuuya started bringing Akutagawa with him to the cafe, Dazai has been brooding and glaring daggers at the younger’s back. At some point, he even added salt to Akutagawa’s coffee instead of sugar just because his hand stayed a bit longer than he can stomach on Chuuya’s shoulder. There was also that time when accidentally forgot that he ordered decaf instead of regular coffee. Ah, good times.Yosano has told him to stop brooding, but every time he sees Chuuya laughing with Akutagawa, he feels like strangling the nearest person beside him, which, conveniently, is Ranpo.The next day, he is surprised to see that Akutagawa came alone in the cafe and it seems like he is looking for someone. When his eyes landed on Dazai, he quickly approaches him and drags him at the back of the shop like he owns the place.“Listen, you should stop glaring at me and just confess to Chuuya-san,” Akutagawa starts, his face forming a scowl as he remembers every single glare and little accidents that have happened because of the boy in front of him. He is tired of his coffee being mixed up with others and the milk, oh god, the milk that has been constantly missing in his coffee, he needs that. “Just stop taking your anger out on me!”“I’m not doing anything to you though,” the brunet defends without meeting the other’s scrutinizing gaze.“Do you want me to list all the times you messed up with my drinks? Because it will take us a bit longer.” Sarcasm. He didn’t know Akutagawa is capable of such talk and he is impressed.Though Dazai seriously doesn’t know what to do anymore. Here is the person he thought to be Chuuya’s boyfriend telling him to confess already like it is the easiest thing to do. Hell, he would rather ask Chuuya on a he-doesn’t-even-have-a-clue-that-it-is-a-date date again, instead of asking if they could be boyfriend and go on a romantic dinner date and kiss during the sunset and all those romantic crap. But it does sound great in Dazai’s mind.“So, you two are not dating?” Dazai asks just to be sure. He doesn’t need another week of Yosano calling him out for brooding like it isn’t normal to brood when you’re heartbroken. Curse women and their logic.“Of course not. Chuuya-san is like a brother I never had. Besides, I like someone else.”“Which means I can ask him out.”“That’s what I’ve been telling you in the first place,” the younger sighs in exasperation. This is not what he has signed up for when he became the ginger’s best friend. He is tired of fighting off his suitors who he doesn’t even have a clue that they have been asking him out. So, he is going to give Dazai a little push to end all his problems.“Oh, that—that’s easier said than done.”“I don’t care! Go ask him out and if you dare hurt him, I’ll castrate you and feed your dick to dogs.”And on that day, Dazai finds out how terrifying Chuuya’s overprotective best friend can be. * There is definitely something wrong with his choice of friends.Three days right after his talk with Akutagawa, he finds out about the running bet in the shop. Each of his co-workers has been speculating about when he will confess his undying love to Chuuya. Apparently, the prize money is, according to Atsushi, enough to supply him chazuke for a whole month. And he has already tried to take a peek on the list, but Yosano just pushes him away and tells him to win it for her, and she will pay for his first official date with Chuuya.“Life is all about bets,” Yosano tells him just before he leaves back to his apartment on that day. “Do you wanna keep playing or do you wanna win?”And now, here he is, all alone inside the cafe since it is too early for the customers to start arriving in. He has been trying to come up with the right words to say to Chuuya, only to realize that he has been too nervous to think about anything besides the latter’s possible rejection—not that Akutagawa didn’t reassure him enough that Chuuya definitely reciprocates his feelings. He just can’t trust a boy who just threatened to cut off his dick, okay?The brunet takes a sit in front of the piano and runs his fingers along with its keys. It has been so long since he had last played, yet his fingers still remember the feeling of the music wrapping itself around his fingers as he reaches the crescendo of the piece.Dazai closes his eyes and releases a shuddering breath, then he lets himself be consumed by the music. Every press of the keys has his blood singing, lusting for more of the life he has hidden beneath his facade. There, he lets himself feel—the happiness in his lips as he serves another cup of coffee, the amusement in his eyes while he listens to Atsushi’s stories about Akutagawa, and the love in his smile as he remembers the sound of Chuuya’s laughter healing the scars he had inflicted on himself. This is the real Dazai Osamu. Vulnerable and broken, yet all that matters is the music he loves along with words he dares to speak ever since he was a child.“Bagatelle No.25 in A minor by Ludwig van Beethoven,” a familiar voice says as he nears the conclusion of the piece. “Also known as Für Elise. A piece of music he has written for a girl he wanted to marry.”On the last note, he turns around and faces the one who reminded him how to make beautiful music once again. Chuuya stands a meter away from him, surprise evident in his features. He is looking back and forth between the piano and Dazai, and he couldn't help but fidget under his gaze. He has never thought about how the ginger would react to his music when he is solely focused on his possible reaction to his confession.“You play beautifully,” Chuuya says when he has gathered his thoughts enough to voice them out.“Not as beautiful as you,” Dazai says back as he walks closer to Chuuya until brown is clashing with blue. And the ginger’s eyes never leave him as if he is some sort of puzzle he can’t seem to figure out no matter how hard he tries.“There is always something about you that I could never explain, and I never thought that this is it.”Dazai smiles at him and takes in the beauty that is Nakahara Chuuya, because he may never see this again after he lets the next words slip out of his mouth. “Would it be so bad to be my Therese?”He has always thought that his words need music to accompany it.“Then, will you be my Beethoven?”"I've been dying to hear that."
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