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Hifumi’s head hurt. His eyelids were still heavy, and the way the morning light played spots across them would have meant the start of a migraine for anyone that hadn’t built up Hifumi’s tolerance for excessive amounts of alcohol on a far too frequent basis. Ever since making number one he’d had to drink significantly less than before, though that hardly accounted for the afterparties that only ended up compounding the effects of sleepless nights. The ache in his shoulders, the weight on his spine, the radio-static buzz through his head- it was all a familiar pain, right down to Doppo’s hip digging into his side every time he shifted, trying to find a comfortable position to go back to sleep atop the warm but bony mass of him.Except.Wait.Wait wait wait- Doppo had never been this bony. And. Hifumi poked around tentatively with his foot, only to realize whoever he was sleeping on had a lot more leg than he’d been expecting. Hifumi pried his eyes open with a pop, propping himself up on an elbow to wipe the sleep from them- and nearly fell straight back down at the sight that awaited him.Oh. Ohhhhh, thought Hifumi- that wasn’t so familiar after all.Jakurai was beautiful as ever in his sleep, perpetually moderate expression evened out to something that Hifumi could almost call relaxed. He looked a little younger- or perhaps it was just he finally looked his age, rather than someone burdened by the worries of a man who’d lived twice as long. His hair draped in all directions over the bed, and if the stench of alcohol hadn’t drenched them both, Hifumi might’ve sworn he could still catch scent of the crisp scent of his shampoo. On impulse he reached out to thread a few strands of it around his fingers, twirling it through the long streaks of light from the gap in the curtains. It was exactly as soft as he’d dreamed.Though Hifumi continued on like that a while, lost in the early morning daze, Jakurai didn’t respond- didn’t give even a twitch of his eyes to show he felt Hifumi’s occasional, accidental tugs. If Hifumi hadn’t been splayed out across him to feel the shallow rise and fall of his chest, Hifumi might almost have thought him dead. The way his beauty was a deathly sort of delicate didn’t help matters.He was so… thin. Not enough to be unhealthy- or at least Hifumi didn’t think so- but enough that Hifumi was struck with a sudden concern. “Do you take care of yourself?” Hifumi muttered, soft enough not to wake as he trailed a finger along what he suspected to be the outline of a rib. Jakurai worked in a hospital; he had to know how important it was to eat both regularly and well.Then again, Hifumi was more than a little convinced that Jakurai lived at the hospital as much as he could. That’s why he’d suggested fishing trips the moment he’d discovered Jakurai was interested. That’s why he wanted to know all the things Jakurai kept hidden, dwelling on in the silence like a constant loop he couldn’t cease. Like the story he’d told them of the days gone by- Hifumi might not have fully understood, but at the very least he was someone that could listen. That wanted to listen, to breathe in every little secret and drink down the details of him like fine wine. That would very much enjoy waking up beside him outside of the context of an alcohol-induced haze.Which, Hifumi thought- comfortable. Despite everything, super comfortable. Though it was tempting to give in to the tender weight of sleep still lingering and close his eyes again, leaving Jakurai to deal with the aftermath of waking- he wasn’t going to do that. Mainly because he was convinced Jakurai might just be kind enough to wait until he woke up again instead of moving him. If Hifumi fell asleep like this, warm and content, he was sure he wouldn’t wake again until Doppo came in to drag him off. And given that it was Doppo, that would never be happening. So, with utmost reluctance, Hifumi untangled himself from Jakurai and slid out of bed, throwing a sheet over him as he did. He valiently resisted the urge to try and tuck him in- succeeding only narrowly. As much as it pained him to admit, he wasn’t sure that Jakurai would appreciate the sentiment.(Something to find out another day.)Hifumi opened the bedroom door slowly so that it wouldn’t creak, then padded out soft into the living room. Splayed out over the back of the couch was a hand, one knee hooked over the side- and a pillow on the ground halfway to the door, of all places.Hifumi snorted. That answered the question of where Doppo had ended up, at least. For a half-second he found time to regret that he apparently hadn’t managed to carry Doppo to bed before he’d ended up passed out over Jakurai, but if he couldn’t remember abandoning Doppo on the couch, then chances were Doppo wouldn’t remember either. The guilt passed; the mission of the morning took priority. Hifumi scooped up the pillow and shuffled his way over towards Doppo before deciding it was all too much effort and chucking the pillow at his face as hard as possible from halfway across the room. Doppo, predictably, did not wake up. Resigned to his fate, Hifumi shuffled the rest of the distance and dropped to his knees beside the couch, clapping the pillow to Doppo’s chest instead.“Doppo… Doppo, wake up! Morning! Awake!” Hifumi shook Doppo’s shoulder gently, well aware that he’d be lucky if Doppo showed any sign of humanity within the next twenty-three minutes minimum. Just for good measure, he started poking Doppo’s cheek too. “Doppo… Doppo!! Live! If you die now, how’re we gonna write our victory song? Doppo… Don’t make me get Sensei to wake you up!”Eventually, wearily, as if it was the hardest thing he’d done all week, Doppo cracked one eye open to squint at Hifumi. He grinned. Doppo did not grin back. He said anyways, bright enough for the two of them, “Hungry?”Doppo groaned. Hifumi took it as a yes. “Requests?”“Egg,” Doppo replied, then slung his elbow over his eyes and returned to the realm of the living dead.That meant that Hifumi wasn’t getting any sort of clarification on what kind of egg, apparently. For a split second he considered just presenting Doppo a plate with one single uncooked egg on top, then thought that might have been too cruel for a hangover morning and considered a proper menu for all of them.Rice, definitely- he’d throw in a little olive oil, maybe, to match the flavor of the salmon he knew they had sitting around in the fridge, then tie it all together with the tamagoyaki, as per Doppo’s request. Quick and easy, simple flavors that were heavy enough to appease the stomach but light enough to keep anyone from feeling sick. Or sicker than they already were, at any rate. It might, Hifumi thought, be a while before Doppo was human again.Behind them a door creaked slowly on its hinges; Hifumi craned his head to watch Jakurai stepping out slowly, not quite hesitant. He’d brushed his hair- or at least gone through it with his fingers, tamed down some of the flyaways Hifumi had woken up to. He was almost a little sad to see them go. Those tiny imperfections always made Jakurai seem the closest to his reach, like a thread Hifumi could seize hold of and unravel and wind around himself to keep close always.