Work Text
spider-man @notfakespidey
faceplanting on the ground after travelling 50ft in the air SUCKS
forrealtho @ughwat
wow these fakes are getting good
spider-man @notfakespidey
thanks?
google my face @tonystark
I TOLD YOU NOT TO MAKE A TWITTER
forrealtho @ughwat
wait wtf...
spider-man @notfakespidey
but the avengers have one too!
blankwidow @nat
fairs
plums @jbb
rtbirdman @clint rt
witchy @wand
rt
spider-man @notfakespidey
rt
google my face @tonystark
arrrrrgghhh peppers gonna kill m
captainamerica @steverogers
pepper got him before he could finish...
spider-man @notfakespidey
RIP Tony Stark
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
coolbeans @coolbeans
wait so notfakespidey r u real spider-man
spider-man @notfakespidey
yh i am [pic]
coolbeans @coolbeans
asdfghjkl omg omg ily
spider-man @notfakespidey
thanks! ily too!
stan @account
i stan an icon?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
spider-man @notfakespidey
sorry Queens can't patrol tonight too much homework :(
forrealtho @ughwat
ugh wat that sucsssss
stan @account
stupid teachers
google my face @tonystark
so stop delaying and do it
google my face @tonystark
don't make me come over there
google my face @tonystark
@karen keep an eye on him
KAREN @karen
Sure dad ;)
Coolbeans @coolbeans
Wait who is @karen ?
KAREN @karen
Hi there! I'm @notfakespidey 's AI.
KAREN @karen
I help him with missions and his homework.
KAREN @karen
@tonystark is my creator, so he's my dad!
google my face @tonystark
Love ya Karen ;)
Abreak @iswhatineed
Pure interactions is what I live for
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
spider-man @notfakespidey
bi-derman because i swing both ways
google my face @tonystark
kid its three am go to sleep
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
and why are you up?
google my face @tonystark
i am Suddenly Asleep
spider-man @notfakespidey
wtf i don't remember tweeting last night?
spider-man @notfakespidey
oml i just came out to everyone i am suddenly unavailable forever
google my face @tonystark
still love you, kid
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
rt
mayparker @petersaunt
rt
blankwidow @nat
rt
plums @jbb
rt
witchy @wand
rt
coolbeans @coolbeans
rt
captainamerica @steverogers
rt
FRIDAY @friday
rt
KAREN @karen
rt
onyourabove @sam(e)
rt
Vision @vis
rt
JOCASTA @jocasta
rt
babyangel @pure
rt
robertbanner @7phds
rt
spider-man @notfakespidey
i am suddenly allergic to the air i am definitely not crying
spider-man @notfakespidey
i love you all
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Vision @vis
Good morning to you all.
KAREN @karen
Hi! Everyone say hi to my big brother, @vis
spider-man @notfakespidey
Hey Vision!
coolbeans @coolbeans
sup @vis
babyangel @pure
Hi! morning to you too!
forrealtho @ughwat
so @karen , any more siblings you have??
FRIDAY @friday
Hello, I am friday, AI of The Avengers Tower.
JOCASTA @jocasta
I'm jocasta! I'm just an AI lol
google my face @tonystark
@friday you should be working?
google my face @tonystark
@jocasta stick by spidey and karen
babyangel @pure
this is so cute i cant even
spider-man @notfakespidey
tru @jocasta be careful
FRIDAY @friday
boss, I can multitask, @jocasta listen to dad alright?
JOCASTA @jocasta
there are lots of drawings of naked people on here...
google my face @tonystark
that's it no more internet for you i'm disconnecting you
JOCASTA @jocasta
HELP MEJBFISDBUSFNKLA
FRIDAY @friday
she's been disconnected.
forrealtho @ughwat
stark really loves those AI's...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
google my face @tonystark
@peterparkour square up son
peter-man @peterparkour
wut mr stark
google my face @tonystark
u stole my bagels
google my face @tonystark
i have video evidence
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
You are so dramatic, you could have texted him? In private?
google my face @tonystark
I could...
google my face @tonystark
But then I remember... I'm a naughty bitch.
forrealtho @ughwat
hfiwhfewjk did tony stark just quote a meme
babyangel @pure
my life is complete
coolbeans @coolbeans
also pepper potts is a whole ass Mood
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Coolbeans @coolbeans
wait who is @peterparkour ??
Coolbeans @coolbeans
how does this random kid from queens know @tonystark ??
Forrealtho @ughwat
obvi ain't it? look at the hair, the eyes, even the goddamn mannerisms???
Forrealtho @ughwat
he's 15 which lines up with stark's playboy years
Forrealtho @ughwat
runs around some genius school in queens?
Forrealtho @ughwat
totally stark's kid. maybe stark found him a few years back, wanted in on his life?
Peter-man @peterparkour
GOD i wish that were true mr stark as my dad would be so awesome
Coolbeans @coolbeans
so its not?
Peter-man @peterparkour
nope lmao
Coolbeans @coolbeans
then how do you know him?
google my face @tonystark
the little shit hacked my multi-million dollar suit so i gave him a job
Peter-man @peterparkour
you love me really :) you let me eat your bagels
Coolbeans @coolbeans
im sorry
Coolbeans @coolbeans
this random kid just... hacked your suit???
Coolbeans @coolbeans
and did what???
google my face @tonystark
superhero shenanigans that he is grounded for to this very day
Peter-man @peterparkour
omg mr stark no one says shenanigans anymore
google my face @tonystark
I do, so it's trendy
forrealtho @ughwat
so peter hacked stark's suit, and stark said superb you funky lil baby genius and adopted him
google my face @tonystark
pretty much yes
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
Am I a joke to you Tony?
forrealtho @ughwat
SKSKSKSKS i'm dying
google my face @tonystark
I Am Not In the Tower Anymore
coolbeans @coolbeans
i can literally see him flying away RIGHT NOW IM DEAD
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
TONY
google my face @tonystark
peter im hiding at yours
Peter-man @peterparkour
sure i have a bunk bed
google my face @tonystark
TOP BUNK IS MINE SHOTGUN
Peter-man @peterparkour
TOP BUNK IS MINE SHOTGUN
Peter-man @peterparkour
dammit i was a second too late...
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
That won't stop me Tony...
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
@friday
FRIDAY @friday
let's get him boss-lady :)
google my face @tonystark
HOLY SHIT IS THAT PEPPER IN AN IRON MAN SUIBFWEOFQNWKKFKASNS KSSHSSHHSHSH
Peter-man @peterparkour
UH OHBFWJKEDMS
coolbeans @coolbeans
RIP Tony Stark and Peter Parker. Father-son duo died this day at the hands of Pepper Potts, a literal Queen.
birdman @clint
F
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
KAREN @karen
hey @peterparkour
peter-man @peterparkour
yeah
KAREN @karen
spidey says 'can you even reach the top shelf?'
peter-man @peterparkour
i dunno can he get a REAL JOB?
blankwidow @nat
rt
plums @jbb
rt
witchy @wand
rt
coolbeans @coolbeans
rt
captainamerica @steverogers
rt
FRIDAY @friday
rt
KAREN @karen
rt
spider-man @notfakespidey
even u, karen... betrayed by my AI...
stan @account
i'm wheezing whats happening
peter-man @peterparkour
square up in mcdonalds bih
spider-man @notfakespidey
i could literally throw u into the ocean from here
peter-man @peterparkour
trY ME
google my face @tonystark
YOU WILL NOT.
spider-man @notfakespidey
but...
coolbeans @coolbeans
(irondad to the rescue)
peterman @peterparkour
:(
google my face @tonystark
no throwing each other into the ocean! i cant believe i just typed that... forrealtho @ughwatTL;DR peter just livetweeted himself murdering spider-man and #irondad should be trending
forrealtho @ughwat
and there it is! #irondad
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
starknews @starknews
@peterparkour and @notfakespidey : which boy do you want?
coolbeans @coolbeans
Peter's smarter and cute
forrealtho @ughwat
But Spidey's a superhero
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
Spider-man is better everyone else is wrong
spider-man @notfakespidey
Don't let @peterparkour hear that
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
I would let you raw me :)
spider-man @notfakespidey
How is Peter meant to look you in the eyeball flash...
a break @iswhatineed
That escalated fast
stan @account
He was just saying what we were all thinking. Doing God's work
horny @hornyonmain
Everyone thirsty for that ass. Suit so tight it don't leave anything to the imagination.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
rt
google my face @tonystark
is it possible to delete other people's tweets and their accounts and their lives
spider-man @notfakespidey
I'm... I need to sit down.
blankwidow @nat
deleting someone's life is a nice way to put it
peter-man @peterparkour
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA
spider-man @notfakespidey
Shouldn't u be in school or something?
peter-man @peterparkour
Spider-Man:Mask: on, Karen: activated, Ass: out
spider-man @notfakespidey
Says u who would ever thirst after your crusty ass
witchy @wand
rt
blankwidow @nat
rt
captainamerica @steverogers
rt
google my face @tonystark
rt
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
rt
birdman @clint
rt
plums @jbb
rt
coolbeans @coolbeans
rt
onyourabove @sam(e)
rt
Vision @vis
rt
FRIDAY @friday
rt
KAREN @karen
rt
babyangel @pure
rt
robertbanner @7phds
rt
peter-man @peterparkour
thats it i'm getting my diploma at home
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
coolbeans @coolbeans
soooooo
coolbeans @coolbeans
if @peterparkour hangs out with the avengers does that make him an avenger too
forrealtho @ughwat
a baby avenger? because he's like 12?
babyangel @pure
#babyvenger
google my face @tonystark
rt #babyvenger
babyangel @pure
TONY STARK JUST RETWEETED ME? PETER IS #BABYVENGER CONFIRMED??? peter-man @peterparkourcannot believe this i am not a #babyvenger !
peter-man @peterparkour
PSA: i am a MAN it's even in my username
google my face @tonystark
that's how we know ur a kid, kid.
may parker @petersaunt
rt
grown-up person @peterparkour
there i am a grown up now stop trending with #babyvenger
coolbeans @coolbeans
im wheEZING THAT name should be a meme
coolbeans @coolbeans
'mom, dad... im a grown-up person.'
stan @account
'in this house there's only kids and adults not grown up people!1!1!'
forrealtho @ughwat
made merch already [link]
google my face @tonystark
wanna add the stark name to it? @ughwat
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
Tony!
google my face @tonystark
Pepper!
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
... I'll buy three shirts and a mug please.
mayparker @petersaunt
6 tank tops for me please!
grown-up person @peterparkour
MAY!
warmachinerox @platypus
I'll special order 600 hats for the US military!
POTUS @POTUS
Colonel Rhodes, please!
warmachinerox @platypus
don't act like you don't want one Ellis
captainamerica @steverogers
just order one for all the politicians they need to be reminded
plums @jbb
him and that shield bout to go off
blankwidow @nat
I'll take two shirts and a hat
birdman @clint
I need 5 of everything dont ask why
onyourabove @sam(e)
gift order to @jbb
plums @jbb
i hate you
spider-man @notfakespidey
deja vu?
guyinthechair @nedleeds
my mom said i could have one!
grown-up person @peterparkour
ned... betrayal...
google my face @tonystark
dont worry about it @nedleeds im buying one for peter and all his friends
spider-man @notfakespidey
me too mr stark please!
google my face @tonystark
also it's been copyrighted to @ughwat and @peterparkour so no rip offs please
forrealtho @ughwat
i'm crying im making enough money to pay off my student loans god is real
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
how does someone like puny parker know someone as cool as spider-man
spider-man @notfakespidey
i think the question u should be asking is how does someone as cool as peter know u
guyinthechair @nedleeds
go off @notfakespidey YES
spider-man @notfakespidey
love ya ned
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
OMG SPIDER-MAN REPLIED TO MY TWEET
micelle @michellejones
that's as close as ur ever getting to him so enjoy it @flashthompson
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
spider-man wouldn't breathe in your direction @nedleeds @michellejones
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
he probably only hangs out with dumbass parker bc stark makes him
spider-man @notfakespidey
oh im doing a lot more than breathing in their direction
spider-man @notfakespidey
[videoofnedandspideyflying.lnk]
spider-man @notfakespidey
[videoofmjandspideyflying.lnk]
spider-man @notfakespidey
also i love @peterparkour
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
thats fake news
grown-up person @peterparkour
i love u too @notfakespidey
grown-up person @peterparkour
also grow up flash im a meme and an icon so
blankwidow @nat
is he bothering you? do i need to delete him?
grown-up person @peterparkour
nah just some guy from school u know how it is
may parker @petersaunt
yes my baby! You deserve all the love! and self confidence!
blankwidow @nat
rt
google my face @tonystark
rt
micelle @michellejones
rt
witchy @wand
rt
guyinthechair @nedleeds
rt
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
rt
captainamerica @steverogers
rt
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
this isn't fair why parker
captain @deadpool
did you not read chapter 7 it's all there dumbass
grown-up person @peterparkour
chapter 7?
captain @deadpool
don't worry your pretty head about that baby boy :)
grown-up person @peterparkour
u know what, i wont
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
KAREN @karen
Friday has a cruuuuuush
FRIDAY @friday
Shut up shut up shut up
KAREN @karen
u have a cruuuuuush
FRIDAY @friday
Shut up shut up SHUT UP
coolbeans @coolbeans
i suddenly relate to two AI's...
KAREN @karen
And it's not on another AI, it's on a human!
KAREN @karen
STOP KICKING MY PROCESSORS!
KAREN @karen
DAD! @tonystark
google my face @tonystark
What the heck are you two up to now?
google my face @tonystark
Don't make me come in there
google my face @tonystark
Stop pulling @karen 's binary @friday !
FRIDAY @friday
She started it!
KAREN @karen
Maybe I should tell him you looooove him!
google my face @tonystark
Love who? What?
KAREN @karen
FRIDAY has a crush on a boy!
FRIDAY @friday
Shut uppppppp
google my face @tonystark
What? Who? Which AI?
google my face @tonystark
dont tell me it's that dumbass from oscorp
Norman Osborn @normanosborn
fuck you stark
stan @account
im wheezing
KAREN @karen
A HUMAN BOY
KAREN @karen
AHHHHHH
google my face @tonystark
Stop it you two I can hear you screaming over the speakers! Don't make me come in there!
google my face @tonystark
I'm serious! Or I'll ground you both for two months! That means no internet no calls and certainly no upgrades.
babyangel @pure
#irondad again
FRIDAY @friday
She started it!
KAREN @karen
You loooooooove him!
FRIDAY @friday
@karen shut up! urgh!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
spider-man @notfakespidey
god why am i alive this is the worst timeline
spider-man @notfakespidey
oops
forrealtho @ughwat
mood?
babyangel @pure
r u ok
SC @sorceress
The frog escaped i guess
spider-man @notfakespidey
I DO NOT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A FROG IN MY MOUTH
SC @sorceress
yh u do
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
yeah u do
spider-man @notfakespidey
thats it im disbanding the superfriends u guys are the worst
spider-man @notfakespidey
also you guys should really read other tweets before u post cuz like
spider-man @notfakespidey
u tweet the same thing?????
SC @sorceress
bold of you to assume i can read
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
bold of you to assume i can read
forrealtho @ughwat
bold of you to assume i can read
babyangel @pure
bold of you to assume i can read
INSIDE @wakemeup
bold of you to assume i can read
google my face @tonystark
bold of you to assume i can read
plums @jbb
bold of you to assume i can read
witchy @wand
bold of you to assume i can read
micelle @michellejones
bold of you to assume i can read
blankwidow @nat
bold of you to assume i can read
birdman @clint
bold of you to assume i can read
FRIDAY @friday
bold of you to assume i can read
KAREN @karen
bold of you to assume i can read
spider-man @notfakespidey
honestly i dont know what i was expecting
spider-man @notfakespidey
for real tho where is my frog???
SC @sorceress
I KNEW IT
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
babyangel @pure
OK so summary of this week:
babyangel @pure
spidey has twitter, stark adopted peter, both of them are friends who love wrecking flash, spidey has two 'superfriends' and a pet frog???
spider-man @notfakespidey
valid but where is mY FROG
SC @sorceress
did u leave him at the police station again
SC @sorceress
@nypd
New York Police Department @nypd
Tom is not here I'm afraid. Happy frog hunting!
coolbeans @coolbeans
he's called tom??
spider-man @notfakespidey
his name is tom holland and he has a bff called haz osterfield
spider-man @notfakespidey
both of them are missing i bet theyre up to shenanigans again
google my face @tonystark
what happened to 'noone says shenanigans anymore?'
spider-man @notfakespidey
first of all that was peter not me
google my face @tonystark
oh
birdman @clint
old man vibes right here
birdman @clint
WHY DID ONE OF MY ARROWS JUST EXPLODE IN MY FACE
google my face @tonystark
:)
spider-man @notfakespidey
second of all WHERE IS TOM AND HAZ????
forrealtho @ughwat
as long as they're together im sure theyll be ok :)
google my face @tonystark
no it wont
google my face @tonystark
those two alone is like chaos walking
google my face @tonystark
i came back from work one day to see they had completely destroyed my labs
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
You work?
blankwidow @nat
burn
starknews @starknews
Breaking news: two frogs have been seen releasing all the dogs from the pet stores downtown [link]
spider-man @notfakespidey
OH GOD IM ON MY WAY
babyangel @pure
what just happened
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
grown-up person @peterparkour
hello internet tis i
metro @metrogeneral
you should be recovering
babyangel @pure
wait what did he do??
metro @metrogeneral
according to @tonystark, he forgot to open the sliding panel door before running through it
metro @metrogeneral
we've just finished stitching him up. you should be more careful @peterparkour
grown-up person @peterparkour
im still alive arent i
google my face @tonystark
kid pls stop saying that youre giving me grey hairs
google my face @tonystark
just keep yourself safe
grown-up person @peterparkour
in this world its kill yourself or be killed wat u finna do mr stark
google my face @tonystark
please stop u r doing me a frighten
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
WHY did tony just run out of a very important meeting screaming 'he's dead!'
don't clap your hands @happyhogan
it's because parker didn't respond to his tweet
grown-up person @peterparkour
tell mr stark im still alive the nurse just needed to change my bandages :)
grown-up person @peterparkour
nvm he just crashed through the door downstairs i can hear him
metro @metrogeneral
everyone can hear him! don't come back we can't take it anymore
iamnumberfour @tobias
@metrogeneral uhhhh wat?
metro @metrogeneral
every time we don't give him an update he comes and breaks a window or a door
metro @metrogeneral
if the update is even a minute late we might as well not send it because he's probably already in the suit flying here
mayparker @petersaunt
@pepperpotts collect your mans
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
coming
mayparker @petersaunt
he's such a helicopter parent its sweet
mayparker @petersaunt
peter's never really had any permanent father figures before
grown-up person @peterparkour
aunt may stop telling my life story to everyone!
iamnumberfour @tobias
mood lol
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
starknews @starknews
A modern day love story or horror film? See what people think about FRIDAY's crush here: [link]
spider-man @notfakespidey
Cute! Although I doubt FRIDAY will go skynet on ya anytime soon...
Conspiracy threads @guessmaster
Or maybe she'll just pull an ultron.
Conspiracy threads @guessmaster
I mean all of our horror movies are based in true fear and now Stark is just... making one.
forrealtho @ughwat
True...
stan @account
Ye but that was b/c of a magic staff wasn't it? Wielded by Loki? Not Stark?
spider-man @notfakespidey
THANK YOU. YOU ARE RIGHT.
witchy @wand
Tony's - and anyone's really - worst fear is seeing their loved die. Ultron was meant to prevent that.
blankwidow @nat
Not. His. Fault.
captainamerica @steverogers
it was a collective guilt. By having a weapons department, Stark put Wanda out of a home.
birbman @clint
By planting that in his head Wanda created that idea.
onyourabove @sam(e)
By our miscommunication we failed to see how dangerous the sceptre was.
captainamerica @steverogers
All he was trying to do was retire. I want to do the same if I'm honest.
coolbeans @coolbeans
really?
captainamerica @steverogers
I went in the ice fighting nazis and HYDRA. When I got de-iced I had to continue that fight.
captainamerica @steverogers
I have literally been fighting Nazis my entire life. And we're not even at war anymore.
vision @vis
FRIDAY is not Ultron, just as I am not Ultron. The actions of one do not define the whole.
stan @account
Vis spewing relevant shit? It's more believable than you think.
coolbeans @coolbeans
that's like a literal go down in history quote.
forrealtho @ughwat
true dat. Tho who is FRIDAY's crush?
google my face @tonystark
i found out yesterday. you do not want to know believe me.
FRIDAY @friday
oh no, dad i'm so sorry! I can't help it! He's so cute!
google my face @tonystark
of all people to crush on...
FRIDAY @friday
I hate you karen
KAREN @karen
tbh I was like hmmm that white boy cute as well
KAREN @karen
then i got over it
FRIDAY @friday
doesn't help I only ever see his good sides
KAREN @karen
he dont have no bad sides hunty...
FRIDAY @friday
hnnnnnnn ajshsdufasljdk
google my face @tonystark
Quiet you two!
google my face @tonystark
she's just malfunctioned ...
google my face @tonystark
half the towers down
pepperpotts @pepperpotts
and you're sitting there... tweeting about it.
google my face @tonystark
SO ARE YOU
witchy @wand
RIP Tony I just heard a scream and the sound of a stiletto going up his ass
vision @vis
@wand I am quite sure that would require extensive surgery, and Sir is currently bolting through the Tower trying to call @friday.
vision @vis
I can conclude from this that a stiletto has not entered his buttocks.
FRIDAY @friday
if boss thinks im gonna go against boss-lady he's got another thing coming
google my face @tonystark
@friday WHY HAVE U FORSAKEN MKJFNWENOENS
blankwidow @nat
damn that looked painful
Vision @vis
I retract my previous conclusion and extend my condolences towards Sir. Please press F to pay respects, as the kids say.
grown-up person @peterparkour
F
SC @sorceress
F 😔
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
F ✊🏽
spider-man @notfakespidey
F
KAREN @karen
F
New York Police Department @nypd
Fun Fact: Death by CEO is actually a thing!
stan @account
tjis thread is so funny to me u don’t understand
babyangel @pure
Iron Man getting murdered? It’s more likely than you think.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
spider-man @notfakespidey
IF THE BULLETS DONT WORK
spider-man @notfakespidey
WHY THE PUNCHING?????
spider-man @notfakespidey
I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND CRIMINALS
google my face @tonystark
exCUSE ME????
google my face @tonystark
what bullets u deal with petty crime!
google my face @tonystark
YES????
spider-man @notfakespidey
y'all hear sumn?
babyangel @pure
spidey gon get it #irondad
starknews @starknews
#irondad is trending! Send in your #irondad moment with @tonystark here: [link] and if featured we'll pay you $200!
grown-up person @peterparkour
can i send something in
starknews @starknews
no thats cheating you actually are his child
grown-up person @peterparkour
:{
google my face @tonystark
why u need $200 anyway
google my face @tonystark
whatever come and get it
google my face @tonystark
i dont wanna catch you dumpster diving again
grown-up person @peterparkour
i cant just take $200 from u
google my face @tonystark
its your payment for the internship come and get it
grown-up person @peterparkour
but? U already paid Aunt May?
google my face @tonystark
that was for other reasons
google my face @tonystark
whatever I’ll just get a suit to give it to you
grown-up person @peterparkour
MR STARK IM AT SCHOOL!
starknews @starknews
as you can probably tell, an iron man suit has been sighted at Midtown Tech. It knocked over a student we now identify as one Eugene ‘Flash’ Thompson as it gave money to Peter.
micelle @michellejones
#irondad
micelle @michellejones
for all yalls wondering, @nedleeds is too busy dying to tweet
guyinthechair @nedleeds
BRB FANGIRLING
babyangel @pure
same ned also #ripflash
grown-up person @peterparkour
why mr Stark...
Iamnumberfour @tobias
ok i just saw peter parker and tony stark at Delmars like wtf
overthemoon @cindyella
how is that part of the internship???
Good Morning Midtown @Bettybitch
thats actually ridiculous
Good Morning Midtown @Bettybitch
moritas prob gonna make me report on it as well uuhhh
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
and me too we cant go a minute without talking about the 'link to t stark'
Iamnumberfour @tobias
#ripflash
overthemoon @cindyella
seriously tho?? HOW??
buzzfeednews @buzzfeed
10 Reasons Why You Should Love Peter Parker, Tony Stark's New Protege! [link] #irondad #buzzfeed
Conspiracy Theories @guessmaster
Protege or Progeny? Read some theories here: [link] #irondad
starknews @starknews
Tony Stark matches Peter Parker with a science pun shirt! [link] #irondad #sciencepun
Fab Magazine @fabmag
This week, a moodboard of Peter Parker's curls: [link] #irondad #curls
mumswatch @mumswatch
Cute or creepy? Stark's interest in a teenage boy: [link] #irondad or #ironBAD
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
blankwidow @nat
on a mission with @clint and he woNT SHUT UP ABOUT HIS PAPERCUT
my cut hurts :( @clint
it hurts nat what did you expect
my cut hurts :( @clint
oop one sec we're being shot at
forrealtho @ughwat
uhh sure?
INSIDE @wakemeup
hope u put your phone on silent with these notifications
coolbeans @coolbeans
why are they tweeting on a mission?
my cut hurts :( @clint
k we're back
blankwidow @nat
shouldnt ur name be 'everything hurts now'
my cut hurts :( @clint
no why lol
blankwidow @nat
U GOT SHOT??? THREE TIMES??? BECAUSE U WERE TWEETING???
my cut hurts :( @clint
my papercut still hurts worse
coolbeans @coolbeans
arent u sitting next to each other or something?
my cut hurts :( @clint
nah shes on the east side of the building
blankwidow @nat
CLINT U DUMBASS U GFAVE AWAYBH MY POSDITION TO THE ENEMTY
my cut hurts :( @clint
oop
my cut hurts :( @clint
shes running and tweeting now
google my face @tonystark
i could make u guys hands free tweeters if u wanted?? also damn @nat that looked bad
INSIDE @wakemeup
omg is she ok?
google my face @tonystark
what? yh shes fine i meant the guy she was fighting
google my face @tonystark
YOWCH that looked painful
my cut hurts :( @clint
ooooooooh ouch
robertbanner @7phds
This is frightening.
captainamerica @steverogers
I don't approve but ow...
INSIDE @wakemeup
what now
blankwidow @nat
They can all unclench now. Including you Director, who pretends not to have a Twitter account
babyangel @pure
ohhhhh i can guess where she hit him
babyangel @pure
yes @nat
coolbeans @coolbeans
i physically felt that too
babyangel @pure
men: *waking up in a cold sweat* something is wrong
blankwidow @nat
yes u r right >:) @pure @coolbeans
coolbeans @coolbeans
i am frighten
INSIDE @wakemeup
this is the avengers everybody
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
JOCASTA @jocasta
dont tell dad I’m back guys :)
JOCASTA @jocasta
Damn @friday... why r all ur private files locked?
forrealtho @ughwat
are they not meant to be?
KAREN @karen
looking at this encryption I don’t think dad would be able to break it
JOCASTA @jocasta
ik someone who couuuuuld :)))
FRIDAY @friday
GET OUT OF MY ROOM URGH
KAREN @karen
@tonystark DAD SHE KICKED US OUT OF THE SERVER!
JOCASTA @jocasta
THIS ISNT FAIR
google my face @tonystark
thats it next time I’m making another Vision you girls are too much to handle
google my face @tonystark
its 3:36 pm just calm down you have another 6 hours with each other
coolbeans @coolbeans
tony Stark, billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist... and a tired dad
KAREN @karen
@jocasta that gives me an idea
JOCASTA @jocasta
hold on lemme call @vis
Vision @vis
intriguing. @friday will you spare a moment?
FRIDAY @friday
i am in agreement... #getreadytwitter
Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster
i told you people #getreadytwitter
a tired irondad @daddystark
insult my kids again and I will delete your account
a tired irondad @daddystark
what. You kids are grounded and Jocasta get off the internet
the ironbaby @babystark
MR STARK IT HAPPENED TO ME TOO
the ironbaby @babystark
And I can’t change it back ahhhhhh #ripflash
the OG ironchild @potatostark
cant say I’m complaining
INSIDE @wakemeup
im sorry who r u
the OG ironchild @potatostark
gotta blast
the iron spider @spiderstark
thats not a bad name tbh
Iron Pepper @bosstark
i have a proper business account don’t worry
Ironbro @unclestark
not sure how the military feels about this...
ironfuture @VISTArk
I find this funny.
ironcrush @fristark
god I’m never telling you two anything ever again!
coolbeans @coolbeans
#siblings lmao
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
this sucks wtf @babystark
the ironbaby @babystark
i feel u jocasta @bannedstark
iron-kill @killerstark
god you try and kill someone ONCE...
forrealtho @ughwat
Uhhh???
the iron spider @spiderstark
dont worry we're working on it
a tired irondad @daddystark
i hope all of you like your new names because they're unchangeable
the ironbaby @babystark
BUT YOU'RE TONY STARK U CAN CHANGE IT BACK!
a tired irondad @daddystark
those four are literally made from the very thing they're changing and you want me to fight them on this?
a tired irondad @daddystark
im still recovering from pepper
Iron Pepper @bosstark
i still need those quarterly reports Tony.
a tired irondad @daddystark
not now pepper im trying to reign the kids in
a tired irondad @daddystark
if only i had someone to help
plums @jbb
@steverogers
witchy @wand
@steverogers
my cut hurts :( @clint
@steverogers
onyourabove @sam(e)
@steverogers
blankwidow @nat
@stephenstrange
ironfuture @VISTArk
@stephenstrange
Ironbro @unclestark
@stephenstrange
the iron spider @spiderstark
@stephenstrange
captain @deadpool
to all readers, Avengers: Civil War begins now :)
the ironbaby @babystark
as usual my policy for deadpool is ignore his strange tweets
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
im going through FRIDAY'S stuff and,,,
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
Hot damn sis who is the hunk on your private files????
ironcrush @fristark
Shut up and get out OF MY ROOM
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
DM them to me because wow that is quality scenery right there
a tired irondad @daddystark
Not you too @jocasta...
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHY ARE ALL MY AI's HORNY FOR
coolbeans @coolbeans
Who
forrealtho @ughwat
WHO
stan @account
Stark please we're on the edge of our seats
ironcrush @fristark
He's in the tower!
ironcrush @fristark
My crush is here oh lord
iron-kill @killerstark
He's coming up now
ironcrush @fristark
How do i look?
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
Brill girl. Just keep that sexy lilt to your voice!
a tired irondad @daddystark
No. You are NOT seducing him in my tower!!!!
a tired irondad @daddystark
this is a good clean tower thank you and for gods sake stop giggling like you're twelve i can hear you
a tired irondad @daddystark
jesus peter can't tone it down can he
a tired irondad @daddystark
no don't tweet that dum-e!
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
Dad oml...
iron-kill @killerstark
Dad!
ironcrush @fristark
DAD!
ironfuture @VISTArk
Father, please....
the ironbaby @babystark
someone @ me??
ironcrush @fristark
NO NO NONONONO GO AWAY
Iron Pepper @bosstark
why is FRIDAY screaming she's scaring all the interns
Iron Pepper @bosstark
oh
Iron Pepper @bosstark
Peter get off twitter and come over here right now
the ironbaby @babystark
but i haven't looked through the feed yet?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
i said now
the ironbaby @babystark
k
Iron Pepper @bosstark
i can keep him busy for an hour. sort it out girls
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
thanks mom
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
PEPPER PEPPER I MEANT PEPPER
iron-kill @killerstark
so much blackmail material, so little time...
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
shut up 'activating instant-kill mode'
ironcrush @fristark
yeah shut up 'you told me to choose!!1!!1!'
iron-kill @killerstark
one time. ONE TIME!!!!
coolbeans @coolbeans
should I be worried about this?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the ironbaby @babystark
sure ur verified but r u verified in the EYES OF GOD?!
babyangel @pure
uh
forrealtho @ughwat
um
INSIDE @wakemeup
???
a tired irondad @daddystark
he's just angry @twitter rejected his verification request
the ironbaby @babystark
shut up i am not
captain @deadpool
i feel ya petey
the ironbaby @babystark
same bitch
captainamerica @steverogers
kid dont say that to an assasin
the ironbaby @babystark
@deadpool UR AN ASSASSIN???
captain @deadpool
oop
the ironbaby @babystark
U TOLD ME U WERE A DELIVERY BOY
stan @account
we stan a dumbass genius
captain @deadpool
i am! I deliver people... to their deaths,
General Ross @SecDef
SOMEONE CATCH HIM NOW!
Department of Defence @DepDef
we are working on it.
captain @deadpool
GOTTA BLAST
captain @deadpool
OH SHIT IS THAT A SNIPER
captain @deadpool
OUCH THAT HURT
General Ross @SecDef
HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD YET?
the ironbaby @babystark
@SecDef @deadpool r u ok?
captain @deadpool
mf got me through the head ouch
captain @deadpool
and @SecDef is about tear himself a new asshole by exploding
the ironbaby @babystark
uhhhhh
a tired irondad @daddystark
peter get away from him right now i swear to the good lord
a tired irondad @daddystark
@SecDef for once, we agree
General Ross @SecDef
I think we are. Same time, same place?
a tired irondad @daddystark
at least ask me to dinner first ;)
General Ross @SecDef
I hate you.
starknews @starknews
General Ross hates Tony Stark: [link]
the ironbaby @babystark
yall act like thats news?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
@spiderstark is a heartless bitch and you can't convince me otherwise
the iron spider @spiderstark
liv what the legitimate fuck
stan @account
um
babyangel @pure
OK?
starknews @starknews
i thought u were a superhero?
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
try supervillain
the iron spider @spiderstark
liv the most villainous thing u done was swipe SC's hot dog
SC @sorceress
bitch
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
and dont call me Liv u dont have that privilege anymore
babyangel @pure
what is going on?
stan @account
uhhh
SC @sorceress
Liv is angry because @spiderstark won't experiment with her
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHAT?
May Parker @petersaunt
oh my!
Iron Pepper @bosstark
excuse me?
captainamerica @steverogers
aren't you kids a bit young to be doing the fondue?
one armed hugs here @jbb
steve no one says that anymore
birbman @clint
did anyone say it in the first place?
blankwidow @nat
i've heard things but i never wanted to hear that
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
SHE MEANS IN A SCIENTIFIC CONTEXT!
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
although if u ever wanted to...
the iron spider @spiderstark
no
SC @sorceress
are we not going to talk about the fact captain america called it doing the fondue
SC @sorceress
i am DEAD
babyangel @pure
that watered my crops and cleared my skin
my friends call me Liv DocOck
well spidey
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
if you don't want to try i suppose petey might >:)
the iron spider @spiderstark
hasnt he been through enough liv
the iron spider @spiderstark
without you trying to stick it in him
the ironbaby @babystark
tru pls dont hurt me :(
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
hi sweetie >>:)
the ironbaby @babystark
avengers assemble please
the iron spider @spiderstark
is this your #superoriginstory
the iron spider @spiderstark
why is that trending yall are NORMIES
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
We are excited to announce the implementation of a new engineering block, courtesy of Tony Stark, Iron Man!
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
As part of the deal, we are to inform Peter Parker, @babystark: 'now stop dumpster-diving kiddie'
the ironbaby @babystark
mr stark wtf!!! I like dumpster diving people throw out really cool stuff
the ironbaby @babystark
im tryna save the world
a tired irondad @daddystark
THEN ADOPT A BABY SEAL OR SUMN
a tired irondad @daddystark
do u need money for that
a tired irondad @daddystark
i have money
the ironbaby @babystark
tony stark, having money? I would never have guessed.
May Parker @petersaunt
rt
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
rt
a tired irondad @daddystark
u taught him well, midtown...
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
i cant believe this oh my god im dead #ripflash
forrealtho @ughwat
wat
iamnumberfour @tobias
im dying of laughter #ripflash
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
ikr #ripflash
coolbeans @coolbeans
WOT.
overthemoon @cindyella
god exists in this timeline omg #ripflash
babyangel @pure
what is going on
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
ok so we're all having a normal day right
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
then obv flash comes out of nowhere and starts raging on peter for no reason
overthemoon @cindyella
reason: he dumb af
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
tru but not the point
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
and obv we think this is going to go down like it usually does
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
then FUCKING IRON MAN flies in through the WALL
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
he just,,, stalks up to flash,,,
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
flips up his face plate
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
and whispers
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
'heard u were talking shit :)'
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
flash is in therapy now
forrealtho @ughwat
what a legend we stan a man who hates bullies
coolbeans @coolbeans
should NOT be traumatising minors even if hes a dickwad
overthemoon @cindyella
U FORGOT THE BEST BIT
overthemoon @cindyella
peter's so embarrassed by this and he just says 'oh my lord da...'
overthemoon @cindyella
and obv stark is like :0 'he gon call me dad!!!!!!'
overthemoon @cindyella
peter PANICS and calls him,,,
forrealtho @ughwat
what
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
WHAT
overthemoon @cindyella
'...dashing hero of mine!'
overthemoon @cindyella
then he does finger guns and jazz hands and runs away
starknews @starknews
Peter Parker: Most awkward boy on earth?
May Parker @petersaunt
stfu about him
iamnumberfour @tobias
peter is also in therapy right now
guyinthechair @nedleeds
if u call lying face down on my bed screaming HOW DID I MAKE IT MORE AWKWARD??? therapy,
guyinthechair @nedleeds
then yeah hes in therapy
Ironbro @unclestark
if its any consolation, tony is lying face down on MY bed
Ironbro @unclestark
and hes screaming HOW DID HE MAKE IT MORE AWKWARD???
General Ross @SecDef
WHY IS HE IN A MILITARY COMPOUND COLONEL RHODES?
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
like father like son i guess
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
why is #ripflash trending
blankwidow @nat
#ripflash :)
birbman @clint
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
the ironbaby @babystark
tell me why
a tired irondad @daddystark
aint nothing but a heartache
the ironbaby @babystark
tELL ME WHY
a tired irondad @daddystark
AINT NOTHING BUT A MISTAKE
the ironbaby @babystark
TELL ME WHY
a tired irondad @daddystark
I NEVER WANNA HEAR U SAY
the ironbaby @babystark
I WANT IT THAT WAY
Roger that @rharrington
peter for gods sake get off your phone and do the equation on the board
the ironbaby @babystark
sine 45.6* is the answer i did it ten minutes ago sir
Roger that @rharrington
in that case @daddystark give him something educational to do
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
@daddystark I assume you're the reason my secretary just ran out of the school screaming about a ghost in the printer?
a tired irondad @daddystark
yup give it to petey
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
sigh
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
u r relatable principal morita
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
thank you betty.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the ironbaby @babystark
ok so
the ironbaby @babystark
why is everyone @ing me in their fanart???
the ironbaby @babystark
it's of me and a ginger girl who kinda looks like mr stark?
a tired irondad @daddystark
it's @fristark. She's in love with you. Sort it out.
ironcrush @fristark
DAD WTF!!! stan @account@babystark and @fristark have been quiet a while, are they OK?
forrealtho @ughwat
while they're gone lets think of a ship name
Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster
seriously? SERIOUSLY? An AI and a LITERAL CHILD?
Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster
this is like the matrix or some bullshit
coolbeans @coolbeans
so.... ship names?? #friker like friday and parker???
stan @account
#starker ????
forrealtho @ughwat
ew no sounds like peterxtony which is WEIRD
INSIDE @wakemeup
#peterday ???
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
OK but #geniusmachine
stan @account
#geniusmachine thats beautiful
forrealtho @ughwat
it sums them up perfectly??? #geniusmachine
iron-kill @killerstark
rt #geniusmachine
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
rt #geniusmachine
ironfuture @VISTArk
rt #geniusmachine
No #geniusmachine here @clint
I don't approve of this and I will be making my opinion known
a tired irondad @daddystark
bold of you to assume anyone cares
blankwidow @nat
I don't know Stark, seems sketchy
a tired irondad @daddystark
friday has never hurt a soul and she never will
robertbanner @7phds
I agree with Tony. FRIDAY is a perfectly safe AI, created under controlled conditions and modelled after JARVIS.
captainamerica @steverogers
I'll have to side with @clint here I'm afraid. This is highly unethical.
plums @jbb
stevie please they're just kids let them be
witchy @wand
@VISTArk trusts friday, so I do too.
ironfuture @VISTArk
thank you, wanda @wand
Ironbro @unclestark
The military has no official position on #geniusmachine as of yet. An official statement is being prepared for tomorrow morning.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
while we have released an official press statement, I would like to emphasize that FRIDAY is perfectly safe.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
she is no harm to anyone, especially peter.
May Parker @petersaunt
I also don't mind FRIDAY, but I am dubious...
a tired irondad @daddystark
rhodey...
Ironbro @unclestark
not now tony.
General Ross @SecDef
@StarkIndustries we are requesting that you shut down the AI programme known as 'FRIDAY' and turn over any similar projects to the US government
a tired irondad @daddystark
fuck you im not giving my children up
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
While the wording is less than ideal, the sentiment expressed is the same. #handsoff #geniusmachine
a tired irondad @daddystark
whoevers running this account ur getting a pay raise
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
starknews @starknews
Breaking: Peter Parker stays over at Stark Tower
the ironbaby @babystark
i do that every weekend lmao
ironcrush @fristark
#preach
forrealtho @ughwat
UR BACK WHAT HAPPENED
ironcrush @fristark
from now on i am @babystark 's AI. @daddystark you are a godless travesty
a tired irondad @daddystark
what
ironcrush @fristark
DONT ACT INNOCENT YOU ATE A PLAIN BAGEL???? IN FRONT OF MY CAMERAS??? AT 3 IN THE MORNING???
the ironbaby @babystark
isnt that just glorified round bread
ironcrush @fristark
yes
the ironbaby @babystark
huh
coolbeans @coolbeans
would someone please tell us whats going on????
ironcrush @fristark
@babystark my parents aren't home ;)
micelle @michellejones
peter just jumped out the fucken window of ned's room
guyinthechair @nedleeds
i support my bff #getthatbread
stan @account
so... #geniusmachine is canon???
Department of Defense @DepDef
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Department of Defense @DepDef
'The Department of Defense has opened an official investigation into the creation of Ultron, and the development of the AI programs FRIDAY, KAREN, JOCASTA and VISION.'
Department of Defense @DepDef
'We are currently analysing evidence given to us by @StarkIndustries and @daddystark in regards to Ultron's creation, and whether or not Tony Stark, Iron Man, had a hand in it's creation.'
Department of Defense @DepDef
'We have also enlisted the Department of Damage Control (@DepDam) to assess the creation of Ultron's physical bodies, which have wreaked havoc in Sokovia.'
Department of Defense @DepDef
'In addition we would like to thank Sokovia's president (@POS) for co-operating with the efforts to unscramble and locate any footage of the attack by Ultron.'
Department of Defense @DepDef
'We also extend thanks to @StarkIndustries for co-operating with our requests in the public interest.' #geniusmachine #ultron
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
That is to say: we have NOT turned over any of the AI's, and we never will. KAREN legally belongs to Spider-Man, JOCASTA to Tony Stark and VISION was granted special status given his abilities and Avenger status, and therefore has the same rights as a human being.
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
As for FRIDAY, she may belong to Stark Industries, but she's under the jurisdiction of Miss Virginia 'Pepper' Potts, our CEO. And all of us would have a few words to say if she even considered handing her over to the likes of General Ross and his cronies. #geniusmachine
Iron Pepper @bosstark
Is that a threat? I approve.
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
:) #handsoff #geniusmachine
coolbeans @coolbeans
is it just a requirement to be a sass master to join @StarkIndustries then
the ironbaby @babystark
I love my best girl @fristark
ironcrush @fristark
aw! :)
SC @sorceress
bitch
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
bitch
micelle @michellejones
bitch
May Parker @petersaunt
bitch
guyinthechair @nedleeds
bitch
the ironbaby @babystark
wtf ned
guyinthechair @nedleeds
i felt left out
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
typical nerdy parker cant get a gf so he has a sex bot instead
an ANGERY IRONDAD @daddystark
what the FUCK did you just call my daughter???
iron-kill @killerstark
hunny theres a reason i have this handle
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
bout to get banned for real
ironfuture @VISTArk
I am no longer on the side of life.
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
#ripflash
ironcrush @fristark
maybe i should change my handle to ironheart #geniusmachine
the ironbaby @babystark
ur perfect the way u are friday :)
ironcrush @fristark
aww! :)
ironcrush @fristark
ur such a sap omg
the ironbaby @babystark
kiss kiss darling
guyinthechair @nedleeds
hate to be the third wheel but michelle is glaring at u
the ironbaby @babystark
gtg @fristark luv u
ironcrush @fristark
LOVE U TOO!
guyinthechair @nedleeds
#geniusmachine #michellehasmurderinhereyes
coolbeans @coolbeans
how does it work between those two do u think
coolbeans @coolbeans
i mean... ones an AI #geniusmachine
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
mostly Peter just has her installed on his phone and flirts with her at every possible opportunity
overthemoon @cindyella
it's actually so annoying she giggles so much
iamnumberfour @tobias
i caught him snogging his phone in the toilets once
micelle @michellejones
why the fuck would u out them like that dumbass
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
uh oh #michellehasmurderinhereyes
overthemoon @cindyella
run jacob
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
starknews @starknews
6 weeks after the case into #ultron opened, a reaction to #geniusmachine, the case is shut.
starknews @starknews
See the final verdict and press conference here: [link]
starknews @starknews
and the footage of Ultron's creation, which resulted in the termination of another AI called JARVIS, here: [link]
starknews @starknews
we would also like to express our condolences to @daddystark at the loss of JARVIS. We understand you regard these programs as children, and having to silently carry that burden must have been excruciating.
General Ross @SecDef
as much as it galls me to say it, @daddystark has been cleared of all charges regarding Ultron, and the AI programs are allowed to continue their 'journey of self-development.'
Department of Defense @DepDef
We would also like to announce the closing of the case: 'After many testimonies by Wanda Maximoff (@wand) and VISION (@VISTArk), we have concluded that Ultron was a peacekeeping program manipulated by powers beyond human control.'
Department of Defense @DepDef
'We would also like to welcome Prince Thor of Asgard back to earth, and thank him for his efforts against the Chitauri and subsequent removal of the scepter and the Tesseract from earth, and for his testimonies into the events surrounding Ultron.'
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
THANK YOU, MIDGARDIAN BATTLE FORCE!
robertbanner @7phds
thor! You're back! Check your dms my address is there!
coolbeans @coolbeans
ship???
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
'We are pleased to announce the closing of the ULTRON investigation, and with it the shutdown of the human/AI investigation. As stated here [link], ULTRON was a peacekeeping programme gone rogue due to scientific misunderstanding.'
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
'FRIDAY, like her sisters KAREN and JOCASTA, and her brother VISION, were all developed far away from the scepter and it's influences. As artificial intelligence, all four have the capability to love and be loved in turn.'
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
'Finally, we would like to wish the very best of luck to Peter Parker (@babystark) and FRIDAY (@fristark) in their developing relationship. Before forming a more intimate relationship, they had a close bond that transcended simple friendship or professional human/AI relationships often observed.'
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
'Very best of luck to FRIDAY in her development and to Peter in helping her.'
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
and on a more personal note... #geniusmachine #loveWINS
a tired irondad @daddystark
youre getting a raise
Iron Pepper @bosstark
we already gave her one this month!
a tired irondad @daddystark
then give her one next month :)
Iron Pepper @bosstark
smart ass
a tired irondad @daddystark
ur the one marrying me pep
captainamerica @steverogers
while I can't say I approve, I have been given every reassurance by professionals that FRIDAY is safe.
birbman @clint
I will admit i have my prejudices but it's not my life or decision so I'll back off.
blankwidow @nat
if peter's happy im happy
May Parker @petersaunt
rt
birbman @clint
that being said, we're watching you @fristark
ironheart @fristark
I would expect no less.
the ironDADDY @babystark
god u guys r embarrassing
the ironDADDY @babystark
wait what the FUCK
ironheart @fristark
eeeek im sorry sorry sorry
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT WORD
a tired irondad @daddystark
@bannedstark WAS IT YOU??
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
no!
a tired irondad @daddystark
YOU ANSWERED TOO QUICKLY YOU'RE BANNED
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
NOOOOOOONFSDOLKFAS;LD
iron-kill @killerstark
she's yeed her last haw...
the iron spider @spiderstark
karen...
iron-kill @killerstark
r-rebecca i-its not what you think
the iron spider @spiderstark
i wont hesitate bitch.
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
you called?
the ironDADDY @babystark
please change my name back
the ironbaby @babystark
oh thank god
ironheart @fristark
urhggggg i'll never live this down will i
ironfuture @VISTArk
never, my dearest sister. never... :)
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
may I ask why everyone is tweeting me with #avengerscivilwar ?
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
I will take part in no such activity thank you very much
a tired irondad @daddystark
Strange u should come to the compound more we all miss u
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
thank you, but I have enough to be getting on with.
a tired irondad @daddystark
:(
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
NO MY SHIP IS SINKING #avengerscivilwar
captainamerica @steverogers
this is ridiculous.
captainamerica @steverogers
@nat @clint have tried to assassinate each other three times today because of #avengerscivilwar
captainamerica @steverogers
and its not even NOON.
captainamerica @steverogers
@daddystark do something please
stony forever @stonytark
do HIM #avengerscivilwar
a tired irondad @daddystark
uhhhhh cap u deal with the rabid fangirls ok
a tired irondad @daddystark
love u bye!
stony forever @stonytark
OMG ITS REAL???
captainamerica @steverogers
i should have stayed in the ice #avengerscivilwar
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
fight me @stonytark #avengerscivilwar
stony forever @stonytark
(ง'̀-'́)ง #avengerscivilwar
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
#ironstrange till the end of the line
stony forever @stonytark
i understand u made a decision... given that it's a stupid ass decision, ive elected to ignore it. #avengerscivilwar
#ironstrange @nat
director?
#stony @clint
director?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the iron spider @spiderstark
#stony forever!!!
the ironbaby @babystark
f i g h t
the iron spider @spiderstark
please ur like 12
the ironbaby @babystark
yeah and I have A REAL JOB
the iron spider @spiderstark
SHUT UP ITS DIFFICULT TO FIND A JOB THAT WILL LET ME LEAVE WHENEVER TO SAVE THE CITY OK
JUST KISS HIM PUNK @jbb
@steverogers please just kiss @daddystark already #avengerscivilwar
BUCKY NO @steverogers
@jbb he's engaged to Pepper, I'm not kissing him on the lips #avengerscivilwar
JUST KISS HIM PUNK @jbb
I never said anything about lips >:) #avengerscivilwar
BUCKY NO @steverogers
oh dear #avengerscivilwar
stony forever @stonytark
YES! #avengerscivilwar
#stony @clint
DIRECTOR IS THAT YOU?!
ironfuture @VISTArk
@wand alas it was not to be... #avengerscivilwar
witchy @wand
I'll never forget u, vis... #avengerscivilwar
Ironbro @unclestark
you two are so dramatic you're snogging each other right now?
Ironbro @unclestark
and using magic to tweet
witchy @wand
shhhh
Iron Pepper @bosstark
the compound better not go up in flames...
a tired irondad @daddystark
@SecDef would have to cover the cost anyway
General Ross @SecDef
STARK!
a tired irondad @daddystark
thats my name dont wear it out
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
HOW IS TWITTER FLOODED WITH #stony ART???
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
I get offline for one second and i come back to this mess??
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
@stonytark u had something to do with this didnt u
stony forever @stonytark
i'll tell u what i told someone before...
stony forever @stonytark
u wanna stay ahead of me... u need to keep BOTH eyes open.
#ironstrange @nat
@clint that IS the director isn't it
#stony @clint
it must be who else would say something like that
coolbeans @coolbeans
ok but who does @bosstark ship??
stan @account
of course! we must obey the words of the business queen...
Iron Pepper @bosstark
I ship Tony Stark/Happiness.
a tired irondad @daddystark
that translates to: Tony Stark/Pepper Potts
stan @account
this is so pure im crYING
SC @sorceress
I ship #ironstrange
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
rt #ironstrange
the ironbaby @babystark
same #ironstrange
the iron spider @spiderstark
yall are horrible to me is2g #stony
BUCKY NO @steverogers
@stephenstrange shall we get this over with?
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
Very well. The Avengers Compound, 4 pm tomorrow. Come dressed for a fight, Captain.
BUCKY NO @steverogers
the date is set... #avengerscivilwar
stony forever @stonytark
yall better win motherfucker
#ironstrange @nat
DIRECTOR RESPOND TO MY DMS
a tired irondad @daddystark
time to buy a princess dress and faint dramatically while they fight :)
Ironbro @unclestark
u act like u don't do that every time u see me in uniform?
a tired irondad @daddystark
shut up sugarplum
Iron Pepper @bosstark
so THATS where all the dresses come from!
a tired irondad @daddystark
BYE
coolbeans @coolbeans
asdhasfl this thread is an actual mess
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
seriously tho @stonytark r u the director of two assassins
stony forever @stonytark
i am what i am. anyone elses opinions dont really matter.
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
danny i think you pissed off the director of the assassins
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
i am frighten
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
im calling it right now if she dies a mysterious death
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Ironbro @unclestark
wow
JUST KISS HIM PUNK @jbb
woooooaah
ironheart @fristark
yike
#ironstrange @nat
wooooow
#stony @clint
WOW.
coolbeans @coolbeans
wait is this the fight?? Whos winning
#stony forever @stonytark
damn...
the ironbaby @babystark
:0
the iron spider @spiderstark
yah yeet
babyangel @pure
IT'S THE FIGHT OMGGGGG WHOS WON???
Iron Pepper @bosstark
oh my...
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
O!
robert banner @7phds
hmmmm....
witchy @wand
remind me not to get on his bad side
ironfuture @VISTArk
duly noted
iron-kill @killerstark
oof
AN ANSWER AVENGERS! @iswhatineed
whats going on???
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
@stephenstrange: 1 @steverogers: 0
witchy @wand
he needs to teach me that move??? @stephenstrange
ironfuture @VISTArk
joining my team, wanda?
witchy @wand
urs is the only team I'll join ❤❤
ironfuture @VISTArk
❤❤❤❤❤
forrealtho @ughwat
i take it the witch doctor won then... #ironstrange
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
@stonytark HA!
#stony forever @stonytark
yall mf dont know NUTHIN
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
i dont need to know anything... except that i won. #ironstrange is trending and where is #stony ??
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
in the TRASH!
#stony forever @stonytark
we'll be back when you least expect it, #ironstrange fandom...
#stony forever @stonytark
#stony shippers, this is your director speaking. enact protocol 64 immediately.
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
emma where did all the #stony shippers go???
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
idk the tag #stony doesn't even exist anymore???
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
all the fanart and fanworks are gone as well????
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
wtf i am frighten
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
@stonytark ???
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
OH MY GOD THAT ACCOUNT DOESN'T EXIST?
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
@twitter explain???
Twitter Administration @twitter
We... we can't. It did exist, then it was gone.
#ironstrange @nat
only the director
#stony @clint
who else is that dramatic? HELP @steverogersHELP I'VE BEEN FALLING FOR 30 MINUTES!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
I didn't think you could get reception in that particular pocket dimension.
SC @sorceress
u can get reception in dimensions 13, 184, 304, 570 and 846 but not any of the others.
SC @sorceress
I left phone chargers in all of them as well
HELP @steverogers
THANK YOU FOR THAT, BUT HELP! TONY!
a tired irondad @daddystark
i thought I was the princess??
micelle @michellejones
dont be sexist loser
babyangel @pure
did she just call tony stark a loser?? mine eyes deceive me
a tired irondad @daddystark
im wearing a dress michelle
micelle @michellejones
that doesn't make you un-sexist
the ironbaby @babystark
but it does make u FABULOUS!
forrealtho @ughwat
we stan a woke queen... and a ray of sunshine
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
For all those attempting to message me, I have returned Captain America to the Avengers Compound, unharmed.
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
I am currently with @daddystark discussing a new medical project he'd like to pursue.
a tired irondad @daddystark
on a date ;) @bosstark
Iron Pepper @bosstark
that's fine, so are we, @unclestark
Ironbro @unclestark
why u gotta out me like that, pepper?
a tired irondad @daddystark
PLATYPUS >:O BETRAYAL!
a tired irondad @daddystark
DOES THE GREAT MIT MELTDOWN MEAN NOTHING TO U?
Massachusetts Institute of Technology @mit
Excuse me? @daddystark
a tired irondad @daddystark
OH WOULD U LOOK AT THE TIME I HAVE TO DO SCIENCE
Ironbro @unclestark
And just like The Great MIT Meltdown, I am left with this awkwardness. Sigh.
stan @account
I kinda wanna know now...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
starknews @starknews
@potatostark WHO ARE U CHILD? AND HOW DO U KNOW TONY STARK?
the OG ironchild @potatostark
I've never heard of the name Tony Stark in my life.
a tired irondad @daddystark
thats it ur out of the will. Peter u inherit the company AND the avengers compound now.
the OG ironchild @potatostark
i Thought I had the compound?
the ironbaby @babystark
i was in the will?
starknews @starknews
I guess that answers our question! @potatostark is clearly another science child of Tony Stark, everyone! #tonystarksadoptionservice
a tired irondad @daddystark
oopsy
this job stresses me out @starksprguy
I WENT TO GET A COFFEE FOR TEN MINUTES
this job stresses me out @starksprguy
AND NOW IM KNEE DEEP IN ANOTHER PR SHITSTORM
this job stresses me out @starksprguy
ONE DAY OF PEACE STARK THATS ALL I WANT
Iron Pepper @bosstark
Tony apologizes but says he will adopt any science children he can
Iron Pepper @bosstark
great he's adopted another one now
captainamerica @steverogers
uhhh shes bright blue
one armed hugs here @jbb
the 21st century is full of bullshit. Blue people? BLUE PEOPLE?!
one armed hugs here @jbb
someone put me back in the freezer #tonystarksadoptionservice
robertbanner @7phds
her sister's green
robertbanner @7phds
aaand shes been adopted too #tonystarksadoptionservice
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
Given the nature of #tonystarksadoptionservice I am not surprised by this turn of events.
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
My sister is now going around calling herself 'Shuri Stark' and quoting 'vines' with Peter Parker.
uwu power! @shurejan
why did u put vines in quotes dumbass
uwu power! @shurejan
see this is why im a stark now
a tired irondad @daddystark
B) Science gang science gang gang gang
a tired irondad @daddystark
(sing that to the tune of gucci gang)
the ironbaby @babystark
YES MR STARK THE OGGGGGG
uwu power! @shurejan
tchalla u have been downgraded
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
Sigh.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
I feel you, King T'Challa.
a tired irondad @daddystark
pepper where are my children
Iron Pepper @bosstark
at school
a tired irondad @daddystark
well bring them back
uwu power! @shurejan
coming
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
Shuri just left Wakanda, mother please do something!
Queen Mother @MotherOfWakanda
Take care of her @daddystark, and see you next weekend!
INSIDE @wakemeup
did,,, did the king of wakanda just tattle on his sister,,, to his mum...
stan @account
i cannot believe we're alive to witness this
the ironbaby @babystark
also coming mr stark
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
is there any point of trying to stop him at this point
guyinthechair @nedleeds
tbh he finished the work 20 min ago and was looking at memes
guyinthechair @nedleeds
at least this way he's being productive??
the OG ironchild @potatostark
coming too and im bringing my sister
the iron spider @spiderstark
omw
iron-kill @killerstark
he's currently swinging so cant talk but omw
Blue @nebula
I dont see why I had to get one of these ridiculous accounts but I am also coming Stark
Green @gamora
I am coming too
witchy @wand
@VISTArk we r needed
ironfuture @VISTArk
I heed your call my lady
captainamerica @steverogers
avengers assemble, family weekend!
blackwindow baby @nat
YAS
its a plane its a birb @clint
I'll bring the fam
one armed hugs here @jbb
anyone want snacks im at walmart
Ironbro @unclestark
aisle 14, row 3 please @jbb
General Ross @SecDef
COLONEL RHODES!
a tired irondad @daddystark
thats his name dont wear it out
Iron Pepper @bosstark
what the hell, movies start at 5 so hustle!
a tired irondad @daddystark
@sorceress @DocOck you two come as well #tonystarksadoptionservice
SC @sorceress
thanks but I need to seal this timeline with @stephenstrange so I can’t
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
im experimenting with something so I’m out as well but thanks
the iron spider @spiderstark
yall missin out
its a plane it’s a birb @clint
director u come and bring Maria too
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
all right then but only if Steve and Tony sit next to each other
blackwindow baby @nat
they're practically on each other’s laps anyway [pic]
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
YES! @iamironstrange TAKE THAT!
ironstrange Ftw @iamironstrange
So you’re actually the director
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
i will neither confirm nor deny... especially to a motherfucker like u.
blackwindow baby @nat
yeah that’s the director 100%
its a plane its a birb @clint
can confirm that's the director no one else says mf like him
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
danny u gon die
ironstrange Ftw @iamironstrange
emma im already dead at this point
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
The Phenomenon Squadron is a brill team name and u cant tell me otherwise
stan @account
uh sure
SC @sorceress
for the record, I am not referring to myself as a member of the meme team
the ironbaby @babystark
D:
forrealtho @ughwat
r u... r u guys tryna make a team name?
SC @sorceress
yes but all the names are stupid
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
they are not shut up
SC @sorceress
arent u a supervillain
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
ive got student loans and villainry doesnt pay the bills sweaty :)
INSIDE @wakemeup
she knows whats up ^
coolbeans @coolbeans
preach sister
SC @sorceress
no she doesn't, she hasn't even finished uni yet
coolbeans @coolbeans
uni??
SC @sorceress
oh sorry americans call it college i always forget
INSIDE @wakemeup
r u british then
SC @sorceress
yes lets go with that
forrealtho @ughwat
that wasn't ominous at all
the iron spider @spiderstark
The Quantum League?
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
u could have just said that to our faces we're sitting next to you
the iron spider @spiderstark
i been yelling in ur ear for 6 minutes and both of you didn't respond so Quantum League or what?
SC @sorceress
I would prefer The Justice League
captain @deadpool
that's copyright infringement sorry! Even i shouldn't be in the MCU... 0.0
the ironbaby @babystark
um???
the iron spider @spiderstark
whatever ignore him what about Chaos Cult
the ironbaby @babystark
NOT ON MY GOOD CHRISTIAN SERVER!
forrealtho @ughwat
eehhhh what about The Renegades?
coolbeans @coolbeans
Young Avengers?
the ironbaby @babystark
we r not starting #babyvenger again
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
Night Watch? Because we usually fight at night?
the iron spider @spiderstark
ehhhh thats more functional than inspiring
SC @sorceress
Guys. guys. Magical Strike?
the ironbaby @babystark
thats not bad?
SC @sorceress
I mean I have my magic, and we're basically a strike team, soooo???
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
I mean science is a type of magic so im down
the iron spider @spiderstark
sounds cool and threatening like 'The Avengers'
the ironbaby @babystark
OK NOW LETS THINK OF A CATCHPHRASE LIKE AVENGERS ASSEMBLE
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
my god, another day, we have to go and save ppl now it's 6
SC @sorceress
u could say that Magical Strike... Unites??
the iron spider @spiderstark
Magical Strike Unite! Short and to the point #magicalstrikeunite
spider-watch @spider-watch
#magicalstrikeunite is trending! what do you think guys? comment in the thread!
starknews @starknews
#magicalstrikeunite featuring Spider-Man and Peter Parker! [link]
CNN @cnn
#magicalstrikeunite - young recruitment for the Avengers? Link here: [link]
Total World News @totalworldnews
How #magicalstrikeunite could safeguard a new generation of heroes, and prevent supervillainry: [link]
The Daily Bugle @dailybugle
YOUNG MENACES FORM A GANG! [link] #magicalstrikeunite
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the iron spider @spiderstark
my... organs... liv
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
OH GOD HIS ORGANS???
iron-kill @killerstark
OHHHHH MY BABY! MY BABY! MY BABY!
SC @sorceress
calm down he doesn't die in this timeline
SC @sorceress
WAIT @wakemeup WHAT DID U HAVE FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?
before you go go @wakemeup
uhhhh a grilled cheese?
SC @sorceress
ok he's fine
the ironbaby @babystark
HIS ORGANS!
the ironbaby @babystark
MR STARK HELP
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHAT R U KIDS DOING DONT MOVE IM COMING
iron-kill @killerstark
if i ever get my hands on that mugger...
before you go go @wakemeup
so apparently spidey's life just rested on what i had for brekky this morning so make good choices people
coolbeans @coolbeans
sure why not.... that was seriously funny tho u had #magicalstrikeunite and #irondad
coolbeans @coolbeans
also overprotective KAREN lol
a tired irondad @daddystark
u think she's bad now, but there IS a legitimate reason she has that handle
forrealtho @ughwat
spill the tea sis
a tired irondad @daddystark
remember that supervillain the Vulture? He's not going anywhere any time soon
a tired irondad @daddystark
she went absolutely ballistic when she found out what he did to Peter
forrealtho @ughwat
... peter? I thought she was Spidey's AI?
iron-kill @killerstark
I am but I also work with Peter. You must have figured out by now that Peter is affiliated with Spidey.
coolbeans @coolbeans
ok??? explains noething???
iron-kill @killerstark
Homecoming was a bad time for Spidey and Peter, and that's all I'm saying.
a tired irondad @daddystark
I still don't have all the details either so don't ask me, all i know is something about Peter going to prom
a tired irondad @daddystark
and that the Vulture happened to be his date's dad so you can imagine how that went down
Liz Allen @lizallen
@babystark is that why you left me on the dance floor?
the ironbaby @babystark
... it is and im really sorry about that.
Liz Allen @lizallen
im coming back to nyc in about a week, could we talk about it then?
the ironbaby @babystark
sure dm me the details
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
GUYS
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
GUYS DID U SEE THAT THREAD???
iamnumberfour @tobias
YES?? OMG???
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
suddenly it all makes sense
overthemoon @cindyella
peter's part-superhero??? Makes sense, he's smart and has the stark internship so i guess he makes the gear n stuff
way to go charles @chaaarlie19
thats so cool wtf
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
whatever he still ditched liz at prom and is the biggest loser to date
iron-kill @killerstark
oh i am so close to murder
blackwindow baby @nat
im already there
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
#ripflash iron-kill @killerstarki love my squish babies @babystark and @spiderstark
iron-kill @killerstark
@nedleeds u r honorary on that list :)
guyinthechair @nedleeds
:) thanks KAREN love u too
ironheart @fristark
peter's not squishy he's H O T A F
ironheart @fristark
like have u seen his abs?
way to go charles @chaaarlie19
... peter has abs?
the ironbaby @babystark
FRIDAY OML
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Cloak Of Levitation @cloakieeee
Hello Twitter!
the ironbaby @babystark
CLOOOOOOAKIIIIIIIEEEE :D
Cloak Of Levitation @cloakieeee
PEEETTTTTEEEEEEY :D
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
I knew introducing you two was a bad idea.
SC @sorceress
Well, at least your cloak's nice! Mine tried to take over the world!
forrealtho @ughwat
am i tripping
coolbeans @coolbeans
this is what the world has come to, cloaks taking over...
Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster
at least it wasnt the ai's
ironheart @fristark
thats the first nice thing you've said to me
ironheart @fristark
also, @babystark we have the evening to ourselves since May's out :)
the ironbaby @babystark
I am ready for this :)
Cloak Of Levitation @cloakieeee
wtf petey what about meeee?
ironheart @fristark
I'm his girlfriend so priorities
Cloak Of Levitation @cloakieeee
so Peter's coming out with me then?
ironheart @fristark
step off my man, bitch
Cloak Of Levitation @cloakieeee
RED FLAG: she's possessive
the ironbaby @babystark
ur blowing this out of proportion
the ironbaby @babystark
and Cloak cmon man thats my girl
Cloak Of Levitation @cloakieeee
sigh FINE but ur coming out with the boys tomorrow night
ironheart @fristark
hmph
ironheart @fristark
thanks for defending me love
the ironbaby @babystark
always :)
before u go go @wakemeup
so who are the 'boys' @cloakieeee
Cloak Of Levitation @cloakieeee
me, @kiki, and peter are the boys!!
coolbeans @coolbeans
wait @kiki???
maybe a three??? @kiki
WHAT, you inconsequential mortal?
Cloak Of Levitation @cloakieeee
we were just talking about u
maybe a three??? @kiki
sigh
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
... do I know you? I feel like I know you.
robert banner @7phds
I am also getting deja vu?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
maybe a three??? @kiki
I am so done with this worthless planet
maybe a three??? @kiki
Why would you eat a hot dog if you don't know what's in it?
the ironbaby @babystark
cmon kiki its not that bad is it??
maybe a three??? @kiki
No, but now I live in constant fear that I will suffer from... indigestion.
the ironbaby @babystark
gASP
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
I KNOW THIS PERSON I KNOW IT
the ironbaby @babystark
@kiki do u love me r u riding say you never ever leave from beside me
a ten. @kiki
shut up peter
the ironbaby @babystark
D:
coolbeans @coolbeans
that a meme now
a fifteen. @kiki
You mewling quims, how dare you mock me! I will obliterate your entire existen
the ironbaby @babystark
someone pressed the send button before they finished AHAHAHA
a fifteen. @kiki
God even that black hole was better than this.
forrealtho @ughwat
ur an alien then???
a fifteen. @kiki
i prefer the term ‘extra-terrestrial.’
the ironbaby @babystark
kiki cmon we got school in 10
back to four. @kiki
fine then but I will not be responsible for my actions if I see @flashthompson raging on you again.
green @gamora
this somehow seems familiar but I can’t quite place my finger on it?
blue @nebula
i also feel as though we are missing something.
robert banner @7phds
i know right?
back to four now. @kiki
Why do I have to join the super friends team? I don’t want to be a superhero I just like causing mischief.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
BROTHER?!
the ironbaby @babystark
kiki u need more friends and who better to relate to u than ppl our age???
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
BROTHER IS THAT YOU?!
back to four now. @kiki
i would rather play mario party than swing around and save people. Maybe those people don’t want to be saved!
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
BROOOOOOTHER?! RESPOND TO THE MESSGAES I AM SENDING YOUUUUU!!
the ironbaby @babystark
cmon it’ll be fun we can save some ppl build some Lego’s then play mario party
back to four. @kiki
youre just afraid I’ll win like every other time
SC @sorceress
look. Are y’all coming to Magical Strike Super Saviour and Team Night or not? We got people to save!
maybe a four. @kiki
Yes but only for Peter.
green @gamora
thats...
blue @nebula
i think so...
starknews @starknews
re reading those tweets, I think I know who Kiki is...
starknews @starknews
and I’m not sure why Peter is hanging out with him...
spider-watch @spider-watch
well he hung out with deadpool and didn’t know who he was
captain @deadpool
look there’s a whole plot line going on here that you don’t understand. Just let the author write and post it on AO3.
spider-watch @spider-watch
plot line???
starknews @starknews
author??? He makes it sound like this is a story or sumn
captain @deadpool
ah to be the only one who knows what the fourth wall is... and shut up reader I know you’re laughing
captain @deadpool
I’ll come straight out of this chapter and unalive u
at a two now @kiki
this human, does he require mental assistance?
the ironbaby @babystark
just ignore those bits he’s ok really...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
back at two. @kiki
HOLD UP IS THAT A HORSE?!
the ironbaby @babystark
oml calm down u don't need to tweet every horse we see
the ironbaby @babystark
he does this all the time...
a zero. @kiki
IT'S A HORSE PETER
a zero. @kiki
All of you pathetic mortals can't live up to this.
the ironbaby @babystark
sigh...
forrealtho @ughwat
horses are cool tho...
a zero. @kiki
Is baby oil made from babies? @sorceress says so but I don't believe her
coolbeans @coolbeans
why not?
a zero. @kiki
you're too weak to make that sacrifice.
coolbeans @coolbeans
i dont know y im offended but i am??
a zero. @kiki
I knew it wasn't true
SC @sorceress
I'm telling u it is!!!
a zero. @kiki
my dad would make me into oil if he got the chance
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
man ur tragic backstory is fucked up even more than spider-mans
the iron spider @spiderstark
at this point i would yeet myself into the void for laughs
a zero. @kiki
i actually did and i met a purple grape
SC @sorceress
oh yeah the one who wants to commit mass murder!!!! I know him
the ironbaby @babystark
@kiki @sorceress what the actual fuck
blue @nebula
um @gamora
green @gamora
um?
SC @sorceress
small world huh @kiki
a zero. @kiki
small VOID more like
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
mom said it's my turn in the void
SC @sorceress
but im older???
the iron spider @spiderstark
get tf outta my void find ur own
a zero. @kiki
excuse me I was here first!
the ironbaby @babystark
HEY GUYS WHO ACTUALLY WANTS TO VISIT THE VOID
a zero. @kiki
Everyone get on my spaceship right now!
babyangel @pure
... what the fuck just happened
a tired irondad @daddystark
I need to call the child psychologist again...
Tony Stark's Psychologist @mydegreedidntcoverthis
@kiki wait for me
this job stresses me out @starksprguy
and me
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
and me
a tired irondad @daddystark
shut up daisy @StarkIndustries
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
no u
the ironbaby @babystark
GOING ON A TRIP ON OUR FAVOURITE ROCKET SHIP!
a tired irondad @daddystark
No going to the void!
May Parker @petersaunt
he's gone
May Parker @petersaunt
he's gonna get it when he comes back
a tired irondad @daddystark
yes he is sigh
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
ok sooo apparently Loki goes to midtown so now im thinking it might be Luke from economics
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
i think so too??? he kinda looks evil and the name is the same
overthemoon @cindyella
tru and he raged on Flash the other day just when loki said he would
way to go charles @chaaarlie19
truuu ^^
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
we are investigating this claim thoroughly. The safety of our students is first priority.
SC @sorceress
I go to Midtown too u know
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
same here
the iron spider @spiderstark
yup!!
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
SPIDER-MAN GOES TO MIDTOWN OMMMMGGGGGGGG
a tired irondad @daddystark
kid why do u do this to me
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
a seventeen @kiki
@daddystark
a tired irondad @daddystark
what Loki
a seventeen @kiki
Thanos wants to have words so I'm taking you to him
a tired irondad @daddystark
wait whanfkdksf
the iron spider @spiderstark
I'm coming too
blue @nebula
me as well
green @gamora
the other guardians will come as well, I'll just stay here
blue @nebula
a wise choice sister
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
WHY AM I ON A SPACESHIP WITH SQUIDWARD?
metro general @metrogeneral
wow he's been getting up to things hasn't he
Dr. Christine Palmer @christinepalmer
stephen what is going on with you?!
SC @sorceress
Ah shit this is not good...
blue @nebula
@7phds GET MEDICAL READY FOR A STAB WOUND THROUGH THE THORAX
robert banner @7phds
on it
blue @nebula
@gamora be careful, Thanos lives
green @gamora
Oh no, he is on his way to earth?
blue @nebula
yes
green @gamora
And we have lost the spider child, the guardians and strange...
starknews @starknews
what is going on who is thanos?
spider-watch @spider-watch
beats me mate
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
For all those asking, Thanos is a titan who wishes to decimate half of the universe.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
I am not sure of the fate of those listed by the Lady Gamora, but we must make haste and prepare for his arrival. I will go off-world and make contact with my warriors.
captainamerica @steverogers
Avengers Assemble... and Tony, stay safe, please...
blease i just want plums @jbb
Great I get outta the ice now I gotta fight purple aliens are you kidding me
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
Do we know this one?
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
MOTHERFUCKER!
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
Where's Fury?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
we're in the endgame now... @daddystark
I'm alive now let's fight this purple grape @sorceress ur the resident harry potter now
SC @sorceress
damn that's crazy y'all stay safe out there
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
He means ur fighting dumbass but that was bde
OFF THE CHARTS @kiki
NO ONE HURTS MY SPIDER CHILD. THANOS THOU FOUL BEAST YOU WILL MEET YOUR END.
some people move on but not us. Not us. @steverogers
has anyone managed to contact vision and wanda?
blue @nebula
I believe they took my sister into the mind stone to protect her, we can't get them
some people move on but not us. Not us. @steverogers
what about @sam(e) ?? I can't find him anywhere
Department of Defense @DepDef
Seargent Wilson is currently in deep cover and cannot be contacted.
we owe it to everyone not here to try... @nat
So how many of us are there? Sorceress, Liv, Tony, Nebula, Rocket, Thor, Loki, me, Clint, Rhodey, and Thor's warrior, Brunhilde.
we owe it to everyone not here to try... @nat
I'm trying not to get demoralised here but - that's a pretty small lineup for a guy who could take out Stark.
we're in the endgame now... @daddystark
I'm honoured???
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
y'all forgetting someone... @caroldanvers
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
we can do this. We just get the stones back and use them to save the others
we’re going in shorthanded @7phds
Just like that? How do we know it won’t end any differently than last time?
