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This is an open letter to any and all that might stumble across it.
I wish to explain what it's like to be an Empath, and I don't know if I will succeed, but I can at least try.
Beginning, as with everything in life, is difficult, but here goes.
Ever since I was born, I have been different. No, I was not born a prodigy, I was not gifted with any special talents, I was not remarkable in any way. There is still nothing remarkable about me. I am a completely average being. I do not excel in anything and I do not fail entirely in something else. As far as standards go, I am the definition. And yet, I know I have this one gift that not many others share, I know there's this one reason I am different - special, even. I was born an Empath.
And for years I've lived my tiny existence around people who were not like me. To this day, I have not met another person who is like me, who feels like me, thinks like me, exists like me. I have never, not once, encountered a person who shares my sensitivity to the world around me.
There are those who have told me there is nothing unique about me, that I only wish that to be true. There are those who have mocked me, and continue to do so, simply for being who and what I am, because they do not understand why I do what I do, why I am the way I am, and why I claim to be different. There are those, even among my family, who do not want to understand, to hear me out, who have never even tried to.
For those curious to know, an Empath is not simply a person who has empathy for others. That is, and always should be, a basic human capability that only a certain few do not possess, are incapable of possessing. There are, of course, those who choose not to have empathy for others, even though it is something they have been born with as human beings. And in some cases, when empathy isn't an inborn trait in a person, it may yet still be learned, practiced and adopted.
But, no, to be an Empath does not mean to have understanding for those around you and it does not equal to sympathy or having compassion for another being. Being an Empath means feeling others' emotions, feeling others' suffering, their pain and anguish, as if it were your own. Being an Empath means that when the world is suffering, so are you.
Being an Empath is the most painful gift anyone could ever be born with. It means feeling everything. It means being aware of global agony, being aware and understanding the pain of other people, no matter where or who they are, knowing and feeling the same pain others suffer, each in their own way, in their own circumstances, and being agonizingly aware that there is nothing you can do about it. Being an Empath means that when someone tells you, "Why do you let it affect you so much when you can do nothing to change it?" it hurts you so deeply you feel as if your heart is being wrenched right out of your chest. It's suffocating, the knowledge that the world is so large and so vast, that there is anguish in every single moment of any time, and that you can do nothing to stop it, that whatever you do, it will never be enough.
Seeing others in pain makes me physically sick with the need to help them, to change, remove, destroy whatever is hurting them. Every single day, at any given time, I carry the burned of everyone's pain, the burden of the knowledge that I will never be able to help everyone, that suffering will never cease, that there is an infinite amount of injustice in the world, and that I will never be able to stop it. And yes, while others are able to shrug it off, say, "Well, there's nothing I alone can do," and accept these words, for me it is physically impossible to do the same. Not because I suffer from some hero complex and I need to feel "important", but because the moment I try to convince myself that there is really nothing to be done, that nothing will ever change and thus I shouldn't let myself be devastated every time there is a crisis somewhere in the world, I fall victim to depression. My thoughts turn dark, my lungs refuse to cooperate, and my heart shrinks from the force of this burden pushing down on my chest with every waking minute, until it's all too much.
Being an Empath means carrying this burden on your shoulders always. It means fighting with the world, with the universe, with injustice and immorality and sometimes just plain bad luck, and knowing that you can never truly win. It means pain, anguish, and it means rage. Rage because you know that life is never truly fair, that justice does not always prevail, and that evil will often win.
I do whatever I can, whenever I can, to help. Sometimes, it works to keep me afloat for a while, it eases my breathing, helps me sleep and even feel happy. Sometimes, it even makes me believe that I really can help everyone, fight all the evil, all the corruption, stand up to everyone who dares hurt others, and defeat them. Sometimes, I can believe that I alone can right all the wrongs done upon others. But, the world is large and vast, and pain breeds more pain. It's a loop that never ends, and so my own agony continues. And sometimes, no good deed can help me feel as though the world isn't resting on my shoulders, as though the burden isn't crushing me.
Sometimes, there is simply no hope.
I have written this not because I expect anyone to read it, or because I seek attention of any kind; I have written this, with my heart split wide open, bleeding, on the slim chance that someone might read this and finally feel as though they are not alone. I have lived my whole life alone in this pain. I have lived in loneliness, detached from those around me, feeling deranged in my diversity. I have been misunderstood, mistreated and cast away by so many people in my life, simply because they could never feel as I feel, think as I think and exist as I do.
I hope that, if you are an Empath, you will realize that there is nothing wrong with you, that you are unique and wonderful, and above all, you are not alone. I also hope that, if you, whoever you may be, are reading this and can identify someone you know, either a friend or a family member, as an Empath - I hope that you will not let them suffer alone.