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“Harry, I think that’s enough.” James takes Harry’s hands in his and tugs away the knife, putting it somewhere far away. Thankfully, Harry doesn’t resist. “What’s wrong?”Harry had been preparing the family dinner in the kitchen when James had noticed how obsessive he was getting over dicing the vegetables, the blade of the knife slicing through the carrots and onions over and over again until they were fine enough to see through. That was when James had decided to intervene; he had let it slide when Harry was measuring and weighing the ingredients as if he were diffusing a bomb or even making one.“It just needs to be perfect.” Harry sobs, pulling himself closer to James and burrowing his face in his chest. “This is our one chance to get my dad to approve.”James should have known. It had taken a lot of begging and pleading for Tony to agree to a family meal with the Nightingales, and even more to agree to having them host and cook. Harry was taking the resistance personally and blaming himself, as he usually does, for breaking up his family and making them hate him. All the stress was getting to him.“I doubt Tony’s approval rests on the quality of diced onions in spaghetti bolognese.”Harry scoffs, “Of course it does, my dad is a micromanaging, arrogant chef - he’s worse than Gordon Ramsey. Trust me, he will notice and he will bring it up. He’s a total snob. Everything has to be perfect or he’ll just use it as a reason to disprove of our relationship.”James wraps his arms tighter around Harry, sensing just how desperately he wants his dad to be proud of him. While he knows that it is a futile endeavour and he couldn’t care less what Tony Hutchinson thought if him and his family, it’s different for Harry. It hurts to know how low his boyfriend’s self-esteem is and how little he thinks of himself, and James will spend every waking minute proving just how amazing Harry is. But they have an hour until Tony and Diane arrive and he can’t very well alter harry’s entire self-perception in so little time.“His approval isn’t going to make or break this relationship, Harry.” James puts a finger under Harry’s chin and tilts his head to look deep into Harry’s beautiful eyes. “I love you, no matter what anyone says, no matter what happens. I promise.”Harry can’t contain his gushing smile. He lifts up onto his toes to press a heated kiss to James’ lips. They lose themselves in each other’s touch, and only break apart when they are reminded of the burning dinner.“To be continued.” Harry promises.They turn back to the dinner, saving it before the taste of charcoal and rubber is too strong to mask with salt and pepper, and call out to Romeo, Juliet and Marnie to come out and help to set the table. As usual, Marnie looks ready to walk the chic streets of Paris, while the younger members of their family have put little effort into their appearance.“Why do we need to be here? Tony’s nothing to do with us?” Juliet complains, scowling something fierce even while obediently laying out cutlery. Romeo goes along behind her straightening the napkins, and smiling fondly. “And who needs so many spoons? What are we, the royal family?”“Tony Hutchinson, apparently.” James sighs, thoroughly unimpressed with the lengths they are going to to impress a man he quite frankly has zero patience for.“Like I said, he’s a snob. But he’s also my dad, so can we please all play nice. Thank you.”Harry is just surveying the room one final time when their guests knock on the door. Wiping his hands on his jeans, he opens the door. Any anxiety that had been clear as day on his face disappears behind a pleasant mask, and he graciously accepts the wine Diane offers. James takes the bottle, and presses a chaste kiss to Harry’s cheek. Oh, he’s going to miss their public displays of affection tonight.In the kitchen, Marnie sets out five wine glasses and puts back the one Juliet got out for herself. She takes the bottle and peers haughtily at the label. “What a vintage!” She mutters.“Mother!” James scolds.“James, darling, this bottle barely cost seven pounds - clearly a dinner with their son and his new family wasn’t worth that much to them.”James sighs once more, glancing at where Harry listen patiently to his dad’s spiel about the Hutch and just how amazing Dee Dee is. “I know, mother. But don’t tell Harry about your assessment.”Marnie whispers, “I’m not cruel, James.” She dresses the room at large. “Shall we sit down and eat?”They gather around the table as Harry plates up and serves the dinner. James easily spots the tremor in Harry’s hands and the way he fights not to fidget with them. As they all dig in, Harry watches his dad’s reaction out of the corner of his eye. Once Tony takes his second mouthful and makes a quiet hum, Harry relaxes infinitesimally and starts to eat his own food.“This is very good, Marnie. Impressive.” Diane comments, extending an olive branch to the other woman.Marnie raises a brow and sniffs, reluctantly taking a sip of the cheap wine before answering. “You think I cooked? Oh, Diane.” Juliet chuckles, sharing a conspiratorial glance with her step-mum and earning a disapproving glare from Tony, which she ignores. “No, I didn’t cook. Harry did. And he did very well, wouldn’t you agree. Restaurant standard.”“Thank you, Marnie.” Harry blushes. Marnie squeezes his hand, reassuring him that she isn’t exaggerating just to make a scene.