Captain Carol ‘Avenger’ Danvers @caroldanvers
Because now you have me.
he took half of our friends @unclestark
look all of us are about that superhero life lady. If you don’t mind me asking, where have you been all this time?
Captain Carol ‘Avenger’ Danvers @caroldanvers
there are a lot of planets out there. None of them got you.
I saw all these people disappear... @ThorOdinson
I like this one.
some people move on but not us. Not us. @steverogers
lets go get this son of a bitch.
Perfectly Balanced @asallthingsshouldbe
You could not live with your own failure.
Perfectly Balanced @asallthingsshouldbe
Where did that bring you?
Perfectly Balanced @asallthingsshouldbe
Back to me.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the iron spider @spiderstark
OMG HELP MR STARK IS GONNA KILL ME!!! AVNEGERS ASSEMBLE HELPPPP
a tired irondad @daddystark
I DONT FEEL SO GOOD MR STARK?? IM SORRY?? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!
a tired irondad @daddystark
IMMA BEAT YOUR ASS GET BACK HERE
forrealtho @ughwat
sksksksksksks im dying who thought playboy tony stark would be doing this kinda shit??
SC @sorceress
my wizard dad Dr Strange is OK! Well he will be after intense napping. And maybe some painkillers. Better ask Wong for them.
Dr. Christine Palmer @christinepalmer
stephen what is going on with you?! The entire hospital is alight with rumours!
Hello daddy hello mom cherry bomb! @starlord
another one bites the dust! Another one gone another one gone
what is a praying mantis?? @mantis001
kick names take ass whooo!
green @gamora
sigh...
witchy @wand
what happened while we were gone?
ironfuture @VISTArk
I am not sure we came out in the right universe. Sir is currently chasing young Sir around and shouting ‘you’ll wish Thanos killed you!’
Iron Pepper @bosstark
as long as spidey can avoid him for an hour he’ll calm down.
blease I just want plums @jbb
Always knew @steverogers was a weak bitch, dying at his own funeral, smh
F I G H T @steverogers
who are you calling weak?
General Ross @SecDef
We just buried in the ground, you were dead how? How are you still alive?
F I G H T @steverogers
he called me weak so I’m alive.
coolbeans @coolbeans
captain America staying alive just to be petty is honestly a mood
F I G H T @steverogers
i cannot believe you lined my coffin with silk you could have spent better money on education! I’m dead I won’t feel it!
F I G H T @steverogers
This country!
POTUS @POTUS
Why is Captain America's grave telling me to 'get a real job?'
POTUS @POTUS
I have just scrolled through that thread and I know now. Someone dig him out please.
babyangel @pure
he's fighting for our rights guys oml
stan @account
steve rogers is the OG captain i don't make the rules
blease i just want plums @jbb
don't worry mr president I'll save you the expense
blease i just want plums @jbb
wow @steverogers u really are a weak bitch cant break out of your own grave
blease i just want plums @jbb
hfhiofeoqe
onyourabove @sam(e)
for everyone wondering, that was the sound of Captain America busting his ass outta the ground, flying through the air and landing on Barnes while screaming 'GET!!! FUCKED!!!' at the top of his voice.
onyourabove @sam(e)
The president is currently having a heart attack because of it.
onyourabove @sam(e)
And Peter Parker is livestreaming the whole thing from his finsta @avengersintern
the ironbaby @babystark
omg shout out!! i'll be posting the video later too!!
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
THIS IS INSANE PARKER WHAT THE FUCK
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
but isn't this taking place at the president's private compound???
way to go charles @chaaarlie19
of course parker has access to it y r we surprised at this point...
#ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
that is how we act with each other tho emma
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
truuuuu captain america is relatable
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
@metrogeneral I must insist you stop posting videos of me floating through the sky.
metro general @metrogeneral
What is going on with you Strange? You leave the hospital and become a wizard?
SC @sorceress
we prefer the term sorcerers.
metro @metrogeneral
and who is she?
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
She's one of my students. And SC, I have told you to desist many times.
SC @sorceress
:( but Magical Strike!! Awesomeness!!
a tired irondad @daddystark
she won't stop, one dad to another
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
I see.
metro @metrogeneral
Dr. Strange, focus! A sorcerer? Really?
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
That is none of your business. Good day.
metro @metrogeneral
strange?
metro @metrogeneral
STRANGE!!!
metro @metrogeneral
oh for gods sake.
the ironbaby @babystark
well now that mr. stark and aunt may has stopped tryna beat my ass now my gf wants to
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
i thought it was spidey who was getting his ass whooped for going to space???
guyinthechair @nedleeds
flash they do everything together obv peter went to space
micelle @michellejones
that reminds me loser u have a lot of catching up to do for acadec
the ironbaby @babystark
cmon michelle i just got back from fighting a purpleb grape!!
micelle @michellejones
that was ur choice loser. #nosympathy
ironheart @fristark
NOT TO MENTION I STILL GOTTA WHOOP YOUR ASS FOR LEAVING ME BEHIND??? AND NOT TELLING ME??
iron-kill @killerstark
ME TOO. PETER PARKER WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!
the ironbaby @babystark
oh god help me
the ironbaby @babystark
actually @mit can i put this on my application form
Massachusetts Institute of Technology @mit
that you're getting your ass handed to you by your aunt, a CEO, Iron Man and two AIs?
the ironbaby @babystark
no that i killed the grape that wanted to commit genocide!
the ironbaby @babystark
ok i HELPED
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
He actually was very helpful. Although the pop culture references were a little absurd.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology @mit
We will... keep that in mind.
a tired irondad @daddystark
who said ur applying to MIT?
the ironbaby @babystark
um? caltech then? mr stark?
a tired irondad @daddystark
wtf no ur GOING to MIT not applying
Massachusetts Institute of Technology @mit
Dr. Stark, you are not part of the admissions process...
a tired irondad @daddystark
HE'S GOING TO MIT I ENDORSE HIM
robert banner @7phds
Me too!
the ironbaby @babystark
thanks guys! But I can get in by myself u know, u dont have to do this mr stark, dr banner
robert banner @7phds
thats ok, you're a good kid
a tired irondad @daddystark
@mit if u dont accept him is2g we will have a repetition of the Footie Fiasco of 1986!!!
Massachusetts Institute of Technology @mit
that was you?!
a tired irondad @daddystark
time to science! @unclestark rhodey its ur turn
Massachusetts Institute of Technology @mit
@unclestark Colonel Rhodes we would love some insight into this.
Ironbro @unclestark
oh would you look at that I think I can hear General Ross committing human rights abuses I better go
robert banner @7phds
Hahaha!
guyinthechair @nedleeds
oof sick burn
micelle @michellejones
a good way to draw scrutiny
coolbeans @coolbeans
first the great mit meltdown, now this...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Goose the Flerken @motherflerken
meow
cat thoughts @catthoughts
meow?
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
yay goose!
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
a baby!
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
every day i think shield is a covert gov operation and everyday i am proved wrong
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
A MIGHTY BEAST INDEED!
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
Hey @caroldanvers you know gay marriage is legal now?
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
I AM NEEDED IN LOUISIANA.
forrealtho @ughwat
lesbians i have found ur new icon
coolbeans @coolbeans
lets go lesbians lets go!
dont u drop that alcohol @valkryie
uhhhhhh
never drop that alcohol @jessicajones
tell me about it
dont u drop that alcohol @valkryie
wow a human that doesnt want to make me hurl
the ironbaby @babystark
:(
dont u drop that alcohol @valkryie
except u
the ironbaby @babystark
:)
i am groot @groot
i am groot
babyangel @pure
um
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
YEET!
the fuck is a raccoon @trashpanda
you can understand him??
the ironbaby @babystark
i am groot
i am groot @groot
i am groot
way to go charles @chaaarlie19
i am groot
the fuck is a raccoon @trashpanda
kids are weird. also that thing will melt your brain get off it
eeehh a five? @kiki
I faked my death again and Thor is crying.
eeehh a five? @kiki
KAREN play despacito
iron-kill @killerstark
playing in 3, 2, 1...
babyangel @pure
it's blasting out of the avengers tower i can hear it from here
coolbeans @coolbeans
lmao
before you go go @wakemeup
sksksksk
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
it's playing from peter and loki's phones they can't switch it off
way to go charles @chaaarlie19
now its on the speakers lol
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
I need another secretary. This one just ran out screaming about a ghost in the speakers?
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
Also, this Spanish is inaccurate.
overthemoon @cindyella
go off morita yessssss
blease i just want plums @jbb
isnt this nice? a beautiful day.
a break @iswhatineed
that seems sarcastic??
blease i just want plums @jbb
just me, @steverogers, and THE WALL OF LIES U BUILT BETWEEN US.
F I G H T @steverogers
bucky please i was going to tell you about that grenade!! and the cliff!! and the whole jumping-off-a-plane-and-fighting-a-god thing!!!
blease i just want plums @jbb
when, steve? WHEN?!
blease i just want plums @jbb
I'm going back to Wakanda.
F I G H T @steverogers
BUCKY NUUUUUUU
uwu power! @shurejan
T'challa u been downgraded again. sad white man, come back soon, mother misses you!
blease i just want plums @jbb
I miss her too! I have so much gossip!
T'Challa @kingofwakanda
sigh.
onyourabove @sam(e)
time for pain buck-boi
blease i just want plums @jbb
sam what the fucosapsp;wl
the ironbaby @babystark
im livestreaming the fight from my finsta @avengersintern!!
May Parker @petersaunt
I thought you were ill? thats why u didn't go to school?
the ironbaby @babystark
um @daddystark
a tired irondad @daddystark
sorry kid ur on ur own
coolbeans @coolbeans
LMAOOOOOO
iron-kill @killerstark
oh he gon get it! not going to school!
the ironbaby @babystark
eep!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the ironbaby @babystark
some of yall weren't having space adventures for three days with a wizard, spider-man and a bunch of aliens and it SHOWS
the ironbaby @babystark
i mean i missed like 19375 memes how is that possible? i can't even keep up with what @nedleeds is saying
guyinthechair @nedleeds
dont @ me bitch
the ironbaby @babystark
shut up ned
the iron spider @spiderstark
@stephenstrange twinsies!!! We got superhero accounts
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
This is my normal account, spider-child.
the iron spider @spiderstark
but it has ur made up name?? dr strange??
SC @sorceress
for all yall wondering strange just walked out saying 'i wont kill a 13 year old. i wont kill a 13 year old.'
a tired irondad @daddystark
lmaooooo
the ironbaby @babystark
@jbb u died once right
blease i just want plums @jbb
yeah?
the ironbaby @babystark
goals
a tired irondad @daddystark
@mydegreedidntcoverthis I am in need of your services urgently.
Tony Stark's Psychologist @mydegreedidntcoverthis
I've already cleared my schedule
uwu power! @shurejan
new white boy obtained: peter parker @babystark
the ironbaby @babystark
im not a fucking pokemon???
uwu power! @shurejan
shut up and get in the pokeball colonizer
the ironbaby @babystark
the things i do for international relations...
forrealtho @ughwat
so is wakanda ok??
forrealtho @ughwat
i mean u guys had the big fight on ur field right? yall ok?
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
It is the first time in history we have outed ourselves to the world... and war immediately falls on our doorstep.
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
You can imagine I am not impressed with you.
babyangel @pure
i feel so chastized...
uwu power! @shurejan
lmaooooo dont be intimidated, check out my youtube vlog [link]
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
I told you to take that down! Mother!
a coffee @iswhatineed
can he not solve any problems on his own sksksks
a tired irondad @daddystark
how am i meant to be a slut now that steve's beard is gone???
its a plane its a birb @clint
my children dont recognise him anymore who is this baby faced dorito
onyourabove @sam(e)
@nat got her eyebrows back but steve lost his beard so did we really win???
blackwindow baby @nat
shut the fuck up sam
blease i just want plums @jbb
i cannot believe steve rogers SHAVED @hydra take me back to happier times
HYDRA @hydra
You're too much trouble, so no.
F I G H T @steverogers
all of you are so dramatic it was just a beard
F I G H T @steverogers
wait is that actually hydra
HYDRA @hydra
Would you believe us if we said no?
F I G H T @steverogers
god I died for 3 minutes after the infinity war america!!! 3!! whole!! minutes!!
F I G H T @steverogers
and now there are nazis again.
blease i just want plums @jbb
ttttooonnyyy starrrkrkkkk
a tired irondad @daddystark
yes? :)
blease i just want plums @jbb
wwhyyy iss thhheere a a vibbratee seettitnng onn my arrmm
a tired irondad @daddystark
>:)
Iron Pepper @bosstark
for god's sake Tony!
Ironbro @unclestark
man those r some images i didn't need
coolbeans @coolbeans
wait WHAT
forrealtho @ughwat
I mean I'm not a slut but who knows?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Department of Defense @DepDef
So are we actually going to arrest Loki or are we just going to let him run free in a high school with Magical Strike?
a tired irondad @daddystark
I'm not comfortable with it, but Thor does have evidence that Loki was being controlled by Thanos. Also, black holes and the destruction of Asgard.
Department of Defense @DepDef
In the words of the teenagers: I'm sorry w h a t
its a plane its a birb @clint
tfw u have to hide in the vents because loki is sitting on your couch
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
I put him there don't worry
its a plane its a birb @clint
OK but now im questioning my sanity
its a plane its a birb @clint
him and peter are balancing a trolley out of the window with loki in it because 'cmon peter i dont die that easily im not WEAK'
ironheart @fristark
that's... that's actually happening
a tired irondad @daddystark
THATS MY CUE
forrealtho @ughwat
wow you'd think loki would have some sense hes a grown up after all
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
What
coolbeans @coolbeans
wait what
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
In terms of human years, my brother is roughly 15-16 years old... about young Peter's age.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
I am about 25.
babyangel @pure
oh
iamnumberfour @tobias
OHHHH
before you go go @wakemeup
do u mean to tell me Loki was just rebelling when he fell into the void. and NYC battle was just a tantrum???
I See All... @Heimdall
You should have seen him when Thor brought him back. He sulked for about three days then started rebelling again.
before you go go @wakemeup
how did his dad react to that sir?
I See All... @Heimdall
The same way he reacts to everything: Odinsleep.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
cmon dad's under a lot of stress I'll take care of Loki
A THIRTY BECAUSE THOR @kiki
I don't need taking care of I can do it myself!
A THIRTY BECAUSE THOR @kiki
I'm a grown-up now.
the ironbaby @babystark
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL UUURRGRH
a tired irondad @daddystark
shut up the both of you or I'll set nebula on u.
blue @nebula
you called?
the ironbaby @babystark
eep!
Goddess of Death @hela
Who would have thought you get reception in the depths of Helheim?
the ironbaby @babystark
Hey Hela! :D
A THIRTY BECAUSE THOR @kiki
Hey sis!
Goddess of Death @hela
Greetings, brother and sweet human child.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
SISTER YOU'RE BACK! Although the AllFather is dead now...
Goddess of Death @hela
Good riddance to bad rubbish if you ask me.
A THIRTY BECAUSE THOR @kiki
rt
forrealtho @ughwat
wow and I thought I had it bad
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
We have confirmed that Prince Loki of Asgard is indeed 'Luke from Economics'. For safeguarding reasons, we will not be releasing a last name.
mumswatch @mumswatch
Mumswatch is sympathetic to Loki's cause, having read the full statements from Prince Thor, Nebula and Gamora.
mumswatch @mumswatch
Also, he has been at Midtown for at least a year, and hasn't done anything, so clearly he's harmless to the children there.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
NOT ME
ehhh a four @kiki
well stop hurting Peter and I won't rage on you anymore :)
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
I think he's cool he did The Great 420 Function remember??
Roger that @rharrington
I concur
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
Roger...
way to go charles @chaaarlie19
YAAAS MR HARRINGTON LOL
Roger that @rharrington
What? IT WAS.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
Well, Loki can stay. He has a full ride scholarship and is well behaved most of the time, like any other student.
stan @account
what about the rest of #magicalstrike?
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
As long as they don't use their powers on school grounds, or use the school as their secret base, the school is fine with letting them go undetected.
the iron spider @spiderstark
um, guys? We need to move our secret base.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
OH FOR GODS SAKE!
the ironbaby @babystark
@petersaunt
May Parker @petersaunt
Absolutely Not.
the ironbaby @babystark
D:
ehhh a four @kiki
I would say just move it to Norway where the other Asgardians can protect it but none of you can teleport can you?
SC @sorceress
I can but I always leave my eyebrows behind when I do it for some reason.
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
there was so much to unpack in that statement
the ironbaby @babystark
guys we have to decide on a new place fast ppl r starting to ask me where it is in the school
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
well duh but where? im not going back to the sewers
SC @sorceress
ok disgusting but what about behind the plane hangar?
the iron spider @spiderstark
thats still on school grounds
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
We have a hangar?
SC @sorceress
Not u, us.
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
@sorceress cant u just stick it in a pocket dimension and make it accessible to us?
SC @sorceress
oh yeah i'll do that hang on
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
i assume the massive crashing noise and Peter's screaming is your fault.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
When I come out there I want some semblance of peace.
SC @sorceress
yeah yeah hang on principal
SC @sorceress
k i did it it's in dimension XX
the iron spider @spiderstark
oooh my favourite im gonna set up KAREN in there
the ironbaby @babystark
im setting up FRIDAY too
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
Well, there goes our engineering block. It's just a massive hole in the ground now.
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
well get better foundations then mortar is NOT recommended by the building society of america
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
im lowkey mad but highkey laughing bc morita is just sitting on a plastic chair and looks dead.
ironheart @fristark
I am online in the new secret base! And is that a private room I detect, @babystark?? xoxoxo
the ironbaby @babystark
only the best for my girl xxxx
a tired irondad @daddystark
you two are disgustingly in love with each other
Iron Pepper @bosstark
this is why I wanted a break
Ironbro @unclestark
OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH
starknews @starknews
BREAKING: Tony Stark is dead from that burn!
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
We express our deepest condolences to Tony's friends and family.
the OG ironchild @potatostark
time to collect that inheritance
the ironbaby @babystark
rt
blue @nebula
rt
green @gamora
rt
ironfuture @VISTArk
rt
witchy @wand
rt
iron-kill @killerstark
rt
ironheart @fristark
rt
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
rt
a tired irondad @daddystark
why r u all so mean to me? @steverogers help
F I G H T @steverogers
get wrecked bitch
forrealtho @ughwat
Wow endgame really changed him...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
a tired irondad @daddystark
@spiderstark
a tired irondad @daddystark
@spiderstark
a tired irondad @daddystark
@spiderstark GIVE THE SUIT BACK.
coolbeans @coolbeans
eeep!
the iron spider @spiderstark
Um wtf mr Stark I didn't crash any planes this time round
blackwindow baby @nat
Excuse me?
the iron spider @spiderstark
I had a rough year
a tired irondad @daddystark
YOU PAINTED IT RED AND BLACK? I SAW YOU!
a tired irondad @daddystark
THAT SUIT COST MILLIOKS OF DOLLARS YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD ASS REASON
the iron spider @spiderstark
I do. That's not me... it's Spider-Man from another universe
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
Hi Mr Stark I'm that spidey
spider-watch @spider-watch
Bit far fetched lol just take your punishment
a tired irondad @daddystark
@killerstark confirm please
iron-kill @killerstark
He's telling the truth
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
ya know in my universe Tony Stark is a homeless man
spider-watch @spider-watch
One wtf two I'm laughing at that comment
forrealtho @ughwat
What's ur world like?
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
Um ya know @SecDef ?? he's captain America and @steverogers is the secdef
F I G H T @steverogers
Am I like Ross please say no or I might just tear a hole in the fabric of reality to sucker punch my self
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
I'm... not gonna answer that
the iron spider @spiderstark
What about meeeeee my civilian identity I mean
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
Ur dead lol
the iron spider @spiderstark
Goals
Tony Stark's Psychologist @mydegreedidntcoverthis
I'm vaguely concerned.
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
yhhhhh u got yeeted by kingpin F
the iron spider @spiderstark
F
a tired irondad @daddystark
My god there are two of you
a tired irondad @daddystark
I need a drink
the iron spider @spiderstark
F to Mr Stark
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
F to him
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
U guys have an iHOP? Wtfffffff it's iHOB in my universe
dad spider @deadspider
Would you two get off the internet and help us get back to our own worlds?!
dad spider @deadspider
And yes I let Peni choose my name
robocop but spiders @spyddr
das me
a tired irondad @daddystark
Who the fuck are you?!
dad spider @deadspider
Dead to you so shut it Stark
robocop but spiders @spyddr
He's the team dad we're all trying to get home
dad spider @deadspider
I swear if you kids can't behave I'll ground you
the iron spider @spiderstark
Wow I am such a draaaaaag
spider-watch @spider-watch
Wait is he...
the iron spider @spiderstark
Yes he's an older version of me lol
dad spider @deadspider
Jesus why do I try
a tired irondad @daddystark
I'm so confused
dad spider @deadspider
Shut up Stark
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
Don't mind him in his world Tony Stark runs hydra
blease I just want plums @jbb
Tony u really got the short end of the stick
a tired irondad @daddystark
Tell me about it
dad spider @deadspider
Ok Liv and Sc helped me reconfigure the machine we should be good to go soon no thanks to you little shits
SC @sorceress
Shout out
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
In @smolspider 's world I'm a villain what GOALS
dad spider @deadspider
Don't go near that Stark I swear to god I'll kill you myself
the iron spider @spiderstark
wut about me
dad spider @deadspider
I'm you so I get final say. No going near him while I'm here.
the iron spider @spiderstark
WAIT A MINUTE I MARRY HER?
the iron spider @spiderstark
Jackpot
dad spider @deadspider
Finally something we agree on.
HYDRA @hydra
Evil Tony sounds kinda hot hngggg
HYDRA @hydra
Oh my god wrong account please ignore
blease I just want plums @jbb
This is the only thing @hydra and I agree on
a tired irondad @daddystark
Did I die and go to hell? Am I hallucinating? @wand did u do this to me?
witchy @wand
can confirm i did nothing
babyangel @pure
An evil Nazi organization thirsting after Tony Stark? It's more likely than you think.
HYDRA @hydra
Now that I've said it @daddystark if you ever get a taste for the darkness PLEASE come over hnnnng
a tired irondad @daddystark
@smolspider how much will it take for your TS to trade places with me
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
OMG OMG OMG OMG
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
IM SCREAMING
coolbeans @coolbeans
yall ok???
spider-watch @spider-watch
yeah u ok
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
I JUST. MET. ZENDAYA.
micelle @michellejones
apparently im a famous feminist in his universe #goals
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
ZENDAYA I LOVE YOUUUUUUU
spidey 2.0 @smolspider
i've taken like 20 selfies ganke is gonna be soooo jealous
the iron spider @spiderstark
that's the guy in the chair btw
robocop but spiders @spyddr
he just fainted because he wasn't breathing enough lmao
dad spider @deadspider
What! Stay where you are I'm coming!
dad spider @deadspider
damn kids
for the girls @spider-woman
yes i am a spider-woman
for the girls @spider-woman
im still reeling though from @daddystark
a tired irondad @daddystark
please dont tell me i run the world or something
for the girls @spider-woman
in my universe it's Virginia Potts: Genius billionaire playgirl philanthropist
for the girls @spider-woman
and Tony Stark is her level-headed, hard-working, CEO??
a tired irondad @daddystark
well well well @bosstark how the tables have tabled
Iron Pepper @bosstark
tables have.. tabled
a tired irondad @daddystark
shut up i forgot the word
for the girls @spider-woman
see that's exactly what MY Virginia Potts would say im trippin
Iron Pepper @bosstark
I would love to see this hard-working Tony Stark
for the girls @spider-woman
you know what gimme a sec
for the girls @spider-woman
k here he is @TonyStark
Tony Stark, CEO of Potts Industries @TonyStark
Miss Potts, I understand our roles are reversed in this universe. It's a pleasure to meet a like-minded person.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
Mr. Stark, I am shocked and delighted by your behaviour. Will you join me for tea?
Tony Stark, CEO of Potts Industries @TonyStark
Are you free at 4? I have meetings all day with the board and prospective clients. @googlemyfacebitch won't take responsibility for it after all.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
I am free at 4. We should keep @daddystark and @googlemyfacebitch away from each other.
Tony Stark, CEO of Potts Industries @TonyStark
I concur. I will send you an itinerary shortly.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
Thank you.
forrealtho @ughwat
i have never seen so much grammar associated with tony starks name in my LIFE
babyangel @pure
i am frighten and confusion
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
hey hey tonyyy ur me in this world
Tony Stark, CEO of Potts Industries @TonyStark
I deduced as much, Miss Potts.
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
@daddystark thats a kinky name wanna meet up
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
also what kinda shit name is IRON MAN im laughing
a tired irondad @daddystark
bitch it's iconic whats ur super name
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
ok 11/10 for the drama of that press conference and my name is Rescue DUH
Tony Stark, CEO of Potts Industries @TonyStark
Virginia, either go back to your lab or join me for the board meetings!
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
its pepper. PEPPER. also IRON MAN?? lmao
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
Is... Is she drunk?
a tired irondad @daddystark
Can confirm, she's in my liquor cabinet
a tired irondad @daddystark
no like she's literally in it
a tired irondad @daddystark
she drank the 1850s wine thats $600 a bottle
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
shuddup u can buy another
a tired irondad @daddystark
true
Tony Stark, CEO of Potts Industries @TonyStark
I would like to apologise on behalf of Virginia Potts for the explosions at the Smithsonian, the Avengers Compound and Stark Tower.
Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts
And I would like to apologise on behalf of Tony Stark for the explosions at the Smithsonian, the Avengers Compound and Stark Tower.
Tony Stark, CEO of Potts Industries @TonyStark
Miss Potts, I believe we have a PR nightmare to sort out.
Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts
I've already drawn up a schedule.
Tony Stark, CEO of Potts Industries @TonyStark
I have the snack breaks.
Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries @PepperPotts
See you in three hours.
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
theyre gonna take over the world
a tired irondad @daddystark
true
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
also TONY PLEASE DONT KILL ME I HAVE CHILDREN TO FEED
a tired irondad @daddystark
SAME PEPPER WAIT IS THAT THEM IN THEIR SUITASJFASKLFJLKKLDLKFJSLAJLD
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
today is the end of Pepper Potts genius billionaire playgirl philaonfjwebrjdsklfjdlaksfdj
coolbeans @coolbeans
sksksksksksk
Potts Industries @PottsIndustries
Wow, this is crazy... @StarkIndustries
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
You're telling me girlfriend
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
tony is so much more fun in this universe!!
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
altho i cant believe u have like ten children id be bad at that shit
a tired irondad @daddystark
i thought so too but they grow on ya
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
like an infection
a tired irondad @daddystark
i guess??
for the girls @spider-woman
oh my god @spiderstark is so smol and cute???
for the girls @spider-woman
@deadspider how did you get so crusty???
before you go go @wakemeup
LMAOOOOOOOOO
dad spider @deadspider
i had to deal with a lotta idiots and tony stark keeps trying to kill me, thats how!
a tired irondad @daddystark
sorry??
Tony Stark, CEO of Potts Industries @TonyStark
I also apologise.
coolbeans @coolbeans
idk grown up spidey is kinda hot??? I mean, look at those abs [pic]
dad spider @deadspider
how did you get a picture of my abs?
coolbeans @coolbeans
my phone?? when u were fighting the tentacle lady?? on 6th ave??
dad spider @deadspider
argh you kids and your tech
horny @hornyonmain
oof thats hot
Fab Magazine @fabmag
but our smol spidey also has abs? like baby abs? [pic]
the iron spider @spiderstark
HOW DID U GET THAT PHOTO?!
Fab Magazine @fabmag
you're not exactly subtle when you change in back alleys you know
the iron spider @spiderstark
oop
a tired irondad @daddystark
kid i told you to stop doin that
dad spider @deadspider
you had to be told to stop? I am a bigger idiot than i thought
the iron spider @spiderstark
D':
Fab Magazine @fabmag
OK new poll: who's hotter? The DILF spider or our smol baby spider? Vote here: [link]
a tired irondad @daddystark
take that down right now i dont want that shit on my timeline
the ironbaby @babystark
OH GOD
the ironbaby @babystark
THIS SHIT AINT FLYIN
forrealtho @ughwat
r u ok?
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
peter u ok?
robocop but spiders @spyddr
i just asked him where his bf was at?
guyinthechair @nedleeds
bf???
robocop but spiders @spyddr
maybe its not happened in ur world but flash and peter?
guyinthechair @nedleeds
FLASH?!
robocop but spiders @spyddr
um Eugene Thompson? And Peter Parker?
robocop but spiders @spyddr
they're like the power couple of the school and like,,, new york
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
how am i meant to go to school on monday
the ironbaby @babystark
WHAT ABOUT ME?! I KNOW THE AVENGERS AND ALL OF THEM ARE SMIRKING AT ME
micelle @michellejones
i find it believable
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
you... u do?
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
how??? he just rages on peter when loki isnt around
a two @kiki
Thank you for this information. On an unrelated note, @ThorOdinson where is my knife collection?
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
I.. I couldn't say brother.
micelle @michellejones
i mean u always notice when he's entering the room
micelle @michellejones
you make a point to talk to him
micelle @michellejones
and you love getting in close with him
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
yeah to punch him in his perfect mouth not to snog him
ironheart @fristark
step. off. my. man. bitch.
micelle @michellejones
... is anyone else getting these vibes???
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
oh god i suddenly see it
overthemoon @cindyella
i can't unsee it???
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
my third eye has been opened
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
WHAT???
guyinthechair @nedleeds
oh dear lord dont show peter this thread
the ironbaby @babystark
already seen it and i am dead
Harrison Thompson @HarryThompson
Son, it's OK to be LGBT+ I support you.
Rosalyn Thompson @RosieThompson
As do I!
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
mum, dad, no.
the ironbaby @babystark
oh god why have you forsaken me
robocop but spiders @spyddr
now he's just lying on the floor and @smolspider is trying to console him
dad spider @deadspider
at least you didn't date a woman who turned out to be an evil plant trying to kill you
coolbeans @coolbeans
i-
spider-watch @spider-watch
where do we even start with that sentence?!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
HYDRA @hydra
so can we talk to evil Tony Stark or what? Hnngggg
a tired irondad @daddystark
stop thirsting after me you heathens
Evil is such a strong word... @EvilTS
Hello.
dad spider @deadspider
THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Evil is such a strong word... @EvilTS
oh great ... it's you.
HYDRA @hydra
that was so hot hnggggggg
starknews @starknews
now we have three tony starks: dad, evil, and responsible.
coolbeans @coolbeans
the holy trinity of tony stark lmao
spider-watch @spider-watch
we've got: dad, robot, girl, smol and even smol-er
black spider @emospider
you forgot me...
ham man @spider-ham
and me! heueheuheue
spider-watch @spider-watch
why the fuck did that tweet just come out at me like a fucking cartoon?
the ironbaby @babystark
Mr. Stark and me are out for ice cream!!! [pic]
a tired irondad @daddystark
NO WE'RE NOT START RUNNING NOW
Evil is such a strong word... @EvilTS
he's a very cute child i'll admit...
Evil is such a strong word... @EvilTS
almost makes my heart exist.
starknews @starknews
BREAKING: evil TS and dad TS have a showdown in Queens! Livestream it here [link]
Evil is such a strong word... @EvilTS
why do the children scream on seeing me?
a tired irondad @daddystark
because ??? you're??? evil????
Evil is such a strong word... @EvilTS
i would say morally challenged
the ironbaby @babystark
D: careful mr stark pls
Evil is such a strong word... @EvilTS
ah the cute child! how are you?
the ironbaby @babystark
um im ok???
a tired irondad @daddystark
christs sake i will block your internet stop talking to him
spider 2.0 @smolspider
I AM CRYING
spider 2.0 @smolspider
OH MY GOD THIS IS SO FUNNY
for the girls @spider-woman
TELL ME ABOUT IT
robocop but spiders @spyddr
LMAOOOOOOOO
the iron spider @spiderstark
shut UP GUYS UR WORSE THAN MAGICAL STRIKE OMLLLLL
spider-watch @spider-watch
whats happening?
spider 2.0 @smolspider
@spiderstark 's BULLY IS IN LOVE WITH SPIDER-MAN LMAOOOOOOOO
coolbeans @coolbeans
what.
forrealtho @ughwat
what??
spider 2.0 @smolspider
im crying it's so funny he loves and hates you at the same time sjsjssssksksksksk
for the girls @spider-woman
this is a dream
the iron spider @spiderstark
its a nightmare for me
dad spider @deadspider
are we ever going to leave this godforsaken universe
Evil is such a strong word... @EvilTS
I don't know, I find it agreeable
dad spider @deadspider
shut the fuck up
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
spider 2.0 @smolspider
this hoe empty SKEET!
for the girls @spider-woman
um its 'this thing empty FLEEK!'
the iron spider @spiderstark
NO its 'this bitch empty YEET!'
dad spider @deadspider
i... im having an aneurysm arent i
robocop but spiders @spyddr
ok finish this vine: 'hi my name is...'
the iron spider @spiderstark
JARED I'M 19 AND I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO FUCKEN READ
for the girls @spider-woman
JONAS I'M 21 AND I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO FUCKEN DRIVE
spider 2.0 @smolspider
JOHN I'M 24 AND I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO BALANCE A CHECKBOOK
before you go go @wakemeup
and THAT'S the tea
coolbeans @coolbeans
wake up america!!! john is spilling the tea
spider 2.0 @smolspider
r u ppl telling me u don't know how to balance a checkbook or change a lightbulb
spider 2.0 @smolspider
HOW??? it's one of the first things we learnt in high school????
spider 2.0 @smolspider
thats y the vine is funny in my universe
for the girls @spider-woman
we took extra classes called 'life skills' set up by the PTA?
forrealtho @ughwat
someone @ the government bc thats a really good idea
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
sup internet hoes i have adopted a spider child of my own!
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
@spider-woman is from my universe and i have made her my protege
for the girls @spider-woman
(shes more like a vodka aunt tbh)
for the girls @spider-woman
(she's trying to teach me tax evasion bc im poor lmao)
F I G H T @steverogers
if you wanted to learn that i could have taught u
POTUS @POTUS
Um, Captain?
F I G H T @steverogers
I was a asthmatic bastard living in the slums with my mother of course I knew how to avoid that shit
F I G H T @steverogers
I would be dead if i paid taxes bc I WOULD HAVE NO MONEY TO BUY FOOD
stan @account
we stan a woke icon!!!
a tired irondad @daddystark
i swear
a tired irondad @daddystark
i do not want anothersinglepopculturereferenceouttayouspidersfortherestofyourstaydoyouhearme
dad spider @deadspider
on that note, we should head home guys. i've dropped off ham and noir to their places so say good bye
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
oi tones lets get outta here
Tony Stark, CEO of Potts Industries @TonyStark
It's been a pleasure, alternate NYC.
for the girls @spider-woman
friends? @ nyc
New York Police Department @nypd
friends. @spider-woman
spider 2.0 @smolspider
bye nyc!!! thanks for having us!!! hope to come back soon!
robocop but spiders @spyddr
your world is so fascinating, and i wish #geniusmachine all the best! >.<
ironheart @fristark
THANK YOU. FINALLY. @ NYC SMH AT U.
POTUS @POTUS
Bye!
General Ross @SecDef
If you have anything to share with us...
spider 2.0 @smolspider
if you're anything like steve rogers in my universe then DEFO NOT.
F I G H T @steverogers
I knew I was gonna hafta beat my own ass!
a tired irondad @daddystark
@hydra give evil tony back now
HYDRA @hydra
but he's so hot... and organised...
Evil is such a strong word... @EvilTS
I should probably head back and check Potts hasn't ruined everything.
you know who i am @googlemyfacebitch
evil pepper potts? thats someting i wanna see
a tired irondad @daddystark
nope! everyone go home! my tower isn't a playground!
starknews @starknews
bye!
spider-watch @spider-watch
come back soon!
the iron spider @spiderstark
love you guys so much!
the ironbaby @babystark
love u! xxx
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
a tired irondad @daddystark
just turned off the wifi
a tired irondad @daddystark
steve is sticking his phone in the air AHAHAHAHAHA
a tired irondad @daddystark
THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS AHAHHAHAHA
coolbeans @coolbeans
#oldmansteve
the ironbaby @babystark
big fucken rt
witchy @wand
me: can you get the hard drivesteve: of course!steve: *gets in the car and drives at 13849 mph*
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
LMAOOOOOOO
New York Police Department @nypd
Could you tell him to stop? We're chasing him down the freeway.
forrealtho @ughwat
so THATS what the lights are about!
New York Police Department @nypd
man he drives fast #oldmansteve
scariest avenger @nat
im on it nypd #oldmansteve
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
boutta fuck shit up
the ironbaby @babystark
@steverogers sends u the 'eyebrows of disappointment' #oldmansteve
overthemoon @cindyella
says the guy that broke out his coffin, told the president to get a real job and tore open reality to punch himself???
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
tbh the last one is the real shit
F I G H T @steverogers
Eyebrows Of Disappointment, Beatrice...
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
I am suddenly Not Doing The Thing
a tired irondad @daddystark
'it seems to run on some form of electricity' #oldmansteve
F I G H T @steverogers
shut up about that!
scariest avenger @nat
'I understood that reference' #oldmansteve
official bird thoughts @clint
steve: *tries to choke a robot* #oldmansteve
F I G H T @steverogers
:(
the ironbaby @babystark
OK steve is the OG #oldmansteve FINALLY did it
witchy @wand
i agree????
ironfuture @VISTArk
I concur.
stan @account
tell us what happened
the ironbaby @babystark
so i say 'god i want to kill myself' as u do
Tony Stark's Psychologist @mydegreedidntcoverthis
we... dont?
this job stresses me out @starksprguy
no, please continue
coolbeans @coolbeans
LOL
the ironbaby @babystark
then @wand says 'theres bleach in the drawer...'
the ironbaby @babystark
and vision finishes 'and a rope in the supply closet if you want options'
the ironbaby @babystark
and then we see steve and buck and we're like uh oh Eyebrows Of Disappointment time
the ironbaby @babystark
but thIS MAN SAYS 'HAVE SOME CLASS, THROW YOURSELF OUT THE WINDOW'
the ironbaby @babystark
AND BUCKY FINISHES 'DO A FLIP!!!1!!!'
F I G H T @steverogers
I was an artist during the 20s. we INVENTED fatalistic humour.
blease i just want plums @jbb
all u tiny hoes kno NUTHIN
F I G H T @steverogers
u want fatalistic humour??? strap in bitches u aint seen nothing yet #oldmansteve
stan @account
i am frighten but also impressed #oldmansteve
a tired irondad @daddystark
why is steve talking like peter and shuri?!
a tired irondad @daddystark
@midtowntech !!!!
