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Suga woke up to a pair of plush lips gently mouthing against his temple and then down to his chin, until finally latching onto his neck and sucking
hard
. That was when he lost his slumbering facade, unable to contain the strained moan that filled the room.
“Oo, how cute, lamb.” It was Oikawa, Suga knew immediately. He’d known before Oikawa even spoke; he could smell the warm vanilla and sugar, and Oikawa’s lips were just
this much
thicker than Akaashi’s. By this point, Suga knew how to tell.
“G’morning,” Suga said softly, smiling and opening his eyes to the soft light of the sun through his curtained window. Oikawa was leaned above him, looking down on Suga with an adoring look on his face, causing Suga to squirm under the gaze.
“We’ve got something special to do today,” Oikawa spoke sweetly, tucking a strand of gray hair behind Suga’s ear. “I want you to wear all black, okay? Long sleeves, long pants. Socks, even. A hat, a mask. Got it?”
Suga was confused, but he knew that Oikawa knew what was best for him, so he nodded slowly and started rolling out of his bed. In all honesty, his closet was mostly black anyway; it was the preferred color, especially by Akaashi. He had a few pretty silk pieces, all soft lilacs and persimmons, but his day wear was basically black or white. He easily found a black shirt that had sleeves that went past his wrists, soft black pants that he preferred, and the rest of the dark-toned accessories that Oikawa had asked for.
Suga felt Oikawa’s eyes on him from the bed, almost sure he could feel the burning on his torso as he changed. At this point, he was more than used to it, though, so it didn’t bother him in the slightest.
Once he was fully dressed, he turned to Oikawa expectantly, waiting to hear whatever step was next.
“You look lovely as ever,” Oikawa said softly, then stood up to take Suga by the hand, bringing him out the door and into the house.
“Remember what I told you about Kei and Tadashi?” Oikawa asked as they walked through the hallways leisurely, clearly taking their time to reach their destination.
“The crows?” Suga responded.
Oikawa let out a fond sigh. “Yes, lamb, the crows.”
“I remember,” Suga said as they turned the corner into the living room, where it became impossible to ignore the sound of voices coming from the kitchen. Suga couldn’t see who was inside, but he had a feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.
“Well, they’ve decided to take you today for your last bit of induction. Isn’t it fun? After today, we’ll officially be able to keep you here, give you a job, and you’ll be able to leave whenever you want. How does that sound?” Oikawa’s voice sounded strained, as if he were trying very hard to make it sound as though he were happy. Suga pretended not to notice.
“It sounds amazing,” he said, turning to Oikawa to give him a close-lipped smile, the kind that he knew Oikawa liked; he knew his eyes scrunched and his dimples came out and Oikawa was, though he would never admit it, weak for it.
“Let’s go, then. No use in waiting,” Oikawa said, more to himself than to Suga.
They walked into the kitchen then, and Suga had to take a second to take in everything that was happening.
He saw Akaashi first, looking stoic as ever in a suit with a calm, displeased look on his face. It became obvious why when Suga next noticed Kuroo sitting at the table, taunting a tall blonde man.
“Tsukki, you’re so grown now,” Kuroo crooned, his hands petting over Kenma in his lap. Kenma was shifting, clearly displeased that Kuroo’s attention was focused on someone else.
“You’re still a pain in the ass,” the blonde man said in a completely neutral tone.
Next, Suga noticed the other stranger, who was almost as tall as the blonde man but with totally different features. The other man had longer, dark hair that almost looked green, and an abundance of freckles that splashed over his nose and cheeks. He looked nice, almost soft, but based on what he’d heard, Suga knew his looks were deceiving.
Oikawa cleared his throat, drawing attention to himself and Suga to stop the bickering.
Instantly, all of the eyes in the room snapped onto Suga, and the gray-haired man felt himself shrink a little under the glares. He was thankful for the hat and the mask that was under his chin, since he at least felt a little less like he was under scrutiny.
“Ah, so this is the cutie,” the green-haired one said.
“His name is Suga,” Oikawa said. “But you can call him what you like. He’s
very
adaptable.”
“That’s good,” the blonde one said. “Does he know who we are?”
“I told him your given names. Whatever you prefer.”
The blonde one nodded to Oikawa, then turned to Suga and made eye contact. “My name is Tsukishima, and my partner is Yamaguchi. But you don’t have to worry about that, because you can call both of us ‘sir’. You understand?”
