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Her mouth is parched, lips trembling as tears dried upon her face. Her fingers curl on the floor of her bedroom, fingernails scratching quietly. The house is silent, he left awhile ago, but his voice echoed inside her head.
“You’re not special to them, you’re weak and worthless. I can only make you feel special, to give you exactly what you want.”
She believed it. She believed it. She believed it. She believed it. She didn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe it. She hated herself for the one moment when she brought herself so low that she had once believed him. Every word that escaped his lips, that ferocious voice that echoed inside her bedroom and brought her to her knees with tears falling from her eyes.He left her trembling and afraid of his hands that pressed hard into her skin until blue and purple blemishes appeared upon her pale skin. His lips would touch hers, soft apologizes that left her afraid and empty inside.She wanted to scream for help, but nothing would leave her lips, and she would try her best to make him happy. So happy that he wouldn’t lose his happiness in his eyes, or grow tense as if the entire room darkens around them. She didn’t want him to hurt her much as he did, nor tell her the words her father would tell her growing up.
Allison.
Vanya sucked in a breath and pushed herself off the floor. She groaned, getting to her feet and stumbling from the room. She grabbed her coat, her shoes, and dialed a number on her phone, but the ringing made her heart race and she placed it back on the receiver before leaving the apartment.
Please, please, please...be there.
She glanced down the street, but all she can see is wet pavement and asphalt glinting off streetlights. The cars stream by, and the strong scent of soil surrounded her. She could barely focus on anything else besides that, and her own heart squeezes tightly at what she had been through in the last few hours.He was angry, because she wasn’t like them. Because she wasn’t trying to be something she wasn’t, and he didn’t mind shoving her to the floor to continue his verbal assault.She could barely take it and had shut down until he left. Whatever soft side he had shedded and he left her, no heart to wrap around hers.It was ruined, all of it, terribly ruined that when Vanya slowed down in front of a window and spotted her reflection. The softness of her face, pale with blotches on her chin, another on her temple, round and dark. Her lip was also red, a split lip from a few days ago. She looked away and continued walking, a tear trailing down her face before wiping it away.There was too many callous memories forming in her head, all of it shredded apart from childhood trauma, and from the relationship that once made her safe and special. Folded in and out like paper, unable to be fully touched, a secret she held close to her heart. Please be home. Vanya wiped away more tears from her face. Her chest hurt too much, caving in, tearing her apart. She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and let out a trembled cry. She didn’t want this to happen. She wanted to believe his sincere words, his love, his care, but he showed her something else, something ugly with a cruel mouth that made her weak.“Vanya!”She stopped, turning around and taking a frightened step back when she spotted Leonard striding towards her. He didn’t wear the same old worry on his face, nothing in his eyes that made her want to smile. There was only a wicked malice with the strength to destroy her.Vanya turned and picked up her pace, sprinting as he yelled her name. No. No. Please. Leave me al— She was grasped by the back of her jacket, yanked and almost choking as she stumbled backwards and fell onto the hard pavement, almost scrambling as Leonard hovered above her.“No, leave me alone!”“You weren’t supposed to leave the house,” he tsked, shaking his head, “I didn’t want you leaving, I was hoping to make us dinner.” He used that same tone that manipulated her the first time, sweet and kind, but his intent was more difficult, more cutting.“I’m going to see my family,” Vanya said, her hands wet as she moved away from his touch, “I need to see my sister.”Leonard went still as he knelt down in front of her. “Why, Vanya? There’s no need to see them. They don’t care about you, they don’t lov—”“No,” she snapped, glaring at him as a part of her believed his words, it was hard for her to stop it from burning her up inside over the years, from silently hating them for the exclusion, but this was different. “No, I love them. Okay. I love them!”