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“Good afternoon. May I help you?” a middle-aged nurse asked looking up from a chart on the desk in front of her. She was wearing light blue scrubs and sitting on the edge of her desk chair. Her long, blonde hair was tied back in a neat bun.“Yeah...I’m here to see Becca Bar– I mean ‘Rebecca Proctor,’” Bucky corrected himself as he rested his forearms on the counter between himself and the nurse. He was careful to plant his cloaked left arm lightly so it did not make a suspicious thud.“You’re on her approved visitors list, right?” she asked looking closely at the former assassin.“I’ve been here before,” he replied not exactly answering the question.Checking Rebecca’s file, the nurse said, “That’s right. You’re her grandson, Paul. Sorry – great grandson.”Bucky did not respond but simply smiled at the nurse.“She’s...Hey, Val? Where’s Mrs. Proctor right now?” the nurse called over her right shoulder.Another nurse sitting at an adjacent desk replied, “She’s in the garden.”Looking up at Bucky, the nurse informed him, “Your grandma’s in the garden, honey. You know the way, right? Down to the end of the hall, make a left, then through the double doors.”“Thank you, ma’am,” Bucky said with a grin before turning to leave.“They have strong genes in that family. He and his grandma look so much alike,” the nurse observed as she watched him walk away.“He’s a handsome young man, but he could do with a haircut,” Val replied.In his black leather jacket and blue jeans, Bucky strode down the tan colored hallway glancing occasionally through open doors. As he passed the activity room, a physical therapist coached 10 patients as they sat in chairs and performed upper-body exercises. He saw patients carrying on various other activities. Some sat with family members that they did not recognize. Others stared blankly at TVs, while still others sat in chairs and looked aimlessly out of windows that faced the garden of the Alzheimer’s home.Often when Bucky visited his younger sister Rebecca, he sat with her in her room which, unlike most, was a single. That meant it was somewhat smaller than the other rooms, but it provided privacy that the other rooms, but it provided privacy that the others did not.It usually took Rebecca a bit of time to recognize Bucky as being a family member and even longer to realize that he was her long-forgotten older brother. She usually only recognized him for a few moments, but it was 5 minutes that he treasured.As he stepped through the double doors, Bucky looked around the garden to locate Rebecca. There were a few wooden benches around the garden, but it was the one facing the fountain that she liked the best. He spotted her grey hair and began to walk toward her.As Bucky approached, he saw that a petite young nurse with short dark hair was seated next to his sister. When he was close enough, he could hear that the nurse was reading to her.“Good afternoon, ladies,” he said as he approached the bench.“Oh...hello!” the nurse replied as she looked up at him. “Mrs. Proctor, you have a visitor.”Rebecca Barnes Proctor looked up at her older brother Bucky not recognizing him at all.“Who are you?” she wondered aloud. Then, turning to the nurse, she whispered, “What does he want?”“He’s your...grandson?” the nurse remarked not entirely sure.“That’s right,” Bucky lied. “I’m Paul. You remember me, don’t you, Bec — ‘Grandma?’”“Paul?” she asked looking at him in utter confusion.“I’ll give you two a little privacy,” the nurse advised as she closed the book and placed it on the bench. Rising, she pulled a cell phone from the pocket of her green scrubs as she stepped away.Slowly so as not to frighten her, Bucky sat on the other end of the bench leaving about 2 feet of space between himself and his sister.“How are you, Becca?” the soldier asked earnestly.“Who are you?” she asked again.Thinking it best not to tell her yet, he instead replied, “I just wanted to see you and sit with you for a while. It’s a lovely day, isn’t it, Becca?”She looked around the grounds and watched the butterflies light from flower to flower.Bucky studied her face and wondered as he always did during his visits if she ever thought of him during the 70 years that he spent in and out of cryosleep while he was a brainwashed prisoner of war held captive by Hydra.Looking at his sister’s pale pink dress and white cardigan, he wondered, “Are you warm enough, Sis?”Surprised by his familiarity, she asked, “What did you say?”“I mean, are you warm enough, Mrs. Proctor?”Rebecca returned her attention to the butterflies before quietly responding, “Yes.”Bucky never knew quite what to say when he visited his sister. He wanted desperately to hug her and tell her who he really was, but he knew that if she could understand, it would be too much for her. It would only frighten and confuse her. She was 97 and frail, so upsetting her was the last thing that he wanted to do.Looking down at the book between them, Bucky asked, “What are you reading today, Becca?”She looked at the book as if she were seeing it for the first time.Bucky looked at the spine and read the title.“Little Women, huh? May I read to you?”His sister did not reply but looked interested, so he proceeded. Opening the book to a page that the nurse bookmarked, he began.