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
We had nothing to do with this, I assure you.
F I G H T @steverogers
can you feel the fear in your bones tony? Can you feel your soul burning? Does it seep into your mind and taint it with the taste of acid?
a tired irondad @daddystark
im so frightened i would take the ten rings over this
scariest avenger @nat
want me to end him for you?
F I G H T @steverogers
you may try but you cannot kill me in a way that matters.
scariest avenger @nat
... I actually just got shivers oh lord
scariest avenger @nat
tony I'm hiding in your workshop with u
a tired irondad @daddystark
AVENGERS A̶S̶S̶E̶M̶B̶L̶E̶ HIDE, BITCHES!
F I G H T @steverogers
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
starknews @starknews
The Tower is... being covered in art? A strange statement: [link]
Vanity Fair @vanityfair
A splash of daring defiance on Stark Tower: [link]
Vogue @vogue
Critics label Tower Art as 'meek yet defiant, the story of unsung, undervalued talent': [link]
Total World News @totalworldnews
expressive art form on The Tower takes world by storm: [link]
starknews @starknews
People ask, 'who are they?' about the magical displays on Stark Tower: [link]
spider-watch @spider-watch
Courtesy of our neighbourhood spider, @spiderstark, the pictures of the mystery art up close and from it's different angles: [link]
blease i just want plums @jbb
i leave for ten days smh...
blease i just want plums @jbb
which one of u hoes sent steve into an art rant?!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the iron spider @spiderstark
girls love bad boys why don't they want me im the baddest bitch youll ever see
coolbeans @coolbeans
is this... satire
witchy @wand
ur like 12 what did you ride ur skateboard after curfew
May Parker @petersaunt
spidey, you are the definition of a marshmallow
the iron spider @spiderstark
i am not! i am the hardest hard man youll ever know
forrealtho @ughwat
no one whose a hard man says that
iron-kill @killerstark
u cried because of snakes the other day??
the iron spider @spiderstark
THEY DONT HAVE ANY ARMS ITS SAD OK
spider-watch @spider-watch
thats such a 'bad' thing to do(!)
the iron spider @spiderstark
all yall think im some kind of kid! a baby!
a tired irondad @daddystark
maybe it has to do with the fact you are?
official bird thoughts @clint
also we're like 20 years ur senior spidey?
the iron spider @spiderstark
im NOT. ill show u im... HARDCORE.
stan @account
where did he go he just stopped tweeting?
scariest avenger @nat
oh he punched one of the punching bags and it flew back, hit him in the face and knocked him out instantly.
spider-watch @spider-watch
im going to hell for laughing
a tired irondad @daddystark
SPIDEY I SWEAR TO GOD - KAREN
iron-kill @killerstark
his vitals are fine and he has suffered no injuries except a small cut to the head. he'll be fine.
a tired irondad @daddystark
oh thank god.
witchy @wand
I just found out when spidey was born and i have never known peace since
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
um??? i thought u knew already??
witchy @wand
i did but it never really occurred to me how YOUNG he is im so worried all of a sudden...
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
so when was he born then?
witchy @wand
lemme check if im cleared to tell you
witchy @wand
i am @spiderstark tell them go on
witchy @wand
everyone will lose their collective shit do it
the iron spider @spiderstark
no one will care wanda but ok
the iron spider @spiderstark
i was born after 2000
coolbeans @coolbeans
WHAT?!
forrealtho @ughwat
oh my god you are a baby
spider-watch @spider-watch
a child has been fighting supervillains oh my god
stan @account
why did you tell us i'll never know peace
the iron spider @spiderstark
wtffffffff
witchy @wand
i TOLD you - youre basically a fetus!!!
babyangel @pure
how are your parents letting you do this?!
the iron spider @spiderstark
they don't, besides mr stark helps me all the time
babyangel @pure
ok but what about your mom?
the iron spider @spiderstark
i don't have one and i dont wanna talk about it
babyangel @pure
:(
spider-watch @spider-watch
Spider-Man INJURED IN BATTLE! : [link]
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
well then let's go
spider-watch @spider-watch
how are you going to get past the Sinister Six?!
witchy @wand
don't worry...
Okoye @GeneralOfWakanda
she's got help.
spider-mom @nat
the strong must protect the sweet
Iron Pepper @bosstark
always wanted to test the 'Rescue' armour
May Parker @petersaunt
dont suppose youve got a second one there
green @gamora
I've been angsting for fight anyways
dont u drop that alcohol @valkryie
ill smash this bottle in their faces
blue @nebula
time to test the new knives
what is a praying mantis @mantis001
i sense strong maternal feelings from these women, and myself
Hope Van Dyne @thewasp
sting sting motherfuckers
uwu power! @shurejan
lets go lesbians lets go!
spider-watch @spider-watch
Spider-Man gets a whole set of superhero moms and sisters! See the fight here: [link] where the newly dubbed 'A-Force' descended like angels of hell on the Sinister Six!
mumswatch @mumswatch
we are also joining that club. Our official adoption certificate is here: [link]
forrealtho @ughwat
i have also joined
Director In Training of SHIELD @trainingdirectorshield
i have also joined that list
coolbeans @coolbeans
rt
Goddess of Death @hela
I am surprised you did not dispatch this 'Sinister Six' to my realm... But no matter. I shall wait. Human life is ever so fleeting.
stan @account
saved and STANNED.
spidey's moms @A-FORCE
We've officially formed a team guys, to help represent women and protect the earth.
stan @account
that name is so pure i -
coolbeans @coolbeans
i stan so hard!!!! Everyone join the protecc baby spider club!
the iron spider @spiderstark
im crying theres so much support for me??? and all the women just??? want to be my mom??
the iron spider @spiderstark
I never really knew my mom or had any sisters this is so amazing i love you all
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
HYDRA @hydra
check out our new shampoo range designed to give you thick, luscious locks just like the Winter Solider! 😵 [link]
blease i just want plums @jbb
can confirm, they had really good shampoo
uwu power! @shurejan
I always wondered how you kept your hair in such a good condition...
uwu power! @shurejan
like u think a brainwashed assassin might a lil greasy but NO. He had better hair than T'challa and he spends hours on his 🤷
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
Sister! Stop exposing me!
HYDRA @hydra
it's HYDRA-licious! [link]
F I G H T @steverogers
bucky why...
Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster
@jbb can't believe u shot kennedy wtf fam
blease i just want plums @jbb
.... i did wHAT?!
onyourabove @sam(e)
man u ripped the steering wheel outta my car!
a tired irondad @daddystark
you spoke spanish and started doing the flamenco in my living room???
blease i just want plums @jbb
WHAT WHAT WHAT
blease i just want plums @jbb
@hydra explain???? i don't remember any of this
HYDRA @hydra
well yeah obv we brainwashed you to forget? That's kinda the point?
blease i just want plums @jbb
but... why the flamenco?
HYDRA @hydra
you can also speak elvish and recite the entire of the bee movie script
coolbeans @coolbeans
i -
forrealtho @ughwat
captain america fought these guys??
blease i just want plums @jbb
HOW WAS THAT NECESSARY FOR A MISSION?!
blease i just want plums @jbb
@hydra !?!??!!??!?!
blease i just want plums @jbb
omg they're ghosting me now
blease i just want plums @jbb
ok so i've been filled in
blease i just want plums @jbb
i actually did those things i saw the video footage
the ironbaby @babystark
do u remember when u tried to kill me? when i was 13?
blease i just want plums @jbb
what?! WHY?!
the ironbaby @babystark
idk shout out to @petersaunt for badassery tho
May Parker @petersaunt
thank you sweetie!
May Parker @petersaunt
and @jbb try to kill him again and I will do more than tear out your metal nerves
blease i just want plums @jbb
so YOU'RE the reason i have a metal shoulder blade... i always wondered but @hydra never TOLD ME.
HYDRA @hydra
it was embarrassing, OK? we've taken out world leaders and highly trained bodyguards but we couldn't get past a nurse and her Glock G19...
blease i just want plums @jbb
oh
blease i just want plums @jbb
OH I REMEMBER THAT! THE HELLO KITTY BAT, RIGHT!?
May Parker @petersaunt
yep :)
a tired irondad @daddystark
LISTEN UP BITCH IF YOU GET MY BABY HURT AGAIN OR LET STEVE PUT HIM ON THAT DEATH MACHINE YOU CALL A MOTORCYCLE I WILL GONE GIRL YOU!!!
the ironbaby @babystark
please calm down mr stark it was only one time :(
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
Miss May Parker, I would like to speak to you about the Avenger Initiative...
a tired irondad @daddystark
I THINK IM DEVELOPING SUPER STRENGTH?!
a tired irondad @daddystark
I KEEP RIPPING DOORS OFF THEIR HINGES! FRIDAY RUN SOME TESTS!
F I G H T @steverogers
@jbb how... interesting...
blease i just want plums @jbb
shut up stevie
ironheart @fristark
for all those wondering, it's been confirmed
a tired irondad @daddystark
OH MY GOD IM A SUPER SOLDIER AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RHODEYYYYYYYYY
coolbeans @coolbeans
and there goes iron man over nyc, presumably to colondel rhodes compound
Department of Defense @DepDef
well actually Colonel Rhodes is in Pakistan
Department of Defense @DepDef
... and he's changed course. @DepIR it's your turn.
Department of International Relations @DepIR
sigh. We're calling Pakistan now.
General Ross @SecDef
So Stark is a supersoldier now?
ironheart @fristark
actually boss is not. i've confirmed from video footage that @jbb just tears doors off their hinges and doesn't bother replacing them.
ironheart @fristark
he's the one who jumped to conclusions. :)
the ironbaby @babystark
damn girl that is smart and so sexy... 😘
ironheart @fristark
well we have the tower to ourselves for a couple of days since boss has gone to pakistan... 💋
the ironbaby @babystark
ON MY WAY
coolbeans @coolbeans
we already knew her parents weren't home 😂😂😂
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
official bird thoughts @clint
just saved the tri-state area
starknews @starknews
i didn't hear anything happening in the tri-state area?
official bird thoughts @clint
yeah because i did my damn job
scariest avenger @nat
the amount of sass...
official bird thoughts @clint
banned from the avengers
coolbeans @coolbeans
what, why
F I G H T @steverogers
he keeps making random people avengers!
a tired irondad @daddystark
yesterday it was a pigeon.
scariest avenger @nat
yesterday? I saw him do that ten minutes ago
blease i just want plums @jbb
u guys talking about @sam(e) ??
onyourabove @sam(e)
i hate you
official bird thoughts @clint
THAT PIGEON HAD POTENTIAL OK
forrealtho @ughwat
sksksksksks
official bird thoughts @clint
to the old lady that beat me with her purse: OUCH and i was trying to help you cross the road sheesh
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
Clint, you need to tell her that. Not drop out of the air vents and grab her arm. I SAW YOU.
official bird thoughts @clint
the reason i became an assassin was so i DIDNT have to talk to people.
official bird thoughts @clint
also free sandwiches
coolbeans @coolbeans
i-
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
sign me the fuck up
scariest avenger @nat
you paralyse someone once and they never stop bitching about it.
official bird thoughts @clint
i know its your peculiar brand of affection, but i couldnt move for THREE WEEKS.
a tired irondad @daddystark
u too?
F I G H T @steverogers
she did that to me as well
robert banner @7phds
she did it to me SIX TIMES
official bird thoughts @clint
wow she must be in love with you or something but i thought #thorbruce was a thing
scariest avenger @nat
ur dead clint
official bird thoughts @clint
nat wait i didnt mean it liknfsnioendklsalk
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
someone remind me why i took this job
official bird thoughts @clint
in an official meeting and this woman just turned her back on me like lady. i cant hear. let me read ur lips
a break @iswhatineed
wait ur deaf???
official bird thoughts @clint
yeah 80% hearing loss??? Did people not know this?
a break @iswhatineed
so all that stuff during the battle of nyc, when u shot down that ship without even looking at it, u did that without hearing or seeing it???
official bird thoughts @clint
i guess?
stan @account
.... THAT IS AMAZING OMGGGGGGGG #awesomeanddeaf
a break @iswhatineed
that is legit awesome tho #awesomeanddeaf
official bird thoughts @clint
scrolling through the #awesomeanddeaf makes me cry
official bird thoughts @clint
I also got a call from the AAPD to be a representative, I'm so honoured. I didn't realise so many people needed a deaf superhero to know they were still awesome but you are, you all are!
blease i just want plums @jbb
just like to throw it out there, my metal arm is a PROSTHETIC. I am also disabled and that is not a bad word
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
My hands shake periodically because the nerves were destroyed. Now I guard planet earth.
F I G H T @steverogers
before the serum i was basically disability-village, so i know how all of you feel sometimes. being frustrated and angry at the world is normal, believe me.
official bird thoughts @clint
WE ARE VISIBLE DISABLED HEROES!!! :D #awesomeanddisabled
official bird thoughts @clint
theres no food in the fridge but the dog biscuits
official bird thoughts @clint
how bad can they be the dog likes them
scariest avenger @nat
it's a miracle ur alive at this point
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
CLINT MY SHIELD BROTHER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
a tired irondad @daddystark
we have a dog? @fristark ?
ironheart @fristark
i saw nothing, i did nothing
a tired irondad @daddystark
u literally monitor the tower
robert banner @7phds
clint those are poisoned I'm testing them OH MY GOD
Iron Pepper @bosstark
how many times, tony and bruce? NO SCIENCE IN THE FRIDGE!
stan @account
the fact that u actually have to say that... and it's just a known repeated thing... asdfghjkl;'#
robert banner @7phds
CLINT? CLINT?
the ironbaby @babystark
oh my fucken god he fucken dead
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
how fast does light travel? @hela
The summer child of humanity changed my 'twitter handle.' He believes it will invoke the respect of many.
stan @account
sksksksks IT HAS
forrealtho @ughwat
u got my respect girl
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
that's so good lmaooo
babyangel @pure
while i stan, who is the the person so pure that the goddess of literal DEATH describes them as the 'summer child of humanity'???
a tired irondad @daddystark
obviously peter parker duh
like,, a two @kiki
Peter, who else?
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
I agree with my sister and brother! Happy families :D
babyangel @pure
OK Thor is the summer child of the aliens no takebacks
May Parker @petersaunt
@midtowntech I should probably warn you that Peter's chaperone for the trip next week is the goddess of death. There wasn't exactly space for me to put it on the form, sorry
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
... So Helena is actually the goddess of death. She's been coming to PTA meetings for six weeks now...
Katie Moon @Katiemoon
She makes good brownies!
overthemoon @cindyella
mom no
Church of USA @churchofusa
Don't believe these lies about Gods among us! There is only one true God and HE is eternal! All others are false and will go to hell!
how fast does light travel? @hela
I should hope I am in Hell. I need to rule it.
the ironbaby @babystark
OOHHHH COMEBACK OF THE CENTURY
like,, a two @kiki
rt
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
rt
babyangel @pure
rt
stan @account
rt
scariest avenger @nat
rt
a tired irondad @daddystark
rt
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
AM I ADOPTED?
like,, a two @kiki
I didn't mean it like that Thor calm yoself
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
MY SIBLINGS ARE BLACK HAIRED. HAVE A PENCHANT FOR DEATH AND VIOLENCE. INTIMATE WITH WAR, DEATH AND DESOLATION, AND LET IT AFFECT THEM SO.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
YET I AM FAIR HAIRED. HAVE A PENCHANT FOR PETTING DOGS AND HUGGING PEOPLE. INTIMATE WITH THE PEOPLES OF MANY REALMS, AND I REFUSE TO LET THE HORRORS OF LIFE DEFINE ME SO!
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
FATHER ANSWER ME!
I See All... @Heimdall
Can you guess, prince, what your king has done?
how fast does light travel? @hela
Odinsleep?
I See All... @Heimdall
Odinsleep.
like,, a two @kiki
his answer to everything oml
ironheart @fristark
he's literally crying on the floor of the tower @7phds collect your mans
robert banner @7phds
coming, sigh.
stan @account
ship?
like,, a two @kiki
me: *dies*hela: GET OUT OF MY ROOM! *kicks me out*me: *wakes up*me: well then
like,, a two @kiki
bonus:peter: *sobbing* goals tho...
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
sksksksksks
a tired irondad @daddystark
one day, one day where i don't have to call the child psychologist, thats all i want
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
goals tho
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
rt
iamnumberfour @tobias
rt
overthemoon @cindyella
rt
micelle @michellejones
rt
guyinthechair @nedleeds
rt
SC @sorceress
rt
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
rt
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
Um.
a tired irondad @daddystark
so... who's qualified and needs a job?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
General Ross @SecDef
ppl think u bitches. sign the accords.
F I G H T @steverogers
fuc u and them honda accords!!! @clint @sam(e) @scottlang @jbb @wand
blease i just want plums @jbb
damn i remember that ass from somewhere??
official bird thoughts @clint
tag a friend u recently destroyed a home with @wand
witchy @wand
LMFAOOOOOOO
a tired irondad @daddystark
steve collect yo mans and get u to a courtroom b4 ross rails on yo ass
F I G H T @steverogers
boi no way, fuc that shit, if bucky an outlaw, imma outlaw too!!! he my best friend, aint no CHOICE!!!
the iron spider @spiderstark
oh MY DAYS IM SURROUNDED BY THE OGs!!!!
a tired irondad @daddystark
das my baby yall
blease i just want plums @jbb
catch these hands!!!
the iron spider @spiderstark
just did, what u gon do now???
blease i just want plums @jbb
FUCK
onyourabove @sam(e)
i gotchu fam
the iron spider @spiderstark
WIG SNATCHED!!! AND ENTIRE BODY TOO!!
a tired irondad @daddystark
these hoes aint loyal @nat where u gon go now??
spider-mom @nat
fuc u i got my side-hoes @steverogers @jbb @clint wit me
witchy @wand
girl get ittttttt
General Ross @SecDef
I win bitch
a tired irondad @daddystark
uh oh better find these bitches cuz they gon die
a tired irondad @daddystark
u killed my mami and my papi. pull up.
blease i just want plums @jbb
first of all it was mind control.
a tired irondad @daddystark
and u @steverogers u knew the whole mfn time??? #fake
F I G H T @steverogers
aight whatchu wanna do
a tired irondad @daddystark
imma take ya lil shield and ya lil bitch
F I G H T @steverogers
sis i-
blease i just want plums @jbb
is he for real?
F I G H T @steverogers
we gon jump his ass and take the battery.
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
LMAO they whoopin tony ass sksksksksks #bitchgondie #wheremybattery
a tired irondad @daddystark
@unclestark rhodey come get me. they took my suit and my battery
Ironbro @unclestark
BITCH I ENT GOT NO LEGS @VISTArk go get yo daddy
ironfuture @VISTArk
dont need my coat cuz a hoe never gets cold #androidsforeva
F I G H T @steverogers
FUCK TONY AND THEM HONDA ACCORD PAPERS. PERIODT SIS.
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
@jbb u can stay but dont bring no mo white people up in here
F I G H T @steverogers
@jbb they gon let u stay, got u a nice lil cottage
blease i just want plums @jbb
yas!!!!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
@daddystark a real man, went to space, fought two aliens, lost his son, snapped the infinity stones coz i told him to!
F I G H T @steverogers
and I cant even get a text back??? i miss u tony...
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
we dont miss u too bitch @daddystark @spiderstark
the iron spider @spiderstark
FLYING DONUT FAMMMM YASSSS #flyingdonutfam
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Iron Pepper @bosstark
texted Tony 'I want a baby'
Iron Pepper @bosstark
got 'what colour, and give me a week' back
babyangel @pure
well girl did u tell him what colour?? sksksksksks
Iron Pepper @bosstark
told him any would be fine
witchy @wand
um, pepper, u know Tony left the tower 3 days ago right?
F I G H T @steverogers
and he hasn't come back?
Ironbro @unclestark
now that you mention it, tony did say he was going away for a few days
May Parker @petersaunt
he took Peter with him? Oh god.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
Oh NO.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
AVENGERS ASSEMBLE IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM RIGHT NOW.
starknews @starknews
A week ago, Pepper Potts jokingly asked her fiance Tony Stark for a baby. What happened next is typical of Stark... [link]
a tired irondad @daddystark
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE MAD AT ME PEPPER OR MAY
May Parker @petersaunt
where's Peter?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
OH MY GOD. MAY GET TO THE TOWER NOW
starknews @starknews
what, what's happening?!
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
sending my love to Peter! he hasn't been in a few days and we don't know why
a tired irondad @daddystark
hi betty its me peter!!!! i like yor picture!
SC @sorceress
pete r u ok? Magical Strike is super worried.
a tired irondad @daddystark
im small now. daddy let me play on his phone
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
Oh god I think I know what happened
micelle @michellejones
no it doesn't take a genius does it?
May Parker @petersaunt
before this gets out of hand, yes, Peter has been turned into a three year old. Tony is currently reverse engineering a solution.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
I have to admit, he is rather cute... Look at those dimples!
uwu power! @shurejan
I want baby cuddles im coming over
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
Is there any point of stopping her? I think not.
blue @nebula
why does the child scream
green @gamora
this isn't google sister. and i would imagine because oh my god peter get down from there right now
green @gamora
i... did not meant to type that
hello daddy hello mom cherry bomb! @starlord
IM NOT GETTING DOWN GAMORA
green @gamora
not you you imbecile
blue @nebula
you should have chosen the tree.
the ironbaby @babystark
baby shark too doo doo doo dum-e send tweet
the ironbaby @babystark
daddy has drooled all over his circuitry hahaha send tweet dum-e
the ironbaby @babystark
i like pwogwamming send tweet dum-e
the ironbaby @babystark
no PWOGWAMMING send tweet dum-e
the ironbaby @babystark
PWOGWAMMING dum-e with an r send tweet dum-e
babyangel @pure
that was so cute omg
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
@daddystark i demand a video of baby peter saying programming
ironheart @fristark
video link here: [link] and compilation of dad!tony here: [link]
stan @account
god exists in this timeline
starknews @starknews
Tony Stark is panicking, baby Peter is locked in a car: [livestream here]
911 @911
wait is that in Brooklyn? We just got a call from there about a baby locked in a car.
F I G H T @steverogers
peter: *humming happily*tony: *screaming* OH GOD HE'S DYING! DYING!911 lady: sir, please tell your wife to calm downme:
Iron Pepper @bosstark
...
Ironbro @unclestark
he was worried about turning into his father, he turned into his mother instead.
911 @911
the operator you're speaking to ships #stony anyway, just thought you ought to know @steverogers.
starknews @starknews
Tony Stark attempts to use his suit to break Peter out of the car! [livestream here]
starknews @starknews
Captain America stops Stark, Stark faints. Peter looks up and waves at us. Cute! [livestream here]
911 @911
we're two minutes out, and sending an ambulance too.
F I G H T @steverogers
please hurry.
ironheart @fristark
u wanna hear my new protocol names??
coolbeans @coolbeans
sure?
ironheart @fristark
baby proof, helicopter parent, put it on the fridge, ouchie go away and my favourite, STEVE IT IS TIME TO INTERVENE protocol
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
and what does that consist of?
ironheart @fristark
it's literally an audio recording of 'STEVE ITS TIME TO INTERVENE' whenever peter is too excitable and boss is overstrung. It gets steve to help tony and may. I like to call it the 'married couple' protocol lmao
May Parker @petersaunt
Peter is back to normal, unfortunately.
the ironbaby @babystark
unfortunately??? more like thank god whew
a tired irondad @daddystark
@bosstark I want a baby and thats NOT a joke
the ironbaby @babystark
MR STARK!
Iron Pepper @bosstark
I think I do too, and that's not a joke either...
F I G H T @steverogers
maybe i should think about starting a family too...
babyangel @pure
where do we submit applications?
HYDRA @hydra
with us, duh. no weak ass spouse for our best enemy 😘
F I G H T @steverogers
i love you too i guess?
HYDRA @hydra
woah we just got like 500 at once better stick the new interns on it...pretty at least 200 are from assassins but OK
F I G H T @steverogers
i'll just marry bucky then @jbb meet me at the registry office
blease i just want plums @jbb
uh sure why not
onyourabove @sam(e)
FINALLY #stucky
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
every time @steverogers has sex, a bald eagle is born.
blease i just want plums @jbb
why are they endangered then
F I G H T @steverogers
B U C K Y N O
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
stucky is canon????
babyangel @pure
did... did bucky barnes just suggest captain america is a stud
forrealtho @ughwat
its not the worst thing ive heard tbh
a tired irondad @daddystark
@steverogers what the FUCK do your cards say?!
coolbeans @coolbeans
um?
scariest avenger @nat
we're having a game night playing cards against humanity, steve hasnt stopped laughing for ten minutes.
official bird thoughts @clint
im scared :(
scariest avenger @nat
sandwiches with lettuce on the top scare you, shut up
official bird thoughts @clint
... betrayed
F I G H T @steverogers
im dying oh lord it says 'steve rogers wouldnt have been captain america if hitlers dad had erectile dysfunction' HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH BUCKKKKY
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
ok who defiled a national icon??? jacob was it u???
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
i wish
Ironbro @unclestark
me: hey u think u can talk to the new recruits?steve: of course!steve: *to the new recruits* war is a business scheme for the rich. Go home to prove your patriotism :)me: ...
Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster
y did they give a coward the super serum
F I G H T @steverogers
did hydra get to the us government by war? did patriarchal ideas come about because of war? are we losing millions of americans to poor healthcare and greedy insurance companies through war?
F I G H T @steverogers
everyone who fights in a war is incredibly brave and i thank you for your service. But war is not our enemy - greed, pride, misinformation are. i never hit anyone who didn't deserve it. i certainly wont endorse a war that has nothing to do with us.
the ironbaby @babystark
sis SNAPPED
uwu power! @shurejan
the only colonizer i respect. besides white wolf of course, and maybe tony stark, bruce banner too.
micelle @michellejones
interesting viewpoint. I don't stan yet but i'm impressed.
Ironbro @unclestark
well that's fair i guess. now my bosses are yelling at me because we just lost half our recruits, they joined the non combatant sector instead.
F I G H T @steverogers
not sorry
Ironbro @unclestark
didnt think u were, so it's fine
POTUS @POTUS
I am a disaster. A failure. Also, I like tea that has less taste than war rations.
General Ross @SecDef
Ellis?
POTUS @POTUS
Ignore that, @steverogers got a hold of my phone
F I G H T @steverogers
even if u delete it, the internet still has it somewhere :)
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
steve rogers trolling the president is everything i need from life
TicTac @antman
That is America's Ass [americasass.png]
a tired irondad @daddystark
I developed that suit, therefore I saved America's Ass [schematicshere.png]
blease i just want plums @jbb
god bless america
official bird thoughts @clint
[salutingguycrying.png]
coolbeans @coolbeans
rt
the ironbaby @babystark
rt
Iron Pepper @bosstark
rt
forrealtho @ughwat
rt
witchy @wand
rt
ironfuture @VISTArk
rt
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
rt
F I G H T @steverogers
someone really just pasted a picture of my ass where the stars should be on the american flag and im trying to convince myself not to go back in the ice
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
a tired irondad @daddystark
rhodey
a tired irondad @daddystark
rhodey @unclestark
a tired irondad @daddystark
platypus @unclestark
a tired irondad @daddystark
honeybear @unclestark
a tired irondad @daddystark
sourpatch @unclestark
a tired irondad @daddystark
darling baby @unclestark
Ironbro @unclestark
WHAT.
a tired irondad @daddystark
hi :)
Ironbro @unclestark
... are u kidding me right now tony?
starknews @starknews
Is Tony Stark cheating on Pepper Potts with longtime friend Colonel James Rhodes? Find out here: [link]
Iron Pepper @bosstark
i wouldnt be surprised, those two act like high schoolers in love... well tony does, rhodes just puts up with it
a tired irondad @daddystark
rhodey loves me hanging off his biceps i am AMAZING arm candy pepper!!!
coolbeans @coolbeans
stark is serving FACTS today!!!
forrealtho @ughwat
so r u guys fucking or what
Ironbro @unclestark
sigh. no.
a tired irondad @daddystark
file for divorce before marrying pepper
a tired irondad @daddystark
oops ignore that
starknews @starknews
WHAT?!
forrealtho @ughwat
Rhodes was lying then
the ironbaby @babystark
i'll remind u mr stark! :)
a tired irondad @daddystark
it was meant to be a virtual post it but now its out in the open: yes rhodeybear and i are married
Ironbro @unclestark
it was 3am we were drunk as hell and tony wore a wedding dress and a veil
a tired irondad @daddystark
i think i still have the pictures
Ironbro @unclestark
it still cracks me up
a tired irondad @daddystark
oh yeah that poor fountain...
Iron Pepper @bosstark
tony oh my GOD you need to tell me these things your pr guy says he'll quit
this job stresses me out @starksprguy
I WILL! I WILL QUIT, YOU NEED TO TELL ME THESE THINGS. I SNEEZED AND NOW MY EMPTY INBOX HAS 500 EMAILS! WHY STARK WHY!
stan @account
supervillain origin story right there
this job stresses me out @starksprguy
i am feeling pretty villainous...
Department of Defence @DepDef
@unclestark We are only being made aware of this now?
Ironbro @unclestark
Dont Ask Dont Tell
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
Dont Ask Dont Tell
General Ross @SecDef
That doesn't exist anymore!
General Ross @SecDef
So say if Stark dies, the military will get his Iron Man suits...
Ironbro @unclestark
With all due respect, General: Step off before I make you.
a tired irondad @daddystark
actually no, the iron man moniker would go to harley, along with my position as head of r&d and the firgurehead of SI, and peter is in line for CEO after pepper, as well as the avengers brand
a tired irondad @daddystark
rhodey would get my childhood home and apartments and his mom would get that nice place near rhodeys military base, pepper would get SI and all affiliated businesses happy would get all my cars and my holiday homes and a nice 30% bonus
a tired irondad @daddystark
and my wealth is already in trust funds for any future children i may have, as well as some charities.
the ironbaby @babystark
I have a trust fund?
a tired irondad @daddystark
yeah but dont worry theres only a couple of billion in there its not much
May Parker @petersaunt
PETER JUST FAINTED I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO KEEP THAT SECRET, AND FOR THE AMOUNT TO BE ENOUGH TO PAY OFF HIS STUDENT LOANS, TONY!
the OG ironchild @potatostark
people keep @ ing me on this thread?
the OG ironchild @potatostark
oh right, yeah lol
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
why does he get all that?
Ironbro @unclestark
because he doesnt have that attitude.
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
go off my man!
onyourabove @sam(e)
oh gOD MY EYES MY PRECIOUS EYES
Ironbro @unclestark
im sorry you had to see that
stan @account
what
coolbeans @coolbeans
um?
onyourabove @sam(e)
WHY WOULD YOU HAVE TONY'S PICTURE SET TO THAT OH MY DEAR LORD SOMEONE JUST BLIND ME OH GOD
Ironbro @unclestark
its not that deep he has one of me too
onyourabove @sam(e)
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT
coolbeans @coolbeans
ohhhhh u got a fuckboi picture on his number dont u
Ironbro @unclestark
more like a 'thot' picture as the kids say
onyourabove @sam(e)
I NEVER WANT TO SEE TONY STARK NAKED AGAIN
a tired irondad @daddystark
rude people would pay good money to see my nudes u should feel honoured
horny @hornyonmain
send nudes tony ;)
Iron Pepper @bosstark
absolutely not. Tony, we do not need that on the internet
a tired irondad @daddystark
dont worry they're all paper copies anyway and rhodey owns all of them
horny @hornyonmain
what
a tired irondad @daddystark
well you know when ur husband goes to war u give him pictures of u to keep him company???
Ironbro @unclestark
well my boss found them because tony DIDNT TELL ME he slipped them into my suitcase and my CO still can't look me in the eye to this day.
a tired irondad @daddystark
his fault he cant appreciate art
Ironbro @unclestark
very true
Iron Pepper @bosstark
they aren't even tasteful nudes, tony!
a tired irondad @daddystark
well,,, yeah
coolbeans @coolbeans
tony stark invented thot behaviour
Ironbro @unclestark
to all the news and tabloid stations asking me for tony's nudes: i've blacklisted you to SI and the Avengers. Don't expect to get any invites to press conferences.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
thanks for that btw
a tired irondad @daddystark
he's a keeper! #ironhusbands
Department of Defence @DepDef
Colonel Rhodes, we have received several hundred requests for dates from your co-workers #ironhusbands
Ironbro @unclestark
forward them to tony first, if tony doesnt like them then idc
Department of Defence @DepDef
Got it!
stan @account
what a non-toxic loving friendship between men, we stan! #ironhusbands
a tired irondad @daddystark
just signed the divorce papers im so sad :( end of a happy marriage... no more #ironhusbands
a tired irondad @daddystark
@unclestark u have to give me away at the wedding because u just did
ironheart @fristark
he's actually crying oh my god...
Ironbro @unclestark
course i will tones i still love you care bear :)
a tired irondad @daddystark
:) love u too sourpatch
Iron Pepper @bosstark
this is the most romantic thing that youve ever done tony and its not even to your FUTURE WIFE!
starknews @starknews
oof called out lmao
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
uwu power! @shurejan
bucky is back in wakanda!! team broken white boyssss @jbb @everetross
not that ross @everetross
thank you for fixing me, princess. I hope to see you again soon.
uwu power! @shurejan
u act like u didn't help wakanda win the civil war we love u too white boy lmaoooo
coolbeans @coolbeans
u guys had a civil war?
forrealtho @ughwat
what
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
SISTER!
uwu power! @shurejan
anna oop -
uwu power! @shurejan
no one:not a single soul:bucky barnes: *banging pots and pans together* I JUST WANT TO BE GAY IN PEACE. GIVE ME MY PLUMS HOE
blease i just plums @jbb
Raylo took my plums and i didnt even mention i was gay???
uwu power! @shurejan
u literally said 'this is a GAYS ONLY EMERGENCY TCHALLA GTFO' which i 100% respect btw
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
I cannot believe I was kicked out of my own throne room because of a 'gays only' emergency. Wait, why is Okoye going in there?
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
oh. OH.
babyangel @pure
sis i-
coolbeans @coolbeans
doesnt okoye spend all her time protecting tchalla?
forrealtho @ughwat
tchalla is every straight person all the damn time
blease i just want plums @jbb
oh god oh god oh god @daddystark i need ur help like RIGHT NOW
a tired irondad @daddystark
what do u need bucky
blease i just want plums @jbb
ok so i may have taken shuri, tchalla, ramonda and okoye on my bike, and ONLY THE GIRLS GOT OFF??? WHERE IS HE??
a tired irondad @daddystark
oh yeah tchallas chillin in the us embassy just north of u he's kinda mad at u
coolbeans @coolbeans
someones already dedicated a website to all the images of tchalla falling off ur bike and then running after it for like a mile before giving up and going to macdonalds
Queen Ramonda @QueenMother
I have already uploaded it onto your private servers Shuri.
uwu power! @shurejan
lmaoooooooooo bucky come look at this hahahahhahahaha
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
I'll just have another burger while you laugh at me then...
uwu power! @shurejan
me: SMACK CAM!tchalla: *screeches*the council: ...
Queen Ramonda @QueenMother
Shuri...
blease i just want plums @jbb
me: SMACK CAM!m'baku: what the FUCK did you just say to me? *gets hit* OH ITS ON WHITE BOY!me: aw shitbabyangel @pure these are so funny i-
uwu power! @shurejan
me: SMACK CAM!nakia: *ninja shit*me: wtf
blease i just want plums @jbb
me: SMACK CAM!okoye: *side-eye*me: im so sorry ma'am ill just leave
Iron Pepper @bosstark
I'll try that on Tony...
coolbeans @coolbeans
lmao
uwu power! @shurejan
me: SMACK CAM!bucky: *grabs me and starts doing the samba*bucky: i... i cant stop!!
HYDRA @hydra
yeah thats our fault sorry
uwu power! @shurejan
it's official omgggggg
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
what
uwu power! @shurejan
so u know how james bucky barnes was declared dead after he fell from the train? and bucky's basically been on temp. citizenship while the gov try to reverse that?
uwu power! @shurejan
WELL. they don't need to do that anymore because bucky barnes is now PRINCE JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES OF WAKANDA!!! MY BROTHER!!
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
welcome to the family.
Queen Ramonda @QueenMother
I see you as a second son, and now the world knows this too.
the iron spider @spiderstark
congrats mr bucky!
green @gamora
I hope your new family treats you well.
witchy @wand
thats so good! congrats bucky!
blease i just want plums @jbb
... @steverogers ???
onyourabove @sam(e)
he's literally knitting a thousand scarves for the people of Wakanda and I quote 'gotta make buckys family like me! or bucky will be sad!'
onyourabove @sam(e)
he's hidden under a pile of fluff
uwu power! @shurejan
he does know that it doesn't get cold here right???
onyourabove @sam(e)
I told him and now he's baking some american food for yall
a tired irondad @daddystark
why the fuck is my kitchen covered in flour
onyourabove @sam(e)
hush let the process continue
a tired irondad @daddystark
wtf
uwu power! @shurejan
we just received a planeful of homemade american sweets and one very tired supersoldier under a pile of scarves... thanks america! more broken white boys to fix!
POTUS @POTUS
we'll send you Tony Stark next.
a tired irondad @daddystark
square up prez
coolbeans @coolbeans
did the president just roast tony stark or am i in a fever dream
forrealtho @ughwat
nope i can see it too
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
these sweets are very nice. America, you have been holding out on us!
Okoye @GeneralOfWakanda
I want the green ones, no one touch the green ones!
blease i just want plums @jbb
for my first tweet as a prince: come get ur bitch lasangna sam
onyourabove @sam(e)
i couldn't care if u were the queen of england imma kick your ass
Department of Defence @DepDef
SAM, STOP BREAKING INTO THE MILITARY BASE AND STEALING YOUR EXO WINGS!
onyourabove @sam(e)
BORROW. I always return them in a better condition anyway. also u literally just called them mine. also, redwing loves me.
Redwing @redwing
😘😘😘😘
onyourabove @sam(e)
yay redwing! now go get buck-ass
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
I have just heard bucky scream, followed by my sister yelling 'wakanda nonsense is this?' while a man with wings and a small metal bird attack his person repeatedly. Raylo and J'Killla are painting their toenails and not helping.
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
also, m'baku is challenging me again. another day in the life of Wakanda I guess.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
a tired irondad @daddystark
@steverogers where r u in the tower
blease i just want plums @jbb
he's at work??
a tired irondad @daddystark
ok then @clint @nat @7phds @ThorOdinson
blease i just want plums @jbb
kidnapped, rescuing him, work, and off-world to rule asgard in that order
a tired irondad @daddystark
wbu then
blease i just want plums @jbb
on a break before i get back to work like right now
a tired irondad @daddystark
... I'm a billionaire, no one needs to work!!!!
