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Y/n and Tommy had been close growing up. He was the big brother that protected her from everything. Y/n stood by him through everything over the years, their disappearing father, the Peaky Blinders, they even fought in the war together, Y/n being the only girl in Birmingham able to fight for her country like the men - being a shelby with many violent men to back her up definitely helped. Over the years, however, Y/n love for Tommy turned into something more and so did his for her. He was the big brother that protected her from everything. When she became a Peaky Blinder without his permission he was furious obviously; but eventually realised he’d be able to keep her close again. A few rumours had gone around, not many, but enough to make Tommy burst out with bloody fights on more than one occasion, for any sort of talk about the unnatural bond they had. Lingering touches and longing glances were all they got. Y/n’s POV:“One more?” Tommy asked me, but quickly replied instead, “One more,” he said, followed by a chuckle. “Oh god Tommy,” I laughed, “what’s gotten into you?” “I’m just in a good mood.” He gave a grin before getting up and heading out the private room. “Around you, yeah, but he’s miserable when he’s with us,” John chuckled. It was a Friday night at The Garrison. Me, Tommy, Arthur, John, Michael and Finn were sat around the table in our private room. Today had been much like many of the other Friday nights, but tonight Tommy seemed much more comfortable, confident you could say. This meant that every so often, he’d push another beer or whiskey in my direction, and obviously being a Shelby, I accepted each one. This nerved me slightly. When we were younger, no earlier than 15 years old, we’d stolen some rum from Aunt Polly’s drink cabinet. After only a few drinks and many shared giggles, an accidental kiss had occurred. All he need to do was glance for a few seconds at my lips, quickly causing the space between us to close. After about 10 seconds we parted. All I could think about was how much I wanted his lips on mine once again, but his face told me everything I needed to know; his eyebrows had furrowed, making lines in between, and the sides on his mouth no longer curled up to his ears in delight. He knew that what ever has just happened would be a one off. Never again, spoken of, even thought of or the family name would be looked down upon for centuries to come.
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I got up from my seat, resulting in a confused look from Micheal next to me “I’m going to see where Tommy got to,” I explained. He smiled and nodded. As I exited the private room, I saw Tommy by the bar, the bottle of dark whiskey he’d gone to get. He must have been talking to Grace but his head had turned slightly, allowing him to spot me, resulting in a smile spreading across his lips as he gazed towards me. He was handsome from the gentle expressions of his voice to the depth of how his eyes would light up after a joke from Arthur or John. People often spoke of the colour of eyes, as if that were of importance, yet his would be beautiful in any shade. From them comes an intensity, an honesty, a gentleness. Perhaps this is what is meant by a gentleman, not one of weakness or trite politeness, but one of great spirit and noble ways. What he is, what is beautiful about him, comes from deep within; it makes me want to feel how his lips move in a kiss, how his hands could follow the curves of my body.He must have realised we’d been looking at each other in such a way, making his eyebrows slightly furrow. His head shook slightly, signalling we had to stop.My mouth opened in shock and despair.After, there’s no fight. Your fingers itch; you want a drink. Want him to shout. Want something louder than the silence stretching between you both.I walk towards him for some sort of answer or maybe he could even take it back.“Don’t make this any harder,” he says.
I nod. I look at his side, sorrow greets my eyes.Is he talking? Even if he was, I’m not listening. Does it matter what he’s saying? I know it’s my fault. It’s always my fault. No one ever says it, but I can do the math. The common denominator in all these failed fucking relationships has always been him. “I’m sor--,” he starts. “Save the bullshit,” I say, quickly swiping the near to escaping tear come from my right eye. “It’s fine.”“Y/n-,”“Just stop. Just... I need a drink.“ I grasped the whisky from in front of him, but his hand wrapped around mine. I always loved the way his hand felt on top of mine. “Tommy,” I breathed out. He wanted just as much as me, probably even more, I could tell by the way he gazed upon me. But it wasn’t possible. It was forbidden. Forever and never again. It didn’t make it hurt any less though, possibly even more. I removed my hand quickly, leaving him without looking back. And what will I do to solve this feeling? The only thing a shelby could do in a situation like this; get outrageously drunk and sleep with the most attractive man or woman at the bar.