“Good morning.”Jakurai seemed almost a touch embarrassed. Hifumi could trace the exact logic of why, starting with the whole ‘waking up in someone else’s bed with absolutely no memory of the night before’ bit. Hifumi smiled wide at him, conveying in one fell swoop that nothing he had to worry about had happened (besides the usual alcohol-related trauma). And, after a brief pause, Jakurai returned it. Much smaller, granted, but turned on Hifumi with gentle force.It was unabashedly cute.Hifumi bounded over to him, leaving Doppo to his fate of melding with the couch entirely in favor of their house guest.“Morning! Sleep well?”Jakurai’s mild unease persisted. It was odd to see from him. He hadn’t seemed this uncertain even when he’d said that the next battle might not end in their victory. “Very. Though… I’m afraid I don’t remember anything after dinner last night. Did I…” “Yeeeeeeep,” Hifumi replied, mourning all the memories that could have been. Not that it hadn’t been an experience, to say the least- but it wasn’t a story that Jakurai could tell. That hadn’t been exactly how any of them had anticipated spending their victory party. (Though it had, Hifumi was forced to admit, definitely been how they’d feared it would turn out. Especially once Jakurai had gotten that distracted air about him, his mind years away from the table spread before him and the people at his side.)“Anyway! Breakfast!” Hifumi insisted, before things could turn awkward between them, “you’re staying!”“I couldn’t possibly impose-”“You’re staying,” Hifumi said, taking his wrist gently and guiding him to the table to wait. The one, singular problem with this, Hifumi realized, was that the table was still a mess. All their empty dishes had made it safely back into the kitchen sink, but the celebratory champagne bottles- all of them, along with the beer Doppo had been drunkenly assigned to go grab halfway through the night- were still scattered haphazard across the top of it. He glanced back over to the living room.Doppo, their conversation having properly woken him, was sitting up on the couch clutching the pillow and staring dead-eyed at the blank television. Not getting any help there. Jakurai set a soft hand over Hifumi’s. Hifumi almost bolted out of his skin- to say that Jakurai wasn’t often one for physical touch was an understatement. He removed it almost as soon as Hifumi registered the cool brush of his fingers, but the sensation of him lingered, only amplified by the warmth of his other wrist still caught in Hifumi’s grip.“At least let me clear the table,” said Jakurai, reaching for one of the bottles on its side even as Hifumi seized that wrist, too- thoughtless and impulsive, which meant they ended up turning face to face, Jakurai’s hands hanging loosely in Hifumi’s as Hifumi tried to figure out what to do with this situation of theirs.“You’re the guest!” Hifumi said, shaking their hands lightly up and down, “you can’t! You’re like… banned! Banned from chores! Forever!”“I insist,” said Jakurai, as if they were trading one responsibility for another. It was a nice sentiment; if Jakurai was offering, then Hifumi supposed he couldn’t refuse.“Really? Thanks, and stuff! I’m gonna start on breakfast, so bring all the bottles in!”Jakurai glanced around, probably taking in the alarming amount of them- then nodded and set about the task with his usual precision. Complicating matters slightly was the fact that Hifumi had absolutely no incination whatsoever to let him go. Jakurai blinked down at him, then at their hands, then back at him. “Hifumi-kun. I’ll need at least one hand for this. As will you, I imagine.”And he was right, obviously. But that didn’t mean Hifumi had to like it. With a frustrated little hum Hifumi let Jakurai’s hands slip from him, let him step back and set about his work.Meanwhile Hifumi moved about the kitchen, dancing around Jakurai as he wove in and out with bottles and cans- enough that Hifumi was going to have to be careful when he took them out for collection. If they didn’t get a noise complaint last night, they were definitely going to get something if anyone realized all of this came from one apartment. Especially after the whole ‘a stalker broke my window so sorry about the broken glass on the back walk and all the security check stuff because I also got, you know, stabbed’ thing. Oh well, thought Hifumi with little gravity and a lazy shrug towards his whisked eggs. If it happened, it happened. He’d deal with it then.After all- there was a far more pressing matter at hand. That being, of course, the gaze boring into his back. As he had a few times before, Jakurai had paused. And though Hifumi didn’t want to turn his attention away from the stove this time, experience having taught him that slightly burnt anything was a sub-optimal way to start a hangover day, he was certain Jakurai was watching him. Intently. Why, Hifumi didn’t know. The same reason that Hifumi liked to linger around his office sometimes and watch him work, or all the times they’d gathered to write songs and Hifumi had found himself idle, caught by the concentration on Jakurai’s face as he drafted lyrics, he imagined. Seeing someone utterly in their element was enchanting, no matter what said element happened to be.But just as Hifumi thought to lift his voice, to call out something he hadn’t fully formed meant to draw him closer, Jakurai slipped away near-silent back to the living room.Hifumi wondered if he thought he hadn’t noticed. And why he hadn’t said anything. He’d thought Jakurai had been losing some of his hesitations around them- whenever Doppo would let him, anyway- but he might just have thought it courtesy not to interrupt. Not that Hifumi would have minded. Either way, he tried not to mourn the absence.(Though, after the past few days- it was lonelier with no one there at his side. He’d never thought that was something he’d mind. Cooking was cooking, so long as someone enjoyed his food eventually. But he would’ve liked it someone had stayed with him. Even if it was just to cut uneven little chunks of potato. Even if it was just to watch.)By the time Hifumi was done plating, Doppo had gathered himself enough to get to the now clean table and make some sort of conversation with Jakurai, though Hifumi suspected it was mostly just a circular set of apologies about the night before. Not that either of them seemed to remember much if it. Then it would be just Hifumi’s story to tell, which was equal parts disappointing and mildly enticing. Having one up on Doppo in their long line of embarrassing secrets was always an advantage. Especially since half the time, Doppo was the only one who actually got flustered over them. And extra especially since Hifumi could now absolutely mortify him by telling Jakurai. “Breakfast!” Hifumi chirped, setting both plates down with a gentle click before flirting back to the kitchen to retrieve his own. It only took him a moment; he slipped into his chair at the place beside Doppo, the usual arrangement when it was just the three of them.