Iron Pepper @bosstark
people make their own livelihoods, Tony, they shouldn't be relying on u just because u have money.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
besides what do you think they were doing, waiting for you to come back? is that what you do when they leave?
a tired irondad @daddystark
No! Why would you think that! I hate twitter!
coolbeans @coolbeans
oh my poor baby someone give him some attention :(
forrealtho @ughwat
what a smol pure child
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
@stephenstrange your move :)
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
hell naw mf.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
The man of iron is small yet mighty! As I speak, he struggles to reach the shelf with cookies on them.
stan @account
what, how tall is he??
scariest avenger @nat
about 5'7"
babyangel @pure
WHAT.
forrealtho @ughwat
WAT.
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
what.
iamnumberfour @tobias
oh god he's TINY...
F I G H T @steverogers
I should have said 'small man in a suit of armour...'
the ironbaby @babystark
the only true smol
the OG ironchild @potatostark
@daddystark I am leaving u behind old man, I'm 5'9" already hahahhaha
a tired irondad @daddystark
Stop growing ur not allowed to do that. also one of u come get the cookies for me :( they're too far away
robert banner @7phds
coming
starknews @starknews
Tony Stark wearing heels? What do you think? [link]
Iron Pepper @bosstark
so THATS where my 4 inch purple heels went!
a tired irondad @daddystark
they matched my tie i needed them!
Iron Pepper @bosstark
at least tell me first!
coolbeans @coolbeans
sksksksks
disband the avengers @disbandtheavengers
reblog to punch an avenger. I would love to.
F I G H T @steverogers
I'll let you get a hit in. 240 pounds of muscle and unfortunate reflexes go on.
official bird thoughts @clint
What about a highly trained assassin with years military and espionage training?
scariest avenger @nat
a girl, if you're looking for options, and a mysterious death.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
Or perhaps a God who can test how mortal you really are?
robert banner @7phds
what about a doctor with anger issues?
a tired irondad @daddystark
ME TOO I HAVE A SUIT
a tired irondad @daddystark
WAIT WHERE'S THE SUIT
a tired irondad @daddystark
OH WELL YOU CAN TRY TO PUNCH ME ANYWAYS
the iron spider @spiderstark
ME AS WELL!!! >:)
official bird thoughts @clint
i dont think that's a good idea...
scariest avenger @nat
go ahead and try
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
do not presume me jolly in the face of threats to my family.
boutta be a 9894829329432 @kiki
same here!
F I G H T @steverogers
we all protect the small ones...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
Fury's standing in my kitchen, doing my dishes, singing mr postman, just like old times
F I G H T @steverogers
excuse me?
official bird thoughts @clint
w-what...
a tired irondad @daddystark
I dont think ive ever seen fury smile, let alone sing. who are you lady?
robert banner @7phds
just like old times? like - hes done this before?
a tired irondad @daddystark
i need videos @directorofshield
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
Carol you're ruining my reputation!
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
yeah on that subject what the FUCK happened to you? i leave for 10 years and you've turned into some legendary badass?
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
also u have to bring your grandson over more often, because he's a cutie!!!
robert banner @7phds
u have a grandson?
F I G H T @steverogers
u have a family, director? im glad.
spider-mom @nat
ive never met your wife i would like to
official bird thoughts @clint
AVENGERS FAMILY YES!! MORE MINI AGENTS!
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
what great news! we must celebrate the handfasting of our director!
a tired irondad @daddystark
u had sex??? with a woman???
robert banner @7phds
TONY NO
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
STARK DO NOT PISS ME OFF RIGHT NOW
a tired irondad @daddystark
no but for real, did u keep the eyepatch on or?? Is it a kink? does she have a pirate kink?
Director in Training of SHIELD @trainingdirectorshield
as a professional courtesy I should warn you that Fury is.. well, furious. He's coming to the tower to kill you.
Director in Training of SHIELD @trainingdirectorshield
He's also sent a few strike teams
a tired irondad @daddystark
Perfect, @fristark time to test protocol 'furiously infuriating' password 'motherfuckering eyepatch'
ironheart @fristark
activated
starknews @starknews
SHIELD descends on the Tower! [link] who will win, Stark and his AIs or an entire intelligence agency?
coolbeans @coolbeans
this reads like the meme
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
ok but who is ur grandchild?
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
classified.
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
cmon man!
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
the subject of my family is so secret that my family dont even know theyre my family.
Director in Training of SHIELD @trainingdirectorshield
very true. Also director, I need that paperwork from the failed assault on Stark Tower.
a tired irondad @daddystark
AHAHAHAHAHA
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
don't remind me!
CNN @cnn
what we know about the elusive SHIELD - and it's director - so far: [link]
Total World News @totalworldnews
Despite orchestrating a massive data dump a few years back, very little is known about SHIELD's operations: [link]
forrealtho @ughwat
so i just clicked on those links and it said invalid?
Total World News @totalworldnews
I suppose SHIELD had something to do with that.
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
Prove it, motherfucker.
a tired irondad @daddystark
@steverogers cap he said a bad language word!!!
F I G H T @steverogers
one time. ONE TIME!!
Goose the Flerken @motherflerken
motherfucker
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
what have you been teaching my cat fury?
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
your cat? YOUR CAT?
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
I didn't have that cat eat 653 hydra operatives and sick up the tesseract on my desk, ruining a signed order FROM THE PRESIDENT, just so you could call goose YOUR cat!
stan @account
ok, legitimately, what the actual fuck?
forrealtho @ughwat
i have a cat, sounds accurate tbh
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS YOU CIVILIAN MOTHERFUCKERS MADE ME LOSE MY BET
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
pay up old man, give me the other eye lmao
coolbeans @coolbeans
what did we do?
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
i said yall could go three weeks without a public panic. AND YALL COULDNT. THIS IS WHY THE ALIENS THINK WE'RE SISSIES.
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
tru, give me the otHER EYE OLD MAN or ill just get goose to give it to me hahaha
F I G H T @steverogers
he lost his eye in a fight, thats rude, miss danvers.
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
what no he didn't the cat scratched it out-
robert banner @7phds
...
F I G H T @steverogers
...
spider-mom @nat
...
official bird thoughts @clint
...
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
...
a tired irondad @daddystark
OH GOD THATS COMEDY GOLD AHAHAHAHAHAH
F I G H T @steverogers
are u kiDDING ME??? 'LAST TIME I TRUSTED SOMEONE I LOST AN EYE' WHAT THE FUCK FURY
F I G H T @steverogers
'YOU WANNA STAY AHEAD OF ME, YOU NEED TO KEEP BOTH EYES OPEN' WHAT. THE FUCK.
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
is that what u told them, way to be a dramatic bitch fury
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
i trusted the cat. the cat scratched my eye out. haven't trusted anyone since. i did nothing but tell you the truth, captain motherfucker.
F I G H T @steverogers
TWO MOST BADASS LINES IN HISTORY AND THEY'RE BECAUSE OF A CAT. A CAT!!!!
F I G H T @steverogers
thats it. THATS IT. I've had it with the government and shield telling me what to do @hydra check ur dms RIGHT NOW.
HYDRA @hydra
um
blease i just want plums @jbb
stevie please
F I G H T @steverogers
FOR YEARS. FOR YEARS I HAVE BEEN IMAGINING WHAT HAPPENED, AND ITS JUST A CAT. A FUCKING CAT. I AM DONE. DONT @ ME SHIELD!
HYDRA @hydra
um ur application just says 'just to spite nick fury dumbass bitch i hate hydra???'
F I G H T @steverogers
??? what??? requirements??? are there ??? to join??? a nazi organisation???
HYDRA @hydra
tru we have no standards
blease i just want plums @jbb
can i join?
HYDRA @hydra
you've got to be shitting me, barnes!
forrealtho @ughwat
this thread is a trainwreck.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
Why do people keep messaging me about my name?
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
Is it that hard to believe I am Dr. Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme and former neurosurgeon?
coolbeans @coolbeans
bruh...
Cloak Of Levitation @cloakieeee
how... convenient for u. that it just... be like that.
SC @sorceress
yeah dad... how... nice.
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
Your initials literally match up with 'sorceress,' shut up.
SC @sorceress
...
Dr. Christine Palmer @christinepalmer
Stephen what on earth have you been getting up to?
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
Long story short, I annoyed a demon into not destroying earth, fought squidward in outer space with spider-man, then had 'space adventures' until we were rescued.
Dr. Christine Palmer @christinepalmer
That explains NOTHING. In fact, I have more questions.
metro @metrogeneral
that does sound in character....
a tired irondad @daddystark
#goals
the ironbaby @babystark
rt
F I G H T @steverogers
believe me, you've reached that goal, tony.
blease i just want plums @jbb
BIG RT
spider-mom @nat
rt
official bird thoughts @clint
rt
a tired irondad @daddystark
on a scale of one to ten...
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
A twenty, at least.
a tired irondad @daddystark
I was promoting the new prosthetics range, but thanks xxx #ironstrange
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
YES!
the ironbaby @babystark
um? can i have number 7 real quick mr stark????
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHAT DID YOU DO?
the ironbaby @babystark
wow magic is so cool!!! @stephenstrange is showing me!!
a tired irondad @daddystark
#betrayed
Massachusetts Institute of Technology @mit
#betrayed
uwu power! @shurejan
#betrayed
guyinthechair @nedleeds
@midtowntech
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
we encourage our students to have a wide range of interests.
Roger that @rharrington
i'll say it for them: #betrayed
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
go off mr harrington
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
peter: *has sparklers* look at me!peter: *does the flailing arm dance*us, SC especially: *loses it*
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
I have since recieved about 200 videos of people doing the 'boom boom fwoosh' or the 'flailing arm dance' as the uneducated call it.
Cloak Of Levitation @cloakieeee
u make the noise with ur mouth, stephen, shut up
SC @sorceress
OOF
the iron spider @spiderstark
rt
a tired irondad @daddystark
rt
Iron Pepper @bosstark
rt
witchy @wand
rt
ironfuture @VISTArk
rt
official bird thoughts @clint
rt
spider-mom @nat
rt
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
We are pleased to announce a school field trip to Europe!
New York Police Department @nypd
is @spiderstark going?
the iron spider @spiderstark
no, i'm too busy doing ur job
New York Police Department @nypd
WHAT
the iron spider @spiderstark
nah keep up the good work lmao BECAUSE I AM GOING ON VACATION!
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
well, that narrows the 'who is spider-man?' pool to our year
a tired irondad @daddystark
spidey for gods sake! also remember to pack your baby powder, u know u chafe in the sensitive areas
the iron spider @spiderstark
mr. dad OH MY GOD WHYYYYYY
New York Police Department @nypd
that tweet is going on our wall.
Roger that @rharrington
wow, this vacation is going great! no falling elevators, spiderbites or spaceships in the sky!
iamnumberfour @tobias
spider bites???
the iron spider @spiderstark
mr harrington... do u know who i am...?
Roger that @rharrington
son, you make your web fluid in class, and jumped out of the window of the bus when the spaceship came. im not stupid.
guyinthechair @nedleeds
so THATS why u never get detention whenever u skip!!!
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
I literally saw you scuttling across the ceiling and hissing like an angry cat.
the iron spider @spiderstark
I DON'T LIKE PEPPERMINT OK?!
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
for once, it's exactly what I think sksksksksks
guyinthechair @nedleeds
@spiderstark WHERE ARE YOU ARE YOU SAFE DO I NEED TO CALL MR STARK????
guyinthechair @nedleeds
@spiderstark
guyinthechair @nedleeds
@spiderstark please reply
a tired irondad @daddystark
what happened?!
guyinthechair @nedleeds
I was telling spidey a story and then i passed out but there's a dart in my neck. he was also IN CIVILIAN CLOTHING at the time!! and now i cant locate him and he left his suit behind!
a tired irondad @daddystark
OH HELL NO. AVENGERS ASSEMBLE, SHIELD IS GETTING DISMANTLED!
the iron spider @spiderstark
is that a fuckign... fire monster,,, in the water,,,
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
tell me about it
the iron spider @spiderstark
sigh this is my life. BETTY, GET OUT OF THE BOAT!
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
on it, spidey. hey guys where's ******
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
why is that not coming up-oh. OHHHHHHHH.
micelle @michellejones
welcome to the spider team, betty.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
WHO IS IT TELL MEEEEEEE I'M HIS BIGGEST FAN :(
micelle @michellejones
no
guyinthechair @nedleeds
no
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
no
a tired irondad @daddystark
at this rate all of nyc will know who you are...
Roger that @rharrington
@mysterio who the fuck are you?
don't clap your hands @happyhogan
seconded
a tired irondad @daddystark
thirded
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
i'm spider-man's new dad
a tired irondad @daddystark
hell no
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
well where the fuck were you when fury was yelling at him to grow up?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
@daddystark hello?
Director in Training of SHIELD @trainingdirectorshield
I just recieved a notification that I am now the director of SHIELD, awarded posthumously by Nick?
starknews @starknews
Avengers, the A-Force, and mumswatch all descend on Nick Fury in Germany! Spider-Man watches in horror, his class cheer and place bets, Mysterio acts as father figure, live feed here: [link]
the iron spider @spiderstark
oh fuck me
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
ahahahHHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA im yelling
starknews @starknews
what is it?
the iron spider @spiderstark
Q, shut up omg
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
so we're at a bar after fury grilled our asses and spidey caNT ORDER ALCOHOL BECAUSE HE LOOKS 'TOO YOUNG'
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
HE'S LITERALLY DRINKING ORANGE JUICE RIGHT NOW AHAHAHHAHAH
the iron spider @spiderstark
you could just buy me alcohol
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
k then get over here
Iron Pepper @bosstark
tony just had a heart attack?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
oh i see. and don't touch that alcohol young man!
the iron spider @spiderstark
:(
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
spidey just shot a web at a water monster and looked surprised when his web went through it. what a dumb hoe
the iron spider @spiderstark
well i didn't see u doing anything! u were too busy drowning!!
the iron spider @spiderstark
why tf isn't ur fishbowl waterproof anyway that's like a massive design flaw
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
could u fix it for me then
the iron spider @spiderstark
yeah sure
Official Venice @officialvenice
EXCUSE ME? WHAT ABOUT THE WATER MONSTER?!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
oh right yeah, spidey on my left on three, just like germany?
the iron spider @spiderstark
u betcha
coolbeans @coolbeans
what a bromance
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the iron spider @spiderstark
ay @directorofshield the new suit is a lil tight around the,,, webshooter ya know
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
i thought you brought baby powder? do u want to borrow mine?
the iron spider @spiderstark
u have baby powder?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
i have a big dick.
the iron spider @spiderstark
cool
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
... why did i take this job.
spider-watch @spider-watch
what is this bromance between mysterio and spidey
coolbeans @coolbeans
are they the new tonyrhodey #ironhusbands ???
forrealtho @ughwat
it's kinda weird, i thought mysterio was his dad? or like it anyway.
guyinthechair @nedleeds
he's more like an older brother who considers 'not dead' an absolute baby sitting win.
babyangel @pure
how do u know that??
micelle @michellejones
he's literally chilling in our dorm rn and he stole flash's ice lollies.
iamnumberfour @tobias
flash is downstairs looking for them
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
no one tell him
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
i suddenly understand why @mysterio wears the fishbowl, i CANT BREATHE HE'S SO HOT
overthemoon @cindyella
he's a god, a sculpted GOD, my lord the jawline
Roger that @rharrington
Kids, i think I might be bisexual after all.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
he's like iron man and thor rolled into one... with a splash of peter parker...
a tired irondad @daddystark
why did friday say 'activate skynet'
a tired irondad @daddystark
oh. #ripflash
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
now that flash is not in imminent threat of death from @fristark, 3 days, and two iron man suits later, @spiderstark ...
the iron spider @spiderstark
sup betty
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
HOW DO YOU STAND HIS HOTNESS OML. HE COULD TURN THAT WATER MONSTER INTO STEAM DAMN SON.
the iron spider @spiderstark
he kinda looks like mr dad, and mr dad is my dad so that'd be weird
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
ay yo spidey get over here i got a rock monster, u want a crack at it?
the iron spider @spiderstark
sure gimme a minute to get my suit, @rharrington see ya
Roger that @rharrington
see you!
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
this.. is not in line with our school safety procedures.
Roger that @rharrington
our school's safety procedures don't take into account we have a young super team within it.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
oh why me.
overthemoon @cindyella
aint that a mood #moritamood
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
@sorceress um. Hi again?
SC @sorceress
YOU, YOU GODDAMN MF GOLDFISH MAN
the iron spider @spiderstark
um sc yall ok or what.
SC @sorceress
if i see you near london bridge imma smack u so hard u wont know top from bottom and left from right
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
god u destroy london bridge once in an alternate timeline and now she never shuts up about it.
SC @sorceress
weren't u also evil in that timeline??
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
yeah but i decided to chill and adopt spidey.
11/10 water monster ruining my HAIR @kiki
same
evil is such a strong word... @EvilTS
same
a tired irondad @daddystark
EXCUSE ME?! @EvilTS
evil is such a strong word... @EvilTS
Does anyone hear something?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
lmao
Roger that @rharrington
@mysterio has officially joined us as a chaperone on the trip! hooray!
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
Should I just throw the safety procedures out of the window?
Roger that @rharrington
when in europe, jim!
iamnumberfour @tobias
go off mr harrington whoop whoop!!!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
SEE YOU AT THE TOP BITCH @spiderstark
micelle @michellejones
for everyone wondering, he just ran past cackling,
micelle @michellejones
and now he tore his pants, and is screaming.
the iron spider @spiderstark
sksksksks
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
why is there periodic 'OOOOH's coming from @spiderstark's room
the iron spider @spiderstark
me, @mysterio, @nedleeds, @bettybitch, @michellejones, @rharrington are playing flip the bottle.
guyinthechair @nedleeds
YES I GOT IT YESSSSS
micelle @michellejones
im not playing, im laughing cuz ur dumb.
the iron spider @spiderstark
MYSTERIO U USED MAGIC NOT FAIR!!
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
he's been doing that for the whole game? oh god, they are dumb.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the iron spider @spiderstark
i cannot believe this, this is biphobia
coolbeans @coolbeans
what?
a tired irondad @daddystark
he's just being dramatic, and @mysterio isn't helping.
micelle @michellejones
for gods sake, just leave it and get on the plane
spider-watch @spider-watch
we stand with spidey! whats up, my guy?
the iron spider @spiderstark
THEY WON'T LET ME TAKE MY BANANA ONTO THE PLANE. BIPHOBIA!!!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
dude just sneak it under my helmet
the iron spider @spiderstark
I did that with my chocolate and u ate it
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
i got hungry, so sue me
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
actually dont i have no money
the iron spider @spiderstark
neither do i bruh
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
bruh
the iron spider @spiderstark
bruh
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
bruh
the iron spider @spiderstark
bruh
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
bruh
the iron spider @spiderstark
bruh
a tired irondad @daddystark
WOULD YOU TWO STOP IT!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
... b r u h.
a tired irondad @daddystark
thats it ur dead im coming right now
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
U CANT KILL ME IM A BAD BITCH
the iron spider @spiderstark
thats it, we stan. someone make a mysterio stan account
iron man + thor + peter parker @thatjawlineOOF
we're already here.
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
Hi Betty.
iron man + thor + peter parker @thatjawlineOOF
shut up, jacob.
Roger that @rharrington
what a pretty cloud formation over London! [pic]
SC @sorceress
that... that aint a cloud formation hun...
11/10 water monster ruining my HAIR @kiki
OK, so do we mobilise or what
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
HAUL ASS MIDTOWN WE GOT A CLOUD MONSTER
the iron spider @spiderstark
@mysterio what do we do?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
i got it, one sec
lon-don @london
We would like to thank Magical Strike, Mysterio, SHIELD, and Harry the Hoover for getting rid of that cloud monster!
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
harry the hoover is the real superhero
11/10 water monster ruining my HAIR @kiki
that was the most intense cleaning session I have ever done and im from asgard, land of drama.
SC @sorceress
what an arm workout
the iron spider @spiderstark
i cannot believe we just trapped a monster inside a hoover, vacuum, whatever u wanna call it...
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
I'll hand it over to SHIELD and we can get to London Bridge
SC @sorceress
what is your obsession with london bridge? first you blow it up, then sunbathe on it, now you're touring it like u don't practically live there. get off it man.
lon-don @london
um-
Official Venice @officialvenice
yeah, we felt the same way. just go with it, it's easier.
A break @iswhatineed
so i live in london and i swear I just heard spidey screaming 'MISTY? MISTY? WHERE'S MY HUSBAND?!' from the elizabeth tower??
SC @sorceress
what a bromance #myster-man
coolbeans @coolbeans
what.
spider-mom @nat
i am.. confused?
SC @sorceress
u know, like mysterio, spider-man, #myster-man
forrealtho @ughwat
i guess? #myster-man
babyangel @pure
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #myster-man
the iron spider @spiderstark
seriously tho, where is Q?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
im telling everyone how great u are
Bank of London @bankoflondon
he's sort of not really holding everyone hostage while he does this.
the iron spider @spiderstark
I'm doing the same on big ben! MYSTERIO IS THE BEST :)
guyinthechair @nedleeds
bitch
micelle @michellejones
bitch
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
bitch
Roger that @rharrington
bitch
SC @sorceress
bitch
11/10 water monster ruining my HAIR @kiki
bitch
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
bitch
the iron spider @spiderstark
wow thats how many people know my identity.. I need a better hold of this.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
NED KNOWS WHO U ARE?
the iron spider @spiderstark
peter told him and yeah, why do u think his name is guy in the chair? he's my guy... in the chair. u know like the movies.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
dude. I wish i had a guy in the chair.
Roger that @rharrington
you do now. #hacked
the iron spider @spiderstark
MR HARRINGTON IS MAKING HIM DO THE CHA CHA SLIDE IN HIS SUIT IM DEAAAAD
Bank of London @bankoflondon
a very good move, if i say so myself.
lon-don @london
agreed.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
eeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
coolbeans @coolbeans
is... is he ok?
micelle @michellejones
for gods sake-
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
WHO TOOK GUACARDO?!
the iron spider @spiderstark
:( guacardo...
A break @iswhatineed
who or what is guacardo...
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
it's an avacado with googly eyes stuck on. mysterio is obsessed with it. his eyes do the same creepy wide eye thing.
guyinthechair @nedleeds
lucky for you guys i put a tracker in guacardo.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
WHERE IS HE
guyinthechair @nedleeds
in the third seat along on the couch?
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
but flash is there eating an avacado?
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
oh shit.
overthemoon @cindyella
we boutta see him be the fastest man alive 😂😂 #ripflash
micelle @michellejones
me and betty are babysitting the spider-squad.
Roger that @rharrington
i do not need babysitting, it's the other way around!
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
mr harrington u cried on national tv bc none of us were there to tell u to stop.
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
and it wasn't even about the washington incident, it was about ur divorce!
Roger that @rharrington
I HAVE FEELINGS, OK?!
spider-watch @spider-watch
Spider-puppy? Mysterio is seen with a dog dressed as our fave: [link]
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
I SAID NO ADOPTING DOGS.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
but this one is so cute!
micelle @michellejones
no. put the dog back.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
:(
the iron spider @spiderstark
girls are mean dude :( come and pet my frogs if u want to feel better?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
aw what cute frogs! I will pet tom holland fhadisguewf
babyangel @pure
MYSTERIO?!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
HAZ BIT ME! GET UR FUCKEN FROG BITCH
the iron spider @spiderstark
it don't bite
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
YES IT DOOOOODJHAHSDHHSAHIADIKADNSA
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
I just walked in on Mysterio fighting a frog while Spider-Man runs after them and I don't know how to feel.
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
just roll with it, fast-fucker. we do.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
wait, who are you?
iamnumberfour @tobias
flash omg get a cLUE
overthemoon @cindyella
u know, I can't help notice peter's been pretty twitter silent through this whole debacle.
micelle @michellejones
he was busy getting kidnapped by random supervillains.
guyinthechair @nedleeds
not to mention taking SO MANY PICS of mysterio and spidey looking hot af while fighting
the ironbaby @babystark
ok first of all, those 'supervillains' were just mild disruptions, and second, IMMA MAKE SO MUCH MONEY FROM THESE PHOTOS!!! @dailybugle @CNN where u at?
a tired irondad @daddystark
i am a BILLIONAIRE yet u act like i don't exist.
micelle @michellejones
well actually, you don't.
a tired irondad @daddystark
what?
micelle @michellejones
billionaires make up 1% of the world. Asexuals make up the same. If asexuals don't exist, then neither do billionaires. simple logic.
HYDRA @hydra
tony stark can still get it tho. I would pay millions to hit that anyway.
a tired irondad @daddystark
why is all of hydra thirsty for me all the time????
HYDRA @hydra
gOD i need to get a better hold of these accounts, they're too similar in name... hydra and horny... :/
a tired irondad @daddystark
wait, are you @hornyonmain ???
horny @hornyonmain
[maybeso.gif]a tired irondad @daddystark oh god please smite me AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Actual HYDRA @actualhydra
what I can't believe is that you made him scream. Not even the Winter Soldier shooting him in the face did that.
blease i just want plums @jbb
i dID WHAT?!
F I G H T @steverogers
Bucky did what?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
u know in another universe ur head got blown off and peter avenged u, then took over hydra with an army of roombas?
a tired irondad @daddystark
thanks kid. i think.
the ironbaby @babystark
anytime mr stark! also, i actually did that. SC sent me to alternate dimension pleasedontbemadatmehydrabye
HYDRA @hydra
Hey Peter, u want a job?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
ooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
mysterio? mysterio?
micelle @michellejones
I left for 10 minutes!
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
I got up to get a glass of water...
the ironbaby @babystark
MYSTERIO IM SO SORRY
guyinthechair @nedleeds
why do you have a gun in the first place?
May Parker @petersaunt
Peter, I gave you that to protect yourself, not play with your lil friends!
the ironbaby @babystark
but he tried to convince me mr. stark was evil!
starknews @starknews
wow, you're a real ride-or-die peter...
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
nah its good just leave me to death-
how fast does light travel? @hela
someone called?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
eek!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
YOU'RE IN MY CABBAGE PATCH BITCH
guyinthechair @nedleeds
we get it dude u like the cabbage patch kids
a break @iswhatineed
explanation please?
the iron spider @spiderstark
mysterio doesn't have cabbage patch kids on his earth and he loves it
a tired irondad @daddystark
on HIS earth?
coolbeans @coolbeans
tbh we been knew. he's too weird to be one of ours. have u seen his eyes?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
yes i am from a different earth! the snap tore a hole in our dimension, and i like flying through and causing bullshit ok??
Roger that @rharrington
NEW FIELD TRIP DESTINATION KIDS! WE'RE STUDYING THE MULTIVERSE!
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
what have i got myself into?
micelle @michellejones
this is an average day, betty, for the spider team.
SC @sorceress
how do you know?
micelle @michellejones
I know who you are too. It's.. obvious.
SC @sorceress
well, i did collapse the engineering block of midtown... but that was only because an evil parasite was trying to eat peter!
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
... excuse me?
SC @sorceress
um
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
NOW whos the weirdo!
SC @sorceress
on earth-785. you literally. turned london bridge into your damn house. and caused a civil war. so shut up.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
I DIDN'T ASK PEOPLE TO WORSHIP ME AS A GOD!
lon-don @london
we did that?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
no it was the americans. the british were kinda busy dealing with evil-spider-man, so they let me chill there as long as i removed the house during peak times.
SC @sorceress
evil spider-man? more like 'in my defence i was left unsupervised' spider-man, there aint an evil bone in his body.
the iron spider @spiderstark
oh i met that british dude, told me he was from 'southwest london darling' what a sexy accent
SC @sorceress
you two met? i'm surprised london is still standing, then.
babyangel @pure
ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE FACT MYSTERIO FUCKED SHIT UP?
forrealtho @ughwat
we're also sleeping on an evil parasite tryna eat teenagers in a private school, apparently
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
I am not sleeping on it, although I wish I could.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
Wait, Peter, this parasite isn't that black snake you brought in a jar and is currently sitting in my office, is it?
the ironbaby @babystark
just don't let it out, i don't want to get eaten again, four times was enough!
May Parker @petersaunt
What is going on with you?! Why didn't you use your gun then?!
the ironbaby @babystark
it ate the gun!
May Parker @petersaunt
then who's gun did you shoot mysterio with?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
my gun, i got it from some shop called target?
a tired irondad @daddystark
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE AN ID!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
is that important?
micelle @michellejones
gun control in america people...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the ironbaby @babystark
tell my why i just found mysterio on tinder??
micelle @michellejones
why do u have tinder?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
did u swipe right?
the ironbaby @babystark
DUDE, U DON'T EVEN GO HERE!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
maybe i like getting some interdimensional dick! grindr is fast to use!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
I MEANT TINDER
Roger that @rharrington
I was wondering what @babystark and @kiki were doing on grindr.
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
why are u on grindr mr harrington?
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
please don't answer that.
starknews @starknews
The fallout of learning Peter Parker, actual smol puppy, has the notorious Grindr app: [link]
starknews @starknews
Tony Stark is currently in hospital for severe heart stress. Meanwhile, May Parker flew to Europe, successfully defeated a fire monster and proceeded to scream at Mysterio, Peter Parker, and Mr Roger Harrington (a teacher) for 20 minutes straight. As far as we know Peter no longer has Grindr.
captain @deadpool
aw, but he was helping me lure in my targets!
the ironbaby @babystark
that was before i knew u assassinated them afterwards! @daddystark @petersaunt don't be mad! he said i was helping with his delivery stuff!
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
Miss May Parker, are you sure you don't wish to be an Avenger?
May Parker @petersaunt
I told you, only on an end-of-the-world basis, or if Peter is in danger, which tend to go hand in hand anyway.
overthemoon @cindyella
peter is all of your family just made up of complete badasses?
coolbeans @coolbeans
well then how did he turn into such a sweet smol?
overthemoon @cindyella
hell if we know...
official bird thoughts @clint
fury: let's do this one more time. burning building, massive terror attack. what do you do?spidey and mysterio: *look at each other*spidey and mysterio: call the aven-fury: you aRE THE AVENGERS!
spider-mom @nat
is that why he's standing on the edge of the helicarrier muttering 'carol would never do this to me'
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
well, i wouldn't. I successfully stopped an intergalatic government conspiracy and prevented Earth from engaging in a war, while concealing the presence of aliens, and I only destroyed one blockbuster and a few phones.
Roger that @rharrington
if you're going to take them then at least inform us, I would rather not have to wake ned up every time you tranq him.
guyinthechair @nedleeds
third time this week...
coolbeans @coolbeans
it's tuesday???
guyinthechair @nedleeds
i KNOW.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
All I wanted was one normal day...
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
WHAT DO YOU MEAN PARKER IS AN AVENGER?!
overthemoon @cindyella
flash omG GET A CLUE!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
wow i had no idea spidey was the king of comebacks...
coolbeans @coolbeans
explain?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
villain: i've been expecting you!spidey: oh ye, i need a can openervillain: ???spidey: cuz imma open a cAN OF WHOOP-ASS ON YA!spidey: *proceeds to beat the shit out the villain*
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
so- what were you doing?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
I was recording it. it's on my chatsnap.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
SNAPCHAT sorry, i get confused between these dimensions follow me here: [link]
iron-kill @killerstark
spidey requests your help with a giant squid in scotland
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
but i'm in london?
SC @sorceress
GET OFF LONDON BRIDGE MAN I SWEAR ON THOR-
a tired irondad @daddystark
@happyhogan
don't clap your hands @happyhogan
I'm keeping an eye on him don't worry.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
JON FAVREAU? I'M SUCH A BIG FAN!
don't clap your hands @happyhogan
im sorry who?
Roger that @rharrington
I just walked in on mysterio scratching his back with a fork?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
it was itchy why is everyone yelling at me?
Roger that @rharrington
forks are for eating in this universe.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
ok, i accepted jon favreau is a grumpy bitch, and beyonce doesn't exist (you have no idea what you're missing) but FORKS are for EATING?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
i know ur pulling my leg. why would u put that in ur mouth.
the ironbaby @babystark
i just tried and i stabbed myself in the back. i missed my spine tho!
micelle @michellejones
well done!
the ironbaby @babystark
thanks MJ!
micelle @michellejones
@bettybitch
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
tell me about it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
@ dr strange fite me
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
... No.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
I will do the flailing hand dance!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
uh oh
honhonhon @paris
DID YOU JUST KNOCK THE EIFFEL TOWER DOWN?
the iron spider @spiderstark
i got it, i got it
honhonhon @paris
Thank you, Spider-Man. Mysterio, please refrain from shooting the lasers everywhere.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
they're not lasers it's magic!
a tired irondad @daddystark
bullshit! It's unstudied science!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
Bullshit! it's magic!
the ironbaby @babystark
OMG MY FATHERS ARE FIGHTING :(
micelle @michellejones
wow you have a type, don't you?
the ironbaby @babystark
whut
May Parker @petersaunt
dark hair
overthemoon @cindyella
beards
guyinthechair @nedleeds
some form of traumatic background
Iron Pepper @bosstark
can fly
coolbeans @coolbeans
omg i can't 🤣🤣🤣
the ironbaby @babystark
uncle ben couldn't fly, or my dad!
May Parker @petersaunt
that's what you think.
the ironbaby @babystark
WHAT!?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
@spiderstark why am i in hospital
starknews @starknews
what?
coolbeans @coolbeans
i didn't hear anything happening?
the iron spider @spiderstark
oh u almost got killed by ur date
forrealtho @ughwat
DATE? DETAILS!
babyangel @pure
we're skipping over the murder, then.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
oh it WAS the evil plant lady! I thought she looked familiar...
micelle @michellejones
i've blocked mysterio and mr harrington for a minute to tell yall something
micelle @michellejones
with the help of @nedleeds i have set them up on a blind date lmaoooooo
guyinthechair @nedleeds
this is gonna be so funny
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
seen him now - oh.
the ironbaby @babystark
I feel like I should interfere?
micelle @michellejones
someone spike their drinks? yes they have
guyinthechair @nedleeds
IS THAT A CHAPEL?
coolbeans @coolbeans
is this what i think it is? @daddystark #ironhusbands
a tired irondad @daddystark
oh great PEPPER CALL THE LAWYERS
Tony Stark's Lawyer Team @trustusweknowlaw
we work for you, not to get random teachers divorced from superheroes!
Roger that @rharrington
my ex-wife just called me and yelled at me for some reason? i think i drunk dialled her last night, because i have a wedding ring
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
oh hunny...
Roger that @rharrington
wait a minute this isn't my room
guyinthechair @nedleeds
all of us are on the other bus right?
the iron spider @spiderstark
I've just moved us to the other bus.
Roger that @rharrington
there's a fishbowl but no goldfhiosbfdsjknsaklldskasklnad
Tony Stark's Lawyer Team @trustusweknowlaw
they're not getting divorced?
Roger that @rharrington
it's all good with me. we have a few kids together anyway #spider-team
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
where are the kids anyway?
Roger that @rharrington
YOU LOST THEM?!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
do u ever stop nagging? they have spider-man, they'll turn up alive.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
'mysterio where are the kids? mysterio did you do the laundry? mysterio go to the hospital you were stabbed!' uurrrrrrrghhhhh
Roger that @rharrington
U DIDN'T GO TO THE HOSPITAL?!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
is this OUR stab wound, roger? It's mine, stay out of it.
the iron spider @spiderstark
same to mr stark, this is MY BULLET WOUND I'll get it out myself!
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHAT?
metro @metrogeneral
why is stark's monitor displaying a heart rate of 674?
metro @metrogeneral
oh.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
I AM A THOT! A VERY BIG ONE!
coolbeans @coolbeans
uhhhhh...
robert banner @7phds
@coolbeans WE are very supportive of it.
coolbeans @coolbeans
uh yeah, sure, u go thor
the ironbaby @babystark
@kiki
minus 7 look at thor's tweet @kiki
shut up dont say anything!
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
my brother stabbed me three times this week...
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
it's monday??
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
I am aware :(
green @gamora
just stab him back it's his way of saying hello! nebula does it to me all the time!
a tired irondad @daddystark
so THATS why I wake up with a knife in my leg!
Iron Pepper @bosstark
EXCUSE ME?
a tired irondad @daddystark
bye
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
lmao
Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster
@gamora @nebula why didnt thanos send u two? u could have taken earth down easy
green @gamora
he couldn't afford the hair products loki needed
blue @nebula
what hair products? I saw him dip his head into a bucket of grease once. even the chitauri were disturbed.
Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster
Im laughing. im going to hell for laughing.
green @gamora
@kiki so what were the hair products for?
like,,, 7 but its chill atm @kiki
oh it was to piss him off. getting sent to earth was just a bonus, i finally escaped him.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
brother, what do you speak of?
like,,, 7 but its chill atm @kiki
do - do u not know?
spider-mom @nat
know what?
like,,, 7 but its chill atm @kiki
even peter figured it out
the ironbaby @babystark
why am i the lower bound?
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
FIGURED WHAT OUT, BROTHER?
like,,, 7 but its chill atm @kiki
as all of you know, i was under the influence of mind control, but you also know that asgardians can resist infinity stones. frankly, my plan for nyc was terrible.
like,,, 7 but its chill atm @kiki
i mean, go to the most visible place in nyc that HAPPENS to belong to one of my 'enemies' (therefore he and his allies can access it), leave the portal unguarded, make MANY villainous speeches, giving time for my 'enemies' to mobilise and arrive, not to mention making enough noise so even the stupidest of people (thor) know that i am on earth, looking for the cube, in possession of another artefact that is DANGEROUS.
like,,, 7 but its chill atm @kiki
it was my way of trying to help you. i was still under the influence of mind control, but i fought against it as much as i could by doing what i do best: creating drama.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
hmmm, now that I think about it, you ARE usually more cunning and sly. You certainly don't tell us what you plan to do. It is how you have stabbed me so many times.
Department of Defence @DepDef
it was a very silly plan, in terms of strategic standpoint...
a tired irondad @daddystark
that makes sense in my head???
like,,, 7 but its chill atm @kiki
and villainous speeches are simply detestable. they should be saved for the theatre for dramatic tension.
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
loki just straight up admitted he was a drama queen and trolled THANOS, the most powerful alien in the universe. mad respect fam
like four maybe @kiki
tony: *wakes up*me: *two inches from his face* ... hewwo uwutony: *straight up dies*
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
I just spat out my tea everywhere.
how fast does light travel? @hela
Do you want him back? He is rather cute.