Suga nodded, a little too stunned to speak. The situation felt full of tension, and it was starting to make his insides knot up.
Tsukishima rolled his eyes, stepping closer to Suga. “We so verbal answers, darling. So, I’ll ask again, do you understand?”
“Y-yes,” Suga croaked.
“Yes, what?” Tsukishima prompted, his voice now soaked in displeasure at how quickly Suga forgot his manners.
“Yes, sir,” Suga amended. “Sorry, sir.”
“Don’t be so cruel, Tsukki. You’re scaring our poor Suga baby. And Kenma doesn’t like you either. I think it’s a subby thing,” Kuroo mused, his words just lilting enough to tease Tsukishima.
Suga just stayed as still as possible, as if hoping that would stop anything that was happening around him. He’d been stupid. If someone asked to be called sir, he called them sir, he knew that.
“So, he’s ours for the day?” The other one, Yamaguchi, asked. He looked excited, a bit like someone who’d just realized they’d get to drive a nice car at a dealership. Suga instantly felt slightly more at ease with the childish demeanor of Yamaguchi versus whatever stoicism Tsukishima had going on.
“All yours,” Oikawa confirmed. “Remember, the rules are no lasting marks, and
all
body parts intact.”
The emphasis on the word
all
had Suga slightly worried about whatever had happened to people in the past, but he quickly shoved the worry aside to steel himself for whatever was about to happen.
Without warning, Oikawa gave Suga a firm shove towards the crows, catching Suga off balance and sending him spiraling gut-first into a counter edge. He exhaled harshly as the air was knocked out of him, but managed to stay standing with his hands clutching the edge he had just impaled himself with.
“Not the most graceful, is he?” Tsukishima asked, reaching over to raise Suga’s chin with two fingers under his chin. The blonde haired man then firmly grasped Suga’s jaw, turning him side to side with a contemplative look on his face.
“He is pretty,” Tsukishima murmured. “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of him.”
With nothing more said, Suga felt his wrist being grasped and he was being pulled toward the exit door. He managed one look back into the kitchen, to see Oikawa and Kuroo watching him with pity on their faces. However, he also saw the looks on Kenma and Akaashi’s -
no emotion ever
Akaashi Keiji’s - faces. It wasn’t like pity, exactly. Suga had never seen this look on a person before, but something told him that he had nothing to look forward to from his time with the crows.
He was lead out to a black car, where he was put into the back seat while his two...sirs? took the front two. Tsukishima was driving, and no one said anything for a moment, until Yamaguchi spun around in his seat and looked at Suga with that manic joy again.
“This is how today is going to work. You will not speak unless spoken to, and will not move unless we move you or we tell you to. You’re going to be our good little doll, hm? You want to be our doll?” Yamaguchi said, tilting his head and sending his greenish hair flopping over. Suga nodded, unsure if that was speaking permission.
“You can respond, little doll.”
Suga reacted immediately. “Yes, sir. I’ll be good.”
He knew they would like that response, because it was the
right
one. Oikawa and Akaashi had taught him all about how to be good, how to please, how to act like a proper little lamb. If this was all today was going to be, Suga had a feeling he’d be fine.
“Oh, you’re well trained,” Yamaguchi hummer. “You should have seen that Akaashi when he came to us. So ill-behaved, always whining and crying.”
Suga’s brows furrowed. Akaashi...whining? Crying? Openly displaying anything? That didn’t sound right.
“You’re thinking so hard, I see the gears, doll. Spit it out.”
Suga twisted his lips in thought before speaking. “Akaashi...I don’t think he would do that. Do you mean Kenma?”
“Oh no, it was Akaashi. He was still all stoic, the quiet type, you know? But once we started having our fun...he changed his tune. I’m sure he’d tell you all about it for story time.” Yamaguchi sounded almost nostalgic, and Suga couldn’t help the spike of fear that traveled down his spine.
“Almost there, get him ready,” Tsukishima suddenly cut in. Yamaguchi nodded, disappearing back into his seat. Suga heard rummaging sounds, and then Yamaguchi reappeared with some items in his hand.
Suga recognized them quickly: a collar, a leash, and a small badge. Upon closer inspection, he saw that it was his old badge that he used to wear as a nurse, so long ago. He stared at it confused, but didn’t say anything as Yamaguchi wrapped the collar around his throat, smooth black leather pressing against his skin. Next, the leash was clipped onto the collar, and Yamaguchi gave an experimental tug that pulled Suga forward and nearly face-planted him into the back of the seat in front of him. Then, Yamaguchi smiled a slightly malicious smile, and gently pinned Suga’s old badge to the gray-haired man’s shirt. Suga looked down on it, still confused but aware that he wasn’t allowed to speak on the matter.