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Mid morning in Small Heath, I sat by the table situated in the kitchen of our family home. I stared at my empty plate, thinking back to the night before. Reliving it. Overthinking it. Reliving it. “You’re up early,” I heard, making my head shoot up to see Polly wearing her usual attire. “Yea, I was um- I couldn’t sleep,” I murmured. “Them nightmares back?” She asked, concern laced in her words. “No,” I responded quickly; the night terrors were just one of the many wonders the war that had stayed with me. And due to my lack of sleep and visits across the hall to my brothers room, I had learned quickly that Tommy was experiencing them too. We helped each other a lot, but of course, our memories couldn’t be erased. Polly came closer. But suddenly, she pulled a face and her eyes squinted, like she was concentrating on her observation. “Come ‘ere,” she instructed. My brows furrowed in confusion but I obeyed, going to her, just a few metres away. Her eyebrows almost met while she placed her hand on my jaw to turn my head slightly. “Jesus, what’s Tommy going to say?” She asked rhetorically. She was referring to the very present scar, travelling straight through my eyebrow and eye, finishing by my cheek, accompanied by a bruise and a small cut down my lip. “Tommy isn’t going to say fuck all, it’s my life.”“He’s going to kill him,” she said. “Come on, you know that.”“What’s the big deal??” I questioned. “The guy didn’t even get far enough! I fucking defended myself!” I yelled. “He tried though and you know Thomas will-““Oh my fucking god! He has no right to control my life!!” I shouted. “What’s all the noise?” A familiar voice asked, making our heads turn; it was Tommy. He raised his eyebrows, and brought an unlit cigarette to his lips, letting it hang. “Fuck you,” I said, leaving as quick as I could. However, not quite enough to miss his reaction; the unlit cigarette falling from his gape mouth. After thoroughly questioning Polly, getting no detailed responses, Tommy’s only option was to find me. However, the search grew longer and the clouded sky darkened. Tommy had all his men searching, looking through every house in Birmingham, checking each ally way twice over. It was 4am. Thomas was out of luck and loosing hope quickly. It had been more than 12 hours since he’d seen me last - he remembered what clothes I was wearing, but by now I could have skipped the country. He’d been in my room three times now, hoping to see me laying on my bed, just like old times; when saying goodnight or on the rare occasion when he’d come home late from work and see me in his room, under his sheets, taking in his comforting scent. He felt himself unconsciously head towards the bed and sit himself down on the cold mattress. His hand drifted to my bedside that sat a framed picture of me, him, Arthur and John from the war. We were inseparable, before and the sickening events of the war, each of us irreplaceable to the next. How had it come to this? How did we come to this? Me and Tommy being the most inseparable of us all, hardly ever leaving the others side, always coming as a pair, our uncontrollable giggles, the lingering touches and the tension. Oh the tension. The tension neither of us had the balls to admit to ourselves, let alone act upon it. Tommy got up from the bed, placing the framed memory back down before heading to his own room. However a creek in the floorboards lead him to reach for the gun in his holster, ready to fire. But as he opened the door, he quickly realised the person at the other end of the gun wasn’t unfamiliar nor villainous at all, quite the opposite in fact. Sat on his bed was his own sister holding a half drank whisky bottle. “Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been looking all day,” He barely got out, his voice slightly cracking with concern. “You have no right to dictate my life,” I spoke, completely ignoring his question.“Dictate? What the fucking do you mean?” He questioned. “If this is about the other day-““It’s not about the other fucking day!” I yelled. “Well what??”“What are we doing Tommy?” I asked, “What is the point of all of this? You can’t even admit to yourself what’s happening.”“Can’t admit it?” He repeated quietly, “can’t fucking admit it?! You mean the fucking world to me! Hell, I’d go through the war 5 time over just so I could protect you! We can’t just fuck around in front of people or we’ll get caught!” He snapped.He searched for my response but must have seen my scar in the process. “What the fuck happened to your eye?” He asked, worry laced in his words. He came towards me, resting a hand on my jaw then running a calloused thumb softly across the wound. “Stop,” I said, my vision already getting blurred. My hands started to shove his chest, attempting to push him away, but his arms went for mine, trying to stop my rage as quick as possible. He pressed me up against the wall causing the tears to stream down my face. I closed my eyes in defeat. “What can I do to fix this?” His voice seemed strained. My eyes opened and I looked up to his orbs, quickly noticing his forming tears. He stared, his eyes darting around my stained face. He cupped my cheek that was slowly turning red and pause for a moment before slowly, more so hesitantly, lean into me. His other hand was shaking slightly, his mind repeating the same sentence over and over, "Don't do this... don't do this." But the volume of his heart beat was too loud, stoping any chances concentration. It felt like it was going to explode. Finally his lips touched mine. Sparks flew in every direction, and the world slowly disappeared around us, along with all of our worries, obstacles and complications. He made me feel like none of that mattered. It was a small yet warm kiss. I honestly never knew a kiss so innocent, could be so intimate and electrifying.I was completely unprepared. You would think that after all the hours I'd spent with Tommy, watching him talk, laugh and even cry, imagining this moment, I’d be here approximately 20 years after our first kiss. But as much as reliving that memory over and over, nothing could prepare me for this, how warm his lips felt pressed up against my own.