“Thank you, Hifumi-kun.”“Thanks, Hifumi,” Doppo muttered, which was about three hundred and fifty percent more coherent word that Hifumi had been expecting given the way he was usually still half-dead at times like this. He snickered. It was probably Jakurai’s influence on him.“No problem, no problem! There’s lots more where that came from!”There wasn’t, but Hifumi would be happy to make more. Of all the housework, cooking was by far his favorite.Jakurai seemed a little amused, though Hifumi wasn’t sure why. Remembering the mountains of food from the night before, if he had to guess. Which… He wasn’t sure he was up for making that much again today, but if they asked, he’d probably do it. Complain all the while, but make it all the same.“Then, shall we eat?”Hifumi cut into his egg, gaze flitting between Jakurai before him and Doppo at his side as they took the first bite. He didn’t get to see this often. With Doppo their schedules rarely aligned, and meals were left warm on the table to await his return in Hifumi’s place. And with Jakurai… Actually, Hifumi thought, it hardly felt like he’d seen Jakurai eat at all. He definitely had- they’d gone to family restaurants and the like for meetings more than just a few times. And they’d stopped places after fishing trips a few times on the way home if something caught their eye, though none of those seemed like they counted. Not when the meal hadn’t been the point.He turned to Jakurai savoring a first bite as Doppo munched away, and Hifumi thought he might have caught the very edge of a sparkle in his eye. Not quite the awe of the night before, that subdued yet unbridled delight- but a pleased reflection of it.“This is delicious,” said Jakurai again, with the same appreciation he’d given Hifumi the night before. His tone was identical; in the back of his mind, Hifumi thought something distant about lightning striking twice.Even as he glanced down towards the humble meal, Hifumi couldn’t help the way he glowed with the praise. But he should have gone with something more extravagant after all. Especially after last night. “This? This stuff is like, nothing, though?”“What is it they say?” Jakurai paused a moment, and Hifumi glanced back up at him from the corner of his eye. “You can judge a chef’s skill by how he prepares the simplest of dishes. By those standards, I believe you might be well on your way to becoming the finest chef in Tokyo.”“Hifumi could make anything taste good,” Doppo added, which was a nice sentiment that meant significantly less now that he knew Doppo’s definition of ‘good’ included not only his cooking but that lavender… monstrosity of a drink.Jakurai chuckled, soft under his breath. “I believe that. Hifumi-kun has quite the talent. I’m sure it extends far beyond what I can imagine.”Hifumi beamed. He might even have gone a little red- though he wasn’t going to give himself away by checking. No need for it now. After all, in the churning, bouncing clatter of his thoughts-Hifumi had a plan. Hifumi squinted at the nurse’s station. There were, of course, a significant amount of people gathered around, discussing something that Hifumi couldn’t overhear from behind the glass doors. They weren’t all women, but it wasn’t as if a number other than zero would change anything. He hadn’t lucked out today, then.His suit jacket weighed heavy over his arm. He hadn’t been foolish enough not to bring it, but if he could, he wanted to do this without wearing it. It kind of defeated the point of delivering this out of concern and care if he did it while flirting disingenuously with half the people Jakurai worked with in the process. Sure, Jakurai would probably understand full well and find it interesting regardless, but he didn’t want this to end with simple intrigue. Hifumi had plans. In no world did they end with getting scolded and thrown out of the hospital for drawing a crowd of people attempting to get his phone number and distracting a not-insignificant portion the staff from their work. Scolded and thrown out for distracting one member of the staff, maybe, but...Right before Hifumi allowed himself to get carried away, a few of the clustered nurses set off down a hall, leaving just one behind. A women, unfortunately, but still. This was his chance. Hifumi stepped into the lobby and repeated, determined to convince himself if only for the moment-They weren’t going to hurt him. This was a hospital. They were going to do the opposite of hurt him. Hifumi took a deep breath and slowly, carefully, forced himself to the desk.“Can I help you?” chirped the nurse, and Hifumi fought the urge to drop down beneath the edge of it and curl up enough that she couldn’t see him at all.
Don’t look. Don’t look, don’t look-
“Se...Sensei. Jakurai-sensei,” he forced out, teeth chattering even as he forced his hands to stay steady as he could manage. Last thing he needed to do was drop his hard work all over the floor and have to explain the mess to Jakurai and all the rest who came to gawk.“This is… for him?” asked the nurse, and Hifumi nodded shakily once. He set the bento atop the counter and pushed it forward with a finger, drawing back soon as she touched it.“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it,” said the nurse, bewildered and clearly only one of the five people left in Shinjuku who either didn’t know who he was or just couldn’t reconcile him with the persona he put on. Hifumi nodded again, an uncomfortable jerk of his head as she picked up the lunch. And, though it might have been pathetic of him- Hifumi turned and bolted.He made it through the stressful routine a few more times- eased by the fact that the second time he showed up with a bento, everyone already seemed to know exactly who it was for- before they gave up on the middleman entirely and let Hifumi barge straight into Jakurai’s office without complaint, appointment-less and all.“Seeeeensei!”At his call Jakurai glanced up, gave him the mild expression he made as encouragement for Hifumi to go on. Hifumi bounded over to his side, pulling up a chair to sit down beside him at his desk. The memory of their conversation the night before still lingered in the forefront of his mind, had in a flash over text that Hifumi had rushed to answer in the back room at work, glad he’d caught it before he had to slip on his jacket and go out onto the floor.
(Hifumi-kun.
Yeeeeees?
You’re aware that you have no obligation to bring me lunch, correct?
Hifumi rolled his eyes. There Jakurai went, pretending like he was the only one allowed to do nice things for people. As if kindness wasn’t a repayable commodity.
Yeah, but I want to!