The car stopped as Tsukishima pulled into a parking lot behind a large, warehouse-looking building. The two crows got out of the car, while Suga waited for instruction. He figured it was better to be overly cautious with them when it came to waking for them to move him.
“Come on, little one,” Yamaguchi beckoned, and Suga scrambled to open the car door and stand up straight next to Yamaguchi, like the
good, obedient
lamb that he knew he was.
A firm but guiding hand was placed on his back, and Suga was led towards the building with the two men behind him. As soon as they were inside, he knew that he didn’t like it.
The whole building was dirty, but it smelled oddly of bleach and salt. There was something kind of juxtaposed about the entirety of the interior, it seemed. While the ceilings were high, the walls were tight enough to create a sense of claustrophobia within Suga. He couldn’t exactly tell what type of building this had been, it was so run down.
“We’re going to play a game, doll. Do you like games?” Tsukishima drawled, and Suga felt a hand creep down and rest firmly around his waist, guiding him further in.
“If we ask a question, you answer, doll.” The hand around his waist squeezed tightly, and Suga whimpered almost inaudibly before taking in a stuttered gasp.
“Yes, sir. I do...like games,” Suga breathed out, choosing each of his words carefully.
“Oh good, that will make this much more fun,” Yamaguchi smiled, making eye contact with Tsukishima and making a face that wasn’t quite decipherable.
“It’s really easy. We’ll just give you two options, and you pick one. Just a few rounds, and then you’ll be back in your lovers’ arms,” Yamaguchi explained. It sounded too easy, and Suga didn’t feel an inkling of relief at the sound of the game. He knew Kenma and Akaashi hadn’t had those looks on their faces because they played an easy little
game
.
Yamaguchi opened a thick door at the end of a hallway, and gestured for Tsukishima and Suga to go inside ahead of him. The room was pitch black, so much so that Suga couldn’t even see his own body, nor either of the crows.
Suddenly, the room was flooded in the dim, yellow glow of a single electric bulb on the ceiling. Suga recoiled and blinked at the new light, gathering himself for a second before looking up to see what awaited him.
His heart instantly dropped into his stomach.
The only thing in the room was a creaky wooden chair, looking like it had seen better days, like perhaps the eighteenth century. However, that wasn’t what terrified Suga. What was terrifying was the young boy strapped to the chair, obviously young, obviously scared, obviously trapped. His wild orange hair looked matted down, and his eyes had bags framing them, and a manic look.
At first, Suga almost didn’t recognize Hinata Shouyou, but there was something about the slim body and bright hair that made him remember, even though there was a blindfold over much of his face. He’d been Hinata’s nurse for nearly three months while the boy fought a particularly nasty infection that left him nearly immobile for weeks. The boy had been so incredibly optimistic that it was impossible not to fall in love with the boy. He was one of the ones that Suga had been particularly happy to help, though he always happy regardless of the patient.
The fact that the boy was tied up in front of him and he had his nurse’s badge stuck on his chest gave Suga a feeling of hopeless dread about this situation.
“Recognize him?” Yamaguchi’s voice slid almost snake-like into Suga’s ear. It sent a shiver down Suga’s spine, but he hoped that it wasn’t visible. He was well trained though, and knew that he had to give a verbal answer or else things would only get worse for him and the boy in the chair.
“Yes, sir,” Suga responded, his eyes glued on the chair, watching Hinata nervously squirm at the sound of voices around him. Suga wondered briefly how long the boy had been in this room, but pushed the thought aside because he knew it would only make this entire situation harder to bear.
“Remember the game we’re playing?” Tsukishima had moved in closer beside Suga, the grip on the former nurse’s waist becoming bruisingly tight.
“Yes, sir. I remember,” Suga answered, starting to feel almost dizzyingly overwhelmed with whatever was happening, but he forced himself not to show it. He’d learned a thing or two about people like this, and the most important lesson was that as soon as he showed weakness, they would pounce.
“Good. First round, then. Should we take his blindfold off or leave it on?” Yamaguchi asked, taking slow, calculated steps towards the boy in the chair. His fingers lightly traced over Hinata’s cheek and up to the blindfold, causing the boy to harshly flinch and try and turn his head away.