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Finally his lips touched mine. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help it. Those thoughts flew out the window when I felt his fingers on the waistband of my pants. His fingers slowly, carefully, worked their way into my underwear and then down, down, until they reached my entrance. When the first finger slid carefully inside, I almost moaned out loud. His thumb was busy slowly stroking my clit, and the fingers that were not inside me were stroking slowly around my entrance. It didn't take long till I felt him getting hard against my thigh. “Holy shit,” I moaned. This was so wrong but I was ready to accept the consequences for my actions and so was Thomas. All I wanted was him and all he wanted was me. While he worked on my g-spot his other hand traced down my neck, brushing his thumb over my collar bone. I arched my neck and shivered as he bit my lower lip and tugged on it before moving onto my neck.“Say you’re mine,” he whispered into my ear, sending goosebumps to my skin. I gasped as he nipped my skin and pressed his face closer to me. I could feel the arousal spread out from my belly, making me feel warm and my heart beat faster. “Im all yours Tommy…” I was officially loosing myself right in front of the person I’d wanted for years and I felt good about it. “Tell me if I’m going too fast,” he mumbled against my neck. “Tommy, I really don’t care, I just want you,” I replied quietly, his fingers still inside of me as I pulled at the bottom of his shirt to hint at my arousal. He parted from my lips and looked at me up and down. He gave a warm smile. “That’s okay by me.” He removed his blazer and his shirt, then his pants and led me over to the bed. He sat down a spread his legs apart for me to stand between. The look he gave me was like I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. His hands went to my hips, going up and down, eventually going to my shirt and letting me remove it over my head. Then my trousers. Then my bra. Then my panties. He took his time, taking me in. This was the first time he’d seen me naked and he was loving every second. When I’d finished I sat up on the bed, putting a pillow a behind me, getting comfortable for what was about to happen. When he finally took his underwear off, my mouth became dry. It was definitely bigger than most of the guys I’d been with. I swallowed."I'll be careful," he reassured me, giving me a soft kiss on my lips. “I promise.”I let myself be guided into a lying position and tried to relax. I felt his cock against the crease of my thigh.This was it. The big moment I had been waiting for for so long. He reached between our bodies and took hold of himself. "Tell me if I'm going too fast, or you want me to stop or pull out, okay? I want you to be comfortable." He rubbed the head of his cock against you, parting my labia and stimulating your clit.I closed my eyes in anticipation. He positioned himself against my opening and carefully pressed forward. I felt my body slowly open up for him. The stretch was a lot, more than his fingers had been. He kept pushing and I felt my his cock sink deeper and deeper, filling me up and making me feel so full. It was such a miracle, this joining of your bodies, so intimate and thorough. You were both breathing heavily. Sweat trickled down my neck and back."Fuck.” My brother's voice sounded wrecked. "I'm all the way inside you, baby."I moaned and squeezed your eyes closed. He groaned and ground against me. I stroked my hand down his body to his backside and encouraged him to start moving. He pulled back a little and thrust back in, stealing my breath for a moment. After a few thrusts, he went as deep as he could and began rolling his hips, back and forth, from side to side, and I could feel him against my inner walls. I gasped and moaned at the unusual sensations. It was a new feeling, overwhelming and everything you wanted at the same time. I’d never had sex like this before. I’ve never been in love with someone I’m having sex with. I let my head fall back into the pillows.Our gasps and moans got louder and higher as I neared to the finish. "Come on," I moaned, "I'm so close, Tommy." He gave a particularly strong thrust at that and I used my legs to pull him flush against my hips. He moaned and bucked against me, probably bruising my hips."I'm nearly there. I wanna feel you come inside me," I whimpered. A few thrusts later, my orgasm crashed through me. I felt Tommy’s cock pulse inside me, it was like I was drugs to him. “I’m close too Y/n.”"Come on, I want you to come inside me.”I wanted to feel him release inside of me and flood my insides with his come. I’d fantasized about this so many times and so far, even said his name a couple times during sex with some other man. I wanted to go all the way until the end.Thomas was still thrusting into me, his pace frantic. I could feel him pulse inside of me and then his warm cum filled my tight channel. He leaned down and kissed me slowly, softly. The kiss was sweet and deep.He carefully pulled his now soft cock out of me, causing me to feel some of his cum leak out and make my thighs sticky, but I was too exhausted to leave the bed and clean myself up.Now that I was coming down, I started to feel a chill coming on, the sweat cooling my skin. Thomas noticed my goosebumps and rubbed my naked arm to warm it up a bit, as well as getting the blanket from the bottom of the bed to cover us both up.