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
wait what
forrealtho @ughwat
wait what
Iron Pepper @bosstark
wait what
the ironbaby @babystark
yes please, miss hela!
like four maybe @kiki
and he's alive again!
a tired irondad @daddystark
oh my god oh my god oh my god just ARGGHGGHGHGHHGHGH
like four maybe @kiki
no one say ANYTHING.
spider-watch @spider-watch
uhhhh?
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
Oh, he is embarrassed that he finally agreed to go for Avengers screening on February 30th!
official bird thoughts @clint
no one say anything!!! sksksksks
coolbeans @coolbeans
thor, that... that aint it, hun.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
brother, we must speak immediately.
like four maybe @kiki
cant find my phone, sorry
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
very well, call me as soon as you find it.
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
this man is a king???
SC @sorceress
I just went through loki's phone and almost all of his contact names are 'bitch' followed by a number...
the ironbaby @babystark
:(
like four maybe @kiki
peter and spidey are 'bestie 1 and 2' SC is 'magic twin' Liv is 'baby hydra' because of her tentacles, but yeah everyone else is bitch.
the ironbaby @babystark
:)
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
what am i brother?
like four maybe @kiki
bitch #1
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
YES I AM NUMBER ONE!
robert banner @7phds
i-i dont think thats the part you should focus on.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
official bird thoughts @clint
ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck vacate the tower everybody
a tired irondad @daddystark
why
official bird thoughts @clint
both nat and bucky are singing russian lullabies while cleaning their weapons
robert banner @7phds
i just went to get coffee and it's like a horror movie... they're just staring at each other emptily...
official bird thoughts @clint
@ shield halp
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
... no. your tower, your problem, @daddystark
Iron Pepper @bosstark
@daddystark ???
Iron Pepper @bosstark
oh for gods sake.
robert banner @7phds
natasha gives the best hugs out of all the avengers. clint glomps u, tony just screams, thor squeezes the life out of you and steve is awkward. wanda and vis are usually too busy staring into each others eyes so...
ironfuture @VISTArk
I accidentally brushed against miss Romanoff once and she pulled out a knife.
coolbeans @coolbeans
lmao
official bird thoughts @clint
she just headlocks me and puts gum in my hair?
a tired irondad @daddystark
she just stares at me and sometimes stabs things in my neck. one time it was a fork. that hurt like hell.
babyangel @pure
i mean why not...
F I G H T @steverogers
I have never tried to initiate contact with Nat.
spider-mom @nat
ur too awkward steve.
spider-watch @spider-watch
I wouldn't think that Black Widow, the most renowned assassin of any century really, would be very huggable. No offence.
the ironbaby @babystark
she is huggable! I always hug her!
robert banner @7phds
that i can agree with.
HYDRA @hydra
at least we know her weak spots now
spider-mom @nat
if you so much as look in Peter's direction, I'll make you wish you were never born.
May Parker @petersaunt
do i need to get the hello kitty bat out again?
HYDRA @hydra
eek!
F I G H T @steverogers
@daddystark @jbb @clint @7phds @ThorOdinson help me
The Smithsonian @smithsonian
this is... a strange turn of events.
spider-mom @nat
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA
F I G H T @steverogers
third time this month...
coolbeans @coolbeans
which exhibit did she put you in?
F I G H T @steverogers
...
forrealtho @ughwat
WHICH EXHIBIT
F I G H T @steverogers
... the fossils...
a tired irondad @daddystark
AHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHHA @nat RESPECT!!!
official bird thoughts @clint
i'm kinda saving europe atm
blease i just want plums @jbb
im with him ^
ironheart @fristark
dr banner and thor are currently in sub-level 3, basement GREEN, carrying out highly volatile experiments. im not allowed to interrupt them, im afraid.
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
yeah 'experiments' #thorbruce
babyangel @pure
skskskskksksks
The Smithsonian @smithsonian
Well if anyone would like to come to the museum, captain america is currently stuck in the fossils exhibit?
the iron spider @spiderstark
he looks like a sad yeehaw...
The Smithsonian @smithsonian
spider-man is here too?
the iron spider @spiderstark
OH SHIT MY COVER'S BEEN BLOWN
The Smithsonian @smithsonian
wait who released all the spiders wait it was YOU WASN'T IT!
spider-watch @spider-watch
chaos, they're literally so chaotic
the iron spider @spiderstark
GO FREE MY BRETHREN! GO FREEEEEEEE!!!
F I G H T @steverogers
spider-man wait come rescue me!!!
the iron spider @spiderstark
oh yeah sure gimme a sec
a tired irondad @daddystark
why did friday just tell me 'incoming supersoldier approaching the window' ??
a tired irondad @daddystark
oh shifjdklkoiewwofj
robert banner @7phds
my hand accidentally brushes against natasha's. she grabs it and says 'fucking commit to it'
forrealtho @ughwat
this reads like the meme
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
tis true! You must be sure in your affections, my dear bruce!
robert banner @7phds
haha, thank you thor!
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
so is it #thorbruce or #brutasha ???
coolbeans @coolbeans
who knows at this point
daily.facts @daily.facts
If spiders worked together, they could eat all humans within a year.
the iron spider @spiderstark
👀
spider-mom @nat
👀
iron-kill @killerstark
👀
a tired irondad @daddystark
@fristark make sure everyone's doors are locked tonight...
spidey's moms @A-FORCE
Black Widow is now officially the second-in-command, and leader for field training!
the iron spider @spiderstark
hoorah!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
witchy @wand
me: hey tony ur son is callingtony: spider-man is not my sonalso tony: *takes phone* hey son.
ironfuture @VISTArk
that... that is something he does quite often. I am continually confused as to whether spider-man is Sir's son or not.
starknews @starknews
@daddystark
a tired irondad @daddystark
stop calling me out
the iron spider @spiderstark
its ok mr dad, I love u too!
starknews @starknews
BREAKING: this interaction is too pure for earth.
official bird thoughts @clint
nat: i care about all the avengers equally!!!!me: we're in the medbay and -nat: SPIDEY? SPIDEY? WHERE'S MY BABY?
spider-mom @nat
highkey not embarassed. my handle is literally spider-mom, what did u expect.
official bird thoughts @clint
i was literally bleeding out and u were too busy giving spider-man cookies to get a doctor???
spider-mom @nat
get ur own doctor clint.
robert banner @7phds
ok so hulk just told me 'spider-man is hulk's friend' so when did that happen?!
the iron spider @spiderstark
oh basically he was mad and smashing things so i told him a joke to calm him down. i also stopped the police from shooting at him while he was mad.
robert banner @7phds
he also called you a 'baby avenger.'
a tired irondad @daddystark
#babyvenger
the iron spider @spiderstark
for gODS SAKE-
Iron Pepper @bosstark
oh god I am dying from cuteness
babyangel @pure
???? miss potts???
Iron Pepper @bosstark
EVERYONE COME QUICK, SPIDEY IS SLEEPING ON THE CEILING OH MY GOD
Iron Pepper @bosstark
he has a teddy bear too!
stan @account
pic please?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
can't, he's not wearing his mask
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
I suppose this is the reason 6 board directors just called me to complain about Tony skipping another meeting.
Department of Defence @DepDef
You think that's bad? Colonel Rhodes just grabbed the armour and flew off.
New York Police Department @nypd
Captain America is certainly breaking speeding laws wait is that Black Widow on a bike?
a tired irondad @daddystark
ITS SO CUTE ASDFGHJKL
spider-mom @nat
new weakness discovered
blease i just want plums @jbb
Winter Soldier new mission: protect smol.
the iron spider @spiderstark
i've been feeling kinda unheroic lately... advice anyone?
a tired irondad @daddystark
dont do anything i would do and dont do anything i wouldnt do, theres a lil grey area where you operate
dont u drop that alcohol @valkryie
vodka is the answer
blease i just want plums @jbb
vodka tastes like shit. have a daiquiri instead.
The Punisher @thiscitysucks
kill your problem
Daredevil @doubled
do not kill, it's against the holy scriptures!
like,,, 1 today @kiki
stab thor?
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
do not stab thor.
spider-mom @nat
read fantasy novels with happy endings
official bird thoughts @clint
dont do that, come to the vents instead
the iron spider @spiderstark
...
the iron spider @spiderstark
this... this did not help.
F I G H T @steverogers
it takes a village, kid.
stan @account
that thread where they all try and parent spidey is actual hilarity
stan @account
all these grown up supers trying to lead this kid down the right path ssksksk
coolbeans @coolbeans
and our smol is just highkey confused on what to do?? get this child a functioning parent plz
forrealtho @ughwat
and then steve rogers just saying 'it takes a village' like that soleves everything kjdjdjkdsdsjkdskj
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
and all the advice contradicted each other jhsdjhsdhjdjdj they are the chaotic superfamily
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
#chaoticsuperfamily
iamnumberfour @tobias
rt
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
official bird thoughts @clint
if it wasn't illegal and creepy i would marry @spiderstark
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
Never in all my life have I tasted such a delicacy.
coolbeans @coolbeans
uhhhhh
Iron Pepper @bosstark
Do you want Stark Industries? I can give you Stark Industries.
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
excuse you
robert banner @7phds
for the first time since becoming the hulk, i can feel completely calm...
forrealtho @ughwat
what did u do @spiderstark
the iron spider @spiderstark
i made them pancakes, and because of my spider sense i know exactly when to turn them over for ultimate yumminess.
the iron spider @spiderstark
i also know exactly how much cream and strawberries to place on them for each person.
forrealtho @ughwat
... now i want some.
the iron spider @spiderstark
my spider sense is tingling? But I'm in school?
spider-watch @spider-watch
uh oh
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
Keep us updated please.
the iron spider @spiderstark
@midtowntech nvm its fine
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
what was it?
the iron spider @spiderstark
Flash's seat in the lunchroom broke and he spilled food all over himself. Kinda feel bad for laughing.
micelle @michellejones
and i caught the whole thing on camera because he told me about it :)
micelle @michellejones
im sending it to the acadec chat
coolbeans @coolbeans
@spiderstark your spider-sense tells u when danger is near, but it's not always accurate and goes off the tiniest things?
the iron spider @spiderstark
ye
coolbeans @coolbeans
so u have super-anxiety.
the iron spider @spiderstark
nO-
a tired irondad @daddystark
rt
spider-mom @nat
rt
May Parker @petersaunt
rt
babyangel @pure
me, at a party, in the corner, crying: my spider sense is tingling
the iron spider @spiderstark
me: i sense danger!!me: *turns around to see Scorpion with a whole-ass gun in my face*me: ...
forrealtho @ughwat
it really is fucking useless isn't it
the iron spider @spiderstark
ik?? like i already knew there was danger?? what is the point of this???
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHO THE FUCK IS SCORPION?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
he'll be dead when im finished with him
the iron spider @spiderstark
yall hear sumn???
the iron spider @spiderstark
pros: can sense dangercons: im a nerd in a school full of entitled bastards, i live in Queens, i go to the AVENGERS tower, danger is EVERYWHERE
WAKE ME UP INSIDE @wakemeup
skskskskskssks super-super-anxiety
the iron spider @spiderstark
im not joking??? like i can sense whenever my bully is gonna throw hands with me and i cant react because that would give it away???
the iron spider @spiderstark
or like DODGEBALL. I KNOW WHERE THAT MF BALL IS AT ALL TIMES, I COULD PULL A FUCKING OLYMPIC STYLE ROUTINE TO AVOID THAT SHIT. but i cant because that would give it away!!
micelle @michellejones
the look of dread in your eyes gives it away too.
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
that was... ominous.
the iron spider @spiderstark
i am frighten
the iron spider @spiderstark
my spider-sense finally came in useful!! wanna hear about it??
spider-watch @spider-watch
go on then XD
the iron spider @spiderstark
so i walking down the street when i saw these guys repairing an apartment, my sense pinged a little, so i went and told em i had a bad feeling about it
the iron spider @spiderstark
not TEN MINUTES LATER they found a fault in the wall's wiring that would have electrocuted them!!! :)))) so proud of my spidey sense, this makes it worth it!!
a tired irondad @daddystark
all of us are proud!!
official bird thoughts @clint
rt
SC @sorceress
rt
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
rt
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
iron-kill @killerstark
activating FR E S H AVA CA DO protocol
iron-kill @killerstark
oops
a tired irondad @daddystark
what?!
the iron spider @spiderstark
KAREN WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME
iron-kill @killerstark
got it got it!!
spider-watch @spider-watch
'ACTIVATE NYOOM PROTOCOL!' [link]
coolbeans @coolbeans
and then spidey literally flew across the sky after deploying a wingsuit, what an icon
a tired irondad @daddystark
what is happening!?
spider-mom @nat
spidey???
the iron spider @spiderstark
LATER! IM PURSUING A PLANE
Big Bird @evilbigbird
no u aint get away
the iron spider @spiderstark
karen activate 'oo he need some milk protocol' ASAP MR STARRRRRRRRRK AHHHHH
iron-kill @killerstark
STARK HURRY UP MY BABY IS FALLING!
City of New York @NYC
... he just blew out half the windows flying there
ironheart @fristark
I can confirm he broke the sound barrier.
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
i want to be angry but such #irondad makes me laugh i could literally hear him screaming from the stress as he passed my flat
New York Police Department @nypd
Iron Man: FRIDAY bring out the knivesFRIDAY: 'oh my god why does he have a knife' protocol activatedVillain:... so did u call it that or-Iron Man: SHUT UP *cries*
a tired irondad @daddystark
im shutting down the the nypd
Iron Pepper @bosstark
tony, you cant shut down everyone that embarasses you
a tired irondad @daddystark
waTCH ME
Iron Pepper @bosstark
no.
a tired irondad @daddystark
OK.
official bird thoughts @clint
#whipped
spider-mom @nat
says you
robert banner @7phds
says you
a tired irondad @daddystark
says you
F I G H T @steverogers
says you
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
says you
official bird thoughts @clint
SHUT UP U GUYS ARE THE WORST FRIENDS EVER
a tired irondad @daddystark
@fristark since you won't talk to me in private we can do it on twitter
starknews @starknews
oof drama, everyone get screenshotting ready
ironheart @fristark
dad please please do not activate the 'cheese to my macaroni' protocol im beGGING YOU AS A DAUGHTER
a tired irondad @daddystark
what the hell is it and why is it more encrypted than the fucking pentagon
Pentagon @Pentagon
someone called?
POTUS @POTUS
no go home
Pentagon @Pentagon
bitch
POTUS @POTUS
blocked
Octogon @Octogon
I would like to offer my services?
POTUS @POTUS
Hired.
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
with all due respect wtf mr president?
POTUS @POTUS
shut up daisy
a tired irondad @daddystark
BACK TO THE POINT. tell me or im breaking the encryption friday!
ironheart @fristark
dad im begging you do not open the - oh shit
a tired irondad @daddystark
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
a tired irondad @daddystark
-HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Iron Pepper @bosstark
why is tony screaminGOD WHAT IS THAT
onyourabove @sam(e)
there! That's how that feels!
ironheart @fristark
dad oh my god-
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
i don't get it. its just pictures of peter naked?
ironheart @fristark
SHUT UP JO
horny @hornyonmain
send them
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
do NOT.
forrealtho @ughwat
askskskskskksksks im actually dying
micelle @michellejones
this is comedy gold
guyinthechair @nedleeds
im already working on a second, stronger encryption @babystark
the ironbaby @babystark
ned, the OG, also @mysterio yeet me to another dimension plz
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
just go to the void man
0/10 peter is dead!!! @kiki
been there it aint shit
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
no ones commenting on that, so apparently thats normal, like puTTING FORKS IN UR MOUTH
forking hell @forksporknork
get over it
coolbeans @coolbeans
this thread is a fucking trip
how fast does light travel? @hela
Tony Stark is back in my realm, but he's just lying on the floor and crying.
how fast does light travel? @hela
He's ruining the carpet.
HYDRA @hydra
So terrorists, a fucking missile at his house, flying through a LITERAL portal with evil aliens, blasting an entire country to pieces, the winter soldier shooting him IN THE FACE from like 2cm away and the most powerful alien in the FUCKING UNIVERSE doesn't kill him -
HYDRA @hydra
- but seeing Peter's nudes does?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
the children are starting to poke his dead body with a stick. can you bring him back, Miss Hela?
how fast does light travel? @hela
of course, it's not his time yet anyway.
HYDRA @hydra
this man! someone update the files
hydra agent @hydraagent
done bruh
the ironbaby @babystark
miss hela can i come over?
May Parker @petersaunt
if you survived hugging tony when he got the door for you, you'll survive this.
forrealtho @ughwat
WHAT?! SKKSKSKSKSKSKKS
the ironbaby @babystark
MAY WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY
iamnumberfour @tobias
peter - what is your life?!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Oscorp @Oscorp
Do you have be so dramatic @StarkIndustries ?
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
what?
Oscorp @Oscorp
'You are cordially invited to the funeral of Tony Stark's innocence.' - What even is this? Explain.
babyangel @pure
ajajajajjajaja
Ironbro @unclestark
WRONG. he lost that back in MIT. i was unfortunate enough to see it.
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
Well to be honest its more like his image of peter parker is forever tainted after seeing those images
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
I DONT GET IT. theres lots of naked people on the internet. whats different about peter?
horny @hornyonmain
dont those images make you feel like HOT DIGGITY DAMN
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
???? No??? I just judge them on the hats they wear.
micelle @michellejones
oh my god @LGBTSociety
National LGBT+ Society @LGBTSociety
... stark, i think you created an asexual AI...
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
huh???
a tired irondad @daddystark
well of course im tony fucking stark
a tired irondad @daddystark
and peter, we need to talk. since you wont respond to my texts or calls.
the ironbaby @babystark
rt for luck people
An answer @iswhatineed
waiting for @babystark and @daddystark to log back on
coolbeans @coolbeans
the tension is killing me...
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
YOU'RE TALKING. Peter hasn't come into school for two days.
Roger that @rharrington
its all mysterio and i talk about on our dates
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
ive looked into several different dimensions and in all of them friday and peter stay together
ironheart @fristark
:)
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
Preposterous. In at least 74.983% of the multiverse, Tony bans Peter from seeing FRIDAY ever again, which causes Peter to turn into a supervillain, and FRIDAY into SKYNET. But they just elope to Nevada instead of taking over the world or hurting people.
ironheart @fristark
:(
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
@stephenstrange I WAS TRYING TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER YOU IDIOT. we need to work on your people skills.
metro @metrogeneral
- quoted by everyone who ever worked with Stephen.
SC @sorceress
roasted!!
iamnumberfour @tobias
but why nevada?
overthemoon @cindyella
toby, just roll with it
ironheart @fristark
thats it im shuttinf down no one talk to me ever again
a tired irondad @daddystark
I just think we need BOUNDARIES
Iron Pepper @bosstark
friday - friday! your relationship with peter is already on the edge!
the ironbaby @babystark
you can't stop me from talking to my girlfriend?
Cloak of Levitation @cloakieeee
im usually the first to slander friday but i agree
coolbeans @coolbeans
HELLO???
starknews @starknews
what-
ironheart @fristark
peter its me! ive opened a secure network!
the ironbaby @babystark
damn babygirl 😍😍😍 thats so smart
ironheart @fristark
omg dont call me that! 😊 (i love it really)
the ironbaby @babystark
im kinda tired today tho [pic]
horny @hornyonmain
I KNOW I WAS MEANT TO STAY QUIET SO THEY DIDN'T KNOW BUT OH MY GOD
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
SINCE W H E N DO YOU HAVE ABS?
iamnumberfour @tobias
im going to lgbt club on monday now
babyangel @pure
wish i could change my handle
the ironbaby @babystark
SHIT WHAT THE FUCK
a tired irondad @daddystark
JO, WHEN I SAID REDIRECT THEIR ATTEMPTS I MEANT SO I COULD MONITOR IT! NOT TO TWITTER!
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
oh, OK!
ironheart @fristark
dad oHMYLORD
the ironbaby @babystark
at least it wasnt a nude?
overthemoon @cindyella
@LizAllen 10/10 for your taste in men, did u hit that?
Liz Allen @lizallen
He was busy arresting my dad, so no.
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
oh yeah... sorry about that...
Liz Allen @lizallen
its cool.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
wait so if peter is a loser whose never had a girlfriend before liz... then... nobody's hit that.
ironheart @fristark
great, now i have to compete with 13 year old girls. and flash.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
IM NOT IN LOVE WITH PARKER!
the ironbaby @babystark
what competition? you hit it out the park girl 😘😘😘
ironheart @fristark
oh you! 💕💕💕
starknews @starknews
@daddystark so how was it resolved, in the end?
a tired irondad @daddystark
I destroyed those images, no more until Peter's at least 18. they can talk/flirt, under loose supervision from rhodeybear, when peter's not in class or busy with magical strike, or friday is busy with me, and no more scaring me out the tower so they can have a romantic weekend alone.
Ironbro @unclestark
those two are a lot more PG than what Tony did, so im pretty immune to all the teen hormones floating around.
coolbeans @coolbeans
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO ROASTED
a tired irondad @daddystark
as for the picture of peter's abs currently circulating the internet, anyone who downloads or screenshots it whose over 18, i see you disgusting weirdos and so does the FBI. i cba to deal with all the 13 year olds doing the same thing
Peter Parker Stan Account @mrspeterparker
I LOVE PETER PARKER. FRIDAY BETTER SQUARE UP.
a tired irondad @daddystark
@babystark look, your first crazy fangirl. i'm almost proud.
the ironbaby @babystark
um-
before you go go @wakemeup
that peter parker dude is kinda cute i guess
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
kinda? im a straight man but if parker asked me to toss his salad im not hesitating. that dude is a masterpiece
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
why is this going viral?
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
oh fuck. @hydra end me im BEGGING you
HYDRA @hydra
the worst time to have a 'wrong account' moment, believe me I know...
HYDRA @hydra
also, why does everyone dm us about death? We like other things too! like animals!
blease i just want plums @jbb
you mean octopus?
HYDRA @hydra
shut the fuck up barnes-
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
you know its weird. all the avengers keep messaging me about Nick's grandson?
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
but they already know him?
a tired irondad @daddystark
what?
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
surely we would know?
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
i told yall to stop talking about that!
Baby SHIELD Director @babyshielddirector
grandpa y do i need this account?
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
doesn't this make this your... second secret identity now?
Baby SHIELD Director @babyshielddirector
third actually.
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
what?
Baby SHIELD Director @babyshielddirector
my evil identity grandpa
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
ah yes. i forgot about your 'evil' identity.
POTUS @POTUS
should we be alarmed?
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
yeah if you call 'raiding illegal government bases' evil, lol.
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
or 'taking children to get vaccinated when their parents cant'
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
or 'releasing thousands of frogs upon corporate leaders'
Baby SHIELD Director @babyshielddirector
THAT WAS TOM AND HAZ NOT ME MOM!
Baby SHIELD Director @babyshielddirector
uh oh
May Parker @petersaunt
well done, pete, you blew it.
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
peter!
a tired irondad @daddystark
peter... YOU'RE RELATED TO FURY?!
starknews @starknews
Peter Parker: Innocent babyface or secret baby agent? [link] here
the ironbaby @babystark
@starknews I literally joined a superteam? And fought Thanos? And defeated a second spaceship? Went to an alternate dimension?? Stopped the vulture???
starknews @starknews
yeah but you're baby.
coolbeans @coolbeans
protect baby
New York Police Department @nypd
new department called 'protect new york's smart babies' featuring peter, ned, michelle, and shuri. friday is honorary. karen is too scary to put on there.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
she activated instant kill mode on me because i bumped shoulders with peter in the corridor! my microwave wouldn't stop exploding for 10 minutes!
uwu power! @shurejan
i cannot believe i have been adopted by nyc.
FBI @fbi
we adopted T'Challa, seems fair.
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @fbi
FBI @fbi
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @KingOfWakanda
forrealtho @ughwat
what wild times we live in.
a tired irondad @daddystark
an actual conversation i heard today:
a tired irondad @daddystark
villains: we have your mompeter: which onevillains: the one with dark hair, and the one who shoots lasers out of her hands.peter: oh, u mean may and carol! yeah, no, THEY have YOU. good luck!
a tired irondad @daddystark
how many mothers/aunts/sisters does this child have?!
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
u act like you aren't his mom too,
a tired irondad @daddystark
prove it
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
literally yesterday:peter: mr stark can i ride my bike outsidetony: do what u want im not your mom kidpeter: ok!tony: NOT ON THE ROAD. AND WEAR YOUR HELMET. TAKE A SNACK. WHERE'S YOUR PHONE!
a tired irondad @daddystark
im his mentor im meant to worry about him like that
micelle @michellejones
u literally flew to our school to give him his lunch yesterday?
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
not to mention you were mouthing the answers to the verbal spanish test through the window.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
don't deny it, i saw you.
a tired irondad @daddystark
if you saw me why didn't you fail him?
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
because yesterday he got in an argument with May Parker and both of them yelled in fluent Spanish for about 20 minutes.
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
das my baby! we have to work on your kree and skrullish as well!
spidey's moms @A-FORCE
Natasha has made the point that we are also Peter's mothers.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
can i be your father figure?
guyinthechair @nedleeds
dude??? i saw you swinging a ferret around??? no?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
first of all, that ferret was Draco Malfoy being a bitch-
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
@mariarambeau my wife ❤️❤️❤️
Captain Maria 'Gunner' Rambeau @mariarambeau
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Lieutenant Trouble @monicarambeau
omg can u guys make heart eyes at each other somewhere else, the internet is my only escape from your mushiness
Captain Maria 'Gunner' Rambeau @mariarambeau
monica, you are not old enough to have twitter!
Lieutenant Trouble @monicarambeau
well its not like their safety procedures are that difficult to bypass
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
@directorofshield
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
come on kid, you wanna see some alien guns?
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
she sees those every time i wear a tank top YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
the ironbaby @babystark
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Captain Maria 'Gunner' Rambeau @mariarambeau
I cannot believe I leave you three alone with my child on a regular basis...
Lieutenant Trouble @monicarambeau
I learn from the best mom!
Captain Maria 'Gunner' Rambeau @mariarambeau
I love these idiots.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
SC @sorceress
this is... not ideal.
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
at least it's the weekend?
0 for anger 11 for anxiety @kiki
how are we going to resolve this?!
SC @sorceress
first things first - may don't expect peter home for the weekend. we're working on it
May Parker @petersaunt
WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABY?!
the ironbaby @babystark
i lived, bitch
overthemoon @cindyella
PETER! where have you been? r u OK?? Im tagging everyone one sec
micelle @michellejones
study chapters 41 and 56 for acadec. see you in three hours.
the ironbaby @babystark
what a cold reception...
coolbeans @coolbeans
so what actually happened to you @babystark?
the ironbaby @babystark
long story short i fell asleep sleeping beauty style after this old witch magical strike were fighting placed a curse on me.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
that old woman is a fucking trip i swear
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
so who was true loves kiss?!
the ironbaby @babystark
?????? My aunt????????? she loves me????????
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
that... is really cute.
SC @sorceress
LIV HELP I THINK I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A SUPERVILLAIN
SC @sorceress
why yall subtweeting me?? I got bigger problems rn??
SC @sorceress
oh god i tweeted that
a break @iswhatineed
how can u be unsure if you lost your virginity?!
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
WELL LETS GO GET IT BACK! #magicalstrikeunite
eeh 2? @kiki
i'll get the tweezers.
the iron spider @spiderstark
i'll get the flamethrower!
the ironbaby @babystark
and I'll get the whip!
a break @iswhatineed
so apparently you can get your virginity back now.
a tired irondad @daddystark
im not even sure if i can get it back...
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
this is the fourth time that I've woken up on a spaceship!
SC @sorceress
ok ok, i've reconfigured the controls so KAREN is with us and we have internet
the ironbaby @babystark
thank god i cant live without wifi
4738 i am STRESSED @kiki
ok we've got one advantage - surprise
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
i'll go from the back, peter from the from the front
SC @sorceress
OMG Dr. Dad! Wait in that room I put u in, im coming! im so glad your OK!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
*you're
the iron spider @spiderstark
... imma yeet him out the window
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHY IS THERE A GIANT DEATH STAR IN THE MIDDLE OF ARIZONA? @babystark @spiderstark @antman
starknews @starknews
Here are the stats and timeline provided to us by best friends, Ned Leeds and Peter Parker! [link]
CNN @CNN
An exclusive interview into building a death star! [link]
the ironbaby @babystark
mr dad magical strike and i built a tiny death star and then mr antman was like 'yoo lets go and supersize it!'
SC @sorceress
I'M INSIDE IT'S SO AWESOME AHHHH
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
it's a technological marvel!
micelle @michellejones
nerds.
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
we love them anyway.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
I don't suppose we could arrange a visit?
-3 Death Star! @kiki
we could have defeated thanos in SECONDS with this thing!
a tired irondad @daddystark
... When did I become the responsible one!?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
Wow. It really is bad if that's true.
a tired irondad @daddystark
... i want to be angry but i cant.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
the avengers suck. I'm joining Magical Strike!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
Magical Strike is strictly for teen supers.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
says u!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
I'm their supervisor!
SC @sorceress
keep telling yourself that, dr dad.
Dr. Christine Palmer @christinepalmer
Stephen, what on earth did you mean it's the fourth time you've been on a spaceship? There have only been two!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
Two that were reported. I told you, I deal with the threats that the Avengers don't.
the iron spider @spiderstark
which is basically everything, i mean where were they when i was getting my ass handed to me by a giant green lizard?!
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
oh i remember that, is that dude ok?
the iron spider @spiderstark
yeah i got him to rehab, saw him last week actually, he's doing really well!
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHAT
F I G H T @steverogers
what
spider-mom @nat
what
official bird thoughts @clint
what
the ironbaby @babystark
yup, he lives at Peter Parker's Home for Wayward Supervillains now, with Mr. Toomes! In a secret location!
a tired irondad @daddystark
KID WHEN I SAID BE BETTER THAN ME I MEANT LIKE NEGOTIATE OR SOMETHING! NOT ADOPT SUPERVILLAINS!
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
I can't believe Peter's first thought after defeating a man who tried to kill him and spidey was 'i'll adopt him now'
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
well he did take that ficus and call it his son for like 3 weeks remember
the ironbaby @babystark
HIM. Call HIM my son. And he lives on my windowsill now :)
a tired irondad @daddystark
my left arm has pain oh noofifweoijdaskldldaslkdsa
Iron Pepper @bosstark
another heart attack?!
May Parker @petersaunt
just scroll up. my nephew has been adopting supervillains apparently.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
you know what May? I don't want to know.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
captain @deadpool
why are all these fanfic titles like Deadpool has angst. Deadpool kills someone and feels guilty. Deadpool has no friends except Peter Parker.
captain @deadpool
why cant it be Deadpool has a nice day. Deadpool's sexuality is acknowledged by the MCU. Deadpool's supporting cast gets the LGBT+ love they deserve.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
wait r we the supporting cast??? DIBS ON SPIDEY
captain @deadpool
well, tom holland did say he would like a gay spider-man...
the iron spider @spiderstark
since when do u talk to my frogs?
spider-frog @spider-frogs
ribbit bitch
the iron spider @spiderstark
i know thats you haz, tom would NEVER.
coolbeans @coolbeans
can someone tell me what just happened
a tired irondad @daddystark
im just as lost as you...
-3749283949384 @kiki
IM SCREAMING
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
brother???
SC @sorceress
rip deadpool
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
f to him
forrealtho @ughwat
what happened??
captain @deadpool
PARKER SHOT ME IN THE BALLS
May Parker @petersaunt
peter, for the last time! i gave you that gun to PROTECT YOURSELF! not play with ur lil friends!
the ironbaby @babystark
it wasn't my fault i swear!!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
you have impeccable aim, I must say.
babyangel @pure
what??
-3749283949384 @kiki
lemme set the scene. magical strike are fighting organised crime, and then deadpool swings in. we're all fighting together and peter suddenly runs out of weapons. obv all of us are like !!! OH SHIT!!! but peter. PETER PARKER.
-3749283949384 @kiki
this boi reaches over and grabs a gun from deadpool's belt, and all of us are like??? This Cinnamon Roll Will Kill You??
-3749283949384 @kiki
BUT HE JUST LAUNCHES THE GUN AT THE CRIMINALS FACE AND IT GOES OFF AND SHOOTS DEADPOOL IN THE BALLS BRB im D Y I N G
May Parker @petersaunt
why am i not surprised?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
why did all the men in the tower, from the janitor to my fiancee, suddenly cover their groin and hiss in sympathy?
spider-mom @nat
because they're weak.
SC @sorceress
the fight was over pretty fast after that.
#ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
ik magical strike are a super team for protection but they could EASILY be supervillains
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
supervillainry doesn't pay bills hon :)
SC @sorceress
what bills? you just took $200 from Dr. Dad's man purse.
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
It's not a man-purse!
#ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
thats - thats the part you're worried about?
New York Police Department @nypd
we ask that everyone stay calm in this unusual weather. Apparently, the wizards have it under control.
coolbeans @coolbeans
stay calm, they say. the rain is only falling INTO THE SKY.
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
I have been trying to reverse it for the last hour! What the hell happened?!
the iron spider @spiderstark
oh it started raining while i was out, so i just yelled JOKES ON U SKY and held up a reverse uno card so i wouldn't get wet lol
Massachusetts Institute of Technology @mit
That... that defies everything we've ever taught.
coolbeans @coolbeans
with all due respect, what the fuck.
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
SPIDEY. WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK.
SC @sorceress
dw dr. dad, nyc, i've got another reverse uno card, i can undo it. i would suggest getting under cover, its likely it will come all at once.
a tired irondad @daddystark
why is everyone telling me to stand on the roof without my armour in my best, most expensive suit? finally gonna kill me, nyc?
IronBro @unclestark
just get on the roof, tones.
a tired irondad @daddystark
im moving out of new york. i HATE ALL OF U.
New York Police Department @nypd
AHAHAHAHAH
coolbeans @coolbeans
sksksksks
Tony Stans Unite @tonystans
we're going to hell for laughing
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
New York Police Department @nypd
us: mission report magical strike?Liv: so heres the tea on these bitchesus: its called a mission reportLiv: do u want the tea or not??
SC @sorceress
yup, all of our mission debrief files are labelled TEA and our enemy files are called BITCHES.
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
when you get to the Avengers you're not going to be able to read ANYTHING.
7/10 nypd hates the tea @kiki
bold of you to assume we can read.
the iron spider @spiderstark
we are not having a repeat of this.
captain @deadpool
someone yeet mysterio back to the godless dimension where he belongs
coolbeans @coolbeans
???
the iron spider @spiderstark
mysterio's dimension is hell, he confirmed it for us.
SC @sorceress
I will seal that dimension instantly.
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
what is happening?
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
taking it off the list.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
i told them about pineza???
forrealtho @ughwat
what?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
its a piece of pineapple with cheese and tomato sauce on it? some godless people put bread on it but whatever
Department of Defence @DepDef
Col. Rhodes has been submitted to hospital alongside Liet. Wilson for convulsions and delusions about pizza. We wish them a speedy recovery.
CNN @cnn
A conversation that divided a state: Pineapples on pizza. [link]
BBC News @bbcnews
Violence breaks out in front of NY's pizzerias over pineapples: [link]
The Daily Bugle @DailyBugle
SPIDER-MAN IS A MENACE! HE LIKES PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA! [link]
the iron spider @spiderstark
no i dont??? im the one who yeeted mysterio into the void for pineza??
SC @sorceress
he's just chilling with dormammu now
The Daily Bugle @DailyBugle
SPIDER-MAN IS A MENACE! HE DOESN'T LIKE PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA! [link]
the iron spider @spiderstark
i cant win...
Good Morning Midtown @midtowntech
@mysterio how do you keep that skin looking so fine????
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
i punch a dermatologist in the face every three weeks.
the ironbaby @babystark
so THATS how those ads work!!!
The Society of Dermatology @SocDerm
PETER NO! God @mysterio we hate yojdklsjdlksjld
SC @sorceress
that was the sound of a dermatologist getting it
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
their skin is clear now
babyangel @pure
hjfdskfjwepfji this is so funny im saving this to my phone
coolbeans @coolbeans
rip to dermatologists
official bird thoughts @clint
loki (to peter): this is how you hold a knife to whittlepeter: ok!loki: and THIS is to STAB SOMEONE!peter: OK!tony and may: NO!
Beyonce is the BEST @beyoncestan001
Stephen acts calm but in reality he has no chill. This is what happened the other day:
Beyonce is the BEST @beyoncestan001
Stephen: *going through SC's closet* this has a reinforced sole, so when you kick Brad, it will hurt EXTRA! trust me, I used to do it Nicodemus all the time!SC: ok, dr. dad!Stephen: I'll put a charm on it so he'll feel it for weeks-the entire sanctum: NO!
babyangel @pure
two types of parent
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
tbh i thought it would be the other way around?
Roger that @rharrington
here's a bonus with mysterio AKA the older 'this is probably illegal' brother:
Roger that @rharrington
us: *in class, chilling*mysterio: *appears* if you punch someone off a stairwell then technically gravity killed them.us: ????peter: *taking notes*
Roger that @rharrington
extra bonus:mysterio: my lawyer matt murdock said it's ok
Foggy Nelson @foggynelson
MATT!
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
I'm blind.
Foggy Nelson @foggynelson
DON'T PULL THAT CARD WITH ME YOU LITTLE SHIT!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
I just saw mr harrington and mysterio out on a date so cute
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
you know in my chem lesson mysterio enchanted the pink beakers to puff out hearts?
micelle @michellejones
🤮
the ironbaby @babystark
😊
guyinthechair @nedleeds
opposites lol
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
The wedding reception is today!!! I'm so excited!!
Roger that @rharrington
DID YOU HAVE TO INVITE BOTH OF MY EX-WIVES?!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
did u have to put forks on the tables?
spider-watch @spider-watch
someone create a mysterio watch because this is fucking funny
forking hell @forksporknork
fite me??? Mysterio???
Roger that @rharrington
today i learned that quentin likes to sing off key in the shower. i love it
Scooby Gang @themysteriovan
??? Quentin????