It didn’t really matter if Jakurai reciprocated- the food or the feelings or the whatever- so long as he didn’t push Hifumi away. Because he wasn’t sure, but he’d started to think that Jakurai kind of… liked going places and doing things with him. More than in the normal way. He wasn’t sure - Doppo always insisted that he was being a nuisance, and Jakurai always insisted he wasn’t with the same mild aura as always, but...That was the problem. Because he was always like that, Hifumi couldn’t quite tell one way or the other. But he thought Jakurai was genuinely enjoying himself. So, therefore-)“I have a question! A very important question!”“I don’t imagine it’s health-related,” answered Jakurai dryly.Hifumi just shook his head. Technically, in a maybe-sorta kind of way, it might have been. But not as Jakurai would think to categorize it. He barreled on- “What kind of food do you like?”“I hardly have preferences,” said Jakurai in the same gentle way he explained most things, “In the military, there’s hardly the time or resources to spare. You eat what you must.”Hifumi paused, struck anew with the realization that Jakurai lived carrying a history he knew so little about. With Doppo, it was different. They’d been living together in one form or another for practically as long as Hifumi could remember, and while they kept things from each other here and there, it was never anything so vital that it would change the heart of their relationship. (Well, thought Hifumi- for the most part, anyway.)A few secrets were probably normal. And besides. By now, Hifumi knew him more than well enough to fill in the gaps.But Jakurai’s elusiveness he couldn’t accept. Since the moment Jakurai had nearly thrown himself out an open window to save a falling Hifumi he’d wanted to know Jakurai’s everything. Where and when he learned how to fish, what kinds of things he did to keep his hair so soft and silky, why he’d fallen out so badly with that Amemura-whatever they’d crushed in the territory battle. Whatever he’d been, whatever he’d done before the lines of their lives had interwoven like this- more than anything, Hifumi wanted to hear.“But is there anything you reaaaally hate? Like, hate-hate? Because for the first three years after we moved in together, Doppo still didn’t want to eat carrots!”“He didn’t?”“He didn’t.”“How intriguing,” said Jakurai, with the level of interest that was appropriately ascribed to Doppo’s past asinine rejection of carrots. He was probably going to bring it up in casual conversation. It was prooobably going to get Hifumi scolded for giving away embarrassing secrets in front of Jakurai. But it didn’t particularly bother him. After all- Doppo was never going to allow himself to act so casual around him, always trying to match Jakurai in his dignity. If Hifumi didn’t spill the details, then no one would.Though he couldn’t allow himself to get too distracted. There was a mission here, and Hifumi wasn’t going to leave until he’d completed it.“But there’s really nothing you don’t like? Really, really nothing?” He wanted to charm Jakurai, not put him off by the sight of portobello mushrooms front and center in the middle of his lunch. If anyone could win someone’s heart with food they hated, Hifumi figured it was probably him- though that didn’t make it any excuse to actually test it. Better to know now than later.Jakurai paused, considering him carefully. Hifumi had never really minded scrutiny- never was there a time in his life when he wouldn’t rise to meet it. But when it came to Jakurai, he couldn’t help but find himself on the edge of his seat, impatient for whatever judgement would fall.“Let me put it this way, Hifumi-kun. If you make it, I’ll gladly eat it.”“Even if it’s weird?” Hifumi asked, a split second later remembering that no matter what sort of dish he dug up, Jakurai would probably just find it interesting and try it anyway. Or find someone else to eat it. Probably Doppo. Who actually might eat anything, now that Hifumi had started thinking about it. He’d test it, if it wasn’t an affront to about eighty different culinary sensibilities.With the very hint of laughter did Jakurai affirm- “Even if it’s weird.”Hifumi grinned, spun slightly back and forth on his chair and very nearly pushed himself back across the room on its creaking wheels before a different thought overcame him. He knew a challenge when he heard one. Not to be taken now- not when every move counted- but later, perhaps. A hopefully not-so-distant later. But though it had made him feel better, validated all his charging straight into a plan he’d have done better to sit down and think through before enacting- in the end, it had all just been Jakurai telling him what he wanted to hear.He couldn’t leave it at that.“Promise?” Hifumi said, holding out his pinky finger with deathly seriousness, “If you don’t like something, promise you’ll tell me?”Jakurai stared at him strangely a moment, then slowly lifted his hand to reciprocate, twining their pinkies together weakly. “I promise.”Hifumi didn’t know if he’d keep it. There was no way to be sure- not when Jakurai was so skilled at gritting his teeth and putting on a strong face and enduring. That brittle gaze, same as the one he’d had that night before picking up a drink that wasn't his, did little to convince him otherwise. But Hifumi squeezed their linked fingers tight and hoped more than anything that he would. Today too the usual nurse waved him in; Hifumi skittered past and launched himself through the door, only relaxing when it had well and truly shut behind him. Whatever protocol the hospital was supposed to have with guests, it seemed that Hifumi had become the primary exception. He was here, and just about everyone had gotten used to his presence.However. Jakurai was not, which was… unusual. Granted, Hifumi had cut it close today. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Jakurai take a break on time, let alone early- but there was supposedly a first time for everything, and even Jakurai couldn’t be so dedicated to his work that he didn’t need a punctual break every now and then. Which was good! Hifumi wanted him to relax more, to remember the value of a good day off every once and a while. The fact he wasn’t keeping to ironclad routine was probably a good sign.However. That also meant Jakurai wasn’t here, with him. And that kind of defeated the whole point, didn’t it? Hifumi fiddled with the bento in his hand, wondering if he should bolt over to the break room or wait it out or try and ask the first person that looked like they’d know that Hifumi was actually capable of speaking with. But, as if Hifumi’s thoughts had summoned him-“Hifumi-kun.”Hifumi spun in place, tilting his head at the stern tone Jakurai in the doorway had taken. “Yes..?”“Why are you here?”