“Well, this is very good, Harry. Thank you for going to all this effort.” Diane smiles, but Tony merely hums again.Harry smiles like a child on Christmas who has received a mediocre present but doesn’t wish to seem ungrateful. James clenches his fist under the table. While theoretically he understands Harry’s need for approval, James thinks he will always find it hard to experience when faced with it like this. Watching Harry’s eyes light up only for the shadows to close in once more and his shoulders to slump even further down.From across the table, Romeo shoots James a warning look. It seems he isn’t the only one to notice, for which he is thankful.They finish the carbonara mostly in a silence only broken by Juliet asking for another helping. Diane offers to help Harry wash up the plates before they start on dessert, giving them all time to talk. They all migrate to the sofas, and Juliet immediately turns her attention to phone, holding it way too close to her face for James’ liking.“So, James…” Tony starts. James is expecting the typical ‘what are your intentions towards my son’ shovel talk questions. “Have you heard from Kyle recently?”The room goes deathly quiet. You could hear a pin drop. Kyle is a forbidden topic in this flat, and for good reason, even Juliet and Romeo know why. The man was a gas-lighting criminal, a man of no compassion or empathy, who somehow wriggled his way out of a prison sentence like the worm that he is. James shoots daggers at a smug, shit-stirring Tony, and regrets ever allowing the man into his home. Juliet puts down her phone, instead focusing slack jawed on the drama unfolding before her. Marnie looks at Tony as if a cockroach had crawled into the room. Even Diane gave a start and shook her head. But, James notes, she said nothing to reprimand her husband.Slowly, James answers. “What do you mean by that? You’ll have to be more specific.”“I just mean that I don’t think I’m comfortable knowing that my son is throwing his life away to be with someone with that kind of history. Not to mention all the other twisted stuff you’re involved in.”Romeo leaps to his feet and looms over the older man. “You honestly think my dad would ever hurt Harry?” He growls. “You’re deluded.”“Yeah,” Juliet interjects, “they’re all over each other most of the time - the only hurt they get is in the bedroom. And that’s consensual.” She makes a face that James can’t interpret, but he’s pretty sure it’s meant to make Tony feel like a stupid child. Though James wishes his sex life might have been kept out of a conversation with his boyfriend’s father, he can’t help but glow inside at his family finally sticking up for him, even Juliet, his long-lost sister.“Kyle was a greedy, heartless drug dealer. He lied and schemed and he was the villain in that story - not James! You make assumptions, Tony, based on your prejudice. Don’t deny it! You’ve hated our family since we arrived in this damned village. Acquaint yourself with the facts before you start accusing anyone.” Spits Marnie.James takes a deep breath and straightens his back. He doesn’t need to tower ominously over Tony, or yell at him to assert his authority. This is his home, his family and his life that Tony is insulting. James has the power here.“You must really hate it.”“Hate what?” Tony replies.“Letting someone be happy and having nothing to do with it. That’s why you’re sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong and why you are making a fool out of yourself. You pretend to care about who your son is dating, but you couldn’t care less about him. You’ve kicked him out of his home twice; you wanted to let him rot in prison for twenty years for a crime he didn’t commit; you’ve put countless others before the son you claim to want the best for; you pressured him into staying with a man with a history of drug addiction and abuse. You have contributed to a cycle of self-harm and punishment that he is only now getting out of - why do you think he has such low opinion of himself?“Your son - you don’t even deserve to call him your son - is the greatest person I know. He is selfless and loving and pure. Despite everything you have done, he is still willing to forgive and forget. No one should be as nervous as he was over a simple family dinner, and you have the audacity to ruin it with those implications.“Is it your aim in life to ruin Harry’s? I want you to get out of my—”“STOP! Stop, just stop! Please.” Harry shouts, tears in the corners of his eyes. Unable to look at anyone, he storms out of the room, slamming the door to their bedroom.Shame and guilt coil in James’ gut. How could he have gone on such a rant and not think about Harry? His boyfriend was on the other side of the room watching and listening as he tore into his father. God, he is a terrible boyfriend. How can Harry ever forgive him?None of this shows on James’ face. He remains stoic and steadfast. He clenches a fist, grits his teeth and glares at Tony and Diane. “Just… say here.” As he sweeps out of the room, James is pleased to note that the rest of his family look just as ashamed of themselves. It's nice to know that they value Harry as much as he does.