If he had them take the blindfold off, it would let Hinata see what’s going on around him, which Suga thought would be a relief for the poor boy. But, if he left the blindfold on, then at least Hinata wouldn’t see
Suga
, wouldn’t have to see someone he looked up to degraded into what the crows were asking him to be.
But, Suga couldn’t do that to the boy. He couldn’t deprive Hinata of his sight just because of his own embarrassment.
“Take it off,” Suga said quickly, then quickly added, “Sir.”
Yamaguchi smiled slightly, but in a kind of way that let Suga knew that this was only the beginning.
Yamaguchi’s fingers slipped under the blindfold smoothly, before lifting it off in a harsh motion, something that Suga might have flinched at once upon a time.
Once the blindfold was off, Hinata blinked feverishly to try and discern his surroundings, his eyes finally coming to rest on Suga on the other end of the room.
“S-Sugawara-san,” the boy said, his voice shaking in a way that sent a pang of hurt into Suga’s heart. He shoved it aside, knowing that weakness was only going to make this harder.
“He’s talking to you,” Yamaguchi’s voice sounded acidic in Suga’s ear. “Why don’t you go ahead and answer him, doll?”
Suga nodded, his mind suited to paying attention to orders and following them. On some level, he knew that he had the choice to say no, and he did sometimes with Oikawa and Akaashi, but he didn’t know how these crows would react to it, and he didn’t want to find out.
“Hello, Hinata-kun,” Suga said with as much of a smile as he could muster. He tried to make it comforting, a skill that he had learned to master as a nurse. The name tag felt heavy on his chest.
“Next question. Do I cut him, or do I cut you?”
Tsukishima’s words didn’t sink in for a moment, and as soon as they did, Suga felt his eyes widen before he immediately felt his old instincts kick in. He didn’t like being hurt but, even more so, he couldn’t let Hinata be hurt.
“Me,” Suga responded, and at the raise of Tsukishima’s eyebrow, he added, “Me, please, sir.”
“You think your masters are going to like that? Oikawa doesn’t like to see his toys all cut up, and you’re supposed to protect his property,” Yamaguchi taunted into Suga’s ear.
“I said me,” Suga responded quickly, not letting the words get to him. He knew if he listened too much, he would change his decision, but he also knew he had already made the right one. “I said to c-cut me, I made my choice, sir.”
Both of the two crows had moved behind Suga, so he couldn’t see what they were doing. He stayed focused on Hinata, who was watching the space behind Suga.
“Sugawara-san,” Hinata whimpered. “Are we going to b-be okay?”
The redhead’s eyes tracked movement behind Suga fearfully, growing in size slowly. Suga didn’t dare turn around; he knew it wasn’t safe. There was rustling and whispering, but nothing indicating what either of the crows were doing behind Suga.
“Yeah, Hinata-kun,” Suga whispered as footsteps grew closer behind him. “We’ll be fine.”
“Ah, don’t make promises you can’t keep, doll,” Tsukishima said as he came around to the front-left of Suga, followed by Yamaguchi who took the front-right. Suga could still clearly see Hinata between the two of them, and the younger kid looked absolutely terrified. Suga didn’t overtly glare at the moderate-sized knife in Yamaguchi’s hand, but he definitely saw it in his peripheral vision. He tried to silently breathe in, not wanting to make it obvious that he was inching closer and closer to panic. Suga couldn’t let himself freak out now, not when Oikawa and Akaashi were waiting for him, and not when Hinata was sitting in that chair, terrified and watching Suga.
“Your face, your legs, or your stomach?” Yamaguchi asked, cocking his head and keeping his eyes trained unblinkingly on Suga.
Suga couldn’t help but widen his eyes at those options. His stomach wasn’t even really a choice for him; he wasn’t risking Yamaguchi coming anywhere near the pretty “A” and “O” on his hips. His face was also not really an option; Oikawa would be so upset with him if he messed up his face. Which meant…
“M-my legs. Sir.”
Yamaguchi’s grin grew wider, expanding into an almost malicious grimace that had Suga actually taking a small step backward. Even that action didn’t go unnoticed, as Tsukishima quickly came behind Suga and grabbed his wrists, pulling them tight at the base of his spine.
“Ah, ah, doll. You stay still, remember?” Tsukishima’s voice in his ear was too
hot,
too
close
, but Suga nodded anyway because he knew that it was the right thing to do.