“They don’t care about you, Vanya,” Leonard repeated. “You told me many times that they never once bothered to come visit you, nor have they cared about your whereabouts, not once did they ask about you. Why should they care about you now?”Vanya gritted her teeth, letting out a harsh gasp. “No. I h-have too.”“Come on, Vanya, let’s go home,” Leonard reached out and grabbed her arm, she tensed at his fingers pressing into a bruise that was all too familiar as he pulled her to her feet. “Let’s go, okay. I’ll make us dinner, and we’ll spend the night watching TV together.”Vanya squeezed her eyes shut. “I have to see Allis—”“Stop,” Leonard said, sharply, “stop, Vanya, I keep telling you that they don’t care about you, they never did.”“No, no, no, no,” Vanya shook her head, her sister’s face appearing in her mind, her smile wide as they talked over drinks. She wanted to see her, she wanted to go home to her family where she’ll feel safe. Safe. What a strange thing to say about them, who ostracized her over the years and didn’t feel any regret about their decision.She’d rather choose them over him.“Let me go!” she struggled in his hold as his fingers dug into her arms, and all she could hear was the loud sound of cars going by, the wheels splashing water from puddles on the road. The glass beside her began to crack, and Leonard’s hold loosened, he spoke her name multiple times before letting her go as shards of glass slashed him, missing her completely before she stumbled away from him as he screamed out in pain.Vanya sprinted away from him, whispering their names under her breath. She was blocks away before hailing down a cab and it took her straight to the front steps of their home. She shuddered as she opened the black iron gate and touched the knob, testing it as she turned it and found the door unlocked.Painful memories flashed in her head. Many of when they ran past her, not even noticing her presence, sometimes Diego or Klaus would tell her to stop playing the violin, while Allison would slam her door shut. All of it an echo inside her as she closed the door and everything went quiet.Her arms at her sides, fingers trembling as she walked into the foyer. Were they here? Did any of them stay? Last she seen them, they were all huddled in the lounge, and since then, she kept them at a distance. Now she was regretting her own decision before coming to a stop.“Vanya?” She turned toward who she was looking for the most, and her tears fell, and she let out a cry as Allison ran down the steps and embraced her. “Hey, what’s wrong? What happened?”“I’m sorry, I...I was wrong, I knew I was wrong, but I couldn’t...deny it...I just wanted to feel loved,” Vanya said in Allison’s arms, “I just want to stop feeling so alone.”“Vanya,” Allison whispered, “come, let’s sit in the lounge, the boys aren’t here at the moment so we have time to talk.”Allison lead Vanya in the lounge where she made her a drink and they talked. What shocked Allison the most was the bruises on Vanya’s face, which allowed her to grab an ice pack.“Do you think he’ll go back to your apartment and wait for you?” Allison asked, using a smaller ice pack for Vanya’s bruise on her forehead, while Vanya held one for her jaw.“I don’t know,” Vanya said, numb, “last I saw him he was on the ground, covered in glass.”“Covered in glass?” Allison asked, arching a brow. “What did you do? Smash him into a window?”“Something like that,” Vanya answered, not sure what she was meant to tell her sister, it was hard enough to accept that the one person who made her feel safe and accepted had also brought something innately dangerous from within her. She didn’t even know how to explain it to herself, besides that it felt awfully familiar.“I don’t know what to do,” Vanya said, crying again, unable to hold it inside her chest that was full to the brim with her anger, sadness, and betrayal. She was heart broken. Allison brought her into her arms again, and at that moment, they heard their brothers walking through the front door. Their voices crowded the empty space as Vanya pulled back, looking down at the ice pack in her hands.“Hey, Allison,” Diego called, but stopped when he entered the lounge, he stared at Vanya with a mix of confusion and annoyance before melting away into concern as she glanced up. She knew he must see the mess she became after what she endured, but she was too sensitive if he decided to say anything too painful for her to handle.“Vanya,” Five said, walking past Diego and staring at her, his hands tucked inside his pockets while Klaus and Luther stayed quiet beside Diego. “Who did this?”“It’s that asshole, isn’t it?” Diego asked, shaking his head and walking over to the bar where he picked up their father’s whiskey. “I told you he was sketchy.”