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“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you to do that.”We lay in his bed, naked and breathless. I could honestly say, that was the best sex I’ve ever had.For the past ten years or so I’d been sleeping around with no full idea why, never going past three dates and always leaving before they woke up. I thought it was me having commitment issues, but no, it was all because of Tommy.“I’ve wasted so many years Y/n, I’m sorry.”“It was a mutual incompetence.”He gave a chuckle.“What time is it?” I asked.“I have no idea, I couldn’t even tell you what fucking day it is,” he said not moving from his position. He had his arm around me and his chin resting on my head. Every so often I could feel his fingers moving slightly, caressing the skin.We lay there for a good couple hours just talking about utter bullshit, the purpose of life, what the future will be like and rethinking over and over what we were going to have for breakfast. A smile continued to show and laughs were shared throughout the night.It was only when light had begun shining into the room when I’d realised I’d fallen asleep. I looked around the room and eventually onto Tommy who was still laying naked next to me, he wasn’t awake yet and I didn’t want to disrupt his sleep so I just cuddled into his warm body, touching his scars with my finger tips.As I stared at the ceiling I thought about the night. How finally my needs had been met, it was one of the best nights of my life plus the fact I had fallen asleep without a single nightmare.“Hey,” I heard a quiet voice.I turned my head to see Tommy’s warm smile.“Morning,” I spoke softly.He pulled me closer to him, if that was even possible, and planted a kiss on my forehead. “Let’s just stay here a bit longer.”“Okay,” I mummed.It must’ve been about thirty minutes later when I heard a cheer coming from downstairs.“What was that?” He asked.“I don’t know but we should probably get up.”“Do we have to?”“If we stay here any longer someone’s gonna come through that door,” I chuckled.“Yeah, you’re probably right.”I got out of bed and began to get dressed. When I looked back to Thomas, expecting him to be getting ready too, he just watched me in total satisfaction.“Get dressed you freak, I’m not sorting that out,” I laughed, throwing his trousers at him. I was referring to the slight tent under the sheets. “I still ache from last night.”“Are you trying to tease me?” He groaned, rubbing his face in annoyance. He eventually got out of the bed and put his clothes on from the floor and the trousers I’d thrown at him.“Do you think anyone will say anything?” I asked as we walked down the stairs. I had just realised I was wearing the same clothes.“It’ll be fine love,” he said. He looked at me for a second, smiling and tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.I gave him a grin and he leaned in for a soft kiss, holding my chin to guide me close.When we got down stairs I sat down at the table and he began making eggs, toast and bacon, what we had agreed upon the night before. It wasn’t long before the doors opened to the bookies next door and a loud roar of cheers came.“My brother finally got some!” Arthur shouted as the bacon started to sizzle. He turned around with wide eyes, looking at me in fear of what was about to happen. “We heard you moaning last night.”Thomas looked between Arthur and me.“Who’s was the lucky lady then?” John asked, coming over to our brother and giving him a tight hug.“Was she a good fuck?” One of the men asked.He paused for a second, scratching his neck.Arthur and John sat down at the table opposite from me, looking at Thomas knowing his achievement from the noises we had made.“She was good, yeah,” he nodded, putting his attention back on the bacon and eggs in the pan.“Really Tommy? Sounded a lot better than just good,” Arthur commented.“Don’t you lads understand privacy?” I asked.“Oh my fucking god, you’re wearing the same clothes,” Aunt Polly said.“Oh yeah let’s not forget about our dear sister, who were you with last night?” John gave a smirk and winked at me.“Is he dead yet?” Polly asked.“Is who dead?”“The man you just fucked,” Polly replied. “Tommy’s definitely killed him by now.”I rolled my eyes and stared at Polly with annoyance.This was a frequent occurrence when I’d had a one night stand. Tommy would ask who I’d had sex with, I wouldn’t tell him of course, which resulted in numerous fights around Small Heath trying to find out who had not invited me out again, which was then followed by me trying to explain how I had left him early morning and it wasn’t his fault.“In some ways you could say he was dead, yes,” I said resulting in a stifled laugh from Thomas.