Yamaguchi stalked closer, still staying to the side to make sure that Hinata could see what was about to happen. The green-haired man kneeled down so that he was closer to Suga’s legs, letting out a sigh.
“This is going to hurt, doll. You’re not going to scream, right?” Yamaguchi asked, looking up at Suga with a look of false pity in his face. Suga struggled to keep his face neutral, not giving anything away.
“Of course not, sir,” Suga assured quickly. Yamaguchi smiled.
“Good. Then, let’s get started.”
The first cut was across his thigh, and there weren’t words to describe how painful it was. Suga had grown used to the dull pain on his hip from the scars, but there was nothing he could think of that could compare to this. The knife was sharp, clearly, and sliced clean through his pants and skin in mere seconds, before he felt warm blood bubble up and start running down his leg. Suga immediately felt tears run down his face, and had to bite his lip in order to not let out the scream that he wanted.
Another cut, lower on his thigh.
Another, his other leg.
Another, another, another, another. All he felt was pain and blood.
Searing pain in his thighs, and the warm blood that flowed down his legs, and it felt like so much. It had to be too much soon, he was going to die soon, wasn’t he?
And then, both the hands on his wrist and the blade at his legs fell away. Suga let out a choked sob, trying to remain standing, but he just
couldn’t,
and he fell down to his knees, which only made his legs hurt more.
He wanted Oikawa. He wanted Akaashi. It hurt, so much, and all he wanted was to be home with them, in bed with them in the morning while they laid there and did nothing but be together. But all he knew now was pain.
“Just a few more questions, doll.” He heard the voice, and he had no idea who it was and he didn’t
care.
“Sugawara-san.” Small, scared. He knew that voice, and he knew that he had to fight for that voice.
“You, stay quiet,” one of the crows said. “This isn’t your game to play, little birdie.”
Suga felt a hand on the back of his shirt, and he was pulled to his feet. He was dizzy, and it felt like he was going to lose consciousness soon, but not yet.
“Tell me, doll, why did you like being a nurse?” Now that he was standing, he could see it was Yamaguchi talking to him, and Tsukishima was over closer to Hinata. Suga’s head was pounding, and he barely even comprehended the question. It wasn’t until Yamaguchi used his thumb and pointer finger to grip at Suga’s chin that it even hit Suga that he was supposed to answer.
“Helping...I liked t-the people,” Suga slurred, his consciousness not allowing for much. “I...saved them. I h-helped them.”
“You’d never hurt them, would you?” Yamaguchi whispered in his ear.
“N-no,” Suga tried to say confidently. He was so tired.
“Then, I only have one more choice for you, doll. Either you can shoot our little bird here, or else we’ll let him die slowly.”
Suga felt fresh hopelessness grow inside of his soul. He had known this was coming, deep down. But that didn’t make it any easier. He was an nurse, or he had been. He had sworn so long ago that he would never hurt anyone. He had helped Hinata the first time that he had been in the hospital. He was supposed to help people. He would never hurt anyone. He would never. He couldn’t.
He couldn’t let Hinata die. But he knew that there was no option for that. He
couldn’t
kill Hinata. But the thought of leaving the child here to rot and die...no. That was worse, somehow. He wouldn’t be responsible, but he would still feel responsible. There was nothing left. There was nothing.
“M-me.”
The gun was pressed in his hand before he’d even finished the word. It was cold and heavy, felt like something burning just when he touched it. He aimed it before he allowed himself to think twice.
“I’m sorry.”
The gunshot was even louder than he thought it’d be.
He blacked out before he even heard the scream.
-
Suga woke up, and he almost wished that he hadn’t.
You killed him.
The sun was too bright, through the windows and shining into his eyes.
You shot that boy, even though you promised to never hurt anyone.
Suga wasn’t alone, Oikawa and Akaashi were right there, right beside him.
You’re perfect for them now, you’re a murderer.
There was a hand petting through his hair, but it wasn’t making him feel good like it usually do.
No, you killed a child, they kill bad people.
They had been trying to get him out of bed, or eat something, or talk, or move, or do anything at all.
You’re a murderer.
He hadn’t left the bed in four days.
Just talk to them, it won’t help anything.
“Tooru?” Suga asked for the first time in four days.
“Yeah, baby?” Oikawa responded, barely even reacting to the break in the silence. He’d known it would come soon.
“I don’t want to kill anyone else.”
“Okay, baby.”
“No one else. Do you promise?”
“Of course, lamb. I promise.”
And for now, that was enough.