“Can I not be?”Jakurai sighed. He slipped past Hifumi and sat down at his desk, sliding the file in his hand into a drawer. So it hadn’t been a break after all. “I do have patients to see. You can’t make a habit of staying here.”Hifumi rolled his eyes. He knew that. Jakurai had only kicked him out a dozen times before- which was half the reason Hifumi kept inviting him out. He bounded over, asking with an argument sure to win- “But it’s lunchtime, right? You can take a break now! So let’s go! Break room? Cafeteria? Or we could pick something up! I’ll drive!”At the very last mention Jakurai blinked. His expression didn’t change, but Hifumi thought he caught the flutter of something like surprise in the flash of his eyes. “Pick something up?”Hifumi laughed with a warm pride. Jakurai wasn’t quite meeting his gaze, a sign of embarrassment that he’d likely never admit to. But Hifumi didn’t mind- in fact, he couldn’t be happier that Jakurai had come to rely on him. Especially for a good, home-cooked meal. Which, speaking of- Hifumi lifted his arm and waved the cloth-wrapped bentos about gently.“I brought stuff! But if you want something else, I’ll give it to Doppo tomorrow!” Hifumi leaned in and added with a conspiratorial smile- “Just don’t tell him it’s a day old, ‘kay?”“I would never,” said Jakurai, in a tone that Hifumi just dared to think he could call playful. Not that he’d actually give Doppo old leftovers in the first place. Probably. Maybe. Then again, he’d gone all-out today and made chicken katsu from scratch. Doppo probably wouldn’t mind if it was a week old, let alone a day or two.But before he could continue that train of thought, Jakurai continued, “Though unfortunately for Doppo-kun, I’ll insist on eating this. You took the trouble to make it, after all.”Just the words he’d been waiting for. Hifumi extended a hand and chirped, “So? So? What’re we waiting for? Let’s go!”Jakurai sighed, but let Hifumi take his hand and pull him graceful to his feet. He’d done this a dozen times before- held out his hand to a customer and swept them up with polished words and easy flattery- but this felt different. Perhaps it was because Jakurai hadn’t been expecting it, or because he didn’t really need it.It was probably, Hifumi thought, because it sent a wild flutter through him that made him want to do something ridiculous, like take their joined hands and press a kiss to each of Jakurai’s knuckles as promise of devotion.He didn’t, because if work had taught him one thing it was the importance of time and place in a seduction, and Jakurai didn’t seem the type to want to be serenaded in front of his coworkers- though that was an idea. That was very much an idea. That he wouldn’t follow through on. Probably. Not today. Not on days that couldn’t vaguely be construed as an opportunity for a romantic holiday, at least. Five months until Valentine’s day. Three months until Christmas? Again did Jakurai sigh- but as he set through the door, trailing a glowing Hifumi and his lunches behind, he let Hifumi hold his hand still. It might only have been preventative. After all, there were plenty of women that worked here, or were patients moving in and out of their rooms. As they’d more than learned from experience, Hifumi was only going to cling and cower anyway. But in the moment, gliding through the air with his gaze fixed solely on Jakurai in profile- Hifumi doubted he’d notice even if they were surrounded by a mob of them. That’s right, thought Hifumi, sitting beside Jakurai in the hospital break room. They’d been relegated to the same side of the table by two other doctors who’d been finishing up their lunches when Hifumi and Jakurai had arrived; even after their departure, neither of them had particularly seen reason to move. Time and place. Time and place. He’d gone a bit extravagant with today’s bento, having cooked his way through the usual menu for Doppo and then some. The chicken katsu was one thing, the cabbage salad another, though he’d kept the rice plain to enhance the fact he’d made the sauce by hand… Maybe he should have gone even more over the top? In retrospect, he supposed it was all still on the simple side. Jakurai liked unusual things, after all.Hifumi frowned. Next time, he’d push himself a little more. Next time, he’d-“Have you been sleeping?” Jakurai asked, jolting Hifumi out of his thoughts. He’d dropped a few hours here and there for his visits, stayed up a bit later sometimes to make sure he had everything arranged perfectly- but it was hardly anything to worry over. Besides. This was about Hifumi trying to take care of him, not the other way around. He said, putting on his best face of innocence- “‘Course I have! Why?”Jakurai, much to Hifumi’s dismay, didn’t seem to believe it. “You’ve seemed a bit out of sorts lately. I wouldn’t want you pushing yourself for my sake.”Hifumi didn’t point out that pushing each other had always been the theme of their lives. That it was what they’d very much just done, pulling each other to the peak of a new sort of glory.(Or in Jakurai’s case, an old taste regained.)“I’m totally-“ Hifumi began, only for his words to be struck from him with a feather-light touch. Jakurai pressed a soft hand to his forehead, which was about the most ridiculously unprofessional thing he could do considering they were in a literal hospital. “Sensei!” Hifumi exclaimed, jumping back on instinct and regretting it the second Jakurai’s hand withdrew. He totally could’ve played that one up. Was it too late to still try?He leaned forwards again, but before he could take back his chance Jakurai’s hands were already folded neatly in his lap. “Forgive me. But your occupation isn’t one that’s kind on the body. Work must be busy for you. You’re getting enough rest, aren’t you?”That was Jakurai for you. Always concerned- and fail that, at least interested.“‘M totally fine!” Hifumi asserted, “Fine enough to get myself to the hospital and bring you lunch!”Jakurai closed his eyes and took a deep breath, meaning Hifumi knew exactly what reply to prepare even before Jakurai chided, “Hifumi-kun. That really isn’t any reason to come to the hospital. Whatsoever. Come when you’re feeling unwell.”Hifumi made a face at the old argument. Jakurai hadn’t tried to bring it up in a while; Hifumi had more than hoped he’d finally given it up for good. “It’s fine! ‘Cuz I come to see you!”Jakurai let out a long exhale- though it was a far cry from his usual exasperated sigh. The amusement in it was palpable, the fondness true. If Hifumi had to compare it to anything, it would be the first breath of chill autumn air that puffed white on your lips, not yet frigid but just exhilarating enough to carry a reminder you were alive. It was still very much exasperated, though. Even Hifumi couldn’t deny that.