“You didn’t say anything to me,” Vanya said, looking away from them.Five stepped over to her and reached out to touch her chin, he was gentle as he lifted her face and their eyes met. “You want me to kill him?”“Five,” Luther said, glaring.“We should though,” Klaus said, joining Diego. “Ben agrees, some asshole shouldn’t be hitting our sister.”“I’ll make it slow,” Diego said, taking out one of his knives.Vanya shook her head. “No. It’s too much trouble.”“Trouble?” Five asked, “he hurt you, Vanya, someone who loves you shouldn’t do that.”She scoffed. “Yeah, you know that’s what I thought too, and growing up with the rest of you always made me wonder if you loved me at all.”“We love you,” Klaus said, holding the whiskey bottle, “just...in our own childish ways.”“We’ve grown up,” Allison said, taking Vanya’s hand, “is what Klaus is trying to say. Our childhood is riddled with pain and hate, but we can make it better now that we’re adults, and none of us can stand seeing you like this. You have bruises on your face, Vanya, you were crying when you came into the house. You barely escaped with your life if you hadn’t fought back.”“You fought back?” Diego asked, sliding off the stool and walking towards her, “you had to fight back against someone who you assumed loved you, leaving you like this, he doesn’t deserve you, Vanya.”“And what will you do?” Vanya asked, incredulous, “if he ends up dead and they find out you did it, it’ll be my fault for what happens to any of you. And I don’t think I can stand you being sent to jail.”“Then let me,” Five encouraged, “I’m a professional assassin, no one will know.”Vanya shook her head. “I don’t want him dead.”“Then it’s decided,” Diego said, grinning, “we won’t kill him, we’ll simply remind him not to ever touch you again.”“Or,” Klaus said, placing an arm on Diego, “come near you again, what are big brother’s for.”Before Vanya could stop them from doing anything too dangerous, Diego, Luther, and Klaus were already heading out the door, and before Five could too, she stood and reached out for him.“Wait, Five.”“What is it?” he asked, looking up at her, his face soft and empty, as if there was a lot there but not enough for her to understand his thoughts. She wouldn’t believe he was a killer if she ever seen him on the streets, simply a strange boy in a school uniform.“Can you bring back my violin?” she asked, letting his arm go, “it’s in the living room, beside the couch in a black case.”Five gave her a smile and nodded, before he disappeared in a blink.Vanya sniffled and sat back down with Allison.“They’ll be fine,” she told her.Vanya nodded, knowing she was right, and she turned toward her sister and looked her in the eyes and smiled. “I have something to tell you.”Two hours later, Vanya was nudged awake by Five standing over her. He was smiling and holding the handle of a black case.“When did you get back?” she asked, sitting up.“A few minutes ago,” he answered, setting the case down on the floor. “Wasn’t sure where you were, but Allison said you’d be in here.”Vanya nodded solemnly. “My room was torn down, and I’d rather be…” She glanced around the simple plain room that Five once occupied before he disappeared at the age of thirteen.“It’s fine,” he said, sitting down beside her. “I don’t mind you taking my bed, it’s all yours when I’m not using it.”She smiled. “How was it?”“Oh, you know, Diego didn’t hold back that much when we found him in the hospital.”Vanya blinked, “hospital?”“Yeah, shards of glass sticking all over his body. It dug deep into his skin. Made it easy for him not to run. Klaus had fun punching him in the face, but Luther didn’t want any of us to hurt him too much,” Five shrugged. “I went back to your apartment and grabbed your violin when the others waited for their cab.”“So, they’re not back yet?” she asked, nervous of what she had told Allison.“Not yet.”It was bound to happen one way or another. There was a deep wound inside her, pulling taut with each passing year, and now she was ready for it to heal.Vanya took a deep breath and turned to look at Five. “When the others get back, I want to explain to the rest of you what happened.”“It’s self-explanatory.”She shook her head. “Not that, something else, something dad was hiding from us, especially me.” She wanted to be like the others, to spit out the blood and pull herself together. And she had for many years, but those years had shoved her down, and she laid on the ground, waiting for someone to pick her back up.The wrong person did, she was meant to do it, and now she was ready to hold that acceptance and denial inside of her and release it out to her family.She was ready, because she loved them, and she didn’t want to hurt anyone if it got out of control.“Let’s go then,” he said, holding out his hand.Vanya smiled, and took it, and they walked out of the room.