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“Jesus I thought for sure we were gonna get caught then,” I chuckled. We were sat in Tommy’s office in the bookies, I had my feet up on the table leaning back into my chair, smoking a cigarette and a whiskey waiting for me to finish. “It’ll be fine Y/n, they’re fucking clueless,” he replied, taking a drag of his cigarette. “Yeah, very true actually, they really thought that you’d be getting some,” I joked. Tommy laughed, “shut up you slut.”I chuckled. “Yeah whatever prude.”“I’ll let you know that I am not a prude.”“Prostitutes don’t count.”“You must be a virgin then,” he joked. “To be honest last night made me feel like one, I haven’t ached that much since my first time.”When he looked at me, his soft laugh pretty much lit up my world. I finally had what I’ve longed for since I was 15, I was his and he was mine, at least that’s what I thought. His ‘say you’re mine’ thing could’ve just been a thought of lust while we had sex. It had been a couple hours since the morning of cheers from our brothers, and we hadn’t properly talked about it yet. “What are you thinking about?” Tommy said. “Nothing… just, nothing.”After a couple seconds of silence, he knew what what I was thinking. “Follow me,” he said out of no where, quickly getting out of his chair. “What?” I mumbled, following him out of the office. When we got to the house through the doors of the bookies, closing them behind him. “Come on,” he says pulling me up the stairs, then into his room. He pulled me close and kissed me passionately. His calloused hands gripping onto the delicate skin of my waist, lightly lifting the seams of my shirt in the process.He took off his tweed jacket as quick as he could while I removed my skirt and underwear, and I tugged at his belt to urge him to remove his clothing faster. “Tommy quicker,” I said of of need. Finally both of us were without bottoms and he placed himself at my entrance and thrusted hard, filling me up within seconds. With each thrust, he buries himself deeper and deeper in me, I found myself letting out silent wails into the crook of his neck as his hands are placed on either side of me on the bed, gripping the sheets with the sheerest of force.“I’m so close,” he said trying not to moan louder than a whisper. I felt his cock twitch within me. The sound of skin slapping skin, and both our quiet moans and grunts filled the four walls of the shadowy room. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum soon Tom.”He thrusts deeper, more meaningful, pouring himself into me.Rolling my hips along with his thrusts, I feel my nerves pulling at my insides. With a particularly hard thrust, we seem to both reach our climax, at the same time. Me tightening around him with a whimper, clawing at his back unknowingly and him filling me with his seed. We both lay out on the bed in breathlessness. “Holy shit, that was…” I started. “I know.”“I usually last way longer than that I’m sorry,” I laughed. “Me too,” he chuckled. “Should we do that again?” I asked. “Yeah, just let me catch my breath.”***We sneaked downstairs like nothing had happened, getting back to our whiskey and chatting while he occasionally wrote something down on paper. We just chatted for hours just like usual, pouring a new whiskey every so often. I told him about the gossip, like me catching Arthur with a girl and how Finn was waffling on when he was drunk the other night. Tommy told me plans for the next weeks to come concerning the bookies and the races coming up as well as Peaky Blinder news. “You guys coming to the Garrison?” John said behind me. “It’s pay day, let’s get shit faced,” Arthur added. I look at Tommy and we both begun to laugh at the same time. “Meet you there a bit,” I said trying not to continue the laughter. When they left I shot a smile to Tommy and raised my eyebrows. “Let’s get shit faced then,” he smirked. He came around the desk, downing the rest of his whiskey, extending a hand to me. “No messing up though. No funny business.”“No messing up,” he repeated. “I promise.”I reached for the hand and he pulled me up from the chair.