“You understand, Hifumi-kun, that one day you will very much need to come to the hospital for its intended purpose and absolutely no one will believe you.”Hifumi waved a dismissive hand. “Doppo will! And Doppo won’t let me die! If he’s awake, anyway!”Jakurai stifled a small chuckle, eyes lighting with the laughter he wouldn’t let leave his lips. Which was a shame, because Jakurai really was alluring when he laughed so genuinely. An expression that Hifumi wanted to capture and keep in a bottle to treasure, to uncap when the days were bad and bottle again from the font of it. It would be nice, Hifumi thought, watching the soft smile play over Jakurai’s lips, if he’d laugh that much.“That’s right. He certainly cares about you too much for that.”Hifumi nodded. He and Doppo had always been the world’s best tag. Add Jakurai, and they’d become the world’s best team. Not only in Hifumi’s mind, but tested out on the battlefield with a title to prove it. “And you’d believe me too, right, Jakurai-san?”Because Jakurai always did. Believe him, believe in him- whichever was fine. But he’d felt something, that moment Jakurai had handed them those mics and asked them to change the world together. Like he was willing to bet on them. And, before that, even- on him. “Yes,” said Jakurai on the tail end of an exhale too soft to be called a sigh, “I suppose I would. Though please don’t take that as an invitation.”Hifumi just laughed, mischievous in reply. He had no intent on going back to the hospital- once had been more than enough, thanks- but a bit of teasing never hurt. In return Jakurai just shook his head, having long since learned exactly to what extent Hifumi couldn’t be dissuaded. The fact he still tried sometimes was far more a testament to his perseverance than Hifumi’s.Their silence turned warm and gentle as they let it settle, mutual as their understanding. Even drowning in hospital white, it reminded Hifumi of that morning. Of waking pressed close to someone dear, of relishing in the lazy hours, of the promise of a breakfast shared soon, but not quite yet. Of something tender.But it was only allowed to last a moment. Jakurai scraped back his chair soft against the tile as he stood, and a quick glance at the clock by the door told Hifumi all he needed to know.“I’ve lost track of the time. Thank you very much for the food and company today, Hifumi-kun. I enjoyed it tremendously.”Hifumi broke into a wild grin. “Me too! And no problem! See you tomorrow!”Jakurai sighed. Hifumi just beamed at him brighter, watching him chew down all his words of warning.“Yes, Hifumi-kun. See you again soon.”He waved Jakurai off as he made his way back to work, pulling the bento boxes closer with one hand but not bothering to drag his attention away from Jakurai until he was gone, white coat and long hair fluttering out the last traces of him. Only then did Hifumi finally glance down at what he had to pack up.“However.” Hifumi’s head jolted up, catching Jakurai’s gaze where his head was turned over his shoulder, paused with hand on the far edge of the doorframe- “If you need to see me… there are places other than work, Hifumi-kun.”And with those his parting words, Jakurai disappeared around the corner in a flash of lavender and white and the long, lingering impression of inviting blue.Hifumi stared after him a while, listening to the tick of the clock and the dull hum of the fridge and the eventual click of his teeth as he finally forced his jaw back shut where it belonged.He’d said that. He’d really said that, hadn’t he? Hifumi slapped a hand to his own forehead, just to make sure he hadn’t fallen into a fever dream. It was a tiny bit warm....Well, he’d definitely fallen in something, alright.Hifumi glanced back down, started cleaning up by rote and thinking nothing of his actions. But as he stacking the empty boxes nearly atop each other in his bag, he couldn’t help but think-That… that meant something. That had to mean something.
Time and place.
Jakurai wasn’t so much of a fool to think that Hifumi had really been ill. He’d never seen Hifumi with a cold, but common sense had to tell him he’d be playing it up for whatever attention he could get. Preferably not of the strictly medicinal kind. So.
Time and… place.
Ignoring the fact that Hifumi was still going to show up tomorrow for lunch because his objective was to get Jakurai fed, with the not insignificant bonus of getting to see him almost daily, Jakurai had basically just invited him out. He had, hadn’t he? Hifumi wracked his brain for anything he could have missed.It could have been…Or maybe...No, how else was Hifumi supposed to take that? He grinned, unable to stop the way it bloomed across his face as he hummed a playful note, picked up the bentos picked clean of all remains to wash for tomorrow.Miracle of miracles, fortune of fortunes- if that had meant anything, it might have just meant that he’d been right. Jakurai was interested in him, too. In the end, he did get that nurse’s number. Not because she tried to give it to him upon finally connecting the increasingly swirly letters of Hifumi on the notes he left with the lunches after switching over to hiragana on a whim, but because she was willing to mildly bend the rules and tell him what days this week a certain Jinguji Jakurai was absolutely getting off work on time. Though putting on his suit jacket may have helped the process. Just a little bit. If Jakurai ever found out, would he get scolded? Oh, definitely. But Hifumi hardly cared. Not when he burst into Jakurai’s office with a plan and the boundless confidence to execute it to perfection.“Let’s go!” Hifumi said, leaning over to seize Jakurai’s wrist and pulling him along. There was probably a lecture here somewhere about boundaries and respect and letting people finish their greetings before running up and stringing them along, but in the moment Hifumi hardly cared. As long as Jakurai got up and got going, nothing else mattered.Though if he protested, then Hifumi was still going to insist. It just meant he had to gather the willpower to restrain himself if necessary. Which, lame. Necessary, but utterly lame. “Hifumi-kun,” said Jakurai sternly, which made Hifumi freeze in place. Though he didn’t deflate yet. Half the time when Jakurai was firm with him, it only meant he was trying to keep himself from giving in. “Where in the world are we going?”“Dinner! Dinner,” Hifumi insisted, realizing that he had not, in fact, elaborated on his intentions this morning upon returning from besides a quickly-sent I have a surprise for you so keep your evening open!!!!! with no further of Jakurai’s questions replied to. Which, in retrospect, Hifumi could understand exactly what might have been open to misinterpretation. Especially given what Jakurai didn’t know that didn’t happen that Hifumi would very much like to repeat one day, though preferably without the alcohol. And potentially with a little something else- if Jakurai was agreeable, of course.But that was all a matter for another day.