“I’ll try and be what he loves to call me ‘a little woman’ and not be rough and wild but do my duty here instead of wanting to be somewhere else.”
Bucky stared at the page for a few moments not understanding the context of what he just read. He looked at his sister apologetically and noticed a change in her expression.“Jimmy?” she asked eagerly.“Yes, Becca. It’s me – Jimmy!” he replied with relief as if some great weight had been lifted off him. The sound of his voice had suddenly triggered something in her, and he was thrilled that she finally recognized him.“Jimmy, where have you been? I haven’t seen you since...I was sent away to boarding school. You look so young. I don’t understand!”Bucky felt guilty for not doing better about keeping in touch with Rebecca after their father died during a military exercise and the army placed her in boarding school. He would have been sent away as well had he not convinced the major to let him stay at the base as its mascot. The following year, he turned 16 and was allowed to officially join the army.Bucky could tell that his sister was becoming agitated, so he tried to calm her down.“Becca, I’ve just been away – that’s all, but I’m here now. I’m here with you,” he said with his voice cracking.“You look so young, Jimmy. What happened to you?”“It’s a long story, Becca, but let’s not talk about it.”The siblings sat quietly for a few moments as they each searched for words to say. Finally, Bucky was unable to stop himself. Overcome by reverie, he said, “Do you remember the time we went to the carnival and I won that teddy bear for you on the ring toss? You were 9 and I was 12.”She smiled and remarked, “I slept with that bear every night until I got married. When I had my daughter Mary, I gave him to her and then she to her daughter Ann.”Bucky’s eyes began to tear up. He was glad to hear that his gift to his little sister made her, her daughter and granddaughter each happy.Out of the corner of her right eye, Rebecca saw something move. Startled by a squirrel, she flinched and gave a little yelp.“Becca, it’s okay. It’s just a squirrel,” her brother assured her putting his right hand on her left arm.Pulling away from him, she asked, “Who are you? Where’s my nurse?”Feeling immediately deflated, Bucky tried to soothe his sister.“Becca, it’s me – Jimmy. I’m here now and want you to know that I love you, Sis. I love you and always will.”He could read the confusion on her face and acknowledged that perhaps his visits were making things worse for her.“Nurse? Nurse! “ she called as she looked around nervously.“Becca, please...” Bucky moaned softly with his voice cracking.As the nurse approached, she asked, “What’s wrong, Mrs. Proctor?”“I’m tired. I want to go to my room,” she informed her caretaker.“All right, sweetheart. Let’s get you back to your room,” the nurse agreed. Then, looking at Bucky, she remarked, “She tires quickly, you know. She’ll be more rested the next time you come.”Distraught and on the verge of tears, Bucky could not meet the nurse’s gaze. He slowly nodded his head as she looked at him apologetically. As the two women walked back inside, he remained on the bench.‘I’m such an idiot for coming here! Every time, all I do is upset her. I’ve got to stop bothering her and let her get on with her life...should get on with mine,’ he scolded himself.As the soldier stood, he turned and walked toward the double doors leaving the copy of Little Women on the bench. He slowly proceeded down the hallway toward the front desk, but this time he did not glance into any of the rooms as he passed them. When he reached the front desk, he was greeted by the nurse he spoke with when he arrived.“Hey there, Paul. Did you and your grandma have a nice visit?”Bucky stopped but did not face the nurse or look her in the eye.“No,” he remarked softly.“Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetie. You know how it is with Alzheimer’s. I’m sure she appreciates your coming to see her. She just can’t tell you so.”Bucky nodded but still could not bear to look at the motherly nurse.“You take care now. We’ll see you next time,” she said and then answered a phone that was ringing on the front desk. “Baxter House. How may I help you?” she asked.Bucky descended the front steps of the care facility and walked to his motorcycle. He straddled the bike and as he sat for a moment to gather his thoughts, he could feel how tense all of his muscles had become. He knew from experience that he probably would not sleep that night reflecting on what had transpired with Becca. However, if somehow he did manage to sleep, he knew to expect nightmares.