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Arthur, John, Thomas and me were sat around the table in our private room at the Garrison, drinking. The day had been short but I was glad I was hanging with my brothers like usual payday. I was sat next to Arthur and John with Tommy. Michael, Finn and Isaiah were expected to come soon. “What’s new in your life Arthur?” I asked. He thought for a second. “Did you know I’ve started seeing someone?”“I literally walked in on you the other day Arthur.”“Oh yeah, of course,” he laughed. “It’s fine you’ve done it with me before.”“It was only because I heard moaning from two women,” he said, smirking and elbowing me. The room filled with laughter from the three of them. “Fuck you guys,” I said. “I’m not a whore, just a slut.”After another drink, me and Arthur were still talking and John seemed to be talking Tommy’s ear off, going on and on about Lizzy Stark, a prostitute that he’d been having a ‘serious’ relationship with.Tommy had already told me his plan that he would offer Lizzy money and see if she takes it, then give John the information. It seemed harsh, I had to admit, but he needed the sense kicking into him. “Anyway, who’s this guy you’ve been seeing Y/n?” Arthur asked. I thought of asking him why he thought it was a guy then I remembered how most of the family had heard me the other night. Tommy looked over even though John was still talking but he seemed to direct his attention towards mine and Arthur’s conversation. While a smile grew on his face, his eyes darted between me and Arthur, wanting to know my answer. “Just some guy.”“Is he nice to you?” Tommy asked. “Yeah he’s great actually,” I said trying not to smile at him. “Are you going to see him again?” Arthur asked. “Or just was it just one time thing?”“Maybe you should mind your business.” I knew Arthur was quite nosey and it seems like he wasn’t going to back down. I wasn’t exactly ready to tell him the guy I’d been recently sleeping with was our shared brother, Tommy. “When have you ever kept to yourself about your conquests?”“They were hardly conquests,” I pointed out. “Yeah, I know, you only ever sleep with them once.”I roll my eyes. Tommy laughs. I glare at him. “That’s not the point.”“Anyone for a whiskey?” Tommy asked. The three of us obviously answered with a yes and he left the private room. “Somethings up with Tom,” John said. “He never likes conversations about your conquests.”I rolled my eyes at the word conquests. “Maybe he’s just gotten used to it.”Arthur hummed, confused about Tommy’s sudden interest in my sex life. Thankfully the door opened and walked in was the three younger Peaky Blinders, Finn, Michael and Isaiah. “Hiya lads,” I greeted. “Hiya lovely,” Isaiah smiled. The three sat down, grinning at me. “What?” I asked.“Looks like you got some the other night,” Finn joked, awarding a laugh from the other four boys. “We were just talking about that actually,” Arthur said. Just then Tommy comes through the door with six whiskeys, placing them in the middle and sitting down across from me, next to Finn. We all reached to the glasses and took one for ourselves. “How is this a shock to you guys?” I questioned. “I’m basically a slut.”Tommy nearly choked on his drink, remembering what I had said the other night. “But not a whore,” Arthur added. Everyone laughed. “Let’s change the subject,” I tried. Tommy clocked me, “If you don’t want to talk about it like you usually do, it’s clearly cause you’re just so amazed of how good the sex was.”I looked at him with a straight face. I couldn’t believe he just said that. “Okay let’s talk about it then. What do you wanna know?”“Are you going to see him again?” Arthur asked. “You know what I’ve thought about it and I think I’m gonna pass, I’m a just a slut it’s in my nature.”Tommy’s face dropped. “To being a slut and not a whore,” John said, raising his drink. We all followed, cheersing the moment, all except Tom who was still glaring at me.