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James hears Harry sobbing through the door. A white hot stab of shame pierces his heart. This pain is worse than any lost cases or humiliation at work, or any beating that Mac gave him throughout his entire childhood; he doesn’t even think sex with Donna-Marie had hurt as much as this does. Because those were only physical hurts, or committed by people he knew were meaningless and beneath him. He could battle through those and come out again stronger than before.But this is Harry now. The one person capable of breaking down his walls and melting the ice around his heart completely. James loves Harry - heart and soul. He doesn’t think he could ever love anyone this way again. So, when Harry hurts, James hurts, too.He knocks softly on the door. He asks politely if he can come in. A lull in the sniffs and sobs behind the door is his only indication that he has been heard. James doesn’t open the door until Harry comes to open it himself. If Harry wants to send him away or make him wait in anguish for eternity, then he will let him. He would do anything for Harry right now.Eventually, the door swings open and reveals a very haggard and exhausted Harry. His eyes are red and puffy, and there’s a little bit of snot on his nose. But he has never looked more beautiful. Well… it’s a close tie.“I’m so sorry, Harry. I am such an idiot. I would completely understand if you wanted me to sleep on the sofa every night for ten years, or if you never wanted to see me again. I betrayed your trust and I said things that never should have been said. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. I am so sorry, Harry. Please, forgive me.”Harry gazes at him with those sweet, gorgeous eyes and James can feel his heart melting already. He needs them to get over this so that he can show Harry just how much he means to him. He will spend the rest of their lives together making up for this mistake, and he will do so willingly.Harry says nothing, but he steps aside to let James into their bedroom. They sit on the bed, a foot of tension and unsaid things between them, neither of them talking. Harry has given in to his temptation to mess with his hands. It’s an endearing quirk of his that never fails to bring a smile to James’ face when he sees something so quintessentially Harry, he only wishes it wasn’t associated with anxiety and hurt.“I think I want to see a therapist.”“Surely we can work our problems out ourselves - we just need to talk and be honest with each other, the way we always have been. I will make this up to you, we don’t need to involve a doctor in our problems.” It’s not James isn’t willing to see a therapist if it’s really what Harry thinks they need, but he doesn’t need some doctor patronising him and telling him what he already knows. He already knows what he did wrong.“No, James. Not for us. For me. My life has me so screwed up and I just… Everything you said back there, about the punishing myself and low self-worth, it was true, and I don’t know how to stop feeling like that.”James gets off the bed to kneel before Harry. He takes his hands in his own, and presses a love-filled kiss to his knuckles. “Let me help. I have always wanted to help you, but I never wanted to push you into anything your weren’t comfortable with. If you want to see a therapist, I will find you the best goddamn therapist in the country. Let me help in whatever way you want me.”Harry smiles and James feels lighter than air.“I think that honesty thing is still a good idea, though.” Harry tugs him up to sit abc down on the bed, closer this time. Their thighs touch and they are yet to let go of each other’s hands. “Definitely. I’ll start. Being honest… What I said should never have been said in front of company, not without discussing it between us first. It was in the heat of the moment, and I am a stupid, stupid man.”Harry chuckles, “I don’t think that’s how the game works, James. We already established you feel terrible and I forgave you for it the second those words came out of your mouth. Tell me how you feel.”“Okay. Honestly, I feel… like I hate your father.”Harry raises an eyebrow, but the set of his mouth betrays his seriousness.“He is a hypocrite, who thinks he’s an untouchable paragon of goodness and morality. He puts others before you and yet still claims to be father of the year. Plus, let’s face it, he’s really not that great at cooking; he’s tries to be all fancy to cover up his shoddy skills, but you surpass him every time.”James braces himself to hear a vehement defence of Tony, to be reminded yet again of why Harry is so good - because he defends someone despite everything they’ve done to him. James doesn’t expect Harry to nod and grimace.“I know. I try and ignore it, but deep down I know that it’s all true. Making him proud and asking him to put me first has been a futile endeavour. That’s why I’m never surprised when it hurts. I don’t know why I keep trying, all it does is make worse the next time I’m let down. Just this morning I working myself up into a frenzy trying to please him, and all I got for my efforts was a hum. He didn’t even hug me when he arrived, and I know that the price of wine reflects the value of the occasion - I’m not stupid. All I’m worth to him is £5.99.”“Come here.” James puts Harry tight to his chest, letting him cry until the tears run out. “To me, you are the finest vintage. Priceless.”Harry kisses James’ neck, but pulls away before they can get heated - they both know how they get. “You’re such a sap, Nightingale. I love you.”“I love you, too. And if you want to see someone about your mental health, I support you.”“Thank you. And now it’s my turn.”“Your turn?”