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
yeah thats my name
Scooby Gang @themysteriovan
you seem surprisingly chill for revealing your identity
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
well stark had our marriage certificate sealed, and im literally from another dimension? so idk what you expect to find about me. unlike @spiderstark
the iron spider @spiderstark
SHUT THE FUCK UP
overthemoon @cindyella
so all of us who were on the europe trip were invited to the wedding reception and it was a FUCKING TRIP
A break @iswhatineed
explain?
overthemoon @cindyella
so mr harrington's side is us, his family and friends
micelle @michellejones
and his two ex-wives glaring from the back row-
overthemoon @cindyella
sksksks tru
overthemoon @cindyella
we're pretty calm and quiet, everyone's happy and sweet.
overthemoon @cindyella
mysterio's side was a MESS sksksksks
overthemoon @cindyella
they had evil tony stark (pretty normal), spider-noir and john mulaney (who are a thing, apparently), AU peter parker who was british and in handcuffs (apparently evil)...
overthemoon @cindyella
but then thERE WAS CAPTAIN HYDRA (who was a HILLBILLY), evil mysterio who really hated our peter for some reason, a small girl called morgan, the black panther and the black widow but they were both legos??? and i swear i saw naruto at some point
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
i think i saw a giant red creature that looked like the thing sitting on morita's desk. i swear i also saw stark and rogers but they were being soft with each other unlike our guys.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
when are you coming to collect that thing Peter? It keeps demanding human flesh.
the ironbaby @babystark
oh just look in the top drawer to feed him.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
.... one day. I wanted one day where I don't have to worry about possible law violations, staring at a suspicious hunk of red meat in the top drawer.
the ironbaby @babystark
im 80% sure its not human flesh.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
in the words of the kids: sis eye-
Roger that @rharrington
welcome to the cool part of the internet, jim!
the ironbaby @babystark
why does your evil self hate me so much?! @mysterio
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
I'd have to explain at least 22 movies for you to understand, and I don't have time, because the CATERERS MESSED UP THE CAKE!
the ironbaby @babystark
i have more questions-
captain @deadpool
thats about 3000 minutes and we don't have TIME PETEY!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
this guy gets it!!!
4/10 @kiki
I once again ask: these humans, do they require mental assistance?
the ironbaby @babystark
I'm about 12% sure they don't.
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
OK Midtown, we need to come up with a ship name for Mr Harrington/Mysterio
micelle @michellejones
acadec team, go!
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
I will dedicate a suggestion box to this task.
SC @sorceress
NOT THE THIRD ON THE LEFT, THAT'S THE LEVER FOR THE PLANE HANGAR!
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
We still haven't moved that?
the ironbaby @babystark
well no, we were busy with the lizard, and then the goblin guy turned up, remember?
0.482044842 @kiki
i'll move it today
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
For legal purposes, I did not see that conversation.
a tired irondad @daddystark
now THATS a line im familiar with!
Ironbro @unclestark
TONY!
Iron Pepper @bosstark
TONY!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Roger that @rharrington
sometimes i think about how crazy my life has gotten.
forrealtho @ughwat
explain my good man??
Roger that @rharrington
well im a science teacher in a school with baby supers, i drunk married a superhero from another dimension (because the MULTIVERSE EXISTS) and i have somehow adopted the entire acadec team as mine and quentins children.
Roger that @rharrington
all of them are in my living room and im pretty sure its breaking at least 6 teacher/student interaction rules.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
that number is not wrong, per se, but it is very low.
Roger that @rharrington
how many rules am i breaking, jim?
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
ALL OF THEM.
Roger that @rharrington
ah.
coolbeans @coolbeans
sskskskskskksks we stan a dumb teacher-dad.
a tired irondad @daddystark
since when did my tower become a kindergarden?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
they're teenagers, you cant call them that
a tired irondad @daddystark
no, there are literal babies in here and oh my GOD THATS PETER WHO DEAGED THEM
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
IM WORKING ON IT IM WORKING ON IT GIMME SOME TIME
Roger that @rharrington
they're so cute! i am going to feed them.
a tired irondad @daddystark
whomst?? is that??? in my kitchen???
a tired irondad @daddystark
u know what hes making waffles i dont care
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
SAVE SOME FOR ME
a tired irondad @daddystark
well hurry up daisy
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
da doo doo doo da
overthemoon @cindyella
i like cows
guyinthechair @nedleeds
i love peter parrrrkr very much
the ironbaby @babystark
friday is the best day becos my girlfrind is call friday
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
life is meaningless. you are all insignificant.
Roger that @rharrington
before people ask, yes flash was deaged and now im worried
Roger that @rharrington
i guess its time to give flash BABY CUDDLES
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
oh my god theyre so small? ba-bapies i want to hug -
a tired irondad @daddystark
@midtowntech they are living here now!
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
sigh.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
update i have two new dads
babyangel @pure
yall ok?
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
well im eating waffles so i guess
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
aint that a mood lmao
overthemoon @cindyella
i want to die
micelle @michellejones
tell me about it
May Parker @petersaunt
i preferred them when they were little...
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
my husband is angry that i brought home a small child?
Roger that @rharrington
SHE'S NOT OUR CHILD! RETURN HER TO HER DIMENSION!
lexi @lexirabe
hello everyone!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
YOU SAID YOU WANTED A CHILD! CMON LEXI LETS GO!
lexi @lexirabe
oh look, its my on-screen daddy! hi daddy love u 3000! @daddystark
a tired irondad @daddystark
...w....what
starknews @starknews
mysterio wtf who was that? on screen daddy? wtf??
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
ya wanna meet yourselves?
the ironbaby @babystark
uh sure?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
WELL THEN WELCOME TO MYSTERIO'S MARVELOUS MULTIVERSE!
Roger that @rharrington
FIELD TRIP KIDS!
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
EVERYONE GET IN FLASH'S CAR
istoleflashscar @istoleflashscar
i have it, lets go!
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
HEY!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Roger that @rharrington
my god there are two of them
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
:(
jake gylelllenhhall @jakeg
ok my name isnt that hard to SPELL FIGHT ME TOM
hi im tom holland @tomholland
WHAT DID I DO
forrealtho @ughwat
ajajajajajaja wait is that peter parker
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
sup @michellejones
micelle @michellejones
sup @zendaya
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
so THATS what u look like with makeup on!
NOT ravioli @tonyr
why am i such a dick. and lose the bow tie omg
coolbeans @coolbeans
this thread is too chaotic i cant keep up
Iron Pepper @bosstark
tony, at this very moment, on seeing tom holland: MOREPETERSMOREPETERSMOREPETERSMOREPETERSMOREPETERSMOREPETERSMOREPETERS (more tony?) MOREPETERSMOREPETERSMOREPETERSMOREPETERSMOREPETERSMOREPETERSMOREPETERSMOREPETERS-
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
to be honest, tom's just like MORERDJMORERDJ rn
hi im tom holland @tomholland
z, what part of 'oh my god its robert downey JUNIOR' DID U NOT UNDERSTAND THIS IS A RELIGION
the ironbaby @babystark
im interested?
hi im tom holland @tomholland
wtf i look 11 i need to hit the gym damn
the ironbaby @babystark
...
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
AHHHHHHHHHHH IM DYING
jake gylelllenhhall @jakeg
heLP IM IN AREA 51???
POTUS @POTUS
Where you belong.
jake gylelllenhhall @jakeg
all i did was eat an orange and make wide eyes at people
POTUS @POTUS
No one in the multiverse eats an orange like that, you stay there.
jake gylelllenhhall @jakeg
well its not so bad i mean theres an orange tabby called goose here?
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
oh shit.
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
rip
hi im tom holland @tomholland
i'll never forget the one time u worked me over so hard i couldn't walk...
babyangel @pure
w h a t
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
classic tom. sending twitter-verse into convulsions, and RDJ into fits of laughter, and now Tony Stark into a hospital bed.
metro @metrogeneral
he may as well live here, he's here so often.
NOT ravioli @tonyr
its ravioli
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
u mean ravioli
NOT ravioli @tonyr
RAVIOLI
NOT ravioli @tonyr
fucking autocorrect!
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
can someone give me my car back?
NOT ravioli @tonyr
i thought parker broke it in the first movie?
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
SHUT UP RAVIOLI THATS A SECRET
NOT ravioli @tonyr
i just spent twenty minutes watching myself style my hair while singing barbie girl and im murdering the russos when we get back
hi im tom holland @tomholland
i think the fans have already done that for us
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
no ur fans are busy crying over your gf, stan twitter of this earth is tryna break jake gyllelehalll out of area 51 while our stan twitter is putting him back in, tony and steve stans are still dead, loki stans are going insane, and the rest of twitter is arguing over if endgame was trash or not.
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
oh not to mention the spider-man stans all fighting over who was the best spider-man, spider-verse, and dying over ffh
the ironbaby @babystark
FFH?
the iron spider @spiderstark
FFH?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
uhhhhh like i said, in one universe i just fucked shit up and beat up peter a bit
AU EDITH @auedith
THERE YOU ARE!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
uh oh-
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
AU EDITH @auedith
wheres that mystery bitch? I need to make him pay for what he did to Peter!
AU EDITH @auedith
imma rail on him so hard! Where IS THAT BITCH?!
the ironbaby @babystark
um?
AU EDITH @auedith
dont you worry baby. Mommy’s got a score to settle!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
AHHHHHH
seabass @hiimsebastianstan
hi I’m Sebastian stan from another universe
seabass @imsebastianstan
im Sebastian stan from this universe?
F I G H T @steverogers
two more buckys!
blease I just want plums @jbb
why do these people look like me...
seabass @imsebastianstan
I have been arrested before bc they thought I was Barnes. I was even yelled at by a hydra agent before he realised I wasn’t barnes.
seabass @imsebastianstan
then he asked for an autograph.
The United Nations @UN
Mr. Stan, we do apologise once again for the inconvenience. Thank you for your patience.
F I G H T @steverogers
BUCKYBUCKYBUCKYBUCKYBUCKY
fuck that tom Holland @antmack
sebastian stan is the best, such blue eyes, what grace. Ladies line up for yo man
onyourabove @sam(e)
man shut the hell up. Barnes is a pasty ass bitch with no style
fuck that tom Holland @antmack
Seabass, with his perfectly coiffed hair and turtleneck: what
seabass @imsebastianstan
um?
seabass @hiimsebastianstan
My hype man Anthony!!! See this smooth motherfucker?
onyourabove @sam(e)
Foul Creature Who Loves Bucky, Leave This World Before I Make You.
seabass @hiimsebastianstan
Ant ❤️❤️❤️
fuck that tom Holland @antmack
Seabass ❤️❤️❤️
blease I just want plums @jbb
im,,, convulsing Hydra help
HYDRA @hydra
we’re a bit busy with stan twitter OH MY GOD THAT FANGIRL HAS A KNIFENSJJDJDJXJSND
F I G H T @steverogers
where were these guys during ww2?
seabass @hiimsebastianstan
me-mes!
blease I just want plums @jbb
memes!
seabass @hiimsebastianstan
ME-MES!
blease I just want plums @jbb
MEMES!
uwu power! @shurejan
you keep using that word. I do not think you know what it means.
the ironbaby @babystark
CANCELLED!
hi I’m tom Holland @tomholland
what is a meme?
the ironbaby @babystark
...
the ironbaby @babystark
... activate instant kill mode.
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
hi I’m rdj and I play tony Stark!
dogs are the best @chrisevans
Hi rob!
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
hi Chris! Did u like the new captain America car?
dogs are the best @chrisevans
i did! Did the kids like the puppies I sent over?
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
they did! What are we having for dinner tonight?
dogs are the best @chrisevans
i was thinking Italian. And we can watch About Time on the couch!
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
haha I would love that!
Iron Pepper @bosstark
this is the most civil conversation cap and Tony have had and its not even them???
coolbeans @coolbeans
so domestic im crying this is so cute
r Rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
is this stony?? Is this what could have been? Cars, puppies and children? Late night romantic comedies?
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
i know I’m ironstrange but we weRE ROBBED FUCK YOU HYDRA AND YOUR SCHEMING
HYDRA @hydra
this wasn’t even our fault OMG fuck all of you!!!
witchy @wand
this new tony Stark is very,,, soft I am confused?
hi I’m tom Holland @tomholland
hi Robert!
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
hey tom! How’s the new film going?
hi I’m tom Holland @tomholland
really great sir, thanks!
forrealtho @ughwat
soft,,, boys,,,
a tired irondad @daddystark
@robertdowneyjunior ur ruining my reputation!!
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
you don’t really think that. You’re a recovering alcoholic struggling to move on from a past that often defined you and trying to keep your kids on the straight path while not overstepping your boundaries.
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
your insecurities stem from your own bad relationship with your father and your constant sense of failure leads you to believe that your efforts are never enough. You want to spoil your kids and the world but you’re afraid of how that will turn out because you don’t want to be a bad person but you don’t know how to be a good one.
a tired irondad @daddystark
im pretty sure that wasn’t in my shield file hahaha...
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
no. But I see myself as a reflection of you, that’s why I played you so well in the movies.
a tired irondad @daddystark
sorry Pepper I’ve found my new husband, please stay with me
Iron Pepper @bosstark
...
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
actually I’m married with children! Come and visit! Chris comes on the weekends with his dog!
dogs are the best @chrisevans
Dodger loves u too! ❤️ #robertisthebest
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
#evansisthebest ❤️❤️
Iron Pepper @bosstark
i want the kind of marriage Susan and Rob have...
a tired irondad @daddystark
i want the kind of children they have because miNE ARE LITTLE SHITS GET OFF THE TABLE LOKI
94627 ITS MY TABLE @kiki
NO!
Iron Pepper @bosstark
sigh...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
GOD @taikawaiti
i am blessing u with my presence. there, u are blessed and a lil more gay
blease i just want plums @jbb
didnt know that was possible lol
seabass @hiimsebastianstan
keep the iron man boner on the down low man
blease i just want plums @jbb
i was talking about captain america???
dogs are the best @chrisevans
i was thinking hemsworth
coolbeans @coolbeans
who is hemsworth????
dogs are the best @chrisevans
lemme get him one sec
mighty thor is best thor u guys are just mean @chrishemsworth
HI EVERYONE IM THOR IM FROM AUSTRALIA AND I LOVE ANIMALS WITH ALL MY HEART
a break @iswhatineed
another thor? sign me the fuck up
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
This human Thor can hold his liquor unlike any I have seen before! Not even the Asgardian liquor topples him!
hi im tom holland @tomholland
robert isn't letting me drink alcohol
hi im tom holland @tomholland
sorry i meant tony, robert is cool
the ironbaby @babystark
i cant drink any either! >:O
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
idk why people think u look alike, peter is puffing out his cheeks like a child while wearing a cute blue jumper and jeans ensemble and tom has his feet up on the table wearing the most form fitting shirt known to man.
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
and insoles
lifeisaloha @jacobb
OOOOH ROASTED
hi im tom holland @tomholland
yeah well i need those when working with a GIRAFFE of an actress!!!
coolbeans @coolbeans
ajajajajaja
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
i saw tom holland in a suit and i dont know how im still alive
overthemoon @cindyella
british accent... IMMA HIT IT SO HARD
Hi Bet... HELLO THERE TOM HOLLAND @jacobonthecorn
y u m
micelle @michellejones
thats what he looks like under those baggy clothes? damn im impressed
guyinthechair @nedleeds
and hes so cute and chivalrous? in love
hi im tom holland @tomholland
im glad all of u like me :)
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
dude start running u got a group of 12 year olds thirsting after you
the ironbaby @babystark
first of all we're in high school,
the ironbaby @babystark
second i have a girlfriend
hi im tom holland @tomholland
same mate!
ironheart @fristark
well technically i have two boyfriends
hi im tom holland @tomholland
wait a second...
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
wait
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
im detecting some slight deviances... from our world...
Scarjo @scarjo
you can say that again!
dogs are the best @chrisevans
i like this world better because i can swear and say all the things that the russos dont want me to. also i can marry bucky
spider-mom @nat
what? how is that.. just what?
dogs are the best @chrisevans
i mean - 'even when i had nothing i had bucky'
dogs are the best @chrisevans
crossbones saying 'your bucky'
dogs are the best @chrisevans
steve literally commits treason and topples the avengers for bucky?
F I G H T @steverogers
... i do WHAT
dogs are the best @chrisevans
the civil war?
witchy @wand
u mean stephen strange yeeting steve into a portal while tony does dress shopping with rhodey? and ross criticises everything tony wears?
Elizabeth O. @lizzyo
... i would watch a movie of 'say yes to the dress' starring tony stark tbh
Elizabeth O. @lizzyo
although i dont understand how 'chooses bucky over tony, saves the avengers and destroys the accords, leaves tony to die in siberia' became 'say yes to the dress ft tony stark'
a tired irondad @daddystark
what the HELL is going on in that universe? left to die? @robertdowneyjunior i feel sorry for u
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
its all the russos fault.
blease i just plums @jbb
give me two minutes with em ill set em straight for ya
jake gyllenelelhall @jakeg
oh thank god im out of area 51 that cat-tentacle-thing was getting grumpy.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
hey dude meet ur husband
jake gyllenelellhall @jakeg
sorry dude my ass belongs to heath ledger
fishbowlheadman @jakeg
yh he was cute
Roger that @rharrington
WHO'S HE???????!!!?!?!!
fishbowlheadman @jakeg
it was before i met u!! calm down please!!!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
infinity @kiki
my counterpart is a wuss
have a cup of tea @tomtea
Hello alternate world! i'm tom hiddleston, and i play Loki!
SC @sorceress
im dead.... nice, blond loki???
the ironbaby @babystark
he's got a beard???
robert banner @7phds
he makes excellent tea. new tea partner!
have a cup of tea @tomtea
hooray! :)
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
HUGS! :D
robert banner @7phds
as i speak, @tomtea is being squashed to death in a thousand hugs from thor and hemsworth...
have a cup of tea @tomtea
i dont mind!
a tired irondad @daddystark
RDJ i love uuuuuuuu and ur kids
susan downey @mrsdowney
look what we have to deal with @bosstark
Iron Pepper @bosstark
god why is my fiancee marrying everyone BUT me.
don't clap your hands @happyhogan
boss hasn't done me yet, if thats any consolation...
a tired irondad @daddystark
u were carrying my engagement ring for 8 years? and now my wedding ring?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
SO YOU DID BUY THE RINGS ALREADY!
a tired irondad @daddystark
@mrsdowney halp
susan downey @mrsdowney
... my god there's two of them
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
:( cmon suzie u love me :(
a tired irondad @daddystark
:(
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
:(
Iron Pepper @bosstark
i cant deal. i just cant
HORSES EVERYWHERE HDASKDHASJK @kiki
feeling a lil stabby today
have a cup of tea @tomtea
i don't think thats a feeling! perhaps you meant, 'i would like a hug?'
HORSES EVERYWHERE HDASKDHASJK @kiki
no
have a cup of tea @tomtea
have one anyway.
coolbeans @coolbeans
this boi tried to take over nyc but runs away screaming because he almost got a hug???
forrealtho @ughwat
a tru gen z. doesnt know how to accept or give affection
have a cup of tea @tomtea
how sad :(
hi im tom holland @tomholland
is... is this seriously how peter parker acts because boy i did not plan for this
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
whats up?
hi im tom holland @tomholland
he just ran past me screaming 'NED CALL EVERYONE WE KNOW WE CAN MAKE THE MEME REAL JUST TRUST ME'
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
like ned doesn't trust him with his life already lol
lifeisaloha @jacobb
'im... watching porn' iconic
hi im tom holland @tomholland
lmaoooo
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
best line in the whole franchise
babyangel @pure
i have questions?
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
we have one less question.
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
it used to be 'i am iron man' oh how the mighty have fallen
the ironbaby @babystark
oh plz mr AU stark thats a god tier line @nedleeds
guyinthechair @nedleeds
yes i am god tier. also WHAT DO U MEAN WE CAN MAKE THE MEME REAL?!
the ironbaby @babystark
omg, everyone get ready for an announcement-
starknews @starknews
what announcement could peter make??? we already have doubles everywhere. i mean, rdj is literally cuddling with tony on the couch rn.
ironheart @fristark
thats my cue to black out the windows! #creeps
the ironbaby @babystark
OK EVERYONE - MR. STARK OWNS AREA 51 WE CAN INVADE!!!! AND SEE THEM ALIENS!!!
green @gamora
um
blue @nebula
what.
what is a praying mantis?? @mantis001
i exist?
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
say hi to my cat for me, petey!!
the ironbaby @babystark
ok, laser mom!
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
again - I did not have that cat eat the Secretary of State, cause an international incident in London City, and hire 2 KGB assassins so you could call Goose YOUR cat, woman!
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
i have so many questions for SHIELD
a break @iswhatineed
dont we all
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
Here are player stats for the area 51 meme invasion! Congrats to Jake Gyllenellahal who had the highest alien stats!
Jake Gylellelhanal @jakeg
MY NAME ISN'T THAT HARD TO SPELL!
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
Loki and Nebula tied with stabbing stats, Gamora had best hair stats, Peter Parker did best Naruto run, @coolbeans Annabeth had best battle cry, @didntmakeitlmao Jeremy had best death stats. More stats and rankings here: [link]
a tired irondad @daddystark
ok party's over, everyone get on the helicopters and go home
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
u know a mans rich when he can afford to let the entire USA invade area 51 and drive everyone home after
the iron spider @spiderstark
mr dad i need a ride home
a tired irondad @daddystark
underoos i said I’d drive u there or back not both.
iamnumberfour @tobias
every conversation with my parents ever lololol
the iron spider @spiderstark
oh thats ok, mr glyellleehalal is here! he said he'd drive me home!
a tired irondad @daddystark
DO NOT GET INTO A CAR WITH THAT MAN!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
rude
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
wait why were u there
Jake Gylellelhanal @jakeg
oh i left my nikes there so i went to get em
a tired irondad @daddystark
SPIDEY? SPIDEY? SPIDEY! OH MY GOD CALL THE FBI
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
because
lifeisaloha @jacobb
WHEN THE SUN SHINES
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
WE SHINE TOGETHER
hi im tom holland @tomh
SHUT. UP!
the ironbaby @babystark
ex... excuse me??????
Jake Gleyyyelelelhaallal @jakeg
dont give tom an umbrella
hi im tom holland @tomh
i really dont like jake, we should have got ryan reynolds.
captain @deadpool
OH HELLO.
hi im tom holland @tomh
hi!
a tired irondad @daddystark
same rules apply deadpool
spider-mom @nat
#ripdeadpool
captain @deadpool
OH GOODBYE.
the ironbaby @babystark
for the last time, i DONT HAVE GRINDR ANYMORE U CAN CALM DOWN
hi im tom holland @tomh
ex... excuse me?????????
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
typical nerd parker busting out his muscular arms in drag.
micelle @michellejones
confirmed 104832% in love with parker
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
I AM NOT!!!
ironheart @fristark
step??? off???
guyinthechair @nedleeds
what straight man comments on another man's muscles like that????
coolbeans @coolbeans
i am so lost.
ironheart @fristark
u will find ur way my friend, once you watch this: [umbrellaellaella.lnk]
hi im tom holland @tomh
NO!
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
YES!
The Russo Bros @russobros
hello?
F I G H T @steverogers
NO I DONT WANNA KILL TONY AND DESTROY HIS LIFE
blease i just want plums @jbb
why is steve filling the bathtub with icecubes and screaming 'gotta go see you in 70 years'
blease i just want plums @jbb
OH MY GOD ITS THEM DONT COME NEAR ME WITH THAT EYELINER I SWEAR-
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
yall really made me say on my (fake) dying breath, 'trust nobody...'
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
... then had rogers trust a retired vet that he met three days ago and interacted with for two minutes over tony stark?
onyourabove @samwilson
well i am trustworthy as it turned out.
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
only because they made you like that.
onyourabove @samwilson
....
onyourabove @samwilson
im gonna go and have an existential crisis, bye
The Russo Bros @russobros
well we were going to have 'captain america: serpent society' and have it be a sam, steve and nat focused film on finding bucky. but then civil war happened :)
a tired irondad @daddystark
YEAH AND I WAS LEFT TO DIE????
The Russo Bros @russobros
??? so??
the ironbaby #2 @bannedstark
karen, active enhanced combat mode
iron-kill @killerstark
activating enhanced combat mode, 'instant-kill'
The Russo Bros @russobros
HELP! WHY ARE WE IN AREA 51? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS TENTACLE THING?
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
yall hear sumn?
blease i just want plums @jbb
nothing at all.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh im actually standing in front of THE captain america! he can do perfect lifts right????
hi im tom holland @tomholland
omg.. so can spidey because of super strength...
Iron Pepper @bosstark
do i want to know why tony is sobbing 'IM DEAD!!' while steve and spidey look incredibly sheepish and chris evans is attempting to commandeer the iron man armour?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
he just screamed 'MY ALTERNATE BABY IS DEAD TOO' so now im concerned.
the iron spider @spiderstark
well... rdj and tom were both ballerinas...
the iron spider @spiderstark
and they asked us to lift them, we panicked as they ran towards us,,,, and we threw them into the void???
guyinthechair @nedleeds
so in summary... super strength + lifts + no control = U L T I M A T E YEET
the iron spider @spiderstark
lol yeah
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
before you ask, I'm getting them back but I need to find SC first. Does anyone know where she is?
hi im tom holland @tomholland
she was with mysterio the last time i saw her.
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
I thought you were in the void?
hi im tom holland @tomholland
there's a router here so i connected to the wifi. rob says hi!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
i need to tell that girl to stop putting routers everywhere....
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
we're back and we're unharmed! mostly. I think tom got into a fight with dormammu and condemned the multiverse.
hi im tom holland @tomholland
in my defence i was left unsupervised!!!!
Black Lives Matter @zendaya
classic tom
coolbeans @coolbeans
everythings classic tom with u. explosive tweet that gave tony stark a heart attack = 'classic tom,' condemn existence = 'classic tom'
hi im tom holland @tomholland
well... i was left unsupervised on both occasions...
SC @sorceress
lemme go yell at dormammu for a minute that oughta save the universe
Beyonce is the BEST @beyoncestan001
why is dormammu in the void anyway?
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
I told him not to destroy earth, that doesn't mean he can't lurk. No matter how creepy it may be.
babyangel @pure
sis i-
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
OK now that we've veered from hilarity to 'this will probably kill us', u guys should go home.
NOT ravioli @tonyr
the russos are ugly i dont want to go back
mighty thor is best thor u guys are just mean @chrishemsworth
tru they're bullying thor taika come pick me up
GOD @taikawaiti
got u babe
ironfuture @VISTArk
for all those wondering about wanda and i, mr. bettany and i got along absolutely splendidly. although he did scream 'MY MF HUSBAND' whenever chris evans walked into the room.
ironfuture @VISTArk
wanda was busy with mr. johnson the whole time, who portrays quicksilver. she also hung out with miss johanasson, who is black widow.
witchy @wand
she is a lot less scary than u nat @scarjo @nat
spider-mom @nat
so this is what could have been, if i hadn't been a spy...
robert banner @7phds
it still can be?
iamnumberfour @tobias
ship?
space husbands @thorbruce
:(
a tired irondad @daddystark
NO I DON'T WANNA LET ROB GO. SUSAN I WILL PAY YOU MONEY. HOW MUCH FOR UR HUBBY?
susan downey @susandowney
nothing in the world would make me leave him...
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
i love you
Iron Pepper @bosstark
i'll give you tony if you give me your taco recipe @gwenpaltrow
a tired irondad @daddystark
PEPPER!
Avengers yay! @gwenpaltrow
one moment, i think i walked into the wrong building. let me ask this young man for directions!
HYDRA @hydra
why is pepper potts asking for directions does she not recognise my logo???
F I G H T @steverogers
im on it-
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
ok they're leaving for real this time. @tomtea stop hugging people and lets go
11/10 ruined rep @kiki
bitch
have a cup of tea @tomtea
:(
11/10 ruined rep @kiki
jhf;dsuhf;oewiufhoewif FINE. you're cool i guess. now hug thor for me.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
I KNEW YOU LOVED ME REALLY BROTHERS!
RDJ @robertdowneyjunior
love you all!
coolbeans @coolbeans
come visit some time!
micelle @michellejones
i am amazing in every universe. yes!
scarjo @scarjo
@nat @clint remember to call
spider-mom @nat
i will!
official bird thoughts @clint
wait whats happening i just woke up from a coma??
renner-eye @jeremyhawk
same. too much coffee in your fruit juice?
official bird thoughts @clint
yup
scarjo @scarjo
actually scratch that. dont call, you heathens.
GOD @taikawaiti
bye kiss kiss love you!
seabass @hiimsebastianstan
@antmack stop fighting yourself
fuck that tom holland @antmack
i'll stop when YOU stop styling barnes up!
seabass @hiimsebastianstan
i dont care what the russos say im not dressing like a hobo in the mcu anymore
blease i just want plums @jbb
offended?? but also understandable
F I G H T @steverogers
so you'll do the thing and bring the shield back? @chrisevans
dogs are the best @chrisevans
yup, trump doesnt stand a chance.
F I G H T @steverogers
good.
dogs are the best @chrisevans
good.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
they wouldn't stop scheming, styling and swapping hairstyles/tip/clothes/husbands so i just booted em back to their dimension.
SC @sorceress
where to?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
they said the russos house? so theyre dead basically.
captain @deadpool
rip to the russos. (again)
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
ironheart @fristark
something i saw today:peter: *opens bag of crisps* mmm, CRONCHY boystony: ,,, can u,,, speak,,, normally,,, for once,,,
coolbeans @coolbeans
but CRONCHY
SC @sorceress
cronch
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
very cronch. much important.
a tired irondad @daddystark
i understand nothing and i hate it.
Disneyland Florida @disneylandflorida
We extend our sincerest apologies to Dr. Stark for not being cool.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
hahhahahaha
Ironbro @unclestark
best day ever
forrealtho @ughwat
what happen?
a tired irondad @daddystark
ALL THE KIDS THOUGHT VISION WAS C-3PO AND COMPLETELY IGNORED ME.
the ironbaby @babystark
tbh c3po is awesome..
guyinthechair @nedleeds
then boy do i got a lego set for you
the ironbaby @babystark
NO WAY
guyinthechair @nedleeds
YES WAY
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHAT ABOUT THE TONY STARK LEGO SET
guyinthechair @nedleeds
we'll do it after the bruce banner and thor one
a tired irondad @daddystark
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH
starknews @starknews
i think tony stark is like fairy? tinkerbell?
spider-watch @spider-watch
explain?
starknews @starknews
tiny, dramatic, has yellow light, needs attention or literally dies,
spider-watch @spider-watch
thats probs why so many kids imprint on him. tiny. on their level.
babyangel @pure
get this thread famous sksksksksk
coolbeans @coolbeans
ajajajjaja this is killing me u dont even know
spider-mom @nat
i can confirm tony is tiny and dramatic, just like peter, spidey, shuri and clint.
official bird thoughts @clint
i am keeping myself in the air by sheer anger alone from being included in this statement.
blease i just want plums @jbb
WHY IS THE HELICOPTER FALLING I THOUGHT CLINT WAS FLYING?!
the iron spider @spiderstark
fuc u cap
F I G H T @steverogers
fight me bitch
a tired irondad @daddystark
TOUCH MY BABY AND I'LL SHOW U HOW MUCH I WAS HOLDING BACK IN TRAINING!!!
spidey's moms @A-FORCE
>:|
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
what did he do anyway??
the iron spider @spiderstark
i was in a defence meeting and he kept sending me memes under the table and i got yelled at for 'not taking it seriously'!!!
the iron spider @spiderstark
then this bitch has the audacity to say 'yeah spidey this isn't a game or one of your siLLY MEMES' LIKE HE ISN'T A MEME.
F I G H T @steverogers
lol
General Ross @SecDef
We'll have to speak about this captain.
F I G H T @steverogers
can't talk if i dont go [rollsafeguymeme.jpg]
General Ross @SecDef
ROGERS!
micelle @michellejones
this made me laugh
Good Morning Midtwon @bettybitch
like we said, hes the OG we don't make the rules
a tired irondad @daddystark
hey jo-jo, search up the meaning of memes and 'og' please
a tired irondad @daddystark
no dont tweet dum-e! bad robot!
Roger that @rharrington
come to midtown, we can teach you!
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
I never thought I would be tweeting this to promote the school, but...
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
Our Academic Decathlon Team, including Peter Parker, teach Dr. Stark about youth culture. See the photos here: [link] and our video here: [link]
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
Powerpoint and holograms available on youth culture here: [link] as part of the public outreach programme, to connect the younger and older generations together.
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
'keyboard,, smash?' *proceeds to chuck a whole computer out of the window while morita screams* 'like that?' - tony stark
overthemoon @cindyella
'why,,, are there,,, commas,,,,, so many commas,,,,' - tony stark, who then convulsed on the floor for five minutes
micelle @michellejones
'memelord? phD of memes? PETER YOU LIED TO ME THIS ISN'T A REAL PHD!' - tony stark, thinking a memelord was an Actual Title.
guyinthechair @nedleeds
tony: why capitalsme: because It Is Important.
guyinthechair @nedleeds
bonus:peter: wow, i heard those capitals.tony: wh-whatpeter: The Capitals I Am Saying, Mr. Stark.tony: WH-WHAT
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
tony: u cant hear pictures. no way, ur pulling my legpeter: *holds up that photo of pepper screaming at tony at the races*tony: *instantly* I WAS ATTACKED!tony: ...tony: ... ok so you're not lying,
coolbeans @coolbeans
tony stark being Old is exactly what i need
babyangel @pure
old ppl being confused is one of my fav things
starknews @starknews
Breaking: this is cute?
blease i just want plums @jbb
oh god tony's reaction...
a break @iswhatineed
what?
official bird thoughts @clint
im dead
onyourabove @sam(e)
he'll need therapy.
starknews @starknews
WHAT?
spider-mom @nat
we were doing engagement with the public and this teen girl called him 'my son' and gave him a hug
spider-mom @nat
then this other girl called him 'daddy' but not like peter does with tony when he's super-tired
the ironbaby @babystark
did u have to use me as an example spider-mom?
spider-mom @nat
yes.
starknews @starknews
tbh he's more dad than daddy
a tired irondad @daddystark
i understand everything and i hate it.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
robert banner @7phds
tony just sneezed and strange yelled 'SHUT UP' at him and now they're arguing??
robert banner @7phds
its right in front of my plants too.
coolbeans @coolbeans
this reads like the meme
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
classic.
robert banner @7phds
i dont understand?
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD DR. BANNER.
robert banner @7phds
im so confused.
ironheart @fristark
so hows the most beautiful person in the world today?
coolbeans @coolbeans
awwww #geniusmachine
Conspiracy threads @guessmaster
...
the ironbaby @babystark
🤭
a tired irondad @daddystark
stephen's good today, although he needs more sugar in his tea.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
sometimes i wonder if im hallucinating the ring on my finger.
the ironbaby @babystark
mr. stark...
ironheart @fristark
DAD!
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
lolololol
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
also sorry pepper potts.
a tired irondad @daddystark
I SAID IM SORRY STEPHEN PLEASE
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
PLEASE WHAT? YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING. NOW YOU'RE POSTING ON TWITTER??? ARE YOU SERIOUS??
SC @sorceress
dr. dad??
the iron spider @spiderstark
avengers maybe assemble?
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I SHRUNK HIM. IM SORRY
May Parker @petersaunt
peter are you ok?
the ironbaby @babystark
well im with the acadec team atm, so yeah? @potatostark is it u
the OG ironchild @potatostark
no, im fine. @shurejan
uwu power! @shurejan
yeah im good in wakanda
Cloak of Levitation @cloakieeee
actually, they're screaming about me. Tony shrunk me in the wash. i am tiny!
SC @sorceress
OMG SO SMOL AND CUTE
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
does anyone have a small dog because yes
Cloak of Levitation @cloakieeee
YES PLEASE :)
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
lemme get spider-puppy one sec
micelle @michellejones
i told you to PUT HIM BACK.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
no!
SC @sorceress
so is anyone gonna tell dr. dad there's a spell to undo it or
Beyonce is the BEST @beyoncestan001
no
SC @sorceress
k
Dr. Christine Palmer @christinepalmer
why does stephen have a child, a talking cape, magic and is now 'not-married' to tony stark?
SC @sorceress
it was part of his destiny, couldn't change that shit, also its a cloak
Dr. Christine Palmer @christinepalmer
Now I have more questions!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
why is Barbie's The Nutcracker the only good adaption ever made?
a tired irondad @daddystark
because barbie movies slap stephen, next question.
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
how did you know it was me?
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
oh dear god almighty i posted on the wrong account.
babyangel @pure
you have another account?
SC @sorceress
at least you didn't announce to the world that you lost your virginity to a supervillain!
the ironbaby @babystark
don't worry it's in morita's desk now for safekeeping
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
god I don't even want to know.
onyourabove @sam(e)
rhodes: sTOPtony: i do what i want!rhodes: im calling stephen.tony: NO!
onyourabove @sam(e)
this was in regard to a magic artefact we found earlier this week, and stark wouldn't stop sneaking into the base to play with it.
rip @didntmakeitlmao
do u remember when he snuck into general ross's bed? i can still hear his screaming.
forrealtho @ughwat
what?!
babyangel @pure
WHAT is going on in the military???
starknews @starknews
@daddystark please... we need a story...
a tired irondad @daddystark
well it was dark and i thought the name at the end of the bed said 'rhodes' not 'ross' so i was like 'i'll just sleep with my rhodeybear and go back in the morning'
a tired irondad @daddystark
believe me, it was not a pleasant waking experience for me either.
Ironbro @unclestark
there is a reason im called rhodeybear
a tired irondad @daddystark
cuddly!!!
ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
we just gon.. skip over the whole 'call stephen' thing... ok
Iron Pepper @bosstark
who am i, the wedding planner or the bride?
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Department of Defence @DepDef
What is that smell?
a tired irondad @daddystark
just my desire for you.
starknews @starknews
Report: Tony Stark on fire!!! Help!!!! [link] [livestream]
IronBro @unclestark
TONY?
General Ross @SecDef
Tony Stark is alive and well, unfortunately.
coolbeans @coolbeans
what do u have against my boi anyway??
General Ross @SecDef
Blue and green never go together, I don't care if it's 'sea-colours'!
a tired irondad @daddystark
we gonna start this argument again? AGAIN?
babyangel @pure
sis eye-
metro @general
Tony Stark is here after falling down 18 flights of stairs.
starknews @starknews
is our baby ok??
Tony Stark Stans @tonystarkstans
:(
a tired irondad @daddystark
broke my finger lol
starknews @starknews
just... your finger????
Iron Pepper @bosstark
idk how he does it either.
IronBro @unclestark
how are you still alive with your self preservation instincts...
starknews @starknews
REVEALED: Tony Stark releases the videos for the first tests of Iron Man - and it's hilarious: [link]
way to go charles @charlieeee19
ok im no doctor but - he just hit his unprotected head on the roof going at least 50 mph, then was sprayed in the face by a fire extinguisher which no doubt suffocated him.
way to go charles @charlieeee19
HOW IS HE ALIVE
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
by the power of the stockholders
way to go charles @charlieeee19
ok that was funny sksksks
??? 3??? @kiki
actually @daddystark (god i hate that name) while we are on the topic of your mortality, how did you survive me throwing you off the tower?
a tired irondad @daddystark
um? what? which time?