“Dinner, hm?” said Jakurai, finally- finally- rising from his seat, setting down his pen as he went. “It sounds like you have a place in mind.”Hifumi nodded vehemently. “And we can’t be late! So, let’s go!” Their destination wasn’t far; close enough that they elected to walk the few blocks rather than try and fight the evening parking. It was relatively quiet, all things considered. Nothing compared to the nighttime bustle Hifumi immersed himself in. Nothing compared to the cacophony of the morning rush Doppo complained so often about. But it was pleasant, and Jakurai let him fill the walk with mindless chatter the same way he gave life to their car rides or the long intervals between fish. And though Hifumi kept waiting as they wove their way through the crowd, certain that eventually Jakurai was going to ask for his hand back- he never did. Not even at the restaurant’s door, Hifumi dropping their hands reluctantly to hold it open and usher Jakurai through before following close behind.The restaurant was Italian- real Italian, no Saizeriya, no second-rate startup where everything was questionable save the pizza. He’d discovered it through a client, but since then it had taken on a life of its own to Hifumi. A place he found inspiration to cook, first and foremost. But, also, importantly- a place that Doppo wouldn’t mind Hifumi dragging him to even after a long Friday. Though even in his wildest dreams he’d never imagined it coming in handy like this.He’d made the reservation a week ago, figuring he didn’t want to keep Jakurai waiting for a table- and it turned out his bit of foresight had become good fortune. The lobby was packed, full of milling customers and couples that Hifumi was too conscious of their proximity not to notice. He clutched tight to Jakurai’s arm, one hand curling into the back of his jacket, a plea for stability he wasn’t going to find. Together they made their way to the head waitress at the reception. Hifumi braced himself to try and push his way through the reservation- but Jakurai stepped before him as if it was natural.“Leave it to me,” he said, soft under his breath, and took over seamlessly the words that Hifumi had meant to stutter out.He didn’t hear much if the conversation, all the unknown voices drowning in a wave of their own chaos. It was pointless to try and listen; blocking out the entirely of the world around him had always been the easiest way to cope. If nothing could reach him, then nothing could hurt him. (It was kinder than admitting he was in the verge of shutting down entirely, at least. Even if only to himself.)The bustle of the crowd slid back into the white noise; he lost the flow of the conversation to a senseless chatter of voices. But he did catch the deep snatches of the one closest to him. We have a reservation. Under Izanami, I imagine? No? Then under Jinguji, perhaps? A brief lull, a flutter of motion- and then they were moving towards where Hifumi knew the seating was.“Focus on me, Hifumi-kun,” said Jakurai, and a hand landed on his back, light and guiding as Hifumi focused on not tripping over his own steps.But by the time they made it to their booth, Hifumi felt normal as could be. So long as he focused on Jakurai, the world didn’t roil so much as it melted, the only spot of clarity the one person he needed to see.It was funny. He’d only ever trusted Doppo with that spot, before. He’d thought that was the way it would always be. Just the two of them, Hifumi with the one person he cared enough about to call for in the dark. And it wasn’t that Doppo had lost anything, not that he thought anything more or less of him than he always had. Just that the spot had widened a little. Maybe enough for two, if they crammed in close enough. One on each side, lined up like a team, a pack of wolves- Hifumi almost laughed at the thought. If he was in the center, they’d be doing a pretty terrible job of being Jakurai’s strength. Or his guard, at least.They slid into opposite sides of the booth, moving before places already set, but just as Jakurai lifted the menu, Hifumi pinned it back to the table. Jakurai met his gaze, brimming with curiosity. Hifumi met it with equal inquiry. “Can I order for us? I can, right?”Without hesitation Jakurai replied, “I don’t see any reason why not. You have an incredible sense for food.”Hifumi laughed, lighting up in a way he was growing far too used to. Doppo had no shortage of compliments for his cooking, but something about hearing it from Jakurai was different. Jakurai’s words were never meaningless, and while Hifumi wouldn’t call his praise sparing, exactly, when he spoke them they had weight. Like there was something more than interest behind them. Like Hifumi really hadn’t been reading him wrong despite all his opaqueness.Their server, luckily enough, was male- Hifumi hadn’t really thought about what he would have done if they’d gotten a waitress and couldn’t conspiratorially lean over with the menu and point out what he wanted without tipping Jakurai off.“Would you like to order a bottle of-““Nope!” Hifumi interrupted with an undercurrent of frantic desperation. He wouldn’t let tonight be forgotten. Any other night was fine, any other dinner- but not this one.“Water will be fine for the both of us, please,” said Jakurai across the table. Hifumi sank back into his side of the booth with an unsubtle breath of relief. Not that he’d ever thought Jakurai would insist on wine, with the way he kind-of sort-of knew he got around alcohol, but still. The waiter retreated to deliver their order to the kitchen; Hifumi flopped back into his seat with a grin bubbling back up over him. All as planned. Stage two, ready, and... “I suppose I’m not allowed to ask what you ordered?”“Secret! Ruining the surprise is cheating!”Jakurai chuckled, warm as the candle flickering on the side of the table. Another expression that Hifumi wanted to keep but still saw all too rarely. “I see. I’ll look forward to it, then.”It would have been easy to leave things there- to let the topic shift away to something more neutral like Jakurai’s day at work or the vacation Hifumi had taken tonight at admittedly troubling short notice. But the memory of that lunch they’d spent in the break room leapt to the forefront of his mind, the phantom of a touch still lingering against his forehead.This had been his plan. The one doing the charming here was supposed to be him. He couldn’t let Jakurai outplay him at his own game. He turned his expression pointed, more than certain of his ability, and said- “As much as you were looking forward to tonight?”“As much as I insist on taking care of the bill.”