“To be honest. I love our little family. Even Juliet. She can be a terror enough to rival Leah. And I wish I had the guts to stand up to my dad the way you did. You are so brave, James, and I am in awe of you most of the time. I forgave you for what you said because I know he riled you up asking about Kyle, and because I never thought I’d say them, so it might as well have been you.”“You know,” James starts hesitantly, “I think Tony is still out there, being held hostage by Marnie, probably, but you can still talk to him. Confront him, forgive him, punch him if you want to. You don’t have to worry about losing your family anymore, because we will be right beside you. We won’t let you get away that easy.”“That sounds like a plan. But let me freshen up first.” With a quick kiss on the cheek, Harry goes into the en suite, splashes his face with water, fixes his shirt and runs a hand through his hair. James watches indulgently.His heart is at ease. The torturous emotions that had plagued him since his outburst in the living room have dissipated. All he feels is overwhelming love for Harry. While there had been doubt, a small nagging, evil bit of doubt that told him that Harry would leave him for good this time, James is certain they would have forgiven each other eventually. It has never been in their nature to lie to each other or be intentionally cruel. They are destined, James would say if he believed in destiny. Perfect for each other sounds a little less like a fairytale, but still describes the two of them.“You know, we never got to finish what we started in the kitchen earlier.” James says suggestively.Harry blushes fiercely, a grin breaking out across his face. “Later, tiger. We’ll get there.”James, satisfied, takes Harry’s hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. Though there is no trace of his crying, nor of their emotional heart to heart, Harry must be wracked with nerves and James will be damned if he’s not by Harry’s side like he promised.Together, they leave the safety of their bedroom and enter the lions den of the living room. Marnie has swapped out the cheap wine for a more expensive bottle of her own and is now tipsily glaring at Diane as she peruses the bookshelves. Romeo stands beside Tony’s chair like a guard or a prison warden. Once again, Juliet is on her phone, but she puts it down when she spots them. She shots them a hopeful smile, her happiness at them still being together breaking through, though she quickly returns to her aloof attitude.“Harry, what’s going on?” Asks Tony, only barely keeping himself in his seat. “James makes accusations like that and then you storm off? This is a debacle. I expected better from a family dinner.”Harry takes a fortifying breath, grounding himself with James’ hand. “Well, don’t think you’ll be getting another invite.”“Excuse me?”“You were trying to cause trouble by winding everyone up. You should know that Kyle is a touchy subject, but you brought him up anyway to try and undermine my relationship with James. He was defending me, and I’m glad he did. Because now I know that I don’t have to try to please you anymore. I have a new family, who love me and I love them. I’m sorry that it’s had to end this way, and maybe we can repair this further down the line, but for now I can’t deal with you.”Tony shoots to his feet, and makes to approach Harry only to be stopped by Romeo’s hand on his chest. “Harry, I am your dad. We’re family - blood is thicker than water, Harry!”“No, it’s not. I’m sorry, dad, Diane, but this is how it’s going to be.”“If you do this, Harry,” Tony warns, thrusting a pointed finger at his son, “there’s no going back. You’ll regret this tomorrow morning. If you do this, I don’t want to see you.”“Well, lucky for you, because you’re never seeing either of us again.” Harry holds on tighter to James, who can only look on in awe at his boyfriend. “You won’t have to see any of us again. You won’t be my dad, you’ll just be the man who owns the poncy restaurant in the village. Leave, dad. We’re done here.”Harry turns away from them all, returning to the kitchen and finishing cleaning up the leftovers from dinner. He doesn’t look at any of them, not even James. But he knows that this is a power play. And it’s succeeding, if Tony’s lost and dumb struck expression is anything to go by. With the weight of the rest of the family’s eyes on him, and with Diane pulling him towards the door, Tony leaves without another word.James breathes a sigh of relief once the Hutchinson’s are gone, and he is pleased so see a similar emotion reflected on Harry’s face. He looks content, more content than he has since the dinner was arranged.“Um… dad?”James turns, surprised, to see his son standing awkwardly next to him. His fatherly concern flares to life, and he looks Romeo over to check that he is physically fine. If Romeo notices the scrutiny, he allows it.“Are you okay?”“Yeah, I’m fine. Just, does this mean that you and Harry are still together?”“We are. Is that a problem. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”Romeo relaxes and grins. “I know. And there’s no problem. I’m really happy for you. You and Harry, you’re good for each other.”“Thank you, Romeo.”Romeo slips away, probably to text that girl he’s so interested in nowadays, and Juliet’s phone is inches away from her face. Marnie and Harry murmur quietly in the kitchen, soft smile son their faces. Looking at his family, a family he never thought that he could have, James feels a swell of pride for each and every one of them. How anyone could ever forsake their family, James will never know.