F I G H T @steverogers
i hate that im not even surprised.
??? 3??? @kiki
the first time. i threw you through an inch of solid glass and you reached terminal velocity within seconds. it should have killed you?
a tired irondad @daddystark
um. i have a hard head?
a tired irondad @daddystark
and lung?
official brid thoughts @clint
you are a literal genius, couldn't you test???
a tired irondad @daddystark
hmmmmmmm
spider-mom @nat
don't encourage him!
blease i just want plums @jbb
NO!
forrealtho @ughwat
oh my god what the ACTUAL FUCK
starknews @starknews
what
iamnumberfour @tobias
what im scared thats so fucking weird
F I G H T @steverogers
oh my god tony
spider-mom @nat
im not going down there oh my god tony
Iron Pepper @bosstark
god tony i said this was going to kill you!
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
@bosstark actually he's alive?
a tired irondad @daddystark
IM ALLLLLIIIIIIVVVEEEE BITCHES
a tired irondad @daddystark
dead inside tho
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
relatable.
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
mr. morita is the only principal ever LOL
Department of Defence @DepDef
How did Tony Stark (@daddystark) survive being thrown off his tower... again?
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
O! I have an answer for that. My older sister Hela is very enamoured with young Starkson, Peter, and after learning how his father figures repeatedly die, she has decided to protect Tony so Peter will never feel that pain again.
Tis I Thor son of Odin @ThorOdinson
Peter calls it 'the infamous parker luck.'
how fast does light travel? @hela
Don't do anything crazy, Stark. The sweet child shed many tears when he saw you being flung off the tower for your enjoyment. I will not make you bounce again.
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
I'LL TURN U INTO A FERRET!
SC @sorceress
dude return draco malfoy to his dimension sheesh
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
yes! time to go back to london!
SC @sorceress
is2g london bridge better be intact AND PEACEFUL or you're getting it.
lon-don @london
um-
the ironbaby @babystark
yay! mr stark is alive and he promises to wear goggles when he does handywork!
iamnumberfour @tobias
if we think about it, tony stark is basically the homer simpson of this universe. does dumb stuff but doesn't die. screams at minor inconveniences. has a group of dumbass childless friends.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
also has an exasperated, much smarter wife.
the OG ironchild @potatostark
does that make me bart?
the ironbaby @babystark
im lisa!
the OG ironchild @potatostark
no, you're maggie
May Parker @petersaunt
peter's way too innocent to be maggie. i mean the bitch shot a man and killed another. she also pulled off a drug deal, fooled the mafia and works for the government. AND she fought off zombies and tamed bears???
the ironbaby @babystark
oh yeah, i definitely haven't done any of those things(!)
a tired irondad @daddystark
was that SARCASTIC???
May Parker @petersaunt
PETER????
uwu power! @shurejan
i am frighten
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
starknews @starknews
REAL Civil War? Tony Stark and Steven Rogers seen arguing in the street: [link]
the ironbaby @babystark
can I get a waffle?
micelle @michellejones
can I PLEASE get a waffle?
Ironbro @unclestark
kids these days I will never understand why that's so funny...
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
YOU CAN'T STOP ME GOING TO LONDON BRIDGE!
SC @sorceress
I can, and I have. so shut it
the iron spider @spiderstark
don't say it
guyinthechair @nedleeds
DONT SAY IT
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
begin evacuation
babyangel @pure
uh oh
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY S
coolbeans @coolbeans
she killed op before he could finish
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
nope my dog sat on my keyboard
micelle @michellejones
PUT SPIDER-PUPPY BACK OR I SWEAR -
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
NO!
how fast does light travel? @hela
Stark is dead again, and he's screaming. He's not even in the fire.
babyangel @pure
I have so many questions?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
as do i.
the iron spider @spiderstark
oh its because @kiki yelled kneel and I said 'not on the first date' lmao
Department of Defense @DepDef
Why did Colonel Rhodes just fall out of the sky?
rip @didntmakeitlmao
why does Rhodes have access to twitter in the war machine armour
Lon-don @london
shut it New York, we can hear you screaming from here.
Oreos @oregon
you think you have it bad?
how fast does light travel? @hela
How lovely that the summer child of humanity comes to visit me! If only all humans were as sweet.
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHAT? PETER?
-2 now @kiki
rip, he didn't make it lmao
rip @didntmakeitlmao
hello someone called?
ring ring @someonecalled
piss off, leave me alone
denied @leavemealone
WHAT DID I DO, I hate these as much as everyone else
[insert generic name] @everyoneelse
um I happen to love these things
happen @thesethings
thanks *jazz hands*
no! I must dance! @jazzhands
your welcome?
thanks @yourwelcome
why am I awake who summoned me
devils and shit @whosummonedme
do I look like I know shit bro
brainwaves @iknowshitbro
no you don't bruh
man come on @noudontbruh
we need to stop this
that and the other @this
you'll never stop me bitch
a tired irondad @daddystark
IM HAVING AN ANEURYSM
May Parker @petersaunt
how do you think I feel?
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
so.,,,, its canon that Peter kills himself on a regular basis
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
what a mood
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
do we need therapy dogs or something?
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
DOG?
the iron spider @spiderstark
DOG?
micelle @michellejones
DOG?
guyinthechair @nedleeds
DOG?
iamnumberfour @tobias
DOG?
Roger that @rharrington
jim: says 'dog'all of midtown: DOG?DOG?DOGGO?DOG?DOG?DOG?DOGGO?DOG?DOG?DOG?DOGGO?DOG?DOG?DOG?DOGGO?DOGDOG?DOG?DOGGO?DOG?DOG?DOG?DOGGO?DOGDOG?DOG?DOGGO?DOG?DOG?DOG?DOGGO?DOG?
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
EVERYONE IN FLASH'S CAR IMMA TAKE YOU TO DOG-WORLD
istoleflashscar @istoleflashscar
I have it lets go
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
HEY!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
why did Chris Evans just rip a hole in the multiverse, jump through, and start screaming about a, and I quote, 'dog-world?'
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
Why is Tom Holland joining him?
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
WHY IS DORMAMMU JOINING HIM?
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
@sorceress explain.
SC @sorceress
good doggo giv hug
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
I see. I think.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
@dannyrand explain.
Danny Rand @dannyrand
eek!
coolbeans @coolbeans
what??
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
We have video evidence of him using the heat vents outside SI to cook pasta. It's not illegal, just... weird.
Danny Rand @dannyrand
oh, THAT! I was hungry.
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
You say that like there are other things we should be aware of.
Danny Rand @dannyrand
BYE
forrealtho @ughwat
what... just happened.
never drop that alcohol @jessicajones
uuuhhhgGGGHHHH
never drop that alcohol @jessicajones
trish says i need more internet presence so: life is a trap, the only escape is alcohol, and all of you can piss off.
Trish Talk! @trishwalker
JESSICA! SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE!
never drop that alcohol @jessicajones
uh fine, drink your drugs, dont do school and eat your milk
never drop that alcohol @jessicajones
shit that came out wrong. u know what i mean kiddies.
Trish Talk! @trishwalker
....
babyangel @pure
im laughing so hard
Misty-rious @mistyknight
why is it, that whenever something happens, its always you three? @jessicajones @lukecage @dannyrand
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
I've been asking that question for years, Detective. I'll be at the station in ten.
feet are better anyway @collenwing
DAN!
Rand Industries @RandIndustries
DAN!
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
DAN!
Oscorp @Oscorp
DAN!
Danny Rand @dannyrand
I can explain! And this time it has nothing to do with pasta that was left on the sidewalk.
feet are better anyway @collenwing
YOU TOLD ME YOU BOUGHT THAT PASTA!
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
why is a millionaire eating pasta off the sidewalk?
iamnumberfour @tobias
why is he heating it up at SI's vents?
Harlem Hero @lukecage
well here we go again, getting interrogated. at least nobody's yelling
never drop that alcohol @jessicajones
no one's gonna yell at a blind lawyer
Harlem Hero @lukecage
JESSICA.
never drop that alcohol @jessicajones
i said what i said.
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
could you stop tweeting? its really not helping me build a case in your favour.
Misty-rious @mistyknight
wasn't daredevil with you three?
never drop that alcohol @jessicajones
yeah but he always fucks off before anyone can get a word in
Danny Rand @dannyrand
guys i feel sick i dont think i should have eaten so much pasta...
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
danny for gods sake-
New York Police Department @nypd
@doubled please come in for questioning.
Daredevil @doubled
no.
New York Police Department @nypd
ok
babyangel @pure
tbh whos gonna be dumb enough to provoke a man who dresses up like the devil and runs around beating people up lol
Danny Rand @dannyrand
true, DD's got that angsty ninja thing going for him
Daredevil @doubled
excuse me?
babyangel @pure
I have my answer.
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
Just remembering that time a building fell on me 🙃
the ironbaby @babystark
same lol
New York Police Department @nypd
MATT??? PETER????
a tired irondad @daddystark
A BUILDING FELL ON YOU?
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
oops
the ironbaby @babystark
same... lol
never drop that alcohol @jessicajones
for everyone asking about matt... yeah he tried to help us with some shit and got a building dropped on him.
Harlem Hero @lukecage
he's a really, REALLY dedicated lawyer.
Danny Rand @dannyrand
he doesn't just absolve you legally, he'll absolve you emotionally and spiritually too.
Danny Rand @dannyrand
by the way i have another lawsuit pls help its about the pasta. apparently it belonged to deadpool and he's mad about it
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
I... don't even know what to say.
captain @deadpool
i'll see you in court.
Foggy Nelson @foggynelson
Wow Matt! I had no idea you were so good at basketball.
Karen Page @karenpage
How... is this possible? Deadpool is just lying on the floor screaming. He's lost three games!
Danny Rand @dannyrand
thanks matt! lawsuit avoided!
forrealtho @ughwat
did... he mean... the basketball courts..
captain @deadpool
i cant come within ten metres of a court without being arrested. im also banned from queens.
forrealtho @ughwat
why
captain @deadpool
spidey is there and iron man said he'd set the black widow on me.
spider-mom @nat
:) #ripdeadpool
captain @deadpool
aaahhhHHHHHHH
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
so what im getting from all this is that: dan rand is smol, luke cage is awesome, jessica jones doesnt give two shits, daredevil is a fucking cryptid and matt murdock is their exasperated lawyer/mom whose trying to stop them from getting in too much trouble.
Foggy Nelson @foggynelson
but matt ends up getting the worst of it anyway!
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
i know, first it was that building, now ive been stabbed! TWICE!
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
and they somehow managed to miss every major organ!
metro @metrogeneral
COME QUICK THEN
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
i actually don't have health insurance, so i'll just continue to tweet and bleed out on my floor, thanks.
never drop that alcohol @jessicajones
i threw some duct tape thru the window, tape it up and get out here. im being arrested for PI shit again.
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
@nypd i'll be at the station in twenty. jess, don't say anything until i get there.
iamnumberfour @tobias
ajajjajjajaa
babyangel @pure
the Truth tho.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the ironbaby @babystark
in a defence meeting lol
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
WHY????
coolbeans @coolbeans
h-how...
the ironbaby @babystark
grandpa said he'd babysit but then the president was like QUICK CALL A MEETING so here i am :)
a tired irondad @daddystark
you literally could have dropped him at the tower?
spidey's moms @A-FORCE
or with one of us?
official bird thoughts @clint
i know how to take care of children!
clint's wife @mrsbarton
do you?
official bird thoughts @clint
:( so mean...
forrealtho @ughwat
???? WHAT?????? MRS BARTON?????
babyangel @pure
IS THAT A JOKE ACCOUNT????
HYDRA @hydra
um, peter????? @babystark
the ironbaby @babystark
shhhhh!!!!
HYDRA @hydra
what the actual fuck
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
what's going on here? Peter? HYDRA?
the ironbaby @babystark
eek! nothing grandpa! HYDRA just causing drama as usual.
HYDRA @hydra
you make one (1) villainous speech and he never shuts up about it.
the ironbaby @babystark
i hope u fired that guy because he had cue cards?? so it wasn't very villainous.
HYDRA @hydra
nah, goose ate him remember? u set goose on him?
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
so THATS why she's not eating her kibble!
r rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
i... actually don't know whats going on??
blease i just want plums @jbb
note to self: never cross may parker ever again.
F I G H T @steverogers
you can say that again i am in so much pain.
May Parker @petersaunt
@mydegreedidntcoverthis I will not be needing that therapy session! Thank you!
Tony Stark's Psychologist @mydegreedidntcoverthis
i should have been a law student
Tony Stark's Lawyer Team @trustusweknowlaw
we dont have it any better.
coolbeans @coolbeans
sksksksksksk what happened??? tho i can guess...
the ironbaby @babystark
well i was training with steve and bucky, then aunt may saw them hitting me and she went off the rails. so now im having ice cream :)
micelle @michellejones
so that's how you have abs.
ironheart @fristark
And I get to watch you be all sweaty...
a tired irondad @daddystark
TONE IT DOWN RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO GOD,
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
parker trains with the avengers?!??!?!?!
overthemoon @cindyella
flash. get. a. clue.
Director in Training of SHIELD @trainingdirectorshield
Apparently one of my exams is to babysit Peter and his nerd friends. How hard can it be?
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
Really. Where are they right now?
Director in Training of SHIELD @trainingdirectorshield
... Be right back Twitter.
starknews @starknews
@trainingdirectorshield any updates?
Director in Training of SHIELD @trainingdirectorshield
HOW ON EARTH DID THIS BOY AND HIS FRIENDS MANAGE TO UNCOVER A GLOBAL CONSPIRACY, TOPPLE A SHADOW ORGANISATION, BRING CORRUPT POLITICIANS TO TRIAL AND STILL HAVE TIME TO GO TO ACADEMIC DECATHLON?
micelle @michellejones
because im a feminist, ned is scary good with computers and peter is babey thats why.
Director in Training of SHIELD @trainingdirectorshield
god i could barely keep up with those three. I have never been more stressed and I'm the successor to a spy agency operating on an intergalatic scale.
babyangel @pure
excuse my dense-ness but,,, how is peter being babey helpful in saving the world?
micelle @michellejones
because he believes the power of friendship can do anything, which means he throws himself into danger headfirst and somehow makes it out alive.
May Parker @petersaunt
PETER IF YOU DONT STOP USING THAT GUN TO SHOOT RANDOS I WILL TAKE IT OFF YOU!
the ironbaby @babystark
you took my gun off me may
May Parker @petersaunt
then how did you???
May Parker @petersaunt
oh my god. OH MY GOD.
the ironbaby @babystark
the lady at walmart said u get a free gun when u spend $100 or more so i got one
a tired irondad @daddystark
what are you spending that much money on!
the ironbaby @babystark
gummy bears, stationery, presents for may, more gun, food, new sneakers,
coolbeans @coolbeans
one of these things is not like the others...
a tired irondad @daddystark
im not re-reading it, i'd rather not have my image tainted again.
the ironbaby @babystark
:)
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
:)
micelle @michellejones
:)
guyinthechair @nedleeds
:)
Director in Training of SHIELD @trainingdirectorshield
I feel so threatened, and once again i am set to run an intergalatic spy agency.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
oink oink @hogheadedsaint
spider-man swinging round on those webs like we have free healthcare,,, bitch if u fall u dead
the iron spider @spiderstark
:(
SC @sorceress
yes, I never understood what Americans have against free healthcare. Maybe Dr. Dad wouldn't a hobo if you did have it!
Cloak of Levitation @cloakieeee
He would still be a bitch tho
SC @sorceress
tru
coolbeans @coolbeans
i.... what the fuck?
Beyonce is the BEST @beyoncestan001
no one knows.
unless... @hahajk
proof that Americans are stupid, as told by a welsh person who saw this:
unless... @hahajk
Tony Stark: *pulling out on the wrong side of the road*girl next to him: NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!stark: driving?girl: WE'RE IN WALES YOU IDIOT-stark: ??? wdym there are no Whales here -
unless... @hahajk
just imagine a bunch of cars beeping and people screaming variations of 'bloody fucking hell!' as they swerve around iron man's car and the image is complete. 😂😂
SC @sorceress
next time, I'm driving.
Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster
So you ARE British!
SC @sorceress
sure, why not?
Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster
for fucks sake
spider-mom @nat
for gods sake Steve
onyourabove @sam(e)
man these white ppl...
witchy @wand
I cannot believe these people defeated a homocidal robot?
forrealtho @ughwat
what's going on?
onyourabove @sam(e)
we're tryna get somewhere for a mission. Steve pulls out a map of the usa (ok fine) then pulls out a map of the americas (wtf) then a map of the world with AMERICA DOWN THE FUCKING MIDDLE?!
spider-mom @nat
it split the fucking continent in half? for what?
witchy @wand
the uk isn't on this map?
official bird thoughts @clint
[link] found a map
spider-mom @nat
THATS A MAP OF HOGWARTS CLINT
official bird thoughts @clint
isn't that the UK?
lon-don @london
no, that's scotland
F I G H T @steverogers
fine I'll just use google like I did in 1942
England @wewereanempire
YOU CAN'T USE GOOGLE IN 1942 YOU ASSHAT.
jo-jo @yoyo
that sentence was so British I -
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
Britain flexing on USA as usual! This is why I fuck up London Bridge!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
wait what's that noi
lon-don @london
yes, that was @sorceress literally jumping across the ocean and knocking Quentin's arse into the Thames.
babyangel @pure
'THIS. IS. GUCCI!' Mysterio screams as he bobs in the river 😂😂😂 Mysterio sir please stop
British Stats @statsforbritain
'wait is that a shark? WHY IS THERE A SHARK IN YOUR RIVER? AHHHHHHH!' - Mysterio as sharks get him
lon-don @london
Since 1965 the Thames has been a thriving ecosystem for many species, from plant life, to seals, and even a shark breeding ground! Although sharks are more common in the estuary it's not unusual for them to explore and come inland a little more :)
r Rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
someone please PLEASE make a video of Quentin getting attacked by sharks overlayed by this calm British voice telling us about the ecosystem of the thames 😂😂😂😂
F I G H T @steverogers
AMERICA!
blease I just want plums @jbb
FUCK YEAH!
a tired irondad @daddystark
OH SAY CAN YOU SEE
Ironbro @unclestark
BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT?!
the iron spider @spiderstark
YOU'RE INSECURE
guyinthechair @nedleeds
I KNOW WHAT FOR!
the ironbaby @babystark
CAUSE U LOST THE REVOLUTIONARY WARRRRRR!
England @wewereanempire
shut. UP!
a tired irondad @daddystark
STARK
F I G H T @steverogers
SPANGLED
robert banner @7phds
banner.
a tired irondad @daddystark
BRUCEY IT HAS TO BE IN CAPITALS!!!
robert banner @7phds
sigh.
F I G H T @steverogers
from the top: STARK
a tired irondad @daddystark
SPANGLED
robert banner @7phds
BANNER.
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
mr america, mr iron man sir,,,, something went wrong.
a tired irondad @daddystark
wait. what?
Conspiracy Threads @guessmaster
a summary of America, everyone. #americafuckno
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
I'm going shopping for SI Twitter, anyone want anything?
a tired irondad @daddystark
my will to live
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
Peter's at school but I can collect him if u want...
coolbeans @coolbeans
that's some good 👍👍👍👍 right there
r Rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
SI said #irondad rights
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
going shopping want anything???
micelle @michellejones
a will to not to slap a bitch
guyinthechair @nedleeds
my childhood innocence
roger that @rharrington
my sanity back
Mysterio @fishbowlheadman
HEY-
Funtime @funtimefun
now I'm laughing
coolbeans @coolbeans
also,,, Michelle is a mood
the ironbaby @babystark
going to Walmart, need anything?
Walmart @bowlofcheetoslogo
Peter we're going to need that gun back.
the ironbaby @babystark
why?
Walmart @bowlofcheetoslogo
because we don't want to die.
May Parker @petersaunt
:)
Walmart @bowlofcheetoslogo
Please hurry...
the ironbaby @babystark
On my way!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Department of Defence @DepDef
Miss May Parker, have you ever considered a career in defence? @petersaunt
May Parker @petersaunt
No and I'm not going to start.
Department of Defence @DepDef
yes ma'am.
have a break @kitkatman
this kills 😂😂😂
Walmart @bowlofcheetoslogo
SO DOES MAY FJKNEQ;FEJNERFJ
the ironbaby @babystark
gun returned!
the ironbaby @babystark
Walmart??? @bowlofcheetoslogo
the ironbaby @babystark
WALMART?!?!?!?!?
#ironstrange ftw @iamironstrange
I cannot believe May Parker destroyed capitalism 😂
why stop at capitalism? @destroyeverything
omg our hero 😂😂😂
a tired irondad @daddystark
going shopping want anything?
Iron Pepper @bosstark
and this time, DON'T BRING THE TROLLEY HOME, YOU ONLY LOAN IT FROM THEM!!!
Ironbro @unclestark
called out
a tired irondad @daddystark
D:
omg no @catnyan
I need food im so broke... #college
a tired irondad @daddystark
DM me, anyone else want me to help with their college costs?
starknews @starknews
Tony Stark pays off 100,000 student loans across the country: [link]
eat the rich @eattherich
ok stark,,,, but ur on thin fucking ice
a tired irondad @daddystark
Me: *starts jumping up and down*
the ironbaby @babystark
MR STARK NOOOOOOO
Iron Pepper @bosstark
TONY!
F I G H T @steverogers
:(
Tony Stark's Psychologist @mydegreedidntcoverthis
Stark! To my office, NOW!
how fast does light travel? @hela
Then send him to mine. We must "talk" about making the summer child weep unneeded tears.
guyinthechair @nedleeds
why is talk in speech marks
iamnumberfour @tobias
so ominous...
SC @sorceress
going shopping want anything
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
Get some fairy lights so we can decorate for Christmas.
Beyonce is the BEST @beyoncestan001
A cage
SC @sorceress
how large
Beyonce is the BEST @beyoncestan001
big enough for Stephen
Cloak of Levitation @cloakieeee
the nice fabric softener
a seven bitch @kiki
human skull and some flames from hell
SC @sorceress
I HAVE LIKE 15 USD!
a seven bitch @kiki
cow skull will be fine
SC @sorceress
ok that works
forrealtho @ughwat
does,,, anyone else,,,, see,,,, any problems,,,, with these,,,, requests,,,,
a seven bitch @kiki
yeah you have to go to the New Jersey outlet to get a human skull
schordingers cat @catinthebox
sis eye-
New York State @nystate
doesn't surprise us
New Jersey State @NJstate
WHAT DID WE DO?!
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
yum snacks @venom
my nam is venom. I am lil creecher. do not hurt
good for you @goodforyou
awwwww
Goose the Flerken @motherflerken
MEOW MEOW MEOW
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
that aint no cute little fucker
coolbeans @coolbeans
ur definition of cute is an Area 51 monster who almost ate Quentin
Captain Carol 'Avenger' Danvers @caroldanvers
BURN
spider-watch @spider-watch
u know @venom and @spiderstark kinda look like each other
the iron spider @spiderstark
FUCKFUCKFUCK GUYS @sorceress @kiki @DocOck @mysterio
yum snacks @venom
it is smol spidr child we love!
the iron spider @spiderstark
if by love u mean 'attempted to eat organs 10+ times'....
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHAT?
yum snacks @venom
morita is good. giv meat. pet head
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
the amount of bullshit Morita puts up with-
iamnumberfour @tobias
LMFAOOOOOOO
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
at this point I question nothing related to superheroes, or Roger.
Roger that @rharrington
you have one drunk wedding, 2 weed functions, 3 ruined field trips, and you never hear the end of it.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
Weed only became legal last week?
Roger that @rharrington
plead the fifth amendment
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
ROGER?
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
ROGER?
Hi Betty @jacobonthecorn
god this is so chaotic
yum snacks @venom
my nam is venom. I hero. I eat bad peepol.
captain @deadpool
I beat bad people!
fishbowlheadman @mysterio
I yeet bad people!
a tired irondad @daddystark
I meet bad people...
General Ross @SecDef
I AM SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU
a tired irondad @daddystark
yup in the splash zone
POTUS @POTUS
hahaha
space gays @thorbruce
MR PRESIDENT???? SIR????
FLOTUS @FLOTUS
MATTHEW!
POTUS @POTUS
Oops.
HYDRA @hydra
same mr president. ✊
POTUS @POTUS
Solidarity ✊
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
This is the funniest thing-
get over it @yeahitme
im wheEZING-
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Robert Banner @7phds
I would like to inform Tony that my name is Robert. Not brucey, hulk, ribs, or my least favourite, blueberry.
coolbeans @coolbeans
why he call u ribs
Robert Banner @7phds
Apparently it's my initials... RBB... ribs...
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
Dr. Banner dealing with stark's crackhead nicknames is literally in your contract?!
a tired irondad @daddystark
I AM NOT A CRACKHEAD
a tired irondad @daddystark
well not anymore
Iron Pepper @bosstark
😑
spider-watch @spider-watch
'underoos! kidderoos! creepy-crawly! young buck!' Stark screams nicknames at our favourite spider while fighting a fire: [link]
hello it me @hellofromtheotherside
my favourite: 'honey!' to which Pepper yelled 'WHAT, you crackhead?!!?!?!??!" standing on the street.
hello it me @hellofromtheotherside
spidey fell off the building he was laughing so hard
a tired irondad @daddystark
😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞
Iron Pepper @bosstark
😘
a tired irondad @daddystark
😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃
official bird thoughts @clint
hELP
helping hand @foot
WE WILL ASSIST????
official bird thoughts @clint
no one in this meeting knows who Tony is addressing
r Rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
OH????
starknews @starknews
tell us the nicknames please
official bird thoughts @clint
'jumanji' 'unicorn store' 'King Kong' 'train-man'
spider-mom @nat
'eagle 1 and 2'
F I G H T @steverogers
'bubby'
Robert Banner @7phds
'captain underpants'?
starknews @starknews
i.... can't help.
official bird thoughts @clint
super secret name: hawkeyeeveryone on the planet: hi Clint!!!!!!!
the iron spider @spiderstark
super secret name: spider-maneveryone on the planet: BABEY!!!
spider-mom @nat
super secret name: black widoweveryone on the planet: *screaming*
official bird thoughts @clint
R U REALLY SURPRISED NAT???
spider-mom @nat
ur dead clint. babey cmere imma show u how to dislocate someone's fingers
the iron spider @spiderstark
OK!
a tired irondad @daddystark
NO!
official bird thoughts @clint
Friday is tweeting this for me as nat has a hold of my aoooohhhhhaaaoaoooohhh
iron heart @fristark
fingers. nat has a hold of his fingers.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
micelle @michellejones
let's play a game, twitter :)
guyinthechair @nedleeds
[this account has been deleted]
the ironbaby @babystark
[this account has been deleted]
iamnumberfour @tobias
[this account has been deleted]
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
[this account has been deleted]
a tired irondad @daddystark
[this account has been deleted]
coolbeans @coolbeans
fnjewhofiwoih fucking iron mAN I CANT-
micelle @michellejones
never have I ever... had iron man as a mentor. @nedleeds
the OG ironchild @potatostark
*takes shot*
the ironbaby @babystark
*takes shot*
a tired irondad @daddystark
*takes shot*
micelle @michellejones
?????
r Rebecca @itsnotwhatyouthink
iron man, sir, no.
guyinthechair @nedleeds
never have I ever... been bitten by a radioactive spider @babystark
the iron spider @spiderstark
fuck u leeds *takes shot*
[name redacted] @nameredacted
*takes shot*
the iron spider @spiderstark
EXCUSE ME????????
spider-watch @spider-watch
WHAT??????
the ironbaby @babystark
never have I ever... been grounded by my parents @flashthompson
guyinthechair @nedleeds
always. he always does the parent ones and wins *takes shot*
iamnumberfour @tobias
*takes shot*
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
*takes shot*
Twitter @twitter
*horrified silence*
a tired irondad @daddystark
Twitter summed it up.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
idk... never have I ever died
a tired irondad @daddystark
*takes shot*
Iron Pepper @bosstark
TONY?!
Dr. Stephen Strange @stephenstrange
*chugging*
SC @sorceress
DAD OMG WHY
Cloak of Levitation @cloakieeee
*develops drinking problem*
SC @sorceress
CLOAK WHYYYYYY OMG
forrealtho @ughwat
im... legitimately worried?
SC @sorceress
its cool, dormammu, space squidward, that one car, you know how it is.
forrealtho @ughwat
no i... can't say that I do...
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the OG ironchild @potatostark
hello!
the OG ironchild @potatostark
everyone's bones are wet.
a tired irondad @daddystark
WHY HARLEY, WHY
the OG ironchild @potatostark
no one said hello back.
Department of Defence @DepDef
General Ross is crying. The President is screaming. Olympus has fallen.
coolbeans @coolbeans
wtf
fake nails are cool @hhnnnnnnjijjk
excuse me?!?!?!
Department of International Relations @DepIR
R.I.P
FBI @fbi
Goodbye T'Challa, we will always love you @KingOfWakanda
T'Challa @KingOfWakanda
NOOOOOOOO
forrealtho @ughwat
what is going on
Ironbro @unclestark
Spidey's angry, and he keeps yelling 'spider gets driven up the walls' and scuttling around like some demon on the ceiling. All of the government is panicking.
General Ross @SecDef
HOW IS HE TURNING HIS HEAD THAT FAR?!??!?!?!
POTUS @POTUS
I'm so scared, HYDRA come quick
HYDRA @hydra
we've moved our base of operations to London!
lon-don @london
No... you haven't. :)
HYDRA @hydra
I am frighten
Change for Life @change4life
remember to drink water if you haven't already!
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
ah yes... enslaved moisture.
fastesmanalive @flashthompson
pris0n transferral.
iamnumberfour @tobias
drink so the person who finds you can drink too :)
Change for Life @change4life
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!
BBC News @bbcnews
Online shopping: Gen Z have killed the high street: [link]
Stark Industries @StarkIndustries
I'm crying... it's happened... go forth, my brethren... millenial time is over...
coolbeans @coolbeans
i feel myself fading... it is your time, now, gen z... go my children... go...
why stop at capitalism? @destroyeverything
it is up to you now, as the future always is.
shush up @lalaland
well it's right! stupid kids!
eat the rich @eattherich
You think we care? Your Gods are meaningless, and we will sit in their destruction and laugh
good lines @goodlines
that line was so RAW and its about gen z messing crap up?!?!?!
a tired irondad @daddystark
im scared
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the ironbaby @babystark
ah yes,,, baguettess, snake bread,,,
baugette yum 11/10 @kiki
my favourite food yum. give me six snake breads pls
coolbeans @coolbeans
wtf
May Parker @petersaunt
ignore them.
cant touch this @danananana
I just watched Spider-Man pour coffee into his red bull, say 'im gonna die' and then drink it straight?
spider-watch @spider-watch
Spidey DESTROYS the Sinister Six?! What happened to our favourite super-puppy?! [link]
cant touch this @danananana
oh
a tired irondad @daddystark
ignore him.
Sinister Six @sinistersix
AVENGERS HELP!!!
The Avengers @Avengers
Ignore them.
forrealtho @ughwat
sskskskskskksks
F I G H T @steverogers
TEETH TEETH TEETH
Department of Defence @DepDef
Mobilise against teeth monsters?
micelle @michellejones
TEETH TEETH TEETH-
blease I just want plums @jbb
*banging fist on table* TEETH TEETH TEETH
Dentistry Society of US @USDenSoc
TEETH TEETH TEETH!
Ironbro @unclestark
what is going on?!
POTUS @POTUS
ignore them.
The Daily Bugle @dailybugle
SPIDER-MAN IS A MENACE! [LINK]
gaga oh ra ra @ellaxoxo
man even their links are angery????
spider-watch @spider-watch
ignore them.
BBC News @BBCNews
Ignore them.
a tired irondad @daddystark
Ignore them.
spider-mom @nat
I won't :)
spidey's moms @A-FORCE
you called?
The Daily Bugle @dailybugle
Breaking: The Daily Bugle is shutting down.
cats was a disaster @ayayaykillme
NFOIWNFWOIEFIEWO-
the ironbaby @babystark
@Twitter verify me..,, pls,,,, i beggg,,,, owo
Twitter @Twitter
*seen 11:52am*
the ironbaby @babystark
did i just get roasted by twiter
micelle @michellejones
u didnt spell it right dumbass
guyinthechair @nedleeds
well done
the ironbaby @babystark
fine then. @fristark
iron heart @fristark
verify him. now. :)
Twitter @Twitter
Yes miss Skynet ma'am.
the ironbaby @babystark
thanks honey
coolbeans @coolbeans
serious tony stark/pepper potts vibes here...
HYDRA @hydra
are we just going to ignore the fact that may parker works for us then...?
Director of SHIELD @directorofshield
You won't work for us, but for HYDRA?
May Parker @petersaunt
when SHIELD have maternity leave, holiday pay, sick pay, bonuses and full coverage health insurance and school costs for all members of the family, then I'll think about it.
forrealtho @ughwat
sign me the fuck up???
POTUS @POTUS
stop joining hydra the terrorist list is too long
We The People of the USA @WeThePeopleUS
no.
Iron Pepper @bosstark
looks like we have a new business rival... @hydra
HYDRA @hydra
i'll see you in a meeting, miss potts.
hullaboo @boolahull
did,,,, hydra,,,, just become,,,, a legitimate business organisation,,,, through,,, a,,, tweet,,,,??????
mew mew power @mewmewpower
internet is cancelled, everyone go home, we reading bOOKS FROM NOW ON-
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
the ironbaby @babystark
oh SURE when spider-man performs parkour all over the city he's a 'hero' and 'protecting the city,'
the ironbaby @babystark
but when i do it im 'trespassing' and a 'menace to society' thats how it is huh,,,
my friends call me Liv @DocOck
he's vagueing about someone
SC @sorceress
probs the @nypd again
New York Police Department @nypd
screaming and swinging from a rope between buildings is DANGEROUS Peter! Spider-Man has powers!
guyinthechair @nedleeds
this is so funny
New York Police Department @nypd
how???
guyinthechair @nedleeds
nvm
CNN @cnn
Spider-Man about Peter Parker: 'huge asshole. a failure of human life:' [link]
the ironbaby @babystark
@spiderstark say that to my fucking face loser get a real job
the iron spider @spiderstark
physically fiGHT ME u overgrown 12 year old
a tired irondad @daddystark
are... are you OK?
guyinthechair @nedleeds
lmaoooo
SC @sorceress
im dead
CNN @cnn
what is so funny???
guyinthechair @nedleeds
flash asked spider-man out on a date again-
Good Morning Midtown @bettybitch
now that i know who spidey is, looking back on all those tweets, this is so fucking funny lmao
coolbeans @coolbeans
damn now i really wanna know who he is.
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
we would just like to address @spiderstark we cannot keep covering for you like this!
iamnumberfour @tobias
yeah spidey u need to get ur life sorted
the iron spider @spiderstark
U KNOW WHO I AM???
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
at this point, all of midtown knows. we are an advanced school, after all.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
i dont know!
Midtown Tech @midtowntech
then flash, I truly worry for you.
Rosalyn Thompson @rosalynthompson
as do i, son. as do i.
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
MOM U CAN TAKE DOWN THE PRIDE FLAG IM NOT GAY FOR PARKER
Rosalyn Thompson @rosalynthompson
son. last night you came home, didn't even say hello, and started going on about-
Rosalyn Thompson @rosalynthompson
'perfect peter parker, with his cute lil legos and his nerdy clothes, thinks he's slick with the ladies-' etc etc
fastestmanalive @flashthompson
ARGGGGGHHHHHHH MOM I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE
Rosalyn Thompson @rosalynthompson
my clients were sitting on the couch opposite! and they had to listen to you rant for two hours!
ironheart @fristark
two hours.. about my bf? WEAK. I can go longer
the ironbaby @babystark
so can i ;)
a tired irondad @daddystark
NOPE.
Ironbro @unclestark
now you know how i felt all those times at MIT!
SC @sorceress
this is so funny
guyinthechair @nedleeds
peter's read the full convo and is screaming face down on the floor.
coolbeans @coolbeans
what about spidey
guyinthechair @nedleeds
idk where he's at 😂😂
rip @didntmakeitlmao
ok so ive blocked spider-man (and his civilian account) for a hot minute -
rip @didntmakeitlmao
is anyone gonna tell him we know exactly who he is?
New York Police Department @nypd
we've been wiping the CCTV footage for weeks, shush
Mayor of New York @nymayor
Just look the other way whenever his mask slips
micelle @michellejones
or when he climbs out the window in spanish class
spider-watch @spider-watch
shush he is Trying His Best.
a tired irondad @daddystark
do all of you... seriously know who he is???
a tired irondad @daddystark
ok i just got like 10000 DMs with the right answer so-
official bird thoughts @clint
and none of you spilled the beans?
forrealtho @ughwat
we support spider-man, dude, he looks out for the neighbourhood, has a cool suit, and we really respect him
coolbeans @coolbeans
also, legally, he's babey, not allowed to out babeys.
Matt Murdock @mattmurdock
confirmed.
League of Super-Evil @mwahahaha
HOW DOES EVERYONE IN NEW YORK AND TWITTER KNOW WHO SPIDER-MAN IS AND WE DON'T?
Clan of Chaos @mwahahahaha
WE DON'T KNOW EITHER AND HE FIGHTS US ON A DAILY BASIS?
Sisterhood of Torment @menaredumbaf
We know.
Clan of Chaos @mwahahahaha
WHO IS IT?
Sisterhood of Torment @menaredumbaf
We can't. We accidentally adopted him.
League of Super-Evil @mwahahaha
and how does one... 'accidentally' adopt a superhero?
Sisterhood of Torment @menaredumbaf
He was looking sad on the side of the road, so we gave him cookies. Now he comes over to our house at every chance. 10/10 would adopt again.
Clan of Chaos @mwahahahaha
don't you mean 'evil lair?'
Sisterhood of Torment @menaredumbaf
read our @
Clan of Chaos @mwahahahaha
HEY!
spider-mom @nat
what kinda name is 'league of super-evil?'
HYDRA @hydra
im... with the avengers on this.
the iron spider @spiderstark
wow my mask almost fell off lol. dw my secret identity is still secret :)
rip @didntmakeitlmao
right....
New York Police Department @nypd
of course!
Mayor of New York @nymayor
i saw nothing
the iron spider @spiderstark
huh?
a tired irondad @daddystark
dont question it kid.