“Sensei-“
But Jakurai would hear no protest. “As repayment for all you’ve done for me. This wouldn’t cover even one of the meals you’ve made, but…”Well, he couldn’t turn that one down. Then he’d just end up looking rude. Not that he usually cared, but again. Charming. Hifumi never really had cause to believe in backing off, but if there was ever a time for it, that time was probably now. Besides. He hadn’t lost yet. “Seriously? Thanks! I’ll make something even better next time to pay you back!”“No, Hifumi-kun, that really isn’t…” Jakurai stopped and sighed, resting his head in his hand and rubbing his temples in a way Hifumi hadn’t seen since he’d first started showing up to the hospital unannounced on thin reasoning that only narrowly justified the results. Even if only to him. Hifumi broke out into a grin. Victory. “Jakurai-san?”“Hmm?” Jakurai lifted his head, returning his full attention to Hifumi despite what must have been a premonition of an oncoming headache. And how that would’ve brought things full circle, but-“Can you cook?”Jakurai blinked, briefly taken aback. That clearly hadn’t been what he’d expected. “I can, though I’m afraid it’s nothing compared to you. Why the sudden interest?”“No reason!” Hifumi said, then immediately undermined himself as he was unable to resist continuing, “Just thought it would be nice to try it or something sometime!”Jakurai seemed to consider that a moment, lifting his hand to his chin in that ever-stoic pose of his before proposing with utmost importance- “Then on our next fishing trip, should I bring lunch?”Hifumi couldn’t help the way he perked up at the offer. Nevermind that it was the offer he’d intended on making, but now that he had it, there was no way he’d ever turn it down. “You’d really do that?”“Of course. It would be the least I could do to repay you in full.”Hifumi resisted the urge to tell him he really didn’t need to be repaid in anything other than company. Instead- “Make sure to make enough for Doppo, too! ‘Cuz I’ll make sure he wakes up and comes with. Though I bet he’s gonna fall asleep on the trip anyway. He always does that! Food might keep him up, though.”Jakurai laughed, a low chuckle that filled the space between them warmly. “You should tell me what he likes. I’m sure I could try my hand at a dish or two.”Hifumi almost snorted, visualizing Doppo’s reaction to that. He’d lose his mind. In, like, three senses of the phrase. And probably yell at Hifumi for causing Jakurai trouble, or something, even though Jakurai was totally the one who offered, Doppo, geez-But before he could continue that train of thought, two plates landed before them with a warm click against the wood, steaming and savory. Immediately, with an expression of sudden understanding, Jakurai said- “Oh. This is…”“This is the restaurant I based mine on! Zuppa di pesce!” Hifumi chirped, pleased to finally be able to share the original with him.“It certainly looks impressive,” Jakurai said, and Hifumi nodded, gesturing with a hand for him to take the first bite. It was best still warm- or rather, Hifumi thought, just a step down from piping hot.“So? So? What do you think?” Hifumi hadn’t so much as picked up his own spoon; his eyes glittered in excitement. If he’d enjoyed Hifumi’s, then there was no way he wasn’t going to love the original. It was something with the seasonings, Hifumi thought. He’d never been able to get the flavor balance quite right, and had ended up just creating one of his own. It wasn’t the same, and until now it had been Hifumi’s secret, a hidden mark of his shortcoming. But somehow, here and now- it felt right for Jakurai to know.“It’s delicious. But…” Jakurai set down his fork; Hifumi’s heart dropped with it. Had he overstepped? He couldn’t think of anything else that Jakurai would bring up so solemnly. And it was true that he’d been visiting more often than not, that he’d been working his way into places and stories that perhaps Jakurai thought he didn’t belong. But when he’d felt that Jakurai appreciated the time they spent together in a way that could be something much more than just as simple teammates, it really had never occurred to him that he’d been wrong.“I think I much prefer yours.”Hifumi’s heart stopped. His breath caught, so sudden he couldn’t tell if it had been on an inhale or an exhale.“Jakurai-san!” It escaped him unconscious; the delight spilled over into the brightness of his tone. He was being too loud, heads turned- but Hifumi couldn’t bring himself to care in the slightest. “Sensei! You mean it?”“Of course.” Said without hesitation, no hint of dishonest flattery. Honest flattery though, designed to work its way straight to Hifumi’s heart like cupid's arrow? Definitely. “Then I’ll make it for you again! As many times as you want!”The extravagant and the simple and the comforting and the adventurous; the complex flavors that took Hifumi hours of toil in the kitchen and the snacks he could whip up with his eyes closed. As long as Jakurai liked them, it didn’t matter what it was. Hifumi would perfect it for him. And there was no better start than now.“Why don’t you come for dinner again?” Hifumi asked, leaning over the table as casually as he could manage. It was probably about as subtle as biting straight into a chili pepper, but it did the job well enough.For a moment Jakurai paused, and Hifumi could trace the lines of troubled thought that flashed across his eyes. “Am I forgetting a special occasion?”Hifumi shook his head heatedly and fixed him with the full force of his excitement. “Nope!”“And there is nothing that you think you owe me.”“Not at all!”Well- Hifumi might protest that one. As far as he was concerned, Hifumi still owed Jakurai his life. In the beginning- the very, very beginning- that had been half of the reason he’d followed Jakurai in the first place. That and all he’d done for Doppo since they’d met. But obligation had become gratitude had become fishing trips to lunches to dinners to Hifumi really, really just wanting to see Jakurai happy. And that, Hifumi thought, was more than reason enough.Across the table Jakurai glanced him over once, as if to assess his honesty. Let him look- he’d find nothing else. “Hifumi-kun?”“Yes?”“Why have you been doing all this?” Jakurai asked- not with hesitation, not with confusion- but as if to confirm, too polite to jump to the correct conclusion.If the answer had been any less obvious, then Hifumi might have laughed. It wasn’t as if he’d ever been subtle. As it was he said, earnest as ever, “Because I care about you! Lots! As much as Doppo!”Jakurai’s eyes went wide with surprise for just the faintest of instants- and then he chuckled. “That’s quite a bit.”Hifumi nodded with wild energy- he was glad Jakurai understood. Not that he’d been expecting otherwise. So he repeated, this time in words that couldn’t be misunderstood- “I like you. So come to dinner again?”Jakurai’s hand slid over the table and landed soft atop his. Hifumi met his gaze over the table. In it was nothing but fondness and a quiet, humble sort of joy that Hifumi hoped his returned a hundredfold. Hifumi flipped his hand over, squeezed Jakurai’s tight as the answer came-“Yes. As long as you’ll have me.”“Then can I have you forever?”“That’s quite a long time,” said Jakurai, in the sort of tone that could only be used by a person who’d broken one too many promises of eternity to believe in making another one. But he could still make a wish. Hifumi had heard it with his own two ears.“So spend it with us? With me?”Matenrou might not last forever- one day those walls would crumble, the teams that once ruled the streets and changed the world but a distant memory. But they could be eternal. So long as they stayed together unchanged, Hifumi thought, they could last.And, as if reading Hifumi’s thoughts-“Yes,” said Jakurai, “I’d like that very much.”